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say it out loud (i see right past you)

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Toni's hated Shelby Goodkind for as long as she can remember; she honestly can't even recall how it started, if Shelby had made some rude comment about her sexuality or her laziness or the way she slouched in her seat in class, or if she's just always hated Shelby because Shelby has always seemed like the kind of person she should hate.

Toni moved to bumfuck Texas with her sister-via-adoption Martha and Martha's mother at age ten and has never enjoyed it there, most of all because she's never fit in with uptight religious bigots like Shelby and her boyfriend and her best friend and all of the future pageant queens and frat bros Shelby seems to surround herself with. Martha, frustratingly, can fit in anywhere and get along with anyone, but Toni's short fuse has always made it impossible to be passive-aggressive with her in that condescending "bless your heart" way that Shelby's ilk seem to be so fond of, and so when they fight, it always goes from passive-aggressive to aggressive-aggressive pretty quickly, with Martha trying valiantly to mediate between her best friend and a girl she, in her own words, thinks is "sweet but sometimes misguided, kind of like you, Toni".

Toni's not sure when it all went to shit this hard, though, to the point of screaming matches in the parking lot over something as mundane as a fucking English project, and yet here they are, only a struggling Martha standing between Shelby Goodkind and an early meeting with the God she loves so much, because Toni's pretty sure she's going to fucking kill her.

"Just walk away," Martha pants into her ear as she frog-marches Toni away from Shelby's cold, razor-sharp gaze, and it's only the worry she can hear in Martha's voice that makes Toni oblige her. "If you get another suspension they'll expel you."

It's fucked up, Toni knows, that she can let such a fake-sunny vapid Jesus freak pageant girl get under her skin, and when she really thinks hard about it--though she often tries not to think of Shelby at all--she muses that it's the fakeness of it all that gets under her skin, because there's something there, something she can't quite place, that burrows itself into her and gnaws at the back of her mind. She feels it when Shelby's got Andrew's hands all over her in the halls at school and she's trying to make him move them away because she's a Good Christian Girl and apparently can't show any sign of sexual desire for another human being. Sometimes she feels it when Shelby's stare burns a hole in the back of her head during English class, where they're unfortunately seated diagonally from each other and occasionally made to work in groups. Most of all she feels it when Shelby walks by while she's making out with Regan in the halls and Shelby can't seem to even fucking look at them because they disgust her so much.

But they're juniors, are barely a month into the school year, and that means Toni's doomed to at least another four semesters of sharing space with her, so she does her best to minimize it and keep a wide berth when she can, and Shelby has always seemed to want to do the same. Which is why Toni's so stunned when Shelby shows up at Fatin's birthday party, of all places, given that Toni and Fatin have been open about their past hookups and there's obviously going to be drinking and general debauchery; it's Fatin, for fuck's sake.

Toni's pretty sure Shelby's breaking her curfew or something. She's got Andrew all over her again and seeing a couple being couple-y makes Toni wish she and Regan weren't currently in the "off" stage of their regular cyclical relationship drama. They've been doing this for nearly a year now, and Regan's so sweet, most of the time, and it's the best sex Toni's ever had aside from maybe one particularly good time with Fatin herself, and there are definitely real feelings there on both sides, but Toni can't remember the last time she committed to anything other than basketball and she isn't sure when the best time to start is.

Anyway, Fatin's party is where everything with Shelby starts going completely off the rails, and in the last way Toni ever expected it to.

She's drunk, she knows, and she can tell because her usual cynicism is gone and she's actually starting to enjoy the company of some of these people she usually hates calling her classmates. Rachel and Nora, who are sisters and have nothing in common to show for it, are giggling drunkenly nearby as they watch some of Andrew's friends crash and burn while attempting a keg stand, and Leah, the best English project partner Toni's ever had to Shelby's worst, is swaying drunkenly in the corner with swollen, red-rimmed eyes as she glances repeatedly at her phone. Dot's doing shots with Fatin and a few other girls, and Martha, much to Toni's frustration, is talking to Shelby.

