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Comfort Zone

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Why did Tendou think this would be fun? Why did he work so hard to convince his boyfriends to go out with him? Why did he think he could handle this? People tell him he seems like he'd be fun at parties, maybe he wanted to test that theory at a local nightclub. Maybe he wanted to help his boyfriends destress.

And maybe it all went wrong. Not maybe. Definitely.

He should be dancing. Throwing himself between the mass of bodies all seeming to move as one only a few feet from where he sits. He should be jumping around and grinding and maybe even shaking his ass for dozens of strangers to see.

Instead, he's on the floor. In a corner. With his back pressing into the seam between walls next to a puddle of what he hopes isn't urine. He curls into himself, knees up, arms around them, head down. He wants to cry. He's going to cry. This is all too much and what's worse is...

What's worse is he doesn't know where any of his boyfriends went.

Where are they? Where are they? Where are they?

The thought plays on repeat in Tendou's mind. It drowns out the music, the laughing and screaming. All of it. Until his entire being is solely consumed by the panic of not knowing where they are.

Then he is crying. Sobbing until it hurts. Until he's hiccuping and his breathing is irregular and he thinks he might throw up and he needs someone. Anyone. One of his boyfriends. Just one.

He wails into his thighs. It doesn't matter if anyone can hear him, because he's not the only one screaming. He's the only one crying out in anguish, but sometimes it's difficult to separate pleasure from pain when there's so much noise. Everywhere.

A tap. A tap of a finger on Tendou's knee.

"I've found you," Comes the rumble of Ushijima.

Tendou peaks up slowly, afraid that if he moves too quickly it might all be an illusion and he'll find himself alone in the corner once again.

Ushijima is kneeling in front of him, looking down with concern etched across all his features. His arm outstretched, finger still placed on Tendou's knee.

"'Toshi?" His voice comes out raw, unable to produce the first few syllables of his boyfriend's name as he uncurls himself.

Ushijima offers a light smile. "Yes, Satori."

Tendou chuckles a little. What else can he do? He laughs and he drags himself over to the crouching figure before him. He reaches out and he wraps himself around Ushijima, pulling them both to the floor.

"The floor is dirty, we should stand up," Ushijima says. Though his actions betray his words as he wraps his arms around Tendou's waist and tugs him closer. Ushijima places a firm hand on the back of Tendou's head, and he pulls it to his face, inhaling his scent.

To Tendou it seems Ushijima is reminding himself that this is real. That he's really Tendou, really his boyfriend and they aren't separated anymore.

One turn of the head. That was what caused this. A spin in the wrong direction and Tendou couldn't see Ushijima, he turned in the other direction and he couldn't see Semi, in another and he couldn't see Goshiki. They were all gone.

Then he'd found himself in the corner.

It had all happened just like that. It seems too simple of an explanation, considering how grave the situation feels.

But now he finds himself in strong, caring arms. He finds kisses pressed to the crown of his head as a hand ruffles his red locks. And he finds himself smiling as his tears come to a stop.

"Eita? Tsutomu?" Tendou asks, voice still quivering.

Ushijima freezes for a moment. His hand in Tendou's hair stills and his kisses come to a stop. He sighs and shakes his head.

Tendou's lip quivers. But he won't cry. They'll find each other. It's not that large of an area, and the two wouldn't leave on their own. If he thinks rationally there's no way they won't find each other. It's a safe place and they all have their phones on them.

"Come with me, we will find them." Ushijima pulls the two of them up, he makes sure to hold onto Tendou in case he can't support himself. But Tendou manages, he stands and he looks around for shining silver hair.

Looking for Semi is their best option. One at a time. Starting with the easiest to see in the darkness.

Tendou holds Ushijima's hand with all the strength he can muster. His knuckles are white and he hears Ushijima grunt with the force but he doesn't stop. Ushijima doesn't tell him to.

They stumble around the club. It's surreal, almost. To see everyone in such a state of euphoria as they drink and dance, but to not be able to feel an ounce of their pleasure. It feels like they're walking in on someone else's dream. Like the two of them aren't meant to be here. Like they are ghosts in a world of liveliness.

Why did Tendou think this was a good idea? It was his fault for suggesting this instead of a movie night at home. At home. On their obnoxiously large couch.

He could be sandwiching himself in between Ushijima and Semi. He could be listening to Semi complain that he's being crushed into the armrest. He could be sighing and telling the two that they love him. They could be agreeing, because they do love him. Even if he hogs half the couch. Goshiki could be hastily making his way inside the apartment, he always drives recklessly when he knows it's movie night. His apartment isn't too far from the one the other three share, but he feels the need to be there immediately after receiving an invitation.

Tendou could be doing any of those things.

Instead, Tendou is making his way through a sea of people, searching for the two of his missing boyfriends with his other boyfriend at his side.

