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[ a n d  w h e n  i  r e a l i s e ]

 

Chanhee knows that he's fucked when one of his favourite parts of the night becomes the afterglow.

 

Kevin, splayed beneath him. Panting and pretty, painted white with Chanhee’s release. Lovelier than words can describe.

 

Jacob, sprawled messily beside him. Chanhee’s neck still stinging from his teeth, thighs still aching from the path of Jacob’s fingers squeezing and spreading and wanting. Oh, how Chanhee loves to be wanted by him.

 

And, worse, when it develops. The two of them, either side of him, flushed pink from residual ecstasy and curled around Chanhee’s spent form. He finds himself pulled in two directions, with both choices so close, so warm and real, that his judgement can’t fight past the clouds of confusion that descend upon it. 

 

Something sounds in the mist. Something dangerous, pre-empting agony. 

 

It feels a lot like love.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

They happen by accident. Two one-off occurrences that evolve into a flurry of beautiful, separate, repetitions. 

 

Separate.

 

At first, they are separate.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

[ a n d  w h e n  w e  m e e t ,  p a r t  o n e ]

 

Chanhee initially runs into Kevin while they’re both working a student showcase. Chanhee, a designer. Kevin, a lost art student with a tight little body that has somehow been roped into modelling for a collection or two (or three, Chanhee decides when he sees him, because Kevin is a muse and a half and Changmin will be happy to be free of his model obligations). Kevin agrees, Chanhee makes the necessary modifications and watches Kevin stare at him while he works, so obvious that Chanhee half wonders if he has any experience at all.

 

Kevin actually has plenty, it turns out— he just doesn’t care about being caught in his blatancy. He knows that he’s obvious, and works it to his advantage. At the after-party, Kevin wraps slim fingers around first Chanhee’s wrist, and then his cock once he’s pulled him into a bathroom stall. Jerks him idly, presses lazy kisses to Chanhee’s neck until he grows tired of waiting and drops to his knees. Chanhee thinks Kevin looks beautiful like that.

 

“Condom?” Kevin asks, straight to the point. And because Chanhee had been hoping for this, had been hoping that Kevin would act on his boldness, he pulls one out of his back pocket and bites down on his fist when Kevin takes him in. 

 

Kevin gives head like he flirts. Bold, a little sloppy, unashamed. Chanhee leaves the party with his number and the promise of more.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

It’s the fourth or fifth time when they go all the way. Not because they’re being ‘romantic’, but because they just don’t get round to it until then. Chanhee would have happily fucked Kevin in the bathroom stall that first time, but neither of them had lube then, and Chanhee is well versed enough in anal to not be the jackass who tries to stick it in dry. 

 

They fuck at Chanhee’s apartment instead. Every time but the party has been at Chanhee’s apartment, actually, because Chanhee doesn’t care about disturbing Sangyeon — he bought him very nice noise cancelling headphones for Christmas, so Sangyeon may as well use them — and Kevin gets weird about his flatmate potentially walking in on them. 

 

It’s good. Unbelievably good, in fact. Kevin looks so pretty taking cock that he could probably make a killing as a camboy. The thought of that mid-stroke almost makes Chanhee have an incredibly premature accident, but he manages to stave it off. Grounds himself with the sight of his nails leaving marks on Kevin’s thighs, with leaning in to kiss his neck. With looking into Kevin’s blown-out eyes and seeing equal volumes of desire. 

 

“You don’t want more than this, right?” Kevin asks when they’re through, gesturing to their dicks like Chanhee won’t get what he means by this. “I’m trying to get over someone, so it wouldn’t be fair of me to date right now.”

 

Grabbing the wipes from his bedside table, Chanhee sets about cleaning his cum off Kevin’s pretty thighs. There’s a hickey blossoming on Kevin’s hipbone, and Chanhee stops for a moment to admire it, tracing it with one finger. He doesn’t pry about the ‘getting over someone’ part— they barely know each other at this point, compatible as they are sexually, and Chanhee isn’t going to try and yank out the sordid details. “I’m not looking for anything serious,” he reassures. He isn’t lying. “I do like sleeping around, though, so if you’re looking for an exclusive fuckbuddy kind of thing, I’m not your guy.”

 

“Oh, that’s chill,” Kevin replies. Chanhee tosses him his discarded boxer-briefs, and watches as Kevin pulls them on. “I don’t really have the time to sleep around,” he shrugs, “but it doesn’t bother me if you are. Kudos to you for having enough time management to get some and then some, honestly, dude.”

 

“Want to watch some TV?” Chanhee asks, Important Conversation™ out of the way. They both know that probably means Chanhee sucking Kevin off with Criminal Minds playing in the background, but it’s more fun to pretend like it doesn’t. 

 

“Sure,” Kevin replies. Chanhee turns on the television opposite his bed, and starts flicking through series options idly. “Want in on my pizza order?”

 

“Sure.”

 

And that’s that.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

[ a n d  w h e n  w e  m e e t ,  p a r t  t w o ]

 

Chanhee is so glad that Kevin is fine — chill, as he so puts it — with Chanhee sleeping around outside of their casual arrangement. Because at this point, Chanhee might consider exclusivity (not feelings, just exclusivity) to keep a thing that good, and doing so would mean not fucking the sex-on-legs god of a man that has been staring at Chanhee from across the bar for the last twenty minutes. And Chanhee really wants to.

 

He beckons, because he knows he’s gorgeous enough to just beckon, and the beautiful man almost falls over in his haste to cross the room. It’s an endearing contrast to his smoldering exterior, eyes made up dark and inviting, dirty blond hair styled off his forehead in a way that makes Chanhee want to drool. 

 

“Hi,” Chanhee says, casual. He bats his lashes demurely. Swirls his drink around in the glass, and takes a sip. He pretends that his thighs aren’t trembling at the thought of this man between them. He hasn’t been fucked in a while, unintentionally near-exclusive with Kevin while drowning in assignments, and Kevin hasn’t felt like doing the honours just yet. “Do I have something on my face, or am I just that pretty?”

 

The man chokes on air a little, and chases it down with the drink he’s brought over with him. “I-” he starts. Stops. Tries again. “You’re just that pretty.”

 

Chanhee smiles. “Right answer.” The man’s shoulders slump in poorly disguised relief. Then, because they both know where this is going, “Want to get out of here, or do you want to sit here making small talk for a while?”

 

“Don’t want to be wined and dined first, huh?” the man teases, hand burning where he rests it just above Chanhee’s knee. 

 

“Sweetie, I’m in a seedy bar on a Friday night,” Chanhee replies. He gestures to his outfit, “And I look like this. What did you think I was looking for?”

 

“Touché,” the man replies. “Can I at least get your name?”

 

“You can get anything,” Chanhee replies, looking down at the beautiful man’s hand inching up his thigh, “if you keep touching me like that.”

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

Jacob does. He keeps touching him, and touching him, and he fucks Chanhee so good that Chanhee decides to acquire another regular. 

 

A few more hookups and one Important Conversation™ later, Chanhee does just that.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

It’s not quite exclusive, per se, but Chanhee ends up falling into a pattern wherein he only seeks out two people. Combined, they’re more than enough to keep him sexually satisfied, so it doesn’t make sense, Chanhee reasons, to be going out of his way to find new lovers. It doesn’t mean anything more.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

“Don’t you think that’s a little dangerous, Chanhee?” Changmin asks, when Chanhee offhandedly mentions his convenient routine. 

 

“No,” Chanhee replies. “I don’t.”

 

Sunwoo, sprawled half in Changmin’s lap, looks doubtful. He’s never understood Chanhee’s penchant for casual sex, but Chanhee supposes a four year relationship will do that to a guy. “Be careful,” Sunwoo says. “You’re ugly when you cry.”

