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English
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Published:
2020-12-22
Updated:
2021-07-08
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44,072
Chapters:
16/?
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No Longer Feels Like Home

Summary:

After the lawsuit, things had been rough for Evan Buckley at Station 118.

Everyone seemed to follow their Captain's lead, just speaking to him when it was absolutely necessary.

Everyone except for Chimney and Hen, but Buck had never felt so lonely before.

He couldn't bring himself to tell anyone about what was happening.

 

"You're exhausting." "Suck it up."

 

Eddie's words were always present on his mind every time his leg ached, every time he was insulted by someone on his shift, every time Bobby told him "My house, my rules."

Until one day, he arrived at Maddie's house and found two other men with her.

They had come all the way from Hawaii just to check on him.

Or,

Steve McGarrett and Danny Williams really want to punch some people, but instead they give Buck an ohana.

Notes:

I'm super anxious right now, because this is the first fanfic I ever post. And why do I always go for the most difficult thing first? lmao (Really a crossover fanfic for your first post? Yes.)

Anyway, have fun reading, and any feedback is apreciated (English is not my first language.)

Title is from song So Cold by Ben Cocks.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Manaʻo (Feeling)

Chapter Text

Something was wrong with Buck.

Steve could sense it, because there was always some horrible sensation at the back of his head, screaming something he couldn't quite understand.

And it wasn't about his leg, nor the tsunami.

It was something else.

He had seen the news of the bomber in LA, and Danny had been his support while both saw Buck pinned to the road by that enormous fire truck in the news. Steve then had to explain what the kid meant to him, and some days later, he texted and called Buck to make sure he could count on him in whatever situation.

"Just text me and I will be taking the next plane to LA." Steve had said during a call.

Buck chuckled and thanked the former SEAL.

Five months later it was the pulmonary embolism.

Buck had texted Steve sometime before going over Athena's to have some 'celebration dinner' with Bobby, May, Harry, and her before his first shift after the accident.

Sometime later he received a message telling 'it was a party! :)' and a picture of him, Christopher, and Eddie.

He sent the picture to Danny, who had demanded that Steve told him about every news from Buck, although the detective and the firefighter didn't know each other.

'Are you kidding me? The kid looks like the Diazes had hung the moon for him.' Danny texted back.

Steve chuckled fondly, his mind free of worries until he unexpectedly woke up at 1 am, with a call from Buck's number.

"What the hell? It's 3 am in LA." He thought. But when he answered he noticed it wasn't Buck who called. It was a woman.

"Hi, um, am I talking to... Steve McGarrett?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am. Is Buck okay?" Steve had woken up completely.

"Yes... No..." The woman doubted, she didn't know if she could trust this person, although her brother told her it was fine.

"What happened? Who are you? I want to talk to him now." Steve demanded as he stood up and started pacing around his room.

"He had a pulmonary embolism. I'm his older sister, Maddie. He wanted to talk to you, but the nurses took him for a CT scan, so I told him I would do it." Maddie answered, alarmed. Steve could sense the worry in her voice. So he told her comforting words until the nurses brought an asleep Buck back to his hospital room. She thanked his company and promised updates from his brother before cutting the call.

Then, like a week or two later, it was the tsunami.

Everyone was at the Five-0 headquarters, bored between the Hawaiian constant heat and the paperwork when Danny appeared through the office's cristal doors with fast steps and a tablet in his hands.

They all peeked from their offices at the detective when he exclaimed, "Hey! Something happened in LA!"

Steve knew it was directed to him, and his mind immediately rushed to think of every bad thing that could have happened. He calmed himself down before stepping out of his office.

When Danny reached the computer, he slid his hand through the tablet, to move the image into one of the screens. The group had reunited around the computer table to watch it.

The headline was worse than what they could have imagined.

"Tsunami hits Santa Monica Pier in LA"

Danny locked eyes with Steve for some seconds. He knew that Buck had texted the Commander, telling him that he and Christopher were going to the beach after Eddie dropped him off at his apartment to cheer him up.

Everyone's breath hitched when they watched the phone recorded video on the screen.

"Oh my god," Tani muttered as she saw the first wave hitting the pier on the news.

"This video was recorded by a brave teenager who is residing at Ocean Plaza Apartment, near the Santa Monica Pier.." The news reporter spoke but everything was just white noise to them.

A giant wave appeared in the background. The people who were at the border of the pier started running to the mainland and giving advice to others in their way.

The wave finally hit the pier and in a matter of seconds, all the people disappeared into the salty water.

All of the officers' stomachs dropped to the floor, their mouths dry with no words.

It looked unreal, like a movie.

