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Tax Fraud Squad ( seventeen chatfic)

Summary:

furry: do frogs moan?

 

shit eater: actually they croak 

 

child: this ^ has ruined my image of frogs forever 

 

shit eater: you've done worse 

 

furry: chan croaks?

 

angel: lets stop right there

or
ANOTHER seventeen chatfic

Chapter 1: " I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog" wen junhui,while reasoning about why he would eat dog shit

Notes:

chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: simp
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon: nausea
Jeonghan: angel
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: edgelord
Minghao: gr8 m8
Vernon: bruh

 

I WILL SAY THIS RIGHT NOW. THIS IS REALLY WEIRD...I WAS LIKE HALF ASLEEP WRITING IT....

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tax Fraud Squad

4;online Dec 5 ,2020 9:08am

 

simp: yooooooo this chat died

 

furry: yeah cause you were in the hospital dumbfuck

 

nausea: wait jun was in the hospital-

 

simp: you didnt know???

simp: i told soon to tell everyone 😭😭

 

nausea: how did you even get into the hospital 😭😭😭

 

simp: before you explain is haohao in this chat

 

furry: yeah why

 

simp: kick him real quick

 

furry removed gr8 m8 from the chat

 

simp: kay now you can explain

 

furry: jun was walking down some stairs while looking at his phone and broke his leg

furry: two days before our dance showcase

 

angel: disappointed but not surprised 

 

nausea: i think that pretty much describes your entire parenting journey 

 

furry: wait listen thats not even the worst part

furry: the reason why he fell is cuz he saw a cute photo of minghao and he just like floppped down the stairs.

 

simp: yeah and i had to watch the performance through facetime

simp: ya'll slayed btw

 

father is online

 

father: *y'all

 

simp: whatever ugh

simp: you can add hao back now

 

furry added gr8 m8 to the chat

 

furry: and now we wait for minghao to see the explanation and beat you up

 

simp: not you wanting me to get beat up after just coming out of my cast 😔😔

simp: fake friend 

 

furry: luv you bae😘

 

simp: thats why ur the side chick😳😳 

 

furry: now what is that supposed to mean

  

 

Tax Fraud Squad 

8;online Dec 5 2020 1:37pm

 

gr8 m8: Wen Junhui

 

bruh: uh oh

 

gr8 m8: YOU FUCKING IDIOT I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

gr8 m8: Im not even mad you couldnt perform the dance we worked on for mouths

gr8 m8: im mad because you didn't tell me you were in the FUCKING HOSPITAL ISTG YOU DUMBFUCK

gr8 m8: LIKE YOU SAID U WERE TRAVELING AND I DIDNTG QUESTION IT 

gr8 m8: I GUESS I WAS STUPID TO BELIEVE YOU

 

simp: i didn't want to make you stressed before the show 🥺🥺

 

gr8 m8: bullshit 

 

edgelord: wait

edgelord: jun was in the hospital????

 

furry: you didnt know?? LMFAO 

 

edgelord: no???

 

simp: your my best friend???

 

father: *you're

 

child: isnt hao ur best friend??

 

simp: no 

simp: hes loml

 

gr8 m8: eat dog shit you degenerate 

 

simp: only if its yours ;)

 

bruh:...

 

angel:...

 

edgelord:...

 

child:...

 

father:...

 

furry: wtf jun

 

nausea is online

 

nausea: the first thing i see when i get online is that jun would eat minghaos shit if he was a dog

 

simp: I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog. If hes a human its weird

 

furry: it doesn't make a difference???? your still eating shit????

 

father: *you're

 

edgelord: #Junisoverparty

 

angel: i dont get it

angel: its only just barely the afternoon and jun has still managed to get canceled

 

simp: its obvious dog shit is prob nutritional

simp: i mean look at all that weird stuff in dog food

  

gr8 m8: no you know what

gr8 m8: were breaking up

 

simp: I WOULD EAT SHIT FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME???????

simp:  were over.

simp: forget you.

 

gr8 m8: fine >:(

 

simp: fine >>:(

 

simp is offline

gr8 m8 is offline

 

furry: wtf just happened????????

 

bruh: idk man but

bruh: how much you wanna bet they're making out as we speak because he finds it hot that jun would eat shit for him

 

furry: $25 

 

bruh: aight bet

 

Tax Fraud Squad

2;online Dec 6, 2020 6:23am

 

simp: yk the doctor said no hardcore movement

simp: but hao im pretty sure you could still ride me

 

edgelord: NOOOO STOP 

edgelord: GO TO PRIV LOSER

 

simp: i cant

simp: he blocked me 😭😭

simp: someone pass the message pleek

 

edgelord: i mean i can pass it ig

edgelord: why did he block you????

 

simp: i was sending dick pics during his exam 😁😁

 

edgelord: nvm perish

 

simp: NOOOOOO PLEASE NOOOOOOOO I NEED YOU PLEASE

simp: WE HAVENT DONE ANYTHING IN LIKE 3 MONTHS BECAUSE OF MY BROKEN LEG AND THE DANCE SHOW

 

edgelord: yikes bro

edgelord: ill pass the message #BroCode

 

simp: THANK YOU

simp: THANK YOU

simp: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU 

simp: my one true friend <3

 

edgelord: whatever 

 

                                                                           

Tax Fraud Squad

5;online Dec 7,2020 7:38am

 

simp: :))))))))))))))))))

 

edgelord:...

 

simp: good morning :))))))))))))))))))))

 

child: ??? are you ok hyung????

 

simp: im better than ok :))))))))))))))))))))

simp: im fabulous

simp: best i've ever been :)))))))))))))))))))))))

 

child: im confused what happened???

 

simp: welllllllllllll :)))))))))))

 

angel: DONT.YOU.DARE.

 

child: ?????

 

simp: sorry you'll learn another time :))))))

 

furry: jun

 

simp: yessiree :)))))

 

furry: why did hao send me a text saying that he couldnt practice today

 

simp: i wouldn't know a thing officer :)))))))

simp: no hardcore physical activities :)))))))))

 

child: whats wrong with hao?????

child: oml did yall pretend to have a WWE fight again 😭😭😭😭😭😭

child: last time yalll wrestled neither of you would walk

 

simp: see about that WRESTLING...😁😁

 

edgelord: jun don't

 

simp: my lips are sealed 🤐🤐

 

child:...you guys are weird

 

 gr8 m8 is online

 

gr8 m8: heyo :))))))))))))

 

child: you too?????????

child: is this some kinda disease??????

 

furry: theyre both gonna get aids  

 

gr8 m8: 🤔

gr8 m8: 😼😼

 

simp: do you need help getting out of bed?

 

child:  why would he need help?

 

gr8 m8: 👀 :))))))))))) 

gr8 m8: also yes my legs hurt-

 

child: why?

 

gr8 m8: cause i was riding a wild animal last night 😏😏

 

edgelord: 🤮🤮🤮

 

child: but i thought yall were wrestling 😭😭 

 

gr8 m8: sure lets go with wrestling 

 

child: whats going on 😭😭😭😭

 

simp: :)))))))))))))

 

furry: oh my frick fracking fucking god just tell him yall fucked and move on 🙄🙄 

 

child: !!!!!

 

edgelord:  id run if i were you soons 

 

furry: you think i'm scared of jeonghan pfffft

 

father is online

 

father:  you have 2 seconds

 

furry: oh shit gotta blast

 

furry is offline

father is offline

 

angel: and tbh i thought he was the good child 

 

edgelord: you had too much faith 💀💀💀

 

gr8 m8: jun you bitch

gr8 m8: help me my legs are asleep

 

simp: i am helping you 😎 😎

 

gr8 m8: and tell me

gr8 m8: how is stripping naked gonna help me???

 

simp: im gonna help you go places you could never go without me :))))))))))))))

 

gr8 m8: JUN IM GONNA BE LATE 

 

simp: wait shit same

simp: ok ill save it for later 😏😏

 

edgelord: please do

 

child: CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN PLEASE

 

simp: you'll see someday chan

simp: trust me you'll see

 

gr8 m8: jun were gonna be late and ur still fucking naked 😭😭😭

 

simp: OMG NO 

simp: you think i can go to class naked???

 

gr8 m8: wtf no

gr8 m8: you'd get fucking arrested bitch 

 

simp: what why?

simp: people should be grateful they get to see MY naked body

 

gr8 m8: 💀💀

 

edgelord: jun is once again

edgelord: canceled 

 

                                                                         

Tax Fraud Squad

5;online Dec 7, 2020 2:45pm

 

child: guess whose got a date~~

 

simp: me~~

 

child: i mean i was gonna say me but good for you ig

 

angel: rlly channie???

angel: im omg a #proudparent

 

simp: date tip: pretend to forget your wallet so they have to pay for everything :)

 

angel: stop projecting your messed up lifestyle on him you hoe

 

simp: ouchie :(

simp: anyway whos the date??

 

child: this girl from dance

 

simp: GIRL!!!!??? 

 

father: name, age, specimen

 

simp: SPECIMEN LMFAO

simp: CHAN OUT HERE DATING DIFFERENT SPECIES 

simp: I GOTTA GET ON HIS LEVEL 

 

nausea: break up with hao then

 

simp: what you wanna date him?

 

nausea: no i was staying that if you wanna date another species you would have to break up with hao

nausea: yk what the fuck am i trying to explain myself to YOU of all people

 

 

simp: im joking oh my lawd  hy you take everything so serious ugh

simp: plus i know who YOU wanna date👀👀👀 

 

nausea: ....no

 

simp: anyway which girl

 

child: kim hyesu

 

simp: OOOO SHES ONE OF THE HIP HOPPIES

 

nausea: the fuck is that

 

simp: the hip hop dancers

 

nausea: thats what you call them??

 

simp: ye its cute right

 

nausea: not rlly

 

simp: </3

 

child: yeah shes a hip hop dancer and her spotify is FIRE

 

angel: hard to find people with good music taste these days fr

 

father: were gonna have to do a deep dive on her later han

 

angel: ooooooo we havent done one of those since minghao

 

child: please don't doxx my date oml

 

Tax Fraud Squad

4;online Dec 7, 2020 4:32pm

 

bruh: some guy is watching gay anime porn next to me

 

edgelord: ....

 

simp: go watch with him 🥺🥺

 

edgelord: canceled yet again :/

 

simp: for wanting that good hentai???

simp: (is it good 😳😳 ??)

 

bruh: actually yes

 

edgelord: you're watching it??

 

bruh: yup

 

simp: whats the guys name

 

bruh: jonas i think-

bruh: wait

bruh: his name is joshua

 

furry: FOREIGNER????

 

bruh: he speaks Le English 

bruh: yo this some lit gay hentai though fr

 

simp: add him

simp:  i want this lit hentai you speak of 

 

bruh added Joshua

simp changed Joshua's name to "pervert"                                                                   

 

pervert: i was expecting this-

 

bruh: woah rlly

 

pervert: no one can accept us gay hentai watching men 

pervert: im shunned by my mom 😢😢

 

furry: fr?

 

pervert: no

pervert: she doesn't even know i watch hentai 😎😎

 

simp: you seem like the type of person who still has a bedtime

simp: just a random guess...

simp: (am i right though)

 

pervert: no

pervert: well maybe

 

edgelord: ....what time 

 

pervert: 9:30 pm sharp-

pervert: its good to have a schedule yk!!! 

 

nausea is online

 

nausea: stop blowing up the chat i have things to do

nausea: wait

nausea: someones new 

nausea: whose pervert 😭😭😭

 

furry: vernons anime porn friend joshua

 

nausea: i

nausea: am not surprised 

nausea: everyone in this group is either a pyscho

nuasea: a perv 

nausea: or a hoe

 

bruh: or all three

 

simp: dont gotta call me out like this guys!!! 

 

angel is online

 

angel: jihoon told me joshua was here :)

 

pervert: who are you

 

angel: ITS ME JEONGHAN

angel: OMG DID YOU FORGET ME 😭😭😭 

angel: IVE NEVER BEEN SO HURT

 

pervert: ain't no way

 

pervert left the chat

angel added pervert to the chat

 

angel: stay or im getting cheol

 

simp: ya'll know each other????

 

nausea: *y'all

 

simp: smd 

 

angel: yes very well actually

angel: we've known each other since josh transferred 

angel: we have a 95 liner gc with cheol and were besties

angel: right joshie???? :)))

 

pervert: no 

pervert: begone evil spirit 

 

simp: no one can save you now >:)

simp: your in hell

 

nausea: *you're

 

simp: y'o'u'r'e'u'g'l'y

 

nausea: yo momma

 

simp: my moms dead not cool man 😢😢

 

nausea: ok?? 😭😭

 

simp: UR SO MEAN TO ME 

 

gr8 m8 is online 

 

gr8 m8: jun

 

simp: uh oh :3c

 

gr8 m8: YOU WERE SUPPOSED THE FEED THE CAT DUMBASS

gr8 m8: WHEN I GOT HOME SHE WAS LIKE SO SAD 

gr8 m8: SHES STARVING 

 

bruh: yikes

bruh: you didnt feed the cat bro

bruh: thats fucked 

 

simp: ik im sorry 

simp: forgive me hao

 

gr8 m8: no

 

simp: ill give you the best head ever in your whole life

 

gr8 m8:....

gr8 m8: still no

 

simp: you thought about it :3c

 

gr8 m8: were breaking up

gr8 m8: im leaving and im taking the cat

 

simp: NO THATS MY BABY

 

gr8 m8: save it for court junhui

 

simp: >>>>>>>>>>:((((((((((((((

 

edgelord: welcome to the tax fraud squad joshua

 

pervert: i wanna leave

 

simp: I GAVE BIRTH TO THAT CAT

simp: I CARRIED HER IN MY WOMB

 

bruh: is that what happens when hao tops

bruh: you get cat babies

bruh: thats crazy bro

 

simp: no hiding it now hao 😔😔

simp: guess we gotta tell them the truth

 

gr8 m8: oh my lawd 

gr8 m8: i did not impregnate you with cat babies 😭😭

 

father: everyone to bed

 

angel: ok daddy ;)

 

child: ew

 

furry: DONT WORRY CHANNIE POO ILL PROTECT YOU FROM THEM

 

edgelord: trust me chan has seen worse-

 

child: i've done worse tbh

 

angel: WHAT

 

father: WHAT

 

child: i gotta water my fish bye

 

child is offline

 

simp: so about that head hao

 

gr8 m8: kys 

 

simp: WHYYYYYYY I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU HEAD :(

 

furry: why does every convo end like this 😭😭😭

 

pervert: i wanna go home 

 

bruh: this is your home man

 

 

 

 

Notes:

you have finshed the first chapter of this mistake AKNSHBJDBHDNJKLJSD i lowkey wrote this entire thing half asleep at 3am and raging about science.thank you for enduring this creation fueled by rage and sleep deprivation. anyway i wouldn't mind if you dropped a comment or maybe some kudos (¬‿¬ )

stay safe and sexy (¬‿¬ ) and have a wonderful rest of your day!!!

Chapter 2: 'YOU COULD GET NIPPLE TRANSFER " - kwon soonyoung, while talking about a third nipple

Summary:

the chapter when: we meet mingyu, minghao gets flat shamed, jun is exposing kinks, and soonyoung is still a weirdo.

Notes:

chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: simp/ shit eater
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon: nausea/ small mf
Jeonghan: angel
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: edgelord
Minghao: gr8 m8/single
Vernon: bruh
Joshua: pervert
Mingyu: tall mf

in the That's my Best Friend chat
Jun: Bestie 1
Wonwoo: Bestie 2

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tax Fraud Squad

6;online Dec 8, 1:45pm

 

simp: guess who made a friend~~~

 

edgelord: you?

 

simp: WHAT???? HOW DID YOU KNOW???

simp:  psychic bitch

 

edgelord: oml

 

simp: anyway 

simp: i made friends with a swanky art kid

simp: besides minghao 

 

edgelord: rlly???

 

simp: why is that surprising

 

edgelord: well number one ur socially awkward

edgelord: and number two hao exposed you

 

simp: WHAT

 

edgelord: yeah

edgelord: im surprised you even became friends with them-

edgelord: he exposed you to the entire department

 

pervert: wait what happened

 

edgelord: he exposed that you would eat his shit if he was a dog

 

gr8 m8: i can neither confirm nor deny

 

pervert: wait like if jun was a dog he would eat haos shit or if hao was a dog jun would eat his dog shit

 

edgelord: thats the thing we dont know

 

simp: wait i think i clarified i would eat his dog shit

 

gr8 m8: wtf
gr8 m8: were breaking up again

 

simp: we never got back together

simp: anyways

simp: how did this even happen

 

gr8 m8: it wasn't even my fault oml

gr8 m8: i was telling sicheng about it 

gr8 m8: and he just yelled it out in surprise 

 

simp: thats out of character for him :(

 

ge8 m8: ik

gr8 m8: anyways everyone knows were dating so they knew who he was talking about

gr8 m8: but since its you everyone thought i was joking

 

simp: ok thank god i dont have to kill the cat

 

gr8 m8: what?

 

simp: if my reputation was ruined i was going to murder the cat

 

gr8 m8: yeah im single again

 

pervert: yall never got back together

 

gr8 m8 changed their name to single

single changed simp's name to shit eater

 

shit eater: no comment

 

edgelord: anyways

edgelord: whats ur new friends name?

 

shit eater: kim mingyu :)

 

edgelord: wait hold on

edgelord: as in kim mingyu from middle school???

 

shit eater: yep

 

pervert: if you guys were already friends does he count as a new friend???

 

shit eater: let me have this JOSH >:(

shit eater: also we kinda fell out after like junior year

shit eater: the best part about us being homies again is that wonwoo used to have THE fattest crush on mingyu

 

single: BAHAHAHSJKSKS REMEMBER THE LOVE LETTER

 

shit eater: NOT THE LOVE LETTER

shit water: HE WENT ALL OUT CURSIVE AND EVERYTHING ISTG

 

single: COULDNT DRAW FOR SHIT SO HE DREW THEM AS STICK FIGURES

 

shit eater: NOT THE KISSING STICK FIGURES

 

pervert: *sighs* ah young love

 

single: hag

 

pervertYOU HAVE KNOWN ME FOR LIKE TWO DAYS

 

single: somebody get this mans walking stick 

 

pervert: YOU KIDS THESE DAYS ARE SO UNGRATEFUL

 

edgelord:...

edgelord: why do we always go off topic here

 

single: HOT TOPIC?????

 

edgelord: god no

 

shit eater: anyways

shit eater: im adding him

 

edgelord: now wait just a minute 

 

shit eater added Mingyu

shit eater changed Mingyu's name to tall mf

 

edgelord: why the name 

 

shit eater: you remember how tall he was

 

edgelord: ...

 

tall mf: wait jun idk anyone in this chat

 

pervert: i love how he knew juns name was shit eater

 

tall mf: well duh i was there when minghao said jun was gonna eat his dog shit

 

shit eater: killing the cat rn

 

single: dont you fuckin dare

 

shit eater: try me twig ass bitch >:)

 

single:  >:(

 

tall mf: i assume that single is minghao

tall mf: but i dont know anyone besides hao and jun

 

shit eater: and wonwoo

 

tall mf: HES HERE!?!?!? RLLY???!>!?#>

 

edgelord: hi

 

tall mf: omg hi are you still a book nerd????

 

shit eater: BAHAHAHAHSJSKKSKDK

 

edgelord: ...

edgelord: yes i am 

 

shit eater: anyways

shit eater: we should all do intros

shit eater: for mingyu cause he doesn't know anyone 

shit eater: and josh too ig cause he doesn't know anyone either

 

tall mf: sounds good to me

 

single: alrighty @everyone get yo ass in here

single: were doing intros

single: name, the year you were born, major, and idk something else you wanna tell us

 

child: you go first cheol cause youre an old hag

 

father: the actual disrespect smh

father: choi seungcheol,95 liner, music prod

father: and im dating jeonghan

father: sadly

 

tall mf: i think i ve seen you before

tall mf: ur the hot guy with the dimples and the gummy smile right?

 

angel: stay away from my boyfriend >:(

 

pervert: he literally said he was sad to date you lmao 

 

angel: with your bitter single ass smh

 

pervert: 🙄

 

angel: anyways

angel: my turn

angel: yoon jeonghan, 95 liner, fashion design, dating cheol obvi

 

tall mf: wait jeonghan??

tall mf: we worked together one time i think

 

angel: OOOH THAT MINGYU

angel: yeah i remember you!!!

angel: hi :)

 

tall mf: hi

 

shit eater: of course you know him

shit eater: you know everyone 🙄🙄

 

angel: what?? jealous i have friends??? >:)

 

pervert: im just gonna take my turn now thanks

pervert: hong (jisoo) joshua, 95 liner, visual art, i used to live in LA, and i can play the guitar and sing 

 

bruh: can you speak english?

 

pervert: yeah

 

shit eater: YOURE TELLING ME UR A SWANKY ART MAJOR???? YOU WATCH HENTAI YOU CANT BE AN COOL ART MAJOR

 

pervert: im sure not if i should be offended or not

pervert: also doesn't minghao watch hentai?

pervert: he's an art major too 

 

shit eater: yeah but he's a loser so it doesn't count

 

single: go fuck urlsef

 

tall mf: urlsef :)

 

single: SHUT UP 

 

pervert: anyways whos next

 

shit eater: me~~

shit eater: wen junhui,96 liner, business major (ew) i dance, i also model, im from china, and im obvi dating hao

 

pervert: A MODEL?????? UR TOO LAME TO BE A MODEL WTF

 

shit eater: im not even offended hearing that come from YOU of all people

 

pervert: as a wise man once said "go fuck urlsef"

 

single: ACTUALLY SHUT UP 

 

bruh: whos urlsef?

bruh: did i miss something?

