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Sunshine named you

Summary:

Joshua stares at them for a long time. He doesn't know where to look or even what to say. His shoulder hurts and there is still the metallic taste of blood on his lips.
He gets a call the next day. "Bring the money and don't try playing games or we'll kill him, God knows it would be a pleasure ."
Joshua feels his blood boiling in his body, his nails are digging into the flesh of his palm. He feels like someone is definitely going to die and it wasn't Seokmin.

Notes:

It's mafia au so TW for weapons, violence, minor characters death, blood and wounds.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: I am lost looking for you.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Joshua stares at them for a long time. He doesn't know where to look or even what to say. His shoulder hurts and there is still the metallic taste of blood on his lips. It shouldn't be like this. It couldn't be like this. When he left this morning it was all supposed to be an easy job. It had been before. Go to their supplier, get everything Seungcheol usually ordered for them to pass the month and come home. That's why Joshua had thought it was unnecessary, bringing more people so he left with just Hansol and Mingyu. 

Little did he know.

Now Hansol was lying in the small room in the basement they used as an improvised medical room with a bullet wound in his shoulder. He acted tough, reassuring them he was fine and it wasn't that serious while Joshua was scared he'd bleed out before he reached their home. He always did, he had to, they all had to. Mingyu is nearly crying next to his bed with what seems to be a minor concussion, refusing to be treated before Hansol was and making Seungkwan even more nervous as he was slowly trying to examine Hansol's wound. Seungcheol had come right away when he had heard what had happened, he was standing right in front of him, asking for a detailed explanation of what exactly had gone wrong. Joshua thought this was definitely not the moment, he answers his questions with simple yes or no and ignores some, instead asking Seungkwan about Hansol. A rock dropps from his heart when Seungkwan tells him the wound wasn't deadly. It was bad, awful but not deadly. That is all that matters right now. He glances at Hansol one last time, the boy smiles at him through the pain and Joshua is tired. All he wants to do right now is sleep. He needs to take a shower and wash off all of the dirt and blood, take a nap after that, take Seokmin with him and have the nap in his arms preferably. He excuses himself but is stopped by a hand on his chest. Joshua looks at Seungcheol, furrowing his eyebrows, then behind him at Jeonghan wearing a worried and apologetic expression on his face.

 Seokmin. He was gone?

Joshua didn't say anything to them after. He didn't have a thing to say really. At the first moment, he didn't fully assimilate Jeonghan's words. They didn't make sense to him. He is silent for a long time, feeling almost all pairs of eyes in the room on him. He wipes the blood off his mouth, pushes Seungcheol away from his path and goes out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Seungcheol yells behind him and Joshua hears his footsteps following him but doesn't turn. He finds Jihoon and Soonyoung, sitting on the floor of the room they use mainly for training, in silence. They jump at the sight of him.

"Where the fuck do you think?" Joshua opens the cabinet where they keep the new ammunition sets and takes a new one, pulling his gun and changes it. The click of the weapon is satisfying to his ears, he repeats with another.

"You don't even know who it was." Seungcheol tries to touch his shoulder but he pulls away and looks at him with blood behind his eyes. The worry had turned into confusion and then into anger really quick, getting adrenaline pumping through his body.

"I have a vague idea."  Joshua grits through his teeth. He is mad, both at him and Jeonghan. There was one rule they all followed and vowed sacred. No one gets left behind. Joshua had taken a bullet for nearly all of them, had been stabbed and hit while watching their backs. And for what? Just so Jeonghan could let them take Seokmin away from him. Joshua knew he wasn't fully trained, knew he had no chance fighting four men larger than him, knew that probably running away was his last hope after they had Seokmin. Jeonghan had told him all of that while shaking at the memory and keeping his tears back. Joshua knew, however he didn't care.

"We're coming with you." Jihoon says and Soonyoung is quickly nodding in agreement. Joshua wants to refuse, has to refuse. This was his battle, however, there was power in numbers and he drank every drop of hope he could get his Seokmin home safe greedily. So he nods, hoping he wouldn't regret it later.

"I am too." Seungcheol says, Joshua expects it. Jeonghan behind him mumbles a quiet "no" and shakes his head. Joshua thinks he's smart just as much as he's pretty. He actually liked Jeonghan. He was nice, cooked well and brought them warm soup when one of them was injured. However, right now all he felt towards him was anger. Joshua threw him a look and the other held it. Maybe it was his boldness Seungcheol had fallen for, being in love with someone like them was dangerous but here he was, many years later. Truth to be told Joshua had expected him to run away the same week Seungcheol had introduced him to them. Jeonghan was either too stupid,  abandoning his life as the son of a rich politician so he would come and live with them or insanely in love. Maybe both. Joshua didn't know which was worse.