 

Chanhee flips him off. “Fuck you.”

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

Jacob shows up drunk at Chanhee’s house one night. Chanhee wouldn’t do this for most of the people he's slept with, sure, but Jacob just looks so pitiful. That’s the only reason Chanhee lets him in.

 

He wouldn’t normally hold anyone while they cry, far too uncomfortable with that much raw emotion all up in his personal space, but Jacob reaches out all hopeful, and Chanhee can’t deny a face like that. 

 

“I like someone I’m really close to,” he admits eventually, face awash with tears, snot dripping. It’s not pretty, the way Jacob is crying, but Chanhee still thinks he’s beautiful. There’s something intensely worrying in that realisation. “So it’s a bad idea. Too much to risk.”

 

“Have you tried getting over them— moving on?” Chanhee asks. A stupid question, really. He’s had Jacob in his bed over and over. Of course he has tried. It shouldn’t hurt to feel like a rebound, not with an arrangement like theirs, but it still stings. Just a little. 

 

“Yeah,” Jacob admits. “But I’m afraid of going too far with it. Don’t need my heart broken twice, do I?”

 

Opting not to dig into that, because he doesn’t care to hear about whoever else Jacob is sleeping with other than him, Chanhee wipes his snotty nose clean. Brushes the tears from Jacob’s flushed cheeks. Holds him closer, and presses soft kisses to his forehead like Changmin always does when Chanhee cries like this. And, as much to himself as to Jacob: “It’s okay.”

 

It isn’t.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

Jacob must have been far drunker than Chanhee had taken him for, because he’s forgotten the conversation by morning. He says he has, at least. Chanhee lets him have his dignity.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

“A little birdie told me that your boy-toy was crying in your arms the other night. Care to share with the class?” Changmin asks at brunch that weekend. Chanhee is going to kill Sangyeon for opening his big mouth.

 

“Care to go to hell before your time?” Chanhee replies, holding a butter-knife like it’s a credible threat. In Chanhee’s hands, it is. Changmin knows it.

 

“Touchy, touchy,” Changmin tuts. “Admitted you like them yet?”

 

Ridiculous. “Die.” 

 

“You always say the sweetest things, darling.” 

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

cobi: hey, want to meet up? :]

 

chanhee: i cannnnnt :(((

 

chanhee: sangyeon is having people over

 

chanhee: made me promise not to have loud sex while he has people over again

 

cobi: //again//???

 

chanhee: fucked my other boy a little too hard for him to keep quiet, what can i say?

 

cobi: *dead*

 

cobi: u are so…

 

chanhee: missing me?...

 

chanhee: feeling lonely, jakey?

 

chanhee: poor bb :(

 

chanhee: wish i could make it better </3

 

cobi: my flatmate is actually out for the afternoon

 

cobi: if u wanna…

 

chanhee: omg. making Me travel for a dick appt? -_-

 

chanhee: shocked and upset im too cute for this

 

cobi: and if i said im in the mood for /you/ to f*ck /me/ today?

 

chanhee: wh

 

cobi: ready for it already, too <33

 

chanhee: give me the address right now i’m suddenly in the mood for a light sprint

 

cobi: cuuuute ;;;;;;;

 

cobi: [location attached]

 

chanhee: omw

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

“Oh my God, did you actually run?” Jacob asks, when he opens the door to his apartment to Chanhee out of breath, cheeks pink from the cold. 

 

Chanhee avoids eye contact as he replies. “Only from the bus stop.”

 

“You’re adorable,” Jacob coos, grabbing Chanhee’s face and squishing his cheeks. Chanhee would axe-murder anyone else who tried a stunt like that. Other than Kevin. That’s a little alarming, if Chanhee thinks about it for too long. So he doesn’t, letting himself melt into Jacob’s touch, pliant and needy even with the way they have it planned today. Something about being around Jacob makes him want to feel cute. Jacob kisses his neck, then, because Chanhee doesn’t do lips. He tells himself it keeps the distance. “Be gentle, ‘kay?” Jacob mumbles against his skin. “It’s been a while.”

 

“Should I feel special then, Jake?” Chanhee jokes, trying not to fall over himself with eagerness as Jacob leads him to his room, where there’s already lube out on the bed, along with a pretty toy that Jacob must have used for prep. Chanhee’s brain whites out for a second at the thought of Jacob fucking himself open thinking about this. 

 

“Maybe just a little?” Jacob replies. 

 

He’s smiling, so Chanhee chooses to take it as a joke. Lets himself be distracted by falling between soft thighs and teasing Jacob until he begs, drawing it out because Jacob wants it careful. Jacob is a vision falling apart on Chanhee’s cock, and he looks so kissable that Chanhee’s brain doesn’t catch up to consequence until they’re through. 

 

“Is that a thing, now?” Jacob asks then, still so close that his words brush Chanhee’s lips, an echo of the bruising kisses they’ve just shared. “Do I get to kiss you?”

 

And Chanhee could brush it off as an accident, but kissing Jacob just feels so good. It doesn’t have to be some big deal— what's a kiss when Jacob is still speared on his softening cock, after all? As a rule, it feels silly. Chanhee could have been kissing him all along. Could have been kissing them both all along. 

 

If Chanhee just does away with the stupid rule, then he gets to kiss Kevin, too. And if that isn’t enough to sway him, then nothing will be.

 

“Sure,” he says, casual. It means nothing, nothing, nothing. “It can be a thing.”

                      

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

So, the next time he catches Kevin — beautiful, blatant Kevin — staring at his lips, Chanhee says go ahead. Kevin practically devours him once he has double checked that it’s okay, jumping into Chanhee’s lap and kissing him like he wants to drown in it. It's the cutest thing. Kevin is the cutest guy Chanhee has ever met; tied with Jacob, perhaps.

 

And if there are butterflies, it’s only because of something new. 

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

[ a n d  w h e n  e v e r y t h i n g  c h a n g e s ]

 

Chanhee starts going round to Jacob’s apartment more often after that first time. It’s closer to campus, for one, and Jacob’s flatmate also seems to be out a lot during finals season. Probably one of those degrees that you need to be on site constantly to work on. Chanhee doesn’t ask, because Jacob gets just as jumpy about his personal life as Kevin does. Regardless, Chanhee sure isn’t complaining, because it means he gets more Jacob, even when Sangyeon has people around. Especially since Kevin’s been too busy to meet up a lot lately.

 

So, when Chanhee heads into Jacob’s kitchen to grab a glass of water after sex, suffice to say that he’s surprised to find Kevin there.

 

In a world of his own, as he often gets. Music blasting too loud in his headphones, to the point that Chanhee can hear it as he watches, dumbfounded, while Kevin rifles through the cupboards. Chanhee is frozen. Reeling. Stood there in boxers that aren't even his and nothing more, Jacob waiting for him in bed. He blinks once, twice, three times, and Kevin is still there. 

 

Shit.

 

Kevin turns, screams, and upends the packet he’s holding, spilling teabags all over the countertop. “Chanhee?!” he chokes out, clutching at the empty box like a lifeline, cardboard crumpling in a white-knuckled grip. “Is this horny midday hallucinating from sleep deprivation, or are you actually half naked in my kitchen right now, babe?”

 

“This is your kitchen?” Chanhee asks, dreading the confirmation. It sets in, slow and dangerous, cloying. An unpleasant sensation, dripping down his spine like treacle, too-sweet, too-sticky. He repeats it. “This is your kitchen, Kev?”

 

It dawns on Kevin too, then. A reality far worse than Chanhee being some weirdo who tracks people down and shows up underdressed in their apartments. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like he can’t quite force the words out. Then, soft, defeated, “You’re not here for me, are you?”