 

shit eater: the new hot transfer

shit eater: i think he's swedish

 

single:  shut up shut up shut up 

 

bruh: im really confused whats happening i just woke up

 

furry: i love how we forgot about me :(

 

angel: no bby i didn't forget about you :(

 

furry: ew die

 

angel: oml

 

furry: anyway my name is kwon soonyoung, 96 liner, dancer, and i like tigers!!

furry: i like tigers a lot

 

tall mf: omg ur hoshi right?

 

furry: thats me :)

 

pervert: who is hoshi

 

furry: just a stage name i use :)

 

nausea: ...

 

pervert: wait i remember you!

pervert: you performed move by taemin last year at the dance showcase!

 

furry: :)

 

nausea: ...

 

shit eater: i love how no one even commented on how he MCed the entire talent show dressed as the Kellogs tiger

 

furry: you could say i did GRRRREAT ;) ( read in tony the tiger's voice)

 

nausea: die

 

edgelord: die

 

single: die

 

child: die

 

furry: yall are so mean :(

 

pervert: thats rough

 

shit eater: kinky ;)

 

nausea: die

 

edgelord: die

 

single: die

 

child: die

 

furry: die

 

pervert: die

 

shit eater: >:( how r00d 

 

nausea: deserved 

nausea: anyways guess its my turn

nausea: lee jihoon, 96 line, music prod, yes im the scary short guy-

 

angel changed nausea's name to small mf

 

small mf: no 

 

tall mf: were matching????*(*&

 

small mf: ????

 

furry: hmm

 

single: 🍵

 

edgelord: ANYWAY

edgelord: jeon wonwoo, literature, 96 line, im a book nerd (?), and i like cats

 

tall mf: not dogs?

 

edgelord: their ok ig i just prefer cats 

 

tall mf: ...oh 

 

edgelord: ???

 

single: :0 🍵 

single: also

single:  #myturn 

single: xu minghao,97 line, fashion design, i dance,im from china, and im dating jun ( usually im dating him tho im single atm so hmu)

 

tall mf: im sure if anyone tried to hit on you jun would go ballistic 

 

single: it cant hurt to try :(

 

shit eater: go fuck urlsef hao

shit eater: also

shit eater: mingyu you should do an intro as well :)

 

tall mf: oh ok 

tall mf: kim mingyu, visual art, 97 liner, i like dogs, i also like fashion but i didn't want to go into it as a career, and i model sometimes for extra $$ 

tall mf: I've also been told i look like a puppy but honestly i dont see it

 

pervert: SEE MINGYU AS I MODEL I ACCEPT! BUT JUN????? 

 

shit eater: ugh just accept im handsome and talented 

 

pervert: ill accept it when you're not famous for wanting to eat dog shit ;)

 

shit eater:...go fuck urlsef

 

single: i will actually chokeslam you

 

shit eater: we have GOT do to something about these anger issues 

 

single: im this close to jumping off a cliff  and taking the cat with me 

 

bruh: now i know how it feels to be forgotten 

 

angel: no bby i didn't forget you <3

 

bruh: :/ ok

 

angel: why does no one appreciate my love :'(

 

bruh: cause its fake :/

 

single:   DAMN

 

pervert:  DAMN

 

child:  DAMN

 

father:  DAMN

 

small mf:  DAMN

 

furry: DAMN HE CREMATED YOU 

 

shit eater: DAMN HE SMOKED YOU 

 

tall mf: DAMN THAT WAS SMOOTH

 

angel: i actually hate it here 

 

father: dont worry i still love you

father: but that was pretty smooth you gotta admit

 

angel: whatever 

 

bruh: im gonna introduce my self now

bruh: chwe (vernon) hansol, 98, music prod, i dance sometimes, i was born in NY but moved here when i was 5

bruh: i can speak some lit english 

 

pervert: aye

 

bruh: aye

 

shit eater: aye

 

bruh: you dont speak english jun you don't get to aye with us

 

shit eater: i just wanted to say aye :(

shit eater: the disrespeckt :(

 

edgelord: you spelling disrespect like that burnt my eyes 

edgelord: and i already have to wear glasses :/

 

shit eater: why does everyone hate me :(

 

child: 1 like= 1 prayer for jun 😔😔

 

shit eater: at least chan loves me :)

 

angel:...

 

edgelord:...

 

father:...

 

child: crickets :/

 

shit eater: this is cyberbullying :"(

 

child: no one cares jun and anyway its my turn

child: lee chan,99, dancer, sadly jeonghans child until im 30

 

angel: why does everyone hate me :(

 

shit eater: now you know how i feel

 

angel: i cant believe im on the same level as YOU :((((

 

shit eater: love you too babe ☆⌒ヽ(*'、^*)

 

single: thats fucking disgusting

 

shit eater: jealousy is a disease bitch

 

single:  :/

 

shit eater:  :3c

 

furry: WAIT I JUST GOT A GOOD IDEA

 

small mf: thats rare

 

furry: meanie >:(

furry: but anyways

furry: since were trying to become #GoodFriends 

furry: we should say one thing that like we wouldn't tell any random person to get closer

 

tall mf: so like a secret?

 

furry: ig 

 

child: Old Hag go first

 

father: ur so mean :(

father: this is top secret so please dont tell anyone 

father: i once wrote sonic x knuckles fanfic

 

furry: AND YOU CALL ME A FURRY????

 

tall mf: please tell me there was no smut

 

shit eater: i once read sonic mpreg fanfic 

 

father: that is an image i never wanted to imagine 

 

angel: when was this

 

father: like 6th grade or smth

father: did you think i wrote it as a grown ass adult????

 

angel: i wouldn't be surprised if you did tbh

 

father: ANYWAY WHOSE NEXT

 

shit eater: seungcheol furry?

 

father: NOPE NOPE WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS 

 

shit eater: ;)

 

furry: WANNA GO TO FUR CON WITH ME HYUNG???

 

father: i hate everything

 

pervert: so true :/

 

angel: my turn :)

angel: i used to think a vagina was a fruit

 

single: *david attenborough voice* the vagina fruit can only be found near the tropical island of Clitoris

 

edgelord: please dont ruin david attenborough for me 

 

tall mf: wait whats a clitoris :(

 

edgelord: you...dont know what a clitoris is?

 

angel: just google it

 

tall mf: fine but if tentacles show up im gonna cry

 

shit eater: i mean it really depends on what type of clit you look up 

 

single: jun SHUT UP

 

angel: weres josh its his turn 

 

pervert: thighs...thighs....THIGHS JSIDOIHIDJSKDKS

 

angel: oh dear

 

shit eater: thigh kink?

 

pervert: ARRAGAGAGAGGAAR 

pervert: VERY SEXY ARRRRRRGARGARGARGARGAR

 

small mf: what the actual fuck is happening 

 

pervert: my life goal is to suffocate between thighs GRRRRRRRRRR

 

shit eater: OOooOOOOOo he horny horny >:)

 

father: so shua thigh kink and furry confirmed.

 

small mf: wow so im in a gc with a bunch of furries.

 

edgelord: hoon i watched you bark at a squirrel.

 

small mf: that is the past 

 

edgelord: it was this morning o

 

small mf: yk what shut up 

 

shit eater: once i changed the movie in the movie theater to gay porn.

 

single: much better than that garbage horror movie ;)

 

shit eater: it was the better type of R rated ;)

 

edgelord: ...this....is why yall are dating

 

small mf: how did you even manage to do that.

 

shit eater: top secret ;)

 

father: im more worried about what the people in the theatre thought.

 

shit eater: ;)

 

bruh: i had been wondering why those two naked men just appeared on the screen right before a murder

 

shit eater: BAHAHAHA YOU WERE THERE???

 

bruh: yes

bruh: not to watch gay porn tho

bruh: i will say the porn was better than the movie

bruh: no one even left when it came on

 

edgelord: this is why i worry for society

edgelord: actuallyi guess its my turn

edgelord: this is really embarrassing

edgelord: one time i was at the store and i saw this guy who looked like minghao from the behind so i went and smacked his ass 

edgelord: but i wasnt him so i ran away so fast.

 

shit eater: if the guy had an ass then how could you not tell it wasn't minghao

shit eater: minghao got no ass that shit looks like an extra back

 

single: not you flat shaming me smh

 

shit eater: ok flathao ;)

 

single: this is cyberbullying pt 2

 

pervert: wonwoo you really dont seem like that type to smack ass

 

shit eater: he gets smacked 😳 ✋

 

edgelord: ....jun

 

tall mf: WGAZAZAZZAZA???

 

bruh: gotta love jun exposing everyone's kinks

 

angel: ur into spanking?

 

edgelord: anyways soons ur turn

 

angel: YOU CANT AVOID ME FOREVER

 

furry: i once went to fur con thinking it was my dance tournament

 

shit eater: GRRR BARK BARK WOOF GRRR

 

edgelord: everyday i worry more

 

bruh: was it fun?

 

furry:  did you know there are furry nazis?

 

edgelord: i really didnt wanna know

 

father: my biggest question is how you got dance and furries confused

 

furry: im talented like that ;)

 

angel: what a low bar for talent

 

father: hoon ur turn :)

 

small mf: yeah ik

small mf: i used to have a cosplay tiktok with 100k followers 

small mf: and i had toxic fangirls

 

furry: who did you cosplay 

 

small mf: ....

small mf: thank god i deleted the account 

 

furry: TELL ME 

 

small mf: haha no 

 

father: I WAS ABOUT TO SEND THE USERNAME BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THERE WAS A 6 OR A 3

 

small mf: thank god for your pea-sized brain 

 

father: ur mean >:(

 

single: tee hee my turn

single: me and jun once made frog porn with real frogs

single: we went out to find frogs 

single: fucking 

single: do not ask

 

edgelord: everyday i genuinely get more concerned for you guys

 

shit eater: it was kinda hot

 

single: die

 

furry: do frogs moan?

 

shit eater: actually they croak 

 

child: this ^ has ruined my image of frogs forever 

 

shit eater: you've done worse 

 

furry: chan croaks?

 

angel: lets stop right there

 

tall mf: is it my turn? :>

 

furry: go ahead-

 

tall mf: this is pretty weird but

tall mf: i have three nipples?

 

furry: YOU CAN HAVE THREE NIPPLES???

 

shit eater: thats kinda hot ;)

 

single: please! die! painfully! jun!

 

tall mf: it doesn't do anything and its kinda small but yeah its there-

 

furry: I GOTTA SEE THIS 

 

small mf: you guys just met-

 

tall mf: its all right 

tall mf: soonyoung if you wanna see my third nipple you can

 

furry: YES

furry: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU COULD HAVE THREE NIPPLES

furry: THATS SO COOL

 

tall mf: really?

 

furry: YEAH

furry: ITS LIKE THEN YOU HAVE A BACKUP NIPPLE IN CASE ANYTHING HAPPENS

 

tall mf: backup nipple?

tall mf: i never thought about it like that

 

furry: LIKE IF YOU GET SHOT IN THE NIPPLE OR SMTH

furry: YOU COULD GET NIPPLE TRANSFER 

 

tall mf: why would i get shot in the nipple?

 

furry: idk

furry: but

furry: where are you?

 

tall mf: my apartment why

 

furry: i dont even know where you live but im gonna go find you

 

furry is offline

 

tall mf: should i be worried?

 

shit eater: nah

shit eater: soons is super nice and he gets excited over weird things

shit eater: he's super friendly tho

shit eater: you might wanna dm him ur address or else hes gonna go to every apartment in the whole damn country 

 

tall mf: ok :)

 

father: and that isnt even the weirdest thing thats happened here

 

edgelord: is soonyoung really gonna go look at his nipple?

 

small mf: prob 

 

single: well anyways

single: whos next?

 

bruh: me

 

angel: where have you been?

 

bruh: ;)

 

angel: nevermind

 

bruh: i robbed mcdonalds one time

 

small mf: shouldn't you be in jail 

 

bruh: not if no one says anything ;)

 

father: this doesnt even make the top 10 of "Crazy Shit Vernon Has Done While High As A Kite"

 

bruh: it was actually me and soons and i was complteely unhigh btw 

 

father: UNHIGH???

 

bruh: we brought a  large bucket and filled it with all the sprite in the entire mcdonalds.

bruh: we were gonna raid the kitchens to see if there was anything good but soonyoung swore he heard a child crying so we bolted

 

shit eater: how did you not get caught

 

bruh: soonyoung accidentally broke the security cam by throwing a door handle at it in excitement 

 

edgelord: why was he

edgelord: yk what idc anymore

 

small mf: i was wondering why you guys had so much sprite outta nowhere

 

bruh: this is top secret doe

bruh: i dont wanna go to jail for robbing Mcdonalds 

 

small mf: i dont want you to go to jail with soonyoung 

small mf: it would be like watching a hyperactive child at the edge of a lava pit

 

bruh: good thing im a terrible babysitter then ;)

bruh: anyway whose next

 

angel: last but not least chan

 

child: get a load of this LOSERS

child: i

child: am

child: not 

child: a

child: virgin

 

angel: WHAT ???L#)($(*&(#&$()&*&

 

father: EXCUSE ME???? WHAT?????

 

small mf: HUH 

 

shit eater: OAKSKKAJSKAK WHAT????????

 

single: way to end it with a bang lmao

 

bruh: haha bang ;)

bruh: you get it?

 

angel: NOT THE RIGHT TIME 

 

father: MY INNOCENT CHILD

 

angel: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY 

 

father: HE HAS SUCCUMBED TO THE SINS 

 

angel: WOE IS ME 

 

edgelord: it was bound to happen at some point you do realize that right

 

angel: SHUT UP WERE HAVING A MOMENT 

 

father: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

father: YOU MUST GET The Talk 

 

angel: YES YOU MUST GET THE SACRED Talk

 

child: NOOOOOO UGH ITS GONNA BE SO AWKWARD WHY 

 

angel: COME 

angel: WE SHALL MEET AT MY HUMBLE ABODE 

 

father: WE SHALL

 

f ather is offline

angel is offline

child is offline

 

shit eater: anyone up for a threesome?

 

single: i hate you so much

 

shit eater: aw babe you love me <3

 

small mf: i love how they started to speak all proper after finding out chan has been fucking

 

shit eater: was that sarcasm? i can never tell with you

 

small mf: it was sarcasm :/

 

shit eater: my question was sarcasm :/

 

small mf: :/

 

single: welp that was fun

 

edgelord: this entire talk has drained all of my social energy

edgelord: in fact im gonna go take a nap now

 

edgelord is offline

 

shit eater: hey @single wanna make out?

 

single: die 

 

shit eater: </3

 

small mf: honestly a nap sounds nice rn

 

small mf is offline

 

shit eater: looks like its just you and me babe

 

single: actually vernon is still here

 

bruh is offline

 

shit eater: BAHAHAH

 

single: >:/

 

shit eater: hey @single 

 

single: what

 

shit eater: wanna make out?

 

single is offline

 

shit eater: </3

 

 

Tax Fraud Squad

5;online Dec 8, 4:00pm

 

furry: I CAN DIE IN PEACE

 

small mf: why what happened

 

furry: I SAW MINGYUS THIRD NIPPLE

 

small mf: i told yall he would actually go see it

 

furry: IT WAS TINY BUT IT EXISTS 

furry: HIS BACKUP NIPPLE

furry: also mingyu kinda a hottie ;)

furry: and he has nice abs

furry: he gon make me act up ngl like....

 

edgelord: :/ 

 

furry: what? jealous?

 

edgelord: no

 

furry: i think i saw ur nose grow a bit PINOCCHIO 

 

small mf: did you do anything else?

 

furry: HE HAS THE CUTEST DOG 

furry: I MIGHT JUST STEAL HER

furry: AND HE CAN COOK SOMETHING BESIDES INSTANT RAMEN

furry: AND HES A WHOLE GROWN ASS MAN BUT HE GIGGLES?)(@)#()$(&

furry: IDK HOW BUT HE MANAGED TO BE HOT AND CUTE LIKE??????

 

bruh: so we've come to the conclusion that

bruh: mingyu=cutie

 

furry: I MAY BE A CERTIFIED SIMP

 

single: you and the entire school :/

 

furry: OUR SCHOOL HAS TASTE

furry: I MEAN HE LET ME LOOK AT HIS THIRD NIPPLE

furry: I FEEL THE CONNECTION

 

edgelord: ...mhm

 

furry: what? did you wanna see his nipples?

 

edgelord:  NO NO OF COURSE NOT

 

furry: them pants on fire you liar

furry: anyway

furry: what are yall doing

 

edgelord: im going to the library

 

furry: ew book nerd

 

edgelord: at least i can do my 8 times tables 

 

furry: SHUT UP YOU KNOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE 8 TIMES TABLES

 

edgelord: uh huh and how you cant do 8x7

 

furry: DONT SAY SUCH PROFANITIES 

 

pervert: what? 8x7?

 

furry: AHAHHHHHHHHHH DONT SAY IT

 

edgelord: he has a rough relationship with 8x7

edgelord: even though he's in college he still can't do it without a calculator 

 

pervert: lmao

 

furry: STOP ITS NOT FUNNY

furry: IT HAUNTS MY DREAMS 

 

edgelord: kay anyways i gotta go 

edgelord: later

 

edgelord is offline

 

furry: I HOPE 8x7 GETS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP >:(

 

pervert: its just 56

 

furry: AHHHHHHHHHHH DONT SAY THAT CURSED WORD

 

pervert: lmao

 

 

That's my Best Friend </3

2;online Dec 8, 4:00pm

 

Bestie 2: wait theres like a super hot guy in the library 

 

Bestie 1: what 

Bestie 1: a hot guy at the library? 

Bestie 1: only stinky nerds hang out at the library 

 

Bestie 2: didnt you first meet minghao at the library

 

Bestie 1: hes to dumb to be a stinky nerd

 

Bestie 2: im honestly so confused about ur relationship

 

Bestie 1: we just have a different way of expressing love 

 

Bestie 2: through him telling you to die and you calling him dumb? 

 

Bestie 1: yes <3

 

Bestie 2: thats fucked up but ok

 

Bestie 1: fine deal with your boy problem by yourself then

 

Bestie 2: before you go the Hot Guy is talking with minghao

 

Bestie 1: WHAT A HOT GUY TALKING TO HIM 

Bestie 1: HE DOES REALIZE WERE NOT ACTUALLY BROKEN UP RIGHT?????

 

Bestie 2: relax its a more friendly kinda talk

Bestie 2: not like flirting talk

Bestie 2: from what i can see

 

Bestie 1: are you stalking them from behind a bookshelf or smth lmao

 

Bestie 2: ...maybe

Bestie 2: but only because this guy is freakishly close to my ideal type

 

Bestie 1: ur ideal type is godlike 

 

Bestie 2: ik which is why i think im dreaming rn

 

Bestie 1: send pics 

 

Bestie 2: WHAT NO THATS CREEPY

 

Bestie 1: JUST DO IT HOE

 

Bestie 2: [two photo attachments]

 

Bestie 1: wait....

 

Bestie 2: what?

 

Bestie 1: BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG MDKKSJDKD

 

Bestie 2: WHAT????

 

Bestie 1: THATS KIM MINGYU DUMBFUCK NJISDHLISDJBKSD

 

Bestie 2: WHAT?????? HUH#EIUIDOJ(#*($ UM HUH????

Bestie 2: HE LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUT ALSO THE SAME????

Bestie 2: ITS LIKE FATE WANTS ME TO HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM AGIAN

Bestie 2: hes hot this is unfair >:((((((

 

Bestie 1:  go talk to him >:)

 

Bestie 2: hell no

 

Bestie 1: bro how you gonna get a boyfriend if you just gonna stalk him????

 

Bestie 2: im not gonna get a boyfriend :/

 

Bestie 1: UH HUH YES YOU ARE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT 

 

 

shit eater + dog

2;online Dec 8, 4:05pm

 

shit eater: hey

shit eater: loser

shit eater: haooooooooooo

shit eater:  @dog 

 

dog: what

 

shit eater: I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU <333333333333333

 

dog: im leaving

 

shit eater: no wait i actually have something important to say

 

dog: what is it

 

shit eater: ur in the library with mingyu right?

 

dog: yeah why?

 

shit eater: wonwoos stalking yall from behind a bookshelf and he was screaming about how mingyu is his ideal type and how hes hot

shit eater: so my genius brain thought "lets get them to talk so i can enjoy panicked wonwoo and so wonwoo could maybe get a boyfriend"

 

dog: im bored  lets do it

 

That's my Best Friend </3

2;online Dec 8, 4:10pm

 

Bestie 1: jun

Bestie 1: JUN

Bestie 1: OML JUN

Bestie 1: HE COMING TOWARDS MEE??????

Bestie 1: dont leave me like this 

Bestie 1: I TAKE BACK EVERY BAD THING I EVER SAID

Bestie 1:  DONT IGNORE ME IJDFKJDKM

Bestie 1: HES TALKING TO ME???????? HELP EKJDSJC

 

shit eater + dog

2;online Dec 8, 4:16pm

 

shit eater: whats happening

 

dog: mingyu introduced himself, wonwoos all flustered and he introduced himself as well, even though mingyu already knows its him (lol)

dog: THIS BITCH IS STAMMERING??? SINCE WHEN IS WONWOO CUTE AND NOT AN ASS???? HELP???

dog: i wish our first meeting was this cute

 

shit eater: this technically isnt their FIRST meeting but i get what you mean

shit eater: also

shit eater: be grateful you got ME as your boyfriend loser

 

dog: yeah yeah whatever its not fair i get drop kicked and they get a meet cute 

dog: ugh stop their actually blushing rn

dog: its so cute im jealous

 

shit eater: should i make you blush?

