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Butterflies

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Allison screamed to her pillow.

 

“This makes no sense” - she thought

 

Deciding to ignore this feeling of frustration, she stood up from her bed and went to fix her hair, since it was somewhat messy.

 

While fixing her hair, memories came to her mind.

 

She remembered the moment when Claire softly put her hands on her face to put makeup and caressed her hair to fix it. It kept rummaging through her mind ever since it happened. She felt the infamous butterflies start kicking her stomach.

 

“What is wrong with me!!!” She screamed at herself once again

 

Deciding she wasn’t going to get anywhere fixing herself, she decided to leave. She was supposed to go out with Andrew in a few minutes. Their first official date. He even called her to tell her proudly that he would be bringing his car, that he got with money he saved on his own. He told her how Bender helped him to raise this money and how it surprised him, which in all retrospect, surprised Allison too. He is an athlete, who never seemed to care for others. Yes, they all bonded while in detention on that Saturday but they still had their groups and reputations to keep up.

 

While in the door, waiting for her boyfriend, she felt the feeling of frustration come back again.
However, before she could dwell on it further, a familiar face came by, smiling.

 

“Hey Allison!!” - Brian said with a smile on his face, getting out of the car to open the door for her

 

“Hey Andrew, I like the car.” - She stated, smiling back

 

“Yeah thanks. Bender recommended me getting it and it’s pretty rad.” - He said smiling once more

 

Allison looked puzzled. Throughout the calls they’ve been having, he barely ever mentioned anything aside from Bender and what puzzled her even more, is that she didn’t mind.

 

 

“I can’t wait to see Children’s of Corn, Stephen King never disappoints. I read the book though and I’m sure It’s better.”

 

“Yeah, I haven’t read the book but Stephen King is always good”

 

“You’re not too much of a chicken to watch it?” - She says with a grin, elbowing him

 

“No, I actually love horror movies. E.T is my favorite horror movie” - Andrew retorded back
Allison snorted

 

“I bet if Claire was here she’d be too much of a chicken to watch it” - She said in giggles

 

“And Bender. They would both probably scream out of fear” - Andrew said laughing as well

 

They both stood in the line. Since it was a friday, there were more people than usual. However, Allison didn’t mind because to her, the cinema felt like home. She always came here every week, to watch whatever new horror movie came out. However this made her feel guilty. Claire had made her makeover and basically changed her. Shouldn’t she be living like her? She bit her lip. Here she was once again thinking about Claire again. Why can’t that girl leave her mind?

 

“Allison, is something wrong?” - Andrew looked at her in concern

 

Allison sighed. She wasn’t one to hide the truth.

 

“Yeah there is. But don’t worry, we can talk about it after the movie. We are almost at the end of the line.”

 

“Okay, I understand Allison. If you ever need to talk about anything though, don’t hesitate to come to me” - He said, putting his hand on her shoulder

 

The frustration came to her once again. This touch, made her feel nothing. She thought getting together with him would make her feel something. But she only felt something with Claire.

 

 

 

Shit

 

 

 

 

Her breathing started going at a fast pace and she felt like she couldn’t control it. She didn’t know the name of this, but it happened often in her classes, before an exam or before talking to any stranger, really. But never at this level.

 

She shut her eyes but continued to not being able to control her breathing

 

Allison felt like she was being tugged to the side by Andrew

 

“Allison. Allison! Breathe in and out. slowly.” - Andrew stated, trying to calm her down

 

Allison did so, trying to follow his rhythim. After taking in some breaths, she finally calmed down and was able to clear her head.

 

She had a crush on Claire.

 

A crush.

 

How could that be possible?

 

Andrew took her hand, taking her to the back of the cinema where they could have more privacy.

 

“Allison, what happened there? are you okay?” - Andrew’s concern rose up once more

 

“Yeah, I.. I kinda realized something. Something all sorts of fucked up. You’re never going to want to speak to me again after if I tell you” - Allison’s mind was running at 20 miles per hour. If she didn’t tell someone, what the fuck was she going to do? There’s no way she could show her face in public. Her parents would hate her. Claire would…

 

She started crying, an act she would have never done in the past, specially not in front of someone

 

Allison felt embraced by Andrew

 

“Hey, it’s okay, I promise. Nothing you could say would make me want to get away from you. You’re a really good friend. Well I guess, girlfriend” - He said clicking his tongue

 

She took a deep breath in and out

 

“I have a crush on Claire” - Allison said, so fast that you could barely understand

 

Andrew’s eyes went wide and he hugged her even tighter.

