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prude, chaste, virgin boy

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Jeno shifts again on the bed, his ankle bumping with Jaemin’s calf. The movie looks good, if only he had an idea of what’s going on, who’s breaking up with who, he doesn’t remember the main character’s name until the male lead says it dramatically under the rain. Jaemin, on the other hand, seems completely taken by the scene.

The evening just started, his parents are out of town visiting their friends for a week and Jeno can’t stop thinking of how he straight up ran from his last date. It wasn’t bad, the guy was nice and offered him coffee, if only Jeno didn’t panic when the boy suggested he’d stop by his apartment. Being twenty-one and a virgin is a struggle for someone who’s trying to finally accept the ridiculous amount of dates he receives.

Fairly, Jeno doesn’t know what they expect from him and why they keep asking him out. Donghyuck says because he’s hot and boyfriend material, but he doesn’t trust him too much when the boy usually falls for the biggest fools Jeno has ever met. He sighs, cheek smashed to the pillow and Jaemin grins at him, stroking his arm because he’s gentle like that.

“Bored?”. He says mirthfully, and all Jeno can think is Jaemin looks good today. He always does, even when he’s wearing sweats and a simple white shirt, hair slightly mussy from the press to the pillow and his long lashes fan his cheeks when he looks down at him, half sitting against the headrest.

Jeno is thinking extra hard about Jaemin’s good looks only for the words he wants to ask, probably blushing only at the thought of actually saying it out loud. Jaemin is experienced, has had a few relationships and they’re close friends. He knows he sleeps around a lot, but he’s still a gentleman to not brag about who he brings to bed and actually tries to shush their group of friends when they tease him for it, or ask names. And on top of it, Jeno has many reasons to trust Jaemin.

Jeno slightly lifts his body through his elbow and Jaemin frowns from the lack of reaction, watching him awkwardly settling next to Jaemin, both half sitting. Should he say it? The worst that could happen is him refusing, maybe he should ask. He never cared about people calling him prudish for getting sheepish whenever sex gets mentioned, neither felt the rush to lose his virginity to be at the same pace as everyone else. It would still be okay except recently it is affecting his great efforts at finding a boyfriend.

He stops the movie, pushing the laptop further on his bed and brings his knees under his chin. Jaemin asks again if he’s fine, and Jeno wants to fall on the bed in that curled position, disappearing in a sinkhole possibly opening under him on the mattress. Instead he bites his lips jittery, shifting again with his legs crossed.

“I was wondering if you could help me”.

Jaemin smiles, his gleaming one in kindness, the one Jeno always likes to see. “Sure, what is it?”.

“Well, uhm”. Jeno clears his throat, he’d like to sound remotely seductive to convince Jaemin but he has no idea how to do it. “Everyone says I’m a prude, chaste, virgin boy, the usual you also hear from our friends, right?”.

Jaemin nods, holds the tip of Jeno’s fingers. “And there’s nothing wrong with it”. He tells him seriously.

“Yeah”. Jeno looks down at their hands, teeth holding his bottom lip nervously. “I would like to change that”.

Jaemin coughs, and Jeno has to look up at the flustered face he makes. He tries to be nice, nodding at him to continue but Jeno really has no idea how to sound any less than out of his mind with this, so maybe his winning point is brutal honesty.

“Is it funny if I say I have no idea where to start? I tried to watch porn, but I couldn’t even click on the video and I closed everything. I mean, I know the dynamics-”. Jeno sighs, raising his eyebrows impossibly high, face flushing. “I never even touched myself”.

Jaemin blinks at him, and Jeno gets more sheepish to see his cheeks are also pinking, taking in all the things coming out of his mouth. “That’s actually a great way to know yourself, Jen. To find out what you like”. He frowns, looking more a way to try and understand why Jeno is still this nervous. “That’s not everything you’re trying to say, right?”.

Jeno nods, shutting his eyes in shame and turns briefly to his right, trying not to face Jaemin. He’s so going to say no, why is he even trying.

“I have no experience, and it’s making me too nervous to date anyone. I always end up breaking things off with every guy showing a bit of extra interest in me”. His fingers play with the crumpled blanket under their weight. “We’re friends, and I really trust you, Nana. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I was wondering if you could help me”.

The wide eyed look on Jaemin’s shocked features is comical, letting out an airy chuckle. He points at himself, and Jeno shrugs his shoulders. Jaemin is the best person he can think of to do this.

“Jeno”. Jaemin says with his low usual voice, and suddenly he feels tense being on the same bed as him. Not in a bad or uneasy way, he’s honest when he thinks he’d do anything Jaemin asks him to, he trusts him that much. “What is your honest opinion about sex?”.

“I always thought I’d do it after I get married, with someone I love. Everyone talks about pleasure and how it can be fun, that’s why I’m starting to think trust is enough for it to be enjoyable”.

“You’re actually right with that-”.

“But if it is also for trust, then why do you do it with complete strangers?”.

Jaemin seems to be thinking for an answer a few seconds more. “It’s like when you share some personal stories about yourself to someone you don’t know at all. That’s also a casual kind of trust, it’s the same”.

“Not really, you literally have no clothes and your body is moving with another naked body”.

Jaemin rubs his hands on his face, holding Jeno’s shoulders. “Look, I’m flattered you think I’m a good friend for this. It’s just, you said it yourself Jen. You want to do it with someone you love, and trust”.

“I also love you, in a way. You’re one of my dearest friends''. Jeno slides his hand on Jaemin’s arm, eyes glinting in hope. “Please help me”.

Jeno sees him pondering all choices in the long look they share, before he takes his hand to get up, Jeno unsure what to do when Jaemin walks behind him, holds his waist gently. He turns his head enough to see him, the other stepping closer to his space.

“I’ll help you, and before anything else, I’m giving you homework”. Jaemin jokes, Jeno letting out an amused and nervous chuckle because his friend’s lips are grazing his ear and he’s never been this close to someone who makes him twist his stomach in that funny way. Jaemin smells good, of his sweet shower gel that would taste like sugar he uses. He inhales the fragrance strongly from how close they are.

Jeno takes a sharp breath, and it’s just Jaemin holding his hand up, letting it trace from his chest down to his stomach. “You need to know yourself first, Jeno”. Jaemin helps his fingers to open around his crotch, wearing comfortable sweats so the touch presses right to his bulge, shoulders twitching behind where Jaemin’s chest is. “You have the house all for yourself. Don’t be ashamed, find what you like the most”.

Jeno flutters his eyes shut, and tries to suppress a noise coming out in another sharp puff of air when Jaemin keeps moving his open hand there, nipping harshly at his lips to how his twitching stomach wants to let out a gasp.

“Don’t be afraid to be noisy”. Jeno shots his eyes open when it’s Jaemin’s finger tracing the line of his growing erection, cheeks blushing at the short whine he makes. Jaemin’s breath is warm on his skin, making him shiver with that nauseous but extremely good twist in his stomach. “Boys love to hear them”.

“Do you?”. He moans, and it’s Jeno holding Jaemin’s hand to move on his clothed body now, feels the other’s thumb tracing delicately to his palm, his lips pressing mildly to the spot behind his ear and his legs wobble.

“It’s my favorite thing”. Jaemin whispers, and suddenly Jeno is left untouched, gripping a hand to his chest because what the hell just happened. He asked for it, he shouldn’t be surprised but Jeno wasn’t expecting it to be like that. And he hasn’t done anything yet. He turns completely to Jaemin, slightly gaping and Jeno must be crazy or he seems stuffy in his clothes. Jeno makes a shy smile, hands curling around his heated neck, unable to hold eye contact. Jaemin smiles brightly again, kind as always, and hides his hands in the pockets of his pants.

“I’ll leave you to it now”. He opens the door, flirty wink in his direction and Jeno wants to curse, he’s so embarrassed and also really wants to listen to Jaemin and do it as soon as he leaves. He pats the dark brown wooden. “I know the way, have fun darling”.

When Jeno hears the door closing, he falls heavily to the mattress, a strong blow of air out of his mouth. He listens to what Jaemin said, and he’s on his mind more than it should, more than the suggestions he gave him. Jeno feels burned, and it’s on his cheeks, on the weird feeling his posters are watching him as he takes off his pants and underwear, finding it’s not so hard to keep up with what Jaemin helped him start. He finds his voice odd, as if it is not his own when it gets rough, letting out all those sounds he deems indecent, shutting half closed lids when he thinks of Jaemin’s fingers tracing him, leaving Jeno to move someone else’s hand on him. It’s maddening, and Jeno concludes his first ever handjob thinking of warm breath and even warmer words making him flush, spent on the bed.

He gets confronted with it the next day, where Jeno skips his morning class at university and calls Jaemin knowing he is free. It’s hard to look at him without thinking he really masturbated when he left yesterday, even more shameful to nod when Jaemin asks if he did follow his suggestion. More than once, feeling slightly gross and sick after washing up and laying in bed to finally sleep.

Jeno suggests playing cards together, his own bedroom haunting him and they stay in the living room, Jaemin faking complaints when he loses because the boy is everything but competitive. They both learned how to play from Jeno’s grandmother, during a holiday when she visited and Jaemin just so happened to be there at their house. It happens often, his parents are quite fond of him, and it is no surprise.

Jaemin is witty, talks well and is interesting from all points of view. There’s never a dull moment with him and Jeno knows him for a long time now, considering him someone dear to his heart. He didn’t say he loves and trusts Jaemin just to convince him helping his desperate case, Jeno feels extremely comfortable around him. And anyone can tell they go well along.

They just finished another match, won by Jeno, and he’s trying to fix the messy cards on the table back into the deck, aware there’s more that still lingers between them and with what Jeno wants to say.

“I did it, when you left”.

Jaemin smiles, sly but careful, how he’s seen it many times. “How was it?”.

Jeno hums in thought, can’t help the shy smile albeit there’s nothing he can be that afraid of now, he’s asked the biggest part of it. “Had fun. I’d like to know how it feels with a hand that’s not mine”.

Jeno bumps his nose with Jaemin when he comes closer, staring down with a rushed breath at their almost pressing bodies and how slowly Jaemin’s hands slide up his hips and waist, lifting the shirt up with it. Jeno latches his arms around the boy’s neck, pushing himself closer until he feels Jaemin against him. And it feels good, Jeno backs with Jaemin’s steps further, back pressing to the table.

“Here?”. He asks, taking a choked gasp as he slides a hand under his sweatpants, his hips moving to Jaemin’s palm, digits digging to the boy's nape.

“You can have sex anywhere you like, Jeno”. Jaemin licks his lips as Jeno gapes close to his mouth, unable to keep his eyes open with the hand wrapped around him. “Not in public though, that’s illegal”.

They both laugh, and Jeno moans at the thumb circling around the tip of his length, legs opening from where he’s pressing to the table.

“How do you feel?”. Jaemin asks, a hand to his cheek tracing gently as Jeno’s forehead hits not so delicately against his.

“Good”. Jeno’s hands tremble down to his chest, his shaky thighs a positive answer, craning his neck to Jaemin’s nose grazing his skin. He jerks to the hand stroking him, another filthy sound filling the space between them.

“How do you feel about kisses, Jeno?”. Jaemin looks surprised to see Jeno lean to kiss him, fingers playing with his ear and pressing to his jaw as he gapes to a warm tongue licking in his mouth, croaking out a sound.

“This is, fuck-”. Jeno rests his chin to Jaemin’s shoulder, twitching in the hold around his dick, and his fingers tug the collar of Jaemin’s shirt to that amplified feeling in his stomach, that can’t compare to what he did yesterday alone. It’s Jaemin’s fragrance combining with it, his own noisy breaths, the way he holds him, it’s a lot to focus on. “So much better than my hand alone”.

Jeno takes off his pants, tired of the fabric blocking everything, kissing incoherently Jaemin’s jaw as he bends him against the table, just slightly as Jeno cums in his hand, biting Jaemin’s skin in a moan and his hips make a void thrust up to the sound he makes.

He takes in the pounding of his heart, and his length twitching in the loose hold of Jaemin, hands trembling to the stained fabric, apologizing for Jaemin’s shirt. He doesn’t seem to mind, taking it off and to the floor. Jeno dares to look at him, finds his gaze intense, most likely trying to see if he is okay and also looking like Jaemin could want more from him.

Jeno takes off his shirt as well. He knows he has a fairly good body, working out regularly exactly to maintain it but the way Jaemin looks at him is intimidatingly hot. There’s no other way he can explain it in his mind, and Jeno wants to give him back something. That’s not the plan, he’s aware, but Jeno also needs to learn how to please others. Maybe he can ask it.

“I’d like to”. Jeno hesitates, index finger sliding between Jaemin’s chest, stopping right where his navel area is. “Can you teach me how to do a blowjob?”.

Jaemin breathes weirdly, a small clearing of his throat as he holds Jeno’s waist. “You want to give me one?”. He sounds more amazed than anything, it doesn’t even look like he’s suggesting it, genuinely asking if this is what Jeno meant, and to be fair it is Jeno’s idea.

Jeno is gaping in a mild few rushed and sheepish breaths, staring down at his and Jaemin’s naked bodies, without looking up at him. He’s still affected by what just happened, his legs are indeed shaky, and it doesn’t make sense because he’s not uncomfortable with Jaemin, getting jumpy when he tries to stroke the Jeno's thigh.

“Let’s take a break”. Jaemin holds his hand, gives him a reassuring smile. “I’m still impressed at how committed you are with this. We don’t have to do everything today and it doesn’t have to be with me”. He grins and hugs Jeno when he takes a step further to dip his nose in the crook of his neck, still blushing. “You can save the best part for someone you really like”.

 

Jeno watches Jaemin from the couch, wearing one of his shirts — a clean one, since he ruined his and is still somehow mortified. Jaemin reassured him it is fine, and it’s not like he’s never wore his clothes, which is true. It happened before that Jeno spilled a drink tripping on him when he sometimes came over for dinner, or they randomly decided to have a sleepover where Jaemin had nothing but his wallet and phone, staying in each other’s space and sharing items is nothing he’s not used to.