 

dog: die

 

shit eater: ur so cute hao

 

dog: ACTUALLY DIE 

 

shit eater: i love you too ;) 

shit eater: WAIT I JUST GOT A GOOD IDEA

 

shit eater created a chat

shit eater added single and edgelord to the chat

shit eater named the chat Operation: Get Wonwoo a Man

shit eater changed their name to call me

call me changed single's name to beep me

call me changed edgelord's name to single loser

 

Operation: Get Wonwoo a Man

3;online Dec 8, 4:25pm

 

beep me: HOW COME I HAVE TO BE BEEP ME

beep me: THATS NOT FAIR IM ALWAYS CALL ME

 

call me: YEAH WELL ITS MY TURN TO BE CALL ME >:(

call me: ALSO BEEP ME IS NOT THAT BAD

 

single loser: you have done this before?

single loser: nevermind of course you guys have done this before 

 

call me: we are Certified Spies

 

beep me: so why are we Kim Possible-ing?

 

call me: literally read the chat name dummy 

 

beep me: yk what shut up

beep me: are we gonna like

beep me:  stalk wonwoo???

 

call me: yes def prob when he goes on a date with gyu or smth

call me: we can like spy on him

 

single loser: i love how were talking as if im not here 

 

beep me: shut up ur irrelevant 

 

single loser: damn ok

 

beep me: go talk with your soon to be bf

 

single loser: die

 

call me: what were yall talking about 

 

single loser: stuff

 

call mf: BE SPECIFIC PLEEK

 

single loser: um about ourselves, about school, about the past few years 

 

beep me:  mhm but why were you blushing so much 

 

single loser: well he had to go but he wanted to talk more so he invited me to hang out over the weekend

 

call me: A DATE??? ALREADY??? WHENS THE WEDDING???

 

single loser: it is a Friendly Outing 

 

call me: whatever you say

 

single loser: ugh stop hes so cute

single loser: he called me that nickname from like 7th grade im gonna go cry in a hole

 

call me: stop thats cute 

 

beep me: THESE BITCHES GAY

 

single loser: HE GAVE ME A HUG 

single loser: IM SCREAMING HELP

 

call me: not you getting up close and personal 

 

beep me: THESE BITCHES SO GAY

 

single loser: well its gonna be harder than i thought to repress All My Feelings

 

call me: what

call me: OMG WON NO

call me: DONT DO THAT

 

beep me: DONT REPRESS UR FEELINGS WHAT

 

single loser is offline

 

call me: this is gonna be harder than we thought

 

beep me: dang :/

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

comes back months later without starbucks or however it goes- anyways im REALLY SORRY for not updating:((((( i posted this then i had a bunch of exams and got SUPER busy but i promise that i will begin to update more regularly. pls comment smth cause i need validation from strangers.

stay safe and sexy beautiful people~~

In The Next Chapter --->
- jun gets a dick scar
- sadly jihoon passes away (fly high)
- joshua is running from his problems ( literally)
- socially awkward is not in vernons dicktionary™

Random Note:
i once did see frogs having sex and ran away so fast.

Chapter 3: " EVERYTHING IS SCARIER WHEN A STRAIGHT PERSON DOES IT " - joshua hong, while talking about tiktok POVs

Summary:

the chapter in which: vernon makes friends (go king), jun gets a dick scar, joshua is always running from his problems (literally), and jihoon dies (fly high😫🙏)

Notes:

chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: shit eater/#NoDickLife
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon:small mf
Jeonghan: angel
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: edgelord/nip licker
Minghao: single
Vernon: bruh
Joshua: pervert/ joshakuna
Mingyu: tall mf
Seungkwan: boo

In the Responsible Ones chat
Cheol: coups
Joshua: shua
Wonwoo: won
Jihoon: hoon

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tax Fraud Squad

4;online Dec 9, 8:30 am

 

bruh: guys help

bruh: i got my finger stuck in a pencil sharpener 

bruh: it kinda hurts

 

angel: how did you manage to do that 

 

bruh: i got paired up with this guy for a project and were supposed to be brainstorming

bruh: but he's talking with someone else so i got bored

bruh: so i stuck my finger in a pencil sharpener 

 

angel: ...look i know youre socially awkward but you have to try

 

bruh: im not socially awkward :/

bruh: he just saw me with my finger in a pencil sharpener so i winked ar him

bruh: whos awkward now? 😎😎

 

shit eater is online

 

shit eater: HAS ANYONE SEEN HAO 

 

bruh: no

 

angel: ^

 

edgelord: why are you looking for him?

 

shit eater:  I NEED HIM

shit eater: he has to hakuna my tatas ;)

 

edgelord removed shit eater from the chat

 

edgelord: im sorry i just cant handle that this early

edgelord: actually 

edgelord: i can never handle it 

 

angel: i really dont understand yalls friendship

 

edgelord: its mostly based on the fact that i couldn't make any friends when i was like 6

 

child: thats pu$$y man 

 

edgelord: wtf 

 

child: sorry that went to the wrong chat 

 

angel: no chan tell us 

angel: what is pu$$y

 

child: you dont know what a pu$$y is?

 

edgelord: we do know what it is 

edgelord: but why are you using it as an adjective 

edgelord: thats weird

 

child: CAUSE I JUST WANTED TO BE COOL FOR ONCE OK???

child: I WANTED TO BE LIKE THE COOL KIDZ WHO USE WEIRD WORDS

child: I WANTED TO BE  A TRENDSETTER

 

edgelord: adding dollar signs doesn't make it cooler

 

child: GO AWAY 

 

angel: actually it kinda has a ring too it honestly

 

child: see?

 

bruh: i got my finger unstuck :)

 

angel: thats pu$$y bro

 

bruh: huh

 

edgelord: dont even question it 

edgelord: its not worth the time 

 

bruh: ok...

 

angel: only the cool kids have pu$$y

 

child: mhm

 

bruh: dang where can i get one

 

child: PFF

 

angel: the pu$$y store 

 

bruh: wheres that

 

angel: where ever you want it to be

 

child: thats the pu$$y guarantee

 

bruh: now im more confused

 

edgelord: ITS TO EARLY FOR THIS 

 

single added shit eater to the chat

 

single: im sorry i had to

single: he kept singing hakuna ma tata 

single: and awkwardly throwing it back to the point where it pained me

single: for the sake of my sanity i added him back

 

single is offline

 

shit eater: hey sexies ;)

 

edgelord: usually when i take out the trash it doesn't come back :/

 

shit eater: :"( 

 

bruh: guys my partner asked my name do i tell him?

 

angel: yes!

 

bruh: but you always say Stranger Danger

 

angel: he wants to be your friend! (maybe)

 

bruh: hmmm

 

angel: just tell him your name

 

bruh: okay :)

 

edgelord: jun wanna play minecraft??? :)

 

shit eater: YES LETS GO TO MY FAV WORLD

 

edgelord: not the one with the 3D dick right?

 

shit eater: no the one with the strip club

 

edgelord: ok :))))

 

shit eater: im so excited to show you

shit eater: i added a new section and new strippers

shit eater: wait a minute 

shit eater: WONWOO YOU FUCKER

 

edgelord: thats revenge for blowing up my minecraft cat cafe >:(

 

shit eater: I SPENT THREE MONTHS ON THAT 

 

edgelord: I SPENT FOUR MONTHS ON MY CAT CAFE

 

angel: what happened

 

shit eater: HE BLEW UP MY MINECRAFT STRIP CLUB

shit eater: I BUILT THE ENTIRE THING OUT OF DIAMOND AND IN SURVIVAL MODE

shit eater: YOU FUCKER THAT TOOK SO LONG 

 

edgelord: I HAD TO GO OUT AND FIND FUCKING CATS 

edgelord: AND GET SO MUCH FISH

edgelord: I ALMOST DIED LIKE 10000000 TIMES

 

shit eater: D I A M O N D 

shit eater: THE ENTIRE THING 

shit eater: YOUR CAT HUNTING COULD NOT MATCH UP TO THE HOURS I WAS IN THE MINE 

shit eater: THE NUMBER OF PICKAXES I FUCKING DESTROYED

 

edgelord: YK WHAT 

edgelord: YOU KIDNAPPED A BUNCH OF VILLAGERS FOR THAT STRIP CLUB

edgelord: THATS ILLEGAL YOU SICK FUCK

 

shit eater: ITS MINECRAFT??????*&*&)(

shit eater: ALSO I WAS PAYING THEM?????

shit eater: YOU KNOW ITS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM TO BE A MINECRAFT PIMP AND OWN A STRIP CLUB

 

edgelord: WELL I GUESS YOURE GONNA HAVE TO DO WITHOUT THAT STRIP CLUB

 

single is online

 

single: wonwoo why is jun crying >:(

 

edgelord: i blew up his strip club

 

single: YOU FUCKING DIDNT 

 

edgelord: i did

 

single: YOU BITCH

single: YOU KNOW MY FAV VILLAGER FREDRICKSON WORKED THERE

single: YOU KNOW HE HAD TO RAISE HIS LITTLE SISTER ALL BY HIMSELF

 

edgelord: HE HAS TO RAISE HER ALONE CAUSE YOU KILLED HIS MOM 

 

single: IN MY DEFENSE THE BOOK SHE WAS SELLING WAS OVERPRICED

 

edgelord: ITS STILL MURDER????

 

bruh: seungkwan says yall are weird

 

single: who?

 

bruh: my partner

bruh: he's been reading over my shoulder for the past 7 mins

bruh: he also askes why jun didn't make a copy of his world

 

shit eater: i did ;-;

shit eater: but a creeper blew it up 

shit eater: i heard creeper stripers were very popular 

shit eater: but they didn't like me 

 

bruh: seungkwan says that creeper stripers are overrated and you should have done zombie stripers

 

shit eater: i know that now :/

shit eater: also 

shit eater: since when do you have the social skills to make friends

 

bruh: well after i told him my name we actually started to do work (but we mostly ended up chatting about random things)

bruh: but then you blew up the chat 

bruh: and he read over my shoulder 

 

shit eater: im so proud of you <3

 

bruh:  thanks :/

bruh:  means a lot coming from someone who wanted to eat dog shit

 

shit eater: EVERYTIME I TRY TO BE NICE YALL ARE MEAN >:(

 

single: HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY DID BLOW IT UP

 

edgelord: HE LITERALLY KILLED ALL MY CATS 

edgelord: EVEN SPARKY >>:((

edgelord: OF COURSE IM GONNA BLOW UP HIS SHITHOLE OF A CLUB

 

shit eater: THE SERVICE THERE WAS GREAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 

edgelord: YOU THREW ME INTO LAVA????

 

shit eater: HAVENT YOU HEARD OF LAVA PLAY???

shit eater: PLUS YOU WERE THE ONE WHO ASKED FOR PREMIUM SERVICE

 

edgelord: LAVA PLAY IS NOT A THING

edgelord: UNLESS YOU ARE TRYING TO BECOME A PIECE OF ROASTED CHICKEN

 

shit eater: DONT YOU KNOW THATS WHATS HOT THESE DAYS

 

edgelord: CHICKEN PEOPLE????

 

shit eater: ugh so hot 🥵🥵🥵

 

single: purchasing a chicken suit rn

single: its kinda hot ngl

single: chicken suit gon make me act up

 

edgelord: oh my fucking god

edgelord: furries

 

shit eater: SAYS THE MAN MEOWED AT ME 

 

single: uwu wonwoo cat boy? owo 

 

edgelord: die minghao

 

single: rawr x3 *nuzzles* uwu how are you? *pounces on you* you're so warm o3o

 

edgelord: im going to cry please stop

 

shit eater: WONWOO WHY DID YOU CHANGE UR USERNAME ON TWITTER TO MAN TITTIE THINKER

 

edgelord: THAT WAS MINGHAO I SWEAR

 

single: but you haven't changed it back 🤔🤔🤔

 

edgelord: CAUSE YOU CHANGED MY PASSWORD YOU ASSHAT

edgelord: I TRIED TO CHANGE IT 

 

single: :p oh well 

 

edgelord: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OH WELL 

edgelord: ALL MY MOOTS THINK IM CRAZY

 

shit eater: deserved

 

edgelord: jun shut up you have gotten suspended too many time for talking about sexting with minghao

 

shit eater: ig im too nsfw for that app :/

 

edgelord: ur too nsfw for this chat loser :///

 

shit eater: r00d >:(

 

single: mister fuzzy balls uwu

 

edgelord: minghao im going to throat punch you so hard

 

single: punish me daddy owo *nuzzles your necky wecky* ~murr~ hehe  ;) 

 

shit eater: >:0 

 

edgelord: im going to commit not alive rn 

 

pervert is online

 

pervert: heya pals!!!!!!!

pervert: isnt it such a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

angel: you've seen a cute boy

 

pervert: ...how did you know?

 

angel: who the fuck says pals and uses like 15 exclamation points when their not in the middle of a "I've Seen a Cute Boy¨ crisis

angel: honestly thats the most basic gay crisis :/

 

shit eater: i say pals :(

 

angel: you dont count

angel: you use the word "bussy" as part of your everyday vocabulary 

 

shit eater: I SAID BUSSY ONE TIME

shit eater: ONE TIME

 

angel: ;)

angel: anyway

angel: what do you need josh

 

pervert: how do you not act stupid in front of someone 

 

bruh: idk think about them in their underwear?

 

pervert: SHEJRHEHRKKSEJUEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

shit eater: OooOOOOOooooo he horny horny ;)

 

pervert: 01101110 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100101 01101101 01110000 01110100 01111001 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100011 01110101 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101111 01111001 

 

angel: you fuckin broke him

 

shit eater: OOOOOoooooOO you wanna hakuna his tata

 

pervert: die

 

bruh: seungkwan says to imagine them as a dog

 

pervert: whos seungkwan

 

bruh: my work partner

bruh: *my friend

bruh: hes my friend now?

 

pervert: good for you

pervert: also

pervert: the problem is he's so attractive that if i imagine him as a dog it will still be cute 

 

shit eater: imagine him as a wet dog

 

pervert: ew thats gross

 

shit eater: exactly ;)

shit eater: WONWOO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY MAID CAFE

 

pervert: ur maid cafe?

 

shit eater: in minecraft

 

bruh: seungkwan says he wants to see it

 

shit eater: why dont you add him to the chat

 

bruh: his roommate cracked his phone screen so he doesn't have it rn

 

shit eater: Dang 

 

bruh: he gave me his number tho

bruh: he says yall are funny

bruh: he also said he thinks jun needs serious help

 

shit eater: YK WHAT DONT ADD HIM

shit eater: EVERYONE IN THIS CHAT JUST BULLIES ME

shit eater: THIS ISNT THE TAX FRAUD SQUAD THIS IS THE "LETS ALL BULLY JUN SQUAD"

 

edgelord named the chat: Let's All Bully Jun Squad 

 

shit eater: THIS IS ACTUALLY CYBERBULLYING

 

bruh: deserved

 

shit eater: WHY AM I FRIENDS WITH ANY OF YOU

 

edgelord: cause no one else can deal with your shit

 

shit eater: yk what

shit eater: that is a Valid Point

 

single: wait i love that chat name

 

shit eater: YOU WOULD YOU ROACH

 

single: ROACH????? 

 

shit eater: YES 

shit eater: THE WAY YOU SKITTER SKITTER AROUND LIKE A ROACH

shit eater: I COULD SQUISH YOU WITH MY FOOT 

shit eater: ROACHHAO

 

single: OK SHITHUI

 

shit eater: hey you calling me that is kinda....hot 

shit eater: what if we made out rn ;)

 

single: die!!!!!!!!! :))))))) 

 

shit eater: </3

 

pervert: sooo... i made a fool out of myself

 

angel: BAHAHAHAHAHA YALL LOOK

angel: [one video attachment] ( video of joshua going up to talk to Cute Boy but falling on his face, jeonghan cackling in the bg)

angel: HIS SHOELACE WAS UNTIED IM CRYING

 

shit eater: JAKAKJSKSNSN

 

bruh: F

 

edgelord: 

 

single: F

 

pervert: :(

 

angel: THATS NOT EVEN THE BEST PART

angel: HE WAS INTRODUCING HIMSELF AND THEN HE SCREAMED HAKUNA CAUSE HE REMEMBERED " hakuna his tatas"

 

shit eater: GAHAHAHHHSHAHSHG 

 

bruh: double F

 

edgelord: triple F

 

single: lmfao quadruple F

 

pervert: ITS NOT FUNNY GUYS

pervert: HE THINKS MY NAME IS JOSHAKUNA

 

shit eater: BAHAHAHAHA

 

pervert: ITS NOT FUNNY

 

shit eater: ok joshakuna ;)

 

shit eater changed pervert's name to joshakuna 

 

joshakuna: >>>:(((

 

bruh: seungkwan says joshakuna is a beautiful name

 

joshakuna: tell him thanks 

 

bruh: he says "it was sarcasm :/"

 

joshakuna: HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ME AND HES ALREADY BULLYING ME

 

edgelord: he would fit right in

 

single: good friend choice vernon

 

bruh: i told yall im not socially awkward

bruh: its not even in my Dicktionary™ 

 

joshakuna: your what now?

 

bruh: Dicktionary™ 

 

shit eater: its a better version of the dictionary created by the gc

 

single: it has a drawing of Shakespeares penis on the front

 

joshakuna: how do you know what that looks like

 

single: fossils ;)

 

angel: it features words like "bussy"

 

shit eater: I SAID BUSSY ONE TIME 

 

angel: ITS NOT EVEN THE FACT THAT YOU SAID IT

angel: ITS THE FACT THAT YOU SAID IT WHILE REFERRING TO YOUR CAT

 

shit eater: I NEVER TALKED ABOUT CAT BUSSY

 

bruh: isn't your cat a female?

 

angel: thats why it was so confusing

 

shit eater: i literally never said that 

 

angel: you did :/

 

shit eater: whatever im going back to my maid cafe

 

shit eater is offline 

 

edgelord: im gonna set fire to said maid cafe 

 

single: wait i wanna play minecraft with yall too :(

 

edgelord: we can burn down the maid cafe together

 

single: ok but only cause i feel like that one villager rachel keeps trying to hit on jun

 

edgelord is offline

single is offline

 

bruh:  i better get back to class

bruh: bye

 

bruh is offline

 

joshakuna: so...hows life?

 

angel is offline

 

joshakuna: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO ME ????

 

 

 

Let's All Bully Jun Squad 

4;online Dec 10, 2:34pm

 

single: these cat laser thingies are fake smh 

 

furry: what?

 

single: yk the ones where the cat is supposed to like try and catch the laser

 

furry: oh those

furry: how is it fake 

 

single: im pointing it at juns face and the cat isn't doing anything

 

bruh: why do you want the cat to attack your boyfriend

 

single: Entertainment 

 

angel: ill never understand people in relationships 

 

bruh: but you're in a relationship

 

angel: that part is irrelevant 

 

bruh:  :/

 

single: this was a waste of $6

single: now im sad

single: and bored 

 

furry: you could watch porn?

 

single: im bored not horny :/

 

furry: sometimes its the same thing 

 

single: :/

single: oh shit wait

 

furry: what

 

single: OH NO 

single: oh shit what did i just do

 

angel: what happened????

 

single: JUNS DICK IS BLEEDING *@????)($)

 

bruh: HUH

 

angel: oml

 

single: THIS STUPID CAT LASER ARAGAGAGR

 

furry: what? did the cat laser chop off his dick?

 

single: more like the cat

single: i think we have to go to the ER

 

single is offline

 

bruh: wtf just happened 

 

furry: wait im still confused 

furry: did the cat chop off his dick or the laser

 

angel: just another day in this hellhole of a gc 

 

 

Let's All Bully Jun Squad 

5;online Dec 10, 4:00pm

 

shit eater: guess whos back from the ER :)

 

edgelord: this is like the second time within two weeks :/

 

joshakuna: what happened?

 

shit eater: my cat shredded my dick off 

 

joshakuna: WHAT

 

shit eater: jk

shit eater: she just scratched it 

shit eater: like alot

shit eater: doctor says it might scar ;)

 

joshakuna: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

 

single: its kinda my fault

 

joshakuna: you told the cat to scratch his dick?

 

shit eater: no? not really?

shit eater: i had one of those cat laser things and the cat really didn't care about it

shit eater: then i dropped it and it pointed at juns crotch

shit eater: and the cat attacked it 

 

edgelord: oml

 

shit eater: they put bandaids on it

shit eater: it felt so weird that even i couldn't get off to it

shit eater: and i get off to pretty much everything ;)

 

edgelord: tmi :/

 

shit eater: also no sexual anything until the wound heals

shit eater: THATS LIKE 3 WEEKS OF NO ACTION AT ALL

shit eater: IM GONNA BE HORNY FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH ;-;

 

bruh: Dang with a capital D

 

edgelord: were the cuts deep?

 

shit eater: not really 

shit eater: the doctor said i should be fine to use my dick after the scratches heal

shit eater: on the plus side i get a dick scar

 

edgelord: how is that a plus

edgelord: the only people who see your dick know you got the scar from your cat

 

shit eater: dont ruin this for me ;-;

shit eater: i already cant masturbate >:(

 

edgelord: :/

 

shit eater: AND HAO

shit eater: dont think im not mad at you >:(

shit eater: just because i love you does not mean i will be fine with you taking away masturbation from me >>:(((

 

single: :/

single: uh huh 

single: says the man who is literally kissing my face :/

 

shit eater: >>>:((( IM STILL GONNA KISS YOUR FACE 

shit eater: EVEN IF IM MAD 

shit eater: YOU HAVE A VERY CUTE FACE 

 

single: stop >:( ur gonna make me embarrassed 

 

shit eater: deserved >:(

 

single: no >:>

 

shit eater: DONT MAKE THAT FACE IM GONNA CRY 

 

single: >:> 

 

shit eater: *head in hands* 

 

bruh: are you guys still at the ER?

 

single: nah were at home

single: we both skipped dance so soons isnt gonna be happy

 

shit eater: he might laugh at my dick scar-

 

single: its not a dick scar

 

shit eater: yet. its not a dick scar yet.

