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Even If I Could Turn Back Time [I Am Sure I'd Pick You Every Time]

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Tine was feeling a little anxious.


Okay he was feeling very anxious. How could he not? P’Dim and Green’s argument had ruined his entire plan for his and Wat’s anniversary. Tine had planned to take Wat to the beach and sing a song he wrote for him as a gift, but alas P’Dim and Green refused to sort out their lover’s quarrel. Their fight seemed so endless that he had given up all hopes of even celebrating his anniversary until Ohm and Fong showed up.


Ohm and Fong knew that Tine would chicken out even if he didn’t have a valid reason. Tine was anyway very nervous about doing it and this reasoning had seemed like a perfect cop-out, but Ohm and Fong were having none of it. They were adamant on Tine doing this for his lover. So they set up a nice outdoor seating area and made a fool-proof plan to get Wat there, not paying attention to any of Tine’s excuses.


Tine knew he practiced the song well. He worked day and night for this, first to create the song, then to memorise the chords and finally to perfect his voice. He knew he was fully prepared for this, but there was still a bout of nervousness pooling in his gut. He had been waiting for this moment for a while and now that it was finally here, he didn’t know what to do. He felt a panic set deep within his soul with thoughts of him screwing up the chords or his voice breaking or Wat not liking the lyrics, and other various unreasonable scenarios. Tine paced around the two beach chairs Ohm and Fong had set up, trying to calm himself down.


That’s when he heard the familiar sound of Wat’s laugh. He loved that sound so much. He automatically felt a little more at ease, knowing that it was just Sarawat, his boyfriend of one year, the love of his life, the guy he wants to spend the rest of his life with, his soulmat—Okay you get the point.


“Tineeee there you are! Ohm and Fong said you had to show me something? Are you okay, why do you look so panicked?” Wat’s voice pulled Tine out of his daydream.


“Don’t worry, I’m okay!” Tine replied, he avoided Wat’s gaze and instead turned his gaze towards his idiotic friends, he continued, “Thanks for bringing him here guys.” Even though they’d been together for a year and he should probably be used to it by now, Wat always looked at him with so much love in his eyes that Tine feels overcome with emotion if he stares back, thus resorting to totally avoiding Wat’s eyes.


Ohm and Fong gave Tine animated thumbs up behind Wat’s back, before speeding away towards the villa. Tine took a shaky breath, turning back towards Wat and giving him a smile. He was trying to seem as calm as possible so as to not make Wat worry for him, he anyway worried way too much about Tine. The Fight^tm had also definitely put everyone, Wat and Tine included, on edge all day.


“Come, sit down next to me,” Tine pointed towards the chairs and sat down. Wat settled in next to him, looking at Tine expectantly.


“So? What did you wanna talk about?”


Tine took another shaky breath, and picked up the guitar he had hid under a towel. Placing it neatly on his lap, he spoke in his best professional voice, “I wanted to do something special for our anniversary, so I prepared a song for you. Please sit back and enjoy!”


Sarawat smiled gently at him and sat down facing him as Tine started strumming the guitar softly. Sarawat already had a vague idea that this must be about their anniversary the second Ohm and Fong came to get him.


Truth be told, he already had something planned but he was very curious to know what Tine had prepared. That’s what made Wat ditch his own plans and keep them for some other time. He found it really adorable that his little buffalo prepared something for him, because no one had ever done something like that for him.


The thing was, Sarawat had always been a very romantic person. He loved love, and everything that came with it. He had loved all his exes, granted not nearly as much as he loved Tine, but the love was still there. For him, love was something he had always wanted, but had never thought he deserved. Which is why he was so content by just being Tine’s friend a year ago, because he assumed that he wasn’t worthy of his love.


It took him quite some time to accept the fact that Tine truly loved him even after they started dating. He always knew that he loved Tine, which wasn’t news to literally anyone who ever met him. That wasn’t all though, he didn’t just love Tine, he was in love with the boy. It was something he hadn’t felt for any of his past lovers. The best part of it all was that Tine was equally in love with him.


