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i think your house is haunted (come live with me)

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“Good Morning Baltimore” (1 day, 13 hours, 17 minutes, and 42 seconds before)


Sirius has always thought Remus looks particularly dashing in their Scotland Yard suits.


The way the dark gray of the jacket he’s wearing almost clashes with the light brown of his hair, sparkling along with his silvery scars in the mid-morning sun, is truly a sight for Sirius to behold. The way he’s smiling softly and tapping his hands on the wheel of the car along to Bowie’s Changes is just another one of the many reasons Sirius has to be grateful for the morning drives on their way to a new hunt.


He’s pulled out of his thoughts by Remus’s pathetic attempt to parallel park. Sirius snorts and Remus glares at him, but there’s no real heat behind it. “Not a word to me the entire morning, and now you’re making fun of my parking?” Remus asks.


Sirius shrugs. “You were busy enjoying the music.” Remus shakes his head with a soft smile and turns the car off. He opens the door on his side of the car and Sirius does the same. “You’ve got your badge?” Sirius asks.


“Yes, Sirius,” Remus says, rolling his eyes and sliding out of the car. “Need I remind you, I’ve been at this a lot longer than you have.”


Sirius chuckles softly as he exits, ending up looking at Remus over the hood of the car. “Okay,” he says, “if you say so. Do you want to knock?”


Remus does knock, and a very distraught looking young woman lets them inside after they announce that they are in fact from Scotland Yard. She shows them the spot where her sister was found the night before with her boyfriend, curled around each other and entirely dead.


“Mum told her that they couldn’t get married,” the woman said, shaking her head. “His family said the same.”


Sirius looks at Remus confused. “So, they killed themselves rather than just get married without your parent’s permission?” he asks, turning back to the woman. She nodded mutely. “They know they don’t need permission to get married, right?” Sirius would have needed permission. They had been lining up a marriage for him with a young demoness from the House of Parkinson before he had escaped for good.


The woman nods again. “And that’s not even the oddest part,” she says. “They’d only known each other for a week.”


The gears start whirring in Sirius’s head as he realizes that the game is afoot. He turns to Remus in excitement, only to realize that Remus isn’t paying attention to him in the slightest. He’s placed an arm on the woman’s shoulder and is whispering comforting things, things that even if Sirius can’t hear he knows must be helping, partially because of the way the woman begins to smile and partially because he’d been on the receiving end of Remus’s comfort and he knows just how well it works.


It’s in moments like these when he remembers how easy Remus is to love.



“The Beginning” (5 years, 7 months, 12 days, 1 hour, and 51 minutes, and 45 seconds before)


It starts about two months after their Uni careers have begun.


Sirius is awoken by a rumbling in the closet of their shared dorm, and despite the fact that he’s properly exhausted, he makes the executive decision that he’s going to deal with it himself rather than bother to wake Remus.


He is shocked to discover it’s Peter, one of his friends from his academy days that tumbles out of the closet in full demon regalia. “Wormy!” he whispers, looking behind him so as not to wake his slumbering roommate. “What on earth are you doing here?”


“Looking for you!” Peter says back at an entirely too loud volume, considering the fact that there’s a human sleeping nearby. “You run off for two months, no one has seen you, you should read the papers! Noble and Most Ancient House of Black in disarray, honestly—”


Remus pounces from behind him (when had he even woken up?) and shoves his palm onto Peter’s chest. Peter sputters and then disappears, rising in a thick column of black smoke and exiting through their open window. “What the hell was that?” Sirius asks, wheeling around on Remus.


“Um,” Remus says, “an exorcism charm? Sit down Sirius, I think you’ll need to be sitting for this.”


Sirius, still in shock, shuffles onto his bed where Remus sits down beside him. Now that he has a closer look at it, he realizes it is an exorcism charm that Remus is holding. How has he not noticed that for the several weeks they’ve been living together? “You know the stuff in fairytales? Monsters, ghosts, demons, all those things?” Sirius’s head whips towards Remus as he continues. “They’re real. All of them.”


And don’t I know it, Sirius thinks to himself grimly. “And you… you what? You study them? Fight them?” Are you a hunter? Are you going to kill me when you find out what I am?


Remus attempts a smile, but it ends up looking more like a grimace. “Sort of. Well, not exactly. I try to help them, mostly.”


Help them?” Sirius asks, incredulously. Never once in his thousands of years had he ever heard of a human helping dark creatures.


“Well, only mostly,” Remus says. “There’s no support for them, obviously, and it’s hard. A lot of them are just lashing out.” He reaches up to his collar and tugs it down slightly, revealing a bite mark on his collar bone. “See that? My dad hunted creatures and pissed off a werewolf. There werewolf then bit me. Boom, hunter with a baby werewolf.” Sirius’s jaw drops. “I understand if it’s a lot,” Remus says, suddenly nervous, “and I promise I would never hurt you, but if you don’t want to live with me anymore—”


“Can I help?”


Remus looks at him, entirely confused. “Excuse me?”


“Well,” Sirius says, “you’re nice. Whatever you are, whatever you do, it can’t be that bad.” The wheels are slowly turning in his head. This will be incredible if it goes to pan and he’s allowed to help Remus hunt. “So, can I help? You can teach me.”


