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Other Words for Desperation

Summary:

They say a love borne out of desperation would never amount to true love. Seungkwan is about to prove them wrong.

Seungkwan, 26, virgin, never been touched and never been dated, turns to online dating sites as ill-advised by Chan; there he meets the ultimate daddy, Chwe Hansol, 45.

 

Spotify playlist for the fic is linked in the Author's Notes.

Notes:

Oh hey, another fwb-turned-lovers fic only now it’s a lot angstier and a lot more mature coz it’s sugar baby Kwannie and sugar daddy Sol. Before you read this, please understand that while there is a huge age gap between Seungkwan and Vernon in this fic, SEUNGKWAN IS A FULLY CONSENTING ADULT. Vernon here as an older person did not coerce Seungkwan nor groomed him. They just met at a time where their biggest roadblock is the age between them. And considering that Seungkwan here is already an adult, that is fully within his choice if he wanted to pursue anything.

For the minors who stumble upon this fic, me writing this fic does not mean I encourage this kind of relationship. My main goal here is to portray a kind of relationship that is typically frowned upon in society and shed some light on the more human aspects of it. I REPEAT, I DO NOT WANT ANY OF YOU TO MODEL YOUR FUTURE LOVE LIVES OR RELATIONSHIP ON A GAY FF ON AO3. This is just for illustrative purposes.

Also, here's a mood playlist for the fic: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/78eW6VJFlv0k5y1fxDVuO4?si=81fb0502aa9a437a

The sections were all written with these songs in mind so it'd be quite the experience.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

drowning. - Eden Project

Seungkwan hated Justin Bieber. 

Or maybe not Justin Bieber, maybe this is Shawn Mendez. Whatever, fuck you JBiebz. You just lost a belieber. 

Justin Bieber, because of course, it was Justin Bieber and not Shawn Mendez, continued to belt out his plea of “That Should Be Me” and Seungkwan could barely refrain himself from crushing the cup in his hands. Straight across him was the vilest sight his eyes ever laid on.

Kim Mingyu, in all his 6 ft and 2 inches glory, had his large, solid hands softly caressing Xu Minghao's hair while he whispered what Seungkwan hoped were inane photography tips. His long legs were obnoxiously spread open, almost crowding the painter's space but Minghao looked like he didn't mind. The photographer's entire presence could fill up a room so Seungkwan can forgive him for manspreading that way. He gulped, that son of a bitch was just so damn beautiful and he knew it so well too. 

He hastily threw back his cup of vodka cranberry and greedily emptied it out. Mingyu was still whispering into Minghao's ears and instead of being brushed away like he had hoped, the artist had closed his eyes, smiled impishly and turned to face the lead photographer. And now they were so close to each other; if Seungkwan only had the courage to approach them, he was pretty sure he would have seen an imprint of Mingyu on Minghao's face - and woah.

Fuck Justin Bieber, indeed.

Because now Mingyu's lips were a breath away from Minghao's and Seungkwan prayed so hard that the inevitable would not happen but alas. Minghao, for all his quiet posturing, was a man of determination; because he saw the opportunity and took it. 

Radio static filled Seungkwan's ears as Minghao surged forward and captured the lips that Seungkwan has coveted for years. In the middle of Jeon Wonwoo's lame ass promotion party, the two began to taste and try the waters, before fully inhaling each other as if oxygen could not be found anywhere else and ignored the fact that their entire department including their bosses were present. 

The static receded only to turn into underwater echoes of the loud playlist that Seokmin has been blasting out as the cup fell from Seungkwan's hold. The hollow sound perfectly hidden by the horrible mixing of Seokmin's voluntary DJ-ing. Somewhere in his mind was a yelp of indignation at the unconscionable littering but all he could focus on was how he had stopped breathing and how long he could hold his breath like this.

And then thoughts came rushing at him, all while the scene in front of him played out like a poor excuse for softcore porn. How did he look? Did he look like he was still breathing? Was his face twitching? Why couldn't he take his eyes off them?  How can Mingyu and Minghao be so shameless? Has Mingyu ever thought of Seungkwan that way? Had he ever, in his times of boredom, ever thought of holding Seungkwan close, and fitting themselves like a nut and bolt? Was he having a breakdown?

He swallowed thickly, squeezed his eyes shut and took a long, and deep inhale. When he opened them, he felt his heart stumble because Mingyu had his unreadable eyes on him. 

But that was all the confirmation Seungkwan needed; he was, indeed, having a breakdown.

 

 

There was a rough grip on his elbow that was too strong to fight against so Seungkwan let himself be pulled out of the room and the vacuum that he seemed to be in. The image of his heartbreak was indelible in his mind as he trudged through the packed duplex yet he was still grateful to the heavens that someone was sent to distract him from the very bad trip he was in. He has never taken drugs in his life, but he was sure that if ever he had one of those mythical bad trips, Mingyu making out with another person in front of him would unquestionably make the shortlist of the urbandictionary definitions.

Still reeling from the sucker punch that was Mingyu being irrevocably unattracted to him, Seungkwan never realised that he was now at the farthest point away from the fantastic couple. It was only when he felt the sticky vinyl of the mobile bar against his forearms that he disassociated just enough to figure out who his God-given saviour was. 

"Hyung! Order an old fashioned for me will you?"

It was Lee Chan. His office hubby, his favourite rival at work, and he was loath to admit it but Lee Chan was also the closest person to him in the past six years. The younger one was someone he met and hated during their initial introduction as interns in the same company, but throughout time, they grew closer. After sharing the same workload and finding commonalities in their work ethos and life philosophies, Chan has burrowed himself into Seungkwan's life enough to know when to treat Seungkwan with kid gloves or not. 

"Order it yourself, I don't make money for your alcohol consumption," Seungkwan bit back. He hoped that his retort would shake off the intense look in Chan's eyes but he was pretty sure that it lacked real heat.

Chan, predictably, just rolled his eyes at him. The account manager tsked and none too gently, shoved Seungkwan away from the bar. "This is the last time hyung," he said with a rakish grin before turning to wave down the college-looking kid tending to the poor excuse of a bar. "One old fashioned and a vodka cran."

The bartender kid smiled tightly at them before turning back to make their drinks. It only took a few minutes to get their drinks ready and Chan made a huge show of paying for both. Seungkwan pouted, but accepted both Chan's tirade of this being the only time that Seungkwan would be able to scam him of his money, and the vodka cran. They didn't stick around the bar for too long and Chan forcefully dragged Seungkwan outside the house and into Wonwoo's surprisingly deserted yard.

The yard was poorly lit and even more poorly maintained. There were bald patches of green everywhere and a small shed-esque structure standing in the far corner. In the middle of the sorry place was a round metal table with two matching metal chairs that looked very uncomfortable. Out here, the sounds from the house were muffled and though Justin Bieber has been replaced by some unknown edm, all Seungkwan could hear in his head was the tiny, little, pre-teen voice of melodramatic longing accompanying the zoetrope of Mingyu and Minghao.

He sniffed soundlessly.  No wonder, people didn't want to hang out back here, it was just so sad .

Chan went to the table set and sat himself down on one of the chairs. He turned to look at Seungkwan expectantly and raised a brow. "Well?"

Seungkwan sighed, but lugged himself nonetheless to the non-ergonomic chair and then started complaining. "I can't believe Jun hyung wasn't able to trick Wonwoo into making this thing open bar."

Chan only hummed in between his sips of the old fashioned. "Well, the hyungs got a priority now," he said. "You didn't hear it from me, but I heard hyung’s proposing soon."

"Wow," Seungkwan offered blankly, for some reason, he couldn't muster up excitement for this particular tea. "That sucks."

Chan widened his eyes in affront and Seungkwan belatedly realised just how it sounded like. 

"No, no, no I didn't –"

Seungkwan wanted to explain himself, not entirely sure about how he would get out of this, but Chan was already waving his hands dismissively. 

"No, you know what sucks hyung? It's finding the love of your life exchanging saliva with someone else in public," Chan shot back callously, with insulting air quotes around “Love of your life.”

Seungkwan frowned heavily. Well, I guess tonight the kid gloves come off. "Tell me what you really think, Channie-yah, I don't think I've quite gotten it yet."

Chan shifted to make himself more comfortable on the hideous, cold chair only to fail hilariously and sigh with exasperation. Seungkwan found a small joy in the younger's failure, but it soon dissipated into anxiety when Chan turned and pointed a finger at him. "Hyung do you truly believe you love Mingyu? Isn't it just a really powerful like that you have for him?" 

Seungkwan almost choked on his drink; swallowing roughly he huffed and puffed himself up to his full seated height. Edging closer to Chan, he vehemently hissed. 

"How dare you? I could literally-- No. I literally felt my heart crack at their display. How could you even," he paused, the hissing was hurting his throat and he was quickly losing the steam. He wanted to keep going but the indignation has given way to a hot, rolling shame at the sudden realization of his irrational anger at Chan. His voice became just a tad softer as he continued on. "I can't believe you would even suggest such a thing."

Chan sank back on his chair and raised his hands up in apology but he didn't look too contrite. Placing down his own drink on the edge of the table, he took a deep breath and sighed. "Hyung, I don't want to invalidate what you've been feeling for Mingyu. I just want to nudge you into re-evaluating what you're feeling. Are you sure you've fallen in love with someone you barely talked to and only got glimpses on in brief management and progress meetings?"

Seungkwan didn't answer. He refused to let Chan minimize what he was feeling for the past few months. Sure he didn't know Mingyu that well, but was it so bad to love someone in bits and pieces? That was still love isn't it? 

"You and I don't have the same definitions of love and that's ok. I don't need to subscribe to your thinking the same way you don't have the right to question me on mine."

"Look hyung, I'm just getting you to see it from another perspective," Chan tried again.

Seungkwan could tell that Chan was considering softening the blow but he couldn't care less. Right now, he was torn between wishing he had gotten a straw from the bar so he could noisily slurp out his drink or wishing he would black out so he wouldn't have to hear Chan speak again. 

"I get that you're hurting and everything sucks right now, but if you're this torn over Mingyu, a complete stranger to you, then maybe you should think hard on love."

"What?!" Seungkwan goggled, confused. This was what he has always hated with Chan; Chan strung his sentences along like a kid expecting to be followed by a nanny and he talks about all the corners and turns and sometimes the guy just talked too much nonsense. "It's so weird how you first told me to rethink love then say in the same breath that I should think hard about it. So, what do you really want me to do?"

Chan picked up his cup again and took a big sip before continuing undeterred. "I know you hyung. Tonight’s just gonna be the start of your spiral. You always have those spirals when things don't go your way. So I'm here with a suggestion for you."

"What are you suggesting?" Seungkwan asked as he munched on the ice of his drink, already tired of this conversation and a bit chagrined at Chan’s call-out. The younger account manager had a point; historically, Seungkwan had gotten into deep and shitty but functional funks after being disappointed at life. He couldn't help it, that was his nature, but he liked to believe that even when he was down in the dumps, he was still able to function normally. Sometimes, he even did better at work.

"I'm suggesting you rethink the idea of love for now. Don't make it about how the next crush you will have would definitely have to spend the rest of their lives with you. Take it easy, hyung. Whatever's disappointed you before, you always would get into these obsessive corrective little actions, and you may be functional on the outside, but I know you're completely freaking out over every little thing."

Caught red handed, Seungkwan thought. Huh, Chan really does know me.

"So what do you actually suggest I do?" Seungkwan returned impatiently. 

“You don't want me to mope around, and I sure as hell know you wouldn't like it if I suddenly schedule back to back pilates sessions right after work so what do you suggest I do so I can deal with this?" he asked shrilly. He sat back on his seat in a disappointed slump and looked out to the brick wall in front of them. 

For a whole minute, Chan was thankfully quiet. They continued sipping on their drinks; marinating in some sort of a tense silence. It went on until Chan finished his whiskey with a noisy slurp and determinedly placed his empty cup on the table. Seungkwan didn’t pay him any mind.

"You're a virgin, right, hyung?" 

Seungkwan took his eyes off the wall and narrowed them at him. 

Yes Chan, he thought derisively, tell the entire world how much of a loser virgin I am at 26. As if Mingyu needed anymore reasons to find me unattractive.

He threw his hands up in the air. "What does that have to do with anything?" 

"Well, you know what they say," Chan wiggled his brows. "The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

When We Were Young - Lost KingS, Norma Jean Martine 

See, Seungkwan never really intended to save himself for marriage. Since same-sex marriage was out of the table for Korea right now, saving himself would only be for naught.  He wanted the sex, and he was curious about the sex, but the sex had never visited his household. Nope, in the years since he has discovered gay porn, gay sex had claimed itself elusive.

Apart from the inability for the sexy times, Seungkwan also had the misfortune of being a complete fool in love. He has always fallen so easily in love and he blamed his sisters for that personality defect. All those years of growing up surrounded by romantic notions of true love and affection taught him one thing; and that was the belief that it was not a shame to be in love with something or someone else. He watched his parents fall in love everyday, and his sisters fall for suitors both bad and good. Despite the fact that not all the romantic relationships that his sisters partook in ended sweetly, he has also seen his sisters pick themselves back up and continue to love on like they've never experienced heartbreak. 

Surely enough, he followed the same path; only he hasn't completely had the courage of dating any of his prospective paramours openly. It was what fear of being outed does to a person. He loved greatly, but loved only from afar. It was difficult for him to show affection when majority of his brain space was taken up by a daily issue of how not to be bullied for being gay. 

Given all of the above, it was only natural that Seungkwan was kind of a dud at love. An idealistic romantic who was too afraid to actually be in a relationship. He was always in want, but he never actively pursued anyone out of fear. He wasn’t even sure what he actually feared.

So, when Chan suggested online dating for the fun of it, Seungkwan was confused. How could he even try and get any pleasure from online dating if he knew it wouldn't amount to anything long-term? Had he not just experienced the sadness of the reality that he might just end up alone? But no, Chan said it will be fine. And it will make him rethink love in a new way. 

And yet, Seungkwan knew that deep inside him, he would never change his mind about loving.

Be Fine - Ekali ft Wafia

Three weeks after Seungkwan's freshest and latest heartbreak, he found himself stripping all the sheets and covers from his bed, furniture, and even his curtains. With the patience of a kindergarten teacher, he spent the morning loading them into the wash and cleaning his measly apartment while he waited for each cycle to finish. It left his apartment bare of any clothing material and every surface waxy and shiny. It was tough work, but it took his mind off his loneliness. 

It was already three in the afternoon when his last cycle of laundry finished and as a reward for himself, he had ordered 2 huge boxes of pizza. He sat himself down in the center of the small laundry pile circle that he made. Surrounded by the warm, dry clothes that smelled of his favorite detergent, Seungkwan couldn't help but wonder if this was what true bliss was like.  When the doorbell rang, he thought that nothing else could be better than this.

Ah, domesticity and a greasy feast. It is the freaking weekend and if I choose to gorge myself on pizza then no one can stop me.

Standing up, he rushed to the door to open it. It wasn't the pizza guy though, and he couldn't catch himself in time to hide his disappointment; he was just so hungry.

The person at the door was none other than Chan, and another guy who had far too squinty eyes. 

"Hi hyung!" Chan greeted him brightly while shoving a huge box of chicken wings onto his unsuspecting arms. His officemate pointed to the stranger with a huge smile. "That's Soonyoung. He's our hyung. I met him on the app I told you about and we were bored so I figured why not hang out together!"

"Hi, I'm Soonyoung!" The other guy chirped from behind Chan holding up a black plastic bag. "Nice to meet you! I brought soju and beer." 

From there on, the initial disappointment was replaced with delight at the sight of food and drinks. Seungkwan, being the good host that he was, quickly welcomed the two into his humble apartment.

"What is up with the laundry ritual circle?" Chan commented as he eyed up the perfectly arranged circle.

"It's called doing chores, try it sometime," Seungkwan snarked as he wheeled out  his tiny, service trolley which was also one of his priciest properties despite its grungier style. 

“It’s pretty cute,” Soonyoung chimed in with a thumbs up. “Where did you get it?”

“West Elm,” Seungkwan answered proudly. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but it was really expensive. It’s one of my treasures. Come, Chan’s gonna be on his lazy ass and he expects to be served by hyungs. Just put the food here. I have pizza coming too.”

“Really?” Chan rejoiced from his seat on Seungkwan’s beanbag. “What flavours did you get?”

“Creamy spinach, and meat lovers extreme,” Seungkwan replied as he made his way to his kitchen to get them some paper plates.

“Oh no…,” Chan said softly, straightening up before quickly following the older into the other room. “Oh no, no, no. You are not fine.”

“What?” Seungkwan asked as he forced the paper plates, plastic cutlery, and paper cups on to Chan. “I’m fine! I’m completely fine.”

“No, you’re not!” Chan argued. “I should have seen the signs. The spring cleaning, and the laundry pentagram?”

“I, 100% am not moping around, Chan, don’t worry.” Seungkwan pushed the younger out of the kitchen. “You just caught me in my big chores weekend.”

Chan spun around and planted himself firmly in the space between Seungkwan’s kitchen and living room. “Hyung, you are going to talk out all your thoughts tonight and it’s gonna happen.”

“Fine, fine,” Seungkwan waved at him dismissively. “Just please let me get the door because I’m pretty sure my pizza’s about to come.”

Overthinker - INZO

Two boxes of pizza, one box of chicken, a six pack of beer, and 3 bottles of soju were already decimated by the time Seungkwan came to himself that evening. He didn’t lose consciousness, he knew what was happening around him; he just didn’t feel present.

He’s watched and heard Chan argue about the benefits of casual dating, online dating, non-committal dating, and premarital sex for the past few hours now and all Seungkwan could do was nod at the right moments. In between those moments, he folded the smaller, rougher items of his laundry and kept the softer, larger ones so he was able to turn his laundry circle into a cocoon. 

This cocoon is pretty nice, I don’t wanna get out of it,  so he wrapped one of the curtains around himself.

"No, no, no hyung! You're overthinking this way too much! He doesn't have to be a boyfriend!"  Chan yelled for the third time today, interrupting Seungkwan's senseless musing, he forgot what he was even thinking about. 

Seungkwan looked at him balefully and Chan just let out a brief gargled scream. Soonyoung, Chan's - well Seungkwan wasn't sure what Soonyoung was to Chan but to be quite fair, it was Seungkwan's first time meeting this guy. 

Soonyoung chortled from his comfortable position in Seungkwan's beat up couch.

"Relax, Seungkwan-ssi," the near stranger called out. “Dating is not a graded thing! You can’t fail at it. You don’t get fired after bad dates!”

Chan let himself fall dramatically on top of the guy and Soonyoung just opened up his arms wide to receive him. Seungkwan rolled his eyes at their antics.

"All I'm saying, hyung," Chan interjected again, "Is that all the expectation is gonna ruin it for you. Just play it cool. Don't chase the guy and you sure as hell have to forget about getting a boyfriend out of this whole exercise. In fact it would be better for you if you get to the sex part so you can let loose a little."

"I'm not going to the sex part, I assure you,” Seungkwan snorted. 

“Hyung, you're saying that now, but I promise I won't hold it against you if you will. I have Soonie as my witness. It’s just human nature. Sparks fly, you have sex, end of story. Besides, you wouldn’t choose to date or match someone who you weren’t even remotely interested in having sex with.”

Soonyoung flashed him a genial smile. “Plus, if my word means anything to you at all, then I promise I'll remind Chan not to say I told you so.”

“Right…”

“Have you even checked your matches hyung? You're already thinking about what would happen if you met a guy off the app when you haven't even been messaging any yet? You’re getting ahead of yourself again!”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. He has heard this from Chan a lot of times already. “Has anyone ever told you that you have an unhealthy obsession over my love and non sex life?”

“I'm your best friend,” Chan claimed indignantly. “That's part of the job description.”

“I'd never even try to pry this deep into your life!” Seungkwan confessed. “Like I'd help you with all your issues but I prefer not to know about your bed habits unless of course there was anything wrong with him,” this he directed his heated gaze at Soonyoung.

“I'm not above sharing bed stories though” Soonyoung quipped unhelpfully from under Chan.

Seungkwan stilled and threw the shirt he was about to fold at the younger. “You brat! What is the meaning of this? Are you two dating now or what?”

Chan sat up straight and took Soonyoung's hand in his. “Well, we are taking it slow. It's actually why we came here, I wanted to introduce you both but I didn't expect to find you buried under a pile of dried laundry.”

Seungkwan sniffed as he gripped the pile of freshly laundered clothes tighter. “They're warm and smell nice.”

“For what it's worth, there's really no harm in taking it easy Seungkwan-ssi,” Soonyoung offered with a slight smile. “I don't know much about what you've gone through, but if I hadn't considered that app and if I took myself too seriously, I wouldn't have met Chan.”

Seungkwan paused in his folding and looked at Soonyoung evenly. “Do you love Chan?”

“Hyung!” Chan protested. “You can't ask--”

“No,” Soonyoung immediately answered, cutting off Chan’s protest. Seungkwan felt angry, and he was fit to throw this Soonyoung character out.

“Not yet,” Soonyoung easily continued as if he didn’t just shock the two friends with his earlier answer. He grabbed Chan’s hand and stared at Seungkwan unflinchingly.  “But I'm open to the idea of loving him. He's fun and he's exactly what I need right now, who's to say he won't be what I need in the future too?”

Seungkwan looked away and returned to his folding. He cleared his throat before awkwardly mumbling out. “Wow, that's sweet but seeing you two is still freaking me out.”

“I will never understand how you can remain so judgey even in the middle of your funks,” Chan commented with a fond shake of his head.

Seungkwan shrugged and returned to converting his laundry into his personal hugging place. “I don't know, maybe the sadness just makes me give less fucks.”

“Aww, hyung,” Chan whispered, a first in the night full of his frustrated takes and indignant scowls. Then the younger knelt next to him and over Seungkwan’s make-shift curtain blanket, Chan gave him a hug that just about broke the dam of his reservoir of tears.

Seungkwan sniffled loudly, and the next thing he knew, he was full-out bawling into the shoulders of both Chan and Soonyoung. And he should feel so sad, and upset, but somehow he still felt light because he just came to a startlingly life-changing realization.

Maybe I am lonely. 

 

 

 

That night, after bidding his friends goodbye and making sure that he didn’t skip his gua sha massage, Seungkwan opened the app that Chan installed for the first time in weeks. The teal and white P seemed so ominous despite looking right at home next to Naver. The app was called Palette, and as far as he could remember, it was a pretty new app. If dating apps were cafes then OkCupid was the Starbucks of the field, and Palette was one of those hole-in-the-walls. 

 

Seungkwan has heard all about dating apps, gay dating apps in particular.

Gay dating apps were meat markets. It was a no-brainer for him to forget about trying his luck there. As much as he found guys attractive, that didn’t mean he wanted to see bodies on display, and he sure as hell didn’t want to display his body either. He didn’t like the fact that some guys seemed to treat these online dating apps as date generation machines. It was easy to tell who was just trying to get their dicks wet when said prospects started sending nonsensical things that were purely based on a superficial attraction. All these he has gleaned from Chan and Junhui’s experiences in gay dating. 

The Palette app was, in one word, curated. He was thankful that he wasn’t greeted with a carousel of half-naked bodies, but instead, it was an endless roll of photos that he was certain were meant to evoke a specific mood, but he couldn’t identify it yet.  A quick scroll through his homepage showed the white background color of the app slowly changing to that of a mellow, warmer, yellow color. Underneath his first name was the word dandelion, and he wondered if Chan put it there himself or if it was something the app did on its own. All in all, the app was beautiful and very promising.

Seungkwan didn’t really know how Chan had set up his account, but he remembered being asked for his instagram password. And now he knew why. As he switched to his profile page, he saw familiar posts bordered by that same yellow color as his home page. His profile could pass for a brand moodboard similar to the pitches they would do at work. 

Chan didn’t use a lot of photos that showed a clear view of him, but selected those shots taken with friends that were cropped to partially hide his identity or those pictures that were frozen in action. The only identifying picture on his entire profile palette was a blurry shot of him smiling at the camera in a plain tee under an old flannel shirt against a warm sunset. He remembered that photo, that was their USA trip where they had to film a happiness-inspired video in various locations for a client. Seungkwan was impressed, his younger friend did a good job of choosing that picture; that meant he would have to treat the account manager to a coffee one of these days if ever he was successful in getting a date.

After admiring the nuances and details of his dynamic profile palette, the time for actually getting a date finally came. On the bottom right corner of the screen was a white icon of a painter’s palette and a career-focused Seungkwan would have noted how clever and put-together the app was, but he was just too nervous to see the palettes of the people who thought him attractive.

Seungkwan knew he was lonely. It was a hard pill to swallow. Never had he imagined that he would ever feel this way. He saw himself as strong and completely independent. To realize that he was longing for someone all along was a frightening realization, and he has cried over that just a few hours ago. But now, the possibility of being validated for both his positive and  negative thoughts were making him wish he had opened the app earlier in the presence of Chan and Soonyoung.

But Chan and Soonyoung are gone now, plus you’ve already spent a good three weeks belatedly realizing shit, and a perfectly good night snot-filled and tearing up! Don’t you dare back out now, Boo Seungkwan!

Different colours fanned out on his palette page. There were profiles of pink, orange, blue and labels like pumpkin, seafoam, and lilac; he felt the huge stone in his stomach slowly dissolve with every shade of the rainbow that shuffled through his feed. All the other guys had similar, fun, cheeky vibes as him and the bright colours didn’t lie as he perused through random palette mood boards. A lot of them seemed cute, and friendly and he swore that if one of them messaged him, he would answer in a heartbeat.

It felt overwhelmingly amazing to be so well-liked.

But then, the span of light colours suddenly stopped. Like a lightning bolt in reverse colour, a dark palette cut a jagged line through his matches of palettes that were taken from a calm sky. This palette that was called mulberry purple was a bruise on a pinked cheek. It was such an inauspicious sight, but against all the warning bells in his head, he opened it.

The mulberry purple boy was called Vernon.

Vernon was a shadow in a suit against a room of clear, vinyl curtains. Seungkwan couldn’t make out the features of Vernon’s face, the only source of light in the otherwise bleak photo was the coiffed, silver hair that seemed to float like a halo around him. The primary profile photo was in complete disunity with the rest of Vernon’s palette. But then again, the whole palette seemed like a hot mess. The purple boxes were the very thin threads that connected shots of neon lighting, wine and cheese plates, vinyl records, a fierce and unkempt looking cat, and a huge stuffed toy of Stitch. There were no other pictures of the Vernon person in the mood board; just fragmented shots of what Seungkwan assumed was the man’s life.

It was more than intriguing. It was intoxicating.

It is a mistake. Seungkwan thought that there was no way a guy like Vernon would even think of gravitating to him. As the only dark profile in the sea of his light profiles, Vernon’s felt like a taunt; a reminder that it was an impossibility.

But Seungkwan was not all-knowing. He had no idea of what was impossible or not. Improbable was a safer assumption, but even the improbable was unpredictable because no one, not even Seungkwan, would have ever thought that Vernon would be the first one to message him.

Mind - Jack Ü ft Kai  

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Hey, I couldn’t forgive myself if I let the chance slip me by. 

Saw that you were online and I just wanted to ask how you are this fine evening.

...

So, how are you?

Seungkwan bit his lip. What were the odds that the only profile he got interested in and also lost hope about would be the first person he talked to on this app?

He took a deep breath and jumped on his bed, prepared to make himself comfortable, after all it was already quite late. He thought about how he should respond. This part, he wasn’t familiar with at all. Chan, and even Soonyoung, has warned him of nasty messages and demanding guys and the reminder to not take things seriously rang clearly in his mind. But here was a guy who seemed so out of place and for that they had no advice.

Seungkwan (Dandelion)

Hey! I’m good, you?

That is pathetic, Boo Seungkwan, where has your personality gone? There’s no way this guy would want to talk to you again, his brain helpfully supplied as he pressed the damning send button, it sounded a lot like Chan. He sank into his bed and buried himself under the blanket and considered throwing his phone. 

Couldn’t read unreceived messages if my phone’s dead.

His phone vibrated with an oncoming message before he could even toss it away in frustration. 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Whew. That’s good to hear.

I’m good too, I suppose.

But your response made my night better.

 Seungkwan could not help but snort. Suddenly, the ball of nerves he has knotted in his chest has started to slowly unravel.

 What a complete flirt, but he knew he couldn’t allow himself to be outdone, or to be flustered, or to be both. 

Seungkwan (Dandelion)

It’s 1:27 am, hardly considered as night.

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

You’re right. It is morning. So good morning, Seungkwan.

What are you up to? 

Up to talking?

 Was he? Was he up to opening his heart to a complete stranger? 

 Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

I noticed you have a lot of pics on your palette about Jeju.

You know what’s funny?