But Jeno is tense, and this break they’re taking is not helping him at all. He wants to touch Jaemin. Discovering how good it is has him about to stand up and kiss Jaemin where he’s currently and calmly pouring two glasses of juice for them. And he does, holding Jaemin’s hands to sit on the couch, a knee steading between his legs bending down to kiss him. Jaemin wraps his fingers around his waist, sloppy tongues feeling extremely unreal. Jeno has kissed many people — they’re not that many, but enough for someone like him who was afraid to go any further than the lazy making out they’re going for right now, until Jaemin showed him that it can be nice; not as terrifying as it was in his head.

Jaemin holds his leg from the back of his thigh raising it up, inviting Jeno straddle his legs. It feels close, very close to him, something a bit too intimate for Jeno’s range. He guesses that’s common, there's nothing wrong with it. Also Jaemin is an amazing kisser, his mouth leaving noises in appreciation to the way he sets a small friction for them, hands on his ass to help him move.

This is the kind of more heated making out he always escaped from, and foolish of him because he could have felt all of this sooner. He lets Jaemin know, hearing the rumbling of his laugh and it’s nice, Jeno is having a good time messing the boy’s blond hair. If he thinks about it too much, he’s also slightly scandalized by the way his body is plainly grinding on Jaemin once his hands aren’t guiding him anymore, only chasing that shivering feeling.

Jaemin lets out some overworked breaths, letting him do whatever he wants, only leaning to kiss his jaw. He’s not really teaching him anything, that’s clear even to Jeno, and when he tries to find his lips again Jaemin stops him. Same delicate palm on his cheek, flustering Jeno more than all they’re doing. A call back to a rational reality.

“Are you sure you really want to do this with me? Don’t you want all these first times to be special?”.

Jeno takes in his glossy, red lips and he thinks this is already special. A friend going all the way just to help you with an insecurity of yours, being respectful and attentive the whole time. He can’t think of something more caring towards him. He shakes his head and can’t help the smile stretching in his slightly sweaty and overwhelmed face.

“This is more than fine. I’m okay, Nana, you’re doing these absurd things for me and it’s special”.

Jaemin helps Jeno to get back where they were, taking off his jeans. Jeno stares, might look dumb but he has to take in it’s not him alone, and now he has to make Jaemin feel good someway.

“So, want me to show you first?”.

Jeno slides his hands to Jaemin’s groin, mildly grabbing the skin of his inner thighs. “I was thinking I could just go for it and then you tell me how to do it”.

Jeno catches Jaemin in a flustered laugh, soothing his shoulders when he kneels in front of him, looking up because he knows how it works but he has no idea where to start. He’s glad to do it now, or in a hypothetical situation where he’d find himself here in this same position with someone else Jeno knows he’d panic.

Jeno gapes slightly, hesitating as he keeps his tongue pressing to his front teeth, and Jaemin smiles nodding. He’s sweet, Jeno has experience with the boy’s endless patience and his mind keeps repeating he’s so glad it’s with Jaemin he’s doing this for the first time. He opens his mouth, taking in just the tip of Jaemin’s cock, eyes shut and cheeks pinking. He’s embarrassed, the living room has lights fully bright on a sunny morning and Jaemin can see every single detail of his inexperience, feeling a hand combing his hair.

“Don’t force it too much. Just flatten your tongue as you go down, try avoid using teeth and do what you feel like”. Jaemin makes a noise when he tries to flatten his tongue, black hair nestling in his fingers. “You have to be confident, even if you think you’re not doing a great job, ah-”.

Jaemin moans, and Jeno thinks the filling and weight around his lips stretching is not that bad. He always fumbles with everything, biting the pens caps when he studies, plastic of the bottle mouth always left bitten, his knuckles when he’s missing something to linger in his mouth. It’s a habit making him oddly satisfied, and he deepens the bobbing of his head, trying to look up at Jaemin. He busted him staring, opening one eye. Jaemin nods, keeping a guttural sound, tongue pressing between his lips.

“Yeah Jen, like this”. The way he says makes him shiver, more confident to take one bold move and his lips touch Jaemin’s lower stomach, taking all of him. He slightly gags when the other’s hips accidentally jerk up, hearing the immediate apology dragged with another moan. Jeno doesn’t care, if these are the sounds he takes out of Jaemin then he’s willing to do this forever. He tries to do the same movements, inhaling sharply for the lack of air and that’s when Jaemin tells him it’s enough, a thumb on his hollowing cheeks. There’s a string of his saliva when he pulls, and Jaemin helps him back on his lap, touching himself before Jeno ends up swatting his hand away, gaining a laugh from him.

He kisses Jaemin’s collarbone, stroking him between their bodies and Jeno feels the sticky warmth falling on his hand a few minutes later, gasping at the dense liquid and looking down to find that he was able to make Jaemin come. Jeno covers his face with his clean hand, lips bitten and trying to get over his bashfulness. It has no use, not when they’re pressed like this after what he’s just done.

“Why are you shy? I can’t believe this is your first time, I thought you were deceiving me”.

“It is, and don’t say it”. Jeno says in a mix of a whine and a complaint, but he does smile on the boy’s neck. “I feel I lost all my innocence”.

He’s joking, not completely because he does feel weirdly filthy, albeit it’s not bad. He could do it again if asked. He turns his head as Jaemin presses a kiss to his neck, his cheeks hurting from the smiles that are more a way to cope with how red his cheeks are.

“Is there something else that feels this good?”.

Jaemin’s eyes seem entertained by his lack of experience, letting Jeno lift his body so his chest is at the other’s mouth height, playing his teeth around his nipple and Jeno whimpers, tongue soothing it right after. “Jeno, you’re so sweet. There’s a lot more we can do''.

Jeno doesn’t question it, lets Jaemin turn him so he faces his living room tv, another aroused gasp by the reflection he sees on the black screen when Jaemin takes him by his hips and he grinds back to his dick a few times still straddling him. A hand wrapping on his length as he keeps meeting his ass back to Jaemin.

“This, for example”.

Then Jaemin lifts him so he can lay on the couch, staring at Jaemin leaving kisses to his whole body until he bites his inner thigh in a bruise, keeping his leg up. He tries to not close his eyes, moans his name when he teases a finger on his rim, only lingering there.

“This''. Jaemin whispers and Jeno almost shrieks at the tongue doing what his finger didn’t, twirling inside him and he almost closes his legs around Jaemin’s face.

“With your tongue?”. Jeno moans, shocked, his hands around the boy’s hair anyway trying to keep that feeling. Jaemin locks eyes with him, keeps working his tongue and Jeno is too sweaty and fogged, getting out absurd noises as he keeps going. “Wait, is it something enjoyable for you?”.

Jaemin pulls, and Jeno feels empty without that warmth. He’s sweaty, realizing it only when Jaemin comes back to his chest and kisses him, hands slippery on the boy’s shoulders.

“Your reaction is worth anything, Jeno”.

“That was, good god”. Jeno chuckles, kissing back and adding more tongue to stop the talking. He doesn’t know about Jaemin but he’s enjoying this too much, aware they have the whole week and he doesn’t want to rush anything nor is ready to go further today, as tempting as he is. “I think you just got me hard again”.

“That makes the two of us”. Jaemin breaks the kiss, wet lips pecking his cheek. “No more filth, it’s barely ten in the morning”.

Jeno looks up at the clock, chuckling his arousal away and when he turns their noses bump from the closeness. “Had breakfast yet?”.

Jaemin looks down at his body, wiggling eyebrows and Jeno slaps his arm, genuinely laughing at the stupid and very bad joke.

“Idiot, I meant food. Actual food”.

“Nope”. Jaemin makes the ‘p’ pop with his lips, holding Jeno’s hand to help him up on his feet. “Let’s get cleaned up first”.

 

Jeno’s focus is all the way gone, having no idea how many slides projected on the white screen during his lecture he missed since he started daydreaming about yesterday’s events with Jaemin, pen mindlessly between his teeth. Renjun scoffs at him, lifts his eyebrow questioning his way when he notices he hasn’t written a thing in his notes but the title for about half an hour and Jeno only shrugs his shoulders. It’s a boring class anyway, it is not that hard finding believable excuses.

And his heart shouldn’t pick up that fast beating seeing Jaemin and Jisung outside their classroom, forgetting they were planning to study all together at the library. He wrinkles his lips in a smile as Jaemin starts walking next to him, pinkies hooked for a few steps. Jeno tries to ignore it, the look Renjun gives them. It’s meaningless, short and they’re back listening to Jisung complaining about the university secretary for delaying the compiling of some papers he needs, soon all concentrated studying with cheap coffees as their company, getting cold resting on the library table. Exactly how he’s spent the whole hour of his lecture, now it’s harder to concentrate if he has the subject of his distraction right in front of him.

Jisung makes a joke, a group of people sitting at another table is staring at Jeno and he hears someone saying he’s hot. Typically, it happens often, and he looks down to his books feeling the weight of those stares, getting uneasy on his seat. He should be flattered, but Jeno likes to pass unnoticed, and soon he gets up excusing himself to the bathroom. The most annoying part is having people expecting something from him, feeling bad all the time he purposely doesn’t indulge those stares. He’s not pretentious, or full of himself, Jeno only wants to have people coming seriously at him if they’re interested and at the same time he doesn’t, ending up in uncomfortable situations often in his first two years of university.

Voices run fast, and it’s common to everyone Jeno is kind of a chaste boy. This has some people challenging themselves to get the pure one, some explicit to say guys like him are a rarity and they want to be the first ones to change that. People praise him for things he didn’t build himself; he was born with good features, has the luck of having a nice body and he didn’t do anything sexual yet for the mere reason of not wanting to. He took no effort, he's not restraining himself or suffering in any way.

All of it is so stupid to Jeno, he needs no one saving him from his choices. He always chose to not go any further with boys, and he did a step further with Jaemin also out of choice. This is between them, Jeno is glad it’s not a known fact yet. Hopes it will never be and he spots his friend getting in the bathroom, blond hair and a pink sweater. Jeno detaches from the cold and not too clean walls of the room as he walks where he is.

“Hey”. Jaemin smiles, standing next to him against the wall. “Ignore them, you don’t owe them anything”.

“It’s annoying”. Jeno gestures in useless distress. “I’m not what they think I am”.

“You’re a lot more than whatever they can think”. Jeno grins at his hip being bumped by Jaemin. He does it back after a few long seconds of silence, both staring awkwardly at someone from said group who comes in to disappear in a stall seeing them together.

“Are you busy tonight?”. Jaemin asks, holding his hands up and whispers. “For our usual movies, I’m a gentleman”.

Jeno snorts, pressing an affectionate thumb to his cheek. “Text me when you’re outside”. He walks a few steps ahead of him, turning curiously because Jaemin is not walking. Jaemin smiles instead, shaking his head as he starts walking again next to him.

 

Jaemin sucks a dark bruise on his neck, Jeno’s hips stuttering to their own accord, gripping his hair not enough to be painful, blonde locks tangled in his fingers. The boy’s hands wrap around his thighs, tracing and lingering where his rim is, and Jeno is glad to find his tongue to suppress the noises in. He’s loud today, getting a confidence that makes everything easier if he doesn’t overthink it as much.

“We were supposed to watch a movie, what happened to the gentleman?”.

Jeno feels Jaemin’s bulge pressing to his ass, licking his throat in response.

“The gentleman got a hand under his pants by a very handsome man he was trying to ignore to watch the movie”.

“Mh, he must be very, very handsome for him to give up this fast”. Jaemin flips them over, Jeno taking a fistful of the sheets as the other kisses and bites his inner thigh, panting with the palm sliding to his stomach up to tease his nipples.

“He is”. Jaemin looks up, lips closer to his rim, taking a deep lick inside and Jeno loses it, hand shamelessly pushing Jaemin’s head there.

“Jaem, this is my favorite thing so far”. Jeno says in a shocked gasp at a hand spreading him wider, tongue swirling again there.

Jaemin pulls, lays on the mattress and guides him to sit where his face is, hesitating before Jaemin seems so sure of it. “I can tell. Come on, it’s easier for me and better for you this way”.

He’s right. Jeno’s thighs shake so much he has to steady off the headrest, knuckles turning white from how much he’s restraining himself. He wants to release the tension of his muscles, afraid he’d hurt Jaemin.

“You can move against my tongue, as if it is… you know, the actual thing”.

Jeno’s thighs sink pressed to Jaemin’s mouth, a high pitched moan at the warmth melting inside him. He does grind back to his tongue, the feeling too overwhelming and ticklish, his palms to the headstand slipping from his grip, a scared gasp mixed with moans still coming out of his mouth as Jaemin blocks him from falling forward with a hand to his chest, soothing back and forth.

“Jaemin?”. Jeno keeps moaning frantically his name, higher, eyes squeezing shut and gaping.

“Jaemin”.

He lets out a noisy breath when Jaemin stops, lifts his thighs to see him. He has a worried frown, and Jeno reaches one of the boy’s hands on his thighs to trace the back of it, and moves a few blond strands messily kneaded with sweat on his forehead.

“Are you sure you’re breathing just fine down there?”.

Jaemin scoffs in an amused laugh, biting his lips suggestively. “Trust me Jen, I’d be the luckiest man alive to die due to eating your ass”.

Jeno grimaces and crawls down his face, Jaemin chuckling apologetically, trying to bring him back but Jeno is pretending to sulk, back facing him. It’s not a good idea as it gives Jaemin the freedom to kiss his neck, fingers twirling around his nipple. He’s delighted by their playfulness, it feels more like the friends they are, and there’s no way Jeno can regret this, not when it makes him smile so much.

“Too bad, I was planning to try and go with my fingers tonight but I guess-”.

“Do it”. Jeno turns, hand to Jaemin’s chest to have him lie down again. “I tried to do it myself but I kind of chickened out”.

“Jeno, I’m kidding. I mean if you’re seriously ready, sure, let’s do it. If you’re not just tell me and we can stick to all we’ve done so far, or just get comfortable and watch a movie seriously”.