 

bruh: for some reason this reminds me of the time jihoon dropped a wax strip on his dick

bruh: and kept it there for like half a year cause he was scared to take it off

 

joshakuna: NOOOOOOO

 

shit eater: THAT WAS SO FUNNY

shit eater: ESPECIALLY CAUSE IT STILL HURT WHEN HE HAD TO TAKE IT OFF

shit eater: HE ACTUALLY CRIED

 

bruh: it was the first time id seen any emotion from him besides angry

bruh: or emotionally constipated 

 

shit eater: SO TRUE 

 

single: jun the doctor said we have to change the bandaids every two hours-

 

shit eater: but we only have Thomas bandaids....

 

single: oh well :/

 

shit eater: YOU ARE NOT PUTTING THOMAS THE TRAIN BANDAIDS ON MY DICK FOR FUCKS SAKE

 

single: im not going out to buy more 

single: and its gross if you dont change it

 

shit eater: fine >:(

shit eater: BUT only the ones with james on them

shit eater: hes my fav

shit eater: he has so much self-love 

shit eater: hes an icon 

 

single: oml fine :/

 

single is offline

shit eater is offline

 

joshakuna: i wanna know why they only have Thomas bandaids

 

bruh: cause hao used to be an emily the train kinnie-

 

edgelord: dear god not that again

 

joshakuna: 💀

 

 

 

Let's All Bully Jun Squad 

7;online Dec 15, 5:00pm

 

shit eater: guys

shit eater: i just realized the scratches on my dick kinda look like a hashtag

 

single: really?

single: i thought it looked more like a plus sign

 

furry: no way

furry: it was defo a heart shape 

 

bruh: um no

bruh: it was a smiley face 

 

child: yall are all wrong 

child: it was a minion shape :/

child: specifically the one with one eye 

 

edgelord: OK WE GET IT

edgelord: HE HAS A PICCASO LEVEL MASTERPIECE ON HIS DICK

 

shit eater: jealousy is a disease bitch 

 

edgelord: why would i be jealous?

edgelord:  i can put underwear on without crying :/

 

shit eater: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP 

shit eater: IT FUCKIN HURTS OK

 

edgelord: :/

 

shit eater: honestly do you know how unnerving it is to look down at your dick

shit eater: AND SEE PERCY THE TRAIN SMILING AT YOU???

 

child: jun canceled for having a children's show on his dick

 

shit eater: ITS THE ONLY BANDAIDS WE HAVE

 

child: thats what they all say

child: and then youre jacking off to percy pics at 1 am

child: and then you read percy x reader fanfic

child: and then you buy a percy body pillow

child: and you read train porn

child: you might even write thomas x percy mpreg fanfic

 

shit eater: STOP IT STOP IT NOW

 

edgelord: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK CHAN??????

 

shit eater: TRAINS CANT GET PREGNANT 

 

child: how do you know

 

shit eater: THEY ARE VEHICLES??? 

 

child: then explain to me how cars are made if vehicles cant get pregnant

 

furry: are you high rn?

 

shit eater: i really thought you would be the one to save us all chan

 

edgelord: where did the jacking off to percy pics come from?

 

child: oh well minghao does it with kermit 

child: he jacks off to kermit pics

child: he said he especially liked the one muppet movie where kermit wears a suit

child: he called him froggie daddy 

 

single: I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU CHAN

 

furry: FROGGIE DADDY???

 

shit eater: I KNEW YOU FOUND THE FROG PORN HOT

 

single: SHUT UP NO I DIDINT

 

edgelord: furry

 

single: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP

single: YOU HORNDOG 

 

edgelord: WHAT

 

single: DONT THINK I DONT SEE YOU

single: TEXTING ME HORNY THOUGHTS ABOUT A CERTAIN SOMEONE

 

edgelord: THERE NOT HORNY THOUGHTS

 

single: " can he choke me please?" UM CHILE

 

edgelord: SHUT UP YOU FROG FUCKER

 

furry: WHAT WHOS CHOCKING YOU???

 

edgelord: NO ONE

 

single: " mega big dick energy" - wonwoo

 

edgelord: ACTUALLY DIE 

 

shit eater: whos dick is big?

shit eater: is it mine?

 

edgelord: WHY WOULD I HAVE HORNY THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU????

 

shit eater: cause im super hot :/

 

edgelord: YOUR FACE COULD NEVER MAKE MY DICK WET 

edgelord: EVER

edgelord: IVE SEEN YOU EAT YOUR BOOGERS

 

shit eater: yeah when i was like 6?

 

edgelord: IT WAS YESTERDAY?????

 

shit eater: that part is irrelevant 

shit eater: also i was suffocating 

shit eater: i had too many boogers i couldn't breathe 

 

furry: bro that happens to me too

 

shit eater: ugh i hate it

 

child: GUYS

child: I FOUND A PERCY BODY PILLOW

 

shit eater: dont-

 

child: im getting this for your b-day

 

shit eater: DONT

 

single: IM NOT GONNA LET A FUCKING TRAIN REPLACE ME

single: HOW AM I GONNA GET CUDDLES IF HES HUGGING A FUCKING TRAIN

 

shit eater: on second thought buy it

 

single: UR SO MEAN

single: NO CUDDLES FOR YOU EVER AGIAN>>:((((((

 

shit eater: bet >>>:((((

 

furry: ahem

furry: some of us are single :/

 

single: how is that my problem

 

furry: r00d >:((

 

shit eater: u could get yo mans

 

furry: my mans that is very much straight ;)

 

single: HE LITERALLY HAS GAY PORN MAGS IN HIS STUDIO

 

furry: THOSE ARE MINE 

 

single: oh really?

single: you haven't noticed how the pile is GETTING BIGGER?????

 

furry: IDK I THINK I BOUGHT THOSE????

 

single: ARE YOU FUCKING SURE ABOUT THAT???

 

furry: YEAH????

 

single: REALLY???

 

furry: STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME HES NOT STRAIGHT

 

single: HOW ARE YOU THIS DENSE?????

 

furry: IM NOT DENSE ITS JUST SO OBVIOUS HES STRAIGHT

 

child: wait who are we talking about

 

shit eater: who holds the title of "The Straightest Person Here"?

 

child: OH HIM

child: wait

child: YOU LIKE HIM??????

child: PFFFF

 

furry: SHUT UP

 

child: HOLD UP THIS IS SO FUNNY

 

furry: NO DIE

 

child: IM SORRY BUT YALL TOGETHER IS SO FUNNY TO ME

 

furry: yk what 

furry: if jeonghan didn't care so much about ur dumb ass i would drop kick you rn

 

child: :p loser

 

furry:  >:(

 

child: no but fr

child: you really have a crush on him?

 

furry: sadly yes

 

child: Dang with a capital D

 

furry: I Feel In Love with A Straight Man- my life story

 

shit eater: ugh stop making the chat so depressing with ur Sad Gay Life

 

furry: YOU WERE THE EXACT SAME WAY WITH MINGHAO

 

shit eater: UM BUT I KNEW THAT MF WAS AS GAY AS THEY CAME

 

single: :/

 

shit eater: SHUT UP YOU KNOW YOU LITERALLY RADIATE GAY ENERGY

shit eater: YOU SHIT RAINBOWS

 

single: YOU ARE RAINBOW SHIT 

 

shit eater: WHY THANK YOU 

 

single: THAT WASNT A COMPLIMENT

 

child: ugh stop being so gay in the gc guys

 

furry: chan dont be homophobic

 

child: IM NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC 

 

shit eater: chan canceled for being homophobic in gc full of gay ppl

 

child: IM LITERALLY BI??????

 

shit eater: you can be gay and homophobic

 

child: BUT IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC

 

furry: WHAT ABOUT THE LOOKS YOU GIVE JEONGHAN AND CHEOL

 

child: ITS SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT 

child: FROM WHEN CHEOL CALLS JEONGHAN "ANGEL" IN PUBLIC 

 

shit eater: hmmmmm 

 

furry: sus :/

 

child: IM NOT A HOMOPHOBE I SWEAR 

child: I LOVE GAY PPL <333

 

single: and now ur fetishizing???

 

child: STOP NO IM NOT

 

shit eater: wow chan i didn't know you were like this

 

child: STOP IM GONNA CRY

child: FR

 

shit eater: PFFFFFFFF

 

furry: BAHAHAHAHAHSHS

furry: anyways i gotta go practice at the dance studio 

furry: later losers :p

 

furry is offline

 

shit eater: so @single can i hakuna ur tatas

 

single: ...

single: no

single: well...

 

shit eater: ;)

 

single: ugh fine

 

child: literally why

child: i really didn't need to see that

 

shit eater: dont be homophobic chan

 

child is offline

 

shit eater: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

single: are you gonna come or....?

 

shit eater: IM COMING

 

single is offline

shit eater is offline 

 

 

 

The Responsible Ones 

4;online Dec 15, 5:26 pm

 

hoon: fuck my life 

 

cheol: woah woah woah woah (AN: lets pump it up)

cheol: calm down

 

shua: whats up

 

hoon: im at the dance studio watching soonyoung practice

hoon: Its very Hot

hoon: im Hornay™ 

hoon: and i crave death

 

shua: WAIT

shua: UR GAY???

 

won: honey no one in the chat has a straight cell in them

 

shua: )())*(*(* WHAT

 

won: why is that surprising 

 

shua: NO ITS NOT THAT 

shua: ITS THAT SOONYOUNG IS CONVINCED YOURE STRAIGHT JIHOON??

 

hoon: well soonyoung is straight so that makes sense

 

shua: SOONYOUNG IS STRAIGHT IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE???

 

won: dont bother trying

won: its a waste of time 

 

shua: SOONYOUNG STRAIGHT IS LIKE MY WORST NIGHTMARE

shua: WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT HIM STRAIGHT I IMAGINE HIM DOING TIKTOK POVS

shua: POV: im ur hot stepbro and then we fuck in a closet and fall in love but our parents are married oopsie 

 

cheol: i vomited a little im my mouth ngl

 

won: HES GAY AND HE MAKES TIKTOK POVS

 

shua: EVERYTHING IS SCARIER WHEN A STRAIGHT PERSON DOES IT 

 

hoon: i love how we forgot about my very important problem

 

cheol: i didn't forget i just never cared

 

won: DANG

 

shua: why do we have so many savages here?

 

hoon: RAGAARAAGAGAG GRRR BARK AKDHJKDFKJLF

hoon: HE JUST BODY ROLLED PREPARE MY COFFIN

 

shua: :/

 

hoon: HE SMIRKED KSKDLKJKSJKLJD??S?#()*$)%

 

won: can confirm: soonyoung has a pretty hot smirk

 

hoon: ARAGARATGHSJDJ

hoon: IF I LEAVE TO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT WILL HE GET SUSPICIOUS???

 

cheol: he hasn't noticed you adding porn mags to his pile so prob not

cheol: hes pretty unobservant :/ 

 

hoon: ATAGSGJSDKKDJF

 

hoon is offline

 

shua: dang it

shua: i bought a new dildo three sizes too big

 

cheol: how did you-

 

shua: idk i prob got distracted so i clicked the wrong button

 

won: why are you telling us this?

 

shua: idk in case anyone wants a mega-sized dildo?????

 

won: ...how big

 

shua: ....ill dm a pic

 

cheol: wonwoo size queen??

 

won: SHUT THE FUCK UP FURRY

won: IM NOT

 

cheol: sus :/

 

shua: speaking of furries

shua: are you working on that next chapter of your sonic x knuckles fanfic?

 

cheol: NOOO AHAHAH WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT???? PFFFFF

 

shua: dang i thought updates where every other day 

 

cheol: you're......reading it?

 

shua: yeah 

shua: who knew you were so good i writing hedgehog porn

 

cheol: ...

cheol: whats ur username

 

shua: uh

shua: UnicornSparklePrincess0046

 

cheol: BAHHAHAHAHAJAJJS

 

shua: SHUT THE HELL UP

 

cheol: its not as bad as jihoons old tiktok username 

 

shua: i think i made it that so that no one would get suspicious that im a twenty-something-year-old man

shua: reading sonic fanfic

 

cheol: no one is judging you shua

cheol: i mean im the one writing it 

 

shua: that means alot from someone who killed Amy off in ch 3 

 

cheol: SHE WAS RUINING THE STORY HE THROWS THE VIBES OF KILTER

 

won: UR OLD ASS DID NOT JUST SAY OFF KILTER

 

cheol: SHUT UP FUCK YOU

 

shua: YOU JUST THOUGHT THAT A SONIC/KNUCKLES/SHADOW THREESOME WAS HOTTER

 

cheol: AND WHAT IF I DID

 

shua: THIS IS AMY SLANDER????

 

won: why is it that were always talking about animals having sex here? like?? 

 

shua: literally think about the hedgehog foursomes that coulda happened cheol

 

cheol: dear god

 

won: the fact is that sentence aint even the worst thing anyone has ever texted around here

 

shua: round here 🤠🤠🤠

 

won: HAHA DIE 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 

 

cheol: wait

cheol: is jihoon ok?

 

shua: oh i forgot about him lmao

 

won: did he die?

 

shua: @hoon are you ok

 

cheol: @hoon @hoon @hoon

 

won: hes dead

 

 

Let's All Bully Jun Squad

7;online Dec 15, 5:47pm

 

furry: GUYS 

furry: I THINK JIHOON DIED

 

edgelord: knew it

 

furry: I WAS JUST DANCING AND THEN HE JUST FLOPPED ON THE FLOOR

 

shit eater: lmao is he breathing

 

furry: IDK 

 

angel: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW?????

angel: WHAT WERE YOU EVEN DOING?????

 

furry: I SWEAR I WAS JUST DANCING

 

single: YOU KILLED HIM SOONYOUNG

 

furry: IM A MURDERER

furry: AM I GONNA GO TO JAIL

 

bruh: i cant believe jihoon died 

bruh: he had such a long life ahead

 

furry: TAKE ME WITH YOU 

furry: I DESERVE TO DIE AS WELL

 

single: WHAT DANCE MOVE WERE YOU EVEN DOING

single: THE GRENADE LAUNCH????

 

furry: um i grinded on the floor

 

shit eater: WELL THAT EXPLAINS IT

 

furry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT EXPLAINS IT???????

 

child: the gay killed him

 

single: lmao he died of horniness

 

furry: GAY? HES STRAIGHT THO

furry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HORNY?????

furry: DO I HAVE TO GIVE HIM MOUTH TO MOUTH??

 

shit eater: do it

 

edgelord: thats prob his first kiss

 

shit eater: DAMN OK WONWOO NO NEED TO BE SO SHADY

 

furry: GUYS THIS ISNT FUNNY

 

single: it really is

 

furry: NO ITS NOT WHAT IF HE DIES 

furry: WAIT

furry: HES ALIVE

 

single: HE NEVER DIED

 

furry: HE PRETENDED TO DIE

furry: I WAS ACTUALLY CRYING

 

small mf is online

 

small mf: hi

 

furry: DONT JUST COME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND SAY HI???

furry: HOW DARE YOU (ALMOST) DIE ON ME

 

small mf: i didn't die 

small mf: it was pretty obvious i was alive 

small mf: i pretty much holding in laughter the entire time

 

furry: I THOUGHT THAT WAS A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION

 

small mf: you were so worried you were gonna get convicted 

small mf: it was so funny

 

furry: MY FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU = ENDED >:(

 

small mf: and then you started screaming at the sky  "take me too, i wont let jihoon suffer alone"

 

single: how romantic ;)

 

furry: WAGAHAHSJSKS????????

 

small mf: ...no

 

joshakuna: anyways im going to deliver this dildo

 

shit eater: HUH

shit eater: WHOS GETTING A DILDO

 

edgelord: idk who could it be :/

 

joshakuna: its wonwoo

 

shit eater: BAGAGAHAHAJAJJSJD

 

edgelord: SHUT UP AT LEAST I CAN USE IT UNLIKE YOU

edgelord: YOU HAVE BLUE BALLS UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH

 

shit eater: YEAH BUT WHEN I CAN USE MY DICK AGAIN I CAN HAVE A REAL DICK

shit eater: NOT JUST DILDOS

 

edgelord: ...

 

shit eater: YOU CANT SAY ANYTHING TO THAT 

shit eater: single loser :p

 

edgelord: anyways

edgelord: i havent seen your maid cafe in a while

edgelord: hows it been?

 

shit eater: YOU FUCKER YOU BLEW IT UP

shit eater: IM GONNA DESTROY YOU

 

edgelord: sorry cant talk rn im doing hot girl shit :)

 

shit eater: YOU BITCH LETS FIGHT IRL

 

edgelord: >:) ok

 

shit eater: LETS DO IT AT THE ABANDONED K-MART WITH RATS IN IT 

 

edgelord: bet yo skinny ass

 

shit eater: YOU CANT EVEN KILL COCKROACHES

 

edgelord: BITCH NEITHER CAN YOU

edgelord: YOU LITERALLY CRY UNTIL MINGHAO DOES IT FOR YOU

 

shit eater: AT LEAST I HAVE A BOYFRIEND TO DO IT FOR ME

 

edgelord: >>>>:((((( OK LETS GO RN IM READY

 

shit eater: LETS GO

 

edgelord is offline

shit eater is offline

 

bruh: place your bets

bruh: who's gonna win?

 

single: jun 

 

small mf: wonwoo

 

angel: wonwoo

 

father: jun

 

child: jun

 

furry: wonwoo

 

joshakuna: wonwoo

 

tall mf is online

 

tall mf: um whats happening i heard jun and wonwoo yelling

 

bruh: read up

 

tall mf: oh no

tall mf: also

tall mf: um i vote wonwoo

 

single: you would choose him >:(

 

furry: please

furry: you only chose jun cause youre a simp

 

single: >:( 

 

small mf: are they really gonna fight?

 

father: at this point

father: probably

 

 

 

Let's all Bully Jun Squad

6;online Dec 16, 3:00 pm

 

furry: GUYS I THINK HE REALLY DIED THIS TIME

 

shit eater: im kinda in the middle of my K-Mart Fight

 

edgelord: yeah were kinda busy

 

single: shut up both of you

single: all youre doing is blasting bitch lasagna for some godforsaken reason

 

shit eater: YEAH BUT WE DID FIGHT

 

father: no you didn't

 

joshakuna: yall both too pussy to actually fight

 

edgerlod: WE DID FIGHT 

edgelord: JUN CRIED

 

shit eater: CAUSE YOU THREATENED TO CHOP OFF MY DICK

shit eater: I LITERALLY HAD FLASHBACKS FROM WHEN MY CAT ATTACKED ME

 

edgelord: BLAME IT ON UR BF NOT ME

 

furry: GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP JIHOON DIED FR THIS TIME

 

single: no he didn't

 

furry: YES HE DID

furry: @father COME HERE PLEASE HES DEAD

 

father: omw lmao

 

child: WHAT DID YOU DO TO KILL HIM THIS TIME????????

 

furry: MY DANCE ROUTINE????

 

single: wait

single: the one for that sexy song??

 

furry: YEAH

 

single: oh yeah

single: hes dead

 

child: Damn RIP

 

shit eater: fly high </3

 

furry: YOU GUYS HE MIGHT BE DEAD

 

father: hes breathing soonyoung calm down

 

angel: damn i was looking forward to going to the hospital again

 

shit eater: why

 

angel: theres this one hot doctor...

 

father: ....:(

father: i see how it is :((((

father: :"((((

 

angel: OH SHUT UP I LOVE YOU MORE THAN HOT DOCTORS

 

joshakuna: please cheol yk he has a thing for hot doctors

 

father: we could roleplay???

 

angel: OH MY FUCK THATS HOT

angel: LETS DO IT 

 

joshakuna: dang i would like to see Dr.Choi 

joshakuna: that would be super hot

 

father: threesome?

 

joshakuna: ...yes

 

father: dont worry you can be Dr.Choi's patient as well ;)

 

angel: AAGAYTATAHHSH DR.CHOI

 

joshakuna: I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO BE A PATIENT 

 

angel: I CANT BE HORNY IN THE LIBRARY

angel: FUCK YOU CHEOL

 

joshakuna: YEAH IM AT THE FUCKING STORE

 

father: ;)

 

furry: BE HORNY LATER GUYS

furry: JIHOON IS DEAD

 

angel: ugh you would look so hot in a doctors coat 

angel: AHHHHH YOU WOULD LOOK SO HOT IM DYING 

angel: NOT ON THE SURGERY TABLE*EUU*#*EIUOIEOUIU

 

joshakuna: not even Dr.Choi can save jeonghan

 

father: we could use bandages for bondage

 

angel: IM GONNA MURDER YOU

 

furry: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE GUYS

furry: JIHOON IS DEAD

furry: WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BROS BEFORE HOES

 

father: dont worry Dr.Choi is here to help ;)

 

furry: PLEASE DO NOT

 

angel: FUCKITY FUCK FKUCK 

 

joshakuna: wait 

joshakuna: we could also use bandages for blindfolding

 

angel: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

shit eater: jesus even im never this horny in the gc

 

angel: THATS A LIE

angel: YOU WERE EVEN HORNIER WHEN YOU STARTED THINKING ABOUT MIRROR SEX WITH MINGHAO

 

shit eater: SGUT THE FUKC UP I CANT BE HORNY RN IF I GET A BONER IT WILL HURT

 

single: mirror sex?

 

shit eater: WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER

 

single: ...

 

father: jihoon is ok

father: he just fainted hes alright

 

joshakuna: Dr.Choi saves the day

 

angel: FUCKING SHIT STOP IM IN CLASS I CANT LEAVE 

angel: MY TEACHER ALREADY GOT MAD AT ME FOR SCREAMING ONCE

 

furry: why did he faint?

 

shit eater: in the choreo you floor grind and then like feel urself up and down right?

