Chapter 1: " I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog" wen junhui,while reasoning about why he would eat dog shit
Notes:
chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: simp
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon: nausea
Jeonghan: angel
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: edgelord
Minghao: gr8 m8
Vernon: bruh
I WILL SAY THIS RIGHT NOW. THIS IS REALLY WEIRD...I WAS LIKE HALF ASLEEP WRITING IT....
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Tax Fraud Squad
4;online Dec 5 ,2020 9:08am
simp: yooooooo this chat died
furry: yeah cause you were in the hospital dumbfuck
nausea: wait jun was in the hospital-
simp: you didnt know???
simp: i told soon to tell everyone 😭😭
nausea: how did you even get into the hospital 😭😭😭
simp: before you explain is haohao in this chat
furry: yeah why
simp: kick him real quick
furry removed gr8 m8 from the chat
simp: kay now you can explain
furry: jun was walking down some stairs while looking at his phone and broke his leg
furry: two days before our dance showcase
angel: disappointed but not surprised
nausea: i think that pretty much describes your entire parenting journey
furry: wait listen thats not even the worst part
furry: the reason why he fell is cuz he saw a cute photo of minghao and he just like floppped down the stairs.
simp: yeah and i had to watch the performance through facetime
simp: ya'll slayed btw
father is online
father: *y'all
simp: whatever ugh
simp: you can add hao back now
furry added gr8 m8 to the chat
furry: and now we wait for minghao to see the explanation and beat you up
simp: not you wanting me to get beat up after just coming out of my cast 😔😔
simp: fake friend
furry: luv you bae😘
simp: thats why ur the side chick😳😳
furry: now what is that supposed to mean
Tax Fraud Squad
8;online Dec 5 2020 1:37pm
gr8 m8: Wen Junhui
bruh: uh oh
gr8 m8: YOU FUCKING IDIOT I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD
gr8 m8: Im not even mad you couldnt perform the dance we worked on for mouths
gr8 m8: im mad because you didn't tell me you were in the FUCKING HOSPITAL ISTG YOU DUMBFUCK
gr8 m8: LIKE YOU SAID U WERE TRAVELING AND I DIDNTG QUESTION IT
gr8 m8: I GUESS I WAS STUPID TO BELIEVE YOU
simp: i didn't want to make you stressed before the show 🥺🥺
gr8 m8: bullshit
edgelord: wait
edgelord: jun was in the hospital????
furry: you didnt know?? LMFAO
edgelord: no???
simp: your my best friend???
father: *you're
child: isnt hao ur best friend??
simp: no
simp: hes loml
gr8 m8: eat dog shit you degenerate
simp: only if its yours ;)
bruh:...
angel:...
edgelord:...
child:...
father:...
furry: wtf jun
nausea is online
nausea: the first thing i see when i get online is that jun would eat minghaos shit if he was a dog
simp: I would eat my boyfriends shit but only if he was a dog. If hes a human its weird
furry: it doesn't make a difference???? your still eating shit????
father: *you're
edgelord: #Junisoverparty
angel: i dont get it
angel: its only just barely the afternoon and jun has still managed to get canceled
simp: its obvious dog shit is prob nutritional
simp: i mean look at all that weird stuff in dog food
gr8 m8: no you know what
gr8 m8: were breaking up
simp: I WOULD EAT SHIT FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME???????
simp: were over.
simp: forget you.
gr8 m8: fine >:(
simp: fine >>:(
simp is offline
gr8 m8 is offline
furry: wtf just happened????????
bruh: idk man but
bruh: how much you wanna bet they're making out as we speak because he finds it hot that jun would eat shit for him
furry: $25
bruh: aight bet
Tax Fraud Squad
2;online Dec 6, 2020 6:23am
simp: yk the doctor said no hardcore movement
simp: but hao im pretty sure you could still ride me
edgelord: NOOOO STOP
edgelord: GO TO PRIV LOSER
simp: i cant
simp: he blocked me 😭😭
simp: someone pass the message pleek
edgelord: i mean i can pass it ig
edgelord: why did he block you????
simp: i was sending dick pics during his exam 😁😁
edgelord: nvm perish
simp: NOOOOOO PLEASE NOOOOOOOO I NEED YOU PLEASE
simp: WE HAVENT DONE ANYTHING IN LIKE 3 MONTHS BECAUSE OF MY BROKEN LEG AND THE DANCE SHOW
edgelord: yikes bro
edgelord: ill pass the message #BroCode
simp: THANK YOU
simp: THANK YOU
simp: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU
simp: my one true friend <3
edgelord: whatever
Tax Fraud Squad
5;online Dec 7,2020 7:38am
simp: :))))))))))))))))))
edgelord:...
simp: good morning :))))))))))))))))))))
child: ??? are you ok hyung????
simp: im better than ok :))))))))))))))))))))
simp: im fabulous
simp: best i've ever been :)))))))))))))))))))))))
child: im confused what happened???
simp: welllllllllllll :)))))))))))
angel: DONT.YOU.DARE.
child: ?????
simp: sorry you'll learn another time :))))))
furry: jun
simp: yessiree :)))))
furry: why did hao send me a text saying that he couldnt practice today
simp: i wouldn't know a thing officer :)))))))
simp: no hardcore physical activities :)))))))))
child: whats wrong with hao?????
child: oml did yall pretend to have a WWE fight again 😭😭😭😭😭😭
child: last time yalll wrestled neither of you would walk
simp: see about that WRESTLING...😁😁
edgelord: jun don't
simp: my lips are sealed 🤐🤐
child:...you guys are weird
gr8 m8 is online
gr8 m8: heyo :))))))))))))
child: you too?????????
child: is this some kinda disease??????
furry: theyre both gonna get aids
gr8 m8: 🤔
gr8 m8: 😼😼
simp: do you need help getting out of bed?
child: why would he need help?
gr8 m8: 👀 :)))))))))))
gr8 m8: also yes my legs hurt-
child: why?
gr8 m8: cause i was riding a wild animal last night 😏😏
edgelord: 🤮🤮🤮
child: but i thought yall were wrestling 😭😭
gr8 m8: sure lets go with wrestling
child: whats going on 😭😭😭😭
simp: :)))))))))))))
furry: oh my frick fracking fucking god just tell him yall fucked and move on 🙄🙄
child: !!!!!
edgelord: id run if i were you soons
furry: you think i'm scared of jeonghan pfffft
father is online
father: you have 2 seconds
furry: oh shit gotta blast
furry is offline
father is offline
angel: and tbh i thought he was the good child
edgelord: you had too much faith 💀💀💀
gr8 m8: jun you bitch
gr8 m8: help me my legs are asleep
simp: i am helping you 😎 😎
gr8 m8: and tell me
gr8 m8: how is stripping naked gonna help me???
simp: im gonna help you go places you could never go without me :))))))))))))))
gr8 m8: JUN IM GONNA BE LATE
simp: wait shit same
simp: ok ill save it for later 😏😏
edgelord: please do
child: CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN PLEASE
simp: you'll see someday chan
simp: trust me you'll see
gr8 m8: jun were gonna be late and ur still fucking naked 😭😭😭
simp: OMG NO
simp: you think i can go to class naked???
gr8 m8: wtf no
gr8 m8: you'd get fucking arrested bitch
simp: what why?
simp: people should be grateful they get to see MY naked body
gr8 m8: 💀💀
edgelord: jun is once again
edgelord: canceled
Tax Fraud Squad
5;online Dec 7, 2020 2:45pm
child: guess whose got a date~~
simp: me~~
child: i mean i was gonna say me but good for you ig
angel: rlly channie???
angel: im omg a #proudparent
simp: date tip: pretend to forget your wallet so they have to pay for everything :)
angel: stop projecting your messed up lifestyle on him you hoe
simp: ouchie :(
simp: anyway whos the date??
child: this girl from dance
simp: GIRL!!!!???
father: name, age, specimen
simp: SPECIMEN LMFAO
simp: CHAN OUT HERE DATING DIFFERENT SPECIES
simp: I GOTTA GET ON HIS LEVEL
nausea: break up with hao then
simp: what you wanna date him?
nausea: no i was staying that if you wanna date another species you would have to break up with hao
nausea: yk what the fuck am i trying to explain myself to YOU of all people
simp: im joking oh my lawd hy you take everything so serious ugh
simp: plus i know who YOU wanna date👀👀👀
nausea: ....no
simp: anyway which girl
child: kim hyesu
simp: OOOO SHES ONE OF THE HIP HOPPIES
nausea: the fuck is that
simp: the hip hop dancers
nausea: thats what you call them??
simp: ye its cute right
nausea: not rlly
simp: </3
child: yeah shes a hip hop dancer and her spotify is FIRE
angel: hard to find people with good music taste these days fr
father: were gonna have to do a deep dive on her later han
angel: ooooooo we havent done one of those since minghao
child: please don't doxx my date oml
Tax Fraud Squad
4;online Dec 7, 2020 4:32pm
bruh: some guy is watching gay anime porn next to me
edgelord: ....
simp: go watch with him 🥺🥺
edgelord: canceled yet again :/
simp: for wanting that good hentai???
simp: (is it good 😳😳 ??)
bruh: actually yes
edgelord: you're watching it??
bruh: yup
simp: whats the guys name
bruh: jonas i think-
bruh: wait
bruh: his name is joshua
furry: FOREIGNER????
bruh: he speaks Le English
bruh: yo this some lit gay hentai though fr
simp: add him
simp: i want this lit hentai you speak of
bruh added Joshua
simp changed Joshua's name to "pervert"
pervert: i was expecting this-
bruh: woah rlly
pervert: no one can accept us gay hentai watching men
pervert: im shunned by my mom 😢😢
furry: fr?
pervert: no
pervert: she doesn't even know i watch hentai 😎😎
simp: you seem like the type of person who still has a bedtime
simp: just a random guess...
simp: (am i right though)
pervert: no
pervert: well maybe
edgelord: ....what time
pervert: 9:30 pm sharp-
pervert: its good to have a schedule yk!!!
nausea is online
nausea: stop blowing up the chat i have things to do
nausea: wait
nausea: someones new
nausea: whose pervert 😭😭😭
furry: vernons anime porn friend joshua
nausea: i
nausea: am not surprised
nausea: everyone in this group is either a pyscho
nuasea: a perv
nausea: or a hoe
bruh: or all three
simp: dont gotta call me out like this guys!!!
angel is online
angel: jihoon told me joshua was here :)
pervert: who are you
angel: ITS ME JEONGHAN
angel: OMG DID YOU FORGET ME 😭😭😭
angel: IVE NEVER BEEN SO HURT
pervert: ain't no way
pervert left the chat
angel added pervert to the chat
angel: stay or im getting cheol
simp: ya'll know each other????
nausea: *y'all
simp: smd
angel: yes very well actually
angel: we've known each other since josh transferred
angel: we have a 95 liner gc with cheol and were besties
angel: right joshie???? :)))
pervert: no
pervert: begone evil spirit
simp: no one can save you now >:)
simp: your in hell
nausea: *you're
simp: y'o'u'r'e'u'g'l'y
nausea: yo momma
simp: my moms dead not cool man 😢😢
nausea: ok?? 😭😭
simp: UR SO MEAN TO ME
gr8 m8 is online
gr8 m8: jun
simp: uh oh :3c
gr8 m8: YOU WERE SUPPOSED THE FEED THE CAT DUMBASS
gr8 m8: WHEN I GOT HOME SHE WAS LIKE SO SAD
gr8 m8: SHES STARVING
bruh: yikes
bruh: you didnt feed the cat bro
bruh: thats fucked
simp: ik im sorry
simp: forgive me hao
gr8 m8: no
simp: ill give you the best head ever in your whole life
gr8 m8:....
gr8 m8: still no
simp: you thought about it :3c
gr8 m8: were breaking up
gr8 m8: im leaving and im taking the cat
simp: NO THATS MY BABY
gr8 m8: save it for court junhui
simp: >>>>>>>>>>:((((((((((((((
edgelord: welcome to the tax fraud squad joshua
pervert: i wanna leave
simp: I GAVE BIRTH TO THAT CAT
simp: I CARRIED HER IN MY WOMB
bruh: is that what happens when hao tops
bruh: you get cat babies
bruh: thats crazy bro
simp: no hiding it now hao 😔😔
simp: guess we gotta tell them the truth
gr8 m8: oh my lawd
gr8 m8: i did not impregnate you with cat babies 😭😭
father: everyone to bed
angel: ok daddy ;)
child: ew
furry: DONT WORRY CHANNIE POO ILL PROTECT YOU FROM THEM
edgelord: trust me chan has seen worse-
child: i've done worse tbh
angel: WHAT
father: WHAT
child: i gotta water my fish bye
child is offline
simp: so about that head hao
gr8 m8: kys
simp: WHYYYYYYY I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU HEAD :(
furry: why does every convo end like this 😭😭😭
pervert: i wanna go home
bruh: this is your home man
Notes:
you have finshed the first chapter of this mistake AKNSHBJDBHDNJKLJSD i lowkey wrote this entire thing half asleep at 3am and raging about science.thank you for enduring this creation fueled by rage and sleep deprivation. anyway i wouldn't mind if you dropped a comment or maybe some kudos (¬‿¬ )
stay safe and sexy (¬‿¬ ) and have a wonderful rest of your day!!!
Chapter 2: 'YOU COULD GET NIPPLE TRANSFER " - kwon soonyoung, while talking about a third nipple
Summary:
the chapter when: we meet mingyu, minghao gets flat shamed, jun is exposing kinks, and soonyoung is still a weirdo.
Notes:
chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: simp/ shit eater
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon: nausea/ small mf
Jeonghan: angel
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: edgelord
Minghao: gr8 m8/single
Vernon: bruh
Joshua: pervert
Mingyu: tall mfin the That's my Best Friend chat
Jun: Bestie 1
Wonwoo: Bestie 2
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Tax Fraud Squad
6;online Dec 8, 1:45pm
simp: guess who made a friend~~~
edgelord: you?
simp: WHAT???? HOW DID YOU KNOW???
simp: psychic bitch
edgelord: oml
simp: anyway
simp: i made friends with a swanky art kid
simp: besides minghao
edgelord: rlly???
simp: why is that surprising
edgelord: well number one ur socially awkward
edgelord: and number two hao exposed you
simp: WHAT
edgelord: yeah
edgelord: im surprised you even became friends with them-
edgelord: he exposed you to the entire department
pervert: wait what happened
edgelord: he exposed that you would eat his shit if he was a dog
gr8 m8: i can neither confirm nor deny
pervert: wait like if jun was a dog he would eat haos shit or if hao was a dog jun would eat his dog shit
edgelord: thats the thing we dont know
simp: wait i think i clarified i would eat his dog shit
gr8 m8: wtf
gr8 m8: were breaking up again
simp: we never got back together
simp: anyways
simp: how did this even happen
gr8 m8: it wasn't even my fault oml
gr8 m8: i was telling sicheng about it
gr8 m8: and he just yelled it out in surprise
simp: thats out of character for him :(
ge8 m8: ik
gr8 m8: anyways everyone knows were dating so they knew who he was talking about
gr8 m8: but since its you everyone thought i was joking
simp: ok thank god i dont have to kill the cat
gr8 m8: what?
simp: if my reputation was ruined i was going to murder the cat
gr8 m8: yeah im single again
pervert: yall never got back together
gr8 m8 changed their name to single
single changed simp's name to shit eater
shit eater: no comment
edgelord: anyways
edgelord: whats ur new friends name?
shit eater: kim mingyu :)
edgelord: wait hold on
edgelord: as in kim mingyu from middle school???
shit eater: yep
pervert: if you guys were already friends does he count as a new friend???
shit eater: let me have this JOSH >:(
shit eater: also we kinda fell out after like junior year
shit eater: the best part about us being homies again is that wonwoo used to have THE fattest crush on mingyu
single: BAHAHAHSJKSKS REMEMBER THE LOVE LETTER
shit eater: NOT THE LOVE LETTER
shit water: HE WENT ALL OUT CURSIVE AND EVERYTHING ISTG
single: COULDNT DRAW FOR SHIT SO HE DREW THEM AS STICK FIGURES
shit eater: NOT THE KISSING STICK FIGURES
pervert: *sighs* ah young love
single: hag
pervert: YOU HAVE KNOWN ME FOR LIKE TWO DAYS
single: somebody get this mans walking stick
pervert: YOU KIDS THESE DAYS ARE SO UNGRATEFUL
edgelord:...
edgelord: why do we always go off topic here
single: HOT TOPIC?????
edgelord: god no
shit eater: anyways
shit eater: im adding him
edgelord: now wait just a minute
shit eater added Mingyu
shit eater changed Mingyu's name to tall mf
edgelord: why the name
shit eater: you remember how tall he was
edgelord: ...
tall mf: wait jun idk anyone in this chat
pervert: i love how he knew juns name was shit eater
tall mf: well duh i was there when minghao said jun was gonna eat his dog shit
shit eater: killing the cat rn
single: dont you fuckin dare
shit eater: try me twig ass bitch >:)
single: >:(
tall mf: i assume that single is minghao
tall mf: but i dont know anyone besides hao and jun
shit eater: and wonwoo
tall mf: HES HERE!?!?!? RLLY???!>!?#>
edgelord: hi
tall mf: omg hi are you still a book nerd????
shit eater: BAHAHAHAHSJSKKSKDK
edgelord: ...
edgelord: yes i am
shit eater: anyways
shit eater: we should all do intros
shit eater: for mingyu cause he doesn't know anyone
shit eater: and josh too ig cause he doesn't know anyone either
tall mf: sounds good to me
single: alrighty @everyone get yo ass in here
single: were doing intros
single: name, the year you were born, major, and idk something else you wanna tell us
child: you go first cheol cause youre an old hag
father: the actual disrespect smh
father: choi seungcheol,95 liner, music prod
father: and im dating jeonghan
father: sadly
tall mf: i think i ve seen you before
tall mf: ur the hot guy with the dimples and the gummy smile right?
angel: stay away from my boyfriend >:(
pervert: he literally said he was sad to date you lmao
angel: with your bitter single ass smh
pervert: 🙄
angel: anyways
angel: my turn
angel: yoon jeonghan, 95 liner, fashion design, dating cheol obvi
tall mf: wait jeonghan??
tall mf: we worked together one time i think
angel: OOOH THAT MINGYU
angel: yeah i remember you!!!
angel: hi :)
tall mf: hi
shit eater: of course you know him
shit eater: you know everyone 🙄🙄
angel: what?? jealous i have friends??? >:)
pervert: im just gonna take my turn now thanks
pervert: hong (jisoo) joshua, 95 liner, visual art, i used to live in LA, and i can play the guitar and sing
bruh: can you speak english?
pervert: yeah
shit eater: YOURE TELLING ME UR A SWANKY ART MAJOR???? YOU WATCH HENTAI YOU CANT BE AN COOL ART MAJOR
pervert: im sure not if i should be offended or not
pervert: also doesn't minghao watch hentai?
pervert: he's an art major too
shit eater: yeah but he's a loser so it doesn't count
single: go fuck urlsef
tall mf: urlsef :)
single: SHUT UP
pervert: anyways whos next
shit eater: me~~
shit eater: wen junhui,96 liner, business major (ew) i dance, i also model, im from china, and im obvi dating hao
pervert: A MODEL?????? UR TOO LAME TO BE A MODEL WTF
shit eater: im not even offended hearing that come from YOU of all people
pervert: as a wise man once said "go fuck urlsef"
single: ACTUALLY SHUT UP
bruh: whos urlsef?
bruh: did i miss something?
shit eater: the new hot transfer
shit eater: i think he's swedish
single: shut up shut up shut up
bruh: im really confused whats happening i just woke up
furry: i love how we forgot about me :(
angel: no bby i didn't forget about you :(
furry: ew die
angel: oml
furry: anyway my name is kwon soonyoung, 96 liner, dancer, and i like tigers!!
furry: i like tigers a lot
tall mf: omg ur hoshi right?
furry: thats me :)
pervert: who is hoshi
furry: just a stage name i use :)
nausea: ...
