Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warnings:
Categories:
Fandom:
Relationships:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of The Turn of a Century
Collections:
The Best of Zuko, Good_or_Decent_Zuko_With_a_dash_of_Iroh_Azula_Gaang, Wonderful_Worldbuilding_Fics, Mah Cabbages, avatar: tla
Stats:
Published:
2021-01-15
Completed:
2021-09-10
Words:
83,824
Chapters:
30/30
Comments:
270
Kudos:
744
Bookmarks:
139
Hits:
36,172

The Edge of Fate

Summary:

Don't we all wonder what would happen if the butterfly flapped its wings differently?
What would have changed if the Prince had decided differently at the crossroads? The end result might have been the same , but sometimes, what matters is what is gained from the journey itself.
Follow to see what would have happened if Prince Zuko had changed his path sooner.

I don't own ATLA or the characters except for some I have made up.

Chapter 1: Crossroads of Destiny

Chapter Text

“On one condition uncle,” Zuko started, “On one condition, I will set you free, and each of us will go his separate way,”

Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko saw that his uncle’s face fell. He could not help it. He was fed up with the way everything was going. In those few and painfully slow minutes, his whole life passed before his eyes. A once hidden and shunned feeling rose to the surface. He would never be Azula’s equal, at least not in his father’s eyes. So what if he helped her take Ba Sing Se? It was she; she had done everything; he was merely the cherry on top, just another of her achievements. He imagined her confiding in their father in secret, explaining how she had brought her older brother to heel and captured the once great “Dragon of the West” all on her own. He imagined that their father would laugh then and only feign appreciation at his son’s “repentance”. What a load of rubbish it all was. Zuko did not want to decide between his options of walking away or aiding either side. He wanted to destroy the possibility of choice all together with that despairing, feverish flame that was taking hold of him.

“What is your condition, Prince Zuko?”

Zuko turned to face him and cut through all the crystals that held his uncle in place. The old man looked at him with surprise and pride. Zuko shrugged as he looked at that hopeful countenance. What a pity…

“I want you to take the Avatar and all his friends and leave,”

“So, you will go with the Avatar after all?” his uncle smiled.

“No, you will. I will remain,”

There was a moment of silence. His uncle gave him a puzzled look, not quite understanding his purpose. Zuko himself was trying to avoid understanding his pseudo-decision, so his uncle’s confusion did not shock him.

“Do you understand, uncle? You will leave,”

“What will you do?”

“I will figure something out,” Zuko lied, “But that’s not of any importance. Do you promise?”

His uncle looked at him, still confused.

“Say it, old man!”

“How can I promise when I don’t know what you are up to?”

“Just trust me, will you?” Zuko grumbled, “Don’t worry, I won’t mess up,”

“I never said that you would,” his uncle replied softly, “I am merely worried that you might place yourself in unnecessary peril,”

Zuko was all out of patience, “All right then. Just stay here and do nothing, as you are wont to do. That shouldn’t be too difficult,” he snapped as he walked into the passage where Azula had gone. The crossroads were already passed.

He saw that the fighting had already begun.

What a shame,” he found himself thinking bitterly, “They might have waited,”

He realized that Azula was worse off. She was fighting two strong benders at once, but Zuko knew better than to hurry to conclusions when his sister was involved. She always had something up her sleeve, and that “thing” was the Dai Li agents this time. The moment she needed help, they would rush to her aid; she was like a predator, toying with her prey.

“Let’s speed things up a bit,” Zuko mumbled to himself as he walked in, maintaining a fighting stance. All sides had their eyes riveted on him, wondering at his choice. Zuko himself felt that for once, his decision could make a major change in the grand scheme of things. It was amusing that he could be so influential just when he had given up on decisions.

He scanned the whole lot of them with an unwavering expression. Why was he even hesitating? Was it the thrill of keeping them waiting? He already knew what he was going to do, as much as he scorned it, he knew that finally he would stand for himself, and stand out of the life that had been laid at his door. Literally.

He shot a ball of hot, red flames at his sister Azula. Not only was she thrown back, but she was also taken aback by it, and Zuko was ironically pleased with himself, if only because he proved to be a bad cog in her perfectly assembled machinery.

“So, you have chosen to betray your nation and your blood. I’ll bet you even set that traitor of an uncle free. Well, not everything works I suppose,” Azula said with a smile, but the expression of her eyes did not match her tone. She was shocked and angry. Zuko feared he was enjoying himself too much. He did not bother to answer, as he himself found answerless taunts more annoying than a back and forth.

“Zuko! You finally did it! You are-” the Avatar began.

“Shut up,” Zuko hissed. He had been right; he had enjoyed himself too much at his sister’s expense, and now he had to suffer kids, though hopefully, not for long. A bizarre fight ensued. It was three of them against one, but Azula still managed to hold her ground, chiefly because Zuko was not giving the fight his all. They were all still awed by him, wondering what he was doing and why he was fighting as if he sincerely did not care for one side or the other to win. Zuko wondered at many things for his turn. His uncle still had not turned up; the Dai Li were still absent; Mai and Ty Lee were nowhere to be seen. What had he gotten himself into?

He had apparently thought too quickly. About a dozen agents formed a crescent behind Azula as soon as his musings were over. She smiled sourly, “Where will you run now, Zuzu? I must say, residing here has significantly diminished what little talent you had,”

Zuko stood in a half-relaxed stance, and said nothing, despite his extreme annoyance at how things were going. He internally cursed his uncle. Where was he?

“I hope you enjoyed our little three-on-one,” Azula taunted with a smirk, “Soon you will all be enjoying a good, warm, fire nation prison,”

“That is, if you can get you claws on us,” Katara shouted.

“Indeed, that does remain to be seen,” a new voice uttered. Zuko welcomed the addition, though he considered it long overdue.

“Where have you been, uncle?” he gritted his teeth, “Don’t tell me you had a tea session on the way,” he added as an afterthought.

“One more trophy? I say bring it,” Azula grinned and shot at their uncle. The fight had begun again; this time, it was far more chaotic.

“You will get yourself killed if you keep fighting like that,” Katara addressed him as she held three agents at bay with arms made up of water. Zuko didn’t reply. He worked mainly to defend himself, and even that, unwillingly. His will to fight had vanished. Why was he even here?

The fight was turning against them regardless of his uncle’s presence. They were being overpowered, not only due to the agents’ strength and bending ability, but also owing to the fact that they were literally underground. Everything was under the earth benders’ command in this grave-like enclosure. Just then, Zuko saw the Avatar hide behind a small rock wall he summoned. He expected something novel to finally pass and he was not disappointed. Everything was so deeply buried in mist that he feared he would not see it but he did. The Avatar’s eyes and tattoos glowed white as he rose, towering above everyone else. Just then, he glimpsed a smirk on his sister’s face. The mist made her invisible in an instant, but Zuko knew she had taken aim. So had he. This was his opportunity.

Two lightning bolts shot out of the mist in the Avatar’s direction. Zuko caught them with the tips of his fingers. He felt them surge in his veins and flow through his body, like blood and nerve. They enveloped his being with more power than he thought he could handle. It was then that despair took over. It was then that he fell, senseless, without a single last word or look. He was lost to darkness.

Chapter 2: The Awakening

Notes:

I have decided to mess with the ages of the characters a little so here is a list:

Zuko, Suki: 17

Azula, Sokka, Mai: 16 (Ik, Azula is two years younger than Zuko in the original, but the girl does NOT act 14/15 so :)

Katara, Ty Lee: 15 (I'll say Katara turned 15 towards the end of Book 1)

Toph and Aang: still 12

Chapter Text

See, Prince Zuko,” his uncle sighed, “A moment of quiet is good for your mental wellbeing,”

I don’t think we need to worry about nonexistent entities, uncle,” Zuko replied sourly.

They were back in his ship, in his uncle’s room. There was a cup of tea in front of each and a teapot stood in their midst. Zuko had expected the tea to spill on him; that was supposed to be the memory; instead, he was calmly drinking it.

Why did you do that?”

Do what uncle?

Why did you get involved in that fight as you did?”

Zuko felt that he was sweating. “I took no part in any fight,” he uttered nervously and emptied his cup.

You had a purpose; you are just afraid to voice it,”

I had no purpose whatsoever,” Zuko grumbled angrily as he realized that denying the fight was no good.

Whatever you say,” his uncle smiled slyly.

I had no purpose!”

And am I to believe that without question? I know you, Zuko. I know how you think. Just admit it. You thought it fitting, didn’t you? Just the perfect opportunity. Did you think of no one but yourself? Do you know how horrid it is-”

Zuko never heard the end of that sentence; he did not want to. He thought himself free to do whatever he wanted in his mind. Whether it was to alter memories or conceal thoughts, he had no scruples about misleading himself. He had always wondered what more damage could be done by such subtleties when the real and concrete world had been so harsh to him. What more could his thoughts do to him? Why did his purpose matter at all?

He opened his eyes to see the fire nation insignia on the drapes above him. He jumped up and ended up crashing a bowl of water.

“Perfect. Just perfect,” he hissed.

He figured that his sister took him captive, and he was now on his way to be presented to his father. That meant that he was…alive. The idea was absurd; all those fleeting ideas seemed absurd. How could he be alive after…after that? How was he even sure that he was awake? There was no way he could have survived that grave, so what trick of the mind was this?

Perhaps it’s another dream. I might be dying, but I am still not dead, he thought for a moment, And then again, perhaps I am alive after all and I am a captive.

Which was the truth? His mind had worked so fast as soon as he had woken up that he felt the need to rub his temples multiple times. He felt the heat emanating from his head, and knew that it was not merely due to his fire bending. The fever was so strong that he wished he hadn’t spilled all the water.

Suppose this is all real,” he thought, “Azula captured me and that was not my plan. I don’t intend to go to father, and even less, to go out without a fight,”

With that thought, he sprang up and listened at the door. All was still. After some hesitation, he risked opening it and peeping out. Still nothing in sight and only the engines were audible. He stepped out of the room and turned left. Just then, he saw two fire nation soldiers stare at him from the entrance of the corridor. He cursed internally and stood in a fighting stance.

Any minute now,” he thought. His sister would come. She would finally finish what she had started.

“He is finally awake,”

“Zuko!”

He heard these exclamations from the other end of the corridor and stood with a fiery hand pointing in either direction. He felt mildly annoyed at how everyone seemed to be waiting for him to walk out just to come out like that. He could definitely feel his sister’s cunning in this whole arrangement. Whether it was by a detector on the door or by some clever device in the room, these soldiers knew that he was awake and would keep him busy until she arrived. He breathed deeply a few times, preparing for the oncoming fight, but no one approached. Everyone stared at him gravely and cautiously. Zuko felt so sick that he thought he would drop to his knees any second, which made him even angrier that no one was approaching.

“Well then!” he shouted, “What are you waiting for?”

“Zuko…” a girl stepped forward cautiously. Zuko turned to look at her while maintaining his stance. His vision blurred so he couldn’t see her face clearly. Her form and movements seemed familiar enough, and yet, to Zuko, it seemed like there was something off about her. What was she?

She stepped closer, and Zuko found himself unable to attack her. He was distracted; his mind was working furiously to figure out who she was and where he had seen her before. Maybe she had been a childhood friend. Had she been a classmate? Perhaps a girlfriend...? No, that was not possible. Zuko never had a proper girlfriend. He did have Mai, but that hadn’t been serious; it had been a mere childhood crush on both sides until he had to go away. He had almost entirely forgotten about her and this girl was certainly not Mai. There was something about her movements. She moved slowly and deliberately, as though she were approaching a very sensitive creature that would run away if she moved too suddenly. He saw nothing suspicious about her and yet, sadly, he knew that he couldn’t be more trusting.

“Listen,” she started and brought him back to the present. What did it matter if he knew her? Now, she was just another enemy. He pointed both fists at her and sent forth two fireballs. She deflected both with some…water? Where had that come from? He stood still for a moment and clenched his teeth. What was a water bender doing in a fire nation ship? She had fire nation clothes too… Was this just another messed up dream?

“Who are you? What do you want?” he shouted. She stood still.

“I am Katara. How can you not remember me?”

Just then, his vision cleared, as if by mere will. He saw her face, but nothing made sense. None of this…

“So, even you have turned against me,” he sneered, “You, too, are working for her. I can’t believe I missed it!” She looked at him in confusion but he continued, “And where are you taking me? Whose captive am I?”

In his mind, he knew the answer. He was a captive of fate. And what a desperate captive! No matter how much he writhed and wriggled, it was all for naught. Someone was bound to stab him in the back when he least expected it.

“You are not a captive,” she said soothingly, “and if you calm down, I will explain everything, but you have to trust me,”

“This is all a dream. Just a dream,” Zuko whispered breathlessly, feeling sweat trickle down his face.

“Let it be so, then. Calm down,” she said quietly as she put a hand on his wrist. Her cool touch created such a stark contrast to his burning skin that even Zuko himself could feel it. She held on and softly caressed his face.

“Your fever is quite intense,” she smiled worriedly, “You should rest and not worry,”

Zuko saw the flames in his hands go out. All of a sudden, it felt like a cold wave washed over his body and reached his heart. He realized, as he fell forward, that the anxiety was all that had held him up until then. She caught him and shouted, “Sokka, help!” as consciousness left him.

...

 Zuko woke up, but he decided to keep his eyes closed for a while longer. After that bizarre dream with fire nation Katara, he did not want to wake up to discover that he had been the Avatar all along. Indeed, nothing seemed to make sense. Dreams and reality were so entwined in his head that he doubted if he could ever find his way back to his reality, the one where he had finally died. “Finally,” he thought to himself. When had he started to feel so desperately comfortable with the idea?

Despite his misgivings, he found this inactive existence boring. It really was not like him to lie down, and apparently, his death had not changed that. That is, if he were even dead to begin with.

“Great, we are back to the start,” he grumbled and pressed a pillow to his face.

“Ah, you are finally awake,”

Zuko jumped up and almost crashed another bowl. Katara caught the bowl and carefully put it on the nightstand.

“You seem to have a problem with bowls of water,” she remarked, with a tinge of worry in her soothing voice.

“The universe is testing me,” Zuko growled as he sprang up and took a fighting stance. Katara folded her arms across her chest and looked at him with an annoyed expression.

“What are you doing?”

“I am trying to get out of here,” Zuko scanned the room to see if there was a window.

“No, I mean, why are you pointing fire at me again?”

“You are the one who took me captive!” Zuko shouted, “I see it now. You are all Azula’s puppets. She put me with you in that cave for a reason. She wanted me confused so she could have me killed and be the heir to the throne. I wish-I just wish I hadn’t trusted you! How stupid I was!”

“Calm down. Stop pointing fire at me-”

“Oh, and now, she is telling me to calm down, like it’s the easiest thing in the world! No doubt, it’s easy for you, when you are not the one who turned against her family to aid an enemy,”

Katara gave him an incredulous look as he walked around, a fiery hand pointed at her and another on the wall.

“You know what? I have had it with you,” she sighed as she stood up, “I have been healing you for days now and the first thing you say when you wake is not even a little ‘Thank you’. No, instead, you go around, claiming that I work for your deranged sister, and attempt to attack me. I will leave you alone until your wits return because you are apparently out of your mind, even without a fever!”

With that, she rushed to the door, and before Zuko could catch up with her, she went out, locking the door behind her.

“What are you doing!” he shouted as he banged on the door with both fists.

“I am trying to teach you some manners because apparently, no one bothered to. Good day,”

He heard her receding footsteps and felt that an endless stream of fire was about to pour forth from sheer anger at this weird situation.

“I will help myself out then, shall I?” he shouted as he punched the iron door with his fiery fists.

“Katara, he is really giving me a headache,” Toph grumbled, “If you don’t stop him, I will have to go down there and encase him in a metal coffin,”

“Please do,” Katara snapped.

“What’s the matter with him anyway? Why is he so… fiery?” Sokka grinned curiously.

“He thinks that we are all working for his sister and that we are taking him to jail or something. At least, that’s what I gathered from his sleep talks and his constant shouting,”

“Must have been some fever,” Hakoda shook his head, “Why are we keeping him again?”

“He saved my life, remember?” Aang sighed, “In fact, he saved the whole avatar cycle. I don’t know why he did that, but I feel that there is no way I could ever repay him,”

That silenced everyone. Aang had explained what would have happened if Zuko hadn’t intercepted the lightning. The only hope of peace would be lost; the world would be out of balance forever. All evaded simply because one boy chose to throw himself in death’s way. None of them had understood it; those days were spent in wonder. Toph had suggested that Zuko had probably gone insane due to the pressures he faced, but the rest, knowing him better than she did, dismissed it. Zuko was already somewhat crazy in his fire nation way, but they all knew that no amount of insanity could explain what he did. The silence was interrupted by another, rather harsh, bang on metal.

“That’s it. I am going to make him stop,”

“Toph-”

“If I don’t, he will just rip the door off its hinges. I can literally feel his punches burning into the metal and it doesn’t look like he will stop,”

“Maybe we should all go,” Aang offered. Everyone turned to him.

“Well, as I see it, he is definitely not thinking clearly. If we were to explain the situation, all of us, together, he might believe us and stop acting like-” another bang interrupted him, “like that,”

“Why does it matter to convince him?” Sokka shrugged, “He chased us all the way across the world and he isn’t exactly the nicest guy out there,”

“What would you suggest?”

“We drop him off at the nearest island, say our goodbyes, and go on our merry way?”

Another bang

“I hate to admit it,” Katara started, “But considering what he did, that would be a little too merciless. He is still healing and it would be cruel to leave him out there, alone, to fend for himself after such an injury,”

“Not to mention the fact that he could, at some point, become sane enough to remember that it’s odd for the Avatar’s group to be on a fire nation ship. He might alert his father or sister and then, we would be doomed,”

“I don’t think he can do that, dad,” Sokka argued, “He was banished when we first met him, and by turning against his sister, he ensured that no one would believe him, even if he came back,”

“Also, everyone probably thinks he is dead,” Katara added.

“So we are all he has,” Aang finished.

“Must be a miserable life,” Hakoda grinned.

Another bang followed, louder than the rest.

“Can we just decide what to do? My head will burst,” Toph stomped her foot.

“I like Aang’s idea,” Hakoda started again, “We don’t have to explain everything right away, but if we at least manage to calm him down and treat him decently, he might agree to help us,”

“I still think we should drop him off, but if everyone wants to take the ‘let’s give him a chance’ route, I won’t insist,” Sokka cracked his knuckles.

“Let’s go,” Aang got up.

“Finally,” Toph exasperatedly spread out her hands as she walked ahead of the group.

Chapter 3: Reality over Tea

Chapter Text

“Hey Sparky,” Zuko heard from the other side, “You really have worked hard at this door, haven’t you?”

Zuko paused for a moment. It had to be that earth bender from the Avatar’s group.

“Let me out!” he shouted, gritting his teeth.

“With pleasure, but you must behave because Sugar Queen is very cross with you-”

“Toph, how many times do I have to tell you to not call me-”

“I wouldn’t mind it though. She does tend to get cross fairly quickly,”

Zuko punched the door once again. Apparently, they weren’t there to get him out. What had he thought?

“Stop taunting and leave me alone!”

“I thought you wanted to be out- and stop punching that stupid door, you are giving me a headache,”

Zuko didn’t heed what she was saying. His anger was rising every second; he punched the door so hard that he could feel his knuckles bleed through the fire. Suddenly, the door opened, and he found himself face to face with the Avatar. If it had been anyone else, he wouldn’t have stopped mid-punch, but maybe, saving the Avatar’s life at the cost of his own caused him to develop some connection with him. He disliked the idea, but he lowered his hands with deep breaths.

“Hello, Zuko,” he started and continued after a pause, “I am glad you are awake. We thought- we really believed- that you had…died,”

“What do you want?” Zuko asked angrily.

“Nothing. Can we come in?”

“We?”

Just then, he realized that Sokka, Katara, and Toph were all standing behind the Avatar. Zuko stepped back defensively.

“We won’t do you any harm. We just want to talk and explain some things that might be confusing to you,”

“And why should I believe anything you say?”

“Because you have no one else,” Katara answered.

“And we could easily overpower you,” Sokka grinned.

“Sokka!”

“Right, sorry. But we still can,”

The Avatar shook his head, “Are you going to stand like that all day and not let us pass?”

“He was dying to get out and now he is dying to keep us out,” Toph laughed, “Look at that poor metal door. Ouch,”

Zuko’s eyes strayed to the outer side of the door. The door had caved in at many points. He could literally see his fist engraved on it with blood. He hated to admit it, but Sokka was right. He was up against three benders and a ship full of soldiers. If his uncle were here, he would criticize him for his lack of thought and planning. He had to buy some time.

Better act calm and earn their trust. I can think of escape then,”

He sat down at the foot of the bed with a sour expression and motioned for them to come in. They sat down on the floor to face him. Zuko pressed his palms to his forehead, telling himself repeatedly that no matter what they told him, there was only one possible option now that he could feel pain: he was alive and he was a captive.

“So, Zuko. What can you remember?” The Avatar began.

“What?” he asked harshly.

“Do you remember what happened?”

“I was supposed to have died. I was dead,” he added as an afterthought. That had really felt like death, not that he knew what it would feel like, but he had fainted before. That had been different.

“Yeah…about that…”

“I got some tea,” a smiling adult appeared at the door. Zuko started immediately.

“Who is that?”

“He is our dad,” Katara answered, “Dad, this is-”

“Zuko,” he said, putting his fist under his open palm in salute without knowing why he did it.

“Hakoda,” the man returned the gesture with equal surprise.

“Oh, so now you know manners,” Katara grumbled.

Zuko replied by snorting fire.

“Never mind,”

“Tea for the Prince,” Hakoda offered him a cup. Zuko took it and instantly missed his uncle. It tasted like seaweed.

“Is this seaweed tea?” he asked, not missing a beat.

“No, jasmine, why?”

“Nothing. Thank you,”

“My pleasure,” Hakoda smiled contently, “He does know his manners,” he whispered to his daughter, which Zuko heard, but chose to ignore. He had no idea why he had been so polite just now. Was it the tea? That seemed illogical; it was horrid. The gesture? Perhaps, but Zuko had been rude to people who had done more for him.  Was it that he secretly appreciated the fact that here was a man whom he had never met before and who did not know of the terrible things he had done? All these kids knew him and even though they seemed to have beaten him at last, he thought they would always be ready to take things a step further. It wouldn’t hurt to have one person who thought differently.

“First things first Aang,” he heard Katara say, “Let’s go to the very beginning,” and turning to Zuko, she continued, “Why did Azula send you to the crystal caves?”

“For the thousandth time,” Zuko scoffed, “Why should I tell you anything?”

“For the thousandth time, you don’t have much of a choice if you want to learn the truth. We are out in the middle of nowhere and you wouldn’t want to spend your whole time punching doors, would you?” she asked pointedly.

Zuko folded his arms, “I don’t care; I would make it out one way or another,”

Katara was about to answer, but her father held up his hand, “Stop, both of you. If we go like this, we won’t get anywhere. The sooner we cooperate, the sooner this will be over and you may even go free, Prince Zuko, if you find it to your liking. So answer all the questions and keep your peace,”

“You will let me go?”

“If you insist upon it. You have to recover fully though, as Aang won’t have it otherwise,”

Zuko paused for a moment, “Deal,” he said drily.

“So, the caves?” Katara asked again.

“I tried to fight Azula and her agents,”

“That was not very wise,” Hakoda shrugged.

“They attacked us, what else could I have done?” Zuko snapped, “How did you end up there?” he asked Katara.

“Well, your sister had disguised herself and her friends as Kyoshi warriors who are our friends. I thought- we all thought- that they had come to our aid. When I approached them to talk of some…plans for the defense of the city, they captured me and threw me into the caves,”

“Your uncle came to us just as we realized that Katara was missing,” The Avatar continued, “He said you were captured as well and that we should help one another to find you both. I went with him to the caves, as you already know, while Toph and Sokka went to warn the Earth King. They were all captured by Azula, but thanks to Toph’s metal bending, they managed to escape,”

“There is no such thing as metal bending,” Zuko interjected, clearly pleased to find a discrepancy in their story.

“Huh, think again, Sparky,” Toph said as she kissed the tips of her fingers, and pointed at the metal door of his room. Instantly, all signs of his fists disappeared; the door was back to its initial state, without a single scratch. “So to correct you, no, you can’t make it out ‘one way or another’,” she smirked as Zuko looked at the door in surprised dissatisfaction. He instantly realized how metal bending seemed similar to his sister’s blue fire or her lightning. It was probably something reserved for people of talent, not that he would know anything about that.

“Anyway,” Katara started again, “Then, the fight started; you joined; the Dai Li and your uncle got involved,”

“Seems like chaotic fun,” her father smiled.

“Same,” Toph sighed, “I was merely jail breaking. That’s boring,”

“I wish I was there to give that crazy girl a boomerang round her head,” Sokka made a fist.

“She is my sister,” Zuko protested.

“She planned a coup, overthrew a king, imprisoned us all, and almost killed you,”

“I meant that I should get to whack her round the head before anyone, so get in line,”

“That’s the spirit,” the Avatar smiled. Zuko merely shrugged.

“Anyway, the fight got on, but I saw the situation was dire, so I tried to get into the Avatar state like I had done in the North Pole. I hoped to control it better this time. That’s- that’s when you…”

“Aang didn’t see what happened as he was in the Avatar state,” Katara said quietly, “But I saw you blocking two enormous lightning bolts that came his way. No- not just blocking, it seemed like you caught them and controlled them for a moment. And then-then-”

“I died,” Zuko finished, “Good riddance,”

They all looked at him with questioning eyes, but none poured his thoughts into words. Indeed, they seemed quite taken aback by his nonchalance about the whole matter. Even Zuko himself realized that he was making it all look like a boring trip to the countryside.

“Why did you do it?” the Avatar asked, breaking the silence.

Zuko was at a loss for words. Could a good deed still be good with wrong intentions? How could he trust these people with the truth? To begin with, Zuko was far from admitting that it was a good deed and despite consciously denying himself the smallest indication of his intentions, deep down, he felt what they had been. He also felt that he might see himself as a coward if he admitted it all out loud. So what was to be done?

“Why did you do it?”

“No particular reason,” he said stupidly. He didn’t believe for one second that they would buy it.

“What?”

“Instinct,” he tried again, “It’s not like I planned for things to turn out the way they did, but at that moment, I thought that I could handle it,”

“They were two huge bolts of lightning. What were you ‘not planning’ on ‘handling’?" Katara frowned.

“How about this,” Zuko was again angry, “I don’t know why I did it, and frankly, I don’t care to. I just did it; it’s over, the Avatar is alive; everyone is happy. Now, can you just tell me how I am still alive and leave me alone?”

Katara shook her head and sighed, “It did seem like you had died; I mean, you yourself claim that it was so, but your uncle had asked me to look after you as he held off the attackers, all by himself. After we escaped, I tried to heal you in various ways, but whatever I did was useless, so I decided to use the spirit water from the North Pole to revive you, and it worked,”

“For our part,” her father started, “We saw that the Earth kingdom had fallen so we infiltrated a fire nation ship and made our escape. On our way, we met Aang and his team, and we have been travelling together since,”

“How long was I out?” Zuko nervously ran his hand through his hair.

“A week and five days,”

“What!” he exclaimed, “That’s more than ten days!”

“Yes, well, it is very time consuming to die nowadays,” Sokka grinned and Katara elbowed him.

“Can you, for two seconds, not make inappropriate jokes?”

“You know what they say, sis. Laughter is medicine. This guy never laughs! No wonder he was bedridden for days,”

“Considering the injury, I’d say it was a rather speedy recovery…”

Zuko stopped paying attention to the siblings’ bickering. He had his own thoughts to contend with. All that had been said was too much and yet too simple. He was glad that he wasn’t out of his mind after all, but he still thought that he should tread cautiously. The blind girl turned her clouded gaze at him and Zuko was suddenly reminded of who was missing from all this.

“Where is uncle? Why is he not here?”

From their expressions, he could see that they had been trying to avoid that question.

“We were overpowered and you were seriously injured…” Katara started.

When she trailed off and remained silent, Zuko asked, “And?”

“Well, someone had to, you know, buy us time, so we could manage to escape safely-”

“He didn’t,” Zuko exhaled in shock, his eyes widening as the truth downed on him.

“I am sorry,”

Zuko clenched his jaw. He simply couldn’t believe it. How could his uncle do that? Where was he now? How was he being treated? He wondered whether he would be tortured for information. His old heart wouldn’t take it and neither would Zuko’s.

“Well,” he stood up, “At least, now there is something to be done,”

They all looked at him in confusion. Zuko didn’t feel the need to explain himself. He simply walked to the door. He knew he had to find his uncle; there was no way he was going to let him suffer on his behalf. He had made his resolve to leave as soon as possible. However, just as his hand reached the doorknob, a small, yet cool hand caught his.

“Where are you going?”

“Let go of me!”

Where?” she asked more forcefully and Zuko gritted his teeth.

“To wherever I could find my uncle and get away from here,”

“You are not fully recovered yet!”

“So what? I can look after myself,”

She didn’t seem convinced, but then again, he didn’t care. Why should he?

“If you go now, you might be scarred for life,”

Zuko paused for a moment. She couldn’t be seriously making that argument.

“Scarred for life,” Zuko said slowly as he saw her realize what a stupid argument she had made, “Cause I really wouldn’t know what that would feel like, thanks for the warning,”

He yanked his hand out of her grip and sat on his bed again. Pressing his burning palms to his eyes, he attempted to control his breathing, but he was unable to breathe normally. Each gust of air felt like fire in his lungs and throat. What would happen now?

He heard everyone get up and leave quietly, but he still didn’t bother to look up. He needed to be alone; it was perfectly convenient that they were leaving. Perhaps, he remembered his initial resolve of not believing them; perhaps, he was waiting for a more opportune moment to carry out his plan. The last thing he heard before the door closed was the water bender’s voice:

“Here are some fire nation clothes if you want to change,” she said reluctantly as she went out.

Chapter 4: The Almost Escapade

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko did not sleep until all the noise died down. He figured that there would be about three soldiers awake at night to guard the ship, and he could easily evade or disarm them. He would then take one of the small rowboats attached to the sides of the ship and sail away as he had done in Commander Zhao’s ship earlier in the year. He did pause to marvel at how he could practically capture the Avatar now; he had never been so close to him, and yet, he did not care one bit about the air bender. All he wanted was to get away, as far as possible, as quickly as possible.

With that thought in mind, he got up, changed, and went out as quietly as he could. He wished he had a black cloak as that would have made hiding a lot easier, but he didn’t bother much when he saw that there was no one on deck.

Too easy,” he thought to himself, “Nothing comes so easily to me,”

He heard a growl to the side and spun on his heel. On the right corner, a coverlet was hiding something huge in the shadows. As he saw two twinkling eyes in the dark, Zuko realized that this must be the Avatar’s bison. The bison made to growl, but Zuko motioned it to be quiet and surprisingly, it obeyed. He unsheathed the knife his uncle had given him (which he had conveniently found strapped to the side of his boot as it had been on the day of the invasion), and got hold of the rope on which a boat hung.

That movement and the sudden weight sent a wave of pain through his right shoulder. Zuko knew that he should have a look at that nasty wound as soon as he got the chance. It was probably going to leave a scar regardless of further attention, so he hadn’t cared enough to look, but now, he almost let go of the rope out of sheer pain. How could it hurt so much when it had been so long? He tightened his hold on the rope, which made him feel the throbbing more intensely, and began to cut it. It was too thick, so he figured it would take some time with such a small knife, but with a bit of luck, he would be out in the open in a few minutes. He was so absorbed in his work that he didn’t realize his arm go numb, or that someone was approaching him.

“What are you doing?”

The rope slipped out of his hand as soon as he heard the first syllable, and Zuko turned around with a wild expression, ready to attack whomever it was that had snuck up on him. He found himself facing Katara, who was just a few steps away. Without knowing why, he felt relaxed. He knew she wouldn’t attack or hurt him, so he lowered the knife and took to silently staring at her. The truth was that, despite the feeling of security she imparted, Zuko was somewhat resentful towards her. He almost wished she would talk so he could tell her what was on his mind, what had bothered him ever since he had learnt the truth.

“I felt you walk away, so I thought I would tell Sugar Queen to kick some sense into you,” Toph said as she stood with folded arms and an amused expression on her face. Zuko hadn’t noticed her at first because she stood at the doorway to the deck, and she was so tiny that it was easy to miss her.

He grimaced, “I am going away as I said I would,”

“But you are not-”

“You cannot heal a scar, Katara. The damage is already done. Just leave me be,”

“Listen. It is not my habit to leave a job unfinished. It is not just about the scar; I can see from your face that you are not healed. I am the healer, after all. Why don’t you leave the decision to me?”

“Ok, healer,” Zuko started with mocking bitterness. She was becoming too much of a nuisance. “Have you ever asked yourself whether I actually wanted to be healed? You just took me in and went on with what was in your head, without any idea of what I wanted. Maybe, I am just fine with this pain and the scar. Maybe, I don’t want to be looked after like a sick child,”

“But who wouldn’t want to be healed?” she asked innocently, “You have changed since that day in the caves. You act so differently now; I don’t know why. You are not the same person I talked to that day; something ails you, but you would rather run away and face pain than talk about it. Just speak plainly, is that so hard? What is wrong with you?”

“I wanted to die. You happy now?” he shouted. His restraint had finally snapped.

“I didn’t join you out of the kindness of my heart; I joined because I figured that I would die faster fighting against Azula, so you can stop trying to repay some moral debt or whatever. I had failed at every foolish thing I had attempted anyway so why not try death? I wish you hadn’t wasted your spirit water on me. Thanks to you, I have even failed at dying!”

Without waiting for a response, he got hold of the rope again and hacked at it. He had half a mind to shout at the rope, as he felt so enraged that he thought his voice could tear it apart. Just as he reached the last strand; however, a large hand caught it above his own. Zuko turned his head in frustration, “What now?”

He saw that he was face to face with Katara’s father.

“You guys make so much noise that it’s a surprise the whole ship isn’t awake,” he said good humoredly. Zuko wondered if he had heard his confession; that would be embarrassing. He had some scruples about telling Katara and Toph, but for a warrior to voice a wish for death in front of another was humiliating. He made no reply.

“So, you are going after all. Did you take anything to eat?”

Zuko remained silent, so he repeated the question.

“No,” he answered at last, albeit unwillingly.

“And how do you plan on surviving?”

“I can manage. I have starved before,” Zuko added after some hesitation.

“Do you have a weapon?”

“No,”

“Do you even know where we are?”

“I am guessing somewhere between the Earth and the Fire Kingdoms,”

“Great,” then turning to his pale daughter, he added, “These crazy ‘honorable’ fellows! They would rather starve to death without a weapon, without so much as a clue about where they are, and yet, they wouldn’t venture to ask for help. It’s dishonorable to ask, apparently,” then, turning to Zuko, he continued, “No wonder you want your uncle back. With that temper of yours, you can’t survive for long,”

“You will not stop me,” Zuko gritted his teeth and pulled the rope.

“I will not,” he replied calmly, “I will only offer you some assistance and good advice, and if you heed good advice, you will stop yourself, I hope,”

With that, he started to walk away towards the stairs that led to the storage rooms below.

“Well?” he turned at the entrance “Come along. Let’s get you a weapon and some food,”

He went down and Zuko followed him in confusion while casting a questioning glance at Katara, who seemed hopeful, and at Toph, who was laughing.

...

“What sort of weapon do you use?”

“Huh?” Zuko asked, distracted.

“Maybe a qiang? That might work for you,”

“I use dual dao blades,”

Hakoda whistled in response, “That might be hard to find. I don’t think I ever saw any fire nation soldier fighting with dual swords,”

“They are more suited to lone fighters than organized troops,” Zuko offered absent-mindedly. He knew he had to be alert in case this was a trap to lock him in, but he just couldn’t focus due to the stiffness of the air and the distracting conversation. It didn’t help that he was sifting through tens of blades to find one to his liking.

“Makes sense. How about a jian?”

“Could work,” he answered, still looking for dual swords. He missed his own as he had forged them himself; they had been perfectly balanced. Now, even if he found dual swords, they would never be as good as his own. The idea disheartened him and he vowed to make his own swords as soon as he got the chance.

“No dual blades,” Hakoda threw his hands up in resignation. Zuko kneeled to look under a table. He thought something shone there.

“Those are barrels of food and drink,”

Zuko pushed many of them aside and saw, to his great relief, the handles of two swords, placed on top of one another in a dual scabbard. He pulled it out in triumph and unsheathed the swords. Naturally, they weren’t as good as his own, but still, Zuko wouldn’t exchange them for the highest quality of any other weapon. Nothing gave him as much pleasure as using those swords, knowing that there were few in the world that could match his skill in wielding them. They weren’t the most popular weapon choice either, which always left Zuko puzzled. Who could ask for more?

“Now for food-”

“Wait,” Zuko interrupted him. Those swords made him feel alive again. He felt himself strong enough to ask and receive answers, by force if necessary.

“Why are you helping me?”

“Because you are sure to die otherwise,”

“That’s your only reason?” Zuko asked, unconvinced. Hakoda turned his back to him and continued to look through some weapons.

“One of my reasons,”

“Then why not tell me all your reasons and set my mind at rest?”

“As far as I can see, your mind will never be at rest. If I tell you my reasons, you will find something else to fixate on; that’s just who you are. Better you wonder at something as insignificant as my reasons than something more serious and upsetting,”

“And what makes you think you know me so well?”

“Well, I listened to the kids’ stories, and I have been observing you since you woke up, to see whether you could be trusted.” At this, he turned around, facing Zuko, “You accepted and dismissed, told and concealed, shouted and remained silent in such quick succession that I realized you must be suffering from some serious…issues.” Here, he looked closely at Zuko with a penetrating glance and said no more. Zuko, for his turn, felt most uncomfortable and angry.

“And? What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s good to help people who are lost to find their way,”

Zuko shook his head and scoffed, “It is easy where you stand. You weren’t born into the most influential family of the ‘wrong’ side of the war. No one is implying that you should change your belief system and fight your own family,”

“I was merely talking about your determination to save your uncle,” he replied, unbothered. Zuko felt embarrassed for having been the first to approach a private subject he would rather have avoided.

“But since you yourself have mentioned it, I should tell you that no one is expecting anything of you. You are free to go. I just want to help,”

“You are not afraid that I would tell on you?”

“No,”

“Why not?”

“Because you are honorable, ridiculously so, but you are. You didn’t even try to steal food or weapons from a ship that belonged to your nation. Yes, you did want to get away quickly, but you probably also felt that it would be wrong,”

Zuko regarded him with sadness this time. He wondered how this man would react if he knew that just two month ago, Zuko was stealing shamelessly to save his stupid, miserable life.

“You still don’t want me to go after my uncle,” he started quietly, “What would you do if your children were captured? Would you not go after them?”

“With all that I had,” he smiled, “They are all I have and I understand that your uncle means a lot to you. But,” he paused, “If the situation were reversed, I would rather have my children stay safe than attempt to rescue me,”

“Wouldn’t you feel abandoned and betrayed?” Zuko asked. His voice had softened; he felt emotionally exhausted.

“Of course not. Right now, they have a mission: to help the Avatar end the war. If I ended up in prison, that would be the part I should play until their goal is accomplished. With so much at stake, one could hardly blame them. Also, if the war is over, it would not just be me out of prison; there would be no more war prisoners,”

Zuko shook his head in disbelief.

“Most parents wouldn’t want their kids in danger. That’s why we go to war in the first place: to protect the family,”

“Where does that put me?” Zuko asked tiredly.

“I don’t know,” when he saw Zuko’s surprise, he gave a small, genuine laugh, “I won’t pretend to understand your position, Prince Zuko. I can only say that it is a difficult one and that you need to figure out what you want on your own. Do pause to think what family means to you, whether you can call your father and sister your family. The boat will wait as it is for a day; I suggest you decide fast and act accordingly,”

With that, he walked heavily towards the steps and climbed. On the top most rung, he half turned and said, “I don’t know what you told Katara in the crystal caves, but she is seriously concerned about you. As a father, I would hate to see my daughter upset. Do consider that, if you please.”

Zuko left the storage with more confusion than when he had entered it. He went to his room, bolted the door, and fell back on the bed. Who was his family? Could he change his family? He wished he were the son of a farmer or a fisher. He wished he lived in simpler times where no one bothered about such overwhelming questions. He tossed and turned, hoping to find something, anything that he could take as a foothold to start his reasoning. The sun was rising when he fell asleep from fatigue, and he was still nowhere close to a decision. What would he do? Time was ticking…

Notes:

A month ago, I managed to convince my mom to watch ATLA with me, and today we have finished it, so I decided that you guys will hear all about it :). At first, I didn’t know how to feel about introducing a potential Kataang supporter to the fandom (my mom is not dedicated enough to be an all round shipper), but it all turned out finer than I expected. Her favourite turned out to be Toph and uncle Iroh; she loved Sokka and Katara’s sibling dynamic, and she spent the show with half insult, half endearment phrases for Zuko, which I didn’t know what to feel about, but again, watching something with family does unlock some local commentary :).
Naturally, I sat down with her and my sister to assign a character to each member of our family. Turns out, ATLA has literally copied from us:
• My mom is 100% Katara
• My younger brother is 100% Aang
• My other brother is Sokka minus the extroversion.
• My sister thinks I am Uncle Iroh (too good, I know. Even though I am more of a water bender). My mom was very amused by this because I had just bought my bizarre fruit teas that day. Also, I found the White Dragon tea in my local tea shop :)
• My sister thought she was Zuko (Because I spend a good deal of time talking sense into her as Uncle Iroh does), but she is more Azula to me, minus the pure evil .
• My dad is definitely an earth bender, but not Bumi or Toph so I gotta think about that one.
Now about my mom’s opinions:
• First off, she was very impatient viewer, so she made me spoil Zuko's entire arc (I know, that's evil, but she begged and begged). I did manage to keep the ancestry and the Crossroads situation secret though, but she still wasn’t angry with him, just sad that he had lost his way :). Anyway, her general reaction was, "Is there anything that hasn't happened to Zuko? Poor child," and frankly, who can argue?
• She said this thing about season 1 Zuko which I found interesting, mainly because I hadn't told her anything about his backstory yet: "He is, deep down, a respectful kid. He tolerates his uncle's irrelevant ventures, and apologizes at the end if he is wrong." I never thought anyone could be open-minded about season 1 Zuko without knowing his story, so that was sweet.
• I also had to tell her that Azula goes crazy at the end and she basically said, "Oh, I feel so sorry for her (sarcasm)." Being the righteous person she is, she had a very hard time admiring or sympathizing with Azula (I myself still can't fully manage that frankly).
• She admired the cultural complexity and the strong defence of Ba Sing Se, but was appalled by the Dai Li's brainwashing activities.
• She has concluded (as have I) that the Fire Nation is ingenious in technology and their strength comes mainly from ingenuity, not from their bending. She specifically admired the design of the drill (you can just tell we are a family of engineers).
• She loved the Tales of Ba Sing Se as a break from all the serious war mess going around. (Also, Zuko's hair from the date. We were hysterical with laughter).
• Told her about how Zuko becomes the dad of the group and she was delighted.
• When she learned about Roku and prophecy of the strong fire bender, she said, “That’s Azula, right?” and I grumbled. I mean, Azula and Zuko are both talented. I read this thing where someone pointed out that Zuko’s fire was more visceral, that his fire was deeply connected to his emotions, like the guy turns around and snorts fire when he is angry, which is something Azula would never do, heh. But adding my own opinion: Zuko is weaker at moments of turmoil, but once he makes up his mind, he can match Azula. I mean, he fought ferociously at the Crossroads, in the Southern Raiders, and the finale. That’s all because he was decided in those moments (more or less).
• When I first told her about Maiko she was like, "What? That sulking girl? No way, urgh," with an expression of utter annoyance, and again, who could argue? After the prison scene though, she thought that maybe they could work. Maybe. At least she didn’t turn out full Kataang.
• You see, she thinks that Kataang is what the writers want us to see (coughs), but character-wise, Zuko and Katara are more mature, responsible and self-sacrificing. She even said that she thought Zuko was more mature than Katara because he had to go against his family and entire belief system over the course of the show, and as a result, he became wise beyond his years.
• She thinks Taang could be a thing because they are the same age and level of maturity. I am not all up for Taang (gonna write an essay on the my ships later), but I’ll let it pass. It’s better than Maiko…

Chapter 5: The Tales of Appa and Zuko

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Contrary to his usual habit, Zuko woke up quite late. He went to the deck and saw, from the sun’s position, that it must be at least two in the afternoon. He shifted uncomfortably as he realized that he had a matter of hours to make what could perhaps be the most influential decision of his life.

“Hey, Zuko!”

He turned around to see a grinning Avatar walking towards him.

“What now?” he said, in a half angry, half resigned tone. Why was he even trying? He could go along with anything since he had nothing to do.

“Would you like me to give you a tour of the ship?”

“No,”

“Great! Let’s get started then,” said the Avatar, grabbing his arm

Zuko was so indignantly shocked at the answer and the gesture that he stayed still which allowed the boy to drag him wherever he went.

“This is the engine room. Sokka drags me here all the time and I bend air into the engines as he studies them…”

Next were the fuel rooms, then the dining hall, then the bedrooms. The Avatar explained in detail where everyone stayed, where the ship headed, and what happened in all those ten days Zuko had missed. Zuko, for his part, could have cared less about sleeping arrangements or engines, but he remained silent when he saw the boy talk about matters of more importance to him. He was aware that sometimes one has to put up with irrelevant jargon to learn something useful, so he subjected everything that was said to scrutiny.

“So here we are again, on deck, where- oh, Katara! Toph! Sokka! Come along!” the Avatar shouted as he waved at his friends.

Zuko looked around with a more relaxed expression. He was still slightly angry, but at least, he knew everything that had passed in those ten days. That made him feel less like the world had just existed blankly for ten days and more like he had had an exceptionally long nap as life went on.

“I was just showing Zuko around. Oh, by the way, Appa is there, on your left. I wouldn’t approach him if I were you because he probably doesn’t realize that you-Appa, stop!”

The sky bison had stood up as its master spoke. It growled at Zuko, who tried to shield his face with his arms, and then, it licked him from head to toe. The Avatar and his friends stood dead in their tracks as Zuko fell back. The sky bison licked him twice more before he shouted: “Stop it! Enough!”

At that, it sat once again, growling in a saddened tone. Meanwhile, Zuko sat up, glaring at the sky bison, and tried to rub his face on his clothes, which were equally covered in saliva.

“I did not expect that,” Sokka laughed as the group reached Zuko.

“Wow, I mean, good call Appa!” The Avatar whistled, “Why is he so friendly with you?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?” Zuko hissed.

 “You have upset Appa,” Katara mumbled, “You can be really mean, you know,”

“Oh, I should have just let him give me a saliva shower, my bad,” he stood up and shook his head to let the saliva off his hair.

“That’s suspicious,” Toph smirked as she petted Appa.

“What do you mean?”

“Ah, I see what she is getting at,” Sokka narrowed his eyes, “Appa likes you more than I ever will probably, and yet, you claim to not know the reason,”

“So?” Zuko asked angrily.

“Just tell us, will you? Your heart is beating like a sparrow’s,” Toph snapped, “And don’t lie. I know when people lie.”

Zuko gave her a questioning glance. It took him a full minute to remember that the girl was blind and that she probably couldn’t see him expecting an explanation. It was thus one awkwardly wasted minute.

“Well?”

“I-I was…” Zuko started, not knowing how the rest would come. He just hoped he wouldn’t dive into unnecessary details. “I was the one who set him free in Ba Sing Se. Maybe-”

“You set Appa free? You?” Sokka gasped, bewildered.

“That’s twice in a row you have saved us, Zuko,” the Avatar laughed.

“I-”

“I just hope he doesn’t lose his mind over it,” Toph punched his arm.

“Oww. That-”

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Katara smiled, “She just won’t stop,”

“I have had enough of you all for today,” Zuko said as he rubbed his punched arm with his saliva-covered hand and turned to walk away. It was exhausting to talk to so many loud, energetic people at the same time. Zuko understood himself better the more he spent time here, and his major conclusion was that he hated people and chaotic, disorganized conversations.

Zuko didn’t even go out for dinner. He didn’t want to see or hear anyone, especially not the Avatar and his ragtag group of annoying kids. He found it hard to believe that he had considered staying; no, he definitely had to take that boat and sail away, even if it meant continual suffering and starvation. Just then, Katara came in with a tray of food. As determined as he was to not speak, Zuko whispered a “Thank you” as she left. He remembered wanting to talk to her about something, but nothing came to mind.

After hours of trying to sleep, he got up and took the tray to the kitchen. There, an apple caught his eye and he took it before he headed towards the deck. He figured that some fresh air would do him good. There, he spotted the sky bison and walked towards it. As soon as it saw him, it turned its head away. Zuko felt slightly guilty about that; maybe he had really been too harsh. He remembered that day he had sat with his mom, watching turtle ducks…

“Hey, sky bison,” he stuttered, “I- err- I am sorry for shouting at you. Here, have an apple,”

The sky bison shyly stared at him as he spoke. All of a sudden, it reached out for the apple and happily munched on it. It made to lick Zuko again, but Zuko held his hands up, “No licking and no groaning or they will hear us,”

The sky bison sat down again and watched him curiously. Zuko, for his part, paced around and mumbled nervously.

“I have decided. All I have to do is cut that last strand; then I will be free to go. Why am I even hesitating?”

The faces of those on the ship came before his eyes. As annoying as they were, he found it hard to leave them. They treated him kindly, which was more than what most people did. No one who had known him had treated him as such. Obviously, there was his uncle, but he didn’t count; he was family.

“Yes… family,” he sighed.

Weirdly enough, he thought of Jin. What would she have said if she had known he was the Prince of the Fire Nation? Would she have asked him out then? Would she have…kissed him? He highly doubted it.

“The truth is,” he said, as he sat down by Appa’s side, “I should leave. I have to save my uncle,”

The sky bison gave a quiet, mournful groan.

“The other option is to stay,” he shuddered, “I see what you’re getting at: these people are nice; they healed me and looked after me. That’s all good, but I feel like I cannot get along with them in the long run. I am a fire bender after all, and not a particularly lucky one. Things don’t tend to go my way,”

He paused and looked at the sky bison, expecting a response. Of course, none came, so he continued, “Also, I am ‘the bad guy’. I was the enemy. They probably don’t trust me. I wouldn’t trust me if I were them. In fact, I don’t trust them either; I don’t need to. What do you say Appa? Do they trust me?”

He did stop to wonder when he had gotten on first name terms with the sky bison.

“I am very sleep deprived and confused. Here I am, talking to you and expecting an answer. What does that say?”

Appa growled.

“This conversation is too one sided, even for me,” Zuko leaned back on Appa’s soft fur, “But you are a really good listener, you know? Maybe, you are the wisest of the group,” he paused, “Now I am really talking nonsense,”

He sat quietly and watched the stars twinkle. The soft hum of summer winds and the slow, melodious movements of the sea finally lulled him to the most peaceful sleep he had had in a long time.

...

It would be too much to expect the universe to treat him any better. Zuko had fallen asleep peacefully; it was only natural that he should wake up uncomfortable, with Sokka’s face right in front of his and the others laughing.

“Get off my face!” he growled, flipping Sokka and giving everyone a murderous look.

Normally, Sokka would have protested and Katara would have given him a disapproving stare, but they were too busy laughing. Zuko figured that they weren’t going to stop, so he folded his arms and grumbled, “Why are you laughing?”

“Oh my-” Sokka laughed on the floor with tears in his eyes, “If I have to wake up early every day- just to see this- I am definitely giving up meat. I can’t- my ribs will crack. Katara!”

“Zuko, the softy sky bison cuddler!” Toph laughed, holding her stomach.

“What! Arghhh!” Zuko sprang up, remembering the night in a flash. Appa growled and licked him again, which made him even angrier, “No licking! We agreed!”

Sokka let out a fresh burst of laughter, “Formal agreement- Appa won’t lick Zuko- I can’t- Katara, make it stop,”

“That’s quite enough,” Katara said as she tried hold in her laugh and helped her brother up, “It’s not that we never slept on Appa,”

“Oh come on,” the Avatar protested, “It’s Zuko we’re talking about- all darkness and stuff. Turns out, he is a fluff fan,”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Yes, hotman,”

“Oh yes, I almost forgot the hotman, oh my-,” Sokka burst again.

“I don’t have time for this-”

“He is blushing, isn’t he? Sparky is embarrassed. Or should I call him Fluffy?”

“Toph-,”

“Enough!” Zuko shouted. He then looked at Katara, “Where is your father? I need to talk to him,”

“He is at the wheel,”

Zuko didn’t bother asking further. This was a fire nation ship; it was home. He turned on his heel and walked to the front most room with a nervous step. He was angry about the ordeals of the morning, but at this point, he realized that he would panic if things did go perfectly.

He reached the door and knocked thrice.

