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2020-12-22
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2021-07-08
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No Longer Feels Like Home

Chapter 5: Aloha A Hui Hou (See you soon)

Notes:

Heyy, I'm back baby!
TW for this chapter, it starts with self hatred thoughts and PTSD, but it gets better in the middle.

Long chapter ahead!
I'll take a two week break from posting, because I need to focus on writing and thinking well the next part.
Hope you enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

After getting out of the apartment's building, Buck got inside his truck as Danny and Steve hopped on their rented truck, and followed Buck's Jeep to the Pier of Los Angeles, so a roll-on/roll-off cargo ship could take the vehicle to Hawaii.

Buck was just happily humming along whatever pop song was on the radio, focusing on the streets and the traffic, when his phone chimed with a call.

He gave the device a look, thanking that he was stopped by a red semaphore.

His smile dropped.

Bobby was calling him.

Bobby, out of anyone who could have called him.

He ignored the call, and continued driving but his mind started drifting.

Why did Bobby call him? He hadn't spoken to him in two months unless he gave Buck another chore to do in the station. Not to mention calls or messages between them. They were nonexistent.

He had stopped trying to reach out after weeks of seen messages and dry replies.

The last month he had just accepted every single chore Bobby gave him, every time his stomach ached because it was empty, every time he was disgusted by what he saw in the mirror, by who he saw in the mirror, every time he had a panic attack and had to calm himself down because he couldn't reach out to anyone, every insult he received from the person he had once considered as best friend, as brother and even thought could be his boyfriend one day, as a punishment for what he had done.

Loose clothes, big eye bags, tired look, pale skin, feeling guilty because all he did when he went home was binge-watch the Food Network instead of sleeping. Every nightmare. It was all a punishment. He deserved it.

But did he?

He thought he deserved it, for breaking his family.

Although it seemed like he was the broken one because everyone around him was happy. All he heard when he was at the station was laughs.

He was broken because since he was born he had loved with his whole heart to people who didn't deserve it.

To people who then turned their backs on him and left him alone once again.

"No." He said. And it surprised him that his voice came out so full of hate.

Did he hate Bobby? Did he hate Eddie? No.

He hated how they acted. He hated that he let it happen once again, even after he promised himself that he wouldn't fall again.

He hated that they never even tried to see things from his point of view.

He felt like he was losing his family. Falling behind them. That's why he made the lawsuit. But he never wanted this to happen. They obviously saw it a different way.

But he had already said I'm sorry too many times. He was already tired of being either ignored or mistreated every single day. It was time to stand up for himself and walk past them. Walk forward.

"I'm doing this for myself." He spoke again, more confidently.

A ray of sun hit his face, and he couldn't help but smile when he felt the soft warmth on his face. Like a caress from the universe for finally understanding.

He wasn't escaping from them. He was saving himself.

He sighed as he spotted the pier where dozens of big cargo ships were docked.

He turned the car's engine off after parking and looked for his phone. He noticed he had four missed calls. One from Bobby, one from Chimney, two from Hen, plus messages from all of them.

He shrugged as he put his phone in his jeans' pocket and walked out of the Jeep.

He smiled at Steve and Danny, who were already out of their truck and waiting for him, probably bickering about something like they always did.

Steve didn't know when Buck was between his arms, hugging him with all his strength.

"Thank you Steveo."

Steve's heart swelled with affection as a warm feeling filled his chest.

"Anything for you Buckaroo."

Both separated and Buck hugged the blonde Detective.

"Thanks to you too Danno!"

"Kid you are part of the family now. We will always. And I repeat. Always. Be there for you."

...

After making all the paperwork that came with the transport of the car, Buck put the car inside the cargo ship and the three of them set off on the truck for Maddie's house to say one last goodbye before leaving Los Angeles.

On their way, Buck took a paper envelope out of one pocket and put something inside it.

Danny eyed him curiously from the passenger's seat as Buck wrote 'Albert' on the envelope with a Sharpie.

"Who's Albert?" Danny asked before he could stop himself.

"Oh uh-" Buck's ears turned red as he covered the envelope with his hand.

Danny stuttered as Steve directed him a glare. "It's- It's okay if you don't want to tell me, I-"

"It's okay. He is Chimney's younger half brother. He escaped from their father in South Korea some months ago, and he's still living in Chim's apartment." Buck took the envelope and shook it. "Hopefully he will accept this."

