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Getting A Boyfriend 101

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Professor Kang is terrifying. With vulpine eyes, and broad shoulders, he is undeniably attractive. But he is sharper than sharp as a tack and his words match.

Most of the time.

As now, his students watch a very blushy Professor Ahn from the marine bio department call him hyung and hand him a coffee.

And then for Professor Kang to proceed and tell a curious student that they were just friends, and that Professor Ahn was just shy, hyung was an honorific where he was from, and to pay attention.

Which meant that maybe he wasn’t sharp all of the time.

And this is hilarious.



Kenzie looks up from her notebook. Professor Ahn is right there, and... listen. He was hot. Really hot. Like could-be-a-model hot. He’s smiling shyly at Junsu, the guy who did tattoos a ways away from campus. He’d done her flowers.

“I managed to get him a coffee!”

“Your gay panic is starting to get pathetic, Jaewon,” Junsu rolls his eyes.

And... listen... the tattoo artist may be older than her but damn if he wasn’t attractive. Not that it’s the point. She’s heard that they were friends with Professor Nari (who demanded they use her first name) from business management. A rumor went around that Professor Ahn was a man-whore and someone asked her to disprove it but whet she heard the rumor she laughed so hard she cried and said their friend Junsu would kill anyone who tried to use that sappy guy as a one night stand.

So it’s not like their friendship was unheard of, just surreal to see in front of her eyes.

Not the point.

The point was that Professor Ahn had been trying to flirt and Professor Kang hadn’t noticed.



Professor Lee from the Comp Sci department is a tiny ball of energy. Josh knows that. He gets excited over video games and yells at any perceived slights.

He’s fun, to be honest.

He is also very, very gay. And very, very aware of that fact. He is a loud gay who shuts down homophobes for fun.

He makes cyphers that loudly celebrate Pride every June. He once hacked a billboard to flash rainbows.

Professor Lee is absolutely batshit crazy.

Apparently he took his insanity to a whole new level, because here he was, flirting with Professor Kang.

Josh wants to die, just a little.



Preston knows that majoring in philosophy was risky. Professor Kim knows that they have a desperation. Which is why he is probably one of the nicest teachers in their school.

He solidified that when he complimented Ash’s nonbinary flag pin one morning. Whenever they go over some old philosophical conversations with questionable morals, his face always shifts to this uncomfortable expression. He seemed to despise Confucius but said he taught him for the representation.

Which was valid, because that guy was ten types of patriarchal but he was influential to a lot of eastern philosophers.

He’s the soft teacher. And that is why his attempts at flirting with Professor Kang are making Preston die a little on the inside.

“P-professor Kang!” The dyed-blonde philosophy professor struggles to catch up, long limbs flying out as he managed to catch the other professor in conversation. Again.

“Professor Kim,” the mathematician greets. Oof, that ice practically slapped Preston across the face. Preston watches, silently cheering his teacher on. If he was gonna try this hard, maybe something could come from it.

“I- I was wondering if you’d like to elaborate on what you said at that faculty meeting? Over coffee?”

Yes, Professor! Get that dick!

“I have a class in ten minutes.”

Never mind.

“I- I um- I meant later?”

“You have my number,” Professor Kang gives him an unimpressed look. Oof. Maybe he should step in...

“Professor Kim! I had a question about your class! You’re super smart so-“ Preston dragged his professor away before he could say something stupid.

“Did you just try to wingman for me?” Professor Kim stares at him, incredulous. Preston laughs.

“It’s not like he’s gonna realize you were flirting, prof.”

“So I need to do something bolder, huh?” A competitive gleam took on his professor’s gaze.

What had Preston just done?



Ash regrets everything.

Going to college, going to parties, making a group of annoying friends who did dares.

Well, not really. But they regret agreeing to this one.

Walking across the quad until they reached a tall, dark professor. He gave them a questioning brow as soon as they were in a four meter radius. Ash stiffens.

“I- oh, Prof! Hello! Nothing nefarious going on here!” They beam.

Professor Kang gives Ash a long look. Damn it.

“I- um... I cannot believe I agreed-“

“What’s wrong?” A flash of worry flashes across their teacher’s face. Ash bites their lip.

“I was um... dared to ask you something?”

Professor Kang slams his face into his palms.

“Is this the one where they get one unwitting student to ask after my relationship status. Again?”

Ash blinks, knowing that there was probably visible surprise on their face.

“Y-yes? Is this common?”

