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El Serpiente y El Halcón

Chapter 18: Trust

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The final bell rang, releasing Sam from her last-period English class. Scooping up her books, she made a beeline out the door and toward her locker. On her way there, Nathaniel waved her down when she passed him. “Hey Sam, after practice tomorrow, do you think I could get a ride to the mall?” he asked. “It’s my sisters’ birthday this Saturday, if I don’t get them something, my parents will lecture me about it until I graduate.”

 

Sam grinned. “No problem. Bet it really eats a hole in your allowance to have triplet sisters all sharing a birthday, huh?”

 

“More than you’ll ever know,” replied Nate, sounding more beleaguered than his thirteen years should have made him. “But thanks! See you at the dojo later!”

 

Sam waved and watched him race off down the hallway, turning the corner at the trophy case. Her smile dampened when Miguel turned that same corner, coming in her direction. Pivoting on her feet, she completed her trek to her locker, trying hard not to make it feel like a big deal when Miguel walked up to it. She continued pulling out the books she needed for that night’s homework assignments.

 

“Hey,” greeted Miguel, shifting his backpack strap over his shoulder. She only returned the greeting with a glance from behind the locker door. So Miguel went on. “You got a sec to talk about something real quick?”

 

“If you make it fast,” replied Sam, jamming her History textbook into her bag.

 

Miguel took a deep breath. “I wanted to let you know, I’ve been doing a lot of questioning lately, and I think I’m actually bi. Y’know, that I like girls and guys.”

 

“I know what bi means,” snapped Sam. She then sighed, biting her bottom lip, ashamed of her own response. She tried softening her approach. This was obviously a big deal for Miguel to come to her with this and had probably taken a lot of courage to build up to. “Sorry,” she apologized, brushing some hair behind her ear. She even managed a smile for him. “That’s great to hear. Do the others know?”

 

“Most of them,” answered Miguel. “But for the moment, I’m holding off on telling Sensei Lawrence. And if you could keep this from your dad, too, just so I don’t have to worry about Sensei finding out through him, I’d appreciate it.”

 

Sam assured him, “Dad wouldn’t tell, even if he and Sensei Lawrence were having one of their arguments. You don’t have anything to worry about with him. But if you want to tell him yourself, I’ll keep it a secret.”

 

Miguel smiled back. “Thanks.”

 

She thought that would be the end of it, but Miguel lingered by while she finished collecting the books she needed. And she doubted he was waiting to walk her to her car like he used to do when they were dating. “Is there something else?” she asked.

 

“Actually, yeah,” Miguel answered with a nod. “The main reason I wanted to tell you this is because I’m seeing one of the guys from the dojo now. It’s Hawk. I thought you should hear it from me first instead of finding out later.”

 

Sam’s hand froze on the door of her locker from where she was about to shut it. “Hawk?” she asked, eyes going wide with disbelief. When Miguel nodded again, the smile she’d conjured for him dissolved into a frown. Her mind raced with a thousand questions now, so fast it almost made her lightheaded. When had this started? Why Hawk, of all people? “Are you serious?”

 

Miguel nodded a third time. “I know this is probably coming as a big shock.”

 

Sam tried to keep her expression as neutral as she could but knew she was failing at that. Her hurt and anger and sadness, she could only imagine how visible it all must have been written across her face. So she made up for it by trying to get the edge on the situation. 

 

Slamming her locker shut, Sam shook her head. “Not that big a shock, no,” she said. “Not really. I mean, you dated a girl like Tory. Seems like you got a type, regardless of gender. I guess I was the exception.”

 

She knew it was mean, saying that. And a part of her hoped it hurt him. She didn’t care. She wasn’t about to confess to Miguel how she’d cried after their breakup. It hadn’t taken long for her parents to pick up on it. Her mother taking her on a girls’ day out for some pampering at the spa only helped so much, especially since Sam had spent most of the time trying to figure out where things had gone wrong between her and Miguel. 

 

And her father, well, that would have been a disaster trying to explain the situation to him. So she barely did. All she’d told him was that things didn’t work out, that her and Miguel’s separation had ended in a mutual breakup. She kept the facts of it to herself. She didn’t tell her father about Miguel’s attempts to recruit Tory. If asked why, she wouldn’t have been able to answer. Maybe she was worried her father would take Miguel’s side. 

