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How Will I Know (if you really love me?)

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Kara sat there on the metal chair on her girlfriend's penthouse balcony. The heat from the day left the metal warm to the touch, and honestly, it was the first warm touch she had experienced in a while.

 

Things were….not great at the moment.

 

Glancing at her watch, Kara signed sadly, shoulders slumping in defeat. Lena used to normally come home around 6:15, and if she didn't show up around that time, give or take an hour, Kara now knew not to expect her girlfriend home till the early hours of the morning. Sadly, it was almost midnight.

 

Kara stood up and walked to the concrete barrier outlining the balcony. She briefly wondered if Lena would notice if she didn't sleep here tonight. Not like Lena would make it to their bed to find out. The only time she would see the other woman was in the mornings for maybe a few minutes before she was left all alone. Again. And again.  And again. 

 

These countless nights had ended with Kara's hope slowly dying down with every minute that passed. She would go to bed at midnight, staying up waiting for her love to come home, but then the pull of sleep would make her eventually give up waiting, and she'd sluggishly, sadly, tuck herself into bed.

 

Alone.

 

She'd wake up at 7.a.m most mornings, to the smell of coffee brewing and Lena's side of the bed untouched from the night before. Walking out of their bedroom and into the kitchen, Kara would find her lover. Often in clothing from the day before, crumbled and askew, Lena would be resting her hip on the side of the kitchen island, sipping her coffee whispering words of praise into the dark liquid. Kara's eyes would fall to the couch, and notice that it had been her girlfriend's bed for the night, and she had to bite back the frown she felt bubbling up to the surface. 

 

Instead, she would greet her sleep-deprived girlfriend, tucking Lena's inky black hair behind her ear as she swooped in for a good morning kiss.  Lena would hum happily, wrapping her arms around the blonde woman in front of her, nuzzling into Kara's neck, pressing soft kisses to the warm skin. They'd say good morning, give each other chaste kisses, and in less than fifteen minutes Lena would be dressed and already out the door. Promises of coming home early slipping past Lena's lips as the door closed. Leaving Kara alone.

 

...Again

 

These lonely nights were starting to take its toll. The insufficient mornings started to do more harm than good. And Kara was left there, heart aching, smile gone, shoulders hunched over, and tears stinging in her eyes. 

 

Kara was trying to be strong. Her girlfriend has a stressful job, and time was never on Lena's side. Being a CEO, while the money was great, the strain it caused over her relationships both platonic and romantic, was devastating. Lena was lonely for most of her career, her life really. And then Kara came around, and she stuck like glue. Their friendship had taken off easily.  And after two years their relationship blossomed into something more, and it was beautiful. 

 

So Kara was being strong. She would be Lena's rock, her strong oak tree with thick roots that grew for miles deep underground. She was going to be there. Whether or not Lena had the time, Kara was going to be there. 

 

It was getting harder though.





Finally this morning, about eight months into it, and without meaning to, Kara cracked. She woke up around 7 a.m to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and nearly ran out of bed to see her lover. And as usual, with a mug of coffee in her hand and bags under her eyes, Lena stood there in the kitchen, leaning up against the kitchen island.

 

"Too tired to make it to bed again?" Kara asked quietly, running her hands up and down the brunette's sides.

 

"Yes. This buyout is killing me, I swear." Lena replied, her voice still thick with sleep.

 

After a moment Kara spoke again " I missed you last night." Her whisper was so soft, that Lena was sure she wouldn't have heard it if she was two inches farther from the blonde.

 

"I know, I'm sorry darling. I missed you too. It's just this Spheerical Industries buyout is proving to be twenty times harder than Lord’s." Lena sighed, nuzzling further into the blonde's neck.

 

"I can tell. Lord’s take over was about six months long, this one is already eight months and you aren't even at the halfway point." Kara grumbled, hugging the brunette closer, enjoying the short time they had together before they inevitably had to part.

 

Lena sighed, removing herself from the blonde's embrace, "I'll try to come home earlier tonight, alright darling?"

 

"So you've said every night for the past eight months.' Kara thought bitterly.

 

Lena spared a glance at her watch, groaning loudly. "Fuck, I'm already late." Lena quickly set her coffee mug down, already unbuttoning her blouse with nimble fingertips as she bolted out of the kitchen.

 

Kara reached out swiftly, her hand grabbing the brunette's arm lightly, Lena snapped her head up. Green eyes staring at the blonde curiously.

 

"Kara?" Lena asked with a confused head tilt.

 

" I-I just-," Kara bit her lip, her blue eyes meeting questioning green. " I miss you, Lena," Kara said softly, her voice suddenly wavering.

 

Kara dropped her hand just as fast as she put it up, dropping her head to hide misty eyes.

 

'Don't get emotional. She's a CEO, she gets busy, the least you can do is be there for her when times are tough-'

 

"Kara…" Lena said softly, 

 

"I'm sorry, it's nothing, don't worry about me. I know you're trying-"

 

Kara found herself engulfed tightly in Lena's arms, letting out a shaky breath, Kara hugged the younger woman, pulling her closer to her chest. 

 

"I'm so sorry Kara, please don't cry darling." Lena said quickly, pressing her lips to her lover's neck and jaw as she spoke." I'm sorry, I know I haven't been home, I haven't been making time for you as I should. I know it's not an excuse,  but work is so crazy, and I can't believe I made you feel this way-"

 

"It's okay baby, I'm fin-"

 

"Don't," Lena said sternly, moving back to look at the blonde's face. "Look at me, Kara."

 

Trying furiously to blink back tears the blonde glanced up at her girlfriend. 

 

"Don't dismiss your feelings like that. If you are hurting or you are sad, you tell me. You especially tell me if you are hurting or sad and it's because of me. That's how we make this work, alright sweetheart? I can't-" Lena sucked in a deep breath, exhaling shakily. " I can't lose you, Kara. " 

 

"You won't lose me," Kara whispered sadly. "I love you, Lena, I'm here as long as you want me here."

 

"Forever." Lena quickly replied, pressing her lips against Kara's for a sweet kiss, "I  want you here forever. "

 

Kara gave the CEO a small smile, and ducked down for another kiss, her heart warming the longer their lips stayed pressed together. "Then I'm here forever." 

 

"I love you, Kara" Lena whispered back. 

 

"I love you, too." 





Kara's eyes started to get teary at the memory of this morning, and she allowed herself one moment, just one, to cry. Hot tears flowed freely down her cheeks, and as soon as they reached her chin, Kara was wiping them away, steeling herself up again. 

 

'You can't be sad when she needs you to be okay. You can't get emotional because she can't make time for you. She's the CEO of a major company, she doesn't have a lot of time to begin with.' 

 

Kara sighed again, hanging her head in defeat. This was starting to be harder than she expected. 

 

The blonde walked back inside the penthouse, gently sliding the glass door behind her. She walked to the dining room table, swallowing down the knot that formed in her throat, blinking away a new wave of fresh tears as she started to clean up the dinner she had prepared for the brunette. She quickly started putting the placemats away and lifted the various bowls and plates and placed them back into the cabinets. Kara grabbed the pan of food that was resting on the table, staring at it sadly as it reminded untouched, and slid the pan into the refrigerator. Finally, walking back over to the table Kara was about to blow out the candles that she had lit when she stopped abruptly.

 

The sound of the door opening and closing behind her caused her to freeze, her heart hammering harshly inside her chest.

 

"Kara?" Lena called out.

 

The blonde remained still.

 

After a moment filled with the sounds of heels hitting the ground and the door locking behind the brunette,  Lena called out again. "Kar-oh! You scared me, darling. Why didn't you say anything when I called out?" Lena chuckled as she approached the blonde from behind. The brunette started to hug the blonde but stiffened as she peaked her head over Kara's shoulder, staring at the two lit candles on the tabletop.

 

"Wh-what's this?" Lena stammered. 

 

"I made you dinner," Kara replied softly, bending over slightly to blow out the candles. "It's in the fridge if you want some." And as her final statement, Kara turned around in the brunette's arms and placed a small kiss on her forehead, before slipping out of her grasp entirely, and walked toward their bedroom, leaving the brunette alone.

 

Kara took one quick look at the clock on her nightstand and swallowed thickly as she read the bright red numbers on the screen.

 

11:44 p.m.

 

Sitting down heavily on her side of the bed Kara hung her head. Hot tears stung in her eyes as she slammed them shut, trying to keep the tears at bay.

 

'Don't you dare cry. At least she's here now and not at 3 a.m. Go back and kiss her and hug her and tell her you love her. Stop sitting here all by yourself, feeling sad. And for the love of God, don't fucking cry.'

 

The bed shifted next to the blonde just as a rogue tear slipped down her cheek. Before Kara could wipe it away, a hand came up to slowly cup her cheek, the pad of Lena's thumb rubbing the streak of water away.

 

"Kara, look at me please," Lena whispered softly.

 

Kara was still for a moment before raising her head, meeting Lena's gaze. The brunette's eyes were bloodshot. Her cheeks were tinged pink and slightly blotchy, and as Kara looked closer she spotted fresh tear tracks running all the way down to Lena's neck.

 

And finally, Kara shattered.

 

Unable to stop the flow of tears rushing down her face she stared at the brunette beside her. 

 

Broken.

 

"Say it, Kara." Lena urged her, her voice not above a whisper. "Say it."

 

"I miss you!" Kara started to sob. " I miss you so much! And I'm so fucking sad!  It's been months! Months since I've seen you for more than a half-hour! I go to bed alone, I wake up alone, I'm waiting for you to show up, but you never show! When you bought Lord's company you made time for me, you-we, we had dates twice a week! Every Wednesday and Saturday was date night! Our night! And that lasted for six months, but I was fine with it! I was! I still am! Because you are a busy person, your job isn't easy and you can't trust people to do the things you do, not when your brother and mother are still alive to make your life hell." 

 

Kara slumped the longer she spoke, resting her head in Lena's hand that still cradled her face. "And so I get it, I really do! You can't trust other people with things like this, especially when other people’s jobs are at stake, and I understand that completely. "  

 

Kara let out a ragged breath. "But I miss you so much, baby. When you started the process of buying out Spheerical Industries, I assumed it was gonna be like last time, yeah I wasn't living with you then but we still had two days, just for us. So I waited for you every night, and you started getting home later and later and now I don't even get to see you anymore except for when you are running out the door…"

 

Kara started to cry harder as she took in the broken expression of the woman she loved. "But it doesn't matter anymore, baby, it doesn't matter. Because you're here now," Kara lifted a shaky hand to grab at the sobbing woman beside her. "You're here now. And that's all I need." Kara cried.

 

Soon the two women were holding each other as they cried. The brunette whispering sweet nothings into the blonde's ear, trying to calm her down as heart wrenching sobs tore through her body. They stayed like that for a while, after Kara's cries had died down to soft sniffles. And they held each other.

 

They made love that night. At first, they started to desperately cling to each other, trying to eliminate all space between them. Trying to get closer. But it ended with soft and sweet caresses. Gentle bites and wet kisses, wiping tears from each other's faces as they came down from their highs.

 

"Kara?" Lena asked as she glanced up at the blonde from her resting place on her shoulder, her voice raspy from overuse.

 

"Yeah, baby?" Kara murmured gently.

 

"We're okay right?" Lena's voice was suddenly small.

 

"We're okay." Kara echoed, tightening her hold on the brunette, causing the brunette to settle her head back down into the juncture of Kara's neck and shoulder. 

 

"I'll do better- I'll be better Kara. I promise. I need you." Lena whimpered, "I love you so much."

 

"We'll both be better Lena." Kara cooed. "I love you, baby. I love you so so much. We'll be okay."



And for a week or two, they were better.

 

Until they weren't.

Chapter Text

For about two weeks Lena came home around 7 p.m. Kara would get home from CATCO around 5 p.m, so it worked out. Kara would finish any articles she was working on in the few hours she was alone at home, and as soon as the brunette would get home she'd shower Lena in kisses and hugs. They had agreed, no date nights for now, not until things get less hectic with Spheerical Industries. Instead, Kara had proposed two hours out of their night dedicated to just them. If Lena needed to call a lawyer or yell at a board member she would do it before or after their two hours. And it worked… for a little while.

 

The first night Lena came home early, she was tackled by a sprinting mass of blonde hair. They used an hour and a half of their ‘together time’ right there on the hardwood floor, bringing each other to orgasm after orgasm until their arms and legs were too shaky to do anything but hold onto one another. 

 

Clearly coming home to your loving girlfriend was a plus.

 

Around the middle of the first week, Lena had slipped up, working past 7 p.m easily. She didn't even notice the time till she saw her girlfriend shyly standing by her office door at L-Corp around 9 p.m. She apologized profusely, of course, nearly bursting into tears at the sight of Kara in her comfy clothes, leaning on the glass door, a shy but absolutely lovely smile spread across her lips, and bags of Thai food in her hands. 

 

Around the second week, Lena would get home as early as six, or as late as ten, but Kara was waiting for her all the same. Lena could feel her heart swell as well as crush into a thousand pieces at the sight of her lover smiling so wide whenever she got home early. 

 

She had caused that happiness. 

 

She had caused the disappointment first.

 

'God, I have to do better ' Lena would often think to herself as she gazed upon the blonde’s sleeping form.

 

At the beginning of the third week, things started to fall back into the same old patterns. Lena was making it home later and later rather than early. The two hours of dedicated girlfriend time dwindled with every passing day. Kara would get denied access to the brunette's office, due to ongoing calls or heated meetings with lawyers. Lena would often leave and find an apologetic assistant handing over the now cold containers of food over to her boss. Lena's eyes would water at the note Kara would leave attached to the food.

 

"Make sure to eat! CEOs need dinner too! See you at home, baby. I love you. xoxoxo"

 

Determined to be a better girlfriend Lena came home the next day at five, Kara was so excited that for a whole hour she absolutely refused to not be snuggling into the warmth of her girlfriend.

 

The shrill ringing of Lena's work phone popped their happy bubble.

 

With an apologetic look from Lena and an understanding smile from Kara, the CEO answered the call. Promises of "Just a few signatures, I promise darling. Half an hour, an hour max, and I'll be back in your arms." And Kara was happily shooing her lover away to her home office.

 

"The faster you get it done the faster you can come back to me."

