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Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

Summary:

Set post-RoW

Shallan creates a drawing that reveals a powerful truth - Adolin and Kaladin are in love with each other. Kaladin finds comfort and healing in Adolin's embrace. Shallan discovers truths about herself and reveals them to Kaladin and Adolin. They fight to stay together. Oh, and Adolin designs a custom ensemble for Kaladin.

Updated 2 Aug 2022 to add fanart to chapters 5, 23, 28, and 45!

Notes:

Each chapter will have warnings at the beginning, if necessary, for common triggers such as mental illness symptoms and types of sex.

Maybe you saw a tag and you're only interested in that theme or character. I've put together a list to make it easy for you to find what you're looking for! Check out the last chapter - here's the link - https://archiveofourown.org/works/29727975/chapters/81446017

Credit to Sarah McLachlan and her wonderful song Fumbling Towards Ecstasy for the title of this fic.

Chapter 1: The Embrace

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Kaladin

It was a sunny and chilly day, and Kaladin could feel his nose and cheeks burning with cold as he walked towards the Oathgate of Narak. A cool, stiff breeze blew through the banners of Urithiru’s platforms, and he rubbed his hands together, wishing he had grabbed some warmer clothes before leaving the clinic. Since Urithiru was retaken, the stream of people with injuries had dwindled, so Kaladin felt he could afford to take a few hours off to greet his friends. He skirted a cluster of important people - Dalinar, Navani, Renarin, some scattered brightlords of Urithiru, and of course the Kholins’ guards, choosing to put some distance as he was no longer Highmarshal. It felt strange to be so near the retinue but not to be part of it. Renarin turned, seeing him, and waved him up front to stand beside him. 

Renarin, who was standing in parade rest, leaned slightly towards Kaladin, speaking softly. “I'm glad you made it today, Kaladin. I’m sure Adolin and Shallan will be excited to see you,” he said, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

Kaladin grunted, crossing his arms against the chill, fingers tapping his elbows. “I didn’t miss anything, did I?” he asked. “They’re still ok? I heard the trip back from Lasting Integrity was uneventful.”

Renarin nodded, placidly watching the gate. Kaladin rocked back and forth on his feet, then let out a long sigh. Lirin practically kicked me out of the clinic for pacing, he thought. I can’t stay still today. Syl flew in as a ribbon of light, alighting on an invisible chair in front of Kaladin’s face. She was in her girlish skirt today, and it stubbornly ignored the wind. 

“What are we all looking at?” she asked curiously. 

“Get out of my view, you’re blocking me,“ Kal muttered as he attempted to brush her aside and out of his face. Storms, you really ARE nervous, he thought to himself. He felt like he was filled with the energy of Stormlight, but lacking the strength. With the crisis at Urithiru, he was still feeling tired. He had heard that the delegation to Shadesmar was successful, but he didn’t know what it may have cost Adolin and Shallan. His stomach clenched at the thought, and he frowned. He fumbled in his pocket for the coin that Adolin had given him. He found it comforting to keep it on him.

“Suits you if you want to look at nothing - OH!” Syl gasped as the Oathgate opened. She flew in to take a closer look, excited. 

Adolin emerged first, Gallant close behind, followed by the Radiants, and finally Shallan, who had worked the Oathgate from the Shattered Plains. Adolin walked proudly and seriously, his head held high and his posture stiff, as he took in the group welcoming them. Then his eyes met Kaladin’s, and suddenly he was running, dignity forgotten, grinning ear to ear, and Kaladin was surrounded - no, struck - by a huge hug that momentarily lifted him off the ground. Kaladin’s eyes popped open and he grunted as Adolin’s strong arms squeezed the air out of his lungs, and Adolin’s booming laugh assaulted his left ear. In that moment, Kaladin forgot he was in public - in front of Dalinar Kholin even - and he squeezed Adolin around the top of his broad shoulders, burying his head in the crook of his neck and laughing with joy that he was ok. Adolin was ok . Relief pouring through his body, Kaladin finally realized the full extent of his earlier anxiety. 

“Storms, Kal, what happened to your forehead?” Kaladin felt Adolin’s hand as he brushed the hair off his forehead, revealing smoothness instead of scarring. The trace left by his hand felt warm, and Kaladin felt dizzy all of a sudden, a warmth glowing in his diaphragm. He stepped back slightly, and his hands slid from Adolin’s shoulders down his arms, grasping his forearms and squeezing, steadying himself. Adolin held his forearms in return, squeezing back and smiling. For a brief moment they gazed at each other, each taking in the other’s smile. Kaladin forced himself to focus. 

“I’ll tell you later. You're ok?" Kaladin asked. Adolin nodded mutely, still smiling. There were tears shining in his blue eyes. Kaladin realized he had his own tears of relief, and wiped his face on his shirt cuff. He heard the shuffle of feet nearby and stiffened, remembering there were others present. 

Adolin appeared to sense his embarrassment and he disengaged, grasping Kaladin’s cold right hand between his two warm hands, turning the embrace into a handshake. Kaladin could feel the warmth spread to his face and chest. 

“Yeah I'm ok. Are you?” Adolin’s face fell, his eyebrows knitting with the question. He let go of Kaladin's hand and wiped the back of his arm across his eyes. “Storms, I was worried. I’m sorry I wasn’t there...” he murmured.

By that time, the others had caught up, and congratulations were being given. Kaladin looked around and muttered, “Maybe now isn’t the best time…” He looked back at Adolin, who seemed to entreat Kaladin with his eyes, and Kaladin felt like he wanted to say more. 

“Let’s talk later. I want to catch up with you,” Adolin said instead, loudly, slapping Kaladin’s back. He turned to Renarin, pulling him into a big, brotherly hug. 

“Come on,” Renarin said, rolling his eyes, and Adolin laughed, responding, “It’s either big hugs or no hugs, and no hugs isn’t an option after a death-defying mission!” Kaladin smiled wanly and turned away, shivering from the loss of Adolin's warm body against his. He spotted Shallan, her red hair already tossed hopelessly out of place by the wind, her cheeks rosy. She made a straight line towards Kaladin, pulled him by the arm, and started walking directly to the doors of Urithiru. Her arm and side felt warm against him, and he leaned into her gratefully.

"Thanks," he grunted.

“It’s wonderful to see you again Kaladin, but clearly you’re not holding enough Stormlight to keep you warm. No one has any sense around here." She leaned in, whispering conspiratorially. "We must get you inside, and then you have to tell me everything .” Kaladin nodded vaguely, briefly looking back to see Adolin at the centre of a circle of well wishers, shaking hands, looking as though his smile alone were a heating fabrial capable of keeping everyone warm. 

 

 

Notes:

Chapter one! We're just getting started with these lovelies. Thank you for reading! This is my first fanfic and I hope you enjoy it.