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Kiss Me, it's Okay Even if it Hurts

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“What if we did ‘Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ again?” Hoseok suggested when they were discussing what songs to bring back into their rotation. “When Yoongi did that Google Poll, that had a lot of votes.”

“ARMY was thirsty,” Namjoon pointed out.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Yoongi asked as he leaned back in his seat. He fidgeted in place, picking at the label of his drink to keep himself busy, instead of thinking about the choreography of ‘Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ too much. Not only did ARMY find the choreography to be compelling, but so did he. He’d been free of it for a while, and perhaps that was a good thing.

Taehyung, who was seated across from him at the table, kicked his leg under the table. Yoongi grimaced, grabbing his shin and shooting Taehyung a look. Taehyung, of course, pretended that he hadn’t just attempted to play footsie with Yoongi under the table and failed spectacularly. Taehyung didn’t look at Yoongi as his foot slid across the ground, touching Yoongi’s and tapping his foot lightly this time as he put his elbow on the table. His chin was his hand as he listened to the others throw out throwback songs.

Yoongi, to his credit, could be as stoic as Taehyung. While his face fell into one of nonchalance he trapped Taehyung’s foot with both of his, which sent Taehyung into a fit of deep, soft giggles across the table, which grabbed the attention of all of the other members.

“What is it?” Namjoon asked, clearly amused by Taehyung as he covered his face with his hands. Yoongi let go of his foot, the corner of his mouth lifting in triumph.

“I think they were playing around under the table,” Jimin pointed out. “Again.”

“Don’t be jealous,” Yoongi said as he sat up straight, raising an eyebrow at Jimin, knowing that he couldn’t mirror him. Jimin scowled, but clearly didn’t mean it as he narrowed his eyes at Yoongi. When they settled down Yoongi looked towards Taehyung, surprised to find him staring back. They both looked away from each other.

“How about ‘Tomorrow’?” Yoongi suggested, changing the subject back to their set list ideas. “Like we did a few years ago?”

“How about something we haven’t done in even longer?” Jungkook suggested.

On and on they went, talking in circles until it was time to go to their next schedule. They’d solidified most of the set list, at least, but still had some holes they needed to fill. It felt good, having a say in the songs they performed, or wanted to perform, and Yoongi didn’t take it for granted. But he knew if they added ‘Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ to the setlist he would be in trouble.

He refused to think about it until later that night when they were back at the dorm, each of them going their separate ways for the evening. It was late, around ten at night, which was normal for them. He showered, washing out the hairspray and gel from his hair before getting a bath ready. He liked taking baths after long days. Yoongi washed his face as he waited for the tub to fill up, then set about lighting his favorite candle and dropping a bath bomb into the tub. It had been a while since he’d taken the time for this level of self-care and it seemed like the best way to unwind.

Each of them had different ways of unwinding after long days. Hoseok spent a long time in the bathroom, doing a long facial regime that he found relaxing. Jin either read in order to wind down or he played video games until he passed out. Namjoon took care of his plants and read while Jungkook either gamed or created. Yoongi knew he was working on his artwork, mostly digital, but he also had been practicing guitar with Yoongi.

Jimin gamed, but usually only if Yoongi or Jin was playing as well. He and Taehyung were both extroverted and liked doing things after getting off work. They both had groups of friends they hung out with after their schedules, so they always got home later than the rest of them.

Yoongi checked his phone once before getting into the tub, answering a text from his brother first. Once in the tub, he let out a long sigh as he closed his eyes, letting his mind wander through the various thoughts and emotions that he’d held in during the day until he was alone and had time to work through them. He breathed in deeply again, allowing thoughts of ‘Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ to return.

It wasn’t the hip thrusts, or the way their hands slid down their torsos that had Yoongi hesitating at giving the song the green light for the setlist. It was his hand on Taehyung’s throat. When they’d performed it time and time again he hadn’t known why it had affected him. In the moment, everything happened so fast that he didn’t really have time to process what he felt about the movement.

In fact, he hadn’t realized until years later, when he’d ordered a custom necklace for their tour that he’d sent back because he wanted it to be heavier, to be tighter around his own neck that he allowed himself a glimpse into his own psyche. How was he supposed to tell the other members that he didn’t want to perform a song because touching Taehyung’s neck turned him on? It was embarrassing. It was one thing for him to realize he liked things tight against his own neck, but it was another for him to want to do it to someone else. Not just anyone, but Taehyung.

Taehyung who, while he liked to flirt on stage, was rather inexperienced in real life due to the life they led. For fuck’s sake, his first kiss had been Hoseok on film, which they’d all regretted. Yoongi, as the hyung, didn’t want to bring Taehyung into his kink fantasies.

But as Yoongi soaked in the tub it was almost impossible not to do. He thought about a lot of things when alone, had a lot of fantasies, and while he tried to keep them neutral in terms of who was with him in those fantasies keeping his mind from placing Taehyung’s face and body side by side with his own.

Yoongi opened his eyes, groaning as he tried to get a grip. He was not about to touch himself in the tub while thinking about Taehyung’s neck and his hand on it, or Taehyung’s long, slender fingers wrapped around his own neck. He wouldn’t do it. He --

He was getting hard. Yoongi sloshed around in the tub, sitting up and looking around the bathroom. His eyes trailed over his towels, the candle flickering, his phone on the counter. There had to be something else he could occupy his mind with, but he couldn’t keep the thought of Taehyung from resurfacing. It was okay, he told himself. If he just gave into his fantasy he’d get it out of his system and then if the others approved of adding ‘Blood, Sweat, and Tears’ he’d just have to deal with it. Besides, when performing he didn’t have time to think, let alone get hard. Everything was like clockwork, the movements and song taking up all of his thoughts.

But it was the timeafterward he was worried about, when he was alone in his bed or like right now in the bathtub. When left alone with his thoughts the feel of his hand on Taehyung’s throat would haunt him until he took himself in hand, coming to the thought. He wasn’t immune to that even now, as he grew harder moment after moment.