I’ve never stayed too long in Jeju.

Just a few odd days here and there

Shame coz it really seems like a nice place.

 Boo Seungkwan has never really done anything in halves, talking wouldn’t just be talking; not when Jeju’s pride is at stake.

 Seungkwan (Dandelion)

Well if you wanted to know more about Jeju…

Then you’ve come to the right person. 

I am, after all, the pride of Jeju.

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

:)

You deserve to be called their pride.

:)

 

How was it possible that a total stranger could get under his skin so quickly? His resolve to not become flustered was evaporating at an unbelievable rate. 


Seungkwan (Dandelion)

You’re a sweet talker, Vernon-ssi

But that won’t get you out of such a huge criminal offence.

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

And what, Mr.Boo, have I done so wrong, and so early in this relationship too?

 

 That certainly did not send a chill up my spine,  Seungkwan thought defiantly. No, it was not titillating in any way.

Seungkwan (Dandelion)

The beauty of Jeju which you haven't fully recognised nor appreciated, for one.

And relationship? 

Someone’s a bit confident huh...

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

My apologies to the great nation of Jeju, I do hope to be schooled

As the kids call it.

And, I’m not confident at all, just 

Intentional

 

Seungkwan (Dandelion)

Intentional huh?

Well, you will get schooled here, Vernon-ssi, as for the other parts

We will have to see…

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Great.

That’s great.

I’m looking forward to knowing about Jeju

And you too.

 

And like he hasn’t been forewarned at all, Seungkwan allowed himself to anticipate. Vernon wasn’t the only one who was looking forward to more.

 

Double Bubble Trouble - M.I.A || Vroom Vroom - Charli XCX

It was a surprisingly slow day at work. Chan was out taking care of his clients and part of Seungkwan pitied the younger for running around so much, but he welcomed the reprieve after coming from such a busy and stressful month. Today, he could fully slack off and not be guilty of it. So, despite it being against his work ethic, he opened Palette and now he was back to his favorite hobby, figuring Vernon out.

Vernon’s personality was perfectly captured in his palette, Seungkwan thought as he scrolled through the man’s profile again. It was the right mix of mysterious and revealing. There was no way that a robot could hide behind a collection of random Stitch merch artfully displayed in a mess of  drawers, and yet, the fact that Seungkwan has never had any identifying information about the man made Vernon all the more like a figure shrouded in myth. 

There was a quirkiness and a hidden depth to Vernon that Seungkwan could tell was genuine. In all their daily conversations, Vernon has kept a respectful but offbeat approach. He was very forward, often stumping Seungkwan into surprise with his flirtatious comments. And when he wasn’t trying to send Seungkwan into an early grave with his sincere (?) and sudden confessions of how much he liked Seungkwan, he transformed into someone who  was fit to be completely off his rockers.

Seungkwan didn’t know what Vernon does for a living, but he guessed that the man could be one of three things:  a freelancer, an heir, or an out-of-school delinquent who had so much time in his hands. In the past five days that he has known the man, he has received an inordinate amount of memes that were past their height of popularity, links to various articles of places Seungkwan’s never heard of, and some pictures of a cat named Leo. At this point, the only thing that Seungkwan could gather was that Vernon was somehow deeply involved with the cat Leo. He wasn’t even sure if Vernon owned Leo, only that Leo often visited Vernon enough for Seungkwan to get updates of Leo’s whereabouts.

I do miss Bookeu , he thought as a motion-blurred photo of Leo and Vernon rose up to the surface of the palette. But speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

I know I haven’t seen you, Seungkwan-ssi

But I passed by a beauty this morning while I was on my walk

I had to take a picture

[Camera Attachment : 3 photos]

 

That’s new.  

Seungkwan has never exchanged “Personally-taken” photos with Vernon before. He was the type of person to take selfies, that was true, but he wasn’t at a stage comfortable enough to share those photos with Vernon, and he was pretty sure that Vernon wasn’t either because they’ve talked about it on their second night of dawn conversations. 

Still, he opened it, and prayed that Vernon didn’t suddenly do a 180 and decided to send a half-naked picture, at least, not during work hours.

And oh, he should have never doubted the guy. 

The three photos that Vernon sent were horrible. 

Taken from a grainy worm’s eye perspective were different angles of a tiny, white kitten sat on a windowsill. Even through the lack of clarity, Seungkwan could see the judgmental stare of the cat.

 

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

I think they look like you.

Beautiful.

;)

 

Seungkwan scoffed. He looked like a disgruntled kitten?!? He didn’t know which one he should take more offense to, the kitten comparison, or the fact that Vernon has chosen a kitten that looked beyond stressed. For the time being, he has ignored the word beauty and the implications that a stressed kitten was beautiful for Vernon and by transitivity, Seungkwan was also beautiful (?); he wasn't too confident of the messaging. 

 Seungkwan (Dandelion)

A kitten?

A disgruntled kitten?

A stressed kitten?

A kitten who seems angry at you is right though.

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Aww. No you're just that cute and pure…. The indignation is a bonus look 

:))) :))) :))))

 

He switched back to the photos and tried to find something good in the photos that he could praise Vernon for. He zoomed in and firstly, attempted to figure out the kitten’s breed.

“Oh, whose precious kitty is that?”

“Aissh-”

Seungkwan jumped out of his seat, immediately hiding the phone to his chest. He turned around and found the culprit to be none other than the newly promoted Wonwoo standing behind his cubicle wall. He tried to school his face into a calm image but he wasn’t sure if it would work on the senior accountant.

Wonwoo just looked unimpressed. “So, is that your cat?” 

Truly, if there is an inch of a cat anywhere, Wonwoo is on it like a shark in wounded waters.

Seungkwan shook his head; standing up, he beckoned Wonwoo closer to him and showed the guy a zoomed in version of the clearest photo of the bunch. “Actually, can you tell me what this cat is?”

Wonwoo grabbed onto Seungkwan’s hands and pulled the phone closer to him. The man squinted through his glasses before pursing his lips in thought. “Hmmm.”

“So?” Seungkwan prodded. Maybe if he knew what the breed was he’d be able to successfully counter Vernon’s false claims.

“I don’t know, it’s too blurred to tell,” Wonwoo said with a shake of his head as he held the phone even closer to his face.

Seungkwan sighed. There goes my hope for a well-formed rebuttal.

“Palette, Seungkwan, really?” Wonwoo asked with a hint of teasing in his voice. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seungkwan cooly said as he swiped his phone from Wonwoo’s suspicious eyes. The photo of the cat was now replaced by a display of his conversation with Vernon. It wasn’t incriminating, it just showed the part where the cat photos came in. 

Wonwoo laughed out loud. "Don't worry Seungkwan," he said conspiratorially. "I got you. And it's a good app anyway, that's how I met Jun."

Seungkwan didn't mean to let a squeak out, but he quickly hid it by forcefully sitting his butt down which made his chair groan in complaint.  And Wonwoo, the absolute rascal, only laughed louder at his flustered condition. He was just thankful that Chan was absent and that no one else seemed to bother with the two of them because it would have been rather difficult to field questions of why he has almost broken office property.

"Is that all then, hyung?" Seungkwan asked, trying to regain composure in the face of the senior accountant's mischievous eyes. 

"That's all!" Wonwoo said with a cheeky wink before going on his way to the finance department. 

Seungkwan watched, all aflutter, as Wonwoo reached the door. For some reason, Seungkwan felt Wonwoo was going to try something. 

He was right.

Wonwoo spun around before completely getting out of the marketing department and with a roguish grin, called out loudly. "Good luck, Seungkwan-ssi! And don't forget to have fun!" 

Seungkwan groaned, sinking deeper into his cubicle. If there was one thing he could take from this episode, it was that Junhui-hyung was really rubbing off Wonwoo. It may seem like a good thing but he was sure that it was just the beginning of something fearsome.

But back to the issue at hand, what to make of Vernon's image of him as an indignant kitten. That must be the least sexiest view of a person. 

Seungkwan (Dandelion)

Do you seriously view me as an indignant kitten?!??!?

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

:))

Maybe if we met I wouldn't.

Seungkwan stilled. Meeting Vernon without even knowing how he looked like? That seemed like something Chan would definitely advise against. And yet there's an unholy thrill of desire that shot up in his veins. This was a man who clearly wanted more and was not afraid to chase after it.

Feeling a lot more confident than he usually felt, he sent the reply that first came to his mind without regrets.

Seungkwan (Dandelion)

I'll prove you wrong then.

Just you wait.

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Great.

How about a dinner at at.mosphere this Saturday evening?

I'll have reservations if you only say yes.

 

There's no backing out now.


Seungkwan (Dandelion)

Call.

See you on Saturday Vernon-ssi.

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Can’t wait.

See you <3

Favorite Song - Chance the Rapper

Thursday nights were bar nights for Seungkwan, Chan, and Junhui. It used to be like that for the past four years until recently. Because now, instead of three single people commiserating over their singleness, it was now two couples and a single man commiserating over life in general. 

Since Chan was out of the office the whole day plus it was going to be Soonyoung's first time in The Bucket, and Junhui was coming from his night classes; Seungkwan found himself sitting with Wonwoo in their self-proclaimed booth. Wonwoo took the liberty of ordering food, already used to what the others liked and also familiar with the offerings, while Seungkwan sat restlessly waiting for the first round of drinks.

"Spit it out," Wonwoo said as he wrapped up with the waiter of their orders. "You've been antsy since I saw you earlier."

Seungkwan pouted, drumming his fingers on the table top, before deciding that there was no harm in telling Wonwoo this. "So, uh, I didn't actually know you met Jun on an app…"

Wonwoo raised a brow at him. "He didn't tell you guys?"

Seungkwan shrugged. "Chan must have asked since he met this Soonyoung guy through this app too."

"Ah," Wonwoo nodded but didn't explain any further. "So what's up?"

Seungkwan felt nervous. Did he start by telling he's got a date? Or should he ask first how Palette even worked and how he even found Jun to date of all people. "Well, I guess, I just wanted to ask how it was. How was your experience from it?"

Wonwoo smirked knowingly. It seemed like a question he was used to getting.  "I take it you meant to ask how everything was before I actually met Jun?" 

Seungkwan nodded; he leant in and wanted to clarify, but he was stopped with the arrival of the food and of the three missing people. Jun and Soonyoung helped the waiter unload the various dishes that Wonwoo had ordered, handing over the plates while Chan urged Seungkwan to scoot further into the booth for more space. 

"Hey guys, hey handsome!" Jun crowed as soon as all the dishes were settled. Climbing in next to his partner, he gave Wonwoo a resounding smooch on the cheek which the man only smiled fondly at. "Saw these two guppies outside and thought I'd bring them in!"

“Introductions!” Chan cut off with a clap. “This is Soonyoung!” He said with a tight side hug to the older. Then he turned to Seungkwan, "Seungkwan, you met last weekend; Jun, you know him outside. And well the glasses guy is Wonwoo."

"He's the same age as us!" Jun helpfully quipped, then pointing to Wonwoo he said adoringly. "This is the love of my life and the dick of my butt."

Seungkwan nearly choked on nothing while Wonwoo seemed unfazed. They truly are a match, Seungkwan thought. He has been friends with Junhui for so long but he still gets shocked at the guy's boldness, yet here Wonwoo was, completely unbothered.

"Hi I'm Soonyoung! Nice to meet you Wonwoo!" He said eagerly as he quickly offered a hand up for a shake. Wonwoo took it with a tight smile and that was the best they could hope for.

"So what were you two talking about?" Jun prodded as he started on the calamari. "You guys looked serious."

"It's nothing," Seungkwan dismissed at the same time he saw Wonwoo start opening his mouth. He quickly shoved the truffle fries to Wonwoo and added a kick towards the accountant for good measure.

"Aww shit, what was that?" Jun exclaimed in the middle of spearing his third calamari.

"What was what?" Chan's eyes widened in alarm. "Is there something wrong with the food?"

Wonwoo, who was watching all the chaos go down, guffawed at the ridiculousness of it all. He shot Seungkwan a look to which the account manager responded with a plea of mercy written in his eyes. But Wonwoo felt it was necessary to avenge Junhui's hurt leg; the truffle fries were not enough of a bribe, besides they'd be splitting the bill later.

"Seungkwan here was asking about how we met," Wonwoo answered without any sense of remorse and even the sharp kick he rightfully received from Seungkwan (he was successful this time) didn't stop him.

 Junhui's face crumpled in confusion. "Didn't you already know?"

 "No, he was asking about Palette in particular."

 "Oh hyung really?!" Chan finally joined in. "You opened the app? And talked to people?"

 "Yes…" Seungkwan replied with his nose upturned. "I got a few matches."

 "Can we see?" Chan pleaded, using puppy eyes and a deep pout in an attempt to move Seungkwan. 

Seungkwan sighed, there was no use hiding it since it was in the open already, thanks Wonwoo. He got his phone out of his pocket and passed it onto Soonyoung who was sitting between him and Chan. Chan giddily took the phone and unlocked it quickly.

Seungkwan thought of how many more kicks he could deliver to Wonwoo's legs as he watched the accountant smile innocently behind his vodka Sprite. He tried to swing under the table but alas, Wonwoo was smart enough not to keep his legs in kicking distance. He frowned and tried his best to ignore his two best friends and Soonyoung who were fawning over the app.  

Soonyoung broke away from the huddle to face Seungkwan. "Dandelion suits you, you know," he said brightly. 

"Ooh, dandelion," Wonwoo echoed; Seungkwan just glared at him.

"Oh hyung you have a lot of pastel matches!!!" Chan shrieked out while he shoved the phone under Seungkwan's nose. "Why didn't you chat with any of them? See, this Moonbin guy looks promising."

Seungkwan's eyes flickered to look down at the lilac profile of a bubbly guy. "Oh I haven't had the chance. I mean Vernon was the first one to message me and I guess I didn't try others?"

"Vernon, the mulberry guy? The only dark palette you have?" Jun asked and then he was back at Wonwoo's side. 

“I don't know, Vernon seems a little too dark and intense for you," Chan assessed. "I have to say though, he's very much different from Mingyu."

 "Wait Mingyu? Mingyu the photography director?" Wonwoo cut in and Seungkwan realised that his other officemate did not know. "What's that gotta do with this?"

 Chan and Jun both looked at Seungkwan, their two significant others obviously in the dark while Seungkwan tried to put a serious threat in his gaze. Jun smiled, and Chan just copied the elder with far more mischief in his eyes. 

 Oh no, Chan, please don't.

 “Seungkwan's got a massive crush on him,” Jun supplied.

 “Oh but didn't he get together with Minghao?” Wonwoo helpfully added. 

 It was always the quiet ones. Seungkwan swore that those two were not a match made in heaven but a match made in hell. He was ready to thump his head on the table.

 “Hence the app,” Chan said with a flourish of his hands. “Mingyu would probably be one of those pastels too, maybe on the sunnier side.”

 “Wait, you're the ones who met off Palette too right?” Soonyoung seemed to have just connected the dots. “What were your palettes? Mine's Vivacious and Chan's Chilli Pepper.”

 Seungkwan could kiss Soonyoung for the redirection. The memories of their weekend came rushing back to him and he now saw the two in the bright colors that best described them.

“Oh wow, I could actually see that for you, for both of you even,” he pointed out excitedly. 

"Rose quartz," Jun followed, allowing the redirection. "Something about me being moonrise, cakes, and jumpers."

“Serenity,” Wonwoo said with a raised hand. “Books, calculators and vodka. Don’t ask me why, but I’m just thankful the algorithm thought that Jun and I would match.”

“Wait, wait,” Seungkwan looked at the two couples in bewilderment. “How did you even get matched? What does Palette actually do? I mean, Chan and Soonyoung’s match up pretty well.”

Jun arched a brow at him challengingly. “And rose quartz and serenity don’t match?”

“Well now that you put it that way,” Seungkwan mumbled, perhaps that was the reason why he had a lot of pastel matches, maybe the app worked on grouping together similarly hued people.

“I got vibrant, deep and pastel matches too,” Soonyoung volunteered. “But, ultimately, who you interact with wasn’t kept within the suggested palettes. I think the similar hue groups are just the app grouping like-minded people together.”

“And there’s a benefit to that!” Chan added. “What more would you want from someone to hang out with but similarities? You have got to share something in common at the very least.”

Wonwoo snorted.“I honestly think it’s just on the user’s preference in the end. I mean, who’s to say that pastel and deep colours don’t go together. The pantone is just a gimmick to get people into it. After all, who doesn’t want to know what an AI thinks of them as a classification.”

Seungkwan mulled over Wonwoo’s point. “That actually sounds reasonable.”

“So you and this Vernon Mulberry,” Chan hastily pulled back the conversation to center back around Seungkwan. “Do you know what he looks like?”

Seungkwan sighed and stirred his mojito.”He’s just so mysterious.”

“This day and age?” Jun scoffed. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

“Have you tried asking for pictures?” Soonyoung asked. “And have you sent him yours?”

“Well, no on both fronts.”

“There you go,” Wonwoo said with finality. “That contributes to the mystery vibe.”

“Hyung! In what world has mystery ever been fun?” Chan was quick to chide to them. “We told you to keep it easy, hyung, it’s not easy if you’re consumed with figuring out who he is.” 

“I’m sure, Seungkwan’s equally mysterious for Mr. Mulberry,” Wonwoo politely countered. “If they don’t know how each other looks, then they’re on equal footing. Still plenty of fun to be had.”

“But I’m gonna know soon anyway, because I agreed to meeting him this weekend.” Three faces of surprise and bewilderment welcomed Seungkwan’s revelation.

Junhui leant in, mouth open wide. “Really?”

“You’re going on a date with someone you don’t know an inch about?” Chan exclaimed in disbelief, even going as far as pushing Soonyoung back to goggle at Seungkwan.

“Yey! Our little Seungkwannie is growing up,” Wonwoo clapped stiffly before he showed him a big thumbs up. 

“Yeah, I’m going on a date,” Seungkwan shrank back at all the attention. “It’s not a big deal!”

“Where is your date going to be, and who asked who?” Soonyoung piped up.

“The at.mosphere,” Seungkwan replied. “And he asked me. He said he can get reservations; he just needed my yes.”

Jun whistled lowly, Chan almost spat back his drink, and Wonwoo just grinned.

“Wow,” Soonyoung muttered. “Get me a sugar daddy like that.”

That broke the tension. In between Chan’s playful cries of “Hyung! How dare you!” and Jun’s and Wonwoo’s laughter; Seungkwan felt his breath escape him much easier than before. “So, I shouldn’t flake off right?”

“Of course not! It’s the at.mosphere!” Wonwoo encouraged him with a clink of their mismatched glasses.

“All I can say is go for it,” Junhui said after a mouthful of beer. “He's meeting you at at.mosphere, that's the least sketchiest place ever. Plus the fact he even got a reservation on such a short notice is already amazing. The way I see it, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

“Besides,” Soonyoung chimed in. “Haven't we told you to just take it easy and have fun? Chan's being just overprotective.”

“I am not,” Chan uselessly grumbled. “But they're right, hyung. Just be careful ok.”

“It's at.mosphere Chan,” Wonwoo chived. “Highly doubt something shady would go down in such a place.”

“Well, you never know what people with money and power and influence can do,” Chan argued. “But then again, I've never been a fan of the mysterious and brooding types, so suit yourself.”

“Oh Channie, you're always so sweet, never change my beautiful didi ,” Jun commented, reaching over to ruffle the youngest hair which Chan just batted away. “But for you, Seungkwan, all you need to do is to find out if the steak in at.mosphere is worth the 200,000 won price tag.”

And to that, Seungkwan laughed. They were right, he just had to take it easy. “Got it, order the 200,00 won steak!”

Water off a duck's back and whatnot.

Capricious - Crooked Colours

Saturday morning dawned late for Seungkwan; he was welcomed by cold appendages despite the cloying, hot weather, and a picture of Leo looking entirely too displeased at Seoul’s summer heat.

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment : BitchyLeopawz.jpg]

Leo’s date with my sister is planned for tonight

I’m hoping nothing’s going to ruin his plans

Pretty sure he longs to be with his mom and his bros

:)

 Seungkwan chuckled sleepily. The photo was sent at 6:38 in the morning and it was now 10:42. 

 Shit, that’s a four hour difference.

 Seungkwan (Dandelion)

Anybody ever told you that pre-7am is too early for emotional manipulation?

And Leo shouldn’t worry, that family reunion is not gonna be missed.

He finally mustered the energy to get up and for the moment, he left his phone on the bed so he could make a human out of himself. His reflection on the mirror told him he was cut out for some work. There was the ever present puffiness that he has wrestled with for years but now it was compounded by the fact that he has made an absolutely shitty decision of going out for Friday drinks.

“Fuck.”

He slapped himself thrice, ready to double up on his facial massage, but before he could take out his rollers, his phone rang. He raced out of the bathroom, jumping on the bed to answer the call. “Hey, this is Seungkwan.”

“Kwannie!” 

It was Jun. 

“Hyung! Why are you calling?”

“Uh hello, did you forget?”

Seungkwan stood frozen on the spot. Forget what? “Uh...happy birthday?”

“It’s not June, Kwannie! Oh my god you did forget! It’s my first class at a new studio? You said you were coming last night?”

“Oh shit, hyung, I just woke up…”

“It’s fine! Get your ass over here! I know you still have a big date later, but trust me, my session’s gonna make you feel less shitty.” 

“But hyung, I don’t think I’m sober--”

“Tut, tut. No excuses. I’ll book you a kakao taxi right now, you can’t refuse. Plus, I promised I’d help you out with your date later, so let’s just make it easier, I’ll go home with you as soon as OUR class ends. Okay? Love you, bye, hanging up. Sending you the kakao driver details after.”

And Jun left him with an echoing dial tone. Seungkwan groaned. He totally didn’t need this kind of wake up call, but he has nothing to do until 5 in the evening, so he might as well attend one of Jun’s hot yoga classes. Besides, he couldn’t sit around and mope and wait for 7pm to come around. Vernon was not likely to be sitting around doing nothing…

Right Vernon!

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Good morning :)

I wasn’t able to take a video earlier but Leo was pretty happy when I shared the news that his dream date wouldn’t be crushed

Anyways, enough about Leo, I’m excited about later, Seungkwan

I really wanted to meet you.

 

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Seungkwan?

Have you gone back to sleep?

You must have been tired last night, I’ll let you nap more.

See you later

:)

God help me . Seungkwan sank into his bed and stared listlessly at Vernon’s message. He hasn’t even met the guy yet, and it’s only been a week but he was already way in too deep.

 

 

If there was one thing that the at.mosphere was known for, it was serious commitment. Among the non-one-percenter, at.mosphere was a place of promise. This was where the elite celebrated their successful deals, and brought out the big guns to impress.  Dinner at the at.mosphere was most coveted; reservations took months and no one had a sure place unless one was a member of The Round Brilliant. It wasn’t the kind of place that people brought silly dates in, at.mosphere was the big leagues.

Seungkwan, in his best Topman ensemble felt so much like a kid fresh off the little leagues. He breathed out a shaky exhale as he stood in the middle of the lavish lobby of La Marquise. He has never even set foot in La Marquise, this being his first time to ever be in a building he hasn't given enough thought about. Oh he knew about the hotel; it was the most exclusive hotel in the district, and he never had reason to even desire to come to this place but here he was, a complete alien in this strange land.

The at.mosphere was located at the 57th floor of the hotel and as Vernon had instructed in his earlier message, he had to go to a separate lobby for access to the lounge. But the problem was, he didn't know which lobby Vernon was referring to. 

There were three rows of black marble desks outfitted in gold that had equally bored-looking staff who seemed to know just how out-of-place he was. The lady in the middle even looked like she had a permanent scowl on her face, and Seungkwan briefly wondered just how awful the service was in such an expensive hotel. 

He looked at his worn Tissot, and sighed. It was 6:55. He didn't want to be late, but he was ready to piss himself. He thought that Jun's double hot yoga class and the pep talk from both Wonwoo and Chan were enough to chase the nerves away, but that was evidently false. Suddenly, he was deluged with thoughts of how the hell did he even land a date so high up in the social pyramid.  It kept him glued to his spot until someone bumped into him.

"Sorry, sorry," the guy profusely apologised, even going as far as placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Seungkwan, despite being a bundle of nerves, was fit to give the man a piece of his mind but when he turned around, all he could think was wow. The guy who bumped into him was a lot older, but he had a James Dean quality to him that made Seungkwan want to melt into a puddle. The only thing that stopped him from doing so was the guy's dark sunglasses.  

A complete douche marker, who even wore sunglasses inside a building at night time? Rich assholes, that's right.

Seungkwan smiled pleasantly at the stranger nonetheless and nodded that he was fine. He couldn't find it in himself to answer lest he squeaked out a reply instead.

Once satisfied that Seungkwan was not at all harmed, the stranger gave him a dashing smile. "See you around," he whispered and hurriedly turned.

Seungkwan didn't want to watch the man leave, but he couldn't help himself. When the older guy disappeared into a corner where his eyes couldn't follow, he released the breath he didn't realise he had been holding. 

You're Boo Seungkwan, not Boo Seung-kwan't. Pull it together, Boo.

Then he marched to the middle concierge lady and like he has always belonged in this crowd, bravely asked to be led to at.mosphere.

You & Me – Disclosure, Eliza Doolittle, Flume

It took three security calls that verified his identity and reservation under a Mr. VERNON; a black, mirrored lift that was lit in a golden glow which only contained him and the attendant; and a long, dark, hallway lit by neon lights that made it seem like he was in Tron, to finally reach at.mosphere. Inside, the restaurant was richly decorated in soft leather, luxurious chairs that seemed to follow the curve of the human body, and solid, dark wood.  There were lamps placed everywhere which bathed the restaurant in a warm, autumnal light and it made for a magical ambience. From where he stood, he could see the entirety of the Seoul skyline behind the heads of the numerous diners decked in the finest clothing. 

 "Mr. Seungkwan, if it's alright, I could lead you to Mr. Vernon's private room," the maitre d'hotel broke through his admiration. 

 "Private room?" he echoed unsurely.

 The person nodded amiably. "If I may?"

 "Sure, sure, please lead the way."

Past the crowded dinner floor, the carvery, and the powder room was a hall with two opposing doors. The maitre d'hotel opened the door to his left and Seungkwan felt gut-punched at the scene in front of him.

The room was small, fitting only a round, dark-polished oak table, two emerald wingbacks and a pair of standing lamps. But what the room lacked in size it made up through its grandeur. The walls facing the Seoul City skyline were not walls, but floor-to-ceiling windows that afforded such a breathtaking view. And when Seungkwan looked up, he was greeted by the sight of an intricate chandelier. 

"Mr. Seungkwan, I apologise but I have to leave you for a while. Mr. Vernon will be with you shortly. For the meantime, is there anything I can get for you from our cellar?"

Seungkwan shook his head. "I'll be waiting for Vernon, thank you."

 The guy nodded once and then left him to his own devices. 

 What did I fucking get into? Seungkwan thought as he made his way to one of the windows. He didn't want to sit, those chairs looked like they were more expensive than his own suit. He looked at the dark night and felt around his suit for his phone. 

 7:05 pm.

Vernon's last message was regarding his instruction. It was sent 30 minutes ago. The man didn't say anything about running late but Seungkwan wasn't too worried. If the staff said he was coming, then there was nothing to be scared of. Besides, this whole thing seemed too much to be an elaborate prank. So instead of worrying about his date's whereabouts, he just took pictures of the room, the view, and the skies to show his friends later on.

Two knocks took him away from his selfie taking spree and had him walking towards the door. 

Should I open it? What if it's Vernon? Or maybe it's just the wait staff? Should I actually be seated --

And the door slid open to reveal a man, taller than Seungkwan and just a bit wider, in head-to-toe Balmain. Seungkwan would have admired the man more, but the first thing that came into his mind was a string of curses.

Shit. Shit. Shit. It's him. What was he doing here?

"You look better in person than your blurred pics," the man said in such a deep voice, it made Seungkwan's toes curl uncomfortably in his loafers. "You weren't lying when you said you were the pride of Jeju."

"You're Vernon?" Seungkwan half-whispered. Up close and sans dark glasses, Seungkwan was able to take a long look at the guy. It was the same guy who bumped into him at the lobby; that felt like ages ago.

The older guy nodded and grinned widely, showing off his gums and perfect teeth. He brought a sheepish hand to his nape and looked at Seungkwan shyly before nodding. "Yeah, that's me," he said, voice rough and it definitely didn't send shocks up Seungkwan's spine. "Should we sit down?"

Seungkwan felt like he had swallowed his whole tongue. He gulped, then looked up briefly and prayed. 

God, a little warning would have been nice? How could you give me the hottest man alive?