 

furry: yeah?

 

shit eater: thats why 

 

joshakuna: the devil works hard but soonyoung works harder

 

furry: HUH THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE

furry: WHY WOULD HE DIE???

 

angel: YES DOCTOR I WOULD LIKE MY CHECK-UP

angel: shit wrong chat

 

joshakuna: you had one job :/

 

angel: SHUT EHT FUVK UP IM REALLY HORNY RN

 

furry: this is probably the horniest i have seen you up to date

 

angel: YOU WOULD BE LIKE THIS IF JIHOON WORE A DOCTORS OUTFIT AND SAID HE WAS DR.LEE

 

furry: HOLY FUKC 

 

edgelord: please do not start talking abt this

 

shit eater: WHAT ABOUT DR.KIM HUH

shit eater: YOU WOULD BE ALL OVER THAT

 

edgelord: jiewi9i390u495owjofjeusjs

edgelord: does not compute

 

shit eater: HE WOULD KILL YOU IF HE WORE A DOCTORS COAT

 

edgelord: STOP STOP STOP IT NOW

 

shit eater: YOU SHOULD ASK HIM IF HE'LL DO IT

 

edgelord: over my dead body

 

shit eater: nah cause Dr.Kim wouldn't let you die

 

edgelord: die <3

 

angel: UGH 

angel: I STILL HAVE MORE CLASSES 

angel: I JUST WANNA GO VISIT DR.CHOI

 

single: where is our one voice of reason??

 

joshakuna: buying a doctors coat

 

child: wait im still confused

child: is dr.choi a new doctor

child: can i visit them?? i think i actually have a cough

 

angel: GET AWAY FROM DR.CHOI

angel: HE BELONGS TO ME AND JOSHUA ONLY

 

father: Dr.Choi treats all his patients equally ;)

 

angel: NO NO NO NO STOP PLEASE I CANT DO THIS RN

angel: I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS

 

child: oh

child: its just another one of jeonghans sexual fantasies 

 

edgelord: there's others?

 

child: oh ig you weren't there for Mr.Choi

child: it was his hot teacher fantasy

child: or King Choi

child: i dont wanna explain that one

 

angel: AGGGGHHHHSHHD

 

small mf is online

 

small mf: hi

 

furry: GET OFF YOUR PHONE YOU JUST DIED

 

small mf: im fine

 

furry: YOU JUST FAINTED YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT A SCREEN

 

small mf: Dr.Choi said it was fine

 

furry: HES NOT A REAL DOCTOR 

 

small mf: eh 

small mf: and anyway

small mf: why do you care so much 

 

furry: YOU JUST DIED????

furry: also you're my friend :(

furry: i should be allowed to care 

 

 

The Responsible Ones

4;online Dec 16, 3: 27 pm

 

cheol: gotta love soonyoung friend-zoning jihoon in front of everyone lmao

 

hoon: shut the hell up

 

shua: Dang

 

won: why do you act like an angsty teenager all the time jihoon

won: "why do you care so much" 

won: all you need is the fringe lmao

 

hoon: stop

 

cheol: i remember the time when jihoon told me 

cheol: his father told him

cheol: "would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?"

 

hoon: i never said that

 

cheol: yes you did

cheol: and then you said

cheol: " sometimes i get the feeling, she's watching over me"

 

shua: who? ur grandma?

 

won: jihoon trying to be the coolest challenge: failed

 

hoon: ur misery and hate will kill us all 

 

cheol: what did i tell you

cheol: sometimes he just quotes it randomly

 

hoon: shut up MCR is cool

 

shua: and i thought wonwoo was the emo one

 

hoon: oh he is

hoon: that bitch listens to MCR, twenty-one pilots, panic at the disco, AND fall out boy

 

won: SHUT UP EMO MUSIC IS COOL

 

shua: but vernon listens to twenty pilots too tho

 

hoon: but he also listens to troye sivan so im not that concerned

 

won: IS NO ONE GONNA COMMENT ON CHEOLS OBSESSIVE ASHNIKKO LISTENING HABITS

 

cheol: ashnikko is good music

 

won: SO IS PANIC AT THE DISCO

 

cheol: debatable 

 

won: YOU HAVE LISTENED TO HIGH HOPES AT LEAST ONE TIME IN YOUR LIFE

 

cheol: but did i enjoy it??? :/

 

won: im not having this convo with you rn

 

shua: it has been exactly 4 mins since jihoon left soonyoung on the main chat

 

hoon: oh shit 

 

won: lmao 

 

 

Let's all Bully Jun Squad

6;online Dec 16, 3:14 pm

 

furry: jihoon?

furry: we are friends right? :(

 

small mf: yeah ofc 

 

furry: :)

 

angel: oml this is painful

 

shit eater: not as painful as my dick sractch

 

single: not as painful as jun digging his nails into my ass for some reason rn

 

shit eater: im trying to find your ass :/

 

single: ur literally touching it??

 

shit eater: there has to be more ass somewhere??? no ones ass is this flat??

 

furry: LMAO

 

single: this is literally cyberbullying 

 

edgelord: deserved

 

single: shut up nip licker

 

edgelord: WHAT

 

single changed edgelords name to nip licker

 

nip licker: NO

 

single: you texted me that you tried to lick ur own nipples

 

nip licker: I NEVER SAID THAT

 

bruh: dont do that ur gonna get scoliosis

 

single: LMAOAOAOAOA

 

nip licker: I NEVER SAID THAT EVER YOU LIAR

 

shit eater: anyway go follow wonwoos twt @mantiddiethinker

 

nip licker: STOP 

 

tall mf: why are you thinking about tiddies?

 

nip licker: IM NOT

 

shit eater: yesterday he said his fave food was Juicy Pecs

 

nip licker: LITERALLY KYS 

 

shit eater: omg calm down its not that serious :/

 

nip licker: IM GOING TO DESTROY YOU

 

shit eater: no thanks youre not my type

 

nip licker: CHEOL HES BULLYING ME

 

father: jun stop bullying people

father: wonwoo stop being horny and emo

father: minghao stop having such a flat ass for gods sake

father: jihoon stop being angsty

father: soonyoung do not buy that fursuit (i saw it in ur search history)

father: chan please stop trying to seduce your math teacher

father: vernon spray Febreze or SOMETHING after you smoke

father: AND FOR FUCKS SAKE JEONGHAN AND JOSH STOP TALKING ABOUT HENTAI IN THE 95 LINE GC 

 

nip licker: omg hes on his last rope yall

 

tall mf: i didnt do anything bad right?

 

father: not yet :/

 

small mf: why can you see soonyoungs search history

 

father: i turned on parental controls

father: ever since he watched porn on a SCHOOL COMPUTER and broke the entire fucking computer lab

 

furry: it wasnt even good porn

 

single: i cant stop having a flat ass??

 

shit eater: i mean you could? you could get implants? you could squat a lot?

shit eater: DO IT >:)

 

single: this is peer pressure :/

 

angel: CHAN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE YOUR MATH TEACHER?????

 

child: HES RICH??? I WANT A SUGAR DADDY??? HES HOT???

 

angel: DONT SELL YOUR SELF TO SOME DIRTY OLD MAN

 

child: HES ONLY 37???

 

angel: jail

 

child: IM A LEGAL ADULT???

 

angel: cheol could be your sugar daddy?

 

child: THATS JUST WRONG JEONGHAN WTF??

child: HES MY PARENTAL FIGURE???

 

angel: yeah so you could call him daddy ;)

 

child: YOU SICK FUCK HES MY ACTUAL DAD

 

father: jeonghan stop im going to cry

 

angel: omg no :(

 

single: omg chan ur trying to seduce him too?

single: omg Seducing Squad

 

shit eater: THATS WHY YOU GET SO DRESSED UP

shit eater: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING JUST TO MAKE MY NO DICK LIFE HARDER

 

furry: #NoDickLife

 

nip licker change shit eaters name to #NoDickLife

 

#NoDickLife: fuck everyone here 

 

single: if you cant do it someone else can :/

 

#NoDickLife: THIS IS BULLYING 

#NoDIckLife: IM LITERALLY RICH TOO??

 

single: oh shit thats right lmao

 

#NoDickLife: I BOUGHT YOU A ROLEX YESTERDAY??? YOU UNGRATEFUL ROACH???

 

single: oops i forgot? :)

 

#NoDickLife: YOU FUCKER IM NEVER GIVING YOU ANYTHING EVER AGAIN

 

furry: omg jun sugar daddy?

 

single: my daddy gets me the bestest things :)

 

#NoDickLife: OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

nip licker: i think he likes it yall :/

 

single: uwu I've been a vwery bad boy o3o

 

nip licker: BHAHAJSJ

 

#NoDickLife: omg wonwoo size queen?

 

nip licker: no shut up

 

single: omg jun daddy kink?

 

#NoDickLife: please die loml <3 :))

 

furry: NOT LOML LMAOAOAOAO

 

single: jun its ok :) no one is shaming you :)

 

#NoDickLife: omg minghao praise kink?

 

single: NO

 

furry: thats why you make that face when he praises ur dancing lmao

 

single: SHUT UP NO I DONT 

 

angel: wait guys

angel: wheres josh

 

furry: i forgot about him

 

father: werent you watching anime porn with him?

 

angel: yeah on the roof but then he ran away?

 

father: ??

 

bruh: i just saw him bolt past me 

 

angel: huh?

 

bruh: i think hes being chased?

 

angel: HUH?

 

bruh: idk whats happening lmao im just tryna smoke :/

 

 

Let's all Bully Jun Squad

6;online Dec 16, 3:29pm

 

bruh: can confirm 

bruh: josh is being chased rn

 

angel: HUH???

 

bruh: idk man im on the roof

bruh: hes being chased around the school

bruh: by some guy with a nice ass

 

tall mf: GUYS I THINK MY FISH DIED

 

#NoDickLife: you have a fish?

 

angel: your fish is not important

angel: josh is being chased by Nice Ass Man 

 

furry: THERE ALL OUT OF NORMAL DORITOS AT THE STORE >:((((((

furry: ONLY THE nAsTY rANCh ONES

 

small mf: the fuck

small mf: ranch is good??

 

angel: NOT IMPORTANT 

angel: JOSH IS BEING CHASED BY A MURDERER WITH A NICE ASS

 

bruh: i never said it was a murderer 

 

angel: WHY ELSE IS HE BEING CHASED???

 

bruh: tax fraud?

 

nip licker: I HAVE TO BUY THE REST OF 90 DAY FIANCE

nip licker: THESE FUCKING SCAMMERS

 

furry: WHAT??

furry: THIS IS BLAPHSAMANAY

 

small mf: thats not how you spell it??

 

furry: DONT TRY AND PHOTOSYNTHESIZE ME RN JIHOON

 

angel: JOSHUA??? IS ???BEING??CHASED???BY??THE??GOVERNMENT??

 

small mf: why does the story keep changing?

 

angel: cause im still not entirely sure why hes being chased?

 

child: MY MATH TEACHER KICKED ME OUT OF CLASS :(((((

child: ALL I DID WAS CALL HIM DADDY??

 

single: HUH???

 

angel: OMG THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING RN

 

bruh: joshua just jumped over an old lady

 

angel: WHAT??

 

bruh: guys im gonna insta live this rq

bruh: find it @dildobutter

 

small mf: what the fuck is that busted @

 

bruh: want me to expose your old tiktok username rn??

 

small mf: this is why i hate americans :/

 

bruh: lmao

 

#NoDickLife: GUYS

#NoDickLife: OR ACTUALLY JUST MINGHAO

#NoDickLife: ASS IMPLANTS ARE HALF OFF

 

single: im not getting ass implants

 

#NoDickLife: ok....!

 

angel: WHICH DILDO BUTTER ARE YOU??

 

small mf: ok but do you know how wrong that sounds??

 

bruh: the one with the jason durelo pfp

 

angel: why am i not following you already??

 

bruh: idk man

 

joshakuna is online

 

joshakuna: gsuysds imbeing chasded by the cuwte boy ffrom before 

 

angel: OMG YOU JUST JUMPED OVER A DOG

 

joshakuna: i thisknk he wantsd to be my fwrienfd??

joshakuna: but he keepesd callingsed me joshaskuana

 

#NoDickLife: what is going on with ur typing

 

joshakuna: im beings chaseds asshat

joshakuna: its skidna hard to type whieleis runngin

 

bruh: why are you running from him?

 

joshakuna: idk man

 

angel: omg josh stop being so anti-social

 

joshakuna: shut up yk icant  talk to atteaxtive people

 

#NoDickLife: so are we not attractive?

 

joshakuna: just you 

 

#NoDickLife: SHUT THE FUCK UP IM VERY HANDSOME

 

single: guys...you know hes insecure about this :(

 

#NoDickLife: YOURE MY BF BUT ALL YOU DO IS BULLY ME

 

single: its my job :)

 

#NoDickLife: UR MEAN

 

tall mf: GUYS MY FISH ACTUALLY DIED OMG

tall mf: RICARDO :((((((

 

single: #flyhigh </3 

 

small mf: did you flush him down the toilet?

 

tall mf: WHY WOULD I DO THAT???

tall mf: I TAKE SHITS IN THE TOILET WHY WOULD FLUSH MY ONE LOVE RICARDO DOWN THE TOILET??? >>:((

tall mf: THATS EVIL

 

small mf: dang ok sorry man 

small mf: i didn't know you were in love with ur fish :/

 

tall mf: :((((

 

child: THE MATH TEACHER WONT LET ME BACK IN

child: I JUST WANTED A DADDY

 

nip licker: what the fuck is even happening

 

#NoDickLife: hao i just booked an appointment for ass implants

 

single: WHAT?? NO??

 

#NoDickLife: look babes i love your ass but you need help

 

single: THIS IS ILLEGAL??? YOU FORGED MY FUCKING SIGNATURE ???

 

#NoDickLife: soulmate tingz!! <33

 

single: JAIL 

 

angel: JOSHUA YOU FUCKTARD GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME MY BACKPACK

 

bruh: uh guys

bruh: soonyoung is walking on the edge of the roof should i be worried?

 

furry: IM A TIGER 

 

single: literally you just spent $500 jun 

single: AND FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GETTING ASS IMPLANTS

 

#NoDickLife: but then your twink shorts would look better

 

single: SINCE WHEN ARE YOU AN ASS PERSON??

 

#NoDickLife: I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN ASS PERSON 

#NoDickLife: I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO EVER ADMIT IT 

 

single: THATS A MIX OF THOUGHTFUL BUT ALSO RUDE AT THE SAME TIME >:(

 

bruh: GUYS

bruh: SOONYOUNG IS ABOUT TO FALL OFF THE BUILDING??

 

angel: HUH

 

bruh: OMG HES HANGING OFF THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING

 

child: SOMEONE CALL FATHER

 

furry: gusysd im fine :)

 

angel: WHAT ARE YOU TYEPING WITH??

 

furry: myesgd toes >:)

 

father is online

 

father: i leave for like 15 mins and soonyoung is trying to jump off a building

 

furry: im not >:(

furry: im beignsdhf a tiger

 

father: stop typing and focus on not dying

 

father: horanghaeshsjd

 

angel: JOSHUA STOP RUNNING MY ASSCHEEKS ARE ABOUT TO FALL OFF

 

joshakuna: try and catchsts me hoe

 

nip licker: why are you guys chasing each other now?

 

angel: joshua took my backpack with all my sex toys in it >:(

 

joshakuna: i ahev two people chasing me now 

joshakuna: im famous

 

father: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET UP THERE SOONYOUNG

 

furry: Tiger Powers >:)

 

father: cool then you can use your TIGER POWERS TO GET YOURSELF DOWN

 

furry: fine >:(

 

single: this is not going to end well

 

furry: oh i dont know if i can hold on for much longer doe

 

father: nevermind im not letting you die before you grow a pair and confess

 

angel: JOSHUA WHY WONT YOU MAKE FFIRNEDS??

 

joshakuna: becuase its stupidsjsj

joshakuna: their all just gonna leave int the end 

 

angel: I DIDNT LEAVE YOU??

angel: STOP RUNNING FASTER

angel: YOU CNAT AVIOD ME FOREVER

 

child: guys my teacher said yes to being my sugar daddy

 

single: WHAT??? LUCKY

 

#NoDickLife: FUCK YOU HAO

#NoDickLife: WERE BREAKING UP

 

single: can i keep the rolex?

 

father: update

father: soonyoung is ok but he lost both of his shoes

 

furry: that was fun

furry: wanna do it again?

 

father: can i be the one who almost dies next time :/

 

small mf: soonyoung i found some normal doritos

small mf: do you want them?

 

furry: YES

furry: IM ON THE ROOF OF UR BUILDING

 

small mf: im not climbing up there

small mf: come down and get them urself

 

furry: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

furry: I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU <33333333

 

small mf: uh huh

 

bruh: um hey

bruh: can i add my new friend?

bruh: the one from a few days ago?

 

angel: CHEOL COME HERE AND LET ME RIDE ON YOUR BACK YOURE A FASTER RUNNER 

 

father: DO NOT JUMP OFF THE BUILDING SOONYOUNG 

father: IDC HOW MUCH YOU WANT DORITOS YOURE TOO POOR TO PAY FOR HOSPITAL BILLS

father: also hani how am i gonna run if i have you on my back

 

angel: YOURE A FINE STRONG RUN MAN YOU CAN CARRY ME AND RUN AT THE SAME TIME

 

joshakuna: ye heis a twigs

 

angel: SHUT UP YOU WARTHOG

 

#NoDickLife: GUYS VERNON WANTS TO ADD HIS FRIEND

 

bruh: nah its fine

bruh: there's already a lot going on rn

 

joshakuna: i havegs three people chasing me now

 

father: jesus han cut down on the cheeto puffs for gods skae

father: it feels like im carrying a buffalo 

 

angel: SHUT UP I WEIGH NOTHING

 

father: my legs are about to give out 

father: tell my mother i love her

 

joshakuna: idk why the other dude is still chasing me

joshakuna: i literally threw a dildo at him

 

#NoDickLife: VERNON WANTS TO ADD HIS FRIENDS SO ACT LIKE CIVILIZED PARENTAL FIGURES AND SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS THE RIGHT WAY

#NoDickLife: a deathmatch :)

 

father: huh-

 

angel: I CANT KILL DR.CHOI

 

joshakuna: calm your tits youll see each other in hell

joshakuna: after i break your ankles permanently >:)

 

father: joshua you cant break no ones ankles

 

joshakuna: wanna go?

 

father: try me

father: i will crickety crack ur back 

 

joshakuna: ugh yes raw me daddy 

 

father: huh

 

bruh: see? ill add him later :/

 

#NoDickLife: NO ADD HIM NOW

#NoDickLife: I DEMAND IT

#NoDicklife: FORGET ABOUT JOSHUA AND CHEOLS SEXUAL TENSION 

 

bruh: dang ok

 

father: SEXUAL TENSION??

 

joshakuna: IT WAS A JOKE??

 

#NoDickLife: ;)

 

bruh added seungkwan

seungkwan changed their name to boo

 

boo: omg you actually added me :)

 

bruh: ofc :)

 

boo: it is truly an honor to join this cyberbullying squad

 

single: were so happy to have you :)

 

boo: OMG!! its Praise Kink Boy :) big fan :))

 

#NoDickLife: LMAOAOAOA

 

single: WHY DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THAT 

 

bruh: ...!

 

father: is @boo the new guy?

 

boo: *tips hat* pleased to make your acquaintance 

 

furry: what in mingyus third nipple is an aquannciacne

 

bruh: kwan i recommend you dont use too many big words

bruh: half of this chat cant read

 

furry: hey! i can read

furry: just not too many chapters

furry: the max is five :)

 

boo: ..im not gonna survive here 

 

small mf: you get used to it after a while

 

boo: OMG! its Gay Guy Whos Thinks Hes Straight! HUGE fan!

 

small mf: HUH

 

single: SEE I WAS ATTACKED BY THIS GUY TOO

single: AND HE TOOK MY JOB OF PASSIVELY CALLING EVERYONE OUT 

 

boo: ur just stressed cause you haven't got some in a while :)

 

single: HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW????

 

boo: since mingyu not knowing what a clit is :)

 

single: oml 

 

boo: SO! WHATS HAPPENING GUYS

 

child: well jeonghan is riding on cheols back chasing after joshua who had their backpack full of sexual objects 

 

boo: oh yeah i can see them from the library window

boo: omg whos the one carrying the twig one

boo: he's kinda a hottie

 

joshakuna: ugh dont feed his ego

 

father: im hot stuff >:)

 

boo: nevermind you talk like a dad

boo: hottie card revoked 

 

father: gosh dang it 

 

angel: LMAOAOAOAOA

 

bruh: kwan you should do an intro :)

 

boo: omg i should to that :)

 

nip licker: WHO CHANGED MY DN ON TWT TO ¨I CARESS TIDDIES¨

 

single: oopsie :)

 

nip licker: YOU PIECE OF SHIT 

 

#NoDickLife: ugh babe thats so evil

 

single: ugh babe ik im such a baddie

 

#NoDickLife: ugh babe thats so evil that you know ur evil

#NoDickLife: ugh what if we made out  

 

single: ugh babe not in front of everyone

 

#NoDickLife: i dont care what they think 

 

single: ugh kiss me

 

#NoDickLife: *saxophone noises*

 

small mf: i think i vomited a little in my mouth

 

boo: is this what normally happens here

 

bruh: on a good day 

 

#NoDickLife: ugh dont be jealous 

 

nip licker: just go back to making out no one wants you here

 

#NoDickLife: stfu everyone here loves me 

 

father: ...

 

angel: ...

 

joshakuna: ...

 

small mf: ...

 

furry: ...

 

single: ...

 

child: ...

 

bruh: ...

 

boo: ...