 

She could tell her words had an effect on Miguel, even as he tried masking it behind a calming breath. “I didn’t tell you this so we could argue over it,” he said to her softly. Where was this softness, she wondered, when she’d confronted him over his decision to invite Tory to Eagle Fang without telling her? “I just didn’t want you to be caught off-guard.”

 

Sam pressed her mouth in a thin line for a moment. “Okay, well, you told me,” she snapped, throwing the straps of her bag over her shoulders. “Are you done?”

 

Miguel’s brown eyes widened at her curtness, and a twinge of guilt made Sam’s chest ache to see that hurt on his face now, before she told herself to ignore it. This was what she wanted. He hadn’t considered her feelings before hurting them, why should she spare his?

 

“Yeah,” answered Miguel, collecting himself. “I guess we’re done. See you at practice.”

 

She didn’t respond. Instead, she strode right past him and down the hallway. And to think, she really thought Miguel had changed, that he’d left that Cobra Kai loyalty behind him for good. But between trying to recruit Tory and now dating Hawk, Sam guessed Miguel would never let that part of him go. 

 

Once a Cobra Kai, always a Cobra Kai….

 

Sam stopped in her tracks for a second, biting her bottom lip again. Miguel had been on the path to changing. She’d seen it for herself. More than any of the others in Eagle Fang, Miguel had absorbed her dad’s lessons the most. She saw it reflected in his fighting style, the way he took to the katas, the way he carried himself. He’d been on the right path.

 

Turning around sharply, Sam changed her course. Each step she took, the hotter her blood boiled. She remembered back to that day when Hawk confronted her by the water cooler, when he’d accused her of playing with Miguel’s feelings. Now she wondered if the reason he’d all but demanded she make a clean break with him was so he could swoop in and make his own move.

 

Sam found him at his opened locker, talking with Bert. Not letting the presence of the other student from Eagle Fang deter her, Sam marched up to Hawk and said, “So, was that your plan all along? Get me and Miguel to break up so you could get him for yourself?”

 

Bert blinked up at his teammate. “Uh, Hawk?”

 

Hawk narrowed his eyes at Sam but gestured with his thumb over his shoulder for Bert to go away. “Bert, get lost, I’ll catch you up at the dojo later. Let us talk for a bit.”

 

“Oookay,” said Bert uneasily, gripping the straps of his backpack before awkwardly slinking away from the two of them.

 

Turning his attention back to Sam, Hawk squared his shoulders back and remarked, “I guess you finished talking to Miguel, huh?”

 

Sam crossed her arms. “Why don’t you just answer my question?” 

 

Hawk scoffed. “You’re something else. Are you gonna have a repeat performance of the drama from the last time you dumped him? You spent all that time ghosting him, making him feel like shit, and the minute he moved on and started dating Tory, you decided you didn’t like that. Why don’t you just admit you don’t like the idea of him moving on without you?”

 

The muscles in Sam’s shoulders tensed. Pursing her lips, she asked him point-blank, “Are you the one who suggested Miguel talk to Tory about joining the dojo?” She pushed aside the small voice reminding her that Demetri hadn’t once brought up Hawk’s name when he told her about that day they went to the sushi restaurant. She forgot about the previous arguments she and Miguel had had prior to their blowup, most of which had nothing to do with Hawk. She was desperate to blame someone for why things between them had fallen apart. And at that moment, the only thing jumping to the forefront of her mind was that everything between her and Miguel had been shaping up great before Hawk joined Eagle Fang.

 

Hawk jutted out his chin. “No.”

 

Sam clenched her jaw, narrowing her eyes. “You sure about that?” she pressed. 

 

Rolling his eyes, Hawk said, “Look, if it makes you feel good to cast me as the bad guy in your little fantasy, go for it.” Sam bristled, worried that he’d read her too well in that case, until she remembered that up until the end of December, he was the bad guy. And he’d given her no reason to believe he still wasn’t one, deep down. “But no, I didn’t tell Miguel to talk to Tory. But even then, I think he made the right choice.”

 

“Of course you do,” said Sam. “I bet you’d love to get Tory into the dojo, along with the rest of the Cobras.”

