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A Competent Poet's Love Story

Summary:

Three Seagrass has the genetics, temperament and training to achievement many things.
Political Intrigue, Information Gathering, Service and the occasional Poetry Contests, are chief amongst them.
There is no frame of reference for falling in love, or something akin to it, with the ambassador to a minor but geographically significant station.
Three Seagrass does the best she can to cope the new situation.
Mahit Dzmare is never dull even when she is so far away.

Notes:

Rereading this work has been a great escape during 2020 and COVID uncertainty.
This is my tiny tribute to the wonderful world and characters.
A challenge because the details are so intricate.
I am dyslexic, please be gentle with any corrections.

For:
strangesmallbard: I am having a love affair with the same books :) Wonderful Three Seagrass
queenlua: The 'Meeting 2e Asteroid?" line made me smile on a horrible day.
the_rck: Beautiful Reunion details

and to all the other writers in this slowly expanding fandom. I will finishing reading soon :-)

Work Text:

 

Petal was right about her motivation. 

 

There is still an indescribable sense of loss and long whenever Three Seagrass recalls her oldest friend. Even the most ambitious poets on Teixcalaan and winners of many oration contests cannot adequately articulate the depth of such absence. A strange notion considering the new court revolves around exploring new emotion in the succession crisis. The City is awash with ambitions poets seeking to redefine the idea of an epic. Three Seagrass has little time to indulgence such pursuits with her newly elevating rank and the demands of the Her Brilliance, Nineteen Adze. However, no political operative can avoid a working knowledge of the latest trends. 

 

Three Seagrass finds barbarians and the people who live outside or on the Empire's fringes to be genuinely fascinating and worthy of time and attention. However, the distance between academic interest and her spiralling feelings for Mahit Dzmare could fit the lines of only the most ambitious stanza. A poem well beyond the skill of Nine Maze. 

 

"Tread carefully, Reed. There are still plenty of enemies in play. We did our best, but there even hidden dangers in the grasses."  even imaginary Petal has the habit of a teasing her. 

 

The truth is Three Seagrass feels that she is in a holding pattern that even the best General or strategist couldn't break. In her small way in the Information Ministry, she helps rebuild an unsettled and unsettling Empire. It isn't easy to do so without the presence of her two closest friends, although perhaps she would use a different set of descriptors for them both. Petal is as close as siblings of both blood and inclination. She hopes that he and his family were aware of the level of intimacy and connection. 

 

Mahit Dzmare occupies a unique position that defies easy or ready description. Certainly years of training and anticipation for such a post did not prepare her in the slightest for the eventual reality. Still, Three Seagrass enjoys the challenge of trying to build a language for her time with the woman who was so briefly in the City. 

 

"I miss you and lament our loss of time together. My words weren't strictly true; my respect and admiration do not change with the distance between us or your loyalty to the station and its representation. By asking you to stay or at least acting as lure for that outcome, I would diminish who you are as a person fundamentally, even if you chose to take the name Nine Orchid or something similar in the long run." 

 

There is nobody to listen to Three Sea Grass's musing. Her efforts to sweep for bugs or listening devices is extensive, especially with the new Sunlit. 

**

Infofiche Sticks 

Three Seagrass is aware she is disappointingly sentimental in her efforts to choose glyphs and mail designs that she will never send in all likelihood. 

 

Her birth, naming, childhood and progression into adulthood remain all part of a diligent plan for a life of service. There were occasional anomalies like her friendship with Twelve Azalea. As a general rule, her path to successful asekretia remains free from division. Serving as a liaison to a foreign ambassador sates her secret, unrelenting thirst for knowledge of barbarians. There is no need to get caught up in the imitations and love stories that favour the feeds. Red Flowerbud for Thirty Ribbon has its place, but there were limits. 

 

Still, Three Seagrass studies the measures to get and receive secure communication from Lsel Station. Mahit Dzmare (and her Imago companion) are still technically the Ambassador to Teixcalaan, if in name only. Three Seagrass is enjoying the disconcerting favour of the Empress. Yet there are limits to the liberties one could take, especially with the political upheaval and reputation damage the ministries are trying to repair. 

 

"To the best of my knowledge I am not retraining you in the City indefinitely, am I Three Seagrass?" The Empress asks almost conversationally. 