He looked between the three of them as they were climbing in the car and thought about how much he was willing to risk. Everything was a big word but it came easily to mind. Joshua knew all of them liked Seokmin, it was impossible not to. In the months spent together, they had accepted him as their new brother too, they all had a warm place in their hearts for him but would they risk it all for him?

Joshua didn't know, however, what he did know was that Seokmin was everything to him, his little ray of sunshine in this cold-ass fucked up world they all had been forced to live in. No one touched Seokmin, talked to Seokmin if he didn't want it, or even breathed in his direction without consent as far as Joshua was concerned and he intended it to stay that way.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

It was a cold night when Hansol had walked into his room with a big gummy smile on his lips and a mischievous spark in his eyes. He had excitedly told Joshua about a new small gang Wonwoo had spotted invading their rightful territory uninvited. Wonwoo wasn't even sure of how many people were there but they had some weapons imported illegally so Hansol really wanted to check them out.

Joshua had agreed to go with him, not so much from boredom but he had always one in mind when it came to the younger boy. Joshua thought of him as a little brother, he did for all of them but he and Hansol had always had a special type of bond. He, however, liked to mess with dangerous people just for fun and bring unnecessary headaches, to him, as well as Seungkwan. Joshua didn't know the nature of their relationship, he didn't care about their personal affairs as long as they were both happy and it didn't affect their work. However, he knew Hansol was very much into the other, it was painfully obvious to all of them except for maybe the two parties involved. Hansol liked making Seungkwan angry just to have his attention and Seungkwan always gave it to him in the form of an angry speech or a slap on the arm.

It had been easy enough, taking the three guards down when they weren't expecting it, seeking shelter into the darkness, and moving quick always worked out for them. Hansol nearly started jumping with excitement as he was opening the wooden boxes. Joshua tried looking around but the room was dark, it was more of a warehouse so Hansol had to use the flash of his phone to dig through the boxes. Joshua had decided to stand guard before hearing a muffled sob in the corner. He took out his phone as well and turned on his flashlight. As best as he could see in the dark he could differentiate two figures. Joshua slowly walked in their direction, as far as he could tell, tied on the floor were a boy and a girl. 

"They are all boring, we had better ones a century ago." Hansol wined behind him, Joshua heard the loud noise of the box falling on the ground, then familiar steps behind his back." Are they dead?" Joshua could hear Hansol's voice close. They were both tied, their limbs as well as their eyes. Hansol looked at him and Joshua nodded. Hansol kneeled in front of the girl as Joshua started untying the boy's eyes. His skin was cold as ice when Joshua's fingers accidentally touched his cheek and he started shaking like crazy. Human trafficking probably, as much as he didn't like it Joshua heard about it all the time in the private sections of the clubs people like him visited. "Well she is." Hansol said and the boy in front of him sucked a breath and started shaking his head. He hadn't opened his eyes even though Joshua had removed his eyepatch. 

He looked...pathetic.

The boy started to sob quietly but no tears were rolling down his face, maybe he had no more left or even worse. Joshua pulled out his knife and cut the rope around his legs and arms. He was alive at least.

"Can you open your eyes?" Joshua said. He may be a bad person but he wasn't heartless, they could at least release the boy and give him a small chance to live. It was unfair, he didn't look older than twenty-five and had probably already seen enough to not want to live anymore. Life wasn't fair but pity was for the weak, no one had given Joshua pity so why should he?"Either answer me or do as I say." Joshua said coldly. The boy flinched at his tone and opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times, probably adjusting to the little light in the room. Then he slowly lifted his head to look at Joshua. His eyes looked tired, his face was dirty and he had many bruises over it, as well as his body, but he politely bowed to each of them. Joshua was surprised, he looked at Hansol who was already looking at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Are you my new owners?" The boy said quietly, his voice was pleasant, like a jingle bell.

"No, we don't know who you are." Hansol answered firstly. The boy looked between them again and pressed his lips into a line. He looked at the lifeless body of the girl next to him.

"Then you better tie me quickly and hurry out before they come." The boy smiled weakly and offered his arms. At this moment Joshua felt something he doesn't know how to describe, but maybe the closest is compassion.