“Enter,”

Zuko opened the door and saw a few water tribe men talking together. They all stared- no, more like glared, at him as he walked in.

“How can I help?” Hakoda asked with a smile.

“I need to talk to you. Alone,” Zuko frowned.

The other tribe members looked at him suspiciously, but Zuko didn’t budge. At last, Hakoda shrugged and motioned for everyone to leave.

“Well? I trust you had a good night’s sleep?” he smiled.

“I have decided,” Zuko sighed. How had he even come at this decision after everything? How could he?

“And?”

“I am staying,”

“Ah, so you do have some sense about you. That’s great news,”

“What will you do with the boat? Will you just toss it out to the sea?”

“Hell, no,” the man laughed, “We might need it. I will just tie it with a proper rope so it doesn’t fall,” he continued in a half whisper, “How dramatic you fire nation people are!”

“What!” Zuko shouted, “So why did you force me to decide so fast?”

“I mean, we are in a bit of a hurry, saving the world and all. I had to know if we had a potential impostor,” after a small pause, he added, “You are not backing out, are you?”

“What, no! I don’t turn back on my word!”

“I am glad,” Hakoda replied, but when he saw how enraged Zuko was, he continued contently, “You know, Prince Zuko, I shared some wisdom that I see you have taken to heart. Another piece of advice: sometimes, you have to realize that we are, all of us, almost equally insignificant. Life goes on, with or without us. That’s why it is always worthwhile to change, to find something that makes us glad to be alive, because if not for joy and love, what do we stay alive for?”

Zuko didn’t reply. He wanted to tell himself that he understood his decision and this man’s words, but he was truly out of his depth. What about changes that brought only regret, sorrow, and a fire nation prison? Was this decision only a way to prove to himself that he wasn’t afraid, even after death?

Hakoda walked towards the door, “We have a war council. Care to join?”

“Ok,” Zuko shrugged.

What could go wrong?” he asked himself, not without a touch of irony.

Notes:

Ok more opinions from last time. I left this one for here because it's actually the point my mom and I argued the most on:
We had the most intense argument about whether Aang ended the war the right way. She thinks yes because that’s the worst punishment for Ozai and that this would kill him slowly, bit by bit. I say no because if my history knowledge has taught me anything, it is that deposed rulers are a problem. I mean, Napoleon had that whole Waterloo episode, and what if Hitler or Mussolini had lived after WWII? I think that what Aang did was worse for Ozai at a personal level, but frankly, I still demand societal justice in this case. Also, Ozai living will probably cause more rebellions and outbreaks than necessary, and it will probably haunt Zuko forever that he had to imprison his father (such things get people sooner or later). And nope, I am still not reading the comics or watching LoK: Aang can’t be an inattentive father; Sokka and Suki can’t die young; Zutara couldn’t have been lost, Toph can’t leave behind all her friends. Just no, thank you. For me, The Gaang will remain together forever, perfect as they are :)
Also, just for curiosity's sake, what do you guys think? Did Aang end the war the right way?

Chapter 6: Of Tea and Battle Plans

Chapter Text

Naturally, he was wrong. A lot could go wrong.

The council was a disaster. Everyone talked out of turn, interrupted one another, tossed things about, joked, ate, drank, and laughed. Zuko was apprehensive of a fight breaking out every second. He seriously thought these people had never been to war. Where was the organization, the strictness, the fear?

“Hey, bring the water! Let’s make some tea,” Hakoda grinned and Zuko started. He didn’t care what they said, that tea was certainly not jasmine. There was no way he was going to put up with another cup. He spoke carelessly, “Let me make the tea,”

He expected Hakoda to shout and a fight to ensue. Instead, he nodded, “Sure, go ahead,”

Zuko picked up the tea jar. When had he become so obsessed with making tea right?

That’s it. I am becoming uncle. He is probably projecting himself onto me somehow and making me brew tea and show empathy,” he thought

He was about to put the leaves into the water when he realized, to his horror, that this wasn’t tea at all.

“Hey, this isn’t tea,” he yelled, “Where is the tea?”

“That is tea,” Hakoda answered.

“No, it’s not,”

“I knew it,” the Avatar whispered.

“Then what is it?”

“This,” Zuko slammed the jar on the table, “is a mixture of seaweed and various herbs. It is used as a paste to stop the infection of wounds,”

“Nonsense,”

“It is only used in the fire nation,” Zuko replied in a disgusted voice, “How long have you been drinking this?”

“Since we set sail,”

Zuko shook his head resignedly and sat down.

“I liked it,” the Chief whispered and the others looked at him unbelievingly.

“Will we die?” Sokka asked fearfully.

“No,” Zuko replied, leaning his cheek on his hand.

“You sound disappointed,” Toph laughed.

“Do I?”

“Alright, party’s over. Let’s get to business,” Hakoda knocked on the table twice, “Prince Zuko has joined our cause. I was going to suggest that we drink tea to the occasion, but we will have to make do with water,” he raised his glass and smiled at Zuko, “Welcome aboard.”

Everyone did likewise and Zuko felt his cheeks burn, “What are you doing?” he whispered, embarrassed.

“Celebrating a new member. Don’t you do that in the Fire Nation?”

“We do none of this in the Fire Nation,” Zuko replied quietly.

“No pre-council party? How do you get on then?”

“We-we all sit down, and seriously discuss…things,” Zuko felt like he was choking, “Generals take turns to speak, and if someone doesn’t follow the rules or if there is a major disagreement, an Agni Kai takes place. People get burnt…there is also death…” he became quiet as he realized what a dismal picture he had painted.

No one said a word for a full minute. Zuko had apparently underestimated his ability to make things awkward and unpleasant. He wished he could just casually burst into flames and stop burdening these people with his miserable presence.

“Anyway,” The Chief cleared his throat, “Let’s get on without any casualties,”

...

Zuko didn’t pay much attention to the battle plans as he was seriously busy scratching the wooden table with his knife. The only thing he gathered was that for a few minutes on some day, fire benders wouldn’t be able to bend, and somehow, that would be a perfect opportunity for invading the fire nation capital. The absurdity of the idea itself made him more inattentive than any battle plan they could have come up with. Knowing the fire nation well, Zuko looked upon all the discussions with careless skepticism.

“And then, Aang would go in and- hey, can you stop doing that, you’re distracting me,” Sokka protested.

“What?” Zuko asked as the knife scratched the table once again.

“Stop scratching the table,”

“Why?”

“It’s distracting. We’re making battle plans over here,”

Zuko looked at the map, at Sokka, and then at all the people who sat around, listening to this nonsense.

“I could come up with a better plan with my eyes closed,” he scoffed.

Sokka sat back, folding his arms with a smirk, “Please go ahead. We all know you to be a great strategist,”

Zuko gingerly took a parchment and the ink set. He then undid a bandage he had tied around his wrist and covered his eyes with it.

“You don’t actually have to-oh, ok, you already did,” he heard the Chief say.

Zuko took a deep breath and started measuring the parchment, taking the distance between his thumb and forefinger as a basis. Once he had found the center, he pressed his left thumb upon it and drew the curled tail of islands on its right. The curl widened to the stomach, a large, grey, industrial region that Zuko longed to see, if only for one second. Even the ugliest parts of his nation had an appeal to him, who had not been home for a lifetime now. Then came the dreaded heart, the fire nation capital, which he planted in the middle, at his thumb. Maybe he was mistaken; as difficult as it was to admit, this was the ugliest part of home; he could not even long for it. The head came last, coiling around the precious heart, yearning to protect it. The dragon of the Fire Nation. Who would dare venture into the dragon’s heart?

“I am assuming we are here-” Zuko pointed north east of crescent islands

“Ha- he doesn’t even know where we are,” Sokka laughed.

“There, we are here,” Hakoda took his hand and put it further east and a little more to the north.

Zuko shrugged, “So we are still in Earth Kingdom waters. You guys are slow and predictable,”

“Just get on with your idea,” Katara said exasperatedly, “You don’t have to jab at every turn,”

Zuko was about to point out that they spent the better part of most days laughing at him, but he changed his mind. He figured that his feelings would burst out of him at some point, and he would get back at everyone for messing with him, but he knew well that a war council was no place for bickering.

“My idea is that it is futile to attempt a head-on invasion of the capital,” he declared decisively and paused a moment, allowing it to sink in, keeping his head down all the while because he felt too self-conscious without his sight.

“So we should just…not?” The Avatar asked, confused.

“Well not as Sokka put it, definitely not. I didn’t listen much, but what I heard would be absolutely useless,”

“Well, they won’t have their bending-”

“I hate to be the bison in the room, but the Fire Nation has the least amount of benders by population and percentage, but it is still winning the war. It isn’t about the bending really; everything is about form, discipline, and fear. If you were to dive head first into all that, even with the shock value, you wouldn’t succeed, for you could take down a hundred men with one of yours and still rue the exchange,”

 “So what do you suggest?” Toph banged her fist on the table, “We can’t just back down!”

“I suggest that we use it more wisely, not abandon it entirely. Either way, it is a suicide mission, so I say let’s make it count. You mentioned an inventor who could create complex weapons and machinery. Instead of making water tribe ships and signaling your arrival to the enemy, why don’t you have him model some fire nation ships after this one and enter the capital unhindered, without a single loss?”

No one answered, which encouraged him to go on, “Until then, you can learn to act like Fire Nation soldiers, so you wouldn’t have trouble at the gates. Once there, you could say that you have an urgent business with the Fire Lord and easily get as many as twenty men into the palace. The ships could wait in the harbor with some of your own men as you can’t trust the enemy to protect your ships forever,” here, he couldn’t suppress an ironic smile, “You get in, kill the Fire Lord, capture Azula, and it’s all over,”

Zuko waited for a reply. Naturally, the Chief spoke first, “What ‘business’ could be urgent enough for the soldiers to grant us safe passage right before the eclipse?”

Zuko’s blood turned to ice in his veins. He was struck by a sudden idea- a horrible, insane idea-that appealed to his despair. He spoke out in a calm, quiet voice despite the trilling of his heart.

“Say, for instance, that you were escorting a valuable prisoner,”

“Aha, and what do we do when they ask to see this prisoner?”

“He will be there,” when he realized that they were still clueless, Zuko lowered the cover from his eyes, “The Fire Lord has my uncle, and you have his son,”

Their eyes widened with understanding; it did seem like a manic idea, but Zuko was as determined as ever. He didn’t betray a single emotion; his eyes were as empty as was his heart. There was no turning back.

“Dad, this is madness,” Sokka spoke, “Our forces will be split in two without any connections. If the soldiers suspect us, the whole plan fails,”

Zuko folded his arms, “At least I am not invading the most protected city in all four nations with five ships,”

“No, you are doing it with twenty men,”

“From within the palace, disguised as the enemy,”

“Those will be twenty dead men if they are discovered,”

“And yours will be ghost-ridden ships before reaching the harbor,”

“Meeting adjourned,”

“What?” both boys asked at the same time.

“Meeting adjourned,”

“But which plan will we follow, dad?” Katara asked, seeing that the boys were too busy frowning.

“I will decide as soon as possible. For now, we should all rest,”

Chapter 7: Night Encounter

Chapter Text

Zuko walked away from the meeting with growls. He ignored Sokka making faces at him, went to his room, shut the door, and started walking around, exhaling smoke. He realized that his fire wasn’t at its peak, but he carelessly attributed this to injury, fatigue and lack of practice.

“I should have just let them get on with their stupid plan. What is it to me, anyway?” he mumbled as he gritted his teeth.

“Zuko, can I come in?”

That was Katara’s voice. He sat on his bed and growled, “Sure,”

He was certain that she was going to talk about how rude he was and how crazy his plan sounded. If only these people knew what could be achieved with a sneak attack.

No, they have to make a scene of it,” he thought to himself.

“Hey, I just wanted to check on you,” Katara said kindly as she closed the door behind her.

“Check on me?” he asked suspiciously.

“Your wound…I wanted to see how it is healing,”

“I thought you were done healing it since you never came,”

“Dad had asked me to not bother you when you were…thinking,” she smiled.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt so it must be alright. I don’t think you should worry,”

She looked as though she was about to protest, but Zuko gave her such a resolute look that she understood he wouldn’t budge.

“Suit yourself,” she said in a colder voice and went out.

Zuko lied on his back and instantly fell into a deep sleep filled with bizarre dreams. He was back in the Earth Kingdom, in the very same place, the same second…

The sadistic glow in her eyes…the blast of lightning…white light and darkness evermore…

He jumped up and his hand instinctively went for the burning wound below his right collarbone. His fingers trembled as they touched the burnt skin, but he pressed harder to alleviate the pain. Had that been just a dream? The wound felt fresh; his body was reliving the pain. Zuko clenched his teeth and doubled over; a knife in his body wouldn’t have hurt this much.

He struggled, growled, and bit his knuckles hopelessly for what seemed like an eternity (but which was only half an hour). Nothing seemed to work. Beads of sweat formed on his arms and forehead. Was there no way out? He could bear it no longer.

He struggled to his feet and went out. Writhing in pain, he leaned his back to the wall and tried to think straight. How could he go to Katara when he had told her off so unceremoniously? She would tease him, which would be awful, as she was the only one who did not. Maybe she wouldn’t even accept him, and he hated the fact that she would be right.

It was only when his vision began to blur that he finally decided to knock her door. He thought he was already in such a horrid condition that it really didn’t matter what anyone else would think. He dragged his feet to her room and knocked thrice. The effort drained him, so he grasped the side of the door to avoid falling to his knees.

“Katara,” he whispered, “Open the door. Please,”

Just when he was starting to get angry with himself for venturing out, the door opened. A sleepy Katara stood in the doorway, rubbing her eyes. When she saw him, she stood straighter and tried to suppress a yawn.

“What is it, Zuko?”

“I-” he paused, feeling guilty, “Sorry. You were asleep,”

“You look terrible,” she said in a worried voice. When Zuko lowered his head, she spoke again, “It is the wound, isn’t it?”

He nodded, as he was unable to think of anything to say. She would tell him off any minute now.

“I’ll come right away,” she said, folding her arms, “Just let me get my cloak,”

“Why?” Zuko blurted out, even more embarrassed than he would have been if she had sent him back.

“Because you need help,” she answered simply as she quickly fastened her cloak, “Now let’s get to your room,”

The journey to Katara’s room had seemed like a long one, but Zuko realized that there was only one room between hers and his. Once they got to his room, Katara closed the door.

“Take off your sash,” she said as she dipped her hands in the full bowl.

Zuko did as he was told. He couldn’t even look at her out of shame and anger. Now, he wished she teased him or shouted at him; that would make him feel better for being so rude earlier. Instead, she was being kind without a single comment.

“Now, try not to move,” she said as she pressed her white, glowing hands on his wound. The pain didn’t cease, but it gradually became more bearable. Zuko felt like she had pulled an icicle out of him; he could breathe freely again.

“Did you experience such pain in the last two days?”

“Not this bad, no,”

“It must have been the stress,” when he unwillingly looked at her, she continued, “You were probably so lost in thought that you forgot about your pain. That happens sometimes; a small shock may act as a reminder that the wound-”

“You are very kind,” Zuko interrupted in a choking voice, “I am sorry for being rude earlier and for waking you up,”

“It’s alright,” she smiled, “But next time, just listen to me. It would be better for both of us,”

She got up to leave. Only then did Zuko remember what had bugged him the whole day.

“Katara?” he called

“Yes?”

“Did you tell anyone what I told you in the crystal caves about my mother?”

Her face darkened, “No,”

“I would appreciate it if you never brought that up, ever,” Zuko sighed, relieved, “In fact, just forget it,”

“I am sorry, Zuko,” she said in a serious, resolute voice, “I don’t think I can forget anything that happened on that day,”

Their eyes met for a moment. Zuko saw something of the ocean in her blue eyes; they were deep but shiny, clear but mysterious, cold but burning with resolve. Katara saw that fire and pain had nestled deep in the Prince’s golden eyes. She shivered in the face of such destructive despair, such wasted capacity for goodness. What if all had been reversed?

“Good night,” she whispered and walked away quickly before she was overwhelmed by that harrowing gaze.

 

Chapter 8: The Island

Chapter Text

“Whatever plan is making us get up this late at night I am against it. Even if it is my own,” Sokka grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Zuko agreed, but didn’t say anything, fearing that one agreement with Sokka might lead to other agreements. Also, it had been five eventless days at sea, and when something finally did happen, he didn’t want to be the one who complained.

“So, which plan are we going for?” Katara yawned.

“I am working it all out,” her father said as he looked ahead at the island they were approaching, “Did you understand all that I said?”

“Yes, but do you think Toph can extract that much metal? Is there even that much metal there?”

“I think she is up to the challenge,” Hakoda smiled, “And I am not worried about the metal. If this inventor could do so much for the fire nation, I am sure he can spare a few scraps for us,”

“He is a good guy, dad. He was just…afraid,” Katara pursed her lips, “I am just worried about Aang and Toph. I wish I could have gone with them,”

“You must understand, Katara. They have to go fast and avoid any extra weight. They will be fine,”

“What is my part in all this?” Zuko snapped. His patience was already wearing thin.

“You will stay on the island with Sokka and Katara until Aang and Toph return,”

“So you want me to babysit for you?” Zuko asked angrily.

“Katara is healing you, so you must go with her, and I wouldn’t call it babysitting, really. How old are you anyway? 15?”

“16” Zuko gritted his teeth.

“Well, to someone who is 35, you all look the same,” Hakoda grinned.

“I could be of more use on the ship,” Zuko tried again. He really didn’t want to be left behind with nothing to do for an entire week, “I know a lot of people. I can help recruit,”

“And remind me, how many of those people will attack you on sight because you have angered them?”

Zuko folded his arms without a response. He was an enemy of The Earth and Fire Kingdoms, and The Water Tribes weren’t fond of him either. In short, he was just trouble wherever he went, and they all knew it.

“Well, if you have trouble finding anyone, go to June,” he said drily and immediately regretted it as he remembered June constantly suggesting that Katara was his girlfriend. It was awkward back then, even with his anger. Now, to have her talk to Katara’s father was folly. He could just imagine what she would say…

“On second thoughts, don’t go to June. Like, ever,”

“Who is June?” Katara and her father asked.

“I know,” Sokka snapped his fingers, “Isn’t she the hunter girl with the weird animal? The one who thought Katara was your girlfriend?”

“She did what?” Hakoda asked in surprise and Zuko gulped.

“Thank you, Sokka,”

“Anytime,”

“It was nothing dad,” Katara started quickly, “It was back when Zuko was…uh… following us. He had my…sleeping bag, so the animal was tracking me instead of Aang. That’s how the misunderstanding arose,”

“And you characteristically left that part of your adventures out,” her father looked at the pair of them with an amused, yet strained look before turning away.

Katara mouthed, “That was close,”

Zuko agreed, but as it was his habit to try his luck, he started again, as smugly as he could manage, “So you still want to send me with your daughter?”

“I don’t see why not,”

“Well, it wouldn’t give the best impression, given the ‘misunderstanding’,”

Katara blushed and looked like she was going to kill him, but Zuko shrugged carelessly. Her father turned with the same bizarre expression and walked up to him until they were face to face. Then, he spoke slowly, “There will be no more misunderstandings because as soon as someone merely suggests the idea, you will emphatically deny it. Is that clear?”

Zuko held his gaze for a moment and realized that it perhaps was not entirely wise to turn the Chief against himself. He lowered his head in assent and the man mumbled, “Glad we could agree,” as he walked away to the steering room.

As soon as he was out of sight and before Katara could chide Zuko, Sokka let out a boisterous laugh.

“Nice try. I am impressed!”

“Shut up Sokka!” Katara shrieked and turned on Zuko, “What the hell was that?” Zuko blinked a few times; she hadn’t looked that angry with him since she had shouted at him in the crystal caves.

“I-”

“I had to lie for you and you just go ahead and ruin everything!”

“Katara-”

“Do you ever think things through? You really should and save me the trouble-”

“Katara, I am not interested in you!”

She scoffed, “Who is not interested in whom? You would be lucky,”

Zuko pressed his hand to his face at his wording. Why couldn’t he just talk like normal people?

“I meant to say that I am not interested in relationships in general, not you as in you. I mean, why would I be interested in you in that way- we are just normal…people, talking, healing, overthrowing…nations…with a bit of luck,”

Katara folded her arms and Zuko stopped talking as he realized that he wasn’t making much sense. “Just think better next time,”

“I have a question,” Sokka leaned forward, laughing, “You said you aren’t interested in ‘relationships’. So, what sort of ships are you interested in?”

Zuko looked pleadingly at Katara, “Is it too late to extract that spirit water and to just let me die?”

“I am afraid so,”

“Then let’s just get on that island before I think the better of it,” Zuko scoffed

“Sokka, don’t drive your sister crazy. Katara, listen to your brother. Take care of each other, both of you,”

“I will miss you guys,” the Avatar pursed his lips.

Toph punched Katara’s arm, “Bye Sugar Queen. You will have a whole island to yourself with Sokka and Zuko. You might even miss me!”

They all hugged and Zuko looked away, waiting for it to be over. He felt that this was a mean sentiment, but he could come up with no explanation for his own behaviour.

“Prince Zuko,” the Chief turned to him, “Once Aang and Toph return, it is your task to ensure that everyone fits in. I don’t want any of you in trouble,”

Zuko put his fist against his palm in salute and said nothing. The fact that such a position of trust was bestowed upon him was…surprising. How could they…?

Just as he was lost in thought, the Avatar came up to him and hugged him, “Take care, Zuko. Thank you for everything,”

Zuko, shocked, looked up at Katara who mouthed, “Hug him back.” He couldn’t actually bring himself to do that, but he awkwardly patted the boy on the shoulder.

“Goodbye, Sparky. See you in a week,”

All went back to the ship except for the three of them. Zuko watched sadly as it sailed away, always hoping that it would come back to take him, that this was all a terrible water tribe joke. It wasn’t.

“Since Toph is gone, how will we divide the island?” he started

“What? Why?”

“So we don’t see each other unless it is necessary?”

Katara put her hands on her hips and stared at him judgmentally.

“Well, you don’t expect me to get along peacefully with that,” he waved his hand towards Sokka.

“Oh really? Because I am dying to befriend a fire nation Prince,”

“Please do,”

“Stop it both of you!”

Both turned to look at Katara. She rolled her eyes, “Sokka, don’t tease Zuko, and Zuko, don’t worry. My brother looks wild, but he doesn’t bite,”

“I am not afraid of Sokka!”

“I can bite!”

“Come along,”

Katara walked towards the caves and the two boys followed her with growls.

...

Zuko’s mood worsened as the days went by. Not only did he have to put up with Sokka’s shenanigans, he also began to realize that his bending was going away. It wasn’t about the injury as he had initially thought; Katara had said that it had healed completely. He didn’t doubt his stance or strength either, but as soon as he tried to bend, a fistful of fire was all that he could produce. He was truly puzzled, and he was too ashamed to talk about it, which angered him. It got to a point where he couldn’t even bear to see Katara water bend as it reminded him of his own loss. He sought solitude more intensely than ever, just so he could avoid talking to the siblings. Sometimes, he found himself wishing he could avoid himself too, if only for a moment. If only he could escape his own thoughts…

“So as you see, I am entirely useless,” he grumbled as he tried a stance for the hundredth time that day, “Fire bending is everything to me; I don’t know if any bender can live without his bending, but I surely can’t. I can’t…”

He fell to his knees in despair and continued breathlessly, “Azula would be so happy to see me this desperate, wouldn’t she? And father… well, there it is. His initial excuse to kill me has become real. I hope you are happy now,” he gritted his teeth at the sky, “My death is all you have ever wanted, and now, it is what I want. I should have gone after uncle right away; I know I should have. They messed with my head. At least, then, I wouldn’t have to put up with this disgrace!” with his last word, he struck the earth with his fists.

The badger frog croaked and Zuko groaned in response, “Will you shut up and listen?”

“Hello, is anyone there?” he heard Katara say.

“Quick, go away!” Zuko hissed at the frog.

“Zuko, what are you doing here?” she emerged from behind some bushes, “I heard talking,”

“Nothing,” Zuko fiddled anxiously and the frog croaked again, which prompted Zuko to give it a deadly stare.

“I could see it anyway if that makes you feel better,” Katara giggled, “So, you are talking to a frog? Is it good company?”

“What are you doing here anyway? Were you spying on me?”

“No, I just came here to practice my bending. The other places are too rocky,” she paused a little to give him a questioning glance, “What about you? Are you really talking to a frog?”

“Yes,”

“Why?”

“Because a frog will never ask me why I am talking to it,”

The frog croaked a third time and jumped into the water.

“But it will apparently go away,”

“Apparently,” Zuko got up and started to walk away. He had no interest in watching the water bender and shaming himself. Besides, he was beginning to feel tired; he felt tired ever since they landed on this cursed island, but each day was worse than the one before it. His strength waned, as did his hope. Hope. What a funny word.

“Zuko, wait,” he stopped, so she continued, “How about talking to a person for a change?”

“No. They talk too much and judge too quickly,”

“I will be as quiet as a frog. Would you like me to croak once in a while?”

Zuko turned to face her. He didn’t understand whether he was amused by her words or moved by their meaning.

“Aren’t you practicing your bending?”

“I am, but I can postpone it if it bothers you,”

“It’s alright,” he said with difficulty and walked towards her cautiously. A huge whip of water emerged as her hands moved lightly, directing its movements. Here was pure talent; what had he expected? Everyone in the Avatar’s team had raw talent, and he was just…Zuko. He had to fight for it all; now, he didn’t even have the will to do that.

Katara cleared her throat and whispered, “Just imagine I am any other frog,”

He shook his head and leaned against a rock. Obviously, imagining her as a frog was as difficult as talking to her. He looked at the vast sea instead and tried to imagine he was alone.

“I would have a better time imagining Sokka as a frog. He has the voice and the looks,” she didn’t laugh or chide, which comforted Zuko. He went on more calmly, “He is not an actual problem, though. Most of my problems are deadly, like…like lightning, if you will. It all comes down to that in my head these days: lightning and Azula. I am trying to remember…how it felt. How death at the hands of my own sister felt. No amount of words are ever enough. I hate her. I hate Azula and my father-”

Zuko stopped as he was taken aback by his words and how natural they felt. He heard the water whip fall into the sea with a splash and looked over. Katara was trying to bring it up again to cover up her surprise at what he had said. He would have appreciated her efforts at acting neutral if he hadn’t been so overwhelmed himself. He took a few deep breaths and went on:

“Yes, I hate them. There is no turning back on it. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them!” he dug his nails into the rock behind him, “I know what you will think. How can you trust a person who turns against his family so easily? Who hates his family so sincerely? Family is what defines us, isn’t it? Where does that put me? What does that make me? A hateful traitor! A cowardly backstabber! You can go ahead and judge. Just say that I am terrible, that I don’t deserve anything. Just tell me to leave. I will feel better, and so will you, believe me,”

Since, there was no reply, he looked up angrily and caught the questioning glance in Katara’s eyes.

“Well? Speak, why don’t you?”

Just as he had uttered those words, he realized that Katara had extended her hand towards him. Her fingers moved closer slowly, yet determinedly. Zuko instinctively shrunk against the rocks; he had nothing to protect him. No fire, no blade; his uncle wasn’t coming for him either. He was alone, alone in the whole world, against any harm that could come to him, through this hand or any other.

All these were the hidden musings of a split second, hidden even from his conscious self. He moved aside when the hand was just a few inches from him, and ran away without pausing to see Katara’s surprised and hurt expression.

Chapter 9: The Headband

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The next morning, Zuko felt ashamed of having run away. He had no idea why he had been so weak. It wasn’t that she had never touched him; she had been healing him for weeks, and he had put up with it.

Why then?” he thought.

“Hey, look at that!” Sokka yelled, “What a weird cloud!”

“That’s not…a cloud,” Zuko replied quietly as he stared at the huge white thing that approached the island. Katara stood up, and they all took a fighting stance.

“At my signal,” Sokka whispered.

Zuko was about to protest, but he decided that it wasn’t worth the effort, so he nodded.

“Hey guys!” they heard a familiar voice call from within. A current of air was unleashed upon them, and they stared, staggered, as the Avatar, Toph, and Appa emerged.

“Hey! You are back!” Katara shouted and ran towards the kids, “How did metal extraction go?”

“It was pretty great,” Toph laughed, “The Fire Nation will not be pleased,”

“Nice cloud camo, guys, but next time, be the kind of cloud that knows how to keep its mouth shut,” Sokka folded his arms, annoyed at the commotion.

“Yeah, we wouldn't want a bird to hear us chatting and turn us in,” Toph snapped

“Hey, we're in enemy territory,” Sokka whispered, pointing at some toucan puffins on the rock above, “Those are enemy birds,”

“You were happy enough to live with them for a week,” Zuko sighed, knowing that there was no way Sokka would ever listen to sense.

Sokka gave him a mocking stare and walked towards the cave as he talked, “Well, this is it. This is how we will live until the invasion begins. Hiding in cave after cave after cave after cave …”

“Sokka, we don't need to become cave people. What we need is some new clothes,” Katara offered encouragingly.

“Yeah, blending in is better than hiding out. If we get Fire Nation disguises, we would be just as safe as we would be hiding in a cave,” the Avatar offered with a smile.

“Plus, they have real food out there. Does anyone want to sit in the dirt and eat cave hoppers?”

As if on cue, Momo grabbed a hopper, tried to eat it, and spat it out. Zuko shared the sentiment on the premise that staying on that island alone with these kids would be hell.

“Looks like we got outvoted, sport. Let's get some new clothes,” Sokka offered.

They flew to a bigger island, and found themselves close to a small launderer shop which made Zuko wonder whether he would start being lucky now that he was with the lucky kids that had always evaded him.      

 

“I don't know. These clothes belong to somebody,” The Avatar pursed his lips.

“I call the silk robe!” Katara jumped

“But if it's essential to our survival ... then I call the suit,”

Zuko, already exhausted, followed them without much enthusiasm. This reminded him of the days when he stole; he wasn’t too thrilled about the idea. He picked some crimson robe and a long, black vest with golden edges.

“Ta-dah! Normal kid,” The Avatar chanted.

“I should probably wear shoes,” Toph frowned as she sat down,” But then I won't be able to see as well. Sorry, shoes!” With that, she launched the sole of the shoe at Sokka’s face, which almost made Zuko snort. “Finally, a stylish shoe for the blind earth bender,”

“How do I look?”

Zuko turned around to see Katara wearing the kind of two-piece suit that popular city girls wore in the fire nation. It did remind him of his earlier confusion, but he couldn’t help admiring how becoming red was to her skin and hair color. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the Avatar blushing and rolled his eyes.

“Uh ... your mom's necklace,”

”Oh, yeah,” she sighed sadly, “I guess it's pretty obviously Water Tribe, isn't it?” She took off the necklace and squeezed it in her hand. Zuko wished he had something of the sort from his mother, anything at all. She had just disappeared; she had left him behind. He tried to channel some anger in that direction instead of his surroundings, which accentuated his despair. Any emotion would be welcome in this blankness; he was willing to hold even hatred close to his heart, even towards those that did not deserve it…

“Come along, Sparky,” Toph pulled him by the arm, and Zuko allowed himself to be led as though he had no will of his own.

“I used to visit my friend Kuzon here a hundred years ago, so everyone just follow my lead and stay cool, or, as they say in the Fire Nation, ‘stay flaming’,” the Avatar laughed, bringing Zuko back to reality. When had they even come into the town?

“Greetings, my good hotman,”

As soon as he heard that, Zuko realized that the “when” wasn’t a problem at all. Tiredly remembering what the Chief had said, he walked ahead to catch up with the Avatar, “You are driving too much attention. Plus, no one greets like that anymore,”

“Then how do you greet?”

“We don’t,”

“Is there any chance that you could be mistaken?”

“No, I am the Prince of the nation. I know its customs pretty well,”

“I know you are fire nation and all, but you are not really sociable,” he smiled, “I mingled with people of all classes. We’ll be fine,”

Just as Zuko was about to answer that a lot could change in a hundred years, Sokka shouted, “Food! Finally!”

“Oh, we're going to a meat place?” the Avatar asked, disappointed.

“Come on, Aang, everyone here eats meat. Even the meat! Would you look at that cow?”

“You guys go ahead. I'll just get some lettuce out of the garbage,”

“Suit yourself,” Sokka grinned as they went in. Despite having missed his nation’s food, Zuko immediately felt sick.

“So, Mr Fire Nation,” Katara looked at him with an amused expression, “Any recommendations?”

“Uhmm,” was all that Zuko could say before his head fell on the table and all went black.

 “Where have you been? We've been worried sick. Zuko literally got sick,” Katara started as the Avatar walked in.

“I am not sick!”

“I got invited to play with some kids after school,” the Avatar smiled and Sokka shot to his feet with an expression that would have made Zuko laugh if he didn’t feel sick.

“After what!”

“I enrolled in a Fire Nation school, and I'm going back tomorrow,”

“Enrolled in what?” Sokka fell back and Toph snorted.

“How did this happen?” Katara asked in shock.

“It seems that this is the Fire Nation school uniform. Ooops,” the boy smiled awkwardly. After a bit of silence, Katara turned to Zuko.

“Zuko?”

“What?”

“How could you not realize that Aang was wearing a school uniform?”

Zuko rubbed his eyes and looked over, “Yes, that is a uniform,”

“We know now,” Sokka said, rubbing his temples.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Zuko sat up with all the anger he could muster, “Because he would not have listened anyway. It’s not that he listened when I told him to stop using that stupid greeting,”

“Well, anyway, I am going back tomorrow. It’s fun and I am learning a lot,”

“See?” Zuko waved his hand as if his point was proven.

“Aang, I'm trying to be mature and not immediately shoot down your idea, but it sounds ... really terrible,” Sokka stated.

“Yeah, we got our outfits. What do you need to go to school for?” Toph added

“Because every minute I'm in that classroom, I'm learning new things about the Fire Nation. I already have a picture of Fire Lord Ozai, see? And here's one that I made out of noodles!”

“I don’t want to see, and now I feel sick,” Zuko whispered.

“Impressive, I admit, but I still think it's too dangerous,” Sokka pursed his lips.

“I guess we'll never find out about the secret river then. It goes right to the Fire Lord's palace. We were supposed to learn about it in class tomorrow,” The Avatar smiled mischievously.

“Hmm, I am a fan of secret rivers ... fine, let's stay a few more days,”

“There is no such river!” Zuko exclaimed

“And how would you know?”

“I was born there!” Zuko said as he made fists in the air, “You know what, just do whatever you want, but don’t make me a part of it,”

“Flamey-O, hotman!”

Zuko lay back with a growl. He was somewhat angry with himself for having failed at catching such an imprudent group of kids. He really was a failure.

“The principal wants to see my parents,” the Avatar said nervously the next day.

“Oh, I am shocked,” Zuko snorted mockingly

“Ignore Zuko. We can manage this, but no more school, ok?” Katara sighed, “Sokka, you be the dad. I’ll be the mom. Zuko, look after Toph,”

“I am not a child!” the earth bender protested.

“What happened to ‘ignore Zuko’?” Zuko shrugged.

“Just do whatever, ok? We’ll dress up,”

After half an hour, Sokka and Katara walked in, looking like caricature parents, and for some reason Katara was…

“Ok, just one question. Why do you have to be pregnant?” Zuko asked, for once truly curious about the answer. After some silence, Sokka made him regret asking.

“So if anything bad happens, she can start giving birth,”

“That’s not how it works, stupid!” Katara gritted her teeth, “Let’s just go before I change my mind,”

“Please do,” Zuko swallowed and Toph snorted.

A while after they left, the earth bender turned to him, “So, it’s you and me, Sparky, eh?”

“I would be alright if you said nothing,” Zuko replied and turned his back to her.

She snorted in response and nothing more was said until they came back.

“I am so glad you guys are back! I was about to lose my mind!” Toph shot to her feet as soon as the bunch approached.

“Why?” Katara laughed, “What did Zuko do to you?”

“He did nothing. I was about to lose my mind listening to his stupidly slow, monotonous heartbeat. Dum…dum…dum. It’s like a terrible drum!”

“You could have just lifted your feet off the ground! Leave my heart be!” Zuko growled.

“Guys-”

“That settles it! No more school for you, young man” Sokka boomed and everyone winced

“I'm not ready to leave yet. I am having fun for once, just being a normal kid. You don't know what it's like, Sokka. You get to be normal all the time,” the Avatar huffed and Toph laughed. “Plus, those kids at school are the future of the Fire Nation. If we want to change this place for the better, we need to show them a little taste of freedom,”

“Free what?” Zuko narrowed his eyes.

“Freedom, Zuko. Don’t you know what that means?”

“I do know what it means. I thought you said free drums, which would still make more sense,” he grumbled in response.

“I can’t believe I am saying this, but Zuko is right. What could you possibly do for a country of depraved little fire monsters?”

“I'm gonna throw them, a secret dance party!”

Everybody stared, dumbfounded, until Sokka shouted, “Go to your room!”

Zuko wished that were sufficient to dissuade them from the party idea as he hated parties. Naturally, he was wrong. After much bickering, they actually did start preparing for the party.

“Aren’t you going to help?” Katara asked as she put around candles.

“I will not lift a finger if I could help it,” Zuko grumbled.

“Why? You are allergic to fun?” Toph smirked as she earth bent a stage.

“I hate parties,”

“So allergic it is,” Sokka grinned, “Though, I still can't believe we're having a dance party. It seems so ... silly,”

“Don't think of it as a dance party, but as a cultural event celebrating the art of fancy footwork!” the Avatar said, doing a little dance.

“They're coming! Everyone stop bending,” Toph shouted suddenly.

The Avatar started to take Appa out and Zuko realized it was his time to vanish too. He couldn’t just wait around because this was the Fire Nation and he was the prince. What if someone recognized him?

“Sorry buddy, you should probably wait out back,” the Avatar was saying as his bison grumbled, “I know, you got fancier feet than anybody. And six of them!”

“Also, I am coming with you, so you won’t be alone,” Zuko added, which made Appa look a little more cheerful.

“You won’t join us?” the Avatar asked, a little disappointed.

“Not if my life depended on it,”

“Alright…have fun,”

Zuko grunted in response. His fingertips were numb with the cold blood in his veins; he had no energy for anything. He fell down rather than sat next to Appa as there was no one around to pretend for. He was weak; his whole body ached.

“It’s you and me again,” he whispered tiredly, “How are you so warm?”

Appa yawned, and Zuko closed his eyes as he huddled closer. The two sat quietly until the noises from the party became unbearably loud. Zuko looked over his shoulder angrily; he had half a mind to get up and tell them all to shut up. He cared nothing for “cultural events” or “fancy footwork” as the Avatar had put it. They were at war. Why didn’t anyone act like it? Did no one else understand the gravity of the situation? Apparently not. All of them were dancing, without a care in the world.

People are dying right now,” Zuko thought, “People are dying,”

Suddenly, he heard distant screams. He shot to his feet and looked around wildly in an attempt to find the source. The screams kept getting louder and closer; he was engulfed by a mad terror. He pressed his hands to his ears, but they became worse. Those screams were in the air he breathed; they beat with his heart. Deafening, deafening was their plea, etched on every wall, all the earth, all the seas and skies.

Forward! Die for your country!”

“The 41st,” Zuko whispered breathlessly, shakily. Were those the last words they had heard? The oldest lie? Visions of blood filled his head, limbs flying out in the air, young children screaming with agony.

He pressed his hands to his heart. He didn’t even know what had happened to that division. Had they went on with their plans after his exile? Was the 41st sacrificed? Did anyone survive? Who could have survived such an onslaught? How could he, of all people, have forgotten? If he forgot, then who would remember? Where were they?

He fell on his knees in despair as his icy blood pierced his heart. He was fading; he felt death crawl up his arms and legs, numbing every limb in its slow, torturous climb.

“I will learn what happened,” he looked up defiantly, “With my dying breath, I will find the 41st,”

He fell back in pain. It was all over in a flash. Coldness washed over him more intensely than ever before. His very heart had frozen. He tried to bend the smallest amount of fire, the tiniest spark, but no, there was no warmth for him, not anymore. A single tear trickled down his cheek, blurring the stars of heaven.

“I have lost it. I have lost it all,”

“Zuko! Zuko! Wake up! We have to leave!” Katara said, shaking him awake.

“We got busted,” Sokka beamed, “Up, sleepyhead,”

Zuko climbed on Appa wordlessly. There was nothing left to say anyway. All the others stared intently at the cave until it was out of sight. Meanwhile, Zuko let his arms dangle from the saddle and looked ahead hopelessly. He had lost all but the screams in his head, and they gave him no peace.

“We're safe Sokka, you can take off the mustache now,” Katara teased, interrupting Zuko’s troubled thoughts.

“Oh, no I can't. It's permanently glued to my skin,”

“Way to go, dancy pants. I think you really did help those kids, you taught them to be free,” Toph said, and Zuko heard her customary punch.

“I don't know, it was just a dance party, that's all,”

“Flamey-O sir, flamey-O,”

“Hopefully, they will remember,” Katara added

“That is if they don’t get sent to war,” Zuko started, the words feeling like ashes in his mouth, “And if they live to remember it,”

After some silence, Katara spoke quietly, “Those are just kids, Zuko,”

“Not for much longer,” was the dismal response.

 

Notes:

I always figured that losing his bending would be more traumatic for Zuko given his history; also, since it is coupled with his overall depression and lack of will to live, I just made it a lot worse.

The phrase “Die for your country” is a common one, but the inspiration to use it here came from Wilfred Owen’s famous First World War poem Dulce et Decorum Est. I will include it here because it’s a poem that seriously affected me, and also because it will make you guys understand Zuko’s thoughts and his obsession with finding the 41st division, for which he was exiled, better. I would say enjoy, but the poem is quite dark…

Dulce et Decorum Est; Wilfred Owen

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs,
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.

 

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!—An ecstasy of fumbling
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.—
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

 

In all my dreams before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

 

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.
Notes:

Latin phrase is from the Roman poet Horace: “It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country.”

Chapter 10: The Painted Lady Part 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko lied down on the saddle with an arm over his face, listening quietly as the Avatar played with his lemur. He didn’t have the energy to shut them up, and at this point, he didn’t even care to. What did it matter anyway?

“Hey guys, I think this river's polluted,” the Avatar hopped back on, splattering mud all over the rest of them with his bending.

“Pah! Plegh!” everyone protested. More air followed, clearing the mud.   

“Well that explains why I can't catch a fish around here, because normally my fishing skills are off the hook!” Sokka laughed and Zuko snorted. That was the only good thing he had heard these last few days.

“Too bad your skills aren't on the hook,” Toph replied and the rest laughed.

“It looks like we'll need to go somewhere else to get food,” Katara started. Zuko noted how she was always the one following such things, “assuming that'll fit into Sokka's master schedule,”

“Hmmm ... It's doable. But that means only two potty breaks today,” Sokka answered.

“Hey, maybe we can get food there!” the Avatar said and Zuko peeked from under his arm to look. He was pointing at a destitute village in the middle of the river.

“Let’s hide Appa and Momo, and go,” Katara suggested.

“Hide Zuko too,” Zuko added listlessly.

“Right, because Zuko wouldn’t even consider being useful. Also, can he stop speaking in third person? ”

“I will set up camp,” Zuko said, leaning on his elbows, “That’s two answers in one, isn’t it?”

She rolled her eyes as the Avatar directed his bison towards the large cliff overlooking the village.

Katara bent some water into a pot and handed it to Zuko as he was unloading the sleeping bags.

“Why don’t you make a fire and boil some water while you are at it?” she said with a slightly mocking tone. Zuko nodded smugly, but he was unnerved as he watched them leave. How was he going to make a fire?

“Let’s worry about the rest,” he mumbled as he did all else. Perhaps he shouldn’t even make the fire, but that would be suspicious; he was still a fire bender for all they knew. Why wouldn’t he make a fire? He had escaped the chore the last few days by faking sleep or walking away. They probably thought he was being mean when the truth was…

He felt something hard in one of the bags and peered in. There were a couple of rocks there. Why were there rocks? For Toph to play with?

“Oh…” he sighed as the truth dawned on him. He remembered how his uncle made fire in Ba Sing Se and his heart was filled with grief and shame. That had been by choice; now, he had sunk so low that he couldn’t even keep himself warm. He knelt, defeated and fighting tears, next to the pile of wood he had gathered and started sliding one rock over the other as his uncle had done.

“Hmm not bad,” Katara said, surprised, as she walked around camp, either appreciating it or looking for faults. Zuko sat with his back against the rocks and his eyes on the fire. He just couldn’t look anywhere else; that fire was there, taunting him, like every spark now did. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sokka fumbling with some huge sheet of paper and leaned his head back a bit, bracing himself for one of his schedule lectures, which came every day and was generally uncalled for.

“Our detour into town today has completely thrown off our schedule. It's gonna take some serious finagling to get us back on track,” Sokka was saying

“Finagle away, oh schedule master,” Toph gestured sarcastically.

“Well, for starters, it looks like we'll need to wake up forty-three minutes earlier every day,”

“Forty-three minutes?” Katara said in shock.

“Look, we only have a few weeks to get to the Fire Lord in time for the invasion and the eclipse, which, by the way, only lasts for eight minutes. And we just lost a whole day. So if we want to make up the time and stay on schedule, we have to wake up early!”

“Well I'm not waking up early.” Toph stated.

“Or we could just cut out all of our eating breaks.”

“What?”

“No way!”

“Forget it!”

“Whatever,” Zuko whispered.

“I got it, how's this from now on, we'll take food breaks and potty breaks at the same time,”

All the kids looked disgusted, and the Avatar spat his food, which to Zuko, was the second good thing in days.

“Hey, it might be gross, but it's efficient. Either way, we have to leave here first thing tomorrow morning,”

Dinner ended on that note and everyone started getting ready for bed. Zuko was idly looking around when he saw Katara mumbling under her breath. He stared, trying to figure out what she was saying, but just then, their eyes met, and she snapped, “What?”

Zuko was about to point out that people who mumbled usually had something on their minds, but he stopped himself. Who cared about what was on her mind?

“Nothing. Night,”

“Night,” she said in a softer voice.

Next morning held trouble. Zuko’s luck was finally rearing its ugly head.

“What's the matter, Katara?” the Avatar asked as they all gathered around Appa.

“I think Appa's sick,” Katara answered.

The Avatar pursed his lips and turned to Zuko, “You have finally managed to make Appa sick with your attitude!”

Before Zuko had the time to defend himself and his attitude, Sokka shouted in panic, “What? Appa's sick? That's awful!”

“Wow, Sokka, I didn't realize you cared so much,” Toph folded her arms.

“Of course I care. I might as well just throw our schedule away now,” Sokka replied, staring at his papers in a way that made even Zuko angrier than usual, and for once, he was on the same boat as everyone else in the group. Sokka, realizing his selfishness, rushed to Appa’s side, “And I'm concerned because my big, furry friend doesn't feel well.”

“He must have gotten sick from being in the polluted water,” Toph suggested.

“He doesn't look sick. You okay, buddy?  Oh, look! His tongue is purple! That can't be good. Katara, can you heal him?”

“It looks like he needs some medicine. Maybe we can find the right herbs in town,”

This time, they didn’t even argue about Zuko coming. He stayed behind and calmly accepted the humiliation of making fire before he fell asleep, shivering despite the warmth of the morning sun.

Stop! Please! Don’t fight! Flee!” Zuko begged and begged, but none listened. They all ignored him as he wandered, light as a ghost, in the camp, screaming, yelling, howling for them to not go. Here were young people; here were the sons and daughters, the brothers and sisters, the beloved children of his country; he felt the sentiments, the prayers sent out to keep them safe. Alas, to someone else, they were just bait. Fresh meat. Zuko squirmed at the thought; he was repulsed; he hated it with all his being.

Why do we go to war?”

To protect the family,”

The camp vanished; the soldiers were gone. Zuko looked over the hill at the sunset, but which one should he look at? The one on the sky or the one painted on earth by warm blood and cold metal? He felt nauseous at the sight; the distinct taste of iron forming in his mouth. No word or painting could capture this one frozen frame of war: limbs scattered, trees burned, fires kindled and earth shaken. The birds circled above for prey as the last rays of the sun disappeared behind the opposite hill.

Aren’t you ashamed?” Zuko screamed, “How can you watch such atrocities and still rise every day? How can you live with yourself?

The scene dissolved, and Zuko woke up, shivering. The sky was ink black and all the kids were fast asleep. He pressed his cold hands to his forehead and took a few deep breaths, a fool’s comfort. How could anything comfort him now? He looked up to find a single reason, a single ray of joy on this miserable land. Instead, he saw a small floating silhouette, getting away from their campsite. No one should know their location; and if this…whatever it was, saw them, they could be in danger. Zuko stood up and, half shivering, half stumbling, followed it.

As he caught up with it, he realized that it was a girl. He also realized that he was armed with nothing but his knife. There was no point in lengthening this adventure, was there?

“Who are you and what do you want?”

The girl turned around with alarming speed and looked up. At that second, the half-moon illuminated her face, one that Zuko would not have recognized because of the red paint if not for the expression of her blue eyes.

“Katara, what are you doing?” he asked, baffled.

She glared at the sky as if looking for someone to blame, “You were asleep the whole day and you wake up just to catch me?”

“No, why should I want to catch you?”

“Nothing,” she shrugged, “Are you hungry? You didn’t wake up for dinner,”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“It wasn’t for lack of trying,” she fiddled with the edges of her dress, “You are a heavy sleeper,”

Zuko had not been a heavy sleeper before. He cursed his now extinguished inner fire and looked around in silence, as if he was missing the point. He shook his head.

“You are taking me for a fool,”

“No-”

“Where are you going and why are you dressed like this?” he gestured at her bizarre costume.

“I am helping the village,” she said defiantly, waiting for him to object.

“What?”

“You haven’t seen how destitute that village is. People are so poor; they have nothing to eat, so I am helping them,”

“And jeopardizing our entire mission,” Zuko looked directly into her eyes, “I am going to tell everyone and we will leave this place immediately,”

“No,’ she caught his arm as he turned. They were face to face, “If you don’t want to help, that’s fine, but you can’t tell on me,”

“Why?”

“Because I won’t let you,” she gritted her teeth, “Because those people deserve to live as much as we do,”

Because people deserve to live…

Zuko averted his gaze. He never thought that reasoning could be used against him of all people after such a horrible vision. Yes, people deserved to live even if they did not seem to matter in the grand scheme of things, to the great generals who sat in comfort in their high towers and mighty seats. However, they did matter to Zuko. They should because he was none of those things; he wasn’t great or important, and if he were, he liked to think that he would be better. Better, for these people who deserved to live.

Zuko gently freed his arm from her grip and stepped down to the edge of the water. When he realized that she didn’t follow him, he turned back, “Well? Come on,”

Zuko saw why she wanted to help. The village looked miserable. Most houses were decrepit and the roofs were falling in. The wooden panels were rotten and infested with worms. This place was sick; Zuko bitterly felt that he belonged there. He took the food, which Katara had taken from the factory, and started leaving a pack at every door. Katara went to the sick houses and started healing people. They met on the wooden boards leading out to the lake and were about to leave when they heard a feeble voice, “Thank you, Painted Lady.”

Zuko risked a glance and saw that it was a little boy. The boy didn’t see him as Katara covered the two of them in steam, and they quietly made their way to the side of the lake. Zuko knew of awkward silences; this wasn’t one, at least, not for him. He respected Katara’s resolve to help the people of a nation that had caused her much grief. Was that it? Had she forgiven them? He figured not, but she must have realized that these poor villagers had nothing to do with what befell her family. These weren’t the great criminals; they were just people. What did she think of him, the descendant of the greatest of criminals…?

“Zuko, watch out!”

She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and steadied him before he fell face first into the rocks to meet an untimely end.

“Watch where you’re going; this shore is slippery,”

Zuko leaned back on her with a deep breath, “You are really making a habit of saving my life,”

“You are making it too easy. Come on,” she pulled him away from the shore and towards the camp.

“Zuko,” she whispered before he collapsed from exhaustion, “Thank you,”

“Ok, you too,” he mumbled as he fell asleep.

Next morning, Zuko woke up feeling a little less dead, if such an expression existed. The kids were getting ready to go to the village.

“I want to come too,”

“Oh no, it must be the end of the world,” Toph remarked sarcastically.

“Don’t be mean,” Katara narrowed her eyes, “Zuko, get ready if you want to come,”

“Good job, you got Sugar Queen defending you,”

“Don’t call me that-”

Zuko made himself presentable before he changed his mind. They made it across the lake and headed towards the only shop in the village. Zuko took a deep breath; he hoped to find answers.

“Hi, Dock. Is Xu around?” Sokka asked

“Let me check ...” the shopkeeper said as he ran around and… changed hats? “Hey there! Back again, are ya?

“We need more food,” Toph slammed money on the counter, “Our friend is still sick and we can't leave until he's better.

“Well I hope you get better, young man,” Xu the shopkeeper said to Zuko, “Also, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?”

“I am not sick!” Zuko protested. Why did everyone keep saying that?