 

Three Seagrass still isn't accustomed to her semi-regular meetings with this glorious being; Nineteen Adze was intimating enough as a mere member of her predecessor's inner circle. Official power has only formalised her influence and reach. Three Seagrass is a relatively minor functionary in The City and has no desire to become more, yet. 

 

"No, Your Brillance is most generous with the opportunities you afford me and the Ministery of Information as a whole." Three Sea Grass replies formally before taking a hesitant sip of tea. 

 

"Such clumsy flattery is beyond somebody of your rank and training, Three Sea Grass. From all accounts, you are working diligently in your new role. However, you do not seek permission to visit Lsel Station or inquire about our ambassador's activities?" The Empress asks, sounding something close to genuinely curious. 

 

"There are many more immediate matters to my attention, both personally and professionally. Most notably the funeral rights for Twelve Azala. Our relations with Lsel remain cordial do they not, usually so for, a region with significant historical unrest?" Three Sea Grass asks, keeping her voice polite and neutral. 

 

"Considering it's standing and past events, that station is the least of my perpetual headaches. Lsel may even be the subject of some halfway decent poetry in the next contest. You should not abandon your interest in that region entirely. We can still learn much from the people and place." The Empress says almost absently to herself. 

 

Three Sea Grass wills herself not to react, that instinct physiological reaction that Mahit talks about in the presence of such power. The Empress isn't saying anything especially unusual but also shares the connection of two people profoundly influenced by the ambassadors from a relatively minor station. Maybe, Three Sea Grass will use some of the expensive glyphs with the intact star patterns after all. There is a small collection in her person safe, each more glittery and a sentimental. Sadly, the words do not come as easily as the impulse to have many pretty message cases ready to go at a moment's notice. 

 

"I will take the room to breathe when we have the option, Your Brilliance, let you advised long ago." Three Seagrass agrees, adding a touch of feeling and happiness into her tone. 

 

Naturally, the new Empress or one of her many aides would find a way to intercept or read any communications. Nineteen Adze will have any expansive spy network in the Information Ministry. The Censor Office is working overtime to shape the narrative about Six Direction and the political unrest. Not that there will be anything worth tracking in any hypothetical communications. They aren't at the point in their theoretical relationship to warrant anything, of course, much less a personal cypher. Something to consider for the future, though. 

 

***

Shape 

 

Mahit Dzmare was the Lsel Ambassador during a uniquely turbulent time.

 

Three Seagrass is not the only one to feel the effects of her departure and its implication. Lsel Station is or was a territory of relatively minor importance to the Empire overall. However, the last two ambassadors were the instigators of profound change and upheaval, even accidentally. Mahit will no doubt scoff at such a characterisation. She would no doubt compose a stanza or two about remaining hopeless leave in the winds of fate. 

 

They both took the sensible path by walking away from the possibility of more back then. The notion of 'forbbiden love' is almost offensively impractical. Mahit has her loyalties, and Three Seagrass has her duties. Few poets alive could write a workable conclusion to satisfy Three Seagrass's logical mind, not that anyone with an affliction with the City will try. There are reminders of Mahit everywhere, even if it is within the places that Three Seagrass wanted to take her but didn't get the chance. 

 

Three Seagrass misses the shape of her days when she was a liaison. The wordplay and newness of showing her home to another person. She was right in her assessment about the level of excitement, even if this new role is a promotion. There is no tall person to scan the crowds or feel a surge of pride to stand beside. 

 

"Perhaps the Empress will see fit to demand her return?" is the thought that occupies Three Seagrass more than once. 

 

Three Seagrass is not selfish enough to reach out directly. Mahit faces great conflict, and Three Sea Grass does not want to add to the burdens. There is romantic idealism, and then there is plain foolishness. Few have the skill, bravery or recklessness of Nine Maze if Mahit's predecessor is a shining example of what can go wrong when emotions get in the way. Not that she and Mahit were ever in danger of being in such position of influence, or sharing such a complicated reality. The example parallel still stands because Three Seagrass is an operative of The City, and Mahit will always have other loyalties. 

 

Sometimes, in her private quarters', she mimics some of the gestures and movements that Mahit taught her without trying. There is something meaningful about the way she sweeps her wrist or folds her hands in a greeting. Her smaller frame means the true gestures a difficult, but the practice makes Three Sea Grass happy and content. Some of the foreign postures give Three Sea Grass an irrational sense of confidence and closeness. As if she has an ambassador to greet and trade barbs within the morning. 