 

"Now that Miss Danvers, sounds like a fantastic plan." Lena left the room with a wink, and Kara nearly melted.

 

“Just a few signatures”, turned into yelling into the phone in perfect Mandarin and French for two and a half hours. Kara decided to pick her battles and waited until the shouting stopped. About another half hour later Kara meekly appeared in the doorway of Lena's home office.

 

"Baby?" Kara asked nervously, "Is everything alright?"

 

Lena snapped her head up, looking at the blonde with wide eyes, "Kara! Sweetheart! I’m sorry, has it been-” Lena glanced at the clock, and let out a frustrated sigh.” three hours, fuck Kara I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, baby.” Kara was quick to say,” Are you almost done? I don’t want to finish the documentary without you…”

 

Lena winced,” I have two phone calls to make, one to Jess and one to my lawyer, both should take less than ten minutes tops if I take longer than that, come in here and throw my phone out the window.”

 

Kara chuckled, ducking her head she replied softly.”Okay, I’ll just empty the dishwasher or something till you are done.”

 

“Twenty minutes, I swear.” Lena whimpered, “ If I take longer I promise potstickers for dinner for a week.”

 

Kara shyly nodded a hint of a smile on her lips, “Okay baby, I believe you.” and slowly retreated from the doorway. 

 

Kara dragged her feet as she walked to the kitchen. She was a bit disappointed, yes, but they still had time tonight. It wasn't as much time, but it was still more than she initially thought she'd get.

 

Opening the door to the dishwasher she absentmindedly started to put the dishes away in their respective places. She pulled the silverware container out of the rack and set it on the table with a heavy sigh. Twenty minutes. Just twenty more minutes. 

 

Hopefully. 

 

She wasn't looking when she randomly dug her hand into the silverware container.  At first, she didn't notice anything had gone wrong. Then suddenly she was pulling her hand back with a loud cry, watching horrifically as dark red blood flowed from the long smooth cut.

 

Quickly pressing her hand to her stomach she screamed. She barely registered her knees hitting the cool wood floor. She didn't even hear Lena enter the kitchen, all she could manage to do was clench her hand to her stomach and slam her eyes shut while trying not to pass out at the sight of her own blood.

 

Lena's voice cut through Kara's screams and whimpers, causing the blonde to look up at the brunette with desperate eyes.

 

"Lena," Kara cried, "Lena it-it hurts. I can't look. There's so much blo-" Kara felt her head start to swim. "Lena, I'm-I'm going to pass out. I'm-oh God."

 

While Lena's eyes were frantic her outside demeanor was oddly calm. Grabbing Kara's face with both of her hands, looking her dead in the eye she spoke softly, a hint of urgentness in her voice. " Kara honey I know it hurts but you have to let go, I need to see your hand."

 

Meanwhile, Kara was shaking her head violently in Lena's hands, tears streaming down her face." IcantIcantIcant!" She sobbed. "The blood, Lena. I can't."

 

Lena reached over and grabbed a towel from the oven handle, "We can't stop the bleeding with your shirt, Kara." She said quickly. "Give me your hand, sweetheart." 

 

Slowly prying Kara's injured hand from the blonde's clutches, and Lena takes a second to survey the damage. She's met with a gush of fresh blood as her eyes trailed the cut. It’s long and deep from what she could tell, from the bottom of Kara's index finger all the way down to the bottom of her palm. Lena quickly pressed the towel to Kara's hand, trying not to cry as her lover shrieked in pain.

 

"It's okay," she coos softly, swiftly wrapping the excess material of the towel around Kara's hand." We are going to the hospital and everything will be okay."

 

Kara is slow to nod, desperately trying to cling to consciousness as Lena helps her up off the kitchen floor. She makes it as far as the car, clutching her hand to her stomach once again before she passes out in the passenger seat of Lena's SUV. The last thing she remembered hearing was Lena's frantic voice as she called out for Kara to just hang on.

 




She wakes up to the smell of disinfectant clinging heavily in the air. 

 

Her nose wrinkles as she inhales more and more of the odd smelling hospital air. Her hand twitches and clenches at scratchy fabric below her fingertips, the other hand throbs as it sits on her chest. Blue eyes flutter open, she blinks several times, slowly taking in her surroundings.

 

Welp... I guess I passed out again…’ 

 

Kara’s eyes flicked to her wrapped hand, then to the inside of her elbow where she felt tape sticking and pulling at her skin. One look at the IV in her arm and Kara slammed her eyes shut, steeling herself as wave after wave of nausea washed over her. 

 

Kara and IV’s didn’t mix.

 

Kara and the sight of her own blood...didn’t mix either.

 

Kara and anything medical in regards to herself didn’t mix.

 

Kara once watched Alex slide the top of her foot on the hot pavement when she was riding her bike with sandals. The amount of blood-soaked chunks of rocks that Kara helped Alex tweeze out of her foot before their mother found out was insane, but it didn’t bother the blonde in the slightest. Kara once nicked the tip of her finger with the larger than average sewing needle she was using at the time and passed out after exactly four drops fell from her finger. And that was Christmas two years ago. 

 

After more than a few calming breaths, Kara opened her eyes again. Purposefully ignoring her arm, she turned her gaze to the two slightly blurry figures standing outside her room window. Noting the familiar shape of one of the blurry figures, she squinted her eyes and determined that the figure was in fact her girlfriend. 

 

Her girlfriend who was sporting a blood-stained forest green silk blouse, and the world’s most haphazard-looking bun.

 

Lena appeared to be listening to the other figure intently, nodding every so often, speaking to the other figure, and tilting her head in the same way she does when she has a question. Kara’s powers of deduction swept through her sluggish brain. The other figure was most likely her doctor, and Lena was getting a rundown of what she needed to tell Kara. Probably. After another few moments, Lena turned her attention to the blonde who was shyly smiling from inside the hospital room. With a quick nod and a couple of words to the doctor, Lena was sprinting to Kara’s side, the doctor following closely behind.

 

“Kara, sweetheart!” Lena smiled slightly, “I’m happy to see you awake, do you remember what happened?”

 

“Mostly,” Kara mumbled, ducking her head, embarrassed. “I cut my hand while putting the dishes away. You came in and put my hand in a towel, then we got in your car, but after we got on the road…” Kara sighed, poking at her wrapped hand. “I’m guessing I passed out again…”

 

A quick kiss to the top of her head made her smile and lift her head up enough to see a smiling Lena and slightly miffed looking doctor.”You passed out while I drove you to the hospital. Normally injuries like yours don’t require you to be in a private room,” Lena paused looking up to eye the doctor standing just a few steps behind her. “But, “ Lena continued, “ there was a lot of blood, and I just so happen to own this hospital so…”

 

“You Luthored your way to get me a hospital room because I cut my hand and passed out from the sight of my own blood.”

 

“Pretty much, yeah.”

 

The doctor snorted, “It’s exactly what she did. Bullied every doctor and nurse till she got you in a bed.”

 

“Lena!” Kara gawked, lightly poking the brunette in the chest with her uninjured hand. “They could have used this bed for someone who actually needs it!”

 

“And you needed it!” Lena huffed. “The love of my life was unconscious, bleeding profusely,  and was in need of medical attention! You needed a bed!”

 

“To be fair, she would have gotten one, Lena.” The doctor chuckled, “She just would have gotten one in the ER, not the private wing of the hospital.”

 

“THE PRIVATE- LENA!” Kara whined, her cheeks burning hot pink before she ducked her head again, uninjured hand flying up to cover her face.

 

“See!” the doctor smiled, “She has enough blood to blush, she’s fine.”

 

“Torres!” Lena growled. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be? As in anywhere else, but here?”

 

“No, I’m good here, thanks.” Torres smiled, “Plus as the Doctor of the love of your life, I need to tell her what to do about that hand, you know, ‘cause it’s my job.”

 

“Stop bullying my doctor!” Kara whined, still covering her face.

 

“I like this one, Le-”

 

“Callie,” Lena grunted, glaring at the doctor.

 

“Chill, Mama Bear.” Callie chuckled.

 

Kara felt the hospital bed dip on one side and lifted her head only to meet the kind eyes of her doctor. 

 

“Hi Kara, My name is Dr. Torres, how’s your hand feeling?”

 

“Throbby, but okay. How bad was it? I never looked.” Kara muttered shyly.

 

“Not as bad as it could have been, 13 stitches in total, you didn’t go super deep but it wasn’t pretty either. But the cut was smooth so, you did that correctly, jagged cuts are the worst.”

 

“Thank..you?” Kare laughed slightly, reaching out to take Lena’s hand with her non-injured hand.

 

Dr. Torres smiled briefly before she turned her attention to both Kara and Lena. “So here’s the deal, the placement of your cut isn’t the greatest. And because of that, you need to take it super easy with your right hand. You need to change your bandages once a day, and every time they get wet or dirty you need to change them again. I have some cream I’ll prescribe you to help prevent infection, and I bet Lena here has something for scarring so I’ll leave that one to you.” Callie winked at the brunette who rolled her eyes in retaliation. The doctor leaned over backward, her eyes searching the room for something.

 

“Do you need her chart?” Lena asked.

 

“Yeah, do you know where-”

 

“I left it on the table outside, one second.” With a quick squeeze to Kara’s hand and small kiss to her forehead Lena left the room. 

 

Missing the warmth of her lover’s hand immediately, Kara distracted herself. “How long do I need to go easy on my hand?”

 

“Five to seven days. “ Callie breathed. 

 

Kara’s eyes widened. Seven whole days? Seven days where Lena would no doubt drop everything, including L-Corp to help her out around the house? That was too much. Too much time to take the CEO away from her work. Too much to take from her while she was in the middle of buying out Spheerical Industries.  Lena was absolutely bombarded with calls every night, Kara could only imagine what it would be like if she stepped away for seven days. The buyout might even take longer if Lena wasn’t there to put out the fires...So many things could go wrong in those seven days.

 

 Kara gulped.

 

“Seven days?” she asked.

 

“Five to seven days of super light-duty, and then another three days of regular light-duty. And from there you can take it at your own pace.” Dr. Torres smiled slightly. “I’ll print out some exercises to do for you to do after you pass day seven. “

 

“Here’s the chart Callie,” Lena said as she walked back into the room, handing over the thin tablet to the doctor before sitting down on the side of Kara’s bed, mirroring Dr. Torres’ position.

 

Taking the tablet from the CEO, the doctor tapped away for a few moments, humming to herself as she updated Kara’s chart.

 

“Okay, so, in about 10 days I’m going to need you to come back so I can remove your stitches, and then you should be all good by the end of the month!” the doctor clicked the screen of the tablet off. “I put in an order for your prescription, and I’ll print out the exercises for you here in a minute, do you have any questions for me?”

 

“What's the heali-”

 

“Can I go home now?” Kara interrupted the CEO with an uneasy smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, Lena. It’s just…” Kara paused, wigging her left hand into Lena’s grasp. “Hospitals really freak me out.”

 

Both The CEO and Doctor laughed at the blonde's admission. 

 

“You’re IV is almost finished, so when that’s done you can go home. Sound good champ?” Dr. Torres laughed as she fondly shook her head.

 

Kara grimaced at the mention of her IV. “Any chance you can knock me out when you take that massive metal tube out of my arm?”

 

“Not likely.” Dr. Torres replied with a smirk.

 

Kara groaned as both Lena and Dr. Torres chuckled.




 

 

 

“So you and Doctor Torres seemed close…”

 

Lena snorted, “We bump into each other whenever I attend certain medical conferences. I’m the reason she has funding for her lab-created cartilage project. Also, she saved me from being hit on at the bar by the most egotistical and arrogant people attending those conferences, and I do the same for her. “

 

“And she works at Luthor West?” Kara tried to ask nonchalantly, picking at her freshly bandaged hand.

 

Lena chuckled, pulling into her designated parking spot in the garage of her building. “No, she doesn’t, she's normally in Seattle. She just so happened to be here on a different case.” Lena parked the car and pressed the kill engine switch. “Is the ‘Jealous-Kara-but-too-shy-to-outwardly-ask-what-she-really-wants’ questioning over, darling?”

 

Kara blushed, mumbling as she got out of the car, “ Not jealous...just curious…”

 

Lena let out a small giggle, stepping out of her SUV and catching the blonde a few steps away from the front end of the car.  “Don’t be pouty because I called you jealous, sweetheart.”

 

Kara grumbled in response. “Not pouty.”

 

“Kara,” Lena laughed, gathering up the taller woman in her arms. “ how can I look at, or even think about anyone else when I have the love of my life running around my brain all day, hm?

 

Kara blushed, a small smile stretching across her face. “I love you,” she said softly.

 

“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you…”

 

“Leee-naahhh,” Kara giggled.

 

“Come on darling, rude to keep a girl waiting.” the brunette smirked

 

“I love you, Lena,” Kara said loudly, her voice echoing in the garage.

 

“And I love you.” Lena laughed as she teased the blonde. ”Now, no more splitting your hand open, okay? I forbid it.” 

 

“No promises, I’m kind of a mess.” 

 

Lena started to usher the blonde to the elevator doors, chuckling as she spoke “As long as you try, now let’s get to bed. You’ve had quite the night.”

 

“...can we finish the penguin documentary in bed?”

 

Lena snorted. “Whatever you want, darling.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yell at me on twitter

 

yell at me on tumblr

Chapter Text

Lena took the next day off, much to Kara’s surprise. The first thing Kara noticed was her girlfriend firmly wrapped around her waist when she woke up. She tried to remember the last time she had woken up like this, safe, warm, loved...cherished. Sadly she couldn’t recall the last time she had woken up and the brunette had been beside her.

 

The first thing Lena had asked when her eyes fluttered open was “ How many days are you on ‘Super-Light’ duty with your hand?”

 

Kara lied through her teeth. 

 

“Four. Then back to work if I feel up for it.”

 

Lena eyed her curiously, a confused frown settling over her lips. “Seems awfully short.” 

 

Kara tried her best to keep her cool, “She said four days. ‘Smooth cut that wasn’t too deep’ remember?”

 

Lena stared at the blonde for a moment before shrugging her shoulders, snuggling further into the blonde she had in her arms. “Then you have me at home for four days.”