"They don't deserve you, Buckaroo," Steve said still looking ahead. He saw in the rear-view mirror that Buck stirred uncomfortably on his seat and blushed.

Buck just stayed silent until they arrived at their destination.

...


1 hour before


...


Maddie parked her car in the parking lot at Station 118 and turned off the engine.

She sighed, bracing herself for what was about to happen, and then got out of the car.

She walked towards the station with a firm step and a serious look, so that everyone would notice that today she would not be the classic Maddie, but that she came as Evan's sister.

Some firefighters saw her but did not dare to greet her. Maddie continued on her way to the locker room until Eddie saw her and trotted up to her side.

"Hi Maddie, do you know where Buck is? He hasn't arrived yet, and it's been half an hour since the shift started."

She stopped, looked him up and down, and went into the locker room.

"Hey Maddie, you can't go in there," Eddie told her when he saw that she was trying to open Buck's locker.

However, he was surprised when she cracked the code and began putting the contents into a bag that she had carried with her.

"Maddie! What are you doing here?" Said a voice that she recognized as her boyfriend's.

"Apparently nothing that concerns you." She spoke to them without looking at them.

Eddie and Chimney looked at each other.

"What are you talking about, Mads?" Chimney asked.

Maddie closed her brother's now empty locker and turned around. Suddenly Eddie had a hint of what was going on.

"Maddie, where is Buck?" He asked cautiously.

The woman scoffed with a smile that did not reach her eyes.

"Weren't you waiting for this day for months?"

Her voice sounded bitter, threatening. She was grateful that it didn't waver.

Both firefighters took a few steps back when they heard her speak like that.

They had never seen an angry Buckley.

"What are you talking about?" Chim spoke.

"Ohohoh you know very well what I'm talking about Howard." Maddie stared at a point between the men, when they turned around, they realized it was their captain.

"Is everything okay here?" Bobby asked, his eyebrows rose at the sense of danger.

"Yes, Bobby," Maddie spoke his name as if she had garbage in her mouth. "I was about to go."

She started to walk towards the exit of the locker room and two of the men did not hesitate to get out of her way. Only Eddie dared to stop her, drawing her attention with his raised hand.

"Maddie, please. Where is Buck?"

She stared into his eyes, her jaw clenched and she finally spoke.

"He's in a better place, with his real family that actually loves and worries about him."

And she continued walking alone towards the exit.

They saw that Chief Alonzo came near her and they both spoke a little before he handed her a paper and... hugged her?

Then the woman stepped on her car and left.

Bobby, Eddie, and Chimney walked to the station entrance, with Hen joining them a few seconds later.

"Was that Maddie?" asked the paramedic pointing to the car that was leaving the parking lot.

Chimney nodded. That was the only thing he could do.

Hen took a better look at the men. They were all pale, with regret in their eyes.

"What the hell just happened?"

Then a young woman appeared in front of them, with a duffel bag in her hands.

"Hi, um, I'm looking for Captain Nash?" She said.

"It's me," Bobby said after clearing his throat.

"Hello, Captain. I'm Jennifer Jones. You can call me JJ."

She shook Bobby's hand happily.

"How can I help you?" Bobby asked, confused.

"Oh, the chief hasn't told you yet?"

"Tell him what?" Eddie asked. She looked at him, then at the paramedics, and then at the Captain.

"I'm your new recruit."

...

"Here are your things Buck," Maddie said showing him her coffee table which was full of Buck's stuff.

Two tee shirts, a sweater, sweatpants, jeans, a pair of boxers and socks, deodorant, a towel, his LAFD badge, a drawing made by Chris that said 'I love you Bucky', a picture of Maddie and him on Christmas and a picture of him and Chris at the aquarium.

His LAFD shirt, tee-shirt, and pants were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, and the Chief told me to give you this." Maddie passed him a sheet of paper full of words. He gave it a better look as his sister spoke.

"It's the paperwork. To make it official. You need to sign it and then you're free to go."

"Thank you so much, Maddie," Buck said as he hugged his older sister.

"It was nothing Buckaroo." She said back.

