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Tax Fraud Squad ( seventeen chatfic)

Summary:

furry: do frogs moan?

 

shit eater: actually they croak 

 

child: this ^ has ruined my image of frogs forever 

 

shit eater: you've done worse 

 

furry: chan croaks?

 

angel: lets stop right there

or
ANOTHER seventeen chatfic

Chapter 1: " I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog" wen junhui,while reasoning about why he would eat dog shit

Notes:

chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: simp
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon: nausea
Jeonghan: angel
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: edgelord
Minghao: gr8 m8
Vernon: bruh

 

I WILL SAY THIS RIGHT NOW. THIS IS REALLY WEIRD...I WAS LIKE HALF ASLEEP WRITING IT....

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tax Fraud Squad

4;online Dec 5 ,2020 9:08am

 

simp: yooooooo this chat died

 

furry: yeah cause you were in the hospital dumbfuck

 

nausea: wait jun was in the hospital-

 

simp: you didnt know???

simp: i told soon to tell everyone 😭😭

 

nausea: how did you even get into the hospital 😭😭😭

 

simp: before you explain is haohao in this chat

 

furry: yeah why

 

simp: kick him real quick

 

furry removed gr8 m8 from the chat

 

simp: kay now you can explain

 

furry: jun was walking down some stairs while looking at his phone and broke his leg

furry: two days before our dance showcase

 

angel: disappointed but not surprised 

 

nausea: i think that pretty much describes your entire parenting journey 

 

furry: wait listen thats not even the worst part

furry: the reason why he fell is cuz he saw a cute photo of minghao and he just like floppped down the stairs.

 

simp: yeah and i had to watch the performance through facetime

simp: ya'll slayed btw

 

father is online

 

father: *y'all

 

simp: whatever ugh

simp: you can add hao back now

 

furry added gr8 m8 to the chat

 

furry: and now we wait for minghao to see the explanation and beat you up

 

simp: not you wanting me to get beat up after just coming out of my cast 😔😔

simp: fake friend 

 

furry: luv you bae😘

 

simp: thats why ur the side chick😳😳 

 

furry: now what is that supposed to mean

  

 

Tax Fraud Squad 

8;online Dec 5 2020 1:37pm

 

gr8 m8: Wen Junhui

 

bruh: uh oh

 

gr8 m8: YOU FUCKING IDIOT I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

gr8 m8: Im not even mad you couldnt perform the dance we worked on for mouths

gr8 m8: im mad because you didn't tell me you were in the FUCKING HOSPITAL ISTG YOU DUMBFUCK

gr8 m8: LIKE YOU SAID U WERE TRAVELING AND I DIDNTG QUESTION IT 

gr8 m8: I GUESS I WAS STUPID TO BELIEVE YOU

 

simp: i didn't want to make you stressed before the show 🥺🥺

 

gr8 m8: bullshit 

 

edgelord: wait

edgelord: jun was in the hospital????

 

furry: you didnt know?? LMFAO 

 

edgelord: no???

 

simp: your my best friend???

 

father: *you're

 

child: isnt hao ur best friend??

 

simp: no 

simp: hes loml

 

gr8 m8: eat dog shit you degenerate 

 

simp: only if its yours ;)

 

bruh:...

 

angel:...

 

edgelord:...

 

child:...

 

father:...

 

furry: wtf jun

 

nausea is online

 

nausea: the first thing i see when i get online is that jun would eat minghaos shit if he was a dog

 

simp: I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog. If hes a human its weird

 

furry: it doesn't make a difference???? your still eating shit????

 

father: *you're

 

edgelord: #Junisoverparty

 

angel: i dont get it

angel: its only just barely the afternoon and jun has still managed to get canceled

 

simp: its obvious dog shit is prob nutritional

simp: i mean look at all that weird stuff in dog food

  

gr8 m8: no you know what

gr8 m8: were breaking up

 

simp: I WOULD EAT SHIT FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME???????

simp:  were over.

simp: forget you.

 

gr8 m8: fine >:(

 

simp: fine >>:(

 

simp is offline

gr8 m8 is offline

 

furry: wtf just happened????????

 

bruh: idk man but

bruh: how much you wanna bet they're making out as we speak because he finds it hot that jun would eat shit for him

 

furry: $25 

 

bruh: aight bet

 

Tax Fraud Squad

2;online Dec 6, 2020 6:23am

 

simp: yk the doctor said no hardcore movement

simp: but hao im pretty sure you could still ride me

 

edgelord: NOOOO STOP 

edgelord: GO TO PRIV LOSER

 

simp: i cant

simp: he blocked me 😭😭

simp: someone pass the message pleek

 

edgelord: i mean i can pass it ig

edgelord: why did he block you????

 

simp: i was sending dick pics during his exam 😁😁

 

edgelord: nvm perish

 

simp: NOOOOOO PLEASE NOOOOOOOO I NEED YOU PLEASE

simp: WE HAVENT DONE ANYTHING IN LIKE 3 MONTHS BECAUSE OF MY BROKEN LEG AND THE DANCE SHOW

 

edgelord: yikes bro

edgelord: ill pass the message #BroCode

 

simp: THANK YOU

simp: THANK YOU

simp: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU 

simp: my one true friend <3

 

edgelord: whatever 

 

                                                                           

Tax Fraud Squad

5;online Dec 7,2020 7:38am

 

simp: :))))))))))))))))))

 

edgelord:...