 

There are worst people for Three Sea Grass could emulate, Fourteen Spire is a prime example. 

 

 

***

Physiology

 

Three Seagrass can admit to finding the notion of the Lsel Station's imago system in turns frightening and fascinating. 

 

While she cannot claim the instinctive medical fascination that almost choose Petal's career path, Three Seagrass still wonders at the concept. In truth, she has no more intuitive understanding than she did when helping Mahit invent that 'death ritual' to distract Nineteen Aaze. Despite living through the uncertainty of Mahit's risky surgery and her tenuous attempts to explain the state of her mind. There are so many uncertainties that come along with such burdens. There wasn't time to ask probing or insightful questions. or more accurately listening to Petal ask the said questions in all their time serving together. Now that time of relative harmony is lost. 

 

Still, Three Seagrass cannot deny that her time with Mahit affected her on a physiological level. The seizure and its lingering effects can only account for so much. The medical staff assure Three Seagrass that this common event is relatively minor. She still feels the lingering effects in her fingers and chest sometimes. Occasionally her cloud hock flickers at odd times. Maybe these are the physiological ghosts that Mahit spoke of occasionally. 

 

Three Seagrass is practical enough to admit that it is missing Mahit Dzmare and is going through mourning largely in private. It is not as if she can share her experiences with my fellow asekretim or friends at the Information Ministry. There wasn't the time or the methods to bring anyone else into confidence. The public mourning is for Petal (as it should be). The absence of Mahit and would have almost been being, something for me alone. 

 

Three Seagrass clings to the sense memory, with the aid of her cloud hock's recording feature. The generic reproductions (or what she is allowed to keep after careful Censor Office review) are comprehensive but lack the depth of feeling. 

 

The ghost of Mahit Dzmare lingers at her side; Three Seagrass finds herself lengthening her strides subconsciously. The mail and political poetry suddenly feel far less interesting without Mahit's commentary or strange humour. Her dreams centre around the feel of Mahit's lips even though she has only a few points of reference. There isn't strictly any reason for her to subscribe to Lesel feeds or collection facts about the station like a child with an assignment. Three Seagrass does so almost without conscious thought. It aches all the more than Twelve Azala isn't here to tease her about such quirks of nature. 

 

Three Seagrass is careful not to talk about these little quirks of neurophysiology and emotion with anyone. The political situation is still chaotic (even under such a strong guiding hand). The different competing factions looking for leverage or inroads. Three Seagrass would be a relatively minor but important target, much like Lsel Station. 

***

Poetry 

 

Mahit Dzmare is far from a barbarian, even if the term became something of an affectionate nickname. 

 

There was and remains such uncertainty around the appointment of a new ambassador from Lsel Station. There was such mystery surrounding the death of Yskandr Aghavn that it is difficult to imagine what this new figure will be like, not that Three Seagrass could rely on a through a briefing about such things. She was high enough for such a position but far from senior sufficient to receive a briefing on all the intricacies. Mahit Dzmare is a revelation, a confounding being, but still a wonder. 

 

Her grasp and appreciation of poetry and the political verses is the first thing that strikes Three Seagrass. Sure, there are the obvious marks of an outsider, but Mahit puts in more effort than some of the native-born students. Even after the hostile Sunlit and the disaster with Fifteen Engine and assassination. Mahit still, works to understand the culture and ways. Three Seagrass wishes that they had more moments like that first dinner working through the pile of info graphs and Glyphs. There was no trust or intimacy yet, but something was building between them. 

 

Mahit Dzmare is everything that Seagrass hopes for when she accepts the position and nothing like she expects, with her every action defying convention. Their time together inspires poetry (in all forms) almost so that Three Seagrass itches to write in the evening. Simultaneously, she struggles to commit to transcribing her inner musings; they feel too wild and uncharacteristically expansive. It is the strangest creative affliction Three Seagrass has ever known to strike a citizen of Teixcalaan. It is unlikely she will go to the medical facilities to investigate such a complaint. 

 

Three Sea Grass writes scraps of verses about a distant friend caught on the edge of space, with many duties to her name. The records of Lsel station are only marginally useful. 