Vernon must have noticed his stiffness because the man immediately took his hand and led him to the table. Then, like a complete gentleman, Vernon pulled out the chair for him.

 

"Sit, Seungkwan," he commanded softly. "I don't think we would be served standing up," he added with a slight chuckle.

Seungkwan watched Vernon's face erupt into lines with the man's laughter. Vernon definitely was an older guy, there was a definition and a distinguished look on his face that can only be earned through age. His long, silver hair was styled in a messy coif and though it looked like a halo in the photos, oddly enough, it only made the man look younger. All in all, Seungkwan couldn't quite believe the person in front of him. He bit his lip and shook his head while looking down. "Sorry, sorry, you must think I'm weird."

"No, no," Vernon quickly interrupted. "It's me who has made this weird huh, I mean. You must be wondering what a 45 year old man is doing?"

"Forty-five?" Seungkwan couldn't help but repeat as he took his gaze off his lap and straight back into Vernon's eyes. Watching Vernon's face fall minisculely; he wondered just how much of his outburst sounded so much like horror and not of amazement.

"I'm sorry," the dapper swagger that was present earlier disappeared in a blink. Vernon sat hunched in his seat and for a moment, it seemed like he was the younger of the two.

"Wow," Seungkwan marveled at the embarrassment that cloaked Vernon so quickly.

"If you're uncomfortable, I won't stop you from leaving. We haven't ordered anything anyway, it won't be a waste."

"No, I'm not leaving," Seungkwan said, hurrying to make amends. "I just --it's a lot to take in, you know."

"I know," Vernon conceded slowly; he looked so down and had he been smaller, he would have looked like a guilty Bookeu. "And, I'm sorry for springing this up on you. I just really wanted to meet you before I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin anything!" Seungkwan countered strongly. Sure this was weird, but it wasn't that bad. "This was just--surprising."

Vernon smiled in a self-deprecating manner. "Bet you didn't expect to find an older man?"

Seungkwan snorted. "Well, now I know that the internet is definitely a scary place."

"Am I scary?" Vernon asked in a small voice unbefitting of his stature. 

And for the first time since they met, Seungkwan looked at Vernon beyond his appearance and age and saw only the guy he had fun talking to. "No you're not. Not when I know how much of a slave you are to Leo."

Finally, Vernon broke out in a smile again. 

And what a beautiful smile it is.

Feeling a little bit at a loss and yet wanting to put the awkwardness behind them, Seungkwan decided to gather up his courage and place his hand on the table in what he hoped was a welcoming gesture. "So, Vernon, have you had dinner yet?"

As soon as it came out of his mouth, he wanted to swallow a dehydrated towel. Really, asking about dinner when it's obvious that it's just dinner time? 

Vernon just giggled at him. Seungkwan wondered how this man was 45. "Err, you know what I mean."

 

"Are you nervous, Seungkwan?" 

Seungkwan's eyes widened at Vernon's comment, but he calmed himself and shot back. "Aren't you nervous, Vernon?"

"Not anymore," Vernon revealed. "You're not as different as you are in our messages."

"Really? How can you tell?"

Vernon leant on his elbows and smiled conspiratorially. "Experience. I can tell when people are genuine or not."

Seungkwan was absolutely not going to lose this. He also leant forward and eyed Vernon curiously. "Now, that's just plain scary."

"You said I wasn't scary?" Vernon asked with feigned affront. 

Seungkwan shook his head. "How about we just order food? What would you recommend?"

Vernon smirked. "The steak is to die for, and paired with their Cabernet, or since you have a sweet tooth, you can go for their Zinfandel. You won't regret it."

"I'll put the fate of my stomach in your hands, then" Seungkwan said sweetly, putting full trust and hope that this date would go on smoothly.

"That's all I've ever wanted, Seungkwan. That's all I ever wanted."

Magnets - Disclosure , Lorde

Vernon was right, the steak was indeed to die for. Seungkwan had no idea if that was the 200,000 won that Jun asked for a review on, but it definitely felt like it was worth that kind of money. He took another sip of his wine and scrunched his face as soon as the liquid hit his tongue. It was sweet, yes, but it was still far too sour for his taste. 

Vernon sniggered at him and tried to take the wine glass off his hands. "You don't have to finish the bottle, Seungkwan."

Seungkwan turned his whole body in his seat and pouted at Vernon. They were a lot closer now than when their dinner date started, both physically, and mentally. 

Halfway through the desert course of the burning chocolate dome, Vernon had requested their chairs to be moved closer to each other. And now the chocolate dome was long melted and gone; they were sat right next to each other facing the windows. The chandelier has been dimmed and only the lamps and the never-sleeping skyline of Seoul were their source of light. Seungkwan knew he was definitely just a little bit tipsy because he just thought that they could definitely afford to lose a chair in this room.

"Oh no, Vernon-hyung! You're so mean to me!" Seungkwan said, fingers poking Vernon's face lightly. 

Vernon caught his finger and held on to it tightly. "You're so red, Seungkwan-ah, sure you should be drinking at all?"

Seungkwan pulled his finger away and bleated at him. "I'm old enough to drink!"

Vernon smirked, and leant back on his own chair. "I didn't say you weren't."

Seungkwan was finished with his terrible wine. He didn't know how much it cost but he didn't like it at all, so he placed it on the table. It was teetering over the edge and it would have fallen if Vernon hadn't caught it.

"Careful," Vernon whispered. He had almost half his body lying on Seungkwan as a consequence of catching the wayward glass. Seungkwan was not used to such proximity, but this he didn't mind.

And when Vernon looked up at him with that roguish grin, Seungkwan was hard-pressed to believe that this man had a huge number of years on him. He held onto the older guy and refused to let him up. "Or what? What will you do if I'm not careful, Vernon?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" Vernon volleyed back, but didn't fight against Seungkwan's hold. 

"I'm going to be real honest here, Vernon," Seungkwan started, sobering a bit. "I think, I like you just fine. And I want to get to know you."

 "Even if I'm all this?" Vernon breathed out. "Even if people would look at you like you're crazy?"

 Seungkwan shrugged. "Those are all conditionals? I'm absolute."

 Vernon closed his eyes and shook his head. "You should have come with a warning, Seungkwan."

 "And what's the warning?"

Seungkwan stared at Vernon. There was a trace of exhaustion on the older's face and part of him wanted to kiss it away. His lips were tingling with the want to just smooch it away. 

"Can't fucking handle your alcohol," Vernon growled playfully as he tried to free himself from Seungkwan's grasp. "That's your warning sign."

Seungkwan resisted; he scoffed and pulled at Vernon's grossly expensive sweatshirt. (He knew it was worth half of his month's rent, he checked it online when Vernon had to talk to the manager). 

"No, this is your warning."

To Ü - Jack Ü, Aluna George

There were times when Seungkwan believed he had two personalities. One was his anxious, and perfectionist Seungkwan and the other one was his go-getter, all-be-damned Boo. It was mostly Seungkwan in his day to day life, until Boo gets prodded to come out. And he swore he didn't know what came over him, only that Boo felt ruffled enough and that he certainly wasn't thinking when he kissed Vernon. 

Although it wasn't Seungkwan's first kiss, it was only supposed to be a timid peck. A simple little something to reassure Vernon that he truly did not care about their differences and that he was willing to give it a try. The part that was Seungkwan completely balked at this.  It felt so much like desperation; jumping on the first guy he saw since his heartbreak. But Boo was a taker. Boo saw both the hesitation and the desire in Vernon and he knew what he wanted to win in the end. Desperation may look ugly on others, but not on Boo. 

So he kissed Vernon like the older guy was the primary source of life. He grappled at Vernon's sweatshirt as he breathed in what the other exhaled. He was pretty sure the shirt would be ruined with how tight he was holding it, but he tried to bury that in his mind. 

He let his tongue dart out to plead with Vernon. From the start, the older seemed lost, shocked still at the kiss, but soon enough Vernon allowed him in. He could taste the bitterness of the whiskey that Vernon drank and smell a hint of spice and peppermint and it only made him want more. 

He pressed himself further, ignoring the digging of the chair in between them, and took a hold of Vernon's face. Vernon's face looked smooth to the touch but as he held it in his hands, he felt every stubble and smile line. It made Vernon so real and so much like a furnace, despite the huge waves of nervousness coming off the older guy. For a moment, Seungkwan was confused if he was doing the right thing, but he pushed through the reluctance . He dragged his hand down to Vernon's neck and held it lightly. He could feel Vernon's gulp and each pulse underneath the fired up skin; he couldn't stop himself from pressing just a little bit more.

Then Vernon mewled, inviting more of Seungkwan into him. He grabbed the chance, feverish hands digging deeper into Vernon's flesh. With grace he didn't know he possessed, he deposited himself on the lap of the older man and broke off the kiss.

Vernon was gaping at Seungkwan with lust-blown pupils. Lips bitten red and hair faintly mussed, Vernon looked a lot more youthful and Seungkwan prayed to all the gods he knew. 

"Warning received," Vernon spoke, dazed. 

Seungkwan ran his fingers through Vernon's grey (or was it silver) hair and pressed their foreheads together. "I don't usually do this."

Vernon laughed, low and deep in his belly. "You do know how much that sounds like a line right?"

Seungkwan smiled in response before dipping to kiss Vernon tenderly again. "Does it? You've heard it a lot of times then?"

Vernon smirked against his lips, then pulled him away for a bit to presumably search his eyes. "And yet, from you, I completely believe it."

Seungkwan collapsed on him, and Vernon took the chance to wrap his arms around the younger. The older played with the hair at the back of his neck and all Seungkwan can hear in his head is the fast beating of his heart and sirens going off in the rational part of his brain.

 "Thank you for believing little old me," Seungkwan confessed. "You're the first guy I ever talked to on Palette. And I feel like I'm scaring you away like this. But this is scary for me too."

Vernon rubbed at his neck comfortingly. "I'm going to be honest, you're not the first guy I've ever met on there. But I never brought them here. You scare me."

Seungkwan moved and nuzzled into Vernon's neck. "I know, you're far too hot to not have been around the circuit. But I scare you? Even if you can probably do anything to ruin me? If you can afford all this, then you can definitely buy my ruin."

 Seungkwan could feel Vernon shrug in response. 

 "You scare me and I don't know why."

 "Funny," Seungkwan retorted unamused.It was fascinating, just how much it made him want to tell the older guy that they're one and the same.  "You do the same for me." 

KARMA - bear bear & friends, Gill Chang

Chapter 2

Summary:

Let's take a look at Vernon's point of view.
And I leave you with this quote:

The same water that softens the potato hardens the egg.

Notes:

Partially inspired by Hoshi's Spider.
Stream Spider, Side by Side, and Silent Boarding Gate.

Spotify playlist updated! This chapter covers songs 14-21

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Playboy shit - blackbear , lil aaron || &burn - Billie Eilish, Vince Staples 

Vernon knew he made a mistake. The moment Seungkwan said yes to his date proposal of meeting at the at.mosphere, he knew he was doomed.

You shouldn't have said yes to me, he thought as flicked through Seungkwan's cozy palette profile. They’ve never said yes to me.

In the months Vernon has spent on Palette, never has he encountered a profile like Seungkwan's. The bright, pastel yellow -no, dandelion - stood out in his sea of deep and dark profiles of poseidon, hunter and wine. He has never had such a light color suggestion. Even Jihoon, who had the misfortune of being suggested to him as a probable match, was a deep ultraviolet. Seeing Seungkwan as the lone light in his gallery of darkness was a thrilling opportunity. He knew he should be content with what he had, but if he didn't have it, then how could he be content?

Ever since he was introduced to Palette, he got hooked. The app that Joshua and his team conceptualized - which landed the American in marginally better graces of Seungcheol's brand of high society - was excellent. At their ages, online dating was deemed an insult. Among their peers, to be found selling yourself for a half an hour release was a stain that could never be removed and never be hidden. They were never supposed to make themselves available for anyone, it should be the other way around. But within his inner circle, the app told a different story. 

Palette became this sort of playground. The app boasted of a data driven algorithm that promised not only a personality assessment but also guaranteed a sense of belonging. People get the people that were cut from the same cloth.

It transformed into a game of trying to figure out who among polite society turned out to be not so polite after all. And it became a pastime for Vernon. It was a low risk, high return investment once he agreed to back up Joshua's ridiculously brilliant app and be part of the trailblazing users. Seungcheol and Jihoon turned their noses up at him for being so eager to be part of the social experiment but he liked to think he was one of the game masters rather than one of the players.

He liked it. He liked the flow of people and how they would eventually fall down before him. Everyone that he has successfully lured and made to want him gave him a satisfying thrill.  It wasn’t cheap validation that he sought, but it was a high that no cocaine could match.

"So, how'd you like our new update?" A voice called out from below. Vernon put his phone down and leant over his table to look out at the green beneath the deck. Just in front of the golf club's quieter restaurants was Joshua. The older waved at him as he alighted from the buggy; followed by Seungcheol who had his face contorted in unsuccessfully concealed distaste.

Vernon grinned at them and gestured for the two to come up. They disappeared from his line of sight and left the caddie to tend to their buggy.  

In a short while, the two made their grand entrance to the restaurant's outdoor deck, followed by the usual simpering members of the staff. Seungcheol only had to hold his hand  up, a signal to leave them alone for now and it amused Vernon to no end how they would always backtrack and scurry. 

Joshua, ever the more affectionate one, despite the fact that Seungcheol was his cousin, came running towards him with a big hug on the ready. The slightly older guy gave him a quick squeeze to the displeasure of his grumpy relative.  

"Hey Shua, bro," Vernon grinned as he came out of the hug. "Nice of you to finally come out of the hiding. I thought hyung here would never let you out of whatever penthouse he's gifted you."

Joshua chuckled, airy and freely, a distinct contrast to Seungcheol's pointed scoff. Vernon turned to his cousin and opened his arms wide. "Hyung! Congratulations on earning your day off from Ji-eun!"

Seungcheol glared at him, yet the older still stepped into the hug. "Good to see you too, Sol. And for the record, I haven't been hiding Shua, he's just been busy with that app of yours."

"And," Joshua added with a warning wave of his finger. "Don't hate on Ji-eun. I can't imagine raising a kid with Seungcheol would be easy, of course she's had to keep the daddy in line."

Vernon laughed, raising his hands up in defense. "Of course, of course, my mistake. How's the twins, hyung? They're still asking for you every night?"

"Just an odd night or two," Seungcheol said with a shrug. They took their seats and Joshua  signalled for the menu offerings.

"Ji-eun has finally got them believing that our setup was not that bad so there are less tantrums now,” Seungcheol continued. “Less calls at midnight, that’s for sure.”

"So you're not staying in Ji-eun's house now?" Vernon queried, he caught the elbow of the waiter with the menu before the guy left. "Bring us an ashtray, and a round of Hirsch."

"Of course he isn't," Joshua replied with an incredulity in his voice as the man lit up his slim stick. "Good thing you asked for the ashtray, I haven't smoked since we started living together and this guy got midnight calls. But you would have known that if you didn't keep refusing our invitations for dinner."

Vernon laughed but lifted up a knuckle to fist bump Joshua. "Oh wow, congrats bro. And of course, I know you, Shun-hyung. But hey, look at you, keeping the house and the man."

The older smiled smugly and inhaled deeply; he bumped their fists together. "God works in mysterious ways." Joshua puffed out a smoke and blew it playfully in Seungcheol's direction. "He definitely touched Ji-eun's heart and opened her mind to understanding Cheol's and my situation."

Seungcheol plucked off the lit cigarette in Joshua' fingers, snorting before he took a long drag. "God, alright. I guess her own penthouse and a guaranteed place in Dwight School didn't do anything to get her to understand us."

"Oh Cheolie, you talk as if you'd ever let your kids live in the slums," Joshua chided lightly as he leant on Seungcheol. "Besides, you are seriously underestimating Ji-Eun. She's a nice girl, your dad wouldn't have chosen her for you if she wasn't."

For that Seungcheol had no reply, instead the oldest just returned the stick of cigarette to his lover. Vernon watched his older cousin defer to Joshua and it was a fascinating sight to behold. Choi Seungcheol was one of the most uncompromising people that he has known but to Joshua, his hyung became much more agreeable.

"Wow," Vernon whistled out and admired the American's ability at the same time, the waiter finally came to drop off their shots and the ashtray. "Are you sure you can't quit your developer job and sit-in in one of our meetings instead? Hyung always flies off the handles."

Seungcheol tutted; Vernon could tell his hyung was itching to berate him but Joshua's warning pat had him backing down. "You know I can't, Hansol. Palette's my baby. Speaking of-- since you're the only one useful to the growth of Palette, how do you like the newest update we rolled out?"

"Hey, I also invested in Palette!" Seungcheol cut in, grumbling much like a giant baby deprived of attention. 

"I know, Cheollie, but you don't want to beta test for me, so you're only slightly useful to my baby," Joshua cheekily returned.

"Jihoon's beta testing for you," Seungcheol shot back petulantly.

Vernon restrained himself from rolling his eyes, it was just so obvious how much Seungcheol disdained his involvement in the app.

"And," Joshua lifted up his pointer finger, "He doesn't give me feedback ever since Jeonghan tied him down," he explained, hoping to placate his partner, before turning to face Vernon. "Now, only Hansol's my hope. So? Sollie, how's it?"

"How's what?" Vernon asked with a brow raised as he took his newly refilled glass of bourbon. He sniffed at it and looked expectantly at Joshua. 

"The new update? You know, the small glimpse of the other color groups?"

In nary a second, Seungkwan's smiling photo popped up in his brain as if it was called up. An update, huh.

"It's not a glitch?"

"No," Joshua shook his head. "It's something to spice things up. You get users who have their typical shade, tint, tone, and hue groups and it gets boring after. But if you introduced different gradations , say a tint into your shade, or a hue in your tone groups then that makes it unfamiliar right? Wouldn't you say you'd be tempted to find out more about them?"

Vernon hummed. So it wasn't a glitch. "I see, was it an experimental release?"

"Sort of. Only a few users have it for now."

Seungcheol  tried to stay disinterested and unbothered but he wasn't able to hide it well, grumbling he asked. "Shua, really, I love you but do you need to give Hansol any more reasons to stay addicted to your app?"

 

Vernon stilled at his cousin's poorly disguised judgmental tone and he attempted to tamp down the irritation by gulping yet another shot. His cousin wasn't typically a man to pry into others' business, but that courtesy seemed to apply only to outsiders. As the oldest Choi-Chwe cousin that was still part of the family business, Seungcheol seemed to take on the hat of another unnecessary father. Their latest and longest running point of contention would be Shua's Palette and Vernon's disappointing inability to become a man of respect and of upright standing (Seungcheol's words, not his). For some reason, his older cousin didn't find it hypocritical to harp on his back for being a free kind of man. The older always extolled the virtues of becoming a responsible, family man, and yet here Seungcheol was, flaunting his real love in an exclusive golfing restaurant, far away from his family of three.

Sometimes, people do have it all. And even through it all, they still find it in themselves to judge. Typical.

"So you've seen it?" Joshua interrupted Vernon's musing. "You've got a tint suggestion instead of your usual shades and tones?"

Vernon nodded, clearing the thoughts of jealousy in his mind. Joshua didn't deserve to witness just how much he wanted to eviscerate his cousin for being such a hypocrite, a hypocrite who got to eat his cake and have it too. It just wasn't fair. He cleared his throat and straightened in his seat and thought back to Seungkwan instead.

"It's different, I suppose," he started, thinking of what response would get Seungcheol off his trail the quickest. "But I don't think I would like more of the tints."

Joshua's disappointment was palpable as the developer sank into his chair, wincing, he asked. "Bad match huh? Maybe we still need to tweak the algorithm."

Bad match? Seungkwan wasn't bad, he was just someone Vernon couldn't read. That was something Joshua didn't need to learn about though. His inability to anticipate how a tinted palette would respond to him was no fault of the app, nor the developer. Nonetheless, that didn't mean that Vernon couldn't influence Joshua into removing that crippling feature altogether.

"I don't know if it was a bad match per se," he hummed. "More of it being a mistake, there's a reason similar people band together you know."

The shades and tones in Vernon's palettes never said yes to invitations to at.mosphere. That he could understand, no self respecting scion of the society would bring out their deep-seated secrets in a stage as public as at.mosphere. Contrary to what people liked to think, the at.mosphere was production designed for the statement. It's exclusivity was not for discretion; it was for private shows of how the wheels of society were run.

So it was refreshing, and at the same time utterly terrifying that someone bit on his bait. Seungkwan looked to be quite a catch, if Vernon was honest with himself (and with Joshua), but not every big catch was meant to be kept. Some of the biggest catches, Vernon was taught to let go.

"That's a useful insight," Joshua pointed out. "I'll get the team to run some FGDs and try to smooth it out."

Vernon nodded and Seungcheol, who had long tuned them out, caught Joshua's attention with the leather bound menu. 

The couple was fully occupied with ordering for their post sixth hole lunch, so he took the chance to send Hangyeol a single line.  

Oxygen. Saturday.

I can't let go now.

Because Vernon may be all the bad things a rich and attractive scion could be, but one thing he wasn't was a reneger. He promised Seungkwan a date, and a date the other would get. 

Rich Niggaz - J.Cole

Where would Vernon be without his intelligence?

Nowhere, that's where.

Friday morning found him browsing through the numerous files that his trusted sent. An ordinary person would have probably relied on social media to know more about their online paramours, but Vernon was no ordinary man. There was no such thing as data privacy if said data was bought by him. However he used it was at his discretion.

He sat inside the cramped little studio that Jihoon liked to work in, savouring the quiet and stillness as he stared at Boo Seungkwan's passport photo. 

 Boo Seungkwan.

A native of Jeju.

26 years old, will be 27 in 4 months.

 A Capricorn, a voice that suspiciously sounded like Hangyeol sounded in his mind. Tough match, but fruitful if you worked on it.  

He chuckled. Maybe Hangyeol's earlier foray into astrology stuck to him after all. If it was going to be fruitful indeed, he would have to wait and play his cards right. 

On Palette, Seungkwan tried hard to hide himself without truly hiding who he was. Despite the very obvious intention of masking how he looked like through  a plethora of in-action shots, artfully cropped selcas, and group photos that had too many faces, Seungkwan's persona still showed through. There was a feeling of pride in the way the younger man arranged his own moodboard. There were glints of gold from the record of awards, a shine that only marketers and advertisers hound on and a warmth that only a deep passion can create. And it all made sense, now that Vernon was looking at a snapshot of his date's life in his hands.

He continued browsing the file and it only proved to be an interesting one. Seungkwan was shaping up to be a brilliant gem of a boy, in every sense of the word, the more he flipped the pages of the report. 

The younger man was a talent in the making at singing, as evidenced by the files compiled list of awards in amateur and professional singing contests. Vernon believed that had he met the guy earlier, they would be having a vastly different relationship. Maybe, if they did meet, then the list of awards for singing wouldn't have stopped just to be replaced with awards in marketing and entrepreneurship. 

Vernon had to give it to him, Seungkwan was so decorated, even at his young age and despite his common status. The guy wasn't quite famous, but that was a fault of upbringing and the lack of an opportunity, that he was sure of. It still didn't make Seungkwan any less accomplished.

"Please tell me that's not another fuck buddy." The door opened with the owner of the studio walking in.

Vernon looked up from his seat and smiled thinly at Jihoon. "Onyx applicant," he said smoothly as he quickly hid Seungkwan's details. "Missed you at golf yesterday."

"I don't have time to bake under the sun and putt little balls." Jihoon threw his bag on the couch and stood impatiently over Vernon. "I'm not like you."

"Oh come on, Jihoonie," Vernon chastised the younger. He could see huge eyebags and a gaunt shadow on the other's face and it was not at all surprising. He stood up and placed his hands on the younger's shoulders. "What's the use of being an executive if you can't skive off once in a while? You're working yourself ragged, again."

Jihoon tsked and artfully maneuvered himself out of Vernon's hold. He sat down on the chair, his chair, that the older vacated and turned his back to Vernon. "What are you doing here anyway?"

Vernon sighed and leaned back on an empty wall. He couldn't blame Jihoon for being so prickly, but still, it felt a little like rejection. "I just needed a place to think."

The Onyx studios were typically located on the mid levels of the building, however Jihoon's Universe Factory (as the younger liked to call his studio) was located on the third basement level. The commercial lifts didn't go all the way down to the third basement level, one would have to walk on the stairs to access it. That alone gave anyone who stayed on this floor premium privacy.

"You've got an entire floor for your brain. You don't need my little dungeon of thinking," Jihoon said as he booted up his system.

Vernon shrugged as if Jihoon could see it. "Well, before you came in and took over this space, this was my little dungeon of thoughts so I'm sorry if I fell back on my habit."

"Uh-huh, habit. "

Vernon cleared his throat, grasping for something to talk about. "So uh, how are you and Jeonghan hyung? I haven't seen you both on our golf weekends. Is he, - alright?"

Jihoon nodded. "You know how he is."

Vernon sucked in his teeth and counted to ten. "By the way, I saw your palette. Ultraviolet huh, like your entire studio."

It took a while for Jihoon to respond. "Yeah, Jeonghan chose the pictures."

"He's not mad you're on there?" Vernon couldn't help himself from asking.

"Is this about Cheol hyung and his love hate relationship with Shua hyung's app?"

"No?" Vernon answered unsurely, though he was tempted to add that it was with himself that Seungcheol had a love-hate relationship with, not the little app. "No. It's not about Cheol hyung. It's just, well you know Jeonghan and you know how his family was...I thought he'd-"

"What? Hide me away like you did before? Or how Cheol hyung's hiding Joshua hyung?" Jihoon snipped quickly, there was a marked exhaustion in his voice and yet Vernon knew it was not done maliciously. The younger has always been straightforward to a fault. "Just because you're far removed cousins doesn't mean you share the same views."

Vernon didn't have an answer to that. 

"Anyway, Jeonghan's on it too," Jihoon continued nonetheless. "You know him. He's turned it into a whole marketing  experiment. He probably has students analyzing his and my profile hits and interactions."

"Not unlikely," Vernon said, thankful for the redirection.

The silence stretched on between them and Vernon knew he should get moving and leave Jihoon alone but he couldn't bring himself to leave the studio. 

"So," Jihoon broke the quiet. "Did you finish your thinking?"

Vernon perked up. "Not really...I don't think I ever really thought when I was here. This is just a good place for me, you know."

"I know," Jihoon echoed. 

"I'll see you around, Jihoonie," Vernon said, giving the studio and the man a last lingering gaze. He closed his eyes and shook away all the mental images before turning around to face the door, hand ready on the knob. "Golf with us,next week?"

It was only then that Jihoon swiveled in his chair to face the older's retreating back. "Sure, sure I'll see you around."

 

 

Vernon closed the door to the Universe Factory feeling very much unsettled. He should be used to it, years with Jihoon has left him feeling unstable most of the times they interacted, but he never really thought too hard about it. But now, it made him wonder about the nerves he felt with each of his exchanges with Seungkwan.  It didn't seem so similar, but it was too familiar for his liking. 

He was on the second basement level of the fire escape stairs on his way up to the office lobby when he got a phone call from Hangyeol. 

"Hello, brat."

"Is that really a way to talk to someone you're asking favors from, oppa?" She returned unamused.

Vernon just huffed in response. 

"So the Oxygen," she continued. "Anything I should know about? There is a waiting line for that room, you know?"

Honesty was always the best policy between him and his sibling. "Nothing, just fancied a date."

"A date?" She shrieked out, it was a good thing Vernon had a sense to take his phone off his ears. 

"Get a hold of yourself, Gyeol."

"A date? You've never dated anyone since then! Are you sure about this? Are you getting threatened? What the hell were you thinking? And at.mosphere too? Cheol oppa, appa and Harabeonim would certainly get a whiff of that. I thought you wanted them off your back!”

Hangyeol was quickly becoming hysterical in her questions and Vernon couldn’t disassociate himself fast enough. His last message to Seungkwan, a flirty message of “Can’t wait, see you <3” looped maddeningly in his head.

“I don’t know, okay,” he said as he stood, waiting for something, in front of the door that leads out to the grand lobby. "Plus, that is precisely why I asked for Oxygen. Cheol hyung could never learn about this. Just have your best guy serve us. I'll triple--quadruple pay his hours. All I know is I need to do this. I cannot not do this."

"Of course you can," she harrumphed. "Say no. I'm sure rejection is quite the norm for others. Tell him you were testing him. Unless of course he's just not another body."

"You make it sound like I'm doing a bad thing."

"Oppa, you know I'm the last person to judge you," she paused. "But can't I be concerned at the very least? Do you even know this guy?"

"Of course I do," Vernon rushed to answer.

"No," she hit back plainly. "What I meant was do you know this guy apart from what's been printed for you?"