“Fuck,” Yoongi whispered to himself as he wrapped his fingers around his length, jacking off as he lay back in the water, closing his eyes as he let go of all pretenses of being able to push his fantasy away. It was better to give in, to allow himself release than suppress it. Like always when he did this, as his pleasure built up all thoughts of embarrassment left him. Suddenly not caring, he let thoughts flood through his mind of Taehyung and his soft, deep voice encouraging Yoongi, asking him to touch Taehyung, to wrap his hand around his throat and squeeze, to fuck him.

Yoongi gasped, his eyes opening as he tightened his grip on his cock. He couldn’t go there, could he? Would he? Would he use Taehyung like that, in order to get off? Could he look Taehyung in the eye the next day, or ever again if he did? Yoongi moaned, his mouth falling open as his cock twitched. He would, he supposed, because his orgasm built up quickly within him. He groaned as he quickened his pace, stroking himself the way he liked it, concentrating on the head of his cock. As his stomach clenched, his orgasm imminent, he pulled himself out of the tub, his hand still wrapped around his dick, his toes curling in the water as he came on his own chest.

As he caught his breath his tongue peeked out from between his lips. He sighed, disappointed with himself, though satisfied after making himself come. It was an odd mixture, of riding the high of coming and also regretting what he thought about. The dopamine that coursed through him lessened his embarrassment, but he knew he’d think about it more later when he tried to sleep.

He pushed all thoughts of Taehyung away as he cleaned himself off with a washcloth, tossing it aside before sliding back into the bathtub. He let out some of the cooling water, replacing it with hotter water so he could stay in longer and ruminate in his thoughts. Now that he’d come his mind was clearer. Not only that, but he found himself winding down, his body relaxed and eyelids getting heavy.

When he was done he drained the tub and grabbed a towel to dry off. Yoongi made sure to put everything back how he’d found it since he shared a bathroom with Jin, blowing out the candle and picking up his discarded clothes. He put his dirty towels in the hamper before returning to his room, where he set about getting ready for bed. It was past midnight now, and while he was hungry, he tried not eating so late at night.

He poured himself a whiskey, which he tended to do nightly as he unwound from the day, after he pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing with the back of it as he took a long sip from his glass. Yoongi was about to pull down his covers and get ready to climb into bed when there was a soft knock at his bedroom door.

Taking another sip of his whiskey as he walked to the door, he barely had time to swallow it before he opened it to see that it was Taehyung standing outside his room. His mind went blank with some sort of fight or flight response. He hadn’t thought he’d need to face him until the next day, and even then not until later since they had differing schedules.

“I’m sorry it’s so late, hyung,” Taehyung said, his voice low, indicating that he wanted a private moment with Yoongi. Yoongi steeled himself as he opened the door wider, letting Taehyung in. He was still dressed in his clothes while Yoongi stood there in only a pair of sweatpants and nothing else. He was well aware of the fact that he hadn’t even put on underwear. “I was thinking, and I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“You can always talk to me,” Yoongi said as he walked over to his dresser, pouring himself another drink. He’d need it. Taehyung shut the door behind him with a soft click, being as gentle as he was with almost everything. Yoongi suppressed a wince as he tried to imagine Taehyung, the real Taehyung, wanting anything harsh done to him. Yoongi drank as he watched Taehyung take a seat at the edge of his bed, which didn’t help things either as he imagined Taehyung being in his bed for other reasons. “What’s on your mind?”

Taehyung’s hands began sliding up and down his thighs nervously as he looked at Yoongi with his big, brown eyes that he was absolutely weak for. Yoongi couldn’t look away from Taehyung’s hands, which was a problem. He sat at his desk, a few feet away from his bed.

“It’s about earlier.” Yoongi tried not to show emotion on his face as he bit his lip, waiting for Taehyung to continue. “About ‘Blood, Sweat, and Tears’.” Yoongi, who had his glass against his lips to take another sip, was suddenly glad that his mouth wasn’t full of expensive whiskey.

“What about it?” Yoongi asked, his voice a whisper as Taehyung looked down at his hands once more.

“It’s hard to explain,” Taehyung said. “Or to talk about.”

“Do you not want to do it? That’s okay, Taehyungie. We can pick another song.”

“It isn’t that I don’t want to do it,” Taehyung said as he looked up into Yoongi’s eyes, catching him off guard with their intensity. “It’s that I do, very badly. It’s… Ugh, it’s embarrassing.” Yoongi put his glass down on the desk before scooting his chair over to Taehyung, putting a hand over Taehyung’s for comfort. He wanted to be there for Taehyung’s struggles, whatever they were.

“That’s good that you want to perform it,” Yoongi told him. “You should tell Namjoon-ah.”
Taehyung bit his lip as if he was holding something back from Yoongi. “You can tell me anything.”

“I know, hyung,” Taehyung said, taking a deep breath. “I’m afraid you won’t look at me the same if I did, though.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Yoongi murmured, thinking about how easy it was for him to look at Taehyung now when not even twenty minutes prior he’d thought he wouldn’t be able to face him. With Taehyung here in front of him now it was almost too easy to comfort him, to be there for him. Yoongi truly wanted to give Taehyung the world.

“I... This was a bad idea. I should go.”

“If you want,” Yoongi said as he sat up straight, his hand leaving Taehyung’s.

“There’s just been… a lot happening lately and I’ve learned a lot about myself as we had so much time to reflect on who we are deep down, without fame and being an idol.”

“That’s good,” Yoongi whispered.

“Yeah, but, hyung,” Taehyung said as he wiped at an eye. Yoongi hadn’t noticed how glassy they’d gotten. Yoongi didn’t like to see any of the members crying, but he knew that it was better to cry with someone there who could be a shoulder to cry on, and he would be that for Taehyung. Taehyung had come to him, after all, despite how close he and Jimin were.

“Take your time, Taehyungie,” Yoongi said, hopefully giving Taehyung the comfort he sought out by coming to Yoongi’s room so late. Taehyung nodded his head as he turned away from Yoongi, wiping at his face.