It's time to cut that off, Toni thinks, and so she downs another drink and chases it with a shot borrowed from Dot's group. She grabs a new cup of something that smells like cleaner and then stumbles over to Martha, placing a heavy hand on her shoulder. "Need me to take out the trash, Marty? It kind of stinks over here."

"You threw your pee at a girl during a game last year," Shelby bites out with a roll of her eyes, and okay, Toni can admit she kind of set herself up for that one. "I don't think hygiene is your best avenue if you're tryin' to offend me."

"Where's Andrew?" Toni asks her, taking her advice and changing the subject. "Dot told me he's cheating on you. Might wanna check up on him before he sneaks away with someone who might actually put out."

That does it; Shelby's face screws up in quiet fury and she leaves. Martha sighs at Toni. "Do you have to do this with her every time? It's not her fault her boyfriend's an asshole. She's under a lot of pressure from her dad, you know."

Toni fixes her with a confused look. "Since when do you and Shelby discuss personal shit? You know she just keeps you around as her token res friend, right? You're just an extracurricular on her college application."

Martha shakes her head at Toni, looking hurt, and suddenly she's gone, too, and Toni's alone with her drink and feeling like kind of a dick. She sighs to herself and chugs it.

Sometime later, she's borderline wasted and shooting pool in Fatin's basement with a couple of guys from the boys' basketball team when an arm slides around her back and Fatin settles beside her, too close to be here for anything other than to flirt. "Nice pole," she says, stroking the end of Toni's pool cue with a finger like she's trying to seduce a boy, and it does nothing for Toni, who blinks blankly at her until Fatin huffs and rolls her eyes. "C'mon; it's my birthday. You and Regan are on a break, right?"

Toni vaguely registers the boys watching them from the corner of her eye. "I'm pretty sure, like, every guy at this party and a few other girls would be down--"

"I'm not stroking your fucking ego for you," Fatin cuts her off, her eyes flashing, but there's a smirk on her lips and that look, that's what might actually do it for her. "You know why I'm asking you." Fatin's told her often--sometimes just texts it to her out of the blue when she's bored enough and has recently hooked up with someone new--that Toni's tongue still hasn't been surpassed and that she wishes it were attached to someone she could actually stand to be around for longer than the time it takes for both of them to come. Toni doesn't get offended by it; she knows that's Fatin's sense of humor, and there's very obviously still a compliment in there.

"Now?" she asks, glancing back to the pool table.

Fatin steps closer, runs a finger purposefully down Toni's neck to the cleavage above her top, and Toni blinks at her again, wondering idly if this tends to work well on Fatin's usual targets. "Yep," is all Fatin says, and then she just tilts her head and looks.

Toni wants to mess with her, to say that she needs to finish the game first, but it is her birthday, and going down on Fatin isn't exactly the worst thing in the world, to put it mildly, so Toni sighs and sets her cue aside and lets Fatin pull her up to the main floor, and then up another set of stairs and into her bedroom.

When they're alone, Fatin yanks her close by her shirt and barely bothers with kissing her before she starts pushing on Toni's shoulders, and Toni can't help but laugh as she drops to her knees. "Dude," she says, openly judgmental, and Fatin tangles her fingers in Toni's hair as Toni works open the button of her shorts.

"I can't miss half of my own party for foreplay with you," she points out, and Toni makes a quick sound of concession and yanks down her underwear.

She only goes down on Fatin for a few minutes before Fatin yanks painfully on her hair and comes, and then they extricate themselves and Fatin's at least polite enough to wipe at Toni's mouth for her with her thumb. Toni's severely turned on from it but she doesn't complain, just picks up Fatin's underwear and shorts for her and offers them up to her.

"Almost forgot what that felt like," Fatin says, breathless, as she pulls the clothing back on. "Regan's a lucky girl."

"I'm not sure if it's just a break," Toni admits, and Fatin shoots her a knowing look.

"Yeah, right. You guys do this shit all the time. It'll work itself out."

She kisses Toni shortly before she goes, just once, and Toni gathers herself for a moment once she's alone, the alcohol and her arousal making her head spin. Finally, she leaves.