pervert: wait i remember you!
pervert: you performed move by taemin last year at the dance showcase!
furry: :)
nausea: ...
shit eater: i love how no one even commented on how he MCed the entire talent show dressed as the Kellogs tiger
furry: you could say i did GRRRREAT ;) ( read in tony the tiger's voice)
nausea: die
edgelord: die
single: die
child: die
furry: yall are so mean :(
pervert: thats rough
shit eater: kinky ;)
nausea: die
edgelord: die
single: die
child: die
furry: die
pervert: die
shit eater: >:( how r00d
nausea: deserved
nausea: anyways guess its my turn
nausea: lee jihoon, 96 line, music prod, yes im the scary short guy-
angel changed nausea's name to small mf
small mf: no
tall mf: were matching????*(*&
small mf: ????
furry: hmm
single: 🍵
edgelord: ANYWAY
edgelord: jeon wonwoo, literature, 96 line, im a book nerd (?), and i like cats
tall mf: not dogs?
edgelord: their ok ig i just prefer cats
tall mf: ...oh
edgelord: ???
single: :0 🍵
single: also
single: #myturn
single: xu minghao,97 line, fashion design, i dance,im from china, and im dating jun ( usually im dating him tho im single atm so hmu)
tall mf: im sure if anyone tried to hit on you jun would go ballistic
single: it cant hurt to try :(
shit eater: go fuck urlsef hao
shit eater: also
shit eater: mingyu you should do an intro as well :)
tall mf: oh ok
tall mf: kim mingyu, visual art, 97 liner, i like dogs, i also like fashion but i didn't want to go into it as a career, and i model sometimes for extra $$
tall mf: I've also been told i look like a puppy but honestly i dont see it
pervert: SEE MINGYU AS I MODEL I ACCEPT! BUT JUN?????
shit eater: ugh just accept im handsome and talented
pervert: ill accept it when you're not famous for wanting to eat dog shit ;)
shit eater:...go fuck urlsef
single: i will actually chokeslam you
shit eater: we have GOT do to something about these anger issues
single: im this close to jumping off a cliff and taking the cat with me
bruh: now i know how it feels to be forgotten
angel: no bby i didn't forget you <3
bruh: :/ ok
angel: why does no one appreciate my love :'(
bruh: cause its fake :/
single: DAMN
pervert: DAMN
child: DAMN
father: DAMN
small mf: DAMN
furry: DAMN HE CREMATED YOU
shit eater: DAMN HE SMOKED YOU
tall mf: DAMN THAT WAS SMOOTH
angel: i actually hate it here
father: dont worry i still love you
father: but that was pretty smooth you gotta admit
angel: whatever
bruh: im gonna introduce my self now
bruh: chwe (vernon) hansol, 98, music prod, i dance sometimes, i was born in NY but moved here when i was 5
bruh: i can speak some lit english
pervert: aye
bruh: aye
shit eater: aye
bruh: you dont speak english jun you don't get to aye with us
shit eater: i just wanted to say aye :(
shit eater: the disrespeckt :(
edgelord: you spelling disrespect like that burnt my eyes
edgelord: and i already have to wear glasses :/
shit eater: why does everyone hate me :(
child: 1 like= 1 prayer for jun 😔😔
shit eater: at least chan loves me :)
angel:...
edgelord:...
father:...
child: crickets :/
shit eater: this is cyberbullying :"(
child: no one cares jun and anyway its my turn
child: lee chan,99, dancer, sadly jeonghans child until im 30
angel: why does everyone hate me :(
shit eater: now you know how i feel
angel: i cant believe im on the same level as YOU :((((
shit eater: love you too babe ☆⌒ヽ(*'、^*)
single: thats fucking disgusting
shit eater: jealousy is a disease bitch
single: :/
shit eater: :3c
furry: WAIT I JUST GOT A GOOD IDEA
small mf: thats rare
furry: meanie >:(
furry: but anyways
furry: since were trying to become #GoodFriends
furry: we should say one thing that like we wouldn't tell any random person to get closer
tall mf: so like a secret?
furry: ig
child: Old Hag go first
father: ur so mean :(
father: this is top secret so please dont tell anyone
father: i once wrote sonic x knuckles fanfic
furry: AND YOU CALL ME A FURRY????
tall mf: please tell me there was no smut
shit eater: i once read sonic mpreg fanfic
father: that is an image i never wanted to imagine
angel: when was this
father: like 6th grade or smth
father: did you think i wrote it as a grown ass adult????
angel: i wouldn't be surprised if you did tbh
father: ANYWAY WHOSE NEXT
shit eater: seungcheol furry?
father: NOPE NOPE WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS
shit eater: ;)
furry: WANNA GO TO FUR CON WITH ME HYUNG???
father: i hate everything
pervert: so true :/
angel: my turn :)
angel: i used to think a vagina was a fruit
single: *david attenborough voice* the vagina fruit can only be found near the tropical island of Clitoris
edgelord: please dont ruin david attenborough for me
tall mf: wait whats a clitoris :(
edgelord: you...dont know what a clitoris is?
angel: just google it
tall mf: fine but if tentacles show up im gonna cry
shit eater: i mean it really depends on what type of clit you look up
single: jun SHUT UP
angel: weres josh its his turn
pervert: thighs...thighs....THIGHS JSIDOIHIDJSKDKS
angel: oh dear
shit eater: thigh kink?
pervert: ARRAGAGAGAGGAAR
pervert: VERY SEXY ARRRRRRGARGARGARGARGAR
small mf: what the actual fuck is happening
pervert: my life goal is to suffocate between thighs GRRRRRRRRRR
shit eater: OOooOOOOOo he horny horny >:)
father: so shua thigh kink and furry confirmed.
small mf: wow so im in a gc with a bunch of furries.
edgelord: hoon i watched you bark at a squirrel.
small mf: that is the past
edgelord: it was this morning o
small mf: yk what shut up
shit eater: once i changed the movie in the movie theater to gay porn.
single: much better than that garbage horror movie ;)
shit eater: it was the better type of R rated ;)
edgelord: ...this....is why yall are dating
small mf: how did you even manage to do that.
shit eater: top secret ;)
father: im more worried about what the people in the theatre thought.
shit eater: ;)
bruh: i had been wondering why those two naked men just appeared on the screen right before a murder
shit eater: BAHAHAHA YOU WERE THERE???
bruh: yes
bruh: not to watch gay porn tho
bruh: i will say the porn was better than the movie
bruh: no one even left when it came on
edgelord: this is why i worry for society
edgelord: actuallyi guess its my turn
edgelord: this is really embarrassing
edgelord: one time i was at the store and i saw this guy who looked like minghao from the behind so i went and smacked his ass
edgelord: but i wasnt him so i ran away so fast.
shit eater: if the guy had an ass then how could you not tell it wasn't minghao
shit eater: minghao got no ass that shit looks like an extra back
single: not you flat shaming me smh
shit eater: ok flathao ;)
single: this is cyberbullying pt 2
pervert: wonwoo you really dont seem like that type to smack ass
shit eater: he gets smacked 😳 ✋
edgelord: ....jun
tall mf: WGAZAZAZZAZA???
bruh: gotta love jun exposing everyone's kinks
angel: ur into spanking?
edgelord: anyways soons ur turn
angel: YOU CANT AVOID ME FOREVER
furry: i once went to fur con thinking it was my dance tournament
shit eater: GRRR BARK BARK WOOF GRRR
edgelord: everyday i worry more
bruh: was it fun?
furry: did you know there are furry nazis?
edgelord: i really didnt wanna know
father: my biggest question is how you got dance and furries confused
furry: im talented like that ;)
angel: what a low bar for talent
father: hoon ur turn :)
small mf: yeah ik
small mf: i used to have a cosplay tiktok with 100k followers
small mf: and i had toxic fangirls
furry: who did you cosplay
small mf: ....
small mf: thank god i deleted the account
furry: TELL ME
small mf: haha no
father: I WAS ABOUT TO SEND THE USERNAME BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THERE WAS A 6 OR A 3
small mf: thank god for your pea-sized brain
father: ur mean >:(
single: tee hee my turn
single: me and jun once made frog porn with real frogs
single: we went out to find frogs
single: fucking
single: do not ask
edgelord: everyday i genuinely get more concerned for you guys
shit eater: it was kinda hot
single: die
furry: do frogs moan?
shit eater: actually they croak
child: this ^ has ruined my image of frogs forever
shit eater: you've done worse
furry: chan croaks?
angel: lets stop right there
tall mf: is it my turn? :>
furry: go ahead-
tall mf: this is pretty weird but
tall mf: i have three nipples?
furry: YOU CAN HAVE THREE NIPPLES???
shit eater: thats kinda hot ;)
single: please! die! painfully! jun!
tall mf: it doesn't do anything and its kinda small but yeah its there-
furry: I GOTTA SEE THIS
small mf: you guys just met-
tall mf: its all right
tall mf: soonyoung if you wanna see my third nipple you can
furry: YES
furry: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU COULD HAVE THREE NIPPLES
furry: THATS SO COOL
tall mf: really?
furry: YEAH
furry: ITS LIKE THEN YOU HAVE A BACKUP NIPPLE IN CASE ANYTHING HAPPENS
tall mf: backup nipple?
tall mf: i never thought about it like that
furry: LIKE IF YOU GET SHOT IN THE NIPPLE OR SMTH
furry: YOU COULD GET NIPPLE TRANSFER
tall mf: why would i get shot in the nipple?
furry: idk
furry: but
furry: where are you?
tall mf: my apartment why
furry: i dont even know where you live but im gonna go find you
furry is offline
tall mf: should i be worried?
shit eater: nah
shit eater: soons is super nice and he gets excited over weird things
shit eater: he's super friendly tho
shit eater: you might wanna dm him ur address or else hes gonna go to every apartment in the whole damn country
tall mf: ok :)
father: and that isnt even the weirdest thing thats happened here
edgelord: is soonyoung really gonna go look at his nipple?
small mf: prob
single: well anyways
single: whos next?
bruh: me
angel: where have you been?
bruh: ;)
angel: nevermind
bruh: i robbed mcdonalds one time
small mf: shouldn't you be in jail
bruh: not if no one says anything ;)
father: this doesnt even make the top 10 of "Crazy Shit Vernon Has Done While High As A Kite"
bruh: it was actually me and soons and i was complteely unhigh btw
father: UNHIGH???
bruh: we brought a large bucket and filled it with all the sprite in the entire mcdonalds.
bruh: we were gonna raid the kitchens to see if there was anything good but soonyoung swore he heard a child crying so we bolted
shit eater: how did you not get caught
bruh: soonyoung accidentally broke the security cam by throwing a door handle at it in excitement
edgelord: why was he
edgelord: yk what idc anymore
small mf: i was wondering why you guys had so much sprite outta nowhere
bruh: this is top secret doe
bruh: i dont wanna go to jail for robbing Mcdonalds
small mf: i dont want you to go to jail with soonyoung
small mf: it would be like watching a hyperactive child at the edge of a lava pit
bruh: good thing im a terrible babysitter then ;)
bruh: anyway whose next
angel: last but not least chan
child: get a load of this LOSERS
child: i
child: am
child: not
child: a
child: virgin
angel: WHAT ???L#)($(*&(#&$()&*&
father: EXCUSE ME???? WHAT?????
small mf: HUH
shit eater: OAKSKKAJSKAK WHAT????????
single: way to end it with a bang lmao
bruh: haha bang ;)
bruh: you get it?
angel: NOT THE RIGHT TIME
father: MY INNOCENT CHILD
angel: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY
father: HE HAS SUCCUMBED TO THE SINS
angel: WOE IS ME
edgelord: it was bound to happen at some point you do realize that right
angel: SHUT UP WERE HAVING A MOMENT
father: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS
father: YOU MUST GET The Talk
angel: YES YOU MUST GET THE SACRED Talk
child: NOOOOOO UGH ITS GONNA BE SO AWKWARD WHY
angel: COME
angel: WE SHALL MEET AT MY HUMBLE ABODE
father: WE SHALL
f ather is offline
angel is offline
child is offline
shit eater: anyone up for a threesome?
single: i hate you so much
shit eater: aw babe you love me <3
small mf: i love how they started to speak all proper after finding out chan has been fucking
shit eater: was that sarcasm? i can never tell with you
small mf: it was sarcasm :/
shit eater: my question was sarcasm :/
small mf: :/
single: welp that was fun
edgelord: this entire talk has drained all of my social energy
edgelord: in fact im gonna go take a nap now
edgelord is offline
shit eater: hey @single wanna make out?
single: die
shit eater: </3
small mf: honestly a nap sounds nice rn
small mf is offline
shit eater: looks like its just you and me babe
single: actually vernon is still here
bruh is offline
shit eater: BAHAHAH
single: >:/
shit eater: hey @single
single: what
shit eater: wanna make out?
single is offline
shit eater: </3
Tax Fraud Squad
5;online Dec 8, 4:00pm
furry: I CAN DIE IN PEACE
small mf: why what happened
furry: I SAW MINGYUS THIRD NIPPLE
small mf: i told yall he would actually go see it
furry: IT WAS TINY BUT IT EXISTS
furry: HIS BACKUP NIPPLE
furry: also mingyu kinda a hottie ;)
furry: and he has nice abs
furry: he gon make me act up ngl like....
edgelord: :/
furry: what? jealous?
edgelord: no
furry: i think i saw ur nose grow a bit PINOCCHIO
small mf: did you do anything else?
furry: HE HAS THE CUTEST DOG
furry: I MIGHT JUST STEAL HER
furry: AND HE CAN COOK SOMETHING BESIDES INSTANT RAMEN
furry: AND HES A WHOLE GROWN ASS MAN BUT HE GIGGLES?)(@)#()$(&
furry: IDK HOW BUT HE MANAGED TO BE HOT AND CUTE LIKE??????
bruh: so we've come to the conclusion that
bruh: mingyu=cutie
furry: I MAY BE A CERTIFIED SIMP
single: you and the entire school :/
furry: OUR SCHOOL HAS TASTE
furry: I MEAN HE LET ME LOOK AT HIS THIRD NIPPLE
furry: I FEEL THE CONNECTION
edgelord: ...mhm
furry: what? did you wanna see his nipples?
edgelord: NO NO OF COURSE NOT
furry: them pants on fire you liar
furry: anyway
furry: what are yall doing
edgelord: im going to the library
furry: ew book nerd
edgelord: at least i can do my 8 times tables
furry: SHUT UP YOU KNOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE 8 TIMES TABLES
edgelord: uh huh and how you cant do 8x7
furry: DONT SAY SUCH PROFANITIES
pervert: what? 8x7?
furry: AHAHHHHHHHHHH DONT SAY IT
edgelord: he has a rough relationship with 8x7
edgelord: even though he's in college he still can't do it without a calculator
pervert: lmao
furry: STOP ITS NOT FUNNY
furry: IT HAUNTS MY DREAMS
edgelord: kay anyways i gotta go
edgelord: later
edgelord is offline
furry: I HOPE 8x7 GETS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP >:(
pervert: its just 56
furry: AHHHHHHHHHHH DONT SAY THAT CURSED WORD
pervert: lmao
That's my Best Friend </3
2;online Dec 8, 4:00pm
Bestie 2: wait theres like a super hot guy in the library
Bestie 1: what
Bestie 1: a hot guy at the library?
Bestie 1: only stinky nerds hang out at the library
Bestie 2: didnt you first meet minghao at the library
Bestie 1: hes to dumb to be a stinky nerd
Bestie 2: im honestly so confused about ur relationship
Bestie 1: we just have a different way of expressing love
Bestie 2: through him telling you to die and you calling him dumb?
Bestie 1: yes <3
Bestie 2: thats fucked up but ok
Bestie 1: fine deal with your boy problem by yourself then
Bestie 2: before you go the Hot Guy is talking with minghao
Bestie 1: WHAT A HOT GUY TALKING TO HIM
Bestie 1: HE DOES REALIZE WERE NOT ACTUALLY BROKEN UP RIGHT?????
Bestie 2: relax its a more friendly kinda talk
Bestie 2: not like flirting talk
Bestie 2: from what i can see
Bestie 1: are you stalking them from behind a bookshelf or smth lmao
Bestie 2: ...maybe
Bestie 2: but only because this guy is freakishly close to my ideal type
Bestie 1: ur ideal type is godlike
Bestie 2: ik which is why i think im dreaming rn
Bestie 1: send pics
Bestie 2: WHAT NO THATS CREEPY
Bestie 1: JUST DO IT HOE
Bestie 2: [two photo attachments]
Bestie 1: wait....
Bestie 2: what?
Bestie 1: BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG MDKKSJDKD
Bestie 2: WHAT????
Bestie 1: THATS KIM MINGYU DUMBFUCK NJISDHLISDJBKSD
Bestie 2: WHAT?????? HUH#EIUIDOJ(#*($ UM HUH????
Bestie 2: HE LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUT ALSO THE SAME????
Bestie 2: ITS LIKE FATE WANTS ME TO HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM AGIAN
Bestie 2: hes hot this is unfair >:((((((
Bestie 1: go talk to him >:)
Bestie 2: hell no
Bestie 1: bro how you gonna get a boyfriend if you just gonna stalk him????
Bestie 2: im not gonna get a boyfriend :/
Bestie 1: UH HUH YES YOU ARE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT
shit eater + dog
2;online Dec 8, 4:05pm
shit eater: hey
shit eater: loser
shit eater: haooooooooooo
shit eater: @dog
dog: what
shit eater: I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU <333333333333333
dog: im leaving
shit eater: no wait i actually have something important to say
dog: what is it
shit eater: ur in the library with mingyu right?
dog: yeah why?
shit eater: wonwoos stalking yall from behind a bookshelf and he was screaming about how mingyu is his ideal type and how hes hot
shit eater: so my genius brain thought "lets get them to talk so i can enjoy panicked wonwoo and so wonwoo could maybe get a boyfriend"
dog: im bored lets do it
That's my Best Friend </3
2;online Dec 8, 4:10pm
Bestie 1: jun
Bestie 1: JUN
Bestie 1: OML JUN
Bestie 1: HE COMING TOWARDS MEE??????
Bestie 1: dont leave me like this
Bestie 1: I TAKE BACK EVERY BAD THING I EVER SAID
Bestie 1: DONT IGNORE ME IJDFKJDKM
Bestie 1: HES TALKING TO ME???????? HELP EKJDSJC
shit eater + dog
2;online Dec 8, 4:16pm
shit eater: whats happening
dog: mingyu introduced himself, wonwoos all flustered and he introduced himself as well, even though mingyu already knows its him (lol)
dog: THIS BITCH IS STAMMERING??? SINCE WHEN IS WONWOO CUTE AND NOT AN ASS???? HELP???
dog: i wish our first meeting was this cute
shit eater: this technically isnt their FIRST meeting but i get what you mean
shit eater: also
shit eater: be grateful you got ME as your boyfriend loser
dog: yeah yeah whatever its not fair i get drop kicked and they get a meet cute
dog: ugh stop their actually blushing rn
dog: its so cute im jealous
shit eater: should i make you blush?
dog: die
shit eater: ur so cute hao
dog: ACTUALLY DIE
shit eater: i love you too ;)
shit eater: WAIT I JUST GOT A GOOD IDEA
shit eater created a chat
shit eater added single and edgelord to the chat
shit eater named the chat Operation: Get Wonwoo a Man
shit eater changed their name to call me
call me changed single's name to beep me
call me changed edgelord's name to single loser
Operation: Get Wonwoo a Man
3;online Dec 8, 4:25pm
beep me: HOW COME I HAVE TO BE BEEP ME
beep me: THATS NOT FAIR IM ALWAYS CALL ME
call me: YEAH WELL ITS MY TURN TO BE CALL ME >:(
call me: ALSO BEEP ME IS NOT THAT BAD
single loser: you have done this before?
single loser: nevermind of course you guys have done this before
call me: we are Certified Spies
beep me: so why are we Kim Possible-ing?
call me: literally read the chat name dummy
beep me: yk what shut up
beep me: are we gonna like
beep me: stalk wonwoo???
call me: yes def prob when he goes on a date with gyu or smth
call me: we can like spy on him
single loser: i love how were talking as if im not here
beep me: shut up ur irrelevant
single loser: damn ok
beep me: go talk with your soon to be bf
single loser: die
call me: what were yall talking about
single loser: stuff
call mf: BE SPECIFIC PLEEK
single loser: um about ourselves, about school, about the past few years
beep me: mhm but why were you blushing so much
single loser: well he had to go but he wanted to talk more so he invited me to hang out over the weekend
call me: A DATE??? ALREADY??? WHENS THE WEDDING???
single loser: it is a Friendly Outing
call me: whatever you say
single loser: ugh stop hes so cute
single loser: he called me that nickname from like 7th grade im gonna go cry in a hole
call me: stop thats cute
beep me: THESE BITCHES GAY
single loser: HE GAVE ME A HUG
single loser: IM SCREAMING HELP
call me: not you getting up close and personal
beep me: THESE BITCHES SO GAY
single loser: well its gonna be harder than i thought to repress All My Feelings
call me: what
call me: OMG WON NO
call me: DONT DO THAT
beep me: DONT REPRESS UR FEELINGS WHAT
single loser is offline
call me: this is gonna be harder than we thought
beep me: dang :/
Notes:
comes back months later without starbucks or however it goes- anyways im REALLY SORRY for not updating:((((( i posted this then i had a bunch of exams and got SUPER busy but i promise that i will begin to update more regularly. pls comment smth cause i need validation from strangers.
stay safe and sexy beautiful people~~
In The Next Chapter --->
- jun gets a dick scar
- sadly jihoon passes away (fly high)
- joshua is running from his problems ( literally)
- socially awkward is not in vernons dicktionary™Random Note:
i once did see frogs having sex and ran away so fast.