 

“No,” Chanhee replies. 

 

“Oh. I see.” Kevin crumples a little, though he hides it well. Valiantly so. Chanhee just knows him far too intimately by now, is all. He knows this reaction isn’t for him. 

 

There are only so many dots to connect.

 

Kevin is weird about being around his roommate with Chanhee. Kevin is trying to get over someone. Jacob is Kevin’s roommate, and is more than perfect enough to love. He acts just like Kevin does with secrecy, and that’s plenty to tie it together.

 

Something fissures in Chanhee’s chest. 

 

It’s the worst time for a realisation like this, really. What kind of fool only notices that he’s falling for his friends-with-benefits when he realises they’re in love with each other? Chanhee smiles through it. “Well, this is a little awkward, huh?” he asks, just as Jacob starts clattering about in the bedroom.

 

He comes out, sweatpants riding low on his pretty hips, in a flustered sort of rush. There’s clearly nothing underneath them, and even having just been fucked by the guy, Chanhee’s traitorous eyes can’t help but linger. There’s a lovebite blooming on Jacob’s collarbone, and scratch marks on his shoulders that trail off down his back. Hair all mussed, lips swollen, there’s absolutely no hiding what they’ve just been doing. Chanhee probably looks a complete sight too, now that he thinks about it. Jacob hadn’t been gentle. 

 

“I heard voices- Oh,” Jacob says, voice cracking, high pitched and nervy, eyes on Kevin and his crumpled tea bag packet. Crumpled body, slumped shoulders, face guarded and sad. Chanhee can almost hear Jacob’s heart falling in his chest, eyes widening, surging forward like he wants to make it better. And then holding back. His reaction just about confirms Chanhee’s newly founded hypothesis. “Hey, Kev… You’re back early.”

 

“And you’re fucking Chanhee.” Kevin’s eyes widen after he speaks, clearly not intending to blurt it out like that. “I, uh, I mean-”

 

Part of Chanhee wants to bolt, to leave, to at least go put some goddamn clothes on, but he’s frozen in place. Instead, knowing he has to, he brushes his feelings aside. No matter that they’re freshly realised and tender with it. No matter that it hurts to act okay right now. “Please, Kev,” he scoffs. As if this is some joke to him, or at least not something all that meaningful. “That’s not the only way it goes, right, Jake?”

 

Jacob moves to stand in front of Chanhee, not realising that his near-nude form doesn’t need shielding from someone who’s had him in every way that Jacob has. Still, it’s sweet of him to try and preserve Chanhee’s long-shattered dignity. “Am I missing something, here?”

 

Oh, isn’t he just?

 

Kevin laughs it off too, then. It seems, like Chanhee, that he’s all too scared of everything falling apart. Because this is the guy he can’t get over. That much is clear to Chanhee, now. “Dude,” he says, because of course Kevin talks to Jacob like that, “Remember Younghyun?”

 

“The TA in twelfth grade?” Jacob asks. In front of Chanhee, his face isn’t fully visible, but Chanhee can see the slight confused tilt to it from behind. 

 

“This is like that and then some.”

 

It’s some inside joke, some story that Chanhee isn’t privy to because he’s only transient in their lives. They’ve been friends since at least high school, maybe longer. Chanhee is just some guy they happen to both be fucking.

 

“I’m trying to get over someone, so it wouldn’t be fair of me to date right now.”

 

“I like someone I’m really close to, so it’s a bad idea. Too much to risk.”

 

It isn’t like Chanhee could have possibly predicted a situation like this, but it all still makes for one hell of a painful dash of hindsight. “Surprise, Jake,” he says, amazed when his voice doesn’t crack. He’s proud of himself for it. “Meet the other guy I’m sleeping with...”

 

“Oh, fuck,” Jacob exclaims. He swears. It’s a rare instance outside of the bedroom, and one that betrays the level of emotion he’s feeling far more than his carefully impassive face.

 

“Yeah,” Kevin says, trying to break the tension. “We do that, too.”

 

“I hate you,” Jacob groans. He’s smiling now, nonetheless. That pretty, guarded kind of look that he only gets when he’s shy. It’s strange not to be the one making him smile like that. Chanhee doesn’t know how to feel. 

 

“You love me, actually,” Kevin retorts, so naturally that he must have been saying it for years.

 

“Yeah, and what about it?” Even though it had been phrased as a joke, Jacob doesn’t hesitate to confirm it. If he hadn’t, it would have still been just as obvious. The reality is rushing in Chanhee’s ears like he’s screaming underwater.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

“So, they’re roommates?” Changmin exclaims. Chanhee has his head in Changmin’s lap, sad and clingy for reasons he doesn’t want to think about. “And you think they’re in love with each other?”

 

“Oh my God,” Eric says quietly from the other couch. He smiles. “They were roommates.”

 

Sunwoo chucks a throw pillow at Eric with considerable force. “Not the time, Sohn.”

 

Chanhee wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but he knows that’ll only lead to him crying. It’s a slippery slope between the polarising edges of hysteria. “They’re definitely in love with each other.”

 

“What are you going to do about it, ‘Hee?” Sunwoo asks. 

 

“Get them together, of course,” Chanhee replies. He says it like it’s obvious, like he hasn’t spent the past few nights scream-crying into his pillows trying to convince himself to do the right thing. “They’re a happy-ever-after waiting to happen.”

 

“But where does that leave you?” Changmin asks. Chanhee hasn't admitted his feelings out loud, sure, but he's always been an open book when it comes to Ji Changmin.

 

Broken, would be the truthful answer. Instead, Chanhee puts on his best brave face. “I’ll get over it.”

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

At first, nothing changes. Not in any major way, at least. Jacob stops being weird and vague about his flatmate, and Chanhee gets to hook up with Kevin in his own bedroom every now and then. He has fun posters on his walls, a Viktor Nikiforov body pillow, and an impressive collection of vibrators. There’s a water stain on his ceiling that looks a little like a dick, which Kevin points out proudly like a tour guide would a landmark. It’s physically the same, overall, even if Chanhee has been plunged into emotional turmoil. 

 

He’s determined to help them both, though. If anyone deserves a fairytale ending, it’s Kevin and Jacob. Plus, emotions or not, the sex is still pretty damn incredible. Chanhee will get by.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

It starts with lingering, under-the-table touches at dinner. With Chanhee leaning over with innocent eyes, murmuring ‘When are you going to fuck me, Kevin Moon?’ as he passes his date (not a date, not a date) the dessert menu. 

 

It ends up like this: Kevin’s pretty fingers teasing him open, even though Chanhee had anticipated his want and stretched in the shower before heading to the restaurant. Kevin’s pretty tongue flicking at the underside of Chanhee’s cock until he’s begging him for it, pride be damned. With his fingers in Chanhee’s ass, his tongue lapping over Chanhee’s cock, Kevin’s eyes are still elsewhere, somehow. Chanhee knows what he’s thinking. He thinks he does, at least. The context lets him hazard a guess.

 

Kevin’s first time fucking him, and he knows that the most recent guy to do so otherwise is- Well. There’s the crux of it. 

 

“He’s good at this part,” Chanhee answers the question Kevin has been too reserved to ask. “His fingers feel so good in me— yours do, too, darling, don’t worry. You’re doing so well, Kev.” The praise comes easy and honest. He’d say don’t compare yourself to him, but Chanhee can tell that Kevin wants to. It’s a weakness, and one that Chanhee chooses to capitalise rather than dwell on. 

 

“I am, huh?” A twist of his wrist, another drag of his tongue, and Chanhee is whimpering despite himself, grinding down against Kevin’s fingers. Then, more daring, filthy words spilling past lips loosened by desire, “As good as him, babe?”

