Actions

Work Header

Monthiversary

Work Text:

EXT. COURTYARD - PARKS DEPARTMENT

Ann sits in front of the camera, interview style.

ANN: Me and Leslie? (laughs) Oh, no, we’re not dating.

 

INT. HALLWAY - PARKS DEPARTMENT

Leslie stands in front of a Pawnee mural, smiling.

LESLIE: Today is my monthiversary with Ann. Do I have something big planned? Uh, I don’t know, did Lincoln deliver the Gettysburg Address? 

 

EXT. COURTYARD - PARKS DEPARTMENT

ANN: Yeah, Leslie and I met about a month ago. She knew I was feeling down, because I just broke up with my boyfriend, so she invited me to this weird penguin marriage celebration at The Bulge. It was a lot of fun. I guess I got a little tipsy and told Leslie I had been feeling a little... bicurious, lately. Next thing I knew, we were back at my place, and... (trails off, gesturing with hands). 

 

INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT

April, Andy, Donna, and Tom sit around the office, not working. In the background, Jerry drops some papers and struggles to pick them up.

TOM: Alright, let’s start the betting. Leslie’s monthiversary dinner starts at seven, so I’m guessing it’ll be nine before Ann figures out what’s going on.

APRIL: I say nine, too. (Looks at camera, deadpan) in the morning.

DONNA: Come on guys, one of us has to tell her.

TOM: (whining voice) Noooooo! The longer it goes, the funnier it’ll be when she finds out!

 

EXT. COURTYARD - PARKS DEPARTMENT

ANN: ...so anyway, Leslie and I are just friends. (pause) With benefits. I mean, we started hanging out after that day, because she turned out to be really cool, and I was new to town and didn’t know a lot of people. We do hook up occasionally, but that’s just because the sex is really good. (Her smile fades as she furrows her brow, thinking, before looking back to the camera with fake confidence.) I’m definitely not gay or anything like that. And Leslie knows that. It’s cool, its all cool, dudes (nervous laugh).

Leslie walks by, embraces Ann, and kisses her on the cheek. 

LESLIE: Hi honey, I’ve got like ten more park things to do, but this is for you and it’ll tell you where we’re meeting tonight! (Leslie hands Ann a red envelope) Gotta go, love you, bye!

Leslie leaves. Ann stares at the envelope, wide-eyed, then directly at the camera.

ANN: Oh my god, I have a girlfriend.

 

INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT

April and Andy are tossing a ball back and forth when Ann runs in. April catches the ball and throws it directly at Ann’s head.

ANN: (catches the ball and throws it aside, annoyed) Why did no one tell me I’m dating Leslie?

DONNA: Wouldn’t that be something you’d tell us?

ANDY: Ha-ha! I told you guys she’s smarter than she looks. Pay up everyone.

ANN: (exasperated) Really guys?

ANDY: Plus, isn’t that why you broke up with me? Because you realized that you were a lesbian, through no fault of mine, obviously.

ANN: No! I’m not a lesbian, and we broke up because--

APRIL: Because I’m way hotter and cooler and Andy is way out of your league.

ANN:  You know what, sure. But can you guys help? (holding up the letter from Leslie) Leslie gave me this letter that’s supposed to tell me the location of our date tonight, and turns out, it’s a series of, like, fifty clues that I have to solve in the next three hours. And it looks like it’ll take me all over Pawnee.

TOM: Don’t worry sugar, Tommy knows all the dopest places around here. We’ll figure this out.

DONNA: Beats sitting around the office. I’m in.

ANDY: (putting on sunglasses) Burt Macklin is on the case!

Everyone starts to stand and grab their jackets.

APRIL: Ok, but let me get Ron. He loves this sort of thing.

Thanks to her deadpan tone, no one seems to take her seriously. April goes into his office and waves him over; shortly thereafter, everyone leaves, shutting and locking the doors behind them. After a minute of quiet, Jerry walks up to the glass double doors to see the office dark and empty.

JERRY: Hey, where’d everyone go? (rattles doorknobs) Ah, jeez...

 

INT. HALLWAY - PARKS DEPARTMENT

Ron stands in front of the camera, arms-crossed, interview style. 

RON: Do I like the idea of solving puzzles, decoding riddles, or going on a wild goose chase around town to uncover the final secret location? (scoffs) Of course not. But I am in favor of anything that results in a day of no work getting done for the government.

 

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT

Leslie and Ann sit across from each other at a small, candlelit table with a white tablecloth. On the table is a heart-shaped box, a vase of roses, and two glasses of wine.

ANN: Leslie, this is amazing. You really didn’t have to go to so much trouble. (Glances at the present) I didn’t even get you anything. I really don’t deserve all this.

Leslie reaches across the table earnestly and takes Ann’s hand in both of hers.

LESLIE: Ann, you magical, sparkling land mermaid. You deserve literally everything. And you being here is the only gift I could ever need. 

ANN: (blushing) Aww, Leslie. (She squeezes Leslie’s hand) I feel like I should tell you, though, I had to get the help of everyone in the parks department to solve your crazy scavenger hunt in time.

LESLIE: Yeah, I know. I texted them all two hours ago to make sure they were helping. I realized some of my clues were a little too hard for you to figure out in time.

ANN: A little? Leslie, that thing was insane. The only reason we managed is that Ron is like, weirdly good at this stuff.

LESLIE: What can I say? I got a little carried away. I do that with you, you’re just so... indescribable. Like a beautiful, powerful, goddess. Or an elegant and wild doe, bathed in the glow of a brilliant sunrise. Or--

ANN: Leslie. (nervously) There’s something else I feel like I should tell you.

LESLIE: Ok, but before you say anything, open your present.

Leslie slides the heart-shaped box across the table. Ann opens it, and her expression becomes moved as she reads the words printed on the lid of the box.

ANN: (reading out loud) Ann, you beautiful, sophisticated, brilliant yet naïve butterfly, will you be my girlfriend?

LESLIE: Look, I know this is all new to you and maybe I was getting ahead of myself at times. But I really like you, and we can take things as slow as you need. If you’ll have me.

ANN: Oh, Leslie. (She leans across the table, embraces Leslie, and kisses her on the cheek.) You are amazing. And yes, I will officially be your girlfriend.

They both sit back in their seats, smiling at each other. Ann looks back at the heart-shaped box, brows knitted in confusion. She holds up both sides of the box, seeing that it is empty aside from a flimsy piece of parchment paper.

ANN: Was this originally a box of chocolates?

LESLIE: Yeah, I needed the fuel to write all those riddles. I’ll buy you another one on the way home.

 

INT. RESTAURANT

Ann stands in front of the camera with a lovesick smile. 

ANN: Yeah, I have a girlfriend. Leslie. Leslie Knope is my girlfriend. (Shrugs happily) It’s not what I expected, but I’m happy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish celebrating my monthiversary. Or my first date. I’m not really sure.

Fade out on Leslie and Ann leaving the restaurant, holding hands and laughing merrily.