There are people sprawled over tables, and Tendou really doesn't want to be thinking if any of them are his missing boyfriends. He doesn't want to worry that the two of them are passed out on opposite ends of the floor. He tries so hard to stop himself but it's impossible. It's the only thought that occupies his mind. He's reeling again, spinning into a panic and squeezing Ushijima's hand impossibly tight.

"Satori, we will find them," Ushijima reassures him. Slowly, calmly. Sounding the exact opposite of how Tendou feels.

Then Ushijima squeezes his hand back, tight. "Eita," He says simply.

Tendou doesn't understand why he says it so plainly, why he isn't even a little bit excited. Even in his own diluted way. There should be a hint of something.

But as Tendou catches Semi's eye across the floor he can see why. Semi's being tossed between three large men like putty, and he seems too drunk to protest, even smiling a little. Ushijima practically slams his way over as the men's hands start to rove. One gropes at Semi's ass and Ushijima grabs him by the shirt collar.

Tendou feels so useless, just watching. If it were any other night he could do this, but he feels so emotionally wrecked. He can't put on the tough act when all he feels is weak.

"Don't touch him," Ushijima growls.

Semi stumbles over to Tendou and latches onto him. That's all it takes to snap Tendou out of his self-pitying trance. He gathers the last of his energy and slaps on a manic smirk, ready to sing-song his way into these perverts' nightmares.

"Do we have a problem here?" Tendou demands, raising his eyebrows and squinting.

"Your friend was getting awfully touchy, we just went along with it," The tallest of the bunch mutters before shuffling away, his friends in tow. Thank God for Ushijima's terrifying glare.

"Fuck, Semi Semi, you scared me." Tears are prickling again at Tendou's eyes. But he needs to find Goshiki. He can't get distracted.

Semi slurs something unintelligible. Tendou swears he didn't drink that much. But Semi's wavering wildly even with most of his weight leaning on Tendou.

"Eita, baby? Are you alright?" Tendou asks. He's starting to get worried. More so than before.

"Satori, we need to find Goshiki," Ushijima says, gripping Tendou's hand again as he tugs the two in the direction they haven't yet searched.

"I think there's something wrong with Eita," Tendou chokes out. He's borderline sobbing again. A little voice in his brain is telling him all of this is his fault. And it is. He can admit he was the one who suggested this sick excuse of a date and he should take all the blame for it.

"If we don't hurry something similar may happen to Goshiki as well." Ushijima is refusing to make eye contact with Tendou, instead peering around where the three have stopped to stand. This would be a wonderful moment for Tendou to appreciate how much his boyfriend cares for his other boyfriend, if he weren't nearly sick with fear and guilt.

"I can see him, will you be alright to stand here?" Ushijima asks.

Tendou nods. He won't move an inch. He grips Semi roughly and pulls him to his chest. Tendou closes his eyes and stands in silence. Semi says nothing, only sways and toys with the hem of Tendou's shirt.

Tendou can only hope he wasn't drugged. Can only hope those men from earlier didn't hurt him. Didn't touch him more than what Tendou had already witnessed. Even that much makes him sick. He feels so damn sick. They laid their filthy hands on the man Tendou loves. He might throw up at the thought.

Seconds stretch to minutes. Tendou and Semi get knocked around a little. They are just standing there, in the middle of a floor filled with people dancing. But each push feels fatal to Tendou. He feels as though he's being shoved away, as though everyone around him knows what he's gotten his boyfriends into and wants nothing to do with him.

He got Semi probably-drugged and harassed.

He got Goshiki separated and surely panicking.

He got Ushijima wildly out of his comfort zone and didn't even make it worth it.

He ruined the entire night. He's still ruining the night. Standing and doing nothing to find his boyfriend. Not Ushijima's boyfriend, but Tendou's. It shouldn't be Ushijima's responsibility, and Tendou feels so completely worthless for making it that way.

But Ushijima doesn't seem to mind. Not when he brings Goshiki back and the four of them reunite in a large hug and questions of "Are you okay?" mostly go unanswered because no one's really okay and they all know it. Ushijima doesn't seem to mind when he offers to take Semi to the bathroom to try to get whatever those men gave him out of his system. Because there's no way Semi drank himself to that state.

"He's still conscious so we should not need to take him to the hospital," Ushijima says as he takes Semi away from Tendou. "Would the two of you go wait in the car?" He adds, "And please stay safe."

Tendou lets out a choked whimper at that last part. No one would have had to worry about their safety had it not been for him. That thought occupies him along with Goshiki and they make their way to the car.

The ride home is silent. The car smells of booze and vomit and it makes Tendou feel even more sick. He keeps repeating to himself that this is all his fault. He can't get it out of his head no matter how hard he tries. It's stuck in there. Not that he deserves to have it leave anyway.

He finally voices his apology in the foyer of the apartment he shares with Semi and Ushijima.

"'M sorry." Is all he can mumble out from behind Ushijima, who's carrying Semi to the bathroom again. Goshiki places a hand on Tendou's shoulder, but it's Ushijima who speaks first.