 

“All to myself?” Kara asked softly.

 

“All to yourself, darling. I promise.”


 

The first day was bliss. Lena had taken exactly zero work calls, answered zero work emails, and had ordered two dozen potstickers for Kara and Kara only for dinner that night. They spent the day cuddling, watching movies, and getting back to how they used to be before L-Corp decided to buy Spheerical Industries for their medical/nanotech. Quality time and so many gentle kisses and caresses Kara was positive she was falling in love with her girlfriend all over again. The warm feeling in her heart hadn’t gone away, it only grew with every passing second.  The only hard part of the day was the end of it. Lena was unwrapping Kara’s hand with the utmost care but that didn’t stop Kara from gagging and almost passing out (again) when she caught a glimpse of her stitched-up hand.

 

Lena just smiled and giggled through the whole process. Applying the antibiotic as well as the anti-scarring creams on Kara’s wound with the softest touch. She wrapped the hand back up with a new bandage and when she was finished she placed a tender kiss to the top of Kara’s hand, and another to Kara’s cheek. Kara, who was barely holding her nausea at bay, breathed a sigh of relief when Lena finished. And the two went to bed wrapped in each other’s arms, legs tangled together beneath the covers.

 

On the second day, Lena took two work calls, answered six ‘short’ work emails, and spent one hour going over paperwork, all at Kara’s okay. They still cuddled for their movies and giggled like teens when gentle kisses turned into playful nips and licks. But moments were paused and conversations stopped because of the insistent ringing of Lena’s work phone. And while Kara had told Lena,” It’s okay, go ahead and work for a bit if I need you, I’ll come and get you. “ she had still hoped the brunette would just smile and say “Work can wait”, just so she could spend more time together. Again the night ended with Lena changing her girlfriend’s bandages with a tender touch and soft kisses. Kara’s heart threatened to beat out of her chest with every kiss. Their end of the day routine was quickly becoming her favorite part of the day (despite the waves of nausea she battled with at the sight of her stitches.).

 

The third day passed much like the second, a few calls here, a couple of emails there. Nothing that Kara couldn’t handle. That day Lena had washed Kara’s hair for her and the blonde nearly melted at the spine-tingling sensations rolling down her scalp. But also that night Kara went to bed alone. Lena answered a few last-minute emails after bandaging Kara’s hand for the night. The wrapping snagged the side of one of her stitches due to Lena’s slightly rushed movements, causing Kara to yelp out in pain and almost empty the contents of her stomach on the bedroom floor. Lena apologized profusely, of course, hugging, kissing, and whispering soft words to her lover to atone for her mistake. Kara greedily soaked up the attention. Only whining one time after the brunette pushed away from their embrace. Kara went to bed alone and slightly disappointed but happy when her girlfriend returned to her just before midnight.

 

The fourth day started out much like the first but ended like the days before her injury. The morning came and went with no work interruptions, but as soon as they got settled for their Netflix binge of murder mysteries, the calls came flooding. The calls lead to emails, and the emails paved the way for video conferences, and once those had started Lena had been in her home office for six hours, yelling at board members and lawyers in various languages and angry typing so loud on her laptop Kara was surprised the keyboard hadn’t broken. 

 

But it was now six p.m and Kara was left by herself in the living room ready to start their chosen documentary about some guy who really liked tigers and hated this woman named Carole, and Lena was still locked away in her home office. With a sigh, she clicked the TV off and started on dinner. She decided on lamb stew, hoping one of Lena’s favorite meals would get her out of the office but she had no such luck. It took a couple of tries, and her hand was absolutely throbbing from overuse but an hour later dinner was ready and the penthouse smelled divine. Kara grabbed a serving of the stew with a healthy serving of rice and courageously strutted down the hallway toward her girlfriend’s work dungeon. 

 

All courage and bravery quickly evaporated when she spotted Lena sitting ramrod straight in her chair, earbuds firmly nestled in her ears and all of her attention on the multiple talking faces on her laptop screen. Kara stood at the doorway shyly, not knowing how to grab Lena’s attention, when suddenly the brunette spoke,

 

“Excuse me for a moment, gentlemen,” Lena said in her stern CEO voice. Green eyes softened slightly at the sight of the blonde shyly standing in the doorway with a bowl in her hand. “Did you need something, Kara?” she said as she pulled out of her earbuds.

 

“Um. I made dinner.” Kara said softly, her mouth tilting up in a small smile. “It’s one of your favorites, come and join me? Or, I can leave it here with you?” Kara then held the bowl out slightly, hoping the gesture would temp Lena away from her work just for a little while.

 

Lena bit her lip, her CEO demeanor crumbling before Kara’s eyes. Her eyes looked pained as she eyed the bowl of food and the hopeful woman silently standing in the doorway. “I’ll join you in about ten minutes, darling. Twenty tops. Promise.”

 

Kara tried not to let the hurt flicker across her face as she processed Lena’s answer. With a small nod and forced smile, she nodded at the brunette and quickly disappeared back into the kitchen.

 

Twenty minutes later when Kara had gathered enough courage to go speak to Lena again she heard the brunette speaking rather aggressively in french and decided to wait till things had calmed down. An hour later and the food was beyond cold. Kara decided to give the brunette a break.  Heating up Lena’s untouched portion in the microwave, and silently delivering it to the brunette as she typed away on her keyboard. Kara placed the bowl on Lena’s desk, kissing the top of her head as she worked. The blonde received a small rather mumbled “thank you,” as she left the room. 

 

Kara decided to clean up, which turned out to be a mistake because her wound was pounding so fiercely she thought that a stitch was going to pop at any moment. She pushed through the pain, nearly crying as she finished cleaning up, and spent a few hours on the couch resting an icepack on her palm, cradling it to her chest with deep measured breaths.

 

Noting the time, Kara decided to get ready for bed. She somehow managed to change her clothes without too much hassle from her hand, the throbbing returned with a vengeance but she kept going. Finally, it was time for her nightly bandage change and soft kisses from her lover, and with a newfound sprinkle of determination, Kara gathered up the supplies she needed and made her way over to Lena’s home office.

 

Again, Kara stood there in the doorway. Her little basket of supplies held firmly in her good hand, a bright smile on her face. Noticing how tired the brunette looked, her earbuds haphazardly thrown across the desk, and how the bowl of food remained untouched on the desk made Karas smile falter. All previous happy energy now turned to ice in Kara’s chest. With a tentative knock to the doorframe, Kara tried to grab Lena’s attention.

 

She was met with silence.

 

Another knock, slightly louder this time.

 

Silence answered her.

 

Another knock, followed by a loud throat-clearing barely grabbed the CEO’s attention.

 

“What is it, Kara?” Lena answered in her boardroom voice, cold, calculated, devoid of emotion. Eyes still fixated on her computer screen.

 

Slightly stunned by her girlfriend’s tone of voice, Kara took a second to formulate her response. “Um. It’s 10:30. And I’m all ready for bed…” Kara trailed off

 

“I’ll join you later,” Lena responded instantly, still not looking up from her screen.

 

“It’s okay, uh, take your time,” Kara replied, suddenly nervous. “I was just coming to see if you would help me change my bandages?” Kara stood there and waited for Lena’s response, and after a few wordless moments, she realized the brunette wasn’t going to respond. Bristling slightly, Kara cleared her throat again. This time Lena’s response was filled with emotion, just not the nice kind.

 

“What, Kara?” Lena grunted her tone of voice sounding harsh and frustrated.

 

“I asked if you’d help me with my b - “

 

“Kara,” Lena sighed angrily, eyes still glued to her computer screen. “This is important.”

 

“And I’m not?” Kara’s response is instant, her voice small and unsure, she almost winces at how needy she thinks she sounds. 

 

“I don’t have time for you right now, Kara!” Lena snaps back.

 

Kara freezes, staring at her girlfriend who still isn’t even looking at her.

 

She doesn’t...’

 

Kara’s heart ices over

 

‘Oh…’

 

Tears build in the blonde’s eyes. Her throat feels thick and her heart aches. All she wants at this moment is to be held. She steps back from the doorway, she barely makes it to the bedroom before hot tears stream down her face. Silently, she manages to change her bandages herself, only gagging twice when she presses a little too hard on her wound. Kara feels cold, she shouldn’t be. It’s summer in National City and the California sun was merciless today. But she had always felt cold when she was sad. When she first moved in with the Danvers Kara slept in two layers of fuzzy socks and sweaters for four months. She remembers when Alex had first moved away to college. It was august and Kara had slept with two hoodies and a space heater pointing at her bed for a month. Alex had teased her about it for years until she realized that the only thing that makes Kara feel better when she is sad is warmth from another person. To put it simply, hugs literally make everything better for Kara when she’s sad.

 

Sniffling softly, Kara tugged on her two warmest hoodies and slipped her warmest fuzzy pants on over her sleep shorts. Slinking over to her side of the bed Kara burrows under the sheets, pulling the discarded faux-down duvet up and over her shoulders and curling in on herself.

 

She just had things to do…’ Kara thinks as she starts to drift off. ‘ more important things…’ 

 

She doesn’t notice the tears soaking into her pillowcase.

 


 

At four a.m Lena finally leans back into her office chair. Her eyes are sore and gritty, her back stiff and achy, and she's absolutely starving. She remembers the food Kara brought her and peers down on her desk. With sad and guilty eyes she looks at the bowl, she wouldn’t be hungry had she just ate dinner with Kara like she said she would. Signing heavily she picks up the bowl and groans softly as she sits up from her chair. Her muscles protest each movement. When she makes it to the kitchen she notices it's spotless. The pots and pans Kara no doubt would have used aren’t sitting in the drying rack, but are neatly stored in their respective cabinets. Another guilty spike punches through Lena’s chest. 

 

She went through all that trouble and I couldn’t even eat the damn food she made for me. Her hand must be…’

 

With lightning speed, Lena remembers the last conversation she had with Kara.

 

I don’t have time for you right now, Kara!” 

 

Her breath hitches, a hand flies to her mouth, as if to try and keep the words from falling from her lips. The sentence echos through her mind, each time it comes back louder and louder until it’s all she can hear, all she can think about. Hastily, she empties the contents of her dinner bowl out into the trash and nearly runs over to her bedroom. She almost cries at the sight that greets her.

 

There Kara was, the multiple layers of her hoodies visible as she walks closer to the blonde. She's tucked into a small ball, the duvet is pulled up and over her head, with her hands peeking out from above the covers. Lena eyes the bandages on Kara’s right hand. It’s wrapped horrendously, too thick in some places and thin in others, and that’s when Lena realizes that the blonde did it herself. Because she wasn’t there to help.

 

I don’t have time for you’

 

Lena’s heart squeezes painfully in her chest. She fucked up, and she knows it. She royally fucked up. Not only was she a monster to the love of her life, but she also hurt her so badly that she sought out warmth to make herself feel better. Lena had always joked when they were friends and later when they had started dating that she would always know when Kara was sad because she had the world’s most obvious tell. 

 

Comfort and warmth.

 

Lena had only seen it happen a few times, but it was never because of her.

 

‘I have to fix this…’

 

Crawling onto the bed, Lena gently shook the blonde awake. What Lena wasn’t expecting to happen though, was for Kara’s eyes to immediately shoot open and focus on her face.

 

“Darling,” Lena whispered into the moonlit room. “ Sorry to wake you, but I wanted to apologize. For earlier.” Lena bit her lip green eyes staring at Kara’s face, trying to read her emotions. 

 

Kara blinked twice, and then promptly rolled over, facing away from the brunette, sniffling as she got comfortable.

 

“Kara, sweetheart…” Lena tried again, reaching over to gently turn the blonde back over, only to be met with Kara flinching away from her touch. A heavy, thick feeling settled in her throat. Blinking back tears, Lena tried again, reaching for the blonde’s shoulder. “Kara, I’m so s-”

 

Kara violently jerked away from Lena’s hand and promptly threw herself out of bed. Kara then turned, facing the brunette.

 

“I’m so sorry I spoke to you that way, Kara. I’m so, so sorr-” Lena’s next words died on her lips as she took in the look on Kara’s face. Tears glistened as they silently fell down Kara’s face, her eyes held so much sadness Lena had a hard time breathing just from one look. Kara rubbed at her tear-stained cheeks with her sleeve, and without a word to the brunette, she left the room. Lena briefly registered the guest room door opening and shutting with a dull thud before she started to cry. 

 

She sat there on her bed for almost an hour crying softly into Kara’s pillow. This had never happened before. They had never fought like this. The extent of their arguments were endless pizza debates on how Kara thought it was the perfectly balanced food with it hitting every category on the food pyramid. They never went to bed angry or sad, they never cried themselves to sleep, they never walked out to purposefully sleep in a different room away from the other.

 

Quietly, Lena gathered herself into semi-working order and slid herself off her bed, and snuck down the hall to the guest room. She opened the door slowly, peering into the room and nearly sobbing out loud at the sight of Kara curled in a little ball on the bed. Two duvets were pulled on top of her. Kara’s Midvale winter beanie was pulled down over her eyebrows and the tip of an NCU scarf was poking out from under the two duvets. Four of their five space heaters were pointed at Kara’s form. The room was positively roasting. Sweat was already starting to form on Lena’s forehead. 

 

Warmth and comfort.

 

I’ve driven her to sleep in a sauna because I’m the devil incarnate. Perfect.’

 

Leaving the door open a crack, Lena sluggishly walked back to her bedroom. She fell face-first into the mattress, grabbing Kara’s pillow and holding it tight, she let the tears continue to flow until the pull of sleep became too great.



Lena wakes to the sound of the shower running in the ensuite bathroom attached to her bedroom. 

 

Kara.’

 

In an instant, Lena is at the bathroom door. Her hand is millimeters away from the handle of the door when she hears it. A small choked off gasp, followed by a soft sob. Lena freezes. Slowly, oh so slowly, she presses her ear to the door and listens. She hears it again. Soft sobs and sniffles coming from inside the shower. Tears begin to well in her eyes.

 

I have to fix this

 

Lena’s about to open the door when her alarm clock sounds on the nightstand behind her. Work. Again. Forever getting in her way. Sighing loudly, she backs away from the door and walks back to the nightstand silencing her alarm, she sighs again, gathers her clothes from her closet, and proceeds to the guestroom shower. She’ll fix this, she thinks. 

