Ricky had no idea how it had gotten so far. He had wanted to stop the world from turning as another sip of whisky set his throat on fire. The club was poorly lit with black walls and floors that did little to help the overhead lights. He was almost sure that the lack of fluorescent bulbs was to stop the stains on the furniture being obvious to the patrons who had stumbled through the unmarked blood red door on the street. Though, it seemed unlikely the people who were fucking in the back room of a sex club were worried about dirt. Ricky felt nauseous at the thought but he didn’t make any move to leave. A distorted version of the crowd watched him from the harsh chrome behind the bar. “Have you been bad? Do you need to be punished?” A voice hissed at him cutting into the daze he had fallen into. The words sent a jolt through his body - the physical reaction was almost instant.
He was bad. He was terrible, in fact. Ricky nodded thinking about the man waiting for him at home. The thought of Vin’s face at the forefront of his mind as a stranger traced his fingers over his back almost had him crawling out of his skin. Like everyone hiding something he couldn’t deny the guilt bubbling beneath the surface as he attempted to rationalise his own innocence. “I’m not looking for anything” He replied to the man beside him, his eyes focused on his drink. The lying had started with one simple one in a coffee shop a few months prior. Cole had tapped him on the shoulder with the same smile that had always worked on him and the room was transported to a time when he would have done anything for that particular man. Flustered with every memory that came back he had introduced Vinny to his former lover as just a friend. And boy, that had been a big first lie to start on.
Cole had studied Vin as if he was a piece of art on display. The small looks he gave Ricky said everything without uttering a word. This guy - you chose this guy really? He could just imagine the judgement in his tone if he were to ever say it outloud. They were polar opposites in almost every way - it couldn’t have been more stark. And in the silences Rick couldn’t help but think about their time together; the whips, chains and everything else that had been used against him for those few months. Seeing him that day had been like a bolt from the blue questioning where that certain part of him had gone. The part that wanted nothing but to submit to something, someone else. The part that wanted to relinquish all control and become consumed by the rush of feeling powerless. It was strange how people could have a hold on you long after they’ve left.
The bruises fade but sometimes you can catch a glimpse of them in the mirror disappearing again if you try to focus. A glitch in the matrix to remind you of someone who had control over you at one point. Vinny had raised an eyebrow questioningly at him but Ricky had tried to brush it off. It was a past life. He was happy. He had nothing at all to complain about. He was in love in a way he had never quite imagined he could love another person. And how could he not - Vin was the perfect partner. It had been as if the stars had aligned when they’d first met. On paper they were everything he could have hoped for but there was a sudden niggling doubt from the moment he set eyes on Cole again. Perhaps, things were a little too perfect. He needed something else, some kind of darkness to balance out all the light. Each time he had tried to say something he had caught himself in the act.
Vin had never shown any interest in being rough when he had tried to push him to be more dominant before. Ricky had wanted to share it with him - to let Vinny see every single part of him but something had held him back. A worry that it would push him away lingered in the back of his mind. It made no sense. It was a completely irrational fear yet it still felt like a risk. He looked for outlets to his predilections, though in that moment in that club he felt like he was being suffocated by the white lies he had been telling. “Are you sure?” The man beside him hadn’t moved away, instead ordering a drink and sitting down. “I mean you’re here after all.” Ricky pulled himself to his feet and it felt as if the whisky had hit him all at once, his gait feeling unsteady against the sticky floors. “This is wrong, I need to go home, I can’t be here. I can’t do this.”
His voice was a raspy, slurred mess matching his unstable state. He had gotten to the point of drunkenness when he started over thinking after all of the avoidance. He knew he shouldn’t have been lying about where he was. He knew he shouldn't have been in a seedy bar listening to pounding music and the sound of violence and getting turned on by its proximity. He shouldn't have been imagining what it would have felt like to be dragging into the one of the back rooms and tied up. The specificity of the fantasies meant it was time to go. As he rushed to get out of the building; the various rooms he walked through were spinning in his disorientated state. He imagined that eyes full of judgement were watching him as he escaped out onto the street. They all knew what he had been there for and what he wanted; the anonymity had done nothing to ease the sense of wrong.
Cars rushed past him as he moved towards the edge of the pavement flagging down a cab. Ricky threw himself into the back seat of the first car to stop for him. He wasn't entirely sure if the address he’d blurted out was correct but the driver seemed to understand it pulling out into the busy traffic. Pausing to rest his head in his hands Ricky let the rapid breaths escape his lips into the small space as he attempted to sooth the shame weighing heavy on his chest. Each time he had been there he had sworn it would be the last but it was as an invisible string had him tethered, pulling him back in. Ricky heaved himself up leaning back against the headrest to take stock of his current situation. He felt like the worst person on the planet but maybe it was the booze condemning him to spiraling out of control.