Danny cleared his throat. "Uhm, sorry for interrupting, but we need to be at the airport 2 hours before the flight. And it's 9:30."

"Oh yeah, right."

They stayed silent for some seconds while Buck signed the paper, and Steve stepped towards Maddie.

"I promise we will take care of him, Maddie. He will be in a better place with us." He smiled at her.

"I know you will, Steve, I know you will take care of him."

Tears fell down her cheeks as he embraced her in his arms. Before separating, he patted lightly her shoulder.


She was part of the ohana now.


Then it was Danny's turn.

"I will keep an eye on them, especially because McGarrett is a living threat." He joked.

Maddie laughed and opened her arms to hug Danny.

"You can come for Thanksgiving or Christmas or anytime you want." The man said in a low voice, so only Maddie could hear him.

She sniffed, "I will have that in mind."

He nodded and both policemen left the house.

Then it was just Buck and Maddie alone.

She hugged her brother tightly as he melted into her arms. One last hug.

"Please don't be too hard on the 118. Or Chimney." He said

"I will try to only because you told me not to be hard. Not because I want it."

She looked at him straight in his eyes. "If you don't want to be mad at them it's okay, I get it. But if one day they come and ask for my help I won't hesitate to say no. I will be mad at them for both of us.

A sad expression settled on Buck's face. Then he remembered something that made him smile.

"They don't know what is about to come, huh? I bet those people who bullied me in high school are still scared of the name Buckley."

Maddie's laugh sounded strangled because of the painful nut she felt on her throat.

"Please tell Chris I love him and that this is not his fault," Buck asked his sister. "I will also change my phone number, so please help him contact me, but don't give my phone number to Eddie. I will message you when I arrive and buy a new mobile data chip for my phone."

"Okay."

"I guess this is goodbye," Buck said, still hugging his sister.

"It's not goodbye, it's a see you soon."

He smiled as some more tears dropped from his eyes.

She cleaned his wet face, just like in the old times, and stood on the tip of her toes to kiss his forehead.

"Take care of yourself. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Maddie. I love you." Buck chuckled.

"I love you too." Maddie smiled and offered to walk him out to the gate.

Once they were there, he kissed her sister's cheek.


"See you soon, Mads."


"See you soon, Evan."


Then he got on the rented truck.

Danny and Steve waved their hands as a goodbye when the vehicle started moving.

Soon Maddie found herself alone, standing beside her gate.

Her cheeks were cold. Her brother was gone.

...

The five hours and a half flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu was average.

After passing through security at LAX and handing out Buck's suitcase, they waited until the airline started calling people on board the flight.

Once everyone was in their seats, they saw the air hostess's explanation, and then the plane took off.
Buck saw through the window the shrinking city of angels.


Then it was just the ocean.

After the plane landed, they waited until most of the people in the halls disappeared inside the International Honolulu airport, before standing from their seats.

Once they were in Baggage Claim, Danny deactivated the 'Plane Mode' from his phone and saw some message notifications on the screen. He opened them as he waited for Buck to get his suitcase.


"Hey Danny, please message me when you land. I'll be picking you up at the entrance with Tani." Adam had written.

Danny smiled, it would be nice to have a young face for Buck to meet.

"Adam, we are waiting for a suitcase. We will be out in 10 - 15 minutes." He typed.

A minute later a response arrived.
"Okay, good to hear from you brother."

Danny chuckled.

Had both he and Steve disappeared for three days? Yes.

Did they tell anyone? No.

Did they regret it? Absolutely not.


"Yeah, whatever."

He turned his phone off just as Steve was reaching out to him.

"Adam is outside, waiting for us," Danny said.

"Great."

Both stayed silent and looked at Buck, who was helping an old woman to get her suitcase.

"He is way too good for this world," Danny spoke as he grinned.

Steve also beamed.

More silence.

"I should start looking for a room in a hotel."

Steve looked at Danny with a frown. "What? Why?"

"We can't be four in a house for two."

"I'll ask Junior if he can go to Tani's tonight," Steve said after thinking for some seconds.

"And then?"

"And then we plan tomorrow. There's no need to worry today." Steve shrugged.

Then Buck came near the with his suitcase.
"Let's go." He said as he smiled.

"Alright, alright." Danny put his hands together with a clap.