It takes a moment, but Remus slowly nods. “Sure,” he says, still looking as he can’t quite believe what’s just happened.


Sirius grins. Now this is going to be really fun.



“Nerdy is the New Sexy” (1 day, 8 hours, 33 minutes, and 29 seconds before)


“It’s a cupid,” Remus says suddenly, slamming his hand on the table.


Sirius blinks, having just been brought out of a very nice daydream where he and Remus had just been married and were about to embark on their honeymoon. Given his current location (a public library) and his present company (the dream man himself), Sirius’s rude awakening was probably for the best. “Pardon?”


Remus rolls his eyes and points at the book he’s reading. “It says right here. Cupids, named after the Roman god of love, are thought to be small angels that inspire feelings of strong lust and devotion with their bite, often called an arrow or a sting. The victims of a sting feel their manufactured love so strongly it often leads to disastrous and deadly ends.”


It’s ironic, a bit, that they’ve finally found a love monster. “Are you positive they’re not demons?” Sirius asks. “They sound downright awful. Though, we could always ask James.” He gets a snort from Remus in response, and that alone is everything. “So, cupid hunting. Let’s hop to it!”



“What’s Past is Prologue: Beginning Remix” (5 years, 9 months, 3 days, 16 hours, 5 minutes, and 6 seconds before)


Okay, it really starts when Sirius has decided, not for the first time, that he’s never going back to hell.


Seven thousand years is far too long to spend with the bastards he unfortunately calls family. A fight had been going on for the past month, all starting when Regulus’s stupid friend Barty had decided to tell his parents that he was flirting with the Nott heir.


His parents didn’t like that very much. Well, to be entirely fair, his parents didn’t like him very much so it’s possible it wasn’t necessarily about the Nott boy. They yelled, threw all manner of hurtful curses at him (both physical and emotional) until Sirius stamped his foot in frustration.


He can remember it like it was yesterday (As it had only been yesterday that the events had taken place). Sirius had yelled, “I’m leaving and never coming back! And I mean it this time!” And this time, he really did.


He stormed out of the Black castle, out of the seventh ring, out of hell entirely and into the human world. He spent about thirty-six hours bumming around, messing with human minds for shits and giggle, before stumbling upon a sweet university having their first year’s move-in day.


Sirius wandered around, intensely curious about the entire concept of human learning. He decides, on a lark, to give it a try. He has the dean draft him some papers, signs up for some classes, even gets himself a dorm room. As he strolls up to his door, having conjured the rest of his items to show up, he slowly starts to feel genuinely excited about this new chapter in his life.


That is, until he opens the door and a tall boy with chestnut brown hair comes tumbling out of the room and knocks him down. “Sorry!” The boy exclaims. “I’m such a hazard.” He stands up and offers Sirius his hand. “You must be my roommate. Sirius, right?”


He grunts, but Sirius takes the other boy’s hand. He feels a jolt of electricity pass through as he rises, and he wonders if his mystery roommate has felt it too. He is quite pretty, with the tallness, and the freckles, and the hair that looks golden with the sunlight hitting it like that through the tiny hallway window. “Sorry about the static,” the boy says sheepishly, still holding Sirius’s hand. “I’m Remus.”


Sirius grins, and turns their interlocked hands into a firm shake. “Sirius,” he says, “but I suppose you already knew that.” Remus blushes and oh, now this is going to be fun.



“Working Nine to Five” (1 day, 5 hours, 14 minutes, and 23 seconds before)


“You know,” Remus says, slamming the trunk closed, “have you noticed we’ve been a bit busier than usual lately?”


Sirius choked on the coffee he was drinking. Luckily it went unnoticed by Remus, who probably just thought that he was taking a long sip. “Not entirely sure what you mean, Moons,” Sirius says, hoping he sounds convincing.


“I don’t know,” Remus adds with a shrug, “I just feel like… we used to have to hunt for hunts, you know? Now they just seem to be everywhere.”


He quickly puts on a mask of indifference and snorts. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Moons,” he says, hoping he’s not coming off too sharply. “Let’s just hope this ends soon.”


Sirius knew full well what was going, of course, but he wasn’t going to admit to Remus that hell’s demon breakout had impeded his demonic ability to steer other demons away from them.



“Hey Bro, these are Definitely not the McNuggets I Asked For” (5 years, 3 months, 7 days, 22 hours, 54 minutes, and 8 seconds before)


Sirius’s first time encountering another demon on a hunt is in a McDonald’s parking lot.


He’s got a flask filled with holy water, slightly unscrewed so that he can throw it as soon as he lays eyes on the idiot he’s been chasing and hoping that none of it spills on himself. He and Remus have been at this for a few months now, but this is their first big hunt. To say Sirius is enthused is an understatement.


“Moony!” he yells, only recently having nicknamed his attractive friend after his unfortunate condition. “I’ve got the—”


Sirius stops dead in his tracks, looking at the demon straddling Remus’s stomach. Remus is on his back, his eyes fluttering, and his cheeks swollen and red. His blood is spread all over the pavement. He looks about a second away from passing out, and the dementor demon is leaning down as if to kiss him and Sirius can’t look at it for another second.