“Really? You look peaky,”

“No, I don’t, and I don’t think we have ever met,”

“Ok,” the man said as he presented them with a platter of polluted clams.

“Listen,” Zuko started again. He could feel the kids’ eyes on him; for someone who claimed to dislike human interaction, he was talking a lot.

“Yes?”

“Do you know anything about the 41st division?”

“The what?”

“The 41st,” Zuko repeated impatiently, “It was a division sent to the Earth Kingdom three years ago,”

“Ah, well, many divisions have come and gone. You need to be more specific,”

“Never mind,” Zuko replied. With the nightmare still fresh in his mind, he didn’t want to explain. Also, if someone didn’t remember such terror with a bare mention, then he probably didn’t know about it.

“Anyway, last night the Painted Lady visited us again. Healed most of our sick folks,”

“Is that why this place seems so festive?” the Avatar perked up.

“Yep, it's all because of the Painted Lady,”

“Can you believe how much an entire village can be affected by one lady I mean ... spirit?” Katara smiled and locked eyes with him. Zuko allowed that it was amusing for the two of them to be involved in a secret no one else knew about.

“Well, I hope she returns every night. Otherwise this place would go right back to the way it was,” Sokka said in his matter-of-fact voice.

“Why would you say that? Look how much better off these people are,” Katara retorted.

“Yeah, now, but without her they wouldn't be able to fend for themselves. If she really wanted to help, she would use her spirit magic to blow up that factory,” he supported his statement with weird gestures.

“Spirit magic doesn't work that way, Sokka. It's more like…” the Avatar made a different set of gestures. Zuko and Katara both decided that they had enough for one day as the other two continued with their crazy movements and noises.

“If anyone asks, I don’t know them,” Katara whispered.

“Who are you, exactly?” Zuko asked, earning a slap on his arm.

“Are we going to the factory tonight?”

“I’ll get my swords,”

Notes:

Alright, dear ladies and gentlemen, I was quite annoyed last week because of some fan-made ATLA content (and by that, I mean that I spent the entire week throwing mini-tantrums). So, I decided that you guys will get to enjoy more of my opinions since I love them and have nothing to lose by expressing them (or so I hope, who knows?). Other than the Sozin Comet powered ship wars going on, here is a list of my biggest pet peeves in the fandom, based on some fanfics I have recently read:

*I hate it when people make Zuko a wimp who is unable to say no and does whatever everyone tells him. Seriously, 13 year old Zuko was probably the most unapologetically brave person in the show and being good doesn't mean being a yes-man. Also, I hate it when he is constantly trembling and shaking at the thought of his father post-ATLA; this kid already openly opposed Ozai twice in three years, he is already past whatever fear he might have had previously. Don't make him double back!

*I absolutely detest it when Azula stans bring down Zuko to make Azula seem better. Trends include making him a nonbender so Azula somehow acts nicer towards him, unreasonably criticizing Zuko's character arc to make Azula's seem better, or arguing that Zuko should have been nicer to Azula in their youth or something like that. I find that the later points are unworthy of arguing against on grounds of triviality, but I must expand on the first by asking the obvious: WHaT? With the messed up spelling and all. If Ozai let a nonbender Zuko live (and that's a big if), he would have shown even more contempt for him, and Azula would imitate her father and see her brother as worthless at best, and worthy of death at worst. To those who argue that Zuko wouldn't be a "threat" to her then, I would like to point out that Zuko wasn't a threat for her anyway and that both of them were far removed from the succession line (fourth and fifth, respectively) for any power-related jealousy issues early in their childhood. The bottom line is, as of the last episode of ATLA, Azula is a broken villain, who has been brought down both by surrounding influence and by her own hubris. Let's focus on that and stop bringing down other characters to make Azula work, eh?

P.S. I have nothing against people who would make either sibling a nonbender for the sake of exploring the dynamic or creating an entirely new story. I just hate it when it's used for the sole reason of making Azula "better", you get me? Characters should be made better on their own merit, not by bringing down someone else so their egos are morbidly satisfied by the inferiority of their surroundings.

That's it, fellas! If you read all that, thanks for putting up with my rambles, heh.

Chapter 11: The Painted Lady Part 2

Chapter Text

Zuko caught up late because of his stupid sleep. He spent more than sixteen hours a day sleeping, and he hated every bit of it; it was like being dead without the dedication to remain dead. As he approached where he assumed Katara would be, he realized that tardiness was the least of his problems.

“My name's Aang. I'm the Avatar,”

Katara was cornered. Zuko stood in the shadows and watched the scene unfold.

“Well, hello Avatar. I wish I could talk, but I am very busy,”

“Yeah, me too. I hate that. You know, you're really pretty, for a spirit. I don't meet too many spirits, but the ones I do meet, not very attractive,”

“Thank you, but-”

“You seem familiar too,”   

“A lot of people say that,”

“No, you really seem familiar,”

“Look, I really should get going,” Katara moved away, and the Avatar used his air bending to blast her hat up.

“Katara?”

“Hi, Aang,”

“Hello,” Zuko emerged from the shadows.

“How long were you there? Katara grumbled

“You’re the Painted Lady? But how?”

“I wasn't her at first, I was just trying to help the village, but since everyone thought that's who I was anyway, I guess I just kind of became her,” Katara sighed, dropping her hat.

“So you two have been sneaking out at night? Wait, is Appa even sick?”

“Sneaking? We were being helpful and I was being nice for once, and you are just going to call it ‘sneaking’?” Zuko objected

“What is this then?”

Zuko thought a moment, “Sneaking,”

“He might be sick of the purple berries I've been feeding him, but other than that he's fine!” Katara answered guiltily and Zuko whispered, “That’s mean,” despite her glares.

“I can't believe you lied to everyone, so you could help these people,”

“I'm sorry; I know I shouldn't have ...”

“No, I think it's great! You're like a secret hero!”

“There is no secret with three people. One of us has to die,” Zuko offered quietly, hoping it would be him, and they both ignored him.

“Well, if you want to help, there's one more thing I have to do,”

They walked towards the factory. Zuko missed the silence; now, the two of them wouldn’t be quiet.

“You want to destroy this factory?”

“Yes. Sokka was just kidding, but he was right. Getting rid of this factory is the only way to help these people permanently,”

They entered the factory and each moved to a different side. Katara and Zuko cut down hooks attached to barrels of boiled metal while the Avatar used earth bending to break apart the pipe system. Finally, Katara bent a huge wave of water through the windows and flooded the factory. Unfortunately, Zuko was caught in the flood as well, and it was only by luck that he happened to find himself close to the shore. He stabbed his swords into the grass and pulled himself from the muck that the factory had released upon the lake.

“Sorry about that,” Katara bent some clean water at him and Zuko shivered, too tired to reply.

“Air drying express!” The Avatar shouted and Zuko was still cold, but at least, his clothes had dried, “Come on, Zuko, we have to be back at camp before they realize we are gone,”

“Ok,” Zuko breathed and struggled up. One of the barrels had fallen on his leg during the flood; he could feel it now.

“Why are you limping?”

“I am fine,” he said automatically and made an effort not to limp.

“Sit down,” Katara ordered.

Zuko didn’t have the energy to argue. He sat down and rolled up his pants to reveal a big, purple bruise under his right knee.

“That’s not so good,”

“Each of your little ventures costs me a scar,” Zuko hissed and leaned back.

“It is a good thing we have a healer then, wouldn’t you say?”

Zuko’s head fell forward from exhaustion. They helped him up after Katara healed and wrapped the wound. As they approached camp, she turned to them, “Shhh! We don't want to wake Sokka,” Zuko had already seen Sokka and Toph because unlike some people, he looked ahead when walking. Katara saw them as she turned and, to Zuko’s amusement, she panicked, “Hi, Sokka, we were just out on a morning walk!”

“Oh, really? A morning walk?” Sokka growled dumping the hay out of Katara's sleeping bag, “I know you're the Painted Lady, I know you've been sneaking out at night, and I know you've been lying about Appa and been feeding him purple-ising tongue berries!” Both Sokka and Toph put out their purple tongues, “Katara, what you did put our whole mission in jeopardy. We are leaving right now! And how long did you two know about this?”

“Hey, I just found out this morning!”

“The night before,” Zuko offered coolly.

“Oh really? Great. My sister working with a fire bender to rescue a fire nation village with all their ‘fieriness’,”

“Last I remember, your father put me in charge of safety for a reason. Plus, you can’t judge me; I am older than you,” Zuko tried to grin, but he ended up with a toothy scowl.

“And you didn’t feel anything wrong with messing around a fire nation village?”

“You guys threw a party last week!”

“Yes, why can’t we do this?” Katara backed him.

Suddenly, they heard buzzing and hid behind the cliff to look on the lake.

“What's going on?” Toph whispered.

“Fire Nation soldiers are heading toward the village!”

“What did you do?” Sokka asked, baffled.

“I kind of destroyed their factory,”

“You what?”

“It was your idea!”

“I was joking! I also said to use spirit magic and made funny noises! Did you even think this through? The army is going to blame the villagers! They are headed there right now to get revenge!”

“Well, what was I supposed to do?”

“Leave! Do nothing!”

Zuko wondered if this is how he and Azula looked when they argued. If that were the case, then all siblings in the world were probably stupid.

“No, I will never, ever turn my back on people who need me!”  Katara stood up, “I'm going down to that village, and I will do whatever I can,”

As she walked away, Sokka stopped her by putting his hand on her shoulder. Now, this was the difference, wasn’t it?

“Wait! I'm coming, too,”

“I thought you didn't want to help,”

“You need me, and I will never turn my back on you,”

“Sokka, you really do have a heart,” Katara smiled and hugged her brother. Zuko looked away and swallowed. Was this how it was supposed to be? What was wrong with them?

“He really does have a heart, doesn't he?” the Avatar whimpered and Toph elbowed him to the ground, which made Zuko promise himself to never profess opinions in her presence.

“So what do we do now?” Sokka asked

“The soldiers are approaching the village. If we can scare them off, we wouldn’t have to fight them at all,” Katara offered.

“I was looking forward to a fight,” Zuko mumbled.

“You are not coming. You are hurt,”

“What? I thought we were in this together!”

“We are, but that injury won’t heal quickly. You have to rest.”

“Katara’s right Zuko,” the Avatar added, “That bruise looked pretty bad. Just…sleep a bit?”

Zuko clenched his jaw and shrugged, as he turned away, “I never wanted to come anyway,”

“Ah, Zuko’s upset-”

“Don’t finish that sentence Sokka,” Zuko grumbled, “Go ahead, save villages, and I’ll just ‘sleep’,”

With that, they left. Zuko sat back, folded his arms, and muttered angrily. This was his nation, his country, and he had never managed to do any good for it, not one. Not even one…

“Yes, let the self-loathing begin,” he sighed and pressed his hands to his ears as if that would stop the voices in his head. Soon enough, they were around him too; he heard the rooftops being blown off houses; the fire that hissed and crackled, licking the wooden walls; the fear that filled the air. Why would he never hear a good thing? How long had it been?

Zuko forced himself to go down to the shore. He narrowed his eyes to see through the fog. He heard a drum to his far right and a man shouting ahead, “Light it again!” A flute was added to the mess. What was happening?

Another shout, “Do something!”

Zuko heard muffled noises and a terrible ringing filled his ears until Katara’s cold, threatening voice boomed, “Leave this village and never come back.”

“Good idea,” Zuko shrugged and went back to his hideout. He was a burden to the group; they were perfectly fine without him, and he didn’t even have his bending to make up for it. What was holding him there? Why not leave and never come back?”

Katara floated down to the wooden of the village and looked ahead, facing its people. These people were not the enemy, were they? They were just like her, caught in the crossfire of these grand events. Sometimes, Katara felt insignificant before the events she had witnessed, but that did not matter at all; not when there were people to help and love, all across the world.

“I knew you'd come,” the little boy she had given a fish smiled

“Thank you!”

“Painted Lady, you're the best!”

“Me and my brothers really owe you a lot,” Dock grinned as he approached her, but it soon turned to a scowl, “Hey, wait a minute! I know you! You're not the Painted Lady, you're that colonial girl!”

Katara placed her hand on her face and looked at the smudged paint. Now, her mask had fallen. Were they the enemy now?

“Yeah, you're the lady that gave me a fish,”

“You've been tricking us. You're a water bender!”

“She's a water bender!”

“How dare you act like our Painted Lady!”

They walked forward in anger, but Katara stood her ground. She knew that she owed them an explanation; she wanted to convince them of her goodness, that it didn’t matter if they were fire and she was water. They were all people. Just then, Sokka protectively stepped before her.

“Maybe she is a waterbender, but she was just trying to help you. Because of her, that factory won't be polluting your river, and the army is gone. You should be down on your knees thanking her!” he shouted. Katara was grateful for her older brother, but this time, she knew she had to do her own talking.

“Sokka, it's okay,” she stepped forward, “I shouldn't have acted like someone I wasn't, and I shouldn't have tricked you, but I felt like I had to do something. It doesn't matter if the Painted Lady is real or not. Because your problems are real, and this river is real. You can't wait around for someone to help you. You have to help yourself.”

“She's right, but what should we do?”

“Maybe we can clean the river!” Toph said from within the crowd, and Katara smiled.

“Yeah, we can clean the river! Thank you. You know, you're not so bad for a water bender,” Dock said and the crowd cheered.

“You wouldn't mind keeping that a secret, by the way, would you?” Sokka grinned nervously.

“No problem. Keeping my mouth shut is a personal specialty. My brother Xu, on the other hand, ohh, he's a blabbermouth,” Dock said, causing Sokka to face palm, but Katara was ready to forgive his quirks as they had forgiven hers.

“So, Dock, are you going to help us clean?”

“No, ma'am. I'm going to get my other brother, Bushi. He loves cleaning rivers,” Dock beamed, changing hats, “All right, I'm Bushi! Let's get some river cleaning done!”

“Aha, I knew it! I knew you were the same guy. You're the shop owner and the boat guy,”

“Oh, you must be talking about my brothers, Dock and Xu,”

“No, I just saw you! You switched hats and called yourself a different name!”

“Oh, you know who does that? My brother, Dock. He's crazy,” he went off chuckling and Aang fumed. Katara let out a genuine laugh. It was good to be right there in that village when they needed her the most.

They spent the whole day getting the mud out of the water. By night, the river shone blue once again under the light of the moon. Katara felt proud of herself and her friends as they said their goodbyes to the villagers. She looked behind as they crossed to the other side; her eyes riveted on the little boy who was jumping and waving. How good he was!

“Oh look, Zuko is still sleeping,” Sokka grinned.

“I’ll bet you ten silver pieces he won’t wake up till noon tomorrow,”

“Come on guys, that’s mean. I am sure Zuko will wake up when he feels better,”

“I will feel better if we don’t have to haul him up tomorrow morning,”

“That’s quite enough,” Katara grimaced, “Toph, you are not betting and Sokka, you should stop complaining. Everyone, sleep,”

She didn’t need to say it twice; they were all tired, and they were going to have a long day tomorrow. She glanced at Zuko, who looked unnervingly still, even for a sleeper. She knew something was wrong with him; she would have to talk to him eventually, but for now, she just covered him with a blanket and went down to the river to wash her hands. Her little venture turned into a late night practice; she joyfully moved the clean water around her with her customary moves. Just then, clouds of fog covered the river and the indistinct figure of a woman appeared above her. She had a red dress and red markings all over her face. Katara backed away in shock; she looked exactly like…like Katara herself did last night. The Lady floated towards her until they were almost face-to-face, then, she whispered, “Thank you.”

Katara looked ahead at the disappearing figure and the receding fog, a smile forming on her lips.

Chapter 12: The Marketplace

Chapter Text

Zuko woke up with a shudder. He had dreamt that he was falling infinitely in darkness, just as in his fever dreams. He bitterly thought of how so much seemed to have changed, but to him, everything was the same as before or even worse. He had had his uncle then; now…

“I wish you had woken up an hour earlier,” the Avatar pouted as he handed some coins to Toph and Sokka, both of whom were grinning.

“You know, if you spent this much time sleeping when you were chasing us, I am not surprised you failed,”

A month ago, Zuko would have thrown Sokka and his stupid coins out of the saddle; now, he couldn’t even bring himself to shrug. A month ago, he had been alive and ferocious, angry and powerful, willful and strong. Now…

“We are running out of supplies,” Katara jumped off the saddle as Appa swam out of the lake.

“As usual,”

“Would you rather eat dirt?”

“I’d rather rest before shopping,”

“So, none of you will accompany me?”

Toph was already on her back on the grass, flailing her arms about. The Avatar joined her despite Katara’s disapproving stare.

“Come on Katara, we’ve been travelling for hours,”

Katara looked like she was going to protest, but instead, she shrugged with a pointed “Fine” as she walked away. Zuko quietly followed her. He knew he couldn’t be miserable at leisure if he remained behind with those kids. Katara was better company; Zuko was almost ready to admit that he might have liked working with her a little bit, especially since their little project involved destruction, something he excelled at for all the wrong reasons. He was still considering his bitterness at being left behind yesterday when he walked into something.

That something proved to be Katara.

“Why are you following me?”

Zuko stammered, “Shopping…you…?” before he gathered his thoughts for a more coherent statement, “To help you shop,”

“You’re still limping,”

“I know,”

They stared at each other a moment longer before Katara smiled and finally broke the silence, “We’ll have a look at that later. Come along,”

Zuko continued to follow her silently until they reached the marketplace, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking the question that kept bugging him, “Why are you so adamant on helping me?”

It must have taken her by surprise; she stopped walking for a moment and looked at him questioningly.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know. Do you want something in return? I have nothing to offer,”

“Not everything has a price,” she said in a slightly insulted voice.

“As far as my experiences go, no one shows kindness just for the sake of it. There is always a price to pay,” he stopped himself before he blurted “and I am used to paying”.

“Well, you can count me as the first example that points to the contrary, I hope”

Zuko shook his head, “I still can’t believe it,”

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“No, no, not at all. I am just sure that you must have some expectations of me, whether you’re aware of them or not,”

Katara stopped by a stall and filled a paper bag with various vegetables as Zuko waited for her answer. What could she want of him? Could he…afford her kindness?

She turned to him once her bag was full and almost giggled as she pushed it into his arms, “Well, then, carry my bag for me,”

That was…surprisingly simple. Zuko suspiciously stared at her as she kept shopping while suppressing a laugh. Was this a joke? What was the real price? They went around the marketplace; she would buy whatever they needed and would give the bags to Zuko, who was increasingly convinced with this simple, yet weird, price. They ended up with five bags and just when Zuko was starting to feel exhausted, she opened her pouch and poured all the money into her palm. There were only a few silver coins left

“That’s all we have left? We’ll have to be frugal,”

“These will be enough for a few days,” Katara answered, patting the bags, “But you’re right. At least we didn’t bring the kids. They can be a little…wasteful,”

“I can see that,” Zuko frowned, “We will literally have to eat dirt if…”

Zuko trailed off when he saw the shop ahead. Of all the places in the world, why did he always end up in a teashop? Katara turned around until she saw where he was looking.

“Do you want tea?”

“No, let’s go,” Zuko threw his head back as if awakening from a reverie and looked around. The weather was perfect; the sun was shining. Days like this were made so that people could rest and have fun with their loved ones. Here they were, two young people, counting their last coins on their journey to save the world. It was depressing and not even tea could make him feel better, so why did he bother?

“Come, we will drink some tea,” Katara pulled him by the arm towards the teashop and Zuko couldn’t stop her, simply because the bags left none of his arms free.

 “Katara, we are on our last coins, remember?”

“We’ll figure it out. Come on,”

She dragged him to an outside table, shaded by an umbrella.

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Zuko sighed as he arranged their bags under the table.

“What tea do you want?”

“Osmanthus,”

“Excuse me!” she called out to a waiter and Zuko wished he could huddle under the table and stop existing, “Can we have two cups of Osmanthus tea?”

“In a minute, ma’am,”

Katara turned to Zuko, “Not a word about this to the others or they will complain forever,”

“Why are we doing this?”

“Tui and La! Zuko, do you have to fixate on everything like that?” she huffed in exasperation, “I just want you to have a nice afternoon because no one else wanted to come with me,” she paused for a moment and continued in a calmer voice, “Also, I have noticed that you aren’t doing well recently. Is everything alright?”

“You noticed, huh?”

“It’s kind of hard to miss,”

Zuko looked around, desperately waiting for the tea to arrive; this wasn’t a conversation he was willing to have, not here, not now, not ever.

“I am not saying you have to tell me. You should just know that you can talk to me whenever you want,”

“Ok,” Zuko paused before adding, “Thanks, but I don’t think I want to,”

Just then, the tea arrived. Normally, Zuko preferred cinnamon with his tea, but assuming that some spice would be better for his current predicament, he settled for ginger instead. He could still feel Katara’s gaze on him as he stirred his tea a little too long.

“You should try it with cinnamon,” Zuko said offhandedly, just for the sake of saying something, “If you want it to be sweeter, that is,”

“I think it’s sweet enough,” she smiled as she sipped, “Is this your favorite?”

Zuko nodded.

“I don’t normally settle for something this sweet, but this is just exquisite,”

“I haven’t had it in years,” Zuko sighed.

“Why not?”

“Haven’t had the chance,”

“You should have taken a break from your busy schedule of chasing us and enjoyed living for a bit,” she smiled.

That showed that she didn’t know. Of course she wouldn’t; how could she know he hadn’t been home for three years? Despite the numbness and the apathy that had overtaken him, Zuko knew he was home. He knew because he woke up every morning with a nightmare, woke up to breathe in the scent of a home that had driven him away, but was, nonetheless, home. He knew because he walked the streets as if he were a ghost, looking for memories long gone. If those memories had scents, tastes, and sounds, Zuko could say that home smelled of tea and freshly baked bread, tasted of honey and spice, sounded like a hearty campfire around which he had sat many a night, listening to the stories of…of his cousin and his friends. But could the pain be forgotten? Once the cups and plates were emptied, once the fire died down, what was he left with? Cold, unforgiving iron; warm blood, monotonous, metallic hammering, all haphazardly mixed in his mind with the image of a burning fist to his face…

Zuko drank his cup and sat back. This wasn’t the time.

“Would you and your girlfriend like anything else, sir?”

“No, thank you,”

“Zuko!” Katara exclaimed in a shocked voice.

“Hmm?”

“That waiter just called me your girlfriend,”

“What of it?”

“I am not?”

“You are a girl and a friend…I think,”

“But that’s not what he meant,”

“Excuse me,” Zuko called for the waiter. Once the man he arrived he continued calmly, “She is not my girlfriend,” and after a little pause, he mumbled, “You can leave now,”

“Wow, talk about ‘emphatically denying’,” Katara shrugged with a touch of irony, “You have really calmed down. That or you must be really downcast to not be constantly yelling,”

“I don’t always yell,” Zuko muttered as he got up to lift the bags.

“Tell me about it,” Katara smiled mischievously, as she left a silver coin on the table and helped him with the bags.

As they stood in front of the shop, Zuko felt something was amiss. He fidgeted, counted and recounted the bags, looked around at people. He was cold, colder than he usually was in those days. A terrible, terrible thing was about to happen; he didn’t know what, but he knew he was fate’s prey once again. What other monster could be after him?

It was only for a split second, but Zuko knew. There she stood, with the same confident posture and the murderous glint in her amber eyes that were slowly turning to them. Zuko thought he would be nailed to the spot; instead, he grabbed Katara’s arm and dragged her behind the last stall in the row.

“Zuko, what is it? What are you doing?”

“Azula. She is here,”

Katara turned a little pale, but there was no fear in her eyes, only worry, “Are you sure?”

Zuko nodded as he took out his knife, the only weapon on him. He resented not having brought his swords, but how could he have known? Just then, he saw Katara peeking out and he whispered aggressively, “Don’t do that,”

“I can’t see her anywhere, Zuko. You must have been mistaken. A trick of the light maybe,”

“I know what I saw!”

“Well, she is not here,”

Zuko cautiously peeked out. She wasn’t there. Was he going to start imagining things now?

“You two can go on. I’ll catch up in a minute,” a voice came from a turn in the marketplace. Zuko and Katara stepped back immediately; they both knew it too well.

“Let’s hide here until she is gone,” Katara whispered.

“It’s too risky; we should make a run for it,”

“What if she sees us? The stalls don’t have covers on their backs. Two people walking away in these fields would be very visible,”

“We might as well be random shoppers,”

“Who’s there?”

That voice cut their conversation short. Zuko leaned against the wall and pressed his knife to his chest. Could he do it? Could he do to her what she had done to him? He turned his head slightly towards Katara and mouthed “Run”. She didn’t budge; instead, she fixed him with a determined look and squeezed his arm. Zuko was less sure; he would be letting her down as he wasn’t a bender anymore and there was no water source nearby. They were sure to lose this fight.

So what? You have despaired before,” he thought, but this time was different. Katara was with him, and she would die, just because he wasn’t enough. He imagined the look of disappointment in her eyes once she saw what he had become. They would be dying together, but falling apart because she had shown him kindness and he hadn’t even honoured her with the truth. The footsteps got louder. 

Just when the shadow was a step away, in a moment of utterly confused frenzy, Zuko tried a last, desperate move to hide who they were.

He cupped Katara’s face with his hands and kissed her on the lips.

Chapter 13: Into the Night

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A shocked gasp…a disgusted growl…that was all that Zuko heard as he desperately tried to distract himself from what he was doing and focus on why he was doing it.

This will save us,” he thought, half hoping, half-incredulous, “This must do.”

And shockingly enough, it did. Zuko heard grunts and receding footsteps. They were saved. He abruptly broke off the kiss, and without giving Katara or himself the chance to think things over, he grabbed her hand and dragged her away with all his strength. Away into the fields, away into the horizon, as far away from that as possible, until the marketplace was nothing but a blur in the distance. Only then, did he collapse on his knees with exhaustion, and breathing hard, covered his face with his hands. Her face at that precise moment had burned into his memory and he could not forget it, try as he might. He could not see her without thinking about that bizarre day, now weeks ago. Death had changed his fate; death had undone him.

“Why the hell-?”

Zuko did not hear the end of that question. His vision darkened, and all went black.

Katara thought she would need a long time to recover from that day. First Azula, then… she didn’t want to think about it, but her mind kept pushing the image into her conscious memory, and she didn’t know what to do with it. Why, why had he done that? She couldn’t find an answer then, she couldn’t find an answer as he grasped her wrist and dragged her away into the fields with superhuman strength. Katara knew she should be thinking about more important things like whether they were going in the right direction or whether they had taken all the bags, but she was light headed. Indeed, she couldn’t think straight until Zuko collapsed onto his knees and she tumbled due to the mere force of his hold. Both of them sat still for a while, breathless and exhausted. As Katara recovered from the shock of the past twenty minutes, she began to feel her anger more acutely. How dare he…how dare he cross her boundaries like that? She wanted to yell and fight; he had had no such right.

“Why the hell-?”  She started, her anger rising every second, and just then, he fell forward, unconscious. Katara paused for a moment, but decided to not let that stop her from yelling, in anger or worry or both.

“Why are you like this? You had to ruin it all, didn’t you? We had just had a perfect afternoon, but no, Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation had other ideas; he has to ruin everything, every good thing. If you think I will ever be able to look at you the same way, you are so wrong. I don’t care that you can’t hear me; I have to let it out: You are mean and lazy and terrible. You sleep at camp time, just so you don’t have to make a fire for us. How pathetic is that? You sleep all day and do absolutely nothing. Just when I thought you were perhaps a little helpful, you ended up proving me wrong, good job. Also-why are you so cold?” Katara had interrupted her own rambles as her fingers touched his, which were as cold as ice shards. She fiddled, puzzled, before talking again, more worriedly this time, “Zuko?” Naturally, there was no reply, which was perhaps for the best, as Katara hadn’t wanted him to hear any of that. Those mean statements had poured out of her in the heat of the moment.  He had in fact helped with setting up camp and shopping. He had helped her save that village and defended her decision to do so; he wasn’t so horrible…except…

“Why did you have to do that?” Katara sighed as she ran her trembling fingers over her lips. His had been cold, very cold, as were his hands and arms. She decided to put her anger on hold and tend to him; his coldness scared her. She remembered how warm his body had felt under her touch when she had been healing him; some of that could have been the fever obviously, but then again, weren’t firebenders supposed to be warm? Turning these thoughts in her head, she moved closer to him and reluctantly put a hand to his face, from which cold sweat dripped. His breath was terribly weak; his heartbeat was slowing down…

“Zuko, wake up!” she whispered in mild panic and shook him slightly as she cradled his head on her lap. What could she do? She couldn’t run to find the others as that meant leaving him alone in the middle of the field. Instead, she uncorked the waterskin by her side, bent the water onto her hands, and pressed them to his temples. He didn’t budge.

“Come on; you can’t be more irresponsive than a metal block,” she gritted her teeth and tried again. Still nothing. Of course, he would be irresponsive; he was the most obstinate person she had ever met, except maybe for Toph. Maybe he was even doing this on purpose. Heaven was testing her patience with him, and today, it was wearing thinner than ever.

“Wake up, idiot,” she tried for maybe the twentieth time before she angrily bent the water back and covered her face with her hands. Leaving him didn’t seem like such a bad option now…

It would only be for a few minutes and there is no one here,” her reason argued, “It’s not like you can carry him.” Of course, she couldn’t, but she also couldn’t bring herself to stray from his side. If someone, anyone found him and took him away, even if it were with good intentions, there would be a very feeble chance of retrieving him. Then, they would have to find Aang another firebending teacher.

He is not the only one in the world,” They could always find someone else, couldn’t they? Even if it were that grumpy, old Jeong Jeong, they would manage it, simply because they had to. Katara knew all about necessity, which turned impossibilities into realities. Could she have been able to foresee anything of this year? Could she have imagined herself unable to leave the side of a firebender out of worry? Probably not.

“I will only be away for a few minutes; I promise I won’t leave you here,” she whispered, and yet, she couldn’t stir; she was angry with herself. His worth didn’t depend on his ability to teach firebending; no matter how reasonable it all sounded. He was a person: a living, breathing person, who seemed to be on the edge of death. What if he died before she came back?

She wrung her hands as the sky darkened and the half-formed moon rose from the mists. Sokka was probably out of his mind by now. Would they come looking for them? She wished that with all her heart. Was it too much to ask for? She turned her face to the moon and whispered, “Please, please…” her eyes turned misty and her lips trembled, “Please Yue,”

Just then, as if on cue, Zuko stirred. Katara eagerly turned her head towards him and instinctively uncorked the waterskin. Her heart was filled with fresh hope; night was her domain; why should she despair?

“This has to work,” she mumbled as she pressed her hands to his temples, “Because it has to,”

A deeper breath…a faint gasp...and his eyes flew open. Katara could have fainted from relief, but she put herself together as she spoke, “Finally, you’re awake,”

He gave a slight nod, and his eyes started to roll back which prompted Katara to shout, “Don’t you dare faint! Stay awake, you hear me? We have to get back,”

With that, she gathered their bags, pulled him up, and put an arm around his waist. He leaned heavily on her; at some points, she even thought he had lost consciousness again, but she treaded onwards by sheer will, even if her strength failed her. She had done so much; she wasn’t about to be held back by one particularly cold and heavy teenager.

“That’s right. We’ll get there,” she kept reminding herself.

“Katara!”

Katara had never been so happy with her annoying brother calling her name as in that moment. She wanted to hug him and laugh.

“Sokka! I am here! We are here!”

She laid Zuko down, and in a few moments, Sokka hugged her fiercely.

“We have been worried sick! Where the hell have you been? ”

“Eh, you know, shopping?”

“What did you do, rob the marketplace?”

“Well if one of you had bothered to come-”

“What’s up with him?” Sokka’s gaze turned on Zuko.

“Wish I knew-”

“I knew he would be quitter! At least we didn’t quit halfway-”

“He is sick, Sokka. He is really sick. Help me, will you?”

“Doesn’t look so bad to me. Are you sure he isn’t faking it because he got sick of you shopping?”

Katara gave him death stares, “See, that’s why you are not the healer of the group,”

In the end, Sokka picked up the bags and each put an arm around Zuko for support, as he seemed to have lost consciousness again.

“He is cold,” Sokka muttered under his breath.

“That’s precisely what’s worrying me. I will do a quick check-up on him when we get back,”

“I’d rather you rested,”

Katara raised an eyebrow, “Really? I never knew you cared about me getting rest since you didn’t want to help me this morning,”

“Yes, but you wanted to go shopping,” Sokka gestured wildly, almost dropping the bags and Zuko, “That’s what girls love to do. Why do you have to drag a miserable guy into it? See, you already made this one sick,”

Katara was fuming as she spat a reply, “I would enjoy shopping for dresses or shoes or bags or books. I certainly don’t enjoy mentally counting the last of our money as I walk before various stalls. Of course, it is easy for you to talk: you only go shopping to buy stupid bags or equipment for your boomerang,”

“Then why do you always do the shopping if you hate it so much?”Sokka asked after a short silence.

“Well, someone has to,” Katara sighed, “And I don’t hate shopping; I just hate the fact we have to be so…frugal,”

Sokka didn’t say anything for a long time, but his fingers reassuringly squeezed hers as they approached the camp site.

“I promise that when this is all over, if we are both alive, I will take you shopping in the fanciest of places for an entire day and never leave your side, sis,”

“Where will we get all that money?”

Sokka lightly nudged Zuko, “If all goes according to plan, we’ll nick it all from him for what he put us through today, eh?”

Both siblings laughed gleefully, but there was an edge to their laughter. If…

“Yes, we really did see her,” Katara repeated for the third time, “Both of us,”

“We saw a fire nation ship sailing by. Barely had the time to hide. Do you think it could have been her as well?”

“I don’t know, maybe,”

“If it’s her, we should probably get a move on,” Aang suggested.

“I think we should wait till morning. Katara is too tired; Zuko is spent-”

“That’s never been an issue, he is-” Toph snorted.

“-but more importantly,” Sokka continued pointedly, “the ship passed about an hour ago. I’d rather it were well out of the area before we go on,”

“She was going in the opposite direction. I wonder if she is going to the Earth Kingdom,”

“Let’s hope so. I don’t want to cross paths with her again,” Katara sighed, “She almost blew our cover twice in a day,”

Silence settled in. they all knew how dangerous a meeting with Azula could be; last time, an entire nation fell; Aang almost fell. Zuko…Katara unwillingly turned her eyes towards Appa next to whom Zuko slept as though he were a corpse.

“Hey! Did you see that?” Sokka suddenly boomed and Katara jumped out of her skin.

“Is a ship coming this way?” Aang started.

“No, I saw a meteor,”

“Tui and La, Sokka!”

“Look! Another one! And another!” he laughed, “Let’s watch!”

“What’s going on?” Toph whispered exasperatedly as they made it to the top of a nearby cliff. Katara held her breath. Multiple rays of light cut across the sky, lighting up the dark night.

“It’s a meteor shower,” Aang smiled as they lied down.

“It is amazing to watch,”

 “Kind of makes you realize how insignificant we are, doesn’t it?” Sokka grinned

“Eh, you've seen nothing once; you've seen it a thousand times,”

Katara was a little saddened by that. She wished Toph could at least feel the meteors, but there was no way that would happen, was there? Meteors weren’t earth…

“Oh man, what’s that?” Sokka gasped, “You've never not seen anything like this!”

They all shot to their feet as a meteor flew past them and crashed nearby.

“What the hell was that?” Toph asked, bewildered.

“A meteor crashed… that was…that-”

“It will destroy the town!”

“We must stop it. Appa-”

“I will bend the water in that creek into the fire,” Katara interrupted Aang before he called Zuko. She knew he wouldn’t wake up, and she didn’t want to face him if he did. They had to put out this fire the traditional way. She flew Appa to the creek as Aang and Toph tried to contain the fire by forming a trench around it. There wasn’t much water; she hoped that it would be enough as she bent it out of the creek and moved it towards the fire.

“Aang! Airbend as I let the water down!” Katara shouted, and slowly bent the water. Suddenly, there was a huge blast of cold air; the water fell as snow all over the fire and extinguished what had remained of it.

“Nice one, Katara. Good work everybody,” Aang smiled as the three of them walked towards a displeased Sokka emerging from snow.

“Yes, great work everyone,” he grumbled.

Notes:

You know, pals, we get there when we we get there and getting there might take a good deal of chapters because hey-Zuko is an idiot. What, kissing someone abruptly is not ok? My BAD.
Seriously though, I am quite annoyed they did not address that in ATLA. If I were in that situation (not once, but twice), I would've punched someone. If Aang is a child, he should behave like one and not kiss people; if he had matured up by the end of the show, then he should have taken responsibility for his actions. You can't have him as both mature and childish.
There goes more of my opinions for the handful of people who have never actually asked. :))))

Chapter 14: Crimson Ink

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko woke up with snow on his clothes, sky bison saliva on his face, and a somewhat sharp piece of rock up his back. He realized it must have been a rough night for him.

“Congratulations,” Toph clapped slowly, “You are awake,”

Zuko wasn’t so sure. His eyes were open, but that was it; there wasn’t an inkling of strength in his body. He pressed his hands to the floor and tried to force himself up to no avail. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he tried to keep himself from falling on his face.

“You need help?”

Zuko gritted his teeth. Even if he did, he wouldn’t ask, and she knew it. She was merely teasing him. He tried again, concentrating all his will and thoughts into the act of standing up, and felt himself rise until he clung to Appa’s side with closed eyes.

“We are going to the city for breakfast. You coming?”

Zuko secretly wondered why it was Toph. Where was Katara?

“Aha,” he mumbled, “Just…a moment,”

“Oh, you are awake!” the Avatar came running, “And we had tried everything! It snowed, and Appa licked you, but you kept snoring! Toph must have done…oh,”

Zuko stared at the rock piece that had been poking his back.

“And that didn’t hurt at all, thanks,” he growled.

“You’re welcome,”

“We found a cheap place to eat. Katara sent me back to get you two. Let’s hurry,” the Avatar grinned and started walking away.

“Go ahead” Toph gestured.

“Why?”

“Because I said so,”

The only reason Zuko wasn’t fighting anymore was that he lacked the energy. Now, he had to grit his teeth and accept everything, didn’t he?

Katara and Sokka had already booked a table and ordered food for everyone. Zuko seemed to remember something about how little money they had…

“Toph, I got you dumplings; is that ok?”

“They are my favourite,”

“Egg custard tart! Katara, you are the best,”

“We all deserve a break after last night, don’t we?” Katara smiled at the two of them and completely ignored Zuko, “I am proud of us,”

Zuko wondered what on earth he had slept through this time. He wouldn’t have been surprised if they had stopped the end of the world while he snored away. He tried to catch Katara’s gaze, but she kept turning away from him. He knew there must be a reason, but his memory was fuzzy. Maybe it was something he had said in his sleep; maybe he had done something before sleeping. Possibly…

“Anything else, ma’am? Sir?” a waiter approached the table.

“No,” Zuko muttered. The man was civil enough, but there was a confused look in his eyes. Zuko understood the reason instantly, which even surprised him. Despite their clothes, they didn’t talk or act like fire nation people. Of course they looked odd.

“They are Southerners,” he gestured at the rest of the team with a shake of the head.

“Oh, I see,” the man replied, and walked away with a grin.

“Did you just give us away?” Katara asked harshly.

“I meant Fire Nation Southerners. They are known to be dark skinned, loud, and…” Zuko stopped himself before he said ‘crazy’ even though it was somewhat true. Lu Ten was half Southerner; Renshu was a Southerner. As if those two weren’t enough for the label, Zuko also thought of the southerner aboard his own ship who took every opportunity to tease, prank, and fight Lieutenant Jee, a staunch Northerner, who did not approve of the boy one bit. What was his name? How could he not remember? They had been on the same ship for three years. How could he not remember yesterday?

“And?”

Zuko just nodded and looked down. His mind worked painfully slowly to bring the disconnected moments together, despite the buzzing in his ears: he remembered walking and carrying somethings. He remembered the stalls of fruits and vegetables, the smell of sweet tea and freshly baked bread, Katara sitting across him with a smile…then, a hateful sight, an impulse…

Zuko could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks as he suddenly looked up and stared at Katara. He had…had he really done that? He pressed a shaking hand to his trembling lips and waited desperately for a look, a look that said he had dreamt it all up, a look that said she was angry because he had overslept, not because of something like that. He expected a look of annoyance; instead, he got a deadly glare. It was true; it must be.

But we evaded death,” Zuko justified as he pushed the image out of his mind, “She doesn’t know how close it was. She doesn’t know,”

Toph slammed her elbow into the table, which prompted Zuko to break his stare and decide on avoiding Katara at all costs. That was how it was supposed to be from now on: no looking, no talking, no healing, nothing to do with her, just so he could avoid that memory forever. Instead, he tried to focus on what the others were talking about.

“It’s kind of frightening though, isn’t it?” the Avatar was saying, “These people have no idea how close they were to getting toasted last night,”

“Yeah, the worst thing about being in disguise is that we don't get the hero worship anymore. I miss the love,”

“Boo-hoo,” Sokka sighed in response. He was sitting on the edge of the raised platform with his back to them.

“What's your problem? You haven't even touched your smoked sea slug,”

Zuko didn’t blame him; there was no way anyone could goad him into eating that. Still, even he could see that something wasn’t alright with Sokka. As if his own problems weren’t enough…

“It's just, all you guys can do this awesome bending stuff like putting out forest fires and flying around and making other stuff fly around. I can't fly around, okay? I can't do anything,”

Better to not have it than to bear its loss,” Zuko thought, feeling the tingling of his fingers ever more strongly. They itched and burned with desire for that which would never return.

“That's not true. No one can read a map like you,” Katara tried to reassure her brother.

“I can't read at all!”

“Yeah, and who keeps us laughing with sarcastic comments all the time? I mean, look at Katara's hair, right? What's up with that?”

“What? What's wrong with my hair?”

It’s too fluffy,” Zuko thought. Not that it was a problem.

“Nothing. I was just trying to-”

“Look, I appreciate the effort, but the fact is each of you is so amazing and so special and I'm ... not. I'm just the guy in the group who's regular,”

Katara stood up and sat by Sokka’s side. She put an arm around his shoulder as she tried to soothe him, “I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but I hope you know that none of us see you that way. I know something that's going to make you feel better,”

Oh great, a problem with a solution,” Zuko was already distracted. The world was a perfect place for the people who were offered the solutions to their problems on a silver platter. He had never had that luxury; he had to bang his head into many a wall and fight many a fight just to get the “at least you tried” award.

At least, I tried living,”

Just then, he noticed a man looking through stacks of papers at one of the tables and a thought occurred to him. Zuko knew from his travels and his uncle’s stories that big restaurants in relatively small towns such as these often undertook the task of spreading weekly news and war reports. They often kept multiple copies of past reports for customers, travelers, or police officers in the region. Zuko wondered if they had what he needed with all his being.

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, sir,” a waiter came running

“Do you have any reports from 97 AG?”

“97…97… Aha, the year of the Prince’s exile you mean?”

Say it louder, the people in Caldera didn’t hear you,” Zuko thought, but he replied with a quiet “Yes”.

“I am sure we do. It caused quite a sensation, you know,”

“Good, bring me all the news and reports from March till November of 97 AG,”

“Ah, I am not sure we have all of that,”

“Just bring whatever you have,”

“Sparky, we’re leaving. Didn’t you hear Katara?” Toph boomed, “Also, what the hell, will you start reading newspapers like an old geezer now?”

“Were you eavesdropping?”

“Kind of hard not to; I am right next to you,”

“Great, where the hell are we going?”

“Weapon shopping,” the Avatar beamed.

Zuko rolled his eyes at Sokka who grinned, “Hey, not everyone wants to melt away reading. Our next great mission is cheering me,”

“Boo you,”

“Katara, he is not cheering me,”

“That’s why he will not come,” Katara smiled pointedly as Zuko bitterly, ironically thought how dearly he had missed being excluded from everything. It stung a little, coming from one of the nicest people out there, but there was nothing to be done, was there? He had to bear it now; no, he had to ignore it entirely and her.

“Are you sure? He is-” the Avatar started.

“I am fine,” Zuko interrupted, “Go ahead. I’ll be at camp by night,”

“Don’t lose your way in the dark, Sparky,” Toph grinned as they all got up, “I would really like to know how people get around without my senses,”

“Uh…you know we can see things,”

“And plenty of good it does you, Twinkle toes; you always lose,”

“I don’t-”

“This is disturbing my cheering-”

“Stop it-”

 “Here you are sir,”

Zuko nodded, but he looked at the kids until they vanished from sight. They wouldn’t understand why he had to do this; they didn’t need to. This was his battle alone, as always.

“Let’s get to it,” he rubbed his hands together and spread the old, yellowing sheets before him.

8th of March- Prince Zuko is banished; Princess Azula has replaced him as heir apparent.

Zuko pressed his fingers on the faded writing and forced himself to read on, which seemed to be more difficult than he had remembered. He hadn’t done much reading over the last few years and whenever he did, his eye hurt from the strain.

Openly opposed his father…disobeyed the law…

“And plenty of good it has done me,” Zuko thought with a sour face.

1st of April- Minister Satomi has announced the new economic plan

Rice prices have risen… Spring festival approaches…

Zuko impatiently flipped more pages. He didn’t care about any of this; he wanted to find them.

25th of April- Victory at Hubei with minimal loses

Zuko read the entirety of that short report. Apparently, minimal loses meant 1278 dead and 3791 wounded. Minimal… He tried to think of 1278 fatherless families, 1278 lost sons, 1278 mourning sisters, 1278 weeping mothers, 1278 hopeless fathers. 1278 children wailing. Those who would never see their loved ones again. 1278…how was that minimal? 3791…how many of those would succumb to death and despair in a month? How many would waste away before their families’ eyes? How many sleepless nights wasted? This was already years ago. How many of these people were alive now? Zuko closed his eyes and unwillingly thought of the city of Hubei, a small, industrial Earth Kingdom city that he barely remembered from his geography classes. What of the people of the city, then? Were they any less important? A city under siege, a city under the shadow of slavery and death. How did its people rise that morning, knowing that they didn’t stand a chance, knowing that they might not make it back? How many fell at the gates, blurred faces with their unnumbered weapons? How many more should die?

19th of May- Conscription age brought down to fourteen years. Ten years compulsory service.

Zuko grimaced as he immediately thought of Toph and the Avatar. 12…not enough, even by the rigorous standards of the fire nation. Katara was just barely enough. Sokka and himself… Well, they should fight; they all had to fight, except that he could not fight. Not anymore.

28th of June- Victory at Yunnan: 9th, 24th, 41st divisions massacred. 9876 dead, 8629 wounded.

There. There it was. Zuko tried to take deep breaths to calm down, but he was shaking. Who were they going to blame? Bad weather? Supply lines? How were they going to convince the public? Who was going to buy it? He wiped the cold sweat off his forehead with his trembling hands and read on with a pounding heart.

The savagery of the inferior people of the Earth Kingdom has once again been proven, as they planned a surprise attack on a division of new recruits, massacred all its members, and brutalized the corpses. The Firelord offers his condolences to the families of those fallen patriots and commands the people of our advanced and civilized nation to not spare any efforts in avenging this affront to the fighting spirit and respectful endeavors of our soldiers.”

Zuko read the lines again and again, until all else faded and only those lines remained. That was it? 9876 soldiers dead, an entire division of 3000 soldiers wiped out and all the Firelord could do was offer condolences in a few, cold, quickly printed words in the corner of a report? How could this convince anyone? Were the people so accustomed to such losses that it didn’t matter anymore? All these people…Were they nothing? The turning point of his life- was it all nothing to whomever wrote these insolent, horrible lines? The words rose out of paper and created a vortex around him. Zuko could see because he knew the truth: there had been no surprise attack-this was all planned, right before him. There was no pride in such death, only despair. Despair, in a few broken smiles behind the storm of words, in the wails of families, in the cries of children, in the blood-tainted flowers, in the uncaring, icy white of funeral clothes. Despair, in a final leap forward, a leap into the embrace of death. These words mockingly hovered over a crimson sea, beneath a blood-bathed sky. Beneath the rays of a bleeding sun…

“Sir, we are closing for today,” the waiter whispered and Zuko jumped out of his skin. The sun had indeed sunk behind the mountains.

It is ashamed. Just like me,” Zuko thought as he rose and dizzily sought his way in the dark.

Notes:

Eh, frankly, I don't mind different regions within a country mildly stereotyping one another. In my country, northerners are the crazy ones (and they would proudly accept the title, heh).
Also, sorry for not using Chinese months and calendar. I already follow three seperate calendars, thanks to my intercontinental lifestyle. MEEEERCY!!!
Also, happy Zutara Month! I should probably be doing oneshots , but would you believe, I am actually the type of person who likes a long story so just gonna stay loyal to my fate and hope for extra appreciation on this "little" story of mine hehe

Chapter 15: Sokka's Master

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Where did this thing come from?”

“It fell from the sky. You were asleep,” Sokka grinned.

That was the answer to everything now. Zuko was surprised at himself for managing to wake up that day. He rose everyday only to sink lower and lower.

“As usual,” Toph smirked as she bent the Earth to move the round, black meteorite.

“Don’t listen to them, Zuko. Some people are late risers; some are-”

“Non-risers,”

“Toph!”

“Twinkle Toes!”

“And you found a sword master,”

“While you were reading,”

Zuko felt that he was on his own little adventure in the midst of their world-saving journey. He was separate from these kids; he couldn’t bridge the gap because the one person who could possibly tie him to them was…inaccessible. Zuko forced himself to not look her away for probably the tenth time that day. She wasn’t supposed to be there anymore. Just…nothing.

“Did you tell him the truth?”

“What truth?”

“That you are Water Tribe?”

Sokka’s face darkened, “Of course not. I am not dumb,”

“Just checking,”

Zuko kept quiet until he saw the gates. Those gates…they were familiar. That design, that shape. Where had he seen that before? Was this a vision, a misplaced item of the past that had found its way into his reality?

“Come on guys, we’re almost there,”

“What did you say this master’s name was?”

“Someone is quite the chatterbox today,”

Sokka stepped up to the gates with a grin, “They say he is the greatest sword master in the world. Master Piandao,”

Zuko held his breath as Sokka frantically knocked and the gates opened. He instantly looked down and pulled the cap of his cloak on his head.  He didn’t want to be seen like this, not by someone who knew his past, who knew the truth about him better than he himself did sometimes. His heart hammered as he thought of the past three years. Not once had he written to the Master or visited him. He hadn’t even taken his leave properly. If his current shame wasn’t enough reason to hide, that certainly was.

 “Who are these?”

“Oh, these are my friends. Just other good Fire Nation folks. Do you think we can make a sword out of a meteorite?”

“We'll make a sword unlike any other in the world,”

Sokka spent the entire day making his meteorite sword as the others either watched or talked in awe. Zuko spent the whole day leaning his face on a wall with a fire brazier positioned under his chin. He almost liked the contrast between his skin and the fire; the wall was there for support because he could barely keep his head up. He tried to force himself to think, to question, to see the discrepancy in all this. Why was he so uncomfortable with so familiar a place?

Sokka was more restless than usual the next day, which was understandable. To make your first sword was exciting enough, to make it out of a meteorite with the knowledge that there was none other like it in the world should be exhilarating. Zuko remembered making his dao blades with these same exact tools except that the Master’s house had been right outside the capital. How had it changed places? How did it feel exactly the same?

Sokka carefully positioned the liquid space metal over a mold of a blade and poured it in. Zuko found himself irrationally wishing for the blade to break as it was being hammered. His first swords had turned out to be a miserable mess; why should Sokka succeed?

Because, he is not a failure,” he grimaced and looked away. Of course, he was not.  Zuko had had to try four more times for his swords to turn out half-decent. Now, the blade hissed as the Master took it out of the cold water. It shone black under the faint light of the workshop. It was perfect. What had he expected?

“Congratulations, Sokka. Let us all go back to the house. I have some words for you,” he looked at all of them in turn and Zuko felt his eyes linger on him a while longer. He still didn’t dare look up even though he started to feel that the Master had recognized him the moment he had arrived. It was merely a question of who would take the first step to break the three-year long silence, an unspoken expectation on either side.

“Sokka, when you first arrived, you were so unsure. You even seemed down on yourself. But I saw something in you right away. I saw a heart as strong as a lion turtle, and twice as big. And as we trained, it wasn't your skills that impressed me,” the Master paused and Zuko didn’t need to look up to know that he had that small smile on his face that was always hardly earned,  “No, it certainly wasn't your skills. You showed something beyond that. Creativity, versatility, intelligence. These are the traits that define a great swordsman, and these are the traits that define you. You told me you didn't know if you were worthy, but I believe that you are one of the worthiest men I have ever trained,”

“I'm sorry, Master. You are wrong. I am not worthy,” Sokka started and Zuko would have had a presentiment of disaster if this were anyone but Master Piandao. “I'm not who you think I am. I am not from the Fire Nation. I am from the Southern Water Tribe. I lied so that I could learn swordsmanship from you. I'm sorry,”

After a short, suspenseful silence, the Master said, “I'm sorry, too,” and swung his sword at Sokka. Katara, Toph, and the Avatar shot to their feet, but Sokka gestured for them to stop as he unsheathed his new blade.