 

Andrew pulled away, not being able to look at her directly

 

“It’s okay Allison.” - Andrew said, while taking a deep breath

 

“I actually have a crush on Bender. I wanted to tell you but.. I didn’t know how. And I liked hanging out with you so I didn’t want you to hate me either” - Andrew said, while fidgeting with his fingers

 

Allison felt relieved. At least she had someone like her who’s a friend.

 

“Now c’mon. We’ll figure this out later. Let’s go watch this movie and have fun okay?”- He wiped her tears

 

Feeling better, she grinned

 

“Race you there!!” - She said, running before he could start

 

“Hey!! Not fair!!” - He yelled back at her, running while laughing

 

 

While taking off her makeup, Allison felt conflicted. Words couldn’t describe her pain. Maybe she should just never talk to Claire again.

 

She then heard a loud ring and picked it up

 

“Hello?” - She said, confused as to why someone was calling this late

 

“Yeah, hey, Allison?” - A voice too familiar was on the other side. Her eyes went wide. She thought of hanging up the phone

 

“I missed you!! I barely saw you at school today” - Claire stated

 

“Yeah… I guess I was just busy” - Allison knew Claire would see through her lie. She was smart. Allison had just been avoiding Claire every time she saw her, out of not wanting to get those damn butterflies

 

“Yeah.. well Allison, I don’t know if you’re mad at me or something, but either way I feel like I should apologize. I shouldn’t have done that makeover. You already looked beautiful before, in fact, I would think you looked even better. I just know you liked Andrew and well, those boys don’t really like the other style, so I wanted to help. Either way, Andrew seems nice so I know he’d understand if you wanted to go back to your old style.” - Claire said in her usual sweet voice. Claire calling her beautiful was something she was not prepared to hear and even more saying that her goth style made her even prettier. She didn’t want to admit it, but she really missed her old style. She felt more herself in it.

 

“Allison? Allison are you there?” - Claire asked

 

“Yeah, what?” - Allison said, coming back to reality

 

“I was asking you if I could come over next weekend and make it up for you. I want to help you with getting the black shit back in your style and then we could just hang out. Maybe watch disney movies? I have the vhs of the fox and the hound” - Claire stated, excitedly

 

“Weren’t you the one that said that I looked better without all the black shit in my eyes?”- Allison said, laughing

 

The phone stayed silent

 

“Look, I lied. You really do look better with the black shit, okay? Just please let me come?” - Allison could basically see her doing puppy eyes

 

Allison knew she shouldn’t be saying yes. She should be ignoring her forever. Just the thought of her coming over is giving her butterflies. But she can’t resist Claire’s pleas

 

“Yeah sure. Is 8pm on a saturday okay? I’ll get snacks so don’t worry. Also I have the makeup here so don’t worry about that either.”

 

“Okay Allison, goodnight then. Thanks for letting me make it up to you” - Claire said, smiling behind the phone

 

“ You didn’t have to do anything, but thanks. Goodnight Claire. “ - She hung up the phone

 

After that, she tried sleeping. It took her a while, but when she did, she dreamed of red curls and a beautiful smile

 

 

Throughout the week, all Allison could think about was saturday. How was she going to hide her feelings? How would she be after going back to her goth style once more?

 

Once Saturday arrived, her excitement was brought up. Yes, she was worried she would accidentally show her feelings and ruin everything, but she could do it. It can’t be that hard. Her mom was also excited for her, since it was the first time ever she would be having a sleepover. She gathered all the snacks (Runts and nerds!!) and waited for the clock to turn 8.

 

Once it did and there was no sign of Claire, she started panicking. But then 15 minutes later, the doorbell rung.

 

 

“Allison! It’s Claire!!” - Her mother yelled

 

“Yeah, coming!!” - She said running to the door, with her black pijamas. She decided to wear them since she was officially going back to her old style. She’s so glad she can finally go back.

 

Claire came in, with snacks of her own. Allison rolled her eyes

 

“Claire, I told you not to worry about snacks, I got them”

 

“Yeah okay, but the more the merrier right?” - She said, basically jumping to Allison’s side out of excitement

 

“Okay, well, let’s go to my room?” - Allison said, already blushing. She internally groaned at herself, but she couldn’t help to love Claire’s exciting nature

 

“Let’s!” - Claire said, grabbing her hand and taking her, even though she didn’t know where it was. Somehow, she got her to her room.

