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2020-12-22
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2021-07-08
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No Longer Feels Like Home

Summary:

After the lawsuit, things had been rough for Evan Buckley at Station 118.

Everyone seemed to follow their Captain's lead, just speaking to him when it was absolutely necessary.

Everyone except for Chimney and Hen, but Buck had never felt so lonely before.

He couldn't bring himself to tell anyone about what was happening.

 

"You're exhausting." "Suck it up."

 

Eddie's words were always present on his mind every time his leg ached, every time he was insulted by someone on his shift, every time Bobby told him "My house, my rules."

Until one day, he arrived at Maddie's house and found two other men with her.

They had come all the way from Hawaii just to check on him.

Or,

Steve McGarrett and Danny Williams really want to punch some people, but instead they give Buck an ohana.

Notes:

I'm super anxious right now, because this is the first fanfic I ever post. And why do I always go for the most difficult thing first? lmao (Really a crossover fanfic for your first post? Yes.)

Anyway, have fun reading, and any feedback is apreciated (English is not my first language.)

Title is from song So Cold by Ben Cocks.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Manaʻo (Feeling)

Chapter Text

Something was wrong with Buck.

Steve could sense it, because there was always some horrible sensation at the back of his head, screaming something he couldn't quite understand.

And it wasn't about his leg, nor the tsunami.

It was something else.

He had seen the news of the bomber in LA, and Danny had been his support while both saw Buck pinned to the road by that enormous fire truck in the news. Steve then had to explain what the kid meant to him, and some days later, he texted and called Buck to make sure he could count on him in whatever situation.

"Just text me and I will be taking the next plane to LA." Steve had said during a call.

Buck chuckled and thanked the former SEAL.

Five months later it was the pulmonary embolism.

Buck had texted Steve sometime before going over Athena's to have some 'celebration dinner' with Bobby, May, Harry, and her before his first shift after the accident.

Sometime later he received a message telling 'it was a party! :)' and a picture of him, Christopher, and Eddie.

He sent the picture to Danny, who had demanded that Steve told him about every news from Buck, although the detective and the firefighter didn't know each other.

'Are you kidding me? The kid looks like the Diazes had hung the moon for him.' Danny texted back.

Steve chuckled fondly, his mind free of worries until he unexpectedly woke up at 1 am, with a call from Buck's number.

"What the hell? It's 3 am in LA." He thought. But when he answered he noticed it wasn't Buck who called. It was a woman.

"Hi, um, am I talking to... Steve McGarrett?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am. Is Buck okay?" Steve had woken up completely.

"Yes... No..." The woman doubted, she didn't know if she could trust this person, although her brother told her it was fine.

"What happened? Who are you? I want to talk to him now." Steve demanded as he stood up and started pacing around his room.

"He had a pulmonary embolism. I'm his older sister, Maddie. He wanted to talk to you, but the nurses took him for a CT scan, so I told him I would do it." Maddie answered, alarmed. Steve could sense the worry in her voice. So he told her comforting words until the nurses brought an asleep Buck back to his hospital room. She thanked his company and promised updates from his brother before cutting the call.

Then, like a week or two later, it was the tsunami.

Everyone was at the Five-0 headquarters, bored between the Hawaiian constant heat and the paperwork when Danny appeared through the office's cristal doors with fast steps and a tablet in his hands.

They all peeked from their offices at the detective when he exclaimed, "Hey! Something happened in LA!"

Steve knew it was directed to him, and his mind immediately rushed to think of every bad thing that could have happened. He calmed himself down before stepping out of his office.

When Danny reached the computer, he slid his hand through the tablet, to move the image into one of the screens. The group had reunited around the computer table to watch it.

The headline was worse than what they could have imagined.

"Tsunami hits Santa Monica Pier in LA"

Danny locked eyes with Steve for some seconds. He knew that Buck had texted the Commander, telling him that he and Christopher were going to the beach after Eddie dropped him off at his apartment to cheer him up.

Everyone's breath hitched when they watched the phone recorded video on the screen.

"Oh my god," Tani muttered as she saw the first wave hitting the pier on the news.

"This video was recorded by a brave teenager who is residing at Ocean Plaza Apartment, near the Santa Monica Pier.." The news reporter spoke but everything was just white noise to them.

A giant wave appeared in the background. The people who were at the border of the pier started running to the mainland and giving advice to others in their way.

The wave finally hit the pier and in a matter of seconds, all the people disappeared into the salty water.

All of the officers' stomachs dropped to the floor, their mouths dry with no words.

It looked unreal, like a movie.

Steve immediately looked for Buck's number on his phone and frenetically tried to call him. Meanwhile, Danny started calling Mary, Steve's sister who lived in LA, and Adam tried to contact Kono, his ex-wife.

Junior, Quinn, Lou, and Tani just stood there worried, watching as the men tried to contact their loved ones.

Danny and Adam finished their calls, and a tense ambient settled among them as Steve was still trying to contact Buck.

After trying one last time, he hit the table with his fist before he placed both of his hands on the computer table and looked at the floor.

The Five-0 members shared a look before Danny asked, "Steve?"

"I can't contact him." He sighed.

The men and women in the place shared another look; everyone thought he was trying to contact Mary.

Only Danny understood who he was referring to.

"What can I do to help?" He asked, hating to see Steve in that state.

"Find a way to contact Maddie or Athena?" Steve replied unsurely.

"Okay, then," Danny replied and started typing on the table's screen.

He looked for Maddie Buckley in the interstate files and found out she worked at the 9-1-1 Emergency Call Center in LA, next to some other information like her contact number.

Danny passed her phone number to Steve, who entered his office to call her.

"Danny?" Tani was the first to say a word. "Can you tell us what's going on? Who is this guy?"

"Well..." Danny started.

Then he proceeded to tell them all he knew about Buck, which was that Steve met him years ago after the kid enrolled for the Navy SEALs and convinced him of dropping off because Buck hated to 'turn that emotional switch off', and how both stayed in contact throughout the years.

Everyone understood the situation. They even tried to joke at how easily Steve 'adopted' people, just to lighten the heavy, tense climate in the room.

Eventually, Steve got Buck's number from Maddie and found out about how he had survived the natural disaster, and his almost endless search for Christopher.

It was almost a month since the last event, and Steve had barely spoken with the fireman. He had a good excuse though. It seemed like May was the unspoken month for all kinds of murderers, robbers, kidnappers, terrorists, and even the Yakuza to come out of their caves and try to finish them.

It was one case after the other, sometimes they even accumulated, so Steve had to separate the group in halves, this way they could cover two cases at a time.

That was when the feeling started.

At first, he thought it was just stress from all the cases, but after May ended and the pile of unsolved cases started reaching an end, the feeling was still there. He tried to take some days off without connecting with the world, but it just got worse.

Finally, he spoke to Danny about this, and both reviewed Steve's life for the last months, to see if something was missing. Suddenly, Danny had an idea.

"Have you talked to Buck lately?"

And the pieces almost clicked in his mind.

"No. I think... You just discovered it Danno!" Steve said as he patted his grinning partner on the back.

Then he looked for Buck's contact and called. And... He didn't answer.

Steve decided to shrug it off and convince himself that Buck was in a long shift. So instead he texted him.

"Hey, Buck! I'm sorry I haven't talked to you, May was a crazy month for us. How are you? Please reply ASAP."

Another week had passed, and the young fireman had only texted back a 

"Hi, it's fine I understand. I'm good."

It didn't sound like Buck at all. And it didn't help to ease the feeling on Steve's chest and head.

...

Some days later Danny and Steve were at home, in a movie night, taking advantage of the fact that Junior had gone out on a date with Tani.

"I think something is wrong, Danny," Steve said to the detective after the man asked him about his recent anxious attitude.

"With what?"

"Buck," Steve replied, shifting on the couch.

"You still have the feeling, don't you?" Danny inquired, looking at Steve by his side.

The man sighed, rubbing his face with one hand.

"Yeah, I do. But I don't know what to do with it. It's driving me crazy, Danno."

Danny moved from the comfortable space he had on Steve's side to get the remote. He stopped the movie and shifted his body so he could face his best friend.

"Thanks, my arm was already falling asleep," Steve joked.

Danny rolled his eyes and his partner chuckled.

"Okay, serious talk now. I think I know why you have the feeling."

"Illuminate me, Doctor."

"Sometimes when Grace or Charlie is in danger, or not feeling well, I get that feeling too."

Steve leaned his head as his brows frowned, expecting an explanation.

"Like I know something is wrong and I need to talk to them, to know that they are safe and sound. And I know that you feel it with my children too."

Danny paused a moment to let his words make sense before speaking again, "It's like a fatherly feeling. You, my friend, care about Buck as you do about my children."

It made some sense in Steve's mind, but he still questioned it.

"So you are telling me that I care for Evan Buckley like he was my son?"

"Exactly. And let me guide you in this new parenting thing." Danny added. "Most of the time you are right and something happened. The last time I had his feeling, Charlie was being bullied in school by that Zach or whatever his name was."

Some seconds passed while Steve processed the information.

He had made a promise to Buck, and he always kept them.

"When is the next flight to Los Angeles?"

Chapter 2: kōkua (help)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The detective and the commander arrived at LAX at sunrise, the morning after their talk at McGarrett's house.

Steve rented a truck at the airport's rental while Danny looked for a cafe near so both could have a decent breakfast.

Once they got to a place called "Coffee Shop", the detective ordered a large cappuccino latte for himself and a large black coffee for Steve, then he sat in front of his partner, passed the coffee, and both enjoyed their drinks in silence.

The cafe was small but cozy, mostly lit by small vintage light bulbs and walls painted to simulate as if the building was made of bricks. On the back wall, there was a blackboard with all the drinks, cakes, and prices written in chalk.
Danny assumed the handwriting was too pretty to be masculine, so the cashier, who was a woman in her twenties, with glasses and a few dyed-blue locks, was probably responsible for that.

There were three tables and a large wooden counter behind the window facing the street, with high benches, so that more people could fit in the store. There was one more person besides them, the cashier and the barista, it was a young adult who was having coffee and completing an essay on his computer, probably due to that day. Danny would have bet ten bucks on that.

After making a complete scan of the place and having already drunk half his coffee, he saw Steve looking outside through the window. His eyes were lost, his expression was what Danny liked to call an aneurysm face.

"Earth to McGarrett." He said snapping his fingers in front of Steve's eyes. The other man blinked some times before focusing on Danny.

"Hi, Earth." Steve deadpanned.

Danny rolled his eyes dramatically, " You behave like a 5 years old."

Steve just smiled to himself.

"So, what's the plan? Did you at least tell him we are here?" Danny continued.

"I didn't tell him. That way we can catch him acting naturally and not pretending he is happy."

"Oh, that's okay, I guess. And is he in a shift or...?"

"I don't know, but we'll go to the station, the 118, and ask for him." He took a sip of his coffee and continued speaking in a low tone.

"And if they ask, I know this can be a little weird and it's okay if you don't want to if you are uncomfortable but-" Steve was cut off by an annoyed Danny.

"Could you stop rambling and get to the point? It's fine."

"Canyoupretendweareamarriedcouple?" Steve blurted out.

"What?"

"Can you pretend we are a married couple?" Steve repeated himself.

"Like I suggested when the old lady discovered us undercover in 2016?" Danny was astonished.

"You are not forced to do-"

"Shut up shmuck, I'm fine with it. But... Why?"

"Do you remember Steve McGarrett is a decorated Commander Lieutenant of the Navy SEALs?" Steve described his status.

"Yeah, I remember, you reckless neanderthal."

"But, Steve Williams is just a normal civilian who won't get recognized by Buck's partners from the Army or the PD." The commander explained.

"Okay, now it makes sense. And I'm fine with it, Steve. It's fine." Danny cleared.

"Thanks, brother."

"Anything for you babe."

Steve drank the last sip of his coffee and checked the time in his watch clock.

"It's almost time for the shifts to change. Let's go Danno."

The trip to the station was smooth, without any traffic or complications in the streets. 

When they arrived, both got out of their rented truck and walked into the station.

Suddenly an Asian-American man got closer to them. Danny looked at him. He had a nametag which read 'Han' on top of a pocket in the dark blue Fire Department uniform. He had some light eye bags under his eyes and was chewing bubblegum.

"Hello! Can I help you?" He asked cheerily despite he probably had no more than 2 hours of sleep that day.

"Yes, we are looking for Evan Buckley?" Steve asked straight away.

"Oh, he isn't coming today. He made a 24-hour shift yesterday." Han explained, his tone was still friendly, but a little nervous. He looked back at his coworkers before asking, "And you are...?"

"I'm Danny Williams and this is my husband, Steve," Danny said naturally, as he touched Steve on the shoulder. And it might have been like a sweet touch to the firefighter, but it was actually to remind Steve not to make something stupid.

This wasn't Hawaii, and they didn't have their badges carrying 'immunity and means' to back them up.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Howard Han, but you can call me Chimney." Han said, shaking both of the men's hands. "Maybe come by in two days, he will be here for sure."

"Hey, Chimney!" Another voice said behind the firefighter. His body tensed, he didn't want more problems.

Danny peeked from over Chimney's shoulder and saw a 6 feet Latino man, also dressed in uniform, who was approaching them. "Hen needs your help restoking the ambo." He said as he finally reached the trio.

"Copy that. Eddie, these are Danny and Steve Williams, Buck's friends." Chimney said. "Gentlemen this is-"

"Eddie Diaz." Steve completed the name as he shook Eddie's hand with more strength than needed. "Buck talks a lot about you and Christopher."

"Does he?" Chim teased, to ease the tension between Eddie and Steve.

"Hen needs you, Chim!" Eddie answered, his ears turning red.

"Excuse me," Chimney said with a smug and walked over the ambulance's back.

"Anyways, we should get going. It's a shame we won't get to see Buck, but we still have to visit Mary before our plane departures." Steve lied.

"Okay then, it was nice to meet you. I hope we can have some beers someday." Eddie answered, and for some kind of reason, it didn't sound sincere.

"See you," Danny said as he started getting out of the station because he could sense that his partner was about to start pacing and that meant he wanted to punch someone.

Once they had stepped into the truck, both sighed soundly.

"You are right. Something is wrong." Danny conceded. "What do we do now?"

"We go to his place. I'll ask Maddie for his address," Steve easily said shaking his phone in his hand.

And then he called Maddie, explaining the whole situation to her, and she understood him and his reasons to be worried about her brother, plus assured him that she was also noticing that Evan had lost weight and always seemed like he wasn't getting enough sleep.

They decided that it was better if the three of them spoke to Buck in Maddie's place, so she sent them her address so they could chat a little before Buck arrived.

...   ...   ...   ...

Danny pressed the bell at the entrance of Maddie's house to announce they were there. Then he took a look at the building.

Cameras were everywhere in the place.

"Wow, this looks like a fortress." He signaled the cameras with his hand, before putting it back in his pockets.

"Buck told me she didn't have a good past before LA," Steve explained. "Her ex-husband..."

"Like Melissa's, right?"

"Y-Yeah, now that I think of it, yeah, very similar. Buck said he even stabbed Maddie's boyfriend, Chimney, before abducting her."

"So that 'Chimney' is her boyfriend?" Danny asked with one hand unconsciously resting on the scar from the stab he received from Melissa's ex-husband, back when they were dating.

"Apparently." Steve shrugged. Then Maddie came out of her house to receive them.

"Hello, Commander McGarrett. Detective Willams." She said with a smile, and Danny could feel her eyes scanning them from their heads to their feet.

"Please call me Steve."

"And Danny."

The woman hugged McGarrett first, and then Danny, although none of them had met before.

"I'll call you by your names if you promise to call me Maddie." She said with a smirk.

"Okay then, Maddie," Danny said with a smile.

"Follow me." She said and took them inside the house.

Three cups were steaming on a wooden table in the kitchen. Two with coffee for the men, one with tea for Maddie.

Everyone sat on chairs, Maddie on one side and Danny and Steve on the other, and the woman started telling them her worries for her little brother.

"Okay, so, I've been sensing that things aren't okay at the Station," She breathed sharply and continued. "Buck always used to talk about his shifts and stuff in our weekly dinners together. But some time ago he started speaking less and less to me, and if he did it was just to ask if I was okay."

She sipped her tea and continued.

"He also has been delaying and canceling our dinners for weeks now. But every time I ask about it, or if he is okay, he tells me he's fine. But I know he is lying."

After some seconds of akward silence she realized it.

"I think everything started with the lawsuit."

Steve choked with his coffee at the mention of the lawsuit. He started coughing wildly, and Danny asked if he was fine while rubbing his back. He made a thumbs up, so the Detective asked the question both had in mind.

"What lawsuit?"

"He... Didn't tell you about the lawsuit he made to the LA fire department and his Captain?"

"What? No, he didn't." Danny answered.

Steve was getting back to normal, so he asked with a hoarse voice. "When did he made it?"

"June? In the middle? I think. I’m not sure." Maddie answered. "Are you sure you are alright, Steve? Your voice is sounding weird."

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine." He replied. "Why did he sue the department and his boss?"

"Remember the embolism?" Maddie asked.

And, yeah, Steve remembered it well. It had been the first time Maddie and he spoke.

"He worked so hard to get back, that it blinded him completely. And when he was about to get back, boom. The embolism happened. Thank God he was with a former Army medic, a former nurse, and two paramedics at the time. That's when he received the worst news. His doctor wasn't able to say if he could work as a firefighter again." She sighed. "He believes that being a firefighter is his whole life. It's been hard to take him back from that thought."

She sipped her tea one more time.

"Then he discussed with Bobby and quit the job. A week later, the tsunami happened. Buck never told me what happened there, but one day I knew he was back on light duty and the other he is sueing the department and Bobby, his Captain, for not letting him be clear to get back to heavy-duty."

Danny and Steve were silent. How could have Buck never tell them that?

"The department offered him millions of dollars if he dropped the lawsuit. And he did, but he declined the money. We never did well with the large sums and the family. He just wanted to go back with the 118."

"And I bet that the rest of the team didn't take the lawsuit lightly, right?" Danny offered.

"The last thing I knew about his work, was that he was just cleaning and on light duty every single shift." Maddie sighed. "I guess we will finally know what's going on."

"I hope so. And Maddie?" Steve was careful while choosing his next words. "If things are bad as we may think they are... Are you willing to let him go with Danny and me to O'ahu?"

"O'ahu?" Maddie asked.

"Yeah, It's the island where Honolulu is," Danny explained to Maddie. He remembered his early days in Hawaii when the islands just seemed like a pineapple hell hole.

The islands had grown on him, but he would never admit that to Steve.

Danny stopped his train of thought and continued. "Can we take him to Hawaii?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you are really important to him. You are his big sister, Maddie. And we wouldn't do something with him, that you don't like." Steve spoke.

"Your opinion matters to us." Danny finished.

"Thanks." Maddie smiled. "If things are bad, you should propose it to him. Do whatever it's good for him."

Steve nodded and relaxed on the chair. Maddie's phone rang, and she answered it.

"Hi, Evan!" She said, and both men put all their attention on her.

"Yeah. That would be great!" Maddie exclaimed. "Mmhm, hey I've got a surprise for you. See you in some minutes. Love you."

And then she cut the call.

"He is at a bakery some minutes away." The woman chuckled. "He loves their chocolate chip and blueberry muffins."

Steve smiled softly and Danny hoped that Grace and Charlie would be as united as the Buckley siblings, in the future.

He also made a mental note for himself to look for a blueberry muffin recipe.

They continued chatting about their jobs, Maddie told her craziest calls she had to take, and Steve also told their craziest cases, with Danny making comments here and there, always reminding them that Steve was a neanderthal savage animal.

Some minutes later, Maddie's phone chimed with a message.

"He is outside. I'll be back right now." She announced and left the house.

"Here comes the moment of the truth." Steve sighed anxiously.

"Everything is going to be okay, babe," Danny assured, and Steve felt thankful that Danny understood his actual state and tried to make him feel better.

Danny was being positive. Who would have thought?

They heard the sound of the door opening and two voices. Steve's leg started shaking and Danny placed a hand on his shoulder.

The voices became louder and louder as they approached the kitchen.

"Maddie, why do I have to close my eyes? You are acting as if you were 5 years old." Buck complained as he entered the kitchen with Maddie's hands and his over his eyes.

"That's what Danno always tells me," Steve said and he finally opened his eyes.

"Surprise!" Danny and Maddie said in stereo.

"Steve? Danny? What are you guys doing here?" Buck asked incredulously. The two men stood up and hugged Buck.

"We wanted to check on you, and your sister of course," Steve replied.

Maddie nodded when Buck turned to see her but then she noticed big bags under his happy eyes and a desperate look behind them. Her face dropped.

"What's wrong Evan?" She asked, stepping over him and cupping his cheek.

"Oh, just... Nothing. I had a tough shift yesterday." He said, but it didn't convince his older sister.

"Evan Robert Buckley..." She said with a pleading look.

Buck flinched a little at the mention of his second name, not because Maddie told it, but because it reminded him of someone he used to consider as family.

Steve noticed this and went closer to Buck.

"Evan. We know something is happening. We are here for you." He said, placing his hand on Buck's shoulder.

Danny added, "You can tell us anything, boy."

"I need help. I- I need you. Help. Please help me." A little sob escaped from the taller man's lips, and everyone hurried to the living room and placed him on a couch.

The Five-0 leaders shared a worried look with Maddie before telling Buck, "Start with the beginning, if you want to."

And then the firefighter let all his bad experiences from the last two months slip through his lips, finally accepting them with steams of tears through his cheeks.

"Suck it up, man up"

His family had rejected him, but he still spoke as if they included him in everything, always making up an excuse for anything they had done wrong. Always blaming himself for the 118's mistakes.

"My house, my rules."

He had two allies in the station, Henrietta Wilson, and Howard Han, both paramedics. They both had been rejected when they arrived at the station. Both knew what it felt like to be alone.

"Get out of my way, you traitor idiot."

This was the first time that he let someone outside the station know about it, about all the pain he had felt. It was freeing in a certain way.

"When will you realize that this is not your home? Give up Buckley!"

When he finished, Steve stormed out of the house to have some air. Danny followed him with the excuse of watching he didn't make something stupid while Maddie helped his brother catch his breath.

She had to be strong for her brother then, but sheer rage was simmering inside her. The members of station 118 were not suspicious of the approaching storm.

Notes:

This is my Christmas gift for you.
Thanks for all the support on last chapter, it means a lot to me, and Merry Christmas or Feliz Navidad or Mele Kalikimaka!! :)

(I'll be probably updating in a week - week and a half, so Happy New Year too!)

Chapter 3: Ohana (Family)

Notes:

Sorry for posting this two weeks later :/
I had some personal stuff going on, plus all the rage I felt watching what happened in the US and I lost track of time lol.
Also, my brain decided to rewrite the whole last part at last minute yesterday, but I feel better if it's written this way. Enjoy :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Steve! Hey! Steven! Listen to me, would ya!" Danny exclaimed. Steve turned to his partner, all he could see was red.

"Danny! They told him he was family! That they would always be there! But it was just a lie! When things turned complicated they just... They just put him aside! Stepped over him!"

Tears started streaming down the Hawaiian's face. Danny felt how his heart sunk into his chest.

"Families are not supposed to do that Danny!"

"Steve." Danny said in a low tone, knowing that his words were speaking of Buck and himself.

"Please, just breathe. I know this is hard to process, but as much as I would like to torture the 118, Buck needs us here now. With him. We are his family now. His ohana."

Steve breathed in long periods before speaking again.

Danny was right. Buck's wellbeing was their priority now.

"I'm going to ask him."

And Danny couldn't agree more with Steve.

The kid needed to get out of that place as soon as possible.

...

"Go to Hawaii? With you?" Buck asked with his head inclined like a puppy.

"Yes. But only if you want. We are not forcing you." Steve cleared.

Buck looked at his sister with fond eyes. She knew the answer immediately.

"I'm sorry Maddie, but this place doesn't feel like home anymore. I- I need time. To heal and cope with this."

She nodded comprehensively, then Buck looked at Steve and Danny, who were standing in front of him.

"I'll go with you." He said before whispering under his breath, "No one will miss me here."

Maddie lost all control over her tears at her brother's words.

"No.." She sobbed. "I'll miss you as well as Athena, and Hen and Carla. Even Albert. But I understand you and they will too."

Then the siblings hugged.

Danny's phone sounded louder than ever in the silent, emotional scene. He checked the ID.

"It's Adam. He'll like to know where the hell are we." Danny said before stepping out of the house to answer the call.

"We will be waiting for you to go to your place, okay?" Steve asked.

"Yeah." Buck nodded.

"Thanks for everything Maddie. We'll come by in some days before we head to the airport." Steve sighed and walked outside leaving the siblings to talk.

He hoped this was the best for Buck.

When he stepped on the car, he saw Danny already settled in the passenger seat staring at the phone on his lap.

"I told him that we will explain it when we arrive." He said but Steve wasn't hearing him.

He was thinking about the station and Buck's partners. How could they be so cruel?

"Steve, are you all right there babe?" Danny asked concerned about his friend.

Steve sat there in silence.

Should he lie to his partner or should he open up about this? He was never good with feelings and that stressed and frustrated him very often.

"Not really." He finally admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"Is it because of Buck, or is it because it's very similar to your family story?"

It was a punch to his gut to realize that, but he couldn't deny it. It was the story of his life.

Every person he had considered someone to love and trust, who had considered ohana, had betrayed him, lying and hiding secrets from him, stabbing him in the back every time he fell into the same cheap trap of believing they had changed.

Every person except for his sister and his team.

Except for Danny.

And on second thought, Danny was the one who was always there to pick up the pieces that Catherine, Joe, John, and Doris always left behind and place them as himself once more.

He was the one who had his back and held him when no one else did.

When the world seemed to fall apart around him.

And sometimes he would even bring Grace and Charlie to McGarrett's house, just to cheer him up.

Hell, Danny literally gave him half of his liver, after landing a plane by himself on the beach. And he would constantly call and text to see how Steve was doing after every terrible thing that happened. Like he did when Doris was murdered in Mexico.

Danny flew all the way from Honolulu to Washington D.C. just to be with him at his mother's funeral and then moved to his home to keep an eye on him and be around.

And Steve had ghosted his calls and messages for weeks. It seemed that 'asshole' was a McGarrett characteristic he had inherited.

Now he needed to be his Danny to Buck.

To finally stop that sick cycle.

"Steve, hey, are you okay? You are cryi-" Danny was stopped by Steve, who hugged the other man.

It was an uncomfortable position because, well, they were in the truck, but it was a nice thing coming from the commander.

Danny felt like Steve's body relaxed in the hug. The other man took a deep breath before speaking with his voice cracked.

"Mahalo for everything, Danno. Thanks."

"Whoa, partner is that you?" Danny teased as he gave Steve some pats on his back before going back to their normal positions on their seats.

"Yes," Steve let out a tear-wet chuckle. "I just realized that, after all we've been through, my mom, Catherine, Joe, some shot wounds and injuries-"

"And don't forget my liver!" Danny added with a smirk.