His arm acts before his brain, and he chucks the whole flask of holy water straight at the dementor. They’re low level demons, certainly not worthy of wasting a substance as precious as holy water, but Sirius wasn’t thinking, simply reacting. The demon hissed and disappeared into a puff of smoke. Whether it was dead or just gone, Sirius couldn’t bring himself to care. He ran over to Remus, dropping to his knees beside his friend.


“Remus,” he chokes out, realizing he was crying, “Remus, get up! Keep your eyes open, mate, we got you.” Sirius shrugs off his leather jacket and presses it against Remus’s stomach wound, hoping to stop the bleeding. He’s rewarded for his efforts with a slight gurgle and a cough from his friend, who seems to be coming to. “Oh, thank the lord,” Sirius says.


“No need to worry about me, Padfoot,” Remus says, giving him a little smile. Sirius’s heart does a little tap dance in his chest at the look and the use of his new nickname and—no. It can’t possibly mean that he’s developed feelings for his best and only friend, can it? Sirius thinks about it for a moment and decides there are more pressing matters at hand.


“You,” Sirius says, attempting to sound threatening, “are never fighting a demon again.” Sirius finds that he means it. Sirius can do that, sense demons nearby and move himself and Remus out of their paths. Avoiding other demons, avoiding seeing Remus like this again, that’s now Sirius’s number one priority.


Remus laughs a little. “If you say so,” he says, “but I don’t think it’s really up to us.” Remus is slowly regaining more and more awareness; it seems that the wound wasn’t too deep after all, and with a few healing spells when they’re back in their dorm he should be good as new. Doesn’t mean that Sirius doesn’t try to stop his attempt to sit up though. His efforts are in vain as Remus manages to put himself upright with a groan, looking down to examine the damage. His eyes suddenly go wide. “Sirius,” he says softly, “that’s your favorite jacket.”


Sirius feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. Okay, definitely there are some strong emotions for Remus he hadn’t picked up on until just now, but that’s okay, that can be dealt with later. For right now, he has to answer Remus so he doesn’t look a complete idiot. He tries play it off as nonchalance with a shrug. “Anything for you, Moony.”


Okay, that was a significantly more intense statement than Sirius had thought it was going to be. But Remus doesn’t seem to mind, actually he’s smiling even bigger than before and Sirius feels like he might explode and how had he possibly not noticed this before? “Well still, thanks.” Remus says kindly. Sirius blushes.



“A Depressingly Adult Angel of Love is Gonna get you Down” (23 hours, 19 minutes, and 44 seconds before)


When they finally catch the cupid, it’s nothing like what Sirius would have expected.


Here’s everything Sirius and Remus had learned about cupids during their research: They were a breed of angels that were taken under the wing of the Greek goddess Aphrodite sometime in the 3rd century BCE. They specialized in love, they had arrows, and were often represented as young babies in a diaper.


Sirius and Remus, of course, had found a fully grown man in a diaper in the angel trap they’d set. As the flames set by the holy oil flickered around the cupid, Sirius couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness at the situation. Remus shoots him a glare and he snorts. “I mean, come on Moony,” he says, still chuckling. “You can’t tell me that this,” he continues, gesturing at the nearly naked man, “isn’t a little bit funny.”


“Stop that,” Remus says, trying not to smile. “He’s a murderer.”


The almost naked man scoffs. “A murderer? I could never.”


Remus rolls his eyes. “Please. Those just because it was a double suicide doesn’t make you not responsible.”


“But I’m not responsible!” the cupid pleaded. “I mean, for getting them together, sure. But not for the death aspect of it.”


“Be about five percent more specific, please,” Sirius asks, with a raised eyebrow.


The cupid sighs exasperatedly. “We’re really not all that powerful! Our arrows only work if the couple is meant to be in love, otherwise it just causes a short burst of infatuation. You think anything I could do would be strong enough for people to kill each other over?” Remus scoffs and the cupid visibly slouches. “Fine. You don’t believe me? Ask your powered-up, archangel buddy over there.”


Sirius realizes who the cupid must be referring to and spins around. Sure enough, standing behind him is James, archangel of the Lord. James nods to Sirius and Remus before waving his hand, the cupid and angel trap disappearing. “He’s right,” James says. “We’ve got a much bigger problem on our hands.”



 He’s an Angel with an Emotional Shotgun (2 years, 10 months, 14 days, 1 hour, 5 minutes, and 36 seconds before)


They meet James like this: The demons are getting harder to fight off, with more of them arriving on earth since the gates opened and leaving them less time for a recharge between attacks.


It’s Remus who suggests summoning an angel. Sirius argues, on account of the fact that they can’t figure out whether or not they’re real. Remus says something along the lines of “Sirius, if demons are real and hell is real, why wouldn’t angels and heaven be as well?” It takes everything Sirius has to not shout out because I am a demon and I’m from hell and I’ve never heard anything about a real, live angel.


The summoning ritual itself is rather simple. There are some runes, a circle of blessed oil to be lit on fire for trappings, an incantation said by a righteous human. Remus wants Sirius to say the incantation, of course.


Sirius had managed to shrug him off with some version of I’m an atheist and even if there’s a chance a hypothetical angel might listen to me I wouldn’t want to be calling them anyway. Remus pouts but the conversation is over.