 

Claire sat down

 

“Okay, so I know that you have your own makeup, but I brought my own too. Sometimes I like to experiment with darker colors so, I thought, why not bring some? I haven’t used them though, so don’t worry. Also I brought the vhs, because I doubt that your airhead self has any” - Claire said, snickering

 

Allison rolled her eyes

 

“Okay, so I’ll start with some foundation and then I’ll do your eyes and lips okay?” - Claire said

 

“Yeah sure” - Allison said, with butterflies already stirring up in her stomach. This won’t end well

 

Claire started putting the foundation on her, with care. Allison relished on her touch and let the butterflies flutter. She let herself be awful and selfish by enjoying it all.

 

Once she was done, Claire put her own black eyeshadow and mascara on Allison.

 

“Okay, now I have to do the eyeliner, so don’t move okay? If not I’ll fuck it up and you’ll look like you swam in petroleum or something”

 

Allison laughed at that comment. While closing her eyes, Allison realized she wanted this to last forever.

 

Claire took a deep breath and did the eyeliner on both eyes. Once she was done, she did a sigh of relief.

 

“Okay, so I didn’t completely fuck that up. I know you would have probably done a better job than me but I hope you liked it anyway.” - Clarie said, fidgeting her fingers

 

“Now for the last part!! the lipstick. I was thinking of having you wear purple, but what do you think?” - Claire asked, twisting her head

 

Allison realized Claire took her time to think this through

 

“You really thought this through didn’t you?”

 

“Well.. I really wanted to make you look pretty. Not that you don’t already! I just wanted to make sure I did a good job”

 

Allison’s butterflies started kicking again at the “pretty” comment.

 

“Hey, I really appreciate you doing all this. I don’t care if it looks bad at the end, the fact that you’re doing this in the first place is rad enough. Purple is fine.” - She said grabbing Claire’s hand

 

They looked at each other for a while, almost in a trance

 

“Anyways!” - Claire said, pulling away from her touch.

 

“Let me put you the purple lipstick” - Claire said, flustered

 

She slowly put the lipstick on her. She was actually doing so, more slowly than the eyeliner, which Allison found strange since putting lipstick on is easier.

 

Claire noticed her puzzled look and put the lipstick down

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just that, your lips are really pretty” - Claire said, looking away

 

“Thank you” - Allison said blushing even more, feeling the butterflies stronger than ever

 

“I..” - Claire kept looking at her lips and then eyes

 

“Is something the matter? you can always talk to me, Claire” - Allison said, getting flashbacks to last week

 

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. Let me continue” - Claire said, continuing while fucking up. After cleaning it, she finally fixed it and put her lipstick on right.

 

“Okay, it’s done. Sorry it it’s bad.” - Claire said, without her usual excitement

 

Allison stood up and looked at her mirror, sad that the whole moment was over and concerned over Claire.

 

That feeling somewhat left her body, because she felt good with herself. She was finally in her element, looking better than she ever did with the other bogus style.

 

She looked at Claire

 

“Claire, thanks for this. I really look so much better.” - Allison said, smiling at her

 

Claire stood up and looked at Allison. Something inside her broke.

 

“Allison” - Claire said, walking towards her

 

“Yeah?” - Claire said, butterflies rising

 

 

“I need to kiss you” - Claire said in a rush

 

 

“Okay”

 

 

 

It was all she could say, before time stopped.

 

 

 

Claire was kissing her and she was kissing her back.

 

Once they stopped kissing, Allison grabbed her arm.

 

 

“Claire, pinch me”

 

 

“What?” - Claire said, in a laugh

 

 

“You heard me! Pinch me. I need to know if I’m dreaming” - Allison said, for the pinch and to wake up

 

 

Instead, she felt her lips on Claire’s once again

 

 

“You’re not. Im into you. I want you. However you wanna say it.” - Claire said, quickly and flustered

 

 

“I do too, but, what about your boyfriend?” - Allison asked

 

 

“With Bender” - Claire stated, as if it was something obvious

 

 

“HUH?” - Allison said in a shock

 

 

 

“God you really an airhead, I don’t know why I like you.” - She said joking

 

 

This time, Allison kissed her

 

 

“Maybe because I’m irresistible?” - Allison said with a smirk

 

 

“Ohh that confidence, I like it!!” - She said, softly punching her arm

 

 

After that, they watched movies, together. In the back of her mind, Allison was worried about the future, but right now, she didn’t care about any of that. She was here with Claire, happy and that’s all that matters.