 

“You haven’t even fucked me yet,” Chanhee points out, amusement from Kevin’s overeager posturing overshadowing the ache of being secondary. “Gotta take you for a spin before I make any solid decisions, no?”

 

Kevin wipes his gross, lubey fingers on Chanhee’s good sheets, silencing his whining protests with kisses and promises to do the laundry later. Because Kevin stays the night so often after their hookups that he knows exactly how to operate his washing machine. “Go on then, babe. Try me out. I’m all yours.”

 

He lets out the most ungodly moan when Chanhee rolls the condom down his cock, like he’s about to come just from the soft pressure of Chanhee’s hand around him. Oddly, Chanhee thinks he’d be more flattered than disappointed if Kevin did. A voice in his head that sounds a lot like Changmin tells him he’s a fool for letting it get so far— a sex-driven relationship where Chanhee thinks the other guy blowing it in seconds would be cute hardly sounds unattached. At least Chanhee has admitted to himself that it’s more than that by now. Not to them, never to them, because they will be happy without him. 

 

It feels perfect in a way it really shouldn’t when Kevin starts to fuck him. His inexperience is clear — “fucked a couple guys, babe, but I was off my face drunk for most of them, honestly” — and he’s messy with it. Beautifully so, whining at the tightness and bucking into it like he can’t get enough. Like Chanhee has some sort of gravitational pull, and Kevin can’t keep away from the feeling of Chanhee sucking him in. He’s definitely not better than Jacob on this end of things, but Chanhee can’t bring himself to rate them when he’s fallen so far in both ill-conceived directions. It’s Kevin’s earnest fumbling that makes this feel so special. 

 

“You’re so cute, Kev,” Chanhee lets himself say. He can’t hold it back. “So, so cute.”

 

Spitting into his hand, Kevin wraps it around Chanhee’s cock and starts jacking him in time with his messy thrusts. “Just a me thing?” Kevin dares to ask. Chanhee’s oddly proud of him, even though it aches. “Or is he cute, too?”

 

“He’s cute when he’s desperate,” Chanhee replies. He reaches up to Kevin’s hips, and helps guide him. “Yes, better, baby. Just like that. Sometimes, though, he likes to just hold me down and give it to me.”

 

“Like you, ah-” Kevin’s voice cuts out for a moment, and Chanhee can tell he’s picturing Jacob. “- Like you do when I’m acting up, ‘Hee?”

 

“Kinda,” Chanhee affirms. He flips them over with ease, Kevin pliant despite their switched dynamic, and starts bouncing in Kevin’s lap. Idly, he wonders if Kevin’s bony hips will leave bruises after this. He almost hopes for it. Kevin is so pretty under him, gasping cutely like he’s the one taking it, and Chanhee, cruel-sweet-aching, goes in for the kill. “I fuck you better, baby, but he’d fuck you harder.”

 

Kevin’s eyes roll back in his head at the thought of it — obvious, oh so obvious — and he comes at once.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

“You know, Jake,” Chanhee says, idly pushing into him, watching the tremors dance across Jacob’s honeyed skin, “You’re both so pretty when you take my cock.”

 

Chanhee doesn’t miss the way Jacob’s voice pitches up half an octave mid-sentence when he replies. “We are, h-huh? Been comparing us, baby?”

 

He doesn’t sound mad about it. Chanhee hadn’t much expected him to, if his experience with Kevin can be any indication. “And if I have?” Chanhee says, with a gentle roll of his hips that has Jacob’s hands scrabbling for purchase on the sheets. “You into that, or something?” And, before Jacob can close up, deny, “He liked hearing about it, too. No shame in it, Jake.”

 

The shock in Jacob’s lovely eyes simmers and grows heated. “You don’t say.”

 

It’s not quite Kevin’s insta-climax, but in Kevin’s defence he’d been topping for the first time in a long time, and Chanhee knows he’s perfect wrapped around a cock. Jacob’s used to versatility with Chanhee, admittedly. That doesn’t mean Chanhee isn’t going to play into his weaknesses, though. Chanhee grasps at Jacob’s waist, and thinks of Kevin. He makes Jacob think of him, too. “Kev’s got such a tight little body Jake,” he says, practicedly offhanded, fucking him harder to add to the buildup. “He’s like a dream, you can’t even imagine.”

 

Jacob’s blissed out face says I can, and I already have, but his pretty mouth says, breathy and drawn out, “You’re a fucking demon, Chanhee.”

 

“Thinking about your best friend taking my cock, Jacob Bae?” Chanhee teases, leaning so close that his words brush Jacob’s pouty mouth. “Dirty.”

 

Jacob grabs Chanhee by the hair at the back of his head, pulls hard, drawing him impossibly closer. Bruising words stain Chanhee’s lips. “Shut up and fuck me.”

 

“Like I fuck him, Jakey?” Chanhee dares to ask. He’s topping, sure, but Jacob’s eyes are dangerous and tonight’s power dynamic is fast overturning. 

 

Jacob smiles, like he can tell exactly what kind of game Chanhee’s trying to play. “Yeah, baby. Just like that.”

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

[ a n d  w h e n  t h e y  c o l l i d e ]

 

When the two guys you’re fucking happen to be best friends, who happen to be blatantly pining for each other, it may seem bad form to invite yourself over for a movie night at their apartment. Chanhee does so, however, with the best of intentions. 

 

He can tell they’re a little jittery about being around him together, despite being so into talking about each other during sex. Until now, the only interactions between them as a full trio since the Kitchen Encounter have been comings and goings — Chanhee running into Kevin as he leaves, or into Jacob leaving as he arrives. It’s a benefit of open knowledge, being able to work around a common schedule. 

 

This is different, though. Deliberately, Chanhee has picked a downright awful movie, so they won’t even be able to distract themselves by paying attention. He has his hand slightly too low on Kevin’s back, and slightly too high on Jacob’s thigh. They’re both teetering on the edge of riled-up, and both would have definitely jumped Chanhee by now if they were alone with him. 

 

Kevin points at a character on screen. “Hey, doesn’t that dude look like the chemistry teacher at our high school, Jake?” 

 

It’s an inane question, and they all know it. Still, Jacob humours him, because it breaks the tense silence. “Yeah, I guess.” Hardly a leading reply.

 

Chanhee tires of the atmosphere, and so decides to shatter it irreversibly. “Hey, random question…”

 

“Shoot,” Jacob says. Maybe he thinks Chanhee is taking pity on them. In a broader fashion he is taking pity on their inability to get together independently, but in an immediate sense Chanhee is being an evil little gremlin.

 

“Have you guys ever kissed?” he asks, oh-so-innocent. Wide, guileless eyes, casual tone, the whole shebang. 

 

“No!” Kevin replies, voice high and reedy. He coughs, like that’ll cover up how obviously flustered he is. “I, uh. No. We haven’t ever done… That.”

 

On the other side of Chanhee, Jacob makes a strangled sort of noise that may or may not be a further affirmation. Chanhee tuts. “Shame…” he sighs, pointedly wistful. “You’d be pretty together.” He pauses, a beat or so too long. “Kissing, I mean.”

 

Nervously, Jacob laughs. “You think?” he says, trying so hard to come off casual that it comes out as anything but. “Dude, that’s- Uh, that's...”

 

Kevin — a little bolder than Jacob, so it seems — cuts in. “We’re both two good looking guys; course we’d look hot together, Jake. Remember when Juyeon and Hyunjae made out as bros at that initiation thing? Total fap material.”

 

Jacob rolls his eyes. “Juyeon and Hyunjae fucked after that, man. Hardly the most casual of examples.”