 

Three Sea Grass plays with rhythm and structure when imagining her longings for her close companion. None of the famous poets is particularly helpful when defining the shape and texture of her relationship with Mahit Dzmare. 

 

Three Sea Grass takes an inappropriate amount of pride in one particular poem that mimics Elven Lathe's pattern, outlining the dispatches of being a liaison and Asekreta during a time of great unrest. Nobody will see such arrogance, but it still makes her smile. 

 

Three Sea Grass challenges herself to the hardest conventions when she composes a tribute poem to Petal, Mahit and their brief time as a friend triad. This work isn't for any official ceremony or reading, but Three Sea Grass wants to express the memories. The final product has as many sharp edges as her grief but the tenderness of time and life worth living. She would send it to Mahit if she had more faith in the mail system. 

 

***

Paradigm Shift 

 

Three Seagrass does not have the makings of a revelationary. 

 

Of course, it is logical to assume that there isn't an exact formula for producing such an individual. There is a complex interplay of genetics, environmental pressures and conviction. Her family was tradition and gave this trait to their offspring, right down to her name. Three Seagrass losses out on all fronts; she is proudly a product of the system and enjoys working in her small way to improve function. The rebellion in the Odile System and the insistent propaganda on the walls is nothing but a minor irritation. 

 

Still, the eventuality of gaining and losing Mahit Dzmare and her unique perspective does change Three Seagrass in small but fundamental ways. The succession crisis brought an almost predictable level of chaos, infighting and challenges to ancient loyalties. In combination with her developing friendship with Mahit cannot help but shape how Three Seagrass views the world. Her life aspects that were the most solid seem fallible, and she finds strength in the most unusual places. If she can the time or the inclination, such a premise would be the foundation of a lifetime memory poem. 

 

" I am not entirely sure the Sunlit upgrades are worth the expense and rewiring. There still seems to be plenty of unrest and propaganda in the streets." Ten Iron, a more conservative colleague, says uncertainly over lunch. 

 

"It is better to have some restrictions than face the upheaval of last year, trust me when I speak from experience. My corneas are still recovering from my first encounter." Three Seagrass is careful to keep her voice and expression bland. 

 

"There is efficiency and then the pretending at the title of such." Ten Iron points out. 

 

The conversation is not a true debate, nor is anybody taking particular contentious stances. Three Seagrass enjoys the fact she can still play a relatively minor functionary, even if it is in form rather than reality. 

***

 

Friendship 

 

Twelve Azalea is causing trouble, even in death. 

 

Three Seagrass almost drops the Glyphs when they appear in her private quarters in one of the more affluent neighbourhoods. Her rather conspicuous rise is the source of some speculation and ranker, but she remains on decent enough terms with most. Enough there is no reason to fear that her extensive security features around mail will not hold, the distinctive swirling loops that could belong to no one else still feel like a threat of a different kind. Mainly a danger to her carefully constructed largely solitary life. It takes her several hours and cups of tea to summon the courage to break the seals. 

 

"Only a familiar wind can chart an uncertain course."  is a scrap of bare poetry is at the top of the neat pile. 

 

The words barely qualify as a cypher, and the rest of the contents lays out Petal's opinions as plainly as any words. Their long friendship means that he is willing to take certain liberties that others would not dream of doing. Somewhere between the danger, intrigue and unrest, he found time to make certain observations about he is Reed. The package of information is the work of more than a few hours. 

 

Inside is everything she would need to plan a personal trip to Lsel Station to visit an old friend. Everything from flight timetables, her old calendar of main appointments and a few generic level requests to run by her superiors at the Ministry for Information. There is even an overview of the Station and what to expect as a visitor from the City. A few of the comments have Petal's humour and teasing wit. Of course, some of his knowledge is painfully old on account of his death. The basic bones of a trip are there. 

 

"Why are you inferring so, Petal? You know very well why Mahit and I made the choices we did. Not everyone can afford your reckless bravery, my dearest friend."

 

If Twelve Azala were here in the flesh, he would talk about wanting to see her happy, needing to make up for their minor disagreements. He may even argue, using iambic parameters, that he knows her better than she knows herself, sighting their long friendships and trials. She would have a rational counter-argument if only his familiar presence were here in the flesh. Mahit's imago technology is only rarely enviable. 

