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grape expectations

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"You didn’t tell me Kim Seokjin was going to be here!” Namjoon whisper-screams to Taehyung in the corner of Gangnam’s hippest wine bar. 

“Whoa, hyung, you okay?” Jungkook says, dipping into the conversation. “You look upset.”

“I’m not upset, I’m just…” Namjoon says in what he hopes is his coolest, most gathered voice. 

“He’s just your nemesis?” Taehyung guesses. “Whom you’ve sworn a blood oath to exterminate, because he murdered your entire clan in cold blood? So now you stalk every wine bar in Seoul, hoping to find him and exact your revenge?”

“Cool!” Jungkook gasps.

“No, Tae,” Namjoon says, but it gets him to crack a smile. “I’m literally your cousin. And I don’t think he’s murdered anyone.”

“Then why did you drag me into this corner at my own bachelor party when I could be kissing wine out of my fiance’s mouth?” Taehyung asks with a frown. “You look so worried. Did I do something wrong by inviting you both?”

“You can tell me, if you can’t tell him!” Jungkook pipes up. “I can keep a secret. I bet Seokjin-hyung did murder someone. He’s handsome enough to get away with it.”

“The only murdering that’s going to happen is you,” Namjoon groans. “It’s fine, Taehyung. I’m sorry I pulled you away from Jimin. I just. I don’t know. Would’ve worn a different outfit if I had known Seokjin would be here.”

He waits, hoping Jungkook and Taehyung will both say something like, ‘Oh no, hyung, don’t say that! You look great!’ but they both give his clothes a glance then meet his eyes sympathetically.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Taehyung nods. “At least not the khakis.”

Well, the khakis had been the only part of his ensemble that Namjoon wasn’t embarrassed about.

“It’s just…” Namjoon sighs. “Every time I see Seokjin I make the biggest fool of myself. You remember, Taeyhung, the cake cutting at your birthday party. And the slip-n-slide incident last spring. And when he came over for Chuseok and I…” Namjoon shudders. 

“Say no more, hyung, I would never make you relive that,” Taehyung says sadly.

“What did he do?” Jungkook whispers.

“I’ll tell you later. I even have pictures from Chuseok!” Taehyung says with glee, then schools his expression into something much more somber. “ So sorry you went through all that, hyung.”

“Yeah, so,” Namjoon continues. “I just feel like he thinks I’m an idiot. And for good reason. If I had known he was coming I would’ve, I don’t know, worn a tie at least.”

“So you’ll wear a tie for hyung but not for my bachelor party with literal angel on earth Park Jimin?” Taehyung hisses, eyes flashing. Then he relaxes, malevolent expression replaced by a big grin. “Kidding! You should just go talk to Seokjin-hyung. You can’t be more embarrassing in front of him than you already have been, you know?”

“Ooh, yeah! You should show him how smart you are! Talk to him about wine or something!” Jungkook chirps. Namjoon doesn’t have the heart to tell Jungkook that Namjoon is dizzyingly out of his depth at a wine tasting event, so he just nods instead. 

“Fighting!” Taehyung and Jungkook both cheer. Namjoon laughs and lets them push him into the crowd of the party. 

He only makes it a dozen or so paces when the inevitable occurs: someone collides bodily with him and Namjoon feels the tell-tale wet misery of an entire glass of wine getting dumped down his front. He groans, pink-cheeked from embarrassment, and looks around for the culprit who seems determined to humiliate  him in front of Seokjin.

Of course the culprit is Seokjin.

“Oops, sorry, big boy– Namjoon-ah!” 

“Hi, Seokjin-ssi,” Namjoon says miserably, looking down at the huge red stain spreading across his shirt.

“How many times have I told you to call me hyung?” Seokjin scolds. “Oh, dear, I really ruined your shirt, haven’t I?” He leans in close to Namjoon and spreads his fingertips where the stain ends. He spends a few seconds looking down at Namjoon’s chest. “I really am sorry. I know it’s the oldest trick in the book to spill wine on a hot guy, but that was an accident, I swear.”

“Haha,” Namjoon replies weakly. 

Looking at Seokjin’s concerned pouty face up close is giving Namjoon brain palpitations, if those were a thing that existed in the real world. Namjoon is going to have some very stern words with whichever human sculptor put those high arched brows, those cheekbones, and that devastating jawline on the same perfect human. 

They stand there in a little bubble of quiet, surrounded by the chatter of Jimin and Taehyung’s friends, and then Seokjin gives Namjoon’s chest a weak little pat and steps back. Namjoon belatedly closes his mouth.

Seokjin’s looking at him quizzically, eyes darting between Namjoon’s face and chest. He opens his mouth but doesn’t seem sure of how to respond to Namjoon’s terrible reply. Namjoon can feel his chance to talk to Seokjin and convince him that Namjoon’s not an embarrassing weirdo slipping away, so he forces the first collection of words that come to mind out of his mouth.

“Hey, it’s okay, I guess this wine is tightly knit,” Namjoon says too loudly. He’d heard a bartender use that phrase to describe a glass of red wine. Seokjin stares at him.

Then Seokjin tosses his head back and laughs, and Namjoon physically loses an inch of height as his spine relaxes in relief. 

“I didn’t know you knew about wine,” Seokjin says with a gleaming grin. He claps one hand on Namjoon’s shoulder and signals for a passing server, who presents to them a tray full of glasses. He tells them it’s a type of wine that Namjoon cannot pronounce.

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Namjoon mumbles. He takes a big gulp from the glass and tries not to grimace. He can tell it’s definitely not sweet. As far as Namjoon is concerned, the two types of wine are moscato and unfortunately-not-moscato.

“So tell me about this one?” Seokjin asks. He devastatingly lowers his eyelids a couple of millimeters. “Educate me, Namjoon,” he purrs. Namjoon almost drops his wine glass.