“This is my fight. Alone.”

Zuko bit back a smile. Maybe this journey was worth it, if only to see Sokka get crushed. He shouldn’t always be the unlucky one, now, should he? Sokka and Master Piandao fought their way outside, towards the fighting ring and the others ran to watch. Zuko lazily followed. He knew very well how this would end, so he wasn’t worried one bit. The fight steadily moved away from the ring, first towards the bridge, then towards the dense batches of bamboo stalks, the Master always taking the offensive as Sokka desperately tried to defend, lunging when he got the rare chance. Soon, sword slashing was all they could hear.

“We should go help,” Katara urged, “I don’t think Sokka will hold up for long,”

“Why did he even have to tell the truth? He is not even on cactus juice!”

“The trees are too dense, but I will see if I can air bend-”

It was then that Zuko said the word that had mysteriously, ironically found its way into his lexicon at that moment, “Patience,”

They all looked at him, dumbfounded.

“Patience, so my brother get runs through by a crazed sword master?”

“No, just patience,” Zuko answered, ignoring the fact that he had just directly spoken to Katara for the first time since yesterday. How easily danger erased all animosity.

Just then came Sokka running away from the bamboo stalks with the Master hot on his heels. At some point, the Master surpassed him, but Sokka didn’t notice, and he was in for a pleasant surprise as he had to lean back to avoid getting run through. Zuko resisted a slow clap-that was well done.

“Hey, Fat,” he called nonchalantly as Sokka kept falling, “Can you get me a cup of sweet mango juice with lemon on the side?” When he realized that the others were looking at him, he sighed in exasperation, “Get for them too. A man can’t enjoy anything on his own nowadays,” he added in a half whisper.

“Yes, Prince Zuko,”

“Sokka is getting tossed around and you are getting mango juice!”

“That man knows who you are?”

“What is going on?”

“Patience,” Zuko breathed and looked on to see that the Master had sand splattered on his face. He probably hated it-he had always been obsessed with cleanliness, and for once, Zuko smiled sincerely at a thousand memories that crowded his mind.

“Very resourceful,” The Master breathed heavily and held out his sword to defend against any sneak attacks. Sokka tried to slip away quietly, but that apparently wasn’t his forte; he stepped on a twig, alerting the Master. The rest was child’s play; the two sword clashed, and the Master disarmed Sokka by turning his sword in a circular motion and lunged in for the final attack. Sokka fell to the side, and it was over; the Master had his sword pointed at his chest.

The kids could no longer be restrained; they ran down the stairs to attack. Zuko leaned on the railings; he hadn’t seen a more amusing scene in a long time. Perhaps the Master had been right that one day, years ago: he really did have a penchant for theatrics. 

“Excellent work, Sokka,” the Master smiled to the others’ confusion and signaled for Fat, who had just arrived with the drinks, to throw the scabbard of his sword, which he angled perfectly for the catch.

“I take it that you are having a good time with your friends since you are smiling from ear to ear,” Master Piandao spoke into the silence.

Zuko jumped from the railings-again to the Master’s visible disdain, despite his closed eyes- and stood in salute, “These are not friends, Master. They are just chance acquaintance that happened upon my path,”

“That’s alright,” The Master paused as he wiped his eyes, “There was a time you didn’t even have that,” and with that, he bowed to the Avatar, “Avatar Aang, it’s an honour to finally meet you,”

“How did you know? What is going on? Who are you even?”

“I heard of your travels even in this small enclosure of mine. They certainly are refreshing, to say the least,” he smiled calmly as he turned to Sokka, “By the way, I knew from the beginning that you were Water Tribe. You might want to think of a better Fire Nation cover name. Try "Lee." There is a million Lee’s.”

“But why would you agree to train someone from the Water Tribe?”

“The way of the sword doesn't belong to any one nation. Knowledge of the arts belongs to us all and there is much wisdom to draw from all bending disciplines, even for a non-bender,” he pulled Sokka’s blade out from the ground and offered it to him before continuing, “Sokka, you must continue your training on your own. If you stay on this path, I know that one day you can become an even greater master than I am,”

They bowed to each other; everyone smiled, but that wasn’t enough for Zuko. He still had many questions that he was reluctant to ask, but that were going to be asked nonetheless.

“You were living outside the capital before…before I left. What happened? Why did you move? Also, how did you manage to make this place an exact replica of the other?”

“Patience, Zuko” he paused, as though considering something before addressing the whole group, “I suggest that you stay the night. I have much to tell, and I am sure you do as well,”

“We would love to stay, but we are on a somewhat tight schedule, Master,” Sokka replied wistfully.

“I guess that is true for all of us nowadays, but I am also sure that what you will learn will prove crucial in the days to come,”

There was the solemnity in his voice that was impossible to ignore. Nowadays…the Master was probably up to something too; Zuko just couldn’t tell what. He was never one to sit by idly despite what first impressions may suggest. He felt the shadow of an invisible force over them ever more strongly, a force that conveniently moved all their surroundings in a way that aided them on their path.

“I suppose we can stay for one night, but we will have to get going as soon as it is morning,”

“The schedule master has spoken. It’s settled, then,” Toph grinned.

“I am glad,” The Master smiled, “Now; we will head to the rose gardens because Sokka has to do something for me, and the rest of you can tell me what you have been up to all this time,”

“What will I have to do?”

“Oh, don’t worry. It is a warrior’s exercise. Follow me,”

Zuko wished he hadn’t. He wanted to gauge his eyes out at the sight of those targets. Why, why was Agni testing him?

“Why are they smiling faces on the targets?” Sokka asked.

“Oh, that’s Zuko’s doing. He always claimed that it got lonely at archery practice,”

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose as Sokka pointedly asked again, “So you were Zuko’s master too. Why yellow?”

“Because he loves yellow-”

“Used to. Not anymore,”

“Don’t interrupt,” the Master replied with slight displeasure. That was it; everything was ‘slight’ with him. Zuko wanted to vanish into nothingness. Even Katara was holding back a laugh.

“What sort of student was he?”

“Are you asking for comparison?”

“No, not at all. Just curiosity,” Sokka grinned stupidly.

“Well then, he the only student I trained who settled for dual blades. That should say something,”

“It…doesn’t?”

“What lovely gardens you have!” Katara exclaimed, “Did you plant all these yourself?”

“Mostly. There are flowers from all over the world in here,”

“Why would a sword master plant so many flowers?” Toph took a deep breath, “Though I must admit they smell wonderful,”

“It’s always better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war,”

“But war rages on the outside regardless,”

“That it does,”

“Wouldn’t it be better if you were out there, helping?”

“Toph!”

“I do, as much as I can,” the Master replied calmly, “The garden is more like a developed hobby for a future hope of peace,”

“To make the whole world into a garden?”

“Perhaps even that. Would that be so bad?”

“I do like the idea of Earth everywhere, but gardens? Not really,”

“Why not?”

“The whole world can’t be made up of flowers,”

“You can also have rock gardens, aquatic gardens, hanging gardens, metal gardens. Whatever you want, really.”

“Just add ‘garden’ at the end of everything,”

“Precisely,” he smiled as he gestured ahead, “But today, it’s a normal garden for Sokka, and I am sorry to say that there are no smart solutions out of this one,”

“This is just an empty plot of land,”

“It’s not empty; it’s covered in grass. You will have to dig and turn the soil to make it suitable for planting,”

“Why?” Sokka whined.

“Because I don’t approve of lying, even as a means of self-preservation,”

“But how is this a warrior’s exercise?”

“It builds up strength and patience,”

“Totally,” Zuko said between his teeth. Nothing in the world had ever managed to make him patient, not even Master Piandao’s endless gardening.

“Would you have made me do this if I hadn’t lied?”

“Probably,” the Master admitted, “But now it’s a certainty,”

“You are late for planting,” Zuko pointed out.

“Yes, the sooner it is done, the better,”

“What will you plant?”

“Yellow roses. Your favourite,”

That was the cue. They all started laughing, and Zuko blushed deeply, “I do not have a favourite flower!”

“Ok then. Was. Anyway, I have to get back to the house. Just show Sokka how it’s done, and I will be back,” and as he was walking away, he added, “Beware of the fire snails!”

“What are fire snails?” Sokka asked

“Nothing. Just put this cover on your face,”

“Why?”

“Just do it,”

“Why?”

“You know what? Don’t. Just watch,” Zuko gritted his teeth as he grabbed a shovel, “First, you submerge the shovel fully into the soil; press on the step with all your weight to stabilize it. Then, you lower the shaft and turn it over. There, fresh soil,”

“Wow, Zuko, I didn’t know you were a professional gardener,” the Avatar smiled and the others snickered.

“This is nothing. An infant could do it,” Zuko sneered as he pushed the shovel into Sokka’s arms. Sokka initially struggled to stabilize the shovel, which prompted Zuko to add, “Well, apparently, Sokka can’t,”

“I am trying. There is something hard in there,”

“It’s probably a rock. Either take it out or crush it,”

“Zuko, I don’t think this-OUCH!” Sokka exclaimed and stepped back as a fistful of fire leapt up to his face.

“Sokka! What was that?”

“Apparently, a bigger than usual fire snail,” Zuko crouched to examine the broken shell. He had never seen one this big.

“And why didn’t you explain?”

“I told him to wear the cover, he wouldn’t listen!”

“You could have explained?”

“Why, because your brother is too dense to follow instructions?”

Katara bent some water out of her waterskin and doused him.

“Oh, so, that’s the way you want it to be?”

“What’s going on here?” the Master had come back, and he looked at the three of them, especially at Zuko, with mild annoyance, “I was only gone for a couple of minutes,”

“Zuko burned Sokka,”

“I did not; the fire snail did,”

“Why didn’t he use a cover?” the Master intervened.

“Because he is stupid!”

“Zuko, behave,”

“Oh, am I the wrong one now? What happened to ‘learning from your own mistakes’? You were such a supporter of that when you were teaching me,” The Master made to interrupt, but Zuko wouldn’t stop now. He continued, his voice rising with every word, “Oh, I get it. I am the one who gets all the suffering privilege in the world. Always the short end of the stick, always the wrong one. Whether I am saving someone’s life or warning against fire snails or shopping or sleeping, I am always wrong. Happy now? I will accept that and any stupid punishment just for the pleasure of being able to say ‘that’s all stupid’,”

He took a deep breath and looked into the Master’s eyes defiantly. At first, he was taken aback; now, he had that look that Zuko knew only too well: the silent treatment look. 'Apologize or suffer your punishment; you don’t exist for me till then' look. Zuko wiped the water off his forehead, aggressively yanked the shovel out of Sokka’s hands, and started digging while whispering ‘stupid’ between his teeth.

“Don’t worry, Sokka; it won’t scar. Just blisters. Let’s go everyone. Come along,”

With that, Master Piandao gave Zuko a pointed look and ushered the kids away. He was all alone.

Notes:

Guess who did some gardening three months ago when thinking of this chapter? That's right, me.
I bet Master Piandao is thinking "They butchered my boy. He wasn't like this". Also, he probably regrets leaving Zuko in Iroh's hands because NoW hE iS rUdE aNd KnOwS nO eTiQuEtTe hehehe

Chapter 16: Rays of the Past

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The farther they got away from Zuko, the more worried Katara felt. She did want to avoid him; that was true, but she kept thinking that something bad would happen to him. Last time she left him alone, he had made what was perhaps the most desperate decision of his life.

He is not your responsibility,” she chided herself, despite knowing otherwise. He was kind of her responsibility, especially since she had reported him, changed his path, and recently, she had started to realize that she might have…indirectly led to his demise.

“Oh my! What are those?” Aang beamed, bringing Katara back into the present.

“Magnolias,”

“They are breathtaking!”

“They also make excellent tea,”

“Why would you use them for tea? You could always use something less pretty,”

“They will wither anyway. That way, they are not entirely wasted,”

“Don’t mind Twinkle toes. He has always been a little on the soft side,”

Sokka snickered, “And your friendship is a little rocky as a result,”

Master Piandao gave Sokka a mildly puzzled look as though he had missed the point, prompting him to explain, “You know, because Aang is an airbender and ‘soft’ and Toph is an earthbender, hence, rocky,”

“No, I get it. It just reminded me of someone I know,”

“Of whom?”

“Never mind. Here we are,” he gestured ahead and Katara held her breath. A wooden table stood next to a huge tree of pink roses. The petals swirled around in the mild wind, sometimes breaking free and landing gracefully on the soft, green grass. At times, the breeze carried them off a little farther, right towards a nearby pond, filled with lotus flowers. It was so perfect, so idyllic. This had to be the most beautiful place in the whole world.

“Take a seat, everyone. We will have some nice tea, and hopefully, some good conversation,”

Katara was still very much in awe, so she felt a little awkward when she realized that everyone was looking at her.

“What?”

“Sorry to interrupt your reveries, but I merely wondered how this all came to pass. How did you find the Avatar?” the Master asked calmly as he poured tea for everyone. Katara took a deep breath. This was their story, all of them, but somehow, even here, they knew it had been her. In a way, she had started this bizarre cycle of events, just because she had decided to go with Sokka that one day and he had decided to be a brat about it. Even after so much, sometimes she still had the feeling that it was all a dream; it was all too fantastic to be real, but too detailed to be a figment of her imagination. Just like this garden.

“Well, we went fishing,” she started, knowing that it would be a while before they got to the end.

They got on slowly, explaining almost every detail, commenting, joking, generally, making a mess of things. It was mostly Toph making fun of them for the earlier parts, which, in a way, made up for her absence. Katara was surprised at how easily speech came to all of them with an adult present, though the Master did strike her as the calmest, most decent adult they had met so far. He let them talk, listened attentively, and tolerated the noise with great patience. In any case, it was difficult to mistrust a person with such excellent manners and gardens, minus the fact that he had been fighting Sokka less than two hours ago. Danger and war really did bridge gaps quickly enough.

“And then, I realized that there was only one person who could be so madly ingenious: Bumi. My old childhood friend,”

“King Bumi was your childhood friend?” the Master asked, with a small smile

“Yes. We had lots of fun whenever I visited. He was a great friend,”

“I am sure he is,”

This was the first time Katara felt slightly uncomfortable. The Master’s eyes glinted and he shook his head. It was almost as though he knew something, but he wouldn’t tell. Sokka and Aang didn’t really pick up on that, so they went on chattering. Why were they telling their whole story again? Why should they tell it to someone who was obviously hiding something? Katara realized that these adventures might have made her slightly paranoid. There was probably nothing wrong. If there was…

“And then suddenly, I was pinned down by tens of arrows. There were so many! They chained me up and that creepy general Zhao said that I would never leave again. Good thing the Blue Spirit came to the rescue; otherwise, I don’t know how anyone could have broken me out of that fortress,”

“Who is the Blue Spirit? Is it one of your magic Avatar things?” Sokka asked curiously.

“Yes. I mean, no,” Aang paused with a weird look on his face, “I am not exactly sure, but I think he was human with a mask. A blue mask,”

“Why did you say ‘yes’ then?”

“I did? Must have slipped my mind. He was kind of weird,” Aang fiddled. Katara knew she would have to talk to him about it later. Something about all that didn’t seem right. If Aang did know what this Blue Spirit was, why did he hesitate? She fixated on this question to avoid Sokka’s bragging about the whole fortuneteller incident. She had already admitted that she could have been wrong about all that; why did he insist on rubbing it in her face? Brothers…

“That was when we decided to go to a fire nation festival-”

“Despite the fact that I had decided that it was a bad idea,”

“It all ended well, Sokka,” Katara intervened.

“Well? Well? If your definition of ‘well’ is ‘almost burned to death’, well then, it all ended well,”

“I am really enjoying this account of your failures. Makes me feel like the success factor of the group,”

“Ugh,”

“Anyway,” Aang started again, “That’s how we met Jeong Jeong and I got to try firebending for the first time,”

“I know,” the Master said and they all looked at him in disbelief.

“But…how?”

“Jeong Jeong took the risk of writing me a lengthy letter after meeting you,”

“Really? What did he say?” Aang asked.

“How do you know him?” Katara added.

“You probably wouldn’t want to know what he said. He was never known for being very tolerating, especially towards his students” the Master smiled apologetically at Aang before turning to Katara, “Only a few people manage to escape the yoke of the Fire Nation and live to tell the tale. Those who do know one another,”

“So you are a deserter too?”

“Not exactly,” when he saw their confusion, he added, “Deserter is used for those who defect from the army. By the time I had broken ties with the Fire Nation and its war, I had not been a soldier for 17 years,”

“What were you then?”

“First, a governor, and then a teacher,”

“Were you ever a soldier?”

“For ten years in my youth, but I quit as soon as I had completed the compulsory 10 years. I have always found war irksome,”

“It really is,” Aang sighed, “Sometimes, I wonder how the world came to this in just a hundred years. So much has changed,”

“Never mind a hundred years. So much has changed over the last ten years that I am losing track,” Master Piandao shook his head, “So many of us have been born into war that we don’t know what we will do with peace when it comes,”

“Seriously, I have never considered that,” Toph threw her head back, “Except for Twinkle toes, none of us has ever known peace,”

“I don’t know about you guys, but I will definitely take Katara shopping after all this. Brother’s promise,”

“When did that happen?”

“Shopping sounds nice,” Aang laughed, “I happen to know-”

“A cool place from a hundred years ago. No offense Aang, that hasn’t worked out so well so far,”

“Hey, when did it backfire?”

“When did it not?”

“Uh…the northern air temple?”

“Right, when we literally had to stop a Fire Nation invasion?”

“Hey,” Katara intervened, “You became an inventor thanks to that,”

“True, but it certainly wasn’t an ideal vacation spot,”

“I am really wondering how you guys managed to stop an invasion without me,”

“With wits,”

“Wits? You? Sounds like you got lucky,”

“Actually, we stopped two invasions without you, so it definitely wasn’t luck,”

“Aha,”

“Anyway,” Katara started, “We reached the North after much trouble, and thankfully managed to find a waterbending teacher for both me and Aang,”

“Again, after much trouble,” Sokka laughed, “You see, apparently, women are forbidden from waterbending there so Katara had to fight a master. Now, I don’t approve my sister getting into fights and getting soaked at every other attack, but that was something to behold,”

The Master turned to Katara, “Who was this bender that you fought?”

“Master Pakku,”

“Did he agree to teach you because you won?”

“I didn’t exactly win, but I think he realized he was being a douche,”

“Literally, because, you know, water,” Sokka grinned manically.

“Okay, okay,” the Master raised his hands, “Katara, I know you are not my student, but allow me to say that I am very proud of you for managing to kick some sense into Pakku. He was starting to get on my nerves,” and with that he sipped his tea amid their confusion.

“You know Master Pakku too?” Katara asked, bewildered

“Don’t tell me he is a Fire Nation defector too,” Sokka whispered.

“I know him from my travels. After I left the Fire Nation eleven years ago, I toured the world in search of the truths about the war,”

“What did you find?”

“Some truths, many lies; some friends, many enemies. That is fine, though. One never finds just what one sets out to find. Much change on the way,” he turned to Aang again, “I did hear much about the siege of the North. It must have been very difficult for all, but especially for you,”

“It really was. I learned that too much power is never good. Even if wielded for the right reasons, it causes much carnage,”Aang lowered his voice to a whisper, “And death,”

The Master nodded, “I understand your dilemma, but unfortunately, a hundred years of war cannot be reversed except by force. Sacrifices must be made to make way for the future,” when he saw Aang’s distress, he added, “It is your awareness of the dangers of power that makes you different. I trust that you will know when and how to use it because you know the consequences,”

“I hope I never have to again, especially when I am not the one in control,”

With that, he explained what happened in General Fong’s base, their return to Omashu, and their adventures in the swamp.

“And then, they found me. The Blind Bandit, I called myself in those days,”

“Toph, that was a few months ago,”

“Now, now, Sugar Queen. It’s my turn,” Toph leaned forward as she went on, “After being chased by three crazed girls-”

“One who happened to be the Princess of the Fire Nation-”

“We settled to teach Aang some earthbending, which shouldn’t include any sort of whining, in my opinion and well, it did. But anyway, we made headway when Sokka fell into a hole-”

“It wasn’t just that! I was missing for a day and no one cared! I even swore off meat and sarcasm. It has been so difficult,”

“So are you a straight-talking vegetarian now?” the Master asked.

“No, that’s Aang’s job,”

“Then what was difficult?”

“Saying the words, of course,”

The Master gave a small laugh and shook his head, “Of course,”

“Oh well, you made up for it by almost getting us killed at a crazy spirit library and stranding us in a desert,” Toph retorted.

“How did you kids survive?”

“Oh it wasn’t much. We did make it to Ba Sing Se in five pieces and that’s what matters,”

“Five?”

“Four people and a lemur. Also, what is wrong with Ba Sing Se? It was hell. Absolute hell of Joo Dee’s. The king was nothing more than a Dai Li puppet. Honestly, he was a bit of an imbecile regardless. We discovered an underground enclosure called-”

“Lake Laogai,” The Master said quietly and for once, Katara saw marks of discomfort on his face. The wind suddenly turned cold.

“You know?”

“Let’s say that I have had my own experiences of the place,”

“But…” Toph paused as she connected the dots, “You were brainwashed too, weren’t you?”

Katara hoped against hope that the answer was a resounding “No”. She had had enough of that stupid place, of those stupid guards. They had cost them so much…

The Master nodded solemnly, “My search took me there. I knew there had to be something in the Impenetrable city, but what I found was beyond any expectations,”

The silence extended. What had they done? Had they just told the whole of their journey to a brainwashed agent? Katara started doubting everything he had said. What if this was all a lie? Toph sat forward, allowing her feet to touch the ground.

“And now?” she asked warily.

“Now what?”

“Are you still…?”

“Agni, no,” he laughed, “How else could I have escaped as I did? I even went to find a healer afterwards to make sure that I was still in full possession of my faculties,”

“Did you ever go back?”

“No,”

“Why? Were you scared that you would fall back?”

“No, because it is not wise to pick fights you cannot win. I got everything I needed from there. There was no need to take more risks,”

Toph gave Katara a small nod as she asked, “What did you take?”

“Alright, listen,” he sat forward with a serious expression, “Normally, I don’t approve of rule breaking. Moral, social, whatever. Rules should be revered-”

“To hell with that-”

“But on the search for truth, one might have to go against the tide. That’s ok too,”

“So?”

He sighed, “I borrowed some books from the forbidden library,”

Toph clapped, “You stole. You got in trouble for stealing books. That’s the good stuff. You really are Sokka’s Master then,”

The Master smiled apologetically, “I will return them once things get better,”

“Why? You probably put them to better use than rotting. Were they at least worth the trouble? Did you find ‘truth’?”

“I think so,”

“What did you discover?” Aang chimed in.

“I learned why Ba Sing Se is the way it is, and why the king is an ‘imbecile’ as she puts it,” he paused to make sure he had their attention before he went on, “It seems that King Kuei was never meant to be King,”

“How?”

“King Kuei is the son of Princess Shuang who was the youngest child of King Longwei. Her two older brothers and all their children died in the war-back then, the royal family of Ba Sing Se was much more involved with the war. She ascended to the throne upon the assassination of her youngest nephew Tengfei, which seems to have made a profound impression on her, at least, according to what the books say. In an effort to protect her own family from the same fate, she strengthened the Dai Li, closed off Ba Sing Se, and limited the spread of knowledge about the war. Her efforts could have yielded positive results if she were in charge; unfortunately, her sudden death in 68 AG resulted in the crowning of the four-year-old Prince Kuei as king.  Since he obviously couldn’t maintain the balance created by his mother at that age, King Kuei relied heavily on advisers who cared more about increasing their own power rather than running a kingdom. More than thirty years have passed, and you can see the effects of that reliance,”

“Wow,” Sokka whistled, “Who could have thought? So Lake Laogai and the Joo Dee’s and all that were created during King Kuei’s time?”

“During his childhood,”

“How can people accept such measures so easily? It’s not even a lifetime away,”

The Master shrugged, “People want to live,”

“That’s a simple explanation,”

“It is the only one,”

“I wish we wanted to live,” Sokka continued, “But no, we had to go back and fix things,”

“You were the one who wanted to go back,”

“And as my sister, I think you should stop me from making bad decisions,” Sokka clenched his jaw, “Anyway, we waited for night to settle and flew Appa towards the palace under the cover of darkness-”

“Who is Appa?”

“He is our big, furry, sky bison,” Sokka grinned, “And thanks to him, we managed to drop from a chimney right into the Palace. After that, finding the King was child’s play,”

“Really?”

“No, we fought some troops, broke some doors, and almost got framed by that leech Long Feng before we convinced the King to listen to us. For once, all seemed to work, can you believe it? I wish it lasted longer than a day,” he sighed.

“Turns out, Princess Azula had entered Ba Sing Se, disguised as our old friends, the Kyoshi Warriors,” Katara picked up the story again, “The disgraced Dai Li flocked to her side, orchestrated a coup, and threw me in the crystal caves beneath the city. After some time, they brought in Zuko as well. Thankfully, our absences were noticed and it wasn’t long before Aang and his uncle found us. Aang and I went ahead to give them some space. That was when Azula caught up with us. We fought against her and her agents, but there were too many. Aang was going into the Avatar State when Zuko…he took a lightning bolt and fell,”

“Did he- did he really-”

“Yes. He had no pulse. Iroh told us to escape as he covered for us. We have been travelling away from there ever since,”

It really had been so long, hadn’t it? Nine months of war and chaos and the sun was setting on yet another day. Katara took deep breaths as she tried to avoid the memory of that day, the smell of burnt flesh, the blood on her hands…

“I am at a loss for words,” Master Piandao spoke after some silence, “But I am glad you kids have decided to stay over for today. It must feel good to rest and look back for a while,”

“But the worst is ahead,” Katara sighed, “We can’t even have the comfort of saying it’s all behind us now,”

“Yes, but dwelling on that will only make you weary and resentful. Hopefully, if all goes well, you will be able to sit around just like this and learn to reminisce, to laugh, to relax. That’s worth looking ahead to, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose it is,” she tried to smile, “Worrying won’t do much good,”

“To hell with worrying,” Toph cheered.

“To hell!” they all chanted in unison. Perhaps this really was good. Katara hadn’t been a fretter before; it was definitely the effect of their stay in Ba Sing Se. She wondered if she would ever recover from that. From the sense of loss.

“It’s getting cold,” The Master stood, “Go to the house; take a bath if you want; make yourself at home. I’ll go check on Zuko,”

“You know, if you want, I can just earthbend your gardens as help,”

“And take away the poor boy’s favourite pastime? Please don’t,”

“I don’t think Sparky likes gardening,”

“Well, he will come back, too tired to be ill mannered. That’s good enough,” after a pause, he added, “Zuko does like working. It’s the best way to put one’s mind at rest,”

“Well, isn’t he a weirdo,” Sokka laughed as he went into the house.

The Master turned to Katara once everyone was inside “Aren’t you going in?”

Katara decided quickly. She had much to settle.

“No, I think I will walk with you and check on Zuko,”

“Come along then. I am sure he has done an excellent job,”

Notes:

Purposes of this chapter:
1-Master Piandao wanted to learn what happened, and also he wanted the kids to relax.
2-I needed to give you guys some information about my version of events and some of EK history. Honestly, I have always found it a little unrealistic that the Gaang broke into the palace in broad daylight. I get it, they are talented, but the fact that they took on so many troops means that everyone else is dumb. I wanted it to be a little more plausible; my Gaang is still strong, but they still have much ground to improve.
3-JoKeS. Since I am not re-writing the whole thing, I gotta get it out of my system hehe.
On an entirely unrelated point, I lowkey love the idea of discovering White Lotus dynamics. I imagined that Piandao is the calm voice of reason; he listens to everyone even if he doesn't care about the topic because CiViLiTy. Iroh is the baby of the group (he is the youngest according to my version), Bumi is the crazy one (do I even need to say this?), Pakku is a lot like Piandao in person-both respect tradition and duty- but Piandao has that whole "I have changed my entire belief system" thing which makes him more open minded. Yugoda (YES SHE IS A PART OF THIS) is the resident healer and Pakku took issue with her participation, but Iroh was like keep your opinions to yourself. Still she gets along with Pakku (she knows he wants to protect her) and is best buddies with Jeong Jeong. Jeong Jeong is the OrGaNiZeD cHaOs who fights with Pakku all the time "because he is backminded" and thinks that Piandao is the only tolerable one in the group (other than Yugoda of course).
Also: "I respect all water benders" 'sees Pakku' "Except that one. He is a jerk"
So the dynamic:
Iroh: I flirted with a girl, but she doesn't like me :(
Yugoda: Maybe try getting her some flowers? Take her on a date?
Pakku: 'rolls eyes'
Piandao: 'doesn't really care, but wants to be civil' 'pats shoulder'
Bumi: Encase her in crystal. If she eats it, she is the one.
Jeong Jeong: Who cares about your lonely soul?
Iroh: :,(
I LOVE THIS

Chapter 17: Fathers of War

Notes:

You guys wanna know why I didn't post last week? Do YoU rEaLlY wAnT tO kNoW? Check the notes below.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Katara took deep breaths, hoping to forever engrave these beautiful gardens in her mind. She missed home dearly for most of their travels, but the truth was that there was no such variety there. The Earth and Fire Kingdoms were both so full of life and colour as opposed to the endless stretches of snow in the North and South. She loved them all, but for the first time, she realized she would have a hard time adapting to her home after all that she had seen. It was almost as though she belonged to the world now, not just to the tundra where she had spent most of her life. In a way, the world had become home.

“What’s on your mind?” the Master interrupted her thoughts.

“These flowers. I wish there were more of them back home,”

“There are flowers for every time and climate. For instance, plum blossoms bloom only in winter. Gekka Bijin only bloom at night and during summer,”

“Gekka Bijin?”

“Beauty under the Moon or Queen of the Night. They have many names,”

“How lovely,” she sighed.

“Don’t worry; you will find home,”

“What do you mean?”

The Master turned to face her, “I understand what it is to be homeless, to feel as though you are rootless and drifting at every breeze, but I have created my own home here. I am sure you will do the same,”

“I hope so too, but there are more important things to focus on now. Something very specific actually…”

She was quiet for so long that the Master spoke, “What is it?”

Katara fiddled uncomfortably as she spoke. She needed someone, anyone, to assure her. It was so unfortunate that she didn’t consider anyone in their group emotionally mature enough for the task. Sokka would probably tell her that she was being unreasonable, that she wasn’t to blame. Katara didn’t need that now; she needed the truth.

“Look, I barely know you and you barely know me, but…you know Zuko, so I think you can help me with my…dilemma,”

“Which is?”

“Which is…You know, we told you everything about our journey and so much has happened out of our control. Good and bad things. I am just saying that…” Katara took a deep breath, “I feel like I have caused Zuko’s death,”

The Master gave her such a stern look that Katara felt it necessary to explain the situation. She related in length the story of how she had inadvertently informed Azula of Zuko’s presence in the city, which led to his imprisonment with her and ultimately, to his death under those bizarre circumstances which they all still had trouble accepting.

“Oh, dear Agni,” The Master laughed quietly, “I almost panicked,”

“What?”

“You said it as though you had personally done him harm and I had just started to wonder about what I should do with you. You should really consider saying matters in a more straight forward way and save me the trouble next time,”

“You don’t think I am to blame?”

“Why, of course not. So much could have happened between you reporting him and his…his fall. It isn’t your fault; it is the fault of the one who put him there in the first place. Did he blame you? Is that why you are upset?”

“No he didn’t. The truth is, he doesn’t know I reported him. I was wondering if I should tell him. Would he blame me?”

The Master thought for a moment, “He probably would, but if you ask me, you should just tell him all the same,”

“Why? Why not just let it go and forget about it?”

“I often say that honesty is the best policy and with good reason too. Would you rather tell him now and have him be upset for a while until he accepts it and moves on or have Princess Azula tell him that next time you meet and turn him against you?”

“Fair point,” Katara shrugged.

“Of course it is. You should tell him as soon as you- oh would you look at that,” the Master pointed, “He has fixed two of my gardens. Wonderful,”

Katara instead looked at Zuko, and her heart ached. He was lying down with his head and back leaning on a low rock. His face was so deathly pale in the light of the setting sun that he looked like a spirit. His skin was dry with an almost blue tint as though he were freezing inside out. His fingers were blistered and full of scratches, and she shuddered to think that this was the only sign of life in him. Indeed, he looked more like a statue that had fallen over than an actual human being. The thought filled her with dread.

“Zuko,” the Master whispered as he knelt, “Wake up. It’s night already,”

A tremor passed through Zuko. His eyes flew open and in an instant, without even giving Katara the chance to gasp or scream, his hand moved forward with an unsheathed knife. The Master caught his wrist and slammed it on the rock as he mumbled in an annoyed voice, “It’s just me. Get up,” as he helped him up and added, “You know I won’t let you in for dinner in this state.”

Zuko gritted his teeth and stared daggers at the two of them. The Master did not seem at all bothered, but Katara was unnerved by his seeming lethargy, shocking agility, and vacant look. It was as though he didn’t recognize them at all; no, worse, he looked at them and the world as though they were his enemy, even if he knew otherwise. Katara knew as they walked quietly towards the house that telling him the truth would be much more difficult than she had envisioned.

Zuko begrudgingly rubbed the white towel on his hair as he walked towards the house where everyone awaited him for dinner. He wanted nothing more than a long, dreamless sleep, but the Master had never put him to bed without dinner, despite his protests, and those would not help him now either. He looked down at his clothes and felt uncomfortable anew. They were Lu Ten’s; according to Master, Lu Ten had left some of his belongings in his house as he was planning to stay there for a while after he returned from Ba Sing Se. He had not come back, and now, Zuko was draped in clothes that were a little too large for him as they had been made for a 25 year old, not a 16 year old. Death had come for him too soon.

For both of us,” Zuko thought as he folded his sleeves and walked into the house.

Everyone sat cross-legged on the floor around the low wooden table on which plates, chopsticks, spoons, pots, and candles were arranged exactly as Zuko remembered them to be from years ago. Zuko realized then that Master Piandao really had not changed one bit; he was the problem; he, who had transformed from friendly child to enraged youth to almost apathetic adult. He was disgusted with himself and looked around gingerly to channel those feelings elsewhere. Thankfully, there was always something to fixate on.

“Why is he wearing my old clothes?” he grumbled, pointing at the Avatar.

“A little accident took place. His will be fine by morning,”

“Sorry about the sweet cream,” the Avatar mumbled sheepishly.

“I wouldn’t have forgiven you, but there is blubbered seal jerky, so I am in a magnanimous mood,” Sokka grinned.

“I don’t care-”

“Zuko, you aren’t 13 anymore anyway, and you yourself are wearing clothes that are not your own. Just sit down, eat, and sleep. You are tired,”

Of course, Master was right. Zuko was wondering how he was going to move his arms and eat, and here he was, wasting his precious little energy on the stupid clothes he had left behind when he was 13. Why did it matter? He sat down and lowered his head.

“Also, you shouldn’t have left your stuff lying around,”

“That was three years ago,” Zuko gritted his teeth.

“Do I have to tidy everything up after you? It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. I hope you will not do it again,”

“Yes, I will not,” Zuko replied sarcastically, knowing that he probably wouldn’t even get the chance to, but the irony was lost on Master as it always was. He continued, in the same spirit, “But I still wonder why you had to tidy up anything in the first place. You could have just waited until I came back. I wasn’t gone forever.”

“Yes, well, I was running out of time because the Firelord had forgotten his ‘lordliness’ and focused on his ‘fire’ in regards to me. I had to flee after your departure,”

“He was going to kill you,”

“Probably,”

“So this house isn’t that old house?”

“Well, some earthbender friends suggested bending the house away as it is, but I decided to settle on the islands, as far away as possible from the public eye, so that idea was abandoned. I had this one made exactly as the other, but with larger gardens,” he paused a moment before asking, “Does it feel the same to you?”

“No,”

“Pity,”

“You should have just taken the eartbending offer,” Toph intervened, “Seems generous,”

“Who was the crazy guy who thought of that?” Sokka asked as he dug into the seal jerky.

“King Bumi,”

“You know him too?” Katara and Sokka blurted at the same time.

“Who doesn’t? Omashu is always the best places to learn about war,” a smile flashed across the Master’s face, “Though what happens in Omashu, stays in Omashu,”

“What does that even mean?”

“Oh, it’s an old joke. Actually, more like an old wisdom from the fifth siege of Omashu at which I was present,”

“You besieged Omashu?”

“Five times?”

“No, no,” the Master raised his hands, “The Fire Nation besieged Omashu six times in a hundred years and only two were successful. The third siege, under the command of the formidable Prince Michiya, and the sixth siege, which ended shockingly peacefully, under general Ukano, who is currently the governor there. All others were crushing defeats, and I took part in only one of them for two months. But we don’t talk about that,”

“Why not?”

“Just…no,”

Zuko coughed as he tried to stop himself from laughing. Since Sokka and Katara didn’t pester Master enough for the truth, he would have to tell it himself. He thought he was evil for doing this, but the Master had just made him work in the garden for a whole day. It was only fair.

“I know why. Uncle told me everything,”

“What did he tell you?”

“He told me that you were crying face first in the dirt after the siege failed and that was why you left the army to become a governor,”

The Master froze for a moment, as though he were at a loss for words. Then, he rolled his eyes-which meant that he was at the peak of frustration-and spoke calmly, “Of course he would say that, but consider, since you know both of us: which of us is more likely to be crying, ‘No one will ever respect me again’ while lying face first in the dirt? Me or your uncle?”

“Uncle,” Zuko answered after some thought. He had no idea why it hadn’t occurred to him before.

“He slandered you,” Toph grinned, “Sounds like cool uncle isn’t so cool after all,”

The Master shrugged, “I wouldn’t say slander, but he does have a weird habit of attributing emotions I am practically incapable of to me with the excuse of making me ‘lose my chill’ for once. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean,”

Of course, Zuko knew. Anyone who saw Master Piandao knew.

“Maybe because you are very…calm?” Katara asked, as if she were stating it.

“Nonsense, Uncle is also calm,” Toph interjected.

“He is calm now,” Master huffed, “There was a time when he was the heir to the Dragon Throne and one of the most successful generals of his time,”

“So he was an angry freak?”

“Not as much as he could have been, given the family, but he was definitely less serene, especially in times of defeat. I can’t really blame him though, considering that he had to live up to Firelord Azulon’s expectations and Prince Michiya’s standards. Indeed, if Azulon were alive, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I would suggest that we all dug some graves and waited for death for there would be-” he stopped short, realizing what a gruesome picture he had painted for a handful of children, waved his hand as if dismissing the idea, and continued, “Anyhow, none of that matters-”

“Wait, it’s the second time you are mentioning this Prince Michiya. Who is he? Also, why is Azulon more dangerous than Ozai? From what I hear, the current Firelord is terrifying enough,”

“That is only because you don’t know Azulon, Sokka. If only you knew,” the Master replied sourly.

“Knew what?”

“I know that Firelord Ozai is terrifying enough, but he is still manageable. Azulon was different in every way. He had some sort of diabolical intelligence coupled with cold ruthlessness and inexplicable insight. Some thought that he could read minds or look into the future like a seer, but I don’t believe that; no, it is way more chilling to accept that he had an extraordinary and systematic knowledge of human thought processes and how to interpret them for his own benefit, seeing ten steps ahead as everyone else lingered behind. As if that weren’t enough, there is the legend which I had often dismissed until I had seen it with my own eyes: his firebending,” he paused, shaking his head.

“What legend?”

“He was born the day of Sozin’s Comet, at its zenith, and it was often said that he bore the power of it within him, that he was as strong as a hundred firebenders all his life. I thought it was just a myth, until I saw him beat Iroh, Ozai, and Lu Ten, the strongest firebenders after himself, all at once, at age 89. I had never seen any firebender with so much skill and raw power. Needless to say, leaving the Fire Nation during Azulon’s time remains my wildest act so far,” he smiled, almost nervously, at the terror on the children’s faces.

“When did he die?”

“95 AG,”

“Good riddance,”

“Indeed. I wouldn’t want to see him wielding the combined power of two comets either,”

“One comet is already enough, thank you very much,” Katara huffed.

“Ok, how about the other guy? Prince Michiya?”

“A nobody to jealous nobles, but the truth is far from that,” the Master gave a small laugh before he continued, “Prince Michiya was Firelord Azulon’s protégé and one of the longest reigning war ministers in the history of the Fire Nation, definitely the most successful. A man remarkable for the fact that he is very unremarkable,”

“What is that even supposed to mean?” the Avatar wondered aloud.

“I think I might have a picture of him somewhere around here. Give me a moment,” with that, he got up, and opened a drawer at a nearby desk. Zuko knew this was his chance. He slowly pushed away his half-eaten bowl of extra spicy fire noodles, made annoyingly the way he liked it. Master Piandao did not understand the concept of not having an appetite. “You are young; you must eat,” he would argue as he had often done. Zuko had been a picky eater as a child; years at sea had forced him to adapt to whatever he could find at ports, which could at times be terrible; one year as a fugitive had taught him to eat little. Truly unfortunate for his Master.

He came back, pushed the bowl back in front of him with a swift move and a pointed look, and spread the poster for all to see. Zuko scowled at him as everyone leaned forward.

“That’s him? Why do you have a poster of a war minister?” the Avatar asked.

“He looks remarkable,” Toph folded her arms.

“More like…you know…”

“He looks like a child!” Sokka exclaimed, “You expect me to believe that this baby faced guy was a terror?”

“He was in his forties when this picture was made,”

“He looks 25,”

“That was the mistake his opponents often made. They underestimated him due to his youthful look and slim profile. Those who lost to him know better. ‘The nonbender who bent the fate of the war’ King Bumi once said about him. Nothing could be truer. As a general and later as war minister, he pushed into the Earth Kingdom farther than anyone ever had. There was a point in the war when Ba Sing Se was the only city left standing. It is only recently that many regions broke out of Fire Nation control, except for Omashu, which had broken out much sooner.”

“And you say he was a nonbender?”

“Yes, and that was only one of the things that offended nobles. He was an obscure orphan with no family, no connections, nothing seemingly remarkable about him, who had risen above them all and won the Firelord’s favour, so much that he practically raised three Imperial Princes: Iroh and Lu Ten partially, and Ozai fully. Every nonbender aspired to be like him,”

“Even you?” Toph asked.

“Even I, back in the old days when we all cared about status, and he was the highest example, declared a Prince by Azulon himself and given equal authority as his heir in matters of the state. Iroh often joked that Azulon might as well leave the throne to him,”

“You sound like you admire him still,” Katara observed.

“Perhaps,” the Master sighed, “I respect him as one of the greatest swordmasters to ever live, but even that has its limits. The Agni Kai that he fought is still-”

Zuko dropped his chopsticks, “He did what now? That is not even allowed! How…how?”

The Master gave him a somewhat sorrowful look as though he had just realized what this little slip of the tongue could mean to Zuko. A nonbender, who was legally not allowed to fight, had fought and won. He had refused his chance to fight. He was a shameful, dishonourable coward.

“What is an Agni Kai?” the Avatar asked, clearly intrigued. Zuko gulped and hoped no one noticed.

“It’s a fire duel,”

“How can a nonbender fight a bending duel?”

“And win?” Sokka added.

“Well, I don’t know; I wasn’t there. Azulon allowed him; his word was law. They say it lasted a good 20 minutes and was certainly too brutal for children,”

“Oh for badgermoles’ sake! We are literally fighting a war, just say it,”

“You shouldn’t be. It’s these ill circumstances and ill times,”

“And yet, we are. We should know about the world. Hell, I fought in bending tournaments myself. I am a champion, and I can salute a fellow winner, enemy or not, if he were good enough,”

The Master smiled at her bitterly, “I don’t think you took an opponent apart finger by finger, limb by limb in front of the whole city for insulting you, did you? I don’t think you dismembered your opponent so thoroughly that they were nothing, but blind, deaf, and dumb, unable even to beg for the mercy of death, did you? There, you have it. It was a blood bath and it is a terrible world. You can only win as a monster,” the Master closed his eyes, “Forgive me. I might have gone too far. I just wish you never meet him. He is more dangerous than he looks,”

“So much for unremarkable,” Sokka whispered.

“He is still alive?”

“He is old now, but I bet his mind is as sharp as ever,” he turned to Sokka, “I meant unremarkable in that he was exceedingly taciturn and traditional. He acted in accordance with the rules, never strayed from the established norms of behaviour, as a soldier, minister, teacher, or even, father. That was how he shocked people at the most unexpected times: he knew too well how his enemies expected him to act and countered them in ways that caught them off guard without disadvantaging himself. If Firelord Azulon were a seer, with inexplicable insights that put him ten steps ahead, then Prince Michiya is more like an all-seeing-eye, gifted with an unequaled attention to the minutest details, facts that would never mislead, that allowed him to fill all the remaining nine steps. Needless to say, their success was tied as much to their combined effort as to their individual traits. Together, they brought the world to its knees,”

“You claim that they were unusual, fantastical almost, and yet, you seem to know them so well. How does that work?” Katara asked.

“This is the result of fourteen years of living in their proximity, teaching their children and grandchildren. It’s possible that Prince Michiya knew more about me in that one year when I brought him reports of his sons’ academic achievements and left wordlessly, than I can ever hope to know about him in a lifetime. It should be my life’s lesson to never associate with men of unusual intelligence. Those can tear you to shreds with their minds,” the Master finished, almost cheerfully.

Notes:

I don't know how proper it is for an author to write comments on their own story,but I shall continue doing it anyway, so here we go:
Main ships: Sokka and Seal jerky :). Piandao had probably gotten them for Pakku at one time when the latter was staying over, but he himself isn't particularly fond of water tribe food...
About Prince Michiya: The title "Prince" doesn't mean "Imperial Prince", I tried to make the distinction clear. Kind of like Prince Bismarck or Prince Metternich, it means someone of the highest rank of nobility and apparently, there is a similar title in East Asian cultures as well. Also, in this way, the title isn't hereditary; it's only meant for the person who receives it, as a distinction. This might just prove useful later in the story...
Needless to say, Azulon was an issue...
Also, people: We are reading this fic for Zutara
Me: LeT mE dEvElOp My LoRe :D. Seriously, these chapters are just gonna be lore.
....
Now, as to WHY I didn't post. Oh boy.
Two weeks ago I was worrying about my eye doctor appointment. I went and they applied so many drops that my eyes hurt for days. I also changed my glasses and adapting to them took time. That was my biggest issue then.
Over the course of the next week (that is, this week), my issues naturally changed to a whopping: I am changing countries. AGAIN. Thanks, bosses. We were kinda expecting it, but I didn't know it would be so soon. Anyway my entire summer will be a good switch between three countries again. I can do this. "Sighs in 12 houses, 5 cities, 4 countries, 3 continents changed in the last 12 years" Soooo ready.
My friends often suggested that I should write an autobiography, that my adventures are more fantastical than anything fictional I could come up with. Oh well. One day, I will tell you guys about that time I accidentally disappeared from my country's records (ThAnKs BuReAuCrAcY) and my friends jokingly hailed me as a spy (I SWEAR IT'S SO MUCH MORE INNOCENT THAN IT SOUNDS).

Chapter 18: Children of War

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“From all our conversations, Omashu seems like the best place to live. Strong and safe. Also, I would certainly like to meet this King Bumi you all keep talking about,”

“Just steer clear of crystals,”

“I can bend them myself, sweetness,”

“Just remember: what happens in Omashu, stays in Omashu,” the Master mumbled.

“It’s the second time you are saying that and I still have no idea why,”

“It’s the rule,” then, turning to Zuko, he continued, “See, it’s not the end of the world to finish your plate,”

“You are too talkative today,” Zuko countered.

“Perhaps. I might have surpassed my own limits when I locked myself in four months ago. It must be affecting me,”

“Clearly,”

“Hey, explain the rule! I don’t like rules; I like them even less when I don’t know what they are for,”

“How wise,” the Master answered, but Toph fixed him with a stern glance until he laughed quietly and added, “Everyone who goes to Omashu ends up having an embarrassing experience, and if they don’t have the inclination, King Bumi ensures it,”

“I think I can outdo him,”

“Don’t be so sure of yourself,”

“Oh please. I certainly have no inclination to cry face first in the dirt and attribute it to others,” she grinned manically at Zuko.

“There is probably more to it than that,” Zuko looked pointedly at Master Piandao who merely looked down. “Why won’t you tell?”

“I don’t want to embarrass a friend, that’s all,”

“Technically, said friend slandered you which gives you the right to at least tell the truth?” Katara urged.

“So you are saying that the rules of friendship can be bent according to circumstances?”

“I suppose…”

“Interesting…well then. If anyone asks-”

“We didn’t hear it from you,”

“On the contrary, you did hear it from me. At least, I am honest,” he huffed.

“If it will be a long story, can you at least give us that black drink from hell?” Zuko almost pleaded. He wanted to sleep, but he didn’t even have the energy to, so he would stay awake anyway. He wanted it to be bearable.

“No, I will not give you coffee, certainly not this late at night,” the Master narrowed his eyes, “Also, it’s not suitable for children; how many times do I have to explain?”

“What’s that?” Sokka asked

“I am not a child!”

The Master ignored both, which would have normally caused Zuko to smolder, and went on, “So anyway, Omashu. I went as Iroh’s second in command and with little hope. I knew the city had resisted all, but Prince Michiya, and that had only been a year-long lapse in its otherwise strong defense. Iroh thought differently: he was young and daring; his successes in his earlier campaigns had made him overconfident. ‘Three months at most, then Omashu will fall; you’ll see,’ he would assure me when I tried to warn him. As chance would have it, those were some of the most torturous two months of my life,” he shook his head as if to refresh his memory, “I knew then that this was war, it was supposed to be trying. I know now that it was wrong in the first place, and I still ask myself: did it have to be this frustrating?”

“Did something terrible happen?” Katara asked after some silence that foreshadowed evil.

“Not the traditional sort of terrible; more of a tragicomic episode of humiliation for the Fire Nation- which is almost always well-deserved but still- the image never really left my mind. The situation was that every morning we woke up to attack, and every morning King Bumi would sit at the top most place in the city, where we could all see him, and have his breakfast. Every morning, he would laugh so loud that it would reach our ears and send a letter to Iroh, saying, ‘Your breakfast is getting cold, Your Majesty’. At first, it was a mere joke. We all laughed and thought he was crazy. Then, as the days passed, and the siege wore on; it became like an annoying wasp. It was mental torture, I tell you. To have the exact same thing happen, over and over again. I never believed in army morale until then,”

Zuko laughed; he couldn’t bear it. How bizarre the world was. When he realized the Master stare at him, he scoffed, “I just think that it is ridiculous how you, who has seen war, gore, and bloodshed would be so bothered by a stupid breakfast,”

“Well, of course you are right. It wouldn’t have mattered if we had captured the city; it would even have become a crazy old joke to look back on instead of the ‘What happens there, stays there’ mantra we all adopted. We didn’t, thankfully, I say now, but then it was obviously different. At the end of two months, with a stroke of luck, we ended up capturing the heiress, Princess Oma. It seemed like the siege would be at an end soon. In retrospect, not capturing her would have been wiser. She was a spitfire: she never shut up, cursed more than was tolerable, didn’t let us sleep for days on end. If she were anyone less important, she would certainly be killed, but as it is, Iroh had opened negotiations for Omashu’s surrender in exchange for its Princess. All seemed to be going well until, one night, we saw dark figures circling our camp in the distance. Scouts were sent and returned, pale as death, claiming the we were surrounded, that aid had arrived from another city to relieve the siege. Our supply lines were cut; it was too late then to attempt a quick victory. Iroh and King Bumi met on the bridge for final negotiations, to ensure that we wouldn’t be slaughtered. It was agreed that Omashu would not be attacked for fifteen years and that the Princess would be returned in exchange for our peaceful retreat, and she was, that very night, as sign of goodwill. We were all relieved; we had gotten off lightly. That sense lasted until morning,” he flinched and was silent until Toph, delighted by the story, asked impatiently, “Why? What happened?”

“Turns out, we weren’t actually surrounded. Those dark figures were merely pillars of Earth, made to look like soldiers in the dark of the night. The scouts we had sent had been tied up and replaced by the few earthbenders who had come up with the plan, namely, Prince Xiang, Princess Oma’s younger, nonbending brother, and his band of hundred soldiers who had just arrived from abroad. We turned around and there was King Bumi on the bridge with his daughter and people, laughing at us. Iroh wanted to break the agreement on grounds of perfidy; I had never him seen him so indignant and never have since. King Bumi merely laughed in response, ‘It would not be proper for a Prince to tarnish his name by going back on his word so early in his career.’ We had to accept defeat, but no, that wasn’t enough either. The Princess and her brother led us amid the Earth pillar-soldiers, singing along with everyone, songs of their national sentiment and of our humiliation and defeat. It was emotionally, spiritually exhausting to feel the embarrassment of an entire army; it felt as though ants were crawling on my skin. When I reached my house, I spent two days in absolute darkness, just to clear my mind from that over-stimulation of the senses. It was too much,” he finished, rubbing his fingers on his temples with the remembrance.

