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Snatched

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Lucifer sits quietly after his abductors bind both his wrist with steel locks and then removes his gag. He taps his feet impatiently, waiting for these fools to tell him what they want. He could just stand up and squeeze it out of them, but it’s still too early. 

“Are you Mazikeen Smith?” The Devil looks on, unperturbed. After all, he did give out his mobile phone’s password so that they could get in touch with his colleagues. 

“You're not Lucifer.” 

“We have him. If you don't pay us, we'll kill him.” 

Really,” The demon drags the last syllable, thinking how absurd their claim is. There’s no way he’s —

“Hello, Maze-y.” The club owner responds because he knows his demon would need evidence. 

“There’s your proof.” Leo, one of the kidnappers, added, thinking all the while that this would be an easy transaction.

Maze snorts and replies, “Well, have fun when you're done playing possum! And I don't mean you.” The demon tells Leo, then drops the call. 

Leo doesn’t linger for long and proceeds to dial the next number from Lucifer's recent call list. 

Maze isn't that concerned, but she already has her King's location and could make an appearance at a moment's notice. The demon is confident she could sit this one out, though.  


“Daniel Espinoza?” Leo says after being given the douche’s real name. 

“Who are you?” 

“We have Lucifer Morningstar. If you don't pay up, we'll kill him!” 

“Yeah, right.” 

Dan groans and hangs up at what he considers one of the many pranks Lucifer has played on him ever since he pulled that trigger. 

Even though it's annoying, it's harmless, and Dan allows it if only to make up for that mishap, and perhaps, in the future, they could become bracelet bros again. 

Leo frowns and shakes his head at the club owner, and then hands over the phone to Brian to dial the next number, thinking the latter would have better luck.


“Dr. Martin, we have Lucifer —” 

“Okay…? And?” 

“What?” 

“I mean, what do you want me to say?” 

“That you'll pay up in exchange for his life?” 

“Uhhh, one: he's immortal. Two: he has more money than God. A piece of advice? Brace for impact. It's gonna get real ugly soon.”

“What?” 

Linda sighs, “Don't say I didn't warn ya.” then presses the end call button on her screen. 

The therapist considers calling Maze or Chloe or even Amenadiel but decides against it, assessing that the Devil's kidnappers are simpletons. Which means he wouldn't require assistance. 

"Hello?" Brian says on the other line but is met with a click, a clear indication that they've been cut off again. 

Jesus Christ. That's the third one today in their captive’s contacts that brushed them off. 

“Why don’t you try my partner?” Lucifer offers, and his captors don't even object. The club owner even tells them that the Detective is on his speed dial. 

Quite honestly, they’re the worst abductors Lucifer has ever seen. He only let them gag and bound him because he was bored and wanted to do something else to kill time. Chloe’s buried in her paperwork that she literally kicked him out of the precinct so that she could focus. 

And what he wouldn’t give to give her everything and anything she desires. 

Two rings, and Chloe picks up.

“Detective Decker? We have your partner, Lucifer Morningstar. Better pay up, or we'll kill him.” 

If this were any other person, she would have already alerted the precinct and whoever else to get the victim home safely. While she's not one hundred percent glad that it's Lucifer they've managed to nab (she's fairly sure her boyfriend came willingly. For fun, perhaps.), it's still reassuring how she knows he would come out of it unscathed. Poor saps, she thinks. They don't know who they're dealing with. 

Chloe sighs loudly on the receiver and asks, “Could you put him on the phone?” 

“What?” 

“Put. Him. On. The. Phone.” The Detective pauses, irritated. “ Please, ” she adds, and she hears the culprits arguing. 

“You're on speaker.” 

“Lucifer,” she starts, “Whatever you do, please make sure you're in time for dinner?” 

“Certainly, Detective.” 

“Why did you let them take you anyway?” 

“Oh, I thought you hired them to surprise me.” 

“Yeah, no. Anyway, at least try to be gentle?” 

“No promises!”

She could definitely picture the enormous grin on his face just by the glee in his voice. He’s enjoying this too much.

“Okay," She says, obviously to Lucifer, and continues with, "Good luck, you guys, you're going to need it.” 

The phone clicks off, and the two knuckleheads just look at each other, wondering what the heck just happened. 

Still trying to look tough, Brian comments. 

“Well, it seems like your partner doesn't care about you at all, Mr. Morningstar.” 

But when he turned around, Lucifer had already broken the steel locks. 

“What the…?” 

“Oh, don't get my partner wrong, Mister Kidnapper, sir. She does worry about me but only when I'm dealing with nonhumans." The Devil glances at his watch and says, "Oh my, look at the time! She's gonna tear me a new one if I'm late. Now, who wants to go first?” 


Lucifer gets to the Detective’s house in time for dinner, making sure he wrapped up his abductors nicely, paired with a giant ribbon, and delivered straight to the precinct with a note containing incriminating evidence. He would’ve given them money, but when he figured out these two were doing this for a while, he changed his mind. 

Now, was his feelings hurt when his friends and partner dismissed his predicament? Nope! Lucifer knows they'd come running if he really needed help. That, and he has a reputation to keep.