I think I might be properly sloshed. I didn’t mean to be. It just happened. I haven’t had a drink in forever. I gave it up after I realized it was making me more miserable than I already was.
And it was hurting Baz. I don’t want to hurt Baz anymore.
I talked about it with my therapist and she said since it's a special occasion it would probably be fine to try and have a little again. See how it makes me feel. And If it goes bad I have my safety net handy to take care of me.
I'm still staying far away from the Cider though. It's for the best.
I had some mulled wine and my tolerance must really be well and truly fucked because that was enough. I feel spacey but I don’t feel like collapsing on the couch, and I’m not angry, so that must be a good sign, right?
This is Penny and my party technically. Which means it's Penny’s party. She planned everything and just delegated tasks for me to do. I don’t mind though, I wouldn't know the first thing about planning a christmas party. The only experience I have is with the Wellbeloves and the Grimm-Pitches and in both of those situations I was more of a party crasher than anything else.
And anyway it turned out great. Penny and I spent hours decorating the flat and now it's a proper winter wonderland. Shepard even brought a gingerbread house.
(Though we destroyed that hours ago.)
It's really nice.
It's getting late. Agatha is curled up on the couch with her little dog, looking at something on her phone. Penny is arguing with Baz about something in the kitchen
Shepard and I are standing by the window talking about... well talking about something.
I wasn’t paying attention.
Fuck what’s Shepard saying?
He's looking at me! Fuck. Fuck! Uhhh.
Something catches his eye and he glances up.
“Oh huh, I didn’t realise you guys hung Mistletoe.”
I look up, and he’s right, we have been talking under the mistletoe this whole time.
“Well you know the rules.” He shrugs his shoulders like it's nothing.
That’s true, those are the rules. I’ve leaned in closer to him without realizing. I’ve never noticed how beautiful his eyes are before, his lips look so soft. Just one kiss couldn’t hurt right? We’re bros, It won't be weird.
Simon Snow is Kissing Shepard from Omaha.
I might be upset if the absurdity of the situation wasn't completely incapacitating me.
Why on earth are they kissing?
Shepards lips are as soft as they look.
This is a terrible kiss- we’re both smiling too much. But it feels nice. Warm. Safe. His hand comes up to cup my face and my arms circle his waist. And we relax into each other.
It's gone from a silly peck to something deeper now.
Not 5 minutes ago Shepard was telling a loud and long anecdote about his time spent with a Sasquach and now?
What could have possibly changed the mood?
Penelope and I are right here. They’re in plain view; they must know we can see this. I look at Penelope and she seems even more baffled than I do, her mouth just keeps opening and closing.
I think the two of them have finally done something so stupid its actually broken her.
They pull apart. Finally. And I can see Shepard’s blush from across the room.
His eyes catch mine over Simon's shoulder and he gets a stealy, determined look on his face. He pats Simon's arm in what must be a reassuring gesture and starts marching towards me.
“Gotta make it even bro.” he shrugs there's nothing to it and before I know it
he grabs my face and his lips are on mine.
I push him off
“Okay! You’ve made your point.”
I start giggling- I can't help it. Baz looks so flustered.
I head over to them.
“It's mistletoe,” Shepard says as he points to the plant in question. “We were just following the Christmas rules... and being fair”
“Shepard! That's holly!” Penny practically yells. She looks upset. I should apologize before she kills Shepard.
That is if he's not already a dead man walking.
“So then I shouldn’t do this?” He rushes her and scoops her into his arms as he starts peppering her face and neck with kisses, she squirms and tries to push his face away.
Shepard is dead.
Or maybe not. Penny is laughing now, and actually kisses him back. Her brow is still furrowed a bit though, so I know we’re still gonna get an earful about this later but it's gonna be okay at least. No friendships ruined tonight.
Baz’s arm sneaks around my waist and his head falls into my shoulder. For a second I think he's crying- but he's laughing. So hard it sounds a little like sobbing.
I rest my head against his and hold him a little tighter.
“I’m sorry” I whisper. He keeps laughing but raises his head to look me in the eyes, kissing me softly.
“It's okay, love,” he smiles against my lips “but maybe this is something we should talk about beforehand if you want to go around kissing other blokes again.”
I think I actually hate these people. I should have gone to Minty’s.