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

“Your feelings are valid, there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“That’s the thing I wanted to talk to you about, because I think you’ll understand. At least, I think you will, that you feel the same way? Maybe?” Yoongi felt like the wind was knocked out of him at Taehyung’s words as dread filled him. If Taehyung knew, if he suspected what he’d done or had been doing, what he liked then--

“I think I like… when your hand is on my throat a little too much.” Yoongi almost choked on air. “And I think maybe… you do too?”

“How-- what?” Yoongi said, unable to form words. Taehyung couldn’t look him in the eye, wouldn’t, and Yoongi could feel his face burning red.

“That’s why I tried to get your attention today under the table, I know when we used to perform it all of the time we… We had these little moments?” Yoongi had thought he’d been the only one aware, that Taehyung had been too innocent or too vanilla to catch on. It seemed as though Yoongi had been very, very wrong and Taehyung had caught onto it and even liked it.

He liked it.

Yoongi licked his lips as he took a deep breath.

“Am I wrong? If I am, I'm so sorry hyung, I’ll just go.” Taehyung stood up, heading towards the door. Yoongi caught Taehyung’s wrist, holding onto it in order to stop him. Taehyung stopped mid stride, not moving an inch as Yoongi intertwined their fingers shakily. He was terrified that he was about to ruin everything, not just between him and Taehyung, but between all of them.

They worked so well together he wasn’t sure he wanted to put anything in jeopardy, but it wasn’t only in his hands. It had been Taehyung that brought it up, unable to hold it in any longer.

“You’re not wrong,” Yoongi confessed. “Come here, let’s sit.” Yoongi tugged Taehyung back towards the bed, where he joined him this time as they sat thigh against thigh, their arms brushing against each other as Yoongi swallowed, trying to find the right words.

His eyes moved back and forth rapidly as he thought as fast as he could about the words that Taehyung needed to hear, the ones that he wanted to say for his own sake.

“I didn’t realize back then what was going on, that the choreography could awaken something within me, or a necklace,” he said as he put his hand up to his own throat, imagining the feel of the heavy necklace against his neck. “But I know now, and you’re right.” Yoongi couldn’t meet Taehyung’s eyes, but he saw him give Yoongi a small smile of encouragement out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re right in bringing it up, that we should talk about it so we can move forward if that song was chosen.”

“Oh,” Taehyung said, biting his lip as he looked down at their intertwined hands. Yoongi was so used to holding Taehyung’s hand that he hadn’t thought of how intimate it actually was. He tried to let go, but Taehyung held onto him, pulling their hands into his lap, keeping them there.

“If you don’t feel anything for me, and it’s just about the throat… thing, then that’s okay, hyung.” Yoongi looked up into Taehyung’s eyes, his own brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to discern what Taehyung was trying to say in his roundabout way of talking.

“Taehyung,” Yoongi whispered. “Are you saying that you like me?”

“Yes,” Taehyung said. “I have for a while.”

“Oh,” Yoongi responded, partly in awe of Taehyung’s bravery and partly terrified about what it meant that they both liked each other. Taehyung’s face fell a little as he surely thought that Yoongi didn’t return his feelings. “Taehyung-ah, I like you, too, but we have a lot to talk about.”

“You like me?” Taehyung asked. “Like this?” Yoongi gasped as Taehyung slid his free hand up to Yoongi’s neck, placing his long, slender fingers against Yoongi’s throat gently. Yoongi’s lips parted as he whimpered. Goosebumps appeared across his arms and his nipples got hard at the mere touch of Taehyung’s fingers on his throat. Taehyung noticed Yoongi’s reaction and grinned wryly, like he caught Yoongi with his hand down his pants.

If only he knew what Yoongi had been doing a half an hour before he walked into his bedroom.

“You know I do,” Yoongi murmured as he reached up, wrapping his fingers around Taehyung’s wrist and bringing it away from his throat. “Hyung likes you very much.” Taehyung leaned in, brushing his lips against Yoongi’s in a soft, delicate kiss that Yoongi immediately returned, turning it into a desperate, filthy one as his tongue slipped between Taehyung’s lips and into his mouth.

The surprised moan that escaped from Taehyung had Yoongi’s body reacting, his cock twitching in his sweatpants obviously. Nothing could be hidden with sweatpants, he knew, but he hoped that Taehyung was a little preoccupied by having Yoongi’s tongue down his throat. Something in the back of Yoongi’s mind told him to stop, to slow down, that they needed to talk, but it had been so long since he kissed anyone, touched someone that wasn’t himself that he felt touch starved.

He let Taehyung’s hand return to his neck, where he hooked it around the nape of Yoongi’s neck, keeping their lips pressed together as Yoongi’s hand roamed over Taehyung’s torso, pushing at his jacket he still wore from their schedule that day. Their hands in Taehyung’s lap stayed in place, though Taehyung’s legs closed together, his hand trapped and dangerously close to Taehyung’s crotch, but he supposed that had been the point in Taehyung closing his legs.

Yoongi tilted his head the opposite directly, seeking another angle to kiss Taehyung better, deeper. Taehyung mirrored his movements until suddenly Yoongi had him pinned against the bed. He climbed onto Taehyung’s lap, his hands braced on either side of Taehyung’s head as he stared down at him, both of their mouths open and panting for breath as they searched each other’s eyes.

“Are you sure you want this?” Yoongi asked.

“What is ‘this’?” Taehyung asked as he hooked his fingers in the hem of Yoongi’s sweatpants wantonly, knowingly while he waggled his eyebrows.

“I’m serious, Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi told him. Taehyung nodded as his hands slid up Yoongi’s bare torso, his neck craning to meet Yoongi’s lips once more. Their mouths crashed together, as did their bodies as Yoongi pressed his entire weight against Taehyung.