Jeno closes his eyes, the gentle drawn of Jaemin framing his face, fingers stroking his skin gently and fluttering. It’s the best thing, having someone who chooses to check up on you and get there slowly when Jeno can tell just with a look down his body that Jaemin would gladly do more. So he leans to kiss him, slides his tongue to Jaemin’s chapped lips.

“Thank you. For taking care of me and being so patient”.

“That’s the least I could do”.

They lock eyes. Jeno doesn’t know if it’s the dim lights of his room, but they sparkle and that look seems so meaningful, it is to him. It speaks of trust, the kind of affection they always had going on, the same kind that has Jaemin mindlessly kiss his cheek or be gentle as they are now. It’s so easy to kiss Jaemin again, nodding when he takes his hand to cup his ass, only pulling to reach for the lube he bought. He did it at a convenience store in the middle of the night, someone probably thinking he was getting wild, also grabbing condoms and taking two sizes since he couldn’t tell which one Jaemin is. He figures he’d let Jaemin be on top, maybe it would be a good idea to just get how it feels and see if he likes it. Jeno heard it is painful at first, but the prospect of doing it with Jaemin doesn’t scare him.

So between Jeno sucking indecent hickeys on his neck that will give Jaemin trouble tomorrow and being distracted by the boy’s blown eyes and moans as he’s stroking him, Jeno presses his nose to Jaemin’s cheek when he feels a finger slicked with lube pushing inside him. Jeno is more than tight, this already feels filling enough to make a bearable hurting stretch in his rim, Jaemin kissing the immediate frown between his eyebrows. He stops his hold on Jaemin’s dick, hand loosely trapped between their bodies too focused on the new thing Jaemin is doing to him. This one feels more final, more like reaching what he’s asked for.

The stretch burns more than before when it gets bigger with two fingers, and Jeno inhales sharply with a pained whine, Jaemin intertwining their fingers when Jeno grips fiercely at his hand.

“Relax. Jeno, sweet”. Jaemin stutters a little at the pet name slipping, Jeno can’t even say anything with how much it burns when he tries to move the fingers. “I know it hurts, but you need to take some deep breaths”.

“Does it get better?”.

“Of course”. Jaemin kisses his forehead, and Jeno does take the deep breaths he suggests. “Do you trust me Jeno?”.

“More than anyone else”.

Jaemin smiles. He’s beautiful, with that gleaming light Jeno could stare at more than considered just friendly. Jeno stirs a little, making an airy noise as he nips his neck. It starts to get better after a while, rocking his hips towards his fingers. He starts moving his hand to Jaemin’s shaft again, his lips opening to his neck to moan louder.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to take your-”. He presses his lips, Jaemin curling his fingers inside leaving him to filthy sounds.

“You can say it. It’s not a bad word”.

“Your dick, Jaemin. I don’t know if I can take your dick”. Jeno says with a sheepish huff, his own words making his stomach twitch. He gets adjusted to Jaemin’s fingers, third one adding to that sweeping pleasure in his body, his hips rocking back to them the more the burning stretch stops, tongue parting Jaemin’s lips. The next time Jeno clenches is not for the painful tightness, but it’s with a loud gasp and dirtying their chests with a not truly familiar, yet a sight he’s seen before these last two days.

 

Ten minutes later Jaemin is pressed to his chest, letting Jeno soothe his scalp mindlessly watching another movie playing since they missed the first one, this time distracted by their sleepiness and how warm two bare bodies under a blanket can get. He’s slept with Jaemin before, just not pressed like this. Like lovers do, except they’re no lovers. Jeno needs it tonight, feeling a bit nauseous and he’s told the other as they were showering. Maybe it is because he felt too much at once, senses flooded overwhelmingly in a span of an hour to sink fingers in Jaemin’s soft hair slightly ruined from the repeated bleaching, the ends dry in his fingers. Jaemin has long lashes, fanning his cheeks when his eyes close at every stroke tangling hair, the boy’s arm circling around his middle and grabbing loose on his shoulder.

Jeno stretches an arm to reach his phone, a few texts from their friends group chat they missed asking them if they were going out. Almost sent two hours ago, and they both ignored it. Not intentionally, they were just too lost in the other to mind. Asking the unreplied questions if they got kidnapped or to blink twice if they need help, Jeno tells them he’s fine and with Jaemin. Renjun sends him the detective emoji in their private chat he ignores, looking at the time.

“It’s late, wanna sleep here?”.

“If you don’t mind”. Jaemin mumbles, his right eye and cheek smashed to his chest. “I can sleep on the couch”.

Jeno rolls his eyes in a huff. “I don’t think that’s necessary”.

 

Jeno sees it as the flaws of closeness. When you start moving with someone, on two close linear paths that have been going the same way since the start, to the point where more than once they combine with the same need to step and invade the lonely individual journey we’re made of since we get into the world — you stumble and naturally crave coming back to that new warm presence after having a taste of it.

That’s why it doesn’t come as a shock to Jeno when Jaemin mindlessly circles his arms around his waist as they’re having a coffee break in the faculty corridor, in the vending machine area where most students crowd to seek caffeine and someone to rant about how miserable they’re getting through the accumulating exams and material to study.

And less of a shock is that Jeno doesn’t think of pushing him away, keeping him there, hands on top of the ones latched around him and his head leaning back to Jaemin’s shoulder. This time is not only Renjun giving them a look, but all their friends do, and that’s when they realize they stepped boundaries that already don't exist when it’s just the two of them. It’s even more obvious and stupid Jeno detaching, as if they didn’t already left physical traces behind. Littered necks, accidentally ditching their friends, their dynamic drastically changed in only a couple of days that lost the conception of time. Jeno believes it has been more than that until the calendar in his phone speaks clearly.

Donghyuck to his luck changes the topic, reminding them they have to decide if they want to put money on the party Mark and Yukhei are organizing and they only have two days left to contribute. So Jisung teases saying the only reason why he’s so passionate is because he has a crush on Mark, and whenever Jisung attacks, Chenle is even more ready to fuel the insufferable impossibility to escape their evil mouths. They are young but a lot more ruthless than Jeno ever thought they would be with those sweet faces — and sweet they are, if you take them in the right moment.

Jaemin makes a worried scowl seeing Jeno limping as he walks, feeling his hand trapping his digits. “If it hurts too much we can go home, okay?”. He whispers, lips close to the shell of his ear Jeno is sure absolutely no one else can hear them.

“I think it’s wiser if we take a break today”. Jeno holds his hand properly, walking a few steps together. “I have a hard time sitting”. He chuckles embarrassed, or he’s not anymore and it’s just funny because Jeno only had Jaemin’s fingers and he’s struggling.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you”.

“You didn’t”. Jeno thinks to screw it all, he does trace his knuckles to Jaemin’s cheek. It’s also a good way to keep people away from him, not helping his boyfriend search that had him ask all of this from Jaemin in the first place. “It was good, and I was expecting it. Look at me, still healthy as ever”.

Jaemin only smiles at him, the corner of his mouth lifted and takes his hand to kiss it. It makes Jeno’s heart beat stupidly, his friend wasn’t lying when he said he’s a gentleman. There’s something appeasing in his gentleness, too nice to ignore. Jeno would be a fool saying to himself he didn’t enjoy sleeping with him last night, and that maybe he was an ounce disappointed not finding him in the bed when he woke up. Jaemin also texted him saying he had to go home to grab his books and change in decent clothes for class — which he didn’t need to do, because they might be trying all these new things for Jeno but other than that, as far as he knows, Jaemin can sleep with anyone else in the meanwhile. It’s not exclusive, just him asking Jaemin to help him lose his virginity so he can stop being a bundle of nerves in his next dates.

He realizes how out of his mind it is when he retells himself the whole plan, needing to ignore the mention of a stinging feeling as he thinks about it, clearing his throat and tugging Jaemin’s arm so they can join their friends.

 

 

That night they're in Jeno’s living room, sitting on Jaemin’s lap and kissing languidly only letting their tongues meet in sloppy movements. It's hazing to close his eyes and only feel that tongue licking the roof of his mouth, watering to the corner of his lips, making Jeno completely pressed to Jaemin just to not lose that feeling. He’s enjoying it, and he's vocal about it with his small humming, Jaemin’s hands running up his thighs through his palms.

“Am I stealing you from other booty calls?”. Jeno squeezes his eyes mirthfully at the laugh Jaemin makes, licking Jeno’s upper lip.

“Do you think I spend my entire week having sex in the whole students building?”. Jaemin jokes, lifting his eyebrows as Jeno kisses him again, taking him by his cheekbones.

“That's a demanding number, Jaemin”. Jeno chuckles as Jaemin keeps kissing down a trail to his neck, sucking more bruises on the faded ones. If he didn't explicitly tell anyone what he's doing, Jeno guesses his body speaks ahead of him.

“Next week you can go around telling everyone Jeno Lee is not a virgin anymore and you took all his firsts”. Jeno jokes, huffing out a laugh.

“That's not something I’d do, ever”. Jaemin pulls to seriously look at him, and Jeno hugs him. This is not exactly what they should be doing together, they only talked about the sex part. Jeno can tell it comes easy to both of them, and it's not embarrassing or questionable when they do it.

“I know. I always respected you a lot for that”. Jeno lingers a kiss to his cheek, a thank you itself. “You really are a gentleman, all jokes aside”.

“How are you, Jeno? Seriously, it's just us now, you can tell me”.

“I feel good”. Jeno pushes Jaemin’s longer hair back, freeing his forehead and keeps playing with it. “I’m just a bit afraid it would sting too much if we do it today”.

“That's good to hear”. Jeno can't get tired of kissing him another time. “And I’m here to reassure you for the next few days. Because if you take your time to adjust, and I’ll give you all you need without any pressure, it's going to be fine”.

“What if I cry? I’m so relieved it's you to see me crying, I think I can live with that shame”.

“If you cry I’ll be the cheesy one kissing your tears away. And there’s absolutely nothing you should be ashamed of, when someone cares about you they’d get it and help easing the pain. I can’t lie to you Jeno, it is going to hurt at first”.

“Damn”. Jeno tries to whistle, laughing at his own failure. “Is this how you treat all your flings? Because I’d gladly get in line if it is”.

“Not really?”. Jaemin feels the shape of his shoulder blades, soaking the first time of this week they're being together without taking their clothes off after five minutes spent alone. “I don't think they would want all this care, honestly”.

“Why?”.

“They're not you. You're important to me, Jen”.

“So are you”. Jeno looks down, trying to keep the cheeky smile. “Are we really doing nothing today?”.

“I have something in mind”. Jaemin lifts him up for a few steps, Jeno back on his feet right in front of the stairs. “We’re going to clean your closet, it gives me nightmares”.

“What?”. Jeno watches betrayed Jaemin climbing up the stairs, taking the hand he offers. “My closet is completely fine”.

They get in the room, and once Jaemin opens the closet and a few crumpled clothes fall on the floor from how cluttered it is, Jeno smiles guiltily. He’s right, it is a mess. To his defense, Jeno is usually a neat person, he just got busy with university and not having his parents around entailed different activities that also got him distracted, in different ways.

And Jeno really is trying to indulge Jaemin with this cleaning activity, folding for the third time the same shirt, slipping from his hands as he watches Jaemin and the muscles of his shoulders flexing with his movements. He’s terrible at this, and he shouldn't be so into Jaemin. Blame it on their recent intimacy, he can't stop staring. He finishes his pile of folded clothes, getting to the side some he needs to iron after keeping them crumpled in a corner for more than a week.

Jaemin smiles at him as he walks next to him, pressed in the small space of the open doors as he’s dividing the shirts by color. Jeno takes his hands freeing him from another piece of fabric, and he lifts his eyebrows amused when Jeno sits resting on the headboard and unzips the boy’s pants. Jaemin is kneeling between Jeno’s legs, combing his hair as Jeno nuzzles to his exposed groin, a ticklish bite where his thigh starts.

“What are you doing, Jeno?”. Jaemin's breath itches halfway as Jeno traces his tongue all the way through his length, cheeky eyes locking with his, pressing his lips to take him.

Jeno bobs his head down, hands holding and feeling Jaemin’s legs. His thumbs press to Jaemin’s softer skin at his lower back, spit dripping down his chin with a dirty sound. If he’s aroused by his own actions alone, he hopes Jaemin’s moans are really that pleased as he sounds. Jeno boldly moves Jaemin’s hand behind his head, nods as he can take more of him in his mouth without gagging, and soon he feels Jaemin pushing his head how he likes, hips moving alone.

“You really like this, don't you?”. Jaemin moans, glancing up to his closed eyes and gaping mouth, and Jeno shivers when they look at each other, burned by that gaze.

Jeno makes a sound at Jaemin’s hand getting under his jaw, drooling but he doesn't seem to mind. And Jaemin stutters louder sounds as Jeno grabs his hips firmly and moves him like he knows he’d do if he isn't so careful all the time.

“Jeno”. There's a hand on top of him on Jaemin's hip. “You're amazing, shit, like, best blowjob of my life but you need to pull out or-”.

Jeno lifts a cocky eyebrow his way, flattening his tongue with a faster bobbing of his head and he feels what Jaemin warned him about. He swallows, eyelashes fluttering at the gulp he makes, short cut breaths.He relaxes on the headstand, cleaning the corner of his mouth with a finger to collect a few drops of cum he missed, threading in his mouth as he looks directly at Jaemin. “I know”. He whispers, voice rough.

Jeno’s thighs circle fast on Jaemin’s waist, tongues frantically meeting and hips creating a quick friction between their pressed bodies, his hands scraping Jaemin’s back getting under his shirt.

“You're insane”. Jaemin pants, sucking a deep purple hickey on his neck, Jeno whines from their frenzy movements making the bed thump against the wall. “You’ve really never done it before?”. He’s telling more to himself than Jeno he thinks, head pressing strong to the pillow as his spine arches.

“I did once”. Jeno moans, this time loud, feeling Jaemin’s hand wrapped around him. “To you, the other day”.

Jeno bites Jaemin’s lips, mouth open for him to do whatever he wants with his tongue. This is delirious, they're not doing anything different but the careful touches left for a moment drives him crazy, seeking for that new warm feeling from the rough quick friction.