 

Just...at the right time.

 

 

 

yell at me on twitter

 

yell at me on tumblr

Chapter Text

When Lena walks into the kitchen she sees Kara sitting at the bar, her shoulders are hunched over and her chosen outfit for the day is in serious lack of the usual bright colors she usually puts on. Cautiously, she sneaks around the corner of the bar and slowly takes a seat next to the blonde. She sits there, noticing how Kara’s demeanor hasn’t changed, how Kara doesn’t spare a second to glance over in her direction. She just sits there eating her sugary cereal, eyes downcast and red-rimmed.

 

“Kara?” Lena says in a soft voice, “Can I - we -I mean, um.” She hesitates, Kara still hasn’t looked at her. Still hasn’t acknowledged her existence.

 

“You’re upset with me” she tries again. “And you have every right to be, after what I said, how I spoke to you…” She pauses, reaching her hand out to rest on Kara’s shoulder. “How I treated you… I was a monster. You didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry. I’m so unbelievably sor-” the next words die on Lena’s lips. 

 

Kara stands up. She grabs her bowl of cereal with both hands and walks around the bar to place it in the sink. She stands there for a few moments, arms braced on either side of the sink, staring down at the counter.

 

Lena takes another chance, “Darling, please, look at me-” Lena gasps when bright blue eyes snap up to her face. Lena can tell, just from one look, she can tell.  

 

Kara’s eyes are misty. One too many blinks and tears will no doubt fall from her eyes, but that’s not what has Lena squirming in her seat. No, it’s the sheer amount of anger and overwhelming sadness she can see in her lover’s eyes. They stay like that, staring at each other. Lena tries one last and final time to break through the barrier the blonde has so effortlessly put up.

 

“I’m sorry.” Lena whispers. “I hate that I hurt you.”

 

Kara stares at the brunette for another moment before sighing softly and standing up straight. She walks over to the other side of the kitchen, grabs her purse, and starts for the door. Just as she steps out of the penthouse, the door swinging closed behind her, Kara hears Lena’s slightly wobbly voice call out. “I love you…” And for the first time since they started telling each other those three little words, Kara doesn’t say them back.






Kara makes it about three hours before she rips a stitch, and Snapper sends her home exactly 45 seconds later. On the way home, she replays the conversation she had with Dr. Torres over and over in her head. It was too soon to come back to work and she knew it. The only reason why she said four days instead of seven was so Lena could go back to work sooner. She thought that fewer days calling out would eventually mean fewer days in the grand scheme of things. She desperately wishes that she would have just said seven in the first place. Seven days with Lena at home with her sounds like heaven. Granted, Lena would have probably worked for a while as she did the first few days, but Kara would have been happy nonetheless. Or at least she would have been happy, had Lena not...Kara shakes the thought from her head.

 

She said she was sorry, she knows she messed up. It’s not all her fault anyway. Buying out a company so she can use their life-saving nanite technology for L-Corp’s cancer research is...well a lot…’ 

 

Kara makes it to the penthouse without really realizing she just walked 13 blocks in almost 100-degree weather. Sighing, Kara takes a shower, changes her bandages, holding back her gags and fighting off her lightheadedness when she cleans the dried blood from her hand. She quickly realizes she got lucky. The stitch almost didn’t need to be there. It was placed at the bottom of her palm where the cut was just starting to get deeper. Had she ripped the stitch above it, she would have needed to go to the hospital to get it patched back up and she most definitely would have passed out again.

 

After grabbing her fuzzy pants and a warm sweater, she makes her way into the kitchen, retrieving her phone with her good hand. Kara texts Lena a simple message:

 

I was upset this morning, I’m sorry for just walking out. Talk when you get home tonight?

 

They need to talk this out, Kara knows that much. Hopefully, they can get back on track after tonight.

 


 

Kara is seething when she wakes up the next morning.

 

Lena never replied back to her text.

 

Lena never even saw the text.

 

Lena didn’t even come home.

 

Kara made sure to sleep on the couch that night too, to make sure that when Lena comes home, no matter the time, Kara will catch her and they can talk. But no, Kara wakes up at 6 a.m. with the light from the windows hitting her right in the eyes, and no Lena anywhere. She just about boils over with rage when her phone gives off a notification almost two and a half hours later.  The notification just alerts her that Lena has finally seen her text with two little checkmarks and a time 8:15 a.m.

 

The next notification is a text from the very person she's infuriated with. 

 

I can explain! This wasn’t on purpose, I swear. There was an incident in the lab, I’ll explain it when I get home.’ 

 

‘I should be there before you leave for work.’ 

 

‘I’m so sorry Kara I didn’t mean for this to happen.’

 

‘Please don’t leave without seeing me today?’

 

‘I love you, and I’ll see you soon?’

 

Kara’s eyes narrow as she reads over the text messages. She’s still angry, so angry that her hands shake and her fingertips are cold to the touch, but she believes the brunette. Lena has ten minutes before Kara has to leave. Even though Snapper told her to stay home until they were properly taken out, he did require her attendance at this morning’s meeting. If Lena doesn’t show up by then, they’ll have to hold off their conversation for tonight.  

 


 

Kara bumps into her girlfriend when she opens the front door to leave.

 

 Lena looks like she’s been through hell. Her hair is messy and frizzy. There is soot on her forehead and neck. Her heels are hanging in one hand, and the other hand is practically dragging her purse along the floor. Surprise etches itself on both their faces, and they both take a moment to just openly stare at each other. The first thing out of Lena’s mouth is “There was a fire, I’m fine, nothing happened to me. We just lost some data and some experiments. I was up all night and didn’t notice till I saw your text -”

 

And because Kara loves her, and can clearly see that Lena didn’t mean to spend the night recovering life-saving cancer research after a laboratory fire, she shushes the younger woman with a finger to her lips and a small hug. Kara can’t help but notice the way Lena melts into her embrace. The brunette is clearly bone-weary and on the verge of collapse, so Kara takes that moment to just give her girlfriend a moment of support before stepping back to look at her with the most serious expression she can muster.

 

“I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry about the fire and research that went up in smoke. But I’m running late for the morning editorial meeting, so I have to go now.” Kara squeezes Lena’s shoulders briefly. “We’ll talk tonight.”

 

Lena nods, awestruck. Her gaze leaves the blonde’s face and reaches up to her poorly bandaged hand. Without thinking, Lena gently grabs Kara’s right wrist and examines the wrappings. “I can re-wrap this for you before you go?” she asks softly.

 

Kara lightly shakes her hand from Lena’s grasp. “I can do it without yo-” Kara clears her throat, "It’s fine how it is,” she mumbles softly.

 

Lena deflates further, “How long will you be upset with me?” she whispers.

 

“We’ll talk tonight, Lena.” Kara sighs heavily.

 

Lena nods, her eyes downcast.

 

 Kara steps around her and proceeds to the elevator without a backward glance.




 

Kara returns to an empty apartment and she sighs. She tired of feeling alone while also being in a relationship. She doesn’t think she’s being unreasonable when she’s asking for an hour of together time on the days that Lena comes home early. That isn’t an absurd request, it's not impossible to achieve. She just wants to spend time with the woman she loves, to love her and be loved back. But, there are bumps in all relationships. Kara just didn’t expect to fall into a sinkhole. Not like she couldn’t find a way out of one, but the climb would be difficult, to say the least. Kara hopes their talk tonight will be fruitful. That they’ll hash out what they need to and get back to being happy and in love. The sooner they get back on track, the sooner she can finally present Lena with the diamond ring she’s been hiding at the bottom of her sock drawer.

 

Not wanting to miss Lena’s arrival, Kara camps out on the couch all day yet again. If Lena comes home at midnight Kara will know about it. This is one talk they need to have, no matter the time of day.

 


 

Kara wakes up to her alarm. She slaps at her phone blindly, hissing in pain when her injured hand catches the edge of the coffee table. The pain wakes her up fully, snatching back her hand and cradling it to her chest she peers around the room. It’s daylight. Kara looks over at her phone, staring at the bright white numbers on her display. Her eyes narrow as she takes in the time. 

 

The cheerful ringer and little digital fireworks exploding on her screen seem to be taunting her.

 

8:30 a.m

 

Somehow the time still isn’t processing.

 

8:30. 8:30. 8:30 in the Goddamn morning.

 

Kara shuts her alarm off with a huff. And walks down the hall to the bedroom. The bed is still made. The shower is dry. Lena’s shoe rack is missing a pair of red bottoms.

 

The room is fucking empty.

 

Kara stands stock still in the center of the bedroom. There is absolutely no way Lena came home and didn't see Kara waiting up for her on the couch. There is no way on this blue planet that Kara didn't hear the door unlocking, opening, and closing. So either Lena teleported into the house with magical powers she suddenly developed overnight, or she didn’t come home.

 

Again.

 

It takes a moment for her emotions to fully develop, but once they do, Kara feels overwhelming sadness. Surprisingly, that’s not the emotion she thought she would be feeling right now. She thought she would be angry, spilling over with rage, liquid fire in her veins propelling her to slap on some clothes and make her way to L-Corp to ask Lena the one question she should be asking her right now.

 

  Where the hell were you?

 

Instead, she feels tears prick in her eyes. She starts to sniffle as she slowly shuffles down the hallway, flopping down on the couch as soon as she reaches the living room. She goes to pick up her phone, hesitating briefly, her hand hovering over the device before she picks it up and stares at the blank screen. 

 

If there was another emergency, I'll…

 

Kara sighs, she’ll what? Give Lena another chance? Go to L-Corp for lunch to force Lena into having this conversation whether she likes it or not? Let it slide? Wait for Lena tonight?

 

If there was another emergency, I’ll wait for her tonight. If there was no emergency, I guess, I’ll...I’ll have to just...do something, besides just wait here. I can’t just wait forever, that… that isn’t fair to myself. If she...if she- if there was no emergency.. I’ll just... I have to - fuck.

 

Kara shakes off her current train of thought. Best not to get ahead of herself. Read Lena’s reason for not coming home, decide what to do after. Kara gulps thickly, swallowing down the urge to cry, turns her phone screen on, and navigates to her messages app.

 

Kara stares at Lena’s text thread for several long moments. She clicks her screen off with a frown and tosses the device across the couch. She’s done looking at it for the day, or at least a few hours. Leaning back into the couch, hot tears start to make their way down her cheeks. 

 

Welp. Kara thinks bitterly. What do I do if she never texts me to tell me why she never came home?

 


 

It’s 7:55 p.m and Kara’s drunk. Not even the good drunk, but the sad, watch personal video clips of happier times of her and her girlfriend(?) and cry through several tissue boxes while hiding under six fuzzy blankets drunk. Lena hasn’t called or texted her all day. Not even a status update. Not even a PR tweet. Radio silence. She texted the brunette after her first good cry in the morning:



‘Are you ever coming home? Or is Lcorp home now???’

 

And she still didn’t get a response. 

 

Kara wipes the snot off her nose before she presses play on the next video in her gallery. She had forgotten about the video at first, but quickly remembers and lets out a soft whimper when she remembers why she had it favorited. It was supposed to be a cute little snippet of their post-sex sleepy cuddles. But it turned into so much more. Kara feels a new wave of tears bubble up, stinging her eyes. She presses play anyway.

 

The video starts with Lena spooning Kara. Lena’s arms are wrapped around Kara’s chest holding the thin sheet over Kara’s naked body. Kara’s smiling into the camera, watching Lena through the screen as she sleepily nuzzles into Kara’s shoulder.

 

Lena presses a soft kiss to Kara’s warm skin, “love you.” she mumbles.

 

Kara’s eyes widen, her gaze never leaves the brunette’s face. They haven’t told each other that yet. Anything and everything but that one little sentence. There was a silence, a long empty silence where Kara struggled not to turn around and shake Lena awake to get her to say those magical words again. Then, as if her mumbled sentence finally registered in her sleep-filled mind, Lena’s eyes shoot open. She takes a second, and then quickly jerks back. Kara drops her phone, it tumbles down to the floor, facing up towards the ceiling.

 

 While nothing is seen, everything is still heard.

 

There are some shuffling and shifting sounds for a while. But finally, Lena breaks the silence.

 

“Oh God, uh- I mean.” Lena panics.

 

“Do you? Do you really love me?” Kara asks softly.

 

“I-I do. Jesus, I’m sorry, I know it’s way too soon to say it b-”

 

“It’s not too soon!” Kara replies. “It’s not!

 

“Really?” Lena asks, shyly. “Does, that...does that mean you..?”

 

Kara laughs, but it sounds breathy and wet.“Yes, Lena. Jeez, I’ve-I’ve loved you for...forever, since I met you.”

 

“No, but really, Kara…” Lena quickly replies, her voice trembling on the last bits of her girlfriend's name.

 

“I knew the second we kissed, I knew. I love you too, Lena.”

 

“Yeah?” Lena asks, her question accompanied by loud sniffles.

 

“Yeah, baby. I love you.” Kara says wetly.

 

“Okay good because I love you so much-”  

 

The video continues to play as the soft sound of sniffles, giggles, and kisses are shared. A few moments later Kara’s voice is heard again but it’s muffled. She then appears on the corner of the screen and she grins when her eyes make contact with the camera. Reaching down she chuckles softly, wiping tears away from her eyes.

 

“I cannot believe I caught our first ‘I love you’s on camera! I’m totally saving this for frickin’ ever.”

 

Lena is seen peeking in, trying to get a view at the screen of Kara’s phone. “Nono! Delete it or at least edit out my realizat-”

 

The video ends and Kara is full-on, body wrecking sobbing. She throws her phone across the room and wails into her blankets.

 

How did it get like this? She thinks over and over again. All she wants is what they had in the video. The heart-warming gazes, the tender kisses, the sweet nothings whispered into each other's lips. She wants the warmth. She wants to feel loved. Instead, she’s left aching. Instead, she’s left crying. Instead, she’s left cold and alone with no one to hold. 

 

Kara blurrily looks up and stifles another cry when she sees a picture of Lena kissing Kara’s cheek at their first shared pride festival. She tries to look away but then her eyes catch the stuffed animal lion Kara won for Lena on their first date at the National City Annual Carnival, and she suddenly has the urge to just be ...anywhere but here.