Life had started to finally make sense. He was with someone who loved him and would have done anything to make him happy. The person looking back at him in the rearview mirror looked like a ghost of his former self. His pale skin was glistening with sweat and strands of ink black hair were clinging on. There was no way he could go home in that state and not raise any questions about where he had been. Despite this he knew that home was exactly where he needed to go. He lifted the edge of his shirt sleeve to dab at his face, tucking his hair back in place and did up the zipper on his jacket. He was the picture of presentability feeling rotten at the core and ready to go back to where he belonged. Ricky wondered if something inside him was broken that he wanted so desperately to feel release through physical pain. Perhaps he should have enjoyed Vinny's considered touch rather than feeling like he was missing something.
When Ricky opened the front door he could hear the TV blaring in the living room but there seemed to be complete darkness everywhere else. He crept to the doorway to find Vinny asleep on the sofa with his arms wrapped around himself and his long hair covering his face. On the coffee table a candle flickered, burning out illuminating their untouched dinner; the wax pooled inside telling exactly how long he had been waiting. His breath hurt as Ricky collapsed at the armrest, sinking to his knees as if silently asking for forgiveness. He pressed his chin against the edge, running his fingers through Vinny’s hair pushing it away from his sleeping face. He looked perfectly content amongst the chaos though his mood when he awoke was still to be seen. “I’m so sorry” The words were whispered, drowned out by the action sequence on the screen.
In the silence Ricky moved around their house attempting to sober up, settle back in and calm his fraying nervous system. The steam filled the bathroom as the water cascaded down over his body cleansing him but still leaving his evening lingering in his mind. He thought about the man that had approached him at the club, the way he had been able to figure him out without so much as a word. It had been momentarily thrilling. The way he had looked him up and down with a sultry haze in his eye that was impossible to misinterpret. He had sensed him undressing him and Ricky certainly didn't miss the slow swipe of his tongue across his lips. He knew he shouldn't have cared. It should have been a fleeting ego boost and nothing more but there was something inside him that'd ached to follow his libido towards that heady, primal temptation.
Ricky wrapped a towel around his waist surprised to find Vinny pacing at the foot of the bed when he stepped out of the bathroom. He was scowling with his gaze focused on his feet debating where to start. He paused to look up at Rick awkwardly standing by the door of the ensuite. “So are you going to tell me where you were?” He stopped, stilling mid-step deciding against just letting it slide. Rick cleared his throat attempting to remember which story he had used on the way out of the door that night. "It took a lot longer to film, we kept having to retake shots and then the lighting wasn't correct and we had to redo the whole thing...you know how it is, I'm sorry" Ricky hoped his voice sounded as calm as it did in his head as he slowly crept forward towards Vinny. He looped his arms around his waist pressing against him hoping that would soften his mood. "You should have called" Vinny pouted giving in to his warmth and his lips against his jaw leaving feather like kisses.
"Let me make it up to you" Ricky muttered in his ear. "And anyway your clothes are wet now away...you should take them off" he purposely let his hair drip onto Vin's shoulder dampening his jumper. He rolled his green eyes giving a sleepy smile, he had been determined not to back down too quickly but it was far too tempting. Ricky was grasping at his cock through the fabric between them urging him to react while covering his skin in kisses. His lips felt warm against him in an intoxicating contrast to the cold droplets of water being dusted across his neck. The towel around his waist was barely holding onto his hips and Vinny couldn’t help but watch as it slid down exposing more and more of Ricky’s skin. It was a slow burn that turned into dizziness as he watched Rick sink to his knees looking up at him with a sly smile. He pulled down Vinny's sweats with no hesitation exposing him to the cool air in the room - goosebumps raising across his skin.
He shuffled forward on his knees peering up with wide blue eyes. "What should I do?" Each word lingered in the air as Vin looked at him with curiosity. "What would you like?" Ricky asked again, not moving, his hands flat against his thighs. Vinny cleared his throat, running his fingers through the tangled mess of curls framing his face. "Well you're on your knees and my cocks out, so it's not rocket science." He shrugged his shoulders before he pulled his hoodie off. "Come on, please" Ricky's pleading tone had him hot under the collar not that he would admit it. It also left a strange taste in his mouth. There was something different about the man in front of him but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "It starts with an 'S' and ends with an 'uck it’...'' Vinny held out his palms as if to ask if it was good enough. "Okay" Ricky smirked in response, wrapping his fingers around his cock.