“You have no idea of how much I wanna fuck you”. Jaemin says, moaning in one extremely guttural sound that has Jeno’s legs shake and twitch on the boy’s back, answering back with another sound, unsure of what to do with his hands.

“How much”. He dares to ask, hips grinding to Jaemin’s hand, lips leaning on his cheeks to gape. “Tell me how much and we're doing it right now”.

“No”. Jaemin shuts his eyes, kissing him more gently this time. “No baby, it would hurt now. We need to be patient”.

“You really like pet names”.

Jeno smiles seeing the blush pinking Jaemin’s cheeks, and Jeno realizes he's close when his hand strokes him again. “Can I? Do you like it?”.

“It makes me feel good when you say it and then-”. Jeno gasps, hands scraping his nape.

“Then what? Tell me dollface, what?”.

Jeno cums, spilling in Jaemin’s hand and his stomach, his legs clenching around Jaemin. He chuckles, just proving what he was about to say.

“Then this. I feel like this”. He actually laughs after saying it, Jaemin smiling at him slightly confused as he throws his head back to giggle more. He feels deliriously good, he can't help it from escaping his lips, chest and shoulders shaking. “Sorry, I didn't know sex was ridiculously amazing, it's funny to me”.

Jaemin keeps silently staring at him, stupid smile and glinting eyes. He looks adorable without the context they're in right now, and Jeno leans to the digits grazing his face.

“And there's a lot more we still can do. And many other pet names”. Jeno closes his eyes pleased and threads his fingers in Jaemin's hair, always finding them soft and relaxing to hold. Jaemin bites his lobe. “Kitten”.

Jeno’s breath stutters with the small kiss under his ear and Jaemin’s lovely chuckle. He pouts at the amused laugh, he’s having too much fun with his genuine confession. His stomach churns at each name, flustering and also amplifying whatever they're doing. They don’t get up from their fatal laying on the bed, losing track of time in languid kisses, another day spent with Jaemin and the entire house for them.

 

Jeno is half asleep on the couch later in the evening, clinging with an arm around Jaemin’s stomach who’s still eating fruit, pressing a piece of apple to his lips for him. Jeno shakes his head, Jaemin guiding his hand back to eat it, and Jeno thinks they've never done things like this before. Still it doesn't stop him to make himself more comfortable on the other's body, fingers trailing under the short sleeved shirt to feel the muscles on Jaemin’s shoulder. He likes to touch him, it feels he’s getting to know Jaemin in a different light, something he didn't completely show him, entailing an intimacy they didn’t have. Not necessarily romantic, he can’t consider the words they slipped when horny as such but their relationship changed with each discarded piece of clothing.

“Did you really mean it before?”. Jeno whispers, mingling with the voices from the tv, Jaemin turning to his distracted watching as he talks. He holds a hand on top of the one Jeno keeps rubbing to the boy’s chest.

“I mean having sex with me. Did you say it just to keep me going or do you actually want to?”.

Jaemin stops his way to eat another piece of cut fruit, looking at him and biting his lips with a worried look. He seems insecure, and Jeno is afraid he really did it to arouse him. Honestly he might be doing all of this just because he asked him and Jaemin is too kind to refuse.

“Are you upset? Sorry, I didn't mean to say it that way”.

“I was actually hoping you really meant it that way”.

Jaemin stops from whatever he was about to say, letting Jeno straddle him when he tries to get on top. He shivers at the hands roaming through his bare sides under the shirt, digits barely under his boxers to touch his skin.

“Nana, I asked you to help me but if you don't want to, I’m not here to force you. You’re the nicest friend ever, and you already did so much”.

“You know I only want you to not regret it in the future. And if you’re fine with it, I enjoyed everything that happened these days. I don’t feel forced at all”.

“So, did you really mean it? If I wasn't a virgin and I randomly asked you to have sex would you still do it?”.

“Yes, Jeno. I meant it”.

“Then I don't see why we should be waiting”. Jeno leans to press a kiss to his jaw, locking eyes with Jaemin. “I really wanted you to go on before”.

Jeno rests his head in Jaemin’s neck as he takes his clothes off and feels his lower back being grabbed in a languid press of skin. Jeno gets closer to his ear, hands holding his hair and tugging them slightly.

“I wanna know how you feel. Not your fingers, or your tongue. You''. Jeno takes a deep breath at the finger lingering through his curves, his ass stretched to grind o Jaemin's dick.

“But we need those too, baby”. Jeno keeps the pace of their bodies, trying to take off Jaemin’s clothes with his eyes shut, mumbling about how it feels good. And once Jaemin’s lower body is also naked Jeno gaps, steading on Jaemin’s chest to keep a stronger pressure to their grinding. “I need to get us lube, can you wait for me?”.

Jeno nods, feeling empty when Jaemin gets up and disappears up the stairs fast. He takes a moment to think he really asked that, and one of his closest friends is totally okay with it. Well, he maybe had a feeling when not even two hours ago he looked more like he wanted to blow Jaemin than learn something about sex. It looked more like two people wanting to hook up. He climbs up the stairs, meeting Jaemin in between and bringing him back to his room. He’s unconsciously more nervous that his words and mind allow him to look, realizing it in the way his hands involuntarily tremble as he kisses Jaemin, his spine getting cold against the door. He’s not sure why they closed it, they’re alone in the house.

“Is there something that I need to do?”. Jeno’s voice stutters with his trembling teeth, his knees and legs shaking. He’s not scared of Jaemin, yet his stomach sinks oddly pleasantly and he can’t stop shuddering whenever he moves, twitching in the boy’s hold.

“You only have to relax, you’re shaking like crazy”. Jaemin frames his face, looks at him with his big, lovely eyes that makes Jeno trust him whenever he sees them. They reflect how good of a person he is, there’s not a soul who can’t tell Jaemin is precious. Just a look and you’re gone — another look and Jeno thinks he doesn’t want this to end after he’s got everything Jaemin could teach him.

“Yeah, I can’t tell why”. Jeno chuckles, following the space of Jaemin’s wide shoulders and lean arms. Even his voice comes out weird, must be the chattering of his teeth. “Okay”.

Jaemin kisses him unnecessarily too long, Jeno can’t deny he likes it, twirling his tongue back when it meets him. His lips are soft, and addictive everywhere they press, looking down at him where he’s laying as Jaemin winks and keeps getting further between his legs. And as a quick habit, Jeno can't hold back a sound at the warm tongue working in his rim, moving Jaemin’s head against his it with less shame, chasing what he wants. Jaemin keeps his legs bent, and when they start shaking he pulls, kissing his inner thigh. Jeno watches him confused when Jaemin gives him lube, his neck bitten again in the already littered space.

“Can you touch yourself for me?”.

Jeno is sure his face flushes, turning to bump to Jaemin’s nose and a wet kiss. He moves some sweaty strands of black hair from his forehead, and playfully bites his cheek as Jeno nods and moves the warmed up slicked fingers down his body. He hasn't fingered himself alone yet, only had Jaemin do it the day before, and his stomach gets kindled with the premise of how good it feels. He licks his lips, staring at Jaemin as he gapes threading a finger. It's oddly dirty to do it in front of him and looking directly in his eyes, closing the heavy gaze behind his lids, the slick easily moving up and down inside.

Jaemin helps him keep one of his legs up, Jeno rolling to the side hiding his forehead and sheepishness in the crook of Jaemin’s neck, moaning. His wrist hurts, it's hard to reach further how Jaemin did with his own fingers, now two making him whimper Jaemin’s name.

“Can you do it for me? Yours are better, you-”. He gapes, Jaemin holding his wrist to keep the pace, taking Jeno by his hips as he lays on his stomach. And Jeno wasn't prepared for two fingers and Jaemin’s tongue replacing his hand, arching his back to his face, choking a loud noise. It still burns, but Jeno’s mind is too clouded with the next step. He doesn't mind three fingers stretching him wider, rocking his hips back, and blushing at the playful bite on his ass. He turns to glare at Jaemin, the other disappearing behind his thighs to give him new bruises. It feels awfully private, something he finds difficulty to believe he will do with someone else once it is over between them.

This is Jaemin’s way; the most addictive combination of kindness, charm, and flirty words making his stomach close in an indescribably amazing impatience, a growing pleasing impatience at the end of his stomach, rolling back to the mattress and face Jaemin.

He kisses him quickly, legs parting to let Jaemin press close. Jeno’s heart pounds in his throat as they lock eyes, a hand naturally feeling the smooth skin of his face, a weird possessiveness as he moves the other hand close to his nape and relaxes to the sloppy kisses to his neck. He reaches his hand wet with lube’s consistency to stroke Jaemin’s dick, and the other lifts his head to eye him. Jeno doesn't say anything, tries to adjust and align him to his entrance, and Jaemin smirks amused, stopping him.

“Nana, I’m not scared-”.

“I know. I’m taking a condom”.

“Oh”. Jeno laughs, feeling hot in his cheeks and everywhere else. “Right, I forgot for a moment”.

“Don't be too impatient”. Jaemin says, opening the package with his teeth and rolls the condom in. “Enjoy your last seconds as a virgin”. He slicks himself with lube, letting Jeno handle him by his hips back on top of him.

“I feel everything but a virgin after these days, I threw away all my innocence”.

“Any regrets?”. Jaemin whispers and Jeno gasps to his fingers moving again in him to not lose the stretch.

Jeno bites back a smile. “Absolutely not”. He looks down to Jaemin’s length starting to press inside, gaping more because it is happening than for anything else. Then he feels it; it's a painful, sharp fit of something a lot more filling than fingers could ever prepare him, head slammed back to the pillow with a wince. He grimaces, teeth gritting and tensing his jaw, feeling the urge of tears for a few seconds of his breath stolen. Jeno takes a strong grip around the skin of the boy’s shoulder, sees Jaemin make a pained face when he digs his nails. He makes an odd screeching sound, and something that sounds like a slightly panicked sob. It hurts, and Jaemin’s kiss on his cheek is extremely fond.

“Take deep breaths”. Another kiss at the slope of his nose. “Sorry baby, please don't cry”.

“It fucking hurts”. Jeno whines, tears wetting his cheeks as he takes a look in the meanwhile and Jaemin hasn't even bottomed yet. “How big are you, this is too much, how”. He stresses, and tries to laugh through the pain, Jaemin rumbling a laugh to his neck as well, trying to lift the mood. “Mother nature’s gift”.

“She went a bit wild with it”. Jeno gasps, eyes wide and hands panicking to Jaemin’s chest, pushing him away. “No no, don't move, please, I’m not ready”. His voice sounds rushed, scared and he sobs as he kisses Jaemin.

“Hey, Jeno, hey”. Jaemin holds the space under his jaw, foreheads pressed together. “I’d never intentionally hurt you, okay? Do you still trust me with this?”.

Jeno nods, clenching around Jaemin’s length and he can tell it also hurts for him. He starts slow, slightly moving his hips in a circle closer to Jeno’s rim, completely filled with him. He tries to move his ass against it, one leg getting further up around his middle and the burn becomes bearable with how deep Jaemin gets, grazing a spot from time to time that makes him moan loudly his name, a shocked gasp in Jaemin’s mouth.

“Where?”. Jaemin smiles, licking in his open mouth and Jeno is just so willingly doing anything with him at this point. “Use your words, sunshine, where do you feel good?”.

“I don’t- down there- let me try to sit on you”. He tries to explain, too far gone to speak coherently. And Jeno might have had a good idea, because feeling Jaemin right up his sinking weight on his length makes him whimper, losing balance, sweaty palms on both sides of Jaemin. He grinds there a few times, still grimacing with pain but he grazes again, a spot that makes him shy with his sounds, still too good to ignore.

“Found it?”. Jaemin smirks, seeing Jeno gripping his waist and riding him alone, nodding in a needy moan.

“Yes, but you're too far now”. Jeno pants, unable to stop. He feels mad, clouded with that growing high that he bounces his thighs up and back to Jaemin’s crotch, head thrown back. He almost can't recognize his voice, indecently scandalous and mixing with Jaemin’s hoarse one. Jaemin manages to sit against the headstand and their chests are close again, holding Jeno low around his ass, and he’s quick to circle his arms around Jaemin’s neck, kissing him with a sweet sigh once he has that slippery tongue back in his mouth. He helps Jeno ride him, and gives gleaming smiles in some very satisfied fits of louder moans, Jaemin’s back a pool of sweat. He smells good, of his strong cologne mixed with the sweeter shower gel.

“Better? I’m all yours now”.

“Yes”. Jeno almost screams in pleasure with his bouncy voice at the next few dry thrusts, an awfully wet sound of their quick snaps of hips. “All mine”.

The next time Jeno clenches there’s his stomach dirty with his release and missing the filling of Jaemin’s length, currently throwing the condom in the bin next to his bed. He’s surprised to have Jeno push him back to the mattress, messily laying in bed and making out.

“Still hurting?”. Jaemin kindly asks, always checking on him.

“I wanna do it again”.

“Now?”. Jaemin makes a stupid face, looking around the room and widens his eyes as Jeno nods. “I think I just created a sex monster here”.

“You're so annoying”. Jeno pushes him away in a laugh, and as he gets up from the bed he feels it all together. Of course what he just did makes his legs wobble in a few unsteady steps, Jaemin reaching him afraid he’s going to fall.

“I’m kidding”. He laughs, kissing his cheek. “Just give my friend down there some time to get ready”.

They end up sleeping instead. Jeno grabs some wet towels for them to clean up but they think a shower might be wiser, and hot water sores his muscles and makes them yawn loudly. They keep kissing some more, their tongues moving too slowly to heat up in their closeness, and Jeno’s head falls heavy on Jaemin’s chest with the palms warming up his shivering cold body.

They're unstoppable after that, and Jeno thinks they're gross for skipping university classes to straight up fuck everywhere his house has suitable surfaces. It starts right the next morning, where Jeno runs a hand on his bulge and they jump on each other, on the couch as a movie they were watching has a sex scene and somehow they got reminded they can do that because what they have is not a simple friendship there anymore. They open a door to so much more, and it goes on in the shower after doing it on the kitchen’s table several times. Jeno stretching continuously doesn't hurt anymore, clothed back laying on the table's marble and if someone sees them from the window it’s not his problem when Jaemin’s tongue inside him clouds everything rational.