Chapter 3: " EVERYTHING IS SCARIER WHEN A STRAIGHT PERSON DOES IT " - joshua hong, while talking about tiktok POVs
Summary:
the chapter in which: vernon makes friends (go king), jun gets a dick scar, joshua is always running from his problems (literally), and jihoon dies (fly high😫🙏)
Notes:
chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: shit eater/#NoDickLife
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon:small mf
Jeonghan: angel
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: edgelord/nip licker
Minghao: single
Vernon: bruh
Joshua: pervert/ joshakuna
Mingyu: tall mf
Seungkwan: booIn the Responsible Ones chat
Cheol: coups
Joshua: shua
Wonwoo: won
Jihoon: hoon
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Tax Fraud Squad
4;online Dec 9, 8:30 am
bruh: guys help
bruh: i got my finger stuck in a pencil sharpener
bruh: it kinda hurts
angel: how did you manage to do that
bruh: i got paired up with this guy for a project and were supposed to be brainstorming
bruh: but he's talking with someone else so i got bored
bruh: so i stuck my finger in a pencil sharpener
angel: ...look i know youre socially awkward but you have to try
bruh: im not socially awkward :/
bruh: he just saw me with my finger in a pencil sharpener so i winked ar him
bruh: whos awkward now? 😎😎
shit eater is online
shit eater: HAS ANYONE SEEN HAO
bruh: no
angel: ^
edgelord: why are you looking for him?
shit eater: I NEED HIM
shit eater: he has to hakuna my tatas ;)
edgelord removed shit eater from the chat
edgelord: im sorry i just cant handle that this early
edgelord: actually
edgelord: i can never handle it
angel: i really dont understand yalls friendship
edgelord: its mostly based on the fact that i couldn't make any friends when i was like 6
child: thats pu$$y man
edgelord: wtf
child: sorry that went to the wrong chat
angel: no chan tell us
angel: what is pu$$y
child: you dont know what a pu$$y is?
edgelord: we do know what it is
edgelord: but why are you using it as an adjective
edgelord: thats weird
child: CAUSE I JUST WANTED TO BE COOL FOR ONCE OK???
child: I WANTED TO BE LIKE THE COOL KIDZ WHO USE WEIRD WORDS
child: I WANTED TO BE A TRENDSETTER
edgelord: adding dollar signs doesn't make it cooler
child: GO AWAY
angel: actually it kinda has a ring too it honestly
child: see?
bruh: i got my finger unstuck :)
angel: thats pu$$y bro
bruh: huh
edgelord: dont even question it
edgelord: its not worth the time
bruh: ok...
angel: only the cool kids have pu$$y
child: mhm
bruh: dang where can i get one
child: PFF
angel: the pu$$y store
bruh: wheres that
angel: where ever you want it to be
child: thats the pu$$y guarantee
bruh: now im more confused
edgelord: ITS TO EARLY FOR THIS
single added shit eater to the chat
single: im sorry i had to
single: he kept singing hakuna ma tata
single: and awkwardly throwing it back to the point where it pained me
single: for the sake of my sanity i added him back
single is offline
shit eater: hey sexies ;)
edgelord: usually when i take out the trash it doesn't come back :/
shit eater: :"(
bruh: guys my partner asked my name do i tell him?
angel: yes!
bruh: but you always say Stranger Danger
angel: he wants to be your friend! (maybe)
bruh: hmmm
angel: just tell him your name
bruh: okay :)
edgelord: jun wanna play minecraft??? :)
shit eater: YES LETS GO TO MY FAV WORLD
edgelord: not the one with the 3D dick right?
shit eater: no the one with the strip club
edgelord: ok :))))
shit eater: im so excited to show you
shit eater: i added a new section and new strippers
shit eater: wait a minute
shit eater: WONWOO YOU FUCKER
edgelord: thats revenge for blowing up my minecraft cat cafe >:(
shit eater: I SPENT THREE MONTHS ON THAT
edgelord: I SPENT FOUR MONTHS ON MY CAT CAFE
angel: what happened
shit eater: HE BLEW UP MY MINECRAFT STRIP CLUB
shit eater: I BUILT THE ENTIRE THING OUT OF DIAMOND AND IN SURVIVAL MODE
shit eater: YOU FUCKER THAT TOOK SO LONG
edgelord: I HAD TO GO OUT AND FIND FUCKING CATS
edgelord: AND GET SO MUCH FISH
edgelord: I ALMOST DIED LIKE 10000000 TIMES
shit eater: D I A M O N D
shit eater: THE ENTIRE THING
shit eater: YOUR CAT HUNTING COULD NOT MATCH UP TO THE HOURS I WAS IN THE MINE
shit eater: THE NUMBER OF PICKAXES I FUCKING DESTROYED
edgelord: YK WHAT
edgelord: YOU KIDNAPPED A BUNCH OF VILLAGERS FOR THAT STRIP CLUB
edgelord: THATS ILLEGAL YOU SICK FUCK
shit eater: ITS MINECRAFT??????*&*&)(
shit eater: ALSO I WAS PAYING THEM?????
shit eater: YOU KNOW ITS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM TO BE A MINECRAFT PIMP AND OWN A STRIP CLUB
edgelord: WELL I GUESS YOURE GONNA HAVE TO DO WITHOUT THAT STRIP CLUB
single is online
single: wonwoo why is jun crying >:(
edgelord: i blew up his strip club
single: YOU FUCKING DIDNT
edgelord: i did
single: YOU BITCH
single: YOU KNOW MY FAV VILLAGER FREDRICKSON WORKED THERE
single: YOU KNOW HE HAD TO RAISE HIS LITTLE SISTER ALL BY HIMSELF
edgelord: HE HAS TO RAISE HER ALONE CAUSE YOU KILLED HIS MOM
single: IN MY DEFENSE THE BOOK SHE WAS SELLING WAS OVERPRICED
edgelord: ITS STILL MURDER????
bruh: seungkwan says yall are weird
single: who?
bruh: my partner
bruh: he's been reading over my shoulder for the past 7 mins
bruh: he also askes why jun didn't make a copy of his world
shit eater: i did ;-;
shit eater: but a creeper blew it up
shit eater: i heard creeper stripers were very popular
shit eater: but they didn't like me
bruh: seungkwan says that creeper stripers are overrated and you should have done zombie stripers
shit eater: i know that now :/
shit eater: also
shit eater: since when do you have the social skills to make friends
bruh: well after i told him my name we actually started to do work (but we mostly ended up chatting about random things)
bruh: but then you blew up the chat
bruh: and he read over my shoulder
shit eater: im so proud of you <3
bruh: thanks :/
bruh: means a lot coming from someone who wanted to eat dog shit
shit eater: EVERYTIME I TRY TO BE NICE YALL ARE MEAN >:(
single: HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY DID BLOW IT UP
edgelord: HE LITERALLY KILLED ALL MY CATS
edgelord: EVEN SPARKY >>:((
edgelord: OF COURSE IM GONNA BLOW UP HIS SHITHOLE OF A CLUB
shit eater: THE SERVICE THERE WAS GREAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
edgelord: YOU THREW ME INTO LAVA????
shit eater: HAVENT YOU HEARD OF LAVA PLAY???
shit eater: PLUS YOU WERE THE ONE WHO ASKED FOR PREMIUM SERVICE
edgelord: LAVA PLAY IS NOT A THING
edgelord: UNLESS YOU ARE TRYING TO BECOME A PIECE OF ROASTED CHICKEN
shit eater: DONT YOU KNOW THATS WHATS HOT THESE DAYS
edgelord: CHICKEN PEOPLE????
shit eater: ugh so hot 🥵🥵🥵
single: purchasing a chicken suit rn
single: its kinda hot ngl
single: chicken suit gon make me act up
edgelord: oh my fucking god
edgelord: furries
shit eater: SAYS THE MAN MEOWED AT ME
single: uwu wonwoo cat boy? owo
edgelord: die minghao
single: rawr x3 *nuzzles* uwu how are you? *pounces on you* you're so warm o3o
edgelord: im going to cry please stop
shit eater: WONWOO WHY DID YOU CHANGE UR USERNAME ON TWITTER TO MAN TITTIE THINKER
edgelord: THAT WAS MINGHAO I SWEAR
single: but you haven't changed it back 🤔🤔🤔
edgelord: CAUSE YOU CHANGED MY PASSWORD YOU ASSHAT
edgelord: I TRIED TO CHANGE IT
single: :p oh well
edgelord: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OH WELL
edgelord: ALL MY MOOTS THINK IM CRAZY
shit eater: deserved
edgelord: jun shut up you have gotten suspended too many time for talking about sexting with minghao
shit eater: ig im too nsfw for that app :/
edgelord: ur too nsfw for this chat loser :///
shit eater: r00d >:(
single: mister fuzzy balls uwu
edgelord: minghao im going to throat punch you so hard
single: punish me daddy owo *nuzzles your necky wecky* ~murr~ hehe ;)
shit eater: >:0
edgelord: im going to commit not alive rn
pervert is online
pervert: heya pals!!!!!!!
pervert: isnt it such a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
angel: you've seen a cute boy
pervert: ...how did you know?
angel: who the fuck says pals and uses like 15 exclamation points when their not in the middle of a "I've Seen a Cute Boy¨ crisis
angel: honestly thats the most basic gay crisis :/
shit eater: i say pals :(
angel: you dont count
angel: you use the word "bussy" as part of your everyday vocabulary
shit eater: I SAID BUSSY ONE TIME
shit eater: ONE TIME
angel: ;)
angel: anyway
angel: what do you need josh
pervert: how do you not act stupid in front of someone
bruh: idk think about them in their underwear?
pervert: SHEJRHEHRKKSEJUEEEEEEEEEEEE
shit eater: OooOOOOOooooo he horny horny ;)
pervert: 01101110 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100101 01101101 01110000 01110100 01111001 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100011 01110101 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101111 01111001
angel: you fuckin broke him
shit eater: OOOOOoooooOO you wanna hakuna his tata
pervert: die
bruh: seungkwan says to imagine them as a dog
pervert: whos seungkwan
bruh: my work partner
bruh: *my friend
bruh: hes my friend now?
pervert: good for you
pervert: also
pervert: the problem is he's so attractive that if i imagine him as a dog it will still be cute
shit eater: imagine him as a wet dog
pervert: ew thats gross
shit eater: exactly ;)
shit eater: WONWOO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY MAID CAFE
pervert: ur maid cafe?
shit eater: in minecraft
bruh: seungkwan says he wants to see it
shit eater: why dont you add him to the chat
bruh: his roommate cracked his phone screen so he doesn't have it rn
shit eater: Dang
bruh: he gave me his number tho
bruh: he says yall are funny
bruh: he also said he thinks jun needs serious help
shit eater: YK WHAT DONT ADD HIM
shit eater: EVERYONE IN THIS CHAT JUST BULLIES ME
shit eater: THIS ISNT THE TAX FRAUD SQUAD THIS IS THE "LETS ALL BULLY JUN SQUAD"
edgelord named the chat: Let's All Bully Jun Squad
shit eater: THIS IS ACTUALLY CYBERBULLYING
bruh: deserved
shit eater: WHY AM I FRIENDS WITH ANY OF YOU
edgelord: cause no one else can deal with your shit
shit eater: yk what
shit eater: that is a Valid Point
single: wait i love that chat name
shit eater: YOU WOULD YOU ROACH
single: ROACH?????
shit eater: YES
shit eater: THE WAY YOU SKITTER SKITTER AROUND LIKE A ROACH
shit eater: I COULD SQUISH YOU WITH MY FOOT
shit eater: ROACHHAO
single: OK SHITHUI
shit eater: hey you calling me that is kinda....hot
shit eater: what if we made out rn ;)
single: die!!!!!!!!! :)))))))
shit eater: </3
pervert: sooo... i made a fool out of myself
angel: BAHAHAHAHAHA YALL LOOK
angel: [one video attachment] ( video of joshua going up to talk to Cute Boy but falling on his face, jeonghan cackling in the bg)
angel: HIS SHOELACE WAS UNTIED IM CRYING
shit eater: JAKAKJSKSNSN
bruh: F
edgelord: F
single: F
pervert: :(
angel: THATS NOT EVEN THE BEST PART
angel: HE WAS INTRODUCING HIMSELF AND THEN HE SCREAMED HAKUNA CAUSE HE REMEMBERED " hakuna his tatas"
shit eater: GAHAHAHHHSHAHSHG
bruh: double F
edgelord: triple F
single: lmfao quadruple F
pervert: ITS NOT FUNNY GUYS
pervert: HE THINKS MY NAME IS JOSHAKUNA
shit eater: BAHAHAHAHA
pervert: ITS NOT FUNNY
shit eater: ok joshakuna ;)
shit eater changed pervert's name to joshakuna
joshakuna: >>>:(((
bruh: seungkwan says joshakuna is a beautiful name
joshakuna: tell him thanks
bruh: he says "it was sarcasm :/"
joshakuna: HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ME AND HES ALREADY BULLYING ME
edgelord: he would fit right in
single: good friend choice vernon
bruh: i told yall im not socially awkward
bruh: its not even in my Dicktionary™
joshakuna: your what now?
bruh: Dicktionary™
shit eater: its a better version of the dictionary created by the gc
single: it has a drawing of Shakespeares penis on the front
joshakuna: how do you know what that looks like
single: fossils ;)
angel: it features words like "bussy"
shit eater: I SAID BUSSY ONE TIME
angel: ITS NOT EVEN THE FACT THAT YOU SAID IT
angel: ITS THE FACT THAT YOU SAID IT WHILE REFERRING TO YOUR CAT
shit eater: I NEVER TALKED ABOUT CAT BUSSY
bruh: isn't your cat a female?
angel: thats why it was so confusing
shit eater: i literally never said that
angel: you did :/
shit eater: whatever im going back to my maid cafe
shit eater is offline
edgelord: im gonna set fire to said maid cafe
single: wait i wanna play minecraft with yall too :(
edgelord: we can burn down the maid cafe together
single: ok but only cause i feel like that one villager rachel keeps trying to hit on jun
edgelord is offline
single is offline
bruh: i better get back to class
bruh: bye
bruh is offline
joshakuna: so...hows life?
angel is offline
joshakuna: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO ME ????
Let's All Bully Jun Squad
4;online Dec 10, 2:34pm
single: these cat laser thingies are fake smh
furry: what?
single: yk the ones where the cat is supposed to like try and catch the laser
furry: oh those
furry: how is it fake
single: im pointing it at juns face and the cat isn't doing anything
bruh: why do you want the cat to attack your boyfriend
single: Entertainment
angel: ill never understand people in relationships
bruh: but you're in a relationship
angel: that part is irrelevant
bruh: :/
single: this was a waste of $6
single: now im sad
single: and bored
furry: you could watch porn?
single: im bored not horny :/
furry: sometimes its the same thing
single: :/
single: oh shit wait
furry: what
single: OH NO
single: oh shit what did i just do
angel: what happened????
single: JUNS DICK IS BLEEDING *@????)($)
bruh: HUH
angel: oml
single: THIS STUPID CAT LASER ARAGAGAGR
furry: what? did the cat laser chop off his dick?
single: more like the cat
single: i think we have to go to the ER
single is offline
bruh: wtf just happened
furry: wait im still confused
furry: did the cat chop off his dick or the laser
angel: just another day in this hellhole of a gc
Let's All Bully Jun Squad
5;online Dec 10, 4:00pm
shit eater: guess whos back from the ER :)
edgelord: this is like the second time within two weeks :/
joshakuna: what happened?
shit eater: my cat shredded my dick off
joshakuna: WHAT
shit eater: jk
shit eater: she just scratched it
shit eater: like alot
shit eater: doctor says it might scar ;)
joshakuna: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN
single: its kinda my fault
joshakuna: you told the cat to scratch his dick?
shit eater: no? not really?
shit eater: i had one of those cat laser things and the cat really didn't care about it
shit eater: then i dropped it and it pointed at juns crotch
shit eater: and the cat attacked it
edgelord: oml
shit eater: they put bandaids on it
shit eater: it felt so weird that even i couldn't get off to it
shit eater: and i get off to pretty much everything ;)
edgelord: tmi :/
shit eater: also no sexual anything until the wound heals
shit eater: THATS LIKE 3 WEEKS OF NO ACTION AT ALL
shit eater: IM GONNA BE HORNY FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH ;-;
bruh: Dang with a capital D
edgelord: were the cuts deep?
shit eater: not really
shit eater: the doctor said i should be fine to use my dick after the scratches heal
shit eater: on the plus side i get a dick scar
edgelord: how is that a plus
edgelord: the only people who see your dick know you got the scar from your cat
shit eater: dont ruin this for me ;-;
shit eater: i already cant masturbate >:(
edgelord: :/
shit eater: AND HAO
shit eater: dont think im not mad at you >:(
shit eater: just because i love you does not mean i will be fine with you taking away masturbation from me >>:(((
single: :/
single: uh huh
single: says the man who is literally kissing my face :/
shit eater: >>>:((( IM STILL GONNA KISS YOUR FACE
shit eater: EVEN IF IM MAD
shit eater: YOU HAVE A VERY CUTE FACE
single: stop >:( ur gonna make me embarrassed
shit eater: deserved >:(
single: no >:>
shit eater: DONT MAKE THAT FACE IM GONNA CRY
single: >:>
shit eater: *head in hands*
bruh: are you guys still at the ER?
single: nah were at home
single: we both skipped dance so soons isnt gonna be happy
shit eater: he might laugh at my dick scar-
single: its not a dick scar
shit eater: yet. its not a dick scar yet.
bruh: for some reason this reminds me of the time jihoon dropped a wax strip on his dick
bruh: and kept it there for like half a year cause he was scared to take it off
joshakuna: NOOOOOOO
shit eater: THAT WAS SO FUNNY
shit eater: ESPECIALLY CAUSE IT STILL HURT WHEN HE HAD TO TAKE IT OFF
shit eater: HE ACTUALLY CRIED
bruh: it was the first time id seen any emotion from him besides angry
bruh: or emotionally constipated
shit eater: SO TRUE
single: jun the doctor said we have to change the bandaids every two hours-
shit eater: but we only have Thomas bandaids....