“I think you have suffered enough telling us this story. Maybe eat your dinner and sleep,” Zuko offered coolly and Toph snickered. “Good,” he thought as he looked over at her, “I found myself an ally.”

“If anything, I am even more willing to go to Omashu now,”

The Master gave both of them a displeased look as Sokka cheerfully gave his opinion, “Ok, I see that it was terribly embarrassing, but I don’t understand why you are so utterly disturbed by it. You must admit that embarrassing imperialists is a brilliant way to fend them off,”

“Imagine you are trying to think seriously about war, but your last image of it is a bunch of people singing in mockery and King Bumi snorting over his breakfast,”

“I see what he is getting at,” Katara put in, cringing at the reminder of King Bumi’s annoying snort.

“Thank you,”

“For telling such an amazing story! Do you have more?”  

“Maybe you kids should go to sleep. It’s already two hours past sunset,”

“I have missed a hundred years; I can miss one night’s sleep to know more,”

“The kid has a point,” Zuko agreed, unable to believe that he actually did.

“But-”

“Hey, you invited us over to sleep? Come on; tell us what you did next!” Toph urged.

“I became the governor of Yu Dao,”

“And?”

Master Piandao scoffed and Zuko smirked, amused at how a handful of persistent children was all it took to reverse their moods. He turned to Zuko after looking around at their eager faces and sighed resignedly, “Now you can get the drink from hell. Seems like we will be here a while.”

The conversation took so many turns that Zuko lost count. Master Piandao told of his life in Yu Dao and what a shock it had been to for him to discover how Earth Kingdom people weren’t the uncivilized monsters he had believed them to be for all his life. He had seen earthbenders who were smarter, more diligent, and more successful than firebenders, and the idea had weighed heavily on him.

“Oh no, what a shock,” Toph sneered.

“You don’t understand. It was against everything I had lived for and I was 30 years old then; I thought I knew somethings. As it turned out, I had merely been repeating the same things I was taught in school and had never learned a thing on my own,”

“Ok, but did it never occur to you to question things? At school, I mean. Not once did you wonder whether the world was not what you were told it was?”Sokka asked.

“What good could that have done? I had a friend who did. He used to drive the teachers crazy with his questions and mockeries and come every night to the dormitories with bleeding, purple hands. When I begged him to stop, he would reply, cheerfully as ever, ‘It’s not even about discovering what else is there anymore. I just know that they are wrong; if they weren’t, they wouldn’t do this to me.’ When I asked him how he knew he was right, he would laugh and say that he didn’t, that was why he was so dauntless,”

“What happened then?”

“I left Yu Dao and decided to become a teacher. I couldn’t bear the idea of doubt,”

“No, I mean to your friend,”

“I don’t know. One morning I woke up and he was not there anymore. I asked around, but all I got were furtive glances and curt answers. After a while, I stopped asking,” He wrung his hands and continued quietly, “The sooner you stopped asking, the more comfortable you were, and it didn’t matter whether you were a student, a soldier, or a governor. Asking meant doubting, and doubting was the ultimate sin. You would think that it is a teacher’s job to answer questions, but I assure you that all those questions were scripted, all of them commonplace and insincere. None was asked with inquisitiveness; all was purely mechanical: a class-full of perfect little machines. I was comforted by routine,”

“That sounds more terrifying than comforting,” the Avatar mumbled.

“Well, now it does. Then, it meant that my doubts were over and that I would not disappear. A soul for a decent life. A fine trade, wouldn’t you say?” The children looked at him in horror; he merely shrugged, “I would have gone on that path, teaching in a small school in the countryside where there was little life, without a single unscripted question, and with little regret as to what I was missing, since it terrified me. Fate seemed to have other ideas, and one day, it just so happened that I saw Iroh again as I was shopping in the city. I did what one naturally does when one sees an acquaintance in public- I tried to get away,”

Zuko snorted his coffee at that particular turn, “Why were you running from uncle?”

“I wouldn’t run away from an acquaintance,” Katara huffed.

“I hate middle-of-the-street small talk, and your uncle, well, he excels at it. I wasn’t fast enough or more correctly, he turned out to be faster than I thought. A few hours of ‘small talk’ and suddenly, I had become a teacher in the most prestigious boys school in the country, the Fire Nation Royal Academy for Boys,”

“How? What?”

“I don’t know either. Iroh was convinced I could do better, that he was ‘doing me favor’. I thought that it would even be safer there because you would naturally think that the children of nobles would be more dogmatic about their nations’ aims. I might have been a little wrong about that,” he sipped his coffee before he went on, “There were all sorts of children there, and almost all of them seemed to have some kind of superiority complex. I thought I would never adapt to them; at first, they were all very repulsive to me compared to the simpler children I had left behind. They were very disorganized amongst themselves, but they were taught advanced lessons from a much younger age- you could tell that these children would grow up to be ruthless politicians and coldblooded engineers. I was wrong about that too,”

“You were wrong about many things,” Toph offered offhandedly.

“First impressions often fool us, though you might not agree with my final conclusion,” the Master smiled, “It was a slow process, but at some point, they stopped being the children of nobles and became my students. Then, they meant more to me than anyone could imagine. I might even say that I gradually stopped believing they would be so monstrous once they grew up, despite my better knowledge. Maybe I was merely trying to avoid the idea,”

“I can see that you were. How could you even think that they wouldn’t kill or harm or hurt others with what they learned, from you, or from anyone else?” Katara opposed, somewhat hotheadedly, “I understand the poor village children- you yourself said that they were made to be like machines. What justified these noble and rich children in your eyes?”

“There is a marked difference between an explanation and a justification,” the Master answered, “But yes, you are right; I did turn a blind eye to those facts over the years; there is no use in denying it, but I couldn’t help it. It was difficult to make the connection between these children-rich or not- and the killers of a battlefield. I had been that, even as I disliked war, and I couldn’t see them become me, how could I? How could I see those students who humbly helped me in the armory as the willing murderers of future wars? Or those who restlessly wanted to finish their classwork so they could run outside, climb trees, and ruin their perfectly good uniforms. Or those who would ask the weirdest questions such as ‘Master, why don’t humans have wings?’ or ‘Am I having a midlife crisis? That’s what my dad said’ or my personal favourite from those who were too young to understand the finality of death: ‘Do dead teachers still give homework?’ They were children- privileged and a little spoiled- but they were still every bit as lively as the other children with the exception that they were alive in class in contrast to the village kids who became alive as soon as they left the oppressive silence of their classes behind,”

“You are talking about the younger children. What about the older ones?” Katara asked quietly.

“I know what you want me to say: you want me to confirm that they all grew up to be hardhearted monsters, but I can’t say that. Not when I have seen the healers and engineers forever bickering about who has it worse, the political artists painting murals on school walls and pushing each other into barrels of paint, the economists arguing about school budgets, all preparing for graduation every year in that party which resembled anything but a party. Now that I think about it that is the scariest part. Most of those soldiers who are the doom of the world are just people. They have families, friends, likes, dislikes, goals, and aims. There are monsters among them surely, but those exist in every society, and the rest are just doing what they think is right to live the life they think they have earned,” he became quiet as his words sunk in. Indeed, Zuko thought of all the youths from his past; he knew which of his students Master Piandao was talking about in particular. Was Quon a monster? Hiroshi? Lu Ten? The others?

No, but they are killers,” he thought, “We all are,

“The pranks,” Master sighed, apparently lost in thought, “Dear Agni, those men-children used to drive each other and us insane, and no punishment would stop them. I remember this one time when one particularly rambunctious eighteen year old brought his baby cousin in a flowerpot, tried to convince me that he was a cactus, and asked if ‘it’could attend sword training with us. The entire class joined the plea, and I had to punish them all. And another when-”

“Wait, wait. Can I just ask who had the audacity to sabotage your class?” Zuko wondered, bewildered. Master Piandao had been strict enough with him, but as far as he knew, he had been a dictator-teacher when he taught at school.

“Never mind. Anyway-”

“What was the death toll? Were there any survivors?”

“You tell me; you were there,”

“I think I would remember,”

“I highly doubt that,” and when he saw Zuko’s puzzled expression, he added, “You see, you were the baby and it was your cousin who had brought you,”

“You weren’t convinced one bit?” Katara giggled as Sokka and Toph burst out laughing.

“As thorny as he is, no,”

“I am not thorny!” Zuko flushed though he finally understood why Lu Ten always nicknamed him ‘cactus’. At a high price.

“Oh my! What did baby Zuko do?”

“Well, the two of us settled for tea, or rather, I settled for tea as he poured his on the table and splashed it around while my dear students suffered their punishment,”

“Which was?”

“Cleaning after komodo rhinos,”

“Let me get this straight: you let a Prince of the Fire Nation, second in line to its throne, clean komodo rhino muck?” Zuko asked, not sure he would recover from today’s stories.

“And all his highness’ noble friends,”

“That is a little…harsh,” Katara commented.

“What would you have had me do?”

“Try to dissuade them more peacefully?”

The Master laughed, “Like that would ever work. We are talking about a handful of the nation’s most qualified and energetic teenagers, trying to miss class, so they could go and wreak havoc on a particularly warm spring day. No amount of words could have reined them,”

“I say they had it coming. Nothing better than nobles getting themselves dirty,” Toph grinned and turned to Zuko, “You never told us you had a cousin. Heck, I have a hard time seeing your uncle as a father; he seems so much like an uncle and nothing more,”

“I no longer do,” Zuko said drily.

“Huh?”

“He passed away five years ago,” the Master spoke softly, as if tasting the pain of his own words. He wouldn’t say it, but Zuko knew. He knew what Lu Ten had meant to every person he had ever talked to, let alone one that had raised him, one that had known him from his childhood. He knew what his cousin had been and nothing had ever filled the void he had left behind in everyone’s heart.

“How?”

“At the siege of Ba Sing Se,”

“So, he was just like the rest,”

The Master shook his head, and Zuko saw that same look of silent sorrow that he had grown so accustomed to before his exile. “Lu Ten was different,” he said quietly, “He was different,”

Notes:

Thought I might go early this week cause I have an exam coming up. One of us has to be happy.
Anyway about this chapter, I really didn't see it coming, but here are a few comments nonetheless:
I do live for some over the top thrilled Iroh and resignedly exasperated Piandao interaction :)
Also, Piandao is very grateful that Bumi forgave him for the siege and all, but he CANNOT for the life of him, sit down to eat with him and Bumi has no idea why (my man lived long, ok. He won't remember every siege that failed).
Some of you might think that Piandao is being too idyllic in regards to his students, but it is rather him reflecting on the fact. One constant thing about him is that he disliked war, even when he was a loyal soldier, and once he warmed up to his students, he had a hard time imagining any of them would enjoy it either. He saw it as everyone's duty to their country, but an unpleasant one at that. Also, he himself broke ties with the Fire Nation quite late in his life, so he doesn't feel himself qualified to judge really.
Perhaps, it is my own thoughts showing through here, especially with the line "the rest are just doing what they think is right to live the life they think they have earned." That's about a summary of most of human wars. Beware, that doesn't imply innocence; it merely alludes to an indifferent nonchalance as to what is right and wrong because most people do want to live and not bother about the big questions.
Master knows that I suppose, but as I said, he himself lived and taught, unbothered, for 14 years after his first doubts at Yu Dao. And is that the Yu Dao from the comics you ask? Well, yes, but it is a much more interesting place of firebender-earthbender collaboration.
Also, Lu Ten. More on him and the rest next chapter. Phew, we are drawing to the end of our lore-ing
P.S just watch this video. I just remembered that maybe it was this that subconsciously inspired this chapter... Warning for blood...and for the mind...
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DEHAuGA7gqFU&ved=2ahUKEwj02ujbkrXwAhVNiYsKHUSTCrY4ChCjtAF6BAgHEAQ&usg=AOvVaw0LPbOFrkEgw3oLt49FCtDY

Chapter 19: The Line of Sozin

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko remembered the end of all simplicity, that fateful winter day. He remembered coming to Master’s house after Lu Ten’s death. There was already a foreboding of evil; he could feel it with the whole of his small body, but what could he say? Who would listen to a twelve year old boy? Master had said nothing, done nothing; he sat, emptily staring ahead, waiting. Waiting for the arrival of one who would never walk through those doors again. At the end of the day, he sent Zuko back without a word, or rather, Fat ushered him away. Master hadn’t moved at all.

In a week, the Firelord had died; his mother had disappeared; his uncle was gone. Zuko was Crown Prince, but he would have given it up willingly if he could turn back time. Master said little, moved little, and in a way, his lethargy was even worse than the silence of the previous week. A whole winter passed bleakly; every week like the last; every garden an abandoned, barren wasteland.

The dead rise with the first light of spring. Hymns of life filled the earth, and yet, there was a melancholy in them, an unexplained sorrow of their transience. He found Master gardening diligently, tirelessly, as though he had spent his life doing precisely that and nothing else. Zuko joined him, and for months, there was no drilling, only gardening. It was then that they found some common ground: an admiration for all that is beautiful and ephemeral. It was then that Zuko loved his yellow roses; and Master Piandao, his magnolias. A new beginning for all, a coming of spring.

The gardens are more beautiful than they have ever been, Master. How cheerfully the birds chirp and how perfectly petals sway in the wind!”

It is a lament for the dead,”

The garden was very beautiful this year too.

“To you, everyone is different!” Toph huffed exasperatedly.

“Maybe because I have seen much of the world, and I have seen many who were different in similar ways. But none like him; never,”

“What was it about him?”

“If only one could pinpoint exactly what!” Master answered in a voice he barely kept from trembling, “There was so much about him that was similar to others, and yet, the final picture was much more. For one thing, he always looked out for the downtrodden. I told him to keep to himself, that he was a Prince, and that he should show restraint. He never listened; not as a student, not as a Prince, not even as a soldier. He did what he felt to be good for others, with a kindness, an openness that knew no bounds,”

“And yet, he fought in the war and killed people. How do you reconcile that?”

“So did all of us. If he had lived, he would have changed,”

“How can you know? What exactly shows you that a man ‘can change’?”

“Lesser men than him have,” Master paused wistfully, “No word of mine would ever be enough to explain any man, but with him more than anyone else, all words fall apart. I want to say generous, but that is insufficient for a boy who forgave assassins. Sincere, as even his enemies flocked to him. Earthbender and firebender alike mourned his death and sang laments, for he was dear to them all,”

“Why would earthbenders mourn a Prince of the Fire Nation?” Zuko asked. He thought Master was exaggerating.

“They were his own soldiers; earthbenders from smaller towns who had joined forces with the Fire Nation against Ba Sing Se,”

“What! How? Why? That is treacherous, damn them. And you are saying it as praise!” Toph thundered.

“What can I say? They followed him willingly, seeing that the Earth Kingdom cared little for the safety of its small outer towns. He cared about them, befriended them, stood up for them, and they returned the favour,”

“But-but-”

 “There are no clear cuts, no distinct loyalties in war. Much happens that can perplex us. Ba Sing Se is scarcely better than the Fire Nation, as you know to your cost,”

“At least, it didn’t genocide an entire nation,” the Avatar asserted.

“No, but earlier in the war, the Earth King agreed to turn in all travelling airbenders to the Fire Nation for a period of thirty five years in exchange for peace. They did use the time to fortify their defenses and prepare for war, but sent many surviving airbenders to their deaths. What do you make of that?” The children, most of all, the Avatar, were shocked. After some silence, Master continued in a softer voice, “Please don’t misunderstand me; I don’t mean to justify the actions of my nation, not at all; it’s just that I have suffered at the hands of both nations and both are odious to me. Whether it is the nauseating brainwashing of the Earth Kingdom or the ruthless purges of the Fire Nation, there is much to be disgusted at,”

“What is a purge?”

“Ah, you really don’t know,” he mumbled softly, “Every once in a decade or two, Firelord Azulon purged the country, that is, rid it of all anti-war elements. The guardians of the city set an unblinking eye on the slightest of movements. Thousands were massacred; entire villages were burned. And even worse: there was no “one” guilty man. If a man were incarcerated, his whole family was at risk; all his friends and acquaintances would be questioned to reveal even the smallest of misconducts, which could decide the fates of so many. Terror reigned supreme at all times-brave indeed would be the man who could walk the streets unbothered at such times. And of course, known traitors like me were publicly hung or burned,”

“I am starting to think that you are extremely lucky, Master,” Sokka flinched.

“Perhaps. I still wonder at how I survived. Firelord Azulon wasn’t the sort of man to be easily swayed, and I am sure he was dead set on killing me. Prince Lu Ten must have thrown quite a tantrum to dissuade him, or so he told me,”

“It wasn’t just any tantrum,” Zuko spoke solemnly; “He was dying.” Through the almost opaque white veil that had stubbornly descended over the memories of his previous life, which now felt as though it were someone else’s, he could distinguish a pitiful view. Uncle Iroh, Quon, Azula, and he were all crowded in Lu Ten’s room, around his bed. Azula was in his arms, and each kept a burning flame, an offering to Agni throughout the night. Both Azula and he hadn’t understood what was happening then; all they knew was that Lu Ten was not ok, that he might be gone forever. They were all solemn and weary, and at some point, Azula, who was but eight, fell into a deep sleep. Quon picked her up and handed her to the servants, but when he came back to take Zuko, the latter resisted.

Come on, Zuko. This is no place for a child,”

I will stay,” he had replied as he touched Lu Ten’s hand. It was cold, extremely cold.

Not much had changed the next day, even though they had all kept their flames until sunrise. Zuko opened his eyes and saw that Quon was sitting on a chair with his head bowed; he was certainly too fatigued to go home, whereas Zuko felt better, having slept for longer. He could hear some hushed voices, but it took him a while to feel the worry in them, and still more, to recognize them as his uncle and the Firelord. They were probably close to the door, but what they said was still incomprehensible to Zuko who stood up on his wobbly legs and approached the entrance, where he heard a curious conversation:

 “But it’s a curse!” his uncle pleaded

What else would you have me do, watch an heir of the nation succumb to his death?

You must know that no good can come out of a Blood Oath, father,”

Yes, I certainly know better than you. Keep to your flames,”

Zuko tiptoed back as his uncle came in and sent him and Quon away.

I knew he would be fine, little cactus. If such a man as he had died while someone as useless as me lived on, I would have lost all my faith in justice,” Quon had later laughed, and Zuko did too because, even as a child, he knew Quon didn’t believe much in anything. What an ironic statement then, in all respects…

“What do you mean he was dying?” Master’s voice brought him back to the present.

“He was cold, very cold,” Zuko mumbled at first, but continued in a clearer voice, “What is a Blood Oath, Master?”

Master’s face changed for a split second, and yet he kept his voice calm, “I don’t know,”

Lying, you who hates lies so much,” Zuko thought, but said nothing. He could just as well use this later.

“Well for once you don’t,” the Avatar huffed, “I was starting to think that you know everything!”

“No one can know everything, young Avatar,”

“This purge business sounds very disturbing still,” Katara pursed her lips, “It explains why people here are the way they are: so unwelcoming of outsiders, always suspicious of foreigners,”

“At this point, nothing can surprise me. Everything is so different from what we are used to,” Sokka replied and turned to Master, “But still, I do wonder at the more technical points. Such operations require trustworthy personnel and an intelligent leader, like Long Feng, if you will. What if the guards themselves are ‘suspicious’? Also, who was at the head of the purges? We can perhaps depose that guy and solve at least part of our problems,”

“That’s already what you are doing,”

“Great! I don’t know the guy, but great!”

“The last purge was ten years ago and was headed by Prince Ozai, Chief of Caldera Police and Minister of Domestic Security at the time,”

“For kraken’s sake,” Sokka sighed exasperatedly.

“Surprises, huh?” Zuko shrugged.

“You knew that?”

“Of course I did! They announced what an excellent job he did at every execution I was made to attend,”

“You attended executions?” Katara intervened.

“Yes. It’s mandatory for any member of the royal family over the age of nine,”

“Ugh! That’s so messed up! You were just a child! How even-” the Avatar exclaimed, disgusted.

“Well it happened,” Zuko cut him off, “Like every other thing that has happened to me. Master is right; you do learn to live,”

“Can I just ask why the hell this nation is like this? Why? Why?” Sokka gritted his teeth.

“It’s not called Sozin’s war for no reason, genius,” Toph huffed, “Though he did spend a great chunk of it dead, and naturally, much of it fell on his descendants,”

“It’s not about the time frame, Toph. Sozin started it all. He is the real criminal. He- he killed all those people. He killed my people. If he hadn’t started this war, then we wouldn’t be dealing with his descendants now,”

“Not quite,” Master shook his head and the Avatar turned to him, “I mean, of course you are right; Sozin started the war; he was terrible, but even if he hadn’t, Azulon would have definitely started something,”

“Why? Why him specifically?”

“Because power corrupts, and he is the most powerful firebender in recorded history, though the purges, especially the first one, have barely left any records intact,”

“When was the first purge?” Katara asked.

“30 AG,”

“So late into the war?”

“As far as I know, Sozin didn’t bother much with destroying knowledge; he manipulated it, true, but truth was accessible one way or another. Azulon wiped the memory of the country clean to reconstruct a truth for his own purposes. A clean slate, if you will,”

“It is getting tiring to ask why,” Sokka snorted.

It was Master’s turn to be silent. He had already shocked the children sufficiently for one night, but Zuko felt a foreboding of evil like never before. He was already familiar with most proceedings of the Fire Nation, and yet, even he was surprised tonight. What more was there?

“Master?” Sokka broke the stretching silence.

“He had his reasons,” Master replied quietly as he wrung his wrists.

“I wonder what ‘reasons’ are enough when a king is killing his own people,” Katara asserted in a disgusted voice.

“Come on, do tell us,” Toph insisted, “You probably know, and don’t think that we can’t handle it,”

Meanwhile, Zuko saw something else. Master was looking at him, a silent question in his eyes. A request. He gave a small nod in response, not knowing what he was agreeing to, or even less, what was so impressive as to require someone like Master Piandao to ask for permission, and a silent one at that.

“Only those who have made an enemy of truth will spend so much effort destroying it,” Master started in a slow, solemn voice. The flames flickered, or so it seemed to Zuko’s overwrought mind. Chills spread throughout his body, and he leaned forward, willing to know where this story was heading, though he could only foresee a sorrowful end. All stories were tragic nowadays.

“Azulon was born the day of the Comet, a hundred years ago; that much is beyond dispute, but there is a question one might wonder at: were there no heirs to the throne until then? Would Sozin, who had spent years preparing for war, forsake the securing of his lineage, and hence, of the war, for so long? It was often propagated that Firelord Azulon’s birth was Agni’s gift, that it was his destiny to continue the war and win it, as he was endowed with enough power and will to do anything he pleased. This is what we learned and taught for the better part of a century, and no one has questioned it. I certainly hadn’t until I broke into the Dragonbone catacombs. It was there that everything began to make sense, why we had to be purged regularly, why the war never ended, why it was never meant to end.” He ran his hands through his hair as though to calm himself as he whispered hollowly, “All because a man massacred all his family in his bid for power and wanted someone other than himself to be the villain in the eyes of the world.”

Zuko wanted to fight all that on so many grounds. He couldn’t accept it; it didn’t make any sense. War was there to be won; they all knew it; they were all taught that the end was near when the Fire Nation would emerge supreme and dominate the world for centuries to come. They all knew that Azulon was an only child, a gift of Agni to the royal family, almost exclusively for the continuation of the war. He knew all that; he was sure of it, and yet, Master had dismissed all the knowledge anyone had of the Fire Nation as nothing. It couldn’t be so; not everything around him had to be a lie. It couldn’t be.

“A pretty little tale it is too, but where is the proof?” he asked feverishly, “Am I, or is the whole world, supposed to take your word for it? Why, as though there were no more crimes left to attribute to the Fire Nation, and now, we will just accept that we have been fighting a hundred years for nothing?”

“Excuse me a moment,” Master replied quietly as he stood up and went into his private library. They all waited in suspense until he returned, eyes locked on one another as though they wanted to speak, but couldn’t find the words. Most of all, they looked at Zuko, who was avoiding all their glances and taking deep breaths to calm himself.

What is the truth?”

Master emerged at last, dragging a huge scroll.

“Move the table aside,” he ordered, and when they did, he spread the scroll- which was actually an enormous tapestry- on the floor. Zuko found himself staring at seven perfectly embroidered figures. The first was undoubtedly Sozin and the last, Azulon, but the five figures in between were unrecognizable despite their eerie familiarity. Zuko’s hand instinctively went for the fifth face, a beautiful, melancholy, and yet, stern face with golden eyes. He saw neither the golden dragon coiled about him, its eyes positioned above his head, nor the burning scroll that unfurled from his hand, just that face and its expression, which drew him irresistibly.

“I don’t know him and yet I feel like I should,” The Avatar said exactly what was passing through his own heart, though he was looking at Sozin’s figure.

“That’s Sozin. I have read that he was friends with Avatar Roku, maybe-”

“You were friends with the Firelord?” Sokka exclaimed

“I- I don’t know. I wouldn’t know,”

“You should really pick your friends better,” Toph snorted, for once going without her customary nicknames.

“Who are all these?” Katara asked.

“That is Princess Leiko, Sozin’s heiress,” he pointed to the second figure, which was of a woman surrounded by lightning. “That is Prince Daichi. Then, Prince Taigen. This is Prince Ryuji,” he smiled at Zuko who still couldn’t tear his eyes away from that figure before continuing, “This is Princess Yuri, and finally, Firelord Azulon,”

“Who are all these?” Zuko whispered softly.

“I already told you,”

“No, I mean, who are they? What are they?”

“They are Sozin’s children,”

Zuko lifted his head in despair. He wanted something, anything, to assure him that they weren’t running in circles, that family blood wasn’t always meant to stain their own hands, “It’s just a tapestry, nothing more. No meaning in any of it, nothing, nothing at all. Someone would have known till now; someone would have discovered the truth…” his voice failed him.

“He is right,” The Avatar mumbled.

“Thank you,”

“No, I mean Master Piandao. He is right. These faces…some of them are so familiar, as though I have seen them before. I…I know them. I feel-”

“Well damn your-”

“Zuko, behave. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this,”

“Oh really? What is it, then? Why is all you have to show an old tapestry, torn at the sides?”

“Because I couldn’t really take away the Fire Sages’ records, the only written account of Sozin’s children in the Fire Nation, who were then permanently erased from history,”

“What happened to them?” the Avatar asked solemnly.

“Are you, especially the two of you, sure that you want to know?”

“Yes,”

Master sighed and poured himself what was probably his thousandth cup of coffee. He seemed bothered by this conversation, but he obviously couldn’t back away now, not when all the children were staring at him eagerly. He started, once again in a slow and solemn voice, “According to what I could gather from the records, Firelord Azulon was the youngest of six siblings, as you can see from the fact that he is depicted last in the tapestry, and had very little chance of succeeding his 82 year old father, who already had two potential heirs,”

“Why two? Why not five?”

“Prince Taigen was a nonbender; Fire Nation law states that the Firelord has to be a sane, capable firebender of age and the eldest among the descendants of the preceding Firelord. Prince Daichi was allegedly assassinated by airbenders-”

“That’s impossible! My people would never do such a thing! We don’t even kill animals; how could we have killed a human being?”

“I said allegedly for a reason. I don’t know the particulars, but whatever the case, Firelord Sozin used that excuse to start the war and wiped out the airbenders with the help of his remaining children: Princess Leiko, Prince Taigen, and Princess Yuri. Meanwhile, Prince Ryuji, also known as ‘The Blessed’ or ‘The Fair’, condemned the war and started an open rebellion against his father. All those who opposed the war flocked to his side, and from then on, he and his followers were seen as traitorous cowards by pompous nobles who had much to gain by war, and as saviors by poor families who had lost many children to the war. Twenty years of war passed like that: father against son, brother against brother, each defying the world in one way or another, until, one day, when Princess Leiko, the heiress and a most prodigious bender and general, fell in battle. It seemed then that Princess Yuri would be the heiress, as Prince Ryuji had been disowned by the Royal Family, but Firelord Sozin didn’t live long enough to write a formal declaration on the subject: it seems that he passed before the news of his daughter’s death even reached him. A crisis of succession ensued, driving all siblings at each other’s throats before Firelord Sozin was cold in his grave. Prince Taigen claimed that it was Agni’s will that Sozin died before openly declaring his new heir, that it was he himself who was meant to succeed his father, despite the fact that he was a nonbender. In a daring act, Prince Ryuji set fire to the Law of Sozin in front of his followers, declaring the end of the war near since Sozin had passed and demanding a return to the ways of old. Princess Yuri hastened back to Caldera to ascend to the throne, but she was late, much too late: the young Prince Azulon had already crowned himself Firelord, allegedly according to Sozin’s last words, which he alone had witnessed. We can never know the truth of such a claim; what matters is that a ten year long civil war had started,”

“Ten years!” Sokka gasped, “Right in the middle of the hundred year war?”

“Only an appearance of war was kept outside the Fire Nation itself; the generals tried to hold on to the lands they had gained during Sozin’s reign, but since each declared for a different Firelord, the situation was probably quite chaotic, and much of the land was lost anyway. Meanwhile, the civil war raged on with all its might: Azulon held Caldera and its surroundings; Princess Yuri, the northern region and the islands; Prince Taigen, the southern states; and Prince Ryuji gathered supporters of peace from all over the land and led guerilla campaigns against all the rest. In 26 AG, at a shocking turn of events, Prince Ryuji actually won against Firelord Azulon in an Agni Kai and deposed him,”

“But you just said that Azulon was the strongest firebender to ever live!”

“Strength isn’t everything; he was still young then and lacking in experience compared to his siblings, though it seems that the Agni Kai cost the Prince dearly still: he lost his dragon,”

“He had a dragon?” the Avatar asked.

“What does a dragon have to do with an Agni Kai? You can’t legally fight with a dragon,” Zuko added, disconcerted.

“Not anymore, but it seems that back in the day, those who had a dragon bond could choose to fight with one,”

“A what?”

“A dragon bond,”

“Azulon didn’t have a dragon?”

“He did, but he didn’t have a dragon bond,” when the children continued to look at him confusedly, Master explained, “Prince Ryuji, it seems, was one of those mythical fire healers, who are the only ones that can form true dragon bonds,”

“There is such a thing as a fire healer?” Katara asked, surprised.

“There is, or maybe, was. Most fire healers are incapable of bending; they can just heal, but it seems that before the war, every generation of the royal family was ‘blessed’ by at least one healer-bender, to whom a dragon became bound, unlike the rest, who had to train their own. Now, all dragons are dead, and the blessing seems to have waned, maybe as a curse from Agni. Even nonbending healers can’t be found anymore because they are left untrained and unaware of their powers in a culture bent on destruction,”

“So basically they are the ‘good’ firebenders,” Toph summarized.

“Firelord Sozin is said to have been a healer,”

“There is just no easy way out, is there?”

“No, it seems not,” Master smiled, “But anyway, Prince Ryuji did win the Agni Kai, but for some reason, he let the deposed Azulon get away, unscathed,”

“He must have been a good man to have spared a life, even if it cost him so dearly,”

“Yes, young Avatar, but consider how many lives his goodness cost the nation. He attempted a return to Avatar Szeto’s old laws as he had promised and put his name back in the royal family’s records and paintings. You can see that his figure was added in a torn space in this particular tapestry,” he ran his hands over the corners of the Prince’s frame, revealing tears and stitches that were lacking in others, “He also tried to end both wars of his nation, but everyone was quite mistrustful of the Fire Nation by that point. In a year, he and his family were ambushed and killed by a coalition of Prince Taigen and Princess Yuri’s forces. From then on, war continued as mercilessly as ever for five more years, during which Prince Azulon regained Caldera, which was torn between his elder siblings, and drove them both out. Slowly, but surely, he dominated the nation, and one fateful day, he found the hideout of his sister and her family. He killed her and all her four children, which included a niece as young as fifteen. In a year, Prince Taigen was brought before court and publicly executed by Firelord Azulon, starting the first purge, in which all traces of the children of Sozin and the civil war were erased and all those who hadn’t supported Azulon were put to death,”

Zuko finally managed to tear his eyes from Prince Ryuji’s face and instead, looked unwillingly at Azulon’s figure. Even with his black hair and young face, he didn’t look much different from the man who had roared at his father in the throne room that day. His whole body tingled at the thoughts that raged unbridled in his head; he imagined the blood and ash that covered those firm hands holding the Firelord’s scepter. Innocent or not, how much of it was there! The whole tapestry was swallowed up by stains of blood and a final sinister smile curved in that repulsive face. It became younger still until Zuko forcefully turned his head away. It had become too familiar, too near…

Notes:

PLEASE READ THIS NOTE AND ANSWER ME BECAUSE IT'S KINDA IMPORTANT TO THE STORY.
But first, my comments, and if you don't care for my ill attempts at humour, just skip below.
You have all heard of Firelord Ozai, but what about Ozai Holmes-Stalin, huh? Didn't see that coming, did you?
RIP those who thought Azulon was better than Ozai.
Also this is actually real:
Readers: Can you stop name dropping?
Me: No.
That's what it is at this point.
NOW THE IMPORTANT STUFF:
"Flails hands in the wind" This chapter. This is the chapter where it all got out of hand. Initially, this story was gonna be a one (max two) book long, straightforward Zutara story. And then, I started to come up with a backstory for Lu Ten (thanks, background characters who barely appear in canon), and then, I came up with my own people like Michiya, Quon, Renshu,Hiroshi, etc, and then Ozai's lifelong struggle to succeed Azulon, and then, finally, Azulon's own ascent. In short, this chapter is where it blew out of proportion, making my original story into a pentalogy (still Zutara obviously) with three prequels and two #Lu Ten lives HC's (That's right, I headcannoned my own cannon, sue me). It will probably take me a couple of months for em to come out of the oven (that is, my mind), but would you guys be interested in the Azulon-Ozai-Lu Ten prequels, which would involve all the name-dropped characters (some of which could make an appearance and be influential in the story)? The prequels would still be independent from the pentalogy; you would still be able to understand the story without reading them, but just for curiosity's sake and taking this chapter as a basis for it all, would you be interested in a SEPERATE collection that would be titled "One Hundred Years of War and Family"? Please let me know in the comments!

Chapter 20: Reflections on the Road

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko hadn’t slept a blink since Master had, despite their protests, sent them to bed. Now, the sun was rising; he could feel it even with his eyes closed, but he didn’t consciously process what that meant. All night, his mind was filled with images of gore, blood, and murder; all night, he had thought of Azulon’s manic laughter as he killed his siblings; all night…that beautiful, mournful face. ‘Azula always lies’ he had once told himself, but that wasn’t enough; it didn’t even scratch the surface.

Azula lied. Ozai lied. Azulon lied. Everyone lied. His whole life was lie upon lie.

What of Mother? Uncle? Lu Ten?” he had asked himself desolately all night long and was nowhere near an answer.

He stood up and walked past the mirror as though he were passing by a stranger. He didn’t know himself anymore. Maybe he didn’t even exist. Maybe he was a ghost. He opened the door and felt the eerie silence of the corridor. The house was empty.

Good,” he thought to himself, “The world has finally left me in peace.”

He headed towards Master’s empty study, pushed the door, and walked in. One thought kept pushing all others back in his mind, but he couldn’t distinguish it, so he let his eyes wander idly over the books’ titles and the authors’ names. His childhood had been filled with all the tales these books had to offer. He had read beside the fireplace as Master worked on his papers and none would say a word for hours on end; each would be lost in his own world. Indeed, if he were a ghost, there was no better place for him than this little room, filled to the brim with quiet memories. He was cherishing these thoughts when he walked over to the desk and was forced back into the unpleasant reality. There, a scroll depicted a wanted poster of the Blue Spirit. That was he. He was not a ghost.

“Zuko?”

“You knew!” he turned around with the poster in hand.

Master was surprised, but he answered quietly, “I could guess. There are few who choose dual dao blades and fewer still are reckless enough to infiltrate a military base,” he walked over and took the poster from his hands.

“I had no choice,” Zuko defended, “Also, you are the last to lecture me on breaking into places; you-”

“Quiet, child. I have no intention of arguing with you,” he added after a pause, “Although, I would prefer it if you made an effort to stay safe and alive,”

“It’s difficult nowadays,” Zuko shrugged. He was a little disappointed he didn’t get the chance to argue properly. “Where is everyone?”

“I sent them to the storages, so they can get some supplies. I also want to give you kids some money. Who does the shopping?”

“Katara,”

“Alright,”

Silence was no longer comfortable, even in this room. Zuko spoke to dispel the awkwardness, “What about you? You are dressed for travel,”

“I have to deliver these letters,” he gestured.

More silence.

“Master?”

“Hmm?”

“I am sorry about yesterday,” he stopped arranging the letters for a moment, which encouraged Zuko, “But I expected more of you. I know I had no right to; I didn’t try to contact you even though Uncle hinted that I should, even though you wrote to me and asked to see me multiple times. I was lost; I still am. Still, despite all, I…I thought you would be happy to see me,”

Master took a deep breath before he replied, “Three years, Zuko. Three years is too long a time to grow apart, and one day isn’t enough. I hope we will have enough time to mend everything,”

“You are really angry with me,” Zuko lowered his head, crestfallen.

“Where do you get that idea?”

“The first thing you did when you saw me was punish me. We barely talked-”

“I didn’t punish you,” Master interrupted, clearly displeased, “You shouted so passionately about the garden that I thought I would leave you to it. If you hadn’t taken the shovel from Sokka, I would have sent you to drive stakes into some of my rose trees, at least, until you calmed down, because you definitely looked in need of a freshening job.” He waved his hand, “No matter, we will hopefully have lots of time to discuss all these later; that is, if I outlive the war,”

Zuko of course remembered Master’s saying that ‘every mood has a specific gardening task’; he just never remembered what task was for what mood. Now, he felt even more of an idiot than before; he had gotten so used to shouting that he had forgotten to listen.

“If you outlive the war,” he replied quietly, “What if I don’t?”

“I don’t want to think of that. One month of that thought was enough,” was the stern reply.

One month? What was that supposed to mean? Zuko stared at the garden through the open window. It was so breathtakingly beautiful that year. A lament…

“Listen, child,” Master put his hand gently on Zuko’s cheek, “You will not die; you cannot. Do you understand? You are so young, and there is so much ahead you. You will learn to heal, to live, to laugh, to love,”

“And also because you still need a member of the royal family to run errands for you,” Zuko attempted to joke and smile to hide his tears at the impossibility of what he was saying, “ Someone to plant your roses, dig your gardens, and do your shopping,”

“I will hire Iroh. I feel like all of you kids have had enough of us old men. You children will have to create the new world, but of course, we will help, as long as we live,” Master continued the jest.

“You will hire the Firelord?”

“Zuko, you will be the Firelord,”

Zuko smiled even more than he had at his own stupid joke. If this offer had come a year ago, he would have been ecstatic; it would have meant getting back all that was rightfully his. Now, he was withering. He was dying even as he said he would not.

“No, Master. A disgraced cripple can’t be Firelord,” he replied, thinking of his scar, his banishment, his fire. Who would want him when he didn’t want himself?

“I don’t see what any of that has to do with you,” Master smiled warmly.

So much you don’t know,” Zuko thought, but he would rather die right there than say a word of his ailment.

Just as he was trying to gather his thoughts, a howl came from the garden, followed by Katara yelling Sokka’s name and the other voices joining the fray.

“They are quite a handful, aren’t they?” Master sighed.

“Certainly,”

“We have to go check on them. But first, take these; they are for you,” he presented Zuko with a letter and a small notebook.

Zuko looked questioningly at his Master and at what he had been given. He was about to ask when another howl cut their conversation short, and they both headed to the gardens to make sure it was nothing serious.

Naturally, it was Sokka. It was always Sokka. He had a huge cactus spine stuck in his palm. Katara was trying to pull it out as carefully as possible whilst chiding him and the others laughed heartily.

“What were you doing with the cacti?” Master inquired.

“I just wanted to take some of the juice,”

“Because you haven’t had enough?” Katara grumbled.

“Because it is an excellent burn salve?” Master added.

“Yes, sure, that too,” Sokka replied after a pause and Zuko pinched his nose at the mess.

After that, Master walked them all to the gates.

“Have you taken all the supplies you need?”

“Yes, thank you,”

“Here, have some money. You will definitely need that,” he gave a sack to Katara and turned to them all, “Now, we part ways; may you go in peace and Agni’s blessing. Avatar Aang, Zuko, you must know that Iroh has declared both of you dead to the Fire Nation. You must travel more stealthily-”

“You saw Uncle?” Zuko’s jaw dropped, “When? Where is he? Is he well?

“Four days ago. He is in the Caldera fortress; he is fine, but everyone else thinks he lost his mind,”

“So you broke into a fortress in the middle of the capital,” Toph scoffed, “Why didn’t you just kill the Firelord and rid us of our mission while you were at it?”

“Yes…that didn’t work out for the best,” Master mused, as the rest stared, wondering whether he was joking “But anyway, I have these letters to deliver, and you have to go. Remember all that we talked about and stay safe. Good luck,”

They walked away, and the gates closed behind them, but Zuko kept turning back. He looked back when they reached the forest, when they uncovered Appa, when they got back on the road. He strained his eyes to look even when the house was but a speck on the horizon. The image of that house with lotuses on its gates and roses in its gardens burned in his mind as the truest home he had ever known. Now, it was all behind him, forever.

Zuko hadn’t noticed how dejected everyone else was in his exhaustion. Katara gingerly sewed something or other to avoid talking, and Aang kept his half-closed eyes dedicatedly on the road. Even Toph and Sokka fiddled and kept unusually quiet. In a way they didn’t consciously notice, they had all grown up overnight. The world was barely as simple as they had previously thought; war was even crueler than they had suspected. Katara and Sokka especially avoided one another’s gaze, to hide the terror each felt at what they had heard, at what could have happened to any of them…

At night, when they landed on an island, Katara suggested that they go to town. Aang and Sokka didn’t object, even though they had all their supplies; they were all in need of some amusement. Toph preferred to remain behind despite Katara’s entreaties- Zuko was asleep, and she wanted to stay alone for a while to ponder on all that she had learnt. The world was never in her parents’ vast libraries and luxurious sitting rooms; it was out here. It had its own rules and realities that she was newly beginning to be repulsed by. What did the rules dictate for them? Would they be able to surpass all that was thrown in their path?

She was so engrossed in such thoughts that she didn’t notice Zuko wake up. He had gotten so used to nightmares at this point that the addition of a few more didn’t bother him anymore. It wasn’t so good to be so used to terror, but such was his life, and he was beginning to accept it with a calm resignation. He had indeed thought of everything on that line between sleep and waking and had finally decided on goodness as Master had recommended. He didn’t know how much time he had left, but he knew it was little. Even if he couldn’t aspire to love or to heal, he wanted to live and laugh in his last days. He wanted to return to his childhood, to the times when he had been happy and serene. To the turtleduck pond or the cliffside of Flags or Renshu’s shed in the forest…

“Careful, you will wake Appa,” he blurted after a particularly violent earthbending move from Toph interrupted his thoughts.

“Ah, you are awake,” she continued, unbothered.

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know, but Katara said it has many hot springs,”

Zuko gulped and hoped that she didn’t notice. The past had really come round, just not in the way he had wanted, which was not so surprising. He was not born lucky after all.

“Where is everyone?”

“In town,”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“They didn’t tell you?”

“No,” after some thought, she added, echoing what he himself had said to her earlier, “I would be alright if you said nothing,”

Zuko realized he was being a little desperate, but he couldn’t help it. He forced himself to think of Toph: the only child of a wealthy family. She was harsh, but funny; friendly, but honest; irresponsible, but mature. She had made her weakness into an asset; Zuko respected that, but he paused there. What if she couldn’t?

“What would you do if you lost your bending?”

“What?”

“Your bending. What if it was gone one day?”

“That’s not even possible,” she grimaced, “Where do you get these weird ideas?”

“Suppose it were,” Zuko countered ironically, “What would you do?”

“I would fight?”

“How?”

“I don’t know. I would find a way. Maybe I would become a swordswoman,”

“Do you even know the basics?”

“No, but I have ‘seen’ Sokka fight. It isn’t that hard: just swing, slash, stab your opponent in the gut,”

“No,”

“No?”

“It’s not that simple,”

“Then why don’t you show me, oh great master, instead of snoozing all day?”

Zuko scoffed; he had thrown himself at death multiple times just to prove a point. He wasn’t going to hold back now.

“Toph, are you sure you didn’t dream this up? We are all tired-”

“Oh shut up, Snoozles. He taught me how to use dual blades; it was amazing. I didn’t know he was so good,”

“I have a hard time believing he woke up at all,” Sokka looked questioningly at Zuko, who was sleeping exactly as they had left him.

“Believe or not; it happened. We practiced a little, and he was very patient and nice, even if I was doing it all wrong. Then, I made some earthen tiles; he carved figures on them, and showed me how to play Pai-Sho. And finally, we made this campfire and sang stupid country songs,”

“Zuko sings?” Aang gasped.

“That was the best part; we both sucked,” Toph grinned, “We both sucked so bad that we laughed at ourselves more than each other,”

“You stand corrected; he not only sings, he also laughs, apparently,” Sokka pursed his lips, “I don’t know; this doesn’t feel…natural. Maybe something is wrong with him,”

“Actually I was getting there. He is a little…gloomy? Sickly? I don’t exactly know, but his heartbeat is very slow. Oh, and he didn’t bend the campfire; he just lighted it with the rocks which felt weird; I mean, why would he do that? Anything you know, Sweetness?”

“Why do you assume I should know something?”

“I mean, you two are somewhat…close? He was good with you before any of us,”

“Well I don’t know. And we are not close,”

“Ok, ok, calm down,” Toph scoffed at Katara’s aggressive tone, “Still, you should check on him,”

“Why me?”

“Because the rest of us would probably do more harm than good. You are the healer, remember?”

“How can I forget?” Katara gritted her teeth as she stood up and walked towards Zuko. Toph narrowed her eyes at her. She wondered what was up with Katara and why she was being so hostile. Toph could feel heartbeats, but no amount of feeling would ever tell her what Katara felt the moment she laid Zuko down on the ground.

She was glad Toph had brought it up; she had wanted to check on him since forever, but something always came up. First, there was the abominable marketplace incident, which she was almost ready to forgive since they were travelling together, and it was becoming awkward to ignore him. In any case, this wouldn’t be the first time she forgave people without an apology. A small voice in her head insisted that she should stop doing that; it was unhealthy and disrespectful to her, but she tried to ignore it. So much was at stake. Her personal resentments shouldn’t matter. Then, came the meteor and Sokka’s training. Then, last night, with all the terrors that she tried to force out of her mind.

Instead, she tried to think of Zuko when he had lain, pale as ivory, in that garden. Was she the only one who saw it? Why didn’t anyone else bother? Katara knew that he was sick; he himself certainly knew it. Why didn’t he bother about himself?

She turned all these thoughts in her head as she undid the sash around his waist. The tips of her fingers had barely touched his chest when she heard a gasp, and her eyes immediately turned to his face. His golden eyes were wide open with an expression of pure shock.

“Katara, what on earth are you doing?”

Notes:

Alternative titles for this chapter:
Local(?) author turns back to the actual plot at the behest of confused readers after digressing for 4 chapters (of course, in honour of JRRT's uncalled for Gondor history from Faramir <3 and Victor Hugo's Waterloo essay in Les Miserables. If you know these; you know these, can't explain hehehe)
Local author switches PoV so much that she feels lost
Zuko turns his priorities (as he is wont to do) and starts teaching the one person who needs it the least
Sokka is a local idiot.
As for the chapter itself:
Did Master Piandao try to kill Ozai? WELL I don't know. I don't know if he literally got ready for the job after Zuko's banishment and had to be convinced by Jeong Jeong to "stop being a fool" and "did he want another purge and civil war", but of course, no good reasoning worked. He was only convinced when Jeong Jeong argued that Iroh and Zuko would be held responsible for the assassination. Of course, I don't know that so shhhh
Do I have regrets to not have written Toph-Zuko bonding directly? Yes. Could I fit it in? Nah
Also, Sokka finally catching up; I am proud of my boy <3
......
Lastly, I would like to thank you guys all for your comments. I thank you for the enthusiasm you have shown for my new series (when it comes) and the criticism which serves to remind me that not everyone is thrilled about lore and that I should be balanced in my writing. Beyond the content, thank you all for taking the time to reply to my question :)
You guys might have to wait a bit more for the next chapter because hey, the country switcheroo has begun!

Chapter 21: The House on the Hill

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko would have gone for his knife if he hadn’t realized it was Katara, which was fortunate, but which did nothing to lessen his shock at the state he was in and at how close she was. He tried to sit up but felt dizzy and fell back. Gardening and sword practice after weeks of inactivity were finally starting to take their toll on him; his vision blurred and his arms hurt.

“Relax, Fire boy,” Toph walked over to help Katara keep him in place, “She will just have a look at you,”

Zuko shook his head violently and tried to sit up again. He knew no good would come out of this; she couldn’t bring back his fire, so what was the point? A waste of time and energy, just like he himself was.

“Zuko, relax,” Katara pursed her lips and turned to Toph, “He doesn’t look very willing, maybe-”

“Eh, come on, since when is he willing? He is just being whiny,”

Zuko wanted to say something, he was bothered by the fact that they were talking about him as though he were not there. He opened his mouth, but all he could muster was grunt. He felt devoid of all life as Katara lowered her watery hands on his heart.

At first, the warm feeling comforted him- her hands were warm compared to his freezing skin. His breathing steadied, and he sank down, surrendering himself fully to this useless healing. He lied to himself, said that it was all right, that this little relief shouldn’t be too much for him, he who hadn’t had a moment’s peace for so long. He thought he deserved it.

At some point, the warmth stopped being soothing. Slowly, but surely, he felt a numb tingling spread all over him, as though there were lumps in his chi paths. He was paralyzed; he wished then that it was terror at this foreign sensation, but it wasn’t.

“Stop,” he mumbled softly, repeatedly. He was almost panicking at how that single word was all the control he had over his own body.

“Calm down. This will work. There is nothing serious,” Katara hummed in response.

Zuko wanted to believe her. He tried to keep himself steady, or rather, he yielded more willingly to those he were holding him down- Toph was certainly not the only one there. He took deep breaths in counts of seven, as Master had taught him to do, to regain some control. He tried until his body starting twitching uncontrollably, until the last thread of his will snapped. He let out a howl, a piercing, shattering howl at how his body seemed to tear itself apart as all went black.

“Zuko! Zuko!” Katara called, shaking him constantly. He didn’t stir.

“What the hell was that?” Sokka asked in a mystified tone.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. He is alive for now, but I don’t know anything. I don’t understand!”

“Katara, calm down,” Aang kneeled by her side, “Did you feel that anything was amiss about him?”

“Yes, try to think,”

“His chi paths,” Katara replied after some hesitation, “I couldn’t heal him because I couldn’t redirect his chi,”

“So he is chi blocked?”

“Maybe. I am not sure. It felt like that, but it wasn’t the same as those soldiers in Ba Sing Se. Something different,”

Sokka narrowed his eyes at Zuko’s unconscious figure, “You have some explaining to do when you wake up, buddy,”

“What do you mean?” Toph intervened.

“We left him alone for one day: when I went to Master Piandao’s. Whatever happened to him must have happened on that day. Do you think he met with his sister and her cronies?”

“And why would he do that?” Katara felt the blood rise to her cheeks.

“I don’t know. Something must have happened. Good or bad, I don’t know,”

“I don’t doubt him,” Aang looked down.

“You have no reason to. Snoozles is just being-”

“Hello? Is anyone there?” They heard a man calling, and went silent for a moment.

“He is far, but let’s get out of here,” Toph whispered.

“I’ll ready Appa-”

“No, we must walk. He would notice Appa,”

“Not again,” Katara gritted her teeth.

“Yes, again. Come on, let’s put Zuko on the saddle and get going,”

They walked on in the dark for a while, not in any particular direction, with the sole purpose of getting away.

“Not this way,” Toph whispered, “The city is there,”

“Is the man still close?”

“Yes,”

“Where can we go?”

“There is an abandoned house over there,” Aang pointed towards a nearby hill, “I saw it when we were landing,”

“Would it be safe?” Katara whispered worriedly.

“There is no one there,”

“That should be enough,” Sokka sighed, “Let’s get a move on,”

Zuko didn’t remember waking up or getting up. He didn’t remember walking to the doors or flinging them open. He didn’t remember how he got to the mantelpiece and stood contemplating the old paintings. But he remembered this house. A mere phantom it was, barely visible through the rubble of his shattered life, but still there. And here he was, swept before the tides of time, just to stand on this exact spot.

