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serena, we fucked.

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My dearest, most esteemed Serena, 

I hope my letter finds you well. Assuming it even finds you. There is no city that you grace with your presence for longer than a few days. But I complain in jest, my dear; you have finally found the life of adventure you craved so deeply all through your childhood, and I would never grudge you that, even if it is beside a man as unsavoury as Carter Baizen. I have heard of a common rumour that his behaviour on sea is not unlike that of a common pirate, all theft and scandal. You always wanted a life of excitement and risk, did you not? 

I can imagine you at sea, leaning over the railing as the salt from the waves touches your lips most reverently. Your hair would be more of a siren's call than ever. I daresay if Carter wishes to scam rich men, you would be a perfect companion, for you were always better at luring the men in than anyone I have ever known, and I have known numerous attractive women. You would look like one of those women whom Dan loves to write about, the tragically sad yet inexplicably powerful, beautiful women. 

Don't take this letter (or me) too seriously. I must admit I may not be entirely sober. 

In an array of decisions that are so unwise that even you would chide me over them, I had Nate over, after all. Remaining in sobriety when there is Nate Archibald is as foolish a decision as wearing stockings without proper garters to hold them up. All things must be as things are, I have learnt over the years. And so, Nate paid me a little visit. 

You would be so startled to see me, Serena. I am no longer the prim and proper appropriate lady that everyone knew me as. 

And it's their fault; your jaded ex-lovers, Nate and Dan. 

To everyone's surprise but mine (I knew to expect this from the very beginning of that fateful summer, though of course, nobody believed me), ever since you left them both on shore for a life at sea with Baizen, they have found loving comfort in each other's arms. Many would call it peculiar, but I of course am no stranger to loves such as this one, and neither are you, though that is beside the point. Having said that, even when they were with you, there was always something rather queer about the way they looked at each other.

As many people would not hesitate to say, there is no better time than youth for making mistakes of inexperience, for taking chances and risks and following one's own heart. Hence, I did extend an invitation to Nate and Dan for dinner. Although, and there is no shame in admitting it, dinner is not all that we partook in.

I would never term myself a homewrecker; I am not the sort of woman who takes pride in others' infidelity. I would not come between a couple so clearly infatuated with each other as Nate and Dan have shown themselves to be. Yet, over dinner, there was a new element, a startling one. You know, of course, that Nate and I tried to make a go of it, all those years ago, and it was never quite right, and as for Dan - that we are on first name basis startles me even now, at times. He and I, I felt, were so inexplicably different, that there would never be any common ground.

Yet, when we gathered as we did, there was a new energy to it. Everything came so easy; the conversation, the jokes, the laughter. Their body language was more fluid, easier, as though my living quarters had been a home to them for many years. Nate had an easy confidence to him, a startling sincerity and conviction so different from the flimsiness that I was so used to and expected from him. Dan, too, was charming, witty, impolite and crude in ways I did not know to expect from him. He did not fear to speak his mind, and I realised that I cared what he had to say: very much so. 

From that point, there was truly only one possible conclusion to the ending of the night. You have sacrificed all luxury for sea breeze and travel, but I have never been more grateful for a bed as large as mine as I was that night. I took both men to bed at once, Serena. I felt almost like you must have, from those wild days of your adolescence, doing whatever you wanted with Georgina and not caring about what the people around you must think. 

It was almost intuitive. Nate and Dan were gentle in undressing first each other, and then myself. It was the strangest feeling, Serena; the most intense déjà vu I have ever experienced, as though I knew their love from another life, as though I was as familiar with their bodies as I am with my own. They were gentle at first, cautious, but we eventually let the feeling of it consume us. It was nothing like theatre, or a well written romance novel. It was clumsy, fast, too many hands everywhere, and I have never had a love as pure as this one. There was laughter, and much changing of positions, much exploring each other's bodies as if we had limited time within which we were to memorize each other. We made love at first, of course, but after that?

Serena, we fucked.

I would detail out all the various positions, all the expletives that Dan (soft spoken, polite, nervous-mannered Dan Humphrey!) apparently is fluent in, all the ways Nate has gotten more considerate and better at pleasuring his partners than the last time I laid with him. I would detail out the softness of their hair, the depth of their kissing, the roughness of their stubble, the surety of their movements, the melodic beauty of it all, but this letter is already long enough as is. 

I will leave you with these images all the same: my favourite position was by far having Dan hold me in place, using his mouth to pleasure me, and Nate kept shoving deeper at every move. We were soon tired, and my spending made me about half conscious and it scared them. We were too tired to continue so we called it a day. Dan slept with me the night, but I denied him the pleasure. It was a thrill to stay there and play with each other.

Since then, I have been fucked standing up, sitting down, sideways, in the arm pits, between the tits, etc. Well this letter is now too long so I must close. Nate and Dan intend to stay one more night, for a final match. We are going to try double fucking again. Will see you soon.

All my love,

Your Well Fucked Girl Friend,

Blair.