 

Hawk scoffed again. “What’s that supposed to…?” He stopped and shook his head, a disbelieving smirk curling at the corners of his mouth. “Y’know what, forget it. Believe what you wanna believe, Princess.”

 

“Don’t worry, I will,” Sam promised, prickled by the use of his mocking nickname; he and Tory both loved calling her that. It was Hawk’s particular way of letting her know that he would never take her seriously, that he would never think about her feelings for anything, and that this was his way of putting her in her place. 

 

She didn’t care what Demetri and Miguel said, and she didn’t know why Chris and Nate had started lowering their guard around him. She didn’t trust Hawk and she never would. Why did that make her the unreasonable one? Hawk had spent months harassing her and her friends. He stole the charity money they’d raised for Miguel’s hospital bills. So what if he’d had the bare minimum human decency to make sure Miguel still received it? He’d beaten up Nate to do it in the first place.

 

Sam would never understand why Demetri had been the first and most insistent in Miyagi-Do to say they should give Hawk a chance. He’d gotten it the worst. Sam could still hear the crunch of a bone snapping in two when she least expected it. No amount of previous childhood friendship could make up for a betrayal like that, in her book.

 

Not to mention all the stuff Hawk had done to her, personally. His snide, catty comments, castigating her for having the audacity to visit Miguel in the hospital, as if that privilege had been his alone. Playing Counselor Blatt like a fiddle so only she and her friends got in trouble whenever he started it. And, worst of all, leading an invasion on her home, bringing Tory into the sanctity and safety of her house so she could try and finish what she’d started during the school fight.

 

For that reason alone, Sam would never, ever trust him.

 

“Well, as fun as this is,” replied Hawk, tone thick with sarcasm as he closed his locker door and threw his backpack over his shoulders, “I gotta head home and get changed for practice. Don’t forget, Sensei Lawrence is taking our dojos on a mud run today, so you might wanna pick out an outfit you don’t mind getting dirty, Princess.”

 

“I can handle mud just fine. You’re the one who doesn’t like getting his hair wet,” Sam snapped right back, checking his shoulder hard with her own as she brushed past him and walked away.

 


 

They had stopped paying attention to whatever was streaming on the television in Hawk’s living room that Friday evening. They’d started giving each other attention, instead. Scooting closer to each other on the coach led to a hand on someone’s arm, which was responded to by another hand on the other’s knee. Hawk initiated the boldest move first, bringing his free hand up to cup Miguel’s jaw, inviting him for more. Miguel had accepted, tugging Hawk by his shirt closer to claim a kiss.

 

One lead to another. And then another. The television became background noise to the sounds of their heightened breathing and the murmurs that started following. Most of it consisted of half-muttered names pressed against each other’s mouths between kisses. Until Hawk dropped a bombshell. 

 

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispered before drawing out another kiss.

 

When they broke, Miguel opened his eyes and studied Hawk’s face for a few long seconds. Part of him thought he should’ve made a joke about Hawk’s declaration, conjured up some innuendo and ask if he really meant anything. But Miguel had a suspicion that wasn’t what Hawk was referring to.

 

“Just promise me no more revenge-quests on my behalf and, honestly, we’ll be good,” Miguel opted to say half-jokingly, licking his bottom lip in a nervous tic. 

 

And Hawk tried mustering a half-grin back, to take his comment in good humor. “Heh, yeah, I’ll try.” But his small smile fell after saying it, along with his eyes, and he removed his hands from where they’d been resting around Miguel’s sides.

 

It was still an awkward topic to broach, both because it reminded Hawk of some of his worst mistakes, and it reminded Miguel that Hawk made a lot of those mistakes in his name, even though he’d never asked him to. Still, maybe it was best to air some of that out since he’d brought it up. It wasn’t like they were going to go back to making out anyway, now that he’d gone and killed the mood.

 

“Why did you ever feel like you had to do those things in the first place?” asked Miguel, shifting on the couch to face him. “I never asked you to do any of those things.”

 

Hawk shrugged, looking uncomfortable with the question. “Sensei Kreese said Miyagi-Do deserved revenge for what they did. And I thought he was right.”

 

Miguel raised an eyebrow. “Tory told me according to Kreese, when someone in the group gets hurt, you all get hurt. Is that right?”

 

“Yeah,” answered Hawk.