Vernon bit his lip and his grip on the phone tightened. He didn't know Seungkwan, that was true, but what was so bad about wanting and trying to know him that everyone seems to be so against it? "That's why I wanted Oxygen, Gyeol. I am trying to know this guy."

There was only white noise. Vernon wondered if she had hung up on him but he was relieved to hear the unmistakable smacking of lips when she was thinking deeply.

"You're trying," she repeated. "Ok. That's ok. That's good. At least you're trying. Wow. That's something. Wow."

Vernon grinned at her inability to form a coherent response. It was very rare that he would get to stump his little sister. Somehow, despite being older, Gyeol always knew more than him and always had a ready answer for everything. 'Yeah, I am. I'm trying."

"What gives? Why now? It's not that I'm not happy for you. I just don't understand," she cried out. 

Vernon chucked softly and twisted the door open, stepping into the sunlit office lobby. "I didn't expect him to say yes, you know. He responded immediately. I don't know if I felt challenged to not back down, or if it intrigued me to the point of temporary insanity."

"Oh, oppa. You’re way in over your head, aren’t you?"

He looked around at his bright surroundings, and tried his eyes to get acclimated to the change in lighting coming from the darkness of Jihoon's underground studio. "You know what, Gyeol, I just may be."

"Alright then, that only means you really need help." She sounded so determined to help him out, and it warmed Vernon to have her trust. The determination though soon turned into a berating. "Don’t screw this up. And if you keep asking for oxygen, let me know in advance, ok. I can’t stand all these uppity bitches asking me if I know who the fuck they are."

Vernon laughed. "You should have told them that you own the whole place and their homes, probably. "

"Meh," she dismissed. "It’s better this way. I don’t have to deal with the sycophants and the fakeness. It’s a real good way to weed out the real nasties too."

"If you say so, Gyeol." For a moment, Vernon was glad he never had to deal with the more public properties of their company. "Thanks Gyeol, I really owe you."

"No, oppa, you don’t owe me! You owe my daughters though so you better show up sometime. Hopefully with this oxygen date of yours."

"We’ll see, we’ll see."

"Bye, oppa! Love you!"

"Love you too, Gyeolie."

Talking to Myself - Gallant

Saturday mornings for Vernon usually went like this: roll out of bed, take a Tylenol for his migraine and spend 15 minutes sitting on his bed, dazed, wondering if he had Leo today or not.

Leo was his and Hangyeol's cat. When Hangyeol got married and was allowed to move out of the Chwe Hanok, it became a huge issue of where Leo would live. While Vernon didn't live in the hanok anymore, he visited it often enough to be able to imprint on the tomcat. 

Hangyeol, initially, volunteered to take Leo, but the old menace, sticking to his high-maintenance image, refused to live with just her. After weeks of Leo pretending to limp around her penthouse and refusing to eat his wet food, she realised that maybe, the cat was missing his other owner; so she drove Leo down to La Marquise and handed him off to Vernon. 

That night, Leo feasted on wet food as his self-imposed hunger strike ended, and he also stopped limping. It was funny then, but months of basically following Leo's preference of where to live without any notice got just a little bit tiring. 

Leo has been with Vernon for almost two weeks now. Last night, the cat refused his wet food and decided not to sleep on the bed with him. That only meant one thing, it was time to send him off to Hangyeol's.

But first, Vernon needed to find him.

He found Leo glaring at him when he checked on the shoes in the entryway. 

"Wow, aren't you roaring to go?" He said to the cat as he crouched down to take a pic of the huge ball of grump and fur. "You're really a smart cat. You probably felt that I'm going to have a big night tonight and decided to leave me in peace."

"Mreow."

He took a photo and immediately attached it as a message to Seungkwan. He paused. And then he scrolled back up in his conversations. 

Fuck me. I'm going crazy, he thought as he read through every single time that he was the one to text first in the morning. He bit his lip as his thumb hovered over the send button. It's six am, and the first thing I do is text Seungkwan, great. 

He shook his head, put the phone down on the entry table and picked Leo up so he could start preparing the cat's travel bag. 

That's it, he mentally patted himself on the back. Leave the phone right there and busy yourself so you won't be tempted to text Seungkwan again like a needy partner. For the seventh day in a row.

That was some strange habit he has recently developed. For some reason, despite the fact that Seungkwan never woke up before 7 am, Vernon has been pretty consistent in sending the younger "Good morning" messages and random thoughts as soon as he woke up. It was weird because firstly, he hated texting and instant messaging. And secondly, it was insane to develop a communication habit with a person he only knew for seven days. 

He padded to his kitchen and sighed in relief when he found the kitty travel bag packed neatly on the counter. After checking that Leo had enough to survive a week or two at Hangyeol's, he set Leo down in front of the feeding station. Leo munched happily on the kibbles and Vernon felt a very strong urge to rush back to the entryway to retrieve his phone and send a video to Seungkwan.

Seungkwan, again. 

He let his head fall forward to rest on the cold marble. "Leo, I am being stupid right?"

The cat just continued eating.

"If I text him now, would that make it look like I'm too eager? Too sweet?" He sighed and straightened up. "How do I even go about confirming tonight for him? He could have just said yes at the moment. What if he made excuses, Leo?"

Leo looked up from his bowl and opened his mouth wide only to lick it. Without a sound, the cat returned to his food and continued to ignore his owner.

"Hangyeol would be pretty pissed if I canceled Oxygen."

This time Leo stopped feeding and stared at his owner like he was an idiot. "Mreow. Mreow."

"You're right. I have to convince him not to cancel tonight," Vernon gave the old cat a pat on the head which Leo promptly hissed at before jumping off the counter. He didn't mind too much though, he knew Leo was temperamental, plus he already had his back turned.

Leaving the cat in the kitchen, he made his way back to the entryway and grabbed his phone. Unlocking it, he saw Leo's grumpy face still waiting to be sent to Seungkwan. 

I am too old to be worrying about how I would be perceived. So what if he thinks I'm pathetic? I can't be pathetic anyway, I own 20% of Seoul.

And so, he told the truth. The truth about Leo's predetermined date at Hangyeol's and the eventual fallout that would happen if Leo was not rehomed this weekend. If Vernon ended up implying that Seungkwan's confirmation for the date was a pretty big deciding factor for Leo's week, then he would completely deny that. So he pressed the send button and exited out of Palette, knowing full well that the younger would not respond so quickly. Instead of waiting for a response that would come in hours later, he rang up Serim and told the driver one thing : "It's time to pick up the lion."

 


Vernon liked to keep his weekends full of all his favorite activities. Mid-mornings were spent outside; either practicing his swing at the country club, or training with Mustard Seed at the cross country. However, today, he didn't feel like doing either.

After Serim picked Leo up, Vernon found himself sitting restlessly on his couch in front of an open TV that looped the La Marquise infomercials. He knew he should be taking his breakfast now, and Serim even left him with his usual order of coffee and waffles plus a stern reminder of his morning medicines, but he didn't feel hungry at all.

He closed his eyes and for the nth time this week, asked why he was feeling this way but still found no answer. There were only a handful of times in his life that he felt this antsy. The frightening thing was, all these feelings of dread that settled deep in his stomach enough to keep him full have always been related to his relationships.

In his earlier years, his problems were all about his identity. Struggling and trying to find out who he was, what he was and what he wanted consumed his sober waking hours and left him keyed up. Coming out wasn't even an option for him but he still wished to define himself. 

Maturity brought him security in his identity despite the fact that only a few people truly knew him. Not even his parents knew; but if his mother had an inkling, then he wouldn't put it past her. She was brilliant and one of the only people who understood him best.

So when identity stopped keeping him thinking in answerless questions, it was Jihoon who reignited that loop in his brain. Jihoon was 22 when he was 28. A bright little production assistant at the Onyx when he was still trying to prove to his father that of course, he could run a department on his own.  

At 45, Jihoon no longer played endlessly in his mind. It has been years since then, and it took years to cover up the disquiet with loud things but Vernon managed fine. He knew it was only his age that allowed him to let go without putting up a fight, and he was proud of the product of the sum of all his years. But Seungkwan was making him hold on needlessly and even consider a fighting chance.

He opened his eyes. He knew what to do. If his body was itching for a fight, then he would have to give it a fight.

BOY - Aaron Porter

Vernon ended up spending the rest of the day in the gym and in the ring. He only looked at his phone once during the entire time he was out fighting weights and sandbags and that was hours ago. Even though he was bone tired from all the shit he voluntarily put himself through, he was still feeling on edge.

It was already 6:30 pm and in thirty minutes, hopefully the source of his frenetic fretting would show up and be able to dial it down for him. A twirling phone in hand and with nothing else to do, he decided to check up on Seungkwan who was quiet for the most part of the day save for some text this morning.

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

 Seungkwan, you'll need to go to a separate lobby for at.mosphere

I'd try to tell you where it is but I'm terrible at directions

You would only end up lost

And I'm sure we wouldn't like that

Anyway, there will be staff to help you.

See you in a few :)

 Leo’s absence kept his mind free to run circles around his date. If only he had something to look at, then that could probably break off the cycle in his head. He pocketed his phone, stood up, and decided that waiting would be better done somewhere else. He took his coat and one last look in the hallway mirror to fix the way his hair fell. He wasn’t a vain man at the very least, and most people would have him pegged as someone who didn’t care much for fashion, but being presentable was always a bonus. After all, he didn’t want to scare or intimidate Seungkwan away; he just hoped he’d be as charming as he made himself out to be.

Coming to the lobby to observe people was just a way to settle his nerves. For a while, he just watched people. They varied little : there were the very few neighbours he knew, the usual group of more well-off tourists who clearly had dining arrangements in one of the hotel’s numerous restaurants, and the faces of the staff who bowed at him with familiarity. He sat, not too stiff, and not too relaxed, in one of the generously upholstered armchairs in the lobby cafe and had a perfect view of all the arriving guests. All in all, everything was of the norm, but still different enough to keep him distracted.

He saw Seungkwan as soon as his date entered the lobby of La Marquise. It wasn't like he intended to wait and stalk his date. It was only natural that he became more alert to the presence of his date as the time to meet came closer.  If he was able to identify Seungkwan only by the shade of his hair and the curve of his cheeks, then no one would actually know.

What he imagined of Seungkwan in the flesh was not too far from the pictures he was given and the person he was observing. If there was any difference though, it would be the fact that the younger was smaller, smaller than he imagined. And that Seungkwan apparently tried his best to fit in.

Seungkwan looked good, but the suit won't hold up to scrutiny in a more refined company. People who dressed like Seungkwan were usually the ones who wanted to impress; they were keen on blending in without acknowledging the fact that they would never fit in. They were the ones Vernon usually ignored. They were the kind of people who wanted a taste of the elite and chased it in ways he found just a little bit despicable. Of course he wouldn't do anything to crush them, but he didn't extend any help either. 

But Seungkwan, this Boo Seungkwan, in probably the best suit he could afford, was different. He didn't pretend to not gape at everything, and he didn't act like a wannabe social climber either. In fact, The younger just stood frozen on the spot. It was like the whole La Marquise got him in some kind of a hold. He looked like a fish out of water and Vernon had the unquenchable urge to bring him water, bring him back to life.

So he did. 

Vernon stood up from his perch on the cafe lounge and walked purposefully towards his date's direction. He put on his sunglasses and deliberately bumped into Boo Seungkwan.

That got Seungkwan moving. The man swung around with fire in his eyes. He looked rightfully angry. But the anger subsided, only to be replaced by a confused staring and then some sort of judgment.

"Sorry, sorry. Are you okay?" Vernon asked, amping up the concern in his voice and also taking the moment to hold onto the younger's shoulders. 

The judgment was gone in a matter of nanoseconds, and Seungkwan reverted to a detached politeness that only proved the younger's humility. Seungkwan gave him a slight grin and a dismissive nod that everything was fine.

It wasn't a huge bumping accident so it was unlikely that there would be a problem. Still he held onto the younger and even turned him around to check if anything was out of place. Eventually he had to relinquish his grip on Seungkwan because if he didn't, it may count as harassment but before he did, he gave  the younger a cheeky little grin. "See you around."

He stalked off to the private lobby for the residences, trying hard not to go back and be the one to guide Seungkwan to the restaurant. He nearly did a 180 just so he could make sure the younger was not going to chicken out, but he was already too close to the private lifts. 

"Going up again, Mr.Chwe?"  Munyeong, the security staff and lift operator asked as he contemplated his next move.

"Yeah, please." Munyeong was a good guy, of all the security personnel, he seemed to be the one who had an easy smile and an unafraid personality. 

"To your home?"

"Nope, Oxygen please."

"Of course sir, take Lift C. Enjoy your dinner sir."

He went to the third lift that exclusively served the restaurant floors and grinned at the staff member.  "I will, definitely, thanks again. See you tomorrow, Munyeong. Have a good night."

The doors of the lift closed before he could even hear Munyeong bid him goodnight. He was soon stuck alone in the glass walled box that looked out to the Han River. It was always a sight to behold, but he was used to this. Unbidden, the thought of how Seungkwan would react to this kind of view rose to the forefront of his mind. He shook his head free of those thoughts.

That's for the future and you gotta secure that future first , Chwe Hansol.

Guilty Conscience - 070 Shake

The door to oxygen was slid shut. Behind it was the boy (the man?) that should be the balm to his agitation. He inhaled deeply and thanked the heavens that Hangyeol wasn't present to laugh at his nerve wracked state. He cleared his throat and knocked twice on the door.

There was no response. But to be fair, The Oxygen was fully sound-proofed; there would be no way to find out if a party or a murder was occurring inside the room. Only the two people inside The Oxygen could have truly known what happened inside.

He held the doorknob in his hand and closed his eyes as he pulled it open to the side, opening them only when he heard the door hit the jamb.

Seungkwan stood in front of him with eyes wide open and a slight flush on his face. It was sort of endearing; Vernon could read the hesitation and feel the nerves in the younger and for a moment, he was glad that he wasn't the only one who felt as awful. 

Although, the Seungkwan that stood before him now seemed to be an entirely different person from the one Vernon just held a few moments ago. It wasn't at all bad, in fact Vernon could go as far to say that Seungkwan looked impossibly better than before.  He wanted to remain rooted in his spot and just study Seungkwan like a piece de resistance in his very own gallery; his very own Nu couché, but Seungkwan seemed like he wasn't breathing and it was up to Vernon to shake him up.

So Vernon stepped up and offered his hand, in what he hoped was his most confident tone, he greeted his date. "You looked better in person than your blurred pics. You weren't lying when you said you were the pride of Jeju."

"You're Vernon?!" Seungkwan couldn't seem to keep the incredulity out of his voice, eyes widening even further and the younger still hasn't made any move to meet Vernon's hand in a shake.

This was new, Vernon thought as he raised his untouched hand to his nape sheepishly.  Most of his dates didn't start out so awkwardly like this; but that was more because his palette meetings were kept strictly in the confines of a nondescript hotel room. He supposed he could be blamed for this discomfort that he brought upon himself. He looked around and felt that the once intimate Oxygen has become much more spacious and too ostentatious for such a folly. Still, he soldiered on. 

"Yeah, that's me," he paused and switched his attention to the table. "Should we sit down?"

Without waiting for a yes, Vernon quickly took Seungkwan's left hand. It was cold, and a bit clammy but he didn't mind. He had to let go of Seungkwan's hand as soon as he led them to the table though. Just like all his etiquette classes taught him, he pulled out the chair for his date. 

"Sit, Seungkwan," he said."I don't think we would be served standing up." 

Seungkwan mutely sat down, almost at a loss. Vernon just grinned at him, despite the curious rumbling in his ears and sat down too. Although he tried his best not to hide away from Seungkwan, the guy's unresponsiveness has become unnerving at this point. He didn't know what to think of it. Was there something on his face?  Was the younger so shocked at this whole thing? It couldn't be the fact that the younger was in the at.mosphere now, he had time to acclimatize. Nor could it be blamed on shyness, Vernon never really pegged him as the shy type, at least based on their conversations. 

 

There was something that clearly bothered Seungkwan...and Vernon knew, deep inside, it could be the fact that he must be way older than the typical online dating demographic, but he wasn't ready to admit to that just yet. He chuckled lightly in an effort to brush the off feeling away and to break the awkwardness. 

That seemed to do the trick, Seungkwan shook his head as if he had been awakened from a trance that he was in for the last minute. "Sorry, sorry, you must think I'm weird."

"No, no," Vernon was quick to interrupt, sure he was confused but he knew that it wasn't Seungkwan who was weird in this whole situation. "It's me who has made this weird huh, I mean. You must be wondering what a 45 year old man is doing?"

Seungkwan couldn't have dropped his mouth any wider. "Forty-five?"

It was a good thing that Vernon wasn't holding to anything, he wouldn't have known what he would have done. He would have probably dropped whatever his imagined object was, but it was likely as well that he would have gripped it tighter. Right now, his hands desperately wanted to grasp at something, even itching to reach for Seungkwan's hands that were hidden from him. For the first time in a long time, he felt his age as the strength from his core was sapped at Seungkwan's echo. A part of him wanted to beg, but he didn't know how and what for. All he knew was how to manage a crisis and offer a compromise.

"I'm sorry." Vernon tried to go for a nonchalant tone, but his voice sounded so thick in his ears. He had his eyes peeled on the moon winking behind Seungkwan and all he could hear was the man's soft whisper of wow; though he wasn't too sure how he should take it. "If you're uncomfortable, I won't stop you from leaving. We haven't ordered anything anyway, it won't be a waste."

"No, I'm not leaving." 

That took his eyes off the moon only to land on the younger's earnest face.

"I just -it's a lot to take in, you know."

"I know," Vernon nodded. It was understandable. A part of him thought that he ought to be incensed by the way all this is making him feel a lot smaller and a lot less accomplished. But the indignation couldn’t win out because he was mostly relieved that Seungkwan didn't choose to run away from him despite everything. "And, I'm sorry for springing this up on you. I just really wanted to meet you before I ruined it."

And this, Vernon could admit to himself and himself alone,  must be the first time he ever spoke so candidly. He wanted to take back his confession. It seemed so pathetic, so unbecoming to apologize and then fail to contain his eagerness. Even Hangyeol would have scoffed at him had she witnessed all of this. It didn’t feel like him, but at the same time, he knew it was also a hundred percent him . He didn't think he actually meant what he texted Seungkwan hours, even days ago, but it turned out to be a latent truth that had such an unfortunate timing in revealing itself. 

And despite all his bravado, Vernon couldn’t deny that a date like this would raise hackles. There was no denying the fact that Seungkwan was well within his rights to feel disgusted and to storm out of the room. Vernon wouldn't stop him even if he wanted to. But, when Seungkwan started shaking his head, it lit an ember of hope in Vernon.

"You didn't ruin anything!" Seungkwan offered reassuringly.

And just like that younger let the ember smolder within him. Vernon only hoped it wouldn't burn out or burn them in the future.

Sleeping with a Friend - Neon Trees (ASTR Remix)

If someone told Vernon years ago that he would have a lap full of feverish, burning male flesh, writhing and willing to prove his desire for him; Vernon would have smirked smugly back at that person and responded with a haughty "Of course." That was a given. Vernon didn't like to think he had a reputation that needed reformation but those who were close enough to comment on the state of his lap would know well. He was very sure that he would never find himself empty of someone who would be in want and that the other person would be left in shambles and most definitely begging.

This though, if someone told Vernon that this specific iteration of a yearning man would happen in the future; he would have laughed them out of the room. He would have scoffed and claimed that whoever that person was never really knew him. Because he was sure he would never be caught dead letting someone undo him like this in a public place, let alone after what most people would call a romantic date and certainly not after hoping and praying that said man wouldn't reject him. No, he has never ever let power run away from him so recklessly, he was and always would have had the upper hand.

And yet here he was; so grateful and too shy to take what he wanted. It was very much unlike the past episodes of him who would always chase his satisfaction first.

Seungkwan was draped on him like a blanket, hips still and heavy on top of his own but the younger's mouth was trailing kisses against the shadow on his throat. It would have made for such a sinful experience but it just felt like an undeserved grace. An encounter of the holy kind with every shifting of weight.

Vernon wasn't drunk, he's had a high tolerance for alcohol developed and honed over the years but he felt intoxicated. Seungkwan was surrounding him, from the rough material of the younger's suit against his bare forearms, to the soft cheek that was pressed firmly to his stubbled chin. He could smell peppermint from the younger's hair and the citrus and spicy accords of Bleu De Chanel stamped on his skin.

"You scare me," he found himself breathing out in between Seungkwan's light touches to his nape. He moved back a little so he could look at the younger properly; he locked his eyes on Seungkwan's darkened ones. "And I don't know why."

Seungkwan quirked up the corner of his lip. "Funny. You do the same thing for me."

He smiled at the younger before leaning forward to give him a peck on the mouth. "Then, that's one more thing we have in common, wouldn't you say?"

Seungkwan nodded, face adorned with a cute pout. "So it is…"

Vernon brought his arms around Seungkwan's hips and pulled him flush against his chest. Seungkwan tucked his head underneath his chin and Vernon rubbed the other's back comfortingly. The chair was tight around them, but even the discomfort did not take away anything from this surreal moment. Vernon even had the strong urge to start squeezing Seungkwan just to see if everything was real, but he was able to stop himself in time. The cramping alone was proof enough that this was real, no fever dream would let him feel the pins and needles as vividly so he moved his  leg a bit and stretched. 

Seungkwan must have noticed because in an instant, he untucked himself from under Vernon and stared at him with concern. The younger guy brushed Vernon's bangs lightly. "Am I heavy? Do you need me to get off you?"

"You're not heavy, I can take you." Vernon jostled his legs slightly to prove his claim. "Do you feel comfortable in this chair? Isn't it a bit too tight? I'm worried for your knees."

Seungkwan leant back away from him before pulling himself off from Vernon's lap.  "Sorry about that."

There was a blush on his cheeks that Vernon wanted to kiss away but it was already too far from his reach. He opened his arms wide and gestured for Seungkwan to come back. 

Seungkwan stood over him, staring.

Vernon raised a brow at him. "Well?"

"I wish I never met you."

Vernon crossed his leg and brought back his outstretched arm in. For someone who claimed not to be tipsy, Seungkwan's serious tone sobered Vernon up real quick. He put his arm up on one of the padded armrests, brought a finger up to his forehead and stared back at Seungkwan unflinchingly. "Where do you get your confidence from, Mr Boo? You could bottle it up and make millions from it."

Seungkwan pushed off from the table. "I'm only confident when I'm right."

"Wishing you never met me is not a matter of right or wrong."

"One thing you don't know about me, Mr.Vernon," Seungkwan started, his face inches away from Vernon. To Vernon, Seungkwan smelled like sweet wine and looked like maraschino cherries. "Is that I can predict the future."

"Oh, can you?"

Seungkwan nodded, closed his eyes and hung his head. "That's right! I have a good sixth sense. It's more than a gut feeling. I can totally tell how things would always end."

"You must be fun at movies."

Seungkwan shrugged. "I really am. It's not my fault people don't see the patterns around them and what would happen next."

"Ah," Vernon stood up and taking advantage of Seungkwan's unawareness, he pulled the younger male into his arms. With one hand supporting Seungkwan's lower back and the other gripping the other's hand; they looked ready to start a waltz without music. "Can you tell me how this night would end?" 

"We'll share one last kiss - say our goodbyes and never see each other again." 

Seungkwan stared at him like he was  trying to get Vernon to believe it too. "Is that how you want it to end, or is it how you think it would end?"

"Despite everything I said earlier, of wanting to know you and being absolute- I also know my limits and when I am being delusional. I get brave when I'm drunk. And I'm even more of a logical, excuses-making coward when I'm drunker."

Seungkwan continued. "I'm honest to a fault, I can't even stop myself from telling you how much of a mess I am, Vernon. You wouldn't really want to deal with that would you? But I want you to deal with me even after all, but I am warning you that I can be maddening."

"So you're saying whatever we will have is going to end badly? Is that it?"

Seungkwan didn't say anything. 

"Maybe I shouldn't have given you wine."

"It tasted like shit."

"Sorry," Vernon said with a chortle. "But can you please do me a favor, Seungkwan?"

Seungkwan nodded slowly at him. "I'm listening."

"Can we take this one night at a time?" Vernon asked though he was unsure himself of where he was heading. "Let's not think of the end of the world just yet. Let's take it one night at a time."

"What if it's inevitable anyway?" Seungkwan pouted. "Don't we just drag things out?"

Vernon hummed. "All things perish, Seungkwan." It sounded so aged and patronizing even to his ears, but he didn't know how else to stop Seungkwan from thinking so fatalistically.  "We need to enjoy the things as they come and go, even if it's just this night."

"And maybe, this only means you can't predict the future, Seungkwan."

Seungkwan didn't make any protests and neither did he agree. "What's next then? Do we just stay in this room the whole night and wish this night never ends? Coz I don't want this to end."

Vernon shifted his hands away from their hold and brought it up to cup Seungkwan's warm face. "Would you allow me to take you home tonight? You're drunk, and I don't think I can entrust you to anyone else in your state."

"Ok, Vernon. Ok."

I Feel It Coming - The Weeknd

Oxygen, and the rest of the private rooms in at.mosphere shared one common thing: they were all accessible to the owners of La Marquise. At each corner of at.mosphere were two rooms meant for discreet meetings. These eight rooms were connected by a walkway hidden under the glass windows of at.mosphere. These hallways shared a landing which contained the same lift that served the upper floors of La Marquise where the owners (like Vernon), or board directors (like his older neighbours who left the hanok life and chose to view normal people like ants from their glinting tower) resided. 

"Did you need your parking validated?" Vernon asked Seungkwan who was concentrating on the flickering lights of the distant Banpo Bridge.

"Huh?" Seungkwan turned away from the lift's glass walls to face him. "I don't drive."

"How did you get here then?" 

"I took the metro," Seungkwan went back to viewing the scenery. "And from the station, I took a taxi. It's a lot cheaper that way."

Vernon approached and tapped him on the shoulders. "Can you drive?"

Seungkwan faced him. "I can't. I don't have a license. I don't think I really need to?"

"So how do you get around? Metro and taxis?"

"And bus- just how rich are you, Vernon? You sound like you've never been really outside," Seungkwan jeered at him. 

Vernon shrugged just as the lift pinged to announce their arrival to his penthouse suite. He could hear Seungkwan scoff behind him but it soon changed into a gas as the doors of the lift slid open to a dimly lit entryway. Stepping out of the lift and into his house, the whole flat came into soft light. 

Seungkwan took off his shoes without taking his wandering eyes off the apartment. "Woah. I thought only movies have this automatic lighting thing."

Vernon chuckled, he opened the shoe cabinet and swapped his shoes for his slippers and swapped Seungkwan’s for a plastic sealed pair. "It looked nice in films but they're really useful."

"Do they turn on and off when you clap?"

"You could try."

Seungkwan clapped once, when nothing happened, he clapped again though this time it was a stronger clap. Vernon bit on his lip to keep himself from laughing out loud when the younger continued to clap sporadically. After a few more tries, Seungkwan gave up and glared at Vernon. 

"Oh my god, you're such a liar."

Vernon finally stopped holding back. "Well, I didn' t say I had light clappers on. There was no lie."

Seungkwan rolled his eyes at him, but followed into the living room nonetheless. "I think I'm going to overuse my 'Wow's' tonight."

Vernon didn't think there was anything wow-worthy in his living room. It had three, long, modular couches with blankets thrown over it, surrounding a low coffee table that contained his laptop; a giant, multi colored bean bag and a pair of rattan swings near the balcony glass doors. Behind his couches were a wall of vinyl records and of course, his most treasured turntable connected to the house-wide sound system. To the other side wall, just before the stairs to his bedroom, were four rows of bookcases filled with random reads and an occasional collectible or one of Leo's toys. It wasn't topnotch interior designing at all, but it was Vernon's life condensed in 45 sqm.

"Your living room is three quarters of my entire flat," Seungkwan said, dazed at the sheer size of it all.

"Ah, that," Vernon awkwardly started. On the spot, he realised that he never really had anyone over for the past three or four years? It has always been family or friends that visited him, and they all thought he had such a lackluster place that he didn't know what to do with Seungkwan's admiration. So he led him to one of the couches and sat him down instead. He located the tv remote control and turned on the screen. "Make yourself at home, Seungkwan. Do you want anything?"

Seungkwan sank into the couch readily and stared curiously at Vernon. “You’re making me stay the night?”

“You said you didn’t want the night to end?” 

Seungkwan bit his lip, then narrowed his eyes at him, then he opened his mouth but ultimately said nothing.

Vernon forewent the idea of changing into his home clothes and immediately sat down next to Seungkwan. “Did you want to go home? I could call my driver for you. It can’t be safe for you to-” 

“I’m a virgin.”

