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deck the halls, bitch

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Bam has a genius idea.

 

He’s been searching for an excuse to kick White’s ass for weeks now. But nooo, apparently Christmas is a time for cheer and being nice to people. Normally, he’d be all about that! He likes being nice to people! 

 

He glares at White. Present company excepted.

 

There’s only a few days left before Christmas. The tree is decorated with lights and tinsel and ornaments that Isu complains were much too expensive even though Bam is simply abusing his infinite FUG budget. Endorsi had pulled a stereo out of nowhere a few days ago and it’s blaring Christmas carols. That, incidentally, happens to be how they learn that Endorsi cannot sing. At all.

 

Bam had borrowed one of Khun’s lighthouses and stuffed it with gifts for all his friends. Even White has one in there somewhere, a decently sized box completely empty except for a single post-it note with “fuck you” written on it. Ever since Bam had gotten swearing privileges, it had become astoundingly easier to express his feelings toward White. The man has like, two positive qualities. He’s strong and he’s objectively attractive. His personality is complete and utter shit, not to mentioned he fucking murdered Prince.

 

Bam has bided his time for far too long. He just needs a bit of help.

 

“Khun!” Bam wraps his arms around his boyfriend. “I need your help with something.”

 

Khun hurriedly closes his lighthouse. He doesn’t want to spoil the surprises hidden inside. “What is it?”

 

“You know how Endorsi has been putting up mistletoe lately?”

 

“Yeah. What, worried she’s going to try and kiss you?”

 

“No. Well, maybe, but you’d probably kill her. You also know how you like fighting with Hatz?”

 

“Yes,” Khun says immediately.

 

“I need you to suggest something for me.” Bam whispers his plan into Khun’s ear.

 

 

“I finished putting up the mistletoe~” Endorsi says.

 

“Tell me exactly where it is so I can avoid all of it,” Hatz deadpans.

 

“No.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“I’ve got a fun idea,” Khun says with a cheshire grin. “Instead of kissing whoever is under the mistletoe, you fight them.”

 

“Mistlefoe!” Bam quips cheerfully.

 

“... I take it back. Show me where it all is so I can fight earrings.”

 

“You’re on, hara-kiri,” Khun shoots back.

 

Bam smiles. He’s gonna deck White’s fucking halls.

 

 

“Oh? Looks like I’ve caught you under the mistletoe, slayer candidate.” White grins, creepy as ever, and lifts Bam’s face toward his.

 

“You have!” Bam says cheerfully, and punches him in the nose with all his strength. He hears the beautiful crack of bone as White stumbles backwards.

 

Khun cackles. “Mistlefoe, bitch.”

 

“How impudent,” White sneers, wiping the blood away from his broken nose. “Starting a fight with me?”

 

“Mhm! You had it coming.” Bam vibe checks White right where he knows it’s going to hurt. White involuntarily hunches over, grimacing in pain.

 

“What did I do to you?”

 

“Exist,” Bam replies flatly, and kicks him in the face one last time for good measure.

 

“Did you have fun?” Khun teases, smirking at the groaning White on the floor.

 

“I did.” Bam doesn’t need any mistletoe to kiss him.