Remus spreads the holy oil in an almost circle around the sigil, leaving the shape slightly uncompleted just as he did with the sigil itself. It had been another heated conversation between the two of them. Remus had argued that trapping the angel was immoral, while Sirius had hit him back with the fact that the angel might kill him. Remus had responded with “Well, if you want to do it your way why don’t you do the summoning?” which effectively shut Sirius up.


Remus is chanting in biblical Hebrew and Remus is looking at how the light of the fire reflects in his gorgeous brown eyes. He finishes and the flames grow immensely tall, before lowering back down to their normal height to reveal a man in the middle.


If you had asked Sirius what an angel was supposed to look like, he would have pictured the opposite of this man. Sirius would have thought of something Michelangelesque; blond flowing hair, rippling muscles, wearing robes. The man in the center of the ring is a spectacled, skinny git, with his dark hair sticking up in every direction making him look like a mad scientist. He was dressed in a button down and a cardigan.


The angel looks at his surroundings and grins when his eyes land on the blank space. He takes a slow, gentle step out of the semi-circle of fire and continues to walk until he lands in front of Remus. He puts his hand on Remus’s cheek, cradling it gently. “Remus Lupin,” he says, “thank you for calling me.”


Remus blinks at him in shock. “I wasn’t sure you would come,” he says, seemingly compelled to honesty somehow. “I mean I’m not much of a human.”


The angel chuckles. “Remus,” he says, “you are human in the ways that matter most. You are kind to a fault—you gave an awesomely powerful creature such as myself the space to escape, knowing full well I could have killed you. What does it matter if you’re a werewolf? How could you possibly question if you’re human?”


Sirius sees Remus tear up and knows that he’s doing the exact same. He lets out a strangled choking noise. Everything he’s been trying to tell Remus for the past few years, trying to convince him of, all validated by an otherworldly being.


Then the angel snaps its head towards Sirius, sending him a glare. Sirius straightens his posture in an attempt not to bristle. He’s been caught, and he was sure he was in for it.


“Now,” the angel says, “I’m James, archangel of the Lord, yada yada. Before you tell me what’s wrong and how I can fix it, let’s celebrate!”


Remus, the lightweight, is passed out with his head on Sirius’s lap not two hours later. It’s just Sirius and James the angel now, taking sips of their White Claws and staring each other down.


It’s Sirius who speaks first. “So,” he says, using his free hand to card through Remus’s hair, “they never told us angels were real in school.”


“Well of course not, why would they teach you that in human school? Separation of church and state and all that,” James says with a raised eyebrow.


“That’s America dumbarse. No separation in England. Plus, there are plenty of schools that are allowed to teach religion even when there’s a separation.” Sirius sighs. “Besides, I’m pretty sure you know full well I didn’t go to a ‘human’ school.”


“I knew it!” James yelled, standing up and pointing at him. “You’re a demon!”


“Most noble and ancient House of Black, at your service,” Sirius says, falling into a faux bow as best he can from his seated position. “And please be quieter, or you’ll wake Remus.”


James looks at him confused. “I don’t understand,” he says, “you’re a demon but… you care for him. You truly care for him.”


Sirius snorts. “Of course I care about him.” He takes a moment to look down and the man lying in his lap and smiles softly. “I love him. And I work every day to be worthy of any of his time.” Sirius glances back up to see James staring at him. “Angels are supposed to be beings of divine love or whatever, right? That’s what I feel for him, divine love. And I’m not leaving him alone, not if I have anything to say about it. So, can you work with me?”


It’s a challenge. Sirius knows it and so does James. The angel takes a moment before nodding. “I have a feeling,” he says slowly, “that you and I will get along just fine.”



“High School Reunion, Part One” (4 minutes and 58 seconds before)


“You know I can’t join you in there,” James had said. He’d already explained that they’ll be facing a prince of hell who likes distorting the magic around him in order to turn it deadly. His name is Lucius. Sirius knows Lucius vaguely, remembers that his cousin Narcissa was meant to be married off to him. He wonders if that match ever went through after he disgraced the family by running; their future prince and heir gone.


He was brought back to the present by Remus tugging on his arm. “Pads, we have to get started.” Remus is right. The sun was setting, nearly a full day after their misguided capture of the cupid. Remus opened the door to the diner, and they started setting up, painting the walls in summoning sigils and lining the windows and doorways with salt.


That brings them to now, around nine, when the lights start to flicker and they hear a wind blow through. Lucius appears, his blonde hair as long and flowing as ever. Sirius holds back the urge to laugh, remembering how pompous Lucius had been in the short year they overlapped at school. He was flanked on either side by a demon in waiting.


Remus took a step forward, brandishing his demon knife. “We know what you are. You won’t be allowed to harm these humans any longer.”


Lucius laughs. “Silly little one. You really think that—”


“Wait,” a familiar voice interrupts. “Sirius, is that you?” Sirius blanks as one of the demons in waiting steps out of the shadows and waves. “Sirius! It’s me!”


“Peter?” Sirius asks, before cursing softly. He should have known something like this would happen eventually. Peter was one of his best friends at school, but not a member of the nobility like Sirius was. Remus remember that he originally became friends with Peter to piss off his elitist parents. But Peter was smart and conniving and nothing if not eager to please; of course he would have ended up working for one of the big families.