It was like an explosion went off between them as Yoongi’s hands roamed Taehyung’s body, a body he’d seen numerous times over the years but hadn’t touched. He’d dreamed of this moment time and time again as he’d taken himself in hand. This was a fantasy come to life and Yoongi hadn’t ever taken into account that Taehyung would possibly feel the same. It had seemed impossible, after all this time, that what he thought was unattainable had been right in front of him all along.

Yoongi grunted as Taehyung held onto his hips, rolling them over so that Yoongi was the one pinned against the mattress. Yoongi’s legs were spread wide as Taehyung used his knees to push them further apart, giving himself room as he lowered his body against Yoongi, rolling his hips experimentally as they continued to kiss. Yoongi tried to calm down, tried to take it slow, but his hands had other plans as he began unbuttoning Taehyung’s shirt.

Taehyung didn’t stop kissing Yoongi, insatiable and all consuming as they explored each other’s mouths. Taehyung rubbed himself against Yoongi’s crotch, making Yoongi harder with each movement. When Taehyung ended the kiss he nipped at Yoongi’s bottom lip, sucking lightly at it before letting go and staring down at Yoongi, his pupils blown and own erection apparent as he grinded against Yoongi, watching as Yoongi let out a moan. Yoongi’s mouth fell open, shock and pleasure coursing through him as Taehyung looked down at him with lust filled eyes that Yoongi found incredibly hot to the point that he was pretty sure that his sweatpants would surely be wet from precome.

They needed to talk, Yoongi knew. There were too many repercussions to them giving into their baser instincts if they didn’t talk about it first. He tried, in vain, to speak, but as Taehyung mouthed along his neck, the feel of his tongue on Yoongi’s skin deliciously lewd, Yoongi found that he lost all train of thought as he moved against him. He wrapped his arms around Taehyung, grabbing onto his shirt so that he could buck his hips upwards, seeking friction.

“Don’t leave a mark,” Yoongi gasped. “Make-up--”

“I know, hyung,” Taehyung said, his lips against Yoongi’s skin. “I know.” It was then that Taehyung slid downwards, off of Yoongi, pulling him to the edge of the bed as Taehyung got down onto his knees. Yoongi pushed himself up onto his elbows as he watched Taehyung lick his lips hungrily as he stared at Yoongi’s obvious erection, the bulge of his sweatpants letting Taehyung know how much Yoongi was affected by them making out. “Can I blow you?” Taehyung asked. His fingers were hooked in Yoongi’s sweatpants, unmoving until he got consent from Yoongi.

Yoongi nodded, at a loss for words as Taehyung smiled up at him with his wide, boxy grin that Yoongi always found so endearing. As Taehyung tugged Yoongi’s sweatpants out of the way he let out a breath in a short puff, as if he’d had the wind knocked out of him, because Taehyung’s tongue peeked out from his lips, pretty and pink, ready to lick up Yoongi’s length.

“Wait,” Yoongi said just as Taehyung was about to wrap his long, beautiful fingers around his aching cock. “Wait.”

“What is it, hyung?” Taehyung asked, looking worried. “If you don’t want me to--”

“Oh, I do,” Yoongi said as he sat up on the bed, his feet on the floor as Taehyung looked up at him with anxious eyes, wide and doe like. “I just want to be sure that you want to do this, Taehyungie.”

“I’m the one that came into your room,” Taehyung whispered. “At almost one in the morning, finally getting the courage to come out to you while also wanting you. I’ve wanted your dick in my mouth since debut.”

Yoongi’s mouth hung open as he stared blankly at Taehyung, who was still on his knees before him, his hands on Yoongi’s thighs. Yoongi ran his fingers through Taehyung’s hair, gently, tenderly. Taehyung closed his eyes, leaning into it as he licked his lips.

“I’ve wanted you, too,” Yoongi admitted. “Though more recently…”

“Hyung,” Taehyung said, squeezing Yoongi’s thighs. “Can I blow you?” This time when he asked he said it with a smirk, his mischievous side making an appearance.

“Yes,” Yoongi answered. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Taehyung if he’d ever done it before, but it turned out that he didn’t need to ask, because Taehyung let him know.

“I’ve never done this before,” Taehyung said as he wrapped his fingers around Yoongi’s dick, stroking him. “Only to myself.” Yoongi groaned, his head falling back as his hand in Taehyung’s hair tightened. Taehyung let out a moan, leaning into it. “Do that again, hyung.” Yoongi did, tugging on Taehyung’s hair and watching him moan, his mouth gaping and tongue sticking out wantonly. Yoongi shivered, his chest heaving from the mere sight of Taehyung before him.
Taehyung, distracted, stopped stroking Yoongi’s cock. Yoongi grunted, rolling his hips, seeking friction as he fucked up into Taehyung’s fist, yanking Taehyung towards it by his hair.

“That’s okay, Taehyung-ah, hyung will tell you what to do.” Taehyung whimpered, sticking his tongue out further. “Suck on the head,” he instructed. Taehyung wrapped his lips around Yoongi’s cock and sucked, his tongue playing with the underside of the head, making Yoongi groan. Immediately Taehyung pulled back, his eyes wide.

“Hyung, you need to be quiet,” Taehyung told him. “Jimin and Jungkook are still awake.” Yoongi bit his lip. Somehow that made him harder. His cock twitched in Taehyung’s hand, a bead of precome appearing. Immediately Taehyung licked and sucked at it, tasting Yoongi.

“Fuck,” Yoongi said as he fell back onto the bed, running his fingers through his hair as Taehyung took him back into his mouth, concentrating on the head of his cock. “Stroke me while you do that.” Taehyung did as Yoongi instructed, even twisting his wrist to change up the feel of his hand. Yoongi bit his lip to keep from groaning. This time when Taehyung’s mouth left him, it was to give Yoongi his own advice.

“Hyung, I want your hand in my hair. I want you to guide me.” Having come earlier, Yoongi wasn’t as desperate to orgasm, to which was glad because he probably would have come from those words alone uttered from Taehyung’s lips. Yoongi sat up, tongue poking the side of his cheek as he ran his fingers through Taehyung’s hair and grabbed onto those curls he adored on him.