 

Kevin rolls his eyes right back. “And? Not saying we’d have to.”

 

Chanhee has to give it to Kevin — he’s got the ball rolling into uncharted territory far quicker than Chanhee had thought him capable of. He’d expected to need to gently guide the ball with a high-powered leaf-blower. Or something. The metaphor is getting out of hand. “Would you?” he asks. They tense, either side of him. “For me?...”

 

He’s putting the blame on himself, giving them a safe go-ahead to explore without explicitly initiating it. Totally selfless of him, and not at all because he really fucking wants to watch it. 

 

“Jakey, you wanna?” Kevin asks, scared-careful-jokey, looking seconds away from shooting him finger guns and laughing it off. He sounds so beautifully vulnerable. Chanhee wants to eat him alive, to sink to his knees and show his appreciation. Instead, he waits. Turns to Jacob, and waits with Kevin for his reply. 

 

“Sure,” Jacob replies, equal parts fragility and bravado. Chanhee is so gone for both of them that it feels like physical pain, his unrequited feelings clawing at his still-beating heart. Jacob’s tongue darts out, wetting his lips. “If Chanhee wants to see it, why not?”

 

Chanhee’s seat between them becomes suddenly, palpably significant. Because they have to lean past him to meet, and his front-row seat to this first time is even more up-close and personal than Chanhee had anticipated. 

 

Their lips tentatively touch — for the first time, the very first time — mere centimetres from Chanhee’s face. He can see it all, hear it all, in startling clarity. Kevin’s slim fingers thread through Jacob’s artfully tousled hair, and when he visibly pulls, Chanhee remembers telling him about Jacob’s weakness for it. Equally, Jacob utilises Chanhee’s insider knowledge and bites down on Kevin’s lower lip in retaliation. They’re full-on making out in front of him, Chanhee trapped between two hot bodies that’re tangling together in his lap. It’s only when Kevin moans, his cock twitching where he’s half-straddling Chanhee’s thigh, that they come to their senses and pull apart. 

 

Chanhee mourns the loss of the sight as soon as it’s taken away. “Damn,” he says, because it’s the only word he can think of that won’t incriminate his spiralling feelings. “You’ve really never done that before?”

 

“Yep!” Kevin says, overly bubbly in a definitely-deflecting sort of way. He kisses Chanhee’s cheek with a wet smack, giggling prettily, and does not look at Jacob. Still clinging to Chanhee’s side, it’s clear that the half-chub in his sweats hasn’t calmed any just yet. His shapely lips are puffy and flushed red, his cheeks pink. “First time for everything, I guess. Did you like it, babe?”

 

Chanhee thinks, I’m not the one you should be calling that, but nods regardless. He did like it, after all. A perfectly normal amount. “I knew you’d look beautiful together.”

 

Jacob still seems speechless, just sort of vaguely staring. Kevin keeps looking at Chanhee, and leans in closer to speak. Chanhee counts his eyelashes, and tries desperately not to say anything foolish. “Do you want a kiss too, babe— seems unfair if you don’t get one, right?” 

 

Chanhee scoffs, even as he feels his cheeks heat up from Kevin being so blatant in front of Jacob. “I’m fine, Kev.”

 

“Oh, I think you misunderstood… I meant unfair to me,” Kevin pouts. Irresistible.

 

“Oh, well… We can’t have that, can we?” Telling himself it’s just to make Jacob jealous, that Chanhee isn’t giving in to his own selfish wants, Chanhee indulges Kevin’s whining. Just like that first time, when Kevin had been given the go-ahead to finally kiss him, he jumps right into Chanhee’s lap and goes for it. Chanhee could say it doesn’t turn him on immeasurably to have Jacob watching Kevin this desperate for him, but that would be a blatant lie. A lie that Kevin can feel pressed against him, mirrored in Kevin hard against his stomach. 

 

They break apart, a string of saliva connecting their lips for a long, pornographic moment, and Chanhee looks across at Jacob. 

 

Fuck. 

 

He’s tenting the basketball shorts that he tends to laze around the house in, so hard that he’s starting to wet them through with his desperation. “Chanhee-” Jacob gasps. Kevin tenses against Chanhee as he looks over too, sees how worked up his best friend is from watching them kiss. “Chanhee, please, I-”

 

With Kevin still sitting pretty in his lap, Chanhee grabs Jacob by the front of his baggy tank-top and pulls him in. It’s messy, clacking teeth and tongue everywhere, saliva dripping down to their chins. It’s gross and it’s desperate and Chanhee would normally be disgusted by something like this. Except, he isn’t. Not with Jacob’s hands on his cheeks holding him close, not with Kevin’s hands on his waist, moving higher, thumbing at Chanhee’s nipples under his shirt and-

 

This is getting out of control.

 

Pulling back, Chanhee wipes his chin with the back of one hand. There’s two pairs of shining eyes looking at him beseechingly, darkened with want and something unfathomable. Chanhee needs to sate their desperation, needs it more than anything. He can’t think coherently around these two, so gone for them that it feels unreal. Stupid, reckless, Chanhee says, “Can I get you guys off before I go?”

 

In the background, the film’s end credits roll. None of them had noticed it finish. Two pairs of eyes, dark, wanting. Two pretty mouths, speaking desperate, yes. 

 

So, guiding Kevin’s hips against his thigh, Chanhee snakes a hand into Jacob’s shorts. They come quick, loud, and simultaneous. And isn’t that poetic?

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

Fingers wrapped around the door handle, about to leave, Chanhee turns back to look at them. Now cleaned up, they’re standing together awkwardly to see him out. Not looking at each other, though Chanhee has no doubt they’ll laugh it off once he’s gone. “You know,” Chanhee says, casual, “threesomes are fun.” Their eyes widen adorably. “Just something to think on.”

 

He blows a kiss over his shoulder, and leaves them to ruminate.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

Changmin whistles low, sucking air between his teeth. “Christ, Chanhee. You went that far already?”

 

“What can I say?” Chanhee replies. He’s currently painting Changmin’s toenails hot pink. A shitty bootleg of Heathers the Musical is playing on Changmin’s cracked laptop screen. Oddly enough, though, Sunwoo’s the one that decided to call this tradition a girls night in. “I seized the moment.”

 

Beside them, Sunwoo snorts. “Sounds like the moment isn’t the only thing you seized.”

 

“And that just got your shower blowjob privileges rescinded for later,” Changmin says, rolling his eyes longsufferingly at Sunwoo’s dudebro humour. 

 

“Guys, I’m staying over tonight…” Chanhee points out, making his disgust clear, “You were going to do that with me still here?”

 

“Not in front of you,” Changmin reasons. Like that makes it better. “Unless you wanted us to, then sure, but I think you’re a little too hung up on Thing 1 and Thing 2 to take us up on that.”

 

“Do not keep calling them that.” Chanhee grabs the tweezers and yanks at an errant toe hair spitefully. Changmin screeches like he’s being chased with a chainsaw. Just a regular old Saturday night for them. 

 

“Introduce us and I won’t have to,” Changmin reasons, once he’s demanded Sunwoo kisses his toe better (and Sunwoo, much to Chanhee’s horror, has gone along with it). “They’re not real to me until I’ve cross-examined them over bottomless mimosas.”

 

Kevin would probably love that, honestly. Him and Changmin would get on a little too well, to the point Chanhee’s scared to unleash that combination upon the world. 

 

Sunwoo has nail varnish smeared on his chin. Chanhee wrinkles his nose and chucks a wad of remover wipes in his general direction, setting about redoing the nail he’s messed up. “Like you didn’t kick up a fuss when Haknyeon brought Changbin to brunch.”