single: oh well :/
shit eater: YOU ARE NOT PUTTING THOMAS THE TRAIN BANDAIDS ON MY DICK FOR FUCKS SAKE
single: im not going out to buy more
single: and its gross if you dont change it
shit eater: fine >:(
shit eater: BUT only the ones with james on them
shit eater: hes my fav
shit eater: he has so much self-love
shit eater: hes an icon
single: oml fine :/
single is offline
shit eater is offline
joshakuna: i wanna know why they only have Thomas bandaids
bruh: cause hao used to be an emily the train kinnie-
edgelord: dear god not that again
joshakuna: 💀
Let's All Bully Jun Squad
7;online Dec 15, 5:00pm
shit eater: guys
shit eater: i just realized the scratches on my dick kinda look like a hashtag
single: really?
single: i thought it looked more like a plus sign
furry: no way
furry: it was defo a heart shape
bruh: um no
bruh: it was a smiley face
child: yall are all wrong
child: it was a minion shape :/
child: specifically the one with one eye
edgelord: OK WE GET IT
edgelord: HE HAS A PICCASO LEVEL MASTERPIECE ON HIS DICK
shit eater: jealousy is a disease bitch
edgelord: why would i be jealous?
edgelord: i can put underwear on without crying :/
shit eater: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
shit eater: IT FUCKIN HURTS OK
edgelord: :/
shit eater: honestly do you know how unnerving it is to look down at your dick
shit eater: AND SEE PERCY THE TRAIN SMILING AT YOU???
child: jun canceled for having a children's show on his dick
shit eater: ITS THE ONLY BANDAIDS WE HAVE
child: thats what they all say
child: and then youre jacking off to percy pics at 1 am
child: and then you read percy x reader fanfic
child: and then you buy a percy body pillow
child: and you read train porn
child: you might even write thomas x percy mpreg fanfic
shit eater: STOP IT STOP IT NOW
edgelord: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK CHAN??????
shit eater: TRAINS CANT GET PREGNANT
child: how do you know
shit eater: THEY ARE VEHICLES???
child: then explain to me how cars are made if vehicles cant get pregnant
furry: are you high rn?
shit eater: i really thought you would be the one to save us all chan
edgelord: where did the jacking off to percy pics come from?
child: oh well minghao does it with kermit
child: he jacks off to kermit pics
child: he said he especially liked the one muppet movie where kermit wears a suit
child: he called him froggie daddy
single: I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU CHAN
furry: FROGGIE DADDY???
shit eater: I KNEW YOU FOUND THE FROG PORN HOT
single: SHUT UP NO I DIDINT
edgelord: furry
single: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
single: YOU HORNDOG
edgelord: WHAT
single: DONT THINK I DONT SEE YOU
single: TEXTING ME HORNY THOUGHTS ABOUT A CERTAIN SOMEONE
edgelord: THERE NOT HORNY THOUGHTS
single: " can he choke me please?" UM CHILE
edgelord: SHUT UP YOU FROG FUCKER
furry: WHAT WHOS CHOCKING YOU???
edgelord: NO ONE
single: " mega big dick energy" - wonwoo
edgelord: ACTUALLY DIE
shit eater: whos dick is big?
shit eater: is it mine?
edgelord: WHY WOULD I HAVE HORNY THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU????
shit eater: cause im super hot :/
edgelord: YOUR FACE COULD NEVER MAKE MY DICK WET
edgelord: EVER
edgelord: IVE SEEN YOU EAT YOUR BOOGERS
shit eater: yeah when i was like 6?
edgelord: IT WAS YESTERDAY?????
shit eater: that part is irrelevant
shit eater: also i was suffocating
shit eater: i had too many boogers i couldn't breathe
furry: bro that happens to me too
shit eater: ugh i hate it
child: GUYS
child: I FOUND A PERCY BODY PILLOW
shit eater: dont-
child: im getting this for your b-day
shit eater: DONT
single: IM NOT GONNA LET A FUCKING TRAIN REPLACE ME
single: HOW AM I GONNA GET CUDDLES IF HES HUGGING A FUCKING TRAIN
shit eater: on second thought buy it
single: UR SO MEAN
single: NO CUDDLES FOR YOU EVER AGIAN>>:((((((
shit eater: bet >>>:((((
furry: ahem
furry: some of us are single :/
single: how is that my problem
furry: r00d >:((
shit eater: u could get yo mans
furry: my mans that is very much straight ;)
single: HE LITERALLY HAS GAY PORN MAGS IN HIS STUDIO
furry: THOSE ARE MINE
single: oh really?
single: you haven't noticed how the pile is GETTING BIGGER?????
furry: IDK I THINK I BOUGHT THOSE????
single: ARE YOU FUCKING SURE ABOUT THAT???
furry: YEAH????
single: REALLY???
furry: STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME HES NOT STRAIGHT
single: HOW ARE YOU THIS DENSE?????
furry: IM NOT DENSE ITS JUST SO OBVIOUS HES STRAIGHT
child: wait who are we talking about
shit eater: who holds the title of "The Straightest Person Here"?
child: OH HIM
child: wait
child: YOU LIKE HIM??????
child: PFFFF
furry: SHUT UP
child: HOLD UP THIS IS SO FUNNY
furry: NO DIE
child: IM SORRY BUT YALL TOGETHER IS SO FUNNY TO ME
furry: yk what
furry: if jeonghan didn't care so much about ur dumb ass i would drop kick you rn
child: :p loser
furry: >:(
child: no but fr
child: you really have a crush on him?
furry: sadly yes
child: Dang with a capital D
furry: I Feel In Love with A Straight Man- my life story
shit eater: ugh stop making the chat so depressing with ur Sad Gay Life
furry: YOU WERE THE EXACT SAME WAY WITH MINGHAO
shit eater: UM BUT I KNEW THAT MF WAS AS GAY AS THEY CAME
single: :/
shit eater: SHUT UP YOU KNOW YOU LITERALLY RADIATE GAY ENERGY
shit eater: YOU SHIT RAINBOWS
single: YOU ARE RAINBOW SHIT
shit eater: WHY THANK YOU
single: THAT WASNT A COMPLIMENT
child: ugh stop being so gay in the gc guys
furry: chan dont be homophobic
child: IM NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC
shit eater: chan canceled for being homophobic in gc full of gay ppl
child: IM LITERALLY BI??????
shit eater: you can be gay and homophobic
child: BUT IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC
furry: WHAT ABOUT THE LOOKS YOU GIVE JEONGHAN AND CHEOL
child: ITS SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT
child: FROM WHEN CHEOL CALLS JEONGHAN "ANGEL" IN PUBLIC
shit eater: hmmmmm
furry: sus :/
child: IM NOT A HOMOPHOBE I SWEAR
child: I LOVE GAY PPL <333
single: and now ur fetishizing???
child: STOP NO IM NOT
shit eater: wow chan i didn't know you were like this
child: STOP IM GONNA CRY
child: FR
shit eater: PFFFFFFFF
furry: BAHAHAHAHAHSHS
furry: anyways i gotta go practice at the dance studio
furry: later losers :p
furry is offline
shit eater: so @single can i hakuna ur tatas
single: ...
single: no
single: well...
shit eater: ;)
single: ugh fine
child: literally why
child: i really didn't need to see that
shit eater: dont be homophobic chan
child is offline
shit eater: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
single: are you gonna come or....?
shit eater: IM COMING
single is offline
shit eater is offline
The Responsible Ones™
4;online Dec 15, 5:26 pm
hoon: fuck my life
cheol: woah woah woah woah (AN: lets pump it up)
cheol: calm down
shua: whats up
hoon: im at the dance studio watching soonyoung practice
hoon: Its very Hot
hoon: im Hornay™
hoon: and i crave death
shua: WAIT
shua: UR GAY???
won: honey no one in the chat has a straight cell in them
shua: )())*(*(* WHAT
won: why is that surprising
shua: NO ITS NOT THAT
shua: ITS THAT SOONYOUNG IS CONVINCED YOURE STRAIGHT JIHOON??
hoon: well soonyoung is straight so that makes sense
shua: SOONYOUNG IS STRAIGHT IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE???
won: dont bother trying
won: its a waste of time
shua: SOONYOUNG STRAIGHT IS LIKE MY WORST NIGHTMARE
shua: WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT HIM STRAIGHT I IMAGINE HIM DOING TIKTOK POVS
shua: POV: im ur hot stepbro and then we fuck in a closet and fall in love but our parents are married oopsie
cheol: i vomited a little im my mouth ngl
won: HES GAY AND HE MAKES TIKTOK POVS
shua: EVERYTHING IS SCARIER WHEN A STRAIGHT PERSON DOES IT
hoon: i love how we forgot about my very important problem
cheol: i didn't forget i just never cared
won: DANG
shua: why do we have so many savages here?
hoon: RAGAARAAGAGAG GRRR BARK AKDHJKDFKJLF
hoon: HE JUST BODY ROLLED PREPARE MY COFFIN
shua: :/
hoon: HE SMIRKED KSKDLKJKSJKLJD??S?#()*$)%
won: can confirm: soonyoung has a pretty hot smirk
hoon: ARAGARATGHSJDJ
hoon: IF I LEAVE TO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT WILL HE GET SUSPICIOUS???
cheol: he hasn't noticed you adding porn mags to his pile so prob not
cheol: hes pretty unobservant :/
hoon: ATAGSGJSDKKDJF
hoon is offline
shua: dang it
shua: i bought a new dildo three sizes too big
cheol: how did you-
shua: idk i prob got distracted so i clicked the wrong button
won: why are you telling us this?
shua: idk in case anyone wants a mega-sized dildo?????
won: ...how big
shua: ....ill dm a pic
cheol: wonwoo size queen??
won: SHUT THE FUCK UP FURRY
won: IM NOT
cheol: sus :/
shua: speaking of furries
shua: are you working on that next chapter of your sonic x knuckles fanfic?
cheol: NOOO AHAHAH WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT???? PFFFFF
shua: dang i thought updates where every other day
cheol: you're......reading it?
shua: yeah
shua: who knew you were so good i writing hedgehog porn
cheol: ...
cheol: whats ur username
shua: uh
shua: UnicornSparklePrincess0046
cheol: BAHHAHAHAHAJAJJS
shua: SHUT THE HELL UP
cheol: its not as bad as jihoons old tiktok username
shua: i think i made it that so that no one would get suspicious that im a twenty-something-year-old man
shua: reading sonic fanfic
cheol: no one is judging you shua
cheol: i mean im the one writing it
shua: that means alot from someone who killed Amy off in ch 3
cheol: SHE WAS RUINING THE STORY HE THROWS THE VIBES OF KILTER
won: UR OLD ASS DID NOT JUST SAY OFF KILTER
cheol: SHUT UP FUCK YOU
shua: YOU JUST THOUGHT THAT A SONIC/KNUCKLES/SHADOW THREESOME WAS HOTTER
cheol: AND WHAT IF I DID
shua: THIS IS AMY SLANDER????
won: why is it that were always talking about animals having sex here? like??
shua: literally think about the hedgehog foursomes that coulda happened cheol
cheol: dear god
won: the fact is that sentence aint even the worst thing anyone has ever texted around here
shua: round here 🤠🤠🤠
won: HAHA DIE 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
cheol: wait
cheol: is jihoon ok?
shua: oh i forgot about him lmao
won: did he die?
shua: @hoon are you ok
cheol: @hoon @hoon @hoon
won: hes dead
Let's All Bully Jun Squad
7;online Dec 15, 5:47pm
furry: GUYS
furry: I THINK JIHOON DIED
edgelord: knew it
furry: I WAS JUST DANCING AND THEN HE JUST FLOPPED ON THE FLOOR
shit eater: lmao is he breathing
furry: IDK
angel: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW?????
angel: WHAT WERE YOU EVEN DOING?????
furry: I SWEAR I WAS JUST DANCING
single: YOU KILLED HIM SOONYOUNG
furry: IM A MURDERER
furry: AM I GONNA GO TO JAIL
bruh: i cant believe jihoon died
bruh: he had such a long life ahead
furry: TAKE ME WITH YOU
furry: I DESERVE TO DIE AS WELL
single: WHAT DANCE MOVE WERE YOU EVEN DOING
single: THE GRENADE LAUNCH????
furry: um i grinded on the floor
shit eater: WELL THAT EXPLAINS IT
furry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT EXPLAINS IT???????
child: the gay killed him
single: lmao he died of horniness
furry: GAY? HES STRAIGHT THO
furry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HORNY?????
furry: DO I HAVE TO GIVE HIM MOUTH TO MOUTH??
shit eater: do it
edgelord: thats prob his first kiss
shit eater: DAMN OK WONWOO NO NEED TO BE SO SHADY
furry: GUYS THIS ISNT FUNNY
single: it really is
furry: NO ITS NOT WHAT IF HE DIES
furry: WAIT
furry: HES ALIVE
single: HE NEVER DIED
furry: HE PRETENDED TO DIE
furry: I WAS ACTUALLY CRYING
small mf is online
small mf: hi
furry: DONT JUST COME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND SAY HI???
furry: HOW DARE YOU (ALMOST) DIE ON ME
small mf: i didn't die
small mf: it was pretty obvious i was alive
small mf: i pretty much holding in laughter the entire time
furry: I THOUGHT THAT WAS A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION
small mf: you were so worried you were gonna get convicted
small mf: it was so funny
furry: MY FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU = ENDED >:(
small mf: and then you started screaming at the sky "take me too, i wont let jihoon suffer alone"
single: how romantic ;)
furry: WAGAHAHSJSKS????????
small mf: ...no
joshakuna: anyways im going to deliver this dildo
shit eater: HUH
shit eater: WHOS GETTING A DILDO
edgelord: idk who could it be :/
joshakuna: its wonwoo
shit eater: BAGAGAHAHAJAJJSJD
edgelord: SHUT UP AT LEAST I CAN USE IT UNLIKE YOU
edgelord: YOU HAVE BLUE BALLS UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH
shit eater: YEAH BUT WHEN I CAN USE MY DICK AGAIN I CAN HAVE A REAL DICK
shit eater: NOT JUST DILDOS
edgelord: ...
shit eater: YOU CANT SAY ANYTHING TO THAT
shit eater: single loser :p
edgelord: anyways
edgelord: i havent seen your maid cafe in a while
edgelord: hows it been?
shit eater: YOU FUCKER YOU BLEW IT UP
shit eater: IM GONNA DESTROY YOU
edgelord: sorry cant talk rn im doing hot girl shit :)
shit eater: YOU BITCH LETS FIGHT IRL
edgelord: >:) ok
shit eater: LETS DO IT AT THE ABANDONED K-MART WITH RATS IN IT
edgelord: bet yo skinny ass
shit eater: YOU CANT EVEN KILL COCKROACHES
edgelord: BITCH NEITHER CAN YOU
edgelord: YOU LITERALLY CRY UNTIL MINGHAO DOES IT FOR YOU
shit eater: AT LEAST I HAVE A BOYFRIEND TO DO IT FOR ME
edgelord: >>>>:((((( OK LETS GO RN IM READY
shit eater: LETS GO
edgelord is offline
shit eater is offline
bruh: place your bets
bruh: who's gonna win?
single: jun
small mf: wonwoo
angel: wonwoo
father: jun
child: jun
furry: wonwoo
joshakuna: wonwoo
tall mf is online
tall mf: um whats happening i heard jun and wonwoo yelling
bruh: read up
tall mf: oh no
tall mf: also
tall mf: um i vote wonwoo
single: you would choose him >:(
furry: please
furry: you only chose jun cause youre a simp
single: >:(
small mf: are they really gonna fight?
father: at this point
father: probably
Let's all Bully Jun Squad
6;online Dec 16, 3:00 pm
furry: GUYS I THINK HE REALLY DIED THIS TIME
shit eater: im kinda in the middle of my K-Mart Fight
edgelord: yeah were kinda busy
single: shut up both of you
single: all youre doing is blasting bitch lasagna for some godforsaken reason
shit eater: YEAH BUT WE DID FIGHT
father: no you didn't
joshakuna: yall both too pussy to actually fight
edgerlod: WE DID FIGHT
edgelord: JUN CRIED
shit eater: CAUSE YOU THREATENED TO CHOP OFF MY DICK
shit eater: I LITERALLY HAD FLASHBACKS FROM WHEN MY CAT ATTACKED ME
edgelord: BLAME IT ON UR BF NOT ME
furry: GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP JIHOON DIED FR THIS TIME
single: no he didn't
furry: YES HE DID
furry: @father COME HERE PLEASE HES DEAD
father: omw lmao
child: WHAT DID YOU DO TO KILL HIM THIS TIME????????
furry: MY DANCE ROUTINE????
single: wait
single: the one for that sexy song??
furry: YEAH
single: oh yeah
single: hes dead
child: Damn RIP
shit eater: fly high </3
furry: YOU GUYS HE MIGHT BE DEAD
father: hes breathing soonyoung calm down
angel: damn i was looking forward to going to the hospital again
shit eater: why
angel: theres this one hot doctor...
father: ....:(
father: i see how it is :((((
father: :"((((
angel: OH SHUT UP I LOVE YOU MORE THAN HOT DOCTORS
joshakuna: please cheol yk he has a thing for hot doctors
father: we could roleplay???
angel: OH MY FUCK THATS HOT
angel: LETS DO IT
joshakuna: dang i would like to see Dr.Choi
joshakuna: that would be super hot
father: threesome?
joshakuna: ...yes
father: dont worry you can be Dr.Choi's patient as well ;)
angel: AAGAYTATAHHSH DR.CHOI
joshakuna: I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO BE A PATIENT
angel: I CANT BE HORNY IN THE LIBRARY
angel: FUCK YOU CHEOL
joshakuna: YEAH IM AT THE FUCKING STORE
father: ;)
furry: BE HORNY LATER GUYS
furry: JIHOON IS DEAD
angel: ugh you would look so hot in a doctors coat
angel: AHHHHH YOU WOULD LOOK SO HOT IM DYING
angel: NOT ON THE SURGERY TABLE*EUU*#*EIUOIEOUIU
joshakuna: not even Dr.Choi can save jeonghan
father: we could use bandages for bondage
angel: IM GONNA MURDER YOU
furry: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE GUYS
furry: JIHOON IS DEAD
furry: WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BROS BEFORE HOES
father: dont worry Dr.Choi is here to help ;)
furry: PLEASE DO NOT
angel: FUCKITY FUCK FKUCK
joshakuna: wait
joshakuna: we could also use bandages for blindfolding
angel: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS
shit eater: jesus even im never this horny in the gc
angel: THATS A LIE
angel: YOU WERE EVEN HORNIER WHEN YOU STARTED THINKING ABOUT MIRROR SEX WITH MINGHAO
shit eater: SGUT THE FUKC UP I CANT BE HORNY RN IF I GET A BONER IT WILL HURT
single: mirror sex?
shit eater: WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER
single: ...
father: jihoon is ok
father: he just fainted hes alright
joshakuna: Dr.Choi saves the day
angel: FUCKING SHIT STOP IM IN CLASS I CANT LEAVE
angel: MY TEACHER ALREADY GOT MAD AT ME FOR SCREAMING ONCE
furry: why did he faint?
shit eater: in the choreo you floor grind and then like feel urself up and down right?
furry: yeah?
shit eater: thats why
joshakuna: the devil works hard but soonyoung works harder
furry: HUH THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE
furry: WHY WOULD HE DIE???
angel: YES DOCTOR I WOULD LIKE MY CHECK-UP
angel: shit wrong chat
joshakuna: you had one job :/
angel: SHUT EHT FUVK UP IM REALLY HORNY RN
furry: this is probably the horniest i have seen you up to date
angel: YOU WOULD BE LIKE THIS IF JIHOON WORE A DOCTORS OUTFIT AND SAID HE WAS DR.LEE
furry: HOLY FUKC
edgelord: please do not start talking abt this
shit eater: WHAT ABOUT DR.KIM HUH
shit eater: YOU WOULD BE ALL OVER THAT
edgelord: jiewi9i390u495owjofjeusjs
edgelord: does not compute
shit eater: HE WOULD KILL YOU IF HE WORE A DOCTORS COAT
edgelord: STOP STOP STOP IT NOW
shit eater: YOU SHOULD ASK HIM IF HE'LL DO IT
edgelord: over my dead body
shit eater: nah cause Dr.Kim wouldn't let you die
edgelord: die <3
angel: UGH
angel: I STILL HAVE MORE CLASSES
angel: I JUST WANNA GO VISIT DR.CHOI
single: where is our one voice of reason??