"How could I, you remind me of it every month." Steve laughed, he placed his right hand on Danny's left shoulder.

"I never thanked you for all. So now I'm doing it, buddy. Mahalo."

Danny's lips inevitably curved into a smile. "What are friends for? Plus, you always owe me something, you stingy."

Steve's smile faded as he remembered one of their conversations at the hospital, some years before.

"What's wrong?" Danny asked, snapping him out of his thoughts one more time.

"I wanted to say sorry too," Steve said with a small voice, as he scratched the back of his neck with his hand.

"Why?" Danny cocked his head to a side, thinking that maybe he had heard wrong.

"Because I've said some terrible things about you during these 10 years. Like when we were at the hospital and I said that soon Charlie would be as tired of you as I was."

Steve stopped and looked away from Danny. "I'm sorry. Now I think about all the things Buck said his partners told him and..."

"Hey, hey, hey. I didn't take that seriously. Okay?" Danny reached out for Steve's chin and forced the man to look at him. "It hurt at the moment, yes, but then I realized you were just teasing me. I accept the apology though."

Later he added. "Plus, you wouldn't survive a day without me, and I've said terrible things to you too, control freak."

Both laughed and teased each other until his little friendship bubble popped when Steve noticed someone sneaking on them from the window. Danny turned his head to look at what Steve was seeing and saw the young firefighter trying to see inside the truck.

He rolled the window down, ignoring the sudden heat he felt on his cheeks. "Hey, Buck! Ready to go to your place?"

"Yeah, I just was going to tell you to follow me so you guys didn't get lost," Buck answered with a smirk that told them otherwise.

Steve and Danny looked at each other. Both had a shade of pink on their cheeks. Both thought the other looked cute. Yet they didn't say anything.

Steve smiled as he turned the engine of the car on. Then he looked back at Buck and said, "Well, lead the way Buckaroo!"

...

After exiting the building elevator with Steve and Danny, Buck searched for the keys to his place as they walked to the apartment.

He was placing the keys in his door, when an old woman appeared holding a white cat in her arms, at the door that was opposite Buck's.

"Hi, Buck." She said after opening only a few inches of the door.

"Oh, hi Edna! Nice to see you." Buck responded uncomfortably as he tried harder to get the key in the right place.

God, was it always so difficult to get into his apartment?

The woman, Edna, looked at the brunette Hawaiian and the blond New Jerseyan, who were holding duffel bags in their hands, patiently waiting for an explanation.

"These are my friends Steve and Danny. Guys say hi to Edna, she's my... neighbor."

Annoying neighbor, he thought inside.

"Hi, ma'am," Steve said politely.

"Hi," Danny murmured with a little smile.

Then, after hours that were actually seconds, Buck was able to open the door and whisper a relieved 'Thank God' while the woman, happy with her discovery of the day, disappeared into her apartment petting her cat without saying a word.

The detective gave the commander a strange and amused look, as the cat looked very much like Mr. Pickles and they both entered Buck's place.

Steve whistled, "Wow! Buck, your place is ..."

"... Incredible. I agree," Danny said for his partner.

Buck blushed and ducked his head a little because of their comments.

While Steve placed his and his partner's duffel bags beside the couch, Danny sat on a bench at the kitchen island looking worriedly at Buck, who had opened every cupboard and the fridge, looking for food or any liquid. There wasn't much of anything.

Finally, Buck sighed and closed the fridge, leaning on the counter.  "I... would offer you beers, but I-I don't really have edible things in my house..."

"Hey, it's okay kid," Danny said, getting closer to Buck. His fatherly instinct had kicked in. "Why don't you go and lay on the couch and I'll take care of the food?"

"I don't think-" Buck started, but he was cut off.

"You should listen to him Buck." Steve smiled. "He's the best at taking care of people just with love and food."

Buck looked between Steve and Danny before rubbing his eyes. They were feeling heavier with every minute that passed.

"Oo...kay." He said through a yawn.

He made his way to the couch and before passing out from exhaustion he muttered a quiet "Thank you," that made their hearts hurt.

After Danny ordered some food for lunch, he started cleaning and ordering the place with Steve, always keeping an eye on Buck.

They were enjoying each other's presence while silently cleaning when Steve heard a weird noise.

He lifted his head to hear better which caught Danny's attention. When the detective was about to ask something, Steve shushed him by locking eyes with Danny and putting his hand up. Then they heard it.

"Christopher."

It was barely a whisper. It came from an asleep Buck.

"Christopher, where are you?"

This time it was louder. With more urgency too. And before they could react, Buck was stirring on the couch, obviously having a nightmare. Steve and Danny left their chores and went next to the couch.

"Chris-Christopher! No!"

Buck started struggling to breathe. His hands went up to his chest and he woke up panting.

He quickly looked at his surroundings and noticed both men beside him. His heart was pounding and he was covered in cold sweat, but he couldn't recognize the people next to him.

So natually, he tried to get away from them, by trying to kick them with his feet.

Danny skipped a kick right to his stomach by pulling away from the couch, while Steve tried to talk to him.

"Buck, Buck! It's us! Steve and Danny!" He exclaimed, and that seemed to make it because Buck curved into a ball against the corner of the couch and stopped moving his legs.

"Steve and Danny?"

"Yes, buddy. You are in your apartment, with us. Everything is fine, okay?" Danny spoke. "Breath with me, can you?"

Buck nodded and started making breathing exercises with Danny. Once he was calmer Steve asked,

"Can I touch you?"

"Yes."

Steve placed a hand on Buck's shoulder and then rubbed his arm.

"You are with us. You are okay, Christopher is okay. Yeah kid?"

Buck nodded and then moved forward to hug McGarrett. It took the commander by surprise, but he managed to put his arms around the man's shoulders to hold his head.

"He- He was there, and then I turned and- and I couldn't see him. I lost him Steve." Buck stuttered through tears. "I was su- supposed to care for him. I just stopped watching him for a second and- and he fell to the water I-"

"Hey, hey, hey. You saved him, okay? He is fine. He's at home." Steve assured. Buck just continued to cry on Steve's shoulder.

"Can I sit next to you?" Steve asked after he noticed Buck's sobs were less frequent. The firefighter nodded and pulled away, then Steve settled on the corner of the couch and put an arm around Buck's shoulders to ground him.

"Do you think maybe we can call Christopher?" Steve asked.

"I think he is with his nanny now," Buck spoke. "You told me you went to the station. Was Eddie there?"

"Yeah, he was," Danny assured

Buck sent a quick message to Carla, asking if he could video call her to speak with Christopher. She answered almost immediately with an 'Of course you can. Everything is okay?'

He decided to ignore the question and call her.

While Buck spoke with Christopher (without telling him he was with two other friends,) Danny went to look for the food he had ordered at a Mexican restaurant and Steve finished cleaning the house.

"Tacos for us and chicken broth for Buck. It isn't Kamekona's, but it will do with." Danny said when he arrived with the food.

He put the tacos on a plate, the chicken broth in a bowl, and opened a bag of crackers he had bought for Buck on his way back.

As they expected, Buck only ate less than half of the bowl and two crackers, but they didn't pressure him to eat more. Instead, they insisted that he tried to nap a little more. Finally, he gave in and accepted.

It was the most peaceful sleep time he had had in months.

Notes:

Take care of yourself. Drink water, eat something, you deserve it :)
Ps. Mahalo for all the love on previous chapters! Ily

Chapter 4: Neʻe aku nei (Moving on)

Notes:

Hey guys!
I swear I was going to update yesterday, but my internet decided 'hahaha nope.' So here I am.
Also, you've probably noticed but imma say it, update day is Friday, and if I don't update, then it's Saturday :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Okay, so we have already packed the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and living room stuff. Oh! and also your clothes and books over there."

Danny pointed at the boxes that were on the couch and the ones spread on the floor too. "The couch and bed are staying here right?"

"Yeah, that's all," Buck said breathlessly because of the effort they had made that morning.

He couldn't recognize his apartment, the look reminded him of when Ali and he went house touring almost a year back.

"Thanks for organizing everything Danny," Buck continued. "I can never organize things because I never know where to start. Then I try to make many things at once and completely lose track of time."

"Really?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Buck fidgeted with his hands. "Last year I tried to organize Maddie a surprise party, but I didn't know how or where to start. The place? The cake? Decorations? Snacks? Guests?"

He laughed. "Chimney and Eddie had to jump in to help me. I was a complete mess."

His breath started regulating and even with the depressing look of the now-empty apartment, he couldn't help but smile even more than he already was.

Steve and Danny shared a look and smiled too, both noticing that the firefighter was starting to look happier with the thought of leaving LA with them.

He was also looking healthier, with Danny cooking homemade food for them for the last two days, and Steve helping him with the nightmares, which meant that he was getting more sleep at night and little naps during the day.

Buck's smile started fading, and a shiver crossed his spine when he remembered something.

"I was supposed to have a shift tomorrow."

Steve got closer to Buck with a worried look and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Evan, we talked about this. You are not going there tomorrow."

Buck started panicking. "But I... Still have things in my locker. And- And I have to do the paperwork to announce that I quit. I have to tell the Chief that-"

"We can fix that easily," Danny said placing a hand on Buck's arm, assuring him that it was possible to get out of there without anyone from the 118 knowing it.

"Really?" Buck asked with hope in his voice.

"Yeah, kid." Steve smiled. "We can ask Maddie to bring your stuff from the station."

"And I can move some contacts to get the Chief's number and get over your Captain." Danny declared. "My father was a Captain in the New Jersey Fire Department. And he went to lots of conventions around the country."

Buck's eyes were filled with gratitude with a relieved sigh escaping his lips.

"Thanks."

He said as he hugged Steve and then Danny.

"We should put these boxes near the door and off the couch, that way it will be easier for the moving company, which will come in an hour so we better hurry," Danny said, changing the subject of the conversation.

Steve and Buck agreed and they started moving the boxes, stacking them next to the door.

They worked silently until Danny felt an uncomfortable pain on his back. He stopped carrying boxes and stood still as he rubbed his back.

"You okay Danno?" Steve asked concerned.

"Yeah, I declare the couch as my bed today, Steven." Danny simply said.

Steve gave him an offended glare. "What? Why?"

"Let me remind you, babe, that I slept on a bunk bed made for a kid for the last two nights. My back is destroyed so I deserve to sleep on the couch tonight." Danny spoke as both got closer to the couch.

"I won't sleep there, Buddy." Steve simply argued, grabbing a box.

"I did, so you have to. You harvest what you plant."

"Don't come at me with your weird metaphoric sentences. You never asked if we could share the couch."

"I never asked-" Danny huffed a laugh and placed a box on the wooden floor, interrupting his own sentence. "You never invited me either. Plus, your stupidly long legs take up all the space in the couch."

"Well, then imagine my stupidly long legs in that little bunk bed, it would be worse," Steve replied with a little smug on his face. He knew he was winning the argument.

"I- uh... " Danny stammered. He placed a box next to the door before speaking. "You- what about all the times you said you loved me huh? You love me but not enough to let me sleep well?"

"Uhh..." Now it was Steve's turn to stammer. "I- Danno..."

"Don't you 'Danno' me, Steven."

Buck smiled as he heard his friends bicker for some minutes more until Steve agreed to let Danny sleep on the couch and he would sleep on the bunk bed.

He noticed that he really missed having people in his house, and healthily interacting with them, without losing respect for each other.

He missed smiling. Happiness.

He thought about the bunch of friends, family, he still had in the city.

Carla, Albert, Isabel and Josefina, Athena, May, Harry, Hen and Karen, Josh.

How would he tell them that the next day he was moving to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with people they didn't know?

Christopher. Oh, God.

His Bucky was everything for him.

Could he convince the kid that he wasn't abandoning him?

Like his father did when he was deployed to Afghanistan after he was born, or his mother a year before Eddie and him left Texas, and then a year ago when she died in the car accident?

And most importantly, would Christopher ever forgive him for moving without telling him?

...

"Chief Alonzo already knows you are quitting," Danny told Buck, as he sat next to him on the couch.

Steve offered him a beer before falling on the other sofa.

Danny quickly added, "And, when he said he would penalize the Captain and the 118 for this, I cleared that you didn't want that, as you told me, although I don't understand why you wouldn't want that."

"You won't have to make any paperwork, and he will explain it to them." The now-former firefighter relaxed on the couch with a thankful look.

"One thing done. What about my locker?" He asked.

"Maddie will go for your things tomorrow, you just have to tell her your code to open it. And she will also speak with them about this after we leave." Steve cleared, moving a hand to signal the boxes piled up on the entrance.

Buck nodded and made himself comfortable on the couch, thinking, while Danny and Steve watched a movie.

After some minutes Danny spoke, "I can hear you thinking, kid."

Buck made a small smile and worded his thoughts.

"I just, I don't know how will I tell the people that are still my friends that I'm leaving. Especially Christopher. The kid already has abandon issues with his mother, I can't-"

"You are not abandoning him, Buck." Steve cut him off.

"You can still be in contact with him while you are in Hawaii, you are going to be a part of his life, it won't be the same but it will be better than nothing," Danny said, and he knew what he was talking about.

He felt the same as Buck when Rachel took Grace with her to the Aloha State.

"Maybe... but how will I tell them? It will break me to see their faces if I tell them in person, and that would ruin the plan to leave without the 118 knowing." Buck was exasperated.

He had already thought of every way he could tell his friends. Messages, letters, calls, a note in his house... but he didn't like them. They just... Didn't feel right.

Steve and Danny shared a concerned look, and Steve had an idea.

"Voice notes." He said, without any further explanation. Buck and Danny shared a look.

"What?" Danny asked.

"Record whatever you need to tell them, and then send it." Steve cleared his idea.

Danny congratulated Steve for 'finally having a decent idea in that brain of yours.'

A lightbulb lit in Buck's mind, as his eyebrows rose. It was a perfect idea.

...

"You ready kid?" Danny asked one last time, after taking a sip from his cup of coffee.

It was already the morning of the moving day, Danny knew it was the hardest one.

Buck looked away from the dining table, where his phone was after he finished recording every voice note. He looked miserable but he still tried to be strong and nice to his loved ones. Those voice notes may be the last thing they would hear from him in some time.

He sniffed and looked up at the Detective from his seat. "Yeah, I am."

Danny helped the kid to get on his feet, and hugged him. "It's okay, Buck. It's okay."

Steve appeared from the stairs to the loft, "Hey Buck? The moving company forgot to take the- You are having a group hug without me?"

"We would never Steveo." Buck chuckled through his tears. Then he opened one arm to invite him.

After some seconds they separated and Danny asked, "You ready to go, kid?"

Buck gave the apartment one last look, memories flooding from every corner of the place.

One last tear dropped down his cheek.

"I am."

After Steve spoke with Buck about a box that the company had forgotten (and Buck assured he left it there on purpose,) the three men grabbed their respective baggage and walked to the hall outside the apartment.

Buck took the keys from his pocket and finally closed the door one last time.

After locking it, he placed his forehead on the wood and sighed.

"Goodbye."

Notes:

Mahalo for all the love in the last chapter! I really love to know what you think.

Ps. I won't be able to see 9-1-1 s4 until March or April, so please don't tell spoilers! <3

Chapter 5: Aloha A Hui Hou (See you soon)

Notes:

Heyy, I'm back baby!
TW for this chapter, it starts with self hatred thoughts and PTSD, but it gets better in the middle.

Long chapter ahead!
I'll take a two week break from posting, because I need to focus on writing and thinking well the next part.
Hope you enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

After getting out of the apartment's building, Buck got inside his truck as Danny and Steve hopped on their rented truck, and followed Buck's Jeep to the Pier of Los Angeles, so a roll-on/roll-off cargo ship could take the vehicle to Hawaii.

Buck was just happily humming along whatever pop song was on the radio, focusing on the streets and the traffic, when his phone chimed with a call.

He gave the device a look, thanking that he was stopped by a red semaphore.

His smile dropped.

Bobby was calling him.

Bobby, out of anyone who could have called him.

He ignored the call, and continued driving but his mind started drifting.

Why did Bobby call him? He hadn't spoken to him in two months unless he gave Buck another chore to do in the station. Not to mention calls or messages between them. They were nonexistent.

He had stopped trying to reach out after weeks of seen messages and dry replies.

The last month he had just accepted every single chore Bobby gave him, every time his stomach ached because it was empty, every time he was disgusted by what he saw in the mirror, by who he saw in the mirror, every time he had a panic attack and had to calm himself down because he couldn't reach out to anyone, every insult he received from the person he had once considered as best friend, as brother and even thought could be his boyfriend one day, as a punishment for what he had done.

Loose clothes, big eye bags, tired look, pale skin, feeling guilty because all he did when he went home was binge-watch the Food Network instead of sleeping. Every nightmare. It was all a punishment. He deserved it.

But did he?

He thought he deserved it, for breaking his family.

Although it seemed like he was the broken one because everyone around him was happy. All he heard when he was at the station was laughs.

He was broken because since he was born he had loved with his whole heart to people who didn't deserve it.

To people who then turned their backs on him and left him alone once again.

"No." He said. And it surprised him that his voice came out so full of hate.

Did he hate Bobby? Did he hate Eddie? No.

He hated how they acted. He hated that he let it happen once again, even after he promised himself that he wouldn't fall again.

He hated that they never even tried to see things from his point of view.

He felt like he was losing his family. Falling behind them. That's why he made the lawsuit. But he never wanted this to happen. They obviously saw it a different way.

But he had already said I'm sorry too many times. He was already tired of being either ignored or mistreated every single day. It was time to stand up for himself and walk past them. Walk forward.

"I'm doing this for myself." He spoke again, more confidently.

A ray of sun hit his face, and he couldn't help but smile when he felt the soft warmth on his face. Like a caress from the universe for finally understanding.

He wasn't escaping from them. He was saving himself.

He sighed as he spotted the pier where dozens of big cargo ships were docked.

He turned the car's engine off after parking and looked for his phone. He noticed he had four missed calls. One from Bobby, one from Chimney, two from Hen, plus messages from all of them.

He shrugged as he put his phone in his jeans' pocket and walked out of the Jeep.

He smiled at Steve and Danny, who were already out of their truck and waiting for him, probably bickering about something like they always did.

Steve didn't know when Buck was between his arms, hugging him with all his strength.

"Thank you Steveo."

Steve's heart swelled with affection as a warm feeling filled his chest.

"Anything for you Buckaroo."

Both separated and Buck hugged the blonde Detective.

"Thanks to you too Danno!"

"Kid you are part of the family now. We will always. And I repeat. Always. Be there for you."

...

After making all the paperwork that came with the transport of the car, Buck put the car inside the cargo ship and the three of them set off on the truck for Maddie's house to say one last goodbye before leaving Los Angeles.

On their way, Buck took a paper envelope out of one pocket and put something inside it.

Danny eyed him curiously from the passenger's seat as Buck wrote 'Albert' on the envelope with a Sharpie.

"Who's Albert?" Danny asked before he could stop himself.

"Oh uh-" Buck's ears turned red as he covered the envelope with his hand.

Danny stuttered as Steve directed him a glare. "It's- It's okay if you don't want to tell me, I-"

"It's okay. He is Chimney's younger half brother. He escaped from their father in South Korea some months ago, and he's still living in Chim's apartment." Buck took the envelope and shook it. "Hopefully he will accept this."

"They don't deserve you, Buckaroo," Steve said still looking ahead. He saw in the rear-view mirror that Buck stirred uncomfortably on his seat and blushed.

Buck just stayed silent until they arrived at their destination.

...


1 hour before


...


Maddie parked her car in the parking lot at Station 118 and turned off the engine.

She sighed, bracing herself for what was about to happen, and then got out of the car.

She walked towards the station with a firm step and a serious look, so that everyone would notice that today she would not be the classic Maddie, but that she came as Evan's sister.

Some firefighters saw her but did not dare to greet her. Maddie continued on her way to the locker room until Eddie saw her and trotted up to her side.

"Hi Maddie, do you know where Buck is? He hasn't arrived yet, and it's been half an hour since the shift started."

She stopped, looked him up and down, and went into the locker room.

"Hey Maddie, you can't go in there," Eddie told her when he saw that she was trying to open Buck's locker.

However, he was surprised when she cracked the code and began putting the contents into a bag that she had carried with her.

"Maddie! What are you doing here?" Said a voice that she recognized as her boyfriend's.

"Apparently nothing that concerns you." She spoke to them without looking at them.

Eddie and Chimney looked at each other.

"What are you talking about, Mads?" Chimney asked.

Maddie closed her brother's now empty locker and turned around. Suddenly Eddie had a hint of what was going on.

"Maddie, where is Buck?" He asked cautiously.

The woman scoffed with a smile that did not reach her eyes.

"Weren't you waiting for this day for months?"

Her voice sounded bitter, threatening. She was grateful that it didn't waver.

Both firefighters took a few steps back when they heard her speak like that.

They had never seen an angry Buckley.

"What are you talking about?" Chim spoke.

"Ohohoh you know very well what I'm talking about Howard." Maddie stared at a point between the men, when they turned around, they realized it was their captain.

"Is everything okay here?" Bobby asked, his eyebrows rose at the sense of danger.

"Yes, Bobby," Maddie spoke his name as if she had garbage in her mouth. "I was about to go."

She started to walk towards the exit of the locker room and two of the men did not hesitate to get out of her way. Only Eddie dared to stop her, drawing her attention with his raised hand.

"Maddie, please. Where is Buck?"

She stared into his eyes, her jaw clenched and she finally spoke.

"He's in a better place, with his real family that actually loves and worries about him."

And she continued walking alone towards the exit.

They saw that Chief Alonzo came near her and they both spoke a little before he handed her a paper and... hugged her?

Then the woman stepped on her car and left.

Bobby, Eddie, and Chimney walked to the station entrance, with Hen joining them a few seconds later.

"Was that Maddie?" asked the paramedic pointing to the car that was leaving the parking lot.

Chimney nodded. That was the only thing he could do.

Hen took a better look at the men. They were all pale, with regret in their eyes.

"What the hell just happened?"

Then a young woman appeared in front of them, with a duffel bag in her hands.

"Hi, um, I'm looking for Captain Nash?" She said.

"It's me," Bobby said after clearing his throat.

"Hello, Captain. I'm Jennifer Jones. You can call me JJ."

She shook Bobby's hand happily.

"How can I help you?" Bobby asked, confused.

"Oh, the chief hasn't told you yet?"

"Tell him what?" Eddie asked. She looked at him, then at the paramedics, and then at the Captain.

"I'm your new recruit."

...

"Here are your things Buck," Maddie said showing him her coffee table which was full of Buck's stuff.

Two tee shirts, a sweater, sweatpants, jeans, a pair of boxers and socks, deodorant, a towel, his LAFD badge, a drawing made by Chris that said 'I love you Bucky', a picture of Maddie and him on Christmas and a picture of him and Chris at the aquarium.

His LAFD shirt, tee-shirt, and pants were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, and the Chief told me to give you this." Maddie passed him a sheet of paper full of words. He gave it a better look as his sister spoke.

"It's the paperwork. To make it official. You need to sign it and then you're free to go."

"Thank you so much, Maddie," Buck said as he hugged his older sister.

"It was nothing Buckaroo." She said back.

Danny cleared his throat. "Uhm, sorry for interrupting, but we need to be at the airport 2 hours before the flight. And it's 9:30."

"Oh yeah, right."

They stayed silent for some seconds while Buck signed the paper, and Steve stepped towards Maddie.

"I promise we will take care of him, Maddie. He will be in a better place with us." He smiled at her.

"I know you will, Steve, I know you will take care of him."

Tears fell down her cheeks as he embraced her in his arms. Before separating, he patted lightly her shoulder.


She was part of the ohana now.


Then it was Danny's turn.

"I will keep an eye on them, especially because McGarrett is a living threat." He joked.

Maddie laughed and opened her arms to hug Danny.

"You can come for Thanksgiving or Christmas or anytime you want." The man said in a low voice, so only Maddie could hear him.

She sniffed, "I will have that in mind."

He nodded and both policemen left the house.

Then it was just Buck and Maddie alone.

She hugged her brother tightly as he melted into her arms. One last hug.

"Please don't be too hard on the 118. Or Chimney." He said

"I will try to only because you told me not to be hard. Not because I want it."

She looked at him straight in his eyes. "If you don't want to be mad at them it's okay, I get it. But if one day they come and ask for my help I won't hesitate to say no. I will be mad at them for both of us.

A sad expression settled on Buck's face. Then he remembered something that made him smile.

"They don't know what is about to come, huh? I bet those people who bullied me in high school are still scared of the name Buckley."

Maddie's laugh sounded strangled because of the painful nut she felt on her throat.

"Please tell Chris I love him and that this is not his fault," Buck asked his sister. "I will also change my phone number, so please help him contact me, but don't give my phone number to Eddie. I will message you when I arrive and buy a new mobile data chip for my phone."

"Okay."

"I guess this is goodbye," Buck said, still hugging his sister.

"It's not goodbye, it's a see you soon."

He smiled as some more tears dropped from his eyes.

She cleaned his wet face, just like in the old times, and stood on the tip of her toes to kiss his forehead.

"Take care of yourself. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Maddie. I love you." Buck chuckled.

"I love you too." Maddie smiled and offered to walk him out to the gate.

Once they were there, he kissed her sister's cheek.


"See you soon, Mads."


"See you soon, Evan."


Then he got on the rented truck.

Danny and Steve waved their hands as a goodbye when the vehicle started moving.

Soon Maddie found herself alone, standing beside her gate.

Her cheeks were cold. Her brother was gone.

...

The five hours and a half flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu was average.

After passing through security at LAX and handing out Buck's suitcase, they waited until the airline started calling people on board the flight.

Once everyone was in their seats, they saw the air hostess's explanation, and then the plane took off.
Buck saw through the window the shrinking city of angels.


Then it was just the ocean.

After the plane landed, they waited until most of the people in the halls disappeared inside the International Honolulu airport, before standing from their seats.

Once they were in Baggage Claim, Danny deactivated the 'Plane Mode' from his phone and saw some message notifications on the screen. He opened them as he waited for Buck to get his suitcase.


"Hey Danny, please message me when you land. I'll be picking you up at the entrance with Tani." Adam had written.

Danny smiled, it would be nice to have a young face for Buck to meet.

"Adam, we are waiting for a suitcase. We will be out in 10 - 15 minutes." He typed.

A minute later a response arrived.
"Okay, good to hear from you brother."

Danny chuckled.

Had both he and Steve disappeared for three days? Yes.

Did they tell anyone? No.

Did they regret it? Absolutely not.


"Yeah, whatever."

He turned his phone off just as Steve was reaching out to him.

"Adam is outside, waiting for us," Danny said.

"Great."

Both stayed silent and looked at Buck, who was helping an old woman to get her suitcase.

"He is way too good for this world," Danny spoke as he grinned.

Steve also beamed.

More silence.

"I should start looking for a room in a hotel."

Steve looked at Danny with a frown. "What? Why?"

"We can't be four in a house for two."

