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My Smile

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I can remember the looks on everyone's faces from that wretched day. Mortified, filled with dread and despair as we received the news before leaving the hospital.

Sunny was dead. He committed suicide.

Apparently he had climbed up to the building's rooftop, managing to avoid being caught by any of the nurses. And from there, well, one can obviously guess that he jumped. He didn't even leave a note before leaving.

Panic ensued around the hospital, and I couldn't remember what happened next. Everything felt like it went by in a blur, all until the day of the funeral.

From there, I remember standing infront of the casket within the church. My gaze fell on Sunny's face, the color of his skin almost pale enough to match the white tulips surrounding him. His expression was peaceful; he could be mistaken for sleeping if not for the lack of a rising and falling chest.

It felt hard to breathe, my throat tightening with what felt like guilt. It felt like my fault; My fault for not noticing anything leading up to Sunny's demise. Maybe I could've noticed if I wasn't so oblivious. And maybe then I could've done something to help.

Is this how Hero felt? On the day of Mari's funeral?

As if on cue, Hero walked up beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I turned my attention from the lifeless body, looking to my brother. The sympathetic frown and empty look in his glossy eyes wrenched my heart, the sight feeling painfully familiar. The grip around my throat tightened further with my own frown.

Aside from my family attending the funeral, many of the townsfolk came as well. I could remember a few faces being people Sunny helped and did errands for during his final days. Aubrey showed up as well, also accompanied by her scooter gang. Basil himself wasn't able to show up, considering he needed to stay in the hospital for a mental evaluation. And of course Sunny's mother attended. I could remember how her sobs echoed throughout the building.

Later that day, after the services had ended, everything turned back into a blur until the night.

I stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to register all the most recent events. Basil and Sunny got into a fight the night before Sunny moved. They both ended up in the hospital with bloodied skin and dark bruises. I was with Hero and Aubrey, waiting to see when Basil would wake up. We never got to see Sunny again before hearing he committed suicide. Flash forward to the funeral, and then now.

It felt like a lot to take in. However once everything settled down, feelings came running in and hit hard.

My chest tightened with unease, and I felt my throat straining with a sob. Hot tears welled up in my eyes as they soon trailed the sides of my face. I turned over to my side and cried, attempting to silently let out a wail but failed terribly. It was so hard to breathe.

While lying there, I began to look back; Thinking of the memories filled with happiness and smiles. Memories filled with laughter and jokes as I played with my friends. Memories filled with Sunny, who back then, always shined the brightest whenever he let out a rare smile. That smile always made my heart flutter, filling me with a sense of joy greater than anything I've felt before. But now? I'd never see it again.

I know I woke up Hero at some point, remembering the sudden dip on my bed as he sat down. His hand gently rubbed my shoulder as an attempt to comfort me. If he told me anything that night, then I either couldn't remember it or it was just blocked out.

My heart was racing, and I felt myself struggling to breathe. It hurt, and I felt so tired. I don't think I can do this anymore.

When Sunny left, he took my happiness with him. I had no driving force to put on a cheery facade anymore. All I was left with was the feeling of emptiness.

To Hero, Aubrey, Basil, and everyone really:

I'm sorry, but I don't think I can smile anymore.