Vernon was going to put his hand on Seungkwan’s shoulder but it froze midway at what he heard.

“What?”

“I won’t have sex with you,” Seungkwan continued, obviously unfazed by Vernon’s question. “I can’t have sex with you. Do you want to have sex with me?”

Vernon inched just a bit further away from the younger, confused he took his hands back. “I-You should sleep off the alcohol, Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan threw himself on Vernon’s lap. “So you don’t want to have sex with me?” 

Vernon gulped. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to sleep with Seungkwan, in fact, the earlier moments in the Oxygen already had him uncomfortably hard. Had Seungkwan been less inebriated, he would certainly be offering the younger something else. But, Vernon, unlike his peers who seemed to thrive on power and usually dipped too far on the wrong side of propriety, would never take advantage of anyone. Besides, his looks did not require him to force himself on others. 

"Don't is very different from won't."

He shook his head in fond exasperation and hauled Seungkwan up to a sitting position. Making sure that Seungkwan’s eyes were focused on him, he trailed a hand down the flushed face before cradling it softly. His eyes flitted down to the younger’s red lips before moving back up to Seungkwan’s own to ask for permission. 

Seungkwan closed his eyes, long lashes fanning over the pinked cheeks, and licked his lips. 

Vernon took it as permission. He blew a soft puff of hot air on Seungkwan’s mouth before edging closer to nip at the younger’s slicked lips. He bit down gently and Vernon felt the mouth part before he heard him gasp. With his free hand he smoothly guided Seungkwan's palm down his own chest; and he almost broke off the kiss with the way the younger brazenly trailed his nails south. The wondering hands stopped at the buckle but Vernon could feel the tension in the younger’s restraint. So he nudged Seungkwan just a little bit lower to where the answer to his questions lay.

Seungkwan’s hand on him was an open furnace that seemed intent to burn off his resolve. He pushed those thoughts away by grinding himself up towards the other’s grip. The weight on him was steady and sure and for a moment, Vernon thought that Seungkwan must have lied about his experience because this shouldn’t be making him want to lose control so much. He was close to showing just how much he wanted the younger despite everything, but he shot that line down.

With difficulty, Vernon untangled himself from Seungkwan’s fervid mouth and pursuing hand. Seungkwan whined at the loss; the younger was breathing fast and shallow, eyes glassy, and looking far deceivingly sedate but his hands were holding on to Vernon’s belt loops firmly. He gave the younger a kiss on the forehead and swept off imaginary lint on the younger’s suit.

“You’re taking my bed,” Vernon whispered as he ran his hands through the red locks. “I’ll sleep here on the couch, okay?”

Seungkwan whined and vehemently shook his head. “No. I don’t want to. Either you sleep in the same bed with me or I sleep here on the couch.”

“Seungkwan, you’ve got to take the bed.” Vernon patiently repeated. “I wouldn’t ever dream to take advantage of you, but I would rather you wake up tomorrow sure and with a clear conscience.”

Seungkwan pulled away from Vernon. “I’m 26, not a kid! It’s great that you’re so respectful but I would never let you sleep on a couch in your own house! I’ve slept on worse things before.”

Vernon sighed. “Seungkwan…”

“Vernon…,” Seungkwan cheekily returned as the younger pulled on Vernon’s face close. “Do you really think I would allow you to do anything that I wouldn’t want you to do?”

An injection of weariness shot up Vernon’s back, he’s never had someone this convincing and precarious before. “It’s my first time having a guy over.”

“Since forever?” Seungkwan asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

“A few years…”

Seungkwan ahhed. “And did you ever hurt the last guy that was over?”

Unbidden, Jihoon’s face popped up in Vernon’s mind and he had to wonder if that would mean his answer would be a resounding yes. Before he could answer though, Seungkwan has taken his pause as  a “No'' and grabbed his arms to pull him back into the younger’s orbit. 

“So it’s the couch, or sharing the bed with chastity belts on. Your pick, Mr. Vernon.”

Vernon tried to sound miserably and groaned, though he ended up laughing instead. He took Seungkwan’s hands and pulled the man up with him. Walking around the coffee table, he started to lead Seungkwan towards the staircase. “You’ll have to take a shower, and I’ll give you a fresh set of clothes too. It can’t be comfortable to sleep in a suit.”

Seungkwan smirked slyly at him. “Oh Mr. Vernon, you only want me out of my clothes!”

Truly, Vernon didn’t understand how Seungkwan could be both so innocent and so flirty and so dangerous at the same time. He rolled his eyes. “You’re such a roller coaster, Boo Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan grinned at him, eyes turning into little, overturned smiles and teeth showing proudly. The younger didn’t say anything, but Vernon was suddenly reminded of the guy's earlier claim. Maybe there was a kernel of truth to the other’s predictive prowess.

Staring at Seungkwan who kept shooting him satisfied smiles, all Vernon could think of was it’s beginning to look like an ensnarement.

Spider-Hoshi

 

 

Notes:

This is not beta-ed. As you can see, I'm having some sort of trouble trying to weave in the multiple facets of each character...It's difficult to balance the trait of being a three-dimensional character and being a flimsy one. Anyways, I thought this fic would be 20k tops, but I've already filled my notebook with scenes, back stories for the other characters, and histories and futures. And we're gonna be in for a long haul.

Thank you to all those who commented, kudos-ed and recommended this fic.

Chapter 3

Summary:

Seungkwan stays the night with Vernon, and goes on a second date(?) . It was probably a second date.

Notes:

This chapter is just a lil bit more boring, more fluff, and more disjointed.

Anyway, the playlist is also updated check out songs 23-31 for this chapter!

And I've edited the formatting of the other chapters coz I decided to ditch googledocs and just work on word, and now the song titles are subchapter headings! Personally, I liked the more discreet song titles but, I needed the functionality of headings the most.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Track X - Black Country, New Road

Seungkwan has never been to this particular cafe before. The place was something he passed by in his daily commutes but it never called out to him, unlike now when he felt a tugging on his hands that somehow, pulled at both his body and attention. The cafe was small, at first glance, it seemed like one of those street side ramen shops drawn in anime, complete with the flapping banners with kanji characters. He didn’t know what the characters meant, and they could be, for all he knew, actually relevant to noodles, but deep in his gut he knew that he was meant to enter this cafe.

As he slid the door open, Seungkwan was bombarded by a strong smell of brewed coffee and something citrusy. He looked around, and to his surprise, the cafe was actually larger than it looked on the outside. There were numerous pots of lavender and jasmine, bags of coffee beans, and a bowl of lemons, oranges, and mandarins on each table. He would have thought that such a place would be popular amongst the insiders but it was startingly empty. There was a rustic-looking counter up front which contained rows of pastries in mismatched pedestals under glass domes. There was carrot cake, cheese cake, chocolate cake, berry pie, egg pie and a variety of cookies. His stomach rumbled at the sight and he remembered that he last had food hours ago.

And so, he let his taste buds lead him to the counter. With every step closer, an itch on his wrist started growing noticeable.  He ignored it and dinged the bell once he reached the counter. From a curtain on the side, a head popped up.

“Hey!” The head, now a full human, an older salt-and-pepper man grinned at him gummily. He was wiping his hands on his apron and had a streak of flour on his cheek. “How can I help you?”

Seungkwan hissed.

Just as he was about to answer the handsome guy, a burning sting enveloped his itchy wrist. He looked down, wondering if he caught his wrist on one of the glass pedestals but was shocked to find a huge, pink, welt-like protrusion that was almost 2 inches thick surrounding the entire circumference of his hand. He was so engrossed by his smarting hand that he didn’t notice the owner right next to him.

“Are you okay?”

Seungkwan looked up at him. “I- ow- ah, do you have a washroom I can use? This is just stinging really bad?" He showed his reddening welts. "Or maybe you have some wet wipes I could use?"

The man stared at him soundlessly and then slowly brought out his left hand. On the bare arms were the same red welts that Seungkwan had. "They appeared when you dinged the bell."

"Can I?" Seungkwan nudged his right hand closer to the stranger, palm up, waiting for the man to give him his hand.

The moment the owner's palm touched his own hand, a burning heat engulfed his entire arm. Out of nowhere, a satin, yellow ribbon started crawling up his arms from his elbows, entwining itself on its own. On the owner's arms, a similar silken ribbon of dark purple made its way up, wrapping itself around the man until the two ribbons met around their wrist and tangled themselves together. Silk and satin, yellow and purple braided, weaved and threaded through each other. The action brought their hands palm to palm, clasped together. Hands tied together in a masterful weft, the ribbons knotted to form a bow once done.

Seungkwan startled when it ended, amazed at the whole spectacle. He could feel the firmness and warmth of the man's hand in his own. It wasn't an uncomfortable fit despite being tied together without room to move. He felt every contrasting texture of satin and silk against his skin and he was curious to see if it was any different to his other hand. Bringing up his left hand in a desire to trace the woven ribbons, he touched the top of the finished bow only for it to start disintegrating right before them in glittering dust.

He didn't know if he was the one who gasped or if it was the cafe's owner. The dusty remains of the ribbons floated upwards, as if buoyed by the wind instead of falling to the ground. The ribbons unraveled only to turn into specks right before their eyes and revealed their still touching hands. When the ribbons fully disappeared, they left nothing but unmarked skin and two matching bracelets of gold; his were rose gold, and the owner’s was white gold.

The rose gold bracelet glinted brightly under the low light of the cafe. It was a peculiar design and Seungkwan has never seen it before in his life. It had solid gold nuts, embedded with slim, rectangular diamonds spaced over its entirety and the whole bracelet looked like a circle of a threaded shaft. On the threads of the bracelet, the gold-diamond nuts were affixed.

Seungkwan took his eyes from observing his own bracelet and looked up to ask the owner of his own bracelet and compare only to find no one there. He broke out in goose pimples at the sight of the empty space. The warmth of a hand still remained on his skin but there was nothing he could see. He touched his hand, and rubbed his forearms, hoping to remove the feeling of the phantom touch but it wouldn't come off.

Unsure of what to do, he closed his eyes tightly as he rubbed furiously and tried to remove the cursed bracelet. There was no explanation for all this, it was a dreadful curse more than a magical encounter.

Around him he could hear the beginning of destruction. Tables scratched against the tiles, heavy and groaning. Plates and glasses came crashing down on the floor. There were dull thunks of baked goods as they hit the ground. He could hear the lemons and mandarins that were dropping and rolling. He refused to open his eyes, thinking that if he did, he would see more than what he could hear.

The scent of fresh lemons, oranges, lavender and jasmine that had first enticed him when he came was now intensifying. The combined smells were too thick, too cloying and were crowding out the oxygen in the air. It didn’t feel like he was breathing anymore, it felt like he was inhaling flowers and his lungs were being stuffed to the brim with citrus.

And still, he couldn’t remove the bracelet, it was stuck to him as if the nuts bolted down on his wrist. The worst part was, the phantom hand was still present like a vice grip, a part of him wondered if the owner was experiencing the same thing.

He wanted to open his eyes but he was too scared to find out what he would see.

“Stop it,” he whispered as he felt tears trace his cheek. “Please stop it...please.”

“Please.” Seungkwan kept mouthing and whispering, he tried to turn away but his hand was held fixed by an invisible force. He needed to go, and he couldn’t go if he couldn’t see where the way out was.

Against his will, he forced his eyes open and hoped for an escape.

Dream Dream Dream - Madeon

Seungkwan opened his eyes to a muted darkness; he couldn’t see much but he at least remembered where he was. He was in Vernon’s home, in his bedroom, under his sheets and lying on top of the older man’s naked chest. Cheek pressed on the elder’s ribcage, Seungkwan strove to get his heartbeat under control, trying to imitate the rhythm of the calm drumming of Vernon's heart but it was a futile attempt.

He sighed, heart heavy and head muddy. He couldn't remember the dream that woke him up, but it must have been a bad one because his heart is hammering against his lungs. He turned his head to bury his face in Vernon's warmth, completely taking advantage of the older's snoring and deep sleep. He could smell a faint scent of lemon, lavender and orange on the older guy, and it tickled something in his brain but he wasn't too sure what it all meant.

In the darkness, he was reminded of thunderous, stormy nights back in Jeju, cuddled in the arms of his mother. It was peaceful outside, the sounds of the city couldn't even be heard with how high they were up, and Seungkwan felt dehydrated (a sure sign of an impending hangover) but otherwise alright. Despite everything saying that things are fine, he could feel the rain clouds looming over his head.

He dug himself into Vernon's side and wished that the older had more pillows around. They shared two pillows between themselves, and Seungkwan felt just a little unprotected in a borrowed Gucci shirt and silk pyjamas. Back at home, he would have built a wall of pillows around himself. He always faced the wall, taking care to pad the side between him and the rest of the room just to make sure that absolutely nothing could touch his back. He shifted a bit, wanting to turn around, thinking it was better to have Vernon behind him, but before he could even do it, he was stopped.

Seungkwan wasn't sure how he hadn't noticed it before, but Vernon had their hands clasped together. The grip was so natural, it almost felt like an extension of himself, so maybe that's why he missed it. It stopped him from turning, worried that if he disentangled their fingers that Vernon would wake up prematurely. Instead, he squeezed the elder’s hand tighter, and grinning to himself, he moved up a bit to whisper a soft thanks to the older man who was unknowingly helping him to stay grounded.

Sleep was far from him, in the corner of his eyes, he could make out the time. It was 5:45 am and it was still too early for him but he couldn't close his eyes just yet. Wrapped around the older man, he wondered about what Vernon would say if he opened his eyes. Would he pull Seungkwan closer, or would he shy away?

Last night was one of a kind. Seungkwan didn't think he'd ever be able to replicate that same experience, or feel the same things in the future. Not even taking copious amounts of the same shitty alcohol, (and just the thought of it made him heat up in second hand embarrassment; he had such a horrid tolerance, and he only hoped that it would not be brought up in the future), or miraculously booking a date at such a well-kept secret could duplicate the scenario. As long as Vernon was out of the picture, then it simply wouldn't be doable.

There was nothing in the world that could concoct the same mix of surprise and interest that Vernon generated in Seungkwan. Going into the date, he had no expectations at all of how Vernon would look like, nor did he even have an inkling that the man was almost two decades older than him.

In hindsight, the huge age difference between them made sense. There were signs in their previous conversations that should have pointed him to Vernon's correct age group but he just didn't pick up on them: the outdated memes; the formal way of speaking; the proper punctuation; the various news clippings; feature articles on restaurants, sights and attractions, and business-oriented tidbits sent. The guy had been too serious to be in his mid-twenties, far too mature and nuanced to be someone who was struggling to find his footing in the adult world. The only time Vernon seemed to let loose was when Leo or any cat was in the picture.

Seungkwan thought it was all normal, considering that he himself had some of those quirks (the proper punctuation and formal way of speaking in particular) and thought it was just another mid-twenties professional that had good sense to not be an asshole even on an anonymous dating platform. He even thought it attractive that Vernon seemed to act a lot like his older sisters' age, it was endearing and he didn't think much about it apart from the assumption that the older guy clearly had an outstanding upbringing.

As it turned out, all those quirks he had liked that led him to assuming that they were both old souls in young bodies, were not products of similar circumstances. Vernon was an old soul because he was an old soul.

And now, as Seungkwan cuddled into the man even more, he didn't find any of it repulsive.

Seungkwan wasn't by any means shallow. It was true that his crushes and romantic interests were typically, conventionally attractive, but he was always moved to liking someone by their character more than their looks. Though he had never thought anyone older than him as a possible partner, he could admit to appreciating the looks and the way an older, more confident man carried himself. And Vernon, bless him, had all the things going right despite the age factored in: he had the looks, the character, and the confidence. And now, Vernon even had the body and the kindness to boot.

He looked at his host and wondered just how lucky he could be. He knew himself, he had good things and bad things; but meeting Vernon, even for a short time like this felt like winning against the claw machine that is life. Though he had no illusions of a pure and everlasting love coming out from such a fluke, which was totally against his romantic nature, he would be fooling himself if he claimed that he wouldn’t savor this moment.

In his twenty-six years of living, Seungkwan has always had the foresight to plan ahead; he was that obnoxious kid who always had a nose up in the air, sniffing and always cognizant of change. He had never dived in, head first, to anything without proper research and thinking up a million ways that something could go wrong. He abhorred being the last one to know and he would never let himself be gut punched by something he didn’t see coming so in the same way that he was meticulous, he has also become cautious.

But maybe, it was time to shake things up for a bit. After all, the only method he had taken to heart had not saved him from the heartache that was Kim Mingyu, so for sanity’s sake, why should he even put stock behind the same fallible scheme?

And besides, Vernon was right, maybe he did need to take it one little problem at a time. If there would be a time that the older would have to disappear from his life, (As expected, his brain treacherously whispered), then that should be a problem for future Seungkwan to solve. For now, his little problem that he was faced with was the fact that 5:50 am was just way too early for a Sunday morning, fresh off a date.

Seungkwan sighed and closed his eyes. With the resolution and promise that he would have to consciously stop himself from looping the doom part in his brain, he took a last whiff of Vernon’s cologne-or was it a body wash? - and hummed the last song he listened to while on his way to the date.

Chocolady – AKMU || Arirang – Shaun

There was a chirping of birds and a gurgling of a water stream that were both far too loud to be natural. Beneath his eyelids, his sleep addled brain could make out a gradually brightening environment, and on top of all the natural sounds, he could hear a motor whirring. Everything combined to stir Seungkwan a bit, but it wasn’t enough to completely lift him up from his sleep, so he grunted and tried to turn away from the perceived source of morning light.

When he found himself unable to move, his eyes shot open and he was immediately assaulted by the dark, grey walls of Vernon’s room. There was an awkward weight around his middle that made him drop his gaze to his stomach.

He stiffened, and he could feel his own eyes widen at the sight.

Around him, holding on tightly, were Vernon’s arms. Little by little, Seungkwan started recognising the heated skin that was solid against his back and the sharpness of a jaw that was resting above his shoulder. He was enveloped and this was not a bad way to wake up at all.

“It is 7:17 in the morning. Today is Sunday, the temperature is 29 degrees, with a 20% chance of rainfall in the afternoon.”

Vernon groaned right into Seungkwan’s ears, probably unaware of their current proximity and the effect of his low rumble on the younger. Deep inside Seungkwan, he could feel desire unfurl its branches, capillaries filling up with warmth. He tried his best to contain himself, clenching his core and subduing his breath only to end up brushing against the older’s silk boxers. A defined girth made itself known, innocently pressed up against Seungkwan’s bum.

Oops.

Seungkwan bit his lip, and with bated breath, waited for Vernon to react.

Whatever he was expecting Vernon to do didn’t come. Instead, the older began untangling himself from Seungkwan, undoing the pretzel knot around the younger’s stomach and shifted away to let out a huge yawn.

 “Good morning, Seungkwan,” Vernon whispered groggily.

Seungkwan, finally free from the hold, managed to face the older. Above the din of his beating heart, he mustered up a smile at the sleep-mussed Vernon. The older was trying to blink away the lethargy and used the heel of his palm to rub out the night’s sleep.

“Good morning,” his own voice felt dry in his throat, most probably the effect of a hangover.

Vernon grinned at him brightly. The older’s mouth was too wide open and was showing too much teeth at a time when Seungkwan ordinarily needed coffee first before he dealt with someone apart from himself. Vernon, however, did not incite the same need for caffeination. He was at a loss, what did people do after spending a night with another person that was barely a friend, but also, potentially more than a friend?

Vernon raised himself up a bit and rested his head on his folded-up arm. The action made the comforter pool below his chest and Seungkwan had to focus hard on the elder’s face. In the golden morning light, the sun rays hit off the planes and curves of the older man’s hard body, making Seungkwan pout in thought.

“What’s wrong?” Vernon’s face crumpled in concern as he drew closer to the younger. “Did you not sleep well?

Seungkwan stopped pouting immediately. Mumbling, he hid his face in the pillow.

Vernon laid a hand on his buried head. “You alright?”

Seungkwan looked up. “Yeah, yeah, I am. It’s just that, well,” he gestured to Vernon’s exposed body. “It caught me off guard.”

Vernon chortled. “Oh, okay,” he said with a cheeky grin before he sat up and threw the covers off himself. Seungkwan squeaked but caught the sheets nonetheless, he playfully hid behind the blanket as the older made a show of stretching in his silk boxers. Still, his eyes followed the figure of the man who confidently strode out of the room and straight into the balcony.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you’re a bad, bad man?” Seungkwan called out at Vernon who was taking his sweet time basking in the morning sun.

“Didn’t your parents ever tell you that it’s good to get a little morning sun?” Vernon shot back.

Seungkwan rolled himself out of the bed and padded towards the older. He leant against the opened, sliding door and trailed his eyes on the entirety of Vernon. “That’s more than a little. You’re practically sunbathing.”

Vernon popped an eye open at him. “Aren’t you the one concerned with not getting enough vitamin D? Come and get it here then.”

Seungkwan would love to get something else, and he would have quipped so but he chose to remain quiet and followed the other outside. Positioning himself just an arm’s away from Vernon, he leant over the balcony’s railing and watched over the waves in the Han River. The sun was beating down at the back of his borrowed shirt and since it was still early, the warmth was toasty more than unbearable. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “This is a good way to wake up. How come you never sent me the views you have?”

Vernon crept closer to him, the arm’s length distance disappeared between them as Vernon stood skin-to-skin. Seungkwan looked at the older, waiting for an answer. Vernon shrugged. “I didn’t think about it much you know. It’s something I see everyday, I wasn’t sure you would be interested and I didn’t want to be presumptive either.”

“Ah, you really have a beautiful view- beautiful home even,” Seungkwan confessed. “I’d keep you around just for this.”

Vernon smiled before he pulled Seungkwan into a side hug. “Just for the views?”

Seungkwan looked up at him. “Maybe for something else.”

The older opened his arms and with a tilt of his head, wordlessly asked if he could hug Seungkwan.

Seungkwan let him. They were at the top floor of the tallest building in sight and had no nosy balcony neighbours, if they got up to something else, only the pigeons would play witness to it.

“Good morning.” Vernon repeated his greeting, this time into Seungkwan’s hair and before the younger could respond back, he held Seungkwan’s chin and leant in for a kiss. It was sweet, tender and warm; a cup of hot chocolate with mallows on top.

They continued kissing for God knows how long. All that was running in Seungkwan’s mind was a question of whether it was physically possible to experience a chafing of the lips due to excessive lip-lock. He has never been thoroughly kissed so many times in a 24-hour period and he was only in his 10th - or was it 12th? -  hour. Still, he let Vernon nip, and bite and lick at his mouth as if it was the only thing Vernon had a capability for. He crowded the older against the railing and made sure to give back just as much.

Then his stomach rumbled.

Seungkwan ignored the sound his body made, completely alright with the idea of pretending like it never happened; he just wanted to keep on kissing Vernon. However, Vernon must have heard his stomach too because the older paused in his ministrations and pulled back from Seungkwan.

“Do you want to eat?” There was a teasing smile on the older’s face that Seungkwan badly wanted to wipe off.

Seungkwan’s stomach grumbled again in an unwanted response. “Oh my God!” he huffed out in annoyance. “I swear I’m not some starving animal! I just don’t get up so early on weekends! My body’s not used to being up this time and empty.”

Vernon didn’t say anything but stared pointedly at Seungkwan’s clothed stomach when it grumbled for a thid time.

Seugkwan sighed and then he pulled away from Vernon’s embrace, ready to enter the room. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll just go grab something to eat after I shower.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Vernon held onto his hand before he could even get back inside. “We can always get service here.”

Seungkwan shook his head so fast, his bangs flew from side to side. “No way! You’ve spent so much for me already! I can most definitely get a burger on the way home!”

“Do you have plans today?”

Seungkwan frowned. “No, I mean, I’ll pretty much just laze around the flat for the rest of the day.”

“Then it’s settled,” Vernon firmly said as he pulled on Seungkwan’s hands to drag them back inside the room. “I have nothing to do, and you have nothing to do. We’ll just make a day out of it.”

Seungkwan widened his eyes. Given the way they spent the night in the lap of luxury, and the older’s naivety when it came to public transportation, he doubted that a day out for Vernon meant the same thing for him. He wasn’t a penny pincher by any means, Seungkwan saw nothing wrong with splurging and spending his hard-earned money, but there were two things that were worth considering. One, there was the fact that whatever Seungkwan could afford, would probably fall below the older’s standards although he’s sure that Vernon was kind enough not to comment on it. And two, the older would probably insist on paying for them, and that was something Seungkwan’s own pride would never allow. Still he didn’t want to reject the older outright.

“Are you sure you wanna spend the day with me?”

Vernon nodded. “Well, you’re hungry and I’m bound for my own breakfast too, we could have a pick of all the restaurants here, or we can order for room service. There’s a standard and special menu in the kitchen. We could decide there. I’m afraid I’m not much of a cook though, so whatever you find in my pantry may not suffice for a full breakfast.”

“I see…”

“So what do you say?” Vernon asked him with eyes that seemed to get rounder.

Seungkwan chewed on his lip. “It’s just that, I don’t think I have enough of a budget to last until next week, if you wanted breakfast here.”

Vernon arched an eyebrow, ready to protest but Seungkwan rushed to cut him off.

“Next week’s payday,” Seungkwan explained. “There’s no reason to dip into my savings for a breakfast here, for now. But that seems doable for next time, if that’s what you wanted.”

“Seungkwan,” Vernon started patiently. “You don’t have to pay for anything.”

Seungkwan furrowed his brows at this. “Well, I just. I don’t want you to buy anything more for me, especially since you took care of last night. Plus, if we do go out today, this would count as our second date. And as a second date, it’s only fair that I get to pay for things.”

“Isn’t that what straight people do?” Vernon asked incredulously.

Seungkwan snorted indelicately. “It’s not just straight people, it’s normal people.”

“I don’t think I’m too old to not be entirely aware of a whole new courting etiquette?”

“Courting?” Seungkwan sputtered.

“Dating and courting, they’re the same thing.” Vernon said with a shrug. “If it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t judge you for subscribing to a more egalitarian approach, but I’d have to admit some mild discomfort.”

“Over?”

“Not paying for you, I truly don’t mind it, Seungkwan.”

“I know, but please,” Seungkwan begged. “Let’s just keep it balanced? Plus, if you’re up for it, I know there’s a good little mom-and-pop sandwich house nearby. I haven’t tried it, but it’d be interesting?”

“A mom-and-pop shop?” Vernon repeated. “I’ve grown around this area; I may know about it.”

SeungkwaN shook his head, “Nah, it opened a few months ago and all my friends say it’s a good place. So, what say you, Mr. Vernon?”

“Hmmm, would we need a driver to get there? I can call Serim up while we shower and dress up?”

Seungkwan chuckled before grabbing Vernon’s face in his hands and smooching the older guy soundly. He got away from the older man before it could devolve into another makeout session and started unfolding his own suit pants. “Oh, Mr. Vernon.Just get dressed! I’m paying for brunch.”

 

 

Seungkwan ended up in last night’s sweatpants and the Gucci cat shirt he slept in. He was standing in front of Vernon’s wall of vinyl records and tried to see if there was any artist he recognised as he waited for the older to finish dressing. The only artists he could recognize were Ella Fitzgerald, The Beatles, Queen and Michael Jackson, the rest he had no idea about. Most of the records seemed to be for jazz or classical music with a smattering of rock albums and a surprising amount of hiphop.  He grinned, happy that his initial view of Vernon’s personality being an eclectic hodgepodge of things was proven right by the variety in his music alone. He felt confident enough to hazard a guess that the same mix would undoubtedly show up in the older’s reading preferences.

He was about to move on to Vernon’s bookshelves when a throat was cleared above him and footsteps started shuffling down the staircase. Seungkwan looked up and felt his heart just miss a beat. Vernon, freshly washed, was descending down the stairs like a 1st/2nd gen KPOP idol. The older was dressed in a white Celine shirt that had a low V-neck cut, dark slim pants, and an oversized denim coat.

How can a man be so old, and so out of touch in the world but have such a mismatching fashion sense?

“I can’t decide,” Vernon held out both hands to show two different beanies, one was an old, worn out, multicoloured striped one, while the other was a standard black beanie that didn’t look quite as beat up. “Help me choose?”

Seungkwan looked at the two beanies, unsure of what he should be looking for as a decision base. “Why?”

Vernon looked at his two hands and shrugged. “I wanted to wear one.”

“It’s gonna be hot outside!” Seungkwan shrilled. “We’re gonna walk anyway, won’t it be good to feel the wind in your hair?”

Vernon cocked a head at him. “Oh, I didn’t think we would walk.”