 

nip licker: crickets </3

 

#NoDickLife: EVEN MY OWN BF??????

 

single: ...sorry? but not really >:)

 

#NoDickLife: HONESTLY I HOPE EVERYONE HERE DIES OF A BUTT RASH

 

boo: can i introduce myself now?

 

single: sorry...! we forgot about you >:)

 

boo: its really hard to forget me but ok :/

boo: it must be hard having brain your size :/

 

#NoDickLife: YEAH YOUR DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BAIN

 

single: MY OWN BF????

 

#NoDickLife: revenge tastes like this old KFC chicken sandwich

 

bruh: guys let him introduce himself

 

boo: its alright 

boo: obviously they need some type of couples therapy session

boo: THANK GOD IM A PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR 

 

single: oh for fucks sake 

 

boo: so can you tell me what the problem is?

 

#NoDickLife: I FELL LIKE MY OWN BOYFRIEND IS MY 5TH GRADE BULLY

 

single: ...

 

boo: can you tell me how that feels?

 

#NoDickLife: ITS THE WORST THING EVER

 

joshakuna: can we please NOT do this right now

 

boo: joshua dont be afraid to have feelings >:)

 

small mf: ugh i need a nap

 

small mf is offline

 

boo: well anyway

boo: the name is boo seungkwan im born in 98, psych major, i sing like all the time (im pretty damn good at it too), and i have a very nice ass 

 

single: well thanks but we dont need couple therapy

 

#NoDickLife: YES WE DO

#NoDickLife:  YOU BREAK MY HEART EVERY CHANCE YOU GET

 

single: CAUSE YOU FIND IT HOT

 

#NoDickLife: oh yeah 

#NoDickLife: oopsie :)

 

boo: well now that we've solved that

boo: whose next >:)

 

joshakuna is offline

 

boo: MWAHAHAHAHA YOU MUST TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS 

 

nip licker: oh for fucks sake now theres a THERAPIST IN THE GC????

 

nip licker is offline

 

tall mf: um if youre actually being serious can we chat in DMs??

 

boo: Oh! yeah ofc :) 

boo: (not sarcasm)

 

tall mf: :)

 

tall mf is offline

boo is offline

 

furry: THANKS VERNON NOW THERES A MIND READER IN THE GC >>>:((

 

bruh: what

 

furry: ALL THERAPISTS ARE MIND READERS >:(

furry: MINE ALWAYS KNOWS THE ANSWER BEFORE I EVEN TELL HER THE PROBLEM

 

bruh: ....!

 

father: you wanna get muscles like me? bench press a jeonghan bro

 

angel: I AM NOT THAT HEAVY

 

father: ur right

father: ur ego is prob weighing me down

 

angel: IS THAT HOW IT IS ????

 

father: >:( yes

 

angel: YEAH WELL STOP LEAVING UR STINKY SOCKS EVERYWHERE LOSER

 

father: WELL THEN YOU STOP LEAVING UR STINKY T SHIRTS EVERYWHERE

 

angel: WELL STOP USING ALL MY MECHANICAL PENCILS YOU ASS

 

father: YEAH? WELL YOU STOP BULLYING ME ALL THE TIME 

 

angel: YEAH??? WELL YOU STOP CALLING ME A BUFFALO

 

angel: hmph >:(

 

father: hmph x2 >:(

 

furry: looks like we might need that couples therapy after all :/

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

tbh i dont even know what happened in this chapter i was like half dead writing it, so im sorry if it had some errors or smth like that. i also dont know anythng about sonic s if that part was inaccurate srry but anyways school has been kicking my non-existent ass (i have a flat ass yall :/ ) but i will try to update as much as i can lmao. i was supposed to have this up earlier but then half entire chapter got deleted on my google doc and that was fun :¨) and then i had like no motivation but here i am lmao hopefully back for good :) (the song quoted during jihoons second death was Welcome to the Balck Parade by my chemical romance) anyways its nice to know people genuinely look forward to chapters so ill do my best to make this enjoyable (even though it adds some pressure lmao) but anyways stay safe and sexy yall ;)

Random Note Pt.2
if you could not tell im EXTREMELY junhao biased and thats why they get the most lines. its not on purpose i just start typing and jun says something dumb so minghao responds and then that happens for half the chapter and yeah....

Random Note Pt.2 2.0
my dumbass wants this to be jihancheol now lmao BAHAHJSJS IM SORRY i kinda want it but also not really i rlly like seoksoo but i like the idea of jeongcheol both crushing on josh and like thinking about a poly while joshua thinks he cant like both of them because he's dumb. im on the fence about it but dont be to surprised if i add the tag. ( if it does happen then seokmin will have still have a close platonic relationship with joshua, like a platonic soulmate thing but nothing romantic) please tell me your thoughts in the comments :)


In The Next Chapter -->
- jihoon jealous arc
- minghao's ass implants (?)
- twink shorts
- ¨ugh can wonwoo please be my Big Tiddie Anime Goth gf rn?¨ ¨jun if you dont shut up ¨
- the gc reads/watches Twlight (send help)
- Seokmin!!!

Chapter 4: "revoke his license to drive not my license to be hot 🙄🙄" - Yoon Jeonghan, while talking about almost getting in a car crash

Summary:

the chapter in which: someone is feeling jealous (spoiler, its jihoon), minghaos ass implants, jeonghan and joshua go on a quest for twink shorts, wonwoo as Big Tiddie Anime Goth gf, war in the gc about Twilight, seokmin joins the party :)

Notes:

chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: #NoDickLife
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon: small mf
Jeonghan: angel/ bootylicious
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: nip licker/ edgelord
Minghao: single
Vernon: bruh
Joshua: joshakuna
Mingyu: tall mf
Seunkwan: boo br />
Seokmin: sunshine

in the 96 gc
doggy style:wonwoo
im not naming myself after a sex position: jihoon
reverse cowgirl: jun
69: soonyounf

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

                  

 

Let's All Bully Jun Squad

5;online, Dec 17, 12:09

 

#NoDickLife: party rock is in the house tonighttttt 🤪

 

furry: EVERYBODY JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME 

 

bruh: And we gon' make you lose your minddddd 🤪🤪

 

single: we just wanna see you

 

boo: SHAKE THAT

 

joshakuna: *silence

 

#NoDickLife: every day im shufflin 🥶💯

 

furry: *edm noises 

 

bruh: get up

bruh: get down

bruh: put your hands up to the sound

 

single:  you skipped the entire second verse bro:/

 

bruh:  :'( sorry bro

 

#NoDickLife: its ok bro :)

 

bruh: thanks bro :))) 

 

nip licker is online

 

nip licker: SHUT THE FUCK UP

nip licker: BRO!!! 🤪🤪

 

bruh: bro :(

 

furry: you cant stop the Party Rock 

 

furry changed the group chat name to: Party Rockers

 

#NoDickLife: YESSSSSSSSS

 

nip licker: ugh

 

nip licker changed the group chat name to: stfu im trying to sleep

 

single: its literally noon 

single: go be productive bitch

 

nip licker: i literally have no classes today let me sleep you fucktard

 

#NoDickLife: awwww baby wonu gets vwey cwankey when he doesn't get his nappy naps

 

nip licker: I will embalm you

 

#NoDickLife: what the hell is an embalm :3c

 

joshakuna: it's a mummification technique

joshakuna: basically hes gonna pull your brain outta ur nose 

 

#NoDickLife: ugh that sounds so hot 😩🥵

 

nip licker: IM TOO TIRED FOR THIS LET ME SLEEP 

 

bruh: let bro sleep

 

nip licker: thanks BRO :') 

nip licker: sorry for making fun of you earlier bro

 

bruh: np bro

bruh: when did you make fun of me tho 

 

nip licker: nevermind 

 

nip licker is offline

 

#NoDickLife changed the group chat name to: Party Rockers 🥶💯

 

#NoDickLife: if we whisper I don't think he can hear us

 

bruh: oml

 

furry: *whispers* party rock is in the house tonightttt 

 

joshakuna: *whispers* everybody just have a good time 

 

boo: *whispers* and we gon make you lose your mind

 

nip licker is online

 

nip licker: SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE

nip licker: IF I GET ANOTHER NOTIF IM GOING TO ENBALM ALL OF YOU AND THROW YOU INTO THE RIVER

 

single: just mute the chat stupid :/

 

boo: its literally not that hard :/

boo: im sure even YOU can figure it out

 

nip licker: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 

bruh: yooooo

bruh: we got a river? 

 

#NoDickLife: i think its actually just a stream of toxic waste from the dorms communal bathrooms 

#NoDickLife: but like sometimes there's fish in it 😀😀

 

nip licker: yeah DEAD fish

nip licker: AND IF YOU DONT WANNA END UP LIKE THOSE FISH THEN YOU SHOULD ALL STFU

 

nip licker is offline

 

boo: ...

 

#NoDickLife: ...

 

single:...

 

joshakuna: ...

 

bruh:...

 

furry: ...

furry: IN THE CLUB PARTY ROCK 👏👏

 

father is online

 

father: looking for ur girl? 😍 she on my jock 😼😼

 

bruh: NON STOP WHEN WE IN THE SPOT

 

angel is online

 

angel: booty moving weight like she on the block 🥶🥶

 

#NoDickLife: EVEN JEONGHAN????

 

angel:  i am Really Cool 

 

child is online

 

child: where the drank? i gots to know

 

bruh: rrrrrrrrrweeep

bruh: that was a record scratch 

 

single: yo stop the party rock!!!

single: ...

 

#NoDickLife: ...

 

furry: ...

 

angel: ...

 

joshakuna: ...

 

father: ...

 

bruh: ...

 

boo: you ruined it chan ugh

 

child: WHAT

child: I JUST TYPED THE NEXT LYRIC 

 

#NoDickLife: fake Party Rocker 

 

child: WHAT OML 

 

small mf is online

 

small mf: not cool chan 

 

angel: chan coolness level:  -0000000000000

 

tall mf is online

 

tall mf: the party rocker anthem is sacred 

tall mf: how could you disrespect it like this 

 

furry: even mingyu knows :/

 

small mf: and he has three nipples 😁😁

 

tall mf: whats that gotta do with anything 🙁

 

child: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING THOUGH????!!!U@UU@

 

joshakuna: its ok chan!!!

joshakuna:  just admit u suck and are a loser!!!

 

child: EVERYONE HERE IS JUST A BULLY 

child: I DID NOTHING 

child: I HATE IT HERE

child: THE PARTY ROCK ANTHEM FUCKING SUCKS ANYWAY

 

child is offline

 

furry: *checks mic* check 1 2 

furry: ahem

furry: everyone

furry: resume Party Rocking

 

#NoDickLife: cant believe mans said the party rock anthem sucks

 

single: he must b off his rocker 

single: get it  :)

 

#NoDickLife: u are so funny babe 

#NoDickLife: i just orgasmed from that really funny joke 

#NoDickLife: eyes rolling back and everything, back arching, lip quivering, moaning, clenching my chair, curling my toes

 

single: you could say im a CUMedian :)

 

#NoDickLife:  i just came so hard please 

 

single: :)

 

boo: i actually NEED to evaluate one of you for one of my psych projects 

boo: there is something seriously wrong with both of you

 

#NoDickLife: we're just sexy and free!!!

 

single: yeah >:(

 

#NoDickLife: whats so wrong about that??? 😔

 

boo: everything tbh

 

bruh: Shots shots shots shots shots Shots shots shots shots shots Shots shots shots shots shots Shots, everybody

 

angel: wrong song sweetie 

 

small mf: The ladies love us when we pour shots 🎶 

 

single: They need an excuse to suck our cocks!!!

 

bruh: Suck My Cock 🥺

 

angel: wth vernon 💀💀 

 

bruh:  i wasn't talking to you jeonghan!! i was singing the song 😊 

 

angel: yeah i know that 💀💀💀💀

 

bruh: 😊😊

 

furry: YALL

furry: what happened to chan :(

furry: usually he like facetimes one of us, fake cries, says a youtuber apology 

furry: and then we forgive him

furry: but bros gone AWOL 

 

#NoDickLife: i directed him to a better person who will listen to all his little boy problems!

#NoDickLife: wonwoo :)

 

angel: JUN LET HIM SLEEP OML 😭😭😭

 

furry: BRO 😭😭

 

#NoDickLife: oh no 🥺 was that naughty of me???? 🥺😢😖

#NoDickLife: junnie is sowwy 🥺😿

 

boo: jun please let me diagnose you

boo: please 

boo: pleek 

boo: pleeeeek

 

#NoDickLife: i identify as Undiagnosed sorry 🙏🙏

 

boo: what are you even saying 

 

bruh: poor wonwoo bro just wanted to sleep 😔😔

 

single: No rest for the wicked!!!! 😡🤬

 

father: do you even know what that means 😭😭😭

 

 

Anti Party Rockers ❌ 🤬

2;online, Dec 17 12:15

 

chan: I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG :(((

 

won: AND I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IM NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP 

won: SOMETIMES we don't get what we want chan

won: SOMETIMES WE DONT GET IT

 

chan: :(

 

won: :/

 

chan: :(((((

 

won: ur not getting ANY sympathy from me dude im fucking livid rn 

 

chan: poor granpappy wonwoo just wanted to rest his old bones 🥺

 

won: the only thing you are going be resting is IN PIECE 

won: im gonna bury you and then shit on your gravestone 

 

chan: that's...kinda hot 🤪🥵

 

won: im gonna enject dr pepper in your dick while you sleep so you wake up carbonated and explode

 

chan: nah

chan: i don't fuck around with that gay shit bro

chan: you are not touching deez...

chan: DEEZ NUTS 🤪🤪🤪🤪

 

Error112: This user has blocked you.

 

chan: MAN WTH 😭😭😭

 

 

 

Party Rockers 🥶💯

6;online, Dec 17, 1:15

 

#NoDickLife: has anyone seen wonwoo?

 

child: hes touching deez

 

bruh: what

 

child: Deez Nuts 🤪🤪🤪🤪

 

joshakuna: update: chan is still NOT FUNNY

 

child: IM SAYING IT IRONICALLY I DONT THINK ITS ACTUALLY FUNNY

 

boo: well clearly its a litte TOO in character for you

 

#NoDickLife: YOU GUYS ARE TOUCHING BALLS WITHOUT ME!!!!! WHATTTTTTT.

#NoDickLife: cheol wanna touch my nuts 🥺

 

joshakuna: ....

 

angel: ....

 

#NoDickLife: woopsie now your boytoys are mad at me ):3c

 

joshakuna: I AM NO ONES BOYTOY

joshakuna: SCRATCH THAT

joshakuna: IM NO ONES TOY PERIOD

joshakuna: i'm independent 

 

single: hi independent im minghao 

 

#NoDickLife: ...

 

single: AHHHSHS HELP JUSN PUT A PILLOW ON MY FACEI CNAT SEEE

 

#NoDickLife: let's leave being funny to the REAL men hao 😁😁

 

single: bitchg i cant breath takeds this pillowd of my face

 

#NoDickLife: sorry cant hear you through the pillow!! 😁😁😁😁

 

single: WE ARE LITERALLY TEXTING

 

#NoDickLife: i cant read 🥺🥺🥺

 

single: UGH WE'RE BREAKING UP 

 

joshakuna: anyways as i was saying

joshakuna: im no ones toy!!!

 

angel: ok bottom  

 

joshakuna: BITCH YOU ARE THROWING ROCKS IN A GLASS HOUSE 

joshakuna: UR THE BOTTOM HERE 

 

angel: deflection

angel: classic move :/

 

joshakuna: IM NOT DEFLECTING

 

angel: ....righttt 

 

joshakuna: YOU ARE SO CONDESENING IM TIRED OF THIS

joshakuna: IM LEAVING

 

joshakuna is offline

 

father: jeonghan....

father: what did i tell you about making fun of josh and his submissive tendencies!!! 

 

angel: sorry zaddy 😜😈

 

father: ... 

 

#NoDickLife: *projectile vomiting 

 

furry is online

 

furry: GUYS!!!

furry: you will NEVER guess who i saw at OUR school today!!!

 

#NoDickLife: a stripper?

 

single: MR WORLDWIDE DADDY ?

 

joshakuna: lesbians in capes?

 

bruh: my dad? 

 

boo: LADY GAGA?

 

tall mf: The Statue of Liberty?

 

furry: NOPE!!!!

furry: EVEN BETTER

 

joshakuna: ugh i wanted to see lesbians in capes :/

 

father: is that a thing?

 

joshakuna: idk but i had a dream 

 

angel: bro thinks he's Martin Luther King🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

joshakuna: sleep with one eye open i swear to fucking god

 

boo: i wish it was lady gaga

boo: theres nothing better than lady gaga

 

bruh: i wish it was my dad 

bruh: i miss him 

bruh: havent seen him a while

 

boo: 💀💀💀💀

 

#NoDickLife: damn

#NoDickLife: i even got some spare change in case there was a stripper

 

single: ...

 

#NoDickLife: were not dating anymore hao you cant control what i can and cant do >:(

 

single: WE MADE OUT FOR 45 MINUTES THIS MORNING????

 

#NoDickLife: no homo ❤️

 

single: ur sleeping on the cat bed tonight whore 

 

#NoDickLife: NO PLEASE NO ILL DO ANYTHING NOT THE CATBED 

 

tall mf: look hes begging guys :/

 

joshakuna is online

 

joshakuna: WHOS SUBMISSIVE NOW BITCH 

 

#NoDickLife: YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT THING SMELLS LIKE PINEAPPLE COTTAGE CHEESE 

 

small mf: yeah your cat fucking reeks 

small mf: that mangy hairball actually is the nastiest thing i have ever smelled

small mf: and i am literally roommates with cheol 

 

father: hey :(

 

#NoDickLife: HEY DONT TALK ABOUT OUR CAT LIKE THAT 

#NoDickLife: WE FOUND HER ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD

 

small mf: shoulda kept her there tbh 

 

#NoDickLife: 😭😭😭😭😭

 

furry: GUYSSSSSSSSSSS 

 

small mf: sorry 

small mf: continue soonyoung 

 

furry: ANYWAYS AS I WAS SAYING

furry: THE PERSON I MET WAS....

furry: drumroll please

 

single: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

small mf: wtf is brr

small mf: are you cold? 🥶🥶

 

single: SHUT HELL UP ITS A DRUMROLL

 

tall mf: what type of drums are you listening to

 

small mf: shivering drums ❄️

 

single: STFU U INBRED OOMPA LOOMPA

 

#NoDickLife: did u guys know that hurt people...hurt people 😔😔

 

single: you should do this really cool thing called Shutting The Hell Up!!

 

#NoDickLife: make me ;)

 

single: I Am Going To Throttle You

 

furry has muted single, tall mf, small mf, and #NoDickLife

 

furry: there we go :)

 

 

96 haha more like 69

2;online, Dec 17, 1:35

 

reverse cowgirl: BRUH WHY DOES SOONYOUNG HAVE ADMIN RIGHTS???

 

im not naming myself after a sex position: idfk but who do you think this person is

 

doggy style: boyfriend maybe? ex-boyfriend?

doggy style: honestly for all we know it could be like his old calc teacher from hs or smth 

 

reverse cowgirl: the only ex boyfriend he would have is one from like 3rd grade.

reverse cowgirl: he pulls no bitches

 

69: IN CASE YOU GUYS WERENT FUCKING AWARE IM IN THIS FUCKING GROUP CHAT >:(((

69: ALSO I HAVE ADMIN RIGHTS CAUSE IM SUPER COOL AND U R NOT >:)

 

reverse cowgirl: oh yeah

reverse cowgirl: oopsie :)

 

69: :(

69: AND IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHO THE PERSON IS THAN WAIT TILL I REVEAL IT!!!

 

reverse cowgirl: tbh i didn't really care anymore once it wasn't a stripper

 

doggy style: you are actually the most horrible person ive ever had the displeasure of interacting with

 

reverse cowgirl: you wanna kiss me SO BAD ;))

 

69: GUYS PLEASE

 

im not naming myself after a sex position: guys cmon be nice and let soonyoung introduce his friend :/

 

doggy style: #defendingbae #gaypride #gay #twink #twinkpower #bewhoyouare #foryourpride #gayboys #twinkboys #ally #lgbtq #analsex #69 #boypussy #lesbian #🏳🌈#mlm #🌈 #⚣ #👨❤️💋👨 #pussy #rainbow #lgbtcommunity #gaysex #asseating #menkissing #meninlove #cockandballtorture

 

69: what

 

im not naming myself after a sex position: ...

im not naming myself after a sex position: guys...

 

reverse cowgirl: stop being gay!!! pride month is over jihoon

reverse cowgirl: get ur act together!!!

 

69: r u gay jihoon?

 

im not naming myself after a sex position: ...

im not naming myself after a sex position: u r so annoying jun

im not naming myself after a sex position: its so weird how you got someone to date you

 

reverse cowgirl: OUCHIE :(

 

doggy style: he and hao are both mental patients

 

reverse: we have matching straight jackets!! 

 

doggy style *gay jackets

 

69: YOU GUYSSSSSS >:( 

69: UGH FORGET IT

 

69 is offline

 

reverse cowgirl: aww jihoon look what u did ):(

reverse cowgirl: its all ur fault >:(

 

im not naming myself after a sex position: you are a pathological liar, manipulator, gaslighter, and evil twink 

im not naming myself after a sex position: not to mention you also watch tiktok compilations on YOUTUBE

im not naming myself after a sex position: u are insane and i want no part in it 

 

im not naming myself after a sex position is offline

 

reverse cowgirl: im not actually that crazy right 

 

doggy style is offline

 

reverse cowgirl: oh em gee GUYSSSSS!!!!

 

 

 

Party Rockers 🥶💯

12;online, Dec 17, 1:42

 

 

furry: ugh this took way longer than it should have but...

furry: @everyone i want you to meet my bsf

furry: seokmin!!!