And it makes him excited, having fun to do anything so freely. There's pet names moaned in every room, knuckles becoming white with the grip on the couch as Jaemin fucks him from behind, bruising over filthy marks everywhere his body is exposed. He can't stop touching Jaemin even more intimately now he discovered it is so good, indecent when they messily keep track of how many times they did it and Jaemin whispers exhaustedly after throwing another condom in the bin “Nine, today it was nine and I don’t know how you still have so much energy”.

Jeno smirks after that, his chest still inflating with fatigue as he steals a glance at him. “And are you up to ten?”.

The morning of one day left for his parents before they’re coming back home Jeno is riding Jaemin too close to the end of the bed, completely lifted by Jaemin’s arms who’s kneeling and sinking on the mattress. The door is open and Jeno is screaming sordid variants in tone of Jaemin’s name as he thrusts into him without any restriction since Jeno got way too used to it and has a thing for getting it rough, bed shaking under them he falls on the floor as he hears the loud sound of the door unlocking.

“Shit, what are they doing here so early- hi mom! Yeah, I’m coming down, give me one second”. Jeno widens his eyes comically as he changes his voice to the one of a very good bubbly son after she calls for his name in question, probably wondering why he’s not at his university. Jaemin does the same face, gesturing to get some clothes — pick up their shirts and underwear.

He sees Jaemin throw himself behind the bed to the side where his nightstand and window is, and his mother peeks in the room, Jeno barely has finished wearing his shirt on.

“Hi darling”. She smiles, narrowing her eyes to the room.

And she has the right to do it. His bedroom is plainly a warzone, an over eighteen one. His sheets are crumpled, there’s some obvious stains Jeno hopes she doesn’t notice, some clothes they didn’t have the time to wear on the floor and worst of all, their lube bottle is open and right on the middle of the bed. As if Jeno’s messy hair, blushed cheek and dark hickeys covering everywhere he can’t hide aren’t already a big sign in neon lights saying “I had sex” — and it’s extremely worse where he fortunately can cover the bruises.

She moves her index finger mentioning around the room, covering her mouth in a soft giggle. “Is it really Jaemin or I heard wrong?”. She’s whispering cupping her lips with a hand and Jeno presses a desperate palm to his forehead. This is a mess. Good, having his mother hearing him was the last thing he needed, and it’s stupid to pretend he’s not here.

“Jaemin”.

Jaemin stands up in his underwear only, sprinting back behind the bed as he notices the woman, only a hand coming up to wave. “Mrs. Lee, hello!”. His voice sounds an ounce too high.

“Alright, I’m leaving you guys alone”. She says, hands up in defeat and her skin tanned after the whole week spent at the beach. “Jaemin, are you staying with us for lunch?”. She lingers at the door frame, winking Jeno’s way.

Jaemin comes up, exactly like Jeno in an oversized shirt and boxers, both not having the time to get fully dressed. She already caught them, and everything else is more incriminating than their obvious faces. How is he going to explain he’s not dating Jaemin and he’s being a very horny, stupid young adult? He better think something for later.

“Oh, no, you just got back home I don’t want to bother you”. He moves his hands in front of him, that charming smile fixed by reflex. If his mother wasn’t there he would jump on him again, and maybe it’s for the better his parents are here. They kept going for a whole day, and today would have gone the same way, Jeno is sure.

“Come on, Jaemin, you never bother us”. She looks between them, her lips shaded with lipstick smiling kindly. “We’re calling you guys when it’s ready”.

Jeno fears the moment she closes the door to leave, it’s a slap back to reality. He doesn’t turn immediately to Jaemin, blows some air in a distressed puff and throws hands in his hair.

“She knows it, doesn’t she?”. Jaemin hugs him from behind after asking and Jeno chuckles, humming at the gentle bite on one of his many bruises.

“I’m bitter she interrupted us, I was so close”.

“Want me to fix that?”. Jaemin bites his lobe, thrusting up to his ass and Jeno really needs to mentally scold himself for turning to stop him, but he simply stumbles back to the door with a thump, more aware they need to be quieter instead of moaning for the languid tongue in his mouth.

“What we need is to fix my bedroom, and shower before lunch is ready”. He pulls Jaemin closer with a leg around him, shamelessly grinding on him. “What a pity, I really want us to finish”.

“Okay, I was half joking but I need to be your rational part”. Jaemin smiles, having too much fun with Jeno struggling without contact, rolling his eyes as he holds the boy’s hand and they walk to the bathroom. Jeno thinks he can live only with Jaemin blowing him in the shower, water covering every sound.

 

Jeno wants to disappear, face flushed when his father asks if they got a canceled lecture to be at home at this hour. He seems chill even when they’re answering two different things at the same time, an oblivious face behind thick glasses staring at them, a look at his mother as to ask what they’re on about.

“I mean, I feel sick”. Jeno sounds ridiculous to his own ears, Jaemin giving him a look as he’s picking from time to time at the food, eating when his mother is not having any of their dumb stories. She saw, she didn’t seem bothered, and probably his father does as well and is trying to not make him or Jaemin feel awkward. “We ate too much”.

“Yeah, I felt bad leaving him alone”. Jaemin speaks, and Jeno notices the smile his mother gives them. That’s a dangerous one, the woman likes him too much and he’s sad to give her the bad news. And she looks too happy when later Jaemin is lingering by the door and Jeno’s heart sinks not knowing what to do. If he should just say goodbye, or if he’s still allowed to touch him in any way. His fingers automatically fix the scarf around his neck, detaching them apologetically when he has to remind himself this is over. Jeno has no use to touch Jaemin, he helped him and now he’s a guy who’s had sex with his friend and who can’t tell why he’s suddenly so upset. Jaemin smiles, cranes his neck to see if Jeno’s parents are watching and finds them out of sight.

“Any final thoughts on this week of extra curricular lectures?”. He teases and Jeno doesn’t hold back the scoff he makes, resting his side to the door frame.

“It was fun”. Jeno bites his lips, arms folding on his chest. “Thank you, hopefully you can now rest”.

Jaemin chuckles, making a funny face as he stretches his lips down in a smile. “You’re quite tireless, I have to admit”.

“Thank you, Nana. I’m serious, no one else would have done this for me”. Jeno looks down at their hands intertwining, Jaemin squeezes his affectionately. He looks up and Jaemin has a weird gaze fixing on him, pursuing his lips as he swings their hands together.

“Just-”. He opens his mouth to say something, but doesn’t for a few seconds too long. Jeno leans just slightly, silently asking him why he stopped. “Just make sure you’ll do this again with someone nice who treats you well, okay?”.

What if I want that someone to be you again? Is what Jeno’s mind says before he can control it, flustering himself standing on his feet. He thinks of asking it, Jeno knows there are many friends who also get a different kind of friendly under the sheets and still have an uncomplicated relationship. Although Jeno is not like that, he’s sure he’d catch feelings at some point or won’t at all. Considering how attached he feels to the boy, it doesn’t promise well he could keep having careless sex without facing consequences.

“You know how I am, Jaem. I probably won’t do it again for a very long time”.

 

Except Jeno starts driving a bit crazy after they say goodbye to their intimacy. He still goes to classes, both of them making stupid excuses to why they missed all week none of their friends believe but he’s glad they ignore it. They still meet to study, yet Jeno didn’t have any courage to ask Jaemin to watch movies as they did before, for many reasons. His parents are there, to start with, and he doesn’t want to bring his mother’s hopes up especially after he’s slightly mentioned he and Jaemin are not what she thinks they are. And Jeno knows he can’t be anymore in a space like that with Jaemin. He’s haunted by everything they’ve done, feels burning just with a stare too long when they’re studying together, the same churning that has him space out continuously. Jeno touches himself when he’s alone at night, and Jaemin is constantly on his mind; the way he held, kissed, and made him feel all that pleasure he can’t replicate alone to his body.

Mark and Yukhei’s infamous party is approaching, Jeno thinks it is a good idea to let out his frustration and if he’s brave enough he will make out with someone else — or hookup. It’s a bad idea, Jeno knows it himself and is also sure he won’t end up approaching anyone, yet it stays in his mind. He groans distraught once he’s alone in one of the faculty bathrooms, Chenle texting him to reach the guys to eat something all together, and he washes his face to cool his dark circles with some freezing water when he notices Renjun walking in the bathroom.

He gets to the sink next to his, calmly washing his hands with the rustling sound of water. “Don’t tell me you and Jaemin fucked for a week straight and that’s why you ignored us”.

“How do you know?”. Jeno snaps his head up, drops of water dripping down his face.

“Oh, so you did?”. Renjun turns puzzled and satisfied, Jeno wanting to curse at how bad he is at lying. “What happened to the no sex until I get married story?”.

“We’re not dating if you were wondering”.

“I could tell”. Renjun shakes his hands in the sink, gives him a lenient smile. “Even if you guys fooled me for a second the other day. Well, then what is it?”.

“Over”. Jeno’s smile comes out sad, unsure why it is so forced. He takes a good look in the bathroom to make sure no one is there. “I asked him to teach me some stuff, and eventually I also did everything else with him, for the first time. That was the plan”.

“Then why do I have a feeling you’re upset about it, you look so tense around him”. Renjun pats his shoulder, both their phones spammed with texts from the other guys telling them they’re taking forever.

“Jaemin, he’s-”. Jeno scoffs gently. “Amazing, truly the only one that could help me with all we did. I’m not upset, and sorry to blurt this out to you but it was really, really good and now I can’t stop thinking about it”.

They laugh together, Jeno with blushed cheeks and Renjun nods, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. Renjun understands him, they’ve been good friends for three years, and it’s not that hard to get how Jeno is dealing with such a situation. He doesn’t have to say he wouldn’t ask that again from Jaemin or he’s surely growing more affectionate towards him.

“Well, there’s Mark’s party if you miss him that much. You could steal him for the night, treat it as a last fling between you two”.

“It’s better if we keep that experience closed, I’m sure I’ll get over it soon”. Jeno sees a few new faces entering the bathroom, and they had to move anyway to reach their friends, Jaemin included. “We should go”.

“I’m not allowed to make jokes, I guess”.

Jeno pushes him playfully, making Renjun lose balance as he raises his hands in defeat. “Exactly, mouth shut”.

“Everyone already understood it anyway”. Renjun rolls his eyes, but he keeps his word.

 

Jeno is self conscious after Renjun tells him they all know. And he shouldn’t be so tense to be sitting next to Jaemin, plainly following the conversation without saying much, barely interacting if someone directly speaks to him. Jaemin seems to get it, and Jeno jumps at the palm grazing his thigh. Jaemin is asking him if he’s okay and Jeno nods, sipping his cappuccino to gulp the embarrassment away. Donghyuck mentions Mark asked them to join a little gathering at his and Johnny’s apartment and Jeno quickly apologizes and saying he's missing this one.

He shares a look with Jaemin and he’s flustered when he cleans the corner of mouth from the foam, without questioning the natural way he puts that stained finger in his mouth. It leaves Jeno with the ugly truth of how close they got in a week. These things looked completely fine in their close space and the safety of Jeno’s house under their pact, except now it doesn’t. It is wrong, and they can’t keep those habits up.

“Sure you really don’t want to come to Yukhei? I can give you a lift”. Renjun tries convincing him when half of them are in line at the cashier to pay and they’re waiting outside the coffee shop. Jeno nods, eyes trailing to the glass door inside where he spots Jaemin standing in front of the counter.

“I haven’t talked with my parents in a week, I think it’s better if I get home”.

“It’s not for Jaemin, isn’t it?”. Renjun pulls him in a hug and Jeno simply reciprocates it, feeling the thin frame covered with a thick beige coat. He needs it, clinging at the boy a few seconds longer.

“I’m just not feeling too well, don’t worry”. Jeno smiles when Renjun pats his cheek, pressing his lips in a cheeky look when Jaemin gets out of the shop, and he starts telling him to decide if he’s driving someone or getting in the car with him but Jaemin refuses, saying he’s not coming with them.

“I was about to ask Jeno if he wants a ride home”. Jaemin smiles, and Jeno wants to erase that stupid smirk Renjun makes, saying goodbye with a foolish croon.

Jeno clenches in his shoulders, feels the wind sweeping his black hair behind in an untidy tangle, and watches Jaemin’s smile falling. They start walking towards Jaemin’s car, but Jeno’s plans are different from what the boy suggested. He stops in front of the parking lot and rescues cold hands in his pockets, breaking the long silence that followed their walk. Jeno never felt silence with Jaemin awkward, but now he does. He ponders everything, studies his next words if he’s going to say anything at all and he’s repeated the same line at least three times in his head.

“I’m taking the train, don’t bother, really”. Jeno feels bad for how cold he sounds, and Jaemin makes a rather loud sigh.

“This is what I was afraid of. Why are you so uncomfortable with me, Jeno? You’ve been ignoring me for a whole week”.

“I’m not uncomfortable”. Jeno whispers, looking at his shoes not ready to hold eye contact with Jaemin.

“Then please tell me what’s going on”. Jaemin holds his hands, warm and gentle as he always is and Jeno wants to bite his lips harshly. Everything Jaemin does now affects him.

“I haven’t asked you out because I don’t want to let my parents down, Nana''. He looks up, steps a bit closer to take in Jaemin’s face properly. “My mother really, really likes you”. He stresses how much with his voice, and Jaemin makes a small laugh.

“And you’re afraid she might think we’re dating”.

“Not afraid. I’m not scared of you, that’s the last thing I can be with you. But she already convinced herself we’re dating and I’m just too shy to admit it, or something like that”.

“In your defense, she thought all of it herself”. Jaemin jokes, and keeps holding one of Jeno’s hands when he opens the car door for him. Jeno gives him a side look, he doesn’t need a ride home. Well, it’s ten times better than taking the train that gets crowded at this hour when most students get back home but Jeno knows if he finds himself alone in the boy’s car when they’re in front of his house, he’s going to ask Jaemin if he wants to come in. He’s unsure he can stand being alone in his room with Jaemin.