joshakuna: buying a doctors coat
child: wait im still confused
child: is dr.choi a new doctor
child: can i visit them?? i think i actually have a cough
angel: GET AWAY FROM DR.CHOI
angel: HE BELONGS TO ME AND JOSHUA ONLY
father: Dr.Choi treats all his patients equally ;)
angel: NO NO NO NO STOP PLEASE I CANT DO THIS RN
angel: I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS
child: oh
child: its just another one of jeonghans sexual fantasies
edgelord: there's others?
child: oh ig you weren't there for Mr.Choi
child: it was his hot teacher fantasy
child: or King Choi
child: i dont wanna explain that one
angel: AGGGGHHHHSHHD
small mf is online
small mf: hi
furry: GET OFF YOUR PHONE YOU JUST DIED
small mf: im fine
furry: YOU JUST FAINTED YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT A SCREEN
small mf: Dr.Choi said it was fine
furry: HES NOT A REAL DOCTOR
small mf: eh
small mf: and anyway
small mf: why do you care so much
furry: YOU JUST DIED????
furry: also you're my friend :(
furry: i should be allowed to care
The Responsible Ones™
4;online Dec 16, 3: 27 pm
cheol: gotta love soonyoung friend-zoning jihoon in front of everyone lmao
hoon: shut the hell up
shua: Dang
won: why do you act like an angsty teenager all the time jihoon
won: "why do you care so much"
won: all you need is the fringe lmao
hoon: stop
cheol: i remember the time when jihoon told me
cheol: his father told him
cheol: "would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?"
hoon: i never said that
cheol: yes you did
cheol: and then you said
cheol: " sometimes i get the feeling, she's watching over me"
shua: who? ur grandma?
won: jihoon trying to be the coolest challenge: failed
hoon: ur misery and hate will kill us all
cheol: what did i tell you
cheol: sometimes he just quotes it randomly
hoon: shut up MCR is cool
shua: and i thought wonwoo was the emo one
hoon: oh he is
hoon: that bitch listens to MCR, twenty-one pilots, panic at the disco, AND fall out boy
won: SHUT UP EMO MUSIC IS COOL
shua: but vernon listens to twenty pilots too tho
hoon: but he also listens to troye sivan so im not that concerned
won: IS NO ONE GONNA COMMENT ON CHEOLS OBSESSIVE ASHNIKKO LISTENING HABITS
cheol: ashnikko is good music
won: SO IS PANIC AT THE DISCO
cheol: debatable
won: YOU HAVE LISTENED TO HIGH HOPES AT LEAST ONE TIME IN YOUR LIFE
cheol: but did i enjoy it??? :/
won: im not having this convo with you rn
shua: it has been exactly 4 mins since jihoon left soonyoung on the main chat
hoon: oh shit
won: lmao
Let's all Bully Jun Squad
6;online Dec 16, 3:14 pm
furry: jihoon?
furry: we are friends right? :(
small mf: yeah ofc
furry: :)
angel: oml this is painful
shit eater: not as painful as my dick sractch
single: not as painful as jun digging his nails into my ass for some reason rn
shit eater: im trying to find your ass :/
single: ur literally touching it??
shit eater: there has to be more ass somewhere??? no ones ass is this flat??
furry: LMAO
single: this is literally cyberbullying
edgelord: deserved
single: shut up nip licker
edgelord: WHAT
single changed edgelords name to nip licker
nip licker: NO
single: you texted me that you tried to lick ur own nipples
nip licker: I NEVER SAID THAT
bruh: dont do that ur gonna get scoliosis
single: LMAOAOAOAOA
nip licker: I NEVER SAID THAT EVER YOU LIAR
shit eater: anyway go follow wonwoos twt @mantiddiethinker
nip licker: STOP
tall mf: why are you thinking about tiddies?
nip licker: IM NOT
shit eater: yesterday he said his fave food was Juicy Pecs
nip licker: LITERALLY KYS
shit eater: omg calm down its not that serious :/
nip licker: IM GOING TO DESTROY YOU
shit eater: no thanks youre not my type
nip licker: CHEOL HES BULLYING ME
father: jun stop bullying people
father: wonwoo stop being horny and emo
father: minghao stop having such a flat ass for gods sake
father: jihoon stop being angsty
father: soonyoung do not buy that fursuit (i saw it in ur search history)
father: chan please stop trying to seduce your math teacher
father: vernon spray Febreze or SOMETHING after you smoke
father: AND FOR FUCKS SAKE JEONGHAN AND JOSH STOP TALKING ABOUT HENTAI IN THE 95 LINE GC
nip licker: omg hes on his last rope yall
tall mf: i didnt do anything bad right?
father: not yet :/
small mf: why can you see soonyoungs search history
father: i turned on parental controls
father: ever since he watched porn on a SCHOOL COMPUTER and broke the entire fucking computer lab
furry: it wasnt even good porn
single: i cant stop having a flat ass??
shit eater: i mean you could? you could get implants? you could squat a lot?
shit eater: DO IT >:)
single: this is peer pressure :/
angel: CHAN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE YOUR MATH TEACHER?????
child: HES RICH??? I WANT A SUGAR DADDY??? HES HOT???
angel: DONT SELL YOUR SELF TO SOME DIRTY OLD MAN
child: HES ONLY 37???
angel: jail
child: IM A LEGAL ADULT???
angel: cheol could be your sugar daddy?
child: THATS JUST WRONG JEONGHAN WTF??
child: HES MY PARENTAL FIGURE???
angel: yeah so you could call him daddy ;)
child: YOU SICK FUCK HES MY ACTUAL DAD
father: jeonghan stop im going to cry
angel: omg no :(
single: omg chan ur trying to seduce him too?
single: omg Seducing Squad
shit eater: THATS WHY YOU GET SO DRESSED UP
shit eater: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING JUST TO MAKE MY NO DICK LIFE HARDER
furry: #NoDickLife
nip licker change shit eaters name to #NoDickLife
#NoDickLife: fuck everyone here
single: if you cant do it someone else can :/
#NoDickLife: THIS IS BULLYING
#NoDIckLife: IM LITERALLY RICH TOO??
single: oh shit thats right lmao
#NoDickLife: I BOUGHT YOU A ROLEX YESTERDAY??? YOU UNGRATEFUL ROACH???
single: oops i forgot? :)
#NoDickLife: YOU FUCKER IM NEVER GIVING YOU ANYTHING EVER AGAIN
furry: omg jun sugar daddy?
single: my daddy gets me the bestest things :)
#NoDickLife: OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP
nip licker: i think he likes it yall :/
single: uwu I've been a vwery bad boy o3o
nip licker: BHAHAJSJ
#NoDickLife: omg wonwoo size queen?
nip licker: no shut up
single: omg jun daddy kink?
#NoDickLife: please die loml <3 :))
furry: NOT LOML LMAOAOAOAO
single: jun its ok :) no one is shaming you :)
#NoDickLife: omg minghao praise kink?
single: NO
furry: thats why you make that face when he praises ur dancing lmao
single: SHUT UP NO I DONT
angel: wait guys
angel: wheres josh
furry: i forgot about him
father: werent you watching anime porn with him?
angel: yeah on the roof but then he ran away?
father: ??
bruh: i just saw him bolt past me
angel: huh?
bruh: i think hes being chased?
angel: HUH?
bruh: idk whats happening lmao im just tryna smoke :/
Let's all Bully Jun Squad
6;online Dec 16, 3:29pm
bruh: can confirm
bruh: josh is being chased rn
angel: HUH???
bruh: idk man im on the roof
bruh: hes being chased around the school
bruh: by some guy with a nice ass
tall mf: GUYS I THINK MY FISH DIED
#NoDickLife: you have a fish?
angel: your fish is not important
angel: josh is being chased by Nice Ass Man
furry: THERE ALL OUT OF NORMAL DORITOS AT THE STORE >:((((((
furry: ONLY THE nAsTY rANCh ONES
small mf: the fuck
small mf: ranch is good??
angel: NOT IMPORTANT
angel: JOSH IS BEING CHASED BY A MURDERER WITH A NICE ASS
bruh: i never said it was a murderer
angel: WHY ELSE IS HE BEING CHASED???
bruh: tax fraud?
nip licker: I HAVE TO BUY THE REST OF 90 DAY FIANCE
nip licker: THESE FUCKING SCAMMERS
furry: WHAT??
furry: THIS IS BLAPHSAMANAY
small mf: thats not how you spell it??
furry: DONT TRY AND PHOTOSYNTHESIZE ME RN JIHOON
angel: JOSHUA??? IS ???BEING??CHASED???BY??THE??GOVERNMENT??
small mf: why does the story keep changing?
angel: cause im still not entirely sure why hes being chased?
child: MY MATH TEACHER KICKED ME OUT OF CLASS :(((((
child: ALL I DID WAS CALL HIM DADDY??
single: HUH???
angel: OMG THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING RN
bruh: joshua just jumped over an old lady
angel: WHAT??
bruh: guys im gonna insta live this rq
bruh: find it @dildobutter
small mf: what the fuck is that busted @
bruh: want me to expose your old tiktok username rn??
small mf: this is why i hate americans :/
bruh: lmao
#NoDickLife: GUYS
#NoDickLife: OR ACTUALLY JUST MINGHAO
#NoDickLife: ASS IMPLANTS ARE HALF OFF
single: im not getting ass implants
#NoDickLife: ok....!
angel: WHICH DILDO BUTTER ARE YOU??
small mf: ok but do you know how wrong that sounds??
bruh: the one with the jason durelo pfp
angel: why am i not following you already??
bruh: idk man
joshakuna is online
joshakuna: gsuysds imbeing chasded by the cuwte boy ffrom before
angel: OMG YOU JUST JUMPED OVER A DOG
joshakuna: i thisknk he wantsd to be my fwrienfd??
joshakuna: but he keepesd callingsed me joshaskuana
#NoDickLife: what is going on with ur typing
joshakuna: im beings chaseds asshat
joshakuna: its skidna hard to type whieleis runngin
bruh: why are you running from him?
joshakuna: idk man
angel: omg josh stop being so anti-social
joshakuna: shut up yk icant talk to atteaxtive people
#NoDickLife: so are we not attractive?
joshakuna: just you
#NoDickLife: SHUT THE FUCK UP IM VERY HANDSOME
single: guys...you know hes insecure about this :(
#NoDickLife: YOURE MY BF BUT ALL YOU DO IS BULLY ME
single: its my job :)
#NoDickLife: UR MEAN
tall mf: GUYS MY FISH ACTUALLY DIED OMG
tall mf: RICARDO :((((((
single: #flyhigh </3
small mf: did you flush him down the toilet?
tall mf: WHY WOULD I DO THAT???
tall mf: I TAKE SHITS IN THE TOILET WHY WOULD FLUSH MY ONE LOVE RICARDO DOWN THE TOILET??? >>:((
tall mf: THATS EVIL
small mf: dang ok sorry man
small mf: i didn't know you were in love with ur fish :/
tall mf: :((((
child: THE MATH TEACHER WONT LET ME BACK IN
child: I JUST WANTED A DADDY
nip licker: what the fuck is even happening
#NoDickLife: hao i just booked an appointment for ass implants
single: WHAT?? NO??
#NoDickLife: look babes i love your ass but you need help
single: THIS IS ILLEGAL??? YOU FORGED MY FUCKING SIGNATURE ???
#NoDickLife: soulmate tingz!! <33
single: JAIL
angel: JOSHUA YOU FUCKTARD GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME MY BACKPACK
bruh: uh guys
bruh: soonyoung is walking on the edge of the roof should i be worried?
furry: IM A TIGER
single: literally you just spent $500 jun
single: AND FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GETTING ASS IMPLANTS
#NoDickLife: but then your twink shorts would look better
single: SINCE WHEN ARE YOU AN ASS PERSON??
#NoDickLife: I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN ASS PERSON
#NoDickLife: I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO EVER ADMIT IT
single: THATS A MIX OF THOUGHTFUL BUT ALSO RUDE AT THE SAME TIME >:(
bruh: GUYS
bruh: SOONYOUNG IS ABOUT TO FALL OFF THE BUILDING??
angel: HUH
bruh: OMG HES HANGING OFF THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING
child: SOMEONE CALL FATHER
furry: gusysd im fine :)
angel: WHAT ARE YOU TYEPING WITH??
furry: myesgd toes >:)
father is online
father: i leave for like 15 mins and soonyoung is trying to jump off a building
furry: im not >:(
furry: im beignsdhf a tiger
father: stop typing and focus on not dying
father: horanghaeshsjd
angel: JOSHUA STOP RUNNING MY ASSCHEEKS ARE ABOUT TO FALL OFF
joshakuna: try and catchsts me hoe
nip licker: why are you guys chasing each other now?
angel: joshua took my backpack with all my sex toys in it >:(
joshakuna: i ahev two people chasing me now
joshakuna: im famous
father: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET UP THERE SOONYOUNG
furry: Tiger Powers >:)
father: cool then you can use your TIGER POWERS TO GET YOURSELF DOWN
furry: fine >:(
single: this is not going to end well
furry: oh i dont know if i can hold on for much longer doe
father: nevermind im not letting you die before you grow a pair and confess
angel: JOSHUA WHY WONT YOU MAKE FFIRNEDS??
joshakuna: becuase its stupidsjsj
joshakuna: their all just gonna leave int the end
angel: I DIDNT LEAVE YOU??
angel: STOP RUNNING FASTER
angel: YOU CNAT AVIOD ME FOREVER
child: guys my teacher said yes to being my sugar daddy
single: WHAT??? LUCKY
#NoDickLife: FUCK YOU HAO
#NoDickLife: WERE BREAKING UP
single: can i keep the rolex?
father: update
father: soonyoung is ok but he lost both of his shoes
furry: that was fun
furry: wanna do it again?
father: can i be the one who almost dies next time :/
small mf: soonyoung i found some normal doritos
small mf: do you want them?
furry: YES
furry: IM ON THE ROOF OF UR BUILDING
small mf: im not climbing up there
small mf: come down and get them urself
furry: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
furry: I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU <33333333
small mf: uh huh
bruh: um hey
bruh: can i add my new friend?
bruh: the one from a few days ago?
angel: CHEOL COME HERE AND LET ME RIDE ON YOUR BACK YOURE A FASTER RUNNER
father: DO NOT JUMP OFF THE BUILDING SOONYOUNG
father: IDC HOW MUCH YOU WANT DORITOS YOURE TOO POOR TO PAY FOR HOSPITAL BILLS
father: also hani how am i gonna run if i have you on my back
angel: YOURE A FINE STRONG RUN MAN YOU CAN CARRY ME AND RUN AT THE SAME TIME
joshakuna: ye heis a twigs
angel: SHUT UP YOU WARTHOG
#NoDickLife: GUYS VERNON WANTS TO ADD HIS FRIEND
bruh: nah its fine
bruh: there's already a lot going on rn
joshakuna: i havegs three people chasing me now
father: jesus han cut down on the cheeto puffs for gods skae
father: it feels like im carrying a buffalo
angel: SHUT UP I WEIGH NOTHING
father: my legs are about to give out
father: tell my mother i love her
joshakuna: idk why the other dude is still chasing me
joshakuna: i literally threw a dildo at him
#NoDickLife: VERNON WANTS TO ADD HIS FRIENDS SO ACT LIKE CIVILIZED PARENTAL FIGURES AND SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS THE RIGHT WAY
#NoDickLife: a deathmatch :)
father: huh-
angel: I CANT KILL DR.CHOI
joshakuna: calm your tits youll see each other in hell
joshakuna: after i break your ankles permanently >:)
father: joshua you cant break no ones ankles
joshakuna: wanna go?
father: try me
father: i will crickety crack ur back
joshakuna: ugh yes raw me daddy
father: huh
bruh: see? ill add him later :/
#NoDickLife: NO ADD HIM NOW
#NoDickLife: I DEMAND IT
#NoDicklife: FORGET ABOUT JOSHUA AND CHEOLS SEXUAL TENSION
bruh: dang ok
father: SEXUAL TENSION??
joshakuna: IT WAS A JOKE??
#NoDickLife: ;)
bruh added seungkwan
seungkwan changed their name to boo
boo: omg you actually added me :)
bruh: ofc :)
boo: it is truly an honor to join this cyberbullying squad
single: were so happy to have you :)
boo: OMG!! its Praise Kink Boy :) big fan :))
#NoDickLife: LMAOAOAOA
single: WHY DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THAT
bruh: ...!
father: is @boo the new guy?
boo: *tips hat* pleased to make your acquaintance
furry: what in mingyus third nipple is an aquannciacne
bruh: kwan i recommend you dont use too many big words
bruh: half of this chat cant read
furry: hey! i can read
furry: just not too many chapters
furry: the max is five :)
boo: ..im not gonna survive here
small mf: you get used to it after a while
boo: OMG! its Gay Guy Whos Thinks Hes Straight! HUGE fan!
small mf: HUH
single: SEE I WAS ATTACKED BY THIS GUY TOO
single: AND HE TOOK MY JOB OF PASSIVELY CALLING EVERYONE OUT
boo: ur just stressed cause you haven't got some in a while :)
single: HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW????
boo: since mingyu not knowing what a clit is :)
single: oml
boo: SO! WHATS HAPPENING GUYS
child: well jeonghan is riding on cheols back chasing after joshua who had their backpack full of sexual objects
boo: oh yeah i can see them from the library window
boo: omg whos the one carrying the twig one
boo: he's kinda a hottie
joshakuna: ugh dont feed his ego
father: im hot stuff >:)
boo: nevermind you talk like a dad
boo: hottie card revoked
father: gosh dang it
angel: LMAOAOAOAOA
bruh: kwan you should do an intro :)
boo: omg i should to that :)
nip licker: WHO CHANGED MY DN ON TWT TO ¨I CARESS TIDDIES¨
single: oopsie :)
nip licker: YOU PIECE OF SHIT
#NoDickLife: ugh babe thats so evil
single: ugh babe ik im such a baddie
#NoDickLife: ugh babe thats so evil that you know ur evil
#NoDickLife: ugh what if we made out
single: ugh babe not in front of everyone
#NoDickLife: i dont care what they think
single: ugh kiss me
#NoDickLife: *saxophone noises*
small mf: i think i vomited a little in my mouth
boo: is this what normally happens here
bruh: on a good day
#NoDickLife: ugh dont be jealous
nip licker: just go back to making out no one wants you here
#NoDickLife: stfu everyone here loves me
father: ...
angel: ...
joshakuna: ...
small mf: ...
furry: ...
single: ...
child: ...
bruh: ...
boo: ...
nip licker: crickets </3
#NoDickLife: EVEN MY OWN BF??????
single: ...sorry? but not really >:)
#NoDickLife: HONESTLY I HOPE EVERYONE HERE DIES OF A BUTT RASH
boo: can i introduce myself now?
single: sorry...! we forgot about you >:)
boo: its really hard to forget me but ok :/
boo: it must be hard having brain your size :/
#NoDickLife: YEAH YOUR DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BAIN
single: MY OWN BF????
#NoDickLife: revenge tastes like this old KFC chicken sandwich
bruh: guys let him introduce himself
boo: its alright
boo: obviously they need some type of couples therapy session
boo: THANK GOD IM A PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR
single: oh for fucks sake
boo: so can you tell me what the problem is?
#NoDickLife: I FELL LIKE MY OWN BOYFRIEND IS MY 5TH GRADE BULLY
single: ...
boo: can you tell me how that feels?