 

“Brunch is sacred, ‘Hee.” Changmin tuts, like Chanhee has just shown up to his annual Halloween party dressed as Sexy Broccoli (it’s a direct frame of reference, from when Sangyeon had done just that). “I’m talking about a casual get-together.”

 

On-screen, Veronica pushes J.D. to the ground, and Chanhee briefly reconsiders attraction to women. It’s like how Yoojung gets when Matthew Gray Gubler comes on screen in Criminal Minds. He hums, mulling the idea over. Unleashing Changmin and Kevin as an evil duo versus getting secondhand opinions on Jacob and Kevin in person versus being teased mercilessly afterward for how whipped he acts around those two. It’s a tough one. “...I’ll think about it,” he concedes. 

 

Predictably, Changmin whoops like he’s already won, and starts looking up suitable bars on his phone. “Excellent.”

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

For a while after the Couch Incident, Chanhee goes back to fucking (and being fucked by) them separately. He can tell they’re thinking about it, because bringing up the other one in bed gets them more riled up than ever before. Still, he patiently waits, wondering if he’ll eventually have to steer them into the next stage too, if they’re too shy to snap and ask for what they want. Because it’s obvious that they want.

 

Then, one day, sooner than he’d dared to hope for, Jacob texts him

 

cobi: Hey baby!! Talked to Kevin about the thing you mentioned (we actually asked each other about it at the exact same time haha, total bestie soulmates amirite) and he’s completely down if you don’t mind me joining your date night w/ him? <3

 

Chanhee stares at ‘bestie soulmates’ exasperatedly, and then at ‘date night’ for longer than he should, and eventually manages to type out a reply with shaking fingers. 

 

chanhee: god yes

 

Then, though perhaps it’s cruel to do so with zero warning, Chanhee sends a message to their groupchat (which already exists because Kevin wanted Chanhee to back him up on a Disney movie hot take the other day).

 

chanhee: soooo how are we doing this? do i need to douche? you guys fucking in front of me or…

 

cobi: oh my fdhskjfhsfdkgd CHANHEE

 

chanhee: bold of you to act shocked when you just texted me about a threesome honey

 

        [chanhee has created a Poll]    

1) i watch

2) one of you watches

3) chanhee in the middle <3

 

moonkev: u are unreal

 

[moonkev has voted for ‘chanhee in the middle <3’]

 

[cobi has voted for ‘chanhee in the middle <3’]

 

Chanhee can’t say he’s surprised that they want him as a buffer between them at this point. Nor can he say that he’s particularly opposed to that option either, honestly.

 

[chanhee has voted for ‘chanhee in the middle <3’]

 

chanhee: oh btw…

 

moonkev: yeah babe?

 

chanhee: are you guys sleeping with anyone other than me?

 

cobi: nope, only action asides from you lately has been making out with kevin in your lap haha :’)

 

moonkev: y?

 

chanhee: well, i’ve ended up pretty much exclusive fwbs with you two losers somehow, so 

 

chanhee: in unrelated news have you guys been tested lately bc i have

 

moonkev: yeah we go together start of every month

 

moonkev: bro-bonding time <3

 

cobi: stop calling it that, moon

 

cobi: but yh what he said

 

chanhee: noted

 

moonkev: wh

 

cobi: wait-

 

chanhee: seven still good, boys? xoxo

 

cobi: Yeah!!!!

 

moonkev: soundz gr8 :] !!

 

Chanhee screams into his pillow, so loud that Sangyeon knocks on his door with a well-meaning ‘you good?’, and then goes to get ready.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

In the middle, so it turns out, means Chanhee being overwhelmed by two beautiful, perfect men, who are focusing entirely on him and nowhere near enough on each other. They make a good team, though not really touching one another, and their dual knowledge of Chanhee (inside and out) is a ruinous combination. Somewhere between Kevin eating him out sinfully as Chanhee chokes on Jacob’s perfect cock, and Jacob pushing into him while Chanhee rests his head on Kevin’s smooth thigh, Chanhee realises he might be in over his head. And not just in the falling-for-them sense, this time. 

 

He’d fully intended on trying to angle them at each other, but under such focus Chanhee finds himself too much of a mess to try. After biting down on Kevin’s inner thigh, both to ground himself and because Kevin is incredibly sensitive there, Chanhee moves himself shakily onto all fours. Arches his back, deliberately tempting. Starts bobbing himself down on Kevin’s cock in earnest, because from experience with Jacob this riled up, Chanhee won’t be up for giving good head for much longer. Jacob fucks him harder the more Kevin moans, and with Chanhee’s mouth on his cock, Kevin moans a lot. 

 

Chanhee comes all over his stomach not long after, flipped over by then with Kevin fucking his blissed-out mouth, when Jacob calls him perfect like he really means it. Kevin follows soon from the way Chanhee moans around him. Jacob isn’t long behind, either—  Chanhee begs in me, please, please, Jake, and Jacob lets off a long string of cuss words as he fills him up. 

 

Kevin’s pretty eyes widen. Chanhee remembers, then, that he isn’t accustomed to Jacob’s filthy mouth during sex. He looks like he wants to jump him, even immediately post-orgasm, and Chanhee can’t begrudge him the feeling. He gets it. Instead, Kevin busies himself with licking cum off Chanhee’s stomach, an ulterior motive in mind that Chanhee can’t quite place until Kevin turns to Jacob and says, tongue painted white, “Want a taste, Jakey?” 

 

And if Chanhee gets hard again from watching them tangled together, then can he really be blamed? That’s a testament to his stamina, if nothing else. Plus, it’s worth their teasing. Especially when they then decide to make out around his cock to compensate for riling him up. 

 

Chanhee wants to get used to this. It's a shame that he cannot.

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

A couple of weeks later, Chanhee finds himself totally-not-crying, cuddled up to Sangyeon’s broad chest. Sunwoo is draped across his lap for moral support (usually Changmin’s job, but he’s tied up at work), and Chanhee is not crying. If he is, it’s only a little. The tiniest amount.

 

“I didn’t know that Chanhee got so invested in dramas…” he hears Sangyeon murmur to Sunwoo, because Chanhee has stilled and they might think he’s cried himself to sleep. He does that far more than he really should when he’s feeling emotional. “Was it the love triangle— the main pairing got together, though?”

 

“Even I’m not that clueless,” Sunwoo scoffs. “Met anyone in a relationship like that, lately, hm?”

 

A pause. Chanhee can practically hear the cogs turning. “Oh,” Sangyeon says at last. “Still no luck with your boys, ‘Hee?”

 

“Fuck off.” His words are muffled by Sangyeon’s chest, which makes an incredibly good pillow. “Not my boys.” Chanhee is crying (fine, he’ll admit it, he’s crying) because perhaps he relates a little too hard to Jung Haein’s character. Sue him. He too is a beautiful boy who deserves better than this. 

 

“Have you tried asking them to be?” Sangyeon asks, because he adorably thinks it’s that simple. That just slotting yourself into a slowburn stemming from high school is something feasible. 

 

“It’s fine,” Chanhee replies. “I think they’re getting there on the realisation thing, and then I’ll be cut off from the intimacy once they get together— which they deserve, guys. I’ll get over it, then we can be friends. That’s all I need.”

 

It sounds hollow, even to him. 

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

[ a n d  w h e n  t h e  s e c r e t s  a l l  f l y  f r e e ]

 

He knows the time has come, or is at least about to come, one month later. Jacob and Kevin are kissing each other during sex without Chanhee even prompting it, and on a couple of heated occasions they’ve even jacked each other off if Chanhee has deliberately made himself come first. It’s all working out just fine — even if it hurts, it hurts so much to think about the end. Even then. 