 

simp: good morning :))))))))))))))))))))

 

child: ??? are you ok hyung????

 

simp: im better than ok :))))))))))))))))))))

simp: im fabulous

simp: best i've ever been :)))))))))))))))))))))))

 

child: im confused what happened???

 

simp: welllllllllllll :)))))))))))

 

angel: DONT.YOU.DARE.

 

child: ?????

 

simp: sorry you'll learn another time :))))))

 

furry: jun

 

simp: yessiree :)))))

 

furry: why did hao send me a text saying that he couldnt practice today

 

simp: i wouldn't know a thing officer :)))))))

simp: no hardcore physical activities :)))))))))

 

child: whats wrong with hao?????

child: oml did yall pretend to have a WWE fight again 😭😭😭😭😭😭

child: last time yalll wrestled neither of you would walk

 

simp: see about that WRESTLING...😁😁

 

edgelord: jun don't

 

simp: my lips are sealed 🤐🤐

 

child:...you guys are weird

 

 gr8 m8 is online

 

gr8 m8: heyo :))))))))))))

 

child: you too?????????

child: is this some kinda disease??????

 

furry: theyre both gonna get aids  

 

gr8 m8: 🤔

gr8 m8: 😼😼

 

simp: do you need help getting out of bed?

 

child:  why would he need help?

 

gr8 m8: 👀 :))))))))))) 

gr8 m8: also yes my legs hurt-

 

child: why?

 

gr8 m8: cause i was riding a wild animal last night 😏😏

 

edgelord: 🤮🤮🤮

 

child: but i thought yall were wrestling 😭😭 

 

gr8 m8: sure lets go with wrestling 

 

child: whats going on 😭😭😭😭

 

simp: :)))))))))))))

 

furry: oh my frick fracking fucking god just tell him yall fucked and move on 🙄🙄 

 

child: !!!!!

 

edgelord:  id run if i were you soons 

 

furry: you think i'm scared of jeonghan pfffft

 

father is online

 

father:  you have 2 seconds

 

furry: oh shit gotta blast

 

furry is offline

father is offline

 

angel: and tbh i thought he was the good child 

 

edgelord: you had too much faith 💀💀💀

 

gr8 m8: jun you bitch

gr8 m8: help me my legs are asleep

 

simp: i am helping you 😎 😎

 

gr8 m8: and tell me

gr8 m8: how is stripping naked gonna help me???

 

simp: im gonna help you go places you could never go without me :))))))))))))))

 

gr8 m8: JUN IM GONNA BE LATE 

 

simp: wait shit same

simp: ok ill save it for later 😏😏

 

edgelord: please do

 

child: CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN PLEASE

 

simp: you'll see someday chan

simp: trust me you'll see

 

gr8 m8: jun were gonna be late and ur still fucking naked 😭😭😭

 

simp: OMG NO 

simp: you think i can go to class naked???

 

gr8 m8: wtf no

gr8 m8: you'd get fucking arrested bitch 

 

simp: what why?

simp: people should be grateful they get to see MY naked body

 

gr8 m8: 💀💀

 

edgelord: jun is once again

edgelord: canceled 

 

                                                                         

Tax Fraud Squad

5;online Dec 7, 2020 2:45pm

 

child: guess whose got a date~~

 

simp: me~~

 

child: i mean i was gonna say me but good for you ig

 

angel: rlly channie???

angel: im omg a #proudparent

 

simp: date tip: pretend to forget your wallet so they have to pay for everything :)

 

angel: stop projecting your messed up lifestyle on him you hoe

 

simp: ouchie :(

simp: anyway whos the date??

 

child: this girl from dance

 

simp: GIRL!!!!??? 

 

father: name, age, specimen

 

simp: SPECIMEN LMFAO

simp: CHAN OUT HERE DATING DIFFERENT SPECIES 

simp: I GOTTA GET ON HIS LEVEL 

 

nausea: break up with hao then

 

simp: what you wanna date him?

 

nausea: no i was staying that if you wanna date another species you would have to break up with hao

nausea: yk what the fuck am i trying to explain myself to YOU of all people

 

 

simp: im joking oh my lawd  hy you take everything so serious ugh

simp: plus i know who YOU wanna date👀👀👀 

 

nausea: ....no

 

simp: anyway which girl

 

child: kim hyesu

 

simp: OOOO SHES ONE OF THE HIP HOPPIES

 

nausea: the fuck is that

 

simp: the hip hop dancers

 

nausea: thats what you call them??

 

simp: ye its cute right

 

nausea: not rlly

 

simp: </3

 

child: yeah shes a hip hop dancer and her spotify is FIRE

 

angel: hard to find people with good music taste these days fr

 

father: were gonna have to do a deep dive on her later han

 

angel: ooooooo we havent done one of those since minghao

 

child: please don't doxx my date oml

 

Tax Fraud Squad

4;online Dec 7, 2020 4:32pm

 

bruh: some guy is watching gay anime porn next to me

 

edgelord: ....