"I'll ask Junior if he can go to Tani's tonight," Steve said after thinking for some seconds.

"And then?"

"And then we plan tomorrow. There's no need to worry today." Steve shrugged.

Then Buck came near the with his suitcase.
"Let's go." He said as he smiled.

"Alright, alright." Danny put his hands together with a clap.

"Wait for a second," Steve said as he went aside to buy a Lei from a woman.

"Mahalo Aunt." He came back to Buck and Danny and placed it on Buck's shoulders. "Welina mai e Hawai'i!"

"Welcome to Hawaii." He translated after seeing their confused faces.

When they crossed the main exit, a wave of humid heat hit them, as well as the powerful sun, made them blink so they could accustom to the light.

When they could see clearly they noticed a black Chevrolet Corvette Stingray parked outside, waiting for them.

Two people Buck couldn't recognize were inside.

A young woman with brown skin and a big smile, and an Asian man in his late thirties.

Steve placed an arm on Buck's shoulders and patted him as he got closer to the people who were getting out of the car.

"Adam look, Mom and Dad are back!"

The woman ran into Danny and Steve's arms, hugging them tightly and telling them to never do that again.

The man shook their hands and gave them a bro hug.

"And you brought another brother!" The girl laughed.

"Tani Rey, this is Evan Buckley. Buck, this is Tani." Steve presented the young people with a smile.

Buck stretched his arm to shake her hand, but she ignored it and embraced him in her arms. She squeezed him lightly before letting him go.

"Adam Noshimuri this is Evan Buckley. Buck, Adam." It was Danny's turn to speak.

Adam did shake Buck's hand with a big smile.
"So this is the famous Evan Buckley, huh? Good to finally meet you."

"Yeah, we've heard a lot of you, uh, can I call you Buck?" Tani asked with a big smile.

"Sure!" Buck said cheerily. Jesus, Tani's energy was contagious.


"We've heard a lot of you, Buck."


"Well, enough chat. I'm starving, and I'm sure you are too." Danny signed Steve, Tani, Buck, and Adam with his hand.

"Let's go to Kamekona's. It's 3 pm, or what he considers 'lunchtime'" Tani suggested, making quotation marks with her hands.

"Every hour in the day is lunchtime for Kamekona." Danny pointed out.

Buck looked at the car. "Uh, Adam? Your car hasn't got a trunk, right?"

Adam looked at Buck, then at the car, and back at the kid. He winced when he noticed the luggage beside him. "No..."

"It's okay, we'll carry the suitcase with us in the backseat." Steve simply said, opening the back door.

He made a sign for Danny to get inside.

"Oh no. No. No. No." Danny refused. "I am not going in the middle, nuh-uh. No way partner."

"Danno, your legs are shorter than ours. It just makes sense if yo-"

"Did you just call me short?"

Buck and Tani snorted while Adam unsuccessfully covered his laugh with a cough.

The declaration took Steve distracted.

"I- uh... N-No! Danny, I would never! I-I'm sorry, I-" Steve muttered.

"It's okay babe, I'm just kidding." Danny patted Steve's arm as he winked an eye and entered the car, leaving the other man confused.

"Are they always like this?" Buck asked Tani with his mouth open.

"Pretty much all the time, yeah." Tani shrugged. "They are super blind, I don't know how they are our bosses."

"Must be hard not to smack their heads together and yell 'Just kiss already!'" Buck joked.

"Mostly at the holidays," Tani said before getting inside the car.

Buck passed his suitcase over to Danny and Steve, who were settled on the car, before stepping inside.

18 minutes and many songs from Tani's playlist later, they arrived at a beach near the Hilton Hawaiian Village.

After everyone stepped out of the car (and left the suitcase in the car), Buck saw a yellow and red food truck that read "Kamekona's shrimp truck" settled next to some tables.

Some people from one of the tables raised their drinks at the incoming group.

"Welcome party?" Steve asked Tani, teasing her by bumping their shoulders.

"Kinda?" She answered. "Hey, you were gone without a single word to anyone. We were worried about you."

"Fair point." Buck pointed out.

Then the five of them reached the table where a white serious looking woman and a black middle-aged man were.

"Come here lovebirds! Where the hell have you been?" Lou asked, teasing them with a glare.

"Oh, it's good to see you too pal." Danny huffed as he took a seat.

"We were in LA. And we brought someone with us." Steve said, getting closer to Buck.

"Oh, new recruit?" Quinn asked.

"Oh no, God no." Buck chuckled as Steve jokingly directed him an offended look. "I'm going to be sticking around for a while though. I'm Evan Buckley. You can call me Buck."

"Mom and Dad made a brother in the three days they were gone!" Tani exclaimed. The table exploded with laughter as Steve and Danny went red.

"Tania Anuhea Rey!"

Even more laughter came out of everyone.

When everybody calmed down, they continued with the presentations.

"I'm Quinn Liu, it's a pleasure to meet you kid."
He shook her hand. He noticed she had a firm grip.

Then Buck turned over to shake the other man's hand.

"Lou Grover. It's good to know you'll be here, Buck. Steve needs more common sense."

"Hey!" Both Steve and Danny said in stereo.

"Am I not enough common sense?" Danny complained, then muttered. "Of course not, you jumped from a fricking bridge to a moving truck."

"He what?!"

"For your information, Lou, Buck has as much common sense as I do," Steve said ignoring Buck, Quinn, and Tani's exclamations.

"Hey!" It was Buck's turn to complain. He playfully pouted at the Commander.

"Sorry kid, you were the one that decided to enroll to be a SEAL and then be a firefighter." Steve teased.

"Speaking of SEALs, where is Junior?" Danny asked, knowing it would be better to cut with the teasing.

"Oh, he was about to come. He had to feed Eddie." Tani said, not noticing how Buck tensed at the mention of the name.

"At three in the afternoon?" Steve asked, offended.

"We closed a case this morning, after we chased the perp all night. He went to your house to sleep, run with Eddie, feed him, and shower." Tani justified her boyfriend's actions.

"I'm going to ask him to bring my car," Danny announced, briefly glaring at Steve, before standing up and walking aside to make the call.

Steve noticed what his partner meant and stepped closer to Buck.

"I forgot to mention it! I have a dog, it's a yellow lab, his name is Eddie and he is the best buddy in the world." Steve spoke.

"Ouch!" Danny exclaimed from the back of the truck.

"I'm sorry Danno, you are the best friend!" Steve exclaimed.

"Ohh, friendzoned." Adam snickered.

"I didn't mea- Adam!" Steve muttered, which made the whole table burst out laughing again.

After speaking some more minutes Buck excused himself.

"Sorry, I have to make something."

He went to the shore and stared at the horizon. The crash of the waves filling his ears. He sighed before looking down at his phone.

He sent each voice note to the people it belonged to.

One for Hen, one for Chimney, one for Albert, two for Isabel, two for Athena and May, one for Josh, and the last one to Maddie.

Once he knew they were sent, he took his mobile data chip out of his phone and broke it, before dropping it on the sea. He knew it wasn't nice to nature, but he just needed to get rid of it.

He took some breaths to steady his racing heart.

He could definitely breathe easier because he felt his chest lighter without the weight of guilt.

Buck smiled, and this time it was a shining genuine smile.

"I'm doing this for myself."

He looked at the sea and then he turned around and looked at the people at the table.

Everyone had smiles on their faces. They all looked relaxed, happy. And they had accepted him into their family without even knowing him.

When he walked back to the table, he noticed another two people.

"Another haole! As if the island is not infested with people like you, McGarrett," One of them exclaimed when he noticed Buck was near the table. The other person, a kid with no more than 20 years gently punched him on the shoulder.

"Hey Kami! Don't be rude." Tani rose her brows.

"Kamekona, Nahele, this haole is Evan Buckley. Uh, he prefers Buck." Adam spoke.

Both Kamekona and Nahele made a shaka directed to Buck, who awkwardly waved his hand.

"Haole is white." Lou whispered to Buck, whose mouth opened into an 'o' and nodded.

Then Danny came near the table.

"Junior is driving our- my! He's driving my car here."

Everyone laughed around the table before they changed the topic.

Buck found himself hearing those laughs and packing them in his aching heart and mind.

His mind drifted to LA, where his ex-partners were probably laughing at the station, happy that he finally had chosen to leave.

He subtly shook his head, deciding to start forgetting them for good.

After all, he was in paradise with a new family.

Notes:

That was a long chapter. You should drink some water and eat something. :)
Also, I found a page to watch 9-1-1 and I need to say, what was that literal cliffhanger???
I'm glad they focused this premier on Athena though.

You are welcome to rant with me in the comments!
Question for y'all, are you pro-McRollins or anti-McRollins?

Thanks for all the love <3

Chapter 6: Nā Hopena (The Consequences)

Notes:

Hello I'm back with a new chapter!
This week was a difficult one, my mind finally caught up with 2020 (a.k.a. the worst year in most of the people's lives.) And I was a walking existential crisis mess, but I managed to write this.
Anyway, I am better now and I can't wait to show you all the things I have planned for this part I like to call 'The aftermath'
Lots of love <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Back in Los Angeles, things were going south, to say the least.

The 118 was freaking out between calls after Maddie's morning visit.

They had tried to call Buck thousand times only to bump with his voicemail and the same was applied for the female Buckley.

However, they did not call Athena to use her resources and trace Buck's phone. They still didn't want her to know what had happened, because they knew that she and Maddie would unleash hell on earth. Or rather on them.

Guilt was eating them all from within.

At lunch, no one ate.

Their stomachs felt the size of a pea. They tried to talk about something else, avoid the elephant in the room but their efforts were in vain. Everything reminded them of him.

The new recruit was just a reminder of their mistakes with Buck.

Eventually, they decided that lunch was over and started doing chores around the station.

Everyone got together at the loft at 5, to try to eat a snack.

Suddenly in the silence, two phones rang with notifications, startling them.

Chimney and Hen looked at each other and pulled their phones out of their pockets.

They looked at the messages that had just arrived and looked at each other again.

Eddie's patience ran out. "What happened?"

"It's Buck." Hen said.

A few more seconds of tense silence passed.

"So what does it say?" Bobby asked.

"We don't know, they are voice notes," Chimney explained.

"About 3 minutes." Her partner added.

Their stomachs sank.

They knew what it meant but they didn't want to accept it.

Hen took one last look at the men around her, and with a shaking hand started the audio.

First, a shaky huff sounded.

"Hello Hen," Buck's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat to cover it. "When this message reaches you, you will probably be at the station, and..." He stopped. "...my only wish is that you don't hear this in front of Bobby and Eddie," The two mentioned men stopped breathing. "...please."

The last word was filled with such pain, that everyone in the room wanted to cry.

Hen immediately stopped the audio and Chimney started it on his phone.

"Hi Chim. Uhm.. when this message arrives, and you listen to this, you'll probably be at the station..." He stopped.

"Don't listen to it in front of Eddie or Bobby. Please."

White noise was everything they could hear after that.

Bobby's face was blank, just staring at nothing. No expression showed on the outside.
He breathed slowly, his mind catching up with what he had just heard.

Eddie, by Bobby's side, tried to breathe, but he couldn't. He had a growing pain in his chest, and he just couldn't. He didn't remember how to.

Although they had known each other for two years, he couldn't remember what was life before Buck. But in the last months he had been blinded by rage for himself and his problems and projected it on Buck.

And now he didn't want to talk to him. Hell, he probably had moved out from Los Angeles, just because of him.

How bad had he messed up?

"Eddie."

A voice entered his thought's whirlwind.
It sounded like Buck.

It had to be Buck. That was just a nightmare.

"Eddie!" The voice said again.

Sadness made its way onto his mind as he realized it wasn't Buck's voice.

"Chimney no!"

He was finally snapped back to reality by a hand on his shoulder.

Eddie's Army-boy part mind sent an alert and in a matter of seconds, he had Chimney's right arm held behind his back by his arm in a wrist and shoulder lock, with his left hand holding Chim's left shoulder.

"Eddie stop!" Chimney cried in pain.

Eddie suddenly realized what he was doing and quickly set Chim free from his hold.

The other man set some distance between them before rubbing his right shoulder with his hand.

Eddie's eyes teared up as he covered his mouth with his hand.

"I'm- I'm sorry Chim, I..." He spoke. "I need some space."

Then he ran downstairs to the bathroom, where he locked the door and broke down to tears.

The alarm went off, indicating an emergency in a Park, but Eddie just couldn't bring himself to get up and go. Act like things were okay.

Because they were not.

...

When they arrived at the park, the first thing Chimney noticed was a group of people surrounding a table.

He and Hen sprinted to get there and help whoever was in trouble, but when he was some feet away, he stopped on his heels noticing that that person in trouble was his brother.

"Albert?" He asked, taking in the scene and rushing ahead again.

Albert was sitting on the table's bench, drinking from a water bottle with a woman behind him, rubbing his back. The crowd started dissolving when the firefighters appeared.

"Oh great. Hi Chim." Albert said.

Hen rushed forward to take his vitals as she asked "What happened here?"

"Let me answer that." The woman stood up. "I helped him, he was choking and couldn't breathe, so I got closer and made the Heimlich maneuver."

Chim stood there not knowing how to react.

"I uh... I am a lifeguard." The woman added.

"Well, you made an amazing job." Hen said before pointing at Albert. "We will have to take you to the hospital though."

Albert grunted. "Fine."

Chimney patted his brother on his shoulder as he helped him pack his uneaten lunch on his backpack, get up and walk to the ambulance.

"So... Buck is gone."

Albert's voice sounded rough.

"Yeah..."

"Did you have something to do with it?"

"Yeah."
...

The guilt could be felt all around the station. And bad luck for their overthinking brains, there were no calls on the last three hours of their shifts.

Eddie eventually came outside the bathroom after they arrived from the call and started working with the firetruck's water hoses without telling a word.

Bobby received a call from an angry Athena half an hour after they heard the voice notes, telling that she and May had received voice notes from Buck, that didn't speak good about him. He couldn't talk about that by phone, so he told her they would discuss it when he finished his shift. The police Sergeant made it very clear that she was disappointed and she was angry with him and his whole team.

Then, Bobby had given everyone more chores to do and went to do paperwork at his office.

Meanwhile, Hen had to confront an upset wife, who had received the news about Buck from Athena and Carla.

Chim and Hen were almost finished cleaning and restocking the ambulance when the new recruit came near them.

"Um, hi, uh- Howard and Henrietta right?" She asked.

"Yeah, please call me Chimney," Chim said, walking closer to her.

"And I'm Hen. Jennifer, right?" Hen, who was inside the ambulance sat on the stretcher.

"Yes, my friends call me JJ." She said. "I um... I'm curious about something."

"Okay, shoot, "Chimney answered.

"Is this normal here? Like, the mood. Or did I do something wrong?" JJ asked.

Chimney and Hen looked at each other.

"Oh no darling, you didn't do anything wrong." Hen assured. "It's just that..."

She stopped, not knowing what to say. She looked at Chimney helplessly.

"Come inside." Hen finally decided, getting deeper into the ambulance so JJ and Chimney could fit in.

Chimney closed the back doors and sat on the stretcher next to Hen.

"So, we... had a partner. His name was Evan Buckley... Buck..."

...

Albert spent the afternoon in the Hospital.

After the doctor run some tests on him, an MRI scan for his throat that was clear, a bronchoscopy to check his lungs were okay, and a thorax x-ray that showed he had some broken ribs, he was sent home with painkillers, anti-inflammatory meds and strict orders to relax and not to lift heavy things.

After the Uber Driver left him in front of Chimney's building, he went upstairs and inside the apartment, looked for a bag of frozen peas, took his medicine, and laid on the couch.

The painkillers knocked him out.

When he woke up, the sun was low and its last rays filtrated through the windows into the dark house.

His throat felt sore and itchy, so he naturally coughed hard. One of the worst errors in his life, probably.

Pain stabbed his chest and he laid on the couch again, taking short breaths and remembering what had happened earlier.

He had a broken rib. Right.

He felt the bag of now defrosted peas with his hand and rolled his eyes.

Once the pain was almost gone, he tried to carefully change his position to a sitting one.

After he was done, he took his phone from the coffee table and unlocked it.

Chimney had sent him some messages.

 

6.30 pm

Chim: "Hey, how are you? Are you home or still in the hospital?"

7.09 pm

Chim: "Hey Albert. I bet you are already home, how did it go?"

7.20

Chim: "You are worrying me. Are you okay??"

 

Albert blinked some times to try to clear his foggy mind.

 

7.24

Albs: "Yea I'm home. I fell asleep."

"I think it was the painkillers."

 

Chim: "Painkillers?"

"How did it go??"

 

Albs: "Everything clear. Just some broken ribs."

 

Chim: "phew."

"ill be coming a little late today."

"Eddie wants to go to Buck's apartment after we finish here."

 

Albs: "Can I go too?"

 

Chim: "I don't think it's a good idea. You should be resting."

 

Albs: "Please Howie."

 

Chim: "Ugh, fine. But don't bother me when it starts hurting in the middle of the night or if your bruise gets worse."

 

 Albs: "Thanks, bro."

 

'What bruice?' Albert thought. He placed the phone by his side on the couch's pillows and lifted his shirt.

He was surprised to see parts of his skin colored blue and purple with shades of yellow and brown by the sides just where the arms of the lifeguard girl were.

He shuddered and immediately regretted it with a wince.

His stomach grumbled angrily, so he walked to the kitchen to make himself something to eat after shutting the curtains, with a soft but constant pain on his chest.

Long weeks were ahead.

...

It was 8 pm, the sun was finally going down and the people in the 118 were going home after a long day.

Except for Chimney and Eddie.

Bobby had told them that Athena had told him that May had told her that Buck's apartment was empty.

They wanted to see that for themselves too.

So, each got inside its vehicle and drove to Buck's place.

Once they arrived, they were met by a cold shoulder from Albert who had taken an Uber there, and although Eddie asked him how he was doing after the events that happened earlier, he just greeted them, ignored the question, and went inside the building.

Chimney shrugged and followed his brother. Eddie went behind him, fiddling nervously with his spare keys to Buck's place.

Soon enough they were in front of the apartment's door, and Eddie was trying to place the keys correctly in the lock.

He remembered a conversation where Buck was complaining about the broken lock and this lazy janitor who never listened to him.

Suddenly he heard a door opening, but the three were surprised when they saw it was Buck's neighbor's door.

"Hello, can I help you?" An old woman asked from behind the door.

"Hi ma'am, I'm Eddie, uh... Buck's friend, you're Edna right?" Eddie said.

The lady nodded slowly and kept watching the two other men with him.

Then Eddie realized what she was meaning and pointed at Chimney and Albert. "They are with me."

"Do you know if Buck's home, Mrs. Edna?" Albert asked politely.

The lady gave them an odd look.

"I don't think so."

Silence filled the hall. Eddie had stopped trying to open the door. There was an edge to Edna's voice he didn't like.

"You are Eddie Diaz?" The lady asked.

"Y-yeah." He studied the woman's expression.

"I need you to give me those keys, please." The lady said peacefully. "Buck said that if a man named Eddie try to enter his apartment with spare keys, I asked for them and gave it to another person. An Albert Han."

"W-what?" Eddie asked once more, he looked at Albert who shrugged but he could read in his face that the man knew what was going on.

He tried to open the door one more time and this time it worked and he opened the door.

Of course that knew the apartment was empty, but they weren't expecting what they saw.

There wasn't a single thing that showed a person had lived there for the last year.


The only things Eddie could recognize were the TV and the couch.

"What the hell?" Chimney asked as he stepped inside with his brother. There was a donut box on the floor.

Eddie ran upstairs to the bedroom/loft, while Chimney checked the kitchen and Albert the living room.

Eddie noticed the bed was made, without a single wrinkle in the sheets. He checked the drawers and the cupboard to see if there was something, anything that signaled Buck was or would come back.

Nothing.

"No, no, no. Dios, por favor no." He said under his breath.

"He's not here," Edna said, startling the three men who were inspecting the apartment. She was standing on the doorframe. "He left earlier today with two other men."

That called Eddie's attention. He quickly went back downstairs.

"Two other men?" He asked, protectiveness activating inside him. "Who were they?"

The lady huffed.

"Their names were Steve and Danny, one was tall brown hair blue eyes and the other one with short blond hair." She described the men. "They arrived here like three days ago and left today with Buck."

The names rang a bell inside Eddie's mind.

Then Chimney spoke.

"Hey Eddie, remember the married couple that appeared at the station three days ago? I think their names were Steve and Danny."

"Desgraciados. Debí saberlo." Eddie cursed. He tried to take deep breaths to calm down.

"I heard something that he was moving to another state." Edna continued. "You should have been here yesterday. There were boxes everywhere on the hall and inside the apartment."

"Do you know where he went?" Chimney asked this time.

Edna stayed silent for some seconds.

"I don't think I should tell you. If he moved from LA without telling you, you must have done something wrong."

Then she turned around, took the keys out of the door's lock, and went inside her apartment.

Chimney took a picture of the place and sent it to the 'fire fam 🔥' group chat, which had the 118 members plus their families.

Chimney: [Picture]
Chimney: He's gone.

Eddie stayed silent, thinking about something Edna had said earlier.

Buck said that if a man named Eddie try to enter his apartment with spare keys, I asked for them and gave them to another person. An Albert Han.

Why?

"Albert."

"Yeah, Eddie?"

"Why would Buck leave his main keys for you?" Eddie asked tentatively.

"Uhmm..."

Chimney looked up from his phone to see to see a dismissive Albert. He had his head ducked, and was fiddling with his hands.

"He... he left the place for me..."

Notes:

On the next chapters there are going to be a lot of time jumps, but I wanted to write everyone's reactions to the audios Buck sent, so I hope you don't get confused.

You are welcome to rant with me in the comments!
What do you think is the Buckley family secret?
(I personally think it's that Buck is adopted.)

Keep it wholesome!

(I forgot to mention, there will be some parts in Spanish in the next chapters, would you like me to translate it to English next to the sentence, "Como esto." /"Like this."??)

Chapter 7: Ka ʻohana Han (The Han family)

Notes:

Hello I'm not dead, I just don't have internet!

Sorry, my update schedule is super messy although I try my best to update on the days that I have to.

And it's about to get messier because after three months of vacations, I'll finally start school on March woo hoo. (I'm not ready pls send help.)

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

(This is the audio, this is the character's thoughts and this are messages)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Albert had been walking for the past four hours through LA, handing out his curriculum in hotels, restaurants, and cafes.

Hell, a job as a janitor was very much welcome if it meant that he would win some money, so he could start building a life in the city of Angels.

He munched a little bit too harshly on a hatteok he had just bought in a Korean restaurant along with his lunch, which consisted of classic Bibimbap. He was starving, after all, it was 5 pm.

He arrived at a park equipped with big tables a playground, trees, and not so many people, thinking of a well-deserved break.

He found an empty table and decided to sit there and eat his lunch, enjoying the shade of the trees.

After spending a few minutes arranging his food and finally taking a bite from it, he removed his phone from his backpack and saw that he had some notifications.

Instagram, Twitter, and ... Buck?

His eyebrows furrowed as he unlocked the device.

He opened his chat with Buck and saw that he had sent an audio that lasted a few minutes and nothing more.

Confused, he pressed the button to play it, raised the volume, and continued eating.

Hey Albert!

Okay, good start, Buck seemed happy.

So, when you get this, you'll probably have already heard the news.

His eyebrows rose as he got even more confused. What news?

I left Los Angeles.

He choked with a piece of meat from his food.

He tried to cough to get it out and reached for his water bottle until he thought, Don't drink water, you don't want to have a hole in your throat like Buck.

There's not much I can add to that, just that I needed to leave for the sake of my health. Both physically and mentally.

He couldn't get it out. Oh no, I'm going to die in the dumbest possible way.

I... there's actually one more thing that I need to tell you. I know you're still loo-

He stopped the audio as he kept on coughing and shook his arms to call someone's, anybody's attention.

A woman looked his way and he placed his hands on his throat, a clear sign that he was choking before he lost balance and fell on his back.

...

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"A man is choking! In the Harold A. Henry Park!"

...

His talk with Chimney in the ambulance was awkward, to say the least.

Albert was laying on the stretcher, the oxygen mask on his mouth and nose to help him breath better, and Chimney was by his side, sitting on the seat next to the stretcher.

Albert told him about the audio he had received and that that was how he found out about Buck. Chimney said that he had received one too, but still hadn't dared to play it. He couldn't.

Albert looked at him with a mix of sadness and anger in his eyes. Then he looked at his phone and played the note from the beginning.

Hey Albert!

Buck sounded happy but they knew he was suffering on the inside. It made Chimney wonder how many times did Buck hide his true feelings from them.

So, when you get this, you'll probably have already heard the news.
I left Los Angeles.

Albert cleared his throat. It was still raspy and sore.

There's not much I can add to that, just that I needed to leave for the sake of my health. Both physically and mentally.

I... there's actually one more thing that I need to tell you.

Okay, now is the moment, Albert thought.

Chimney looked at him from his side with a worried look.

I know you still looking for work and a place to move in.
I can't leave you settled in a job, but I left 3 months worth of rent paid for my apartment for you. You can ask Maddie for the keys.

His eyes widened. That couldn't be real.

That way you only worry about a job and supplies for yourself.
It's not much, but I wanted to give you some help to start finding your way in LA.

"Not much?" Albert's whisper sounded muffled because of the O2 mask.

We didn't really get to know each other well, but I can see you are a good person, and sincerely, I'll really miss you, Albert.

A single tear dropped down his eye. It was more than what anyone in his life had given to him.

Please don't be mad with your brother. He- He did what he could to protect me.

Albert made eye contact with Chimney, who seemed surprised that Buck had said that.

Take care of the 118 for me.
Goodbye.

And that was it.

"So you were involved," Albert spoke first.

"No. Maybe... yeah," Chimney mumbled. "We really messed up Albert. Everyone in the station was involved."

"We knew this was happening. We tried to help him with Hen because we know what it feels like to be rejected, to be aparted from your family..." Chimney sighed. "To be stepped over or treated like you are nothing."

Albert winced internally. He knew that deep down Chimney was speaking of their father.

"But he didn't want us to intervene. He said he got it and that he could take it." Then he added in a lower tone, "I should have pressed him more. I should have helped him."

A wave of anger made its way onto the surface as Chimney exclaimed, "I- I am supposed to help people! What kind of paramedic am I if I'm not able to help my own friend?"

"I'm going to stop you there Chimney." Hen's voice sounded from the driver's seat. She didn't mean to eavesdrop but they were talking in the back of their ambulance. "You are a great paramedic and a good friend."

She went silent, Chimney knew she was thinking her next words.

"It is our fault though. We were both supposed to help him. Be there for him."

"I just hope that he's with good people," Albert said, and Chimney couldn't agree more.

Hen parked the ambulance and Chimney started unlocking the stretcher's wheels.

"Hey, hey wait! You know I have legs right?" Albert protested and before Chimney could tell him to stay still, he tried to get up and sit.