#NoDickLife: ITS THE WORST THING EVER
joshakuna: can we please NOT do this right now
boo: joshua dont be afraid to have feelings >:)
small mf: ugh i need a nap
small mf is offline
boo: well anyway
boo: the name is boo seungkwan im born in 98, psych major, i sing like all the time (im pretty damn good at it too), and i have a very nice ass
single: well thanks but we dont need couple therapy
#NoDickLife: YES WE DO
#NoDickLife: YOU BREAK MY HEART EVERY CHANCE YOU GET
single: CAUSE YOU FIND IT HOT
#NoDickLife: oh yeah
#NoDickLife: oopsie :)
boo: well now that we've solved that
boo: whose next >:)
joshakuna is offline
boo: MWAHAHAHAHA YOU MUST TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
nip licker: oh for fucks sake now theres a THERAPIST IN THE GC????
nip licker is offline
tall mf: um if youre actually being serious can we chat in DMs??
boo: Oh! yeah ofc :)
boo: (not sarcasm)
tall mf: :)
tall mf is offline
boo is offline
furry: THANKS VERNON NOW THERES A MIND READER IN THE GC >>>:((
bruh: what
furry: ALL THERAPISTS ARE MIND READERS >:(
furry: MINE ALWAYS KNOWS THE ANSWER BEFORE I EVEN TELL HER THE PROBLEM
bruh: ....!
father: you wanna get muscles like me? bench press a jeonghan bro
angel: I AM NOT THAT HEAVY
father: ur right
father: ur ego is prob weighing me down
angel: IS THAT HOW IT IS ????
father: >:( yes
angel: YEAH WELL STOP LEAVING UR STINKY SOCKS EVERYWHERE LOSER
father: WELL THEN YOU STOP LEAVING UR STINKY T SHIRTS EVERYWHERE
angel: WELL STOP USING ALL MY MECHANICAL PENCILS YOU ASS
father: YEAH? WELL YOU STOP BULLYING ME ALL THE TIME
angel: YEAH??? WELL YOU STOP CALLING ME A BUFFALO
angel: hmph >:(
father: hmph x2 >:(
furry: looks like we might need that couples therapy after all :/
Notes:
tbh i dont even know what happened in this chapter i was like half dead writing it, so im sorry if it had some errors or smth like that. i also dont know anythng about sonic s if that part was inaccurate srry but anyways school has been kicking my non-existent ass (i have a flat ass yall :/ ) but i will try to update as much as i can lmao. i was supposed to have this up earlier but then half entire chapter got deleted on my google doc and that was fun :¨) and then i had like no motivation but here i am lmao hopefully back for good :) (the song quoted during jihoons second death was Welcome to the Balck Parade by my chemical romance) anyways its nice to know people genuinely look forward to chapters so ill do my best to make this enjoyable (even though it adds some pressure lmao) but anyways stay safe and sexy yall ;)
Random Note Pt.2
if you could not tell im EXTREMELY junhao biased and thats why they get the most lines. its not on purpose i just start typing and jun says something dumb so minghao responds and then that happens for half the chapter and yeah....Random Note Pt.2 2.0
my dumbass wants this to be jihancheol now lmao BAHAHJSJS IM SORRY i kinda want it but also not really i rlly like seoksoo but i like the idea of jeongcheol both crushing on josh and like thinking about a poly while joshua thinks he cant like both of them because he's dumb. im on the fence about it but dont be to surprised if i add the tag. ( if it does happen then seokmin will have still have a close platonic relationship with joshua, like a platonic soulmate thing but nothing romantic) please tell me your thoughts in the comments :)
In The Next Chapter -->
- jihoon jealous arc
- minghao's ass implants (?)
- twink shorts
- ¨ugh can wonwoo please be my Big Tiddie Anime Goth gf rn?¨ ¨jun if you dont shut up ¨
- the gc reads/watches Twlight (send help)
- Seokmin!!!
Chapter 4: "revoke his license to drive not my license to be hot 🙄🙄" - Yoon Jeonghan, while talking about almost getting in a car crash
Summary:
the chapter in which: someone is feeling jealous (spoiler, its jihoon), minghaos ass implants, jeonghan and joshua go on a quest for twink shorts, wonwoo as Big Tiddie Anime Goth gf, war in the gc about Twilight, seokmin joins the party :)
Notes:
chat names to avoid confusion:
Jun: #NoDickLife
Soonyoung: furry
Jihoon: small mf
Jeonghan: angel/ bootylicious
Seungcheol: father
Chan: child
Wonwoo: nip licker/ edgelord
Minghao: single
Vernon: bruh
Joshua: joshakuna
Mingyu: tall mf
Seunkwan: boo br />
Seokmin: sunshinein the 96 gc
doggy style:wonwoo
im not naming myself after a sex position: jihoon
reverse cowgirl: jun
69: soonyounf
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Let's All Bully Jun Squad
5;online, Dec 17, 12:09
#NoDickLife: party rock is in the house tonighttttt 🤪
furry: EVERYBODY JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME
bruh: And we gon' make you lose your minddddd 🤪🤪
single: we just wanna see you
boo: SHAKE THAT
joshakuna: *silence
#NoDickLife: every day im shufflin 🥶💯
furry: *edm noises
bruh: get up
bruh: get down
bruh: put your hands up to the sound
single: you skipped the entire second verse bro:/
bruh: :'( sorry bro
#NoDickLife: its ok bro :)
bruh: thanks bro :)))
nip licker is online
nip licker: SHUT THE FUCK UP
nip licker: BRO!!! 🤪🤪
bruh: bro :(
furry: you cant stop the Party Rock
furry changed the group chat name to: Party Rockers
#NoDickLife: YESSSSSSSSS
nip licker: ugh
nip licker changed the group chat name to: stfu im trying to sleep
single: its literally noon
single: go be productive bitch
nip licker: i literally have no classes today let me sleep you fucktard
#NoDickLife: awwww baby wonu gets vwey cwankey when he doesn't get his nappy naps
nip licker: I will embalm you
#NoDickLife: what the hell is an embalm :3c
joshakuna: it's a mummification technique
joshakuna: basically hes gonna pull your brain outta ur nose
#NoDickLife: ugh that sounds so hot 😩🥵
nip licker: IM TOO TIRED FOR THIS LET ME SLEEP
bruh: let bro sleep
nip licker: thanks BRO :')
nip licker: sorry for making fun of you earlier bro
bruh: np bro
bruh: when did you make fun of me tho
nip licker: nevermind
nip licker is offline
#NoDickLife changed the group chat name to: Party Rockers 🥶💯
#NoDickLife: if we whisper I don't think he can hear us
bruh: oml
furry: *whispers* party rock is in the house tonightttt
joshakuna: *whispers* everybody just have a good time
boo: *whispers* and we gon make you lose your mind
nip licker is online
nip licker: SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE
nip licker: IF I GET ANOTHER NOTIF IM GOING TO ENBALM ALL OF YOU AND THROW YOU INTO THE RIVER
single: just mute the chat stupid :/
boo: its literally not that hard :/
boo: im sure even YOU can figure it out
nip licker: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
bruh: yooooo
bruh: we got a river?
#NoDickLife: i think its actually just a stream of toxic waste from the dorms communal bathrooms
#NoDickLife: but like sometimes there's fish in it 😀😀
nip licker: yeah DEAD fish
nip licker: AND IF YOU DONT WANNA END UP LIKE THOSE FISH THEN YOU SHOULD ALL STFU
nip licker is offline
boo: ...
#NoDickLife: ...
single:...
joshakuna: ...
bruh:...
furry: ...
furry: IN THE CLUB PARTY ROCK 👏👏
father is online
father: looking for ur girl? 😍 she on my jock 😼😼
bruh: NON STOP WHEN WE IN THE SPOT
angel is online
angel: booty moving weight like she on the block 🥶🥶
#NoDickLife: EVEN JEONGHAN????
angel: i am Really Cool
child is online
child: where the drank? i gots to know
bruh: rrrrrrrrrweeep
bruh: that was a record scratch
single: yo stop the party rock!!!
single: ...
#NoDickLife: ...
furry: ...
angel: ...
joshakuna: ...
father: ...
bruh: ...
boo: you ruined it chan ugh
child: WHAT
child: I JUST TYPED THE NEXT LYRIC
#NoDickLife: fake Party Rocker
child: WHAT OML
small mf is online
small mf: not cool chan
angel: chan coolness level: -0000000000000
tall mf is online
tall mf: the party rocker anthem is sacred
tall mf: how could you disrespect it like this
furry: even mingyu knows :/
small mf: and he has three nipples 😁😁
tall mf: whats that gotta do with anything 🙁
child: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING THOUGH????!!!U@UU@
joshakuna: its ok chan!!!
joshakuna: just admit u suck and are a loser!!!
child: EVERYONE HERE IS JUST A BULLY
child: I DID NOTHING
child: I HATE IT HERE
child: THE PARTY ROCK ANTHEM FUCKING SUCKS ANYWAY
child is offline
furry: *checks mic* check 1 2
furry: ahem
furry: everyone
furry: resume Party Rocking
#NoDickLife: cant believe mans said the party rock anthem sucks
single: he must b off his rocker
single: get it :)
#NoDickLife: u are so funny babe
#NoDickLife: i just orgasmed from that really funny joke
#NoDickLife: eyes rolling back and everything, back arching, lip quivering, moaning, clenching my chair, curling my toes
single: you could say im a CUMedian :)
#NoDickLife: i just came so hard please
single: :)
boo: i actually NEED to evaluate one of you for one of my psych projects
boo: there is something seriously wrong with both of you
#NoDickLife: we're just sexy and free!!!
single: yeah >:(
#NoDickLife: whats so wrong about that??? 😔
boo: everything tbh
bruh: Shots shots shots shots shots Shots shots shots shots shots Shots shots shots shots shots Shots, everybody
angel: wrong song sweetie
small mf: The ladies love us when we pour shots 🎶
single: They need an excuse to suck our cocks!!!
bruh: Suck My Cock 🥺
angel: wth vernon 💀💀
bruh: i wasn't talking to you jeonghan!! i was singing the song 😊
angel: yeah i know that 💀💀💀💀
bruh: 😊😊
furry: YALL
furry: what happened to chan :(
furry: usually he like facetimes one of us, fake cries, says a youtuber apology
furry: and then we forgive him
furry: but bros gone AWOL
#NoDickLife: i directed him to a better person who will listen to all his little boy problems!
#NoDickLife: wonwoo :)
angel: JUN LET HIM SLEEP OML 😭😭😭
furry: BRO 😭😭
#NoDickLife: oh no 🥺 was that naughty of me???? 🥺😢😖
#NoDickLife: junnie is sowwy 🥺😿
boo: jun please let me diagnose you
boo: please
boo: pleek
boo: pleeeeek
#NoDickLife: i identify as Undiagnosed sorry 🙏🙏
boo: what are you even saying
bruh: poor wonwoo bro just wanted to sleep 😔😔
single: No rest for the wicked!!!! 😡🤬
father: do you even know what that means 😭😭😭
Anti Party Rockers ❌ 🤬
2;online, Dec 17 12:15
chan: I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG :(((
won: AND I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IM NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP
won: SOMETIMES we don't get what we want chan
won: SOMETIMES WE DONT GET IT
chan: :(
won: :/
chan: :(((((
won: ur not getting ANY sympathy from me dude im fucking livid rn
chan: poor granpappy wonwoo just wanted to rest his old bones 🥺
won: the only thing you are going be resting is IN PIECE
won: im gonna bury you and then shit on your gravestone
chan: that's...kinda hot 🤪🥵
won: im gonna enject dr pepper in your dick while you sleep so you wake up carbonated and explode
chan: nah
chan: i don't fuck around with that gay shit bro
chan: you are not touching deez...
chan: DEEZ NUTS 🤪🤪🤪🤪
Error112: This user has blocked you.
chan: MAN WTH 😭😭😭
Party Rockers 🥶💯
6;online, Dec 17, 1:15
#NoDickLife: has anyone seen wonwoo?
child: hes touching deez
bruh: what
child: Deez Nuts 🤪🤪🤪🤪
joshakuna: update: chan is still NOT FUNNY
child: IM SAYING IT IRONICALLY I DONT THINK ITS ACTUALLY FUNNY
boo: well clearly its a litte TOO in character for you
#NoDickLife: YOU GUYS ARE TOUCHING BALLS WITHOUT ME!!!!! WHATTTTTTT.
#NoDickLife: cheol wanna touch my nuts 🥺
joshakuna: ....
angel: ....
#NoDickLife: woopsie now your boytoys are mad at me ):3c
joshakuna: I AM NO ONES BOYTOY
joshakuna: SCRATCH THAT
joshakuna: IM NO ONES TOY PERIOD
joshakuna: i'm independent
single: hi independent im minghao
#NoDickLife: ...
single: AHHHSHS HELP JUSN PUT A PILLOW ON MY FACEI CNAT SEEE
#NoDickLife: let's leave being funny to the REAL men hao 😁😁
single: bitchg i cant breath takeds this pillowd of my face
#NoDickLife: sorry cant hear you through the pillow!! 😁😁😁😁
single: WE ARE LITERALLY TEXTING
#NoDickLife: i cant read 🥺🥺🥺
single: UGH WE'RE BREAKING UP
joshakuna: anyways as i was saying
joshakuna: im no ones toy!!!
angel: ok bottom
joshakuna: BITCH YOU ARE THROWING ROCKS IN A GLASS HOUSE
joshakuna: UR THE BOTTOM HERE
angel: deflection
angel: classic move :/
joshakuna: IM NOT DEFLECTING
angel: ....righttt
joshakuna: YOU ARE SO CONDESENING IM TIRED OF THIS
joshakuna: IM LEAVING
joshakuna is offline
father: jeonghan....
father: what did i tell you about making fun of josh and his submissive tendencies!!!
angel: sorry zaddy 😜😈
father: ...
#NoDickLife: *projectile vomiting
furry is online
furry: GUYS!!!
furry: you will NEVER guess who i saw at OUR school today!!!
#NoDickLife: a stripper?
single: MR WORLDWIDE DADDY ?
joshakuna: lesbians in capes?
bruh: my dad?
boo: LADY GAGA?
tall mf: The Statue of Liberty?
furry: NOPE!!!!
furry: EVEN BETTER
joshakuna: ugh i wanted to see lesbians in capes :/
father: is that a thing?
joshakuna: idk but i had a dream
angel: bro thinks he's Martin Luther King🤣🤣🤣🤣
joshakuna: sleep with one eye open i swear to fucking god
boo: i wish it was lady gaga
boo: theres nothing better than lady gaga
bruh: i wish it was my dad
bruh: i miss him
bruh: havent seen him a while
boo: 💀💀💀💀
#NoDickLife: damn
#NoDickLife: i even got some spare change in case there was a stripper
single: ...
#NoDickLife: were not dating anymore hao you cant control what i can and cant do >:(
single: WE MADE OUT FOR 45 MINUTES THIS MORNING????
#NoDickLife: no homo ❤️
single: ur sleeping on the cat bed tonight whore
#NoDickLife: NO PLEASE NO ILL DO ANYTHING NOT THE CATBED
tall mf: look hes begging guys :/
joshakuna is online
joshakuna: WHOS SUBMISSIVE NOW BITCH
#NoDickLife: YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT THING SMELLS LIKE PINEAPPLE COTTAGE CHEESE
small mf: yeah your cat fucking reeks
small mf: that mangy hairball actually is the nastiest thing i have ever smelled
small mf: and i am literally roommates with cheol
father: hey :(
#NoDickLife: HEY DONT TALK ABOUT OUR CAT LIKE THAT
#NoDickLife: WE FOUND HER ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD
small mf: shoulda kept her there tbh
#NoDickLife: 😭😭😭😭😭
furry: GUYSSSSSSSSSSS
small mf: sorry
small mf: continue soonyoung
furry: ANYWAYS AS I WAS SAYING
furry: THE PERSON I MET WAS....
furry: drumroll please
single: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
small mf: wtf is brr
small mf: are you cold? 🥶🥶
single: SHUT HELL UP ITS A DRUMROLL
tall mf: what type of drums are you listening to
small mf: shivering drums ❄️
single: STFU U INBRED OOMPA LOOMPA
#NoDickLife: did u guys know that hurt people...hurt people 😔😔
single: you should do this really cool thing called Shutting The Hell Up!!
#NoDickLife: make me ;)
single: I Am Going To Throttle You
furry has muted single, tall mf, small mf, and #NoDickLife
furry: there we go :)
96 haha more like 69
2;online, Dec 17, 1:35
reverse cowgirl: BRUH WHY DOES SOONYOUNG HAVE ADMIN RIGHTS???
im not naming myself after a sex position: idfk but who do you think this person is
doggy style: boyfriend maybe? ex-boyfriend?
doggy style: honestly for all we know it could be like his old calc teacher from hs or smth
reverse cowgirl: the only ex boyfriend he would have is one from like 3rd grade.
reverse cowgirl: he pulls no bitches
69: IN CASE YOU GUYS WERENT FUCKING AWARE IM IN THIS FUCKING GROUP CHAT >:(((
69: ALSO I HAVE ADMIN RIGHTS CAUSE IM SUPER COOL AND U R NOT >:)
reverse cowgirl: oh yeah
reverse cowgirl: oopsie :)
69: :(
69: AND IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHO THE PERSON IS THAN WAIT TILL I REVEAL IT!!!
reverse cowgirl: tbh i didn't really care anymore once it wasn't a stripper
doggy style: you are actually the most horrible person ive ever had the displeasure of interacting with
reverse cowgirl: you wanna kiss me SO BAD ;))
69: GUYS PLEASE
im not naming myself after a sex position: guys cmon be nice and let soonyoung introduce his friend :/
doggy style: #defendingbae #gaypride #gay #twink #twinkpower #bewhoyouare #foryourpride #gayboys #twinkboys #ally #lgbtq #analsex #69 #boypussy #lesbian #🏳🌈#mlm #🌈 #⚣ #👨❤️💋👨 #pussy #rainbow #lgbtcommunity #gaysex #asseating #menkissing #meninlove #cockandballtorture
69: what
im not naming myself after a sex position: ...
im not naming myself after a sex position: guys...
reverse cowgirl: stop being gay!!! pride month is over jihoon
reverse cowgirl: get ur act together!!!
69: r u gay jihoon?
im not naming myself after a sex position: ...
im not naming myself after a sex position: u r so annoying jun
im not naming myself after a sex position: its so weird how you got someone to date you
reverse cowgirl: OUCHIE :(
doggy style: he and hao are both mental patients
reverse: we have matching straight jackets!!
doggy style *gay jackets
69: YOU GUYSSSSSS >:(
69: UGH FORGET IT
69 is offline
reverse cowgirl: aww jihoon look what u did ):(
reverse cowgirl: its all ur fault >:(
im not naming myself after a sex position: you are a pathological liar, manipulator, gaslighter, and evil twink
im not naming myself after a sex position: not to mention you also watch tiktok compilations on YOUTUBE
im not naming myself after a sex position: u are insane and i want no part in it
im not naming myself after a sex position is offline
reverse cowgirl: im not actually that crazy right
doggy style is offline
reverse cowgirl: oh em gee GUYSSSSS!!!!