“And so it will end. Right here,” he said aloud, unaware of his own voice. He was a mere stranger to himself then, not the child from the paintings, not the youth of a few months ago. Nothingness took hold of him, and he let it, without any bitterness or remorse.

“Zuko? Thank goodness you are awake!” he heard Katara barge in and wheeled around, knife in hand. He did not remember how he was brought here, but he knew what had happened. She had hurt him. She was an enemy.

“Stay away from me!”

She stood where she was with a blank expression that slowly became wistful, “I was worried about you-”

“No, thank you. I don’t want your or anyone else’s help. I saw where that got me,”

“How could I have known that it would backfire? I am sorry, ok?”

“Does that fix anything?” he asked mockingly.

“No, but it at least shows that I regret. It shows a willingness to fix somethings,” she bit her lower lips with disdain, “It’s more than what you would do,”

“Excuse me?”

“You never apologize for anything! You don’t even try! I know you are not ok, but that doesn’t justify you pushing away everyone who is trying to help you and acting like you are on your own,”

“I literally died! What more effort do you want? And I don’t act like I am on my own; I am on my own. Which of you is really my friend? How long will it last? I trusted you; I trusted Toph. See where it got me?”

“We didn’t hurt you intentionally! Have I not healed you before? Have I not insisted that you stay with us? I am still making an effort to include you in everything, even after what you have done, because-”

“Wait, wait, wait. What have I done, exactly?”

“That’s not even-”

“No, I would seriously like to know. Has the fire not been to your taste? Or did I set the camp a little less perfectly than you did? Oh wait, I know-”

“You kissed me in the marketplace! Have you forgotten?” she blurted

Zuko paused for a moment. She wasn’t seriously bringing that up.

“I saved our damn lives!”

“We could have taken her,”

“How? There was no water source nearby. Were we going to trust my firbending prowess? Because I tell you that is long gone, that is, if it ever even existed,”

“Well, I am still not ok with it. Any ideas about what to do next?”

“Yes. You should be grateful that you are alive. What a privilege it is, to be upset-”

“Guys! Sorry to interrupt, but Toph feels that someone is coming here!” Aang’s voice echoed in the empty house.

“Quiet, Twinkle Toes!”

“I swear if it’s the man from yesterday, I’ll kindly knock him out. I get it; he is trying to be nice, but that’s it for me,”

“It’s not a man, idiot; it’s a girl. Katara’s height, light-footed, but walks like a soldier still…This could be trouble,”

As soon as she finished her sentence, they heard the gates of the garden being blown off their hinges. Toph’s eyes widened in shock.

“Lightening,” she whispered, and that was quite enough. She grabbed Zuko’s and Katara’s hands; Sokka grabbed Aang’s, and they sprang in opposite directions, barely making it around the wall before the doors of the house were flung open.

“It’s her,” Zuko whispered, despite Katara’s worried glare. He had just become aware of what this meant, and he pressed his knife to his chest with the hatred that kept him alive. He wasn’t brought here in vain; it was all for this inevitable end.

She walked toward the mantelpiece with her calm, calculated step, completely unaware of what awaited her. It was better this way; Zuko had never caught her unawares. To think that this would be it for both of them, for all that was between them, was painfully exhilarating. To think…

“I know you are there,” her voice rang clearly

The blood in his veins froze. His arms and legs went numb. Of course, she knew. What if all this was planned? What if he was the fool? He turned to Katara and Toph with pure hatred. They probably knew. They had been toying with him all along.

Everything, everything is a lie,”

Just when he was about to attack all of them-because he would never go down without a fight- Azula wheeled around. Zuko didn’t even bother with hiding himself properly, despite Katara’s tugs on his arm. She already knew; what did it matter? Besides, Katara was on her side, wasn’t she? Then why this sickening pretense?

“Who even told you to jump in front of that lightning, huh, Dum-Dum?” she mocked, and Zuko stared. She wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were fixed on a particular spot at the entrance.

“You brought this on yourself. You deserve this. We could have returned together. You could have been a hero, but instead, you chose to be a traitor. That was your last act: losing. You must be used to it anyway,” she stepped forward, her eyes still fixed on that spot as though she saw nothing else. The whole house seemed to hold its breath.

“Don’t stare at me like that!” Azula shouted suddenly, breaking her feigned calmness, “You know you deserve this! Go away! Go away!” she shot lightning at the entrance in fury, but it was badly aimed, leading her to lose her balance. Without even steadying herself, she sprang out of the house and ran away, setting fire to random patches of trees on her path. Zuko stood before the scorched doors and looked at her receding figure until it was swallowed by darkness.

“Ok, why on earth did we not attack just now?” Sokka asked, baffled, “We totally had her,”

“That wouldn’t be fair, Sokka. Plus what could we do? Bind her and take her around with us? That would have been impractical,”

“No, kill her. Don’t look at me like that, Aang. We are at war. What we don’t deal with now will bite us later. Alright, he is a pacifist. What of you two, huh? Why didn’t you do anything? Zuko?”

“Why didn’t you do anything?” Katara scoffed.

“I was waiting for one of you guys to make sign or something!”

“Let’s get out of here,” Zuko finally found the words stuck in his throat, “This place is cursed.”

They didn’t argue with that, not when the night winds whistled eerily in the scorched trees and fires sizzled in the bushes. They started working quietly, putting out the fires and packing, until the place was exactly as it had been before they had disturbed it. Zuko climbed into the saddle and didn’t look back. More than ever, he needed the bliss of forgetfulness, and yet, Azula’s voice rang in his head repeatedly. With the same tone, the same fire, the same madness…

Notes:

Fun fact: The "Hotsprings" from ATLA are actually on a much bigger island in my version. It used to be a vacation spot for the royal family, but for reasons of my making, they turned to Ember Island. Zuko was four when he was last here; Azula was three.
Oof this chapter. I was looking forward to this. Picked up speed, haven't we?
My advice: Take Zuko's thoughts with a grain of salt. He is truly deranged at this point.
Honestly, it never made sense to me that Ozai would send Azula and co away for "vacation" a couple of months before the final battle. So, what the heck is Azula doing here? Well, here, Fire Nation politics is way less stable than it was presented to be...ANY sigh of rebellion is met with suspicion and guess what was the last sign of rebellion? That's right, the events of the Painted Lady. Azula insisted on going because she has her own doubts...
Now, Azula breakdown in the show made sense bcz she was 14, and I know that 14 is a terribly unstable age. But since she is 16, I have to do a bit more, and by a bit more, I mean a lot more. Will there be Azula redemption here? That's the one thing I don't know myself, but I know that if that is to be a possibility, she must show SOME remorse, which is here kinda, even if she denies it. Personally, I can never forgive her for smiling when Zuko was getting scarred. That was twisted as hell. Also, her breakdown might have been built up, but it did come because she couldn't go genocide-ing with dear daddy...yeh...
My opinions on Azula are pretty much summarized in these aereph posts (Bless aereph, it is the Zutara shipper's heaven):
https://araeph.tumblr.com/post/144548471610/i-honestly-dont-understand-people-when-they-try
https://araeph.tumblr.com/post/142579047625/i-feel-like-a-component-thats-missing-from
https://araeph.tumblr.com/post/142344118215/whats-your-opinion-on-azula
Some highlights from the above links:
People should stop reducing Azula to a weak little girl who shouldn't be blamed for anything. She has mistakes; they are her own, and she needs to own up to them for any legitimate redemption arc.
Ozai might have groomed her for villainy, but she certainly did have a predisposition to it when compared to Zuko- that was why Ozai preferred her in the first place (Here, I am using Tolkien again-more power= more easily corrupted).
Ozai is not only responsible for her villainies but also her successes- You can have him get all the bad and give all the praise to her.
My own, independent opinion:
I don't blame Ursa at all for Azula. Chastising children for the wrong they do is NATURAL, especially if the wrong involves bullying your already outed sibling about his oncoming assassination at the hands of your father...? Do people not notice how twisted that is for a nine year old? The most I would admit for Azula is manipulation at Ozai's hands-which actually involved praise for her talents. Ursa's treatment of her was not "abusive" or "neglectful". Heck, I saw people compare Ursa's treatment of her to Ozai's treatment of Zuko and I am like what...
...
Anyway, moving is over... I will miss the roses in that country :,)

Chapter 22: The Last Straw

Notes:

Almost all convo in this chapter is shouting, just so you know...

Chapter Text

Zuko’s ran as fast as his legs would carry him. His heart beat like a drum; cold sweat trickled down his even colder skin. Trees came in and out of focus, bizarre trees that had arms, legs, and faces. They reached out to him, blocking his path and scratching his legs, like every other impediment he had faced up to this point in his life. Zuko vaguely thought of how the past three years were nothing compared to his current suffering at the hands of that child. Then, he had at least been able to cry and shout. Now, his own heart was indifferent to his pain, and the worst part was that he didn’t care. He had to find the Avatar.

To think that Azula was the cause of this undoing freshened his hatred, especially since he had believed so strongly that he had the upper hand for once. He was wrong; his own foolishness was enough; she didn’t even need to strategize. He thought about the night before, how he had told the Avatar off so rudely. He tried to put the blame on Sokka for bringing up the idea of him teaching firebending; on Toph, because she insisted it was a good idea; on Katara, because she didn’t intervene; on the Avatar, because he fretted over whether Zuko could teach him how to bend lightning, even though he hadn’t even agreed to teach. He judged and blamed as he saw fit, but none of it comforted him, on the contrary, he became more restless the more he thought because deep down, he knew the truth. He had failed every mission he had undertaken. He was to blame.

I wouldn’t worry; he likes to disappear when he is upset,” Toph had said that morning. Zuko knew it had to be more than that. With his luck, the Avatar was probably dead and all hope for peace was lost.

Peace? And since when do you care about peace?” he mocked himself.

You don’t even try.

He emerged by the seaside. There was not a living thing in sight; no prying eyes to judge him and not a single soul to mock him. Was he to be his own judge and executioner then?

The oppressive silence wore on, as it had done for a bleak eternity on that abandoned shore. The birds circled overhead without so much as a chirp; the trees stood at a respectable distance, pondering on the scene. The sea had become mute, and even the wind held its breath.

Zuko fell on his knees, clutching at his hair. He couldn’t bear it; what right did he have to disturb the world, he who was so worthless?

“Aang! Aang! Come back! I am sorry, sorry for everything! Please, please come back!”

He curled up and pressed his face to the sand. He had to walk all the way back, but what kind of walk would that be? How could he look them in the face again?”

“Did you find him?”

Zuko sat mutely by the fire. Night had already fallen, and they had spent an entire day searching. It was all in vain.

“For some reason, I am still not worried. Twinkle toes may be fickle, but he never runs away permanently,”

“Then where is he? Why didn’t he come back?”

Silence was the only appropriate answer. They didn’t know; they couldn’t know for sure. If he had died…

“It would have killed you to be a little nicer, wouldn’t it?” Katara scoffed suddenly. Zuko gritted his teeth. No one had asked her to make him her charity case, and yet, she had persisted on bringing him and being kind to him. Was she really so upset to see him as what he really was?

“You are so pathetic and you do nothing except take it out on others! If Aang-”

“Katara, that’s enough!”

“Doesn’t come back, the doom of the world will be your fault. But why would a selfish coward like you care about that?”

“Coward, huh?” Zuko shot to his feet in fury, “I will take all the blame in the world, but don’t you dare call me a coward. Don’t you dare,”

“You think bravery is just swinging a sword in the face of your foes and cowardice is running away from battle? There are as many types of cowardice as there are vices. Lying is cowardly; anger is cowardly, even pride can be cowardly. You do all that. You fear the truth when you face it, so you resort to anger and put up a pretense of false pride,”

“Of course, I can’t reach your Highness because you are perfection itself. You, who rains judgement upon others without an inkling of what goes on with them; you, who-”

“Stop, shouting, both of you. This won’t-”

“Oh shut up! You are the reason it has come down to this! You had to bring up the firebending issue, didn’t you? And as if that’s not enough, I must teach lightning because-”

“Don’t talk to my brother like that!”

“Or what? What more can you do to me?”

“What have we ever done to you? Has our kindness bothered you? We are very sorry-”

“I have never begged for your kindness; you gave it of you own accord. I knew this would come up. I knew-”

“That you would have to teach Aang firebending so we can save the world? How very perceptive of you. The question is why. What harm would teaching do to you?”

Zuko closed his eyes and gritted his teeth.

“See? You don’t have an answer. You don’t have a reason for rejecting. You just did it because you are selfish, because you would have to do something for the world for once, and that just doesn’t sit right with you. Tui and La, you are-”

“I can’t firebend anymore,” Zuko shouted. Something had snapped in him as she talked; he couldn’t bear it anymore. He opened his eyes and stood facing her. They were face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart, but he knew they had never been farther apart, not even when they were on the opposing sides of a grand war; for what were the riots of the world when compared to the riots of a soul?

“See,” he frantically waved his hand beside him, and continued, his voice rising every moment, “No fire. You are right; I am nothing now. What could have been my only contribution to saving the world and myself is now gone, and I can’t even lament it in peace. My heart quivers no more. But I think it ridiculous, so ridiculous,” he repeated, with a shaking voice and trembling lips, “I was ready to die for this world that has ripped everything from me; this world, that has torn me from my roots and sent me crawling in darkness. By Agni, I was ready. But what does that matter? I will die again, and it will mean nothing, absolutely nothing. And yet, I should worry about the debts I owe, and be thankful that you have brought me back to this vile world?”

He continued with a scoff, noting the look of pure shock on their faces, “Yes, I should be thankful, very thankful. My grandfather ordered my execution; my mother abandoned me; my sister killed me. My father…He wanted to toss me over the palace walls the day I was born. He shamed me, banished me, and gave me this as a parting gift. And I? I put up with all that despite all good reason, and I will do my part even now. If all I owe the world are my breaths and apologies, I consider myself lucky. I will settle all.” He looked ahead emptily; they were no longer there for him. The whole world was plunged in darkness, and he was alone, all alone.

“Katara, I am sorry for kissing you in the marketplace. Sokka, Aang, Toph I am sorry for being mean to all of you. Father, Azula, I am sorry for not being worthy of you; Mother, I am sorry I made you leave. Uncle, Master, I am sorry I could never fill Lu Ten’s place. I am sorry I was never enough.”

Chapter 23: Dark Horizons

Notes:

IMPORTANT LOCATION FIX: The Sun Warrior Island is SOUTH of the fire nation, not north. Decided on this change to lessen the time constraints of the gaang. For those of you who will check the ATLA map, it is south of Yon Rha's island, out at sea.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Katara sat down on a big rock facing the sea. Everyone had slept; she was all alone with her own thoughts and feelings, which she barely had time for nowadays. She always tried to keep everyone together, sometimes to her own emotional detriment, but today, she had seen that it was all for naught. She had fixed nothing; she could not, and the thought drained her. Tomorrow, she would stand tall and strong again; tomorrow, she would fight nail and tooth for her family; tomorrow, there would only be smiles and encouragement, but today, away from everyone, she allowed herself a few moments of weakness. Solitary tears slid down her cheeks, tears of exhaustion and defeat, of all those who had depended on her and all those she had failed. In that moment, the whole world turned into smoke and ashes before her very eyes. That was the price of their failure: a dark and bleak future, withered and in chains. A dark and moonless night, just like this one, for an eternity. Katara couldn’t bear it; her tears turned into sobs. All that pain and sacrifice couldn’t be for nothing. It couldn’t be…

“Hey, you haven’t slept yet?” Sokka called groggily from below.

Katara quickly wiped her face and cleared her throat, “I will; don’t worry. Go sleep,”

He shrugged and kicked a pebble into the sea. Katara really hoped he would go away. She didn’t want him to see her like this, not then at least. It would discourage him, and she really didn’t need another person in as much pain as she was at that moment; she wouldn’t have wished it on her worst enemy.

“Slide over a little. I want to come up too,”

“Why don’t you go and find your own rock?”

“Oh, I am sorry for wanting to sit with my sister. I’ll go find a rock and break my neck climbing in the dark, and then you will regret this, and-”

“Ok, Ok, come up,” She sighed, exasperated. He smiled at her and hoisted himself up; meanwhile, Katara wondered how someone as smart as Sokka could simultaneously be the biggest idiot in the world. He didn’t seem at all bothered by the ordeals of the day or their implications. Did he not understand what was at stake or was he simply better at pretending? Or was there something else…

“Are you ok?” he asked, bringing her back to the present.

“I am fine,”

He nodded and quietly dangled his legs off the edge. The silence wore on for a while.

“Sokka?”

“Hmm?”

“How can you do it?”

“Do what?”

“This,” she gestured emphatically, “How can you not care at all?”

He gave her a wide-eyed look of surprise, “I do,”

“You don’t show it,”

“Neither do you. Doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling anything, does it?”

“No. It doesn’t but I…I don’t know how to feel,” Katara sighed and looked back. It wasn’t the time to start this conversation; they were both drained.

“What do you mean?”

“The closer we get to the end, the more difficult it all gets. Does it feel like that to you too?”

 “Yes. Yes, it certainly does,” he paused and looked skyward, “I never thought anything could be worse than our last day in Ba Sing Se, but today…today made me reconsider,”

“Do you believe Aang will come back?”

“I do; I have to. We all have to,”

“And then what?”

“For once, you are being the cynical one,” he attempted to laugh, but the feeling quickly faded. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “Then we continue as we have done before. Aang will learn the elements, and we will overthrow the Firelord,”

“How can he learn firebending?”

“I don’t know,”

They were silent for a moment.

“What will we do about Zuko?” Katara voiced the question that had bothered her all night.

“I have no idea,” he replied slowly as though he himself had thought about it in vain.

“Do you think that…”

“Yes?”

“That we are to blame for him? Even if a little? I mean, I am the one who brought him back. I can’t help but feel that-”

“No, absolutely no,” Sokka answered vehemently, “You are not guilty of anything. How could you have known what would happen? You did a good deed with good intentions; he just said all that in the heat of the moment; I don’t think much of it is real anyway; how could it be? I am sure he was mistaken about somethings at least-”

“You think he was lying?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I meat that…I…” he covered his face with his hands, “Spirits, I don’t know anything, Katara. I don’t know what to believe, what to think, but nothing justifies him blaming you. You are the kindest person I know; you wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone you care about-”

“Hold on there. Who said I care about him?”

“It’s kind of obvious,” he gritted his teeth, “You care about him just as you care about the rest of us; he can’t blame you for being good and kind, ok? Please, just please, don’t think like that.”

He took deep breaths for a while to calm himself. Katara tried to feel comforted. He was right; she hadn’t had bad intentions when helping Zuko, or at least, when trying. She thought she was doing him good. Was that alone enough?

Sokka slid down the rock, “Come along. There is no way I am leaving you alone to beat yourself up. We are both tired. We should get some rest; you definitely should,”

Katara followed him quietly. When they reached their sleeping bags, Sokka suddenly pulled her into a hug. She clung onto him for a while, realizing every second that her brother was the only living reminder of home; indeed, in these journeys, they had become each other’s home as they drifted in the hurricanes of the world.

“Sleep and don’t think much, ok little sis?”

She nodded and tried to smile. They had to this for each other, for their family back home and their family out in the world.

Zuko didn’t know what to feel when he opened his eyes. He thought he was a little warmer, but he felt the emptiness in his heart like an abyss. His own voice rang in his ears as a constant reminder of the emotions he had not dared admit to himself before last night. What poisonous snakes had been gnawing at him for years past! Zuko didn’t know if he could feel joy anymore, but he was a little relieved, as he remembered how his uncle had often said that the deepest secrets followed one into death and beyond. It would have been hell to lie in a grave, haunted by such cursed feelings. Even though he couldn’t let them go, he at least knew what fangs stabbed his heart, and knowledge was the last bliss he could boast of.

He looked around and felt unreasonably uncomfortable. Katara was huddled up in her sleeping bag to his right; Toph and Sokka were on his left. Everything seemed normal, except that it was not; it did not feel so. There was something new about this sleeping arrangement, something different. He struggled to sit up and ran his hands through his hair. It was then that he suddenly realized the issue: they were so… close. It had never been like that before; he had always slept alone in a corner, and no one had said a word about it. He wondered what this could mean, but he couldn’t bring himself to dwell on it much. Instead, his eyes caught on the embers from last night’s fire, and he ignored the sunrise for this miserable dying of the light. What could a thousand rising suns mean to him now?

He remained hugging his knees and staring at the embers for what seemed like hours, until a blanket was wrapped around him. He didn’t stir.

“Zuko,” a soft voice called, “Can you hear me?”

He nodded without looking. She sat beside him and pushed a plate into his hands. When he didn’t make any effort to hold it, she whispered, “You must eat. Come on, just a little,”

Zuko tore his gaze from the dead embers and looked into Katara’s ocean blue eyes. Worry and exhaustion was written on every line of her face, her skin was pale, her cheeks hollow, and her smile weary, but all this only served to accentuate the luster of those eyes, which reflected all the hope, all the goodness in her. Zuko wanted to be angry; he wanted to yell at her for all that she said the night before, but instead, his heart softened. He took her hands in his and tried to speak as coldly as possible to avoid burdening her with more of his misery.

“You shouldn’t waste your supplies on me. You have a long journey ahead,”

“What about you?”

“I will remain here. You shouldn’t have to drag me around. I am just dead weight,”

“No-”

“It’s true; you know it is,” Zuko interrupted, knowing what she would say. It was all pointless now, “Just end this war. It has gone on for too long; too many people have died; too many families have been torn apart. This shouldn’t go on any longer, not when there is goodness in this world, however little,”

“So you are quitting like a loser,” Toph snorted. Zuko hadn’t noticed her and Sokka sitting across from him and Katara. He nodded in response.

“I can’t believe it! Where is the fighting spirit? Where is the determination that made you chase these idiots across the whole world? Where is the passion that made you play with knives and dao blades or the cheerful wittiness with which you sang, only two nights ago? Where is all that?”

“They were the last sparks of a dying fire. I fought, and I lost,” Zuko stressed, “What more do you want me to do?”

“Preferably nothing with that attitude,” Sokka jumped in.

“They both have a point. You can’t just give up. There must be a way to get your firebending back,”

“That’s the thing though. Have you ever heard of someone losing their bending? There is no way,” Zuko huddled in his blanket as the weather suddenly turned chilly.

 “We have to do some deeper thinking here,” Sokka pondered, “In the North Pole, we learned that benders haven’t been around all the time, that the original waterbenders learned bending by imitating the moon. Maybe you should just sit in the sun until you feel the magic stuff,”

“You started well, and messed it up completely,” Toph snorted, “But hey, it might help to think of more active sources of bending,”

“Oh, I know,” Sokka flicked his fingers, “He should jump into a volcano!”

“No, genius. I am talking of animals benders. For earthbending, the original benders were badgermoles. One day, when I was little, I ran away and hid in a cave. That's where I met them. They were blind, just like me, so we understood each other. I was able to learn earthbending, not just as a martial art, but as an extension of my senses. For them, the original earthbenders, it wasn't just about fighting. It was their way of interacting with the world,”

“Yes, that. That’s exactly what we need,” Katara turned to Zuko, “Who are the original firebenders?”

“Dragons. They are extinct now,”

A strong wind blew past them. Even the others shuddered.

“How could a race of dragons just go extinct?” Katara asked.

“Even a race of people can. We are at war,”

“Yes, but dragons-”

Sokka was interrupted by a loud growl from the sky. They all shot to their feet, stances ready, weapons in hand. Even Zuko took his swords, though he could hardly hold them. An impenetrable mist had enveloped the whole shore while they were talking; they could barely see ten feet ahead, so they stood in a circle, silently awaiting the worst. The growls grew louder and closer, but Zuko started to notice how familiar they sounded. Almost like…

Suddenly, Appa emerged from the mist and landed in the middle of their circle. Aang jumped from the saddle with a crazed look on his face.

“You guys won’t believe what happened!”

They all frowned at the boy they had so desperately looked for yesterday. Zuko was truly overwhelmed; he wanted to simultaneously kill him and hug him. Thankfully, Katara stepped up before he could do anything stupid. She would surely diffuse the tension.

“Now you show up? Where the hell have you been all this time?”

They all stared at her, dumbfounded. She almost glowed in her rage.

“I…I just wanted to think a little after that night, you know-”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake Aang! This is what you always do! Remember when you ran away in the middle of the desert? Or when you left the ship to ‘save the world’ on your own? This has to stop now! You have got to stop leaving us without so much as a word! We are nearing the end of our journey; do you have any idea what is at stake? Are you aware that we could lose each other and die during one of your ‘thinking’ sessions? Now, more than ever, we need to be together. Do you understand?”

“I do, I swear I do! I was just thinking of how I could learn firebending without Zuko’s help; that is all. Then I had a vision from Roku and went away. I am sorry, ok?”

“Well, we are working on that too. Zuko lost his firebending. We are trying to find a solution,”

“Lost his bending? How is that even-”

“It happened,” Sokka answered quickly before Katara could. He had never seen her this angry before, “We were talking about the sources of firebending-”

“That’s easy! Dragons,”

“They are extinct apparently,”

“That doesn’t make any sense… Roku had a dragon, and there were plenty of dragons when I was a kid,”

“Well, they aren't around anymore, okay?” Zuko grunted.

“Okay, okay,” Aang lifted his hands, “What else is there?”

They all silently looked at one another for a few moments. They were talking of a nation that had dominated the world for a century, and yet the origin of its power was irretrievably lost. The Fire Nation had lost its own truth in the process of conquering the world, and Zuko vaguely felt the irony in that: the more they seemed to gain from others, the more they lost from themselves; the more they sought, the deeper they sank. He could very well relate, but where was salvation? Was there no way to take back time, to undo at least a fraction of the harm they had inflicted upon themselves and the world? How had it all come to this? Where had it all started?

“The first people to learn from the dragons were the ancient Sun Warriors,” he said solemnly.

“Sun Warriors? Well, I know they weren't around when I was a kid,”

“No, they died off thousands of years ago, but their civilization wasn't too far from where we are now. Even if it’s too late for me, maybe you could learn something useful,”

“Sounds…great,” Aang itched the back of his head in a confused manner, “Where is it?”

“Southwest from here. It would probably take us a day to get there,”

“Wait, wait. You guys seriously think that you'll pick up some super old Sun Warrior energy just by standing where they stood a thousand years ago? Also, there is nothing to the southwest according to my map,”

“It is uninhabited, so no one really bothers with mapping it,” Zuko sighed, already dejected. He didn’t want to get his hopes up lest this venture turned into a disappointment like every other thing. Indeed, at this point, he knew he would be surprised if things did get better for him.

Katara turned to Sokka, “How many days till the invasion?”

“Oh time isn’t the issue. We still have ten days,”

“Ten days! And you always said we were running out of time!”

“Well…I wanted you guys to get a move on. Anyway, it worked,” when Katara continued to glare at him, he added, “Also, I might have accidentally skipped a week on my calculations earlier,”

“That sound right,” Toph grumbled.

“So, anyway, while Aang and Zuko go to the magic island that’s not even on the map, we have to keep a low profile, and stay as far away from human-”

“Again, Sokka, we are not becoming cave people,” Katara said exasperatedly. Then, she turned to Aang and Zuko, “I will pack some things for your journey. Be as quick as possible; let’s not waste any more time,” she turned on her heel and marched away. When she was about ten steps from the rest of them she stopped and turned slightly towards them, “Actually, Zuko, you should probably come with me,”

She didn’t sound as harsh as before, but still, her tone left no place for negotiation. Zuko followed her quietly until they reached the rock behind which they had put their supplies two nights ago. Once there, Katara placed some food and water into various bags with alarming speed, leaving Zuko at a loss for what to do. Why had she even called him if she knew exactly what to prepare? After she finished- the task had only taken her a few minutes- she stood still with the bags in her hand as though she were deciding something. They stood facing each other, just as they had the night before, until it became too unbearable for Zuko. The memory was too fresh; he didn’t need to torture himself with remembrance.

“What is it?” he asked to dispel the oppressive silence.

“I…I was just thinking about what you said about your cousin at Master Piandao’s house. You said that he was cold, that he was dying,”

“Yes, what of it?”

“You are very cold,” she looked at him questioningly, reluctant to pour her thoughts into words, “Does that mean that if you don’t get your bending back, you could…probably…”

“I believe so,” Zuko finished for her.

“I just wanted to-”

“Katara, it’s ok. I don’t expect you to say anything; we barely had the chance to be properly acquainted. It doesn’t matter,”

“But it does! Whether you like it or not, you are part of us now,”

Zuko laughed humorlessly, but deep down, he felt wistful. How cruel it was to be a part of something meaningful at last, and to lose it so soon, just like a mirage that forever eludes a pursuer. Indeed, these last few weeks felt more like a mirage than anything else, and now, he was going towards another. His whole life was spent on the chase.

“I am serious,” she insisted, offended by his cynical laughter, “We haven’t been our best selves, true, but we have all tried to help one another here. I know what you will say. I know that I wasn’t kind or fair last night, and for that, I am sorry. You aren’t cowardly or useless. You set up camp many times, taught Toph, and helped me with shopping despite your condition. I think…I think I just got so used to you,”

For some reason, that made Zuko smile, which made him feel extremely stupid. There was always that conflict between his thoughts and the smallest of his actions; he really didn’t know what to make of himself. He wanted to refuse her apology, but she was sincere; he could see it in the gleam of her eyes and the kindness of her smile, and that was enough. At that moment, he understood that he could never be mad at her, no matter how much he tried. He realized that he had already known it when she tried to force that plate into his hands earlier in the morning or when she stayed close to him during the night.

“Do miss me when I die, Katara,” he blurted suddenly, despairingly, “No one will be missing me for a long a time,”

“Don’t say that. You won’t die. I don’t believe it,”

“Zuko! Katara! Are you guys done packing?”

“We’re coming!” she yelled and turned to him with a whisper, “Lastly, thank you for everything,”

Zuko didn’t know how to reply so he nodded. That felt too cold, so he added in a whisper, “Ok.”

“You know, you should probably start saying you’re welcome,” she smiled warmly. He remained silent, so she nodded encouragingly, “Go ahead,”

“You’re welcome…?”

“That’s right,” she rubbed his arm awkwardly. Zuko was confused; she seemed almost unwilling to part from him. He felt that she knew this could be the last time, that he might not come back, but she encouraged him still. Or was she merely trying to convince herself that he would? Why did it matter to her anyway?

 Suddenly, Sokka appeared round the corner, “What’s taking you so long?”

“Packing. You can help if you want,”

Sokka rolled his eyes, “They are not going to the other side of the universe. Come on,”

They walked towards Appa where Toph and Aang were busy fixing the saddle, or more accurately, arguing over one thing or other.

“What now?” Katara sighed.

“I think we should work more on earthbending when he comes back, and he is just making excuses,”

Katara turned to Aang and stared him down so intently that he couldn’t even say a word of defense, and instead, contented himself with placing the bags on the saddle.

“We are all set,”

Toph punched Zuko’s arm, “See you soon, Sparky,”

“If all goes well,”

“All will go well,” Sokka grinned and patted him on the shoulder.

“Take care,” Katara added quietly as he climbed on Appa. They locked eyes for a moment before Aang yelled “Yip Yip”, and Appa took off. Zuko looked back, desperate for a last image of his unusual companions. The truth was that Aang had to come back; he was the Avatar. He was going to see them again. Zuko knew he would not; on top of that, they were going to be the last people to see or think of him as well. He curled up, and tried not to think of all that, tried to hope for as long as possible, but it was all for naught. Who would remember him at the end of all things?

When he tried to curl up a little more, he felt a nudge on his stomach and looked at his belt. There, beneath the folds of his clothes, was his uncle’s letter. He snatched it immediately and unfurled the scroll with shaking hands; his uncle was forgiving, but he would be heartbroken if he knew that Zuko never read his letter. Zuko wasn’t going to give him that pain, not again. He forced himself to focus on the parchment, filled with his uncle’s messy handwriting, and tears rolled down his cheeks at every word. It ran thus:

Dearest Zuko,

One parchment is not enough to express my feelings on all that has passed, but it has to do. Whatever I say, feel with ten, nay, hundred-fold intensity, and you might understand me. To the world, I am now an insane and worthless man, and yet, never have I been possessed by clearer thoughts and stronger convictions, not even when I changed my path five years ago.

My son, I don’t want to think of what you have done at the catacombs, but that moment is forever fixed in my mind, as I am sure it is in yours. It will perhaps pain you to talk of it, but I feel it must be done. Whatever pushed you to that despair is, at least partially, my fault, and I have felt the pain of that all the more acutely in my loneliness. These weeks have been of torment, as I fought relentlessly against the opposing forces of paralyzing guilt (Yes, the guilt of having done nothing more to protect you) and ferocious resolve. At least, I am finally fully convinced of the truth: I know you are alive. I feel it in my heart as I write these words. If it were otherwise, I know I would have succumbed to true madness in this dark cell long ago, but it is the thought of you persisting on the path of self-destruction that drove me on and drives me still. The idea that you are out in the world, alone with such thoughts, haunts me more than all else. Please, I beg you, don’t go on with that mindset; don’t put yourself in needless peril; don’t seek death. Call me a selfish old man, reproach me all you want, but I cannot bear the thought, or even the doubt, of losing you a second time, and I am sure I am not alone in that. You are all that I have; I should have done more, much more, and if I survive this, I promise to never leave your side, not for a moment. I have forsaken and disappointed you enough as it is.

I send you all my love, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.

Yours affectionately,

Iroh

Notes:

This chapter= emotional gut-wrench
I live for Sokka-Katara bonding tbh.
I always thought that it made little sense that Katara, who yelled at Toph for not helping with the camp, wouldn't yell at Aang constantly running from his responsibilities. I personally don't hate Aang (he is the least relatable member of the Gaang still); I get that he is a kid, but so are all the rest. What do you fellas think?
By the way, Zuko didn't refer to/think of Aang as anything but the Avatar until last chapter. I did that intentionally in all his POV to show that he still wasn't completely warmed up to them, that he still couldn't get rid of his inhibitions, especially about Aang. Did you guys notice that?
...
On a more personal note, I have just discovered that looking at old family photos makes one reach levels of cringe previously thought inaccessible by humanity. Is that just me? Ok...

Chapter 24: The Firebending Masters Part 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Zuko! Hey Zuko, are you asleep? I think we are lost. What’s in your hands?”

Zuko had pressed the letter to his chest as he had curled up. He immediately hid it beneath his robes and glared at Aang.

“What do you mean we are lost?”

“I am not sure…there is no island in sight. I am trying to read Sokka’s map, but-”

“Give that here,” Zuko grunted as he moved to sit next to Aang.

“Careful, you will fall!”

“I am fine…Where the hell are we?”

“I don’t know… I have been going southwest like you said,”

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You should have kept close to the islands and then steered south at the last one,”

“You didn’t say that!”

“No, I didn’t; it’s common sense,”

“Really? How?”

Zuko ignored the question, “Let’s just go northwest until the islands are visible again,”

“Ok…should I bend a cloud around us?”

“No need. It is a cloudy day already. It might even rain soon,”

“I hope we make it before then. I have had my share of storms,”

“Certainly,” Zuko replied curtly. He wasn’t very bent on talking. They both looked around to dispel the awkwardness, and Zuko was about to be lost in his thoughts like before when Aang spoke again:

“So, how did you lose your bending?”

“I don’t know,”

More silence.

“Is that why you are cold?”

“Yes,”

Aang fiddled for a few minutes.

“Airbenders are naturally warm, you know,”

“And?”

“I can hug you if you are cold,”

“You can shoot that idea into the abyss whence it came,”

“What abyss?”

“Dear Agni!” Zuko pressed his hands to his face. This child was too much. He didn’t want to tempt another conversation so he thought of getting back into the saddle to pretend to sleep; however, he lost his balance as he stood up. All his limbs suddenly went numb, and he would have plummeted to his death if Aang didn’t pull him back with all his strength. Zuko’s head hit the back of the saddle with a thud, and he sat, unable to move for many minutes.

“I told you to be careful!” Aang complained as he wrapped his arms around Zuko to steady him, probably thinking that the latter had fainted. Zuko was actually conscious; he wanted to open his eyes and speak, but he felt numb and weightless, as though he was falling for real. The weird part was that this wasn’t a foreign feeling at all; it was perfectly natural. He knew he must have felt like this before.

A jolt ran through him as he realized that this was how he had been the last few days: with a vague awareness of all that was around him, but an inability to move or act at will; indeed, he had been like this in the morning, last night, or even, the night before, at uncertain intervals. Panic at the idea that he was truly losing control and will shook him out of his paralysis, and he held onto Aang for support, as if to physically bar himself from such a state.

“You are okay, right?”

“Yes, yes, just give me a minute,”

He took deep breaths and leaned back. He was tempted to close his eyes, but he couldn’t risk being in such a state again; he was apprehensive of being stuck like that forever if he allowed himself to fall back. He wouldn’t sleep at all if he had to but-

“Do you know about chakras?” Aang asked and for once, Zuko was more willing to partake in conversation.

“Yes. They are the pools of chi in our body,”

“Hmm,” Aang nodded thoughtfully before going on, “As the Avatar, I must be able to unlock all chakras, you know. I had great trouble with fire and thought chakras,”

“Shame is the bane of fire, or so Uncle told me,”

“It is,” he paused again, “Do you think that is the reason you and I can’t bend fire?”

It was Zuko’s turn to pause and reflect. He threw his head back and tried to reply calmly, “I have no additional reasons to be ashamed than what has already been around these last years,”

Even as he said it, he knew it was a lie. What of becoming a traitor to his nation and a disgraced refugee in enemy lands? What of his uncle’s capture and his inability to stop it? What of this miserable existence that he insisted on bearing? What claim did he have to any inkling of pride, he who had been humbled by so many calamities?

“Well, for me, this whole year has been one shock after another. I woke up to find the whole world changed. Sometimes, I wonder whether it would have made a difference if I had remained with my people to the end-”

“You would have been killed,”

“Perhaps, but I could have done something,”

“I doubt it. What could a child like yourself have done against a massacre?”

There was no reply. Zuko took the reins from Aang’s hands and turned Appa south again. They were probably close.

“Trust me; no child could do anything against a massacre,”

“How do you know?”

Zuko tried to smile, “I just do,”

“Whoa! Zuko, look at that!” Aang pointed as they landed beyond the mountains of the abandoned island.

Zuko stared at the ruins in wonder, “These look so much like Fire Sages’ temples. Some designs are almost identical to the ones in Caldera,”

“Okay. We've learned something about architecture. Hopefully, we'll learn something about firebending too. The past can be a great teacher,” just as Aang said that, he tripped and almost fell face first into a pit of spikes that emerged from the earth. He managed to flip to the other side of the pit by airbending, but only barely. Zuko knelt and found the wire that Aang had walked into.  

“Zuko, I think the past is trying to kill me,”

“I can't believe it. This must be centuries old and it still works,”

“There's probably a lot more. Maybe this means we shouldn't be here,”

Zuko stepped back a couple of steps and rushed towards the wall to propel himself to the other side.

“People don’t make traps unless they’ve got something worth protecting. We must be on the right track,”

“Right…have you dealt with traps before?”

“A few,”

“Cool! What sort?”

“Does…surviving an explosion caused by a trap count?”

“I think it should,”

“Well then,”

“You must have really angered someone,” Aang laughed. When he saw that Zuko wasn’t amused, he added, “I was joking. I bet it wasn’t meant just for you, was it? It was a random trap, like the one we just passed, right?”

“No, it wasn’t,” Zuko replied, and ignoring Aang’s terrified look, he pointed at the top of the stairs they were climbing to distract him. Some bizarre carvings grew more visible on the wall the closer they got.

“This seems promising. Though I'm not sure what this tells us about the original source of firebending,”

Zuko grimaced at the image of dragons breathing fire at a man, “They look pretty angry to me,”

“I thought the dragons were friends with the Sun Warriors,”

“Well, they had a funny way of showing it. Then again, I am not an expert on friendship,” he scoffed as he turned away from the painting to once again survey the ruins.

“Zuko something happened to the dragons in the last hundred years. Something you are not telling me,”

“My great-grandfather Sozin happened,” he swallowed as Aang joined him and they walked farther into the ruins.

“He started the tradition of hunting dragons for glory. There were the ultimate firebenders, and if you could conquer one, your firebending talents would become legendary and you would earn the honorary title, Dragon. The last great dragon was conquered long before I was born, by my uncle,”

“But I thought your uncle was ... I don't know, good?”

“He had a complicated past. Family tradition, I guess. Let's just move on,”

After a while of quiet wandering, they reached two gates with a sunstone positioned above them. Aang ran and tried to force them open to no avail.

“It’s locked up! Why is everywhere we need to be in always locked up?”

“It’s not locked; it's a celestial calendar,” Zuko rubbed the back of his head to remember, “I bet that sunstone opens the door, but only when sunlight hits it at just the right angle. On the solstice,”

“Monkeyfeathers! The solstice again? We can't wait here that long,”

“No, we can't,” Zuko contemplated the gates and the stone. He remembered Renshu’s wisdom: “The universe doesn’t care about your troubles so cheat when you can.” Just as they had wreaked havoc on the rules of Flags then, now he had to cheat a centuries old civilization. It wasn’t much. He smirked as he unsheathed his swords and mumbled “Let’s speed time up” as he moved his swords in various angles to direct sunlight into the sunstone.

“Nothing's happening,”

Zuko knelt to get a better angle. This had to work; there was no game that couldn’t be outwitted, including life. Just then, the ground started shaking. He lost his balance and fell, but it worked. The doors opened, and he found himself looking into a cavernous room, empty except for a strange arrangement of statues

“That was brilliant! You know, Zuko, I don't care what everyone else says about you. You're pretty smart,” Aang laughed warmly as he helped Zuko up, “From now on, whenever I have solstice-coded door issues, I’ll get you,”

“Thanks…wait, who says what about me?”

“Nothing…”

“You just said-”

“I also said that it doesn’t matter! Anyway let’s- woah!”

“Relax. They're just statues,”

“They look eerie. I hope there isn’t another trap round here,”

“I am sure there is, so be careful,”

They walked in different directions to examine the statues. Zuko didn’t say anything, but Aang was right; these statues were eerie. They looked down as though they were going to come alive any second and fall on them. Aside from that, there was something so unlike traditional firebending about these forms. Zuko was just starting to wonder at the differences between what he knew and what he saw when Aang latched onto his arm.

“Zuko, get over here! I want you to dance with me!”

“What?”

“Just do it!” Aang replied enthusiastically as he pulled a groaning Zuko before the statues.

“You’ve got to be joking,”

“Let's follow the steps of the statues. Don't you see? This isn’t just a dance. These statues are giving us a lesson. I think this is some kind of Sun Warrior firebending form,”

“This better teach us some really good firebending,” Zuko grumbled. He wasn’t intent on supplementing his scanty dancing techniques.

They imitated the forms as best as they could as they stepped around the room. Zuko hated to admit it, but these moves relaxed his aching body, if only a little bit. He felt energy surging in him again. When he and Aang reached each other at the other end of the room, a vertical column emerged in the center with an egg-shaped sunstone placed in its midst. Zuko broke out of his form to examine the gem, which he found to be extremely tempting.

“What do you think that is?”

“It must be some kind of mystical gemstone,” Zuko replied as he reached out to take it.

“Well, don't touch it!”

“Why not?”

“Remember what happened out there with those spikes? I'm just very suspicious of giant glowing gems sitting on pedestals,”

Zuko ignored Aang and picked up the sunstone, “Woah, it feels almost alive. There is something in this-”

Perhaps, Zuko should have listened to the all wise Avatar because he was thrown ten feet into the air by a geyser of black, viscous slime before he finished his sentence. His back hit the grates at the roof, and it took all his energy to keep his eyes open and focused on Aang who was desperately trying to fight.

“Careful! It’s very sticky!” he yelled as Aang almost fell into the slime. He was about to suggest breaking the grate with airbending, but Aang apparently had the same thing on his mind; he bent a gust of wind towards Zuko. Unfortunately, this didn’t break the grate, which hit Zuko in the face as the wind turned him around. In a few moments, Aang joined him there as the room was filled to the brim and all became silent again.

“You had to pick up the glowing egg, didn't you?” Aang grumbled after a while of struggling.

“At least I made something happen. If it were up to you, we'd never have made it past the courtyard,” Zuko sneered.

“Help! We are stuck here!”

“Who are you yelling to? Nobody's lived here for centuries,”

“Well, what do you think we should do?”

Zuko thought for a bit, “Think about our place in the universe?”

“Ugh, come on-oh.” Aang stopped short as they both saw a weirdly dressed man looking down at them

“Who dares disturb the Temple?”

Notes:

You guys are probably tired of hearing (reading) this, but my life has once again been thrown out of balance. At least this time, it's a thing I have wanted for years. I might have stared at my laptop screen emptily a bit too long for comfort.
Also, is my writing wordy? Yes. Is it pretentious? Yes. Now we can all go on with our lives heheh.

Chapter 25: The Firebending Masters Part 2

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Apparently, being licked by aardvark sloths was the order of the day. Zuko wasn’t complaining; it could have been something way worse, but Aang writhed constantly. Who could have guessed that the Avatar was ticklish? He was distracted from the giggling Avatar by the booming chief:

“For trying to take our sunstone, you must be severely punished!”

“We didn't come here to take your sunstone. We came here to find the ancient origin of all firebending,” Zuko countered, trying to sound polite.

“Yeah, right. They are obviously thieves, here to steal Sun Warrior treasures,”

“Please, I don't normally play this card, but ... I'm the Avatar. Just hear us out,” Aang declared with a giggle as the sloth licked his stomach. Zuko thought he should take over lest Aang seemed impertinent with his childish laughter.

“My name is Zuko; I am the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. O-or at least I used to be,” he stammered as he tried to think of what to say, “I know my people have distorted the ways of firebending, to be fueled by anger and rage. But now I want to learn the true way, the original way. When we came here, I never imagined the Sun Warrior's civilization was secretly alive. I am truly humbled to be in your presence. Please, teach us,”

The Chief considered this and replied, “If you wish to learn the ways of the Sun, you must learn them from the masters, Ran and Shaw,”

“Ran and Shaw? There are two of them?”

“Yes. You must come with me,” he said as people parted to make way for him. Aang and Zuko followed, somewhat puzzled, but encouraged that they found some guidance. The Chief talked on as he led them through some complicated paths:

“When you present yourself to them, they will examine you. They will read your hearts, your souls, and your ancestry. If they deem you worthy, they will teach you. If they don't, you'll be destroyed on the spot. If you are going to see the masters, you must bring them a piece of the Eternal Flame,”

“What is that?”

“You will see, young Avatar,”

They climbed another set of stairs, which ended in an enormous fireplace.

“This fire is the very first one. It was given to man by the dragons. We have kept it going for thousands of years,”

“I don't believe it,” Zuko gasped, not only because of what the Chief said, but also because this fire felt almost identical to the sunstone in the Temple.

“You will each take a piece of it to the masters, to show your commitment to the sacred art of firebending,”

“Umm, Mister Sun Chief Sir, yeah, I'm not a firebender yet. Couldn't my friend here carry my fire for me?”

“No,” The Chief replied as he took a handful from the fire, “This ritual illustrates the essence of Sun Warrior philosophy. You must maintain a constant heat. The flame will go out if you make it too small. Make it too big, and you might lose control,”

The Chief stopped before Zuko first who reluctantly extended his arms to take the flame. It drew him to itself before, but as soon as he held it, he felt inexplicably weird.

“...It's like a little heartbeat,” he heard Aang say, and he wanted to agree, but it didn’t feel right; none of this did.

“Fire is life, not just destruction. You will take your flames up there. The cave of the masters is beneath that rock,” when Aang and Zuko turned to leave, the Chief called, “Wait!”

“What is it? Did we do something wrong already?” Aang wondered.

“No, you should wait till your flame takes colour,”

“What does that-oh look Zuko! Your flame!”

Zuko looked down to see that his flame became a shade of murky yellow. He turned away, revolted.

“Mine is gray,” Aang pouted, “Is that bad?”

“It mean that you are reluctant towards your fire,”

“That’s somewhat…true. So the colour of the eternal flame shows your relationship with fire?”

“With fire and with yourself, as a firebender,”

“What about Zuko’s?”

The Chief gave his flame an indifferent look, “It means that you are disgusted with yourself and your fire,”

“That doesn’t make much sense; if I am disgusted with my fire, why would I be here?” Zuko asked.

“You must find your own answers. Off you go, and good luck,”

Aang and Zuko walked slowly and quietly through the forest. They both had their own thoughts to consider. Zuko was consumed by the fire in his palms and by what the Chief had said. What answers should he seek? He could very well understand being repulsed by himself after all that passed, but why his fire? Was it really such an inseparable part of him that his emotions of himself were reflected on it? But if that were the case, how could it have left him? Why couldn’t he bend?

As a distraction, he started to think of all the other colours of fire he had seen. First that came to mind was obviously Azula’s cobalt-blue flames. What did that signify? It was intense and bright, so that must mean that she had confidence in herself. His father’s fire was a deep shade of red, a maroon colour, with the same intensity as Azula’s. He was a wild and willful man, so that made sense. His uncle’s was orange, warm and lively as he himself was. Zuko thought this was all, but all of a sudden, he remembered the streaks of burgundy in his grandfather Azulon’s flames, Lu Ten’s focused white flames, and Quon’s lazy coral flames. He even thought of Commander Zhao’s aggressive scarlet flames. His eyes fell on the fire in his palms, and he reproached himself for not being at least like Zhao. It burned even murkier.

Thanks, you are really helping,” Zuko thought. He considered himself lesser than any firebender out there, who despite a lack of individuality, at least wouldn’t put up with such thoughts. Indeed, Zuko wouldn’t mind being mediocre, if only this constant comparison to others around him would cease.

Everyone says my fire is ‘lazy’. I don’t care. You know what? I like it that way. It’s just like me,” Zuko sighed at Quon’s words. If only he could care less about what others thought in favour of what he himself felt.

“Zuko, we made it,”

Zuko looked up to see that they had already left the forest behind. Now they stood in a valley where the warriors of the tribe were already gathered. Farther ahead, Zuko could see two vertical rocks with a bridge in the center, and he gulped without really knowing why.

The Chief started again, “Facing the judgment of the firebending masters will be very dangerous for you. Your ancestors,” he turned to Zuko, “are directly responsible for the dragons' disappearance. The masters might not be so happy to see you,”

“I know I wouldn't be,” another man grinned.

“But once they find out I'm the Avatar ...”

“Have you forgotten that you vanished, allowing the Fire Nation to wreak havoc on the world? The decline of the dragons is your burden, too,”

After such encouragement, the Chief took a small portion of their flames and gave it to two warriors who went in opposite directions. The Chief himself turned back and the warriors started their rituals.

“Psst! Zuko!” Aang whispered, “We could turn back now. We've already learned more about fire than we'd hoped,”

“No, we're seeing this through to the end. We will meet these masters and find out what's so great about them,” he added as an afterthought, “We have to,”

“What if they judge us, and attack us?”

“If it comes to that, I’ll hold them off and you will get away,”

“Zuko, no-”

“Listen, Aang. There was never much hope for me anyway; I will die one way or another. Let me at least do it with some dignity,”

“I can’t. You shouldn’t-”

“Promise,”

“I will not!”

“The world depends on you; you can’t forsake it again! Promise!”

“..Ok,” Aang answered, crestfallen.

“Good, let’s go,” Zuko said loudly

With a sign from the Chief, the warriors started beating their drums.

“Climb the stairs,” he commanded.

Zuko and Aang did as they were told without daring to look at each other. When they reached the top, all became silent until the Chief’s voice boomed:

“Those who wish to meet the masters, Ran and Shaw, will now present their fire,”

Aang and Zuko stood back to back, each facing one cave

“Sound the call!”

They heard the sound of a horn that caused the earth to rumble and held their breaths. Aang made to turn around, but Zuko told him to stand still.

“Aren’t you freaked out?”

Zuko took a deep breath; he was ready for whatever was going to emerge from those caves.

“No and neither should you be,”

“Right, of co- Oh no, those eyes are huge! This was a mistake,”

Zuko was startled; he would have stepped back if Aang wasn’t right behind him. Those eyes were real and judging by their size, they belonged to a gigantic creature. Suddenly, their flames went out. Zuko felt Aang press his hands, and for once, he felt truly grateful for the support.

“Remember-”

A huge red dragon emerging from the cave interrupted him. His mind was emptied of all previous thought as he watched it circle the bridge with another blue dragon. Zuko didn’t pause to question this; he didn’t want to know how dragons still existed or whether they were going to incinerate him on the spot. He wanted to be frozen in that moment for eternity, to watch them as though he had no other concern in the world.

“Zuko, I think we're supposed to do the Dragon Dance with them,” Aang whispered

“What?”

“The Dragon Dance,”

 Zuko shook his head, “What about this situation makes you think they want us to dance?”

“Well, I think they want us to do something. Let's just try it,”

“Fine,” Zuko replied unwillingly because he didn’t want to move at all. Why couldn’t he watch the dragons in peace?