"Wait for a second," Steve said as he went aside to buy a Lei from a woman.

"Mahalo Aunt." He came back to Buck and Danny and placed it on Buck's shoulders. "Welina mai e Hawai'i!"

"Welcome to Hawaii." He translated after seeing their confused faces.

When they crossed the main exit, a wave of humid heat hit them, as well as the powerful sun, made them blink so they could accustom to the light.

When they could see clearly they noticed a black Chevrolet Corvette Stingray parked outside, waiting for them.

Two people Buck couldn't recognize were inside.

A young woman with brown skin and a big smile, and an Asian man in his late thirties.

Steve placed an arm on Buck's shoulders and patted him as he got closer to the people who were getting out of the car.

"Adam look, Mom and Dad are back!"

The woman ran into Danny and Steve's arms, hugging them tightly and telling them to never do that again.

The man shook their hands and gave them a bro hug.

"And you brought another brother!" The girl laughed.

"Tani Rey, this is Evan Buckley. Buck, this is Tani." Steve presented the young people with a smile.

Buck stretched his arm to shake her hand, but she ignored it and embraced him in her arms. She squeezed him lightly before letting him go.

"Adam Noshimuri this is Evan Buckley. Buck, Adam." It was Danny's turn to speak.

Adam did shake Buck's hand with a big smile.
"So this is the famous Evan Buckley, huh? Good to finally meet you."

"Yeah, we've heard a lot of you, uh, can I call you Buck?" Tani asked with a big smile.

"Sure!" Buck said cheerily. Jesus, Tani's energy was contagious.


"We've heard a lot of you, Buck."


"Well, enough chat. I'm starving, and I'm sure you are too." Danny signed Steve, Tani, Buck, and Adam with his hand.

"Let's go to Kamekona's. It's 3 pm, or what he considers 'lunchtime'" Tani suggested, making quotation marks with her hands.

"Every hour in the day is lunchtime for Kamekona." Danny pointed out.

Buck looked at the car. "Uh, Adam? Your car hasn't got a trunk, right?"

Adam looked at Buck, then at the car, and back at the kid. He winced when he noticed the luggage beside him. "No..."

"It's okay, we'll carry the suitcase with us in the backseat." Steve simply said, opening the back door.

He made a sign for Danny to get inside.

"Oh no. No. No. No." Danny refused. "I am not going in the middle, nuh-uh. No way partner."

"Danno, your legs are shorter than ours. It just makes sense if yo-"

"Did you just call me short?"

Buck and Tani snorted while Adam unsuccessfully covered his laugh with a cough.

The declaration took Steve distracted.

"I- uh... N-No! Danny, I would never! I-I'm sorry, I-" Steve muttered.

"It's okay babe, I'm just kidding." Danny patted Steve's arm as he winked an eye and entered the car, leaving the other man confused.

"Are they always like this?" Buck asked Tani with his mouth open.

"Pretty much all the time, yeah." Tani shrugged. "They are super blind, I don't know how they are our bosses."

"Must be hard not to smack their heads together and yell 'Just kiss already!'" Buck joked.

"Mostly at the holidays," Tani said before getting inside the car.

Buck passed his suitcase over to Danny and Steve, who were settled on the car, before stepping inside.

18 minutes and many songs from Tani's playlist later, they arrived at a beach near the Hilton Hawaiian Village.

After everyone stepped out of the car (and left the suitcase in the car), Buck saw a yellow and red food truck that read "Kamekona's shrimp truck" settled next to some tables.

Some people from one of the tables raised their drinks at the incoming group.

"Welcome party?" Steve asked Tani, teasing her by bumping their shoulders.

"Kinda?" She answered. "Hey, you were gone without a single word to anyone. We were worried about you."

"Fair point." Buck pointed out.

Then the five of them reached the table where a white serious looking woman and a black middle-aged man were.

"Come here lovebirds! Where the hell have you been?" Lou asked, teasing them with a glare.

"Oh, it's good to see you too pal." Danny huffed as he took a seat.

"We were in LA. And we brought someone with us." Steve said, getting closer to Buck.

"Oh, new recruit?" Quinn asked.

"Oh no, God no." Buck chuckled as Steve jokingly directed him an offended look. "I'm going to be sticking around for a while though. I'm Evan Buckley. You can call me Buck."