 

Chanhee stares at the three unanswered texts on his phone, sent two hours ago. He hasn’t had the courage to reply just yet, but he knows that he needs to.

 

cobi: Want to come over tonight, baby?

 

cobi: Kev and I miss you </3

 

Chanhee has been avoiding them somewhat these past two weeks, caught up in a project that had been a viable excuse. But as, for some reason, those two remember all his deadlines even better than he does, at times, they know he handed it in yesterday.

 

The third and final unanswered text is the one that’s left him reeling.

 

cobi: We want to talk about something in person. :)

 

Finally, he manages to force himself to reply. If this is what he thinks it is, then it’s better to get it out of the way. The sooner it’s over, the sooner he can heal from it. That makes sense, right?

 

chanhee: Can you guys come here? Sangyeon is going to be out…

 

He leaves the message up for interpretation, in case he’s misreading Jacob’s tone and they just want to fuck. The real motivation is that Chanhee won’t have to make his way home right after having his heart broken. He texts Changmin, then, asking him to please keep his evening free in case Chanhee needs emotional support. Changmin replies within seconds. 

 

changminnie: ily bb

 

changminnie: you’ve got this, no matter what !! i believe in you

 

Chanhee wishes that he could rally such blind faith in himself, too. 

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  



Kevin greets him by full-on jumping into Chanhee’s lap and clinging, after they’ve let themselves in with the spare key they may or may not have to Chanhee and Sangyeon’s apartment. He’s smiling and beautiful, and then they’re kissing because apparently Chanhee has not a modicum of self control. Then Jacob is kissing them too, alternating between Kevin and Chanhee, and it seems like they’re all as touch-deprived as Chanhee is. Because before long, from kissing, they’re all hard with nary an important conversation in sight.

 

He watches as Jacob remembers his original intent, and kisses him again before he can think to say anything, deep and messy until neither of them can breathe from it. Still, when Jacob pulls back, Chanhee doesn’t seem to have succeeded at kissing him senseless. “We should calm down,” he says. Chanhee’s stomach plummets.

 

“Must we?” he replies, imbuing it with his usual flirty charm, trying not to sound like he’s on the verge of hightailing it out of his own apartment. He pouts, willing his lower lip not to tremble for decidedly unsexy reasons. 

 

“We wanted to-” Kevin starts, pauses to let Chanhee kiss him, and then continues, “- talk.”

 

Chanhee wants a last time to say goodbye. “Can we, uh,” he jerks a thumb in the general direction of his bedroom, “after?”

 

He’ll stop if they turn him down. They don’t owe him a last time— he knows that. Still, he hopes it’s on the cards.

 

“You really want us that much, huh, baby?...” Jacob says, sounding far too fond. Calling Chanhee ‘baby’ like Chanhee’s his, when in reality he yearns for that more than anything. His voice deepens, then, just a little. It’s enough to let Chanhee know that he is getting his intimate farewell, after all. “Coursework got you pent up, hm?”

 

“Yeah, that,” Chanhee replies. It’s a simpler explanation, and he latches onto it. “I want you.” His words sound less sexual than raw, open feelings. Though not explicitly a confession, it’s the closest he’ll come to being honest about how he feels. “Please, I want you.”

 

Kevin’s eyes go wide behind those round-framed glasses that he doesn’t really need but drive Chanhee crazy. He grabs Chanhee’s face and kisses him desperately. Chanhee thinks that, perhaps, this is him saying sorry. That, perhaps, Kevin has seen the depth to Chanhee’s fathomless want for him. For them. And maybe he’s sorry for that.

 

Jacob sits down beside them, pushing Kevin off Chanhee’s lap and taking his place. It’s normally Chanhee sitting on him, but maybe Jacob feels small and sorry too. Chanhee always feels tiny when he’s apologetic. “We want you too, ‘Hee,” he murmurs like a secret, lips pressed to Chanhee’s neck. 

 

“Can I watch you two, this time?” Chanhee asks, instead of reading into that like he wants to, as it becomes clear that they’re revolving around his orbit again instead of one another. He needs to disentangle himself from their midst before this budding pain blooms to something unbearable. Like it hasn’t already. “We haven’t done that, yet.”

 

Kevin and Jacob look a little startled by his request, but don’t seem averse to it. Chanhee hadn’t expected them to be, but knows that they’ve always needed a push before bridging the distance between them. Chanhee is here to close that divide, a matchmaker doomed to be torn apart by his own astute observations. If he hadn’t noticed their feelings for each other so fast, maybe it could have lasted a little longer.

 

Chanhee’s bed is far too large for him alone, but perfect for three. He realises this when they fall onto it together, and rather wishes he hadn’t. It’ll feel empty when they leave him. And they will.

 

Because Kevin arches with a soft whimper when Jacob pulls off his shirt, and Jacob gazes at his best friend like he still can’t quite believe that he’s allowed to touch him like this. Like he's still longing from afar, as he must have been for years before their tangled arrangement with Chanhee began. Jacob’s hands look like they’re made to fit around Kevin’s bare waist. Chanhee tries to detach himself enough that he can just be a lucky observer. Nothing else— nothing real. Maybe then it will hurt less.

 

“Aren’t you going to let us see you, Chanhee?” Jacob questions, a confused little tilt of his head making Chanhee want to grab and kiss. He shouldn’t. Kevin is unbuttoning Jacob’s shirt with no small degree of reverence, and Jacob is looking at Chanhee instead. This isn’t how this is supposed to go. Chanhee wants them to be happy, and they can’t be happy if they don’t realise how gone they are for each other already. He’d thought they had, that they were coming over to end things because of that, but maybe they’ve just tired of him. That doesn't quite fit, though, either. One of Jacob’s hands leaves Kevin’s waist, and reaches out. It lands on Chanhee’s thigh, and Jacob squeezes it in that reassuring sort of way he does best. 

 

“You want to?” Chanhee asks, bewildered. He isn’t blind — he knows he’s desirable. But this is meant to be them realising they’re in love, not Kevin grabbing Chanhee’s hand and kissing his wrist, not Jacob at the sweet spot on Chanhee’s neck. And yet they orbit him once more, and Chanhee is perplexed. His body reacts, and his heart yearns, so he makes no complaints when Kevin mumbles pleas against Chanhee’s skin and pulls at the bottom of his shirt. 

 

In all, Chanhee ends up being the first to lay bare before them. A night he hadn’t even fully expected attention, and they’re lavishing him with it. He knows it’s a diversion, that he’s just a diversion from the way they feel about one another. And that’s okay. Chanhee has resigned himself to this, but it doesn’t mean that he is no longer susceptible to the weight of their eyes upon him. 

 

Jacob stares at Chanhee’s cock with an intensity that would be unnerving were Chanhee not used to him as a lover. “You sure that you just want to watch us right now, angel?” he asks. Angel. Like Chanhee is more than a name Jacob calls out in pleasure every now and then.

 

It takes every last vestige of Chanhee’s resolve to deny him. He knows that with one word, Jacob would have Chanhee’s cock nudging at the back of his throat in seconds. He also knows that Jacob and Kevin haven’t slept with each other in full yet. Not without Chanhee in some way between them. He won’t keep being a barrier. “I’m sure,” he says. He tries to mean it. 

 

“C’mon, Jakey,” Kevin says, tugging at his best friend’s sleeve. It’s a whine, and Chanhee is used to it too. Kevin is irresistible. Jacob’s unbuttoned shirt slips from his pretty shoulders, and Kevin tosses it aside. “I’m a good fuck, aren’t I?”

 

This is directed at Chanhee, the only one in the room who can aptly review him in that regard. 