Party Rockers 🥶💯
12;online, Dec 17, 1:42
furry: ugh this took way longer than it should have but...
furry: @everyone i want you to meet my bsf
furry: seokmin!!!
furry added seokmin
furry changed seokmin's name to "sunshine"
nip licker changed their name to edgelord
#NoDickLife: bros back to being emo
edgelord: stfu
sunshine: HI EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
small mf: ugh
small mf: i already have a headache
father: ???
sunshine: OMG NOOO IM SORRYY!!!!!???? R U OK????!!!!!
small mf: ..yeah
furry: GUYS THIS IS SEOKMIN WEVE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR A WHILE
furry: WE USED TO GO TO MUSIC CAMP IN THE SUMMER TOGETHER BACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
furry: but then he moved :(
furry: and we lost contact because his phone got eated by a whale :(
small mf: not to be rude but i think you meant eaten
furry: no i meant eated because that whale literally ate
sunshine: fr he slayed that
furry: frrrr
single: HE ATE YOUR FUCKING PHONE???!! WHY ARE YOU HYPING HIM UP???!!
sunshine: he was very majestic!! like go king!!
sunshine: anyways
sunshine: dont try to ride on whales ya'll
sunshine: they really dont like it and then they eat ur phones
#NoDickLife: i wouldn't mind riding smth right about now ;)
single: gimmie 1 min ill b there
#NoDickLife: YIPPIE
edgelord: ugh
#NoDickLife: awwww does wonnie wanna ride me?? :)
edgelord: no thank you
edgelord: ur dick is scarred for my tastes
#NoDickLife: :(
sunshine: whats his dick afraid of :0
small mf: its scarred as in like with scars not scared as in afraid :/
small mf: its a long story u had to be there
sunshine: oh ok!! :)
furry: BROO NO ONE IS LETTING ME TALK TODAY
furry: ANWAYS AFTER THAT WHALE LITERALLY ATE (slay)
furry: we lost contact :(
furry: BUT THEN I SAW HIM TODAY AND I WAS LIKE OMFG THATS MY MOTHERFUCKING BEST FRIEND!!
furry: we caught up, cried a bit, vowed to never go whale watching ever, and then hugged for like 2 hours, and then watched princess dairies, then cried some more, kissed (platonically), and cried more
furry: AND THEN I HAD TO INTRODUCE YALL B CUZ SEOKMIN IS THE LOML <333
sunshine: AWWWWWW SOONIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
sunshine: I LOVE U TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
sunshine: BIG HEART <3333
furry: BIGGER HEART <333333
sunshine: BIGGEST HEART <3333333333333333333
furry: THE MOST BIGGEST HEART <33333333333333333333333333333333333333
sunshine: THE MOSTEST BIGGEST HEART <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
furry: I LOVE YOU
sunshine: I LOVE YOU MORE
furry: I LOVE YOU THE MOST
sunshine: NO!!! I LOVE YOU THE MOST
joshakuna: i think they just won nastiest couple and they arent even dating :(
single: BABE NO WE CANT LET THEM WIN
single: QUICK SEND THAT 5 PAGE ESSAY YOU WROTE ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME
#NoDickLife: PUT UR FUCKING PHONE DOWN I AM LITERALLY RIDING U
single: THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
#NoDickLife: than me?? 🥺🥺🥺
single: WE CANT LOSE JUN WE CANT
single: IM COMPETITIVE BY NATURE
single: IM A SCORPIO FOR FUCKS SAKE
#NoDickLife: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL U DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT A SCORPIO IS
single: OK WELL I KNOW UR STAR SIGN IS UGLY BITCH AND YOUR HOROSCOPE IS SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I SMACK YOU
#NoDickLife: :(
single: :(
#NoDickLife: u hurt my feelings >:(=
single: u hurt mine first >:(
child: now kiss!!
tall mf: please
tall mf: anything to make yall stfu
single: gotta give the people what they want!!
#NoDickLife: YIPPIE LETS KISS WITH TONGUE AND EVERYTHING
father: 😨😨😨😨
single and #NoDickLife are offline
edgelord: now mute them for fucks sake i cant take another minute
tall mf: fr how do you put up with it
tall mf: you must have some type of superpower
tall mf: like ur actually amazing
That's my Best Friend </3
2;online Dec 17 , 2: 04 pm
Bestie 1: that praise kink going crazy right about now i'll bet
Bestie 2: no comment
Bestie 1: LMFAO
Party Rockers 🥶💯
12;online, Dec 17, 2:07 pm
edgelord: uh thanks ig
tall mf: :)
child: ugh these bitches gay 🤢🤢🤢🤢
angel: being homophobic in the chat again are we?
child: yeah actually i am
child: FUCK GAY PPL 😡🤬
child: get tf out!!!
edgelord: chan you literally have a sugar daddy
child: thats not gay 😃😁
edgelord: oml
furry: anyways...
furry: seokmin you should do a little silly intro and then....
furry: all of us should hangout!! like one fun little group thing
bruh: wait that actually sounds kinda fun
sunshine: OMG YAS THAT WOULD B SO FUN!!!
boo: yeah i don't think ive ever even see some of you guys in person
boo: besides hansol and jeonghan
edgelord: WOAH this dude gets HANSOL PRIVILEGES??? NAHHH
edgelord: like even I don't get hansol privileges and I've literally known u since forever
edgelord: what type of TOMFOOLERLY is this?
edgelord: WHY IS HE SPECIAL HUH???
edgelord: WHATS SO SPECIAL ABOUT HIM???
angel: yeah 🤨🤨
angel: whats so great about some guy you just met over US!! UR LIFELONG FRIENDS
angel: is there something we should know?? 🤨🤨
bruh: um
bruh: too much smoke from my joint can't read the screen
bruh: yeah
edgelord: hmmmmm
furry: SEOKMIN DO UR INTRO B4 EVERYONE GETS DISTRACTED!!!!!!!
furry: SAY UR NAME, YEAR UR BORN, MAJOR, AND A FUN FACT OR TWO
sunshine: okey dokey!!
sunshine: the names soekmin, born in 97, I'm a music major and i love to sing!!
sunshine: um i don't like whales (obvi) and soonie and me are 4lifers
small mf: *soonie and i
father: damn who called the grammar police
child: exactly like since when are you correcting ppl
small mf: i literally do this all the time what
father: but you just met the poor dude :(
small mf: old habits die hard ig
small mf: why yall defending him so hard?
father: why u being a bitch?
small mf: im not being a bitch
small mf: ur a bitch
father: bro u on ur period or some shit
child: bros menstruating 😨😨😨
small mf: im not on my period that's not even possible
father: notice how you still said "my" period
father: if u r referring to it as "your" period clearly you have periods
father: meaning its possible you are on"your" period rn
father: do you have everything u need?? 🥺🥺
father: what pussy size u wear ill get you some pads 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
small mf: i actually cant do this rn
small mf: shut up cheol
small mf is offline
father: bros been so snappy like whats up with him
father: what a killjoy
tall mf: tf is a killjoy
father: its people killing the joy like ruining everyone's fun
tall mf: that's a buzzkill bro
father: ok but killjoy is also a word
tall mf: tf no it is NOT
father: what the hell are you on bruh it is a word 💀💀💀
tall mf: aint no such thing as a killjoy
tall mf: that's not real
father: its a real word bitch
father: fucking google it
father: like wtf is a buzzkill
father: what is buzz? bees??
father: if im killing buzz then im out here killing bees 🤨🤨
father: like killjoy makes sense because it literally just translates to killing joy
tall mf: BRO UR LITERALLY AN IDIOT KILLJOY IS NOT A WORD
tall mf: OFC UR NOT KILLING BEES DUMBASS
tall mf: ITS LIKE THE BUZZ OF THE PEOPLE
father: the people?? 😭😭😭😭
tall mf: yeah the people
tall mf: ur literally dumb buzzkill is a word and fucking killjoy is NOT
tall mf: u made that shit up 😭😭
father: BITCH WHAT????!@##@
father: actually yk what im not taking shit from someone who didn't even know what a clit was
tall mf: I DO KNOW WHAT A CLIT IS OML
tall mf: its the part that pee comes out of right?
father: BRO 💀💀
tall mf: IM LITERALLY RIGHT??? CLIT IS WHERE PEE COMES OUT
angel: NO IT DOES NOT
tall mf: bitch u are gay you have never seen a clit EVER i don't fucking trust you
angel: 💀💀💀💀💀💀
child: bro gets no bitches 💀
child: pussyless behavior
boo: bro probably thinks babies are delivered by storks 😭😭😭😭
bruh: bro prob thinks boss baby is real 😭😰
joshakuna: i just know u were the kid that thought girls pooped flowers or smth stupid like that 💀💀💀
child: bro prob thought girls didn't poop at all 💀💀
joshakuna: STOP UR RIGHT 💀💀
tall mf: wait wait wait
child: what
tall mf: girls poop?
tall mf: are u serious
tall mf: do they actually
angel: PLEASE tell me ur joking rn 🙁
tall mf: YALL PAUSE RN
tall mf: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT GIRLS POOP
joshakuna: U HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING
joshakuna: MINGYU PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING
tall mf: ARE YALL PRANKING ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
tall mf: GIRLS DONT POOP THATS A FUCKING LIE
father: mingyu girls poop
father: all humans poop
father: girls are humans meaning they poop
father: girls arent some higher being
father: they take normal (non flowery) shits
father: please educate yourself 😭😭
joshakuna: HIGHER BEING
joshakuna: mingyu worshipping women cause they don't shit 😇😇
child: mingyu praying at the toilet when he sees the daffodil petals from the girl who used the restroom before him 😇 🧎♂️🧎♂️
tall mf: U GUYS STOP PLEASE
boo: u need to apologize to women
tall mf: sorry ladies 🙏🙏
boo: worst fucking apology ever
boo: u should thank god ur gay because if any woman heard about this conversation she would light you on fire and dump you in a sewer
child: LMFAO
tall mf: IK IK IM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME
boo: WHY ARE YOU ASKING FORGIVENESS FROM ME
boo: next time you see a woman apologize to HER!!
child: Boo Seungkwan Defender of Woman
boo: DAMN RIGHT
joshakuna: I CANT STOP LAUGHING LMFAO
tall mf: I WILL APOLOGIZE I WILL I PROMISE
tall mf: ILL APOLOGIZE TO ANY WOMAN EVER
tall mf: ILL MAKE IT UP TO THEM SOMEHOW
boo: GOOD
tall mf: ok but what is a clit actually
tall mf: i want to educate myself 🙏🙏
father: normally id say google it but i actually can't trust you after this
father: ill DM you
father: and this goes out to EVERYONE here
father: girls poop (not flowers)
father: and they do not pee out of their clits
joshakuna: amen hallelujah!! 🙏🙏
joshakuna: u tell em cheol 🤬👊
father: stfu josh u literally just learnt what an ovary was yesterday 😐😐
tall mf: whats an ovary
father: oml
furry: ok are yall done cause i wanted to suggest that we all watch twilight at my place
furry: do a fun little get together 😝😝😝
#NoDickLife is online
#NoDickLife: omg that sounds so fun
#NoDickLife: me and hao are done having Hot Passionate Sex so we will def b there
single is online
single: YAAAS TWILIGHT 🙏🙏
single: #TeamEdward
furry: WHAT
single: what?
furry: UR TEAM EDWARD
furry: WHAT THE HELL
single: bitch what other team would i be on
single: fuckass jacobs team??
single: hell nah bro is annoying
edgelord: ofc ur is on team jacob soonyoung
edgelord: with ur furry ass 💀💀
furry: FIRST OF ALL IM NOT A FURRY!!!
furry: SECOND OF ALL JOCOB IS BETTER AND DOESNT LOOK LIKE SOMEONES RANK ASS CHEESE BLOCK THATS GONE STALE
#NoDickLife: DO NOT talk about Eddie like that!!!
furry: EDDIE??? YALL GOT A NICKNAME FOR HIM
furry: YK WHAT
furry: ONLY TEAM JACOB PPL CAN COME TO MY HOUSE
furry: NO EDDIE LOVERS ALLOWED
single: WHAT
sunshine: i cant belive i just joined a gc of ppl who like EDWARD ugh
furry: TRUST ME MINNIE I DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS
sunshine: its ok <3
sunshine: but they cant come to SeokSoons Slayful Movie Night cause they suck
furry: i agree
furry: anyone on team edward can smd
furry: if you like jakey poo come on over we have popcorn, snacks, and a pillow fort <3
child: AYE LETS GO
single: CHAN YOU ARE LITEALLY TEAM EDWARD
child: i have never seen twilight in my life
child: but im just going to the place thats got food and a hot neighbor
furry: what hot neighbor
furry: nevermind i know who you mean
child: UR NEIGHBOR IS SO FINE OML LIKE
child: Cock In My Mouth Please?
furry: CHAN WHAT
child: im gonna get dressed up
child: b there in 20 ;)
child is offline
furry: ok who else is on the RIGHT TEAM
edgelord: nah fuck this
edgelord: team eddie watch party at my place
edgelord: we got snacks, some brownies, and a shit tonne of blankets that could possibly become a fort
edgelord: oh and TWO hot neighbors
single: I FUCKING LOVE U
#NoDickLife: THATS WHY UR MY BEST FRIEND
edgelord: don't push it jun
edgelord: you still have to wear gloves in the house
#NoDickLife: ONE TIME
#NoDickLife: IT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME
single: nah don't fuck with gamers bro 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
single: get some cheeto dust on the PC on u gotta wear gloves every time you come over 🤣🤣🤣🤣
edgelord: u too hao
single: WHAT
edgelord: u got chocolate on my cat plush >:(
single: THAT THING IS DIRTY AS HELL ANYWAY
edgelord: >:(
tall mf: cat plush?
single: YEAH
single: A GROWN ASS MAN SLEEPS WITH A PLUSH TOY AND GETS PRESSED WHEN YOU TOUCH IT
tall mf: that's kinda silly
tall mf: in a cute way ;)
edgelord: i don't really know how to respond to that but thanks ig
tall mf: :)
child: these bitches gay ugh
furry: u are dressing up for my hot MALE neighbor chan.
furry: you are gay 😭😭😭
child: i just wanna b friends with him :)
child: and then maybe lick his abs
child: strictly PLATONIC 🤬🤬
angel: me cheol and josh are team eddie so were driving to won's place together
angel: gotta pick up josh first tho
joshakuna: hold up im trying to find my twink shorts
single: exactly
single: hotties pull up to team edward
boo: @furry whats ur address
boo: the team edward group is gonna be wayyy too horny
furry: YAY!!! I LOVE U KWAN
boo: yeah yeah whatever i know im really hot and cool and pretty and slayful
boo: drop the addy tho
furry: 8008135 Not a Real St
furry: apartment 69
#NoDickLife: you just doxxed urself
#NoDickLife: im gonna kill you in your sleep and give all your blood to eddie
furry: ok you can try but i know you would literally moan like a bitch in heat if you saw my neighbor
#NoDickLife: false
furry: hotneighbor.png
#NoDickLife: ok fine maybe i would
#NoDickLife: but like i have a boyfriend!!!
furry: playing loyal are we
single: WHY YOU DO HAVE STALKER PICS OF YOUR NEIGHBOR
bruh: im coming to yours soon
bruh: its closer
furry: YAY!!!!
furry: don't smoke inside tho pleek
bruh: gotchu :)
bruh: i made brownies aswell
bruh: can't let the MIDWARD lovers outdo us 🤬🤬
furry: YAAAS
furry: ok but the brownies
furry: are they..yk...
furry: 🍃🍃
bruh: nah these are good
bruh: im also bringing my trash to throw in the dumpster at ur place cause mines overfilled
furry: 💀💀
edgelord: ok who else is coming to mine
tall mf: ill come
tall mf: drop the address
edgelord: yay :)
edgelord: 3003135 Another Fake St
edgelord: appt 19
edgelord: ok so thats me, hao, jun, u, cheol, josh, and han in total
furry: ok at my place is
furry: minnie, kwan, vernon, chan, and me
furry: OH HEY WHAT AB JIHOON
furry: @small mf are you here
furry: @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf @small mf
angel: i don't think he's here
angel: or hes ignoring us
furry: oh
furry: ok
furry: well jihoon if u see this come to team jakey poo :)
furry: we have those delicious sugar cookies from the store
#NoDickLife: OMG OMG OMG MINGYU CAN YOU GET THOSE SUGAR COOKIES PLEEK
#NoDickLife: PLEEK PLEEEK THOSE ARE SO GOOD I GET A MOUTHGASM EVERY SINGLE TIME I EAT ONE
tall mf: ill see what i can do :)
#NoDickLife: I FUCKING LOVE YOU IM GONNA SMOOCH U
tall mf: 😘😘
furry: ok well now team midward is also getting cookies but we have the BETTER ppl at my place
furry: drop by if u can jihoon :)
and they were roommates!!!??
2;online, Dec 17, 2:37 pm
cheol: jihoon get up
cheol: get up ik ur here
cheol: ok wtf is ur problem
cheol: first giving the new guy attitude
cheol: then u were being pissy
cheol: and ik i was being EXTRA annoying but normally smth like that doesn't really bother you
cheol: is smth up? do you need to talk?
cheol: seriously hoon
hoon is online
hoon: what
hoon: im fine nothings up
hoon: im just tired so tell soonyoung i don't feel like going
cheol: right....
cheol: is this about
cheol: the New Guy?
hoon: what
cheol: cmon yk what i mean
cheol: you were completely fine until he showed up
cheol: are you jealous? is that it??
hoon: jealous? me?
hoon: HAHAHA THE AUDACITY
hoon: THATS QUITE AN ACCUSATION TO THROW AROUND COMING FROM THE SAME GUY WHO WAS MAD THAT JOSH GOT HIT ON BY A CUTE BOY A COUPLE DAYS AGO LIKE WOAHHHHH AND U HAVE A BOYFRIEND??? ARE YOU EVEN ALLOWED TO ACCUSE PEOPLE???!!
cheol: DO NOT BRING THAT INTO THIS
cheol: do you KNOW how frustrating it is???? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW GUILTY I FEEL??? OFC IK I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND IK I LIKE JOSH MAYBE EVEN L WORD HIM AS MUCH AS JEONGHAN WHICH IS SCARY AND WE ALL LITERALLY HAD A THREESOME AND IT WAS HOTTEST THING EVER AND WERE GONNA DO IT AGAIN AND JOSH OFFERED TO GIVE ME HEAD LIKE JUST HIM AND ME AN HOUR AGO
cheol: AND I WAS LIKE NO I HAVE A BOYFRIEND THATS KINDA IDK WEIRD AND NOW I WORRIED IT WRONG THING TO SAY BECAUSE JEONGHAN SAID HE DIDNT MIND SHARING AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THATS SUPPOSED TO MEAN AND IM SO CONFUSED ON THE STATE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP
cheol: I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO TALK TO JEONGAHN ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT DOESNT SEEM TO BE BOTHERING HIM AS MUCH AS ME AND FUCK I LOVE BOTH OF THEM SM BUT I JUST CANT AND I DONT NOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
cheol: so whatever i don't really wanna talk about it
hoon: ok yeah sorry that was a low blow
hoon: sorry cheol i didn't really mean that
cheol: its ok i mean ur right
hoon: not a good excuse to be a bitch
cheol: true
cheol: WHICH IS WHY
cheol: you should apologize to soonyoung
cheol: im not gonna argue back and forth about whether ur jealousy and whatnot BUT
cheol: u were (are) a dick and need to apologize
cheol: to both of them
hoon: ok fine..
hoon: but im not jealous
cheol: ok and im a millionare
hoon is offline
cheol: bitches hate to see that im right
This is the beginning of your private message with seokmin
.
.