"Mom and Dad made a brother in the three days they were gone!" Tani exclaimed. The table exploded with laughter as Steve and Danny went red.

"Tania Anuhea Rey!"

Even more laughter came out of everyone.

When everybody calmed down, they continued with the presentations.

"I'm Quinn Liu, it's a pleasure to meet you kid."
He shook her hand. He noticed she had a firm grip.

Then Buck turned over to shake the other man's hand.

"Lou Grover. It's good to know you'll be here, Buck. Steve needs more common sense."

"Hey!" Both Steve and Danny said in stereo.

"Am I not enough common sense?" Danny complained, then muttered. "Of course not, you jumped from a fricking bridge to a moving truck."

"He what?!"

"For your information, Lou, Buck has as much common sense as I do," Steve said ignoring Buck, Quinn, and Tani's exclamations.

"Hey!" It was Buck's turn to complain. He playfully pouted at the Commander.

"Sorry kid, you were the one that decided to enroll to be a SEAL and then be a firefighter." Steve teased.

"Speaking of SEALs, where is Junior?" Danny asked, knowing it would be better to cut with the teasing.

"Oh, he was about to come. He had to feed Eddie." Tani said, not noticing how Buck tensed at the mention of the name.

"At three in the afternoon?" Steve asked, offended.

"We closed a case this morning, after we chased the perp all night. He went to your house to sleep, run with Eddie, feed him, and shower." Tani justified her boyfriend's actions.

"I'm going to ask him to bring my car," Danny announced, briefly glaring at Steve, before standing up and walking aside to make the call.

Steve noticed what his partner meant and stepped closer to Buck.

"I forgot to mention it! I have a dog, it's a yellow lab, his name is Eddie and he is the best buddy in the world." Steve spoke.

"Ouch!" Danny exclaimed from the back of the truck.

"I'm sorry Danno, you are the best friend!" Steve exclaimed.

"Ohh, friendzoned." Adam snickered.

"I didn't mea- Adam!" Steve muttered, which made the whole table burst out laughing again.

After speaking some more minutes Buck excused himself.

"Sorry, I have to make something."

He went to the shore and stared at the horizon. The crash of the waves filling his ears. He sighed before looking down at his phone.

He sent each voice note to the people it belonged to.

One for Hen, one for Chimney, one for Albert, two for Isabel, two for Athena and May, one for Josh, and the last one to Maddie.

Once he knew they were sent, he took his mobile data chip out of his phone and broke it, before dropping it on the sea. He knew it wasn't nice to nature, but he just needed to get rid of it.

He took some breaths to steady his racing heart.

He could definitely breathe easier because he felt his chest lighter without the weight of guilt.

Buck smiled, and this time it was a shining genuine smile.

"I'm doing this for myself."

He looked at the sea and then he turned around and looked at the people at the table.

Everyone had smiles on their faces. They all looked relaxed, happy. And they had accepted him into their family without even knowing him.

When he walked back to the table, he noticed another two people.

"Another haole! As if the island is not infested with people like you, McGarrett," One of them exclaimed when he noticed Buck was near the table. The other person, a kid with no more than 20 years gently punched him on the shoulder.

"Hey Kami! Don't be rude." Tani rose her brows.

"Kamekona, Nahele, this haole is Evan Buckley. Uh, he prefers Buck." Adam spoke.

Both Kamekona and Nahele made a shaka directed to Buck, who awkwardly waved his hand.

"Haole is white." Lou whispered to Buck, whose mouth opened into an 'o' and nodded.

Then Danny came near the table.

"Junior is driving our- my! He's driving my car here."

Everyone laughed around the table before they changed the topic.

Buck found himself hearing those laughs and packing them in his aching heart and mind.

His mind drifted to LA, where his ex-partners were probably laughing at the station, happy that he finally had chosen to leave.

He subtly shook his head, deciding to start forgetting them for good.

After all, he was in paradise with a new family.

Notes:

That was a long chapter. You should drink some water and eat something. :)
Also, I found a page to watch 9-1-1 and I need to say, what was that literal cliffhanger???
I'm glad they focused this premier on Athena though.

You are welcome to rant with me in the comments!
Question for y'all, are you pro-McRollins or anti-McRollins?

Thanks for all the love <3