Aang tugged on his sleeve one more time and he adopted the first stance of the dance. The dragons stood at attention at this, and Zuko’s wonder grew as he moved, for the dragons moved with them, imitating every move in their own fashion. It was an exhilarating experience; he felt the energy surge through his body once more. Exhaustion left every limb as he shifted through the stances. By the time it was over, Zuko was glad to be alive and better than he had been these last months. He even believed that they had passed the test, until the dragons placed themselves at the sides of the bridge, and the blue dragon peered into his eyes. The Judgement had just begun. Zuko tried to gather his thoughts, but what would justify him before the Masters? What good had he done?

I am sorry for what befell your kind,” he thought, knowing that it reached the dragons, “It was unfair and monstrous,”

Hundreds of fleeting images filled his mind. He saw himself treating his crew and his uncle abominably at every turn.

I never claimed to be kind,”

The scenes changed. He saw that he was chasing Aang, Katara, and Sokka. He saw the scared faces of the women and children in the Southern Water tribe and the fires that engulfed Kyoshi Island.

I have done much that I regret, but couldn’t amend,”

Another image appeared in his mind, one that haunted him for eternity. His father towered over him with fire in his fist that pressed heavily on his eye, blinding it forever. Zuko felt the sting at that moment; he almost took his hands to his face to make sure it wasn’t happening again. Then, he saw a vision of a different world. In this world, he sat silently in the war council, listening and learning how to kill most effectively, his own people or others. He grew up healthily; he had his father’s love and his sister’s respect. He was cold and ruthless with bright red flames, which sought to destroy more than he had ever done in this life. These two contrasting images circled in his mind, and it took Zuko a while to realize that he was being offered an unbelievable choice. Could he ever become that other Zuko? Could he really turn back time? Should he, now that he had a way of doing it? His sacrifice had meant nothing anyway; the 41st division would have been killed, with or without his interference. Why should it be valuable if it didn’t change a thing?

I will always stand by the downtrodden,” he thought with sudden resolution as he remembered what he said at the council. Those words had showed who he really was, and even if they achieved nothing, at least he could tell himself that he wasn’t a part of that massacre, that he did what was in his power. He wouldn’t step back, not for a thousand burns on his body; he couldn’t bring himself to. He was at one with that division; he felt it in his heart, and such a bond should never be broken.

Zuko felt that it was all over and closed his eyes, in the feeble hope that he didn’t open them to darkness again, despite the fact that he had no right to expect anything. It was only a matter of time before the judgement was concluded, and what did he have to show for it? They might forgive Aang; he was a child after all, and he kept balance in the world. Zuko was dispensable; the world would continue as it was, with or without him; he had accepted that fact long ago.

His eyes flew open at Aang’s yell, and he saw a fire vortex engulfing them. For a second, he thought this was the end for both of them, that they had failed, but by degrees, he realized this wasn’t a destructive fire; it was a blessing. It had hundreds of shades and it swirled around them both, sharing its warmth, life, and energy with them without harming or devouring them. Zuko finally understood what the Chief had said; he realized his own truth. He had been disgusted of his fire because it hadn’t been natural and genuine, because it was removed from its real purpose, just as he himself was. He saw now, with perfect clarity, how altered he was these last years, how eager for so much that was against his character. As the vortex faded away, Zuko promised himself that he would never wrong himself so terribly again, not for anyone or anything, and he was sure that only then, could he do right by the world.

“That was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! I didn’t even know fire had so many colours!” Aang beamed as soon as they descended the steps.            

“It wasn’t just about that; the masters gave you visions of the meaning of firebending,” the Chief replied.

“How…how are the dragons still alive? Uncle Iroh claimed that he killed the last one,”

“So your uncle lied,”

“Actually, it wasn't a total lie. Iroh came here, just like his father and uncle had done before, to meet the masters. They deemed him worthy and passed the secret onto him; he was the last outsider to receive their instruction,”

“Then he must have lied to protect them, so no one else would hunt them,”

“He did the right thing,” Aang smiled and continued, “All this time, I thought firebending was destruction. Since I saw what disasters fire caused in the world, since I hurt Katara, I have been too afraid and hesitant. But now I know what it really is ... it is energy, and life,”

Zuko tried to speak calmly despite the trilling of his heart, “It is also your image of yourself and your will. I think that is why my firebending was so weak before. I spent so many years lying to myself about everything, until I lost sight of what truly mattered. Your revival brought me hope, Aang, but it was just a false hope because it wasn’t for the right reasons; it wasn’t true to what I really was. Ever since Ba Sing Se, I have fought with myself so often about so many things, that I lost what little meaning my life had in my eyes then, and so, I lost my fire. But now, I have a purpose close to my own heart; I will help you defeat my father and restore balance to the world.” Zuko felt a warm fire soar within him as he spoke those words, and bowed to Aang with a smile, since he knew he would cry otherwise.

The Chief sighed, “That’s all great, but now that you have learned the secrets, and you know about our tribe's existence we have no choice but to imprison you here forever,”

“What?” they both gasped.

“Just kidding. But seriously, don't tell anyone!”

“Nice one, you guys. We will totally tap-dance our way to victory over the Fire Lord,”

Normally, Zuko would kill Sokka, but that day, he was too happy to be bothered, so he merely smiled, “You are wasting your breath; I don’t think anything can provoke me today,”

“Ah, what a shame,”

“If I were you, I wouldn’t be so sure,” Katara intervened.

“But you see, I am,”

“Well you shouldn’t be,”

Zuko looked at her questioningly until she continued, “It’s time for a good checkup, just so we are sure you are better,”

“There is no need for that. You can see that I am fine,”

“You have looked ‘fine’ before,”

“But I can bend!”

“I am not convinced,”

Zuko clenched his jaw with a smirk, “Fine, but first you will have to catch-”

“Haul him!”

“You seriously think-hey Sokka get your claws off me,”

“What, am I ‘provoking’ you?” Sokka laughed, “Come on Toph, Aang. Let’s get him down,”

Zuko scoffed; he was not going to yield so easily. He twisted Sokka’s arm and threw him back before Aang and Toph caught up to them. After that, it was all a mess; they all united against him in a troublesome mixture of bending, fighting, and tackling, and before long, they were just a haphazard heap of bodies on the floor. Zuko managed to disentangle himself from Toph’s rocks, Aang’s ‘hug’, Sokka’s knots, and stood, looking over them victoriously.

“I told you; don’t-”

“I hope there are no broken bones in this mess,”

Zuko wheeled around and found himself facing Katara

“You are the one who set them on me; you should have seen this coming,”

“You didn’t have to break them,” she protested, and for a moment, Zuko believed that she was seriously angry with him. He was about to suggest some way of procuring medications when she, quite unexpectedly, knocked him off his feet.

“Of course; how couldn’t I see it coming?” he sighed as he rubbed the back of his head.

“That’s how it always is,” she laughed as she knelt, “Aang, Sokka, Toph, are you guys ok?”

“Yes we are-”

“Of course they are; I made sure not to hurt them!”

“How very kind of you. Now, if you will please let me,”

“Of course,” Zuko nodded mockingly, “I am all yours, Miss Healer,”

Notes:

Eh, good? I messed a little with the flames. Fire has to do both with purpose and character; if they clash, firebending suffers. Of course, this still doesn't affect Azula because she is a naturally domineering person who is, you know, being all domineering and "effective". That is not to say that she is bound to be evil; she could surely use her leadership skills to do much good, but if she tries to do good without real conviction, then her bending would be weakened too. As for Zuko, he was naturally soft spoken and empathetic, and he has been going against that. Of course, those traits can be used for evil too, especially manipulation...
Basically, what I am prattling on about is that it isn't your traits that determine your purpose and destiny (that would be too fatalistic), rather, how you use them and whether that aligns with your beliefs and who you are. Zuko was suffering from that conflict within himself; Azula wasn't. If she were forced to be "nice" without real conviction, her bending would suffer as much as Zuko's did over the years with being "aggressive".
...............
I started watching ATLA with my sister. Her most important comment:
"Man, Aang is a kid. How the heck do the ship him with Katara; that's so wrong!"
Also, about Zuko holding Katara's necklace is s1:
"It's moments like this, isn't it?"
Overall:
"I am shipping so hard rn"
Basically, we are on the right track hehehe

Chapter 26: Two Families Alike in Dignity

Summary:

"If we could fly out of that window hand in hand, hover over this great city, gently remove the roofs, and and peep in at the queer things which are going on, the strange coincidences, the plannings, the cross-purposes, the wonderful chains of events, working through generations, and leading to the most outre results..." ~The Complete Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Date: 09 May 100 AG

To whom it may concern,

It is advised that the authorities refrain from harming Imperial Prince Iroh.

Signed: Prince Michiya

Short and to the point,” he thought sourly. What was this; a hint of displeasure, a sign of rebellion, or a declaration of war? It shouldn’t even have mattered; he had already won and silenced all opposition, but he still wondered what favour could the “dismissed” Prince hope to gain for the disowned one; what daring had produced such a letter after two years of silence. Perhaps, the old man had finally lost his mind; perhaps, he had finally swallowed that mighty pride. Whatever the case, he wouldn’t have cared to find out, but suddenly, something caught his eye. He held the letter closer and sneered.

How had he dared sign his name as though he were a prince? Who had given him that distinction? It had been five years since Firelord Azulon’s death and this pathetic nobody still stuck to the old ways, since he had nothing else to boast of now, outcast that he was. All his glory was lost with his dismissal; with what pretension did he dare impose? What right did he have to “advise” the Firelord?

Ozai stood angrily; it was time to pay his old master a little visit.

Ozai walked up to the door of the mansion he had not seen for two years but that he knew perfectly well; he had spent a great deal of his childhood here. He knew where each room was, where the best trees were, where the organized gardens gave way to the wild forest that led farther away from Caldera. He also knew what its owner would do once he saw he had a visitor. He would give a slight bow and mumble his customary phrase: “Welcome Your Majesty. I hope your journey wasn’t troublesome. May I offer you some tea?

Too easy,” Ozai shook his head, but just as he was about to knock, he heard children’s voices and an unpleasantly loud machine in the garden. He walked along the length of the wall, turned the corner, and looked ahead where he saw him pushing a machine on which two girls sat, singing in a foreign tongue. He approached, his steps no doubt muffled by the noise, as none of them paid any attention to him. It was then that he saw the book propped up against the handle of the machine and rolled his eyes. Of course, he was reading while gardening and taking care of his granddaughters; he was infamous for practicality. Ozai guessed he was reading “The Panorama”, his favourite hundred volume series on daily life in the Fire Nation from 300 years ago; he was always reading that anyway. 

Since he was in a hurry and this old man had an eternity to waste, Ozai closed the book shut, prompting his old master to look up at him disinterestedly. It was an eternity indeed; for how could time change a man so little? His hair was still black as obsidian; he still had the same sharp and thin features, the same childish face that made him look significantly younger than seventy. In fact, there was nothing different about him, not in his manner, stature, or expression, save for the fact that he was gardening, which he had always disliked.

Those deep, opaque brown eyes stared into his own coldly, and he gave a slight bow.

“Welcome, Your Majesty,”

The girls jumped from the machine and ran up to them.

“I hope your journey wasn’t troublesome. May I-”

“Grandpa, grandpa, look what Sayuri has done! She has taken out the cogs!” complained the older girl.

“I just took out a few!” the other, who could not have been older than six, protested. Ozai crossed his arms and enjoyed his old master’s quiet distress at not finishing his sentence.

“It’s alright; I can fix it later,”

“Really?”

“Yes, dear, now-”

“That’s great! Here, take them all,” the little girl replied as she emptied all the cogs on her surprised grandfather’s hands. She pouted a moment, waiting for him to speak, and when he didn’t, she suddenly took his screwdriver, and ran as fast as her legs would carry her.

“Sayuri! Don’t worry, grandpa; I’ll catch her,” the other one sighed and chased after her sister.

“-offer you some tea?” the old man mumbled resignedly.

“I thought the late Firelord forbade you from using that savage language. Instead, you go around teaching it to your family,” Ozai sneered, but he was ignored and led to the veranda where a prolonged silence awaited them, as both were unwilling to take the first step. This silence served Ozai well; he remembered better what sort of man he was up against. This was the man who was covered all over in chain marks that were burned into his skin, who was tortured and beaten up, who had his nails and teeth pulled out during his captivity in the Earth Kingdom thirty five years prior. Michiya had never said a word about his months-long imprisonment, but Ozai knew; he knew that they didn’t manage to extract a single word of war plans from him, that his captors probably went insane at his deathly silence. He knew and strengthened his resolve; he was going to conquer this man’s will. He was about to speak, but Michiya took the initiative:

“More tea?”

Ozai nodded, pleased with the victory. In any case, he was victorious even before he came; the old man had sought him out himself. The silence didn’t continue for long when Michiya spoke again:

“The weather is delightful,”

It was a disgustingly hot and humid day.

“The harvest is sure to be plentiful this year,”

Ozai fumed; this was the “custom conversation”. Michiya had long ago developed the technique of saying bland, meaningless phrases at specific intervals to avoid delving into important matters with people he deemed “worthless”; he had even taught it to Ozai himself because, apparently, “telling people to get lost isn’t always profitable” and he had to “conserve his energy for useful matters”.

“Perhaps some coffee-”

Ozai, enraged, knocked the teapot out of Michiya’s hands and added spitefully, “Stop wasting my time,”

The old man leaned back calmly and said nothing. Thus, the silence was resumed, and Ozai, realizing now that it would go on forever, spoke with feigned composure:

“I came because of your letter,”

“I don’t remember asking you to come,”

“No, but I am the Firelord. I can come and go as I please,”

“No doubt, Your Majesty,”

“I’ll get straight to the point: I am well aware of your activities. Considering the contents of that letter, one is tempted to think you are involved in a treacherous plot,”

Michiya gave the slightest smile, “My activities involve writing letters of advice to my in-laws and acquaintances-”

“-who all happen to be government officials. I haven’t looked into your…correspondence yet, nor would I like to, unless you force my hand,”

“Your Majesty are welcome to the contents of my letters. I am sure you would learn a thing or two that might have escaped your attention in your earlier education,”

“Like?”

“Basic economics,” 

Ozai was appalled by his bluntness, “You dare suggest that a worthless lowborn like you can know the affairs of the state better than the Firelord?”

“Of course not, how dare I?” Michiya replied softly, and Ozai was reminded of his father’s words: “It’s not about silencing him; it’s about getting him to speak and agree with you.” That was the problem, even now. He was stubborn in both word and action, and once his mind was made up, once he decided that Firelord Ozai merited nothing but the “custom conversation”, there was no changing it; all words would lead to a dead end. Ozai decided to be more direct.

“Are you supporting Iroh’s return or not?”

“No,”

“So why did you send that letter?”

“As a warning,”

“You are warning me? You-”

He waved his hand impatiently, “There is rebellion in the Islands. Have the news reached you?”

Ozai nodded, trying to conceal his surprise. Michiya went on, “A factory was burned down. It is said to be the result of spirit intervention, but I doubt that. It is much more likely that these are the first sparks of the long dreaded Southern Rebellion,”

“And what do they want?”

“Probably a change of government,”

“So you are adjusting your loyalties from now? I get it; they think you can convince me to keep Iroh alive just yet so they can reach him and depose me in his favour,”

“No,”

“Then how do you explain all this?”

“I am trying to diffuse the tension between the administrators and the people,”

“With what purpose?”

“None, but the safety of my family. They listen to me now; they think that I should join one side or the other so that they can ‘reinstate’ me as War Minister, but these are the administrators that looked down on me before. As for the rebels and the discontented populace, I know that they will forget all their promises once they sweep across the country. I don’t trust mob rule. I am loyal to the crown.”

“What does keeping Iroh alive have anything to do with this? If anything, he should be killed swiftly to avoid further trouble,”

“You feigned patience for twenty years in your pursuit of the throne, just to earn the luxury of impatience. If you kill Iroh now, you will only harden them. You should-”

“I am not going to negotiate with anyone. What do they know? If they wanted Iroh, they should have helped him five years ago. He will not come back. He has gone insane,” Ozai shouted.

“Negotiating isn’t admitting defeat. When I negotiated the Northern Tribe Neutrality Agreement thirty years ago, I wasn’t admitting defeat. They had never set foot on Fire Nation soil and didn’t match our strength in any battle; rather, I deemed it more worthy to direct my resources where I would have immediate gains,”

“I have no ‘worthier’ aim than to stabilize the home front. We are up against the whole world,”

“Through your own doing,” Michiya retorted, and continued without giving Ozai the chance to oppose him, “I really wondered what you had in mind when you revoked the Neutrality Agreement months before its expiry. What did you gain by it; what purpose did it serve? Is your sole aim to undo all my work?”

“Don’t think yourself so significant as to be the guiding force for my actions. I saw an opportunity and I tasked my most capable Commander with its accomplishment,”

“You saw nothing, but an illusion, and tasked none but a foolish upstart,”

“Ironic words, coming from you; for what are you, if not a social climber, feigning honour and dignity?”

“I never asked the late Firelord for any distinction other than joining the war to fight for my country, despite his reluctance to send me. I was not a flatterer, and I certainly did not exploit my rank, as some people are wont to do,”

Ozai gritted his teeth at his insinuation, “I gained my position through hard work and cunning. It is not for you to question the Firelord, since you have been beaten at this game long ago,”

“Yes, indeed, you have beaten me. It only took years of scheming, an opportune moment that you did nothing to create, the literal crown of Agni on your head, and an extra year to force me into retirement, since you didn’t dare dismiss me openly. All that, and I didn’t even know we were playing,”

“You underestimated me,”

“I didn’t see you as my enemy,”

“You should have taken the hint when I searched your home and offices during the purges,” Ozai commented. Michiya was very slow to trust, but even slower to distrust those he deemed reliable, which considering the circumstances, was one too many. These reflections didn’t come without wistfulness; he remembered how attached he was to this man once upon a time. Ozai grimaced at his father’s genius of setting them apart; he had seen years ahead as was his wont, and Ozai was just catching up. By severing his connection with Michiya, his father had aimed to isolate Ozai and drawn the former even closer to Iroh. Indeed, he was isolated, even after so much effort; he knew that most nobles preferred Iroh. Ozai had purged the government ranks, but there was only so much he could do; he couldn’t kill the entire nobility. He saw himself surrounded by traitors and ambitious fools with no loyalty.

“Who was your enemy then?”

“The nobility. The court. Anyone I set my eyes on,”

Ozai had a sudden epiphany, “Do you know what they said about you?”

His features tightened, “Many things. I don’t listen to gossip,”

“No, but you have heard it, haven’t you? Come on, you cannot have missed that. Surely, it is an honour one can only-”

“I would rather be the legitimate child of poor parents than the illegitimate child of a king,”

“Preference against truth,”

“No, truth against gossip,”

“Whatever you say,”

“Grandpa! Grandpa!”

Ozai started. The older girl was carrying her sister to the veranda with difficulty.

“There, I brought her. Sayuri, give grandpa his screwdriver and say you are sorry,”

The little one kept kicking and struggling.

“Come on!”

Michiya extended his hand to receive the screwdriver, but the little girl bent a fistful of fire at her sister, broke free, and ran to climb the nearest tree. The other one started crying and Michiya leaned forward and helped her up.

“There, Annya, don’t cry,”

“She burned my hair! What am I going to do? All the girls at school will laugh at me!”

“Go to your mother; she will fix it,” he turned to the tree and declared loudly, “Once you come down, I will cut your hair for what you have done to your sister. I told you no bending outside of class,”

“No, you won’t,” came a childish voice from the tree, followed by a weak fireball, “Dad will come, and he will stop you. He is stronger than you,”

“I should like to see him try,” Michiya mumbled. Ozai quietly agreed. Maybe he couldn’t anger Michiya, but Quon, distasteful as he was, certainly could.

“She is the spitting image of her father. As if one bender wasn’t enough,”

“She isn’t strong enough. You should train her more vigorously,”

“And you are the expert on child rearing, aren’t you?”

Ozai shrugged, “This is about Zuko again?”

He remained silent, but Ozai knew; this was the last argument they had two years ago. Michiya had declared that Ozai shattered the divine image of the royal family by treating his own so abominably; Ozai had told him off, and the whole thing had gotten out of hand.

“You should have taken Zuko to the Fire Sages, like your father took Iroh. They could have helped,”

“I didn’t even want to consider such a possibility,” Ozai replied sourly, “I just wanted him to get there faster; I had no time to wait around until he proved to be less of a disappointment. I hoped harsh conditions would better his bending; instead, they made him a traitor,”

“And killed him,”

“No matter. I still have another child who is loyal to me,”

“I wouldn’t count on it for long. After all, you do have a talent for driving people away,”

“The unnecessary ones,” Ozai sneered.

“Let’s see into that,” Michiya narrowed his eyes in derision as he pushed the cogs on the tea table towards Ozai. “Your father and your nephew passed away five years ago, and your wife disappeared under mysterious circumstances,” he pulled back three of the cogs and continued, “You sent your only son on exile, accompanied by your older brother. He died, and your brother went insane,” two more cogs were pulled away, “Your ‘most capable’ Commander perished in the North Pole,” one more was pulled away, and Michiya tapped the last one, as if teasing.

“Well?” Ozai wondered impatiently, “What does this stupid thing tell us? Azula is still loyal to me,”

Michiya took the cog, and turning it between his fingers, mumbled softly, “She lied,”

“What about?”

Michiya smiled coldly, “The Avatar. He is still alive,”

Ozai shot to his feet in shocked fury and pulled the old man up by his collar, “How do you know? Am I to trust you who has left my side so long ago?”

“Let me go,”

“How dare you accuse a princess, my daughter-”

“Let me go,”

Ozai pushed him back into his armchair.

“Tell me everything you know,”

He was silent.

“Now!”

Michiya closed his eyes. Ozai knew he would talk soon; this silence would no doubt make him realize that talking was in his and his family’s best interest. He would never allow his family to be harmed on momentary pettiness; he was too rational for that. When he opened his eyes again, there was no indication of anger or even displeasure in them, when he spoke, his voice was calm and collected:

“I would greatly like to oblige Your Majesty, but how can a worthless lowborn aspire to advise or inform the Firelord about anything? He no doubt knows the affairs of his state better than all; he doesn’t need nobodies like myself to get what he wants,” Michiya rose from his seat with composure and gave a slight bow, “Nevertheless, I can always boast of the pleasure of hosting the Firelord. I hope you enjoyed your humble servant’s company; I hope to see you again very soon,”

Ozai stormed off with that ‘soon’ which sounded more like ‘never’. All throughout, he had thought he had control of the conversation, but he was mistaken; Michiya had sat and listened only to direct them where he wanted, when he wanted. He had even managed to finish the way he had started: with a cold, practiced politeness that no force could break. Ozai was not done though; he knew how to avenge himself well enough the moment he saw a lone rider coming to the mansion from Caldera road. There was only one man who would take such a route at this hour…

Hiroshi found his father beating weeds with a stick. It must have been a rough day; he only did that when he was angry.

“Was it the girls?”

He wheeled around, “You are back already? How was work?”

“Good,” he paused a moment, “Father, what did the Firelord want?”

“Nothing,”

“I have been summoned to see him,”

His father started, which assured Hiroshi that it wasn’t ‘nothing’.

“Listen, my son. Reject whatever he offers. He will tempt you with power and wealth, but he will leave you with nothing. He is not to be trusted, do you understand?”

“So, something is wrong,”

“Not as long as we all stay loyal to one another. Go now; have something to eat,”

Hiroshi gave a slight bow and wheeled around. When he was but ten paces away, his father called again, “The girls have broken the machine again. Have a look at it after dinner,”

Hiroshi assented; he was constantly amused by the fact that being an engineer was limited to fixing gardening tools in this house; it felt like child’s play after a hard day’s work. His pleasing recollections didn’t last long however, and gloom overtook him even before he reached the house. Quon was late with his letters as always, and for the last seven years, Hiroshi had never stopped worrying that one day, a newspaper would arrive and coldly announce that his brother was no more. How neat, simple, and heartless it then seemed to him, that a person of life and light and colour should be reduced to nothing for all the world, for all his family, friends, and enemies. He worried as he entered the house; he worried as he hung his coat and stared at the mirror; he worried as he reflected on the fact that his father needed him, Hiroshi, to make sense, and both of them needed Quon to challenge that established sense. Certainly, nothing could exist without its polar opposite, and thus troubled; he pressed his palms together, and wished with all his heart that his brother were okay.

“Father! I was not expecting you,” Azula rose from her seat and bowed low. Her eyes instinctively went for the assassin’s letter, hidden safely amongst the other scrolls. He would never suspect a thing.

“I have heard some unsettling rumours,” he started in a dry voice.

“Oh?”

“The Southern Rebellion has started,”

Azula smiled, “I am sure we have no reason to fear a bunch of disorganized peasants,”

“Indeed not. Unless these peasants are led by a cunning enemy, we have nothing to fear… Are they?”

“I don’t understand. How would I know?”

“Are you sure you don’t?”

Azula felt chills run down her spine, “I will try to learn if there is such a thing,”

“I see,”

There was a moment of silence; Azula felt a peculiar dread she couldn’t explain. Suddenly, her father grasped her by the throat with a burning hand.

“Father! What are you doing! Please-”

“The Avatar is alive, isn’t he? You knew and you did not tell me!”

“I didn’t know! Please,” tears slid down her cheeks one by one, “I am loyal to you; I swear it!”

“You know what happens to traitors, don’t you?”

Azula nodded, since she couldn’t speak anymore.

“If I catch even the slightest hint of disloyalty, I will snuff it out, do you understand?”

She nodded again.

“Good,” he let her fall, “You are proving to be just like your brother. Disappoint me again, and see what happens,”

He left as he came and a cold wind took hold of the room. Azula sat there, paralyzed with shock, clutching her throat where the first signs of a slight burn emerged.

Notes:

Title stolen from Romeo and Juliet (the meaning will matter in the long run hehe)
Alternate title: In which the Firelord sets out to roast and is instead roasted.
So your opinions on Michiya? I know he doesn't look terrifying like Piandao describes him, but then again, there is always the "outside eye" effect with "great" men.
Just some ideas: Iroh got his patience from Michiya; you can really see it. It cost them heavily tho...
Currently, Michiya is 70, Iroh is 54 and Ozai is 45 years old. Just to let you figure that Michiya loved Iroh as a brother and Ozai as a son. He still loves Iroh and feels guilty for not supporting his claim after Azulon's death, but Ozai threatened him and his family if he even contacted Iroh. Oh, and the Northern Tribe wasn't neutral for a hundred years... let that sink in...no innocents in this war (except the south and the air nomads)
This chapter serves to raise the stakes. The Fire Nation is far from stable and attitudes towards Ozai's reign is lukewarm at best. Some want peace; others believe that Iroh would be better at war (since he was a general); most people are angry with administrators and the government. Michiya himself is an economist; he knew how to manage the war efficiently, without impoverishing the people. Btw, "The Islands Rebellion" is the the events of "The Painted Lady".
The epigraph honestly shows my interest in writing: the interaction of all these people that lead to the final result... a family at war...
.....
My sister's glorious opinions btw:
"Mai is ugly and she is so ugh"
"Whoever hurts Appa deserves to die"
"Tale of Iroh :("
"Zuko isn't morally ambiguous; he is just lost"
"Iroh and Zuko <3"
Specifics:
"HEAL IROH KATARA COME ON KICK ZUKO AWAY"
When Zuko backs away from Jin: "Sorry girl I am in love with Katara"
When Zuko is sick: "A waterbender would have healed me now dammit I am in love" also "Zuko is so dramatic lol"
"I will never forgive Zuko if he hurts Appa."
When Katara saw Zuko at tea shop: "Maybe he has a twin ok just let it go"
When Katara and Zuko got tossed in together: "You gotta be kidding me"
I just love this :)

Chapter 27: Making Peace

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko sat meditating under the sunlight; nowadays, that is all he ever wanted to do. His body now overflowed with energy that was long absent, and this was the only way he could control it. That, and he figured he had spent too much of his life shouting; now, he just wanted to listen and be content with the small, simple beauties of life. He knew these days would pass too; he couldn’t be calm forever, especially not with the upcoming invasion, but he wanted to be content while he could and not fret about the past or the future. This, however, didn’t prevent him from feeling a slight regret at not having had the chance to teach Aang proper firebending. The evening of the day they had come back from the Sun Warriors’ Island, they had all sat down, and decided that it was more crucial for Aang to practice earthbending and waterbending, since he wouldn’t be able to use fire during the eclipse anyway. This limited their training to two hours at sunrise, just so Aang at least knew the basics, and the rest of the day, Toph and Katara made sure he was busy. As for Zuko, he had made a habit of helping around and forcing Sokka to help around in exchange for sword fighting lessons, and when there was nothing more to do, he just settled down to meditate, sometimes for hours on end.

He had been sitting there for at least two hours when a peculiar notion formed in his head: he felt as though he were seeing the world with both his eyes. That was impossible; he couldn’t see with his left ever since the Agni Kai, and in any case, his eyes were closed. He tried to ignore the idea, but it pestered him until his eyes flew open. He pressed his hand on his right eye to test if he could see with his left, but the whole world went black. No, he was still half-blind, but Zuko could swear he had seen a bumblebee on his left. Unsettled, he got up to leave, when he noticed the gold and black stripes, hidden in the grass. There it was, the little intruder. Zuko gently picked it up, and examined it; it wasn’t there when he had sat down; his eyes were closed the whole time, and yet, he knew he must have seen it, its size especially was exactly as he had sightlessly perceived it to be.

That’s it; I have mediated myself into being a freak,” he shook his head and walked towards camp, where he found Katara doing one of her ‘last minute’ controls.

“Where is everyone?”

She started, “Oh, there you are…they went into the city, and I will join them in a while. Do you want to come?”

“Ok. Do you need any help?”

“No…Actually, Zuko, I wanted to talk to you,”

“Sure, what’s on your mind?”

Katara cleared her throat, and spoke in a half stutter, which was so unlike her, “Uhm…Back in Ba Sing Se, Azula came into the city, disguised as a Kyoshi warrior, who, as you might know, is actually a friend...,”

“And?”

“Well, she tricked us all. And you were there too…I actually saw you in a teashop there, you know…”

“Katara, where are you going with this?”

She took a deep breath, “I unknowingly reported you to your sister, so your imprisonment and that whole mess was kind of…a little my fault,”

“You reported me?” Zuko exclaimed.

“I am sorry, ok?”

“This was all your doing?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but-”

“But I wasn’t even doing anything evil! For once, I was actually living a normal life!”

“How could I have known that? I thought you had followed us, and that was your disguise,”

“Great, that’s really great,” Zuko breathed sparks.

“I didn’t know who she was! If they were the real Kyoshi Warriors-”

“They would have imprisoned me and uncle, and we would have rotten in a cell until the end of the war or tortured for information we didn’t have or, and this is the better option, killed,”

“Well that didn’t happen; everything turned out fine-”

“Oh yes, perfectly fine, and a happy ever after,” he sat next to Appa and angrily crossed his arms.

Neither of them said anything for a while until Katara spoke again, “Well I am still going to the city. If you want…never mind. Have fun…”

Of course, Zuko was going to have fun. He walked around in circles, vented to Appa, shot around a few fireballs, and tried to meditate a little, but he just kept getting that weird feeling again and again. There, his content mood was in pieces. He slumped down and absentmindedly went through his stuff, which consisted of his uncle’s letter, the notebook, his swords, and an extra pair of clothes. Once he had reread the letter and sharpened his swords, he picked up the notebook and started to flip through the pages. Each page fixed his attention more, and before he knew it, he was perusing the notebook with extraordinary care: this wasn’t just some ordinary thing; it was a study of advanced firebending techniques, some of which Zuko had never seen before. There were hundreds of detailed, albeit amateurish, hand drawn illustrations of every move, followed by explanations, and sometimes doodles or funny notes, that left nothing to the imagination.  This was the perfect firebending book, and it felt so natural and close to his heart, as though the author was a friend, talking to him over tea and encouraging him to better himself. He must have been cheerful and friendly, lover and beloved. Zuko flipped to the first page. He had to know who it was.

To Zuko and Azula

Zuko’s skin tingled. He went to the next page where there was a big cross over the writing. This forced him to hold the notebook closer, and he managed to discern the writing, which ran thus:

11  February, 83 AG

To whomever is afflicted with terrible, terrible friendships, I dedicate this emotionally charged firebending diary. I have been sitting in the garden for hours, but I am still very displeased, so I thought I might as well write what I feel, as Master Piandao often recommends me to do (I am angry with him too, by the way), and without digressing any further, I shall go on with my tale.

It all started three years ago when Master Umi, my firebending teacher, retired due to an accident that left her half paralyzed and passed away in a few months. My heart aches for her still; she was one of my best teachers, so kind, lively, and strict, all in perfect measure. Ever since then, I have been changing firebending teachers constantly, but I have not been satisfied with any; the new ones mostly don’t allow me enough freedom in forms as Ms. Umi used to; they want me to do everything the way they want it. I understand that to a certain degree; I too love perfection and respect rules, but it is only through challenging ‘perfection’ that we can come up with new and better things. I am determined to never perfect the same form twice; once something becomes second nature, it is time to make measured, calculated adjustments to see what else can be done. Master Umi and Master Piandao both allowed me this freedom, and despite their initial reluctance, when they saw that I improved this way, they even encouraged me. These others don’t understand the value of me maintaining a full fire stream at a constant size and heat for many minutes; to them, one should only attack with fire, not withhold. I say that once I can control even a large stream of fire perfectly, I am the master of that fire; I am fully controlling it, and it can’t escape me. Focusing my fire doesn’t matter; my almost perfect lightning techniques (some of which I have invented) don’t matter; what matters is that I have changed my footing in one of the basic forms, and that I lack discipline. I say new perfections are born from such changes; they aren’t mistakes; they are deliberate. And so, I am branded as a lazy and arrogant student, even though I have never once disrespected my masters or ditched class or missed homework. Oh justice…

Zuko narrowed his eyes as he passed his hand over those underlined words. He wished, he only dreamed, that someone had said that to him before, but no, he had had to wait; he had to change his path and face dragons and find this familiar stranger to appreciate their true meaning. He reflected, with a small smile, that now, he just had to stick it in his father’s face and went on reading.

Well, at least, there was some development. Uncle Michiya finally managed to find me a half-decent master that didn’t quit the first month and bore my ‘laziness’ and ‘arrogance’ well. I was determined to make it work this time (to be fair, I am always determined to ‘make it work’ with anyone, people just don’t tolerate me as much as I tolerate them, and frankly, that hurts), but some dear friends had other ideas (and I wouldn’t wish these friends on my worst enemy). As it turns out, Quon, Kisho, and Hiroshi (why?) bet against Naoko and Renshu that I wouldn’t be able to keep this master for more than six weeks, and seeing that I was going fine, they decided that they should prank him on my account. Dear Agni, I don’t want to go into particulars, but I don’t think, anyone, no matter how terrible they are, should be chased by a fire-resistant gardening monstrosity in front of the royal palace. My master left, embarrassed and indignant, but before he did, he complained about me to Uncle Michiya, congratulating him on raising ‘a prince devoid of all princely qualities’. I did my customary ‘trouble’ round and was chastised, in turn of increasing intensity, by Master Piandao, Uncle Ozai, and Uncle Michiya. I wish I could tell them that it wasn’t me; they would have believed me, but I know that Quon is already in trouble with all of them, and I didn’t want to make it worse for him. I remained silent when Master shook his head disappointedly, when Uncle Ozai shouted at me, and when Uncle Michiya almost reduced me to tears by his cold, cutting remarks (I say almost because I stopped myself. I know he feels uncomfortable with crying people, and anyway, he always says I should ‘manage my emotions better’). I thought this was the end, but no, it all had to go to The Firelord because I ‘went too far this time.’ I believe I spent the entire night shaking, thinking, and hating my dear friends. ‘Ok,’ I said, ‘I understand Quon; he is a chaotic mess, but why Kisho? Why Hiroshi? Without their help, he wouldn’t be able to put together such a machine.’ Hiroshi is just like his father; he is the ‘normal’ one, but every once in a while, he defies all expectations; he definitely defied mine. Anyway, I am at least comforted; His Majesty, the grandpa, was not half as angry as I expected. He did censure my ‘behaviour’, but he also said that since no master could work with me, I could train myself in advanced forms with occasional help. I loved the idea, and told him as much, and he said that he would test me today to see if I am indeed as capable as I claimed to be. Now, I am sitting and waiting for the test. Oh, and my father? He is not even around. I wish he were home more often and saw how everyone pulls me in one direction or other. Being Prince Lu Ten, the second in line to the throne, comes with its own weight; I can never please everyone…

And after this, were these lines, which were not crossed out:

 Never mind all that, it has been a few days and I have forgiven everyone. Moreover, I will be a big brother (kind of) soon; I should be ‘mature’ and ‘act my age’ to set a good example. Now, if only I can get Quon to bend lightning…

Zuko closed the book and hugged it with a smile. He hadn’t even been born when these lines were written, and yet, Lu Ten had thought of him; and now, even though Lu Ten had passed, Zuko thought of him too. Now, there was another journey for him to undertake.

Zuko had found his peace again, but no one other than him seemed content. He was beginning to think that his happiness was inversely proportional with everyone else’s. He could literally see the tension in the air.

“Today was fun!” Sokka beamed.

“Fun? Fun? You guys spent twenty gold coins! That was the last of our money!” Katara yelled.

Zuko turned to Sokka, “Which genius gave you twenty gold coins? I wouldn’t trust you with a stale chip,”

He perceived the look of shocked terror on their faces and turned to look at Katara who was judgmentally staring him down. Zuko cringed; of course, he had to put his foot in his mouth whenever she was concerned; that was nothing new.

“Oh, just before I forget,” Sokka intervened to lighten the mood, “We got this for you, Zuko,”

He took out a bottle-full of red liquid.

“What is this?”

“Just a little something. I hope you like it,”

Zuko narrowed his eyes at Toph’s feigned disinterest and Aang’s cringing as he took the flask, “…Thanks,”

“Well? Won’t you taste it?”

“Sokka, if this is some kind of-”

“I just bought you a gift, man. Don’t you think me capable of doing a sincerely kind act?”

“Not with that smile, no,” Zuko pursed his lips as he uncorked the bottle and turned to Katara, “Won’t you say anything?”

“Well, I am the genius who trusted Sokka. I don’t see why I should be the only one,”

“You won’t chicken out, right?” Sokka laughed.

Zuko had enough of the Water Tribe siblings for the day; they would tease him forever if he backed down. He raised the bottle to his lips and gulped down a mouthful. It was…perfect.

“This is really good. Thanks, Sokka,”

“What! Why aren’t you crying and screaming? How are you not red in the face already!” he shouted.

“I told you not everyone cries at the hint of spice in their drink,” Toph cackled.

“A hint? My tongue burned for an hour! It would have burned more if not for Katara! Gah, never mind,”

Zuko patted him on the shoulder as he took another sip, “Better luck next time,”

“But seriously, how can you drink that?” Aang asked, “It’s so…”

“Spicy? We fire nation people love spicy food, haven’t you noticed? Tea and spices help with firebending, especially with fire breathing,”

“I might pick up the habit,”

“Actually Aang, I’d rather you stayed clear of such things…I don’t want to be constantly healing all your tongues,”

“She is right Twinkletoes; I think you should just stick with being you because a burned tongue will not get you out of earthbending practice,”

Aang sighed, “It was worth a shot,”

“Anyway, let’s clear up. Sokka, it’s on you,”

“No, no, no!” Sokka wailed as he cleared the camp; he couldn’t escape chores anymore because Zuko wouldn’t teach him if he did. Unfortunately, the ‘punishment’ didn’t come without its proper teasing. Zuko thought back and cringed at their earlier conversation:

So, you want me to help Katara, eh?

Yes, but only because I am teaching you that a warrior knows how to keep himself and his surroundings clean,

Whatever you say, Sifu Hotman,”

It didn’t matter that Zuko told him to stop saying idiotic things and to mind his business; he had stupidly blushed at the insinuation, and that was enough teasing material for a week. The annoying part was that Sokka knew there was nothing between them; he was just being a sleazy idiot.

“Chores: over. Next task: sleep. Night,” Sokka announced and threw himself on his sleeping bag. Zuko got up: he could hear Aang and Toph doing a final practice round, so now was the perfect opportunity to fix things with Katara. He walked to the shore; he knew she must be there, and indeed, she was practicing. Zuko always wondered at that; she was so proficient on the field that he failed to understand why she needed constant training.

“Katara!”

Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to quietly approach a waterbender next to sea. Spikes surrounded him in an instant.

“Hey, it’s just me. I just want to talk,” she dispersed the spikes, “I think I might have overreacted this morning. It is just that…I was so shocked at how it all came down, but you are right I guess. Everything worked out, more or less,”

“I am glad you think so,” she smiled warmly.

“Plus, it’s not that I have been the best of people. You couldn’t have known that I changed my mind after all that I had done,”

“No, I couldn’t. I deeply regret some of what happened, but honestly, I am happy you are with us now,”

“Me too…so we are good, right? We are friends now?”

She laughed, “Yes, we are. I am afraid there is no going back now,”

“Good, good…” Neither said anything for a while, and Katara turned back to her waterbending practice. Zuko watched how well she blended in with the night sky and the sea that danced at her will. The waves seemed to rock the whole world to sleep; prompting Zuko to think back at what he had read and see all those familiar faces and friendships, which defined even his own childhood, form in his mind once again. Remembrance was equal parts blissful and painful.

“So how does this friendship thing work, exactly?”

Katara dropped a whole stream of water into the sea with a heavy splash, “You never had friends before?”

“Not exactly…I mean I had my sister and her friends and my cousin’s friends liked us all, but they were much older…actually, I kind of had one. Renshu. He was the youngest of my cousin’s friends. He was still fourteen years older than me, but we got along so well. He showed me how to work machines and prank everyone and wreak havoc on Lu Ten’s nerves-”

“What happened to him?”

“Uhm…it’s a little complicated. I’d rather not talk about it,” Zuko thought that saying ‘my father killed my only friend’ would come off too strongly, especially since they were going to face him in a few days.

“I see…well, since you asked,” she sat next to him and continued with a smile, “Healthy friendships involve caring about one another and helping each other out,”

“How about teasing or joking?”

“No…okay, maybe a little, but not hurtfully,”

“Toph teases Aang and it looks pretty hurtful to me,”

“Toph ‘teases’ with bending; that’s a different matter,”

“And Sokka?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started on Sokka,”

“He messes with you too, doesn’t he?”

“Of course, he does, but at the end of the day, he is my brother, and that’s how he shows his love. I guess there are many ways to show you care, and for some people, it is meddling,”

“I see...Well, that’s somewhat comforting because he ‘hinted’ that you and I are together. I guess he was just joking,”

Zuko thought he deserved a standing ovation for his stupidity. Katara blushed a little, either out of anger or out of embarrassment, but she waved her hand in a relaxed manner, “He used to say the same about Aang and me. It’s just his way,”

Zuko gulped, “I mean…when I was chasing you… I thought that… you know, you, Aang,”

“What?”

“Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

The poor girl almost choked, and Zuko braced for impact.

“What?”

“Isn’t-”

“No, I mean what, how, why? Why would you even…oh my!”

“I just thought-”

“We can safely say that you weren’t thinking much! Like, how even…Aang is a child. I can’t believe…”

“Okay, okay, I am sorry,” Zuko raised his hands in surrender and stopped himself from remarking that Aang might have a little crush on her. He was done ‘meddling’; it was a stupid and embarrassing experience; he couldn’t believe that some people, like Sokka, did this sort of teasing for a living.

“If you don’t have any more questions, may I get back to practice?”

“Yes, of course,” It was then that Zuko had one of his brilliant ideas, “Actually, can you teach me?”

“How will that work? I am a waterbender; you are a firebender,”

He rose from his seat, “My uncle used to say that the four nations have a lot to learn from one another; that bending becomes ‘stale’ if you draw wisdom from only one source. Even if you guys don’t need it, I know I have a lot to learn from all of you if I am to make new perfections of old mistakes. What do you say?”

“It certainly wouldn’t hurt for you to have some more wisdom,” Zuko narrowed his eyes and Katara laughed, “Fine, I will teach you, but with one condition: don’t use it against me if you turn on me,”

“Eh, I can’t turn on you even if I want to at this point,” Zuko scoffed.

“Oh, so you want to,”

“No, I swear I-” he stopped when he saw her smirk knowingly, “Why is it that you and your brother have nothing better to do than to mess with me?”

“Don’t sell yourself short; you are very mess-able with,”

“Thanks, that’s exactly what I would like to be,” Zuko frowned as he offered Katara a hand, which she took gracefully.

Notes:

Out with the meanness, in with the awkward friendship. SEE? Making headway.
The whole spice scene is basically me and my family, I swear. They stare, dumbstruck, as I add yet another spoon of red pepper :)
Lu Ten is 16 years older than Zuko and 17 years older that Azula. The text itself was written before they were both born (actually, when Ursa was pregnant with Zuko); he added 'To Zuko and Azula' part later.
Also, if it escaped anyone's attention: Quon (34) and Hiroshi (30) are both Michiya's sons and they were Lu Ten's closest friends

Chapter 28: The Runaway

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko believed that everything spiraled out of control, not due to the last act of fraud that got Toph her own poster, but with that simple swindle that started it all; he knew of bad acts that quickly became habits in times of difficulty. With this thought in mind, he could only look on Katara and Toph’s fight with wistfulness. He leaned closer to Sokka and whispered:

“Shouldn’t we stop them?”

“Do you want to get pulverized?”

Zuko ignored Sokka and turned to Aang, “What do you say? You are supposed to be the peacekeeper, right?”

“Yes, but I am not sure I want to get involved in this…”

“Don’t pressure, Aang; separating two girls is of course more difficult than preparing for the Firelord,”

Katara’s yelling cut their conversation short, “Sokka, do I act motherly?”

“Hey, I am staying out of this one,”

“What do you think, Aang? Do I act like a mom?”

Aang stuttered, “Well. I, uh-”

“Stop rubbing your eye and speak clearly when you talk!”

“Yes, ma'am,”

“Hey, why don’t you ask Zuko for a change?”

Zuko elbowed Sokka in the ribs to shut him up. Thankfully, Katara turned to face Toph again, “See? They don’t think I am motherly,”

“I can't be around you right now!”

“Well, I can't be around you!”

Both girls turned away and walked in opposite directions.

 “Why can't they just get along?” Sokka sighed as he caressed his new bird, Hawky . He grabbed Aang and Zuko by their arms and wheeled them around, and that is how the three of them found themselves watching the girls with their chins pressed confusedly against their palms.  

“I still think we should talk to them,”

“Yes, yes, leave it to Zuko to be boring and stale. I myself have an idea that won’t involve any broken ribs,”

Aang leaned in, “What is it?”

“I'm going to send a note to Katara and say it's from Toph, who wants to apologize. Then everyone will be friends again,”

“I have to say, Sokka, you continue to impress me with your ideas,”

“But-”

“Shhh, Zuko. Some of us still want to live, you know,”

Zuko scowled and decided to let them ‘live’. In any case, how could Toph’s blindness be relevant to any of this? Of course, Toph could write; Katara would buy it, and Sokka was a genius.

“There; how does this sound: "Dear Katara, sorry for everything. Your friend, Toph."

“Great, let’s send it,”

“Yes, even I am convinced. This ought to patch things up,” Zuko smiled sarcastically as Sokka put the letter in Hawky’s letter holder and sent him to Katara.

Katara shot to her feet and tore up the note, “I know this is from you, Sokka! Toph can't write! Ugh! You're all driving me crazy!”

Sokka turned to Zuko, “Is that what you wanted to say?”

“Yes,”

“Great, be nice and quiet just when we least need it,”

“Of course,”

“I can't believe we forgot Toph can't write,”

“We're idiots,”

“No, just you two are,”

“Oh, I know! We send a note to Toph pretending it's from Katara,”

Zuko resisted the urge to pinch his nose and deadpanned, “Brilliant,”

“No, I think we will run into a similar problem,”

“Can we just, please, consider talking as an option now?”

“Hmmm…it’s possible,”

“Great. I’ll go handle Toph and you talk to Katara and all will-”

Sokka stood up with a pensive expression, “Actually I want to talk to Toph. I will think a bit more, but I feel like I know how to calm her down,”

“Okay, then. I will go find Katara,”

“Hey, what about me? I am the peacemaker,”

“Just stand on the cliff and make sure neither of us is killed?”

Zuko rolled his eyes “Sokka, they won’t kill us,”

Sokka shrugged, “Doesn’t hurt to be on the safe side, Sifu Hotman,”

Zuko wanted to have the first word, but Katara beat him to it, “Not now, Zuko. As you can see, I am busy being angry,”

“I wasn’t going to ask you to train me. I just want to talk,”

“Oh, talk. Great. Let me guess, you are here to tell me that I am high-strung and overbearing, and I should apologize because it’s not my place to be ‘motherly’- which I am totally not by the way-”

“I am not telling you any of that. Actually, I think you are right,”

Katara wheeled around and stared at him with wide eyes, “Really?”

“Yes, really, and if you want to talk, I will listen,”

Katara tilted her head slightly, as though she thought he was kidding, “What makes you think I am right?”

“Well, as far as I see it, you are the one who keeps everyone alive and well here; you shouldn’t be treated like this,” he leaned against a rock and crossed his arms, “They don’t understand, especially Aang and Toph. It is like they are unaware there are many people out there who would be ready to hunt us down if they knew we were here,”

“I know; Tui and La, I know,” Katara threw her hands in the air, “I was made to feel guilty for helping out a village that truly needed us, and somehow, scamming people is okay? Getting a wanted poster is okay? Where is the ‘thrill’ of that anyway? Our life has become nothing but a thrill chase!” She closed her eyes and was quiet for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was calmer, softer, “I get angry; I say all this, but then I remember they are just kids. They deserve better,”

“Katara, we are all kids, including you, and this is not an insult. We have all been forced to grow up; we all deserve better, but acting crazy and being irresponsible won’t get us there. You are right; they are too young for many things, but we have all chosen this path,”

She smiled faintly, “You are right,”

“And one more thing. You are a little motherly; you show your love by taking care of people, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just remember you need to take care of yourself too,”

“I do take care of myself!”

“Oh really? When was the last time you did something for you?”

“I…saved that village because I wanted to?”

“You did it to help others,”

“I brush my hair every morning; I wash, I practice my bending,”

“That’s basic hygiene and practicing is like studying. I was talking about something fun and relaxing. You can’t even think about relaxing; can you?”

Katara stuttered in response, but she really couldn’t come up with anything she did that didn’t involve helping or working. She pursed her lips, “What does it matter? I love helping people,”

“You should try helping yourself for a change or at least, allow others to help you,”

Katara shook her head with a smile “Is that why you are forcing Sokka to help me?”

“What? No, I am teaching him warrior etiquette, which, I hope, he will keep up forever,” Zuko replied, wishing that he wasn’t blushing at Sokka’s earlier words that filled his mind.

“So do I; his socks are too horrid, even for washing,”

“I can guess…I’ll just go,” Zuko mumbled as he stepped away. He had lost the flow of the conversation and talked himself into a block; bless his mind. Now, he had to go and overthink every stupid thing he had ever said.

“Zuko,” Katara called, which made him stop and turn around. She walked up to him, threw her arms around him, and added in a whisper, “Thank you. You made me feel better,”

Zuko knew he should have hugged her back, but at first, he froze. He hadn’t hugged anyone properly for years, and whenever his uncle tried to, which was rarely anyway, he had pushed him away in embarrassment because he used to think that showing affection was a sign of weakness. Azula didn’t do such things, and considering that she was the perfect child who was always right, why should he?

He awkwardly put his arms around her waist. If wanting happiness was weakness, then damn it all, he wanted to be weak and warm and loving. He was his own person now, he didn’t want to think of what Azula or the Firelord believed, but even as he held Katara close enough to feel her heartbeat, Zuko knew they must be wrong. To care was a power; it gave one strength to fight another day.

With this conversation in mind, Zuko had perfect reason to assume that nothing chaotic would ever happen on their little trip again, so when Katara announced that she was going to pull ‘the ultimate scam’ with Toph, he allowed himself the comfort of pinching his nose. Aang and Sokka didn’t bother with simple gestures; they quite literally collapsed as Toph and Katara grinned.

Great, now there are four of them,” Zuko thought. This was like that lotus tile business all over again.

 Just as the girls were getting ready to go, Zuko approached Katara and managed to mumble faintly, “Can I have a word?”

“Yes?”

“What?”

Katara looked at him, puzzled, and Zuko decided to be a little more specific.

“What are you doing? I thought we agreed-”

“Well, you are the one who said I should do something ‘fun’ and ‘relaxing’,”

“But you don’t even like this sort of thing! I don’t understand-”

“No, you don’t; you really don’t,” she snapped, but continued with a sigh, “I really need to do this; it is important, so don’t judge me,”

Zuko felt that something greater factor was at play here, beyond her personal convictions. He didn’t quite understand it, and nor did he personally approve of it, but he accepted it.