Remus turned to Sirius in shock. “Pads, do you know them?”


Sirius grimaces. “Rem—”


“Know us?” Peter said with a laugh. “He went to school with us!”


“What… what do you mean?” Remus says, seeming entirely confused.


“Moony, please—”


“Do you not know who this is?” Peter interrupts. “This is—”



“The Moment Sirius knew Remus Could Never Know the Truth” (3 years, 1 month, 1 day, 15 hours, and 25 seconds before)


There had been a hunt, a lot of demonic activity in the area with seemingly no explanation.


It turned out to be an old woman, living with her ill husband. She had deserted hell, just like Sirius had, and lived out her days as a human. In her grief about her husband’s soon-to-be departure, she’d lost control of her powers. Remus had been kind. He’d helped even, given her some sigils to help her control herself.


Sirius had liked it actually. It had made him think that maybe he and Remus could have a future, that maybe he could reveal himself to the man he loved someday.


It wasn’t until they were in the car headed home that Remus had chuckled and turned to him to say, “Crazy right? You think you know a person.”


“What do you mean?” Sirius had asked, a little nervous.


Remus laughed a little. “I mean, that guys spent his whole life thinking he knew who he married. And it turned out she was lying to him! The whole time! He never really knew her,” Remus said, shaking his head.


Never really knew she was a demon. Sirius can finish the sentence for himself. He laughs along with Remus at the absurdity of the situation and that’s when he knows that Remus can never, ever know where he truly comes from.



 “The Moment Of” (0 seconds)


“—Sirius Black, the runaway heir to the demonic House of Black.”



“Sirius Makes an Important Decision” (1 year, 8 months, 30 days, 20 hours, 5 minutes, and 26 seconds before)


It’s one of the more innocuous moments in their relationship.


Remus is researching. It’s maybe two in the morning, and they’ve been living off Red Bulls and Goldfish crackers to keep themselves awake. It’s dark and Sirius is tired, and he looks over to Remus.


Remus is glowing in the light of the laptop. His tongue is poking out of the corner of his mouth, as it often done when he focuses. There’s a bit of goldfish cracker dust stuck to the skin above his lip. It’s all so disgustingly human, and Sirius doesn’t remember Remus ever looking more beautiful.


That’s when it hits him. That he would stay human forever, and never reveal himself, force himself to age like a human would. All of that and more, if it meant he got to spend his time with Remus.



“An Incognito Pretty Little Liars Fan Might Say that this Secret is in Fact not Being Locked in a Pocket and Taken to the Grave” (1 second after)


“They’re one of the nine big families of hell,” Peter continues, “I mean, they’re the closest thing we have to royalty besides Riddle himself, and—”


Lucius raises an arm to silence Peter. “I know very well of the House of Black, Pettigrew. I married one of their members, after all.”


“How is cousin Narcissa, then?” Sirius asks, hoping to fall into his usual banter. “Still a raging bitch?” He hears a gasp from beside him and cringes. “Shit, Moony.” He turns to his friend, staring at him open mouthed. “I can explain.”


“So it’s true?” Remus says, sounding smaller than Sirius has ever heard him. “You’re a demon?”


They hear an obnoxious cough and turn back to the demons. “I’m sorry to interrupt this clearly heartbreaking moment,” Lucius drawls, “but I’m afraid we must kill you now.”


Remus is too shocked to fight, Sirius knows it. So he does the first thing he thinks of; he lunges towards Remus to wrap him in a hug and teleports them back to their home. Sirius lets go of him and Remus looks at his surroundings then back to Sirius, still wide-eyed. “You—” is all Remus gets out before his eyes roll up into the back of his head and he crumples to the floor.



 “Our (Not) First Kiss Went a Little Like This” (4 years, 11 months, 28 days, 3 hours, 12 minutes, and 59 seconds before)


The first time Sirius almost kisses Remus, he’s just woken up.


At this point he could barely remember what had made him pass out in the first place. Maybe some spell a witch casted? He hated witches. Too many fluids.


Anyway, Sirius had groggily woken up with a groan, stretching his hands high above his head. He had been laid down across his bed in their dorm, the one from their first year. Remus must have gotten them back on his own somehow. Speaking of, Remus, rather than being asleep on his own bed, is sitting on the floor fast asleep with his head leaned onto the top of Sirius’s mattress.


Sirius is, not for the first time, absolutely overwhelmed by the love he has for this ridiculous man who, despite having a bed five meters away, has decided to sleep on the floor to keep a closer eye on him.


He leans over Remus, staring intently at the golden-brown curl sitting atop his head. And maybe, just maybe, if he leaned over he could brush his lips against the top of Remus’s. So, he leans a little bit closer and—


“Pads?” Remus slowly comes back to life and that’s the end of that.



“Maybe Remus Should Have Listened to DONTTRUSTME by 3OH!3 to Better Prepare Himself for this and Maybe Sirius Should Have Realized He Made a Calculation Error” (1 hour, 12 minutes, and 5 seconds after)


When Remus wakes up, Sirius feels relief wash over him. He blinks his eyes open slowly, his amber meeting icy blue. Remus looks dazed and a little happy to see Sirius before a scowl takes over his face. “How dare you!” Remus yells, swinging his legs over the side of the couch where he’d been laying in an attempt to stand up.