Wat’s lover cared so deeply about him, that it would show in his eyes every time he looked at him. It made him want to always stare into those gorgeous eyes, and drown in the immense feeling of adoration he saw in them. Tine’s gentle voice pulled him out of his deep thoughts.


“For someone, I get to meet for the first time
Some words are suddenly clear in my heart
Those words are telling me you are the right one
I can’t even find the reasons”


Wat couldn’t help but think about the first time he saw Tine and immediately felt a strong pull towards him. It was bizarre, how just one look at a person he had never met before, made him feel so deeply attracted towards him. It really was fate that they ended up together.


The emotions he felt in his heart at that moment were what kept him going; continue searching for this boy who stole his heart in just one look. Sarawat wasn’t sure if he would even like this person’s personality upon finding him, but he still kept going. It was as if his heart knew about his destiny long before he did.


“For someone, who is not like the person in my dream
But you know what? It must be you
Just you that’s all it takes
To stop me right here with you”


He remembers the day when Tine told him that he was straight, into girls and had no feelings for boys. He understood in that moment that he couldn’t be Tine’s lover, that he was not the boy of Tine’s dreams in the way that Tine was of Wat’s dreams. He understood this and learnt to accept it, being Tine’s friend was much better to him than being nobody to him.


But alas, Tine did fall for him. Even when no one, not even Tine, had expected it. He doesn’t really know what changed Tine’s mindset about his sexuality or the person in his dream, but he does know that he did have a huge part to play in it.


“Even if I could turn back time
I am sure I’d pick you every time
I know it right away at the first glance at you
You’re the one I’ve been waiting for
You don’t need to be like the person in my dream
Being who you are is already enough
The one who stands right beside me and ready to walk together
If I’m asked who is good enough for me
That person must be you”


Sarawat couldn’t help but tear up a little. All his life, he has felt like he was undeserving of love. He felt that he wasn’t worthy of Tine’s love at all, but here Tine was, telling him openly that Wat is the only one good enough for him. Years and years of feeling not enough, and Tine can just ease it with just a sentence?


The unimaginable amount of love he suddenly felt for the boy sitting in front of him was something he could never put into words. The emotion ran so deep within him it actually scared him. Tine not only held the key to his heart, but also his soul, his mind, his everything. He overpowered everything that Wat is, has ever been. Yet he has never once felt stuck, or trapped. Instead, he felt free. He felt so free that he was willing to take the biggest of risks, as long as he had his Tine right next to him.


“One song may not be enough
But someone wants you to hear
I may not say the word love
But you feel it, right?

Even if I could turn back time
I am sure I’d pick you every time
I know it right away at the first glance at you
You’re the one I’ve been waiting for
You don’t need to be like the person in my dream
Being who you are is already enough
The one who stands right beside me and ready to walk together
If I’m asked who is good enough for me
That person must be you”


Tine softened the sound of the guitar to a low whisper and sang sweetly, peering deep into Sarawat’s eyes. A wide smile was ever-present on his lips and his brown eyes were filled with unshed tears. He poured as much of his love as he could into his final lines.


“If I’m asked who is good enough for me
That person must be you”


The couple stared deeply into each other’s eyes as they let the profound sense of happiness engulf them in a bubble. Wat leaned in slowly and put his hands on Tine’s shoulder.


“That was beautiful. Thank you so much for that, you tua woon wai,” he whispered between them. Tine blushed a deep shade of pink before pulling Wat towards him and smashing their lips together.


They moved in a practiced tandem, steady yet yearning for more. Wat put his hands in Tine’s hair as Tine’s snaked around his waist. They were trying to be as close to each other as physically possible. Moving as if he was in a trance, Wat prodded his tongue on Tine’s lips repeatedly, trying to get him to open his mouth and deepen the kiss. This pulled Tine back into reality and he remembered that his gift was, in fact, not over as of yet. He pushed Wat back lightly and stared at him.


“Not in public please, you know how we can get.”


“oh come on, there’s no one here tine, it’s just you and I. Who cares about ‘how we get’?”