“Stick your tongue out for me, opening your mouth.” Taehyung did as Yoongi asked. “Put your hands at the base of my cock.” Again, Taehyung did as Yoongi told him to. “I want you to try to see how much of my cock you can put in your mouth.” Taehyung tried to sink downwards, but Yoongi’s grip in his hair kept him in place. The resulting sight was Taehyung’s tongue trying desperately to touch the tip of Yoongi’s cock. “You don’t have a gag reflex, do you?” Yoongi asked him, knowing the answer. The amount of times he watched Taehyung shove an ungodly sized piece of food in his mouth was too many to count.

“No, I don’t,” Taehyung said, his eyes finding Yoongi’s as he smiled, his tongue disappearing momentarily.

“Good. Let’s see what you can do with that mouth of yours.”

As Taehyung took Yoongi into his mouth, sliding his lips down his length, Yoongi held down his head, then brought it up with a tug. He moved Taehyung’s head for him as he sucked. Taehyung, to his credit, seemed to catch on quickly how to relax his throat and allow Yoongi to use his mouth. The noises coming from Taehyung were lewd. Wet and soft choking noises filled Yoongi’s room until he pulled back on Taehyung’s hair with one hand while the other wrapped around Taehyung’s throat, just below his jawline, applying pressure with his finger tips.

Taehyung closed his eyes, his wet, swollen lips looking like Yoongi could never have imagined, completely debauched. Yoongi wanted to ruin him further. He squeezed his fingers below Taehyung’s ears, giving him the sense of choking, slowing the blood flow. Taehyung bit his lip, his eyebrows furrowing as his hands gripped Yoongi’s thighs tight.

“You’re doing so good for me,” Yoongi praised him. Taehyung closed his eyes, his fists clenching the fabric of Yoongi’s sweatpants in his fists before tugging at them as if begging for more. “Do you like that? Me telling you how good you’re doing? Are you my good boy?”

Taehyung nodded, letting go of his lip, his mouth falling open. Yoongi moved his hand from Taehyung’s jawline, sliding two fingers into his open, willing mouth.

“Be a good boy for me and suck.” Taehyung wrapped his lips around Yoongi’s fingers, tongue swirling around them as he bobbed his head, imitating how he’d blown Yoongi. Like he did with his cock in Taehyung’s mouth, Yoongi held Taehyung’s head in place by yanking on his hair. He pressed his fingers down against Taehyung’s tongue. “Just like that,” he said as he counted down in his head, waiting for Taehyung’s mouth to fill with spit, unable to stop it from watering and unable to swallow it down.

When Yoongi pulled his fingers out of Taehyung’s mouth they were spit-slick, and the image he wanted to see came to life as Taehyung’s used mouth hung open, his lips and tongue wet.

“Do you want me to come in your mouth or face?” Yoongi asked, because he knew that he was close. Taehyung hesitated, which told Yoongi everything. He had to remember that Taehyung was new to this, and was his to take care of. “Face?” Taehyung nodded, relief flooding his face. “You’re a good boy, taking my cock so well.” Yoongi didn’t think about how every single one of his wet dreams were coming true as he guided Taehyung’s mouth back onto his cock, one hand around Taehyung’s throat as the other stayed in his hair. He fucked up into Taehyung’s mouth until he was ready to come.

Taehyung gasped as Yoongi pulled his head back, his mouth used and beautiful, something that only Yoongi had ever seen. He was the only one to see Taehyung this desperate, this turned on, and that alone could have sent Yoongi over the edge. He wrapped his own hand around his cock, stroking himself as he looked down at Taehyung’s waiting face. Taehyung, to his credit, closed his eyes and mouth.

Yoongi came, covering Taehyung’s face with ropes of come as he shook, his other hand in Taehyung’s hair yanking on it, making Taehyung gasp, his lips parting. Covered in the sticky mess, Taehyung didn’t move. Yoongi looked around him, finding nothing but his box of tissues within reach. He carefully wiped Taehyung’s face clean, using multiple tissues as he gently held onto Taehyung’s chin. When he was done he swiped his thumb across Taehyung’s used, swollen mouth, admiring how it looked.

Taehyung opened his eyes, looking up at Yoongi so fondly it made his heart ache.

“Come here,” Yoongi said, hooking a hand behind the nape of Taehyung’s neck and pulling him back up onto the bed. “Let hyung take care of you.” Oh, how he wanted to take care of Taehyung, to make him feel good.

Taehyung climbed up onto the bed, finding his spot between Yoongi’s legs once more as they kissed. This time Yoongi didn’t hesitate when he striped Taehyung of his clothes, continuing to rid him of his shirt before his deft fingers began unbuttoning Taehyung’s pants, undoing the zipper before slipping his hand beneath the fabric of Taehyung’s briefs and wrapping his hand around his hard, dripping cock.

This time when they kissed it was lewd, almost vulgar as Yoongi’s tongue delved into Taehyung’s mouth as he jacked him off. Taehyung moaned into Yoongi’s mouth, gasping and desperate as he rolled his hips. Yoongi wanted to put his mouth on Taehyung, to taste him, but as Taehyung shook above him he knew that he wouldn’t last long, and that in of itself was telling about how much Taehyung had wanted this, wanted Yoongi.

“I want you to come on me,” Yoongi whispered against Taehyung’s lips as he rolled them over, putting Taehyung on his back. Once more he sat straddled over Taehyung’s thighs, his hand still wrapped around Taehyung’s dick as his other slid up his bare chest. Taehyung looked up at him, then down at his long, thick cock where even Yoongi’s massive hands made it look big.

Yoongi knew that Taehyung was big, what with how many times he’d briefly seen Taehyung naked he’d assumed it was a shower, not a grower. Apparently he was both, though, and Yoongi’s mouth watered at the thought of the stretch of his lips and ache in his jaw if he blew him. That would be for another day, Yoongi thought as he stroked Taehyung, pressing his thumb against his slit while his other hand pressed against Taehyung’s throat once more, his fingers gripping beneath his ears.