“Remus, you really should stay lying down—” Sirius starts.


“Don’t talk to me!” Remus shouts. “Ugh, I cannot believe you!”


Sirius snorts. “What, you’re gonna choose to be prejudiced now?” He finds that he has a bit of anger in himself, some resentment about being forced to hide all these years, that he didn’t even know he had. “It’s rehab for all the monsters and ghosts, help everyone when we can except for when your best friend is a demon? That’s where you draw the line?”


Remus gasps at him in shocked. “Sirius,” he says slowly and methodically, “if you think that then you’re even dumber than I thought.”


“So what is it then? Pissed off at me because I got you out of danger, because I’ve been looking out for you all these years the best way I know how?”


“I’m mad because you lied to me, Sirius!” Remus shouts. Sirius is left in the deafening silence afterwards.


“But,” he begins, “with the married couple, where one of them was a demon, and you said—”


Christ, Sirius,” Remus says, slapping a palm to his forehead. “Because he went his whole marriage without knowing something vital about his wife’s life. And they’re supposed to be married!” he continued, volume quickly rising again. “They’re supposed to trust each other, love each other!”


“I do trust you,” Sirius pleads, “Remus, I even—”


Remus laughs coldly. Sirius can only think about how awful it sounds coming from him. “Clearly, you don’t. Five years, give or take, and you’ve had how many opportunities to tell me?” Sirius looks at him, frozen in shock. “I trusted you with everything Sirius. I told you I was a werewolf, so early on too. I told you about my deepest fears, my hopes, my dreams. And now I’m starting to think that I never knew you at all, like all of this was built on a lie.


It feels like he’s been punched in the gut. “Moony, I—”


“Don’t call me that!” Remus yells, suddenly angry again. “You’ve lost all right to call me that! And you know what the worst part of this is? I really thought that you and I, I thought that maybe we…” Remus shakes his head and looks down. “Never mind. Clearly I was wrong.”


It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what Remus had been about to say, and that’s when Sirius can feel his heart shatter. “Remus…” Sirius says shakily. There’s no end to the sentence, and Sirius isn’t even sure when he started crying.


Remus takes a deep breath and schools his emotions, wearing a mask of indifference as he looks up to face Sirius again. “We finish this hunt,” Remus says, “and then I never want to see you again.”



“Vampires Don’t Weak Polka Dots, but they Do Want Degrees” (3 years, 1 months, 22 days, 14 hours, and 13 seconds before)


A vampire had attacked them before they walked into their last university exam. They had been taking an art history class together, just for fun, but it ended up being the last exam of their academic careers.


Remus hadn’t even fought. Sirius had tried to bat the thing off with a pencil (Close enough to a wooden stake, he had reasoned at the time), but all Remus would do was talk to it. Ask it what was wrong, what they could be doing to help.


Eventually, miraculously, the vampire gave in. She sat down and talked to Remus, explaining that she’d been bit a month ago and had no idea what she was supposed to be doing. Remus talked with her about his experiences being a werewolf, how she could better fit in or find a community like herself, whatever she wanted. Sirius just sat there and watched Remus work his magic.


Sirius was fairly sure that Remus and Lily still kept in touch.


They’d missed the exam, of course. It didn’t matter though. They’d already decided long ago that they were going to be hunting together for the rest of their lives.



“Self-Destructive Tendencies Will Tear this Family Apart” (21 hours, 56 minutes, and 24 seconds after)


“I know you’re mad at me,” Sirius says while slowly sidling up to Remus behind the back of the car, trying to stay calm, “but please don’t do anything stupid.”


Remus scoffs. “Like you even care.”


And that is what breaks Sirius. “Are you kidding me?” he asks. “How do you think I could live with myself if something happened to you? When have I ever not cared about you? For Christ’s sake, Remus I—” he cuts himself off. He can’t unload his emotions on Remus, not like this, not now.


They stare at each other in silence for a moment. “Well then,” Remus says, slamming the trunk shut, “it’s a good thing you don’t have to worry about me anymore after this.”



“Interlude, or Sirius Asks a Question He Will Come to Regret” (3 days, 17 hours, 41 minutes, and 8 seconds before)


“Hey,” Sirius says to Remus over their cup of morning coffee, “There was a murder. Well, suicide pact.”


Remus glances up from the newspaper at Sirius. “And how do you think this concerns us?”


Sirius grins. “They started dating a week ago. Got engaged, told their parents, who disapproved, and then boom! Dead.”


“Don’t be coarse Sirius,” Remus says, rolling his eyes. “They were real people who died. Have some modicum of respect please.”


“Of course, sir Moony,” Sirius says with a snicker, bowing his head. “Anyways, when do you want to leave?”


Remus’s cheeks puff up as he blows some air out of his mouth. “I don’t know Sirius,” he says. “I’m still not entirely positive if it’s something for us.”


Sirius pouts. “Please Moony? Pretty please?”


“Ugh, fine,” Remus says with a sigh, set down his paper. “But you’re driving, Pads”


“No, I’m not!” Sirius says gleefully.