When she gets downstairs, it takes her about ten minutes to realize that Shelby is drinking. No, not drinking; Shelby is fucking drunk. She's swaying in place and chugging back something in a red solo cup, and it's the first time in a while Toni's looked at her and not gotten the urge to punch something. She can't help but get a front-row seat to this; it's just too damn good.

She goes to Shelby, who is standing by a table stocked with sodas and alcohol, and sidles up beside her under the guise of pouring herself a new drink. "Alright, Shelby?" she mocks, and Shelby shoots her a look of malice but it's missing it's usual edge.

"I'm fine." She's slurring. Shelby Goodkind is slurring her words hard, and Toni only wishes she had an Iphone to film this with instead of the cheap flip-phone she could barely afford.

"You don't sound fine." Toni's slurring, too, but she chugs her drink and doesn't think too hard about how plastered she is. She's never done a single thing drunk that she regretted in the morning and just like any other night, it isn't a concern now.

Shelby scoffs and pours another. "Like you care."

"Did you catch Andrew with his dick somewhere it wasn't supposed to be?" Toni prods, and Shelby sucks in a breath and then spins to face her like she's ready for another screaming match. But then they're looking at each other and their faces are clearly closer than Shelby anticipated, because her words die in her throat and she swiftly averts her gaze and turns away again. "I'll take that as a yes?" Toni smirks, very much enjoying that Shelby's clearly been sent into a little bit of a panic just from close proximity to a lesbian.

"He's with Becca, actually," Shelby bites out, still not looking at Toni. "She got sick so he's drivin' her home."

"Is that what they're telling you?" Toni jokes, not really meaning it, and this time when Shelby faces her again she doesn't back down.

"Seriously, what is wrong with you?" she snaps, and it catches Toni off-guard enough that now she's the one moving imperceptibly away. "You're, like, obsessed with my relationship." She storms off, and oh, no, Toni is not leaving things like that, not with Shelby getting away with that kind of implication.

"Hey!" she calls out, maneuvering through the crowd with an eye on Shelby, who disappears around the corner into a hallway. Toni stumbles out of the throng of teenagers just in time to see a door slam shut behind a blonde ponytail. She doesn't think before she marches right up to the door and throws it open.

Shelby's inside the guest bathroom alone, dousing her face with water, and when she turns off the faucet and rounds on Toni, her eyes still look angry. "What?" she asks loudly, and Toni glances back out into the hallway and thinks about it only briefly before she steps inside and locks the door behind herself, not wanting anyone to overhear this, because God forbid if anyone even thought for a second that there was even a chance she--

God. The thought is humiliating. Even momentarily entertaining it makes her sick to her stomach.

"I don't care about you and your stupid boyfriend," she says, "so whatever you're trying to, like, insinuate--"

Shelby's eyes go wide and she looks offended. "I'm not insinuatin' anythin'; you're the one who won't stop pickin' on me--"

"I pick on you? You can't be serious. Your boyfriend's fucking monkey-brained friends literally call me a dyke on the regular--"

"And that doesn't have anythin' to do with me, Toni."

"It does when you share their beliefs--"

"I never said I did, did I?"

"You never said you didn't and you're plenty rude to me anyway--"

"You're rude to me! I don't have any issues with you or Regan or anyone else--"

"Could've fooled me."

"Jesus Christ, Toni!" Shelby spits out, her voice an octave higher and her hand gripping the sink so hard her knuckles are white. Toni notices her face seems flushed, probably from the alcohol, and she looks like she might cry as she finishes, "All I want is for you to just leave me alone!"

Toni looks away first, trying her best to hide how unsettling it is to see Shelby losing it in such close proximity. For a moment, she actually feels sorry for her; her dad's a nutjob, from what Toni's heard, and her boyfriend sucking isn't technically Shelby's fault, even if she could just dump him, and maybe, if Toni digs deep and really tries hard enough, they can at least call some sort of truce--

And that's when everything Toni thinks she knows stops making sense. Because Toni's too lost in her own thoughts and isn't paying close attention to Shelby, and Shelby suddenly launches herself at Toni and crashes their mouths together hard, which goes over about as well as a nuclear bomb going off. Toni shoves her back before it's even a proper kiss, her eyes wide with shock and horror as she blurts, "What the fuck, Shelby?"