“Um,” he says shakily. “Well, there’s. The tannins.”

“Tannins,” Seokjin repeats, looking impressed. “Tell me more.”

“I mean, when you like, drink it,” Namjoon says, taking another big dry gulp. “It tastes… like tannins. It’s tanned.”

“It’s tanned,” Seokjin replies. He raises an eyebrow and takes a delicate little sip from his glass. “Mmm, I see. Definitely tanned.”

“Yeah and it really has a... “ Namjoon casts around wildly for a word, “...smokey mouthfeel.”

“Oh, so smokey,” Seokjin says. He makes his eyes wide. “My mouth can feel the smoke.”

“What do you think of the wine?” Namjoon asks, desperate to get the spotlight off him. “You have that amazing food review YouTube account, I bet you know a ton.”

“I didn’t know you followed me on YouTube,” Seokjin says. The tips of his ears look red – must be from the wine.

“Ah, yeah,” Namjoon shrugs. He looks down bashfully but that just reminds him of the big shameful wine stain on his shirt. “I really like it, especially your Recipes for Helpless Babies series. Thanks to you, I made steak for the first time ever.”

“That’s really awesome. I’ll have to cook for you sometime,” Seokjin says. Namjoon gulps and tries not to look too eager.

“But seriously,” Seokjin continues with a gleam in his eye. “I was really enjoying your… insights about the wine. Please go on. Tell me about the finish.”

“The finish?” Namjoon asks. “Well, it’s uh…” He takes a huge swig of wine to buy himself a few seconds. It’s so mouth-puckeringly dry. His mouth is the desert right now. What’s a finish? “It’s… glossy.” 

Seokjin nods politely. The corner of his fat lips twitches up, but his tone is serious when he replies, “I couldn’t agree more. I hate a wine with a matte finish.”

“It’s the worst!” Namjoon says, gesturing in agreement. The motion sends a little spill of wine arcing out of his glass and onto the floor. “Oops.”

“I had no idea you were so knowledgeable,” Seokjin says, voice silky smooth. “I could’ve used you at the bar earlier. I was drinking this dirty pinot that was just…” He shudders.

“Ew, dirty? I’d expect them to clean the glasses better here,” Namjoon says. “It’s such a swanky place.” He admires the gleaming chandeliers, the well-dressed servers shuttling trays of wine around the room. He looks back at Seokjin and catches him staring with a look of delight on his face.


“Nothing,” Seokjin says, shaking his head quickly. “It is a nice place. It’s perfect for them. At first I thought it was a little weird that they were having their bachelor parties together, but it makes sense for those two.”

“It really does,” Namjoon says. He sees Taehyung and Jimin in the center of the crowd where they belong. They’re slow-dancing, even though there’s no music playing. It’s sweet until Taehyung takes a swig from his glass and then leans in and baby-birds Jimin his mouthful of wine.

“Oh, that is foul,” Seokjin says with a cute wrinkle of his nose. Then he’s dipping away, chasing down a server. He returns triumphantly with two glasses of white in his hands and he hands one to Namjoon. By this point, Namjoon is more than feeling all the glasses he’s had, but he can’t deny Seokjin anything.

“Please, tell me more,” Seokjin requests, and if Namjoon didn’t know any better, he’d swear Seokjin just batted his eyelashes.

“Well. I taste first with my… eyes,” Namjoon stammers. “So first I like to look at the wine. This one is– clear.”

“So it is!” Seokjin gasps.

“And it’s really…” Namjoon takes a big sip and lets it sit on his tongue. It’s a little sweeter than the red, but still definitely not a moscato. “Fruity.”

“I can relate,” Seokjin says, then slaps his own knee at his joke. 

“Same, especially right now,” Namjoon says, tongue loose from the wine. “Since you’re so hot,” he laughs into his glass. He takes a little slurp of wine. “Yeah, this is super wet,” he mutters into the glass.

It’s quiet in response. Namjoon blinks and looks up at Seokjin, who’s giving him the strangest expression.

“What?” Namjoon asks.

“You think I’m hot?” Seokjin resplies. Namjoon furrows his brow. Had he said that? Oh, well. He’s not wrong.

“...Yeah? I trip like, every time I see you?”

“I thought you were just bad at walking,” Seokjin says in a hushed voice. His ears have gone fully red. “Namjoon, I think you’re… so great. Funny, and nice, and handsome, and… Let’s just say I wouldn’t listen to anybody else bullshit about wine to me.”

“Wait. Wait.” Namjoon blinks. “You could tell that was bullshit?”

Jungkook would be able to tell that was bullshit, and he believes every word you say,” Seokjin says gently.

“Oh,” Namjoon says crestfallen. He guesses that’s what he deserves for trying so hard. Then his brain sticks on the other thing Seokjin said – the more important thing. “You like me?”

“Namjoon. Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon.” Seokjin steps forward and lays a hand on Namjoon’s shoulder. He tilts his head coyly then leans in and whispers into Namjoon’s ear, “You could tell me banana milk is a kind of merlot and I’d still wanna suck your dick in the coatroom.”

Namjoon gapes at him, every ounce of blood in his body rushing south with a ferocity he hasn’t felt since puberty. Seokjin brushes his hair off his forehead.

Namjoon gasps out, “Banana milk is a kind of merlot.”


When Seokjin finishes sucking Namjoon’s entire existence out through his dick, he doesn’t swallow. He just leans back on his knees thoughtfully and swishes the come around in his mouth, a gentle expression on his face.

“Nice full body,” he says through his mouthful of come. “Very expressive.”

“Oh my god,” Namjoon replies.

“Don’t worry,” Seokjin says, then swallows. “It’s got an excellent finish.”