 

simp: go watch with him 🥺🥺

 

edgelord: canceled yet again :/

 

simp: for wanting that good hentai???

simp: (is it good 😳😳 ??)

 

bruh: actually yes

 

edgelord: you're watching it??

 

bruh: yup

 

simp: whats the guys name

 

bruh: jonas i think-

bruh: wait

bruh: his name is joshua

 

furry: FOREIGNER????

 

bruh: he speaks Le English 

bruh: yo this some lit gay hentai though fr

 

simp: add him

simp:  i want this lit hentai you speak of 

 

bruh added Joshua

simp changed Joshua's name to "pervert"                                                                   

 

pervert: i was expecting this-

 

bruh: woah rlly

 

pervert: no one can accept us gay hentai watching men 

pervert: im shunned by my mom 😢😢

 

furry: fr?

 

pervert: no

pervert: she doesn't even know i watch hentai 😎😎

 

simp: you seem like the type of person who still has a bedtime

simp: just a random guess...

simp: (am i right though)

 

pervert: no

pervert: well maybe

 

edgelord: ....what time 

 

pervert: 9:30 pm sharp-

pervert: its good to have a schedule yk!!! 

 

nausea is online

 

nausea: stop blowing up the chat i have things to do

nausea: wait

nausea: someones new 

nausea: whose pervert 😭😭😭

 

furry: vernons anime porn friend joshua

 

nausea: i

nausea: am not surprised 

nausea: everyone in this group is either a pyscho

nuasea: a perv 

nausea: or a hoe

 

bruh: or all three

 

simp: dont gotta call me out like this guys!!! 

 

angel is online

 

angel: jihoon told me joshua was here :)

 

pervert: who are you

 

angel: ITS ME JEONGHAN

angel: OMG DID YOU FORGET ME 😭😭😭 

angel: IVE NEVER BEEN SO HURT

 

pervert: ain't no way

 

pervert left the chat

angel added pervert to the chat

 

angel: stay or im getting cheol

 

simp: ya'll know each other????

 

nausea: *y'all

 

simp: smd 

 

angel: yes very well actually

angel: we've known each other since josh transferred 

angel: we have a 95 liner gc with cheol and were besties

angel: right joshie???? :)))

 

pervert: no 

pervert: begone evil spirit 

 

simp: no one can save you now >:)

simp: your in hell

 

nausea: *you're

 

simp: y'o'u'r'e'u'g'l'y

 

nausea: yo momma

 

simp: my moms dead not cool man 😢😢

 

nausea: ok?? 😭😭

 

simp: UR SO MEAN TO ME 

 

gr8 m8 is online 

 

gr8 m8: jun

 

simp: uh oh :3c

 

gr8 m8: YOU WERE SUPPOSED THE FEED THE CAT DUMBASS

gr8 m8: WHEN I GOT HOME SHE WAS LIKE SO SAD 

gr8 m8: SHES STARVING 

 

bruh: yikes

bruh: you didnt feed the cat bro

bruh: thats fucked 

 

simp: ik im sorry 

simp: forgive me hao

 

gr8 m8: no

 

simp: ill give you the best head ever in your whole life

 

gr8 m8:....

gr8 m8: still no

 

simp: you thought about it :3c

 

gr8 m8: were breaking up

gr8 m8: im leaving and im taking the cat

 

simp: NO THATS MY BABY

 

gr8 m8: save it for court junhui

 

simp: >>>>>>>>>>:((((((((((((((

 

edgelord: welcome to the tax fraud squad joshua

 

pervert: i wanna leave

 

simp: I GAVE BIRTH TO THAT CAT

simp: I CARRIED HER IN MY WOMB

 

bruh: is that what happens when hao tops

bruh: you get cat babies

bruh: thats crazy bro

 

simp: no hiding it now hao 😔😔

simp: guess we gotta tell them the truth

 

gr8 m8: oh my lawd 

gr8 m8: i did not impregnate you with cat babies 😭😭

 

father: everyone to bed

 

angel: ok daddy ;)

 

child: ew

 

furry: DONT WORRY CHANNIE POO ILL PROTECT YOU FROM THEM

 

edgelord: trust me chan has seen worse-

 

child: i've done worse tbh

 

angel: WHAT

 

father: WHAT

 

child: i gotta water my fish bye

 

child is offline

 

simp: so about that head hao

 

gr8 m8: kys 

 

simp: WHYYYYYYY I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU HEAD :(

 

furry: why does every convo end like this 😭😭😭

 

pervert: i wanna go home 

 

bruh: this is your home man

 

 

 

 

Notes:

you have finshed the first chapter of this mistake AKNSHBJDBHDNJKLJSD i lowkey wrote this entire thing half asleep at 3am and raging about science.thank you for enduring this creation fueled by rage and sleep deprivation. anyway i wouldn't mind if you dropped a comment or maybe some kudos (¬‿¬ )

stay safe and sexy (¬‿¬ ) and have a wonderful rest of your day!!!