She isn't drunk enough for this. There might not be enough alcohol in the world to make Shelby Goodkind kissing her okay. Her mouth hangs open, frozen, as Shelby stares back at her with a swollen bottom lip, injured from her gross miscalculation. She's breathing hard and Toni doesn't know what the fuck is going on or what she should even say to that. Jesus Christ.

And Shelby just blinks, stares, and then fucking goes for it again, swollen lip and all.

Toni's ready for it this time, but she doesn't really want it, even if she's usually down for most things; still, she's so stunned that it's happening at all that she just sort of takes it, lets Shelby's lips find hers and then Shelby's kissing her and it's mostly one-sided: Toni's eyes are open and confused and she's still kind of horny from the whole Fatin thing, but no, no fucking way, that's definitely not happening. Not with Shelby, even if she is, momentarily, too shocked to do anything but let her have her one kiss.

Except it's kind of a long kiss. Shelby's definitely kissed Andrew, Toni knows, and apparently that's enough experience to make her, like, passably aware of what she's doing, and so Toni forces her eyes shut and tries not to think about the fact that it's Shelby working Toni's mouth open and slipping her tongue inside. Toni finally kisses her back and the ache between her thighs starts to get a little stronger. She tries not to think the sentence Shelby's turning me on and immediately sort of fails on principle.

No, this will not do.

She pushes Shelby away with less force and less shouting this time, but they're both breathing hard, and shit, Shelby actually looks fucking hot like this, all fucked up and unfocused and with her messy ponytail and her lips swollen from actual kissing now instead of the mishap. Shelby runs a hand over her hair, a little self-conscious, but her eyes never leave Toni's and Toni's mind is chugging along at a snail's pace, working through a fog of drunken arousal to try to make sense of this.

There's a chance she could fuck Shelby Goodkind in this bathroom and Shelby would just let her.

And that knowledge is what changes her mind, ultimately, because she isn't even sure if she's technically attracted to Shelby, and certainly Shelby isn't her type, and yes, she kind of loathes her, but Shelby seems to have gone temporarily insane or maybe the alcohol just finally has her unleashing sixteen years of sexual repression on the first person to come within a foot of her, but she's looking at Toni like she wants to kiss her again and Toni's gotten that look enough to be able to read it. And she can't help but think about tomorrow, about what it would be like to make Shelby lose her goddamn mind against the sink of Fatin's guest bathroom and then have them both know it happened regardless of how quickly Shelby slips back into her perfect little church girl routine.

Alright, she's one-hundred percent gonna fuck Shelby Goodkind in this bathroom, Toni decides, and then she pins Shelby hard against the sink and the whole thing is frantic, the way she touches Shelby as they make out, but also the way Shelby touches her, too. It's unexpected, the feel of Shelby's fake pageant nails scratching at her hips and the hem of her shorts, and it has her groaning into Shelby's mouth, but as horny as she is there's no way it's happening like that; this is going to be one-sided if Toni has anything to say about it. She tugs Shelby's top up and Shelby lets her, and it shocks Toni how so incredibly hot that is, hotter than getting a girl out of her clothes has ever been. Shelby's bra is plain and pink and Toni wants to take it off too but decides to prioritize Shelby's shorts instead.

Shelby doesn't really give her permission but doesn't stop her, either, just keeps on trying to taste the inside of Toni's mouth, which thankfully has been made a clean slate after Fatin by the alcohol, but it makes Toni feel like a fucking boss anyway, going down on Fatin and then winding up here with Shelby just fifteen minutes or so later. Shelby seems like there isn't much she'd mind, now, anyway; Toni feels up her chest over her bra once Shelby's shorts are off and she moans into Toni's mouth like it's the first time she's ever been touched there. There's a chance it is, but Toni certainly does not entertain that idea beyond a fleeting thought, and besides, Shelby's so down for this that it seems unlikely.