"Joshua-" Hansol said quietly next to him and Joshua understood. Hansol had always been soft at heart, even if it didn't seem like it at first glance.

"Get up." Joshua stood up and said to the boy."Seungcheol wouldn't be thrilled."He said to Hansol."

"He doesn't need to know, we'll sneak him out from the back into my room and I'll talk with Wonwoo."

"Wouldn't work, we'll need Seungkwan to check his wounds and anybody could see us sneaking him in." Joshua looked down at the boy quietly looking between them and raised his eyebrows. The boy slowly tried to stand up, holding himself onto the wall for balance. He bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes in visible pain. Joshua got a text then.

 Fuck.

"Wonwoo." Joshua told Hansol."Three cars are coming this way, start the car, I'll help him over." Hansol nodded and took the keys, running out quickly."Come on, we have to go." Joshua said and reached for the boy's arm, who flinched away.

"I-I can't leave her." He said quietly and Joshua saw a single tear roll down his cheek.

"She's dead, and if we don't leave we will be too." Joshua said and picked the boy up, he was lighter than he looked. Joshua thought it's reasonable. He hadn't probably eaten or drank water in days. He walked as quickly as he could to the car, the boy wasn't objecting, he was just silently staring back at his dead friend. Joshua helped him climb on the back seat and saw glass shards were sticking to the skin of his legs and feet.

 

Not happy was the least you could describe Seungcheol when he had found out Joshua and Hansol had brought a boy home.  Even Jeonghan wasn't able to calm him down when they brought the boy into their living room and put him down on a chair.

"Were we supposed to leave him to die?" Hansol said, he was standing in front of the boy, acting like some type of human shield between him and their leader. Joshua was on the side, playing with his dagger and listening.

"Yes." Seungcheol yelled like it was the most obvious thing."You don't know him, he may get us all killed." Joshua smirked under his nose and rolled his eyes. 

"He's probably one of many, the possibility of someone troubling themselves to look for him is slim." Joshua said and stood in front of the boy too. He knew how that sounded but didn't care. No one answered him, they probably thought he was right, despite how awful it sounded

The boy had been very quiet toо, looking at the ground the whole time. Joshua lifted his chin and he looked into his eyes then. He looks so miserably tired.

"Even if you're right, we don't have a place to keep him, we don't need him." Seungcheol's voice is firm.

"He can use my room." Hansol said."I'll stay with Seungkwan."

Seungcheol didn't say anything more, just looked between all of them one more time and stormed out of the room, Jeonghan right on his track. Joshua helped Seungkwan and Hansol carry the boy to his new room and watched in the corner as Seungkwan examined his wounds. The boy didn't say more than a simple yes or no, didn't flinch in pain whenever Seungkwan touched one of his bruises, he just looked confused, looking between the two boys over him curiously. Joshua noticed the furrow of his eyebrows and the look in his eyes when they asked him to take his shirt off, he did it obediently but his eyes were not confused anymore, but afraid.

"Enough." Joshua said, three sets of eyes looking in his direction." He's visibly uncomfortable, treat the urgent wounds quickly and let him rest." Joshua closed the door carefully behind himself after that.

 

His name was Seokmin, Hansol told him a few days later. He had told them one of the times he had woken up. 

Seokmin spent the first week after they rescued him in bed, mostly asleep because of the painkillers Seungkwan gave him, he couldn't really walk because the glass wounds on his feet hadn't healed yet, he barely ate because his body was still very weak. He was very kind and well-mannered despite being treated like an object for many years probably. Joshua knew all of this because he had heard it in passing from the two boys taking care of him, in the kitchen in the morning or where they were sitting on the floor of the training room resting. He doesn't ask about Seokmin and as far as everyone was concerned he didn't care about him. 

 

However, he couldn't help but be curious. Every time he passed the door of Hansol's old room he slowed down his walking, every time he heard Seokmin's name mentioned in conversation he paid attention and listened. 

One of those nights when sleep didn't find him, he was looking through his bookshelf searching for a book he knew he had. Sometimes when Hansol was bored he took books in English from him without asking first and if it was anyone else Joshua would have been mad. It's nearly midnight when he stood in front of Seokmin’s room. He opened the door carefully, trying his best to not wake or scare the boy, using the light from his phone to look through the shelves.

"Hello." A still unfamiliar and quiet voice said in the dark. Joshua sighed and turned on the lights. Seokmin flinched and blinked a few times, then brought his gaze on him.