His eyes widened when he felt pain all around his chest. He looked at Chimney as he fell on the stretcher again.

"What the-"

"You still had a lot of adrenaline in your system when we arrived at the park, that's why you didn't feel the pain yet," Chimney explained with a smirk.

Hen opened the back doors and both took Albert inside the hospital.

...

4 hours later

...

Chimney stumbled more than walked out of Buck's apartment to have some air.

He suddenly found himself panting outside the building, his brain still processing what had happened that day.

Buck was gone.

They had a new partner.

Buck's apartment was empty.

Albert could have died.

He knew it wasn't the best decision to leave his brother alone with Eddie in the apartment, especially with the news he had just said.

But it was all just too much to process.

Once he stopped feeling lightheaded and he caught his breath back, Chimney debated if he should go back inside or just message Albert that he would wait inside the car for him.

When he finally decided to send a text and unlocked his phone, he forgot about everything when he saw Buck's contact open.

Chimney still hadn't heard the message. He thought he didn't deserve to listen to it, because he was as rude as Eddie and Bobby who didn't get one.

It just wasn't fair.

He rested his back against the wall of the building and looked up to the night sky, sighing. His shoulder still ached from that evening's events.

"Please send me a sign." He whispered to no one in particular.

Seconds later a new message arrived. It was Maddie.

Mads: Hi Howie.
I think we need to talk.

He huffed a laugh. "Okay, okay."

Then he typed an answer for Maddie.

Chimney: Hi Maddie.
We definitely need to talk.
Wanna have lunch together tomorrow?

Maddie's reply came sooner than he expected.

Mads: I would like it, yeah.
After the talk at Athena's?

Chimney closed his eyes.
Right, Bobby had told them to go the next day to their house.

Chimney: Sure.

Mads: Great.
At your place.
I'll take the wine.

And that was all their convo.
A little dry, but better than nothing.

If he was going to make things right this time, he had to start right then.

He played the audio.

Hi Chim.
When this message arrives, and you listen to this, you'll probably be at the station.

Buck stopped. A heavy breath sounded.

Don't listen to it in front of Eddie or Bobby. Please.

He could already feel his eyes watering.

Hey Howie! Um... there's no way to soften this news so... I am leaving LA.
Well, by the time this reaches you I will already have left the city. It's not forever.
But it won't be for a short time.

An exasperated huff came from the audio.

I just... I-I can't heal in the place that made me sick, you know?
And definitely not with the people that made me sick in the first place.

Silence. Chimney sobbed, tears falling down his eyes.

Actually that was what I thought when I left Hershey with the Jeep. But that's another story.

Why didn't the Buckleys speak about their past in Hershey?

I hope you understand me.
Thanks for always supporting me, Chim. You are like an older brother to me, so take care of Maddie. She is strong, but she needs a rock right now. She needs somebody to be there for her. I know she'll be fine with you by her side.

Chimney smiled as even more tears blinded his vision.

And if you ask yourself if I regret this, I don't.

I don't regret suing Bobby and the Department. I needed to make my point clear, I needed Bobby to know that I was capable of getting back to work.

I know he was trying to protect me, but I didn't need that, I  needed someone to have my back.

"You needed me." Chimney quietly said, drying his tears with his forearm.

What I do regret is not thinking it slowly I did this to go back to doing what I love, but instead, I lost most of my family that day.
I hope someday you can forgive me, for everything.

"I forgive you, Buck. I never blamed you." He knew he was speaking to no one, but he needed to say it.
We are the ones that have to say sorry.

I love you, Chim, and I'll miss you and your sass.
Goodbye, brother.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no!" Chimney collapsed and sat on the floor, dragging his back on the wall.

There he sobbed and cried and cursed the world for everything.

Why? Why? Why?

Why did Buck leave?

Why did they allow that to happen?

Why did they shut up about everything that was happening?

He didn't know how much time had passed until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey."

Chimney looked up. It was Albert.
He helped him get on his feet and hugged him.

"Let's go home brother."

Notes:

Thanks God for Buck Begins.

I actually updated today because I wanted to watch 4x05 before, because had the feeling that it could bring me some more ideas for the audios.

What did you think about it?

You are welcome to rant with me in the comments! :)

Chapter 8: Ka ʻohana Diaz (The Diaz family)

Notes:

Hola!
I never know what to write here although I spend most of the week thinking about this notes hahaha.

I hope you like this chapter, and I'll probably update on Tuesday but it's a big maybe bc of school.

It's almost 2 am, I'm tired but I made an effort for you!

 (I also remembered that Eddie is half Swede, half Mexican!)

 


(This is the audio,

this is the character's thoughts
and this are messages)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Isabel and Josefina Diaz were cooking Tres Leches cake in the older woman's kitchen while happy humming along with Luis Miguel's songs when Isabel's phone chimed with a notification.

"Just five more minutes." She nodded proudly as she checked the oven where the cake was. Then she looked at her daughter. "Can you check that for me mija?"

"Claro mamá." (Of course mom) Josefina answered. She cleaned her hands and found her mother's phone behind the flour. It had some white dust, that she easily wiped away.

"Mom, it's Buck. He sent you an audio."

"Well then, let's hear it," Isabel said, closing the oven. Then she got closer to the stereo and turned the volume down.

Josefina played the audio.

Hi Isa- Abuela.

She immediately noticed something was off with the man.

I- I need to tell you something.
I'm leaving Los Angeles.

She looked at her daughter, who was resting against the counter. Both were surprised.

I'm really sorry for not saying this face to face, but I couldn't risk Eddie and Chris knowing this.

I know you will want an explanation, so, uhh, I guess here I go.

"Si, por favor." (Yes, please.) She said and got closer to Josefina.

Things haven't been great at the station after the lawsuit.

They have been the opposite, actually. And I don't want to be there anymore. Now I know it's not good for me or my mental health to stay in that sick environment.

Her mouth opened, her face contracted by concern. Josefina bit her upper lip, a gesture inherited from the Diaz family without a doubt.

You need to know that I'm in good hands, in a new city. And well-fed too.

I'll also change my phone number, so you should be expecting a text from a stranger in a few weeks.

"What?" Josefina said, to which her mother answered by shushing her.

And, if you can, please speak with Carla. She deserves to know this too.
Also, the second note I sent is for Christopher.
I need to make sure for him that he can still count on me. That I didn't leave him like Shannon.

"That gringa."

I hope that before you show him the note, you'll explain to him that I left. But... don't show it to Eddie. Please.

"Edmundo Joaquin Diaz Hellström, what have you done?" Isabel said, now her expression was blank except for one of her raised eyebrows.

Josefina knew that was not a good sign and unconsciously stepped away from her and the wooden spoon in her hands.

Lastly I wanted to thank you, for letting me settle into your family and sorry for disappointing you.

"Why would he disappoint us?" The younger woman asked.

Te quiero, Abuela. Y te extrañaré a ti, a Josefina y a tus empanadas. (I love you Abuela. And I'll miss you, Josefina, and your empanadas.)

Adiós. (Goodbye.)

The pair continued looking at each other wordlessly. A bittersweet smell filled the air, and Isabel discovered that the cake was overcooked and smoking inside the oven.

"I'm going to call Edmundo." Abuela sentenced after turning the oven off.

"But he's in a shift."

"No me importa." (I don't care.) Isabel cut her off and took her phone from her daughter's hand. Josefina wasn't about to discuss with her.

She sighed as her mother disappeared into the living room. "Diosito, please have mercy on Eddie."

She started opening the windows of the house thinking that things would go downhill from that day on.

...

Eddie didn't answer his phone, which just worried Isabel even more. Her Abuela instincts told her things were wrong with him.

She went back to the kitchen to continue cooking with her daughter. She didn't turn the music on again though.

After the cake was ready, both set off to Eddie's house, knowing Chris and Carla were there by themselves.

The black woman received them delightedly, and Chris was almost bouncing on the walls because his Abuela and Tia Pepa had come to visit.

While Chris showed Pepa his recent artworks and projects for school, Isabel talked with Carla about Buck.

The woman was surprised and heartbroken with the news, to say the least. She loved Buck as much as... well, as much as everyone around him did.

"Are you sure?" She asked, double-checking.

"Yes, I'm sure mija," Abuela spoke. Then she showed her the audio Buck had sent her and the one he had sent for Chris.

"Oh my God." Carla was as surprised as them. Tears shined in her eyes after hearing all the pain in the man's voice. "I think this is a talk Eddie has to have with Chris."

Abuela hummed, "Of course. But he won't answer my calls. I am worried about him."

"Well, his shift ends at 8 pm. He always comes home quickly to spend some time with Chris before he goes to sleep." Carla responded. "Although for the last weeks he's been coming in later than usual. I wonder why..."

...

Eddie finally arrived home at 9 pm.

He sighed and rubbed his face after turning his engine off.

He really wanted to go street fighting. Just release some steam, punch someone until his knuckles were raw and his mind free of anger. Just hearing the delicious sound of his name being exclaimed all around him because he had won.

He knew it was risky. He could get trapped or caught by cops and go to jail. Again.

Or die in the ring.

But the money and the exciting feeling were fogging his common sense.

Just one more fight and I won't ever go again.

That's what he always told himself.

He always went back.

He discovered himself daydreaming again, so he shook his head and breathed in regular times so he could be calm for his son.

Damn, what would he tell Chris?

He got off the truck, noticing for the first time that his Abuela's car was there. Oh no.

Why didn't Carla tell him they were there?

Did she already know the news?

Did she tell Chris?

What if Chris knew?

Would he accept it well or...

"Stop. You're overthinking." Again. He said.

He stepped out of his truck feeling odd. He tried to play with his house keys to feel better, but it only reminded him of a trick Buck always, always, showed him with his keys.

Some seconds after, he entered the house and a happy Christopher ran into his arms.

"Daddy!"

"Mijo!"

Eddie smiled and a soft laugh/sob escaped his mouth and betrayed his calm facade.

"What's wrong Dad?" Christopher asked.

His kid was way too smart and perceptive for his age.

Eddie thought of his options. If he said nothing was wrong, he would be lying, something he didn't want to do, but if he said what happened his kid would be upset.

"I just had a rough day, Chris, but we can speak about it later." Eddie had kneeled so he could look at Chris in his eyes. "Now go put your pajamas on and brush your teeth, it's almost time to go to bed."

The kid looked worried, but nodded and started making his way to the bathroom aided by his crutches.

After taking his shoes off, Eddie walked to the dining room, meeting Abuela, Tia, and Carla.

The three had death glares that made him shudder with a wave of cold sweat.

"Hi." He said, and suddenly he felt like he was 10 years old and his little sister had broken her arm and he was the one who has to tell their parents, who obviously scolded him.

"Sit down." Isabel said in a warning tone pointing at a chair. Eddie did as he was told without question.

"I'm going to go home," Carla said, standing up. He gave Eddie a disappointed look. "Goodbye, Eddie. Isabel, Josefina."

They heard Carla exclaimed goodbye to Chris and the door closing behind her.

"What happened?" Isabel spoke.

"Is he gone?" Josefina asked.

Eddie looked at the patterns on the table cloth, feeling tears on the corner of his eyes and a storm of anger and sadness inside him.

After some seconds passed without an answer, Isabel and Pepa looked at each other.

"Eddito," Isabel changed tactics and grabbed Eddie's hand across the table. "It's okay. We are here to listen. Not to judge."

A sob finally escaped his lips as tears streamed out of his eyes.

"He's gone. Evan moved from Los Angeles."

"Who is Evan?"

The three pairs of adult eyes were set on Christopher, who was wearing his favorite dinosaur pajamas and whose dinosaur stuffed toy was laying on the floor by his side.

Eddie's eyes filled even more with tears with the view of his son. He had just discovered they never told Christopher what was Buck's actual name. He just was Buck. Their Buck.

He looked at his Abuela silently asking for help, but she refused. This was a conversation Eddie needed to have with Chris.

"It's uh... it's Buck."

"Wait." Chris said, taking in his words. He tilted his head aside. "Buck, like Buck? Like my Bucky? His name is Evan?"

"Yeah, Chris."

"Bucky is... gone?" Chris continued talking slowly. Brown eyes scanning Eddie's own.

All Eddie could do was nod. He probably looked as bad as he felt on the inside.

"But- But he didn't say goodbye!" The kid exclaimed, tears starting to fall off his eyes. "You are lying! I know he would never leave without saying goodbye!"

"Christopher-"

"He didn't." Isabel cut Eddie off. Both Eddie and Chris looked at her with the same look in their eyes. In some other ocation, it would have made her laugh. Now it just made her sigh.

"What?"

"He sent me an audio. One for me and one for Chris." Isabel continued thinking her next words. She could feel her daughter's eyes on her, questioning why did she break the only thing Buck asked for.

"He told me not to show them to you. But I think you should listen to them."

...

The four Diaz were settled in the living room.

Eddie and Chris were both sitting on the large couch, with the kid laying on Eddie's side, and Isabel and Josefina were sitting together on another couch.

Isabel handed Eddie her phone and the man played the audio directed to Christopher with a trembling hand.

Hey Superman!

Eddie's leg started bouncing until Isabel directed him a look.

So your Abuela must have told you that moved from Los Angeles.

I'm really sorry that I couldn't tell you in person Chris.
I really, really, really wanted to say goodbye in person, but  I knew I would not be able to leave if I saw your puppy eyes you love to put for me.
But I need you to know that you can still talk to me whenever you want to.

The kid looked at his great-grandmother and aunt.

Just tell your Abuela or Auntie Maddie or even Carla and they will contact me just for you.

Eddie was crying silently, stroking his son's curly hair.

This is not your fault Christopher, I didn't leave because of you or something you did. It's just... grownups things between Daddy and Bobby and I that someday you will understand.

And I won't blame you if you don't want to talk to me anymore, okay buddy?

Christopher looked at Eddie in his eyes. His expression was unreadable.

I-I love you Christopher, more than what words can describe.

You are an amazingly brave young boy who can do whatever he wants in life.

Buck's voice cracked. It was obvious that he was crying too when he recorded the audio.

Never let someone tell you otherwise.

Bucky loves you, Chris.
Please never forget that.

It was short but sweet.
It was all Christopher needed to hear.

The kid turned and hugged his dad with a strong grip. His little body shook with his sobs, and his whimpers destroyed Eddie's heart to crumbles.

...

Eventually, Isabel and Josefina left after sending Eddie the first audio, leaving a sleepy father with a passed-out Christopher in his arms.

Eddie carefully placed his kid on his bed and covered him with the blankets. He then dried his cheeks and felt sorry for making his kid going through all that pain one more time.

He also thanked Buck for telling Chris that this wasn't the kid's fault because Eddie was sure Chris still felt like his mom left because of him. Of his condition.

He kissed his forehead and went to his room.

Eddie prepared to go to bed, making his night routine, but before he slipped inside his bed he played the audio on a low volume so he wouldn't wake Chris up.

Hi Isa- Abuela.

Eddie smiled, Buck always tried to address everyone rightly but miserably failed when it came to his Abuela.

I- I need to tell you something.
I'm leaving Los Angeles.

The crack on Buck's voice was enough for his eyes to start watering again.

His tone of voice was off, he should have known he was doing bad. He was hurting by Eddie's behavior.

I'm really sorry for not saying this face to face, but I couldn't risk Eddie and Chris knowing this.

I know you will want an explanation, so, uhh, I guess here I go.
Things haven't been great at the station after the lawsuit. They have been the opposite, actually. And I don't want to be there anymore. Now I know it's not good for me or my mental health to stay in that sick environment.

Eddie understood Buck in a certain way, but if he had just spoken with them maybe... he wouldn't have left.

You need to know that I'm in good hands, in a new city. And well-fed too.

Who the hell did he leave with?

I'll also change my phone number, so you should be expecting a text from a stranger in a few weeks.

That's why he didn't answer their calls.

And, if you can, please speak with Carla. She deserves to know this too.
Also, the second note I sent is for Christopher.
I need to make sure for him that he can still count on me. That I didn't leave him like Shannon.

Even after all Eddie did, Buck still cared for Chris' wellbeing.

I hope that before you show him the note, you'll explain to him that I left. But... don't show it to Eddie. Please.

"Buck..." He whispered with a crack in his own voice.

Lastly, I wanted to thank you, for letting me settle into your family and sorry for disappointing you.

Te quiero, Abuela. Y te extrañaré a ti, a Josefina y a tus empanadas.
Adiós.

 

After that, he found himself crying his eyes out again on his bed, his clothes everywhere on the floor after a moment of pure rage.

His fears had come true one more time and now Buck was gone.

Buck. His best friend, his brother, his crush, the person he loved the most after Christopher.
He was gone and it was his fault.

He had been scared of losing him, with the explosion, the tsunami, and then the lawsuit, so he unconsciously set him aside bit by bit.

The last time he had talked to Buck, he probably had said something along the lines of 'you are an idiot traitor, Buckley' and pushed him harshly.

He had promised to have Buck's back. When did their relationship go so bad?

Was it after the tsunami?
Eddie had been clear about him not being mad with Buck for almost losing thei- his. His kid. He could have sworn they even had a moment when speaking at Buck's apartment.

He was so close to telling him the truth about his feelings, right then. He should have at least said 'I love you.' Maybe not romantically (he didn't even know if Buck was into guys and God knew if he had the same feelings as Eddie), but brotherly.

I love you, I am here for you and I'll never leave you no matter what.

Maybe he should have said it more often.

He knew Buck had trust issues, but never spoke of his past or what caused them.

Maybe he wouldn't have left.

Maybe he wouldn't have put the lawsuit between them if he knew Eddie was by his side.

Maybe he should have pressured him more so he would open up about... whatever had happened in his childhood.

But that wouldn't have ended well. Buck didn't nose in Eddie's Army past, Eddie didn't ask about Buck's childhood. It was like a silent deal they had.

Oh, God.

What am I going to do without you?

He had only thought that twice in his life.

The first time was when Shannon's clothes were handed to him in a bag at the hospital.

The second time was that night, half asleep, overthinking about Evan Buckley.

Notes:

I'd really like to know what you thought about this chapter!

You are welcome to rant with me in the comments :)

What do you guys think about Ana?
I haven't watched this weeks 9-1-1 ep but I know she appeared so let me know your thoughts!

Chapter 9: Ka ʻohana Wilson (The Wilson family)

Notes:

Hi beautiful people!

Thank you so much for the beautiful comments y'all leave on every chapter, I feed off them, and it never fails to make me smile <3

Ps: Read this with a box of tissues by the side, my writing is apparently as good as to make ppl cry
👁👄👁

(This is the audio, this is the character's thoughts and this are messages)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hen parked her car outside her home and cleaned the fresh tear tracks off her cheeks with her hands.

Then she took a look through the house's windows. She could see Karen preparing dinner and helping Denny with his homework inside the house.

Hen took some deep breaths and stepped out of the car, keys in her right hand.

When she opened the door, she found Karen and Denny standing in front of her. Hen threw her bag to the floor and Karen walked forward to hug her wife tightly.

Denny joined the hug too, and Hen laughed when he put her hand on top of his head.

She kissed her wife and ruffled her son's hair.

"How are you?" Karen whispered in Hen's ear.

"Okay. Kind of." Hen answered back.

"I'm still a little mad at you."

"I know."

Then she separated and admired her little family. They were there, safe and sound, with her.
She noticed Denny had something in his hands.

"What's that Den?" Hen asked.

The kid looked at Karen who smiled and nodded.

"I made you a drawing." He said, showing it to his Mom. "Mommy said you had a hard day at work today, and that we had to give you lots of love to make you happy."

Hen took a look at the drawing and smiled.

"This is you, and Mommy and me. And we are cheering you while you rescue a cat from a high tree!" Denny pointed each of his sketchy creations on the paper.

"It's beautiful Denny! I love it, thanks, son." Hen kneeled and hugged the kid. "This is going straight to my locker, young gentleman."

Denny looked up to his mommy with a smile and Karen winked an eye to him.

"Okay, okay. Enough love now. Dinner is getting cold!" Karen interrupted and went to the kitchen.

"Don't listen to her she's jealous you're getting all the love." Hen tickled the kid and a little laugh escaped his lips.

"I heard that!" Karen exclaimed from the other room.

Hen made Denny go wash his hands before eating while she changed her sweaty and smoke-smelling clothes for clean and fresh ones. She could take a bath later, all she wanted at that moment was to be with her family.

Karen had made Hen's favorite for dinner, garlic butter steak with potatoes, which was a total hit with no leftovers, especially because the paramedic had skipped lunch.

Then they put Denny in bed, washed the dishes together, and finally sat on the couch, each with a glass of wine in their hand, and turned the television on as background noise.

"So..." Karen started.

They had received Chimney's message and a picture of the empty apartment in the middle of dinner, almost making Hen choke with a mouthful of potatoes.

"I... knew what was going on. I did. And every time I or Chimney tried to protect Buck, he would just plead us not to do it. We tried to help him, but he didn't let us help him." Hen said. Tears started invading her eyes again. "I should have tried harder. I-I wasn't a good friend Karen."

"Come here..." Karen said, placing her glass on the coffee table in front of them.

Hen settled against her wife's warm body and began to cry.

"I am still angry with you and the boys, you really hurt him. But seeing you heartbroken like this... it takes all the anger away." Karen just stroked her head while speaking. Her eyes were watery.

"I know he was a great part of your life. Our lives. And him, leaving like that..." It hurts. She thought but didn't say it. "I'm not that angry with you, because I know Maddie and I know Athena and I know they are way angrier than what I am."

Hen flinched with the thought of both being in the same room as them. Which would happen the next day. Yikes.

Karen looked down at her reaction and was satisfied to see it. That was enough torture for Hen. Carrying the guilt and expecting the consequences.

"I just hope he's with good company." She finished.

...

After Hen almost fell asleep on the couch (and Karen), both decided it was time to call it a day and prepare to go to sleep.

Hen took a shower feeling numb. She couldn't believe all the things that had happened that day.

Buck, one of her closest friends, the golden retriever of the fire station was gone.

And it was all their fault.

Her mind wandered back to that afternoon, before Chimney and she received Buck's message.

Buck's message.

She remembered about the audio Buck had sent, a ray of hope for knowing what had happened with him.

Hen left the bathroom and marched towards their room where Karen was, already inside the bed and waiting for her. She unlocked her phone and looked for it while her wife eyed her curiously.

"Hen?"

The woman just looked at her and got under the blankets and the duvet with her phone still in her hand. Suddenly all that hope and bravery she got inside the bathroom dissolved. Now she was just staring scaredly at the grey icon that was the message.

Karen peeked over Hen's shoulder and saw she had Buck's chat open.

"He sent a voice message to you?"

"Yeah, he did. I feel like I don't deserve to listen to him. I was just as bad as Bobby and Eddie, and neither got one." Hen looked at Karen in the eyes. "I do not deserve this."

She dropped the phone on the duvet, hands going up to rub her eyes in a sign of distress.

Karen placed a hand on her upper arm. "Listen to me, Henrietta. You're not about to not make Buck's last wish come true."

She grabbed the phone and gave it a look before speaking again to her wife. "He sent this to you because he wanted to say something to you."

She tried to hand the phone to Hen, but she shook her head softly, hands still on her eyes, mind trying to think.

"I'll be here too. Don't I deserve to know what happened from Buck's mouth?" She said, half-serious half sweet

And yeah, Karen was right. She deserved to know.

"You play it."

"Okay," and Karen pressed the play button.

First, a shaky huff sounded.

Hello Hen,

Hen heard the same cracked voice as earlier in the day.

When this message reaches you, you will probably be at the station, and... my only wish is that you don't hear this in front of Bobby and Eddie,

Hen remembered the pain on Bobby and Eddie's faces.

...please.

Karen looked at Hen, silently asking 'You sure you want to do this?'. She nodded, taking the hand that wasn't grabbing the phone with hers.

Hi Hen, Karen, if you're listening to this it's because I'm already out of the city.

A sigh sounded.

I'm very sorry that you have to know it like this, with this voice message, but I didn't want to, I couldn't see you to say goodbye, because I knew I wasn't going to be able to leave...

Buck stopped taking for some seconds.

Please take care of Maddie while I'm gone. I know she is strong, but she needs your support now more than ever, especially you Karen.

Karen smiled, tears were already rolling down her face.

I know you're a good friend of hers.

I also want you to know that I will always be a phone call away if you need me. That I have moved home does not mean that I have left your lives.

Hen sniffed and Karen went closer to her so they could cuddle.

And don't ... don't be so hard on the rest of the 118 or Bobby and Eddie. This ... This is their fault for reacting how they did, but it's also mine.

A small sob came from the recording.

God, why did I have to make this stupid lawsuit? Why did that Mackey have to show up?

The questions were filled with pain and guilt.

I am very sorry for the decisions I've made, except for one. Suing Bobby. I know it may seem dumb but  I... broke the little family we had. I'm sorry about that, but I needed him to understand. I was desperate, I didn't think it would end on this. I just wanted a family again.

Buck sniffed. His voice trembled.

A family that would finally have my back and not try to stab me in the back from time to time.

More sobs. They even heard someone else say 'Easy, Buck, breath. We are here with you.' in the background.

We don't even know who Buck left with. Hen realized. Which just made her madder at herself.

Buck's recording hummed and they heard a shape intake of air.

Finally... I ask you not to worry about me.
I am in good hands.

In fact, I have many people waiting for me on the other side of the journey. A family that loves me as much as you do. I hope I don't break it like the last two.

Hen and Karen looked at each other. Did he say..?

Thanks for always having my back, girls.
I always knew that I had a place with you to shelter me and I will be grateful for that all my life.
Thanks for believing in me, even when I was that new dumbass selfish firefighter.

He chuckled.

I will miss you girls and Denny so much.
Remember that I love you all.

Goodbye girls.

Sobs and sniffs filled the silent room

"Karen..."

"I know, I know babe."

Both fell asleep still hugging but feeling a void on the inside.

Notes:

Two more chapters like this and we'll get to the big discussion!

Now I'll use this space to say something about 4x05, because I really need to. So spoiler alert for 'Buck Begins' and the previous episode 4x04

My mom and I think Daniel Buckley is not an excuse for Philip and Margaret not giving Buck enough love. The love he deserved as a child.

I know this because the chapter hit a little close to home, my position is similar to Buck's and my parents always made and make sure I know I am loved.

So it's not an excuse not to show Buck love.
It was not his fault that Daniel died and they never should have hide it from him.

So yeah, that's my point of view. It's not and it wasn't fair for our poor Buckaroo :(

 

End of spoiler alert

 

Also, speaking of Buck Begins, this story will stick to almost every event that happened in it, I'll post a timeline for this story soon.

And I know this is getting long, but I need to tell this aaa.

This is a little soon, but, would you guys support me if I made a separate story with little one shots of Buck's time in Hawaii? (It would be when I end this story)

The idea is to write wholesome, fluffy one shots with him and the Five-0 team, because, while I really want to write that in this story, it would really deviate from the plotlines I'm writing now and if I made it I would put a little summary before jumping forward in time.

I really love this idea and I'm 80% sure of doing it, but let me know what you think!