"Let me touch you," Toni demands more than asks, her hand skating down to toy with the edge of Shelby's underwear, but she waits for approval anyway and gets it in the form of Shelby literally reaching down and pushing Toni's hand into her underwear. Shelby's so wet, and fuck, Toni's so gay, she could be with any woman in the world and she'd still lose her breath every time at the first touch; it always feels intimate regardless of the person or the position, but even more so this way, with Shelby gripping her waist hard and whimpering directly into her mouth. "Fuck," she groans, fingers stroking quickly over Shelby until the other girl's a shuddering mess in her arms, and Toni eases off in case Shelby's already close to coming, pulling away from her mouth to get a good look at her.

She's fucking wrecked, her chest heaving and her eyes darker than the deep flush to her cheeks, and Toni keeps touching her gently while they look at each other. Shelby's eyes struggle to stay open and she moans when Toni's fingers draw circles around her and then slide down to tease at her entrance.

"Should I stop?" Toni asks her lowly, mostly because hearing Shelby egg her on might make her come on the spot, and Shelby must be sobering up just a little because she at least looks a little embarrassed to be shaking her head no. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Toni," Shelby warns, but it's breathy and completely nonthreatening, and it only turns Toni on more to hear Shelby sigh out her name. The reality of the situation washes over her not for the first time and she feels a wave of heat travel through her abdomen. She might be wetter than Shelby but she'd never tell her that.

It does make her take slight pity on Shelby; maybe this whole thing seems so utterly insane because Shelby doesn't usually do these kinds of things with anyone, let alone Toni, or maybe everything about her had felt so fake to Toni because she was actually a massive whore or something and she's just now finally getting around to Toni; but in case it's the first one and Shelby hasn't slept around much, Toni takes things slowly, pressing into Shelby with one finger and watching her eyes flutter shut as she gets used to the feeling. They're pressed too close for it to not feel intimate, but it's strange nonetheless for Toni, who's pretty sure they've only been this close once before and only because things were about to come to blows. That fight had happened a day after she'd caught Shelby's dad in the parking lot looking at Toni and expressing disappointment to Shelby that a school in the great state of Texas had so many students filled with sin.

The memory fuels her and she adds a second finger, but Shelby's breath hitches and she lets out a whispered "Ow" and Toni freezes, suddenly mortified.

"Fuck, I'm sorry--" she starts, but Shelby shakes her head and kisses Toni on the cheek, her breathing only a little shaky, and it's oddly sweet of her, Toni thinks.

"It's okay. Keep goin'."

Toni starts slow again, listening to Shelby's mouth by her ear for signs of discomfort or any sort of displeasure at all, but there are none; Shelby pants and moans and sighs and it isn't long before Toni picks up the pace, pressing into her hard and fast while Shelby gasps and whimpers into her ear and clutches at her sides to hold her close, her nails digging in with a little bite. Toni pins her more securely against the counter and tilts her head down to bite and suck at Shelby's neck, no longer being gentle with her, and Shelby's quiet moans climb higher in pitch until Toni's verifiably railing her against the sink like she'd hoped she could, and she can feel Shelby trying to hold back more sounds until suddenly she stiffens and comes, squeezing so hard around Toni's fingers that for a moment it hurts. Toni burns the memory of Shelby's head tilted back, neck exposed, body shuddering, into her mind so that she'll remember it forever.

Shelby's eyes are searching hers uncertainly when she refocuses, like she's waiting for Toni to say something but thinks it could wind up being literally any combination of words Toni knows. Toni swallows hard, ignoring the throbbing between her thighs, and with tens of thousands of words to choose from and an infinite number of ways to combine them, she settles on, "So that was weird." And then, because really, how much worse could it get, she adds, "I should probably go."

Then she extricates herself from Shelby and legitimately fucking dips without saying anything else, intent on leaving the party once she convinces Martha to come with her. As soon as she's home she knows she's got a memory to relive--she kind of just fucked Shelby's brains out and she feels like she should be given, like, a Presidential Medal for it or something.

It's a one-time thing, but God, she already knows she's never going to forget it.