A gasp escaped the younger man's lips as he firmed up his stance leaning back against the bed frame for support. Rick bent his head forward tracing his tongue over the tip as a test, his hand working his length as the blood began to rush. He placed a kiss below Vinny's navel following the trail of fine hairs that led to his cock not teasing this time taking him deeper into his mouth. "Fuck Ricky" Vin groaned tilting his hips forward towards the welcoming warmth and wetness. He didn't stop pushing towards the point of resistance when usually Rick would have pulled back but for some reason this time he didn't. He just looked up, his hands clasped together behind his back surrendering himself. His throat convulsed around Vinny's cock as it hit the sensitive flesh deep inside him. He always tried his best to fight his gag reflex but had never been entirely successful using his hands to pick up the slack.
Ricky made no move to stop, sliding his lips to the tip leaving Vinny’s cock glistening with his spital. Instead of slowing he moved to the same depth again, the gutteral sound he made convinced Vin to pull out of his mouth entirely. "What are you doing?" His voice was ragged as he got his breath back and stepped out of reach. “I’m doing what you told me to do” Rick’s voice was hoarse but his actions were more than clear. He reached out stroking Vinny’s cock as he inched closer again but found himself being stopped. “No you’re not.” Vin reached for his clothes from the edge of the bed - a signal that he was done with whatever was happening between them. “You didn’t like it?” Ricky raised his eyebrows playing innocent in a way that was entirely unbecoming in Vinny’s eyes. “Is that what he’s into?” The question cut through any confusion about what had upset him. “Whoever it is you’re fucking behind my back? Was that a move he likes or something?”
“It’s just a fucking blow job Vinny. I thought you’d like it, isn’t that what most guys want?” Ricky finally admitted defeat standing up to try and reason with him. “That’s not what this is, it’s a fucking personality transplant Ricky. We’ve been sleeping together, who knows how long, and you suddenly have new moves?” He gave him a venomous look before heading towards the door, flinging it open with enough force that it crashed into the wall. Rick followed him down the stairs grabbing him by the arm pushing a squirming Vinny against the wall. He planted his hands on either side of his head so he was forced to focus on his captor. “There isn’t anyone else. It’s...Can we just sit down and talk?” Rick let his arms fall to his sides exasperated by how difficult he was finding it to just say the words to Vin. “Can you please just talk to me?” He was pleading again - though it did little to soften Vinny’s expression.
Ricky intertwined their fingers leading him to the living room sitting cross legged on one end of the sofa facing the other waiting for him to sit down. The towel did not do much to protect his modesty. He wished he had put some clothes on but doubted that Vin would have stuck around for a conversation if he had disappeared. With a sigh and his arms folded across his chest like a teenager being berated he collapsed into the seat facing away from Rick. “I don’t really know where to start or why I haven’t tried talking to you about this before but I’m just going to say it. I’m into...bdsm and it’s something I’d like to try with you if you’d be interested.” Rick cleared his throat pausing to see if his confession had any impact. Vinny had finally turned to face him, folding one leg under his body but his expression hadn’t changed. “You’re into S&M?” He asked with raised eyebrows. “But you didn’t tell me?”
“When we first...were together I didn’t want to throw you into the deep end, so I thought I’d wait until we’d found our bearings. And it just didn’t seem like something you’d be into and...I didn’t know how to ask.” He was blabbering on simply pleased the words were coming out but stopped in his tracks when Vinny met his eye. “So this whole time you’ve not been enjoying it” It sounded like a strange mix between a question and a statement. “Of course I have, I love you, I love having sex with you. This is…a cherry on top.” Vinny licked his lips pausing to consider his options before he replied. When he spoke it became apparent that he had decided to indulge, the conversation piquing his interest. “So are you the S or the M?” Ricky gave a low laugh, glancing away with embarrassment. “What do you think?” Vinny smirked, nodding his head as if to confirm he knew the answer to his own question.
“So you want me to dominate you…Be rough, tell you what to do and stuff?” Vinny asked, smiling ever so sweetly at him in soft lighting. An idea glimmering in his eyes. He looked like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth - the perfect image of innocence as filthy thoughts turned over in his mind. “I guess if you’d be interested, we can dip our toes in. See how it goes?” Rick nodded feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders as he settled back against the sofa. He’d done it. He’d let Vinny in to see a part of him that had been hidden for far too long. It felt vulnerable and electrifying at the same time. “I’d love to start now… go reheat my dinner for me, I’m hungry.” Vin demanded. “That’s not…” He began to argue realising that some battles were not to be won. “Fine but don’t start The Walking Dead without me.” He pressed a kiss against Vinny’s cheek as he clambered off the sofa mumbling against his skin. “I love you so much”
The response was far less romantic but Ricky knew him well enough to know it meant the world coming from Vin. “I guess you’re okay…”