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all you sing is desire

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It's a late Thursday afternoon, one of those weeknights that Kit has removed from his revision schedule. He finds he's had more of those since he started dating Mark and Yu, but it's a welcome change. The fact that it doesn't really affect his grades - given that he's more motivated and therefore more focused during his main study hours - is a surprising but pleasant discovery.

Kit stares at the gift certificate in his hands, a small smile on his face as he walks out of the faculty building. His professor had slipped it to him after class as a thank you for his help with some lab work for his PhD last semester.

He takes a selfie with it and sends it to his favorite group chat, inviting his boyfriends for dinner. It's exciting, being the one to pay this time. Mark is always so keen to pay for all three of them, turning every time they go out into a date. Then Yu is - well, Yu's so rich that Kit feels justified letting him pay in the rare times Mark isn't fast enough to do it. 

That won't be the case tonight, though. Kit is going to make sure of it. It's a thousand baht certificate to their favorite sushi place, and Yu never says no to sushi.

ki$$mark: aww is that for tomorrow ja? you're cute when you're excited

wayuwhynot: are you on the way already, p'kit? do you want me to send the driver to come get you?

Kit frowns. 

mhor_kit: on the way to where? I was thinking we could use it for dinner tonight

He stares at the three dots appearing and disappearing on the chat window, before Mark gives up first and calls him.

"What's up?"

"P'Kit! Aren't you going to help? We thought Phai already told you."

"Phai told me what? What's going on?" 

"The kids are going on a busking spree along the BTS line to raise funds for the graduation party. They were looking for volunteers so Sab signed us up. Phai really didn't tell you?"

Kit tries to think back to his and Phai's recent conversations and feels a little ashamed that he can't remember any of it. If he told him about it, Kit's not sure he was listening. 

Kit clears his throat, "I must've forgotten. Is he with you?" 

"Yeah, we're going with him and Sab. I'll send you the location." 

"Okay, thanks Mark."

"Wait, no. Yu says he'll send the driver."

"It's okay, love. It'll take more time for him to find me and then the both of us to go there. I'll just take a motorcycle taxi."

"He says he'll take a motorcycle taxi," Kit hears Mark murmur, presumably to Yu.

"Okay, we'll see you, P'Kit. Take care na!" Mark cheerfully says, before hanging up. 

*

When Kit gets to the station, it's to an adorable sight. Mark is wrestling bunny ears on top of Sab's head, while Yu paints cat whiskers on Phai's cheeks. Kit's little brother patiently stands still with his eyes closed, hugging a guitar to his chest. 

Kit takes his phone out silently and takes a few billion pictures, before making himself known. 

"P'Kit!" Sab exclaims, escaping Mark's grip and throwing down the headband before bounding over to Kit, "are you going to sing with us?"

"Where's your twin?" Kit asks, making a big show of looking around for Klui. 

"Aow, phi. I'm right here and you're looking for someone else. I'm hurt," Sab whines, swooning backwards dramatically.

Kit watches Yu hurry to catch him, holding his brother still as Mark finally secures the bunny ears over his head. 

"You look perfect, Ai'Sab!" Phai chimes in, shoving his face beside Sab and taking a selfie. Mark and Yu high five behind them.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kit asks, pulling Phai aside as Sab and Mark set up the instruments. 

"I didn't want to disrupt your studies, P'," Phai replies, "I've already been bugging you a lot when I was preparing for the exam. Anyway, it's been nice talking to P'Yu about the faculty. I feel like I can be more prepared." 

Kit swallows down the guilt bubbling in his throat. He hasn't even noticed it, how he's been making time for his boyfriends but not his brother. 

"Well, you can talk to me too, you know. And my apartment's always open."

"Okay, it isn't always open," Kit backtracks, distracted by the whiskers that move as Phai scrunches his face in disgust, "you need to call and let me know if you're going to come up." 

"I will always knock," Phai replies, "because I don't want to walk in on anything." 

Kit feels his cheeks heat up, pinching Phai's side. "There's nothing to walk in on! You're spending too much time with Sab." 

"P'Kit," Phai starts hesitantly, "there is something I want to talk to you about." 

"Okay, what is it?" 

Phai opens his mouth, but closes it again, eyes widening as the sound of voices harmonizing reach Kit's ears. The brothers turn around, listening in amazement as Mark, Yu and Sab start singing. 

Kit doesn't know how he missed the fact that his boyfriends were wearing their old high school uniforms. But they are, Mark crossing his bare legs at the ankle as Yu sits next to him, his instrument propped up on one knee. They were expertly strumming guitars next to each other, Sab holding out a donation box to the passersby who pause to listen to them sing. 