“High School Reunion Part 2: Kill Your Friends” (23 hours, 41 minutes, and 37 seconds after)


The arrive back at the diner to find Lucius and his cronies already there. Sirius recognized the other one as Barty, one of the idiotic little cronies who used to kiss the ground his brother walked on.


“Well,” Lucius drawled, “I suppose we should kill the wolf. Black, your parents seem to want you alive, so that’s the way you’ll stay. For now, at least.”


Sirius can see Remus’s eyes flick over to him, no doubt wondering how true all of the stories Sirius had told him about his family were now that he knew Sirius had been lying to him all along. He met Remus’s stare and saw the acceptance in the other man’s eyes; if he couldn’t believe how much Sirius cared about him, at least he could take his word at face value.


“Well,” Lucius continues with a flick of his hand, “I’m growing rather bored of this eye communication thing you’re doing. Have at them.”


Peter and Barty lunge.


Sirius runs towards Peter; Barty fights dirty, but Remus is more than capable of handling himself. Peter’s always been sneaky though, just a little too smart for his own good. He sees Remus kick Barty right in the stomach and knows he’s made the correct decision.


“Sirius,” Peter says slowly, “you don’t have to do this. I can make sure Lucius doesn’t send you back to you family. You can just keep on doing whatever the hell you have been this whole time, as long as you give us the wolf and don’t bother us anymore.” Sirius lets his demon blade slip out from his sleeve jacket and Peter sighs. “Well, I guess that answers that question.”


Peter runs at him and before he knows it Sirius is throwing a punch, hitting Peter right on the cheek. His hand stings and he think if he was human it might even be bruised. He and Peter keep at it, trading petty jabs, Sirius too scared to kill the closes thing he had to a childhood best friend.


It isn’t until Remus screams “Pads, watch out!” That he realizes Peter’s been simply distracting him. Lucius stands behind him, silently mouthing what Sirius knows too well as a binding spell, intended to keep Sirius entirely still. He kicks at Lucius’s ankle, knocking him off balance and interrupting the spell flow.


But Remus’s distractedness has allowed Barty to finally get the drop on him. Barty has two hands around his neck, and Remus is slowly starting to turn blue. Sirius goes blind for a second and simply screams, running towards the pair and ripping Barty off of Remus.


Then he feels the energy blast coming from behind him. As he flies backwards his head knocks against the wall, and the world quickly fades to black.



“Come On, Eileen Tah-Loo-Rye-Ay” (4 years, 2 months, 19 hours, 35 minutes, and 10 seconds before)


Sirius finally managed to drag a reluctant Remus to a karaoke bar after a hunt with a whine of “Moony, it’ll be fun, I promise!” Remus swore to Sirius that he was not going to sing, A few hours and several shots later, here they are on stage.


“Come on Eileen!” Remus is screaming, jumping up and down around Sirius. Sirius has always had a better tolerance, he isn’t human after all, but Remus is a particularly ridiculous lightweight. “Oh, I swear what he means!”


Sirius wants to join in, to sing with Remus for the rest of the chorus, but he’s too distracted. The way Remus has lost himself in the song is entirely intoxicating. Sirius can’t stop looking at his friend, thinking about how much he wants to grab him and pull him close, to hold him, to kiss him to—


Remus opens his eyes and stares straight at Sirius. It’s just the two of them holding eye contact as the muted voices of the Dexy Midnight Runners croon “You mean everything” behind them. In that moment Sirius feels completely sober, just him and Remus against the rest of the world.


To love him.


Remus grins at him saccharinely, belting out “You in that dress” with surprising force. Sirius feels like he needs to sit down, like he needs a cold shower, like he needs to sleep for several days. But then Remus grabs his free hand and leans in close to shout “My thoughts!”


And what can Sirius do but join him in with a “I confess”?


They keep singing the song, two idiots on stage, and finish to a roaring of applause and cheers. Remus bows so lowly Sirius has to grab him around the stomach to keep him from stumbling off the stage. “Thanks Pads,” Remus slurs and Sirius guides him down the steps.


Sirius smiles and that’s when he realizes that maybe being in love with Remus Lupin isn’t so bad after all.



“Happily Ever After, You Idiots” (1 day and 12 seconds after)


Sirius wakes up because he hears Remus crying. He can’t move a bone in his body, everything hurts too much. “Wake up!” he hears Remus shout. “You can’t die like this, you idiot! You’re not supposed to die thinking I hate you!”


“Remus,” Sirius can hear James say, “they’re gone. Except the rat-looking one, he managed to slip away before his smiting.”


He suddenly realizes that Remus is cradling his head. “Sirius, please,” Remus begs. “Wake up. For me.” Sirius musters all the strength he has to blink his eyes open. Remus is looking down at him and Sirius can see the relief spread across his face. “Oh Pads, thank god,” Remus says, before leaning down to wrap the other man in a hug.


Sirius holds Remus tightly and with everything he’s got, thinking about how just a few short moments ago he thought he’d never get to touch Remus like this, or at all, ever again. “What,” Sirius starts, struggling to sit himself upright, “what happened?”


Remus is kneeling in front of Sirius, sat back on his legs. “After that other demon hit you—”


“Lucius,” Sirius adds.


Lucius,” Remus says, rolling his eyes, “you fell. I screamed, and something about violence between powerful demons overrides James’s usual “no involvement” clause—”


“Because they want us to be able to help if demonic war ever breaks out on earth,” James supplies helpfully.