“Waaaaat. We can do that later as well, let’s not ruin the moment right now”


“P’Dim and Green will surely ruin the moment later either way...” Wat mumbled to himself. He took Tine’s hands in his and gave him his best pleading eyes.


Tine’s resolve was just about to crumble when Wat exclaimed, “Tine! Why are there so many cuts on your fingers? Did you practice a lot for today? Aww my little buffalo, you wait here I’ll go get some band-aids!”


He didn’t give Tine any chance to protest as he ran off immediately, probably to harass the hotel staff into finding some band-aids for him. Tine shook his head fondly at his boyfriend’s antics. God, he loved that boy.


Wat’s sudden absence gave Tine some time to ponder and revisit the past one year of their relationship. He can’t believe that they really ended up together after all the drama. He couldn’t thank the Gods enough for giving him someone as good as Wat.


He feels so utterly safe with his boyfriend. He considers Sarawat to be his safe haven. No one and no place can ever give him the sense of home as well and as easily as the shorter boy can. Gone are the times when home to Tine meant a place with four walls and a roof, now home just means brown eyes and goofy smiles and lame jokes and late night guitar sessions. He can’t really put a finger on when exactly this change within him occurred, all he knows is that it happened somewhere along the way.


Tine could be feeling the lowest of the low, he could be having the worst day in the history of ever, but one look at his lover and he knows that everything is going to be alright eventually. Even if everything doesn’t turn out to be okay in the end, he knows he’ll have Wat standing right by him even as it all blows up. He wonders if this is what having a life-partner really feels like.


Sarawat came back running and screaming, “I finally found some band-aids,” he halted next to Tine’s chair and sat down with him before continuing, “Can you believe a hotel this huge and popular, doesn’t have a first aid kit on the go? I mean, what will they do during emergencies? Pray?”


“It’s okay, Wat. It’s like nearly midnight here, maybe they are all too tired and sleepy to remember where they put it.” Tine offered.


“Yes yes, useless hotel staff.” Wat started opening the band-aids and putting them on Tine’s fingers as carefully as possible. He was acting as if Tine had a huge deadly wound or something. Tine shook his head lightly, something he seems to be doing a lot when in Wat’s presence.


Sarawat was smiling. He was thinking of all the times he has put band-aids on Tine’s fingers before. “What are you smiling about mister?” Tine asked him just as he got done with his right-hand fingers.


“Just thinking about how many times I will have to do this in my life after we get married. It seems to me that you like to get band-aids put by me hmm?” He answered, smirking. He looked up, expecting to see Tine playfully sulking, but instead he was met with the sight of his boyfriend smiling fondly at him. “Why are you smiling like that?”


“Option 1 or option 2?” Tine asked, still smiling at him. Wat looked at him puzzled for a second and then eventually said, “You can’t just steal my line like that, tua woon wai.”


“Uff Wat just answer the question? Please?”


After he pretended to teasingly think for a while, he answered, “Option 1.” Suddenly Tine’s entire expression changed from fondness to pure nervousness. Sarawat shrugged and started applying band-aids to his other hand.


“Marry me?” came a whisper.


Wat knew Tine was joking with him, getting back at him for all the times that he has done this to him in the past. “Ha ha, very funny, did not laugh.” He retorted without looking up.


“No, really, marry me?” was Tine’s reply.



This time Wat looked up, ready with a sarcastic reply on his tongue, when his gaze fell on Tine’s right hand. It was in front of his face, palm stretched out to show a box sitting inside it. Wat dropped Tine’s other hand from his grasp and stared at Tine with his mouth hanging open.


Tine grabbed the lid of the box, and opened it to reveal that yes, there was, in fact, a ring in there. Wat couldn’t do anything but stare at Tine in disbelief. Was Tine joking with him right now?


“Before you ask, no I am not messing with you. I know we’re really young and still in college right now, but I just really, really want to marry you. So I thought this could be like a long engagement, we can get married after we graduate, or even later if we want. But by accepting this ring, we vow to each other that we will get married to only each other. So I’m asking you again, will you marry me?” said Tine.