 

furry added seokmin

furry changed seokmin's name to "sunshine"

 

nip licker changed their name to edgelord

 

#NoDickLife: bros back to being emo

 

edgelord: stfu

 

sunshine: HI EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

small mf: ugh

small mf: i already have a headache

 

father: ???

 

sunshine: OMG NOOO IM SORRYY!!!!!???? R U OK????!!!!!

 

small mf: ..yeah

 

furry: GUYS THIS IS SEOKMIN WEVE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR A WHILE

furry: WE USED TO GO TO MUSIC CAMP IN THE SUMMER TOGETHER BACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

furry: but then he moved :(

furry: and we lost contact because his phone got eated by a whale :(

 

small mf: not to be rude but i think you meant eaten

 

furry: no i meant eated because that whale literally ate

 

sunshine: fr he slayed that 

 

furry: frrrr

 

single: HE ATE YOUR FUCKING PHONE???!! WHY ARE YOU HYPING HIM UP???!!

 

sunshine: he was very majestic!! like go king!!

sunshine: anyways

sunshine: dont try to ride on whales ya'll

sunshine: they really dont like it and then they eat ur phones

 

#NoDickLife: i wouldn't mind riding smth right about now ;)

 

single: gimmie 1 min ill b there

 

#NoDickLife: YIPPIE 

 

edgelord: ugh 

 

#NoDickLife: awwww does wonnie wanna ride me?? :)

 

edgelord: no thank you

edgelord: ur dick is scarred for my tastes 

 

#NoDickLife: :(

 

sunshine: whats his dick afraid of :0

 

small mf: its scarred as in like with scars not scared as in afraid :/

small mf: its a long story u had to be there

 

sunshine: oh ok!! :)

 

furry: BROO NO ONE IS LETTING ME TALK TODAY 

furry: ANWAYS AFTER THAT WHALE LITERALLY ATE (slay)

furry: we lost contact :(

furry: BUT THEN I SAW HIM TODAY AND I WAS LIKE OMFG THATS MY MOTHERFUCKING BEST FRIEND!!

furry: we caught up, cried a bit, vowed to never go whale watching ever, and then hugged for like 2 hours, and then watched princess dairies, then cried some more, kissed (platonically), and cried more  

furry: AND THEN I HAD TO INTRODUCE YALL B CUZ SEOKMIN IS THE LOML <333

 

sunshine: AWWWWWW SOONIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

sunshine: I LOVE U TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

sunshine: BIG HEART <3333

 

furry: BIGGER HEART <333333

 

sunshine: BIGGEST HEART <3333333333333333333

 

furry: THE MOST BIGGEST HEART <33333333333333333333333333333333333333

 

sunshine: THE MOSTEST BIGGEST HEART <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

 

furry: I LOVE YOU

 

sunshine: I LOVE YOU MORE

 

furry: I LOVE YOU THE MOST

 

sunshine: NO!!! I LOVE YOU THE MOST

 

joshakuna: i think they just won nastiest couple and they arent even dating :( 

 

single: BABE NO WE CANT LET THEM WIN

single: QUICK SEND THAT 5 PAGE ESSAY YOU WROTE ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME 

 

#NoDickLife: PUT UR FUCKING PHONE DOWN I AM LITERALLY RIDING U 

 

single: THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS

 

#NoDickLife: than me?? 🥺🥺🥺

 

single: WE CANT LOSE JUN WE CANT 

single: IM COMPETITIVE BY NATURE 

single: IM A SCORPIO FOR FUCKS SAKE 

 

#NoDickLife: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL U DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT A SCORPIO IS

 

single: OK WELL I KNOW UR STAR SIGN IS UGLY BITCH AND YOUR HOROSCOPE IS SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I SMACK YOU 

 

#NoDickLife: :(

 

single: :(

 

#NoDickLife: u hurt my feelings >:(=

 

single: u hurt mine first >:(

 

child: now kiss!!

 

tall mf: please 

tall mf: anything to make yall stfu

 

single: gotta give the people what they want!!

 

#NoDickLife: YIPPIE LETS KISS WITH TONGUE AND EVERYTHING

 

father:  😨😨😨😨

 

single and #NoDickLife are offline 

 

edgelord: now mute them for fucks sake i cant take another minute 

 

tall mf: fr how do you put up with it 

tall mf: you must have some type of superpower

tall mf: like ur actually amazing 

 

 

 

That's my Best Friend </3

2;online Dec 17 , 2: 04 pm

 

Bestie 1: that praise kink going crazy right about now i'll bet

 

Bestie 2: no comment 

 

Bestie 1: LMFAO

 

 

Party Rockers 🥶💯

12;online, Dec 17, 2:07 pm

 

edgelord: uh thanks ig

 

tall mf: :)

 

child: ugh these bitches gay 🤢🤢🤢🤢

 

angel: being homophobic in the chat again are we?

 

child: yeah actually i am

child: FUCK GAY PPL 😡🤬

child: get tf out!!!

 

edgelord: chan you literally have a sugar daddy 

 

child: thats not gay 😃😁

 

edgelord: oml 

 

furry: anyways...

furry: seokmin you should do a little silly intro and then....

furry: all of us should hangout!! like one fun little group thing

 

bruh: wait that actually sounds kinda fun

 

sunshine: OMG YAS THAT WOULD B SO FUN!!!

 

boo: yeah i don't think ive ever even see some of you guys in person 

boo: besides hansol and jeonghan

 

edgelord: WOAH this dude gets HANSOL PRIVILEGES??? NAHHH

edgelord: like even I don't get hansol privileges and I've literally known u since forever

edgelord: what type of TOMFOOLERLY is this?

edgelord: WHY IS HE SPECIAL HUH???

edgelord: WHATS SO SPECIAL ABOUT HIM???

 

angel: yeah 🤨🤨

angel: whats so great about some guy you just met over US!! UR LIFELONG FRIENDS

angel: is there something we should know?? 🤨🤨

 

bruh: um 

bruh: too much smoke from my joint can't read the screen

bruh: yeah

 

edgelord: hmmmmm

 

furry: SEOKMIN DO UR INTRO B4 EVERYONE GETS DISTRACTED!!!!!!!

furry: SAY UR NAME, YEAR UR BORN, MAJOR, AND A FUN FACT OR TWO

 

sunshine: okey dokey!!

sunshine: the names soekmin, born in 97, I'm a music major and i love to sing!!

sunshine: um i don't like whales (obvi) and soonie and me are 4lifers

 

small mf: *soonie and i

 

father: damn who called the grammar police 

 

child: exactly like since when are you correcting ppl

 

small mf: i literally do this all the time what

 

father: but you just met the poor dude :(

 

small mf: old habits die hard ig

small mf: why yall defending him so hard?

 

father: why u being a bitch?

 

small mf: im not being a bitch

small mf: ur a bitch 

 

father: bro u on ur period or some shit

 

child: bros menstruating 😨😨😨

 

small mf: im not on my period that's not even possible

 

father: notice how you still said "my" period

father: if u r referring to it as "your" period clearly you have periods

father: meaning its possible you are on"your" period rn

father: do you have everything u need?? 🥺🥺

father: what pussy size u wear ill get you some pads 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

 

small mf: i actually cant do this rn 

small mf: shut up cheol

 

small mf is offline 

 

father: bros been so snappy like whats up with him

father: what a killjoy

 

tall mf: tf is a killjoy

 

father: its people killing the joy like ruining everyone's fun

 

tall mf: that's a buzzkill bro

 

father: ok but killjoy is also a word

 

tall mf: tf no it is NOT 

 

father: what the hell are you on bruh it is a word 💀💀💀

 

tall mf: aint no such thing as a killjoy 

tall mf: that's not real

 

father: its a real word bitch

father: fucking google it

father: like wtf is a buzzkill

father: what is buzz? bees??

father: if im killing buzz then im out here killing bees 🤨🤨

father: like killjoy makes sense because it literally just translates to killing joy

 

tall mf: BRO UR LITERALLY AN IDIOT KILLJOY IS NOT A WORD 

tall mf: OFC UR NOT KILLING BEES DUMBASS

tall mf: ITS LIKE THE BUZZ OF THE PEOPLE

 

father: the people?? 😭😭😭😭

 

tall mf: yeah the people 

tall mf: ur literally dumb buzzkill is a word and fucking killjoy is NOT

tall mf: u made that shit up 😭😭

 

father: BITCH WHAT????!@##@

father: actually yk what im not taking shit from someone who didn't even know what a clit was

 

tall mf: I DO KNOW WHAT A CLIT IS OML

tall mf: its the part that pee comes out of right?

 

father: BRO 💀💀

 

tall mf: IM LITERALLY RIGHT??? CLIT IS WHERE PEE COMES OUT 

 

angel: NO IT DOES NOT

 

tall mf: bitch u are gay you have never seen a clit EVER i don't fucking trust you

 

angel: 💀💀💀💀💀💀

 

child: bro gets no bitches 💀

child: pussyless behavior

 

boo: bro probably thinks babies are delivered by storks 😭😭😭😭

 

bruh: bro prob thinks boss baby is real 😭😰

 

joshakuna: i just know u were the kid that thought girls pooped flowers or smth stupid like that 💀💀💀

 

child: bro prob thought girls didn't poop at all 💀💀

 

joshakuna: STOP UR RIGHT 💀💀

 

tall mf: wait wait wait 

 

child: what 

 

tall mf: girls poop?

tall mf: are u serious 

tall mf: do they actually 

 

angel: PLEASE tell me ur joking rn 🙁

 

tall mf: YALL PAUSE RN

tall mf: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT GIRLS POOP

 

joshakuna: U HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING

joshakuna: MINGYU PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING 

 

tall mf: ARE YALL PRANKING ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

tall mf: GIRLS DONT POOP THATS A FUCKING LIE

 

father: mingyu girls poop

father: all humans poop

father: girls are humans meaning they poop

father: girls arent some higher being 

father: they take normal (non flowery) shits 

father: please educate yourself 😭😭

 

joshakuna: HIGHER BEING 

joshakuna: mingyu worshipping women cause they don't shit 😇😇

 

child: mingyu praying at the toilet when he sees the daffodil petals from the girl who used the restroom before him 😇 🧎♂️🧎♂️ 

 

tall mf: U GUYS STOP PLEASE

 

boo: u need to apologize to women 

 

tall mf: sorry ladies 🙏🙏

 

boo: worst fucking apology ever 

boo: u should thank god ur gay because if any woman heard about this conversation she would light you on fire and dump you in a sewer

 

child: LMFAO

 

tall mf: IK IK IM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME 

 

boo: WHY ARE YOU ASKING FORGIVENESS FROM ME 

boo: next time you see a woman apologize to HER!!

 

child: Boo Seungkwan Defender of Woman

 

boo: DAMN RIGHT

 

joshakuna:  I CANT STOP LAUGHING LMFAO

 

tall mf: I WILL APOLOGIZE I WILL I PROMISE

tall mf: ILL APOLOGIZE TO ANY WOMAN EVER

tall mf: ILL MAKE IT UP TO THEM SOMEHOW

 

boo: GOOD 

 

tall mf: ok but what is a clit actually 

tall mf: i want to educate myself 🙏🙏

 

father: normally id say google it but i actually can't trust you after this

father: ill DM you

father: and this goes out to EVERYONE here 

father: girls poop (not flowers)

father: and they do not pee out of their clits 

 

joshakuna: amen hallelujah!! 🙏🙏

joshakuna: u tell em cheol 🤬👊

 

father: stfu josh u literally just learnt what an ovary was yesterday 😐😐

 

tall mf: whats an ovary 

 

father: oml

 

furry: ok are yall done cause i wanted to suggest that we all watch twilight at my place

furry: do a fun little get together 😝😝😝

 

#NoDickLife is online

 

#NoDickLife: omg that sounds so fun

#NoDickLife: me and hao are done having Hot Passionate Sex so we will def b there

 

single is online

 

single: YAAAS TWILIGHT 🙏🙏

single: #TeamEdward

 

furry: WHAT

 

single: what? 

 

furry: UR TEAM EDWARD 

furry: WHAT THE HELL

 

single: bitch what other team would i be on

single: fuckass jacobs team??

single: hell nah bro is annoying

 

edgelord: ofc ur is on team jacob soonyoung

edgelord: with ur furry ass 💀💀

 

furry: FIRST OF ALL IM NOT A FURRY!!!

furry: SECOND OF ALL JOCOB IS BETTER AND DOESNT LOOK LIKE SOMEONES RANK ASS CHEESE BLOCK THATS GONE STALE

 

#NoDickLife: DO NOT talk about Eddie like that!!!

 

furry: EDDIE??? YALL GOT A NICKNAME FOR HIM

furry: YK WHAT 

furry: ONLY TEAM JACOB PPL CAN COME TO MY HOUSE 

furry: NO EDDIE LOVERS ALLOWED

 

single: WHAT

 

sunshine: i cant belive i just joined a gc of ppl who like EDWARD ugh

 

furry: TRUST ME MINNIE I DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS

 

sunshine: its ok <3

sunshine: but they cant come to SeokSoons Slayful Movie Night cause they suck

 

furry: i agree

furry: anyone on team edward can smd

furry: if you like jakey poo come on over we have popcorn, snacks, and a pillow fort <3

 

child: AYE LETS GO

 

single: CHAN YOU ARE LITEALLY TEAM EDWARD

 

child: i have never seen twilight in my life

child: but im just going to the place thats got food and a hot neighbor

 

furry: what hot neighbor 

furry: nevermind i know who you mean

 

child: UR NEIGHBOR IS SO FINE OML LIKE 

child: Cock In My Mouth Please?

 

furry: CHAN WHAT

 

child: im gonna get dressed up 

child: b there in 20 ;)

 

child is offline

 

furry: ok who else is on the RIGHT TEAM

 

edgelord: nah fuck this

edgelord: team eddie watch party at my place

edgelord: we got snacks, some brownies, and a shit tonne of blankets that could possibly become a fort 

edgelord: oh and TWO hot neighbors

 

single: I FUCKING LOVE U

 

#NoDickLife: THATS WHY UR MY BEST FRIEND 

 

edgelord: don't push it jun

edgelord: you still have to wear gloves in the house

 

#NoDickLife: ONE TIME

#NoDickLife: IT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME

 

single: nah don't fuck with gamers bro 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

single: get some cheeto dust on the PC on u gotta wear gloves every time you come over 🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

edgelord: u too hao

 

single: WHAT

 

edgelord: u got chocolate on my cat plush >:(

 

single: THAT THING IS DIRTY AS HELL ANYWAY

 

edgelord: >:(

 

tall mf: cat plush?

 

single: YEAH 

single: A GROWN ASS MAN SLEEPS WITH A PLUSH TOY AND GETS PRESSED WHEN YOU TOUCH IT 

 

tall mf: that's kinda silly

tall mf: in a cute way ;)

 

edgelord: i don't really know how to respond to that but thanks ig

 

tall mf: :)

 

child: these bitches gay ugh

 

furry: u are dressing up for my hot MALE neighbor chan. 

furry: you are gay 😭😭😭

 

child: i just wanna b friends with him :)

child: and then maybe lick his abs

child: strictly PLATONIC 🤬🤬

 

angel: me cheol and josh are team eddie so were driving to won's place together

angel: gotta pick up josh first tho

 

joshakuna: hold up im trying to find my twink shorts

 

single: exactly

single: hotties pull up to team edward

 

boo: @furry whats ur address

boo: the team edward group is gonna be wayyy too horny

 

furry: YAY!!! I LOVE U KWAN

 

boo: yeah yeah whatever i know im really hot and cool and pretty and slayful 

boo: drop the addy tho 

 

furry: 8008135 Not a Real St

furry: apartment 69

 

#NoDickLife: you just doxxed urself

#NoDickLife: im gonna kill you in your sleep and give all your blood to eddie 

 

furry: ok you can try but i know you would literally moan like a bitch in heat if you saw my neighbor

 

#NoDickLife: false

 

furry:  hotneighbor.png

 

#NoDickLife: ok fine maybe i would 

#NoDickLife: but like i have a boyfriend!!!

 

furry: playing loyal are we

 

single: WHY YOU DO HAVE STALKER PICS OF YOUR NEIGHBOR 

 

bruh: im coming to yours soon 

bruh: its closer 

 

furry: YAY!!!! 

furry: don't smoke inside tho pleek 

 

bruh: gotchu :)

bruh: i made brownies aswell

bruh: can't let the MIDWARD lovers outdo us 🤬🤬

 

furry: YAAAS

furry: ok but the brownies 

furry: are they..yk...

furry: 🍃🍃

 

bruh: nah these are good

bruh: im also bringing my trash to throw in the dumpster at ur place cause mines overfilled 

 

furry: 💀💀

 

edgelord: ok who else is coming to mine

 

tall mf: ill come

tall mf: drop the address 

 

edgelord: yay :)

edgelord: 3003135 Another Fake St

edgelord: appt 19

edgelord: ok so thats me, hao, jun, u, cheol, josh, and han in total

 

furry: ok at my place is

furry: minnie, kwan, vernon, chan, and me 

furry: OH HEY WHAT AB JIHOON 

furry: @small mf are you here 

furry: @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf

 

angel: i don't think he's here

angel: or hes ignoring us

 

furry: oh 

furry: ok 

furry: well jihoon if u see this come to team jakey poo :)

furry: we have those delicious sugar cookies from the store

 

#NoDickLife: OMG OMG OMG MINGYU CAN YOU GET THOSE SUGAR COOKIES PLEEK

#NoDickLife: PLEEK PLEEEK THOSE ARE SO GOOD I GET A MOUTHGASM EVERY SINGLE TIME I EAT ONE

 

tall mf: ill see what i can do :)

 

#NoDickLife: I FUCKING LOVE YOU IM GONNA SMOOCH U

 

tall mf: 😘😘

 

furry: ok well now team midward is also getting cookies but we have the BETTER ppl at my place

furry: drop by if u can jihoon :)

 

 

and they were roommates!!!??

2;online, Dec 17, 2:37 pm

 

cheol: jihoon get up

cheol: get up ik ur here

cheol: ok wtf is ur problem 

cheol: first giving the new guy attitude 

cheol: then u were being pissy

cheol: and ik i was being EXTRA annoying but normally smth like that doesn't really bother you 

cheol: is smth up? do you need to talk?

cheol: seriously hoon 

 

hoon is online

 

hoon: what

hoon: im fine nothings up

hoon: im just tired so tell soonyoung i don't feel like going 

 

cheol: right....

cheol: is this about

cheol: the New Guy?

 

hoon: what

 

cheol: cmon yk what i mean

cheol: you were completely fine until he showed up

cheol: are you jealous? is that it??

 

hoon: jealous? me?

hoon: HAHAHA THE AUDACITY 

hoon: THATS QUITE AN ACCUSATION TO THROW AROUND COMING FROM THE SAME GUY WHO WAS MAD THAT JOSH GOT HIT ON BY A CUTE BOY A COUPLE DAYS AGO LIKE WOAHHHHH AND U HAVE A BOYFRIEND??? ARE YOU EVEN ALLOWED TO ACCUSE PEOPLE???!!

 

cheol: DO NOT BRING THAT INTO THIS

cheol: do you KNOW how frustrating it is???? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW GUILTY I FEEL??? OFC IK I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND IK I LIKE JOSH  MAYBE EVEN L WORD HIM AS MUCH AS JEONGHAN WHICH IS SCARY AND WE ALL LITERALLY HAD A THREESOME AND IT WAS HOTTEST THING EVER AND WERE GONNA DO IT AGAIN AND JOSH OFFERED TO GIVE ME HEAD LIKE JUST HIM AND ME AN HOUR AGO

cheol: AND I WAS LIKE NO I HAVE A BOYFRIEND THATS KINDA IDK WEIRD AND NOW I WORRIED IT WRONG THING TO SAY BECAUSE JEONGHAN SAID HE DIDNT MIND SHARING AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THATS SUPPOSED TO MEAN AND IM SO CONFUSED ON THE STATE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP

cheol: I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO TALK TO JEONGAHN ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT DOESNT SEEM TO BE BOTHERING HIM AS MUCH AS ME AND FUCK I LOVE BOTH OF THEM SM BUT I JUST CANT AND I DONT NOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

cheol: so whatever i don't really wanna talk about it 

 

hoon: ok yeah sorry that was a low blow 

hoon: sorry cheol i didn't really mean that 

 

cheol: its ok i mean ur right 

 

hoon: not a good excuse to be a bitch 

 

cheol: true

cheol: WHICH IS WHY

cheol: you should apologize to soonyoung

cheol: im not gonna argue back and forth about whether ur jealousy and whatnot BUT

cheol: u were (are) a dick and need to apologize 

cheol: to both of them 

 

hoon: ok fine..

hoon: but im not jealous

 

cheol: ok and im a millionare

 

hoon is offline

 

cheol: bitches hate to see that im right 

 

 

This is the beginning of your private message with seokmin

.

.