 

 

***

 

"It is wonderful to have you at Lesel Station, Asekreta Three Seagrass."

 

Three Seagrass does her best to remain calm as she follows Mahit through the station's daunting corridors. It is not the time or place for a more intimate conversation, that can drop all the titles and honorifics. Both of them work too hard at their respective positions to betray themselves now or draw unforgivable attention. There is rather a stark role reversal from Mahit's first few memorable hours in The City. Lesel Station couldn't present more of a contrast, even the reports and pictures could not do the difference justice. 

 

"Once we settle your belongings into the guest quarters, I will give you are tour. There will be few of the wonders of the Jewel of the Empire. but enough attractions to sate your curiosity for things barbarian." Mahit's lip curls in that way that is unique to her. 

 

Her tall friend is carefully matching their strides together, even though Three Seagrass is the oddity with her small, slim features. If it weren't for Mahit's steady presence, Three Seagrass would find people, and they're easy displays of emotion intimating. They are walking too closely together to be strictly professional colleagues but not in the way of lovers. Three Seagrass is glad she, after much deliberation, went for unremarkable travel clothes that are generic to this part of the galaxy. It was safer, even if there weren't opportunities to impress Mahit.

 

Does former Ambassador Aghavn have an opinion on my relatively surprise visit?" Three Seagrass asks with something between amusement and dread. 

 

"He believes we should sell the rights of our story to the highest bidder amongst the romantic literary set. Yskandr thinks you did a creditable job at playing the political game to rise this far." Mahit carries that faraway look that comes with Imago communication. 

 

"I would prefer if we draw our conclusion without the option for public opinion if it's all the same to him. My relationship aspirations are not as lofty or as world-changing as he became. Enough of my life is subject to speculation as it is, some parts must remain." Three Seagrass insists primly. 

 

Mahit smiles in a unique mixture of her species and Teixcalaani, she doesn't bother to share whatever her mind companion says in return. In turn, Three Seagrass makes a study of all the people surrounding them and hour each of the interactions. There are layers of intimacy that unravel so openly. Everyone seems to treat Mahit with a weary and respectful distance. Still, she is grateful to reach the relative anonymity of the quarters, spartan as they were.  

 

"Twenty Eight." Mahit says abruptly before the room door is entirely shut. 

 

"Are you still debating your hypothetical Teixcalaani name? I could offer some suggestions if you are losing your sentimental attachment to Nine Orchid?" Three Seagrass offers no bothering to keep the laugher from her voice. 

 

"Thank you for the offer. The number refers to my attempts to write a poem for you that comes anyway close to describing my feelings. It made me feel like that useless Stationer at a poetry contest. All the books and studying the world cannot prepare me for a simple..." Mahit travels off gesturing to familiar books lining the wall. 

 

"Mahit, do not judge yourself so harshly. The Empire's standards are not meant for outsiders, even those who meet all the application requirements." Three See Grass worries that she sounds patronising, but the words are sincere. 

 

"There are many words for as to say both as Ambassador and Asecterta, but for the moment can we agree on one non-pollical truth?" Mahit tone and expression is all Stationer now. 

 

Three Seagrass forgoes the opportunity to think up an appropriate response, or to stare the topic to safer ground. Mahit invades her personal space in a shockingly savage way. Three Seagrass is aware of the last time they were in this proximity. To the best of her knowledge, nothing was dragging either of them away, and the eyes of the Empire were not directly paying attention. Three Sea Grass may not have experience in such matters, but the next steps are predictable. She lets her body fall into the strange body language that Mahit presents, willing contact over such a time apart. 

 

"We are excellent, almost fucking brilliant at the kissing thing?" Mahit challenges her voice low and intense. 

 

"It would seem appropriate to continue our tradition of acknowledging notions that are terrible ideas and impractical but lovely all the same. Give me the rest of the trip and I will compose passable stanza on the concept." Three Seagrass offers with a breathless chuckle. 

 

"As long as I get the first and only screening, public contests don't sit with them my clumsy, Barbarian attributes." 

 

"Hush. I won't let you misconstrue the words. If Twelve Azala, Petal, taught me anything is was to be braver and take the moments when they come.." Three Seagrass leans in for another kiss.