Seungkwan finally approached the older and took both hands. “Mr. Vernon, you said it so yourself, we all need vitamin D. We should go out and enjoy this beautiful morning directly, and not through filtered car windows!” He tried to tug at the beanies but the older still had a tight hold on them.

Vernon sighed and gave the black beanie to Seungkwan, then he pulled the multicoloured one over his head.

“Vernon?”

“I just,” Vernon started. “Just let me wear this, okay? You’re going to be seen with me. My hair alone would give away my age and they would start looking at you weirdly.”

Seungkwan stared at the black beanie on his hands and at the one covering the luxurious silver locks of the older man.

So that’s why he was asking.

He put the black beanie on one of the shelves and stepped in closer to Vernon. He raised his hand up to Vernon’s head, and the older backed an inch before relaxing back into Seungkwan. To his merit, Seungkwan didn’t remove the striped garment; instead, he adjusted it so that it wouldn’t end up squashing the bangs on Vernon’s face.

“There,” he said as he stepped out from Vernon’s circle as soon as he finished fixing the older’s hair underneath the beanie. “I was gonna say go for the coloured one anyway. It’s a good pop of colour.”

Vernon grinned at him gratefully. “You don’t need to worry about a pop of colour. I literally collect colourful sneakers.”

Seungkwan smiled back at the older then shook his head fondly. “You can’t be forty-five years old with such hobbies!” he joked.

Vernon chuckled, half-offended and half-amused. “Kanye West is 43 years old with his Yeezy’s.”

“Kanye West is not exactly the type of man that should be idolised.”

“Fair enough, but I’m just putting it out there.”

Seungkwan pulled on the older’s hands to get him going. “And now, I am putting you out there, and my tummy wants food, so we should get going, Mr. Vernon.”

Still Vernon was rooted to his spot, before he hastily turned around and sped up the stairs to his room. “Wait, wait Seungkwan! It’s going to be hot so we’ll need these.”

Rushing back down the stairs, Vernon looked so much like a kid eager to show him his toys. In the older’s hands were two eyeglass cases, both in leather with Chopard engraved in it.  For a moment, Seungkwan felt scared to touch the cases, they were notoriously and ridiculously expensive, ringing up to almost half a million won.

Vernon opened up both cases and showed two similar gold-framed sunglasses, but one was in rose-gold and had pink lenses on while the other one was much more discreet and had a cooler, blue shades. “I’ll take this one,” he took the pink one and closed the case with a snap before using his mouth to hold on to the glasses and throwing the case haphazardly on to the beanbag. With one hand free, he took the other glasses and placed it squarely on the top of Seungkwan’s nose.

“You take this! You did say you loved the colour navy blue.” 

Seungkwan looked at him through the tinted blue lenses, Vernon has pulled the rose glasses on top of his beanie, wondering if he looked any different. He definitely felt different clad in things he never thought he’d afford in a month. “I hope I look like a million won.”

Vernon smirked at him. “Who cares about looking like a million won? You should feel like a million won, Seungkwan. Every day.”

Seungkwan pinked, unaccustomed to such undiluted praise. In all honesty, he didn’t know why he was always caught off guard every time Vernon would say such things. It wasn’t like the older didn’t act the same way on Palette. He brushed the odd feeling aside and cheekily grinned at the older instead. “I would feel like a million won if I was less hungry. So, if we’re done – can we go?”

“As you wish,” Vernon said with a dramatic half-bow. Seungkwan just tugged at him and laughed and as if he owned the whole place, led the older to the private lift and on to their brunch.

Hungover Sunday – Christian French

“Good morning, Mr. Vernon!”

A much older guy, dressed in the maroon and gold uniform of the La Marquise staff greeted them as soon as they exited the lift. Seungkwan almost had a heart attack at the greeting, definitely unused to the idea of his own building having a security guy regularly greet him. He was about to nod back shyly in return when Vernon pulled at his hand so they could properly greet the staff back.

“Good morning to you too, Munyeong,” Vernon said with a small smile. “Have you had your breakfast?”

“Yes sir!” the security person, Munyeong, answered jovially. “My wife won’t let me out without eating.”

“That’s good, that’s good. We’re heading out for brunch somewhere,” Vernon looked at Seungkwan expectantly.

“Jung Samchon,” Seungkwan recited out the place’s name.

“Oh!” The guy’s eyes widened in recognition at the name, if he was surprised to see Seungkwan right next to Vernon, he didn’t show it. “That is a good place, sir! Their egg toast is really good.”

“Thank you, I’ll take your suggestion in consideration.”

“Any instructions, sir, for when you’re gone? Do you need a cab to the restaurant?”

Vernon immediately shook his head. “No, that’s alright, Munyeong, we’ll walk.”

At this, Munyeong made a face between disbelief and shock. Seungkwan noted it with curiosity, the place, was at most, a 20-minute walk away from La Marquise, it couldn’t be that bad or shocking. Unless of course, Vernon was the type to be chauffeured around.

“But, if Serim doesn’t get my message that he’s not needed for the day, then you can always tell him,” Vernon continued unaware of Seungkwan’s thoughts or the miniscule blanch on the security personnel’s face.

“Alright sir! The two of you enjoy your breakfast.”

Vernon finally turned back and waved goodbye to the staff. Seungkwan nodded deeply once, before following the older out of the hallway that was clearly intended for the residents given its thumbprint-only access. Walking closer to the older man, Seungkwan whispered lightly. “You’re a friendly guy.”

“Munyeong’s like an old friend to me,” Vernon answered nonchalantly. “He was one of the security guards at Onyx, and he got fired by his agency for something I’m not quite sure of. One night, he came into my office, begging for a job; so, I gave him one here.”

“Wow,” Seungkwan breathed out. “You should have said that you’re also a philanthropist. You’d be near perfect as a human being.”

“Just near perfect?”

“Almost,” Seungkwan said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “If only you’d take a walk once in a while, then you’d be perfect.”

“Seungkwan, I know kids these days are concerned about their carbon footprint, or whatever it is,” Vernon started. “But I bet you a hundred won that you would want a car this morning.”

Seungkwan remembered the grimace the security staff gave them earlier and felt it ignite a challenge in his bones. He stuck out his tongue at the older. “Be prepared to lose a hundred won then.”

After Munyeong, there were less people who stopped and greeted Vernon and soon they were out of the lobby of La Marquise and into the empty driveway leading up to the hotel. The actual exit of the hotel was still quite a walk though, the hotel’s building was located within the middle of the estate hiding it from the view of the highway. Seugkwan didn’t know if it was his nerves last night, or because of the hangover, but he didn’t remember the fact that the extended driveway (and not just the drop off circle they were walking through now) leading out to the hotel’s gate was actually a low bridge over a man-made lake that fit a queue of 10 cars and five buses. He knew the length because that was how many cars were parked up on the slightly elevated bridge.

“I see what you mean,” Seungkwan piped up from beside the older who seemed more amused than anything, and it was yet another shock to Seungkwan because out of the two of them, he didn’t expect to be the one who would be out of breath at an earlier stage.

Vernon didn’t bother responding, but the smug smirk he gave Seungkwan was enough of an “I told you so”.

He scowled back at the older and instead got out his phone and pulled the map app out. “Alright, Mr. Vernon, once we get out on the highway, we just need to walk for 4 blocks to the west and then get inside an alleyway up the hill.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t want to take a cab?” Vernon teased as they descended down to the bridge’s foot.

From their spot, Seungkwan could make out the huge roundabout that served as an entrance to the La Marquise estate. At 8 in the morning, on a quiet Sunday, the streets were empty of roaring high-powered cars and devoid of the usual tourists and shoppers in downtown Apgujeong.

Seungkwan barked out a laugh. “You’re not gonna get me that way! I know it’s you who wants to be driven around, but I’m not too sure a Ferrari would be appreciated roaring down their neighbourhood by the residents.”

Vernon snorted. “Ferraris are too pedestrian and too noisy. I simply do not understand the fascination for such loudness. You’re coming and going in such a huge way, like you are some member of royalty that needs to be announced.”

 “Oh, I’m sorry, and just out of curiosity, what do you drive to keep it lowkey?” Seungkwan asked, in the back of his mind, seeing where Vernon lived and how he lived, he couldn’t imagine the older driving anything less than those Italian sportscars.

“You’d have to keep it secret.” Vernon leant in to him and pulled him to the inner side of the walkway, shielding him from the cars speeding by. Seungkwan mimed zipping his lips. “It’s an Exelero.”

“If it comes out that you get chauffeured in an Exelero, please trust that it won’t come from me coz I don’t even know what that is,” Seungkwan said with a sincere palm over his heart.

Vernon smiled at him. “Of course, I never thought you’d ever be the type.”

Seungkwan paused, not entirely sure about what Vernon meant at being the type but he wasn’t really ready to ask what it all meant. “Is it a loud, one-of-a-kind car?”

“It’s pretty quiet; the design itself, from afar it doesn’t look like anything memorable. I guess it’s only people with an eye for it that would recognise it.”

“That must have cost a shit ton.,” Seungkwan murmured, then he looked at the older and considered him for a moment. “You really like being discreet, huh?”

Vernon nodded without denying the fact that it probably was an expensive thing. “Do you know what’s the most expensive thing in the world, Seungkwan?”

Seungkwan was caught off guard by the unexpected question, thinking hard, he bit his lip and tried at a guess. “A diamond?”

“It’s privacy.”

Açaí Bowl – Dominic Fike || Call It Off – Tegan and Sara, Chvrches

Jung Samchon’s was an old, rundown hanok situated deep into one of the hillier streets of Gangnamgu. It wasn’t too far from Apgujeong, but Seungkwan finally understood the little grimace that Munyeong displayed earlier. Even if it wasn’t too hot since it was still early in the morning, he could feel sweat dripping down his back and part of him wished he had taken a shower before leaving, but he didn’t want to be much of an inconvenience. He looked at Vernon who seemed unrealistically cool under the summer sun despite being in both a coat and a beanie.

He’s so perfect, Seungkwan thought, irritated at the fact that the older didn’t even break a sweat in the past 25 minutes of walking.

They knocked on the heavy, weathered doors of the hanok that had a simple red poster displaying its name and called out a good morning. There was a faint “We’re coming” shouted back at them, and soon after, the doors opened. The hanok was a traditional L-shaped building with a large yard in the middle. The yard itself was beautifully landscaped and served as the dining area. There were about ten low tables surrounded by mats and rattan pillows with huge umbrella poles that were currently closed. Apart from him and Vernon, there were only three other tables being served and most of them were elder couples in their 60s or 70s; they didn’t even turn their heads to look at them when they entered.

Vernon whistled beside him as they were led to a table that was far from the three sets of patrons and nearer to the actual house. “How did you find this?”

Seungkwan grinned. “Nice, right?”

“I haven’t heard of this place before.” Vernon looked around in wonder and sat cross legged opposite Seungkwan who had his own legs stretched underneath the table. “But I’m pretty sure that Munyeong and Serim live close by.”

“A friend told me about it. The owners of this place don’t allow photos of this place to be posted online. Personally, it’s a shame, but I can see this being destroyed as a sanctuary if ever it got too popular.”

“You’re right, places like this, they’re worth more being held close and treasured than being displayed.”

Seungkwan hummed and nodded in agreement. “Should I call for a menu now?”

Vernon nodded and looked excitedly at his surroundings and Seungkwan found the older just a little bit too cute. He raised up a hand to call on one of the uncles serving, but before he could order, a sharp shout to his left caught his attention.

“Seungkwan-ah!”

He turned to his side and from his seat he could see two familiar guys waving at him from the restaurant’s gate. The one who had called him was Seokmin; a tall, sunny guy with a perpetual, bright grin etched on his face. And with Seokmin was the flint that started this whole flame, Kim Mingyu, in all his suntanned glory, dressed in a lighter version of Vernon’s outfit. He gave them a small grin and waved back shyly, hoping that they wouldn’t be pushed to join them. Unfortunately, fate wasn’t Seungkwan’s friend that morning.

Vernon raised a brow at him. “Your friends?”

“Officemates,” he said with a strained grin towards the two that were coming closer to the table. It didn’t look like the two were changing their minds. Soon, his officemates loomed over their table and Seungkwan could no longer deny the fact that this would be far from the peaceful breakfast that he imagined.

“Mind if we joined?” Seokmin asked with a bright smile and truly, Seungkwan would never be the one to say no to the kindest guy he ever knew.

“No, no,” though he shot a look at Vernon and hoped the older got his message of speaking up against the two joining. While Seungkwan couldn’t find it in himself to say no, Vernon would probably not want to have their own breakfast held hostage.

But Seungkwan thought wrong, because Vernon smiled at the two genially and his two officemates took the welcome without qualms and sat with them. Although apparently, it wasn’t enough for the universe that they were being joined by his colleague and his fresh heartbreak right when he’s ready on the mend, because Seungkwan just found himself being sat far too close, next to Mingyu.

Kim Mingyu still towered over all of them even when they were seated. Now that he was closer, Seungkwan could tell just how similarly dressed his woeful crush was to Vernon. While Mingyu didn’t exactly wear the same designer brands, the creative director was clad in a loose-fitting coat, white shirt and tight jeans with a pair of stylish, red shades propped up on his dark hair.  But the kicker was Mingyu smelled way too familiar. Seungkwan was not in the habit of sniffing people, but he couldn’t miss the similar notes of citrus and lavender that Vernon wore though it was a bit fainter and dryer, reminding him of the sun rather than the rains which Vernon’s own scent evoked.

Mingyu had a camera hanging around his neck which he quickly took off and placed on the table and he turned around to shoot Seungkwan a blinding grin, showing off his cute canines. He was looking at him with such shine and sparkle in his eyes, that for a moment, Seungkwan forgot where he was. “Nice to bump into you, Seungkwan-ssi! I do hope we’re not interrupting your breakfast with –.”

“Hi, I’m Vernon. I’m a family friend of Seungkwan’s,” Vernon cut in with a hand offered to Mingyu, promptly popping the bubble of admiration that Seungkwan was residing in.

Seungkwan whipped his head in the elder’s direction and barely registered him shaking hands with Seokmin after making his introductions to Mingyu.

A family friend?

“Oh, I’m so sorry to having barged on you, sir Vernon-ssi,” Seokmin demurely apologised. “We could leave if we’re disturbing your reunion.”

Yes, please leave, Seokmin, and most definitely you too, Kim Mingyu-ssi. Come on Vernon, tell them.

Underneath the table, Seungkwan tried to nudge Vernon’s knee, hoping to communicate that the two should be encouraged to leave. And he had hoped that Vernon catching his feet in his hands meant something but the message fell flat as soon as the older flashed that gummy smile of his.

“No, please.” Seungkwan wondered where the privacy-loving guy suddenly went, ignoring the random rhythm that Vernon was drumming absentmindedly against his ankle. “It’s far too big of a table, and I’m sure Seungkwan would love company of his friends more than and old man. Please stay.”

Seungkwan hoped his narrowed eyes wouldn’t pique the notice of his colleagues. So that was it, huh.

Instead of getting irrationally annoyed at Vernon’s swift retreat into a shyer version of himself, Seungkwan just calmed himself and brought the whole table to attention. “So, should I call for the menu?”

He got three nods of agreement in return and his hand shot back up into air to call for the old uncle. In a snap, they received the softly laminated paper displaying the restaurant’s offerings of various toasts, pancakes, and breakfast items all with a Korean twist.

“It’s not very Korean right?” Vernon asked as he scanned the menu. “It looks more like something I would get from a café at home.”

“It isn’t,” Mingyu piped up. “But they always make sure to include banchan and even incorporate traditional Korean ingredients. Half-Korean, and half-Western.”

The “Like you” were left implied but Seungkwan heard it all the same. Vernon grinned at the taller man, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Ah is that so, Mingyu-ssi?”

Mingyu nodded, unfazed. “It may be weird at first, and not many people like it, but it’s worth a try, always.” Then he turned to Seungkwan. “I heard you’ve always wanted to go here, Seungkwan-ssi.”

“You did? From who?”

“Lee Chan,” Seokmin responded. “That’s actually why we wanted to eat here,” he pointed between himself and Mingyu. “We got a request from him the other day, said one of his clients needed a walking tour of Nonhyeon-dong so we were out scouting the place. Then Chan mentioned that this was a restaurant he tried before and that you wanted to see this too.”

Right, he did remember complaining to the younger account manager about being left out of the loop in discovering new places to eat at. It turned out that Soonyoung was the one who brought Chan here in one of their hangouts.

“We wanted to invite you,” Mingyu added. “But, Seokmin here just called me last night to tell me that he was going this morning and it sort of slipped from my mind.”

“Invite me?”

“Well, you are friends with Chan,” Seokmin started. “I think you would have a good idea of what his campaign might need. We would ask him, but he expressly said he needed fresh eyes on it because the client was looking for a new take.”

“Plus,” Mingyu’s canines glinted at Seungkwan and he was reminded of how much he had – still – admired the director. “You wanted to come here, so why not? Make it a friendly trip between us three. We haven’t worked much together but I know I could use getting to know you.”

Seungkwan could feel the blush rising up his cheeks. “Yeah, you always worked with Chan. I was starting to think you didn’t like me.”

Mingyu burst out in laughter. “Oh, come on Seungkwan-ssi! Who wouldn’t like you? You’re one of the wittiest and most hardworking account managers out there. It’s all a shame we don’t get paired up too often.”

Seokmin scoffed audibly. “Yah, Kim Mingyu, you’re such a huge flirt! You’re not like that to me! You never praised me for my copywriting skills.”

Mingyu stuck a tongue out at the copywriter. “I already know you and I don’t like you, Seokminnie. Seungkwan here, though, I like you.”

Seungkwan has never had any close encounters with the creative director before, and he always knew the guy was such a joy and wonder to work with based on his glowing reviews, but he never anticipated the extent of the Kim Mingyu effect. Neither did he think that a day would come where he would be unfortunately sandwiched between Kim Mingyu and a man like Vernon.

The tapping on Seungkwan’s ankle stopped and he felt his foot moved gently out of Vernon’s lap and deposited back to the mat. The action just reminded him of the fact that it wasn’t just the three of them having breakfast. It was almost too easy to forget that the older was with them with how quiet he had been. Caught red-handed, Seungkwan sheepishly averted his gaze from Mingyu and stared at the table, afraid to look at Vernon just yet.

Then Vernon spoke. “Seungkwan-ah, I didn’t know you were this popular.”

Seungkwan bit his lip. He didn’t know how to take that. There was some edge to the older man’s voice that he has never heard in the past few hours and it clawed at him for an explanation of what was happening, but he himself didn’t know what was going on. It also didn’t help that the image of Mingyu and Minghao lip locking in Wonwoo’s promotion party kept playing in his head. The worst part was, it seemed to be stuck on the loop of when Mingyu was staring at him just when Minghao was breathing against the director’s lips. Seungkwan only knew then that this was what the word haunting meant.

He gulped and prayed for some divine intervention, hoping that Mingyu wouldn’t say something. From the corner of his eye, he could see the creative director start to open his mouth, probably to praise Seungkwan more, out of nowhere. Fortunately, Seungkwan’s prayers were finally answered because the serving uncle came shuffling towards them and all the attention seemed to fly away from him.

A tray of four empty glasses, and a pitcher of cold barley drink was placed in the middle of their table, followed by four big plates of their orders. Once each item was in front of its proper owner, they thanked the uncle who served them and started to break their chopsticks. The topic of Seungkwan was left forgotten as they all descended on the food. Seokmin and Mingyu seemed hungry enough and started to dig in with much gusto, Vernon on the other hand, was a little more restrained although Seungkwan knew the older was just as hungry.

Despite the earlier stiffness that Vernon displayed, the older started doting on Seungkwan reminiscent of last night’s dinner. He cut up a portion of his own egg toast and placed it on Seungkwan’s very own order of waffles with toasted walnuts. “Munyeong did say this was a good one.”

Seungkwan looked at him wide-eyed, and he was sure that even Seokmin and Mingyu paused in their eating to observe their exchange. In the privacy of their own dinner, there would be no one present to comment on the way Vernon just served him food, but in front of people, it was quite an eye-catching dynamic that was sure to raise questions.

“You must really know Seungkwan from when he was younger, Vernon-ssi,” Mingyu noted. “Are you from Jeju too?”

Vernon stopped in the middle of portioning his own dasik, clearly intending to give them to Seungkwan since the younger didn’t have any of his own, mouth hung open at the unexpected query.

“Ah yeah,” the older answered after a beat, falsely confident. “I’m not from Jeju though.”

Mingyu looked confused, and the director clearly wanted pry more. Seungkwan never really thought that the other was the type to become easily familiar with strangers, but he wasn’t sure he would like it if Vernon was forced to spin more stories. So, he immediately cut up his own waffles in an effort to dissuade Mingyu (or Seokmin) from asking more questions, and offered it up on Vernon’s plate. “Here –,” he said as it plopped down soundly. “Hyung,” he added for good measure.

Vernon accepted the slice wordlessly, typical of how one who was older would act in the presence of juniors he claimed to have a close history with.

Seokmin leaned in politely to look at Vernon’s plate. “Wow, the waffles look delicious.”

Seungkwan looked up from his plate and wondered if he ought to offer his own waffles up to his senior.

“Oh, but don’t mind me, Seungkwan-ah!” Seokmin immediately waved his hands in refusal. “I’ll just have to come here again next time to try those out.”

“Ah.” Seungkwan turned to Mingyu and wearily prayed that the other won’t be interested in his order; still, social graces dictated him to politely offer his plate. “How about you, Mingyu-ssi, do you want to try the waffles too?”

Mingyu thankfully, shook his head. “I’m quite happy with my own pancakes.”

Seungkwan let out a breath that he wasn’t aware he had been holding as Mingyu started shoving his own pancakes. He focused back on his own food and started eating. Vernon seemed to be waiting for him before starting eating on his own. The older grinned at him, as if assuring him that everything is fine. He managed to smile back even with full cheeks, but he knew that this wasn’t what they needed right now.

The meal seemed to go downhill after their first bite. Though Seokmin and Mingyu tried to be inclusive of Vernon, the fact that the three of them shared a common workplace brought out jokes and anecdotes that the older wasn’t privy to. Seokmin would always try to reel back the conversation to a neutral topic, but Mingyu inevitably brought up things that put Vernon out of the loop. Over the course of the meal, Seungkwan found out that Mingyu was quite the insider within their office, always knowledgeable of the who’s who and aware of the different dynamics. On top of that, the director was also insightful and quite funny with his takes on the various happenings at work. Seungkwan couldn’t help but laugh loudly at Mingyu’s quips and Seokmin’s ridiculous re-enactments.

But although he was having fun, he was also hyperaware of Vernon who has become quieter and quieter as his two colleagues became more comfortable. Vernon went from answering the few questions that Seokmin threw at him to completely eating his own meal in silence. Seungkwan would have asked if the older was okay, but he didn’t know how to do so without bringing attention to themselves, so he swallowed down his curiosity and continued acting like everything was fine. And if in acting like everything was fine meant bantering harmlessly with Mingyu in a somewhat flirty back-and-forth, then Seungkwan couldn’t be blamed. After all, he was only acting out a role that Vernon himself assigned. If Vernon ended up being uncomfortable, then that was just a consequence of the fabrication that the older man chose to create.

Besides, there was no denying that there was a small part of him that also revelled in Mingyu’s small flirtations. While there was still the strong reminder of Minghao in the back of Seungkwan’s mind, he couldn’t simply forget about the entire time he has liked Mingyu from afar. It was all harmless anyway, it wasn’t like there would be something in the future between him and the creative director especially now that Vernon has come into the picture. It was just the comedic timing of the universe, just when one thought they were ready to move on, the universe itself made it extra harder to do so.

After paying their part of the meal, Seokmin and Mingyu regretfully lamented getting back to their work-mandated assignment and they ended up worming out a promise from Seungkwan to hang out again in the future. Seungkwan agreed, but he knew deep inside, that he wasn’t ready to be in Mingyu’s presence just yet. While the other had no conscious part on Seungkwan’s ill (or not so ill) feelings, Seungkwan himself didn’t think he was in a place that made him feel confident to face the director with the required neutrality.

Before the two left though, they profusely apologised to Vernon for hijacking their breakfast. But again, Vernon was far too nice and kind to jibe at them. Instead, he thanked Seungkwan’s colleagues for joining them and even told the two that it has been such an enlightening and fun affair. Seungkwan knew it was a lie though, he highly doubted that someone who claimed to enjoy the meal so much would end up being mute the whole time, but this was neither the time nor the place to point out such things, so instead, Seungkwan busied himself while they exchanged last pleasantries.

It was around lunchtime then and it has grown far too hot to walk, and once the two were out the restaurant gates having settled their own payment, Seungkwan decided to book a Kakao Taxi. He didn’t notice that Vernon has been staring at him, worrying his own lips as he booked the cab that would take them back to La Marquise.

“So, care- to tell me which of your colleagues you held a torch for?”

Vernon’s question broke into Seungkwan’s cloud of thoughts just as the original Jung Samchon handed their own plate of change. Seungkwan nodded with a thanks before taking the receipt and leaving a little more than a thousand won as tip.

“What do you mean?” he asked back nonchalantly, he really didn’t want to get into his story of Kim Mingyu and Palette.

Vernon sighed, but let go anyway. “I thought there was something earlier.”

“There’s nothing,” Seungkwan insisted with a tight grin that stretched his lips too far. “However, what was that about a family friend?”

Vernon shrugged coolly. “Would you rather I say that you were my date last night?”

Seungkwan chewed on his bottom lip. Not even a day into their first meeting and they were already staring to spin a web of lies.

“I thought so.”

Seungkwan inhaled sharply at that. Why did it seem like Vernon was being forced to do these things because of him?? “You didn’t have to belittle yourself and call yourself an old man.”

“I am an old man, Seungkwan. It would have been brought up anyway, and if not, it was better to clear their minds of any assumptions that could have landed you in trouble.”

“Me? In trouble? Why is it suddenly about me?” Seungkwan couldn’t help but ask. “If you didn’t notice, I was trying to get you to say no to them so that they wouldn’t stay and then we would have avoided the whole spectacle.”

Vernon scoffed lightly. “Well forgive me for not knowing what you meant by all those little looks. After all, I’ve only known you for a few hours.”

Seungkwan parted his lips, unable to respond. Vernon was right, they’ve only really known each other for a few hours and here Seungkwan was acting so hurt, so inflamed as if he was stung by a bee and Vernon had deliberately hidden away his EpiPen. He doesn’t even know what’s irked him so, but it felt just right to hold the older accountable for something. He shook his head before pushing himself off the ground to stand up. “Right, you don’t know me that well. And neither do I know you.”

Vernon didn’t say anything either but he stood up as well. “I can call Serim to fetch us from here. It’s too hot to walk all the way back.”

“It’s alright. I booked us a cab back. I wouldn’t want you exposing your Exelero.”

 

 

The cab ride back to La Marquise was silent. Seungkwan wasn’t sure if there was anything else he wanted – needed – to say, but he couldn’t find where to start so he kept mum. Vernon on the other hand, just kept to himself, eyes closed and head rested on the cab’s back seat. The only time one of them talked was when they finally reached the hotel and Vernon had to roll down his side of the windows for recognition. Eventually, they were led to a private driveway where the older ended up using his thumbprint to get access to.

Seungkwan rushed to pay the driver before Vernon could even take out his wallet. Thankfully, Vernon didn’t make any protest and proceeded to alight first. With the taxi ride paid for and the driver speeding out of the driveway, Seungkwan got off the cab to only to see that Vernon has been holding the lobby door open for him. In the podium level of La Marquise was an empty lobby dedicated specifically for the residents, and like everything else in the residential side of the hotel, this door could only be accessed either through a keycard or a thumbprint.

The lift ride up to Vernon’s suite was markedly different from the morning’s ride down. They stood at the opposite ends of the lift, Vernon faced the reflective walls of the lift door while Seungkwan focused on the Han River. Neither of them said a word, and to Seungkwan, the silence felt like they were back to square one.

It was funny what adding other people to the mix could do.

The doors opened to Vernon’s suite and the older just slinked into his unit silently. Seungkwan followed behind him, thankful for the ac and that they were finally hidden from the summer sun. He stood as he watched the older slump himself on the giant bean bag, head falling back and eyes closing in a sigh.

“Seungkwan?” Vernon called out to him, opening one eye; he patted the space right next to him. “Come here.”

“Can I use your shower?”

Vernon looked at him. “Sure. There are fresh towels on the cabinet, pick a colour and it’d be a complete set.”

“Thanks,” he murmured as he made his way up to the bedroom. Once he reached the bedroom, he gathered the clothes he wore to last night’s dinner and made a decision to leave. Entering the bathroom, he barely paid attention to the fixtures and its size and zeroed in on the clear cabinet that had piles of variously coloured towels. He took the dark blue ones and started for the shower enclosed in the glass cubicle.