.

hoon + seokmin 

2;online, Dec 17, 2:57 pm

 

hoon: uh hi this is jihoon i just wanted to apologize for being a dick in the gc i wasn't really feeling well and i shouldn't have lashed out. and as much i didn't want to admit it i was jealous seeing how you and soonyoung were interacting so again sorry for that, i guees seeing someone who was closer than him to me really set me off, which is dumb because we arent even that close lol.anyways you seem really cool and funny and i really hope we can still be friends? :)

hoon: sorry im kinda bad a apologies

hoon: lack of practice 

 

seokmin: omg hi!! 

seokmin: thank you so much for clearing things up, im the type to really worry and i was sooo nervous thinking you hated me so ofc we can be friends!!! soon talks abt you a lot always saying how cool u r :)

seokmin: honestly i kinda get it we were being very nauseating so no worries about getting annoyed!! ><

 

hoon: yeah its still not an excuse for being a peehead

 

seokmin: PEEEHEAD LMFAO 

seokmin: and ITS FINE!! as long as u promise to not be a meanie again 

seokmin: and tbh the person who was more hurt was probably soon

seokmin: he reallllyyy wants us all to get along so you should def clear that up so he doesn't worry ><

 

hoon: ugh i have to stop causing problems for myself 

hoon: thanks ill make sure to apologize to him as well

 

seokmin: np np ><

seokmin: u should come to movie night to REALLY sell that we've made up :)

seokmin: we can cuddle :)

 

hoon: don't push it 

 

seokmin: :(

seokmin: guess i better tell soonyoung that we can NEVER be friends and he should give up right now

 

hoon: ugh fine ill go 

 

seokmin: :)

seokmin: NOW GO APOLOGIZE 

 

hoon: ok ok :)

 

 

 

 

leaders but we kicked cheol cause he was mean

1;online, Dec 17, 3:02 pm

 

hoon: soonyoung

hoon: u there?

hoon: hello?

hoon: ok well im gonna talk anyway

hoon: im sorry for being a dick to ur bsf

hoon: i guess i was just a little jealous of the way you two interacted, you guys were so close and i just felt a little forgotten...ig?

hoon: despite the fact that its mostly me who ignores you, so sorry about that too i guess.

hoon: and i guess this apology is really long overdue because in reality ive been kind of a bad friend. i really don't deserve someone like you. i mean you've put up with my attitude for years and what have a done in return?

hoon: nothing to be quite honest 

hoon: so im also sorry for not treating you with the same care as you treat me just know i appreciate you in so many ways and i don't know what id do without you. if you wanna be gross with your bsf in the gc you should be allowed to and i shouldn't be a jerk about it because you deserve it. and i don't hate seokmin so don't worry abt that either

hoon: ik youre a little bit of a worrywart when it comes to those things, and ik me being a dick did not make it any easier.

hoon: so i just wanted to say sorry. sorry for being a bad friend, sorry for being bad to your friend, and i guess sorry that you've had to be my friend. 

 

soon is online

 

soon: hoo boy thats a lot to read give a min

 

 

 

leaders but we kicked cheol cause he was mean

2;online, Dec 17, 3:07 pm

 

soon: HOLD THE PHONE RN

soon: FIRST OF ALL DONT BE JEALOUS OF SEOKMIN 

soon: IK ME AND SEOKMIN ARE RLLY CLOSE BUT U AND I ARE DIFFERENT 

soon: IM A DIFFERENT KIND OF FRIEND TO YOU THAN SEOKMIN

soon: IK I CAN ALWAYS COME TO YOU FOR ADVICE ON ANYTHING MUSIC RELATED OR EVEN DANCE

soon: lemme get out of caps rq

soon: sure seokmin and i are close but you and are just as close!! 

soon: u even let me in the studio and ik how much you care about the studio!! 

soon: and second of all DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MY FRIEND

soon: jihoon ur a great friend!!!!!

soon: sure emotionally constipated and definitely sometimes a little too blunt but sometimes that's what you need 

soon: sometimes u need a little weird emotionally constipated evil gremlin friend!!!!

soon: WHO CHECKED ON ME WHEN I WAS WORKING MY BOOTY OFF FOR THE END OF YEAR SHOW AN DIDN'T LEAVE THE DANCE STUDIO FOR 2 DAYS HUH???

soon: CMON U KNOW THE ANSWER

 

hoon: me..

 

soon: EXACTLY AND THEN YOU FORCE FED ME POPEYES BECAUSE I REFUSED TO STOP DANCING 

soon:  IF U DIDNT COME I WOULD HAVE DIED 

 

hoon: thats an exaggeration i didnt force feed you 

hoon: i STRONGLY suggested you eat

hoon: but you were probably about to die tbh

 

soon: EXACTLY!!! U SAVED ME 

soon: OR WHAT ABOUT WHEN I JUMPED INTO A TIGER ENCLOSURE DRUNK THAT ONE TIME

soon: YOU SUCKER PUNCHED THAT TIGER TO ANTARCTICA

 

hoon: ok well then we almost got arrested 

hoon: and both of us are banned from the zoo

 

soon: OK BUT I WAS GONNA DIE 

soon: AND IF WE HAD GOTTEN ARRESTED AT LEAST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOGETHER!!!

 

hoon: oml we were about to go to JAIL SOONYOUNG 

 

soon: point is, ur the best friend i could ever ask for so DONT EVER apologize or act like im being subjected to the Worst Thing Ever by being friends with you

soon: we've both had our moments and stuck with each other despite that!!! so please act like our friendship is one-sided >:(

soon: were like two balls in a sack!!

soon: if take away one your life becomes significantly more difficult !!!

 

hoon: you suck at analogies :/

 

soon: :)

soon: anyways im glad you don't hate seokmin though i was a little worried

soon:  he's a little much yk

 

hoon: ur a little much too

hoon: dont play innocent u almost jumped off a building yesterday

 

soon: thats irrelevant 

 

hoon: LMFAO

hoon: but yeah he's nice

 

soon: GOOD IM GLAD U LIKE HIM

soon: BUT WAIT 

soon: does this mean were chill?

 

hoon: yeah :) 

hoon: were chill

 

soon: so you'll come to movie night?

 

hoon: yep and ill bring my extra switch controllers so we can all play mario kart after 

hoon: and booze 

 

soon: YIPPIE MARIO KART

soon: and alcohol too ig whatever

 

hoon: lol

hoon: thanks soonyoung

 

soon: np hoon ur my bsf !! ><

soon: and dont you forget it!!! >:(

 

 

 

 

Party Rockers 🥶💯

13;online, Dec 17, 3:34 pm

 

furry: GUESS WHAT BITCHES

furry: WE GET MARIO KART 

furry: CAUSE HOONIES PULLING UP TO #TEAMJACOB

 

#NoDickLife: UGH ALL WONWOO HAS IS LIKE CALL OF DOOKIE 

#NoDickLife: NO FUN GAMES LIKE MARIO KART

 

edgelord: Mario Kart isn't REAL video games

edgelord: and stfu its called CALL OF DUTY

 

single: exactly..call of doody

 

edgelord: you guys are the worst couple to ever walk the planet

edgelord: though i guess for jun its more like limp

edgelord: yall must have had some WICKED sex

 

#NoDickLife: you betcha :p

 

father: well im glad jihoon decided to go and is ACTUALLY LEAVING HIS HOUSE

father: UNLIKE the two people i am currently waiting on

father: LIKE CAN YALL HURRY UP ITS BEEN 45 MINS

 

joshakuna: we are currently trying to locate twink shorts stfu

joshakuna: it hasn't been that long 

 

father: IT HAS

 

joshakuna: ok well you can be patient then

joshakuna: just think about how happy you'll be when you see twink shorts

 

father: ...

father: 15 more mins then im driving away

 

child: GAYYYYYYY

 

furry: DO I HAVE TO REMIND THAT YOU LITERALLY GOT DRESSED UP FOR MY NEIGHBOR???!!!

 

child: yeah i need the code to his apartment so i can surprise him 

child: give it to me

 

furry: NO IM GONNA PROTECT HIM FROM YOU

 

tall mf: DONT YOU ALREADY HAVE A SUGAR DADDY BRO

 

child: and whats one more??

 

furry: oml 

 

angel: OMG WHERE ARE MY TWINK SHORTS I WANNA LOOK BOOTYLICIOUS

 

boo: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

angel: it means bootylicious ;)

 

#NoDickLife changed angel's name to bootylicious

 

bootylicious: if the shoe fits!!

 

joshakuna: YOU CAN'T CLAIM BOOTYLICIOUS I SAID IT FIRST

 

single: someone probably said it before you tbh

 

joshakuna: STFU IT DOESNT MATTER I CLAIM IT

 

bootylicious: ur just mad cause im more bootylicious!!

 

joshakuna: ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

joshakuna: UR LITERALLY BUILT LIKE SCAFFOLDING 

joshakuna: UR SKELETAL

joshakuna: GOT NO BOOTY AT ALL

 

bootylicious: U GOT NO BOOTY STFU

 

#NoDickLife: ladies ladies don't fight!!

#NoDickLife: we can all agree

#NoDickLife: flathao solos all u losers 

 

single: JUN UR SUCH A HOE OH MY FUCKING GOD STOP TALKING ABOUT MY ASS

 

#NoDickLife: still got that implant appointment if u want it

 

single: UR FUCKING TOXIC YK THAT????

 

#NoDickLife: ok then why are we still dating

 

single: ur rich and ride cock like a champ 🤷🤷

 

#NoDickLife: UR SUCH GOLD DIGGER AND A HOE 

#NoDickLife: but im glad my talents are being appreciated :)

#NoDickLife: but wth im i supposed to do with this ass appointment 😭😭😭😭

 

single: 😭😭😭😭

 

tall mf: post it on Craigslist or smth idk

 

#NoDickLife: thats fucking genius thank you

 

father: @bootylicious @joshakuna where are yall

father: im about to leave 

 

bootylicious: OK OK WAITTTTT JOSH IS STILL TRYING TO FIND HIS TWINK SHORTS

 

joshakuna: gimmie like 2 more mins ik there here somewhere

 

father: oml fine 2 more mins AND THEN IM DRIVING AWAY

 

bruh: bros too weak for the booty 😔😔

 

child: fr

child: booty before bros??? 😔😔😔

 

bruh: btw soons ur neighbor is asking if he can come over to movie night

 

furry: WHAT 

furry: ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM

 

bruh: yeah we ran into each other when i was throwing away my trash in ur dumpster 

bruh: bros absolutely hung its CRAZYYY

 

single: HOW DO YOU KNOW 💀💀💀

 

bruh: bros gone commando 😭😭😭

bruh: that shit swinging around like CRAZYYY

 

furry: AINT NO WAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭

 

child: OMG 

child: rough estimate how big we talking 

child: like over 8 inches or..

 

bruh: idk man i dont have a mental ruler

bruh: all ik is the balls are pretty darn large

 

tall mf: BROS MEASURING THE CIRCUMFERENCE 💀💀

 

child: CIRCUMFERENCE MORE LIKE

child: SIR COME ON MY FACE 

 

#NoDickLife: LMFAOOOO

 

father: thats it ur done no phone

 

child: bitch im a grown ass man u cant take my phone

 

father: we'll see about that...

 

edgelord: u really thought u ate that huh

 

father: WDYM

 

edgelord: "we'll see about that.." 

edgelord: UR LIKE DOCTOR DOOFENSHMIRTZ OR SOME SHIT 

 

bootylicious: DONT talk about doctors istfg 

 

tall mf: Dr.Choi flashbacks 

 

father: WHYS EVERYBODY GANGING UP ON ME 😭😭😭

 

joshakuna: i found my twink shorts we can go now 😍😍

 

father: FUCKING FINALLY OML

father: went on a whole quest to find some twink shorts 

 

joshakuna: AND IT WAS WORTH IT!!

joshakuna: feeling very bootylicious if i do say so myself

 

bootylicious: copycats am i right?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 

joshakuna: U DID NOT COIN THE TERM STFU

 

father: ok whatever can we go now

 

bootylicious: yeah yeah we'll be right there 

 

bruh: ok can Mr.Big Dick come to movie night

 

tall mf: AT LEAST LEARN HIS NAME 😭😭😭😭😭

 

bruh: oh yeah right

bruh: ok can Johnny come to move night 

 

furry: NO >:(

 

bruh: WHAT :(((

 

child: WHAT

 

bruh: why not :((

 

furry: cuz 

furry: uh idk

 

edgelord: 😭😭😭😭😭

 

bruh: THATS NOT A GOOD REASON

 

child: YEAH

 

furry: chan u get absolutely NO SAY in this matter you just wanna have sex with him

 

child: NO!! IM NOT GAY

 

single: 😭😭😭

 

furry: he would ruin the vibes

furry: the energy waves from his massive cock would fuck with my tv and wifi

 

#NoDickLife: yall the struggle of a big dick is real!!

#NoDickLife: my big dick energy waves completely fucked up my phone and then i had to text from my LG smart fridge 

 

single: no u just dropped ur phone in the toilet trying to send me a picture of the massive shit you took that u said looked like a cat

 

#NoDickLife: historians debate on which account is true!!!

 

single: this happened a month ago

 

#NoDickLife: ...no it didn't

 

child: SO HE DOESNT GET TO WATCH BECAUSE HIS DICK IS BIG???? 

 

furry: yep

 

child: UGH I DONT GET TO ENJOY ANYTHING AROUND HERE

 

bruh: Big Dick John says its fine hes not mad or anything

 

single: BIG DICK JOHN LMFAO

 

bruh: we exchanged numbers and i met his roommate mark

bruh: i exchanged soundcloud accounts with mark

bruh: gotta support a fellow rapper 💪💪

 

edgelord: how IS ur rap career going

 

bruh: oh the $wagMeister account is thriving man

bruh: i have 1k streams on my hit song "The Bigger the Balls, the Bigger the Heart"

 

edgelord: 💀💀💀💀💀💀

 

bruh: yo but this dude mark is crazy tho

bruh: you gotta check him out at @LilTorontoTwinkie

bruh: his track "Sucking D at Mickey D's" goes so hard 🔥🔥🔥

 

furry: im glad ur making friends with my neighbors but were about to start the movie so GET UP HERE

 

bruh: okey dokey lemme say bye first :)

 

single: OK WHOEVER MAKES THESE GROCERY STORE SUGAR COOKIES NEED THEIR ASS ATE BAD

single: THESE ARE SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY LAWD

 

#NoDickLife: im actually shaking these are the best fucking things ever 

#NoDickLife: im loosing my mind oml

 

tall mf: YALL JUST WENT THROUGH 2 BOXES STOP

 

single: bro my tongue is so fucking blue i think i ate like 7

 

#NoDickLife: i just shoved 3 in my mouth at the same time please help i cant swallow helpme pelase

 

single: its ok 

single: ur a professional at swallowing things 😏😏😏😏

 

#NoDickLife: ahaha very funnny PLEASE HELP ME IM CHOCKIGN

#NoDickLife: OMG THANK YOU MINGYU finally someone who cares

 

tall mf: np :)

 

single: pretty sure you can stop smacking juns back mingyu he looks like his eyes are about to pop from their sockets 😭😭😭

 

#NoDickLife: no that was my orgasm from the cookies 🤤🤤🤤

 

edgelord: get off my couch you heathen 

 

#NoDickLife: ugh men are so sensitive!!!!

 

single: 💀💀💀💀💀 

 

edgelord: ok where are those three old hags 

edgelord: we cant let #TeamStinkcob start before us

 

bootylicious: were almost there 

bootylicious: we got a little...

bootylicious: side tracked 

 

father: ITS JOSH'S FAULT 

father: HE STARTED IT 

 

joshakuna: DID NOT

joshakuna: UR THE ONE WHO SAID 

joshakuna: "why dont you handle MY stick shift"

 

father: THAT WAS A JOKE 

 

bootylicious: either way

bootylicious: were late cause cheol couldnt focus on the road 

bootylicious: and josh was being a hoe in the back of the car

bootylicious: i mean it was a good show dont get me wrong

 

joshakuna: DO NOT play innocent bitch

joshakuna: UR THE INSTAGATOR

joshakuna: U KEPT COMPLAINING UR ASS ITCHED AND IT NEEDED SCRATCHING WHICH DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE

joshakuna: THEN U STARTED HUMPING THE SEAT LIKE A BITCH IN HEAT

joshakuna: WHICH BY THE WAY WOULD NOT HELP IF YOU HAD AN ITCHY ASS

 

bootylicious: IT WAS A JOKE

 

joshakuna: CHEOL RAN A RED LIGHT AND ALMOST GOT US IN A CAR CRASH 

 

bootylicious: OK?

bootylicious: revoke his license to drive not my license to be hot 🙄🙄

 

father: ANYWAY

father: were 5 mins away

father: and were all gonna sit FAR APART at movie night

 

joshakuna: aww 

 

bootylicious: awwww i wanted to cwuddle 🥺🥺

 

edgelord: yeah well your "cwuddling" involves frottage so its off limits

 

bootylicious: haters

bootylicious: ya'll cant stand to see me have fun

 

#NoDickLife: SOMEONE BOUGHT THE ASS IMPLANTS APPOINTMENT

 

single: thank god

 

#NoDickLife: THEIR NAME IS SO FUNNY

#NoDickLife: HIS NAME IS WINSTON LEWIS

 

edgelord: 𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖓 𝕷𝖊𝖜𝖎𝖘

 

single: aint that one of the founding fathers

 

tall mf: Mens rights to a BBL!!

 

#NoDickLife: LMFAO 

 

furry: u guys shut up in the chat the movie started

furry: while u guys wait stop being such SCREENAGERS and talk to each other face to face 

 

single: ugh fine

 

edgelord: plus i think the three stooges finally pulled up so we can start the movie now

 

#NoDickLife: STOOGES HAHAHAHAAH

 

single: LMFAO FINALLY 

 

 

 

 

Party Rockers 🥶💯

3;online, Dec 19, 7:45 am

 

#NoDickLife: i need a girlfriend ☹️☹️

 

single: jun 

single: what the hell

 

#NoDickLife: I NEED A WOMAN IN MY LIFE!!!

#NoDickLife: i need a gf STAT

 

single: ok im not sure what this is but please stop you are scaring me

 

#NoDickLife: NEED BOOBIES NOW

#NoDickLife: NEED WOMAN!!!

 

boo: how do you have the energy act like this so early in the morning

 

#NoDickLife: will you be my gf seungkwan??? 🥺🥺

 

boo: im a man first of all

boo: and second

boo: NEVER EVER in my life would i want to date you

 

boo is offline

 

#NoDickLife: :(

 

single: what is going on jun

single: if this is about me not buying the gaint cat condo im sorry we just dont have the space 

 

#NoDickLife: if ur a man don't talk to me

 

single: JUN 

 

edgelord is online 

 

edgelord: jun whats going on 

 

#NoDickLife: OMG WONNIE POO WILL U PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND

 

edgelord: what the hell

 

#NoDickLife: WON CAN YOU PLEASE BE MY Big Tiddie Anime Goth GF?????!?!!

 

edgelord: what no 

 

#NoDickLife: why not :(

 

edgelord: im not a woman?? also im not an anime girl

 

#NoDickLife: ugh thats not a good answer :/

#NoDickLife: also that last part is a complete lie 

 

edgelord: ok fine i just dont wanna date you 

edgelord: hows that for an answer

edgelord: AND HOW AM I LYING??? IM LITERALLY NOT AN ANIME GIRL

 

#NoDickLife: ur so mean and goth PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND

 

edgelord: NO

 

single: JUN PLEASE STOP 

single: IM SORRY WE CANT BUY THE CAT CONDO BUY I PROMISE ILL BUY U SMTH ELSE 

 

#NoDickLife: anyways

#NoDickLife: wonnie please date me 

 

edgelord: ok fine

 

#NoDickLife: RWEALLY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

 

edgelord: yeah but you have to buy me a new PC

 

#NoDickLife: WHAT NO

 

edgelord: ok then im sorry no deal 🤷🤷🤷

 

#NoDickLife: :(

#NoDickLife: and thus my fiery hot love with the goth girl of my dreams came to an end 😔😔

 

edgelord: ok were is the goth anime girl part coming from

 

#NoDickLife: you have big boobs, are emo, and u are an anime girl

#NoDickLife: its pretty clear

 

single: JUN UNBLOCK ME 

 

#NoDickLife: men are so annoying 🙄🙄🙄

 

single: istg u are so high maintenance its fucking awful

single: i already explained it to you

single: we can't buy the cat condo unless u want to have no tv and no couch

 

#NoDickLife: but it has a slide ☹️☹️☹️☹️

 

single: we only have ONE cat jun

single: and she barely goes on the cat condo we already have 😭😭😭

 

#NoDickLife: probably because it doesn't have a slide 😠😠

 

edgelord: ur telling me that jun is mad cause you wont let him buy a CAT CONDO?

edgelord: so he resorted to trying to find a GIRLFRIEND in a group chat full of MEN 

 

single: welcome to my world

single: how do you think i feel

single: he blocked me on everything

single: even EMAIL 😭😭😭

 

edgelord: U ARE A MENACE JUN 

 

#NoDickLife: im one of a kind!!!

 

edgelord: thankfully

 

#NoDickLife: :(

 

single: anyway

single: i wont buy the condo BUT

single: i found this little hat for a cat and i think it would REALLYYYYY CUTE

 

#NoDickLife: hmmm you have piqued my INTEREST

#NoDickLife: send a pic :3c

 

single:  cathat.png

 

#NoDickLife: OMG OMG OMG OMG GET IT PLEASE CAN WE PLEASE GET IT OMG

 

single: ok YES hat but NO condo

 

#NoDickLife: ok fineeee

#NoDickLife: OMG IM SO EXCITED YAY

 

edgelord: its like dealing with a toddler 😭😭😭😭

 

single: yeah but he hasnt stopped breastfeeding yet :/

 

edgelord: WHAT 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

what did i just write.....i dont really know haha... i def made jun to crazy but its fine i think.

hello slays, time for a little real talk, i just wanna say that this update does not mean I am back so I am seriously sorry. I honestly haven't really been into writing RPF for a while and I haven't really been keeping up with SVT, so this is basically like silly little occ characterizations with their names slapped on it. I was superrrr bored and I remembered this and was like "this was so fun to write. wouldnt it be so silly if i updated this like 2 years later" so yeah, I'm probably never gonna come back so I'm sorry to the people who genuinely like this and have been waiting for a genuine update. I would like to thank everyone for the support I've gotten it still makes me happy knowing that something this unfunny and goofy makes others happy. again sorry for like manipulating (?) u guys 😭😭😭

stay safe and sexy as always and have a great rest of your day/night