Taehyung’s eyes rolled back, his mouth open and pleading as his stomach clenched. Taehyung had one hand around Yoongi’s wrist that applied pressure to his throat while his other slid down his chest, to his stomach. His fingers slid over Yoongi’s, controlling the stroke of his hand, quickening the pace and showing Yoongi what he liked, how desperate he was to come for him.

“You look so beautiful,” Yoongi murmured. Taehyung’s eyes cast towards Yoongi, a look of pure want and on his face as he fucked up into Yoongi’s fist. “Come for me, baby.” Taehyung gasped as Yoongi squeezed his fingers, slowing Taehyung’s blood flow. Taehyung came, covering Yoongi’s hand and his own. His hips bucked as he worked himself through his orgasm. When Yoongi let go of him to reach for the tissues, Taehyung lay limp on the bed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he watched Yoongi clean his own hand first, then grab Taehyung’s, staring at his come-covered fingers.

“Hyung,” Taehyung said, his voice shot and questioning as Yoongi licked his lips, slowly bringing Taehyung’s hand closer to his own mouth as he sat straddling him, his knees on either side of Taehyung. He let out a whimper as Yoongi tasted Taehyung for the first time, sinking Taehyung’s fingers into his own wet, warm mouth and sucking them clean. “Fuck,” he whispered in awe. “Fuck.”

After Yoongi was done cleaning both of them the reality of what just happened hit him. He had just sucked come off of Taehyung’s fingers, had just gotten him off, and Taehyung had blown him. Taehyung, who he’d known for years, who was part of his life as an idol.

“God,” Yoongi said as he ran his fingers through his own hair.

“Please don’t regret it,” Taehyung said, sounding broken as Yoongi turned his attention to him.

“I don’t, I won’t-- I just can’t believe we did that.” Taehyung’s soft smile eased Yoongi’s worries.

“I want to do it again.”

“We can,” Yoongi said. “But not tonight. We have a schedule tomorrow.” It would be a long day, and Yoongi needed to sleep.

“Can I sleep with you, hyung?” Taehyung asked with a pout, as if Yoongi would kick him out of his room after using him.

“Of course,” Yoongi said. “You go get ready for bed then come back here.” As Taehyung sat up, kissing Yoongi on the lips, Yoongi realized that he wouldn’t deny Taehyung anything, now. Not that he had before, either, but this was different. Everything shifted, suddenly, in Yoongi’s mind. They’d jumped off a precipice together where there was no return to before.

They both got distracted, getting lost in each other’s arms as their kiss deepened until Yoongi managed to climb off of Taehyung, letting him up.

“Go,” he said with a laugh as he intertwined his fingers with Taehyung’s, pulling him to his feet. “So you can come back to bed.” Standing up Taehyung was taller than Yoongi, so it was no surprise to Yoongi that he could easily kiss Yoongi’s forehead. He hadn’t expected it, though, after being so rough with him earlier. Yoongi watched Taehyung walk out of his room, leaving him with his thoughts as he got ready for bed.

Taehyung wasn’t gone long, coming back in a pair of pajamas only to take the shirt off before climbing into bed with him. Yoongi, too, had changed from his sweatpants into loose boxers. He knew that Taehyung clung to whoever he slept with, so he didn’t feel the need to dress warmly since Taehyung’s body heat would surely do that job. He was right as Taehyung got into bed, wrapping his arms around Yoongi, the two of them laying the same direction with Yoongi’s back pressed against Taehyung’s chest.

Yoongi took Taehyung’s hand in his own, clutching it to his chest as he closed his eyes, falling asleep in Taehyung’s arms, his leg slung over Yoongi’s as he cuddled up close to him.

---

The next day they didn’t have a moment alone together until they climbed into a car together to be shuttled back to their dorm from their schedule. They rarely shared a car, but that was usually because Yoongi made sure not to finish up around the same time as Taehyung, trying to put distance between them. Now, though, he wanted the opposite.

Taehyung, too, seemed to think the same way as the door shut behind them. Taehyung moved to sit close to him, but Yoongi shook his head minutely as he looked towards the driver. Taehyung pouted, his eyebrows coming together in displeasure at being denied. Yoongi sat with his legs spread, so it was easy for him to tap his foot against Taehyung’s, his hand resting on the seat between them, palm facing upwards. Taehyung slipped his hand into Yoongi’s as they both looked out their respective windows until they made it home.

As the car pulled into the parking garage Yoongi let out an audible sigh as he unbuckled his seat belt, pulling his hand away from Taehyung’s. They went about their normal nightly routines, and Taehyung waited until the others all went to bed or at least went into their rooms before coming back into Yoongi’s.

“How long until someone sees me sneaking into your room, do you think?” Taehyung asked.

“Hmm, not long, but Jungkook has been sleeping with Hoseok and Jimin for years,” Yoongi said as he shrugged his shoulders.

“True, but you’re you, and it might be suspicious…”

Taehyung looked at Yoongi expectantly, like he would turn him away because the others knew they were sleeping in the same room. Because that’s what they were doing, Yoongi realized as he looked at Taehyung in his pajamas once more. He would come to Yoongi every night, and Yoongi wouldn’t turn him away.

“I don’t care,” Yoongi said, because it was the truth. “I trust them, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Taehyung said, though his voice was quiet.

“You all knew about me and Hoseok for a while,” Yoongi pointed out. He’d come out as bisexual years prior to them one night when they had all been drinking. Moments later, so did Hoseok. It was a bonding experience, and everyone was accepting. They were a tight knit group for a reason, and imagining Taehyung thinking he couldn’t tell the others hurt Yoongi a bit, but that decision was Taehyung’s to make.

“Yeah, but, but this is us, together.” Yoongi nodded in understanding, walking up to Taehyung and tilting his chin up, wanting a kiss. Taehyung kissed him, wrapping his arms around Yoongi. Yoongi slid his hand up Taehyung’s chest, to his neck where he held on, deepening the kiss.