"I just wanted to take something." Joshua ran his eyes through the room quickly but didn't see his book anywhere. Maybe asking Hansol in the morning had been the better Idea."A book actually. Sorry for waking you up."

"Please don't apologize." Seokmin said quietly and gave him a weak smile. Joshua looked over his face, neck and hands, as well as he could from this distance. Most of his wounds and bruises had healed up nicely, it was like they were never there. Somehow without them and now that he wasn't shaking and covered in dirt Joshua thought he's quite pretty actually. Then he averted his eyes quickly and shut them,  wanting to slap himself for even letting a thought like that cross his mind.

"Can I- " Seokmin said timidly."Can I get your name?"

"Joshua." He said coldly and went out of the room.

 

A month passed quickly and Joshua started seeing Seokmin more and more around the house. Joshua noticed him having breakfast with Hansol and Seungkwan in the kitchen early in the mornings. He still ate too little and didn't say much, well at least when Joshua or Seungcheol were in the room. It didn't particularly bother Joshua but he noticed how he always looked down at the ground whenever he passed and stayed out of his way mostly, Seokmin also still didn't smile often, at least not in front of Joshua. 

One night he noticed Seokmin in the living room, sitting on a chair next to Chan, who was laying on the sofa, watching movies. Chan was still young and still in training so Jeonghan didn't allow Seungcheol to assign him much work and stuff, which meant he had a lot of free time after dinner so he always liked watching movies, especially ones with dancing. He usually did it alone because most of his hyungs were busy so he had been very excited to have Seokmin. Chan was always happy to show him his favourite films and was eagerly answering the shy questions Seokmin had. Some nights when Joshua couldn't sleep and have decided to at least be productive and work out he passed Seokmin watching TV in the living room alone. The couch was empty but he still sat calmly in his chair, watching all kinds of stuff from the cooking channel to animals. Joshua saw him helping Jeonghan and Mingyu in the kitchen and they had seemed very surprised at how good he was.

Apparently, many of them had grown some level of fondness to the boy despite his short time with them and Joshua didn't really get it. That was until a quiet knock on the door interrupted his reading one night.

Joshua had told them to come in but no one did. He waited a few seconds and when no one did he just assumed whoever it was was gone and proceeded reading. Then he heard a second knock and sighed, bookmarking his page and stood up. 

"What?"He said loudly as he opened the door harshly, making Seokmin take a step back.

"I'm sorry, were you asleep?" Seokmin said after a small bow and looked at the ground as he was talking."It's just, there was light coming from your room so I assumed-"

"It's alright."Joshua said, softer this time."What's up?"

"I just...the book." Joshua then noticed him holding his book tightly in his arms, he had completely forgotten about it." I found it at the bottom of the closet today and Hansol said it's yours." Joshua had noticed that too, Seokmin never said 'my', it was always 'the closet', 'the room', 'the clothes'.

"Oh yes, thanks." Joshua took his book slowly and there were a few awkward moments of silence between them, then Joshua noticed the darkness behind Seokmin and remembered it was way past midnight."You can't sleep again?"

Seokmin looked at him a little surprised but nodded carefully. "Yes, I tried but didn't work so I got up to get myself a glass of water and remembered the book when I saw the light."

Joshua considered his words and hummed." Do you want to come in?"

"I don't wanna bother you." 

"I was bored anyway." Joshua said nonchalantly and stepped back, walking to his shelf and placing the book in its place.

"You have so many." Seokmin gasped, pointing out the obvious." And they are ordered by colour." Joshua watched him slide his eyes over the shelves and smiled.

"I like reading." He said." Do you?"

"I loved reading when I was little, I got a book as a present for every birthday I can remember." And Seokmin smiled, and maybe it was small and didn't quite reach his eyes but it was something.

"I was like that too, sadly my mom always bought me toys instead of books." Joshua still remembered his pouting whenever that happened.

"Oh? That's awesome. I didn't have my own toys. Or parents." Seokmin said distractedly."Most of your books are brown." He added like the first half of his sentence didn't faze him. It probably didn't. He had accepted the reality and moved on because of what was left to do otherwise. Joshua knew the feeling all too well.

"Yeah I-" Joshua blinked a few times, it's not his place to comment on it or ask."I like old literature, especially first press books."

"So cool." The look on Seokmin's face reminded him of a child in a candy store, looking at all the colourful wrappers and favours but knowing his parents would never allow it.