You are welcome to rant with me in the comments!

I love you <3

Chapter 10: Ka ʻohana Grant-Nash (The Grant-Nash family)

Notes:

Helloo!
Thank you so much for the support in this story, words can't describe how happy and grateful I am :)

Also, today I started watching season 9 of H50, after the channel that airs it here repeated seasons 1 to 8 three times. So I'll finally know what happened between Adam and Kono!

Nest week I'll update the timeline I was taking about last chapter.

 

(This is the audio, this is the character's thoughts and this are messages)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Athena Grant-Nash was brewing some well-deserved coffee for herself when her phone ringed with a message.

Please, I just want to have one complete free day without worrying.

She thought as she served some coffee in a cup and settled on the large couch in her living room, enjoying the bittersweet smell before checking the device, hoping it wasn't a call for work or an emergency.

She saw a message from Buck and smiled lightly.

Before opening the message she had the brief thought that something was wrong.

She had to, no. Needed to see him.

The last time she had seen the man was two weeks before when she went by at the firehouse to check on them after a rough call.

A rough call where she hadn't seen Buck.

She entered their chat and finally started the voice message with her eyebrows frowned.

 

Hey Athena.

Buck's voice was off. Her police instincts soared, analyzing both the tone of voice and the emotions he conveyed.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry for not telling you anything about what happened at the station.
Sorry for not having the guts to tell you face to face this.

Her heart sank. She just knew it, because she knew Buck. Or that's what she thought.

I left Los Angeles. It probably isn't for good, but I don't know how much time yet.

"You what?" She whispered, immediately pausing the audio.

She took a deep breath and started it again.

I left. It probably isn't for good. I don't know how much time yet. She repeated the keywords in her mind.

Where did he go? With who? Was he going to be okay? Why did he leave without saying anything?

Sorry for not telling you anything about what was happening at the station.

She closed her eyes, hoping the next sentence was not what she thought.

Please don't kill Bobby.

"Robert Wayne Nash, what the hell did you do?"

It's his fault, I know you both were worried about me, and that's why Bobby didn't let me go back to active duty. But he turned a blind eye and participated in what was happening inside his station.

But in a way... it's also mine for not telling anyone outside what was happening.

Athena winced when she heard the deep crack in his voice.

If you want to know the whole story you should talk with Maddie. She knows everything.

"I damn sure wanna know Buckaroo."

And I am okay now. With... good people who I know would even give their lives for me.

There's not much left to say.

I also sent a note to May, for her and Harry.

Athena smiled through her worried expression.

She's like my little sister, I had to do it.
You are like a mother to me and it really hurts to go without saying goodbye and hugging you. But I need to do this.

"Oh no, Buck..." She spilled some tears with his sweet words. Maybe I should have been more of a mother.

I love you, Athena.

Take care of yourself and the kids.
Goodbye.

"I love you too Buckaroo," Athena whispered.

She stayed silent after that. Her brain processing what she had heard.

Buck. Their Buck. Was gone.

Her phone started filling with incoming messages before it rang with a call. She was not surprised when she saw it was her daughter.

With a trembling hand, she accepted the call.

"May?"

"Mom," May said with strangled tears. Athena's protective mom mode became even more alert.

Her heart ached like it was being ripped off her chest. Her kids were hurting and there was very little she could do.

"What happened May? Why are you crying baby?"

"He- He left Mom. Buck is not in LA."

...

May was almost arriving at Buck's apartment after a busy school day.

Weirdly she was going to miss that. High school.

Her graduation was just weeks ahead. She had already chosen her dress and stuff for the party but she still needed to study for the finals.

The good news for her was that she had a friend who was very smart and had studied for the finals... 10 years back, but it was better than her mom or dad who had their last finals 30 or 40 years back.

So she went to Buck's place with a box of donuts because she knew how much he loved carbs, and when she was in front of his apartment's door, doubted if she should knock or not.

She had a copy of his keys he had given her in case she needed him some time, but they had arranged this study time two or three weeks before that, so maybe Buck didn't remember it.

She decided to knock on the door.

But nothing happened.

So she knocked again and called out his name.

Her phone chimed with a notification, but apart from that nothing happened.

She was starting to worry something bad had happened to the man so she opened the door with the keys whispering a 'Sorry Buck,' under her breath.

The donut box fell to the floor with a flat sound as May took in the sight of the apartment with a loud gasp.

She had hoped to see the house in a bad state, imagining the worst-case scenario of something bad happening to Buck.

But there was nothing. Literally.

The house was clean, the windows' curtains closed but she could still see with the light that infiltrated from the upper windows. The couch, TV, and bed were the only recognizable things there.

Her mind started working out what the hell had happened as she pulled her phone out from her pocket with a trembling hand, cursing when it fell to the floor.

It was getting hard to breath.

She tried to breathe in four times as she picked her phone up. That's when she saw it.

A message from Buck.

So she opened it and played the voice note the man had sent her.

May and Harry.

The voice echoed through the apartment.

I think it's better if you just know this by me.
I left Los Angeles.

And it all made sense in May's head but everything was too overwhelming. She started crying hoping that was a nightmare. She would wake up and go over Buck's and they would laugh about this stupid nightmar-

I know this is sudden and unexpected.

You just need to know that I'm okay, nothing bad happened. I just needed to leave.

She had sensed things were not okay with Buck since the day her father had taken them over GG's to have lunch. The day she experienced racism against her in its true and terrifying self for the first time.

She spoke to her mom about it, but both had decided to brush it off. It was just stress from their meeting with the cops.

You can call or message me whenever you want, yeah?

I'd love to hear about your day or help you with your math or physics homework.

Even call me if Bobby and Athena are not okay, or have discussed and are angry at each other. I know how awkward that is and I know how to help you.

Why would they be... She thought. Then a name came to her mind. Bobby.

I just wanted you to know that I love you both so much. You are like my little sister and brother and I will always take care of you and be there for you.

I will stop using this number, so ask Maddie for the new one.

"What the hell Buck?"

I'm proud of you. And you should also be proud of yourselves. Keep on growing and learning, because one day you will be amazing adults who can do whatever they want to.

I'll really miss you two.
Goodbye.

She dropped to her knees, crying deeply.

It didn't matter if anyone heard her. She had just lost her big brother. One of the supports in her life.

Some minutes after, the tears weren't stopping but they were slowly being replaced by anger.

The 118 had hurt her brother.

She called Athena.

...

Bobby was sitting on the couches on the loft, staring at the wall and thinking about Buck when Athena called.

He visibly winced before answering.

"Hey Athena, everything alright?" He rolled his eyes at the question. Of course, his wife knew.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Athena asked back. If Bobby closed his eyes, he could perfectly visualize Athena's patented annoyed look, eyebrow high in her forehead and lips contracted.

"Look 'Thena I..."

"I'm not done speaking." Athena broke in. He heard a sharp intake of air on the other side of the call. "May just called me, crying because she went to his apartment and found it empty, and told me about a message saying that he left Los Angeles. Albert and Isabel, Eddie's grandmother told me that too."

"What the hell Bobby? These messages are not putting the best image of you or the 118 in my mind." Athena snapped. Then sighed. "I just need to know... why? Why punishing him when he had already said and demonstrated he was sorry?"

"I- I forgave him, Athena. And I wasn't punishing him. I- I was harsh on him but I..."

"You didn't think the rest of the station would follow you?" Athena asked harshly. "Bobby, darling, you are the Captain. Of course everyone else would follow your lead."

"I just didn't want him to risk his life months after he almost died twice. I just wanted to protect him, Athena." Bobby replied with the same tone. "He is like my son. I couldn't risk losing another kid."

"Then explain why your son left the state without telling anyone," Athena replied. "You lost him, Bobby."

Silence. Bobby pinched the bridge between his eyebrows.

"Look, Athena, I think it's better if we talk after my shift, at home."

"Yeah." Athena sighed. "Tell your boys and Hen that they are coming here tomorrow whether they want it or not. We are going to talk things like the grownups we are supposed to be."

Athena cut the call right when Bobby was about to reply.

He stood up and walked to the top of the stairs.

The ambulance was coming back from the call at the park and Eddie was already working with the hoses while the new recruit was sweeping the floor.

For a moment he could see Buck in her.

He thought of everything he had done to him over the last months. Everything he wanted to tell him now.

It was too late.

Notes:

As always thanks for reading!

You are welcome to rant with me in the comments, (let me know what you think!)

I love y'all, and don't forget to be awesome!

<3

Chapter 11: Ka ʻohana Buckley (The Buckley family)

Notes:

(Sorry for the delay, but it will be worth the wait)

OMG IM WATCHING 9X09 AND AVDVSNVSJQBDJWBDB GRACIE IS INJURED AND STEVE PROTECTING DANNY AND RACHEL FROM KATIE'S FATHER I-

Update: STEVEN IS SUCH A GOOD AND CARING UNCLE ISTG WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM LEAVE HE COULD HAVE HEALED IN THE ISLAND WITH HIS OHANA HE COULD HAVE BEEN WITH CATHERINE IDC JUST LET HIM STAY WITH DANNO AND GRACE-

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

(This is the audio, this is the character's thoughts and this are messages)

(Trigger warning: Mentions of Maddie's past, nothing very graphic)

...

Josh was in the middle of a call when his phone received a notification.

A poor woman in a park, Kono, as she had said before, was helping someone who was choking with food, and had called 9-1-1 to call an ambulance for the choking man.

He decided to peek at his phone and just could see that Buck had sent him a message. He frowned with a little smile as he continued informing the person on the other side of the call on how to make the Heimlich maneuver, although the woman cleared she already knew.

The man could finally get the thing that was choking him out and Kono cut the call just as Josh heard Chimney ask 'Albert?'.

What a little world.

He muttered with a smile, glad that he could indirectly help Albert, and continued to answer calls until his 10-minute afternoon break, message already forgotten after an hour of strangers doing mostly stupid things.

Sighing after a call from a teenager whose friend's arm was broken after a dive from a roof to a pool went wrong, he disconnected his line and went to the little break room, refilled his coffee mug, picked the last sugared donut from a box someone had brought in for everyone, sat down and finally checked his phone.

That's when he saw Buck's voice message. He panicked when he noticed it was from an hour before. What if it was an emergency?

He would have called 9-1-1.

He was 9-1-1!

Josh facepalmed because of his thoughts.

He played the audio while munching his donut with a thoughtful look.

Hey Josh!
How are you, dude?

Josh was a dispatcher. He had heard millions of different voices in its various states or emotions. He had to read those voices because people's lives depended on him doing it.

Ergo, he knew how to study voices, it was something he prided himself on. And Buck's was... different. Way too energetic, or at least more than he normally was, so something had happened.

Uh, I... I need to tell you something.
I left Los Angeles.

And there it was.

"What?"

I'm sorry for not telling you, or anybody, anything of what was happening Josh.

I am so sorry.

I felt like I was all by myself these last months and I... just couldn't.

What happened? He... left the state?

Uh now... now that I'm being sincere I need to get something off my chest.

Okay. He sipped his coffee although it was still hot.

I may or may not... have had a crush on you.
There it is. I said it.

He choked on his drink, dripping some on his uniform.

"Damn it," he muttered as he left the cup on the table, reached out for a napkin, and continued listening, all while thinking did Buck just came out to me?

Although that initial crush slowly became brotherly love for you, over the last two years.
I just... I just felt like you deserved to know that.

"I've seen you with Eddie, Buck," Josh muttered, still drying his uniform and rolling his eyes because, damn all the pieces were connecting. 

Maddie can, and... obviously will, tell you everything.
Take care of her, please. Even if you don't know what to do to make her feel better, just know that your presence is more than enough. She will need you now more than ever.

You being there is more than what the 118 did in the last months.

Thanks for being there for me. For being a good friend. A good person. And an even better dispatcher! Never change, okay?

Josh felt his eyes stinging with a wave of tears.

I'll miss you, Josh, you were the best poker partner in the world.

Goodbye friend.

He just stood in the middle of the break room, with a frown, trying to regulate his breath. Donut and coffee long forgotten on the table.

Buck had left the state. Why?

"Let's call Maddie." He muttered as he looked for her contact on his phone.

The device rang and rang and Josh started to worry.

He was about to cut the call when Maddie answered with a small and broken, "Josh?"

...

After Buck left with Steve and Danny, Maddie went back inside her home feeling numb.

Buck was gone. She knew it was not forever but it still hurt to see her little brother go.

She finally understood how he had felt when she left with Doug back in 2012, although this time, she had a good feeling about Steve and Danny. Not like Buck had with Doug.

After crying some more time on the couch, she decided it was time to start moving around her house. Clean, order, make food, take a shower. That's how she coped with things.

Especially after Doug... became violent.

So she started with her room, then the living room, bathroom and lastly the kitchen, where she also made herself a salad for lunch.

She sat on her dining room table, alone and silent, eating her salad and thinking about the events in the last three days.

It wasn't a 360 grades change in her life, but it was some good 90 grades.

It was enough to make her mad because her brother was gone and it was someone's fault.

It was the 118's fault.

She snapped back to the present when she noticed her salad was gone and she was just nibbling on her fork.

She checked the time.

3 pm.

Buck was still in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

She also noticed she had lots of calls and messages from Chimney, Hen, Bobby, and even Eddie.

"So now you are worried about him?" She muttered, rolling her eyes and putting her phone back on the table a little bit too harshly.

After taking a quick shower, she made herself comfortable on the couch, with a bowl of popcorn in her hands, watching a new series called Emergency Line, and laughing at the inaccuracies and errors in it.

She decided it was enough after watching three episodes and turned the television off.

Maddie was washing the bowl she used for lunch when her phone started exploding with notifications for the second time in the day.

She quickly finished and dried her hands before taking her phone, already thinking that the 118 was trying to reach out to her one more time.

Instead, she was surprised when she saw the messages were from Athena, Karen, Chimney and...

"Buck?"

She sat on her couch again and played the voice message her brother had sent her.

Maddie
Oh, Maddie.
I don't think there's much left to say.
You're a good sister, Mads. I'm really lucky to have you.

Her eyes started stinging.

You were the only one who was always with me since the day... the day... you know what I'm talking about.
You always loved me as I loved you.

"Oh, Evan..."

And I will miss you, goddamit, I'll miss you so fucking much Maddie.
You always had my back, even on the roughest days, you were the only one who cared for me.

Maddie didn't know how to react rather than curl into a ball and cry on her couch.

And please don't blame yourself for leaving me alone with mom and dad or for not noticing that something was happening with me because I should have spoken up after the lawsuit and- and that stupid Mackey!
I should have run to you, I knew I could count on you.
Now it's too late and I can't go back.

But you can start again.

Please, I'll ask you again, don't be hard on the 118 and Chimney, okay? The last thing I would want is for you and your boyfriend to be on bad terms because of me.

Buck, always worrying about everyone except himself.

He and Hen, both tried to be by my side I didn't let them, okay?
And I- I know he loves you with his whole heart just by the way he looks at you. Keep him, you don't find someone like Chim every day.

Maddie smiled through her tears.

Also, don't worry about me. I will be just fine in the McGarrett-Williams house. I can't believe they are still best friends.

Both had spoken about them, - well, messaged - about how they were an old married couple. Even Maddie could see it and it made her roll her eyes hard but also smile. Buck now had to deal with that every day, just like everyone else had to with him and Ed-

A wave of anger bubbled inside her.

He had hurt him when he probably knew Buck loved him and his kid with all his heart.

I mean, they are cops. The safest people to be with.

Buck spoke and it shushed her brain. She still had a bad taste in her mouth.

And supposedly some of the most intelligent ones.
Also, I'll be one state closer to finally have crossed or stepped on all 50 states. Now there's only Alaska and Ohio left along with some others. And I will surf again!

She tried to laugh but it came out as a strangled noise.

Steve's house is by the shore, so I can practice there and get the rust off my technique. Try to find myself in the sea one more time.

Finally, I wanted to say, you were right, as the wise older sister you are.

I am still Buck, even if I'm not a firefighter.

I- I finally understood what you were talking about.
And who knows? Maybe I'll apply to work as a cop in the Five-0! He has told me a lot about the people he works with, and they seem good people.

I love you, Maddie. You are the best sister somebody could ask for.

Now I'll go as far away as possible and be happy.

Again.

Goodbye.

"Evan..."

And she started crying again. The gates were open and she couldn't close them.

Just then, Josh called her.

She was about to let it go to mailbox when she decided she needed to talk to someone.

"Josh?" She asked with a small voice.

"Maddie, hey, hey, how are you darling?" Josh asked. His voice was soft. It was everything Maddie needed right there.

"Josh... he left."

"I know. I know, Maddie." Josh assured. "Everything will be alright, okay?"

"I know but... but I-I..."

"Shhh, it's okay, let it out." Josh continued. Maddie heard him talking softly with someone. Then, "Maddie stay there. I'm going to your place, okay?"

"But your shift..."

"It's alright. I explained the situation to Sue, she's calling a replacement."

And so went Josh to Maddie's place in his car, while speaking to her on the phone by Bluetooth.

When he arrived, he cut the call and found Maddie at her gate.

He hugged her tightly as she cried in his arms. He remembered Buck's words.

Take care of her, please. She will need you now more than ever.

And he was right because all Maddie needed was a friend.

And a talk.

A talk that would always remind the 118 that you should never mess with the Buckley family.

Notes:

I had to include Josh as part of the Buckley family, because he is such a best friend, he'll be a great uncle to baby Madney 🥺

Also, I KNOW that I said I would post the timeline today.... but I need to post next chapter before I post the timeline because... there are big revelations. Hehehe

Don't forget to be awesome and I hope you enjoyed this 'Voice messages' part <3

 
(Now I need to take a break to write the next part, school is killing me oop-)

Okay i'll stop talking now.

Chapter 12: Ka minamina a me nā hewa (Remorse and guilts)

Notes:

Hello I is back from the dead!

Thank you so much for the support and for waiting this long!

I also am hawaiianpinapplepizza in Tumblr, where you can see my oh so funny posts, ask questions and nag me into writing!

 

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The next day, Maddie went to Athena's house with Josh as her emotional support.

He passed by her house to pick her up late in the morning, and he drove them to their destination with soft music playing from the radio, knowing her friend would be deep in her thoughts.

She knew everyone would be there, from the 118 to their families, and she had a lot to say. A lot to reproach. A lot of things needed an explanation because what her brother told her was not like the 118 at all. It was not like the people both knew and considered family would normally behave.

They were the last ones to arrive before the serious conversation started.

She knocked softly on the door, and soon enough they were met by Athena.

Her expression was harsh, but Maddie saw the compassion in her eyes. She was sorry that Buck had to leave for them to start talking.

Both entered the house, which was full of adults that suddenly shut up.

There was a tense silence. No one knew how to start the conversation.

Maddie felt a rush of anger seeing the 118 but she was also pleased to see their puffy eyes and soulless expressions. Eddie didn't even dare to look at her eyes. Perfect.

The living room was filled with chairs, sofas, and a couch disposed in a circle. Most of them were taken. Chimney, Eddie, Bobby, and Hen were on the couch with Karen by her wife's side and Michael and Albert by the other side on chairs.

Athena passed them a cup of coffee for each and took a seat on a sofa

Maddie and Josh sat on chairs. Giving a better look to everyone, it was obvious they needed something more strong than coffee. At least that's what Josh thought.

"So..." Athena started. She cleared her throat and put her soft sergeant voice. "Maddie, Josh, thanks for coming."

Maddie nodded at her.

"Why don't you tell us what you know?"

Maddie nodded again and looked at the people on the couch. She took a deep breath. The people in the room were sure she could make a hole on the wall solely with her look.

"Okay." She said. "Four days ago, someone came to my home, asking for Buck."

"Can I... Er... Can I say something?"

Everyone looked at Chimney. He sank more on the couch with Maddie's eyes on him.

"Those guys came to the station before they went to your house." He said in a small voice. "There's no need to hide them. They presented themselves as Steve and Danny, I-- I don't know if those are their actual names but... um.. yeah..."

"Okay yeah." Maddie continued. "So, I called Buck to go to my house and we asked him what was going on."

 

...

 

"Well, it looks like you have some more team building to do," Michael said, looking behind Bobby.

The Captain turned around and saw Buck standing awkwardly at the entrance of the Rage Room.

"Yeah." He sighed, then walked over Buck.

"Hey, uh, hey Bobby," Buck said nervously "Th- Thank you for... inviting me."

There was a beat where Bobby just looked at Buck, trying to decode what was going on inside the younger man's head. Buck looked at his shoes.

"Look, I- I just wanted to apologize-"

"You're gonna get a call tomorrow from the Chief." Bobby cut him with a serious tone. "You're being reinstated to active duty. The brass didn't want the headache. They are afraid of the bad press."

"Well..." Buck laughed relieved that the nightmare was ending. "That.. that's awesome."

"Yeah, maybe not."

Buck's stomach dropped to the floor, what did that mea-

"They gave me the option to transfer you. They understood how I might not want you back after everything you put us through."

The younger man looked at the floor and shifted his weight. Bit his lip trying hard not to cry. His family was leaving him aside again?
"But I said no."

Buck looked up to Bobby's eyes, jerking his neck.

 

"You are coming back to the 118 where I can keep an eye on you."

 

Buck could breathe again. " Thanks, Captain. You won't regret it."

"You might. My house, my rules, remember that?"

And with that the Captain walked away, not giving Buck the chance to reply. Little did he know, that was not going to be the last time he did that.

 

...

 

Some days later, Buck made his way into the firehouse with a smile on his face. Finally, he was back to work. To his family.

He greeted some people on his way to the locker room, only to be met by silent nods or his teammates ignoring him.

He subtly shook his head as he thought, Don't get ahead of yourself, Buckley, you're going to hit the gym and everyone's going to exclaim 'surprise!'  And there will be a cake and it will all have been worth it...

But when he made it to the gym area he was met by even more ignorance towards him. He dropped his duffel bag on the floor heavily, hoping to catch someone's attention but no one turned to see him.

No one.

He walked inside the locker room, now with eyebrows frowned and lips contracted. What happened with the warm welcome party the 118 were characteristic of?

 

"Welcome back," Hen cut his thoughts, entering the locker room.

"Hm, you are the first person to say that to me." Buck scoffed. "Starting to feel like I should have brought a sweater 'cause I am definitely catching a chill."

Hen chuckled and got closer to him. "You got friends here, Buck. But they all feel like they gotta follow Cap's lead. He's still..."

"Not in a congratulatory cake and banner place yet," Buck nodded.

"Hey, "Hen shrugged and sat next to him. She revealed something in her hands. "Blueberry. I know it's your favorite."

Buck laughed and accepted the muffin. "I missed you guys."

Then he remembered, "Hey, how is the, uh, baby-making going? You and Karen knocked up yet?"

"Mm, it's a long process. It's more twists and turns than you might expect." She patted his shoulder and tried to change the direction of the conversation. "It's good to have you back."

With that, she got up and started making her way out.

"Thanks, Hen. For this and..." He also got up and looked at Hen in her eyes. "... for not feeling like you need to follow Bobby's lead."

"I march to the beat of my own drum. Always have. You should too."

Buck smiled and both walked out of the locker room together. Then Buck saw Eddie walking their way and rubbing his eyes.

Buck focused on Eddie's elbow, which had a big nasty bruise.

"Whew, dude, are you okay? That's a monster."

Eddie took air and rolled his eyes. "Just roughhousing with my kid."

"Were you playing with hammers?" Buck asked, this time concerned.

"Nothing you need to be concerned with." Eddie looked away as he answered. Ignored him.

Buck tried to hide the hurt and surprise, but his eyes gave him away. Of all people, he thought Eddie would be the one who understood him the most. He unconsciously stepped back.

"Welcome back, Firefighter Buckley." Chimney interrupted his thoughts.

Buck made a special handshake with him in a salute, "Thanks, Chim, glad to be back."

"All right, now that we've got that out of the way, morning briefing..." Bobby said after giving Buck an odd look.

Then the fire alarm rang. But before he could follow everyone else to the truck, Bobby's voice sounded above the whisper of footsteps and clothes fumbling.

"Buck, you're man behind today."

"Uh, wh... I'm not going with you guys?" Buck complained, "Cap."

Bobby looked at him dead in the eyes.

"My house, my rules, remember?" He said. "You stay put."

With that Bobby ran to the truck, leaving a confused Buck behind.

He wanted to discuss.

To argue about how he was able to go with them.

How he was 100% ready to be in the field again.

"Stupid blood thinners..." His voice echoed through the empty station as he walked upstairs, wondering how his life would be from then on.

 

...

 

"Think you could handle it?" Bobby asked. "Teal bucket is for kids with food allergies. Everything in there is nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, soy-free, and gluten-free."

It was visitors' day in the fire station.

Out of any day Buck could have come back, it had to be Visitors' Day.

He wasn't in the mood, but he could make it. Just put on a smile and suck it up. After all, he was an expert in doing that.

So Buck and Chim had hung a big banner outside of the fire station that read 'Visitors day! Come and see a real firehouse!'. Buck almost fell off the ladder and gave Bobby a mild heart attack so the Captain had put him in a safe Give-candy-to-the-children duty and placed him near the entrance with a table full of buckets with candy and boxes with...

"Smoke detectors?" Buck asked, holding one in his hand. "And who are these for? Kids allergic to fun?"

Bobby took it and put it back in its box. "Those are for the parents. Also, there should be some pamphlets about basic fire safety that should be in the closet."

Buck sighed and frowned. "Exactly how long are you gonna keep on punishing me? "

"You know, Buck, someday you're gonna figure out when to stop pushing and learn some patience," Bobby said looking at him.  "I hope we're both alive to see it."

And once again he left and Buck didn't have the chance to reply.

The young man gave him a death stare as he placed the candy on a bucket.

"You know, being stuck here isn't actually the end of the world, it just feels like it, Buck," Chimney startled him. "Trust me, I know."

Buck chuckled. Funny joke Chim.

"No, I do," Chim said. He sighed remembering those first years with the 118. "My first few months here, only time I saw the outside of this building was at the start and end of my shift, on my way in, on my way out."

Ouch, right.

"How'd you cope with it?"

Chimney exhaled. "Cleaned every inch of this place. Learned where everything was, how all the equipment worked. Set a new world record for getting in my turnout gear." Buck rolled his eyes, he did not have the patience to do that. It had all been drained out of him by coming in and out of the hospital for the last year. By already waiting for Bobby to believe he was fine.

"And then eventually, someone took pity on me, and they let me outside." Chimney crossed his arms with a little smug. He was kind of enjoying this. Buckley was learning his lesson.

"So basically, um, suck it up and be patient." Buck nodded. "Just like Bobby and Eddie said."

"You know, Cap's not always wrong," Chimney warned him. "Though he is about these smoke detectors. Nobody's gonna want these tonight."

"No, but I am gonna hand them out anyway. Captain's orders." He made a soldier's salute with his hand.

"See? It can be taught." The paramedic teased.

"In fact, I'm gonna go find those pamphlets," Buck replied with fake excitement.