“Every. Damn. Year,” Professor Kang rolls his eyes. “Which set are they betting between this year?”

“S-set? They only wanted to know if you were dating Professor Ahn, Professor Kim, or Professor Lee?”

“Always those three,” he gripes. Ash smiles awkwardly.

“R-really? Yikes,” they replied. “But... um... I need an answer?”

“Jaewon is just a friend, Daehyun just needs an older member on staff to look after him because he’s the youngest, and I don’t even know why Minsoo won’t leave me alone,” Professor Kang laughs. Ash blinks.

“So they’re not flirting with you?”

“Not a chance,”

“Professor Lee will be heartbroken,” Ash manages to tease.

“Good,” Professor Kang said, standing up and walking off with a chuckle.

Ash may be feeling their knees buckle.

Holy shit.



Roxanne is not amused.

She’s not homophobic, but what idiot got their quiet and blushy teacher to a whole new level by waxing poetic about how good Professor Kang could screw Professor Ahn.

He comes from a conservative country, damn it!

“Professor, you’d probably be wild, huh?”

Well fuck. Roxanne may commit a murder. Or arson.

“T-that’s enough! Can we please focus on the tank I have here?”

“Do you like calling him hyung?”

Both? Both sound good.



Emily is going insane.

“Oh my fucking- if I have to watch another teacher give my math professor goo-goo eyes, I’ll cry. I’ll actually cry. He refuses to notice it, either!”

Ava nods, before promptly choking on her coffee.

Well there go her grades.

“He’s right behind me isn’t he,” she sighes.

“I- I um...” a very familiar voice belonging to one marine biologist made her jump.

“P-Professor Ahn!”

Wrong “he.”

“Sorry, you just... dropped your wallet?”




“Are you the square root of negative one hundred?” Maayan gapes across the quad. Professor Lee is trailing after Professor Kang and she can feel the secondhand embarrassment. She can see Parvati, a little ways away from her, facepalm hard.


“You’re a ten but you’re too good to be real! Hey hey! Are you a forty-five degree angle?” Fuck. He’s not letting up. She smiles at the girl across the distance and shrugs.


Parvati shrugs back.

“You’re acute-y!”

They really are always like this.

“Why are you like this,” Kang groans and Maayan feels the vibe in her bones.

“Are you a student loan? Because you have my interest.” But Lee is not letting up today, he winks and gets more playful the more Kang gets annoyed.


“I know you like adding numbers… So could you please add yours to my contacts?” Lee holds up his phone with a grin.

“You want me to give you my number again? You have it,” Professor Kang rolls his eyes, ruffles Professor Lee’s hair, and leaves.

Isn’t he supposed to be smart?!



Kyle is an art student.

And he’s currently doing figure drawings of one Professor Kang making out with one Professor Kim. Listen- they’re his otp and he knows there’s a kid in here drawing Professor Ahn sitting Professor Kang’s lap. And he wants to murder them. Just a little.

For fun.

Anyway, he’s cut off by the door opening and the math professor, in the flesh, walking in. Professor Im stands up, greeting him with a cheery “sunbaenim!” and a smile.

“Minsung sent a letter, Youngjoon. And Daehyunah sent a coffee,” Kang hands over the aforementioned items to their studio art teacher.

“A lifesaver!” Their teacher trills.

Professor Kang pauses, watching them draw. Kyle can feel sweat beading on his neck. He’s literally drawing him making out with-

“Huh, well those look familiar. Your students are good at realistic drawing,” Professor Kang calls over to Professor Im. And in turn, Professor Im Youngjoon looks at Kyle’s drawing and chokes on his coffee.

“I really hope he doesn’t try to ask Kang out,” Shira, an older student, sighs. Kyle turns and laughs at her.

“Dude, everyone would go feral,” he says, watching Professor Kang leave.

“Didnt stop Miller. Of course, he feared for his life, but they went on a date,” Shira says, carefully lining the two women dancing a waltz on her page. Kyle drops his pencil.


“Last year. A freshman like you wouldn’t know.”

“Shut up.”



Emma knows her day is about to get interesting when Professor Ahn opens the door during their lecture.

"Do you-"

Professor Kang raises his head, sharp gaze meeting Professor Ahn’s, and the ability to form words seems to elude him.

What is speaking? Clearly Professor Ahn hasn't met her.


"Yes?" Professor Kang asks, and Professor Ahn laughs, raising his hands and backing out of the door.