 

Kara stands up so fast she gets dizzy, but she pays it no mind. She all but sprints to their bedroom and starts to rifle through the closet. She pulls out her duffel bag she uses when she’s on an out of town assignment for CATCO and starts to shove as many full work outfits/comfy clothes as she can fit. She then runs over to the bathroom and reaches for her toothbrush. But she stops.

 

Is this really it? Kara wonders. Am I really going to leave?

 

The blonde takes a moment and slowly retracts her hand. She’s not in the right mind for this.

 

I’ll decide in the morning...not now. Not like this.

 

Kara retreats to the bedroom, duffel bag still in hand. Her shoulders slump as she gets closer to the bed. She can’t sleep there. Not right now. She takes a moment to retrieve her hand wrapping supplies and then drags her body over to the living room to grab her blankets, her phone, and tosses her duffel bag to one corner of the kitchen island. Slowly, Kara walks back down the hallway to the guest room and settles down for the night.


I’ll know what to do when Lena comes ho-. I’ll know what to do in the morning

 

 

 

yell at me on twitter

 

yell at me on tumblr

Chapter Text

When Lena finally does come home the next morning, Kara doesn’t spare her a glance when she quietly walks in. It’s 9 o’clock in the morning and the brunette is usually already in the office at this time, but there she is. She says nothing at first. She just quietly walks into the penthouse until she stops in her tracks. Kara assumes she must see her, because of the sharp intake of breath she hears. Kara knows she doesn’t look good, or even vaguely like herself. Her eyes are puffy and red, wet hair clinging to her scalp and shoulders. She’s slumped over her bowl of cereal, tapping the last few bites into endless circles in her sugary milk. 

 

They’re silent. More so than they’ve ever been. Kara spies the tips of Lena’s heels in her peripheral vision and fights back some fresh tears. Kara sets down her spoon and sighs. She waits a few more seconds before tilting her head up to look at Lena, and the brunette meets her sad gaze with a full body flinch. Kara takes a moment to take in Lena’s appearance. There, standing by the front door in a wrinkled skirt and shirt, sloppy bun of tangled hair halfway on her head is her girlfriend(?). The bags under her eyes are moderately better. So she actually got some sleep last night, unlike Kara, who was left tossing and turning all night. Not even the artificial warmth from the piles of blankets, several sweatpants, two sweaters, and two space heaters could lull her into a death like slumber. Even with all the sadness in her soul, the lonely aching feeling in her heart, she can’t help but think that the brunette looks beautiful. Well, that and that she desperately needs a hug.

 

Kara watches as Lena worries her bottom lip between two rows of teeth. Lena takes a step forward, gently placing her purse and phone on the kitchen bar before taking another step closer to the blonde. Lena takes in a deep breath, Kara steels her heart.

 

“I worked through the rest of the day yesterday, didn’t get any sleep at all.” Lena starts softly.

 

“I was recovering data in the lab. The first time I'm allowed to see the nanites, and they get damaged in a fire, so I'm not allowed to see them until the deal is finished, it was a whole mess. And a lot more research was destroyed too ...I-I didn’t realize how late it was until I walked back upstairs around midnight.”

 

Lena pauses, waiting for a response, but Kara gives none. She just continues to sadly stare at the love of her life. Lena takes another breath.

 

“I, um, I got your message, around that time. You know, since phones aren’t allowed in the lab and..I sat down for second-I swear just a second, Kara. I-I was so tired I-I didn’t mean to stay the night there, I promise.” Lena says desperately. “I meant to-I was trying to come home…to you.”

 

Kara swallows thickly, pushing down the urge to just start bawling so Lena will come over and hold her. Her heart hurts , and she can see that Lena’s does too. All Kara wants to do is just hold Lena. Just hold her and tell her she misses her, tell her it’s okay, tell her to go back to work to save the world and millions of lives. She wants them to be okay again. But she can’t give in. This, their relationship wasn’t what it used to be. Kara shouldn’t be crying this much. Shouldn’t feel this lonely. Shouldn’t be this heartbroken. Not when she’s in a “loving” relationship. No things needed to change. And she already made her decision on the matter. 

 

Kara crystal blue’s hold their stare on Lena’s emerald colored eyes, and she nods. Short and sweet. Then she ducks her head back down and slides off the barstool grabbing her bowl of cereal as she rounds the corner of the island. Lena meets her halfway and she feels bad for how hard she shys away from Lena’s touch but it gets the message across. 

 

Do. Not. Touch. Me. Right. Now. Please.

 

“Kara?” Lena asks softly, dipping her head lower to try and catch Kara’s eyes again. “You’ve- you’ve been crying, haven’t you?”

 

Kara awkwardly shuffles her feet, but nods again, taking a small half step back away from the brunette. Lena begins to reach out again, but stops herself. She uses the same hand to grasp her other hand, nervously pulling and twisting the skin on her fingers.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers softly. “I keep...fucking things up. You shouldn't be crying, not when I promised not to hurt you. Not when I promised to be there for you when you do cry. I shouldn’t be the reason why you-.”

 

Kara looks up suddenly. Tears gathering in her lower eyelids, “No. You shouldn’t be.” she rasps, her voice still sore from her marathon sobbing session the day prior. Kara notices how Lena flinches at her words, but doesn’t back away. She stands there, not as tall as she normally stands, but just as solid.

 

Kara lowers her gaze and wipes away an arrogant tear that decided to fall down her cheek, and side steps Lena, walking around her to place her bowl in the sink. Kara then remembered her duffel bag on the other side of the island, ice floods she veins. If Lena sees it, well, she can’t stop her from leaving, but it sure will be harder to do when the love of her life is sobbing for Kara not to go. Kara thinks about how to make it so Lena doesn’t take two more steps to the side of the island, and quickly comes up with a plan of action. 

 

Kara turns to face the brunette, who appears to be forcing the tears to stay in her body, and once again lifts her head to listen to her. Lena sees the opening and dives right in.

 

“You have to believe me, it wasn’t my intention to stay the night over in my office. It wasn’t my intention to lose track of time and not message you back. And Kara, sweetheart,” Lena takes a step forward, away from the corner of the bar, away from Kara’s duffel bag. “L-Corp isn’t my home. My home is here with you...I’m so-so sorry I didn’t come home to you last night. It’s not an excuse, I know, but it was an accident. 100% an accident. I would never hurt you like that, I would never leave you like tha-”

 

“But you did.” Kara says calmly. “You left me, all alone.”

 

“I know,” Lena says, almost frantic. “I know, and I’m so incredibl-

 

“Sorry, yeah. I know.” Kara tries to sound cool, and calm but her voice shakes as she speaks, and Lena zeros in on it like a bloodhound.

 

“Please, don’t cry anymore, darli-” 

 

“Don’t.” Kara says so softly it’s almost whisper. ”You don’t get to say that right now.”

 

Lena pauses, blinking back tears. She takes a heavy breath in, and exhales raggedly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lena repeats. “For everything.”

 

“We were supposed to talk last night. The night before that too.” 

 

“Yes, I-” Lena cut’s herself off this time. “Can we try again? Tonight? I have a couple meetings today. FDA meetings for clinical trials for the nanites, and I…”  Kara almost pushes past Lena to just grab her duffle bag and go, secrecy be damned. Just as she’s about to move forward she has a sad epiphany. She’s right to leave. Clearly she doesn’t, and isn’t coming first. Lena wants to have her meetings. So she’ll have her meetings.

 

“Okay.” Kara nods. Turning away from the brunette. “Tonight, when you get home. We’ll have our talk.”

 

“Yeah? That’s okay? I don’t know if I can, but I can have Jess push back my meetings a touch? So we can talk now?” Kara would have taken her up on the offer had Lena not looked at her watch, like she was calculating how much time their talk would take.

 

“Tonight.” Kara repeats. “When will you be home?”

 

“My last meeting is at 4.pm. So I should be home at 5. At the latest.” Lena’s voice is wobbly, Kara chooses to ignore it.

 

“5 O’ clock then. “ Kara sniffles. “I’ll be waiting.”

 

“Okay, thank you, thank you so much, Kara. “Lena almost tries to hug the blonde again but stops, she takes a step back instead. “I promise, I’ll be home, then we can talk. I promise. I- I love you, Kara. I love you so much.”

 

Kara nods again, not looking at the brunette as she slowly realizes that Kara isn’t going to say it back.

 

“I mean it, Kara.” Lena tries again.”I love you. I’ll be better, okay? We’ll talk tonight and-and we’ll go back to before. To before I yelled, to before I left you alone, to when…”Lena clears her throat. “To when you said you loved me back.”

 

 Kara fights every atom in her body to not rush the brunette, and just tackle her to the ground and kiss her senseless. But she stands firm. Words are words, they don’t mean what they used to mean, no matter how sweet they taste.

 

“Okay.” Kara croaks. “Tonight.” 

 

“Tonight.” Lena reaffirms, tapping the counter space beside Kara’s hand. “5 O’clock. I promise.” Lena takes a step back, and scurries off to their bedroom, moments later Kara hears the shower running and she dashes around the kitchen island. She picks up her duffel bag, for some reason, it feels heavier than it did when she placed it there. Quickly she hides it around the other end of the island, out of Lena’s sight. Ten minutes later Lena rushes down the hall, and picks up her phone and purse, she spots Kara sitting on the couch.

 

“No work today?” Lena questions as she slides her heels back onto her aching feet.

 

“M’hand is sore.” Kara mumbles, not looking away from the stuffed animal lion on the love seat to her left. “Took a day off.” it’s not technically a lie, she thinks. She just didn’t say that it was a mandatory day off.

 

“Do you need me to-um. Lena hesitates. “Are you okay?”

 

“As much as I can be.”

 

“Right.”Lena says softly.” Well,if you need anything...call me?”

 

“Will do.” Kara turns to lay on the couch, suddenly feeling very tired.

 

“I love you, Kara. I’ll see you tonight.” Lena sighs sadly when Kara doesn’t respond, instead she takes one last look at the blonde laying on her couch and feels her heart clench. 




Tonight’s the night I fix this. Lena afrims as she walks out the door. 

 


 

 

It's a sense of calmness, or maybe numbness, Kara assumes. That's the only way she can accurately describe how she's feeling. She moves as if on autopilot pilot, picking up her essential belongings and placing them inside her duffel bag. She checks it over one last time to make sure she has everything she needs. But just as she begins to zip up the bag, something catches her eye. 

 

On Kara’s bedside table a photo of the couple faces the bed. The women are both laughing, barely able to stand upright, wearing matching black shirts that say "L-Corp" in rainbow letters with smaller white cursive font underneath it saying " A Lesbian Corporation " Alex had bought them those shirts for their first pride together. Kara doesn't smile like she usually does when she sees the photo, but she does reach over and place it in her duffel bag. She might be sad, and probably numb and in shock at what she's about to be doing, but she still loves that photo. Lena’s smile is Kara’s favorite thing, and the photo captured it in all its glory. 

 

She finishes zipping up her bag and walks to the living room, picking up her phone and an extra blanket she left on the couch. She turns slowly, taking in the room, and sighs heavily when she makes a full circle. 

 

Kara shoulders her duffle bag, and looks at the time once more before walking out of the penthouse.

 

10:57p.m. 

Chapter Text

It was as if the weather had decided to match her mood. Dark, heavy storm clouds hung low in the sky. Almost no sunlight managed to penetrate the thick cloud cover, leaving the city below it cold and silent. Normally, National City buzzed with life, but today it simply hummed. 

 

Usually, days like this never bothered her because she had her own personal sunshine.  Sun that brightened her day and her spirits with a warm smile, soft blonde hair, bright eyes, and soft spoken words of love and adoration. But much like today, her own cloud cover blocked out her sun.

 

Lena could barely pay attention to her meetings, her mind was elsewhere. She kept thinking about Kara. She was upset, and rightly so, Lena couldn't blame her. She kept fucking up.  One instance after another, over and over again, the world just kept getting in her way. Leaving nothing but broken promises and hurt feelings. 

 

It's not that Lena doesn't care, because she does. She cares so much her heart aches with it. She sometimes struggles to breathe when she thinks of what she's done to Kara to make her feel like this. And it's no excuse… but work is also important. When she's not distracted over feeling miserable about Kara, she's distracted over her current frustrating situation at L-Corp. It's just...lately she's a bit more distracted over work than Kara. 

 

Kara is her rock, her steady ground. Kara is unwavering and never fails to show up. Kara is there when Lena needs her and silently supports her from the sidelines when Lena needs to think things through alone. She never needs to worry about her girlfriend, because she's just always... there. When they were friends, Lena had always been in awe of the blonde. Kara never backed down, never stopped calling, never stopped helping. And for someone to stick around, through the thick and thin, it meant a lot. Later, when Lena accidentally let it slip that she wouldn't mind being held in Kara’s  " big strong muscle-y arms" and they started their romantic relationship, Lena was surprised at how... easy it was. Kara always joked that it was so easy being "lovey-dovey" with each other because they already had been dating just without the physical attributes a romantic relationship usually has. But Lena knew the truth as to why it was so easy to be with Kara. 

 

She loves her. Plain and simple. She loves the way Kara nearly cries when she reads too many tweets about puppies on Twitter. Loves how Kara almost always manages to get baby ducklings to follow her around the park for hours on end. Loves how even screaming, red-faced babies and toddlers take one look at Kara, and as if awed by her beauty, or by her happy and calming aura, settle within moments. Lena can’t imagine why Kara decided to stick around for as long as she has, but she thanks God and every other God-like deity, that Kara is still by her side. 

 

She even thinks that Kara might be the one.

 

So perhaps she's gotten a little too used to things. Since Kara is always there for her, Lena never assumes Kara will waiver. 

 

But even diamonds crack under too much pressure.

 

So, Lena has a plan for tonight. Her last meeting ends early enough for her to get home by 5p.m. She'll speak with Kara, apologize profusely, tell her assistant that the only reason she's to be contacted is because the world is ending, and spend the rest of the night telling her girlfriend how much she loves and appreciates her. It's a good plan. Not her best, but it will do for now. Once Lena buys Spheerical Industries and finally gets her hands on the patent for the nanites she plans on using for her tentative cure for cancer, she can really make it up to Kara. Vacation in Italy maybe, or a food tour around Europe. 