When the kiss ended Taehyung pressed his forehead against Yoongi’s.

“Do you… mind if we just sleep tonight? It was a long day, and I just want to sleep.”

“Of course,” Yoongi said, kissing Taehyung on the lips. “We don’t have to do anything, ever, if you don’t want to.”

“Forever is a long time,” Taehyung said, scrunching his nose. “And I really liked what we did yesterday, I want to do everything again and again, and more.”

“More?” Yoongi asked as the corner of his mouth lifted. Taehyung’s fingers found their way to Yoongi’s throat. He closed his eyes, loving the feel of them resting on his bare skin.

“Yes,” Taehyung said, kissing Yoongi once more. “But not tonight.”

“Not tonight,” Yoongi responded, though his body was alight, ready to be touched, to get off. “In that case, I’ll be right back,” he said as he stepped away from Taehyung. Taehyung looked at him confused, then a look of dawning came across his face, his mouth falling open.

“From my hand on your throat?” Taehyung asked, astounded at how fast Yoongi had gotten hard at his touch. Yoongi laughed, licking his lips as he made his way towards the door.

“Yeah, well, let’s just say I’ve wanted to feel your hands around my neck for a while now. You get comfortable, I’ll be back.”

“Hyung, I can--”

“You said you didn’t want to do anything tonight,” Yoongi said, respecting Taehyung’s boundary. “It’s okay, Taehyungie. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Taehyung said as Yoongi left his bedroom, making his way to the bathroom, where he ran into Jin who was on his way out of it.

“Night,” Jin said, yawning as he walked by Yoongi.

“Night,” Yoongi said in response as he rushed into the bathroom, locking it behind him. He wasn’t gone long, taking care of himself quickly. He didn’t think about how he’d come fast thinking of not only Taehyung’s hand on his throat, but from imagining Taehyung fucking him into a mattress. Maybe someday that could happen, but that dream would have to wait until Taehyung was ready.

When Yoongi returned to his room Taehyung was curled up in his bed, his arms wrapped around one of Yoongi’s numerous pillows.

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Taehyung said as he sat up, waiting for Yoongi to climb into bed.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Yoongi said, kissing Taehyung’s worried brow, hoping to soothe his worries.

“I shouldn’t have touched you, teased you, if I didn’t want to do anything.”

“You didn’t know that would be all it would take,” Yoongi said truthfully. “We have plenty of time to mess around, to get to know each other’s likes and dislikes, of what we want and when we want it, or when we don’t. I don’t want you to ever feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do, okay?” Taehyung nodded as Yoongi wrapped his arms around him, kissing him until they fell asleep.

---

It went on like that, with them sharing Yoongi’s bed, of Taehyung creeping into his room after everyone else had gone to bed. Sometimes Yoongi was already asleep, exhausted from their busy schedules, but others he was awake enough for them to mess around. And mess around they did. They got to know each other, about each noise and moan, the feel of their hands on their throats, around their cocks.

The first time that Yoongi blew Taehyung, he’d come within minutes, spilling down Yoongi’s throat. Not used to a mouth around him, Taehyung hadn’t been able to hold his orgasm back. They’d laughed about it afterwards, the two of them wrapped up in each other’s arms as Yoongi nuzzled Taehyung’s neck, wishing he could mark him with his mouth. The last thing they needed was to explain a hickey to not only the other members, but to the staff as well.

There was very little excuse for a hickey that had been missing when they were dropped off for the night at their apartment only to find one there the next morning at hair and makeup.

It took them awhile before they found time to be together, alone, on a day off. Jimin was out with a group of friends, as was Jungkook, while Namjoon had gone out with his bike and a book to explore. Jin was gaming in his room with headphones on where he didn’t plan on moving all day while Hoseok had gone into the studio, working on his next mixtape while they didn’t have anything else on the schedule.

Normally Yoongi would have gone in, too, but obviously he had different plans now that he had Taehyung clinging to him, wanting to be alone with him when they had the time. With his door locked and everything they needed at the ready, they took their time making out on the bed, already stripped down to nothing. They’d taken to making out frequently, even if they didn’t have the time or privacy they wanted to do anything more, but this time it felt different. They paused every so often, catching their breath before exploring each other’s mouths once more as they moved against each other, their cocks slowly getting harder with each passing moment.

“I want you to talk me through it,” Taehyung said as he knelt beside Yoongi on the bed after they’d made out for almost thirty minutes, both of their mouths red and swollen from kissing. “Please. I like when you tell me what to do.”

Yoongi laid there on the bed with a towel beneath him, his legs spread and feet on the bed, knees bent. Taehyung had the bottle of lube in his hand, ready to prep Yoongi to fuck him.

“You’ve fingered yourself before, right?” Yoongi asked, Taehyung nodded shyly, swallowing as his cheeks turned red. “It’s the same thing, like how jacking me off feels similar yet different than when you do it to yourself, that’s all.” Yoongi took Taehyung’s hand in his own, kissing his knuckles. “You won’t hurt me,” he told him. “Not unless I want you to.” Taehyung laughed at that, both of them grinning as they thought about hands on necks. Yoongi checked Taehyung’s nails, making sure they weren’t too long. Taehyung’s fingernails were not only beautifully manicured, but rounded over and smooth, ensuring that he could prep Yoongi without harming him.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Yoongi said as he spread his legs further. He wrapped his hand around his own cock, stroking himself as he watched Taehyung slick up a finger. Yoongi groaned as Taehyung moved between his legs, pressing inwards as Yoongi pulled his knees close to his chest, forgoing jacking himself off in order to give Taehyung easier access.

Yoongi watched Taehyung’s expressions as he opened Yoongi up slowly, first with a single finger and then a second, fucking into him with his fingers. Finally, he slid three in, twisting them and crooking them until Yoongi let out a low groan that was almost a growl as Taehyung hit his prostate, brushing against it over and over, making Yoongi see stars.

Yoongi’s cock, that laid against his stomach, smearing precome across it, twitched.