"They're really good," Phai comments, "we might get as much as Galae, Tong and the band at this rate." 

"They really are," Kit agrees with no small amount of pride in his voice, "but I didn't realize this was a competition."

Phai smiles sheepishly, "It's not. Everything we get is going to the same fund. Sab and I just want to brag."

Kit rolls his eyes, lightly hitting Phai at the back of his head. 

"What were you going to say?" 

"Ai'Phai! What are you doing over there? Come help me collect donations." 

Phai turns to Kit, a complicated expression on his face. It reminds Kit of the times when he had to tell him he accidentally ate leftovers that Kit left for himself in the fridge, as if he'd committed a huge sin except he really enjoyed doing it. 

Kit patiently waits for Phai to tell him, but he shuts down at the last minute.

"I'll tell you later," he mutters, almost to himself, before going to his friend. 

Kit watches him go suspiciously, walking more slowly to Mark and Yu's side. 

"P'Kit, listen to this," Mark tells him, eyeing Yu and doing some complex-looking hand signal that Yu seems to understand. 

Their instruments burst into a synchronized riff, stopping nearby passengers in their tracks. 

Kit's amazement must show on his face, because Mark grins triumphantly at Yu, before winking at him. Kit rolls his eyes but catches the finger hearts (Yu) and air kisses (Mark) throw his way. 

Sab makes fake gagging noises but stops, chastised, when Yu stares steadily at him.

Sab and Phai take turns holding out their box to strangers. Sab is more playful and energetic, throwing random compliments and generally hard selling it, gaining disappointed sighs from Yu and Phai, and enthusiastic winks and thumbs up from a proud Mark. 

There’s a group of middle school kids who come up to him, giggling and asking for a picture. He graciously accepts, volunteering an unamused Phai to be their photographer. 

“Oh ho, we’ve got us a celebrity nong here, loves,” Mark points out, dragging a laughing Sab into a headlock.

“Oi P’Mark! Don’t mess up my ears. It’s my main selling point.” 

“So you should thank me, right? Since I’m the one who forced it on your stubborn head.” 

“Aow, P’Mark. You know we’re a team.”

“Damn right!” 

Kit watches, amused, as Yu and Phai shake their heads simultaneously. 

They’ve been busking for a while, the boys singing and taking turns in holding the box as his boyfriends continue playing. But then Yu starts strumming a familiar melody, and Kit finds himself singing along. 

“I don’t, I don’t smoke but I’ll go outside with you. Baby, it’s kinda cold, you can hold me if you want to…” 

Kit pauses as Yu accidentally plays a discordant chord, and Mark stops playing altogether. 

“How do I not know you can sing?” Mark demands in a furious whisper, “I want to marry your voice, it’s as amazing as the rest of you.”  

Kit shrugs, feeling warm at the praise. Mark eventually leans back and returns to strumming, but not without frowning and pointing two fingers into his eyes and back at him. 

Yu doesn’t say anything, flawlessly slipping back to playing the melody. But Kit can feel his eyes on him, dark and inviting. When Kit turns to look, he deliberately glances down at his guitar and licks along his bottom lip, turning it red and shiny, begging to be kissed. Kit clears his throat and continues singing. 

“I don’t, I don’t mind now because I am here with you. I am here with you…”

*

“So, is this enough?” Yu worriedly asks Sab once they’re done, counting the money they’ve collected. 

They’re currently camped out at a noodle shop, Phai’s eyes glazing over in boredom as Mark debates with himself out loud which dish he should order for each of them.

“I think it’s more than enough, P’Yu. I was just going to ask Phor to donate, but having to work for it is so much better. Galae is gonna be super impressed when I shove all these in Tong’s face.”

“So this is all just to impress Galae, huh?”

“Basically, yeah.”

“Not just to impress them...”

Sab and Phai answer at the same time. Yu hides a laugh behind his hand, but his eyes twinkle with mirth all the same. 

Kit finds himself staring, mesmerized.

“Phi, you’re staring,” Phai whispers.

Kit startles to attention, but Phai was whispering it to Mark, who was also staring at Yu. 

Kit clears his throat, waving the waitress over. 

“Mark, give her our orders.”

“No, don’t ask him…” Phai complains, dropping his head on the tabletop as Mark starts lengthily monologuing about the benefits of each dish once again.

“Phi, are you coming back to the house?” Sab asks, once they’re all done and on the way home. 