Under the warm water, Seungkwan soaped and scrubbed away the memories of Vernon’s touch on his skin. What was he thinking? Did he really think he was in some fairy tale romance where they could hide away from the world in this tower? Was that what was going to be in store for him? A lot of stories to be spun? And what was up with Kim Mingyu?

He sighed as he washed off the suds. Soonyoung and Chan were wrong, there was no fun to be had in this kind of thing, especially for someone like him. There was only one thing he wanted out of all of this and that was companionship. Last night gave him a taste of it, but could he really afford this kind of companionship at the risk of putting up a front?

Shutting down the shower and drying himself off with the towel, he took care in dressing himself. As for the borrowed clothes, he folded them neatly and placed them in the laundry basket. Forgoing the suit jacket, he descended down the stairs and repeated his mantra of “You’re Boo Seungkwan, not Boo Seungkwan’t.

“Oh, you could have just shouted that you needed clothes,” Vernon commented as soon as Seungkwan was in the landing. He wasn’t sure how Vernon knew he was coming considering that the older had the tv on and there was a documentary playing on the screen so it shocked him frozen for a bit. “It can’t be comfortable to lounge around in that. You know I wouldn’t mind lending you more comfortable ones.”

“Ah, that,” Seungkwan sheepishly rubbed at his neck. “I might have to cut our day short.”

Vernon straightened up in his bean bag. “What? Why?”

Seungkwan walked closer, figuring that he might as well say goodbye in a proper way. “I got an emergency call from my friend,” he lied smoothly, but he felt guilty once Vernon’s eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Did anything wrong happen?”

“I’m hoping not.” Seungkwan twisted his fingers behind his back. “But I didn’t get much details from my friend, it was just a frantic text.”

Vernon nodded understandingly and pulled Seungkwan into a hug. “Alright, I sincerely hope there’s nothing wrong.”

Seungkwan nodded into the hug, although he could already feel the lie slowly twisting his insides. “Me too,” he whispered then pulled himself away from the embrace. “Uh, I need to go now though.”

Vernon let him. “You would say no if I told you that I could have you driven, right?”

Seungkwan chuckled weakly. “Of course, besides, I’m a regular at KakaoTaxi, I want to earn my rewards.”

Vernon laughed along and then brought up a hand to softly touch Seugkwan’s cheek. “Ok, I understand.” He leant down and pecked Seungkwan on the lips. “For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed our time together.”

“Me too.”

“When can we see each other again?”

Seungkwan didn’t answer, unsure of whether he wanted to go through this or unsure of when he can actually see Vernon again.

Vernon sighed. “It’s alright, text me when you’re home or whatever happened with your friend. I’d like to know if they would end up fine.”

Seungkwan nodded mutely before he stood up on the balls of his feet and returned Vernon’s earlier kiss. “I will,” he promised.

Twenty Something - Nightly

Seungkwan didn’t lie when he said that he had an emergency to deal with. The only lie he said was that it had something to do with his friends. But now, waiting for Chan and Jun to arrive in his own apartment, the friends part has also come true. He burrowed himself under the covers and stared blankly at Vernon’s palette.

Despite spending the whole night and morning together, they’ve never really gotten around to exchanging numbers. It was silly just how fast they were swept up in last night’s fantasy. It was as if the entire at.mosphere was a world separate to Seungkwan’s daily life and now that he was out of it, he was suddenly thrown back into his own small piece of Earth, which wasn’t, at all, that big.

 

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Seungkwan, just wanted to check in on you and your friends

Hope you’re alright.

I’m just a message away

And I can’t believe we didn’t exchange numbers.

Here’s mine.

 

It was 6pm. The message was sent just an hour ago and he already felt guilty that he had no plans to respond just yet.

Seungkwan clicked out of the program and proceeded to type Vernon’s number into his phonebook, but he had to pause. It seemed too straightforward to save it as just Vernon but he didn’t have the older man’s Korean name either. In all fairness, there wasn’t a lot that he gleaned from his meeting with the man apart from the fact that the older guy was just too damn charming and too irresistible.

But then, meeting Mingyu earlier also led Seungkwan to the validation that his ex(?) crush was also charming and irresistible. If he were to compare Vernon and Mingyu, then all he could say was that they were the same. And the level of knowledge he has on either two were also about the same.

And yet, despite not knowing a lot about either man, Seungkwan still ended up feeling so many things.

He sighed and screamed into his blanket. “Yah Boo Jinseol! Boo Soojung! What use are you if you’re not going to teach me the right things?”

“What did your noonas do this time?”

Seungkwan pulled his covers down his chin only to see Chan and Jun standing in his bedroom door with a plastic bag each. He turned over in his bed and screamed into his pillow. He had forgotten that the two had keys to his apartment and had long discarded the rules of propriety. In the four years that Seungkwan has lived in this building, Jun and Chan had become semi-residents with how often they would come and go; with an invite, the two were less likely to observe knocking. He sat up in his bed and scowled at his two friends.

“We are not drinking and eating in my room.”

Chan shrugged and led himself out of the room but Jun stayed. The older draped himself on Seungkwan’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “Come on Kwannie, let’s get out of bed!”

Jun pulled at the younger’s arms. Seungkwan nodded and let himself be led to his own living room where Chan began setting up all the food and alcohol that they brought.

“I love soju,” Seungkwan proclaimed as soon as the green bottles were taken out of the plastic bag. He swiped a peach-flavored one from Chan’s grip and immediately opened it. He swallowed a gulp and smacked his lips obnoxiously. “Soju will always be better than wine.”

Chan clinked his own grape soju bottle against Jun’s grapefruit one. “Correct. We all hate wine here.”

“You kids, wine is not to be blamed,” Jun argued with a laugh. “It’s your undeveloped palates that are to blame.”

The two scowled at him before simultaneously hitting the oldest with pillows. Jun squealed, shielding his soju bottle from the attack. Soon, the two-on-one attack devolved into a free-for-all, and the three began hitting each other with thin sofa pillows as if they were kids in a sleepover, laughing and cursing at each other. It was only when they were finally out of juice and realized that they were actually hungry that they stopped the pillow fight.

Lying on Seungkwan’s stained carpet with a chicken in one hand and a bottle in the other, the three friends stared listlessly at the bright LED bulb. Seungkwan reached a hand over to the bulb and stretched his fingers as far as it could go.

“You’re right Chan,” Seungkwan started. “The ultra-rich are really are a world of their own.”

“I knew it all along,” Chan smacked his lips after finishing off a drumstick. “You could never tell what they would do with their money.”

Jun nodded against Seungkwan’s shoulder. “But their food must be really better? I can’t even imagine what gold tastes like.”

Seungkwan snorted. “It probably tastes how a freshly minted coin would taste like.”

“Did you get the 200,000 won steak?” Jun asked as he nudged Seungkwan’s foot with his own.

“Maybe? I didn’t really take a look at the menu. But, if I had the 200,000 won steak, then it did taste like 200,000 won.”

“Woah, that’s cool,” Jun muttered.

Chan on the other hand, sniffed. “Your date must have been really rich to hide the cost from you!”

“I guess he is.” The details of Vernon’s apartment came flooding back in his memories. “I don’t even remember if he paid for the meal.”

Jun whistled. “Maybe he’s the owner of the place that’s why he didn’t have to pay.”

Seungkwan shrugged.

“Enough about his money,” Chan said with a careless wave of his soju bottle. “We already know he’s up there just on at.mosphere alone. Tell us about him. How did he look like? Was he hot?”

“Oh, he is,” Seungkwan couldn’t help but sigh dreamily. Just picturing Vernon again made his heart skip a beat. “If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been persuaded to stay the night.”

Chan sat up from his lying position and punched Seungkwan on his shoulders while Jun rolled over to hug him and tangle their legs together, and cheered like Wonwoo did. “Yey, our Seungkwannie’s growing up!”

“Hyung!” Chan crowed at him. “That’s great! Did you finally do it?”

Seungkwan pushed his two friends off him, affronted and just a bit embarrassed, he yelled at the two. “Yah!”

Chan tsked and got another piece of chicken before he lied down next to Seungkwan. “But really, hyung, congrats on finally getting your first milestone.”

“Milestone?”

Jun nodded furiously, still holding on to Seungkwan like a limpet. “Every gay relationship has milestones jut like every straight one has. Come on, Kwannie, you know this, you’re our resident romantic.”

“Holding hands. First kiss. First sex. First overnight. First misunderstanding. First fight.” Chan listed.

“In that order?”

Jun shrugged. “The order doesn’t matter to the gays. Life’s always been too short to have it all in order anyway.”

Seungkwan mulled over the list. First kiss, check. Holding hands, check. First overnight, check. First misunderstanding, check. It seemed like he’s passed majority of the milestones already. “So, what happens when you pass the milestones?”

“Then that’s when you become scared,” Chan intoned seriously.

“Why?”

“Because,” Jun started answering, it almost amused Seungkwan with how the two has turned into his personal Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. “Once you pass all the milestones then you start wondering if it’s going to be a relationship or not.”

“And it’s scary,” Chan continued. “Because people don’t really know what they want to happen after that and it all goes – splat.”

Jun held out his thumb and pointed it downwards to further illustrate their point.

“Wow, I didn’t know you two were this cynical about relationships.”

Jun laughed and Chan finished his bottle.

“Oh Seungkwannie, it happens to everyone. We never get it right the first time anyway.”

Seungkwan didn’t say anything, instead he just sat up and dug through the plastic bag for some sausages. Once he found one, he peeled it and chewed on it thoughtfully. Was he on his way to a relationship with Vernon?

“By the way hyung,” Chan bumped into his side and rummaged through the bag for a sausage as well. “Will you see him again? Or are you gonna shop around first?”

Seungkwan turned to the younger and licked his lips. Did he want to see Vernon again? Or did he just want to be with someone? He took the sausage the Chan had in his hand and tore the packaging off before biting into it, ignoring Chan’s indignant whine. Swallowing the sausage down, he looked at the younger. “I guess, I’m taking it a step at a time.”

Issues – Julia Michaels

 

Notes:

Have you ever dated someone you wanted to be in a relationship so bad, but you know that it's just gonna be futile? You have? My condolences.

Chapter 4

Summary:

Vernon thinks of his date and the days that pass after, even maturity and the number of years can't save anyone from overthinking.
Even the most sensible, most advanced person would have something to turn them just a little bit crazy when something disappears like a bubble in their lives.

Notes:

This is a little bit more background on Vernon and all the moving parts in Vernon's life. It's much more internal this time rather than external so I hope you'll be able to stick through this.

Spotify songs from 32-42.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Without – Years & Years

“It’s privacy. The most expensive thing in the world is privacy.”

Seungcheol spoke like he had so many years behind him at 32 years old. He was only 4 years older than Vernon but there was so much regret and bitterness in his voice that made the younger look on helplessly. Surrounded by soju bottles and crinkling plastic of takeout, his Seungcheol hyung looked every inch heartbroken despite being in his best Kim Seo Ryong ensemble. His pale skin was flushed red that matched his swollen, teary eyes. It contrasted greatly to the smile he had displayed all night in celebration of his engagement.

“What use is all the money in the world if you can’t even keep living your life?” Seungcheol continued after finishing his fourth beer. “That’s why Sol-ah, no matter what you do, keep your shit private. Not just from the world but even from me.”

Vernon remained sober, despite Seungcheol’s invitations to indulge in their own version of celebration. He couldn’t find it in himself to drink to stupor like Seungcheol was doing. The last thing his hyung needed now was someone as unglued. No matter how much he wanted to commiserate and comfort, the best and most appropriate course of action was to keep his wits about him and make sure that Seungcheol wouldn’t do anything that would add to the older’s regrets, even if that meant making empty promises.

“Hyung, you’d be the last person to be like that.”

Seungcheol sniffed and ignored Vernon’s reassurance. “I don’t want to marry Ji-eun. Why do I have to be the one? Please, Sollie, it can’t be me.”

Vernon didn’t answer; Seungcheol’s marriage to Ji-eun was inevitable. The fate of marriage always hung over them, even Vernon, unsure of how it would swing. Being childhood friends forced into companionship by their families ensured that they were all familiar with each other. In fact, their current positions could have been easily exchanged. Ji-eun could have been engaged to Vernon instead. He supposed that it was only due to Ji-eun being closer to Seungcheol’s age and the two’s shared tenure in TIEMBA that set the path for this match-up.

“Ji-eun noona would be good to you,” Vernon promised emptily. He felt so much for his hyung, but he would be lying if he said he would be ready to jump into Seungcheol’s place. He loved his cousin dearly, but he would be a fool to cut his youth short. In the future, he would see himself in the same position as his hyung, that he was sure of, but that didn’t mean it had to happen now.

Seungcheol opened another can of beer and sat up from his spreadeagled position on Vernon’s carpet. “She is so good. So good to me, and to us and she doesn’t deserve this as much as I don’t.”

Vernon nodded, wondering how Ji-eun was faring. She was a good actress too, considering the fact that she was able to put such a perfect image of an enamoured fiancée. But Vernon knew that there were no secrets in their circle, and that Ji-eun would rather run away and be a film director in Prague than be one of the Mrs.Chois of the Choi Chwe Group of Companies.

“Where do you think Ji-eun is right now?”

“Probably with your sister, doing the same thing as I do, with a little more finesse than me that’s for sure,” Seungcheol answered bitterly, lying down on the carpet, uncaring of the drops of alcohol. “She was thinking about applying to FAMU, did you know?”

“You could have just said no, hyung. You could have saved yourself and noona,” Vernon offered uselessly. It’s not like something could be done. The engagement might have been the first public step, but they all knew that the ink dried sooner before the announcement was even made.

Seungcheol scoffed. “And what? Abandon everything like Hannie did? I’m not ready for that. I can’t stand Harabeonim’s disappointment, or even being apart from Eomma, or Appa, and even you guys. Seeing Hannie is already enough to keep me from saying no. And besides, there’s a reason why Ji-eun always wavered in her resolve for Prague. She’s even more scared than I am.”

Vernon pouted. That sounded like Ji-eun alright. She was kind, generous even, but she was always too dutiful. And that gave him pause because he just realised that there was also someone else that was just as dutiful as Seungcheol and his fiancée.

Joshua Hong.

Vernon wondered how Joshua was doing. It was possible that the older was spending the night with his Jeonghan hyung. Jeonghan was Joshua’s best friend, the one who made the fateful introduction to Seungcheol. It was hard to imagine though, that Joshua would be as messed up as Seungcheol right now, but Vernon had no way to confirm.

“What about Joshua-hyung?”

Joshua showing up to the private party was unexpected. In fact, he thought that the older would find out about Seungcheol’s predicament like how everyone else would, through the society pages in this weekend’s papers. Vernon remembered the way Joshua’s face remained brass-bound the entire time of the engagement party. He didn’t think his family was cruel, but he never imagined that their Harabeonim could have invited Seungcheol’s long-time partner to his own grandson’s engagement party.

Seungcheol sighed, then tried to finish off his fifth beer. He gulped audibly and when he was done, he opened another can. “Joshua knew it all along.”

“Does Harabeonim know?”

“I would never, ever, do something like that to Shua.” Seungcheol turned to him with pleading eyes. “The last thing I would ever want is for him to stand in front of me and Ji-eun, pretending to be alright when he’s not. He may have long accepted this, but it’s different to have it thrown in your face.”

Vernon nodded, but didn’t say anything else. What else could he say that would make Seungcheol feel any better?

“That’s why you should make sure, Sol, that you keep everything that matters to you private. I tried my best with Shua, and to a point, I deluded myself that I can be brave enough.”

“Hyung, you did what you had to do.”

“That’s right, that’s right. I did what I have to do.” Seungcheol laughed humourlessly. “You must think I’m pathetic now, but when it’s your turn and you do what you have to do, I’ll be there for you.”

Vernon slid down his couch so he can sit next to his hyung’s head. He offered a hand to his cousin and Seungcheol pressed on it like a promise. He wanted to squeeze back, assure his hyung that he would not let Seungcheol experience this alone, and to promise that unlike Jeonghan, he would help carry the brunt of their legacy. But there was one thing stopping him, and that was the image of his production assistant spending sleepless nights in their commandeered basement studio, and all he could manage was a light grip on Seungcheol’s own.

 

Bravado - Lorde

In the end, Jihoon, unlike Joshua, didn’t truly understand the need for privacy and the cost it came with. When he told Seungkwan that it was privacy that was his most prized and most expensive possession, the younger had looked at him confused. But confusion was vastly different from hurt and anger so Vernon took it as a positive sign. Confusion had room to learn, anger and hurt were closed doors.

Watching Seungkwan’s officemates approach their table, Vernon thought that the younger would definitely learn first-hand what he meant by privacy a little too early. Underneath the table he could feel Seungkwan nudging him in some sort of signal. He’s pretty sure he was meant to take it as an urging that he should overrule and rescind Seungkwan’s invitation towards the two strangers but he ignored it. If there was any hope for them in the future, meeting people like this and testing the waters was a necessary step.

He looked up at the two young guys and gave them his trademark smile. They took their seats, the taller one taking the seat next to Seungkwan and the smiley one sat next to himself. Vernon wondered just how well acquainted they were to Seungkwan, but he didn’t have to figure it out for so long since the two began expressing their glee in bumping into the younger.

Seungkwan-ssi, the formality alone meant they weren’t that well acquainted but Vernon could sense a tension between the two with the way Seungkwan was slightly leaning into the taller’s presence. But the tension mostly came from Seungkwan, the taller one seemed oblivious or just too happy to see Seungkwan.

“I do hope we’re not interrupting your breakfast with –,” the oblivious officemate interrupted Vernon’s observation and looked at him expectantly.

Right, they want to know who I am.

Without even thinking about it, Vernon rushed to introducing himself as Seungkwan’s family friend, hoping that it would be vague enough not to invite questions. He held out his hand to the taller guy who turned out to be called Mingyu, and then offered it to the smiley one next to him who was called Seokmin. Mingyu had a firm and confident handshake, and had it been a different setting he would have taken it as a good sign, but seeing the way Mingyu smile indulgingly at Seungkwan just made Vernon’s stomach sour.

Before he could linger on the unease, Seokmin grabbed his attention with his somewhat sincere apology of barging into their breakfast but Vernon brushed it off and reassured the two (and hopefully, Seungkwan as well) that it was not a big issue at all. Playing the role of a family friend that has inconvenienced the younger for a weekend reunion, he even joked that Seungkwan would probably appreciate the company of people his age.

Seungkwan turned sharply to look at him as soon as the comment slipped out of his mouth. There was a hint of annoyance in the younger’s gaze that Vernon was sure they would have to discuss later on. Still, he laughed it off, because it was what people his age would have said and there was absolutely nothing wrong with poking fun at themselves. It was already far too unfamiliar of a situation and the last thing he wanted was to make it awkward.

Thankfully, for Vernon, Seungkwan did know not to comment on it and instead dismissed it like he had hoped and proceeded to call for the waiter.

As they poured over the selection and made their orders, Vernon pretty much tuned the three out who went on figuring out how fate has led them to this location.

Vernon didn’t care much about mingling, in fact, the beauty of choosing to present himself as a family friend ensured that he would not have to give so much input; after all, who wanted to hear from some ahjussi? Besides, the less he talked, the less room he had for making a mistake that would put Seungkwan in a tight position.

Although, there was one thing that he couldn’t control even if he wanted. His eyes seemed to gravitate towards the younger who was split between enjoying the banter with his own officemates and checking if Vernon was alright.

Vernon tried not to stare too much, he really did, but Seungkwan just seemed so different from last night and earlier morning’s version. This Seungkwan laughed louder and had a drier humour to exhibit. The only glimpses of last night’s Seungkwan was whenever the younger would respond to something teasing that Mingyu would say. To Seokmin, the younger was playfully snappish, but to Mingyu, Seungkwan was softer in his playing. Vernon wasn’t sure how he would take it, but he thought that the reservation must have come from the taller’s earlier declaration of wanting to collaborate for a long time.

“Seungkwan-ah, I didn’t know you were this popular.”

That was supposed to stay in Vernon’s mind, but seeing Seungkwan blush and bite his lips in pleased embarrassment was worth the message bursting out from him. Mingyu, despite his initial claims of not knowing Seungkwan well enough, looked like he wanted to add just how popular the younger was.

That alone further lit the flame of curiosity in Vernon.

Mingyu-ssi, please do tell what else you find amazing in our little Seungkwan.

Unfortunately for them, Mingyu was stopped from expressing whatever else he has for Seungkwan with the arrival of their food. The appearance of the dishes that were surprisingly well-plated and coming in in huge portions for their prices, took all their attention and reminded Vernon how famished he was. It was already half past nine in the morning and it was way past his breakfast hours if he was being honest.

Seungkwan had ordered himself pancakes, and Vernon remembered Munyeong’s recommendation of egg sandwich so that was what he bought. Although, he thought, it would be a shame if the younger missed out on the perceived bestseller. So, Vernon sliced out portions of his own meal to give to the younger, not too different from what he would have usually done. He has always been used to serving his family. Being one of the youngest in the clan and ultimately, the last heir for their legacy, it has always been ingrained in him to offer food to anyone who was significant. And Seungkwan had the beginnings of significance.

“You must really know Seungkwan from when he was younger, Vernon-ssi,” Mingyu spoke up. “Are you from Jeju too?”

That gave Vernon pause, the words opened his eyes to the social faux pas that obviously warranted Mingyu’s searching comments. Nevertheless, he offered a tight smile and brushed off the sense that regardless of how careful he had been, he still made an error, and well, the only way out was to put on more lies to cover up the slip.

“Ah yeah, I’m not from Jeju, though.”

Mingyu looked fit to ask more about their history and Vernon wondered just how bottomless the man’s curiosity was. It was only Seungkwan’s own offer of his pancakes that shifted the interest back to eating.

And eat, they did.

As the meal went on Vernon found it safer to only talk when he was prompted. He reverted to his normal of just observing and placated himself with watching Seungkwan act in front of the younger’s friends. Among strangers, he has always been trained to be the silent one so he could observe everyone else. He has never been a loud person and he would rather spend his time letting people do their own exposition for him. There were times that Seungkwan would glance at him and even encourage him to speak up more, but he just offered a serene smile, content to just watch.

When the meal was over and Seungkwan has paid for their share, Vernon let out a breath that he had been holding for the entire time. This wasn’t how he envisioned learning more about the younger would be and the whole encounter just raised more questions. He stared at Seungkwan and saw the tension crawl out from his shoulders, a part of him was guilty for making things unnecessarily difficult but there was no use regretting. And yet, there was something itching, scratching at his brain regarding the whole experience. Seungkwan had been nervous, and it didn’t feel like the understandable kind.

“So,” he started, taking care to take away the grave curiosity in his voice. “Care to tell me which of your colleagues you held a torch for?”

The pause was too quick to even count as one. Seungkwan immediately volleyed his query with a question of his own. “What do you mean?”

Vernon looked at the younger, the way Seungkwan was poised, ready to rebut was giving him much to consider. He could pry, or he could let go. In the end, like he has been taught, it was always better to keep sensitive things under wraps.  And despite wanting to defend his choices to the younger, he tamped down every urge to bite at the things Seungkwan was insinuating even under the disguise of dry words and heavy silence. He only hoped that going back home would make the younger more likely to hear him out, and if Seungkwan didn’t want to talk about the breakfast, then Vernon would do his best to remind him of last night’s promise of taking everything one step at a time.

 

Faragh – Yousef Kekhia || Ween El-kalam - Hayajan

Vernon found himself skipping today’s work in favour of helping his sister out. The Asscher in Jeju needed a fine-dining establishment that would rival the at.mosphere and as The Diamond Hospitality’s COO, Hangyeol could not absolutely leave it to her underlings to conceptualise for this new venture. She always claimed to love people and their work, but when it came to her hotels, there would only be very few people she could trust with the experience.

Vernon could not care less for TDH, but as one of Hangyeol’s trusted advisors in everything but relationships, he ended up sitting with Joshua (a late but significant addition to her circle of trust) in his sister’s private kitchen in at.mosphere. On the steel countertop, were a bunch of folders in different colours. Joshua had a red one open in front of his face and was mouthing along to whatever he was reading.  Vernon would typically take the time to immerse in his own folder of choosing but instead, he had his eyes glued on Seungkwan’s profile. It was quite unbecoming of him to be unfocused in matters that required his full attention, but he couldn’t help it. After all, he hasn’t heard from Seungkwan since the time the younger left his flat.

“Earth to Vernon?” Joshua said in English as he snapped his fingers in front of Vernon’s face. The younger wasn’t fazed though. He sighed before taking a long drag of his scentless e-cigarette and tried again. “Yo, Vern!”

Vernon startled and looked up from his last message. Joshua was staring at him with a cocked brow that made him put his phone with its display down. Clearing his throat, he shuffled the remaining folders and picked up the sole manila one. He opened it to the first page, something about Moroccan cuisine and Middle Eastern design themes, and pretended to study it.

Joshua chuckled and pulled the manila folder down. “You, alright?”

Vernon stopped his charade and smiled tightly at the older. “Yeah, bro, I’m fine.”

“You seem preoccupied, I’ve been calling your name three times now, and Gyeol’s been in and out but you haven’t even noticed her.”

“Oh, really?” Vernon strained his neck to look behind Joshua so that he could hopefully take a peek at the actual cooking area and catch a glimpse of his sister who he hasn’t seen since he entered the restaurant. “She didn’t say hi to me?”

“She’s a headless chicken right now.” Joshua waved his red folder. “I think she’s trying a hand at French and African cuisines and she’s even more distracted than you are right now.”

Vernon held up his own. “If that’s the case then she might as well go for the Moroccan. And, I’m not distracted. I was just alternatively preoccupied.”

Joshua let out a light laugh. “Sure, Vern. If I didn’t know you, I’d have thought someone ghosted you with the way you’ve been staring and sighing at your phone for the past ten minutes.”

“Ghosted?” Vernon echoed just as a heavy arm fell upon his shoulders. He shrugged off the arm and turned to face his unknown assailant.

“Who’s being ghosted?” Baby pink hair and an impish smirk greeted Vernon once he looked up. It was Jeonghan, the final member of Hangyeol’s trust circle which is actually a triumvirate now that he thought about it. The older, relegated cousin sat next to him and shot him a playful wink and then turned to Joshua with a leer. “I do hope it’s not you, Shuji because banned on the premises or not I will go down to Spinel right now and break into Seungcheol’s office.”

“Not me!” Joshua held his hands up with a grin. “Try him though.”

Jeonghan shifted his attention to Vernon and Vernon did not like the way his hyung was sizing him up. He waved his hands in dismissal and hid behind the “No one, Han-hyung. I don’t even know what ghosted means.”

“Really?” Jeonghan widened his eyes at the revelation and choked out a laugh. “How’s that possible? Don’t you need to keep up with the times when you produce? You can’t go around singing about dated things.”

“Well, we can’t all be surrounded by youngsters who know what’s hip and cool nowadays,” Vernon was quick to comment. “It’d be easy for you at university, but some of us keep jobs that are less –”

Jeonghan’s chuckles died down. Straightening himself over the stool, he stared at Vernon evenly, daring him to continue.

Vernon didn’t continue his thought, though he couldn’t resist jibing. “It’s not all fun and games. You would know if you were the one handling Alexandrite.”

The “But you aren’t,” was loud and clear and Jeonghan heard it well.  His face remained unchanged though it seemed like he was ready to indulge Vernon in a discussion they always seem to fall in. It always cropped up in their meetings and it was forever present and hanging over them like storm clouds full with the promise of troubling rain.

If Seungcheol’s turmoil ridden waters was Vernon’s inability to settle down just yet, Vernon’s own against Jeonghan was Alexandrite.

And his career as a Marketing professor at SNU.

And his desertion that led to a legal name change from Choi to Yoon.

And his absolute confidence that he only needed to be true to himself; arrogant in the fact that he could survive the world without all the things and the people he’s grown up with.

And the part that irked Vernon the most was the fact that Jeonghan seemed to do right on all those things.

Was he envious of the cousin that most of his family renounced?

No, he didn’t think so.

But on some days, when Vernon felt particularly regretful, Lee Jihoon was added to the list.

“Anyways,” Joshua intercepted just as Jeonghan opened his mouth to retort. The older shot a warning look at Vernon that promised a sermon if they went any further. Vernon sighed and Jeonghan slouched slightly, and once satisfied that they wouldn’t brawl unnecessarily, Joshua continued. “Ghosting is when someone you’ve been talking to for a period of time suddenly stops returning your messages.”

Jeonghan picked up the tail. “It’s ghosting because you end up disappearing like a ghost.”

There was something in the way that Jeonghan ended his words, sharp and accusing, but Vernon didn’t rise to the bait. “Yeah, I got that now, thanks.”