“Also, I’m not some kind of filthy animal. If we’re alone and in your room I can keep my hands for myself”.

Jeno scoffs, walking to the passenger seat door. “That’s not what I meant”. He says slightly annoyed and Jaemin laughs, triumphant smile when Jeno wears the seatbelt and he starts the car, driving both of them home.

 

His parents aren't home yet, still it doesn't help Jeno struggle to even get next to Jaemin on his bed. He does it anyway afraid he’s going to upset him, trying to be as nonchalant about this as he can. Jeno doesn’t really want to watch a movie, his body keeps tingling and his heart won't stop beating uncontrollably despite screaming mentally at it to stop. Convincing himself he’s not nervous gets quite difficult with all the shivers he feels once his back lays on the mattress and Jaemin settles next to him, their shoulders not touching. He plays a random movie that seems to be compatible with his taste according to netflix, and being in the same room where he and Jaemin did so many new things again makes him shift often in his place, restless.

It reminds him of how he felt when he asked that absurd question two weeks ago, the jittery moving and crumpling the bed sheets behind him is the same. The movie is about twenty minutes in and Jeno doesn't understand a thing, missing completely the start to his overthinking head. He makes a question about a character to Jaemin, he sounds as clueless as he is and it makes them laugh. Jeno yawns loudly, rubbing one eye with his fingers as he curls to the side, unaware of the long stare Jaemin gives him as he looks for some warmth pillowing his hands, too lazy to get under the blanket.

“Sleepy?”. Jeno feels his arm grazed by Jaemin and he looks up, half vision squashed against the pillow. He stretches making a drawn fatigued sound, and if Jaemin’s hand circles his waist and he automatically shifts close to rest his head on his chest, it is nothing they should worry about. Jeno sighs, satisfied, his lips puffing warm air and eyelids getting heavier with sleep when Jaemin’s other hand stays combs his hair, resting behind his head. He’s warm, and he missed having the boy close like this.

“I have no idea what this movie is about”. Jeno confesses, his palm roaming around the space of Jaemin’s stomach, distracted.

“So do I”. Jaemin whispers, chuckling a bit at himself. He pulls him closer, and Jeno’s lips graze the space of his neck. Half covered under the shirt he spots some faded marks, looking more as memories. “Jeno?”.

He hums in question, dragging another pleased sound at the fingers scraping his head.

“It hurts me more if you don't tell me when you feel uncomfortable. Please, don't lie to me if you feel again like you did this week”.

“I won't”. Jeno’s thumb traces a spot right under Jaemin’s ear, gaining his attention. “Do you mind if I sleep?”.

Jaemin smiles, eyes glossy. Jeno doesn’t know what he means, why they turn this lenient whenever they're alone and it feels too personal and something no one else is supposed to see but him. Jeno can't help coming back and having more. “Sure, sleep well”.

When he wakes up he keeps his eyes closed, hearing a few knocks on his bedroom door and Jaemin gently saying to come in. It must be his parents, and Jeno keeps his face deep in the crook of Jaemin’s neck, hoping they don't notice he’s awake. Jeno is not in the mood to speak or explain anything, still dizzy from the good nap he had, soaking in Jaemin’s warm cologne lingering on his skin.

“Hi”. He hears his mother whisper, probably surprised to see them. “I didn't know Jeno had company”.

“He looked distraught”. Jaemin whispers back, and Jeno can hear clearly from the way he’s pressed to the boy. “I don't feel like waking him up?”. He sounds unsure, probably as sheepish as Jeno would be if he had to face her.

“Of course sweet, you can rest all you want. Come down if you're hungry, tonight is Jeno’s dad cooking but I think it should be ready soon”.

“I think I’m waiting until he wakes up”. Jaemin smiles, Jeno feels a hand lingering around the shell of his ear. “Maybe I’m catching some sleep too”. Jeno hears a small giggle. “I kind of watched him all the time, I don't know if it sounds weird. I like to see him peaceful, he’s gorgeous”.

His stomach twists at the words, and he pretends to shift in his sleep, hand hooking around Jaemin’s neck. He hears both Jaemin and his mother chuckle lightly.

“It's not weird at all. It seems you really care about him”.

“I do. A lot, I like Jeno a lot”. Jeno feels another hand stroking differently on his spine, it's his mother. And he figures she must be caressing Jaemin too, knowing her. There’s a slight pressure on the mattress, it doesn’t seem she’s sitting, maybe she pressed a knee to lean where they are.

“I can tell. You always took good care of him, Jaem. That's the most precious thing you two have. Come down if you're hungry, okay? It's going to be hard to have him off of you”.

Jaemin laughs again, rumbling in Jeno’s sternum and he wants to kiss him. Instead he keeps up his fake sleep for an indefinite long time, until he slowly moves his hand to curl on Jaemin’s neck, giving some ticklish scrapes. There's a leg of his between Jaemin’s, almost on top of him when he stirs, the boy’s arms getting around his waist as he notices Jeno is awake.

Jeno boldly kisses Jaemin’s jaw. It's a short kiss, without any other intention but to show he’s grateful to have him, in any way he’s had and still has him in his life. Jeno tries not to smile at a peck on his temple as an answer, making a satisfied noise that has Jaemin leave an amused puff of air. And it continues to a stupidly soft battle of pecks, Jeno aiming a spot under Jaemin’s eye, and he receives one at the tip of his nose when he lifts his head just slightly to look at him.

Jeno leans in, presses another kiss at his chin, Jaemin craning his neck to have their noses graze. Jeno keeps their slopes touching, a fond grazing as Jaemin closes his long dark lashes. They're cuddling, and it's not an ounce friendly and they both know. He dips his nose to graze Jaemin’s cheek, catching the sparkly eyes meeting him, trying to tell him something. Maybe he’s asking Jaemin to touch him more like lovers do, he doesn't know what he wants. He’s sure he’d like to have him closer, and he shifts so their lips can barely touch, breathing in each other's space.

“I’m not going to kiss you”. Jaemin whispers, mirth in his eyes when Jeno looks lost, his own lively ones faltering. “I said I can keep my hands for myself”.

“What if I can't?”.

Jaemin eyes his lips and goes back to Jeno’s staring, licking his own. Jeno shivers at the hands tracing slowly up his thighs, half straddling Jaemin. And he parts the boy’s lips, tongue quick to find the warmth he missed only in a week, taking a gasp at the feeling. Jaemin’s hands under his shirt, his skin under his digits and the desperate and heavy haze their mouths move with.

He cups Jaemin’s face to pull, arches his back at the nice press of palms to his sides. “I can't stop thinking about us like this, Jaemin. I can’t”.

Jaemin flips them over, and Jeno finds his small laugh delirious as he parts his legs so easily for Jaemin to settle between them, grabbing his thighs with burning palms curling around them, completely awake with the brief contact of their bodies. They keep making out, both blatantly taking fists of skin, more lost to a languid, sensual pace that has Jeno whine quite loudly and Jaemin comically presses his index finger to Jeno’s lips, mentioning the door.Jeno throws his head back to the pillow, sweaty palms on his face as Jaemin laughs, taking advantage to kiss his neck. Jeno keeps him there by holding his nape, legs twitching to his body.

“What were you thinking about, Jeno?”.

“You”. Jeno breaths out, concentrating on the brief sting of teeth sucking a bruise to a low spot on his neck. Smart, he thinks, his parents won't notice it where Jaemin is tugging down his shirt’s collar to give it.

“Me doing what?”. Jaemin’s low voice is too hot for him to not make any sound, keeping his lips pressed but they escape with rushed puffs of air.

“This, and-”. Jeno grips on Jaemin's shoulders when he grinds down to his ass. “Also this”. He says sheepish, holding back a moan.

“Your parents are downstairs”. Jaemin says overworked when Jeno meets his movements back, taking his legs to help him.

“I know, we won't do that, I just”. He trembles at the good friction, taking Jaemin to another kiss, shutting his eyes with a sound in complaint. “Mark’s party. We're doing it there”.

Jaemin smirks. “Where everyone can see us?”.

“I don't care”. Jeno presses his palms to Jaemin’s chest, getting up to sit on the bed. He takes a loud blow of air as he rests to the wall behind him, closing his legs almost painfully when Jaemin gets him turned on with no effort. “It's just a bunch of drunk people anyway”.

Jeno takes Jaemin by his hips, the other sinking his knees on the mattress to lean in a short press of lips. Jaemin nips at his neck and Jeno bites back a smile. He can't get tired of kissing Jaemin, and having him straddling his legs instead of being the other way is new, enjoying feeling the muscles of his shoulders tensing as he frames his cheeks and deepens the kiss.

A hurricane is what Jaemin and him currently are. One that makes him scared, but he can’t help but getting swallowed whenever it approaches and sweeps him over on his way to forget him. Jeno needs to learn how to reset their relationship without erasing Jaemin from his life; he doesn’t want to erase him, it’s rare to get a friend that makes you feel so at ease and mostly gets you with a look.

 

Jeno was too caught up with Jaemin, he stopped noticing he is not invisible to the world. They’re not official, and Jeno might have said what he blurted out the other day when Jaemin came over but the other could have interpreted it as him missing having sex with him. Which is true, Jeno misses it, unsure if there’s something else he wants from them. And the night of Mark’s party his mind is clouded, chugging down a few shots more than his rational brain usually would let him drink. He got asked out on a date, and he accepted it. Moon Taeil, he’s quite known by their faculty, brilliant and handsome Taeil that many people try to ask out. He’s sweet, and politely stopped Jeno as he was heading to a lecture just to ask him on a date.

Jeno thinks, as everyone else does, Taeil is really a treat, but he’s disturbed by the reason why he accepted without thinking it twice. Taeil asked him first if he and Jaemin are dating. Jeno thought it was absurd, why would anyone ask that when he hangs out with the boy only when they’re with their group of friends. Taeil said there are voices going around, people saying they saw them together, gossiped about their hickeys and “Touches in the corridor” as they said and Jeno strongly got defensive and immediately accepted the date.

He shouldn’t care this much, and of what others think he most definitely doesn’t care. Albeit people see it, Jeno thought it wasn’t as visible, and apparently it is. Jeno probably gets that’s why some people who usually would take the chance to flirt with him in the rare occasions he attends parties are just curiously looking at him. Some are whispering, possibly not even about him, yet Jeno feels those stares making him more nervous than he was when he came at Mark and Yukhei's place. They’re some good friends of his, and he’s also here for what he said Jaemin, not so confident he’ll try to approach him at all when he’s so unfocused.

“Jeno, slow down”. Jisung steals his drink, making him pout trying to grab it, just for the younger with his endless height raising his long arm higher. “Have a glass of water first”.

“You’re too responsible”. He points at his bony chest, the low voice of the other chuckling.

Mark’s apartment is a mess, Jeno feels sorry for him and the progressive chaos as the night goes on. Technically it is Yukhei’s apartment, one his family owns and they decided to give it to him when he started university. Mark is taking a spare room Yukhei gladly offered solely because he felt alone after a few exciting months spent there all by himself. It is spacious, and more often than Jeno would endure they throw parties leaving stickiness, questionable conditions for their bedsheets or surfaces to clean just to make sure no one did something there.

There’s some alcohol spilled on the floor Jeno avoids as he walks, tries to answer a cute text of Taeil telling him to take care. Alcohol makes him more guilty, his mind free to realize he’s not interested in the older. If it was another time he would, Jeno is totally sure of it. This is the worst moment to be thinking of seriously dating someone, and at the same time it might be the key for Jeno to move on. He wishes Taeil was here, to see if he can really make it work.

Here it is, the stinging awful fragility Jeno doesn’t like one bit. He spots Jaemin dancing with a girl, long dark brown hair and her body perfect, slim waist moving to the music where Jaemin’s hands just happen to rest there. Jeno feels a complete fool for standing still in the room, whispers a curse and tries to move from the dancing bodies, Yukhei pointing at him to wave from his improvised dj settings. If Jeno was someone who usually operates like Jaemin does when it comes to relationships, he probably wouldn’t even care to see him with somebody else. He’d be dancing with a guy, now he’s more confident with what he can do with and to others as he already told himself he could eventually make out with someone tonight, have some fun. Jeno’s only reference for that kind of contact and closeness is Jaemin, convincing himself that’s why he feels odd seeing him with a girl, someone that’s not him.

It was never a problem, Jeno sometimes helped in the past some people coming up to him and asking if Jaemin is his friend and if he’s single to hook up with him. He rolls his eyes seeing the girl trying to get closer to Jaemin, walking a few steps without a destination since Jisung stole all the liquid fun from his hands and he’s surprised to see Jaemin when he turns from a tapping of fingers to his shoulder.

“Did you change your mind?”. Jaemin smiles, and it’s stupidly gleaming and Jeno can’t stare like that.

Right. Today is the best combination of impulsive choices and stupid words he’s said. Jeno accepted Taeil’s date, got upset and was also hopeful texting with the boy the whole day and got guilty so he told Jaemin he was not coming to the party last minute. And now he’s here, even more upset for ignoring Jaemin and for feeling this way seeing him with someone else. There’s not a functional, coherent thought and action he’s done today but being here at a party when he hates them speaks a lot ahead of him.

“I hate being here”. He admits sincerely, looking around the crowded living room full of people and that girl talking to who must be her friends.

“Can I change your mind if we dance a little?”. Jaemin seems satisfied when Jeno takes the hand he offers, not making any steps to where everyone is moving to the music.

“What about the girl?”. Jaemin slightly leans puzzled, and Jeno mentions behind him. “The one you’re dancing with”.

“Oh, she won’t cry about it, trust me”.

“I’m not too sure, what if she really wanted to dance with you”. Jeno stresses, yet his arms are around Jaemin’s neck, tense being close to him when he gently holds his waist, not really swaying to the music too distracted by this one girl who’s bothering his existence. Because Jeno and that girl aren’t different, if Jeno wasn’t his friend he would matter exactly as much as that girl to Jaemin, he’s as easy to leave behind.