Steve immediately looked for Buck's number on his phone and frenetically tried to call him. Meanwhile, Danny started calling Mary, Steve's sister who lived in LA, and Adam tried to contact Kono, his ex-wife.

Junior, Quinn, Lou, and Tani just stood there worried, watching as the men tried to contact their loved ones.

Danny and Adam finished their calls, and a tense ambient settled among them as Steve was still trying to contact Buck.

After trying one last time, he hit the table with his fist before he placed both of his hands on the computer table and looked at the floor.

The Five-0 members shared a look before Danny asked, "Steve?"

"I can't contact him." He sighed.

The men and women in the place shared another look; everyone thought he was trying to contact Mary.

Only Danny understood who he was referring to.

"What can I do to help?" He asked, hating to see Steve in that state.

"Find a way to contact Maddie or Athena?" Steve replied unsurely.

"Okay, then," Danny replied and started typing on the table's screen.

He looked for Maddie Buckley in the interstate files and found out she worked at the 9-1-1 Emergency Call Center in LA, next to some other information like her contact number.

Danny passed her phone number to Steve, who entered his office to call her.

"Danny?" Tani was the first to say a word. "Can you tell us what's going on? Who is this guy?"

"Well..." Danny started.

Then he proceeded to tell them all he knew about Buck, which was that Steve met him years ago after the kid enrolled for the Navy SEALs and convinced him of dropping off because Buck hated to 'turn that emotional switch off', and how both stayed in contact throughout the years.

Everyone understood the situation. They even tried to joke at how easily Steve 'adopted' people, just to lighten the heavy, tense climate in the room.

Eventually, Steve got Buck's number from Maddie and found out about how he had survived the natural disaster, and his almost endless search for Christopher.

It was almost a month since the last event, and Steve had barely spoken with the fireman. He had a good excuse though. It seemed like May was the unspoken month for all kinds of murderers, robbers, kidnappers, terrorists, and even the Yakuza to come out of their caves and try to finish them.

It was one case after the other, sometimes they even accumulated, so Steve had to separate the group in halves, this way they could cover two cases at a time.

That was when the feeling started.

At first, he thought it was just stress from all the cases, but after May ended and the pile of unsolved cases started reaching an end, the feeling was still there. He tried to take some days off without connecting with the world, but it just got worse.

Finally, he spoke to Danny about this, and both reviewed Steve's life for the last months, to see if something was missing. Suddenly, Danny had an idea.

"Have you talked to Buck lately?"

And the pieces almost clicked in his mind.

"No. I think... You just discovered it Danno!" Steve said as he patted his grinning partner on the back.

Then he looked for Buck's contact and called. And... He didn't answer.

Steve decided to shrug it off and convince himself that Buck was in a long shift. So instead he texted him.

"Hey, Buck! I'm sorry I haven't talked to you, May was a crazy month for us. How are you? Please reply ASAP."

Another week had passed, and the young fireman had only texted back a 

"Hi, it's fine I understand. I'm good."

It didn't sound like Buck at all. And it didn't help to ease the feeling on Steve's chest and head.

...

Some days later Danny and Steve were at home, in a movie night, taking advantage of the fact that Junior had gone out on a date with Tani.

"I think something is wrong, Danny," Steve said to the detective after the man asked him about his recent anxious attitude.

"With what?"

"Buck," Steve replied, shifting on the couch.

"You still have the feeling, don't you?" Danny inquired, looking at Steve by his side.

The man sighed, rubbing his face with one hand.

"Yeah, I do. But I don't know what to do with it. It's driving me crazy, Danno."

Danny moved from the comfortable space he had on Steve's side to get the remote. He stopped the movie and shifted his body so he could face his best friend.

"Thanks, my arm was already falling asleep," Steve joked.

Danny rolled his eyes and his partner chuckled.

"Okay, serious talk now. I think I know why you have the feeling."

"Illuminate me, Doctor."

"Sometimes when Grace or Charlie is in danger, or not feeling well, I get that feeling too."

Steve leaned his head as his brows frowned, expecting an explanation.

"Like I know something is wrong and I need to talk to them, to know that they are safe and sound. And I know that you feel it with my children too."

Danny paused a moment to let his words make sense before speaking again, "It's like a fatherly feeling. You, my friend, care about Buck as you do about my children."

It made some sense in Steve's mind, but he still questioned it.

"So you are telling me that I care for Evan Buckley like he was my son?"

"Exactly. And let me guide you in this new parenting thing." Danny added. "Most of the time you are right and something happened. The last time I had his feeling, Charlie was being bullied in school by that Zach or whatever his name was."

Some seconds passed while Steve processed the information.

He had made a promise to Buck, and he always kept them.

"When is the next flight to Los Angeles?"