“Oh, it’s a school night so I don’t think so, nong,” Yu replies, meaningfully glancing at Mark, “You and Phai can take the van.” 

“Let’s go to Tong’s,” Sab invites Phai, “I want to see his reaction. I don’t think he believed we got the amount we did when I sent it to the group chat.” 

“Let’s do it,” Phai agrees, “and make him count. You can convince him that we can definitely afford Tilly Birds now.”

Kit doesn’t think one night of busking can gather Tilly Birds’ fee for an event as big as the one they’re planning, but he doesn’t have the heart to tell them so. Plus, Mark and Yu seem really antsy to go back to the dorm for some reason. 

“P’Kit,” Phai says sweetly, taking him aside, “thank you so much for coming.”

“Of course, nong,” he answers immediately, “anything for you. Let me know whenever you need help, okay? I don’t like that I had to find out from Mark and Yu about this. I’m your phi and I’m here whenever you need me.”

“Yes, P’Kit,” Phai answers, surprising a grin out of him with a side hug. 

P'Kit grins, ruffling Phai's hair before letting go. 

"Take care on the way back, okay? Don't give Yu's driver too much trouble." 

"Chai, P'!" Phai agrees, walking backward with a salute. 

The three of them wait until the van speeds away before walking to Mark's car. Kit left his at the university. 

"P'Kit, is it okay if I stay with you in the backseat? I'm really tired." 

Kit takes Yu's hand, looking him over critically. No visible bruises, regular breathing pattern, well enough posture… 

"Of course, baby. Drive fast, love." 

"Aye, aye!" 

Yu leans into him, squeezing his hand thankfully. 

Mark and Kit take turns storing the guitars at the back before getting in and Mark starts to drive. 

He looks at them through the rear view mirror, "Yu, you've been sweating all night. Take your shirt off." 

"Am tired. P'Kit, you do it," Yu whines, bringing his knees up on the seat sideways and cuddling deeper into Kit. 

He closes his eyes, one hand sluggishly worrying at the top button of his shirt. Kit tsks, pushing Yu's hand away, watching it fall with fingers splayed open over his bare thighs. Kit feels himself biting down on his lower lip at the sight. 

"Yeah, P'Kit, you do it," Mark repeats from the front. 

Kit glances at him, his mind sounding warning signals repeatedly. These two were definitely up to something. 

But he does it anyway, methodically unbuttoning Yu's shirt to reveal the plain white tank top he's wearing underneath. He takes out a towel from his bag, wiping at the sweat around Yu's neck and shoulders, untucking the tank from his shorts so he can run the towel up his back. Once he's done, his fingers lightly trace over the curve of Yu's collarbones and Kit mightily resists the urge to let his mouth follow. Yu's eyes remain closed throughout, a small smile on those invitingly plump lips, and Kit allows himself to press a small kiss at the corner of his mouth.  

Yu blinks one eye open, his hand coming up to hold Kit's head in place as he turns to fully kiss him on the lips. Kit feels himself sigh into Yu's mouth, his soft, warm hands cupping Kit's face and sliding down his neck as he shifts to halfway sit on his lap. 

"You have such a lovely voice, P'Kit," Yu comments, pulling back and leaning his head on Kit's shoulder as if nothing happened, "You'll have to give me and Mark a private concert once we're home." 

"What?" Kit asks, still reeling from the taste of Yu that was gone so suddenly.

"He wants you to sing for us," Mark repeats.

"What?" 

"We want to hear you sing again," Yu confirms from beside him, taking his left hand into his lap and covering it with both of his. 

"I mean, okay? You've heard me sing before though."

Mark suddenly and dramatically pulls over the side of the road just to turn around and wag his finger in Kit's face.

"I have not heard you sing. It was amazing and I would definitely remember it if I had. You've been keeping this from me and I demand a concert in reparation."

Yu snorts. 

"What? You were agreeing with me earlier, Ai'Yu!"

"I was! I do! I just can't believe you said reparation."

"What's wrong with reparation?"

"I don't know, it just sounds so fancy. Reparation ."

Mark just stares at him. "You're so weird. You're lucky I love you." 

Yu just smiles, blowing Mark a kiss with one hand. Mark turns away with a huff, bringing the car back to the main lane. 

Kit watches Yu pout, and, catching Mark's gaze in the mirror, extends his hand in the space between them, clutching at air and bringing his empty fist to his cheek. 

Yu giggles, cuddling up to his side once again.  

Mark frowns. "Excuse you, that kiss was meant for me."

Kit shrugs. "Finders keepers." 

Mark huffs again, loud and dramatic, as he drives. 

They're back in Mark's dorm in no time. The door has barely closed before Mark has Yu pinned against the wall, kissing him long and deep and dirty Kit can feel his pants tighten just by the noises coming out of Yu's mouth. 

But his boyfriends said they wanted a concert, and Kit prides himself as a man who delivers. 

He takes out Yu's guitar, perching it on his crossed legs, and starts strumming a few chords. 

"The secret in my heart is not well kept. I was scared, so I didn't say it."

He doesn't look up, but he can hear Mark whine when Yu pulls away from him to bring him to the bed. 

"Concert time," he cheers happily, sitting cross-legged in front of Kit. 

Mark follows, wrapping himself behind Yu and hooking his chin over his shoulder, nudging his nose against the skin beneath his ear, breathing Yu in. Yu shivers but reaches behind him to firmly pin Mark's wandering hands on the bed.

"Song first. Go on, P'Kit!" 

Kit longs to just drop the guitar and join them, but the look in Yu's eyes is so earnest and excited and Kit has long accepted that he's helplessly incapable of denying Yu anything he wants. 

"One song," he states, trying to make it sound like it's not open for argument.

"Three," Yu counters, smiling sweetly as he leans back and settles comfortably into Mark's arms. 

"Two?" Kit replies, his grip on the guitar's neck growing tighter as Mark's hand creeps under Yu's tank top and settles comfortably over his stomach. 

"Deal," Yu agrees, taking out his phone to record him.

Kit huffs out a laugh. The brat probably wanted two in the first place. He starts to sing. 

"There are some words inside but I dare not say it. I never gave my heart to anyone, only you." 

Mark, true to character, alternates between humming along and groping Yu in front of him, effectively distracting Kit until the end of the first song. 

Yu kneels and leans forward to kiss him, and Kit enthusiastically opens up for him, holding Yu in place with a hand in his hair, angling their kiss deeper as he licks into Yu's mouth. Mark joins in, finally, his lips warm and wet against Kit's jaw, down the line of his neck, over his shoulder blades as he pulls off Kit's shirt. 

"Okay," Yu pulls back to murmur against his lips, even as Kit's mouth chases after him, "next song please. Do Skyline." 

The moan that spills out of his mouth as Mark sucks the side of his neck turns into a groan halfway through.

"Yu, seriously?" 

Even Mark pulls away, throwing Kit's shirt on the floor and Yu's phone somehow in his hand, still recording

"Mark, back me up." 

Mark shakes his head, a shit-eating grin on his swollen lips. Those should be down my chest right now , Kit thinks distractedly. 

"Who would understand love? We might not know each other when we first met." 

Yu's drumming his fingers on his knee as Kit sings, drawing Kit's gaze to the skin of his thighs. Mark has moved to sit between them, angling the camera to capture both of them. Kit thinks they must make a sore sight- him, shirtless and playing a guitar as he sings opposite Yu, who looks every bit the high school student in his tank top, belt and blue shorts, save for the giant hickey low on his neck Mark must've made when they came in. Kit only prays Yu's taken proper cybersecurity measures on that phone. 

"If destiny pulls us apart, then I have to give up, don't I? Don't I?" 

Kit hums to himself as he strums the last few chords, getting lost in the song. He saw the show with both Mark and Yu, of course, and Mark had- 

"Mark, are you crying?"

Kit's head snaps up, putting the guitar aside as Mark wipes his tears away with his hand. He crawls over, holding Mark's hands in his and reaching up to cup his cheek.

"Love, it's just a song." 

Mark sniffs, turning his head in an attempt to hide deeper into Kit's hand. Out of the corner of his eye, Kit can see Yu holding up his phone surreptitiously as he pats Mark's back. 

"It's just," Mark tries, even as a couple more tears fall down his face, "it's so sad. And your voice is so beautiful. And I'm so happy I have both of you because I love you both so much." 

Yu slowly puts the phone down and turns it off, crawling closer to them. 

"We love you too, Mark," Yu whispers, thumbing his tears away and pressing a kiss to the inside of his wrist, his shoulder, his cheek. 

Kit grins and kneels up to do the same on his forehead. 

"Stop crying na ja, you big baby," Kit coos, "let's have some fun na?" 

"Wonderful idea, P'Kit," Yu whispers, his voice growing deep and lovely, pressing kisses over his bare shoulder as if in reward. 

Kit gasps, his hold on Mark dropping from his face to his shoulder, and Mark surges forward to capture Kit's mouth with his. 

Needless to say, Mark doesn't cry for the rest of the night.