“What? Jeno, she doesn’t care, I'm serious”. Jaemin smiles incredulously, and Jeno keeps frowning and insisting for no reason. He lets out his frustrations accumulating the whole day in a way and it happens to be about Jaemin dancing with a stranger who doesn't really have anything to do with the real reason why he's so bothered.

“How do you know? What if she came here exclusively to sleep with you”. What if I came here not finding an answer as to why I want you this much and I like you but I’m not brave enough to tell you exactly how you said it only when you thought I was asleep. This is what Jeno wants to say, passionately convincing Jaemin to get back to that girl.

Jaemin sighs, holding Jeno’s chin to turn his head towards the girl’s direction. “Look”.

Jeno scoffs a delirious laugh, seeing her busy making out with another guy when it hasn’t been more than five minutes, and Jaemin pulls him closer when he turns back to him. “I was waiting for you”. He tells more seriously, looking right in his eyes. Jeno stares back, fingers nestling in Jaemin’s hair and he can’t register they’re in front of everyone and not confined in Jeno’s room being intimate. Well, not exactly intimate but to Jeno’s heart it is. A heart sore and making his head a mess since that week ended. Jaemin’s eyes are of a deep dark brown in the dimmed lights, piercing Jeno’s insecurity, afraid he can read him. “Then you said you weren’t coming and I was already here”.

“I’m here now”. Jeno gapes at the fingers hooking to his jeans loops, his cheek pressing to Jaemin’s, bodies pressed together.

“Gladly you are''. Jeno stops thinking of that girl when Jaemin’s tongue grazes his lips, music left to a rumbling covering wet noises and Jaemin’s sounds as they kiss. He figures he had a few drinks too many like he did, both not entirely discreet when their friends only supposed this is happening between them and if they see, they’re going to know.

Jaemin swings them to the music, but it’s just an excuse for him to bring his hands further down Jeno’s spine, and also for him to cling his lips through Jaemin’s throat, biting a strip of skin that has the boy jerk his hips against him. Jeno can’t care when they’re not the only ones sticking like this in the room, tugging Jaemin’s soft hair to have him push his hips where it feels good again, all intentions to dance left in their dirty kiss. Jaemin licks his neck with some wet kisses through the line of his jaw when he catches Renjun’s eyes, blushing as the other brings his cup of alcohol up in a toast, winking at him as he turns and tries to distract Yukhei who’s staring at them with shocked eyes. He doesn’t have time to think about it when he lets out a rushed sound at another blooming hickey.

Jeno arches his back, soothing Jaemin’s hair as he keeps mapping lips to his skin where he thinks they’ve given enough of a show. He doesn’t want others to see more than a few kisses, and that’s enough to frame Jaemin’s face and let him look at him. Jaemin smiles sweetly, nodding at Jeno’s blown eyes and bitten red lips.

“I understand, do you want to go?”.

“Do you think Mark is going to get mad if we go to his room?”.

“Jeno!”. Jaemin laughs, fingers tracing his hickeys. “How did you even come up with that”.

“You look good, we’re both drunk but we’ve done it before”.

“Wait, are you drunk?”. Jaemin’s smile falls, big eyes staring at him and Jeno gapes without saying anything for a moment.

“A little? I drank a lot but I’m fine, I can make clear decisions don’t worry”.

Jaemin presses his lips, studying his face for a moment and Jeno tries to look as sober as he can. He narrows his eyes, holding his hand to move between the sweaty bodies to the kitchen. Jeno rolls his eyes for the second time that night, sitting on the counter and hitting slightly his head back to the cupboard when Jaemin gives him a cup of water. He says Jisung already thought of it, leaving Jaemin praising the younger saying he’s the best boy for about two full minutes. Jeno takes the cup of water, and also blocks Jaemin with one leg wrapped around him, amused when he turns with a funny scowl. They’re alone in the kitchen, not crowded by a miracle. He’s opened a window for Jeno to breathe fresh air, and he appreciates all the caring precautions. If only those weren’t the things confusing Jeno the most — is it only him being the best friend he’s ever had? Does this mean more? He can’t tell.

“I’m not drunk, I can speak clearly”. Jeno complains, getting off the counter and chugs down the glass of water just to bolster his point. He kisses Jaemin, closing his eyes without thinking of anything else but the way he roams his hands under the boy’s shirt, eagerly making sure they only pull to breathe.

“I’d take you to my car but it’s a bit sleazy”. Jeno lifts one eyebrow at that, questioning as he lets Jaemin turn him to press his back to the kitchen table. “You don’t wanna do it in my car, right?”. Jaemin gives him another questioning look as Jeno shrugs his shoulders.

“Why not?”. Jeno turns to move a few glasses on the table to the side as Jaemin kisses his neck, stretching it to ease him.

“Because I can treat you better than a car quickie”. Jaemin helps him sitting on the table, Jeno hooking his legs around him with a sloppy kiss.

“Then what can you do for me?”. Jeno teases, chuckling as Jaemin slightly lifts his shirt to kiss his abdomen. He figures there’s no privacy left to care about when the only thing he can focus on is Jaemin.

“Everything, Jeno”. Jeno shuts his eyes at the soft peck under his eye. “Just ask”.

“Then, uhm, let me think”. He pretends to be passionately pondering, crawling his legs further up Jaemin’s middle and holding his arms around his neck losing balance, blond hair tickling his palms and head slightly thrown to the side from the playful kisses on his skin. “You do really, really good things with your tongue. Do you remember what I like, Jaemin?”.

Jaemin hums a teasing sound, looking at Jeno as he purposely licks his lips. “I think I need some help, could you remind me what it is?”.

“Oh, well”. Jeno guides Jaemin’s hand further down his chest, stomach until it settles under the space between his legs, taking a dirty grind of his body, Jaemin’s fingers pressing around his clothed rim. “It was exactly here, did I refresh your memory?”.

Jeno moans when Jaemin deepens his kisses, keeping his hand there, unsure if anyone can see them if he moves his body against it. It’s thrilling and scary at the same time the idea of anyone walking in now, yet none of them stop and Jeno keeps whispering Jaemin’s name, or where to shift his hand. “Not your tongue but I guess this can work too”.

There’s a familiar voice cursing at them, and Jeno jumps away from Jaemin’s lips, steading his hands to the table, startled before he can recognize it is Donghyuck talking and next to him Mark is blinking at them.

“Guys, not on the kitchen table”. Mark whines, and Jeno finds the will to laugh at it. He presses sheepishly his lips, a closed fist to his mouth trying to avoid the laughing. Donghyuck gets a bottle of vodka next to where Jeno is sitting, gives them a prickly look. He pours himself a drink, smacks his lips loudly.

“I thought we were just joking about you two”. Donghyuck tilts his head with a cunning smile disappearing behind his cup. Mark sighs, rummages his keys and gives them one, Jeno holding it curiously.

“It’s the guest room, I wouldn’t give it to anyone but please don’t fuck on the kitchen table”.

“Mark, we would never”. Jeno laughs, letting out choppy giggles as he rests his forehead on Jaemin’s shoulder, the other chuckling as well.

“Yeah, Jeno suggested your room before”. Jaemin winks at their friends’ way and Jeno slaps his arm betrayed.

“Hey!”. He scolds, not really when they both can’t stop laughing. For a moment Jeno feels light with that bubbly feeling in his chest, both for the alcohol and that situation making his cheeks blushed at the idea of what their friends heard or saw as they walked in.

“Just go”. Mark complains again, pushing jokingly Jeno off the counter and Jaemin is quicker to lift him in his arms, lips parted for a gross kiss. Donghyuck is surely going to make fun of them the next day.

“Jaemin!”. Jeno feels ridiculous turning around the room in the boy’s arms, biting his lips to avoid a smile when the other seems to be waiting for him to continue. “We can’t go back in there like this, everyone is going to see us”.

“And do you care, Jeno?”. He shakes his head, leans to kiss him again, securing his legs better around Jaemin.

Someone must be thinking they’re crazy, or very drunk when they cross all the dancing bodies like that to the guest room, Jeno slightly aware they can’t make too much noise or everyone would immediately assume it’s them. It’s not as rushed as he thought they would have it, Jeno heavy breathing in Jaemin’s lap as he gets stretched just with Jaemin’s fingers he got wet with his own spit. Jeno touched himself, discovering in more ways the things he likes, and still it burns without any slicked help. He licks his lips with his throat dry, grazes Jaemin’s face who’s making sure he’s okay. Jeno is fine, he needs some extra time today, and it’s nice to memorize how beautiful Jaemin looks with the room’s dim lights and their bodies pressed in a room muffling the music of a whole party happening outside their sweat and sighs.

His mouth gapes pressing to Jaemin’s chin, nodding at the boy as he keeps moving his fingers where it gets easier to adjust, hips meeting back each movement. Jeno thought he would feel the same adrenaline they had in the kitchen, yet he feels he’s cracking open in front of Jaemin. He’s exposed, completely bare in all ways that naked skin can meet, those lingering fingers explaining more than a few organized thoughts in his head would ever. Jeno knows he shouldn’t do it without protection if none of them has it, the only condom they had turning out ripped. Not because Jaemin isn’t sure he’s clean, Jeno feels this is too intimate. Jaemin feels amazing in this new way that has him shiver as soon as he feels it, heart hammering at the sounds Jaemin makes.

The fit of noises Jaemin leaves is soft, breathy, and Jeno shouldn’t kiss his closed eyes or hold the arm wrapping around his waist. Low, mellow voice whispering Jeno he’s good and he catches his lips, hot puffs of air turning cold quickly as they kiss with trembling legs and twitching arms holding strips of skin.

“I think about you too, Jeno”.

He makes a sharp breath as Jaemin whispers it, both shifting higher against the headstand because Jaemin is sweet and knows this is how Jeno likes it. It’s also easier, picking up at a faster pace where Jaemin helps him sink down his crotch, Jaemin’s hair tickling his neck where he rests his face to his chest, both breaking in weak moans.

“And I tried not to, I was only supposed to help you and now I can’t stop thinking about you”.

“Jaemin”. He whines, eyes prickling with the urge of crying. “I got asked on a date”.

“What?”. They stop, Jeno waiting for Jaemin to look up at him, gulping down how bitter the lost eyes he makes are.

“I accepted, I didn’t-”. He tries to swallow down his withered throat. “With Taeil, he asked me out and you didn’t tell me… what do you mean you’re thinking of me?”.

Jaemin stares at him, looks down at the way they’re holding each other with a frown. Exactly, also not a good start for Jeno is he’s planning to date someone else and first thing he does before a date is fucking with his friend at a party.

“You would have gone with that girl tonight, right? If I didn’t show up. Is this how you’re thinking of me? Is it just sex? I need to know”.

“Jeno, why do you think of that girl-”.

“Because that’s what you usually do!”. Jeno says impatient, voice getting higher and immediately regrets it as he sees hurt flashing in Jaemin’s face. He gets up, grimaces at the weird feeling of pulling out like this and sits on the bed. “You’ve been this way since I know you, and I don’t blame you. Just don’t tell me these things if I’m going to be one of the others. If that’s how it is, I’ll stop stressing about accepting that date and we should end this. Get back at being friends''.

Jaemin says nothing, he lowers his gaze and stares at his hands gripping the sheets. Jeno sighs, getting up to grab his clothes when he hears the faintest breaking voice the other has ever used in years of friendship and casual fights they had. “I would have gone with that girl because I know I can’t have you in any other way”.

“And who said that? Who are you to decide what I want if you don’t ask?”. Jeno turns, eyes watery as he locks his with Jaemin who looks the same.

“Taeil is the perfect guy. He’s older, smart, kind, known for being serious and all of that. Do you think it is worth asking now?”.

“It is, idiot”. Jeno sits next to him, taking a defeated sigh. “It matters what I think, not what others might see in the person I’m dating”.

“I like you Jeno, more than whatever we’ve been doing. If you want to go on that date it’s fine, you don’t have to regret-”.

Jeno smiles, failing to give him the romantic kiss he was supposed to start, finding Jaemin’s still unsure face staring at him as he kisses back in that simple press of lips. Jeno is amazed by his own actions, and this time he’s the one trying to give him certainty where Jaemin lacks confidence, finding a clear answer in that moment. Jaemin doesn’t move, only leans closer to the hand cupping his cheek

“I’d rather stay here with you”. He says, cheeks hurting with his smiling as Jaemin holds him closer. He sits back on the boy’s lap, fondly pressing his fingers where they can hold him. “Now can we please get back where we were, and maybe get out of this party holding hands or planning a date, whatever couples do”.

“You need to cancel a date first”. Jaemin frowns, and Jeno wants to erase that sad look. “Are you sure, Jeno? Seriously, maybe you should give him a chance”.

“And how would you feel”. Jeno lifts his eyebrows confidently. “Seriously”.

Jaemin presses his lips to Jeno’s, both adjusting how they were holding before, Jeno stroking the boy’s length before he sinks back in with a choked breath. He flutters his lashes, too busy replying to their snapping lips kneaded with remnants of alcohol and the rough texture of Jaemin’s chapped ones.

“It would hurt me”. Jaemin moves them so Jeno can lay to the mattress, making him mewl with the deep languid thrust he does. “But I care about your happiness more than any selfish need to keep you close”.

“You’re lucky”. Jeno moans, holding Jaemin close as he keeps moving heavenly inside him, abandoned on that bed with a gone look. “My happiness involves yours as well”.

Jeno shivers, firm hold around Jaemin’s shoulders, legs lifting to meet his hips and their busy kisses swallowing sounds. He’s truly relaxed for the first time, Jeno doesn’t have to worry; he’s sure this won’t be the last time he can hug Jaemin like he’s doing now, gaping at the odd feeling when the boy cums inside him. There’s warmth plugging and he feels Jaemin pounding inside, wrapping a hand around him to help Jeno get there too.

He hears Jaemin chuckling sheepish on his neck, and Jeno does with him, picking up cooling sweat from the line of his spine. Jaemin’s hand is sticky when it intertwines with his, and it makes Jeno aware of the mess they’re leaving behind in their friends’ poor guest room.

“Maybe we should grab the sheets to wash tomorrow, unless there’s a laundromat open at this hour”.