"You did nothing wrong Satori, why would you think that?" It sounds more like an accusation. Like Tendou's meant to feel bad about feeling bad.

"I-I" He stutters before the world starts to sway a little. Goshiki's grip on his shoulder tightens.

"I have to take care of Eita, but when I'm done I expect you to explain exactly what you think you've done wrong." Ushijima's tone has softened considerably. He wants to understand. He doesn't understand.

Doesn't know what Tendou did wrong. Tendou doesn't have that luxury. He's painfully aware.

Goshiki pulls him to the couch and lays Tendou's head in his lap. He strokes loving fingers gently through strands of red hair and whispers, "Are you okay?"

Tendou lets out a little sob. He curls into a ball on the couch, bringing his hands to grip at Goshiki's thigh. He can hear Semi retching from the room over, comforted by little pats on the back and hushed "You will be okay"s from Ushijima.

Tendou's slipping in and out of consciousness, all the events of the night are catching up with him and he's not sure how long he'll be able to keep himself awake.

Between glimpses of sleep, he doesn't realize when Ushijima sits down next to him on the couch. When he grabs Tendou's legs and slides himself underneath, leaving a few inches between himself and Goshiki.

"Satori?" Ushijima asks gently.

Tendou hums in response.

"Can you tell me what it is you think you've done wrong?"

Tendou scowls. Sleep had nearly let him forget. He inhales deeply before he lets it all out, muffled into Goshiki's thighs. "I took us there. I got distracted by all the people. I got us separated. I panicked and hid in the corner. I got Eita drugged and...almost..." He choks, thinking what could have happened to his boyfriend had he not intervened. "I fucked up."

"It was not your fault, dear Satori. It was just,” Ushijima sighs, “A bad night.”

“Unlucky, is all,” Goshiki chimes in. He pulls Tendou’s hand to his lips and places kisses to each of Tendou’s knuckles. One by one. “None of us are mad at you.”

“Eita won’t be either,” Ushijima confirms. “Not me nor Goshiki are injured. There’s no reason for you to feel any of this is your doing.” He takes Tendou’s other hand, placing a singular kiss on the palm of his hand.

“I- Are you sure?” Tendou’s having trouble believing it. The words aren’t really sinking in. The only reason he can fathom it in the slightest is the kisses. Simple as it is. The short pecks along his slender fingers, his calloused palms. They radiate love, soft and kind.

How can something feel so soft when they should be mad at him? When his other boyfriend could have died.

“Hey, stop thinking whatever you’re thinking,” Goshiki tells him. “We’re not mad at you.”

“Listen to Goshiki,” Ushijima says.

Tendou nods and buries his face deeper in Goshiki’s thighs. “Tsu?” He asks.

“Yes?” Goshiki replies.

“Are you okay? Did anyone touch you when you were separated?”

Goshiki hums thoughtfully. “No. I was fine. Thank you for asking, though.”

“‘Course. Wanna know you’re okay, always.” Tendou’s on the cusp of falling asleep. “What about you ‘Toshi?”

“You know I am fully capable of taking care of myself,” Ushijima replies kindly. Then he speaks to Goshiki, “Let’s bring him to the bedroom.”

Goshiki nods and Tendou feels himself being lifted by two strong pairs of arms. He smiles a little. Being lifted like this feels so wonderful in a way he can’t quite understand. And then he’s being placed so gently into bed next to Semi, who instantly latches onto him, even half asleep.

“Y’okay Semi Semi?” Tendou asks, half-asleep himself.

Semi hums. “Not your fault,” He whispers. “Promise.” And even though he's definitely drugged, the reassurance does make Tendou feel a lot better.

Tendou chokes, smiling. He doesn’t deserve this forgiveness. He knows it. But he’s thankful for it. Thankful for the heat of Semi’s face as he nuzzles into his chest. Thankful for Ushijima who crawls behind Tendou and pulls both him and Semi into his chest, into his arms.

“Goshiki?” Ushijima asks as a pair of footsteps recede from the bedroom. “Are you not staying?”

“I- Uh...I was,” Goshiki stutters, put on the spot. He always gets a little anxious when asked to stay in bed with the rest of them.

“There is an empty space next to Eita,” Ushijima offers.

“He’ll like the extra attention,” Tendou chuckles into Semi’s hair.

Goshiki slides into the bed awkwardly. He keeps his arms at his sides and stares up at the ceiling like he’s trying to kill it. Tendou reaches a hand overtop Semi and links his fingers with Goshiki’s. The two share a smile. Ushijima hums into Tendou’s neck. Semi shifts a little in his sleep.

Maybe nightclubs aren’t the place for them. Maybe that’s far too outside all of their comfort zones, but this, lying in bed together, makes up for their mess of a date. This is very much inside Tendou’s comfort zone. He smiles to himself as he drifts into a deep slumber, thinking all of his boyfriends would agree if he were to say this was very comfortable, indeed.