"Hey, uh, have you talked to Maddie today?" Chim asked. He seemed worried.

"N-No, I think she's working. Why?" Buck looked at him with a frown.

Chimney hesitated before answering. "Nothing, just wondering."

Just then the alarm went off again.

This time the Ladder truck was called for a skyscraper window cleaner who was on the brink of falling.

Bobby, Eddie, Wharton, Mendez, and 'Akamu hopped on the truck, leaving the Engine and the Ambulance in the station.

Some minutes later, a group of people, a couple, and their kids appeared at the entrance.

"Hi, um... We saw it is Visitors' Day outside..."

"Come in!" Chimney said, giving Buck one last smile as he walked towards the family.

 

...

 

"That's it get your candy," Buck said to the kids in front of him while playing with the wheels of a firetruck toy.

One of the kids tried to reach for a big piece of candy when Buck stopped him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, sorry buddy, two-piece limit," The kid judged him with his look. "Those are the rules" 

"That's a stupid rule,"

"Yeah not the world's greatest defense strategy," he was already done with the kid.

"What are you supposed to be anyway?" The kid smartly replied with a smug.

"I'm a firefighter," Buck signed at his uniform.

"So how come you're not out fighting fires?"

That hurt. He tried to reply but then the 118's crew arrived from a call with the engine and ladder truck, honking the horn.

"Mom, look, the real firefighters are here," The kid cruelly said and took more candy out of the bucket.

"Oh my gosh, is he trying to get more candy out of you?" The mom quickly approached him.

"Uh no no he's fine," He wasn't a snitch, and the kid should really be going. Then he saw the smoke detectors.

"In fact here, why don't you take a smoke detector?"

He couldn't help but add with a little smile, "Keep him safe until he can test his hearing."

The mom ushered her kid and gave Buck a look. Of course, she didn't even thank him.

"Nice work Buckley, keep it up." He heard his captain say. He looked for the origin of the voice and found Bobby was.. happy. That had to be good, right?

His thoughts were cut by the sight of a tired Eddie with soot all over his face. Buck looked up and down over him checking for any sign that he was injured and then spoke.

"Oh, um, Eddie, you wanna give me a hand with all this?"

"Nah you got this. You're a 100%" Eddie said dryly and continued walking. "Lawsuit proved that right?"

 

...

 

"I didn't put him there to punish him, Maddie, I was trying to take care of him." Bobby explained. "He almost fell off the ladder placing that banner!"

"But was it for his own safety or just for your mind's peace?"

"I..."

He looked at Hen. They had had that conversation the day Buck came back.

"You know, Karen and I make jokes about locking Denny up, for his protection. But the truth is protecting him like that... It wouldn't be for him. It would be for us.
You know, we'd be robbing him to give ourselves some peace of mind"

"I can see you already answered that." Maddie rolled her eyes.

"He wanted to be there with you. All of you. With his family. And he was trying so hard, but you decided to ignore it, ignore him, just to give yourself some peace of mind."

"He could go to some calls with us."

"Keyword, some," Josh spoke for the first time.

Maddie held his hand tightly. Chimney felt a sting of guilt and jealousy. He should be the one supporting her.

"Excuse me?" Eddie said. "You think you can come here and judge us? What are you for Buck anyway?"

Maddie was about to reply but Josh beat her to it.

"I'm someone who he sent a message before disappearing because of you." He smartly said. "I understand you didn't receive anything. Both of you. So I must have been a better friend to Buck than you if he trusted me enough to tell me how he felt rather than you."

And that... that was like a punch to the gut.

"Speaking of..." Maddie continued, enjoying their defeated looks.

 

...

 

Buck was carrying a box with the leftover candy to Bobby's office when he crossed paths with Eddie.

Eddie looked at him but said nothing. He walked past him and sincerely Buck couldn't take it anymore. Just like the kid earlier.

"So that's how it's gonna be now." Buck placed the box on the ping pong table and kept on talking. "You're just gonna keep on ghosting me, 'cause Halloween is in October, just so you know."

Eddie turned around to face him. He looked angry. "I don't know what you want from me, Buck. Forgive, forget, make you feel better about what you did?"

"I just want you to talk to me," Buck's voice almost cracked.

It affected Eddie more than what he could show. More than what he wanted to. He quickly turned to try to continue his way but Buck kept on talking.

"Even if it's just to say that you're still mad."

"I'm not mad, I'm..." Don't say anything stupid Diaz. He sighed. "When you decided to sue the department, to make Cap the bad guy, did you ever stop for a minute to think what that could do to us?"

"Look, I just needed my job back," Buck walked closer to him. "I missed... I missed being here. Being part of the team." He saw Eddie nod. Maybe he understood him even deep down. "I never meant for anyone to get hurt."

"Lotta "I" s in there."

Maybe he didn't understand him.
Buck ducked his head, ashamed. Couldn't anyone see that he was sorry? That he was ashamed? That he was hurting?

"Your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. That's what it means to be a part of a team." Part of a family. I miss you.
Eddie shook his head at the thought. He couldn't let himself be this vulnerable in front of Buck. Not again.

What if he let him in and then distanced himself again?
He already had a hard time taking and putting excuses to Christopher about why Buck didn't come home anymore.

 

Buck thought his next words. "You're right... I didn't think about what could happen." Keep the tears in. Suck it up, Buckley. "I was mad at Bobby for not letting me back. I was mad at you guys for moving on without me."

His voice was raising volume, he wanted to make his point clear. To make someone understand why did he do it. Someone who would never turn his back on him.
Who wouldn't be by his side just for the money, like Mackey.

"I was mad that there was nothing I could do about it. And I just... I just wanted to... "

"Punch someone?"

"Yeah, a little."He was embarrassed admitting it. He never was a violent person but life was being extra hard a d frustrating on him the last year. "But I get it. And I really am sorry. Whatever it takes for you to forgive me... "

"You really think it's that easy?" It came out harsher than what he intended.

He really wanted to forgive Buck. But his defenses raised when it came to him and his kid. He couldn't fail him again.

"I... Uh.." Buck stuttered. The answer had knocked the air out of his lungs. He was losing his family in front of his eyes and there was very little he could do to prevent it from happening. Nothing he could say now to help stitch the wound.

It was still too fresh, and anything any of them said would just help to open it more. To make it hurt more. Everything they had to do was let it heal alone, and although it would take longer, it was the safest way not to destroy their relationship. But was there anything to save?

"Buckley."

Bobby's voice echoed in his head and Eddie took it as a cue to leave. More like run away from his problems.

Buck swallowed the pain in his throat and blinked the tears away. He had to prove he was fine. He was fine. 100%.

"Candy detail's all wrapped up, Cap, and I gave away all the smoke detectors." He smiled, and he hoped it looked more real than what he felt.

"Listen, Buck, I've been thinking, why don't you go home?"

"Home? I uh..." He looked at his watch feeling a shudder cross his spine." I still have a couple of hours left on my shift."

"I don't wanna overtax you your first week back."

"I stood behind a table and got bullied by children." And my best friend.

"So you earned a few hours off. Good work today." Bobby patted his arm and left.

It was going to be hard to let the wound heal itself when he was constantly reopening it just by being there.

But not impossible.

But not impossible?

 

...

 

One month la ter, things were more or less the same.

Nobody except for Hen and Chimney spoke to him. Bobby just spoke to him to give him directions. Eddie barely even looked his way.

His mind knew he wasn't welcome, but his heart refused to listen.

It couldn't be true. He had fought hard to get back.

At least he got to go on some calls but nothing very special.

Car crashes, jumpers, some fires here and there.

But he did not complain. Chimney had had it harder when he arrived. That plus losing Kevin in a fire...

And Hen. Hen was a black, lesbian woman in a time where none of those things were accepted in the Fire Department...

He was just a white man who made bad decisions. He didn't have the right to complain.

"If you keep doing that, you're going to start making a hole."

Hen brought him back to reality. He stopped sweeping the floor, grateful that she was the one who noticed and not any other person.
It had been bad enough when someone caught him spending too much time washing dishes the last week.

"Hey Hen..." Buck huffed. "What are you doing?"

"Can't I bring lunch to my favorite retriever?" Hen said with a little smile. She offered a plate with mashed potatoes and beef.

"Thanks, but first I need to finish this," Buck pointed at the sweep and the bucket with water next to him. He impersonated Bobby by straightening his back and lowering his voice. "You gotta keep this floor shining Buckley."

"Yeah, but you also need to eat Buck, you are on blood thinners. When was last time you had a full meal?" Hen asked giving Buck a good look. His clothes looked loose against his body, his cheekbones were slightly noticeable and his muscles were less toned than 3 weeks before.

Buck winced and accepted the plate. "Okay."

Both walked to the main table and Hen made sure Buck ate while she asked questions.

"So, what's in your mind?"

"Hm?"

"What were you thinking of when I talked to you?"

"Oh, I uh... nothing." Buck swallowed. "Hen you really shouldn't be here with me what if-"

"Hen."

She saw how Buck's face went pale and focused on the food in front of him. Hen's heartstrings tugged at the sight and faced the voice approaching them.

"Eddie?"

"Uh... Chimney's looking for you, something about..." Eddie's eyes posed on Buck. He looked so... small. Even for a man taller than himself. He cleared his throat. "... About the ambulance. I-I don't know, you should really go."

Hen sighed and turned to look at Buck.

"Go." He said before carrying his plate with a half-eaten food to the kitchen.

Hen smiled sheepishly and walked to the stairs. She looked at Eddie with a warning look and Eddie clenched his jaw.

"Hey... um, Buck..ley..."

Buck looked at him from the sink.

Eddie didn't remember what he was about to say. His mind was consumed by those sad and hurt ocean eyes. He knew he was the cause of it but he didn't know how to fix it.

Don't say anything stupid Diaz. Don't get out of control like in the grocery store.

"Cap said you should clean the bathrooms."

Buck sighed. "Right away Eddie,"

"It's Diaz for you."

"Since when?" Buck scoffed.

"Since you betrayed us."

Buck placed the plate on the drying rack and turned around. He didn't look at Eddie in his eyes.

"I am sorry. How many times do I have to repeat it for you to believe me?!"

"Give up already Buckley. No one wants you here."

Eddie basically ran downstairs to get away from the conversation. He tried to control his anger by making breathing exercises. In. Out. In. Out. In-

He hit his locker with his right hand, and a sharp pain went up to his elbow from his hand. When he looked at his hand, blood was oozing out of his reopened injuries on his knuckles.

His eyes stung as he went to the medical supplies room to steal some gauze and then to the bathroom to clean and bandage himself.

When he was going out, he saw Buck coming his way juggling with a bucket, cleaning products, and cleaning rugs. He didn't see his red-rimmed eyes.

He didn't want to do it, but one second he was walking, and the next one he stepped aside into Buck's space and bumped his shoulder harshly, making him lose balance of the things which fell to the floor loudly.

"Damn it," Buck muttered, more because of the nasty bruise he would have later rather than the things falling.

He heard Eddie bark, "Watch your step, Buckley." Before he walked away.

He didn't spare a glance to see if Buck was alright.

 

...

 

"For your info, he still had that bruise when he left," Maddie pulled her phone out and showed them a picture. Buck's shoulder had various shades of purple and blue and yellow. Everyone flinched at the sight, and Eddie felt his eyes watering.

"I suspect this was not the last time you did it."

"I..." He did that on purpose? He had hurt Buck on purpose?

"You knew he was on blood thinners. You knew bruises come out of nowhere with those things, yet you kept on doing it."

"Maddie..." Hen tried to intercept but she found Maddie's eyes on her and the words disappeared from her mouth.

"You know well what anticoagulants do Henrietta, why didn't you stop Eddie, or even stop to ask my brother if he was okay? Why didn't any of you do that??"

"Because he didn't want us to," Hen replied, her eyes shining behind her glasses. "You really think I didn't care about him? I was worried about him. Every day. I asked him how he was, and he always said he was fine, which I knew was not true. But if I pushed, he would snap or deflect it."

Maddie nodded. "I... understand that. He did the same with our parents and with me, but you have known him for three years. Three. He looked up at you like a sister. All of you were family to him. That is his blind point."

"Then why didn't he tell you?"

"Because he didn't want to feel like a burden. He knew I had my stuff, and I feel awful not because he didn't trust me but because he thought he was adding more things to my problems." Maddie huffed annoyed. "He was distraught when he told us all these things, and sincerely I would have never expected it from you."

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "He was actually suffering and tried to hide it, not pulling a 'feel bad for me' card and shoving it in your face. And you all left him behind, knowing he was struggling. "

"No, we did not! We were there for him! He knew it!" Eddie snapped as he stood up.

"Then why did two other people we didn't even know had to come all the way here for Buck to finally open about what was happening?!" Maddie exclaimed in one breath standing up as well.

"Huh?" Did Maddie just-

"Don't you understand? This is all your fault! He is gone because of you! All of you! Who didn't really care about what happened with him."

"I did care about Buck, he is-- was my best friend Maddie!" Eddie snapped.

"Then why did he leave? Why did you tell him he was garbage and a traitor and to give up, huh?"

"I- I..."

"How can you call yourself his best friend when you caused this, Eddie? You knew he was scared of you-- All of you -- leaving him alone."

"We were not going to leave him alone. He made the decision to sue us." Bobby stepped in.

"Oh, so it's his fault. You are blaming him for being so scared of everyone in his life abandoning him once again, that he made the, yes I admit it, stupid decision of suing you?"

"No, I didn't mean-"

"You left him too once Maddie." Eddie stepped in.

"I'm sorry, who do you think you are?"

"He told me how he struggled when you left with Doug and he was alone with your parents."

"Yeah, I did leave him, but I came back. And I always made sure I was a call away whenever he needed me, something none of you apparently did." Maddie was on the verge of tears. "So you think that him telling you about our past allows you to have an opinion?"

"No, he barely spoke about his childhood, or your parents for the record, but you need to understand-"

"No, you are the one that needs to understand Eddie! Evan is adopted!" Maddie exclaimed, hot angry tears spilling from her eyes.

"What?"

Notes:

Y'all thought the Adopted Evan "Buck" Buckley tag referred to Steve and Danny?

Chapter 13: Hiki i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ke ʻeha (The truth can hurt)

Notes:

Hi guys, thank you so much for the support!
I feed off your comments and you really make my day :)

Once again, you are welcome to ask me anything in my Tumblr

Now enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

"No, you are the one that needs to understand Eddie! Evan is adopted!" Maddie hissed. Tears finally spilled out of her eyes.

"What?" Eddie's color fell off his face as he sat down.

"Why- Why didn't he tell us?" Athena asked, eyes wide and mouth opened.

Her expression matched everyone else's in the room.

"Because he was already rejected three times in his life because of it!" Maddie explained as she plopped back on her seat.

"The first one was with his biological parents when he was two years old and they gave him into adoption. Then our parents, who wanted to be the perfect family just for the pictures. And once we told him the truth, his 'friends' in school," She emphasized the quotation marks with her hands. "Started to bully him because of it. But he still came home with a smile and said everything was fine. He was fine. He has had years of practice to hide his true feelings."

"He was afraid of loving someone who didn't love him back. And when he decided to start leaving the past in the past, he started to date Abby." Hen added.

"Then Abby and Ali left him." Eddie spat out bitterly, finally understanding. "One because she needed to find herself, the other one because she couldn't live with her heart on her throat everytime he went to work. With both he was afraid he was not enough."

"That's why he was so afraid of us putting Lena in his place. He felt like we were replacing and rejecting him. And... we did." Chimney finished.

"He didn't tell you, because he was scared of you abandoning him like everyone else in his life has. Even I did once." Maddie said.

Suddenly everything clicked in the big puzzle that Buck had left behind.

All his one-night stands and his rebel personality when he arrived at the station.

Him seeing Bobby and Athena as his parental figures, and feeling so betrayed when Bobby told him he was the one holding him back from going back to work.

The lawsuit against Bobby.

Bobby had thought he was protecting Buck by leaving him in light-duty, not hurting him.

Buck had clearly thought otherwise.

And his utter love for every kid, but mostly for Christopher and his need to never tell him no.

His need to tell him he was there for him and encouraging every interest he had.

The puzzle was almost complete, but it wasn't making a nice picture.

And Eddie realized. He was so selfish.

How could he have been so selfish?

Thinking that Buck left just because of them. It was obvious that Buck had other problems in his life that lead to him suing them. To him leaving.

Maddie sighed heavily and Josh placed a hand on her shoulder.

"He is gone. He finally found a family that loves him for who he is, people who he knows will not leave him behind because they, or more specifically he didn't when he had the chance." She said the last words looking at each of Buck's ex-partners.

"We loved him. We still do Maddie." Hen answered.

"He didn't feel the same way." Maddie looked at her. "Not anymore at least."

She huffed. "And look. You can't do anything. What is done, is done and you can't go back. I know about that."

"Will he come back?" Chimney asked, voice echoing through the house for the second time.

"Sincerely, I don't know. He looked pretty bad when he left. You really hurt him, guys. I think it will take a long time to heal that injury because the ones that are on the inside take a longer time to heal." Maddie dried a tear on her cheek. "Hell, we still have inner scars from our childhood that sting and bring back forgotten memories from time to time."

A thick silence settled. Maddie's sigh was wobbly as she listened to the echo of sobs that filled the silence.

Everyone in the room was either tearing up or crying waterfalls.

She waited until she was sure her voice was firm, and soft before speaking.

"I think it's up to you. Think about what you did. About what happened. Maybe, one day you will be able to say sorry to him face to face. But at the end of the day, it's his decision. And you should really respect his decision of not speaking to you. Or saying goodbye."

"And I know I should have been there more for him. In the past and the present. But at least I wasn't putting a blind eye and not speaking out about what was happening. He decided not to tell me. He decided to avoid me because I know how to make him say things. Or maybe he was afraid of telling me. I didn't make a good job of offering him a safe space. I wasn't a good sister and that is eating me from the inside."

She sobbed. "But you don't get to get away by just punishing yourselves. Because he will forgive you. He has a big heart. Bigger than what this world deserves. He will forgive you easily because that's who he is so I will be mad for him."

"He's still my baby brother, and I'll protect him until I'm buried two feet underground."

As it was timed, a knock sounded on the main door.

Athena looked at Bobby who frowned in confusion and dried his cheeks before walking towards the entrance.

"Chief Alonzo," Bobby said, tone showing he was surprised. "Hi, um..."

"Captain Nash, can I come in?" The chief, Diego, commanded more than asked.

"Sure, we were just-"

"Thanks, it will be fast," The chief passed past him with a folder in his hands and made his way to the living room, finding confused faces, empty coffee cups, and puffy wide eyes.

"Chief," Athena said. "Can I offer you a coffee or..."

The chief declined with a nod, "No thanks Sergeant, I'm passing by to make some announcements for my firefighters and ask some questions."

The 118 shifted uncomfortably on their places as the Chief scanned them. He then looked at the table outside and asked, "Can we..?"

"Sure," Athena said and opened the glass door for the firefighters to go outside.

They all stood up with their heads sheepishly looking down as they walked towards the door and the Chief shut it behind him. Maddie's expression softened when she saw the pain in Chimney's expression.

He did not argue or complain in the entire hour or so she talked. He knew he was wrong and accepted it.

Maybe lunch together wouldn't be as bad as she expected.

Athena came back to the living room with the coffee pot and filled their cups again. Karen thanked her, going to sit next to Maddie and Josh.

"Maddie I didn't know..." Karen started. She looked at Albert who was struggling to get closer because of his recent injury. "We didn't know anything."

"I know, and I know you would have done something if you knew," Maddie nodded. "I just... I already miss him so much."

Josh placed a hand on her shoulder as Karen hugged her.

Albert looked down as he sat next to Maddie, with a hand on his side. "We miss him too."

Maddie separated from Karen and looked for something in her purse. She took an envelope with his name scribbled on it.

He took it and he noticed it was Buck's calligraphy, pressing a hand over his name.

Albert opened the envelope. He looked at her with awe and she nodded.

He took out a set of keys chained to a seashell keychain.

"It's from the day of the tsunami. Buck and Chris bought it for Eddie's keys, but he decided to keep it," Maddie shrugged. "It was a reminder that both survived together."

Albert nodded, taking in the meaning of the thing he was holding in his hands.

He noticed there were three keys and asked, "The other keys are for the apartment or..."

"Oh, um, no, one is a key to my place, the other one is to Eddie's," Maddie answered.

"I should give them back then," Albert took the keys out of the ring and she chose the one to her place as she asked,

"Thanks. Do you need help to move out from Chimney's place?"

"No, no, everything I have fits in a duffel bag. I... also have my succulents, but they are going to be fine if I take them by hand." Albert chuckled.

He played with the keys and glanced outside, where his brother and his teammates looked like they were being scolded. The chief had the folder opened on the table and was reading from it.

"I never got to say thank you to him," Albert said softly, looking back at her.

"He knows."

Maddie made a small smile and he felt a smile lighting his face too.

They sat and showed support to Maddie and some minutes later the glass door opened.

The firefighters went inside and stood uncomfortably behind Chief Alonzo as he said, "Miss Buckley?"

Maddie looked at Athena who nodded at her. She stood up. "Yes?"

"I apologize in the name of the city, the Los Angeles Fire Department, and my firehouse, the 118, for all the trouble we made your brother, Mr. Buckley, go through. I know this doesn't amend things, and although firefighter Buckley's representative told me he didn't want the 118 to be punished, there will be certain... recommendations. Because I have received many complaints from people in shifts 2 and 3. Too many to be pushed under the rug by his wishes." Chief Alonzo said.

"They will be dismissed without pay until they all pass the retraining test, and will attend people's treatment and attention courses and management of sensitive situations courses because nothing assures me they did not treat people in their calls like they treated firefighter Buckley. Then they will have to present with me and I will decide whether they are ready to go back or will stay on the bench for some weeks. That or they will be completely dismissed with dishonor from the department. Therapy is also a point for them to start working again."

Maddie nodded and Chief Alonzo softened his look.

"Once again, I apologize. Firefighter Buckley deserved to be in a healthy work environment, and although I'm sorry he won't continue his career as a firefighter, I hope he finds happiness and support wherever he is now." Chief Alonzo stepped forward and Maddie hugged him.

"I've wasted enough of your time, now goodbye," He said to everyone. Athena walked him to the main door and greeted him.

"Chief."

"Sergeant."

...

When both arrived at Chimney's place, neither had the energy to cook.

They ordered from a Thai restaurant and set the table in awkward silence as they prepared for the food to arrive.

Then they watched TV until someone knocked on the door. Chimney stood up and received the delivery as Maddie sat down on a chair.

Once the food was out of the packages and both had served themselves food, Chimney dared to speak.

"I'm sorry." He said, voice rusty because of not speaking in all the morning.

"I know you are," Maddie replied and looked at him. "You know, I spent all the night thinking of what to say to them. To you. But now... I forgot about everything."

"It was the same for me. But then I saw you. So shattered on the inside. So angry. I couldn't say anything. I deserve your words, and I will understand if you don't want to be with me anymo-"

"No," Maddie quickly said. "I don't know what to say, because I was poisoned with anger last night but then I saw you... and I realized..."

Maddie sighed.

"I still love you, Howie."

Chimney's eyes widened and he placed his hands near Maddie's. And invitation.

"I love you enough to fight for this. Fight for us." Her eyes looked into his and she took his hand with a strong grip. Her hands were cold against his. God, he had missed that touch. "And I know I never said those words before. I didn't feel like saying them because they were a response triggered by an immediate threat, but I am saying them now because I can't imagine my future without you."

"Maddie I..." Chimney chuckled with relief. "I love you too. And I want to try it. I want to fight for us. Once again, we won't have what we would have had before all this. But we can have something new, one more time."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," Maddie said with a little smile. "I'm still mad at you though."

"Fair is fair."

She was glad both were on the same page. They were willing to try because they couldn't imagine their lives without the other.

Then she remembered something and frowned. Chimney noticed it and said, "What's wrong?"

"What did Chief Alonzo told you?"

"Ah," Chimney swallowed his food as he thought. "He told us that a Chief from the New Jersey Fire Department had called him to advise him, then his son contacted him in Buck's name. They spoke about Buck's... situation and told him he was quitting."

Maddie nodded. Chimney continued.

"He... He couldn't believe it, but then he counted the complaints about us and he had to let him go. He was upset that he wouldn't be continuing his career as a firefighter, like really upset, but understood him. The complaints Maddie..." He shook his head. "They were overwhelming. So many and... so detailed... I should have said something..."

Maddie squeezed his hand but said nothing.

"I didn't know Buck new people outside the station," Chimney wandered.

Maddie chuckled, glad that the topic changed. "He does, believe me. Once he got out of Pennsylvania, he traveled up to Chicago then New York, and then down the east coast to Florida. He enrolled to be a SEAL but quit and went to Texas before going to Peru!"

Chimney's eyes widened. They didn't know much about Buck, apart from the things he had told them, which could be counted with one hand.

1, he was from Pennsylvania.

2, he was excited to be a firefighter and finding his meaning in life.

3. He didn't like to be called Evan. Just Buck.

They didn't even know he had a sister until Maddie arrived in LA.

"He met some firefighters both in Chicago and New York, he was always attracted to them. He actually said he worked as a volunteer and they had offered him a place at their stations... the 51 in Chicago and the 252 in New York I think. But the winters were too cold for his likeness. What a true Hershey man." Maddie smiled at the memories of the postcards. Omar, his partner at the hospital, had been really excited when he read them for her.

"He met a lot of people on his journey, there's a lot of people that supports him. He just needs to understand he's not alone."

Chimney nodded. It seemed like he couldn't do more than that at the new information.

Buck could be with anyone in and out of the country. That only increased his sense of void inside him.

They finished their lunch sharing glances and smiles. Then Maddie had to leave for a shift, but before she crossed the door, she hugged him.

A promise that with time, they would be okay again.

Little did both know, something would happen that would make them stick together.

Forever.

Notes:

Timeline for my Hawaiian Buck AU!

1992 Evan's born to a "single" mom who tried to raise him but finally turned him into adoption a year later.

1993 The Buckleys adopt Evan in Hershey.

2009 Buck leaves Hershey with Maddie's jeep at 17, goes up to Chicago and then New York where he collects money to go to Coronado.

2010 Being 18 he enrolls in the Navy SEALs and meets Steve McGarrett in the SEAL Qualification Training. He quits and starts wandering through the country.

2015 After being in most states of the country, he goes to Perú to be a barman.

2017 He goes to Los Angeles and enters the LAFD Academy. After finishing he goes to the 118 for his probationary year and stays.

2020 Steve goes to LA with Danny and both take Buck to Hawaii.

As always thanks for reading, and you are welcome to rant with me in the comments or my Tumblr!

Please hydrate and don't forget to be awesome!

<3

Chapter 14: ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo hiki i nā mea he nui (Truth can hurt)

Notes:

Heya everyone!

As you may have noticed my posting schedule is... bleh horrible

So yeah, updates may arrive in the span of a week.

Anyway, get comfortable, this is a long one!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

...