 

She just needs to finish her work, then it will be time for apologies and sweet girlfriend cuddles.

 

 Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too?

 

----

 

' Kara’s going to fucking murder me.' Lena thinks as she checks the time for the 8th time on her drive home. 

 

Her meetings didn't run long, they took less time than they normally do. She just wanted to pop into the lab and check on the status of her research…

 

She walked in at 3:34p.m.

 

She walked out at 11:22p.m.

 

Phones aren't allowed in the lab so she left hers upstairs in her office. Well, because she thought it was going to be a quick 5-10 minute check up, she didn't think she needed to charge her phone while it sat on her desk. So now, Lena's breaking every speeding law on the way home and her dead phone is currently still turned off, slowly charging through the car charging cable.

 

Kara’s going to be pissed and Lena will just have to add groveling time to her apology. And maybe potstickers and pizza for dinner tomorrow...or maybe a Chinese restaurant for unlimited access to potstickers.

 

When Lena gets to her building she practically leaps from the car. Her phone is restarting in her hand as she half sprints to the garage elevator to take her to her floor. Checking the time once more before she worries her bottom lip between two rows of pearly white teeth, Lena whines.

 

' Ten till midnight. Kara’s going to be so pissed. Maybe I should buy her favorite Chinese restaurant…'




The first thing Lena notices when she walks into her home is the silence. She simply stands by the door, resting on the back of it for a few moments taking in the lack of sound. She doesn't know why, but her heart starts to race. She kicks off her heels and dumps her bag and coat on the floor by the door and takes a few steps into the living room. 

 

Something is off.

 

It's too clean, Lena notices. Everything is perfectly in its place. The pillows are fluffed, the remote is on the coffee table, there are no indents on the couch, and the quilted throws are perfectly folded over the couch cushions.

 

Suddenly Lena has trouble breathing, but again, she doesn't know why.

 

"Kara?" The brunette calls out. 

 

She's met with silence. No soft snores from the bedroom, no shuffling of feet down the hallway. Just emptiness.

 

Lena turns to face the hallway, she feels the blood draining from her face but she calls out again.

 

"Kara? Darling? Are you awake?" She ignores the way her voice shakes as she speaks.

 

Again she's met with nothing. Turning back towards the couch she tries to figure out why it looks so wrong, and then it hits her. This is how her couch used to look before Kara moved in, everything is perfectly in its place. No body imprint across the pillows, no lingering smell of buttery popcorn in the throw blankets, no whacky colored...Lena pauses.

 

The tie-dye green and blue homemade blanket that Kara made isn't here. It's missing from it's usual resting place from on top of the couch. It's not on the floor and it's not on the chair, it's just gone . It takes a second for this information to fully click in Lena’s mind, but when it does, she's sprinting down the hallway and bursting into the bedroom...

Only to find it empty.

 

"No…" Lena whispers, a hand slowly reaching up to settle over her heart, as if to calm its savage beating.

 

She checks the bathroom, and it's empty. She checks the guest room, and it's empty. The guest bathroom, empty. The home office, the balcony, the storage half room, the kitchen, the half bath, and it's all empty.

 

Her breathing starts to hasten, her vision blurring at the edges. She can't find Kara. Her shoes are gone from the shoe rack at the door. Her favorite blanket is gone from the couch. The bedside photo of them is missing, even her toothbrush isn't in the holder. Kara is not just missing… she's gone. 

 

She's checked four times over, there is no note anywhere in the house. She has no messages on her phone. The only thing left of Kara’s is a majority of her clothes, but all her favorite outfits are missing. Her home is empty. Her heart is empty.

 

She doesn't realize she's having a panic attack until she hears herself. Her breathing is ragged and her hands are shaking so hard she drops her phone five times. She's sitting on her bed, unable to think about anything that isn't questioning where the love of her life is. It's like she has tunnel vision, because she can't see anything she isn't locked onto. She keeps whispering in hushed broken whimpers, "she...she can't be. She has to co-come back. She can't be gone. No. No no. Kara, please. Kara, please. Come back. Kara. Kara." .

 

Lena doesn't realize she's crying until Alex picks up the phone. Hell, she didn't even realize she dialed Alex's number till the redhead’s voice cuts through her spiraling train of thought.

 

"Lena?" Alex grumbles, "Wh-what's-"

 

"Is she there?" Lena asks, her voice gravely and rough.

 

Alex doesn't reply immediately, there is some shuffling and the sound of a lamp clicking on before she speaks again.

 

"Are you okay?" 

 

"Is Kara there?" Lena asks again. 

 

Another pause, "No? She-Lena, what's going on?"

 

And Lena begins to sob. On the third breath she manages to take in, Alex is fully awake and calmly, but urgently, asking Lena what is happening. 

 

After a few ragged breaths and the feeling of her heart shattering with every second she's on the phone, Lena manages to tell Alex her current predicament.

 

"Alex, she's gone. She isn't here. Alex, I- I think she left me."

 

"Come on Lena, she couldn’t have left you, she's probably just out for a walk or on assignment at work or-"

 

"Her bag is missing, so is her toothbrush. Photos of us are gone, and so is her pillow. She would have left a note if she was on assignment-"

 

"Did you check your phone? Did you call her?" Alex's voice is getting more and more on edge as she speaks, Lena notices.

 

"I texted her but she didn't look at them and... I don't know if I called…" Lena whispers.

 

"You don't know if you called?"

 

"I didn't even know I called you till you picked up, I think I …" Lena takes another ragged breath in.

 

"Think what?" Alex presses.

 

"I think I ...had a panic attack. I don't really know how I got into my room, I...I don't remember walking here. I was in the kitchen and then I was sitting on my bed."

 

"Hey, okay. That's fine. That’s okay. Listen, I'm going to call Kara okay?" Alex's voice is softer, but still panicked. 

 

"Alex. She left me." Lena cries, tears streaming down her face. "She didn't leave a note, she didn't answer my messag-"

 

"Lena. Listen to me." Alex says sternly. "I will call Kara. I will find out where she is. "

 

Unable to speak Lena hums her affirmative.

 

"Just lay down. Calm down a bit. I'm sure she didn't leave you. I bet she's just...I'll figure out what's happening okay?"

 

Lena hums again.

 

"Just breathe. I'll call you back in five minutes. Just breathe."

 

Without answering Lena hangs up the phone. Out of curiosity she checks her call logs and finds out she did in fact call Kara. 12 times to be exact. And for five of those calls it appears that she left voicemails, but she doesn't even remember calling Kara in the first place. 

 

It takes a few moments before Lena realizes something. She doesn't know where Kara is, but she sure as hell can find out. Reaching over for her laptop on her nightstand she quickly flings the top open and starts running various programs. It's not savory, tracking her...girlfriend(?) through the pings her phone gives off to the local cellular network towers, but she just needs to know. Before she can press enter, and start the program to find her lover, Alex calls her phone.

 

"Did you talk to her? Is she okay?"

 

Alex sighs, "Lena, um. Yeah...I spoke with her."

 

Lena's finger hovers over the enter key, “Is she okay? What's going on? Why didn’t she leave a no-"

 

"Lena." Alex says her name with so much sadness.

 

Lena closes her eyes, nodding slightly as she tries to calm her racing heartbeat.

 

"She left me, didn't she." Lena says after a long pause.

 

"Y-yes and no, she…" Alex breathes out roughly. "She doesn't want to speak to you right now, but she's safe. Currently spending a couple nights at a hotel."

 

Another pause.

 

"We were supposed to talk tonight…" Lena softly cries. "we needed to have a talk"

 

"I know, hun. Kara, she...she told me." Alex sounds as if on the verge of tears.

 

"I was supposed to come home at 5p.m. and we were supposed to talk." 

 

"Lena, do you need me to-."

 

"I got distracted, I came home late…"

 

"Lena…"

 

"We-we were s-supposed to talk. We…" Lena chokes out the words."I was supposed to fix it."

 

"She said she'd come and talk to you when she's ready, you can still fix it, Lena." Alex tries.

 

"Do you know where she's staying? Is she OK?"

 

"...she wouldn't tell me. Told me that she just needs to be alone right now. She..." Alex pauses, "she's safe but, she didn't want to tell me how she was doing."

 

"Okay." Lena sighs. "Okay."

 

"Do you want Kelly and I to come over? You don't sound...do you need company?"

 

"No, I…" Lena stifles another sob. "I'll call you in the morning Alex, thank you."

 

"Lena, are you su-"

 

Lena ends the call.

 

Opening her blurry eyes, she blinks a few times to refocus them. Her hand is still hovering over the enter key. One tap and she can find Kara. One tap and she can find her and talk to her, she can save their relationship and…

 

Lena stares at the screen. She sighs again, wet and heavy. Her hand reaches over and closes her laptop, closing out the tracking program. 

 

"No," Lena whispers to herself. "This isn't what she wants."

 

Placing her laptop back on her nightstand, Lena starts to cry again. Kara doesn't want to speak to her right now. Doesn't want Lena to know where she is. Lena chokes on another sob as one thought floats through her mind.




' I was supposed to fix it.'

Chapter Text

Okay, first off, are you safe?”

 

Kara sighs, she knew this call from older sister was coming. 

 

“Yes, I’m safe.” Kara replies, her voice raspy.

 

“Second, what is going on? Are you okay?”

 

“Ale-”

 

“Why is Lena crying on the phone? Why did she say you weren’t home and that your stuff was gone? Where are you?”

 

“Alex I’m fi-”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner something was going on? Do you nee-”

 

“Do you want answers or not?!” Kara exclaims a little too loudly. 

 

There’s a pause.

 

“Alex, I’m sorry I- I’m not in the best place right now..I didn’t mean to yell.” Kara says as she runs her finger through her hair.

 

“What’s going on, Kara?” Alex’s voice is softer, less frantic.”Did you leave Lena?”

 

“I mean, physically ...yeah. “

 

“That’s not what I-”

 

“Alex, I don’t know. Okay? I just needed to be out of there so I packed up my stuff and I left.”

 

“Okay,” Alex replies. “So what happened?”

 

“It’s a long story…” Kara says softly, tears begin to prick in her eyes. “And it’s not that I don’t want to tell you, because I do! It’s just-”

 

“It’s just a lot right now and you want to sleep and forget for a little while?”

 

As always, her sister gets it. Even with this immense sadness weighing on her shoulders, she manages to smile. “Yeah,” Kara responds. “Just for a little while.”

 

“Okay, but can you answer a few things for me so I can calm your girlfr-” Alex clears her throat, “So I can calm Lena down?”

 

“Yeah, I admit uh, I didn’t really leave the best way…” Kara says sheepishly.

 

“I’m sure whatever you did was justified. Now, “ Alex breathes out slowly, “ Where are you?”

 

Kara sighs and flops back on the mattress below her. “I am at a hotel right now, still in National City.”

 

“Okay, does Lena get to know where you are right now?” Alex asks curiously.

 

“No.” Kara says, her voice firm.

 

“Do I get to know?” 

 

Kara can’t help but notice her sister's voice sounds a bit hopeful at her last question. “Yes, but in the morning. I just want to sleep tonight.”

 

“Okay, fair. What’s going on? Why did you leave?”

 

“Alex I-”

 

“I know those are loaded questions,” Alex interrupts her sister, ”but just give me the super short version, something to say to Lena if she asks.”

 

“We-She…” Kara takes a moment to breathe in and out, calming herself before speaking. “We were supposed to have a talk tonight, at 5 p.m., and she didn’t show. We were supposed to talk yesterday too, and the night before that...but she never came home. So I left. Honestly I wasn’t expecting her to notice I was gone until the morning.” Kara manages to chuckle darkly, “So I’m a little surprised, but that's the short version.”

 

Alex sighs loudly, “And you’ll tell me everything, the whole story, including why you didn’t talk to me about this sooner, tomorrow?”

 

“Yes, I promise.”

 

“...are you okay though-I know another loaded question but are you? As much as you can be?”

 

Kara takes a moment to stare at the popcorn ceiling of her hotel room. The room feels wrong, the bed too firm, the sheets too stiff, the smell of the room is too clean. She could be home right now. In the place she made her own, with her pillow top mattress with an extra pillow top mattress topper so she can feel like she's sleeping on a cloud. She could be in Lena’s satin sheets with her faux down comforter keeping her nice and warm and snuggly. She could be breathing in the smell of whatever the hell ‘white musk’ is along with the calming scents of lavender and cedarwood. But just being there in her home, the one she made with Lena, hurts her heart.

 

“Kara?” Alex asks, bringing Kara back from her thoughts.

 

“Sorry I-” Kara clears her throat trying to cut back on the tightness she suddenly feels in her throat. ”I don’t know how I feel. Physically I’m fine, but emotionally...I don’t know. I just don’t know, Alex. “

 

“Do I need to murder her?” Alex says firmly, no hint of joking in her tone.

 

“Noooo, Alex! I still love her!” Kara whines.

 

“Obviously she upset you! According to the big sister rule and the shovel talk I gave her, she’s gonna have a targ-”

 

“Alex!” Kara chuckles. “No murdering.”

 

“Fine…” Alex huffs.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“...made you laugh though…” Alex says softly.

 

“You did, thank you.” Kara replies. “Anything else you want to know?”

 

“Do you want to speak with Lena right no-”

 

“Absolutely not.” Kara says harshly.

 

“Oka-”

 

“I’ll speak with her when I’m ready. And that won’t before a while.” 

 

“Okayokay! I’ll call her back and tell her what you said-”

 

“Just tell her I’m safe, okay?” Kara pleads. “Just tell her I’m safe and don't tell her how I'm doing because she’ll freak out more. Tell her I’ll talk to her in a few days, but not right now. I want to be alone right now.”

 

“Whatever you want, Kara. I got you.” Aex responds quickly. “I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”

 

“Wait! I, um.” Kara winces as she speaks, “I have a question.”

 

“Go ahead.” Alex replies.

 

“You said she was crying? Earlier? What did she say?” Kara almost slaps herself for how she sounds. The woman who left wanting to know how the other party is. Ridiculous.

 

“Honestly?” Alex says slowly.

 

“Tell me before I change my mind.” Kara urges.