 

“But, dude, for as long as you’ve known me now, did you really think I’d want you to go after the guys in Miyagi-Do?” asked Miguel, shaking his head in bafflement. “Sam, Demetri, any of them?”

 

Hawk’s eyes darted, and he started fumbling with his fingers in his lap. “I dunno. I just…. When you were in the hospital, and I thought you were gonna…And even when you woke up and got your surgery and went home, I dunno, during all that time I kept thinking about what I should do. I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing. That wasn’t the Cobra Kai way, you know that better than anyone.”

 

Eyeing the way Hawk’s fidgeting started to worsen the more he went on, Miguel still asked, “And the only answer you could come up with was showing no mercy?”

 

A distressed look came over Hawk’s face. “You followed Sensei Lawrence’s advice and look what happened. But then I listened to Sensei Kreese about showing no mercy, I broke Demetri’s arm and…. Dude, I’m so confused now. What’s the right answer? Mercy or no mercy?”

 

A sinking sensation plummeted in Miguel’s stomach like a rock, recalling when he had first talked with Sensei Lawrence in the hospital after waking up. He remembered feeling so betrayed, so angry and hurt over being punished for doing what he’d been so sure was the right thing. But he couldn’t tell Hawk about that moment where even he questioned Sensei Lawrence’s teachings. Not only because he’d moved on and wasn’t mad at Sensei Lawrence anymore, but because Hawk was already having enough trouble learning to trust him as his Sensei again. 

 

“I’m not sure there always is a right answer,” he admitted. “Or at least no hard and fast rules. I guess you just gotta take it on a case-by-case basis. Trust your gut, like Sensei has been teaching us to.”

 

“I think trusting my gut is the last thing you want me to do after everything that’s happened,” Hawk remarked darkly, narrowing his eyes and looking down at his lap. “Like, right now my gut’s telling me we shouldn’t even be playing by Kreese’s stupid rules and waiting until the Tournament to deal with him. We should be putting Cobra Kai down before they come to us. But I guess that’s the wrong answer, right? Because we don’t strike first anymore. We wait for the fight to come to us, huh?”

 

Miguel sighed. It wasn’t like he didn’t have his own misgivings about how the Senseis were handling the situation. It wasn’t like he even completely disagreed with Hawk on that subject. He would have preferred to act, too. But he insisted, “Just listen to Sensei.”

 

Hawk glanced up at him again. “I’ll listen to you.”

 

“No,” said Miguel, the single word firm and blunt. “Learn to trust Sensei and then you’ll learn to trust yourself again. What, do you think I have all the answers?” He knew the other guys in Eagle Fang, including Hawk, looked to him for guidance, but that was a big burden to bear sometimes. He might’ve been the unspoken leader of their team, but that didn’t mean he never faltered, that sometimes he didn’t struggle with doing the right thing himself.

 

Hawk’s eyebrows knitted to the bridge of his nose as he thought deeply on that for a minute. He clenched his hands into fists over his lap to stop his fidgeting. “I don’t know what to think anymore,” he finally admitted.

 

Staring at Hawk with sympathy, Miguel wished he had better advice for him. He thought about talking to Sensei Lawrence on his behalf, to let him know Hawk was struggling for guidance. Sensei had been trying to prove that he could be a good teacher to all his students. This would be a good opportunity for the both of them.

 

What could he say at the moment, though? Especially when he really didn’t have all the answers? When he himself didn’t always know what to think? Or didn’t like what did cross his mind sometimes? If Hawk was trying to pick himself back up from being at his worst, Miguel wondered what would he think to learn about him at his?

 

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” said Miguel, running a hand through his hair nervously, “but there were days when I wished I’d broken Robby’s arm.”

 

Hawk stared at him. “Yeah?”

 

Lest Hawk would take it the wrong way anyway, Miguel clarified, “I still think you were wrong to break Demetri’s arm. Like, really wrong. He had nothing to do with what happened. And even if he did, it wouldn’t have taken anything back.” Hawk’s eyes flitted down. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty by bringing it up. And I know you probably wouldn’t have gone through with it if Kreese hadn’t gotten in your head. I’m just trying to say, even though I can’t get behind what you did, I get it.” Miguel stopped, his mouth twisting in his own guilt, and his eyes squinted shut as piercing shame stabbed his insides.