Three weeks later

...

Eddie was starting to make lunch after a morning full of house chores.

After sweeping, cleaning, and cleaning again, laundry drying, trash out, and tidying the house, Eddie could breathe better.

Or maybe he could have if it wasn't for the bad taste in his mouth.

He had discussed with Christopher before the kid went to school. Again.

It seemed to happen periodically now. First Chris denied that Buck had left, saying that Eddie had lied and he insisted on going to Buck's place.

And he did.

He escaped and went by himself.

The utter heartbroken face he had while standing on the left's door, when Eddie arrived was enough to put tears on his eyes.

"He didn't answer... He always answers..." Chris had whispered as Eddie cradled him up.

Eddie winced as he almost cut his finger by chopping onions. He got distracted when he revisited the memories of that day. Then he remembered the fight they had had some hours before.

 

"I hate you! This is your fault! Buck left because of you!"

His son's cries rang on his ears. The clatter of the glass of juice breaking on the floor. The sharpness on his voice

"I hate you. If you'd let me see him, he would have never left! If I had shown him I still love him Buck would still be here! But no! You hate him! And now he's gone because of it!"

"Grownups are so stupid! Instead of... just talking you avoid each other! Don't speak! And opposite to what Buck said, I understand why he left. He did it because you and Bobby don't care about him! Because you were mean and Bobby didn't let him go back to be a firefighter and being with his family when that was all he wanted!"

"Dad it is obvious that he and auntie Maddie haven't got family like us! It is obvious that their only family is us! And you broke that!"

Then he had run to his room to prepare to go to school.

What Eddie had discovered was that his son could be as stubborn as himself.

And snap as fast as himself too.

They didn't talk on their way to school, and when Eddie told him "I love you, mijo." He had replied with, "I know."

He shut the truck's door and walked to school.

 

It was hard, and his chest ached whenever he saw his son behave like that.

Eddie had spent his way back home thinking of his words.

What could he do to solve this? To comfort his son? Would he be able to comfort his son this time?

When did life become so complicated again?

He needed to call a therapist.

For Christopher, that is.

So then he had gone back home and started cleaning. He had a lot of time now that he was... dismissed. He also had to study for his retraining test.

Eddie was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard music coming from the TV.

"♪ Mama told me ♪ ♪ Not to waste my life ♪ ♪ She said spread your wings ♪ ♪ My little butterfly ♪ ♪ Don't let what they say ♪ ♪ Keep you up at night... ♪"

He recognized it immediately and went to the living room to look for the remote to raise the volume.

"...Live from Hilton Hawaiian Village in beautiful Waikiki, it's The Savannah Walker Show! Starring your host, Savannah Walker!"

It was a repetition from a show recorded years before, an episode he hadn't watched yet, so something inside him told him to keep watching.

So he did.

"Aloha!" Savannah entered the stage on a surfboard carried by four boys dressed in traditional Hawaiian clothes.

"And here she is, the queen of talk, Savannah!"

"Welcome, thank you, guys. Give it up for my boys! Yes!"

The crowd cheered with excitement and Savannah beamed.

"Aloha, everyone, aloha! Welcome to the show!" The audience lulled, and the camera focused on the host. "Now, as you know, we have got it going on from Hawaii all week long. It has been incredible."

"We've been shooting everywhere in our country's 50th state, and it has been fantastic. From the beaches of the North Shore to the skyscrapers of Waikiki, we have done it all, and it has been amazing. Am I right?"

I would love to go if I had the money, Eddie thought as he went back to the kitchen because the onions were overcooking.

Then he smiled as he remembered.

Recently a promoter had seen him in the junkyard and proposed him to a place to fight with some of his boys. They would pay well and, thinking about the pressure that was building up inside him since Buck had left... Eddie couldn't say no.

Money was appreciated, between the bills, the food, and Christopher's school and physical therapy, but he was too proud to reach out to anyone.

Release steam? That was the main thing of why he had accepted. The junkyard was fine, but just like him, it wasn't enough.

Knock out or tapout. 

That was what he needed.

Back at the television, the host smiled at her crowd. "And so they arranged for me to hang out with Five-O, Hawaii's elite crime-fighting task force."

Why having a task force? Wasn't the police department enough for some rocks on the Pacific?

Eddie shook his head and clicked his tongue.

"Yes. And with the governor's blessing, I was able to take my camera crew behind the scenes for the ultimate ride-along. Now, I want to warn you, this is not gonna be one of our typical Savannah shows." She explained walking from one side to the other of the stage. The breeze made her hair move as she made a dramatic pause.

"It is going to be scary, it's going to be graphic, and it might be a good idea to put those little ones down for an early nap. Because I am talking unscripted, unedited, and unbelievable."

"How graphic can it be?" Eddie huffed as he added other vegetables and tomato sauce to the pot where he was cooking the onions, "It's probably just some cops following a hacker or a tax fraud, they can't show something like a murder."

Little did he know, that with the governor's special task force things could get really graphic.

"Are you ready?" The crowd cheered once again. "All right! This is gonna be off the hook! Tommy, roll the tape."

A piece of soft music played in the background as Savannah spoke on top of edited videos of an old building, "Welcome to the home of Five-O. This beautiful building opened in 1871, designed by Australian Thomas Rowe in an ltalian Renaissance revival. It doesn't look like your average police station, does it?"

"That's because Five-O aren't your typical cops. They're a task force that handles high-priority cases." The image showed Savannah in a hall inside the building.

She passed a glass door and recorded two officers, a man, and a woman, around a table, with a third one walking towards them.

"Cases that often put them in life and death situations. In this show, we're gonna get to know Five-O's key personnel."

The cameraman walked towards another officer, who was arranging a gun.

"To start, let's meet the big kahuna, Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett, the boss man, and Honolulu native."

Eddie finished stirring the pot and put the lid on it so it could cook well. He went back to the living room where the host on the TV continued speaking over a montage of pictures of a kid, Steve McGarrett when growing up for sure.

His face rang a bell and Eddie put special attention on him.

"... born and raised on the island of Oahu, Steve was a celebrated quarterback for the Fightin' Nuts of Kukui High, a standout at the Naval Academy, and a highly decorated Navy SEAL who saw action around the globe..."

An image that showed McGarrett on his Navy Blues with all his medals and his cap appeared, and Eddie's pressure went down in the instant he recognized it.

Him.

The name rang a bell from his late days as an army sergeant, but the man?

He had never seen him before.

Until he appeared with that other guy at the firehouse...

The words the host said entered his mind but they didn't make sense. His palms were wet in cold sweat, and he couldn't catch his breath.

Buck was with that person? Out of everyone, he was with a danger magnet of a cop?

He was wrong for sure, his mind was playing him a trick and--

"Hi, Commander McGarrett."

"Hi," He said harshly and walked past Savannah. She wasn't about to give up though and followed him through the headquarters.

Eddie saw him better and, it indeed was the guy he had seen at the firehouse some days before. His mouth was dry and his legs buckled. He sat down on the couch.

"Hi. I understand you were handpicked by the late Governor Jameson, uh, to lead Five-O, and tasked with cleaning up crime on the islands. That's, um, a pretty awesome task."

He stopped and scratched his chin as he said, "Uh, I'm sorry, was I supposed to say something back to you?"

"Well, that's how an on-camera interview works. I, um, ask the questions, and then you answer."

"Okay, um, I'm not comfortable with that, and, uh, I don't... I thought you guys were just gonna follow us around," A cellphone rang and Steve ran into an office to answer it.

Eddie huffed and frowned as he kept on watching.

"... um, well, okay." Savannah looked around her and spotted the other three officers.

"Working alongside Steve McGarrett is Detective Danny Williams, a New Jersey transplant who seems to have brought his feisty Jersey attitude with him."

She turned around and called him, "Um, Detective Williams, can I..."

"No, no-no-no, no-no-no. Please, okay?"

The short man turned around and it was another slap on the face and a punch on the guts for Eddie.

At least he did say his real name when they met.

"I know the governor thinks that this is good PR, but I disagree strongly, so please keep the camera out of my face and we'll be fine. Please? I said please," Danny started walking away to his office. The camera followed until he said, "Thank you. Peace."

Savannah awkwardly cleared her throat and looked at one of the remaining two officers, who was coming out of his office, and really, how many offices did that place have?

"Oh, Lieutenant Kelly. Can I ask you a few questions?"

"I'm a little bit busy right now," The man said not glancing up from the tablet on his hands.

"Well, I understand that Commander McGarrett's father trained you. What drew you to a life in law enforcement?"

"Uh, family. I come from a long line of cops. I guess it's in my DNA," The Lieutenant answered.

"Well, if you weren't a cop, what would you be?"

The interview continued as background noise in Eddie's mind. He needed to call someone.

Tell someone he knew where Buck was.

It was vital. It felt like a breach of the clouds, letting a sunray spill on him during a storm.

Maybe now, Chris wouldn't be so mad at him, or himself.

"...it's good, we're on the way," Steve came out of the office as he cut the call.

"Hey, Chin, let's go," He told the man and both walked to grab their bags as Steve exclaimed for the other officers, "Yo, let's go!"

"Oh, oh. This is it, we caught a case. Come on, let's go." Savannah repeated excitedly for the camera. Then she turned around and asked. "Uh, Commander McGarrett, uh, can you tell us where we're going?"

"Did you sign the personal safety waiver?" Steve replied, avoiding the question. "You guys all need to do that, all right, before you come. Uh... Make sure they get one."

"A safety waiver? Why?" Savannah asked with a frown.

Danny chuckled like it was the funniest question in the world.

"Wait. Wait, what's so funny?"

"Better call your insurance agent from the car," Chin said walking behind Steve and Danny towards the exit.

"Tell him you want full coverage." The female officer added closing the glass door behind her.

"Wait, you guys-- you're kidding, right? They're kidding, right?"

The scene changed and Eddie unfroze from his place on the couch. He fumbled around the house to look for his phone and when he found it on the dining room table, he turned it on and looked for his first contact.

He pressed the call button. The other person answered after three rings.

"Chimney," Eddie said, not giving the man a chance to speak.

"I know where Buck is."

...

"Are you sure?" Hen asked.

"Yes, put channel 16! The Savannah Walker Show! It's a repetition of an episode from 2013!" Chimney exclaimed and Hen had to get the phone away from her ear.

"Geez okay, just stop yelling!"

She did as told, and found the image of a crowd in front of an outside stage. A black woman was on it, speaking. She was wearing a colorful dress and a flower collar that matched a flower on her hair.

"...erview, I learned that Lieutenant Kelly lost someone very dear to him, his wife, Malia, as a direct result of a Five-O investigation. Now, out of respect, I won't go into further detail, but what I will tell you is that despite their personal losses, Five-O has forged an incredible bond, one akin to family, or what the locals refer to as ohana."

Savannah made a pause to breathe and continued. "Now, what if I was to tell you that we-- and by "we" I mean this show-- had a direct hand in helping this investigation?"

"I don't know Chim, I don't see them. Are you sure?" Hen insisted. Then-

"To explain how let's meet Officer Kono Kalakaua," Savannah said. A video started playing and it showed the woman riding a wave with her surfboard. "Kono grew up on the North Shore of O'ahu and spent the early part of her life as a professional surfer. Now, when a knee injury sidelined her career, she followed in the footsteps of her cousin, Chin Ho Kelly, and joined the ranks of law enforcement."

Then it showed Kono in her HPD uniform and Hen recognized her.

"Wait Chimney! I know this girl! She was the one who helped your brother when he was choking!" Hen exclaimed, seeing the face of the young woman. "Do you remember her? Dark hair, brown skin. She said she was a lifeguard."

"What? Are you sure? There's a lot of people in the world, and she wasn't carrying a badge as I see her here."

"Yes, it's her I-"

Hen was cut by a new voice coming from the TV.

"What is Wo Fat looking for?" Steve asked his team. They were reunited around their special computer table.

"And why show up posing as a cop?" Chin asked from his side, looking at the picture on their screens.

"My guess is he heard about the murder after the fact, shows up wearing the uniform so he can get access to the crime scene," Danny offered from the other side of the table.

"Which would mean that Wo Fat's not the killer," Kono ended the idea with her brows furrowed.

"Okay, fine. Why's he so interested in our John Doe?" Steve asked.

The show cut to another scene and Chimney spoke.

"Hen?"

"I saw them... I think," Hen spoke. "A tall man and a short blond man?"

"Exactly."

"What do we do?"

...

"You are not going to do anything," Athena warned as she looked at her phone's screen, where three other images appeared.

Hen, Chimney, and Eddie were in a video call with her. It was like seeing a mother giving a lecture to her children.

She balanced at the TV where the eccentric host was ending the show.

"Another case solved by our nation's most elite task force, Five-O!"

The audience cheered loudly and Athena rolled her eyes.

So we, the cops from the actual police departments are just for decoration?

"But Athena..." Eddie huffed.

"... shadowed their every move. It was terrifying, and it was dangerous. And it was something that I will never, ever do again."

"No, you heard Maddie yesterday," Athena put on her sharp look for the people who were face timing her. "At the end of the day it's his decision, and you should respect it."

The host continued. "...thing compared to the risks that the brave members of Five-O take every day to keep these islands safe. They are truly heroes. And I salute them."

She walked through a hall left between the crowd and looked at the camera.

"Until next time, Mahalo Nui Loa."

The people stood and applauded while Savannah walked back to the stage while shaking people's hands. "Thanks for coming out. You guys are great. Best audience ever!"

The police Sergeant turned the TV off with a huff. She really hated those TV shows.

"I can look up their records, but the show pretty much summed it up," She sat on the couch next to her husband. "That does not mean I already have someone doing that."

"Have you told Maddie?" Bobby's voice sounded.

"No..." Chimney answered.

"You need to tell her," Athena's phone chimed with a notification.

"How do we know Buck is safe with these people?" Eddie discussed.

"Eddie, they are an elite task force, probably the best of the best," Chimney replied.

"And apparently a danger magnet like Buck himself," Athena muttered looking at McGarrett's history.

"40 arrests so far into the year, there was a big crime wave in May, and McGarrett ended up in the hospital in... 15 of those calls..."

"Oh, God, the doctors must know him well..." Chimney groaned.

"Wait, look at this guys," Eddie interrupted them and sent a link. Bobby pressed it on his phone and it directed him to a video.

"I found this while searching his name on the internet, it's a video from the news," Eddie explained.

The graph read 'HPD pursuit on H-3 route', next to the local news logo KMZR news.

The image showed a cargo truck with a pineapple logo on its side, speeding through the route, with four alarm-blearing patrols and a SWAT truck behind it. Then all the vehicles entered a tunnel and the image cut to show a person standing on top of the other end of the tunnel, waiting for something.

"Recent info tells me that the person standing above the Tetsuo Harano Tunnel is Commander McGarrett, leader of Five-0 and- oh my god!"

McGarrett had jumped just in time, and landed on top of the truck, almost falling to the pavement.

Bobby grabbed Athena's hand and she squeezed it.

"What the- did he just jump off the bridge?" Hen's exclamations sounded on the call.

"I'm pretty sure he just did," Chimney answered.

The SWAT truck led space to another vehicle which had an added platform on top of it, and two people on the back. Steve entered the truck and some adults were thrown to the pavement and almost ran over by the patrols, earning a hiss from Athena.

The truck got closer to the back of the cargo truck and girls started to come out of it and being received by the two officers on the back.

Then when everyone was on the edge of their seats- "I'm sorry, we are getting closer to restricted government aerial space and we can't keep on covering the story with our chopper, but it seems like Five-0 has got this controlled. Once again the streets of O'ahu are safe and sound thanks to them!"

Then the video ended.

Athena looked Back at her phone where the 118 had pale horror faces.

"Who is Buck actually with?"

...

"They are just two cops, who Buck trusted so you have to trust them too," Maddie said receiving a supportive nod from Josh.

"I really thought that you would understand the most."

They were at the Call center, during their break time, and Maddie was speaking with Athena by phone call.

"How did they even- yeah... Mm-hmm, okay that makes sense but-" Maddie wore a serious look.

"Look, I get it okay? I get it, it was just a TV show and they happened to appear in it... I know you are worried," She rolled her eyes. "All of you, yeah, but Buck is fine."

"Yeah no... Mm-hmm... right," her mouth opened. "Okay, I am going to stop you there Athena, could you please listen to me and pass this message to your husband and his friends? Buck. Is. Fine. And actually, I don't have to tell you anything else apart from that."

She sighed and put her hand on the bridge of her nose. "I don't want to hear a word from this from anybody, okay? Buck is okay, and if they really don't think he is safe then they should have thought twice about leaving my brother behind. This conversation ends here."

She bit her lip as the woman on the other end talked. Then- "Yeah, bye."

She hung up and placed the phone on the table. Josh looked at her worriedly.

"I'm here for you, speak."

"I just- Why are they worrying now?" Maddie asked as she started pacing. "I mean, they really seem worried. Like for real. But I can't forgive them just like that.

She made quotation marks with her hands. "'Yeah, no, it's okay guys, let's just eat a barbeque all together now that my brother is gone.' I can't."

She huffed. "They hurt him and they can't just say sorry and carry on as if nothing happened. Because something happened."

"Oh come here girl," Josh said walking towards her. He wrapped her in his arms and she sighed.

"I'm gonna get gray hair." Maddie pouted.

"Then you should dye your hair white," Josh teased her. She looked at him with wide eyes. "I was joking."

"I know, and thanks for being here for me. I appreciate it," she pushed his shoulder with her finger. "Now let's go back to work, calls don't stop and neither do us."

"Yes ma'am," Josh watched her go as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

When he went back to the computer center he found Maddie was attending a call at her desk. She looked seriously at the screen in front of her as her fingers quickly typed information.

He got closer and faked a concerned face as he looked at her head. She looked at him with a frown and he mouthed "gray hair!" As he touched his own hair and smiled.

She also smiled, not without faking an offended look first, and focused on the person on the other side of the call.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

Notes:

Dun, dun, dun!

There's some more chapter focused in LA and then we are in for Hawaiian Buck!

Hope y'all enjoyed, as always you can ask me anything in my Tumblr or just rant with me in the comments!

Don't forget to be awesome and stay hydrated!

Chapter 15: Ke nalowale nei wau i ka kaohi (I'm losing all control)

Notes:

Hey hey! Guess who's back from the dead?

Sorry for the super delay, but as I promised on Tumblr, here I am updating on Wednesday :)

Little TW for Eddie's streetfighting past, some descriptions of violence and the usual angst that involved Eddie and Buck and Chris lol

Title from Street Fight by Adam Jensen, I reaallly recommend listening it!!

Brb, I gotta go watch 4x14 :)
Enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

A month and a half later LA was pretty much the same as when Buck had left.

Hen, Chimney, Bobby, and Eddie had completed their firefighter and EMS retraining and all passed with normal marks.

They were assisting to the obligatory courses, and in a week everyone would be able to go back to work.

If Chief Diego Alonzo decided they were okay to go back to work. And in a way, they understood Buck now.

How desperate he was to get back to work. To them. How he had feared the 118 would leave him behind. A family would leave him behind again.

And they did.

They reflected their problems in him. And he naturally got tired.

Therapy was obligatory for them to go back to work. Everyone had to go to at least 6 sessions before even stepping inside the firehouse.

And their therapy sessions were helpful.

Eddie would never say it out loud.

Yet, street fighting was better in his opinion.

After the tsunami, Lena and he had grown to be friends. She had bailed him out of jail, helped him to have a place to forget his worries and release pressure, she had been there for him when Buck hadn't.

And he was grateful to her because he didn't know how he would have handled Buck leaving and Christopher's mood if both hadn't gone to the junkyard.

And Christopher... his therapist had told Eddie that the kid was going through the stages of grief.

Which was nothing bad, just a mechanism to cope with the reality of Buck leaving and his mom not being there.

He had said it was different than with the tsunami or his mother's death. Everything piled up and he was coping like that.

And Christopher was in the depression part those days.

Which was harder to see and handle than the anger part for Eddie.

As a parent, he hated to watch his kid suffer or struggle.

After each PT session, when the kid was in pain and just wanted to go home and sleep and his usual happiness and excitement went away... that made his chest ache. Not being able to do anything to make him feel better.

But now it was worse because the kid just wanted to be in his room, and Eddie and Carla had to force him to come out and eat something for each food of the day.

And yes, Carla and Eddie made amends after one night Eddie called her, broken, asking for her help. After scolding him, she accepted to go every day and a half, to help with the house and to be there for the kid.

Maddie had given her Buck's new number, so they also called Buck to check on him. The hard part was always when he arrived from a shift and Chris had spoken with Buck. The aftermath of the call could be seen by the sadness on his face.

Every call was a reminder that Buck was not there.

But at least they got to talk to each other regularly.

Buck was still part of Chris' life and never missed a single call.

And Eddie was kinda jealous, but he accepted it with time. It was obvious Buck didn't want to even speak to him.

Eddie and Chris had also been talking about how the kid felt.

Both their therapists had been keen on it.

They talked and cuddled on the couch and the kid had cried all his pain out.

Eddie didn't.

He needed to be in control. Be Christopher's rock.

That was another reason why the street fighting was good for him.

Release steam. Let go of worries.

Shut emotions, at least for an hour.

Shut up those guilty voices in his head telling him that he was a failure as a father. As a friend.

Maybe even as a firefighter.

Shut up those voices and lock them in a box on the upper shelf of a dark room in his head.

It was not an obsession.

It wasn't.

His family wouldn't understand it. Neither would his therapist.

Only Lena understood how he coped with things. She would be proud of how he handled things, yes sir.

She would be proud of him for getting out of the junkyard and into that abandoned lot, that had a rusty metal-gridded enneagon where he fought.

He smiled and noticed someone moving in the shades of the improvised changing room.

"Here," The organizer snapped him out of his thoughts.

He handed Eddie a paper bag and he knew exactly what it was. He opened it and smiled.

"My lucky night."

"Yeah, a lot of people bet against you," The other man said, "Nobody expected you to take the big guy out so quick."

"Tap out or knock out your rules," He replied.

The organizer hummed as he started to walk away.

"Hey, when can I come back?" Eddie asked looking back at the guy.

"You like that, huh?" The man said with a smug look, coming back to his side.

"Doesn't hurt. Friend of mine told me I needed to find an outlet, I think I found it." Eddie replied as he put his shirt on.

"Yeah, nice. You're looking to blow off some steam on Friday night, I'll put you on the undercard."

"Good, finally." He couldn't help but feel disappointed deep inside him at the decision he had made.

He placed his hood on his head as he shook his head.

"Hey. Tap out or knockout works both ways."

"Yeah. See you soon."

While he was walking out of the abandoned lot towards his car, he found something in his pocket.

He took it out and examined the cold large thing. It shined under the street lights and he recognized it.

The key to his place that used to be part of Buck's keyring.

He pressed it tightly on his hand, feeling the coldness, and threw it away with a yelp.

"Why?!"

He was answered by the sound of the key on concrete, far away from him. He then realized what he did and started looking for it desperately.

When he found it he kneeled in front of the key and grabbed it with trembling hands, muttering,

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry... Why is it so hard to accept you are gone?"

Because you loved him, a voice inside him said.

It sounded like Buck.

He dried his tears with his hoodie and walked back to his truck.

 

...

 

Friday came around sooner than he had expected.

He had been craving all week for a good fight before he went back to work on Saturday, with Chief Alonzo finally giving them the okay to reincorporate to their duties in the firehouse.

And damn it was a good fight.

He was defeating the guy, punch by punch in that abandoned parking lot.

The smell of sweat filled the place, and a big crowd was all around them either cheering or booing.

Tapout or knockout.

He was about to win.

He punched the man on his face, two times before he kicked him right in the nose and the man fell on his back to the floor, knocked out.

He turned and put his arms up as he faced the crowd which roared and filled him with even more adrenaline in his system.

It wasn't an obsession, just a healthy outlet.

It's not.

Buck's voice rang on his ears just as he heard a wet cough behind him and turned with a frown.

He saw the other fighter, the one he had just knocked unconscious, with blood coming out of his nose and mouth and spilling over his face.

Eddie was quick to kneel by his side, "Hey, hey, hey. Can you hear me?"

"What the hell's going on?" The organizer asked from the floor above.

"He's not breathing," Eddie exclaimed. "Call 9-1-1!"

"Are you crazy? I'm not calling anyone," The organizer barked back. "Yeah, he'll be fine."

"His airway's blocked!" Eddie yelled louder, at the stubborn organizer, who just shook his head.

His medical instincts kicked in as he placed the semi-conscious man on his side and placed his finger inside the man's mouth. He moved it, going down his throat until he found the thing blocking his airway. He took it out and examined it in his, now bloody, hand.

"What the hell's that?" The organizer asked.

"Part of his nose... that I knocked into his cranial cavity when I broke it before it fell down his throat." Eddie huffed, thinking what would the consequences for that poor man be.

He closed his eyes as he came up to the conclusion, "He's gonna start leaking spinal fluid."

"Holy crap. Is he dead?" Another person asked, and the firefighter turned around to watch him as he tried to come up with a plan to save him.

He had his phone inside the cage, recording.

He saw a possibility. It involved shutting the place down and probably getting banned from every street fighting place. There was also a very big chance of losing his job. But it was worth it.

Do it.

There he was again. Buck was everything he could hear. He was his common sense. For him, he would do things right.

He had to start now.

In less than a second, he dropped the bone piece and ran to grab the phone.

"Hey, give that back!" The man hissed, trying to get ahold of Eddie.

"No, no, no. Don't do it. Don't do it!" The organizer warned him

Eddie looked at him in the eye and called 9-1-1.

 

...

 

People were running everywhere to get the hell out of that place as the crew from station 136 entered to attend the call they had gotten about a choking man.

"LAFD, clear a path! Fire department, coming through!" Captain Cooper said loudly as he entered.

Lena, who was ahead of him found the man sitting on the floor against the grille. "Man down over there, Cap!"

They got closer to the man, with the firefighters staying aside and giving space to the paramedics to work.

"Gonna hook him up to the LifePack, check his rhythm." One of them said.

"Airway's clear." The other one answered.

"It could be a cranial intrusion. Let's check for spinal fluid."

As they continued checking the man Lena looked around and noticed something on the floor.

Frowning, she kneeled to grab it and examine it. She handed the thing to her Captain as she explained. "That's part of his nose. Someone cleared it and sat him upright."

"Looks like somebody knew what they were doing," Cooper concluded.

Lena felt someone was watching her and turned around just in time to see a shadow moving on the upper floor.

Sighing, she excused herself and went to look for the man who was behind all that fuss.

"So, are you the one who saved him or the one who almost killed him?" She asked some minutes later when she found Eddie's hiding spot.

"Both." Eddie looked down sheepishly.

"What the hell, Eddie?"

Eddie put a hand up to stop her. "Can we talk about this later? I need to go before--"

Sirens started wailing in the background and the man huffed.

"The police show up?" Lena rolled her eyes as she started taking her turnout coat.

"What are you doing?"