Professor Ahn is gone and James stands up.

“Okay. Who are you actually dating?”

Professor Kang stares at him before continuing his lecture.

“I mean it!” James complains. “They flirt with you all the time!”

“They are not,” Professor Kang says primly. James isn’t taking that.

“Why do you refuse to believe ANY of those professors are flirting with you?”

“Not that it’s your business, Mr. Lopez, but the three of them are in a closed relationship.”

Emma spits out her drink.



Alexis is sitting at xir seat, waiting for xir friend to show up. And boy does Lux show up.

“I have the craziest news, holy shit,” Lux laughs, taking a sip of their soda. Xe gapes.


“Okay so remember how that comp sci prof-“

“Professor Lee is literally my teacher,” xe frowns. “I know I’m always holed up in the library but shit bro, I got ears.” Lux rolls their eyes.

“Yeah and you know about there was Professor Ahn from Marine Bio and Professor Kim from philosophy?” Lux prompts. Alexis shifts, tea-student mode turned on.

“Yeah! Weren’t they all after that math professor?”

“So here’s the thing- it turns out they weren’t competing for him,” Lux drops their voice to a whisper. Alexis gapes.


“They’re poly,” Lux drops the bomb. Alexis drops xir boba.

“No. Fucking. Way.”

“And they’re closed and Professor Kang knows that- so he’s so fucking oblivious that they’re trying to add him,” Lux grumbles.

“Holy shit,” xe gasps. “But what about the shipping wars?”

“OT4, bitch.”

“I like the way you think.”



Leisl knew a semester abroad in America would be weird. She didn’t expect this level of sexual tension between the teaching staff.

Like the way it seems Herr Kang is now going out of his way to look attractive.

He’s always been good looking but... tight black shirts are powerful in the worst possible ways. And he keeps bringing the other teachers coffee?

Leisl doesn’t know if this is development or just Herr Kang being nice but...

But nothing happens.

There is no sudden dating. No sudden relationship. And if there is, the students certainly don’t know of it.

Leisl would have thought the time someone kidnapped Herr Lee and Herr Kang and live-streamed them together would make progress. But nothing. The most they’d gotten was Herr Lee giving the equally tied up Herr Kang a once over and grinning.

“You look hot like this!”

“Jesus Christ stop being kinky and get us the fuck out of here!”



Jun, from that tattoo shop, slams open the door to the classroom. Vinh saw him yesterday for his pinky flower.

“CHRIST, DONGHO, JUST ASK THEM OUT!” The irate artist gripes. Kang glares at him.

“I know you’re my brother but if you barge into my classroom again I’ll strangle you.”


That makes their icy professor freeze mid-step.

“Jaewon is upset? Where is he?”

Professor Kang throws on his coat and practically sprints out the door.

Holy shit.

He later learns that Professor Kang walked into Professor Ahn’s classroom, stood there for a few seconds, nodded to himself, and left.

How in the fuck was he ever scared of this oblivious man?

Professor Ahn was apparently very confused and literally every student in the class had gotten their hopes up for nothing.



Noah knows what’s going on. Her friends are quite loud.

Professor Lee has stopped hanging around Professor Kang. And apparently trying to make him jealous with his older brother from the math department didn’t work.

She’s a little worried.

Apparently they’ve seen the others together, and they’re really cute. So that’s a bonus.

Even if their math professor is actually a fucking idiot.



Felix feels the mood of the collective campus drop.

Professor Kang had made it very clear that he doesn’t think the three professors who have been trying to catch his eyes for literal years are interested in him. Professor Ahn has been more distracted lately. Professor Lee has been slightly harsher. Or so he’s been told.

What he does know it that the normally cheery Professor Kim is giving them the most metal lecture of all time. He’s literally just creating a discord to people never understanding full meanings and intentions and the futility of pursuit.

So chances are... they know that he’s not getting the memo any time soon.

Which means he’s definitely gonna get subjected to these for a little while. At least the emo kids are paying more attention now.

He might actually strangle their math professor. Maybe a little.

Just as a treat.



Corey knows the gossip.

Professor Lee kissed Professor Kang, and someone caught a photo. And everyone is losing their shit.

Here’s the problem. Professor Kang isn’t confirming or denying anything. But given the mood lift in Professor Kim’s students and just straight up in Professor Ahn...

It’s a little obvious.

The text from “Dae<3” on Professor Kang’s phone making him smile softly does enough confirming on its own.