"Do you wanna borrow a book?" And Joshua wanted to give him that, something small but it was all he had.

"Could I?" His eyes were hopeful and bright when he looked at Joshua and he felt himself nodding instantly.

"Most of them are in English." Joshua furrowed his eyebrows and started looking over his bookshelf, for the first time in his life feeling like he's lost.  His eyes glaze over a few books, part of a trilogy, but he doesn't want to give them to Seokmin. They both had probably lived through worse things than the fake, easy to predict crimes in it. He doesn't want to give him a biography either, not many people liked reading about other people's lives, he doesn't give him horror too, Seokmin couldn't sleep on his own, without the help of silly made-up ghosts. Maybe historical fiction?

"Can I have this one?" Seokmin asked, pointing his finger to a thin book, barely touching it, almost hidden away by the thick covers all around it.

"Poetry? Sure." Joshua took the book and gave it to him, it weirdly fit the idea of what Seokmin would like, maybe he looked for big feelings in small words, maybe it was the unwillingness to be defined and yet being more in order than any novel ever could.

"I like the colour of the cover." Seokmin simply said as he took it carefully in his hands. Joshua smiled and thought that maybe he should buy all the yellow books in the bookstore next time.

No.

What was he thinking?

"Have you read it?" Seokmin asked.

"Yes." Joshua said as he walked across the room, sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard and picking up his book.

"I should go." Seokmin said, 'you should' is what Joshua's brain was telling him to answer.

"You can stay and read with me." Is what left his mouth.

"Are you sure?"  

No.

"Yes."

Joshua heard him let out a short breath, a little shaky. Seokmin hesitantly took a step forward, then another and another until he reached the bed and sat carefully, as far away from Joshua as he could. Joshua watched him with his peripheral vision mimicking his position and opening the book carefully, his fingers shaking. Joshua noticed how he followed the words with his fingers and sometimes stopped for a long period of time and stared, first on the page and then looked at the wall in front of him with his eyes closed, then shook his head and dived back in, sometimes turning the page, sometimes not. Joshua found himself on the same page for more than ten minutes a few times. He signed and closed the book in his lap and put it on his nightstand. 

"It's fine if you don't like it, you can borrow another." He said, hoping his voice doesn't sound rude or accusing.

"No, it's just-" Seokmin sighed and opened his eyes to look at him, Joshua noticed the tears he isn't letting fall."I wasn't really allowed to read back then when-" He didn't finish the sentence."I really like the book but it's...weird."

Joshua's heart felt like it was frozen in his chest. He stared at Seokmin who didn't look away. 

"That's totally normal, there are days I can't even read a sentence." Joshua quickly said. He knew what Seokmin meant isn't that. They both did. But that was all Joshua had to offer so he hoped it was enough."Can I read with you, I was actually thinking of rereading this book." Seokmin smiled at him and his eyes told him he knew Joshua was lying.

"Of course."

And it started like that, every night when they both couldn't sleep and Joshua was not out they sat in his room and one of them would read while the other one listened. At first, it was awkward, sitting alone in a room filled with only beautiful words. They finish the poetry book very quickly, then they start another and another after it. Sometimes Seokmin moved closer and watched the words as Joshua read them, carefully at first, leaning slowly and keeping in mind Joshua's reaction until sitting next to each other, their legs and shoulders touching felt familiar. After that sitting got uncomfortable so they laid in bed, still close but not close enough to be intimate. Often Seokmin would doze off and Joshua would continue reading until his eyelids became heavy. That's when he would turn around and place the book on the nightstand and turn off the night lamp, then turn around and fall asleep, not touching Seokmin but knowing he's there by his quiet breaths. Joshua would often wake up from the first sun rays peeking through his blinds, covered with a blanket and his bed empty. It was usual, it was familiar so it didn't faze him, he stopped looking around the room for Seokmin after the first few times. 

Until one morning when instead of the warm caress of the sunrays he felt equally as warm boy holding his hand, Joshua stayed awake for the next few hours, with his eyes closed and waited for the moment when Seokmin would carefully get up and leave. However the moment never came, Joshua was still covered with his blanket, they both were, which meant Seokmin had woken up and decided to stay. Joshua didn't comment on it, fearing that if he brought it up Seokmin would think he minded, he just carefully pulled his hand towards his chest and fell back asleep.

Notes:

https://curiouscat.live/pinkphoeniixx