Sarawat could hear his heartbeat ringing in his ears as he clung onto every word leaving Tine’s mouth. He didn’t even have to think of an answer. He already knew that he wanted to be Tine’s forever, in this birth and the next and in all births he ever has.


“Of course I’ll marry you,” although Sarawat’s demeanour seemed calm, his shaky voice was a dead giveaway on how nervous and overwhelmed he truly was.



Tine’s smile got even wider, if possible. He took the ring out of the box and slid it on Wat’s finger. He stared at his boyfriend- no, fiancé with pure adoration. He knew his plan to propose to Sarawat was spontaneous and frankly only made possible because of Fong and Ohm, but there was not even an ounce of doubt in Tine’s heart that Sarawat would say yes.



They sat quietly murmuring amongst themselves throughout the night, looking out into the ocean and playing soft music on the guitar. It was their first night together as fiancés, and they made the most of it.


It was on the bus ride home the next morning when Ohm and Fong slid up next to Tine.


“So? What happened last night? Did he say yes?” Asked Ohm, as excited as a puppy that had just been given a new toy. His loud voice garnered the attention of Green, who was sitting right in front of him.


“What are you guys talking about?” Green inquired, looking back at the three friends.


“Tine proposed to Wat last night! We want to know Wat’s answer.” Fong answered, barely able to hold in his excitement. As expected, Green screamed so loud that the entire bus had their attention suddenly on them. “What did he say what did he say!!! I wanna know Tine!!!”


“Calm down Green, everyone is looking at us.” Sarawat answered, who had been silently spectating this whole debacle from the seat next to Tine’s, “I think this will answer your question though.”


He raised his hand high enough so that Green and everyone around them could see his ring shining prettily under the sun. ‘The next few hours of the trip are going to be a disaster’ Tine thought to himself, as nearly everyone around them burst out into overjoyed screams or choruses of congratulations.


By the time the couple made it back into their ‘love nest’, they were both thoroughly exhausted. Both from the actual trip and also from the numerous conversations they had to hold with all their classmates about the proposal. Tine was flattered that so many people cared about him and his fiancé, but it was getting a bit tiring to be the centre of attention the entire time. He wondered how Sarawat handled it every day if he couldn’t even sit through it for a couple of hours.


Tine looked at Sarawat as they went to put their bags down in their room. He had a far off look on his face as he settled down at the foot of the bed. Tine went and sat next to him and asked, “What are you thinking about?”


“Well...” Sarawat drifted off thoughtfully, as he often did when he didn’t know how to put his thoughts into words, “I was wondering something... Last night, back at the beach, you had asked me to choose between option 1 or option 2, and I chose option 1, right?”




“Well I was wondering what you would have done if I had chosen option 2 instead?”


“Well isn’t the answer obvious? Option 1 was that I ask you to marry me, option 2 was that I ask you if I can marry you.” Tine answered confidently. He glanced as Wat to see that he had a weird smile on his face.


“You pulled a Sarawat.” Tine stared at Sarawat with a perplexed expression as he tried to make sense of that sentence. When his brain proved to be useless at the moment, he inquired.


“What do you mean by that? What did I do?”


“Oh I just meant how you did everything just the way I would have.”


“Such as...?”


“Such as writing and performing a song, asking me to choose between option 1 and 2, even though both the option result in you asking whether we should get married, and then asking me to marry you. It’s literally what I would do.” Sarawat grinned before continuing, “Clearly I am the best at romance, thus you had to copy my ideas to propose to me.”


Tine smiled at him sweetly, “Yes yes, you are the King of romance.” This garnered him a satisfied smirk from the other boy. “But there is one thing...” Tine trailed off as he put his arms around Sarawat, “that I haven’t done yet that you would definitely do.” The smirk in Tine’s voice was audible.


“And that is?” Sarawat gave Tine a knowing smile, already being aware of what Tine was going to do next. Tine pulled him close before whispering in his ears.



“Kiss you till you drop.”