“I’m ready, I’m ready,” Yoongi gasped. As Taehyung slid his fingers out of Yoongi’s ass, he wrapped his hand around Yoongi’s cock while Yoongi let his knees down, stroking him a few times before taking him into his mouth, blowing him as he fucked into him once more with two fingers. Yoongi grasped at Taehyung’s hair, eliciting a moan from him as he tugged on Taehyung’s hair, keeping him down as Yoongi’s cock slid down Taehyung’s throat.

When Taehyung resurfaced he gasped for breath, coughing as he wiped at his mouth, grinning down at Yoongi.

“Are you ready for me to fuck you, hyung?” Taehyung asked with a smirk. Yoongi licked his lips, biting down on the bottom one as he spread his legs further apart in answer. It had been Taehyung who said he wanted to fuck Yoongi facing him, that he wanted to kiss Yoongi and look into his eyes. How could Yoongi deny him such a loving request?

Yoongi watched as Taehyung rolled on a condom, jacking himself off a few times as he lubed himself up. He wiped his hands on the towel before lining himself up with Yoongi’s entrance. At the first breach, Yoongi let out an indescribable moan as Taehyung slowly fucked into him. Taehyung, too, groaned at the feel of how tight Yoongi was. Yoongi had to remember to breathe, with Taehyung’s size being what it was. He felt himself being stretched wide, unused to the girth.

Yoongi closed his eyes, concentrating on breathing as Taehyung seemingly split him open. Taehyung pulled out of him, looking down at Yoongi’s hole. Yoongi groaned, imagining what it looked like for Taehyung. When he entered him this time, he rolled his hips, sinking deeper and deeper with each short thrust. Yoongi panted, moving against Taehyung, clasping at the sheets around him, pulling them close as Taehyung picked up the pace once Yoongi got used to the feel of him.

Yoongi could feel himself being slid up the couch as Taehyung bucked his hips, fucking into him rougher as he bent over Yoongi, his hands sliding up his body. Yoongi gasped as Taehyung placed his hands around Yoongi’s throat finally while he continued to fuck him. For support Yoongi wrapped his own hands around Taehyung’s wrists as Taehyung’s hands found their home at Yoongi’s jawline. They overlapped, while he only used his fingers to apply the pressure, when they were placed one on top of the other they took up Yoongi’s entire neck.

Squeezing the sides of Yoongi’s throat, Taehyung didn’t apply pressure to his windpipe. Yoongi’s back arched as he felt the difference, the pleasurable pain cascading through his body as Taehyung fucked into him harder, the slowdown of his blood flow felt in his ears and neck, a thrumming that built up that he’d only dreamt of up until this point.

After the collars, the necklace that he’d wanted heavier and tighter, of touching Taehyung’s throat, to finally have Taehyung’s hands around his throat as he fucked into him sent Yoongi reeling as he lost himself in the feel of it. He couldn’t stop the litany of noises that escaped his lips and he was glad, at that moment, that they’d waited until everyone was gone or busy to fuck, because there was no keeping him quiet as his body shook with pleasure.

They were more like whimpers, short gasps as he tried to breathe, his heart beating fast as Taehyung hips thrust against him. He could feel each beat of his heart in his ears as the blood tried to pump past Taehyung’s fingers. Yoongi’s tongue stuck out, his eyes closing as Taehyung’s thrusts became erratic, less rhythmic as he got closer to coming. As his hands let up pressure Yoongi gasped for air, sucking it inwards as he came, thighs shaking as his stomach clenched.

“Fuck, fuck, shit,” Yoongi shouted, his hands reaching out and bringing Taehyung closer to him, their mouths crashing together as Taehyung gripped Yoongi’s thighs, finishing within him, his movements slowing until he pulled out, collapsing against Yoongi, their sweat soaked skin and tangled limbs a sign at how spent they both were. Taehyung wasn’t finished kissing Yoongi, though, as the kiss devolved from lustfilled to short and sweet he found it endearing that Taehyung could easily waver between rough sex to such soft touches, that he wanted him to remain that way: tender and intense.

“That was exactly what I needed,” Yoongi told him, pressing his nose against Taehyung’s sweaty forehead, his hair soaked and plastered to his face. He ran his fingers through it, pushing it out of his face.

“That was incredible,” Taehyung panted, his chest still moving up and down rapidly from the exertion, a smile spreading across his lips as he leaned off of Yoongi’s body, giving him a moment to breathe. Yoongi chuckled as he sat up, reaching for the tissues. He scrunched his nose up as he cleaned up his own stomach as Taehyung discarded his condom into the trash nearby.

They fell back into each other’s arms, not wanting to part as they kissed lazily, insatiable as they didn’t stop despite their exhaustion. It wasn’t until later, after they’d showered and gotten dressed only to return to Yoongi’s bed to cuddle as they watched a movie together that Yoongi thought about his life with Bangtan, with Taehyung, and how easily their life shifted to this domesticity. To be able to find moments alone with Taehyung, while not often, would be something he could look forward to. Being with Taehyung was no longer a dream, but a very real thing.

As Taehyung’s arms wrapped around him, his chin resting on Yoongi’s shoulder as they watched the movie, he thought that this is the sort of moment that he could write about. His very own muse held Yoongi in his arms as lyrics came to Yoongi’s mind, floating there waiting for him to write them down. Yoongi sat up, rolling over in the bed to grab his notebook that he always wrote in.

“What are you doing?” Taehyung asked, confused.

“Writing down lyrics,” Yoongi told him, unable to keep himself from smiling.

“Right now?”

“Yes,” Yoongi said as he wrote as fast as he could.

“What are they about?”

“You,” Yoongi said. “I just realized that I could write about you.”

“Yoongi-hyung,” Taehyung said, his voice wavering. Yoongi turned to look over at him, worrying at Taehyung’s tone. He didn’t need to worry, though, as Taehyung came forward, kissing Yoongi on the lips. “I can’t wait to write about you, too.”