 

“Miguel?” he heard Hawk murmur.

 

He gritted his teeth and took a couple of deep, calming breaths. He ran his hands through his hair again, then reached back to rub at the sore muscles at the nape of his neck, which did nothing to alleviate the cramping in his gut from the cauldron of tumultuous emotions boiling in there. 

 

“During some of the worst days,” Miguel explained, “when I didn’t even wanna get out of bed and into my wheelchair, I would lie there and think, what if I’d just gone through with it and snapped Robby’s arm in two when I had the chance? I would think, the most he would’ve had to put up with was a cast for a few weeks. I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore, all the pain meds, the physical therapy, Mom and Ya-Ya being worried sick over me, being forced to let them take care of me, everyone else getting to go on with their lives without me. During those times, I would’ve done anything for a do-over to make it all stop so I could have my old life back. It’s pretty fucked up, huh?”

 

It felt horrible admitting that. Sensei would be so disappointed in him. So would his mother and grandma. As would his friends in Eagle Fang and Miyagi-Do. He was supposed to be better than that. Everyone looked to him to be better than that. He knew the difference between right and wrong, and he wanted to live his life acting on that.

 

Hawk continued staring at him throughout his whole confession, his eyes wide. First he looked determined, and Miguel had been worried he’d intercut and say that Miguel was right to have wished he’d broken Robby’s arm, that he would’ve volunteered that exact moment to go track Robby down and do it himself that night. 

 

But then his brows furrowed in concern the longer Miguel had talked. A crack manifested in his tough-as-nails mask. “When Demetri and I talked about…you know,” said Hawk, “I told him I wished I’d broken Robby’s arm instead of his. And a part of me still wishes I did, that I could have gotten to him first. I know it wouldn’t have made anything different, and Demetri says I shouldn’t have wanted to do it anyway, and he’s probably right. So I don’t know if that makes us terrible or not, but I….” 

 

He paused for a moment. A glaze had come over Hawk’s eyes. Miguel couldn’t remember the last time his friend had looked so openly, remarkably sad. Especially when Hawk admitted, “I wish I could have done more to actually help you.”

 

The two of them stared at each other for a moment and a deep quiet came over them. Miguel didn’t know what else to say but, “Thanks.” And Hawk didn’t know how to reply after that. What more could they say on the subject? It felt taboo enough to admit to each other as much as they had. 

 

But Miguel didn’t feel so terrible now that he’d aired it out. He hoped Hawk didn’t feel so terrible, either. What was done was done. Both of them had long since made their choices and were still dealing with the consequences, but they had to move forward. They had a Tournament to win, a Valley to save from Sensei Kreese. They had to get stronger for that to become a reality.

 

Ever since he’d learned to walk again, Miguel wanted to be strong for everyone. To prove to his family, his friends, and most of all to himself that he was back to normal. Truth was, even now, he still wasn’t certain if he’d ever be normal again, whether or not that was even possible. He wanted to believe it was. If he could chase that championship title, if he could beat Robby, then he would be normal, he’d convinced himself.

 

In the meantime, however, the facade of normalcy could be draining. The desire to be strong for his Sensei, his mother, his friends, and his pride was wearing him to his bones, and at this point, it had little to do with the physical side of things.

 

Miguel let out a deep sigh, all but deflating with the release of his breath, letting his tense muscles finally relax. After a moment’s hesitation, he leaned back and rested his head against Hawk’s collarbone. When Hawk responded by wrapping his arm around his shoulders, inviting him closer, Miguel accepted. He curled in, coiling his arm across Hawk’s chest to embrace him back.

 

Neither of them said anything for a while. Miguel thought maybe Hawk started concentrating on watching the television again. Either way, he was fine with the sudden quiet. It gave him time to simply relax, to unwind, to admit to himself he could show some vulnerability like this without it meaning he wasn’t strong. 

 

Hawk had told him he wished he could have done more to help him after his fall. Miguel would’ve taken something like this, being here with him and keeping him company, over Hawk exacting revenge, anytime. 

 

After a long silence, Hawk spoke up, asking, “It wasn’t all bad in Cobra Kai, was it? I mean, back the way it used to be?”

 

“No,” Miguel murmured back. “Not all of it was bad.”