.
hoon + seokmin
2;online, Dec 17, 2:57 pm
hoon: uh hi this is jihoon i just wanted to apologize for being a dick in the gc i wasn't really feeling well and i shouldn't have lashed out. and as much i didn't want to admit it i was jealous seeing how you and soonyoung were interacting so again sorry for that, i guees seeing someone who was closer than him to me really set me off, which is dumb because we arent even that close lol.anyways you seem really cool and funny and i really hope we can still be friends? :)
hoon: sorry im kinda bad a apologies
hoon: lack of practice
seokmin: omg hi!!
seokmin: thank you so much for clearing things up, im the type to really worry and i was sooo nervous thinking you hated me so ofc we can be friends!!! soon talks abt you a lot always saying how cool u r :)
seokmin: honestly i kinda get it we were being very nauseating so no worries about getting annoyed!! ><
hoon: yeah its still not an excuse for being a peehead
seokmin: PEEEHEAD LMFAO
seokmin: and ITS FINE!! as long as u promise to not be a meanie again
seokmin: and tbh the person who was more hurt was probably soon
seokmin: he reallllyyy wants us all to get along so you should def clear that up so he doesn't worry ><
hoon: ugh i have to stop causing problems for myself
hoon: thanks ill make sure to apologize to him as well
seokmin: np np ><
seokmin: u should come to movie night to REALLY sell that we've made up :)
seokmin: we can cuddle :)
hoon: don't push it
seokmin: :(
seokmin: guess i better tell soonyoung that we can NEVER be friends and he should give up right now
hoon: ugh fine ill go
seokmin: :)
seokmin: NOW GO APOLOGIZE
hoon: ok ok :)
leaders but we kicked cheol cause he was mean
1;online, Dec 17, 3:02 pm
hoon: soonyoung
hoon: u there?
hoon: hello?
hoon: ok well im gonna talk anyway
hoon: im sorry for being a dick to ur bsf
hoon: i guess i was just a little jealous of the way you two interacted, you guys were so close and i just felt a little forgotten...ig?
hoon: despite the fact that its mostly me who ignores you, so sorry about that too i guess.
hoon: and i guess this apology is really long overdue because in reality ive been kind of a bad friend. i really don't deserve someone like you. i mean you've put up with my attitude for years and what have a done in return?
hoon: nothing to be quite honest
hoon: so im also sorry for not treating you with the same care as you treat me just know i appreciate you in so many ways and i don't know what id do without you. if you wanna be gross with your bsf in the gc you should be allowed to and i shouldn't be a jerk about it because you deserve it. and i don't hate seokmin so don't worry abt that either
hoon: ik youre a little bit of a worrywart when it comes to those things, and ik me being a dick did not make it any easier.
hoon: so i just wanted to say sorry. sorry for being a bad friend, sorry for being bad to your friend, and i guess sorry that you've had to be my friend.
soon is online
soon: hoo boy thats a lot to read give a min
leaders but we kicked cheol cause he was mean
2;online, Dec 17, 3:07 pm
soon: HOLD THE PHONE RN
soon: FIRST OF ALL DONT BE JEALOUS OF SEOKMIN
soon: IK ME AND SEOKMIN ARE RLLY CLOSE BUT U AND I ARE DIFFERENT
soon: IM A DIFFERENT KIND OF FRIEND TO YOU THAN SEOKMIN
soon: IK I CAN ALWAYS COME TO YOU FOR ADVICE ON ANYTHING MUSIC RELATED OR EVEN DANCE
soon: lemme get out of caps rq
soon: sure seokmin and i are close but you and are just as close!!
soon: u even let me in the studio and ik how much you care about the studio!!
soon: and second of all DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MY FRIEND
soon: jihoon ur a great friend!!!!!
soon: sure emotionally constipated and definitely sometimes a little too blunt but sometimes that's what you need
soon: sometimes u need a little weird emotionally constipated evil gremlin friend!!!!
soon: WHO CHECKED ON ME WHEN I WAS WORKING MY BOOTY OFF FOR THE END OF YEAR SHOW AN DIDN'T LEAVE THE DANCE STUDIO FOR 2 DAYS HUH???
soon: CMON U KNOW THE ANSWER
hoon: me..
soon: EXACTLY AND THEN YOU FORCE FED ME POPEYES BECAUSE I REFUSED TO STOP DANCING
soon: IF U DIDNT COME I WOULD HAVE DIED
hoon: thats an exaggeration i didnt force feed you
hoon: i STRONGLY suggested you eat
hoon: but you were probably about to die tbh
soon: EXACTLY!!! U SAVED ME
soon: OR WHAT ABOUT WHEN I JUMPED INTO A TIGER ENCLOSURE DRUNK THAT ONE TIME
soon: YOU SUCKER PUNCHED THAT TIGER TO ANTARCTICA
hoon: ok well then we almost got arrested
hoon: and both of us are banned from the zoo
soon: OK BUT I WAS GONNA DIE
soon: AND IF WE HAD GOTTEN ARRESTED AT LEAST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOGETHER!!!
hoon: oml we were about to go to JAIL SOONYOUNG
soon: point is, ur the best friend i could ever ask for so DONT EVER apologize or act like im being subjected to the Worst Thing Ever by being friends with you
soon: we've both had our moments and stuck with each other despite that!!! so please act like our friendship is one-sided >:(
soon: were like two balls in a sack!!
soon: if take away one your life becomes significantly more difficult !!!
hoon: you suck at analogies :/
soon: :)
soon: anyways im glad you don't hate seokmin though i was a little worried
soon: he's a little much yk
hoon: ur a little much too
hoon: dont play innocent u almost jumped off a building yesterday
soon: thats irrelevant
hoon: LMFAO
hoon: but yeah he's nice
soon: GOOD IM GLAD U LIKE HIM
soon: BUT WAIT
soon: does this mean were chill?
hoon: yeah :)
hoon: were chill
soon: so you'll come to movie night?
hoon: yep and ill bring my extra switch controllers so we can all play mario kart after
hoon: and booze
soon: YIPPIE MARIO KART
soon: and alcohol too ig whatever
hoon: lol
hoon: thanks soonyoung
soon: np hoon ur my bsf !! ><
soon: and dont you forget it!!! >:(
Party Rockers 🥶💯
13;online, Dec 17, 3:34 pm
furry: GUESS WHAT BITCHES
furry: WE GET MARIO KART
furry: CAUSE HOONIES PULLING UP TO #TEAMJACOB
#NoDickLife: UGH ALL WONWOO HAS IS LIKE CALL OF DOOKIE
#NoDickLife: NO FUN GAMES LIKE MARIO KART
edgelord: Mario Kart isn't REAL video games
edgelord: and stfu its called CALL OF DUTY
single: exactly..call of doody
edgelord: you guys are the worst couple to ever walk the planet
edgelord: though i guess for jun its more like limp
edgelord: yall must have had some WICKED sex
#NoDickLife: you betcha :p
father: well im glad jihoon decided to go and is ACTUALLY LEAVING HIS HOUSE
father: UNLIKE the two people i am currently waiting on
father: LIKE CAN YALL HURRY UP ITS BEEN 45 MINS
joshakuna: we are currently trying to locate twink shorts stfu
joshakuna: it hasn't been that long
father: IT HAS
joshakuna: ok well you can be patient then
joshakuna: just think about how happy you'll be when you see twink shorts
father: ...
father: 15 more mins then im driving away
child: GAYYYYYYY
furry: DO I HAVE TO REMIND THAT YOU LITERALLY GOT DRESSED UP FOR MY NEIGHBOR???!!!
child: yeah i need the code to his apartment so i can surprise him
child: give it to me
furry: NO IM GONNA PROTECT HIM FROM YOU
tall mf: DONT YOU ALREADY HAVE A SUGAR DADDY BRO
child: and whats one more??
furry: oml
angel: OMG WHERE ARE MY TWINK SHORTS I WANNA LOOK BOOTYLICIOUS
boo: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
angel: it means bootylicious ;)
#NoDickLife changed angel's name to bootylicious
bootylicious: if the shoe fits!!
joshakuna: YOU CAN'T CLAIM BOOTYLICIOUS I SAID IT FIRST
single: someone probably said it before you tbh
joshakuna: STFU IT DOESNT MATTER I CLAIM IT
bootylicious: ur just mad cause im more bootylicious!!
joshakuna: ARE YOU KIDDING ME
joshakuna: UR LITERALLY BUILT LIKE SCAFFOLDING
joshakuna: UR SKELETAL
joshakuna: GOT NO BOOTY AT ALL
bootylicious: U GOT NO BOOTY STFU
#NoDickLife: ladies ladies don't fight!!
#NoDickLife: we can all agree
#NoDickLife: flathao solos all u losers
single: JUN UR SUCH A HOE OH MY FUCKING GOD STOP TALKING ABOUT MY ASS
#NoDickLife: still got that implant appointment if u want it
single: UR FUCKING TOXIC YK THAT????
#NoDickLife: ok then why are we still dating
single: ur rich and ride cock like a champ 🤷🤷
#NoDickLife: UR SUCH GOLD DIGGER AND A HOE
#NoDickLife: but im glad my talents are being appreciated :)
#NoDickLife: but wth im i supposed to do with this ass appointment 😭😭😭😭
single: 😭😭😭😭
tall mf: post it on Craigslist or smth idk
#NoDickLife: thats fucking genius thank you
father: @bootylicious @joshakuna where are yall
father: im about to leave
bootylicious: OK OK WAITTTTT JOSH IS STILL TRYING TO FIND HIS TWINK SHORTS
joshakuna: gimmie like 2 more mins ik there here somewhere
father: oml fine 2 more mins AND THEN IM DRIVING AWAY
bruh: bros too weak for the booty 😔😔
child: fr
child: booty before bros??? 😔😔😔
bruh: btw soons ur neighbor is asking if he can come over to movie night
furry: WHAT
furry: ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM
bruh: yeah we ran into each other when i was throwing away my trash in ur dumpster
bruh: bros absolutely hung its CRAZYYY
single: HOW DO YOU KNOW 💀💀💀
bruh: bros gone commando 😭😭😭
bruh: that shit swinging around like CRAZYYY
furry: AINT NO WAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭
child: OMG
child: rough estimate how big we talking
child: like over 8 inches or..
bruh: idk man i dont have a mental ruler
bruh: all ik is the balls are pretty darn large
tall mf: BROS MEASURING THE CIRCUMFERENCE 💀💀
child: CIRCUMFERENCE MORE LIKE
child: SIR COME ON MY FACE
#NoDickLife: LMFAOOOO
father: thats it ur done no phone
child: bitch im a grown ass man u cant take my phone
father: we'll see about that...
edgelord: u really thought u ate that huh
father: WDYM
edgelord: "we'll see about that.."
edgelord: UR LIKE DOCTOR DOOFENSHMIRTZ OR SOME SHIT
bootylicious: DONT talk about doctors istfg
tall mf: Dr.Choi flashbacks
father: WHYS EVERYBODY GANGING UP ON ME 😭😭😭
joshakuna: i found my twink shorts we can go now 😍😍
father: FUCKING FINALLY OML
father: went on a whole quest to find some twink shorts
joshakuna: AND IT WAS WORTH IT!!
joshakuna: feeling very bootylicious if i do say so myself
bootylicious: copycats am i right?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
joshakuna: U DID NOT COIN THE TERM STFU
father: ok whatever can we go now
bootylicious: yeah yeah we'll be right there
bruh: ok can Mr.Big Dick come to movie night
tall mf: AT LEAST LEARN HIS NAME 😭😭😭😭😭
bruh: oh yeah right
bruh: ok can Johnny come to move night
furry: NO >:(
bruh: WHAT :(((
child: WHAT
bruh: why not :((
furry: cuz
furry: uh idk
edgelord: 😭😭😭😭😭
bruh: THATS NOT A GOOD REASON
child: YEAH
furry: chan u get absolutely NO SAY in this matter you just wanna have sex with him
child: NO!! IM NOT GAY
single: 😭😭😭
furry: he would ruin the vibes
furry: the energy waves from his massive cock would fuck with my tv and wifi
#NoDickLife: yall the struggle of a big dick is real!!
#NoDickLife: my big dick energy waves completely fucked up my phone and then i had to text from my LG smart fridge
single: no u just dropped ur phone in the toilet trying to send me a picture of the massive shit you took that u said looked like a cat
#NoDickLife: historians debate on which account is true!!!
single: this happened a month ago
#NoDickLife: ...no it didn't
child: SO HE DOESNT GET TO WATCH BECAUSE HIS DICK IS BIG????
furry: yep
child: UGH I DONT GET TO ENJOY ANYTHING AROUND HERE
bruh: Big Dick John says its fine hes not mad or anything
single: BIG DICK JOHN LMFAO
bruh: we exchanged numbers and i met his roommate mark
bruh: i exchanged soundcloud accounts with mark
bruh: gotta support a fellow rapper 💪💪
edgelord: how IS ur rap career going
bruh: oh the $wagMeister account is thriving man
bruh: i have 1k streams on my hit song "The Bigger the Balls, the Bigger the Heart"
edgelord: 💀💀💀💀💀💀
bruh: yo but this dude mark is crazy tho
bruh: you gotta check him out at @LilTorontoTwinkie
bruh: his track "Sucking D at Mickey D's" goes so hard 🔥🔥🔥
furry: im glad ur making friends with my neighbors but were about to start the movie so GET UP HERE
bruh: okey dokey lemme say bye first :)
single: OK WHOEVER MAKES THESE GROCERY STORE SUGAR COOKIES NEED THEIR ASS ATE BAD
single: THESE ARE SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY LAWD
#NoDickLife: im actually shaking these are the best fucking things ever
#NoDickLife: im loosing my mind oml
tall mf: YALL JUST WENT THROUGH 2 BOXES STOP
single: bro my tongue is so fucking blue i think i ate like 7
#NoDickLife: i just shoved 3 in my mouth at the same time please help i cant swallow helpme pelase
single: its ok
single: ur a professional at swallowing things 😏😏😏😏
#NoDickLife: ahaha very funnny PLEASE HELP ME IM CHOCKIGN
#NoDickLife: OMG THANK YOU MINGYU finally someone who cares
tall mf: np :)
single: pretty sure you can stop smacking juns back mingyu he looks like his eyes are about to pop from their sockets 😭😭😭
#NoDickLife: no that was my orgasm from the cookies 🤤🤤🤤
edgelord: get off my couch you heathen
#NoDickLife: ugh men are so sensitive!!!!
single: 💀💀💀💀💀
edgelord: ok where are those three old hags
edgelord: we cant let #TeamStinkcob start before us
bootylicious: were almost there
bootylicious: we got a little...
bootylicious: side tracked
father: ITS JOSH'S FAULT
father: HE STARTED IT
joshakuna: DID NOT
joshakuna: UR THE ONE WHO SAID
joshakuna: "why dont you handle MY stick shift"
father: THAT WAS A JOKE
bootylicious: either way
bootylicious: were late cause cheol couldnt focus on the road
bootylicious: and josh was being a hoe in the back of the car
bootylicious: i mean it was a good show dont get me wrong
joshakuna: DO NOT play innocent bitch
joshakuna: UR THE INSTAGATOR
joshakuna: U KEPT COMPLAINING UR ASS ITCHED AND IT NEEDED SCRATCHING WHICH DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE
joshakuna: THEN U STARTED HUMPING THE SEAT LIKE A BITCH IN HEAT
joshakuna: WHICH BY THE WAY WOULD NOT HELP IF YOU HAD AN ITCHY ASS
bootylicious: IT WAS A JOKE
joshakuna: CHEOL RAN A RED LIGHT AND ALMOST GOT US IN A CAR CRASH
bootylicious: OK?
bootylicious: revoke his license to drive not my license to be hot 🙄🙄
father: ANYWAY
father: were 5 mins away
father: and were all gonna sit FAR APART at movie night
joshakuna: aww
bootylicious: awwww i wanted to cwuddle 🥺🥺
edgelord: yeah well your "cwuddling" involves frottage so its off limits
bootylicious: haters
bootylicious: ya'll cant stand to see me have fun
#NoDickLife: SOMEONE BOUGHT THE ASS IMPLANTS APPOINTMENT
single: thank god
#NoDickLife: THEIR NAME IS SO FUNNY
#NoDickLife: HIS NAME IS WINSTON LEWIS
edgelord: 𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖓 𝕷𝖊𝖜𝖎𝖘
single: aint that one of the founding fathers
tall mf: Mens rights to a BBL!!
#NoDickLife: LMFAO
furry: u guys shut up in the chat the movie started
furry: while u guys wait stop being such SCREENAGERS and talk to each other face to face
single: ugh fine
edgelord: plus i think the three stooges finally pulled up so we can start the movie now
#NoDickLife: STOOGES HAHAHAHAAH
single: LMFAO FINALLY
Party Rockers 🥶💯
3;online, Dec 19, 7:45 am
#NoDickLife: i need a girlfriend ☹️☹️
single: jun
single: what the hell
#NoDickLife: I NEED A WOMAN IN MY LIFE!!!
#NoDickLife: i need a gf STAT
single: ok im not sure what this is but please stop you are scaring me
#NoDickLife: NEED BOOBIES NOW
#NoDickLife: NEED WOMAN!!!
boo: how do you have the energy act like this so early in the morning
#NoDickLife: will you be my gf seungkwan??? 🥺🥺
boo: im a man first of all
boo: and second
boo: NEVER EVER in my life would i want to date you
boo is offline
#NoDickLife: :(
single: what is going on jun
single: if this is about me not buying the gaint cat condo im sorry we just dont have the space
#NoDickLife: if ur a man don't talk to me
single: JUN
edgelord is online
edgelord: jun whats going on
#NoDickLife: OMG WONNIE POO WILL U PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND
edgelord: what the hell
#NoDickLife: WON CAN YOU PLEASE BE MY Big Tiddie Anime Goth GF?????!?!!
edgelord: what no
#NoDickLife: why not :(
edgelord: im not a woman?? also im not an anime girl
#NoDickLife: ugh thats not a good answer :/
#NoDickLife: also that last part is a complete lie
edgelord: ok fine i just dont wanna date you
edgelord: hows that for an answer
edgelord: AND HOW AM I LYING??? IM LITERALLY NOT AN ANIME GIRL
#NoDickLife: ur so mean and goth PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND
edgelord: NO
single: JUN PLEASE STOP
single: IM SORRY WE CANT BUY THE CAT CONDO BUY I PROMISE ILL BUY U SMTH ELSE
#NoDickLife: anyways
#NoDickLife: wonnie please date me
edgelord: ok fine
#NoDickLife: RWEALLY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
edgelord: yeah but you have to buy me a new PC
#NoDickLife: WHAT NO
edgelord: ok then im sorry no deal 🤷🤷🤷
#NoDickLife: :(
#NoDickLife: and thus my fiery hot love with the goth girl of my dreams came to an end 😔😔
edgelord: ok were is the goth anime girl part coming from
#NoDickLife: you have big boobs, are emo, and u are an anime girl
#NoDickLife: its pretty clear
single: JUN UNBLOCK ME
#NoDickLife: men are so annoying 🙄🙄🙄
single: istg u are so high maintenance its fucking awful
single: i already explained it to you
single: we can't buy the cat condo unless u want to have no tv and no couch
#NoDickLife: but it has a slide ☹️☹️☹️☹️
single: we only have ONE cat jun
single: and she barely goes on the cat condo we already have 😭😭😭
#NoDickLife: probably because it doesn't have a slide 😠😠
edgelord: ur telling me that jun is mad cause you wont let him buy a CAT CONDO?
edgelord: so he resorted to trying to find a GIRLFRIEND in a group chat full of MEN
single: welcome to my world
single: how do you think i feel
single: he blocked me on everything
single: even EMAIL 😭😭😭
edgelord: U ARE A MENACE JUN
#NoDickLife: im one of a kind!!!
edgelord: thankfully
#NoDickLife: :(
single: anyway
single: i wont buy the condo BUT
single: i found this little hat for a cat and i think it would REALLYYYYY CUTE
#NoDickLife: hmmm you have piqued my INTEREST
#NoDickLife: send a pic :3c
single: cathat.png
#NoDickLife: OMG OMG OMG OMG GET IT PLEASE CAN WE PLEASE GET IT OMG
single: ok YES hat but NO condo
#NoDickLife: ok fineeee
#NoDickLife: OMG IM SO EXCITED YAY
edgelord: its like dealing with a toddler 😭😭😭😭
single: yeah but he hasnt stopped breastfeeding yet :/
edgelord: WHAT
Notes:
what did i just write.....i dont really know haha... i def made jun to crazy but its fine i think.
hello slays, time for a little real talk, i just wanna say that this update does not mean I am back so I am seriously sorry. I honestly haven't really been into writing RPF for a while and I haven't really been keeping up with SVT, so this is basically like silly little occ characterizations with their names slapped on it. I was superrrr bored and I remembered this and was like "this was so fun to write. wouldnt it be so silly if i updated this like 2 years later" so yeah, I'm probably never gonna come back so I'm sorry to the people who genuinely like this and have been waiting for a genuine update. I would like to thank everyone for the support I've gotten it still makes me happy knowing that something this unfunny and goofy makes others happy. again sorry for like manipulating (?) u guys 😭😭😭
stay safe and sexy as always and have a great rest of your day/night