“Buggering Christ, if you all don’t stop interrupting me—” Remus takes a deep breath. “So he came in, smote the lot of them except for the one that kind of looks like a rodent, if you try to say his name so help me god I will kill you myself,” Remus says, forcing Sirius to shut the mouth he’d just opened, “and then came over here to heal you. But you woke up on your own, just fine.”


Sirius nods. “He threw a lot of energy at me, and I’m sore, but I’ve had worse.”


Remus breathes in sharply. “That’s how you always heal so fast,” Remus says slowly, as if he’s just realizing it, “because of the…”


“The demon thing,” Sirius mumbles, “yeah.”


James speaks up. “I’ll be off now,” he says, “but I’m sure I’ll see you two again soon. Time to be honest,” he says, glancing quickly at Sirius and then Remus, “both of you.” With a flap of wings, he’s gone.


It’s silent for a moment, and then they both attempt to speak at the same time.


“I thought—”


“Do you—”


Remus smiles bashfully as Sirius laughs. “You first,” Remus says, cordially if not a bit awkward.


That sobers Sirius up., “Um,” he says, “do you hate me?” Remus stares at him in shock and then starts laughing. “Oi! I’m being serious here!” That just makes Remus laugh even harder and Sirius can full the humor pulling at his gut as well as he begins to giggle along with his friend/ “Stop it!”


“Oh, I’m sorry,” Remus says, unable to contain his laughter. “I just, I thought I was never going to see you again! I thought you were dead!” This ends Sirius’s chuckling, but Remus can’t seem to. “I’m screaming for you, and you think I hate you? Oh my god, Pads I just—” Remus looks up at the ceiling and lets out the loudest sigh Sirius has ever heard come out of him, and suddenly Remus is surging forward to kiss him.


Sirius responds immediately, wrapping his hand around the back of Remus’s head to pull him in closer. Remus puts a hand on Sirius’s shoulder to stabilize himself before winding the other one deep in Sirius’s hair. Sirius gasps and Remus uses the opportunity to slip his tongue into Sirius’s mouth.


They stay like that for several minutes, snogging on the floor of an empty diner with demon dust all around them. It’s not like any of the scenarios Sirius had imagined their first kiss taking place in, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world.


They finally break apart, only to rest their foreheads against each other. “Moony,” Sirius breathes out, smiling wider than he thought possible.


Remus pulls back, grinning just as big as Sirius. “Does that answer your question, idiot?”


“Hmm, I don’t know,” Sirius says, feeling some of his usual confidence come back to him. “Maybe you need to do that again? Just so I can be absolutely sure, of course.”


It takes a moment for his words to sink in, but when they do Remus rolls his eyes before leaning in slowly, gently pressing his lips to Sirius’s. It’s chaste, barely a brush, but when he pulls back Sirius whines at the loss of contact. “If you want more,” Remus warns, “you have to be honest with me. For real this time, and I mean it.”


Sirius nods enthusiastically. “Anything you want to know,” he says. “I swear to you Rem, from here on out I’m an open book for you.”


Remus pauses a moment and then nods. “Okay, then,” he says, “go ahead.”


“I’m sorry,” Sirius says, “What?”


“Kiss me again,” Remus says, grinning rakishly. “That’s what you wanted, right?”


And it is what Sirius wants. So much so in fact that it’s killing him that he can’t just go ahead and do it. “There’s something else you need to know,” Sirius starts slowly, “because I promised you honestly and I’m not gonna ever make the mistake of lying to you again.”


Remus nods, prompting him to continue. “Go on, then.”


Deep breaths, Sirius. “I’m properly, stupidly in love with you. You’re basically all I think about all the time and have been for several years now. I just need you to know that, because I’ll be your friend forever no matter what but if you don’t want that I don’t think I can handle the kissing.”


Remus is looking at him, dumbfounded. This is it, Sirius thinks, this is what finally scares him off for good. “You’re sure?” Remus asks, pulling Sirius out of his panic spiral. “You’re absolutely positive you love me?”


Sirius scoffs. “Of course I am. How could I be unsure about something like that?”


“You absolute dumbarse,” Remus breathes out, “after we just did that whole thing with the kissing? How could you question whether or not I’m in love with you?”


“Well, it’s not like you ever said!” Sirius responds indignantly.


Remus snorts. “Because you’re you, and I’m me.”


“And what is that supposed to mean?”


“Listen, we both love each other, can we just get back to the kissing now and deal with my self-esteem later?”


“Or,” Sirius says with a wide smile, “we can do both at the same time.” He jumps towards Remus, sitting in front of him and pecking several small kisses all across his face. “You’re beautiful,” kiss, “you’re the kindest person I’ve ever met,” kiss, “you’ve saved me so many times and you have absolutely no idea,” kiss, “I am better for knowing you and I am so lucky to have you to love.”


Remus is laughing and squirming, and the sight is so cute that Sirius just has to finally kiss him again, square on the mouth. Someday Remus will believe him, understand how important he is and just how much Sirius loves him. Maybe someday Sirius will tell Remus their whole story from his point of view. But for now, with Remus pulled against him sighing into his mouth? Sirius hopes this is proof enough.