"Saving myself the trouble of having to bail you out of jail again. Put this on until the cops leave." She passed him the coat and he took it with a huff, feeling both annoyed and grateful.

He learned his lesson.

 

...

 

"Thanks." Eddie cleared his throat, passing Lena her turnout coat, her surname, BOSKO, glowing with the lights of the ambulance and police cruisers.

The ambulance took off and he watched it with regret before looking down ashamed.

"Let me know what hospital you guys drop him off at. I'll--I'll make sure he's okay."

"You knocked his nose into his brain. He ain't okay." Lena crossed her arms on her chest.

"Look, I did my best to help him." Eddie looked up, eyes pleading for her to understand. "I'm the one who called 9-1-1."

However, she ignored him and asked, "How long you been fighting here?"

Eddie sighed. He rubbed his forehead, hiding his face as a cruiser passed by their side, and said, "Promoter saw me at the junkyard fights a few weeks ago, offered me a shot."

Then he added, "Pays pretty well."

Lena squinted her eyes, not believing what he was saying."That's not why you're doing this. Eddie, fighting was supposed to be a healthy outlet, not an obsession."

"It's not," Eddie quickly assured, voice harsh and defensive. "It just got out of hand tonight."

"I bet." She sighed. "Tell me, that hit to the nose, was that a lucky shot? Or had he dropped his hands?"

"Tap out or knock out. Those are the rules." Eddie explained."He didn't tap out.

"He was so punch drunk, he couldn't even lift his hands to protect himself. You think he should've had the presence of mind to tap out?" She exclaimed. "Eddie, you need to talk to someone."

When he stayed silent she asked, "When was the last time you talked about things with someone? And I mean actually talk, not like you do with your therapist."

He still stayed silent. If he started talking he wouldn't stop until everything was out. He wasn't ready to face the truth.

She snapped. "Were you even planning to stop this? Eddie you have a kid for fucks sake!"

"Well, you knew that when you introduced me to street fighting Lena." Eddie barked back. He took some breaths to steady himself.

"And I- I don't know okay? Buck was the one I talked to. But after the firetruck accident, he started to get quieter. Push himself aside from us. I tried to reach out, the tsunami happened. And we- I just-"

A sob threatened to come out of his lips. He took air again and his whole body shook with it.

"Them I pushed him aside because I was afraid... I was afraid of losing him, okay? And- And I know it was stupid... very stupid. But I- it- it made sense at the time. But now I fucked up hard and I can't- I just can't-"

Tears fell down his embarrassed-pink cheeks. He looked down, counting his breaths mentally to get away from the incoming panic attack.

"I don't know how will I- How will we live without Buck. I've known him for most of our lives here in LA and I... I don't remember how life without him was... and now he's gone and I just can't get over it. Over him."

Lena's features softened and she pressed a hand on his shoulder. "It's hard. Believe me, I know."

Eddie looked up, eyes showing his confusion, and Lena grimaced.

"My fiancee... she... died some years ago." She confessed, making Eddie raise his eyebrows at the pronouns.

"She was the one who introduced me to street fighting. We used to go together but never against each other." She laughed bitterly before adding. "She died in a car crash. Drunk driver."

"My station attended the call. She... we couldn't do anything. She died in my arms."

She closed her eyes and sat next to Eddie. "After that, I spiraled down and hit the deep end hard. But I asked for help. And my station didn't doubt to give me all the help and support I needed."

"It was hard to get over her. And I did, but I still carry her on my heart and my memories. You need to ask for help Diaz."

"Bosko." Captain cooper's voice sounded from the firetruck. "We're heading out."

"Coming, Cap." She answered, then patted his shoulder in sympathy. "Just ask for help and I promise there will be people ready to support you, okay? Just let yourself feel."

Eddie nodded. "Yeah."

...

He entered the station feeling jittery.

His skin buzzed with just being back there.

He buzzed at the knowledge that he made a difference and helped people who were at his worst.

Then he remembered the conversation from the last night.

A pang of guilt shook him.

Now he knew how Buck had felt.

His sigh was suddenly interrupted as he heard his name being called from the railing above him.

"Diaz, up here, now."

He looked up and found Bobby.

He signaled the locker room. "I was gonna go change."

"No, we talk first." Bobby demanded and Eddie's brows furrowed in confusion as he said, "Okay?"

Then he saw Lena coming downstairs and rage made his way onto the surface as he realized.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just talk to your captain. You need help, so I'm gonna make sure you get it." She shrugged and started to walk away.

"You sold me out, huh? I thought we were friends."

She turned around. "What's the name of my cat? Huh?"

"I..."

She placed her hands on her hips."I know about your kid and your dead wife and your arrest record and your not-so-best friend who you fell head over heels for and the guy you almost killed."

She made a little pause to let that sink in. "So tell me, what's the name of my cat?"

"Dios, I have no freakin' idea." Eddie shrugged.

"Exactly. I already tried to help you and I made more harm than good, he needed to know, Diaz." She started making her way out again. "And for the record, I don't have a cat."

Eddie stood there not knowing what to do or say. A though crossed his mind.

God you really have a way to make your friends go away from you.

He shook his head and went upstairs.

When he saw his Captain he started making an excuse, "Look, Cap, I don't know what Bosko told you-"

"Captain Cooper called me last night." Bobby cut him with a severe look. "He recognized you from the tsunami. He wanted to give me a heads up about a potential problem in my house."

"But Lena--" Eddie pointed at the entrance of the firehouse.

"She was here when I pulled in this morning." Bobby huffed. "Wanted to make sure I had a full picture and that I wasn't too hard on you."

Eddie closed his eyes and winced. "Guess I owe her an apology."

Bobby nodded, "Or maybe a thank you. Take a seat."

Both sat on chairs from the table and Eddie sighed.

"It's nothing. It's--I'm fine." He said. "Just needed a place to let off some steam. Things got a little out of--"

"Control? That's what this is about, right? You're the guy who always keeps it together, no matter what life throws at you. You shake it off, keep moving forward."

"Lots of people have it worse," Eddie replied, looking at the walls behind his Captain.

Bobby looked at him, concerned. "Eddie, I just wanna make sure you don't think you have to lose everything... before you can allow yourself to feel anything. To ask for help. Look, Buck... he said he was fine... and he was not... At all."

Eddie shook his head and frowned. "He had a way to make us believe he was fine. But I was his best friend. I should have seen, I should have known that he was not fine."

"And Christopher needs me to be in control. I am the only parent he's got left, and I can't let him down again. Not when his world is crumbling to pieces around him."

"When did you let him down before?"

Eddie let out a humorless laugh. "Oh God, when did I not let him down?"

"...I wasn't there when he was a baby. Stayed away too long, and it broke his mother. Shannon ran away, I... and I couldn't stop her. I couldn't bring her back home. So I brought him here. And let her back into his life."

"That's what Christopher wanted," Bobby replied.

He laughed again. "Yeah, but-- but I knew better. She already left once, broke his heart. You know, I was so afraid she was gonna do it again."

His eyebrows rose as he shrugged, anger starting to bubble inside him. "She did."

Then he swallowed and leaned on the table. "And- and Buck? He left, and I let Christopher down again because I promised to have Buck's back, and I promised Chris that Buck would never leave us. I... I knew he loved Chris enough to try to be here even if he was uncomfortable. But I relied too much on that hope."

"She died, Eddie." Bobby replied. "And it's our fault that Buck left. Not just yours."

"Yeah, Shannon died after she told me she wanted... a divorce." His eyes started to cloud. "And I'm-- I'm still mad at her for that. I'm also mad at Buck because he left. Because he decided we were not good for him. How stupid is that?"

He laughed again, his voice cracked. "I'm angry at a dead person, a person who is hundreds of miles away, and at myself, because anything of what I did was enough for them. I forgave Shannon and I let Buck down."

He looked aside as a tear slipped on his cheek. "I wasn't enough."

"Eddie..." Bobby started but the firefighter shut him.

"I need help." Eddie said with a sob. "I need your help guys... I can't... Bobby..."

The Captain hurried to get on his feet and try to comfort his man as best as he could without crossing his personal space.

He was surprised when Eddie, the man who wasn't very keen on touching people, pulled him into a hug with a heartbreaking sob.

"It's okay kid. We are here for you." Bobby patted him, feeling tears clouding his own view. "We are here."

"This is what family is for. We are family. You can talk to us whenever you want about whatever you want to, okay? It's okay to ask for help."

He felt Eddie nod against his shoulder. "Yeah, erm, yeah"

He separated from Bobby's arms with his cheeks flushed a shade of pink. Eddie cleared his throat.

"At least I'm going to a therapist right? And it was enough fighting for a lifetime, this... won't happen again." He tried to joke.

"I hope so," Bobby smiled with Eddie. "We are here Eddie. For both Chris and you."

"Thanks, Bobby." Eddie nodded, stepping back a little.

"Thanks for everything."

Notes:

So that's it for this week. Thanks for the love you show every chapter! I love you!

Hope y'all enjoyed, as always you can ask me anything in my Tumblr or just rant with me in the comments!

Chapter 16: Makemake wau e ʻike hou (I'm dying to feel again)

Notes:

I am back from the dead to finally update this story!!

Tough times are here people, and writer's block is hitting me but I'm trying to drive it away.

Anyway, the title is by Imagine Dragons' Gold.

Enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The days after Buck arrived in Hawaii were full of action.

Not Five-0's style action though.

His things arrived five days after him and noticing a house full of boxes, and four men having to move around them to walk in the house, Danny decided it was time to go back home.

Buck's decision to move in with him wasn't really a surprise.

Grace was definitely one of them.

It all started when she went to her Uncle's home to pick up a jacket she had forgotten a week before when she spent time with her father and her brother.

She noticed the boxes around the entrance and her stomach fell. Then she listened to someone exclaiming, "You are finally home huh?" From the kitchen and the nervousness transformed into fear.

She took her phone out quickly to call her dad when the person stepped outside the kitchen.

They started at each other with wide eyes for some seconds before asking, "Who are you?" in stereo.

He started walking towards her but stopped when he saw Grace step back, grabbing the door's knob.

Buck spoke first, "I am Evan Buckley. Just Steve and Danno's friend, okay?"

"What kind of friend?" Grace asked cautiously.

"The good one." He said, understanding what she was asking. "I- I am staying here with them, I am from LA."

It looked like a switch was flipped in her mind, her expression lost the concern and became friendly and bright, her shoulders relaxed and her hands went up in the air as she rolled her eyes in an expression her father would make for sure.

"So you are Buck!"

"Y- Yeah, I'm Buck." He said, relaxing.

"You scared me to death." She said, a smirk settling on her face.

Buck scratched his neck. "And you are..?"

"Oh, right, um, I'm Grace, Danno's daughter." She walked up to him and stretched his hand. Strong grip, Danny raised you well, Buck noticed before letting go.

"Oh right! I thought you were younger with the way Danny speaks of you!"

"Danno does that," She shook her head. "And what's up with all the boxes?"

"Oh, uh, your dad hasn't told you yet?"

"Tell me what?"

Then an engine turning off and the echo of two car doors being shut sounded.

"Speaking of the devil," Buck said and walked to the kitchen, leaving Grace confused in the living room.

There was some muffled chatter coming from outside until the door was opened and Grace could see her dad, uncle, and Junior entering the house.

"With all respect sir, I think Danny is right, vanilla ice cream is better." The rookie said.

"See?" Danny smirked.

"Vanilla is boring, instead mint and chocolate chips-" Steve saw Grace before the two other men and interrupted himself with an "Aloha Gracie!"

"Aloha Uncle Steve,"

Danny looked at Steve confused before turning to where he was looking. His frown turned into a smile as he walked to hug her.

"Hey monkey," He said and she corresponded the hug.

"Hi Danno," She smiled.

Junior passed by her side and fist-bumped her. "Grace,"

"Joons,"

"I'm gonna look for Buck," Steve said, walking towards the kitchen.

"I'm going out for a run," Junior also excused himself and went to his room to get into proper clothes.

Grace took advantage of the situation and innocently asked, "Hey, dad, is there something you wanna tell me?"

"I... Why are you asking monkey?"

"Hey Grace, have you met Buck?" Steve's voice sounded before both appeared from the kitchen.

"Yes, we really scared each other for some seconds." Grace chuckled before turning her attention at Danny. "So, dad?"

"I do have something to tell you," Danny took his hands to his hair. "The house is completely ready, so I'm moving back and... Buck is coming with me..."

She fell silent as she thought. A shine that made Danny worried appeared in her eyes.

After some tense and silent seconds passed her voice sounded again. "Can I move in too?"

And so began the discussions with Rachel.

Grace had to intervene many times to remind them, hey, I'm an adult too and I'm old enough to move and be by myself so why can't I be with Danno?

Too many times.

But, eventually, they got to an arrangement and two weeks after Buck and Grace met, she packed her things in cardboard boxes, charged them in her car, begrudgingly kissed her mother on the cheek, and finally moved in with her dad.

...

Buck was already settled in his own room, having moved in with Danny a week after he arrived with the help of all Five-0 members.

Once she settled, they threw a kind of welcome home-ish party and invited everyone. If Steve was sad that Danny left his place, he didn't show it.

Bad thing Danny was fluent in McGarrett's body language.

"Okay, tell me, what's the matter with you?" He said getting closer to Steve. He passed him a beer as the other man frowned.

"What's the matter with me?" Steve asked. Danny nodded. "Nothing,"

"Wanna try again buddy?" Danny scoffed.

"I- Wh- Ugh," Steve stuttered and rolled his eyes. "Fine." He sipped his beer and sighed before muttering. "I will miss having you around."

An amused smile settled on Danny's lips. "Oh really? Can you say it louder for me babe?"

"Don't make me say it again," The commander grumbled.

Danny chuckled. "Okay, okay."

Both sipped their beers and watched the people at the party.

They could notice Junior, Tani, Noelani and the other young adults had welcomed Buck into their group because they were chatting and laughing loudly and Buck - He was smiling for the first time since he got to the island with them, a real actual smile. -

Then they saw Grace went over Buck's side and took his arm to drag him to the kitchen and show him something.

"Never thought Buck and Grace would get along so well," Steve said at the same time Danny muttered. "I will kinda miss you too."

They looked at each other wide-eyed and asked, "What?" In stereo.

"You go first," Danny spoke as he purposely sipped his beer so Steve didn't have a chance to contradict him.

"I said that I never thought those two would get along so well," Steve said, pointing at the kitchen where Grace had taken a cake out of the fridge.

Buck took some cream from the cover and put some on her nose, laughing.

Then she took out an aluminum tray filled with cream from the fridge with a mischievous look and Buck started to walk back. They both started running around the house and Tani got into the chase by looking for the whipped cream and spreading it over random people's faces and clothes. Well, everyone except for Adam and his very expensive shirt.

"Neither did I," Danny smiled.

Steve looked at him, "What did you say earlier?"

"Um, I said..." Danny scratched his neck. "I said that I'd miss you too."

Steve made a smug.

"But you can come around any time you want," Danny said before adding. "To see Buck that is."

"Oh yes, just to see Buck for sure," Steve assured.

There was a yelp from Buck, who had just gotten attacked with cold cream, and a squeak from Grace, who had gotten the comeback.

Steve and Danny looked at each other, still smiling.

"For sure."

...

Weeks passed and Buck got successfully settled on the island.

He had found a therapist which he felt comfortable with and had sessions twice a week with her.

He was also looking for a job on the island, something to get out of the house and think about rather than his loud thoughts that said he was a failure. That he didn't fit there.

Eventually, everyone knew he was looking for something to do and everyone offered him an idea.

Tani and Junior had suggested he enter a charity to help homeless people, Noelani suggested entering the widows and widowers foundation, Quinn had suggested him to drop a curriculum in her friend's bar, La Mariana, after hearing his adventures in Peru, Eric proposed him to be a model for his new photography project, Jerry offered him to be an editor for his book and so on.

He said he would think about them, feeling that most of those ideas weren't his thing. The one that convinced him the most was the Bar idea. He loved working at the Tiki Bar in Mancora, so why not in Hawaii?

Maybe he would give it a shot.

Buck thought about all those things while he lazily scratched Eddie's ears.

The dog let out a contented grumble.

"What a life, huh? Must be hard to be you." Buck said to the dog.

Eddie just sighed and Buck chuckled.

His eyes directed to the sky and the fluffy clouds that were darkening it. The hammock where he was laying swung softly with a breeze. He heard Steve's house crack loudly at the temperature change, and birds tweeting to warn other birds about the incoming storm.

Then his phone buzzed under him, interrupting his peace.

With a sigh he looked for it, almost falling off the hammock in the process (he still didn't get used to using it), and saw the ID.

Maddie was calling him.

Which should have been normal if it wasn't for the fact that his sister was supposed to be in an afternoon shift.

"Okay Buck, I have two big things to tell you, so don't freak out," She said as soon as Buck answered, without even leaving him the chance to say hello.

Buck scoffed, "First, hello to you too dear sister. And second, nothing good ever comes after you say 'don't freak out'"

"I know but-"

"Wait," Buck shushed her. "I want to have some last moments of peace."

He went silent for some seconds, breathing heavily.

"Okay, shoot."

Maddie decided it was better to rip off the bandage quickly and deal with the consequences afterward so she said, "The 118 knows you are in Hawaii."

The air was knocked out of his lungs as he lost balance and fell to the grass. Eddie, who was by his side quickly moved and barked at him.

"Oof, what?" He asked, trying to sit straight. Then a bolt of lightning crossed the sky and he rolled his eyes with a huff. "Fuck- Just- Just wait here Mads."

He guided Eddie inside the house as fast as he could before the thunder that followed the lightning sounded like it was straight over their heads.

He knew about the dog's PTSD history, including his last episode with the neighbor's flowers, and didn't want to repeat it, especially when he was home alone. Well, almost alone.

The dog barked and he was quick to shush him before he woke Charlie up from his nap.

Eddie made an offended noise and ran to hide under Steve's bed on the upper floor, and Grace chuckled from where she was on the couch.

Buck attempted a smile but failed.

He started to count his breaths to get away from an incoming panic attack. His head was full of thoughts. What the hell happened? Why him? How did they even know it?

"Buck? Buck! Evan answer the damn phone, are you still even there?" Maddie yelled on the line.

"Buck, your phone," Grace said looking at the device on his hands, which was making weird sounds.

"Oh, yeah, thanks, Gracie." He said putting the phone next to his ear. "Sorry Maddie, I'm here."

Grace understood the call was private immediately, turning the TV off and excusing herself with a, "I'm going to check on Charlie."

Buck nodded as he listened to his sister. He threw himself on the couch, still trying to regulate his breaths and then asked, "How?"

He heard Maddie sigh. "A TV show."

Really? His luck was immeasurable.

"You have to be joking." He scoffed, putting a hand over his eyes.

"I wish I were."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Maddie, I- I..." Buck sighed. "I am great here. I am actually having the time of my life and I really feel supported. Loved. I have a big family that I feel I can rely on. Again."

He let some seconds pass, his mind still catching up with what Maddie said. He shook his head and remembered,

I'm doing this to save myself.

Not to escape from them.

"You know what? I'm done hiding from them. I mean, they would eventually know so what the hell if they know I'm here? I don't care. I'm doing what's best for myself. This is what I need."

He heard Maddie hum on the other side of the call and a smile graced his lips.

He felt there was less weight on his shoulders.

"Hey did you give my number to May and Isabel?" He spoke, changing topics a little.

"Yeah, and to Carla too."

"Yeah, I know. She's been checking on me every two days since and yesterday I spoke to Chris... for the first time since..." Buck said, then cleared his throat. "He was thrilled but he didn't want to cut the call. He cried a little in the end, but at least we talk."

Buck stopped for some seconds, licking his lips. "He, uh- He said Eddie is acting differently."

He had said more than that. Naturally, he needed to talk to someone about his worries involving his dad, and Buck was the one he had chosen.

He said that his dad was home every day.

He said that he understood Buck.

He said that both were going to a therapist.

That made him believe that someday, they would be okay again.

But for now-

"They are all acting differently." Maddie conceded. "It kind of leads us to the next thing I wanted to talk you about."

Buck frowned and got more comfortable on the couch. "Okay?"

Maddie stayed silent and Buck knew she was doing it for the dramatic effect.

He rolled his eyes and paralleled a sentence she had said previously. "Maddie? You alive there?"

"Yes dummy, I'm alive and you..." She giggled like a kid. It reminded him of their childhood. "...you are going to be an uncle!"

Buck gasped and enthusiastically said, "No way! You're pregnant? Like you are gonna have a baby?"

"Yeah!" Maddie chuckled, relieved that Buck had taken the news well.

"Oh my God, congrats!" Buck exclaimed, "Wow, my big sister is going to be a mom. You're going to be the best parents with Chimney."

"Thanks, Buck," Maddie chuckled. "I wish I could hug you."

"Oh mentally, I'm hugging you." He said before teasing, "Guess reconciliation went very well..."

"Evan!" Maddie exclaimed embarrassed.

Buck burst out laughing and then he saw someone moving on the little wood loft that led to the bedrooms.

He signed for her to go sit next to him and cleared his throat. "Hey, um, I want you to meet someone."

"Oh, who is it?" Maddie asked.

"Someone I'm babysitting," Buck declared and Grace made an annoyed sound.

"You are not babysitting me, Buck, we are watching Charlie. He's still asleep by the way." She sat next to him. "Who is it?"

"She is my older sister, Maddie who just told me she's pregnant!" Buck replied.

"Congratulations!"

"And who is her?" Maddie asked.

"It's Danno's daughter, Grace."

"Are you two..?"

"Ew! No!" Grace exclaimed with realization.

"Maddie! She is 19!" Buck also exclaimed. "She's like my new little sister. Who also has a little brother, Charlie."

"Aw, I bet she's great. Us big sisters are superior and not just by date of birth." Maddie said and Grace laughed. "We do."

"Okay. I'm feeling offended now," Buck rolled his eyes playfully, which made both women laugh harder.

Maddie heard her front door opening and sighed. "I gotta go, my break is over and I gotta cover Josh. He went on a date!"

"That's also awesome! You need to pass me his number, Mads, I need to know how that went."

Maddie snorted. "Sure, love you, Buck! Nice to meet your voice Grace!"

"Bye, oh, and congrats again!" Grace said.

"Bye!"

He hung up and sighed, feeling grateful. Things were taking a nice path for both Buckleys.

"You two really close, huh?" Grace asked with a little smile.

"Yeah. She's had my back when nobody else does." Buck smiled. "Charlie will never tell you this but, big sisters are amazing."

"I already know that Uncle Buck," She teased.

"Okay, now I feel offended. You are just ten years younger than me. Not enough for you to call me Uncle."

Grace was about to reply when a loud thunder sounded outside making both get startled.

"You want some peanut butter and jam sandwiches?" Buck asked. "Maddie used to make them for me when we had big storms."

Grace made a soft smile. "Sure, Uncle Buck."

Buck rolled his eyes. "Great, you will love it."

...

Buck easily fit into the Hawaiian lifestyle with his new family.

Buck and Grace had an amazing bond and fit perfectly with each other. It nostalgically reminded Danny of the Kalakaua-Kelly cousins.

He was also added in a group chat with Nahele, Eric, Grace, Tani, Junior, Shioban, Samantha, and Will. The Five-0 kids as they said.

Tani, Junior, Eric, and Buck were more like the cool cousins for the actual kids.

And the ones the kids called when they were in a hurry and didn't want their parents to know.

Danny had picked up on Buck's passion for the kitchen and started teaching him how to cook.

Steve had said that was how his partner showed love, with a big soft smile that gave him away. Then he proceeded to tell Buck about Kono Kalakaua and how she couldn't even boil an egg to save her life before Danny stepped in and taught her how to cook and bake.

The same could be said for Chin Ho Kelly after his late wife died.

He told him how Chin didn't eat chicken again until Danny made the team and Max go to his house, invade the kitchen and make lunch with roasted chicken that assured good memories connected with the food. The same dish Malia had made the day she died. The same that made Chin's eyes sting whenever he smelled or ate it.

Buck took depth of what the Jersey man was doing, and he learned how much Danny could say with his food.

On bad days he would bring takeout food from a random place and they'd eat in the living room watching a comfort movie (usually A Dog's Purpose which left all of them teary at the end,) with Grace always snuggled by his side.

On good days they would make complicated dishes that required hours of work, while Danny told him how he was taught to cook that dish.

He learned that love was more about actions than words.

Actions like surfing again with Tani and Junior, spending most of his free days at the beach, like learning the basics of Hawaiian with Nahele and Kamekona, and them fondly laughing and teasing at the haole, but appreciating the effort he put into the language.

Actions like Grace making pancakes or blueberry muffins when Buck arrived home from a bad therapy session and just leaving them on top of the counter for him. No questions asked, no one forced him to talk.

Actions like Quinn and Tani talking nice about Buck so Rick would hire him, although he was convinced from the moment he read Buck's curriculum.

Like getting invited to Robin's Nest, by Juliet Higgins, and spending good quality time with the 'P.I. bunch'. Sometimes he had even gone undercover to help them out in their inviestigations.

And maybe it was the Hawaiian air, but everyone was warm and giddy and he was happy.

Real actual carefree happiness he had never felt before.

The happiness he deserved, after spending the first 17 years of his life feeling like he was in a fire, and then the next 11 years being on a boat in an endless storm that had finally arrived to land, sent to him in the form of a weird family where he somehow fit perfectly. No need to change himself. No need to pretend.

They accepted him for how and who he was.

He loved the concept of a big ohana, loved meeting people around his age and spending time with them, loved learning new lessons from the island and their people every day.

He loved being in Hawaii.

But there was still something that he couldn't get off his head.

It was a delicate topic when it came to Chris and Eddie and how he felt towards the Latino man. Or the 118 in general. Some were friends some others not so much.

He loved them, very deep down he knew that, and he... missed them. Sometimes he'd spend nights up thinking about them, beer in hand, chilling in the lanai and looking at the stars. They looked brighter there.

He missed them because they were once family, and a piece of his heart belonged to them, just like another piece belonged to his adoptive parents.

He damned his heart because he always held hope that people could change.

The things Chris told him on their weekly calls, didn't really help to put out that fire.

Where there's fire, there's ashes.

Warm ashes of hope, that couldn't completely fill him.

Something inside of him was... missing.

But while he worked out what did that mean, he knew his ohana had his back and would never doubt his choices.

They would encourage him because that was their nature.

That was Five-0.

Notes:

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long wait!

Tell me what you thought in the comments, they fuel me to write!

Ily and don't forget to be awesome

(As always you can ask me anything about this fic, or just come and say hi in my Tumblr!)

Edit (30th December 2021): Hey there! I just wanted to tell y'all that I haven't forgotten about this fic, it's been a rough year between school and me catching covid and losing taste and smell and some other health problems, but I am planning on finishing this fic, whatever it takes. Thanks for the patience and love, see you soon!

Edit (31st October 2022): I'm still alive lmao.
Check the comments pls.
I love yall, and dw I won't delete this fic.
Thank you to everyone who read this whole fic ❤

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day/night! :)