“I wish you luck. Take care,”

“Thank you,”

Zuko watched them leave, wishing they would be ok.

“Look at us! We will have some man-to-man quality time! Sokka beamed.

Zuko wished he himself would be ok too. Sokka put an arm around his shoulder and laughed, “We will have enough fun to last a century,”

“Great, I love fun,” Zuko smiled ironically.

“So do I,” Aang smiled sincerely, “How do we start?”

“I will teach you guys an art every warrior has to master,” and once he surveyed Zuko’s disinterested eye roll and Aang’s thrilled look, Sokka added, “It’s boomerang time. Zuko, you go first. Pick a target. Let’s see how your first time will go. Remember, boomerang goes around and hits the target at a different angle. Like this,” he demonstrated a few throws, as Zuko and Aang watched.

“Do we have to do this?” Zuko frowned. He wasn’t the best with long distance throws.

“Absolutely. Go on,”

Zuko pouted, but soon, he found a target that could be worth all this trouble. He threw the boomerang, which circled around until Sokka caught it.

“Nice and sharp. What were you aiming for?”

“Your head,”

“Hey, that’s mean,”

“Hey, you are the one who constantly picks on me-”

“Besides, boomerang can never catch me unawares,” Sokka pressed his cheek to the boomerang, “Right, boy?”

“Why do I have to see this?”

“Come on, Sokka, let me try!” Aang intervened.

“Fine, but aim for Zuko,”

“No, don’t you dare,”

“I think I will aim for the tree over there…”

Both boys narrowed their eyes, “Fair enough,”

Aang threw the boomerang a few times, missing but laughing each time. Zuko wished he could have some of that carefree attitude about anything in his life, until the boomerang was stuck in the tree’s branches.

“Come on, Aang, why didn’t you aim properly?”

“I did! Anyway-”

“Now one of us has to climb up there. And it’s so high up! Can you even see it?”

Zuko looked up, and shielding his eyes from the sun, he saw something shining between the branches. “There it is. Well, Sokka, up you go,”

“I can’t even see it!”

“You are pretending,”

“No, I am not,”

Aang stomped his feet, “Hey you guys! I am an airbender; I can get it. No need to fight.”

He flied and jumped from branch to branch until he found the boomerang, but he wasn’t coming down. Sokka shouted, “What are you doing? Get back here!”

“Wait a second, I have an idea,” Aang shouted and in a few minutes, he joined them with a big grin on his face and three coconuts in his hands.

“I figured that since you two keep fighting, it’s time we changed activities and here is my idea: earth massage,”

Zuko narrowed his eyes, “What the hell is that?”

Aang grinned mischievously and carried out some simple earthbending moves. In an instant, Zuko and Sokka found themselves on their backs and half-submerged in the earth.

“Are you trying to bury us?” Sokka protested as he remembered to flail his arms around.

“No, I am helping you relax. I am helping me too, by the way,” he added as he stuck a coconut in each of their hands and lied down on his back besides Sokka. “Now, just relax and…here it comes,”

The earth started to move under their backs in regular, circular motions. Zuko would have thought this a calming experience if not for Sokka’s uncomfortably loud groans.

“When did you learn this? It is so good to be served by the Avatar! All my troubles are finally paying off! A little above…perfect!”

“Toph and I discovered this while practicing. It’s great after work,” Aang laughed through his coconut milk, “Zuko, what do you say? Do you feel better?”

“A little…I would feel more relaxed if Sokka-”

“Mhhhhhm great. Oh my poor joints!”

“Stopped that,”

Aang bent coconut milk at Sokka’s face and chuckled, “Problem solved,”

Zuko laughed and shook his head as Sokka added, “I would be upset, but now, my skin will be as soft as a baby’s. Ah, this is the real deal! I wish the girls went on adventures more often!”

“So you can be pampered in spa-like conditions?”

“Exactly. See, even you are smiling, and that’s not a common sight,”

Zuko tried to frown, but he was too relaxed. This was like meditating without the mental effort. The earth turned beneath them; there was nothing to look at but a clear and blue sky; turtleducks and saber-tooth seals chirped and sang beside the sea. What could be better than this?

“Hey, Zuko,”

He turned his head sideways and looked at Sokka.

“What?”

“Don’t be bothered by my picking on you. I pick on everyone,”

“Sure,”

“I mean it. I agree I annoy you a bit more, but then, you are-’

“Very mess-able with. It’s what Katara said too,”

“Yes,” Sokka grinned, “That’s it,”

“I don’t see it. Why?”

“I don’t know for sure. Maybe it’s because you are so driven; you just can’t relax,”

Zuko frowned at this reminder of what he had told Katara, just that morning.

“How does that make it okay to annoy me?”

“In hope that it will lighten you up?”

“There is no time to lighten up. We are going to-”

Sokka put his arms as far up as the earth would allow, “Shhh, you are doing it again. Watch,” he turned to Aang, “Hey Aang, the invasion is in six days,”

“Yes, I love these coconuts too, though maybe we should get some peaches next time, just for variety,” Aang mumbled sleepily.

Sokka turned back to Zuko, “See? No one cares,”

“How is that ok? The world could end in a month. How can you relax? How can we even be lying here, doing nothing?”

“Hey, if the world were to end, I would at least know that I didn’t spend its last days fretting. Besides, we are doing something. We are clearing our minds for the future. That is something,”

“Maybe…but I am just not that person. I can’t relax when there is something to be done,”

“Then you never will! Something always comes up. It is better to make the best of your time while you have it,”

“The best of it is working,”

“So you collapse from exhaustion when the real deal comes? Come on, man. Be reasonable. We all need this,”

Zuko considered Sokka’s words. He still found this mindset impossible in the long run-he and his uncle had had enough discussions in this regard- but maybe, just for the moment…

“I don’t think I can,”

“I am sure you will come around. No one can work unceasingly,”

“I can,”

“And I will be there to make sure that you look a fool doing it,” Sokka laughed, “You know, Katara is just like this too. If I don’t mess with her, I am sure she would be mightily stressed,”

“Maybe you should ask whether she likes it or not,”

“No need, we are brother and sister after all. There are just somethings that we know about each other that no one can see,”

They were quiet for a few moments.

“I am sorry for throwing that boomerang at you,”

“Don’t mention it,” Sokka grinned, “We still have a deal though, right?”

“Yes…what?”

“I will mess with you whenever you are all riled up?”

“No!”

“Too late; you just agreed,”

Zuko narrowed his eyes, “You are doing it already, aren’t you?”

“Exactly. See, you are learning the true way,”

Zuko shook his head, but a smile was slowly forming on his lips, “And I guess that means I can’t take my apology back,”

“Not a chance,”

“What a shame,”

Zuko felt especially refreshed after the massage and the light, pleasant sleep it brought. The earth no longer moved beneath him, which led him to think that Aang and Sokka were still fast asleep. He sat up lazily, looked over at them, and almost screeched. They were red all over.

“Sokka! Aang! Wake up!”

“Just a little more…please…”

“No, you can’t; we have to take cover!”

Seeing that they were not moving, Zuko grabbed them both by their collars and pulled them towards a tree. He then collected some fallen coconuts and broke them open. By that time, Aang and Sokka were awake and moaning in pain.

“What happened to us? I feel nauseous,” Aang complained.

“I feel like I was run over by saber-tooth moose lion,” Sokka pointed a finger at Zuko, “And I know what I am talking about,”

“Yes, yes, I am sure. Now, pour this milk on your arms and legs. It will help,”

“This is not fair; why didn’t you burn?” Aang grimaced. He was in a much worse condition than Sokka, who hadn’t burned as much because of the coconut milk on his face.

“Firebenders don’t get sunburnt,”

“Ah, just another reason to hate you guys,” Sokka shook his fist at the sky, “Thank you Mr Sun,”

“This whole day has been one mistake after another. Let’s find the girls and get out of here,”

“Yes, they should be done with their scam by now,” Aang agreed, “And then, we can-”

“No more fun. Come on, let’s get going,”

Zuko rose to his feet and helped Aang and Sokka. With much grumbling, moaning, and complaining, they slowly made their way to Fire Fountain City.

“Where do you think they might be?” Sokka whispered once they got there. The whole city was silent as the grave.

“Where do you think anyone is?” Aang whispered back.

Zuko’s skin tingled; there was something unusual in all this. Fire Nations cities were never deserted in the middle of the day. “What-”

Suddenly, Aang pulled him and Sokka back with a yell, “Watch out!”

They barely stumbled out of the way as an explosion shook the main square. Through the smoke, they glimpsed an enormous silhouette on one of the roofs. 

“What is that?” Sokka gasped as they collapsed behind a pillar.

“Apparently, not a friend,” Zuko exhaled sharply and motioned the others to be quiet.

Another blast shook the building in front of them.

You think it saw us?” Aang mouthed.

He got his answer in the form of a third explosion that destroyed the pillar. Aang flew right; Zuko and Sokka dove left last second as a huge half man-half metal monstrosity stood before them. Aang winked at the two of them and yelled loudly:

“Hey big man! Over here!”

“What the hell is he doing?” Zuko whispered.

“Buying us time; come on!” Sokka grabbed his arm and pulled him behind a corner as the monster went after Aang. “Is it just the sunburns speaking or did that thing have a third eye?”

“It did,”

“How? What is this even?”

Zuko peeked out, “He is a combustion bender. That third eye is a revealed light chakra. He can blow up things with his mind,”

“Ok cool concept; how do we stop him?”

“I don’t know,”

“Great,”

The earth shook.

“We’ve got to kill him,” Zuko declared.

Sokka stared at him incredulously.

“You got a better idea?”

“I…”

“He will hurt Aang if we linger more. Come on,”

They ran towards the side street where Aang had drawn the assassin. Zuko focused a small flame in his fingers and shot a searing string of fire at the man’s back. He staggered and half turned at the attack, but fell on his side before he could blow them up. Dust and smoke rose from all the half-burnt houses

“You guys took your time,” Aang stuttered, out of breath, “I thought he’d get me,”

“He won’t be getting anyone any time soon,” Zuko replied solemnly.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Come on, let’s find the girls,”

They didn’t need to look for long; Toph and Katara emerged from a shop at the other side of the square.

“What happened? Are you guys ok? That man-” Katara started.

“He won’t be bothering us anymore,”

“How?”

“I dealt-,”

There was another set of explosions behind them.

“Apparently, you didn’t,” Toph replied, “Let’s get out of here,”

“Read my mind,” Sokka agreed and they headed away as fast as they could, with rumbling sounds growing behind them. Zuko studied the ominous smoke and hoped this would be the last of this cursed assassin, but he couldn’t be so sure.

Notes:

Someone please draw a picture of Zuko, Sokka, and Aang, sitting, with their chins in their palms, and looking baffled. It is too good for this world; I laughed even when writing that.
By the way, Katara was right about the whole Runaway deal tbh. She might have been a little rude about it, but that's it.
And, I realized something: Everyone says Zuko is shippable with everyone, but I can only see Zutara in the long run. Jinko and TyZuko are cute too, but only as summer loves. It's Zutara forever, baby. You know who is shippable with everyone? Sokka. Sukki? Perfection. Yukka? Not my cup of tea, but cute. Sokkla? We consider this for a moment and it lives rent free in a dark corner of our minds. Tykko (just named Sokka and Ty Lee hhehe)? Fun and bubbly. Tokka? Close second to Sukki for me AFTER THEY GROW UP. For adults, three-four year difference is nothing. Generally, I firmly believe that Aang is Zuko and Katara's child; Toph is Sokka and Suki's child; Zutara are the tired, responsible parents; Sukki are the the fun aunt/uncle. What do y'all think?

Chapter 29: Nightmares and Daydreams

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Which genius’ idea was it to lie uncovered in the sun?” Katara complained as she healed the boys.

“Zuko’s,”

“Keep me out of your idiocies, Sokka,” Zuko answered nonchalantly as he steered Appa, “It was my idea to treat them with coconut milk,”

“Good one, thanks for taking care of my two overgrown babies,”

Zuko gave a thumbs-up without turning.

“Ow! A bit gentler, Katara, please!”

“Relax, Aang, you will be good by tomorrow, I promise,”

“Oh! Oh!”

“Sokka, I am not even touching you!”

“No, that’s not it!” Sokka protested, “Zuko, down there!”

“Where?”

Sokka stumbled out of the saddle and fell forward; it took all of Zuko’s energy to prevent both of them from falling into the ocean

“Sokka, get your elbow out of my face!”

“Sokka, get back in the saddle!”

“What’s happening?” Toph shouted; she had just woken up.

“We are missing the island! Land! It’s over there!”

“There is nothing there!”

“Give me the reins!”

“No!”

Obviously, Zuko’s dissent didn’t matter much; Sokka grabbed the reins anyway, and they started to go down into the middle of the ocean.

“Are you sure you are not hallucina-oh!”

Zuko finally perceived the tiny island beyond the mist.

“Huh, who is the idiot now?” Sokka taunted, and Zuko crossed his arms.

They landed and Sokka beamed, “This is it! The official rendezvous point for the invasion force. We are finally here,”

“How did you pick this place?” Toph asked.

“Before we split up, my dad and I found this island on the map. It is uninhabited, and the harbors surrounded by the cliffs seemed like the perfect secluded place,”

“Okay, that’s actually brilliant,” Zuko whispered.

Sokka spread his hands emphatically, “I know,”

“And we're here four days ahead of schedule,” Katara smiled.

“Wait! Four days? The invasion's in four days?”

“Whatever. That is like four days from now. Let's just calm down and-”

Sokka fell asleep before finishing his sentence.

“Sokka's got the right idea, Aang. We are here. We are ready. The best thing we can do now is get plenty of rest,”

“I guess,” Aang mumbled uncertainly.

Zuko shared the sentiment, but for now, even he was too tired to worry about what might happen in four days or which plan the Chief had decided on. He lied down, just like the rest of them, and hoped for a good night’s sleep.

“You are still worried about Aang,”

“I can’t help it; he looked so jittery this morning…Are you sure this will work?”

“Of course it will. He is prodigious; it’s only a matter of time before he realizes he is being foolish,”

This conversation took place next morning, as Zuko and Katara were practicing, with Sokka studying his maps and charts nearby. Aang had woken up feeling agitated and insecure, so after a hearty breakfast, Zuko had suggested that he train with Toph since he seemed especially dissatisfied with his earthbending. Meanwhile, Katara and Sokka convinced Toph to go easy on him and encourage him as much as she could to make him believe that he was good. She had reluctantly agreed, and now, here they were, waiting for the result.

“By the way, your firebending has changed a great deal,”

“Really? What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know… it’s nicer and more fluid somehow. And your flames are just perfectly golden,”

“More fluid, huh? I guess we know who is to blame,”

Katara chuckled and bent a wave, which he quickly evaporated. The move certainly brought back bad memories, but the combination of sea and mist was just too comforting. Meanwhile, Zuko reflected on what Katara had said; his fire did feel more natural as he felt more at peace with himself, and its golden colour, while not as soothing as water, was certainly a great improvement on his rage-fueled, wild red flames.

“Hey, some of us are trying to read here; splash somewhere else,”

“We are not splashing; we are training. Plus, why aren’t you practicing sword-fighting?”

“I am making armour for Appa, and I don’t need to train anymore; Zuko thinks I am good enough, right?”

“I said you are decent,”

“Good enough,”

“Decent,”

“Okay, okay, the point is, he improved, right?” Katara intervened.

“Oh, yes, a great deal,” Zuko nodded.

“Good, so no point in arguing about words,”

That didn’t stop Sokka from making a face at Zuko, or Zuko from rolling his eyes at him.

“Anyway, should we check on-”

“Hey you guys!” Aang ran over, looking a little better than he did that morning.

“Aang, we were just coming to check on you! How was your earthbending?” Katara asked enthusiastically.

“Good, very good. Toph says I have mastered almost everything! I feel so relieved,”

Zuko felt relieved too, since Toph seemed to have spent some effort to go easy on him; they hadn’t heard any rocks all morning.

“That’s great! Now let’s see how good you are at waterbending though we both know you have the reflexes of a master by now,”

Aang smiled the widest smile, which even warmed Zuko’s heart. He bowed slightly to Katara and decided to go for a walk or maybe train with Toph for a while, but before he went, he pointed at Sokka

“Hey, doesn’t mean you are decent-”

“Good enough-”

“That you get to stop training. Remember: Practice makes perfect,”

Sokka bowed mockingly, “Yes, Sifu Hotman,”

Zuko regretted the day he had allowed them to continue addressing him as such and went on his way.

Zuko and Toph were half submerged in soil, enjoying some good earth massage silently for ten minutes under a tree- because she didn’t want to get sunburnt- when Toph suddenly blurted:

“You must have something very specific in mind to ask me for this.”

“Not really, it’s just that, it’s nice and relaxing and -ow,” a small rock nudged his back before he finished.

“Yes I know all that, but there is something else. Why not meditate? You used to do that all the time, but you don’t anymore,”

Zuko sighed.

“Well?”

“Something weird happened, and I don’t feel comfortable meditating anymore,”

“How weird?”

“Very weird,”

“Nice,”

“No, like, truly,”

“Fine, but how can I know if you don’t tell me?”

Zuko propped himself up a little and thought for a moment. He didn’t really have anything to lose by talking, and they had an eternity to pass on this island. He was bored.

“Okay, listen up. So, you know I am blind in my left eye, right-”

Toph suddenly sat up, “What? You are blind? You are just like me?”

“Half blind,” Zuko answered, thinking it strange that she seemed almost excited about this fact.

“Still! And you haven’t said a word!”

“I didn’t think it necessary,”

“Alright, so?”

“So, I was meditating, and then I suddenly felt as though I could see a bumblebee on my left, even though my eyes were closed. It was a little fuzzy in my mind, but it was definitely there, hidden in the grass. It was so odd; feeling as though I was seeing something with both my eyes after all these years…”

Toph paused a moment before rising to her feet and crossing her arms.

“Sit up and meditate,”

“What?”

“Now!” Toph yelled and the Earth spat Zuko out like a sunflower seed.

“Why, what is it?”

“Don’t you see? This could be your way of seeing things!”

“How?”

“I can see things with my hands and feet because I feel the earth. You can see things because…you can feel the fire,”

“The heat,”

“Whatever, this could be it. You can work on this. You have to,”

“But last time it took me hours to get there! Maybe it was just chance-”

“Just try!”

Zuko sat in a meditating position and closed his eyes.

“Are you going to keep towering over me?”

“Yes,”

“Cool,”

Zuko thought this the most bizarre training experience of his life.

Practising firebending, especially lightning bending, at night wasn’t Zuko’s smartest decision, but he had had no other choice. Toph had kept him meditating all day. At some point, she had sat down beside him, with her feet still touching the ground, and made him explain what was around him with his eyes closed. At first, Zuko focused on simple and close things: a larger than usual rock, a little bird chirping a few paces away, a small nest. His ‘sight’ improved at midday and was great in the afternoon, but at sunset, it receded, and by night he could only perceive objects in a two meter radius.

Now, this is what I call good work,” Toph had said, punching his arm, “Making do with what you have. Nothing should stop you,”

Originally, Zuko had planned on using Lu Ten’s notebook after the invasion, but thus inspired, he had set it out in front of him, and was now, once again, trying to master lightning.

Father says lightning requires peace of mind. I agree with this premise and maintain that it is at the heart of all bending, but there is a common misconception that even he falls prey to: he claims that to cast lightning, one must repress one’s emotions. How can that even be done? I don’t think that’s possible, and I have been lightning bending for a long time now. ‘Peace of mind’ is not lack of emotion; it is understanding, accepting, and balancing your emotions without allowing them to overwhelm you. That is how we listen to the language of the heart and mind; that is how we achieve true peace.

Zuko took deep breaths as he thought of Lu Ten’s words. He accepted that he was humiliated by his father, rejected by his nation, scorned by his people, but he had found peace here, in this new life, with new friends and new family. He was content, and he knew he had never been this balanced. He aimed at the sky with two fingers, as his uncle had taught him to do, focused, and tried to strike. It exploded in his face, and he flew backwards on impact.

Normally, Zuko would have yelled and stormed away, but he was determined. He now knew that his feelings had to be true, not just words. Lightning bending wasn’t a simple art; it could take years to master, but Zuko was determined to keep trying until the end. It was this thought and Toph’s encouragement that kept him going for two extra hours into the night without much success; his energy was almost entirely spent, but he wasn’t going to stop; he couldn’t. He flew back for what could be his thirtieth time, but this time, he fell on something…or more like, someone.

“Ouch! What-”

“Sorry, Katara,” Zuko half yelled, sat on his knees, and pulled her into a sitting position.

“Zuko, what on earth are you doing?”

“Mastering lightning,”

“At this hour?”

“Yes, yes, I know; I should practice by day, and rest by night, but I felt very motivated because Toph talked to me, and I have this book, and-”

“What is that?”

“A firebending journal,”

Katara took the book and flipped through the pages.

“Looks like a diary to- hey, these doodles are funny,”

“It’s my cousin’s. Master gave it to me,”

“Oh…Well, he looks like a great guy,”

“He was,”

They were silent for a few minutes. Katara studied the drawings in the book and Zuko gazed out at the sea, wondering whether he could bend lightning in five years. Judging by his experiences, it didn’t seem likely.

“This book is very informative…still; you should rest and save up some energy for the invasion,”

“No, Katara, I shouldn’t. You, Toph, Aang, and even Sokka, you are all prodigious; if anything, it’s you guys who don’t need any training, whereas I should never stop because I am normal. I am the odd one out, even in my own family,”

“Zuko, not being included in your family specifically is, with all due respect, a good thing,”

“I know, but they are all great benders,”

“So are you,”

“Right,” Zuko replied drily. He trusted Katara, but he couldn’t understand how anyone who had seen Azula fight could ever call him great. He felt she was just saying it to make him feel better, but this fact made him even more miserable.

Katara squeezed his hands, “I mean it. I wouldn’t have agreed to teach you if I didn’t, and in any case, I am learning from you as much as you do from me,”

“You are learning from me? You?”

“Yes, you were right. One should draw wisdom from all nations. Watch.”

She stood and summoned water around her. She then propelled herself forward along the shore, using firebending moves. She stopped before him once again, and sliced a large rock with five small water streams. Zuko was simultaneously proud and baffled: her usage of water in this manner reminded him of Azula’s blue flames, but he was content that she, of all people, had learned something from him.

“The master has become even more of a master,” he laughed.

“Don’t sell yourself short; if not for our training together, I wouldn’t have become so proficient,”

“I doubt it; you are a fast learner,”

“So what? Not everyone has the same pace; the point is getting there. You know what; I don’t think I would have been as good as I am now if I weren’t out in the world. Even before I had any official training, I knew I had to bend to survive and protect the people I love. That’s enough of a reason to learn fast, believe me,”

“How does that relate to me?”

“Well, you have been secluded for most of your life,”

Zuko wanted to object, but he realized she was right. Even during his three-year banishment, he had barely faced any truly threatening situations until he found Aang. The only thing he had known until then was to not expect mercy from anyone over anything; that was his first and most important lesson…

“And Azula? She adapted very fast,”

“She has failed to catch us, just like you did, your point?” Katara laughed.

“I guess you are right,”

“And now, no one is catching us. Not on my watch,” she elbowed him lightly.

“Our watch,” Zuko smiled, “Don’t take all the fun,”

“It’s anything but fun, but sure, I don’t mind sharing the glory,” she smirked and helped him up, “Now let’s go get some rest, Sifu Hotman. We have a big week ahead,”

“Not you too,” Zuko sulked, feeling betrayed, but allowed her to pull him along.

Next morning, they all woke up to Aang beating a tree. Zuko sat up, and rubbing is eyes, wondered what the poor tree could have done to deserve the Avatar’s wrath. Katara tried to calm him down, but each word seemed to unnerve him even more.

“You don't get it! My form is bad, I am sloppy, and my firebending especially could use some more work! I barely know anything!”

“Earthbending too,” Toph mumbled under her breath and earned an angry glance from Katara.

“What do you need firebending for? You won’t be able to use it during the eclipse. Plus, it’s a stupid element, anyway,”

“You know what I think is stupid? Boomerang bending!” Zuko grumbled

Everyone was silent for a long, awkward minute, and Sokka looked at Zuko over his maps.

“First of all, I am thoroughly offended; how dare you,” Sokka smirked nonchalantly, “Secondly, did you just say ‘boomerang bending’?”

Zuko buried his face in his hands.

“Yes, I thought so too. Anyway, Aang, relax-”

“I’ll spend the whole day training,” Aang announced and scooted away as they all stared after him, dumbfounded.

Zuko himself spent the whole day ‘sightseeing’ with Toph; it was ironic that everyone bought that, because they had only one good eye between the two of them, but Zuko didn’t mind. It was as good an excuse as any to spend the day working.

At night, they all settled down to sleep, but Aang was still acting weird and mumbling something about his missing pants. Katara tried to calm him once again, but she didn’t have much luck. Zuko wanted to help, so he calmly whistled from where he lied.

“Seriously, relax, Aang. No one will blame you even if you fail,”

“Really?” Aang asked, sounding a little relieved.

“Yes, we will all be dead, and as everyone knows, dead people don’t complain,” Zuko lightly chuckled, expecting a response. When he received none, he looked over and realized them all looking at him judgmentally.

“Good night,” he yelled and turned around. That was enough self-consciousness to last the week.

He woke up next morning, feeling utterly miserable and unable to train. The highlight of all this was Sokka hitting his head on a rock as Aang woke him up, and Zuko laughed freely amid Sokka’s glares, but soon Aang turned on the rest them for Toph’s tiny bladder, Katara’s hair, and Zuko’s extremely loud coughs (seriously, he didn’t cough that loudly). Aang went on about his stress, and they all sat, listening, too baffled to answer or oppose.

“You know what; I've got just the thing for you!” Katara finally rose and put her hands over Aang’s shoulders, “Get ready to be de-stressified!”

Zuko wanted some of that too, but he settled for helping Sokka with the armour; someone needed to help him, after all.

“You look more down than usual,” Sokka commented.

“Aang was terrible during the night. Did you hear nothing?”

“No, I am a heavy sleeper. It seem you-hey, I have a perfect idea! Wait for me,” with that, Sokka ran off towards Appa’s saddle.

“I am waiting…right here…not going anywhere,” Zuko mumbled until he came back with a flask. Zuko looked at it suspiciously.

“If this is another of those weird stuff that you think can pain me-”

“This is great stuff! It will make you feel well rested, as though your head is in the clouds,”

“Well rested? Good enough,” Zuko grabbed the flask and drank it all.

Sokka stared at him, shocked.

“What?”

“You weren’t supposed to drink all that, just some for the jokes! That was the last of my cactus juice!”

“What jokes? Your what?” Zuko asked, but he didn’t even hear the answer.

“I want to join too!”

Katara was not surprised at Zuko wanting to meditate, not at all. It was just that he looked a little…off, but maybe he had slept badly; maybe, he was feeling nervous too. Besides, he had practiced too much last night.

“Sure,” she smiled and talked to both boys, “These yoga stretches can really work wonders if you do them in extreme heat. Reach up. Reach for the sun,” she took a deep breath, “Feel your chi paths clearing,” she bent over and touched her feet, “Now close your eyes. How are you feeling?”

“I feel...really warm,”

“Good, good. Go on,”

“Like there's this warm feeling all around me. This heat…like I'm in the Fire Lord's palace and he's shooting a bunch of fireballs at me! And the whole world is being engulfed in flames!” Aang yelped and fell over.

“I am feeling great! Why didn’t we think of this before! Look at all those nice fire seas!” Zuko laughed and skipped around. He came and hugged Katara and helped Aang up, “You just need to open your eyes a little more, like this,” he put his fingers at his eyes and forced them open.

“Zuko, not you too,” Katara sighed.

“Not me what?”

“Never mind… let’s go to Sokka. Maybe he has an idea,”

Of course, Sokka had an idea, though Katara wasn’t sure how useful that was, since it involved Wang Fire Sokka. Aang lied down and started talking about his stress as she watched nervously and Zuko gave thumbs-ups and clapped encouragingly, albeit a little stupidly, with his mouth half open.

“Do you feel better?”

“A little…I’ll see what Toph has…thanks, Sokka,”

“Anytime,”

“Katara, come on, let’s go,”

“You take Zuko and go. I’ll catch up,” she smiled. Once the other two were gone, Katara wheeled on Sokka.

“Do you know what is wrong with Zuko?”

“No, why should I…I mean why me? Ask Toph; they were together yesterday,”

“Sokka!”

“What? I don’t know anything; I swear it!”

Katara didn’t buy that, but she heard Aang yelling in pain, and Zuko, in delight, so she ran to see what was wrong. When she got there, she saw that both were on the floor.

“I am…in pain…”

“I prefer the massage, but who doesn’t like a good pounding now and then? Also, did you see the flying coconuts? Momo, get down! Oh, no, Momo’s on fire!”

“What’s with him?” Toph pointed at Zuko.

“You tell me, you were with him all day,”

Toph shrugged, “You boys want some acupuncture?”

“No, please no,” Aang begged.

“Bring it on! Zuko yelled.

“Actually, no thanks, Toph. That will be it today. Come on, let’s have an early dinner, and sleep,” Katara offered.

The sun was setting by the time she prepared something to eat. Sokka had spent this time building the armour, and Zuko, contrary to his usual habit and character, had made flower jewelry, which he was showing to Aang.

“I can make you some too! The mermaids over there showed me how to make these!”

“No thanks, Zuko…which mermaids?”

“You can see them too?”

“No…”

“They are very nice,”

Katara shook her head and distributed the food. Zuko sunk his face in his plate in an attempt to eat with his nose.

Katara stopped him and bent some water into his face, “No, Zuko, we don’t eat like that,”

“We don’t? We should! This food feels very good on the nose! Right Aang?”

Aang stuttered, “I am not sure…I can’t think of anything,”

“Oh, look at you, being so nervous! Don’t be nervous, it’s not good for the self…or the sense…sense of self?”

“Okay…”

“I mean it. You want to know my secret? Come closer,” he put a hand over Aang’s shoulders and continued, “The secret is to be hopeless. Hope is truly depressing. I tried to find the Avatar for three years,” he put a finger to his lips, “Shhh don't tell him that. I was hopeful and it kept me alive. Then, I gave it up. I gave it all up in the Earth Kingdom because I realized that when you are truly hopeless, everything around you is more beautiful than you are; you are ugliest thing out there and if you do not hold up a mirror up to yourself, and I don't, you're good to go!"

Katara stared, dumfounded, as Zuko continued.

"Look at Katara here. Isn't she beautiful? She has hope; she is happy.  I know she lost her mother, but then again, who didn't? I lost mine too. She abandoned me, but then again, I would have abandoned me too,” he laughed melancholically, “Look at Sokka; he is brilliant and hopeful. More importantly, he has a loving family. Look at Toph; she made her disability her greatest asset; and mine is forever a mark of shame. Look at you; you are still living on after your nation's destruction. Look at you all, fighting against all odds! Ah, to despair…Look! The mermaids are back! Look!” he ran off into the sea without finishing his thoughts.

Katara chased after him and caught up with him before he got very far. She wrapped her arms around his waist and chest from behind and started to drag him back.

“They are beautiful; aren’t they?” he asked dreamily as he allowed her to move him.

“Yes…yes they are…you are very beautiful too, you know that?”

“Yes…yes I know…look, I have a flower crown…and it’s magical…and it will make me forget…everything…”

“You are beautiful, even without the crown,”

“Yes…I should have been…”

That night, Zuko raved and sang in his sleep, but he never opened his eyes, and when Aang woke up to train again, they built him a woolen bed and encouraged him to sleep.

“But…I have to train…I-”

Katara hugged him “Aang, we believe in you. You will do great tomorrow,”

“We all do. You can do this. You're ready,”

“You're the man, Twinkle Toes!”

“I love you,” Zuko chuckled in his sleep.

Aang smiled tiredly as he lied down, “Thanks, guys. You know what? I think I am ready…and Zuko, I love you too,”

Katara smiled at these innocent words, but all the same, she spent a little longer staring at the sea that night. Zuko’s words turned in her head; they really were fighting against hope, against truth, against all odds; they all knew that, but somehow, that didn’t bother her. It was the other things he said; his hopelessness and despair that weighed more heavily on her than any fact he could have uttered.

You are beautiful too.

Notes:

Out with cactus juice Sokka, in with cactus juice Zuko. Took a depressing turn, that one.
I took out the last day on the island because that's Aang PoV and can't do that.
...
Ok me and my sis finished watching ATLA! This was my third time in a year! Here are some general opinions:
For one thing, she didn't like s3 Aang.
This is weird, but she thinks Zuko 'turning against' the Gaang wasn't a betrayal, or even, a big mistake at all; he had never allied with them for it to count as a mistake, and even Iroh should have known that Zuko's purpose of getting his father's love didn't change throughout s2 so she doesn't see it as narratively inconsistent.
She thinks the fieldtrips are the best episodes of the show (and bitter work)
She wished we had more of good Zuko (who doesn't honestly)
She said "Zuko has much more reason to break down than Azula" honestly yeh. She never liked Azula and her girls.
Ironically, she didn't mind Mai's weird words at the Boiling Rock bcz "Anything is better than Azula."
Specifics:
"The Beach is so uncharacteristic of Azula. They went overboard, trying to make her sympathetic after all that. Mai-Zuko is so toxic"
"dying of second hand embarrassment at 'Hello. Zuko here."
"Fluffy clouds"
"fangirling at Zuko-Katara training scene"
"Is it just me or did Zuko become 20 times more attractive when he became the Firelord?"
That's it for my and my family's opinions (for now)
The real reason you folks have to suffer this in notes? I deleted and swore off social media four years ago, so you get my rambles here instead of a tumblr account hehe. Social media is hell.

Chapter 30: The Invasion: The End of the Road

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko sat up, and rubbed his temples. How was it even possible to have slept so much and still have a headache?

“How are you?” Katara asked in a concerned voice when she noticed him.

“A little nauseous…is it really that obvious?”

“No, it’s just that you were a little…off yesterday,”

“Yesterday? What happened yesterday?”

“Morning everyone!” Aang walked over, beaming, “I am ready to face the Firelord!”

“I am glad you are feeling better,” Katara smiled.

“So, what's your strategy for taking him down?” Toph mumbled over her breakfast, “Gonna get your glow on and hit him with a little Avatar State action?”

Aang swayed back and forth on his feet, “I can't…”

Katara frowned, “What do you mean you can’t?”

“I just can’t…I have tried to practice going into the Avatar State, but I failed every time…no matter, I can manage normally, right? He won’t be able to bend,”

Zuko wasn’t convinced, and judging by Katara’s expression, she wasn’t either. Aang was definitely hiding something.

“Aang-” Katara started.

“So, what’s for breakfast? We can’t go to the invasion on an empty stomach,”

“We can agree on that,” Sokka grinned.

Sokka… Zuko tilted his head slightly and tried to remember. They were making Appa’s armor together, and then suddenly, he was meditating with Katara and Aang, and then…

He felt the blood rush to his cheeks and rose to his feet with a yell, “Sokka!”

“What?”

“It was you! I am going to kill you!”

Sokka gave an uneasy laugh, but when he realized that Zuko was serious, his laugh slowly faded.

“Is Zuko back to being evil?” Toph whispered.

“Yes, he definitely- Sokka don’t you dare run away!” Zuko rushed after him, yelling and hitting Sokka’s feet and back with his sheathed swords.

“It was your own choice!” Sokka yelled.

“What’s going on?” Katara chased after them.

“Cactus juice!” Zuko wailed.

Sokka ran into the sea, and Zuko caught up with him. He twisted his arms behind his back and dipped his head under water.

“If you ever dare play a joke on me, ever again-”

“You were so fun on cactus-ow” Sokka cackled out of breath.

“I am serious!”

“Hey, you allowed me to mess with you!”

“I so did not-oh…!”

Zuko paused and peered into the mist ahead with widened eyes. Sokka, feeling his shock, turned to him.

“What is it?”

“Fire Nation ships. Run to the shore. I’ll distract them,”

“No way,”

“Sokka run!”

“No,”

Zuko pushed him back, “I will be fine, don’t worry,”

It was then that they heard a loud, familiar voice.

“Zuko, please don’t kill my son!”

Zuko stared at the ship in surprise. His eyes focused on a solitary figure hanging over the edge of the ship.

“Dad!” Sokka yelled and waved.

“Your son drugged me!” Zuko countered once he was out of his stupor.

“What?”

“Never mind. Come on; let’s get to the shore,” Zuko grumbled, “Not again, Sokka,”

“Yes, yes, certainly,” Sokka smirked, and Zuko knew this was definitely not the end.

As soon as the Chief got off the Fire Nation ship and hugged his children, he turned to Zuko.

“Why were you trying to kill Sokka?”

Zuko crossed his arms, “He drugged me,”

“He did what?” he turned to Sokka, “Explain. Now.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘drugged’. He was unhappy and stressed, so I ‘helped’ him a little. And of course, he brought it on-”

“Doesn’t matter. Apologize,”

“Sorry, Zuko,” Sokka chanted mockingly and Zuko narrowed his eyes. The Chief was silent for a moment before leaning towards Sokka.

“So what is this drug?”

“Oh, I’ll tell you the whole story,”

“How does this family even work!” Zuko protested.

“Tell me about it,” Katara rolled her eyes, “Dad, Sokka, I really don’t want to interrupt your bonding, but we have important matters to discuss…something to do with an invasion, for instance,”

Zuko nodded in support.

“Of course…yes,”

Sokka waved his hand dismissively, “I will tell you about cactus juice later. Judging by the Fire Nation ships, I suppose you decided on Zuko’s plan?”

“Well yes…and no. More like a mixture of plans,” he turned to Zuko again, “Of course, if you are still okay with posing as a prisoner,”

Zuko narrowed his eyes. He wasn’t desperate anymore, but he was still as wild as ever.

“War has taken everything from me. I am ready to end it,”

“I still think it is crazy,” Katara offered.

“It is,” her father agreed, “But it is a risk we must take. We even broke into Navy Communication Centers to get realistic numbers for our new, fake Fire Nation ships. There is no going back now,”

“Were you able to locate everyone I told you to find?” Sokka intervened

“Yes, and more. We met Princess Oma of Omashu, and she gave us some of her resistance fighters. She also recommended some other places where we could get reinforcements by this token,” he shrugged, and revealed a White Lotus tile to Zuko’s amusement. They weren’t alone after all.

“I'm still a little worried, though. Some of these men aren't exactly the warrior type,”

As if on cue, the swamp benders emerged from the ships.

“I just wish they would wear pants,” Bato, who just joined them, sighed.

“Pants are an illusion, and so is death,” Huu declared, and Katara laughed.

“It’s good to see everyone again,”

They conversed with the swamp benders a little, until they heard a young boy’s voice.

“Hi, Katara,”

Katara turned and ran towards him gleefully, “Haru! It’s so good to see you!”

Aang, Toph and Zuko joined them.

“Toph, this is Haru. When we met him, his town was controlled by the Fire Nation. So he had to hide his earthbending,” Aang introduced.

“And this is Zuko, Aang’s firebending teacher,” Katara continued.

“Pleased to meet you,” Zuko bowed, but too late; they already knew him.

“Zuko…the Firelord’s son and heir or…”

“Yes, that one. He is on our side,”

“So I have heard,” Haru smiled awkwardly, and in an attempt to be casual, he added, “Katara inspired me and my father to take back our village. That’s how we met,”

“She does have that talent,” Zuko replied and Katara blushed.

At least, their conversation interrupted by Toph’s yell.

“No way! Is that-” and she was lifted off the ground by a giant-human hybrid.

“Hippo happy to see Blind Bandit!”

“You guys here for a rematch?”

“Negatory. The Boulder and The Hippo no longer fight for others' entertainment. Now, we fight for our kingdom!”

“Sweet,” Toph smiled.

“You guys have made quite a lot of friends on your journey,” Zuko remarked to Katara.

“Yes, we do have the talent of easily making-”

An explosion came from one of the ships, and Zuko jumped out of his skin.

“Just another of our friends,” Katara chuckled as some kids made it out of the ship

“Was that a new invention?” Sokka beamed.

“I still haven’t forgiven Sokka,” Zuko whispered.

“Oh come on, you looked delightful with your flower crown and necklace,” Katara looked at him compassionately.

It wasn’t just that, and she knew it. Yesterday came back in bits; the flower incident was embarrassing enough, but the other things he had said…well, Zuko had no time for slips or weaknesses. He had to be strong today.

“Okay everyone; gather around,” The Chief called, cutting all conversations short, “We have an invasion to plan. Sokka, you will explain everything. Come on,”

Sokka exchanged a terrified look with Zuko as his father handed him some huge scrolls, “Sure. Of course, I can do that,”

Despite his anger, Zuko wished him well. Public performances were never his forte, and he was almost glad the Chief had skipped him, or at least, so he thought, until Sokka tripped onstage, and Zuko died of second hand embarrassment. Every second of that speech was literal torture.

“Wow, when he says the beginning he means the beginning beginning,” Katara mumbled when Sokka decided that whole audience needed to know their story. Zuko cringed; he would no doubt explain how Zuko himself had chased them at some point, completing his horrendous impression in front of all these people who were at best lukewarm about his presence. Thankfully, the Chief stood before Sokka could go on.

“Thank you, Sokka. Why don't you take a break?” he smiled, as Sokka left the stage with a red face. The Chief continued, “Let me just clarify a few points for everyone. Today is the day of black sun, and I want to thank you all for your self-sacrifice, and your courage. There are two steps to the invasion, a naval stage, and then a land stage. To gain sea access to the Fire Nation capital, we need to evade detection at The Great Gates of Azulon. We have planned both stages as to minimize our loss and use the eclipse fully. These Fire Nation ships and the uniforms within them will prevent us from being recognized. Some of us will slip into the center of the city where the Firelord’s palace is and the others will wait at harbor. As the eclipse starts, the troops ahead will secure the perimeter for Avatar Aang while the troops at shore will distract the rest of the guard, who would then be powerless,”

“How will our troops be allowed to approach the palace?” Haru asked.

“Prince Zuko has agreed to act as prisoner, so we can enter the palace area as an emergency,”

Of course, they all looked at Zuko as though he were a lunatic. Only now, he understood truly what his uncle meant about ‘not thinking things through’.

It’s ok. That’s how I roll,” he thought to himself amidst the shocked stares. He had his own purposes if all this came to nothing: he had to free his uncle, and he had to meet the Firelord one last time, no matter the cost. Zuko wanted to face that eternal enemy; he wanted to stand before him without any fear and roar fiercely in the face of death. His blood boiled in his veins as the Chief shouted:

“When this is finished, the Avatar will have defeated the Fire Lord. We will have control of the Fire Nation capital, and this war will be over!”

After the crowd dispersed, the Chief handed Zuko some prisoners’ clothes.

“I know this is as crazy as it gets, but still, try to be safe. I am sorry you have to go through this,”

“I wanted this. Whatever happens is on me, and only me,” Zuko replied drily.

Everyone was worried; he himself had been worried until that day, but there was no fear anymore, only fire that would ironically abandon him. As everyone changed into their armour, Zuko walked behind some cliffs and watched the vast sea, stretching eternally beyond sight. He needed this, whatever the outcome; he needed to think of this moment later on, and tell himself that despite all, he had lived right down to the last minute, the final second.

“Zuko,”

He didn’t turn, only smiled at Katara’s voice.

“I was looking for you. You shouldn’t be here; those clothes are really thin,”

“Did you see how everyone looked at me? They probably think I am insane,”

“I think you are insane…in the best way possible,” Katara muttered uneasily, “I don’t understand. Why must you do this if it causes you so much pain?”

“I haven’t seen my fa- the Firelord since he banished me; I must face him. This will be my moment of truth, Katara. I cannot back down. And who said it causes me pain?”

“Your state yesterday…it felt like you were revealing what you believed in deep down: despair and pain and-”

He wheeled around to face her, “Those were the slips of a drugged mind. Yes, this mission might fail; yes, we are fighting against all odds, but we must go on. Don’t you agree?”

Her eyes twinkled, “Of course, I do, but you musn’t despair. We have all made something so beautiful here; we have made our own family. All this is beautiful, you included,”

Zuko didn’t believe the fact he could laugh sincerely before facing doom, but he did, carelessly, honestly.

“I hope we will have time to relax and reminisce,”

“After today, we will. Remember that afternoon at the market when we-”

“Kissed?”

“Drank tea!” Katara slapped his arm exasperatedly, “I was going to say we will have plenty of such opportunities after the war! What is wrong with you?”

“Okay, okay, I just remembered that when you said market,”

Katara shook her head, “I do know that no one ever forgets their first time, but-”

“Hey, hey, who said that was my first time?” Zuko pressed a hand to his chest.

“I don’t know; you just don’t seem like the type to…you know…relax…date?”

“Well, I am letting you know that I am deeply offended,” Zuko grumbled, and added with a smirk, “But I will forgive you since I am magnanimous,”

Katara laughed at his ploy, “See; now you are starting to mess with me. The student has become the master,”

He gave a mock bow, which was cut short by a fierce hug that almost sent them both tumbling over the edge. Not that it would have mattered- as long as they were together, no sea or sky could suffocate them.

“You have us; you have me. Don’t you dare forget that, Zuko. In fact, I will make sure you don’t,”

With that, she took a few threads of his hair into her hands.

“What are you doing?”

“This is a warriors’ braid in the Southern Water Tribe; you must have seen my father’s. Your hair is quite short, but this will do,” she finished, tied it with one of her own hair ties, and buried it under the rest of his hair. “There, you will know it’s there, but no one else will. Don’t you dare forget!”

Zuko smiled and caressed her cheek, “How can I forget my closest friend?”

The rest of the journey felt like a dream. Zuko waited below deck and listened to people running up and down the ship. Every once in a while, one of their team or Chief Hakoda would come to check on him and give him words of encouragement. Toph punched him many a time and gave him a new nickname, Sunshine. Aang, who was there the most, as he himself was thought dead, gleefully balanced his new glider on his nose. Sokka even made him some rice noodles, and they ate quickly to dispel the horrid taste. All these gestures warmed Zuko’s heart, but none matched the little, well-hidden braid behind his ear. He tugged at it when no one was there to remember what he was fighting for; Agni curse him if he forgot!

A couple of hours had passed when the Chief came down with chains in his hands.

“We are almost there. I think we should-”

“Yes, I know. I am a prisoner, and I must be in chains. Did you pick twenty men?”

“Yes,”

“Who will lead the other division?”

“Bato and General Yung from the Earth Kingdom,”

“Well then,” Zuko put out his arms. Never, in three years of banishment and sixteen years of life, would he have thought that he would one day walk into his home in chains.

Katara came in last. She gulped and averted her gaze when she saw him, but Zuko rattled the chains good-humouredly.

“Don’t like my new accessories? How heart breaking,”

“You took a page out of Sokka’s book in humour?”

“Can’t say I didn’t,” and he whispered, “Double negatives are evil,”

Katara sat beside him, “How can you be so immature in the midst of so much danger?”

“We have to keep despair at bay. It’s what you- hey, you must put your hair up in a topknot or a ponytail,”

“I am not going to the palace; I will lead the defense of the ships with the other waterbenders,”

“Still, you are wearing Fire Nation armour,” when Katara put her hands in her hair, Zuko put them down, and added, “Allow me,”

He thought of a ponytail first because they were generally better, and it seemed unfair to put all that beautiful hair in a topknot, but Katara’s hair was different from typical Fire Nation hair; it would be too noticeable. Plus, they were going into battle; she probably needed it out of the way.

“There. You look like a Princess from my favourite Fire Nation play, ‘Love Amongst the Dragons’,”

“I have dark skin and blue eyes,” Katara laughed, “What Fire Nation Princess-”

The ship shook as it hit land. Zuko and Katara exchanged a final look before she ran above deck. Zuko took a deep breath. He was back home.

Zuko had thought of everything on his way here; he reviewed all the life choices that led him there and where they would lead him in the aftermath. He expected some humiliation, but he never imagined that a whole crowd would gather on the way to the palace, and recognizing their long exiled Prince, would welcome him with rocks and sticks. Some even tried to get past the guards to engage him directly, but they were pushed back. He could here laughter, taunts, and mockeries, and wondered what lies these people were told.

“Traitor!”

“He betrayed our homeland!”

“Cursed Prince!”

“He dealt with our enemies!”

“He helped the Avatar!”

“He would have us lose this war!”

“He would help Earth Kingdom savages raze our city to the ground!”

A few rocks hit him in the face; many struck him all over his body, but Zuko walked on. He hadn’t come all this way to be turned back by such nonsense; however, it bothered him that he would be ruling these people one day. How would these taunts turn to fear then; how they would kneel before him to beg for mercy. Zuko was angered at first, but now he pitied them; they only believed what they were told and knew no better. He would forgive if he had the chance; he would teach forgiveness.  

“Stop!”

Zuko raised his head at this harsh voice. He looked back and realized that they had reached the side of the crater already. The palace and the nobles’ mansions were right below them. Blood flowed down his temples.

“We will take the Prince from here. You stay here and guard the perimeter,” The Imperial Guard commanded.

Zuko sensed the Chief’s uneasiness; originally, they were supposed to take him all the way to the palace, but since they made it so far without detection, he didn’t perceive any threat. He tilted his head slightly at the Chief, hoping that he would understand and not blow their cover. There was still about half an hour to the eclipse.

“Yes, sir,”

The guards stepped back, and Zuko was in enemy hands. He looked at the Chief reassuringly and walked ahead proudly. He would be in the throne room again after all these years, but this time; he wasn’t an afraid thirteen year old. He had mercy for his people; poor and ignorant as they were, born into a war they couldn’t control, but none for the man who freely chose to continue it.

He is still human,” Aang had told him in the ship.

No, he isn’t,”

If Aang hesitated, Zuko didn’t care about the consequences. He would kill the Firelord himself.

They reached the palace. Zuko raised his shackled hands and looked at the hidden clock in his sleeves. It showed ten minutes to the eclipse. All was well.

They walked in and navigated the dark corrdiors. Zuko felt this was unnatural. Where was everyone? He remembered another eclipse from about nine years ago. No one batted an eyelash; Firelord Azulon continued his war council as though nothing had happened; the servants rushed in and out of rooms; everyone went on with their business. Only Zuko and Azula were forbidden to go outside because of their age, and they had sat with their mother, listening to old tales about the origins of eclipses.

…And then, my loves, the Vermillion Bird sang a song, bringing the sun and the moon together in the sky, but the evil Black Tortoise pushed the moon until it darkened the sun. After that-

Was the tortoise very evil?

Oh, yes, Azula,”

Don’t worry, Zula. When we are big, we will fight the tortoise, and bring the sun back!

They halted in front of a wall. The guards removed some bricks and pushed some levers; the wall turned, revealing a secret tunnel, and Zuko was pushed in. He remembered this path too; it led to a safe metal bunker close to the heart of Caldera’s dormant volcano. His fa- the Firelord has guided him and Azula through these corridors seven years ago.

You must be agile. If you make it here, don’t look back, for the enemy will be very close. This place is for emergencies only,

Has it ever been used before?

A few times. Let’s hope you two never have to,”

I bet I can outrun you here, Zuzu,”

Oh really? Come on then,

Zuko didn’t know why it was important to remember these snippets of the past. The words kept whirling from one corner of his mind to another, and their imaginary movement troubled him. Despite all his past mistakes, Zuko had a strong instinct for self-preservation; he wanted to believe that his discomfort was alertness in the face of an enemy, but something bugged him. What was he searching for? Why did his ghosts haunt him thus?

This place…

Zuko gulped and pressed his hands to his chest to restrain his heart. His shackled clattered, and one of the guards poked his back, urging him on.

Emergencies only…

They stopped before a pair of enormous gates, and Zuko’s heart skipped a beat.

It’s too late.

There was no way he could inform his friends; he was stranded. They were all in danger and didn’t even know it. He looked ahead as the gates opened slowly. The Firelord sat silently on the dais.

They know.

Notes:

Parallels! Zuko's thoughts about facing Ozai are very similar to Katara's about facing Yon Rha. Also, Jinko went on a few more dates; no one can convince me otherwise!
The last paragraph is basically Zuko losing his mind, enjoy.
Aaaaand of course, this is the end of Book 1, The Edge of Fate, so you folks won't know what will happen for four-five months (until I write a good deal of Book 2). :)))
Please give your general thoughts and feel free to be a liiiiittle angry at me because of the cliffhanger (bless Thomas Hardy, inventor of cliffhangers).
Also, if you have some small prompts for Zutara for the next book, I am open to suggestions! I love writing their conversations.
...
Now, now, I won't publish the next book for a few months, BUT I have published my first lore chapter! I will add a new chapter every two weeks. Check it out from the link below!
https://archiveofourown.org/series/2507962
Just a note, you do NOT need to know my lore to understand "The Turn of a Century" series; it will just make you better acquainted (and hopefully, a little sympathetic) to my OC's, that's it. Be sure to share your thoughts!

Series this work belongs to: