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What Would Freud Say?

Chapter 4

Notes:

Some more angst for you guys, this will be focused mostly just the thoughts going through the heads of Dani and Malcolm while I build the story of Ainsley. A true WIP.

Thank you for reading! <3

Chapter Text




Dani rushed out into the cold night air and took a deep breath, she felt sick, her stomach turned not because of the idea of what she could only imagine Bright had done to Endicott’s body but more from the shock and betrayal of the whole situation. She ran to her car and pulled down the mirror to check her face. The last thing she needed was to show up to a possible crime scene looking like a hot mess.

Her eyes stung and her insides felt twisted because she was so angry, so utterly sad, she hadn’t felt this kind of anger laced with sadness for a long time. Sure she was angry with cases and suspects, but it had been a long time since someone who she cared about, someone she let into her life, had disappointed her like this, instantly reminding her that, it was the reason why she kept people out and her circle small.

Pulling up to the midtown building she saw the uniforms that were waiting for her, she managed a quick text to JT and Gil and nodded for them to head up to Ramone Vieja’s building. Anytime they walked into a crime scene she mentally prepared herself for what was to come, but this felt different. One of the Unis already cleared things with the concierge as to their visit, and watched as the night guard scrabbled to no doubt call Vieja. She wondered how Ainsley could've come and gone without anyone seeing her or suspecting anything.

Ramon Vieja both lived and worked out of this building that he owned, though he also had a townhouse in the upper east side that they would have to check out too if this wasn’t the scene of the crime. When they got to the top floor which acted as his apartment, it was odd that not one assistant was there to greet them. That lump in her throat is growing even bigger now. They walked into the pristine penthouse apartment that overlooked the city and nothing seemed out of place, not even a sign of struggle.

“Mr. Vieja? Are you home?” she called.

After what seemed like a suspenseful minute, Ramone Vieja walked around the corner with a glass of amber liquid in his hand. With brows raised, he spread his arms out, “to what do I owe this very late and unexpected visit? I was told the murderer was found.”

Dani stared at him, so if not Ramone, whose blood was Ainsley covered in when she went to Bright, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he had lied to her again. “Sorry to disturb you, we got a tip that you may have been compromised.”

Vieja just smiled and shrugged, “as you can see, I am perfectly fine.” taking a sip of his drinks and pointing at the three officers at her back he said, “if there is nothing else, I would very much like to get to bed.”

Dani nodded, “of course, sorry for bothering you. Have a good night.” She said as she turned to leave, from the corner of her eyes she saw the smile on his face. Sometimes she really disliked people like him. Rolling her eyes, she ushered the other officers out. That unsettling feeling growing in her stomach and as she wondered what the fuck was going on.

When they got to the lobby, she apologized, “sorry guys, false alarm.” as she said goodbye her phone went off, it was JT.

“What’s up JT?” she answered exhausted by the events of the day and night.

“Powell, what the hell is going on? You know that I have a newborn right?” JT asked, clearly irritated and she got why. With everything going on, the last thing he needed to lose sleep over was some Whitley family bullshit.

“Yea, uh, sorry. I got a tip and had to follow through. But Vieja is fine...” She said as she leaned against her car, dropping her head onto her arm that rested on the roof of the car. “Have you heard from Gil yet?”

There was a pause, then, “no I can’t get through, his phone is off or something. Should I be worried?”

Dani sighed, not sure what to say, “I think you should get some sleep for now. Give that beautiful baby a kiss and see you in a few hours. Believe me, you’re gonna need it.”

“Dani…, what’s going on?” His voice was softer now, she could hear the concern rolling off the words.

She pressed her lips together as she felt that familiar sting at her eyes, “Everything JT, but like I said you’ll find out soon enough. But I’m not gonna lie, this is gonna be a hard one. Goodnight.”

She didn’t wait for him to reply back cause she needed to hang up and get in her car and let the tears flow. She was now angry because she was crying for what she couldn’t even keep track of, she had made a promise to only cry for things that mattered because if she didn’t then she’d never be done. She hit the steering wheel a few times and just let everything out.

II

Gil sat across from Malcolm who sat with his head in his hands. His face was hard and worn. This job meant odd hours, they chased leads at all hours of day and night. He wasn’t surprised to get the call from Malcolm at almost 2:30 in the morning, if he were being honest he was almost expecting it after this case. He saw how shaken he was, and how he avoided Dani during his statement. He had figured that something was going on with him, and as Dani had been telling him he was acting more “Bright” than usual.

Gil’s own mind was a mess with the recent events, getting stabbed, physio, getting back on the job, Jessica pulling away from him and his guilt over if he was doing right by Jackie. He almost welcomed the call which would ask him to come over and share a drink or two with his pseudo son. Touch base and maybe get back on track as much as they could.

There was no lie that he cared deeply for Malcolm and Jessica, Ainsley as well, though they were never as close, he tolerated her journalistic pushiness as a courtesy to the other two members of her family with whom he formed a bond. She was sweet enough he had always thought. She was Harmless...

However, what he wasn’t expecting to come over to find is that the kid he tried so hard to steer in the right direction even though he was highly damaged by what his father had done would end up following the same footsteps. Martin Whitly was cancer and he was destroying his family even from afar after all these years, no one was left unscathed it seemed. Gil scrubbed his jaw and looked down at the drink that sat with a bloody shirt in the evidence bag in front of him.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Bright’s hand shaking uncontrollably, and he wondered how he managed to cut up a body and dispose of it with that hand. He had to wonder if there was a part of him that enjoyed it and the thought scared him. He was more disappointed than angry, but he also understood the situation, in his time as a cop, he’s met a lot of people who got away with a lot of things, and those stayed with him, built him up to work harder, but there were times when he wished he could do more when even the law was bent in their favor. He was torn because he wanted to hurt Endicott too if he were being honest.

The ping from his phone made him pick it up, it was Dani letting him know Ramone Vieja was alive and well. Which brought another unsettling feeling to the pit of his stomach. “Vieja is fine.”

Malcolm’s head snapped up to look at Gil, confusion laced within their depths. “...but...how?...Ainsley, she said that’s where she went.”

“Malcolm, we need to bring her in for questioning.” He said as he stood, grabbing the evidence bag on the way up. “You need to prepare your mother for what’s next.”

Malcolm looked at him, “Gil, she won’t survive another media circus, this will destroy them. I know I am not in any position to ask this but please let me bring Ainsley in.”

Gil looked down at him, Dani had said he was soft when it came to the Whitlys that his judgment gets compromised, and he knew she was right because he couldn’t help but feel indebted to the now man before him, the little kid who saved his life, the little kid who crawled inside of his heart and looked for safety. Because he felt the need to protect the woman who stood strong in her designer shoes but when he looked into her eyes he saw just how lonely she really was. They were he realized like family, and you do what you can for family.

Gil sighed, “I’ll go with you, I think we need to handle this as close to the books as possible,” he said, his eyes conveying that they would be watched, the credibility of his team was on the line.

Malcolm’s eyes softened with appreciation. He rushed to throw on a sweater and shoes. They were out his door 10 minutes later. Gil contemplated telling Dani to meet them there, but then he thought against it. It’s best to give her space, for now, to come to terms with things.

II

Having lived through Martin, Jessica didn’t think there was anything that could break her. Her top priority, the well-being of her children, and fighting to live on with her head held high because she didn’t do anything wrong, god damn it, other than loving the wrong man. And what woman hasn’t at some point been let down by a man?

What she didn’t expect was getting a call from her son in regards to her daughter who killed a man in cold blood it seemed yet again. God damn Martin Whitley. She needed to save her children, she needed to protect them, because she had failed to do so back then. Because her choice of a partner was all wrong and they were paying the price. Her choices, she chose to get close to Endicott, she chose to bring that man into their lives, she set this whole thing in motion. She gulped down the single malt scotch and was about to reach for another when she heard the footsteps in the foyer.

She felt guilty about Gil already and now he must really think they were cursed.

Ainsley looked at Gil then at Malcolm, a flash of betrayal in her eyes. “Mal, what’s going on?”

“Ains, I need you to tell me exactly what happened tonight, walk me through it again,” Malcolm said as he grasped her arms to pull her down on the settee. His eyes were frantic to capture any micro expression he might have missed earlier.

Her brows knitted together, and she looked down at the carpet, her eyes flashing back to the blood and Endicotts body, she gasped and pulled away from Malcolm. “I...I killed him...oh my god…”

Jessica moved forward to grab hold of Ainsley when Malcolm shouted for her not to. That she was going through another breakdown, she watched as Ainsely’s eyes moved quickly across the floor of her sitting room.

Malcolm looked at Gil and then at his mother, “she’s going through an episode, very well could be hallucinating.” They needed to take the next few steps carefully. He slowly approached his sister, “Ains, I’m going to help you. But you have to tell me what is happening.”

Ainsley’s hands shook, “he was threatening us, I had to do it. I had to do it.” She was reliving the night of Endicott's murder, but the bigger question was whose blood was on her tonight.

Malcolm took her hands in his and nodded at her, “it’s going to be ok.” His eyes drifted to Gil who looked just as conflicted by the scene as he felt. “Mother call Dr. Bedford, and probably a good idea to call for counsel as well. Gil knows everything.”

Jessica looked at Gil who looked at her, and of course, the man had sympathy for her in his eyes. She swallowed and quickly moved to make the calls.

Gil watched as 20 years later in the same house this family who tried so hard to build a life and pick up the pieces after Martin Whitly fell apart again. His heart ached and the dilemma of wanting to protect them even stronger now, battling his oath.

II

Malcolm tried to catch her eyes as she stood looking out of the windows of the conference room, with arms crossed and a stoic face in place, she was protecting herself from him. He dropped his gaze and looked at his hands. His head was pounding, his body felt battered at this point, the soreness making itself known. His lawyer had advised against him seeking her out, but he couldn’t help it, he needed to see her. Even though he knew she was listening in when he gave his statement.

Ainsley was currently being interviewed by a criminal psychologist along with the presence of Dr. Bedford, the army of lawyers his mother had on speed dial already working on a defense for her, while major crimes worked on trying to figure out whose blood exactly was on Ainsley’s shirt. He was currently out on bail.

In this room, they shared so many moments. And now this was where they might end the friend and partnership that took careful bricks to build. He wanted to reach out to her, he wanted to get down on his knees and apologize to her. There was nothing he could say that would ever make any of this easy or ok really and he knew that. He didn't know how to bring them back from this.

“I guess you’re free to go?” she finally softly said, she didn’t turn to look at him.

Malcolm swallowed and nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “Yea, for now.”

“You shouldn’t be talking to me…” it was simply a statement of where they stood on the sides of the law now. Yet it shattered him even more. Talking to her was one of the only things in his life that brought him any peace, that he enjoyed.

“It wouldn’t matter, you know everything” he simply said, he watched her flinch just a bit at that. He was too late but she did know everything now.

Dani chewed the inside of her lip, did she know everything now? How could she ever know for sure? And those were words that stumbled out of her before she could stop herself. “Do I? How can I ever know for sure?”

That hurt more than falling down an elevator shaft. That hurt more than breaking his own hand, getting stabbed, or living with the knowledge that his father tried to kill him as a child. The way her voice broke, the way he could feel a distance between them broke him. He knew he had no right to ask for her trust, or even hope for it but the human mind and heart worked on delusions for self-preservation and at this moment all he wanted was for her to look at him.

But she softly asked, “Is that why you kissed me tonight? Was it just to soften the blow?” She didn’t actually think he was that manipulative but then again she didn’t know he could dismember a body and ship it off to Estonia. Everything felt wrong, but the worst of all was the idea that he only kissed her to confuse her. He was a profiler, after all, she was sure even though she tried hard not to give away her feelings that he saw it.

His eyes quivered with emotion, is that what it came down to?! Did she really think that he’d be so low, that he was so calculating? Hadn’t he warned her that they shouldn’t go any further? Was everything he said a lie to her now? the dark part of his mind asked "but didn't you wonder if it was leverage too?" He shook his head, no, what he felt for her was real, no leverage or manipulations. He...he wasn't like his father in this regard.

“I know...I don’t have a right to say this, but believe when I say that what happened between us tonight, was real it was probably the most real anything has felt in a long time. Dani being with you...that’s all I think about, dream about.” He hoarsely whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat as his eyes stung. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I want you nonetheless.”

Dani turned to look at him, her own eyes full of emotions now. She wanted to hate him, she really did, she wanted to break him like he was breaking her, but she also wanted to believe him.

“I told you once that I can’t be fixed, but you said you didn’t think that was true...the thing is I started to believe you, I started to believe that I could be better because you were here. I know I fucked things up, I know I broke your trust, but please believe this.” He couldn’t hold back the tears as they fell freely and quickly down his cheek.

She stood digging her fists into her arms, she felt so weak and disgusted with herself for wanting to run to him, to embrace him. What kind of a woman was she?! She stared down at the rings that were digging into her skin. He was supposed to be one of them. “I can’t do this with you...I don’t know…” what’s real, what was a lie if everything was.

“What’s real is how I feel for you, Dani…” He whispered before turning slowly to leave, taking one last glance at her, he walked out.

Jessica watched her son walk away from what she presumed up until now was his best friend, but tonight she realized that Dani Powell meant more to him than she previously thought. She pressed her lips together. She was a failure as a mother. Her fingers covered her lips, her own eyes watering as she watched her son’s defeated departure.

Freud said "Life, as we find it, is too hard for us; it brings us too many pains, disappointments, and impossible tasks. In order to bear it, we cannot dispense with palliative measures… There are perhaps three such measures: powerful deflections, which cause us to make light of our misery; substitutive satisfactions, which diminish it; and intoxicating substances, which make us insensible to it." They did what they could to cope, and were all to familiar with the measures they had to take in order to exist in their reality.