 

“She’s a wreck Kara.” Alex says quickly and Kara feels her heart break just a little bit more. But there is a side of her, a part of her brain that smugly says ‘ Good’ and Kara doesn’t know how she feels about that.

 

“When she called me she said she didn’t even know she was calling me, she didn't even know how she got to where she was currently. She said she might have had a panic attack and that checks out, because every time you have panic attacks your memory is a little spotty. She was full out sobbing on the phone and didn’t sound like herself at all. It was kinda like I was speaking to a different person, but they had Lena’s voice. I even offered to come over and calm her down, she was really freaking me out.”

 

Kara doesn't respond immediately, instead she takes stock of what her sister said. The smug and hurt part of her brain is... happy at Lena’s reaction. 

 

She should be a wreck!’ That part of Kara thinks. ‘She should be a mess! You don’t treat your loved ones like this! I can take a lot of things, but this was too much for me a couple months ago!’

 

But Kara’s heart is actively breaking into thousands of pieces. Her lover, her best friend next to her sister, her confidant and reason why she bought a diamond ring is in pain, and this time it's because of her. She, who promised to always be there, isn’t currently there and she's actively making it worse the longer she's gone. She shakes the thought away. She can’t think like that right now. Now she must pay attention to the hurt part of her brain, the part that Lena caused. 

 

“Kara?” Alex’s voice once again brings her sister back to the present. “Still there?”

 

“Yeah,” Kara croaks. “I shouldn’t have asked…”

 

“I’m sorry hun…”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Kara replies, on the verge of tears. “Talk to Lena, I’ll give you my location and tell you everything tomorrow morning, okay?”

 

“Okay, I love you, get some sleep.”

 

“Loveyoutoo-” Kara rushes out and ends the call. She tosses her phone to the otherside of the bed as a fresh wave of tears tracks down her face. 

 

Why is everything so...difficult.’ Kara thinks as she closes her eyes.



-------



Kara’s never been scared or nervous to talk to her sister. They’ve known each other since Kara was 12 and Alex was 16. At first things were rocky, as is almost everything when you’re teenage girls together in the same place, but it worked out. She has nothing to hide from her sister (except sex details) and through thick and thin, the Danvers Girls have had each other's backs. When Alex needed rides home, she called Kara. When Kara needed to escape from a party, Alex came to the rescue. When either one of them was having school, relationship, or personal issues, they were each other's first call. So she shouldn’t be scared to tell Alex what’s currently going on with Lena.

 

But still, she is.

 

And that’s how she ends up with Alex holding her in her hotel room. They don’t speak for quite some time. Instead, it’s Kara softly crying into Alex’s sweater clad shoulder. After what seems like eons have passed, Kara finally breaks from the hug. Having calmed down enough to finally speak, she looks up at her older sister ready to talk. But when she meets Alex’s eyes, she loses her courage and doesn’t say a word. She just watches as Alex cards her fingers through her short red hair and sighs at the growing silence between them. 

 

Needing to fill the space, the redhead speaks.

 

“Lena called me this morning,” Alex begins. “She’s worried about you and couldn’t sleep much last night. She told me to tell you some stuff, if you're up for it?”

 

Kara nods and settles back into the cushioned bed frame.

 

“She said she’s sorry-”

 

Kara scoffs. She doesn’t mean to, but the sound is out of her mouth before she could even process that she made it.

 

“-She’s uh, sorry and she wants you to come home. She said she’s ready to talk whenever you are, just say the word and she’ll be there.”

 

Kara can’t help it, but she scoffs again. Her older sister looks at her strangely, prompting Kara to finally speak.

 

“I don’t mean to scoff, but I have a hard time believing her,” Kara says resigned. “She hasn’t been the most available...person as of late.”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Alex asks quickly, “I love you guys and you are great together, but something is obviously wrong.”

 

Again, a wave of panic and nervousness washes over Kara’s mind. Why is she so scared to tell her older sister what's going on with her?

 

“Okay you get one more minute before I call Kelly and have her therapist it out of you.” The redhead only halfway jokes.

 

“It’s just-” Kara pauses, picking at a loose string on the scratchy bedsheets. Kara thinks hard. This is Alex for crying out loud! The person who taught her how to put on make-up. The person who hugged her as she cried over her first boyfriend moving away. The person that snuck her into ‘R’ rated movies. Her sister! But then as she thinks this, a little bell starts ringing in the back of her mind. With sudden clarity she understands why she hasn’t told her sister or her friends anything.

 

“Everyone is just so happy!” she blurts out. “And telling you about this… makes it real? I guess? Like this isn’t just a passing thing, it's an actual problem.”

 

When Alex gives her a questioning look but doesn’t respond, Kara decides to continue.

 

“You! Kelly! Nia! Querl! James! Everyone is just so...happy! And I-” Kara shakes her head resting it on the bed frame, “I’d hate to bring everyone down with my problems. I hate being a burden...”

 

Alex stares at her younger sibling for a long while before she scoots over to sit next to Kara. She rests her head on the blonde's shoulder and says in the calmest, softest voice, “You’re dumb.”

 

“Hey!-”

 

“If you think for a second, that you talking to me about your problems burdens me… well, mom told me I wasn't allowed to hit you anymore but just know you have a shoulder punch with your name on it.”

 

“Alex, I'm being serious!” Kara whines. “You’ve been happier than I’ve ever seen you! To just dump all my issues on you is-”

 

“Is exactly what you should do to your sister who can give you her advice and stolen therapist advice! It’s a win-win! Now,” Alex breathes out slowly. “Tell me everything. This is a safe place.”

 

----



Exactly one hour and two room service omelettes later, Kara is pacing the floor as she continues telling Alex everything.

 

“And it’s not like this hasn’t happened before!” Kara grumbles. “The last buyout she did took a while too, but she made time for me! Sure I wasn’t the first priority, but I wasn’t dead last either! We had date nights last time! We hung out, got lunch, went to the park, and had movie marathons. It was just slower, like we were just starting to date but on a strict schedule. But now, I’m like a 50’s housewife. I’m just waiting at home for my husband to return from work so I can make him dinner. But then he shows up trashed, eats, and tries to make a move on me just to pass out on the couch when he strikes out!”

 

“She did what?! ” Alex half shouts from her sitting position on the bed.

 

Kara winces, waving her hand at her sister to calm down. “That was a bad example, she never did that, I was talking about how the housewife is just sitting at home being taken advantage of cause she’s at home.”

 

“And this has been going on for how long?”

 

“She started the buyout of Spheerical Industries about eight-ish months ago? Somewhere around there?”

 

“So she’s been taking my baby sister for granted for eight whole ass months?” Alex huffs.

 

“No, it was a slow process, things have only been ‘Kara on the back burner’ for about...six...ish...months?” Kara ends the sentence with a squeak.

 

Alex looks at the blonde with daggers in her eyes. “Six months” she repeats.

 

“You were really happy! Nia and Querl took their first vacation together! James went off to do his assignment in Canada where he got all those awards! It was not the tim-

 

“We have established this already!” Alex groans. “You have issues?” Alex points to her sister. “You tell me your issues.” Alex then points to her biceps. “I fix the issues with this.” Then she points to her head. “Or I fix it with this. Together we figure it out and then EVERYONE is happy! None of this suffer-in-silence shit!”  

 

“Well we know this now...” Kara murmurs.

 

“Noooo,” Alex corrects.

 

Kara groans, “We’ve known this since always. I was just being dumb.”

 

“Thank you!” Alex nods her head. “Now continue.”

 

“There isn’t much else besides the ‘ I don’t have time for you’ bit-”

 

“Which is fucked.” Alex points out. 

 

Kara nods, “It is, but what was more fucked was not coming home for three damn nights and literally leaving me to just wait for her and cry.”

 

“God she’s lucky I consider her a sister too, or else I really would murder her.”

 

Kara smiles sadly at that and sits on the corner of the bed. “I’m just tired of being on the back burner you know? Like, I understand why it’s happening. Lena is literally on the road to saving millions of lives, so I get that her priorities are a little skewed-”

 

“A little?” Alex scoffs. “Kara, right now you aren’t even on the back burner! You haven’t even been prepped for the grill. In fact, at this point, you haven’t even left the fridge.”

 

“Why all the food analogies?”

 

“You understand food, Lena, and musicals. I don’t know Lena’s life well enough to use Lena analogies and you know my feelings on musicals-”

 

“Thank God we aren’t related because if the hatred of musicals managed to get into my genes, I don’t know how I would survive.” Kara dramatically starts to fan herself. “I mean could you imagine not being in love with ‘ The Phantom of The O-

 

“Don’t you dare!” Alex exclaims loudly. “He follows her around in the vents! Like a creepy, stalker rat! And how does she not know he's a person? He’s literally singing to her through the walls-

 

“WE ARE OFF SUBJECT!” Kara shouts as she pushes the redhead away from her. 

 

Both women laugh for a second before getting back on task. Alex speaks up first.

 

“So, just to make sure I have everything right, let me go through this all one more time.”

 

Kara nods and lays back on the bed. “Go for it.” 

 

“Lena has been distant.” She starts, waiting for Kara’s nod. When she gets it, Alex continues. “She takes you for granted, is what it sounds like. Always assuming you’ll be there when her schedule allows her relationship time.” Alex begins to count on her fingers, “You hardly see her, hardly talk, and she goes back on promises... a lot. Doesn’t make it home until super late, and as of recently, doesn’t make it home till the next day. She did the yelling bit, but she apologized, just never got the chance to fully talk it out because, well, she’s never home for an actual conversation.”

 

“That's the gist of it.” Kara sighs. “I mean besides the fact that she can, in fact, come home early. But work just constantly gets in the way.”

 

“Yeah no wonder why you guys need to have a talk.”

 

“I would gladly have it if she would ever come home.” Kara grunts.

 

“Also, how bad did you pass out when you cut your hand?”

 

“I would tell you, had I not been passed out the whole time.”

 

“Pussy.” Alex snickers.

 

Kara shoots the other woman with a glare and Alex raises her hands in surrender. 

 

“Anyways, I’m conflicted about this whole thing.”

 

“How so?” Alex asks. “Seems pretty cut and dry to me. Tell Lena she’s been a dick, and then tell her to clean up her act.”

 

“Well,” Kara pauses, fidgeting with her fingers. “I’m...weirdly happy that she’s hurting? Like, I’m happy to know that she's upset right now. That I mean enough to her that she’s a wreck.”

 

“But you feel like you might die if you don’t rush over there and give her a hug?” Alex chimes in.

 

“Yes!” Kara sits up. “That's exactly it! I’m tired of being treated this way, but I hate to see her hurt! Because of me! Well, because of her, er us. I can’t put all the blame on her. Things wouldn’t have gotten so bad had I spoken up sooner.” Kara starts to pout. “I just thought this buyout would be like last time, and all would be over in three or four months or something.”

 

“Well, obviously this isn’t over yet. Or…” Alex pauses, looking at her sister. “Is it?”

 

Kara quirks her head to the side, “I don’t follow.”

 

“I mean, Lena’s deal with Spheerical Industries doesn’t look like it’s going to be over soon, but also you never really answered my question last night.” When Kara doesn’t respond, Alex carefully continues. “The question about you leaving her. I mean this hotel is a temporary solution, isn’t it? You said you just need to be out of the house, well you are here...so now what?”

 

“I mean, I didn’t leave her..in that sense…” Kara starts. “I just left to get out of the apartment because everywhere I looked there was another reminder of how we used to be and it was breaking my heart. But, packing a bag and taking my pillow and everything...kinda sends a message in itself.”

 

“So you left her, without breaking up with her?”

 

“I-I think so?” Kara stammers. “I needed to get out of-of, everything. I just need space from her. I’ve never been this sad before, this-this angry before. She’s never made me feel this way, it’s just always been so easy, so happy and light.”

 

“When do you think you’ll go back home? To talk to her?” Alex inquiries.

 

“I don’t think I’m ready to go back home yet.” Kara admits sadly. “I don’t think I can go back there for a while…”

 

“Stay with me and Kelly.” Alex says quickly.

 

“Alex I couldn’t-”

 

“You can and you will. Hotels are nice for a few days, but then things start to get weird and you become one of those ‘Hotel People’ who wear 3 outfits and wash their clothes in the sink.”

 

Kara blinks rapidly, staring at her sibling. “H-How do you-?”

 

“Stay here for a few days.” Alex ignores her sister's question. “Talk to Lena at her office or something, then stay with me and Kelly. You can crash in the office/guest room and Kelly can give you free advice and sing musicals with you.”

 

“What if I end up staying for a long time?” Kara says nervously. “What if I end up staying for months-”

 

“Then you stay for months and you buy dinner once a week.” Alex smiles, poking Kara with her foot. “You are my stubborn-as-hell sister and you can stay for as long as you need.”

 

“Thank you, Alex.” Kara starts to sniffle. “Thank you so much.”

 

“Okay crybaby,” the redhead chuckles. “Hug me and put on some pants. We are gonna get ice cream and watch movies.”

 

“It's...not even noon yet.” Kara chuckles as she wipes away a few tears that managed to slip down her face before she could catch them. “Isn’t that too early for ice cream by your standards?”

 

Alex throws a pair of leggings at the blonde, “I said what I said! Put on pants!”

 

Chapter Text

 

Lena's known sadness, of course. Watching her father and biological mother die in front of her very eyes. Witnessing her brother spiral downward into the deep dark hole that is addiction and gambling—being subject to constant dismissal and blatant favoritism of the child of her own blood by her adoptive mother. Lena grew up too fast and, more often than not - alone. No one to look after her or offer simple praise. Lena had grown accustomed to the disappointment of people. The only person on her side was herself, and no matter how heartbroken and melancholy others left her, she still needed no one but herself.

 

But this...this was a whole different animal.

 

Lena had learned. Not every person is as cold as her adoptive mother. Not every person simply associates with her because of her wealth. Not every person wishes to know all the Luthor Family secrets and publish them in magazines for the world to see.

 

No. Some people, like Kelly, call her to see how she's doing after some time has passed with little contact. Some people, like Alex, come over with no warning just to watch murder documentaries and place bets on who they think the murderer is. Some people, like Winn and Brainy, share with Lena their love of all things mechanical and robotic, giving her people to talk shop with in a way that only like-minded people could.