“I confessed my feelings for you and your first concern is the bed sheets”.

Jeno hugs him, cheeks pinking when he swings their bodies, happy to hold Jaemin without fearing it’s too out of place for what their pact entails. He can do it, Jaemin likes him and he smells good where he keeps mapping his lips to his shoulder. Jaemin scrapes his nape gently, holds one of his thighs to close around him, staying completely tangled.

“You really like me as more than the guy who asked to have sex with you?”.

“I do, Jeno”. Jaemin’s voice comes out hushed from the spot he’s taken against his skin. “And I taught you just fine, you’re damn good in bed”.

“I am”. Jeno humors, giggling at the teeth teasing his neck again, they must look terrible. “Wanna find out how good again?”.

He keeps thinking it as they get out of the room, both with flushed cheeks, messy hair and only a fool wouldn’t get what they were up to. The living room space is less crowded when they come out, music softer than when they disappeared to the guest room. There’s Mark sweeping the floor singing the song currently playing, looking more drunk than anything and Jaemin twirls Jeno in his arms and kisses him briefly to the music, in sight where his friends are sitting on a couch, surprised to see them fairly sober as they’re still drinking.

Donghyuck fakes a disgusted face, wrinkling his lips in distaste. “Really guys? Two hours?”.

Jeno looks at him as Jaemin holds his hand, smiling stupidly at the other. “We took our precious time”. He says instead, guiding Jaemin to the kitchen to get the water they need with how dry their mouths feel. Jeno is excited, pushing Jaemin to the wall at some point to rest his hands on the boy’s chest, tapping his fingers frantically against it.

“So? How does this work?”. He grins, aware Jaemin never had a serious relationship. Jeno either, they’re completely equal.

“I’m clueless this time”.

“Do you think Taeil is going to freak out if I call him now? I feel bad and I want to fix it”.

“Call him tomorrow, or ask him if he wants to see you and talk it out. If you feel bad I can take you home and we’ll see each other once you did it”.

“But I want to be with you”. Jeno pouts, fingers trailing to hug Jaemin. He hears the other chuckling. He can’t complain when Renjun sees them and pretends to puke, shaking his head their way. Jeno didn’t tell him what happened, didn’t have the time considering how everything happened in a day. He figures no one knows or by the way they’re acting everyone already does.

 

Jeno meets Taeil two days later, and sitting in front of him in the coffee shop he can tell the older one already anticipates what he’s going to say. As he said, voices run fast, and Jeno tries to sit properly in his white cardigan, fumbling with the end of his sleeves trying to explain what he has with Jaemin. Technically Jeno had all the rights to do whatever he wanted at the party, he only accepted a date, yet he feels guilty for not being completely honest with the boy when he asked if he and Jaemin were dating.

Taeil is incredibly sweet, nodding and listening to him as Jeno goes all the way telling this whole thing he started with Jaemin, getting more insecure progressively oversharing with a stranger. He admits he liked Jaemin more than he consciously knew when he asked that question. Jeno knows he wouldn’t have asked anyone else, Jaemin was the only person he dared to open himself to. His coffee is getting cold from the talking, and Jeno eyes for the third time the barista checking Taeil out, a tall one with black hair and good looks. He almost wants to let him notice, except this is not the time when he’s trying to apologize for accepting a date he won’t ever attend because maybe, if he and Jaemin were clear with the other a few nights before, they’re not going to be just friends anymore.

He hasn’t spoken to Jaemin after the party, Jeno was extremely guilty for the whole mess he’s got himself into and also they needed a day off. At least he needed to, still hungover and brooding in his bed for hours until his father got him off the bed having a walk outside with him. And today he’s here, a renewed man exposing his entire last weeks to Taeil who smiles, seeming amused as he traces a finger to the small white table they found place at, light beaming on his warm brown hair. Jeno finally takes the time to sip his coffee, anxious watching Taeil’s one almost finished.

“Jeno, you just could have told me you are already interested in someone else and I’d understand. You weren’t forced to hang out with me, even like this”. Taeil is really trying not to laugh, Jeno sees his cheeks shaping under that funny smile. “Congrats on your sex life, I guess?”.

“Please don’t”. Jeno grimaces, laughing at his own misery. If Taeil thought he was a regular, nice guy to go out he’s sure he’s glad it didn’t go as planned. The older probably changed his mind in half an hour with him. Maybe that’s what Jaemin means when he tells him he’s one of a kind, no one else has his great skill to get this much second hand embarrassment.

“Jaemin is a great guy, that’s what my friends told me at least. I’m glad he stopped fooling around for someone like you”.

“I have a lot of competition around here”. Jeno sighs, turning the mug in his hands.

“If you’re the one he’s dating I’m pretty sure you have zero competition left”. Taeil winks at him, and Jeno spots the tall handsome man staring at their table’s direction again, so he turns and tilts his head.

“Are you aware the guy who gave us the coffees has been staring at you all the time?”. He whispers, an ounce too excited noticing it.

Taeil furrows his eyebrows, leans his head where Jeno subtly pointed at. “You think?”.

Jeno feels like cupid coming back home after engaging the two of them in a conversation, unsure where he’s got all that energy from — or all those social skills. As he walks to his car Jeno finally breaths, stops to seep the fresh air. He did what felt right, and Taeil is very nice. They'll probably meet again under friendly circumstances, clearing things out has him walk light steps, looking up at a sky that’s clearer than most days. He drives back home, a stupid grin difficult to erase from his face.

His parents don’t know, Jeno never said anything specific about his relationship with Jaemin. He keeps occupying the same daily space he’s always done so far, meeting at university with their friends, some genuinely shocked finding out they’re actually dating. Renjun isn’t fazed, exposing Jeno when he gets the news sharing what he said about Jaemin in the bathrooms right when their crazy week was over. Jeno can’t get mad, and Jaemin in a way already knew.

Jaemin comes over often, nothing his parents are surprised to see him. Jeno thinks it’s for all the time they have now, but they also slow down when it comes to the good chemistry they found in his bedroom. Of course he still adores touching Jaemin, and they’ve been extremely clingy especially if alone, never restraining from making out whenever they’re confined in a personal space. Nothing really changes between them, there’s still space for the playful bickering, list of movies watched together and all they already were as friends. Exception for the somehow upgraded status they have.

Jeno has fun calling him lover, his biggest pet name considering the unstoppable choices Jaemin has for him instead. He’s insufferable at times, understanding they fluster Jeno and he finds entertainment behind it. Jeno mostly rolls his eyes, tackling him until one of them gives in and they’re back being all mellow to the other.

He’s happy, stupidly happy holding Jaemin’s hand one evening as they climb down the stairs from his bedroom where they were studying. He’s wearing one of Jaemin’s sweaters he left in his room some time ago, opening the door for him as they both linger there instead of immediately saying goodbye, feeling the boy’s damp hair after a shower they took together. They’re annoyingly clingy if he thinks about it, Jeno had to shower and Jaemin tagged along stating he'd be bored waiting alone, getting a bit distracted under the water.

“Oh I just remembered”. Jaemin bites his lips, arms wrapping around Jeno’s waist. “My father wants to know if you’re allergic to any food for tomorrow?”.

Jeno almost forgot about lunch with Jaemin’s parents. The other might have spent almost everyday at his house, but Jeno never really went to Jaemin’s place. He guesses his house is closer to their university area, and Jeno likes better to invite people rather than going to someone else. It just happens that Jaemin said he has a boyfriend, and it is big news for his parents who always heard him talking about how he’s never going to get in a relationship for years, being quick to ask him to invite Jeno so they can meet him.

“I’m fine”. Jeno smiles, drooping gaze to Jaemin’s lips as the other bites his lips gently.

“Yeah you are, look at you”. Jeno laughs as they kiss, the familiar palm of a hand grabbing his thigh to latch around Jaemin’s waist, shivering a bit for the cold air threading inside from the open door.

“That’s not what I meant”. Jeno chuckles, getting lifted by Jaemin because the boy has a thing for making Jeno not use his legs moving to places and it’s starting to get out of hand, albeit it is his spot to leave kisses down his neck. Jeno locks eyes with his mother, noticing her sitting at the table and he squeezes his eyes at her in a funny grimace and frames Jaemin’s face.

“Guys, close the door, it’s getting cold”. She says mirthfully, looking their way when Jaemin turns, still having Jeno in his arms and he makes a sheepish apology as he brings him down.

“I’m going”. Jaemin flutters his eyelashes as Jeno lingers his lips longer in a chaste kiss.

“Text me when you get home”. Jeno smiles shyly as he closes the door after waving Jaemin goodbye, pressing his back to the door and realizing his mother was home and there all the time. He didn’t see her car outside, nor heard her probably closed in her studio so he figured she wasn’t home at all.

“Mh, I recognize that look”. His mother giggles, shaking her head. “Such a charmer”.

“He really is”. Jeno sighs, sweetly and still tingling with how nice being with Jaemin is. “Do I have to tell you we’re dating or?”.

“You’re glowing Jeno, that’s all I need to know”.

Jeno slumps on the chair next to her mother’s where she was reading before he and Jaemin disturbed her, holding his right cheek in his palm. He automatically starts talking about him, sharing his exhilaration with someone or else he’s going to explode with it.

It’s about five months later, the grueling heat of an early evening sun hits right where Jeno’s room is and he’s pulling Jaemin to the bed, taking his shirt off. Jeno can’t tell what is going on with him today, he’s been staring at his boyfriend since they went out with their friends, making it quite obvious he wanted to leave and be alone with him.

It’s going incredibly well, and many didn’t have a lot of trust in them. He's told it was just the first few weeks of relationship to have them so invested in the other, no confidence for Jaemin’s old habits and apparent inability to have a serious relationship, but not everyone knows how he and Jaemin are.

By now Jeno — with a consistent help of his parents, has a fair share of stories, pictures and videos of Jaemin when he was little, the cute habits he had growing up or the things he was obsessed with in middle school or generally before Jeno could meet him. He has listened to all the complicated midnight confessions whispered resting on a pillow, comforted him during gloomier days and memorized all the moles, scratches and scars the boy has. And he’s still as endearing as he was when he started to really see Jaemin.

Being naked doesn’t matter anymore, not when Jeno allows Jaemin to show all that’s under the convenient, the likeable, what others might have wanted him for without thinking there’s more to a person than the image they show off daily. There’s nothing one of them shies away from, Jeno is amazed by the trust they have.

Jeno moans at the tongue between his legs, his parents taking a spa weekend and they’re taking their intimate time for themselves. He loves to touch Jaemin’s hair whenever he does it, hears his laugh when he pushes him against his rim when it feels maddening. “You’re so hot today, Jaem. Did you do something different, I really had to- oh, that’s good”.

Jeno faces Jaemin as he gets up, smiling at him. “Hi”. He tells him, and brings him down to a messy kiss, mellow sighs left to more rushed breaths as he’s fast taking the rest of Jaemin’s clothes off. He feels his skin melting, lube in his hands gross and he’s quick to align Jaemin inside him and he stops him by his wrists since he hasn't prepared him at all.

“It’s fucking hot it doesn’t even hurt”.

Jaemin widens his eyes, thumb sweetly tracing right at his cheekbone. “What’s going on with you today?”.

“I’m in love I guess, just wanted you close”. Jeno is satisfied to get another kiss, and starts to feel him pushing inside him. Jaemin goes slow, teasing Jeno when he wants to go faster and slides a palm down to his side, squeezing it.

“I love you too, but next time you grab my dick in public give me a heads up, baby”.

Jeno lets out a full blown laugh, choked with a moan as Jaemin finally goes faster as he was waiting for. “I did it under the table, no one noticed”. He flips them over, changing the pace and this time is Jaemin struggling with his sounds. There’s sweat dripping everywhere, and nothing compares to the warmth of Jaemin, always welcomed to fall in his skin.

They’re doing well, and on his desk there’s a draft of a list he started making with Jaemin for things to bring in a suitcase. Jaemin’s parents have a boat for the summer, and they invited Jeno to spend two weeks with them, stealing a few minutes the day before with his boyfriend in his lap suggesting the essentials to write down.

There’s nothing that comes easier than being with Jaemin, and Jeno considers his bedroom their starting point, making him smile to himself whenever he thinks how far they got, sometimes foolishly dipping his nose in the pillow Jaemin sleeps in, his fragrance there when he’s alone. He still counts on Jaemin as one of his closest friends, but there’s so much fun and care behind everything they do. Jeno feels loved, free to do it back utterly.

He was afraid of many things at the thought of committing to a relationship; that he’d have to show his partner the uglier bits, making them realize he’s not neat at every hour of the day, afraid of having someone constantly around you by choice and how do you understand they are the right person. When you decide to date someone you most definitely and never will understand everything about that person, and you have to accept it. He used to fear where you deem it enough to trust, to let someone in your life take that important spot.

Jeno stops fearing with Jaemin, and that’s what he usually says with a stupid grin when someone asks how it is going with him. He’s not afraid of leaving behind all the little constructions of something perfect he never was and they will never be. Jaemin makes him brave to let go of all that's considered perfect, realizing in the way he wouldn't change anything in their relationship.

“You can tell me if you have a thing for semi public sex, Jeno, maybe we could do it at night at the beach”.

“Now, was this relevant Jaemin?”.

“I’m trying to fulfill your dreams, baby”.

“Then I’ll remind you how you were about to blow me in front of everyone when we did those body shots at Chenle’s party, baby”.

“Every man has his fault”.

“Remind me why we’re dating?”. Jeno throws his head back as Jaemin sucks a bruise to his neck, both too dizzy to continue with how hot it is in the room, sultry air heavy in their nostrils.

“I guess we’re oddly compatible”. Jeno blows out some air, chest wet with sweat as he tries to ride Jaemin but they both lose the battle against the heat, getting obvious they can’t keep up. “God, I’m dizzy”.

“Ice cream?”. Jeno kisses him softly, pushing back very blonde and very sweaty hair to free Jaemin’s forehead. He nods, pushing them down for a moment to hug in more heat, none of them minding it. They’re fine, in serious need to cool down in mid July but they’re working just fine.