 

“You are,” Chanhee acknowledges, if only so that Kevin won’t fling himself into Chanhee’s lap and whine until he does (he would), and thus draw the focus again. Kevin looks a little disappointed for some reason, as if he’d wanted Chanhee to say something more. Chanhee hates it, but he can’t bring himself to ask what he’s done wrong. 

 

“He looks it,” Jacob admits, “when you’re fucking him.” By some miracle, he doesn’t sound jealous about it. Chanhee would be, if some other guy knew those he loves inside out like Chanhee knows Kevin. That’s a small mercy, at least. Once Chanhee is out of their lives, he’s quite certain they won’t seek the company of anyone but each other. And Chanhee loves them both, so he can’t be jealous of that. 

 

“You should really try him out already, Jacob. I’m sure you’ll love it.” I know you love him rests at Chanhee’s lips, too, but goes unsaid. “Give me a show, darlings,” he teases instead, hoping his usual confidence will rally theirs in turn. They can’t help that they’re breaking his heart, and visible sadness will only ruin all that Chanhee has set out to achieve. 

 

“Do you love it?” Kevin asks. There's something there that Chanhee can't place.

 

Chanhee’s voice might crack on it if he draws out his reply. “I do.”

 

Kevin pulls off his own trousers, beaming, and drapes himself across Chanhee’s thighs without care. “Start me off on prep, babe?” he asks, nonchalant. As if it’s normal to ask your fuckbuddy to work you open to get fucked by the love of your life. Several things don’t line up there — surely Jacob should do this, should want to do this, should protest. 

 

Jacob does not protest. Instead, he finishes getting undressed, and sits back with his cock held idly in one hand. The lube is next to him on the bed, and he goes so far as to throw it over to Chanhee. Kevin’s cock rubs against Chanhee’s own with a twitch of his hips, and they both moan from it. “Thought you wanted to see me fuck him, baby?” Jacob asks Chanhee, who wants nothing more than to give into what Kevin offers. “I can’t do that until he’s ready, can I?”

 

“Don’t you want to do this part, Jacob?” Chanhee counters.

 

“Don’t you?” Kevin asks from Chanhee’s lap, head resting against the mattress as he waits. “It’s more special if you do it… Right, Jake?”

 

Jacob nods.

 

Chanhee doesn’t understand why they want him to be part of this. Maybe they have some inkling of what he feels for them, and this is their way of letting him down kindly. Still, he isn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. A gift Kevin in the ass, as it were. Christ, his thoughts are even starting to sound like them. Chanhee would never make a joke like that. They would. Kevin especially. 

 

It’s bittersweet. Chanhee fucks Kevin open with his fingers until he’s a writhing mess in Chanhee’s lap, Jacob watching them all the while. Kevin always makes the prettiest sounds for Chanhee, like he’s already ruined from the first press inside. He’s so sensitive, so receptive to Chanhee’s touch. 

 

Chanhee will miss it— knowing someone’s body this well. Knowing two bodies this well. But at least they won’t go wanting with each other. Chanhee only bridges an unnecessary gap, after all. They’ll be fine without him. He won’t be missed much in their dynamic, or indeed at all. 

 

Kevin whimpers Chanhee’s name, clutching at his thigh to ground himself. Chanhee, meanwhile, lets himself forget that this is probably the last time; he loses himself in the sound of Kevin wanting him, instead. Kevin shifts, Chanhee’s fingers sliding free with a lewd noise, and sits up in his lap. “Can I kiss you again, babe?” he asks, nervous for some reason. Perhaps he still isn’t used to Chanhee allowing it. Even now, with lube leaking from his ass, smearing on Chanhee’s thigh.

 

“If you want to,” Chanhee replies, careful. He arches towards Kevin instinctually, though, heart following a path his mind can’t quite hold back from. Kevin crashes against him in turn, desperate and messy. Too much tongue, if Chanhee were to criticise, but he’s too gone for Kevin to mind. He loves it, as he always does, and lets Kevin take, take, take until they’re both left gasping and Chanhee’s lower lip is swollen from Kevin’s teeth. 

 

“Yeah, you could say that,” Kevin finally replies, then. There’s a smile, relieved as if he’d expected Chanhee to push him away after something dismissively chaste. He’d thought about it. 

 

Jacob moves closer, that look in his eyes that Chanhee has grown familiar with. He wishes Jacob’s desire extended to him in full. “I want to, too,” Jacob says. Chanhee expects him to pull Kevin away, finally. To get to it. He kisses Chanhee instead. One arm around Kevin as he cups Chanhee’s cheek. Jacob holds them both like they’re precious to him, and Chanhee’s fragile heart can’t take it. 

 

It’s not the best timing, sure. But Chanhee can’t repress it. He pulls back, dodging the greedy path of Jacob’s pretty lips. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

They falter. Jacob’s mouth falls open a little, a shocked little O that’s far too cute. “You- You really don’t know, do you?” he asks, soft as anything, something dawning behind his eyes. Lovely as ever. Such words make Chanhee want to balk, but he at least trusts them enough not to laugh in his face for whatever he’s missing. “Oh, baby…”

 

It sounds like pity. Chanhee hates pity, and fights not to spit the next words out. “Just tell me, Jacob. Kevin. Whichever one of you wants to enlighten me.”

 

Kevin is still dripping lube onto Chanhee’s thigh, sure, but the air is rife with a different kind of tension. “It’s like we said, ‘Hee,” he says, slow and deliberate, seeming determined that Chanhee will get it this time, “We want you.”

 

Chanhee does not get it. 

 

“You already have me,” he says. They do, more than they know— what more can they take?

 

With all the air of someone deciding to finally bite the bullet, though, Jacob speaks up. “Kevin and I talked some things through last night,” he says, shifting closer on the bed. Chanhee’s hand is sticky, but Jacob holds it anyway. “And we want to, uh, get together. Like, officially, together. Labels, and all that jazz.”

 

Chanhee’s heart soars and sinks, his feelings like a shoal of flying fish, jumping high only to fall. Over and over. He’s happy for them, but oh, does it hurt. He’d been right. Tonight is his finale in their arc towards forever. “Is this the last time, then?” Chanhee asks. He can’t look them in the eye, too afraid he’ll sob in front of them. He could do without that particular heaping of embarrassment on top of all the heartbreak. 

 

“Not if you want to keep us, babe.” This comes from Kevin, who wriggles around in Chanhee’s lap until eye contact is unavoidable. “We know you laid out a no-strings-attached sort of deal, but if you’ve changed your mind then we want you. Like, a lot.”

 

We want you.

 

“We both think you’ve changed your mind,” Jacob says, voice wavering a little at Chanhee’s stunned silence. “We both hope you have.” He sounds vulnerable, like that night he’d fallen crying into Chanhee’s arms. 'Don’t need my heart broken twice, do I?’, he’d said. For the very first time in this complex entanglement, Chanhee dares to hope, too. Jacob traces Chanhee’s jawline, hooking a finger under his chin to meet his eyes. His expression is open, honest, real. “Did you change your mind about us, Chanhee?”

 

The tears spill over. In the midst of Jacob and Kevin’s earnest worry, both of them scrambling to hold him, Chanhee answers. His heart feels fit to burst from a sudden swell of unbridled joy. “Of course I did.”

 

— ♡ + ♡ + ♡ —  

 

[ a n d  w h e n  e v e r y t h i n g  i s  g o o d ]

 

“Can we take a brief raincheck on Jacob railing me, babe?” Kevin says later, when tears have given way to wanting them desperately once more, “I want to be close to you instead.”

 

And so Chanhee is close to him. He’d do anything for Kevin, after all. And after that, in the frenzied rush of their continuous moment, Jacob is close to him too. 

 

Chanhee’s favourite part is still the afterglow. 

 

This time, it comes without pain.