But no one was like Kara. No one hugged her close while she cried for the brother she once knew. No one distracted her from the painful words Lillian would spew at her for no good reason. No one kissed away the small tears of sadness flowing down her cheeks when yet another person in Lena's life proved to be no more worthy than gum on the sidewalk.

 

No one loves Lena as Kara does...or rather is it - loved ?

 

It's been three whole days since the love of her life, her rock, her good man in a bad storm, vanished. At first, Lena didn't know how much she had come to rely on Kara, but now it was evident. She vowed never to become that person who became dependent on other people, yet here she was—counting on Kara to be there for the good and bad times and taking advantage of Kara's kindness and patience and, most of all, her loyalty for so long. Lena felt ashamed.



Lena's never been 'lost'. She's always had direction, whether it was what to major in during college, who to accept money from as investors at L-Corp, or significant life decisions like accepting a date from the best and dearest friend she's ever had. She always knew what to do. Lena needed no guides or dream visions to help her make up her mind; she just knew

 

However, it's been three days since Kara left, and Lena couldn't be more hesitant and absent in every aspect of her life.

 

Her days lacked warmth, despite the constant heat of the California sun. Her eyes puffy and emotions so easily disrupted that Lena's assistant Jess had 'accidentally' rescheduled all of Lena's more important meetings to take place at the end of the month as if to give her a chance to get back to normal. Lena stared at budget reports but couldn't read them. Took place in office conversation without speaking. She came to, and from the office, in such a daze she often forgot how she made it home. Lena just existed. 

 

Her one reason to smile... wasn't there.




-------

 

It took Jess three attempts to gain Lena's attention. But when Lena finally focused on her assistant, Jess knew something was off.

 

"Miss Luthor?" Jess grabbed the CEO's hand softly. "I'm sorry, I know this isn't the best time but, someone is here wishing to speak with you."

 

Lena stared at her assistant, eyes narrowing. "Who is it?" 

 

Jess hesitates, licking her lips before squeezing her boss's hand and quickly turning to leave the room. "I've pushed your meetings to tomorrow since it's a slow day anyway. If you need me, I'll be outside."

 

"Jess? W-wait, who is-?" Lena stammers, fog quickly clearing from her mind. She watches her assistant hold her office door open, then dart out rapidly.

 

"K-Kara!" Lena stands immediately, bumping her knee on the underside of her glass desk. Lena hobbles for a second, regaining her footing in front of her ...girlfriend. Is that what they are right now?

 

There she is. Tall, blonde, and beautiful, but her eyes are puffy like Lena's. Kara's glasses are pushed up as far as they can go, jaw clenched, eyes gazing without their usual warmth but somehow filled with longing. Kara's choice of clothing is darker than usual. A dark green button-up with black slacks with her hair in a half ponytail. She looks determined. Like she had something right on the tip of her tongue but just can't say anything yet. Lena noticed her hand, the uninjured one, is clenched so tight her knuckles are bone white.

 

"You're back! I mean, are you- are you back? Are you okay- well, maybe that isn't the right word for it? I-I'm so happy to see you, darling; I didn't know you'd be here today. Had I known, I would have met you at home?" Lena watches as Kara awkwardly shuffles closer to her desk, fist held so tightly it's shaking.

 

"Would you rather us go there? I know you must want to talk, and if you want a more private place, we can go home and- and what are you…" Lena watches dumbfounded as Kara raises her fist slightly, relaxes her grip, and...softly deposits her matte blood red key to the penthouse on the smooth glass of Lena's desk.

 

"... oh," Lena manages to say as her eyes zero in on the house key she presented Kara all those months ago. 

 

"I think-" Kara stops to clear her voice of its sudden thickness. She breathes out, not looking up at Lena as she continues. "I think we should think about things. Take some time. Figure out what we want out of...this." Kara gestures lamely with her injured hand with her last word.

 

Lena rips her gaze away from the house key on her desk and stares at the blonde for several long moments. With every blink, she can see her vision getting more hazy. Lena watches as the blonde finally meets her eyes, noticing the way her throat bobbles up and down.

 

"I think it might be best if we just took a step back. Do some, um, reevaluating? I guess? Um, I'll get my stuff on Saturday, and I'll stay with Alex till I can find a place-"

 

"No," Lena whispers; she can feel her bottom lip trembling as she speaks. "Ab-absolutely not."

 

"Lena-" 

 

"No," Lena says firmer than before. 

 

"Lena," Kara lets out a painful sigh.

 

"No!" The brunette repeats frantically, taking a few steps to round the corner of her desk. "You- you said you wanted to t-talk! This isn't us talking-"

 

"This is us talking, Le-"

 

"This is you telling me, that-"

 

Kara takes a step backward, eyes flitting to the floor. "That I've made up my mind." She says softly. "I'll text you this Friday what time I'll be over on Saturday to pick up my things." Kara lets out a wet breath and looks up and the tear-streaked face of the brunette. 

 

"Take care of yourself, okay? Don't skip any meals-er I guess I don't…" Kara quickly wipes away a tear from her cheek. "Take care of yourself." She rushes to say and promptly walks out of Lena's office.

 

-----

 

It takes a moment. A heart-pounding, soul-wrecking moment to comprehend what Kara just told her. 

 

"... I'll be over on Saturday to pick up my things…"

 

"... Take some time. Figure out what we want out of...this… "

 

Lena sucks in a sharp breath.

 

"... Take care of yourself, okay?"

 

Before she can fully snap back out of the self-inflicted swirling vortex of Kara's last words to her, Lena finds herself kicking off her heels and flinging her office door open so harshly that Jess nearly jumps out of her seat.

 

"Where did she go?" Lena gasps. "Which way did she leave?"

 

Jess, the kind, never asking more than she should, literal lifesaver of an assistant, answers without missing a beat. "I told her the elevator just went out; she should be in the east stairwell by now." 

 

Lena takes off, not so secretly thanking her brother's desire to be alone and in private when he insisted on having a level of Lex-Corp all to himself. Now that Lena had taken over his office, no one was on the floor but her and Jess, so no one could see their CEO frantically running across the floor with no shoes, a tear-streaked face, and a wild look on her face.

 

When Lena makes it to the stairwell, she stops to listen for any signs of life and quickly zeros in on the slow and heavy footsteps accompanied by soft hiccupping cries. The brunette all but flings herself down the stairs. She would have absolutely broken an ankle or taken a sizable fall had she kept her heels on and thanks herself for her insight.

 

When she reaches the blonde, she's panting and doesn't give the other woman a moment to speak before she grabs Kara by the arms and gently pushes her back into the cold concrete wall of the stairwell.

 

"This can't be how we end." Lena pants. "This can't be how we stop our lives together, our adventure."

 

"Let me g-" Kara weakly tries to push past the CEO, but Lena just presses Kara back against the wall.

 

"We can't break up. We're supposed to get married and adopt too many dogs and live till we're 100 and die in each other's arms in our sleep; this isn't how we end." Lena's voice is less frantic and breathy, but it doesn't waver despite the number of tears rushing down her face.

 

"Please," Kara cries, head turned up and away from the brunette. "Let me go, please."

 

Lena takes a half step back and loosens her grip on the blonde's forearms, allowing Kara to leave if she wants to, but she doesn't move.

 

"I love you. More than I thought possible. We- we can't end like this-"

 

"We can!" Kara thunders that her voice echoes off the stairwell walls. At Kara's outburst, they both start crying harder. Kara shakes her arms free of Lena's grip and uses her hands to cover her face, sobbing into them.

 

Lena starts to reach up to take the taller woman into her arms but jumps away a few inches when Kara lets out a gut-wrenching wail that makes Lena want to faint.

 

"I've been s-so alone!" Kara cries. "I missed you for months! And I guess this is partially my fault for not speaking up sooner, but I let you know! You-you said!" Kara slides her hands away from her face, only to wrap them around herself. "If I'm crying and it's about you, I tell you! I told you! And-and you just kept going! Like nothing was wrong! You said sorry and went back to work! And yeah, work is important; what you are doing is important, but I don't even know you anymore!" 

 

"Kara-" Lena whimpers 

 

"No!" Kara stands up straighter, finally meeting the brunette's gaze. "You wanna talk? This is it!" Kara's nostrils flare, her hands clench, her heartbreaks, but she keeps going. "This is how we end! Because people are supposed to feel loved and cherished and happy when they are in a relationship. And you know what I feel with you? Fucking, sad! I wasn't asking for much; hell, I never ask for much. A little bit of your time sprinkled throughout the week and for you to eat a meal and drink some damn water. But you can't even manage to do that! You just leave me, all to my lonesome, and yeah. I go out, I talk to my friends, but they aren't what I want. I want you! But it's clear you don't want me."

 

"Of course I want you!" Lena rasps. "How could you even say that? I've never wanted-"

 

"Really, Lena? How can I say that? "Kara scoffs, "Because I FEEL it."

 

They take a moment. Just staring at each other, sniffling and letting tears drip down their necks. It's ragged breathing and sad and angry but most hurt eyes from Kara, While Lena's shine with guilt.

 

"So, this is how we end," Kara whispers after their long silence; she reaches out to squeeze Lena's fingertips and lets out a ragged sigh. "For what it's worth, I didn't picture us ending this way either." Kara begins to push past the CEO with a final squeeze but stops when she hears Lena call out in the saddest, smallest voice she's ever heard.

 

"B-but I don't want us to end. I'm not finished yet. I'm not finished loving you." Lena's bottom lip is trembling, her eyes wide and searching; she switches their hands around to Kara's fingertips instead.

 

"Kara, please…" Lena says softly." please don't go."

 

"Lena…" 

 

Lena's lungs are having difficulties bringing in air, her heart rate is sky high, and she feels a little like she's about to faint, but she keeps on. "I love you so much, Kara. Please, please, don't leave me. Don't go. Not again. I-I…"

 

Lena starts to sway slightly, and as if Kara knew that she's moments away from collapsing to the floor, she brings her forehead to rest against hers, and that's all it takes for Lena to begin to center herself. They both close their eyes, and Lena sucks in some much-needed air before continuing. 

 

"One chance. Kara, please. Just one more."

 

"You've... you've had- Lena, I can't go through this aga-"

 

The brunette cuts her off with a slight squeeze to her fingertips." Just one more. Please, Kara? "Lena's voice takes a distraught tinge. This is it, she thinks. The last opportunity she has to change Kara's mind. "Please, darling. I have to show you. I have to show you how much you mean to me. How much I love you." 

 

Kara starts to softly shake her head, pulling back slightly, but Lena doesn't allow it and pushes back up against the blonde's forehead.

 

"Please, I know I fucked up; I know you deserve better, but please, just one more chance. I need to show you how sorry I am for doing this to you, to us. I need to show you how much I love you. Please?" Lena's voice is frantic, now heart pounding as she rambles on in Kara's silence. "I'll do whatever it takes, and if I fuck up again, it's your call. You can do whatever you want. You can leave, you can break up with me for good, you can take me to court for all the pain and suffering put you through. But please just this one last chance. I need to show you how loved you are, I need -"

 

"Lena, I'm sorry, but-"

 

"Do you remember when I told you I loved you for the first time?"

 

Kara pauses for what seems like an eternity before answering. "I remember," she whispers. 

 

"Do you remember what I said? Because I do. I said I might not always be the best at this, at us, but I'll try hard to prove to you that I love you. That you are the one for me, that you deserve every star, and I'll do my best to get them for you. Do you remember that?" Lena squeezes Kara's fingertips as she speaks. "This is me telling you I love you, and I'll do anything for one more chance to prove to you that I love you."

 

Kara sighs. "The damage is done...you may love me, but actions speak louder than words here. You had so many chances to prove to me that this is something you want-"

 

"I was a fool not to take them, I thought I had more time-" Lena rushes to say. "I took you for granted, and I've never been so sorry in my life."

 

Kara shakes her head slightly, pulling back to look at Lena. Tears run freely down her cheeks. She looks broken, Lena thinks, and she was the one to cause the breakage.

 

"Kara, please." Lena whimpers, bringing Kara's hands up to her mouth to place delicate kisses on her knuckles. "Just one more chance." 

 

"I need some time." Kara croaks. "this isn't a yes, but it's not a no either. I just need to...think."

 

Lena nods earnestly. "Whatever you need. Take time, space, anything, everything. I'll be here waiting.

 

Kara hums the affirmative and clears her throat, "will you do something for me, though?"

 

"Anything," Lena says too quickly.

 

"Keep my key." 

 

Lena's heart sinks just as fast as it rose back up. Her shoulders slump back down, and Kara tries not to retract her statement "B-But-" she stammers.

 

"I'm- I'm not moving out permanently," Kara starts, and Lena already looks better than she did a few seconds ago." I'll stay with Alex for now. But... I'm not ready to go back home yet. "

 

"Okay, that's…" Lena lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding." that's fair."

 

"I do have a question," Kara says calmly.

 

"Go ahead," Lena murmurs as she wipes the tear tracks off of Kara's face with the pad of her thumb.

 

"Where are your shoes?"





--------

 

When Lena makes it back up the stairs, she's drained Physically and emotionally. She feels like she can sleep for five days and still be tired. She walks past Jess without a second glance and doesn't even bother to close her office doors behind her. The brunette slumps into her office chair and tilts her head back, closing her eyes and sighing loudly.

 

"Miss Luthor?" Jess' tentative voice calls out from the door.

 

"My eyes burn." is all Lena replies. 

 

A few seconds later, Lena opens her eyes at the sounds of objects softly touching her desk. Jess puts a box of tissues and eye drops in front of her, gives her a small smile and gently pats her boss's shoulder.

 

"I've cleared the rest of your day. You should get some rest." Jess says softly. She fidgeting slightly, eyeing her obviously distraught boss with concern. "Anything I can help with?" She asks.

 

Lena gives her assistant a sad smile and shrugs. "I have no idea."

 

Jess nods, giving her boss an empathetic look. "See you tomorrow, Miss Luthor. Get some rest." And with that, Lena was once again alone in her office.

 

Lena's stinging eyes flitted over to Kara's house key once more, and she sighed. She stood up, back straightening with her head held high and a new sense of determination swelling deep within her.

 

"I'm going to fix it."