Ghosting, he tried to taste it in his mouth without attracting the notice of the older two. After eight days of checking up on Seungkwan and despite sending the younger photos of his side of Seoul from his balcony, he still hasn’t received any response from the younger. A huge part of him prayed that everything was fine and that whatever problems the younger’s friends had have not affected Seungkwan to the point of radio silence, but another part of him selfishly hoped there was something stopping Seungkwan from reading his messages even if that meant unfolding trouble. But now, hearing Jeonghan name something that Vernon remembered doing gave him a bitter taste. Maybe it was time to call it what it is. It wasn’t merely a ghosting, it didn’t feel like a disappearance. It was something else.

A rejection.

He pocketed his phone and decided to leave it for now, pushing the remaining folder in Jeonghan’s direction so that the other would know what to expect from today’s tastings. But his older cousin didn’t even spare the black folder a glance. He raised a brow at his hyung, trying to suss out if the older had anything more to say.

Jeonghan turned away from him after a beat and faced the dark folder, he opened it and spoke softly. “It’s always easier to do the disappearing act. It’s the one left behind that always ends up asking questions when they’ve been deserted.”

“Is it? Are you sure about that, hyung?”

“Hansol!”

“Sorry, bro,” Vernon lifted a hand towards Joshua, “I just don’t see it the way Han hyung sees it. Not everyone who leaves, leaves because of a coin toss. I’m sure some people spent nights tossing and turning if it was the best decision for everyone involved.”

Jeonghan just smirked. “Of course, but that doesn’t excuse it.”

Vernon rolled his eyes and bit his lip. There was no winning against Jeonghan especially when it came to principles. “Sure.”

Joshua clapped. “So, enough about all this. We should all catch up before Gyeol takes over. Right, guys?”

Jeonghan’s eyes left the folder and he looked up to his best friend with a smile. “Of course, I’ve been out of the loop I can’t believe that I’d ever reach a point where news from family would have to go through Jihoonie first.”

Vernon snorted. “Just show up in our golf sessions. Cheol hyung won’t be that bad. Besides, Jihoon could use the break. He’s been locking himself up at work lately. Does he even go home?”

“Of course, he comes home,” Jeonghan’s grin was sickeningly sweet. “He comes home to me.”

“Still, it’d be nice for all of us guys to hang out together, quite like the old days,” Joshua interjected.

“I did extend an invitation to Jihoon.”

“Sollie, Shuji, I’m very grateful for your thoughtfulness, but you know it won’t be a great time for either me or Jihoon if we run in into someone else. Besides, with the way Cheol has been ignoring my messages, I don’t think he’d want me to crash your dates, Shuji.”

Joshua reached out a hand to Jeonghan. “Cheol’s not mad.”

“And even then, Cheol hyung would never bring Shua to a place where Harabeonim would be free to act out.”

Jeonghan shook his head. “Cheol’s different and Shuji, you’re different. No offence to you, but RocketBlast just sits on top the barely acceptable line of associations for Harabeonim. SNU’s way below this and as much as Jihoon’s proud of his studio…”

He trailed off, then he turned to Vernon, a bit subdued. “And I know it’s you, Sollie, Jihoonie wouldn’t tell me who his angel investor was but I know Universe Factory wouldn’t have happened without you.”

Vernon waved off the gratitude. “It’s no issue, hyung. Jihoon deserved everything.”

Jeonghan nodded. The only thing that could possibly unite them is Lee Jihoon and how the younger deserved all the good things. “If Harabeonim lost his shit over me choosing to teach, he’d probably drop dead if he runs into Jihoon.”

“Is Jihoon ok with everything?” Joshua queried. “Doesn’t he ever ask?”

Jeonghan shrugged. “He’s as fine as he could be, I suppose. It’s not like he’s chasing after Harabeonim’s recognition or anyone else’s for that matter. Plus, Harabeonim’s more of a boogeyman to him now, not exactly the kind of person he’d ever want to meet.”

That left them silent. The Choi Patriarch was a man succinct with his words but cutting all the same. It was truly an art form with how clinical Harabeonim could be in reminding someone just where their place ought to be. Joshua used to receive pointed stares, the eldest Choi could only spare his heavy looks and his words were fortunately reserved for two kinds of people: someone who was better than Joshua, or the worst out of them all. But Jihoon, with his youth and his craft, on top of being the undisclosed but frequently whispered about reason for Jeonghan’s absence, would probably ignite hellfire in the patriarch. Vernon understood why Jeonghan kept the younger away. He would have done the same had he been wiser.

“Oh yey! Three of my favourite people are here!”

Hangyeol came out of the dirty kitchen with a huge smile plastered on her face followed by her frazzled sous chef, and two other stressed-out serving assistants. Above them were three trays with gleaming silver covers gliding as they came forward. Vernon hasn’t had breakfast yet and while he was picky with food, he would never shy away from new things; he wondered which menu set Gyeol would be showing first.

Jeonghan laughed, quite pleased, and stood up with open arms to welcome the girl that he hasn’t seen in almost a year. She skipped the rest of the way to the counter and threw herself at him with so much glee that Jeonghan had to hug her tightly before dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

“You didn’t have to include these two losers in your faves list, Gyeollie,” Jeonghan chided her as he released the woman from his hug. “I know it’s only me that you actually need.”

Hangyeol chuckled and playfully slapped the older, before reaching out to pull out a snorting Joshua into a hug. “Can’t do that, Han-oppa. Shua-oppa’s just as needed.”

“Correct, don’t let your head get too big just because you have a freaking fivehead, Han.”

They all laughed at Joshua’s ribbing, even Jeonghan, who managed to manoeuvre himself fluidly away from Hangyeol’s side to poke at the other man. Joshua slipped out after pecking Hangyeol on the cheeks, keen to put distance between him and the man he just insulted before he’s put in a headlock. Vernon shook his head at the antics of the older two as he approached his sister for a much more sedate greeting. Like kids, the two best friends weaved in and out of the younger pair, trying to catch each other in their stupid chase. For a moment the four acted way younger than their ages, completely ignoring the staff around them who stood like newbie soldiers under a notorious drill sergeant after they’ve laid out the dishes.

After a few more seconds of playing around, Jeonghan finally gave up with a huff, returning to his stool with an exaggerated gasp while Joshua crowed triumphantly. The two siblings ceased to be used as pillars in the unwanted game of hide-and-seek as they sat themselves down.

“So, I’m glad you can all make it today.” Hangyeol beamed at them. “I invited Cheol hyung as well, but he said he had a conference call with Abeonim and Seungmin-oppa. Something about CCI…I didn’t really ask much.”

“It’s for the best,” Jeonghan commented, Hangyeol hummed in agreement while Joshua sniffed. Things haven’t been the same since Choi Jeonghan became Yoon Jeonghan.

Vernon smacked his lips loudly to break the silence. Lifting the covers off the plates that’s right in front of him, he tried to guess what kind of food he’s looking at. He wasn’t sure what they were but all he knew was that this didn’t look like the pictures in his folder. “What’s your first menu, Gyeol-ah?”

She waved for her assistant and he gave her the red folder that Jeonghan was previously perusing. “Lebanese.”

“Ooh,” Joshua cooed as he pulled offed the covers on his own dishes. Jeonghan soon followed suit, and as soon as the covers were removed, they were taken away from the table by the bussers.

Two bowls of salad were placed in front of Hangyeol. One bowl had the standard lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers with fried chips on top of it, while the other had finely chopped greens that looked and smelled like parsley with some kind of grains in it. On their individual plates were skewers of different meats arranged on top of a flat bread. Surrounding them were small pots of creamy paste in various shades of beiges and browns while a big pizza-looking bread sat in the middle.

Vernon has only seen and tasted this kind of spread, maybe once or twice in his life. In the few times he’s been to the Middle East, he didn’t really find himself craving the local delicacies so he’s learned to steer away from them. But now, it seems like Hangyeol’s willing to try the unprecedented especially with her mostly Middle Eastern offering. He took a sideways look at Jeonghan who was known to be the least adventurous in food and judged the older. Jeonghan looked apprehensive, his eyes kept darting from dish to dish and Vernon could relate. He shot a glance at Joshua and as Joshua was their resident amateur chef, it was not surprising to find him interested in everything.

“How do we eat this?” Vernon asked, there were no silverware in sight. He could already imagine what the most pretentious people of society would say about this kind of food. The ones who only had their images would be balking at the absence of cutlery, but it’d be a novel experience worth paying for with the right people.

“With the pita,” she pointed at the layer of flat breads on the side of their plates, then she pointed to the huge pizza in the middle. “Or if you’re adventurous, you could take the meat, the shish taouk, and put it on top of the manakish.”

“Is there no rice?” Jeonghan asked, eyes peeling the table in search for the dish. “I don’t think Korea would like the absence of rice so much.”

“There’s gonna be a rice dish later, oppa, don’t worry. But for now, try these first. You can do the same thing with these salads, here’s the fattoush, if you’re more for the mixed greens and here’s the tabbouleh, if you wanted something to cleanse your palate first.”

Joshua took out a pita bread and dug into the tabbouleh. “And besides, Hannie, you’re not paying extra for something you can have every day. You’re paying for the fact it’s not found anywhere else.”

Vernon copied Joshua and shoved the rolled-up piece of bread and salad in his mouth with zero expectations. It was a weird feeling; it was like eating a banchan sandwich with how the tabbouleh tasted tart and citrusy. Swallowing it down, he looked at Hangyeol who was excitedly waiting for their comments. “Tell us the truth, you’re pretty much decided on Lebanese right?”

“I am,” she sheepishly said. “I’ve even thought of a name. It’s going to be called The Souq and it will be a mix of Levantine restaurant and market. It’s gonna be a full experience.”

Jeonghan has completely ignored the salads and moved on to the skewers. “That sounds like it’d become really popular. If you have it here, I’m sure the at.mosphere would have competition. The meat and bread are good, and I bet it’d be a real kicker to be surrounded by a sanitized version of a market.”

Joshua hummed. “I’m pretty sold on this, actually. I could see myself booking a flight to Jeju for a legitimate shawarma if you’re offering it, and you should have it.”

“Soon enough Jeju’s local government would thank you for the tourist traffic,” Jeonghan quipped.

Vernon didn’t say anything, he let Jeonghan and Joshua take over the entire conversation; content to just listen about the possible marketing strategies Jeonghan would share, and the quality of ingredients and the subtle tastes that Joshua would comment on. He almost forgot where The Asscher was until Joshua mentioned Jeju.

Jeju. Would Seungkwan ever want to try this kind of food?

“What do you think, oppa?” Hangyeol broke into his musings. “The Souq at The Asscher sounds pretty intriguing right? And I’m planning to add a roofless veranda on one of the wings in 5th floor so that some of the guests can enjoy it al fresco.

Vernon nodded in assent, not really paying mind to the whole thematic explanation, but instead he was deep into his imagination of a candlelit dinner under the stars. “That sounds cool.”

Romantic even, people would be flocking to Asscher with a frontrow seat to Hallasan and they could live out their Arabian night fantasies.

Seungkwan may not like the food, but Vernon was sure that the atmosphere alone would have more made up for it. He breathed out slowly, and after making sure that there were no eyes on him, he pulled on his phone. He wasn’t the type to have his phone on vibrate mode, he chose his peace of mind over mindless inquiries every time. He was never the kind of person who would eagerly await messages, most of the time, it was his messages that were worth holding out for, but as they all say, there was a first time for everything.

Amidst the sea of notifications and small reproductions of logos of the various apps he has in his phone, only one thing caught Vernon’s eye.

The stark absence of the palette logo.

He bit the bottom of his lip and shoved the phone back down before he could even think of sending a photo of the food to Seungkwan. The unanswered messages looked like a list of unwanted commentary in his head, and there was a niggling voice in his brain that was slowly growing louder, blaming him for being too forward, and falling too fast and too deep for some unknown guy. Maybe Jeonghan was right, maybe he was indeed a loser. Between him and Seungkwan, he lost grip way too early, but this time, he would try his best to hold back; the same way he had held back before.

 

 

Bloodstream – Ed Sheeran, Rudimental || Double Take – Dhruv

It has been an hour since Jeonghan and Joshua left them on their own. With the staff dismissed and the kitchen spic and span, Vernon found himself smoking on the balcony just behind the private mess hall. Hangyeol was smoking herself, although unlike him, she was using a hookah. His own menthol and nicotine filled exhales blended seamlessly with her sweet raspberry smoke and it made everything around them a tad warmer.

“God, this is the only place I could do this,” Hangyeol muttered after puffing out another raspberry scented cloud.

“Do you sneak in here just to get your hookah fix?”

She laughed. “And what would you do about it?”

“I’d have Munyeong ban you,” he said with a straight face.

“He’d sooner turn on you first than me, the old man loves me and the kids,” she smirked, and took a deep inhale of the burning shisha. “I hate that the kids have asthma. I can’t even smoke in my room’s balcony coz Jongin’s too afraid the smoke would suddenly float up to the kid’s bedroom and suffocate them in their sleep.”

Vernon barked out a laugh. “I told you Jongin was a dumb one.”

She stuck out a tongue at him. “He has his smart moments, plus he’s really good with the kids and everything else.”

He snorted before crushing the tip of his cigarette in the ashtray. The stick itself was still long, there were probably a few puffs left in it but the menthol aftertaste has long gone and it just wasn’t worth it anymore. He took the pack of cigarettes that Hangyeol placed in the middle of the table and ignored the eyes that followed his hands as he pulled out a fresh stick. Clicking his lighter open, he lit his third smoke of the day.

“I’m lucky with him,” she sighed. “And I love him, but sometimes it’s hard. Suddenly, he’s not just a boyfriend anymore. I totally get Ji-eun unnie. It’s different when you’re staring down the person that’s going to be with you for the rest of your life.”

Vernon hummed noncommittally. Once upon a time, he tried to imagine the kind of person that spelled the rest of his life and came up with an image of a grumpy and difficult production assistant but that was long ago, and more than that, it was a fantasy that could never become a reality. He took another puff of his cigarette and blew out the smoke when he felt that his lungs couldn’t take it anymore. The mint and the nicotine carried the desired memories into the clouds, mingling with the smog of Seoul.

Hangyeol leant over the desk and blew out the raspberry gas into his face. “Munyeong told me something interesting.”

Vernon sat unfazed; he was used to his sister’s annoying tactics.

“Did he?” he exhaled out with practiced nonchalance; he’d clap himself in the back for such great acting. He lifted the stick to his lips but didn’t inhale, and with his pointer finger, he tapped out the beats to the last song he’s heard.

“He did.”

Hangyeol stopped at that. Vernon turned to look at her and it was obvious that she wanted him to say something, but he didn’t know what he should even say. In the end, he raised a brow at her and he took a long drag of the stick. She sniffed and shuffled her coals in irritation.

“So, you’re not going to say anything?”

He shook his head.

“Fine,” she scoffed. “Munyeong mentioned that you went out for breakfast with a guy that came straight from your flat last Sunday.”

He nodded once. Seungkwan walking outside La Marquise in a bright, summer morning suddenly sucked out all the mint in his cig and now all he’s left with was the bitter aftertaste of chemical. He wasn’t even through with three quarters of the stick, but he immediately pushed the lit cigarette into the ashtray, satisfied at the way it folded pathetically.

“Nothing?”

He shifted his gaze from the fog that enveloped Seoul in the nearing sunset to the rapidly thinning packet of smokes. He reached over for them, debating whether he should light up another one since the third one was busted. He ended up taking just a stick and twirling it in his fingers.

“You can try to act all fine and dandy, oppa,” Hangyeol started to lecture as she snatched the pack and the unlit stick from his hands. “But, you don’t smoke this much and become this quiet if you’re okay. So, stop playing this game with me, oppa. If you think I’m one of your colleagues that you can stare down into leaving you alone, then you’re even dumber than Jongin-oppa. Spill.”

Vernon sank into his seat and brought up his arms to pillow the back of his head. His gaze returned to the setting sun and wondered if the colours were any different from down here. Up there, in the privacy of his own balcony, he had taken so many pictures of the sky and found it relaxing to arrange them in some sort of collage. He never really had the eye for graphic design, and Seungkwan would have probably called them atrocious, but he wasn’t too sure now.

He sighed.

It had been a few good hours where Seungkwan hadn’t crossed his mind, not even fleetingly. Getting sucked into Hangyeol’s tasting soiree was a great distraction that he was thankful for because despite some bumps in memory. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stay in the same setting for a long time the same way Jeonghan and Joshua and Hangyeol couldn’t be occupied the whole time with The Souq and The Asscher. Ultimately, Vernon would had to resurface sometime, he just didn’t realise it’d be sooner rather than later in his own flat.

“How fast do you think people fall in love?”

She stopped inhaling her pipe and her mouth hung open at the sudden question, the raspberry smoke, irritation and fight fled from her altogether. She deposited the packet that she confiscated on the middle of the table and moved to put the stick on top of it. “Oppa…”

“Even better,” he moved to grab the stick off her fingers before they can even rest on top of the pack so he had something to play with. “How much faster do you think people would fall out of love?”

Hangyeol didn’t answer.

“His name is Boo Seungkwan. He’s a junior marketing manager for JTMBC, it’s an off-shoot company that does the creative content for influencers or something. When he was a kid, he wanted to be a singer. He didn’t tell me that, but people don’t join contests for singing if they didn’t want to make a career out of it.”

Vernon fished out his lighter, fully decided that another wouldn’t hurt. When he finished lighting his fourth stick, he let the filter burn quietly before continuing. “But somewhere along the way, he stopped joining contests. He had a good voice too, they sent me a video of his best championship win. What could possibly make a person stop doing something they knew they wanted to do?”

She shrugged. Her hands twirled her hookah pipe and without looking at him, she said in a small voice, “Oppa, maybe there were circumstances around it. Maybe, and I’m crossing fingers here, something bad happened that required him to give up singing.”

“Maybe – but, what if that wasn’t the case? Why would he stop?”

She poked at her coals again and once satisfied, took a long and deep inhale before speaking. “Occam’s razor,”

“The simplest way may be the best way. Applies for answers too if we don’t get legalistic about it,” Vernon raised up the glowing filter, its own embers eclipsed the orange of the setting sun. “And that is – what is it?”

“He just stopped wanting it.”

Silence fell upon them like a thick blanket with a subpar thread count. It felt too raw, unprocessed and itchy to the skin, and despite the weight, it seemed all too easy to poke a hole into. That’s what nonstandard thread counts do; in the end they break apart, Vernon thought glumly.

“It must be karma,” he said before lowering the cig and he took a deep inhale. “Must be paying for all the sins I committed against Jihoon, and against all the other guys.”

She tutted. “Oppa, you can’t think that way.”

“It’s been eight days with absolutely nothing from him.”

Hangyeol drew in a sharp inhale and ended up choking on nothing. She beat a fist over her chest and rubbed her throat before speaking. “Eight days, oppa. It’s not that long if you think about it.”

Vernon removed the cigarette from his lips and levelled her with a stare that asked her just how long she thought a long duration was. She shrugged before looking away from him and laying down her pipe.

“I have sent him messages, every day. Every morning, a picture of the sunrise. Every lunch, a picture of the cat I see walking from my break. Every night, a sunset. He’s such a bright person, he had ideas running a mile a minute in his head and he once confessed he’d explode if he didn’t dump the excess thoughts in his brain. It’s unthinkable, inconceivable even, that nothing, not one of the things I’ve sent couldn’t have prompted him. He’s always got so much to say.”

And just like earlier, the menthol from the stick was nowhere to be found. Vernon wasn’t sure if his excessive playing was to blame, but all the same, he smushed the lit stick down and left it in the ashtray that was crowded with half-burned filters.

“I think I’m overdoing it, but every time I hope it’s this picture, this thought, this link would do the trick and make him think he cannot not respond to it.

“Am I crazy, Gyeol-ah? I feel like I’m going crazy. You know what this feels like? It feels a lot like the time Jihoon left.”

“Oppa,” Hangyeol started softly. “Maybe you just need to wait more. It’s only been a week. And maybe, you’re overwhelming him so he can’t even get a second to respond to you.”

Vernon snorted. “Overwhelming? I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know what you put in your food last week, but it felt like I ingested some potion.”

Hangyeol laughed sadly. “I don’t think it’s the food, oppa.”

“Then what was it?” He turned to face Hangyeol, lips pursed in confusion. “If it wasn’t your food, could you honestly tell me that I just fell in love?”

Hangyeol grabbed the pipe of the hookah again and tapped it against her lips. She seemed to be in deep thought, attempting to figure out what she could say, but after a while, she bailed out and just inhaled her shisha as the water below started to bubble dangerously.

Vernon pulled at the tab of the packet. There was only one stick left. He took it out and flattened the empty pack against the table before sliding the flat box under the heavy ashtray. He held the stick under his chin and hummed, waiting for the right moment to light his fifth and final smoke. “I can’t be in love that quickly with someone I barely know. We haven’t even had sex, and all we did was talk in hypotheticals. How could I possibly feel so much in just one night? Am I that starved for love?”

“I don’t know what to say, oppa,” she whispered. “It can be infatuation. Or maybe someone slipped you a love potion. Or maybe you really are in love with this guy even after a few hours. And I can’t do anything about that. All I can do for you is pray and hope that all this,” she waved her hand over everything, “- is just a glitch in your system.”

Vernon sniffed. “Right, pray. Pray to God that Seungkwan’s fine and that he didn’t think I’m just some sleazy, old man taking advantage of him. Pray to God that the past eight days was just me glitching out.”

“Oppa, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen you this – I don’t even know how to call this.”

He just snorted. “I don’t either.”

“You should take it slow, or take a step back at least. Maybe, you’re being this way because you’ve allowed yourself to dive in headfirst into some dark, murky waters after a long time of being out of it and it’s filling you up and sucking you in.

“And people like to tell you, that things you know how to do before depended on muscle memory, but that’s bullshit because if that’s the case, there wouldn’t be a need for restorative therapy, right?” she paused to breathe in another lungful of raspberry smoke only to let everything escape in a whistle. “So now, you’re in there, thinking you’ve got it all together coz you’ve seen these waters before with Jihoon, and you now know what to do. But it’s been so long, and you just got overwhelmed by all the familiar senses.”

“And then I forget how to do things…,” Vernon continued for her, eyes following the trail of gas that disappeared in the clouds.

“That’s right.”

He took out his lighter and looked at her. “I should take a step back, yeah?”

She nodded. “You should take a step back, oppa.”

“Ok.”

He lit his sixth cigarette and lifted it up to his lips. The Seoul skyline seemed intent on mocking him with its mulberry purple shadow buildings backlit by persimmon, marigold and dandelion only to bleed into a sea of plum and indigo. But he won’t give in to the temptation of sending such a photo, after all he had to take a step back.

As he exhaled his first drag of the last of his slim sticks, he opened the camera on his phone and took a picture of today’s dusk. Satisfied at how the photo ended up, he saved it and decided.

This would be the last.

At least, for now.

Think About Me – DVSN || Bad Texter – Ryan Woods || Golden – Fall Out Boy

Vernon texted Seungkwan at least three times a day for eight days before he realised that he was going nowhere with the younger.

Hundreds of megabytes containing pictures of the sun, sky, cats and other things he found interesting sat ignored in his palette message box. They were delivered, they were opened, and they were read. He knew all this because Joshua had the brilliant idea of updating the status of the messages live by turning white empty circles into black-bordered circles if they were opened and then these little hoops transformed into the little blobs of the palette’s colour if they were read. In Vernon’s case, that meant that all his recent message bubbles ended with a mulberry purple circle, like dark dots signalling the anticipated and dismal cessation of what was once a bright connection.

To add insult to the injury, there was another feature that Vernon found redundant and unnecessary which the enterprising developer insisted was cute. It was a pretty unique feature and Vernon would say it was a genius addition too if only he wasn’t at the receiving end of such function, but right now, it only added a level of anxiety that raised expectations with it being used much like an ad-insight or a listening tool. If the other user responded or replied to a certain message bubble, that specific message would have a filled circle that changed its colour from the original palette to that of the responder. He scrolled up and down through his conversations in the past two weeks and it showed the slew of mulberry purples combined with dandelions that highlighted the things that prompted Seungkwan to talk. There was an abundance of dandelions in the first week, like Vernon told Hangyeol, the younger guy just had so much to say about everything and anything.

But now, the continuous mulberry purple dots were keen to upset the balance. No longer were there dandelions in the last eight days; nothing has ever prompted the younger to interact just yet. Vernon could accept it if his messages were book-ended by black hoops, but they were all furnished with the mulberry purple periods. Seungkwan has seen the messages, he just didn’t want to say anything.

And the truth was, it wasn’t enough to be seen.

Actually, it felt worse just to be seen.

Because being seen was not the same as being heard or being understood.

Being seen was the bare minimum and after everything, Vernon felt like he did not deserve the bare minimum.

Was it a privilege to think he deserved better? Maybe it was. Maybe, people went on their lives settling for what they could get their hands on, but as a Chwe, that wasn’t how he was taught to live. He was taught to take, to ask for better so he could receive better. He was taught to see beyond what’s presented because everyone has an inner side where treasures worth coveting lay hidden, and you can’t get to the good stuff if you settled for the surface stuff.

But then again, in spite of the unwavering confidence and ingrained entitlement, Vernon also learned how to be strategic. It was something he did with reluctance. While he was never rash, he wasn’t shy to claim what he truly wanted. He abhorred mind games, and subtle manipulations were things he saw all around him. There were people who were heavy handed with their machinations and people who were too good at it and disguised it as strategy, but they were all the same to him. It was a roundabout way of expressing desire that only ended up hurting more people than was necessary.

So, when Hangyeol told him to take a step back, he bristled at the suggestion.

Why should he temporarily withhold affection and curiosity from a person just to test that person if they would give in at the lack of attention? Attention given under deprivation seemed so much viler than attention freely given. It felt like a manipulation, a test, and a step of desperation. He would stop, only when he felt like stopping.

But at the same time, Vernon was at his wit’s end. Eight days of silence would seem like a joke to some people, but the fast-moving world guaranteed that a whole universe can be destroyed or created in the same timeframe.

After all, didn’t God himself create wonders in just seven days?

Like the genesis, his tale of creation for a deeper relationship with Boo Seungkwan started from nothing. There was nothing after Seungkwan’s abrupt departure from his flat last Sunday. And to further prove the fact that Vernon was nowhere near the level of a deity, after eight days there still was nothing.

DAY 0 1804, Sunday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Seungkwan, just wanted to check in on you and your friends

Hope you’re alright.

I’m just a message away

And I can’t believe we didn’t exchange numbers.

Here’s mine.

 

DAY  0 2017, Sunday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Hey Seungkwan, I guess you haven’t had the time to respond yet

I hope you’re doing fine though

Don’t forget to have dinner

 

DAY 0 2311, Sunday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200809-0010.jpg]

Good night.

 

DAY 1 0645, Monday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200810-0000.jpg]

Good morning Seungkwan

As promised, a view of the sunrise.

 

 

DAY 1 0833, Monday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Link Attachment: The morning breakfast being the most important meal of the day is a product of industrialization and capitalism…Read more]

 

DAY 1 1401, Monday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200810-0023.jpg]

[Camera Attachment: 20200810-0024.jpg]

[Camera Attachment: 20200810-0025.jpg]

Remember that white kitten?

Guess she’s not a kitten anymore.

 

DAY 1 1807, Monday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200810-0030.jpg]

Here’s the sunset

Early finish today because I don’t want to miss this

 

DAY 1 2256, Monday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200810-0033.jpg]

Good night, Seungkwan

I still hope you’re well.

 

 

DAY 2 0648, Tuesday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200811-0000.jpg]

Good morning.

The sunrise looks cool but today will be scorching.

 

DAY 2 1312, Tuesday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200811-0008.jpg]

I think I saw a different cat yesterday

[Camera Attachment: 20200811-0009.jpg]

They look the same though

[Camera Attachment: 20200811-0010.jpg]

Don’t they?

 

DAY 2 1835, Tuesday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200811-0015.jpg]

 

DAY 2 2348, Tuesday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Good night.

Sleep well, Seungkwan.

 

 

DAY 3 0618, Wednesday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200812-0000.jpg]

Good morning.

 

DAY 3 1903, Wednesday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Sorry I missed your sunset

One of the rare days that I have to stay late

This kind of days

I wonder if I’m paying people enough or not enough to do their jobs

 

DAY 3 2208, Wednesday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200812-0035.jpg]

Here’s the moon

I hope you’ve had dinner

Good night.

 

 

DAY 4 0123, Thursday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200813-0000.jpg]

I couldn’t sleep

This is the wine you had last time

How’s the situation with your friends?

Are they alright?

Are you alright?

[This message has been redacted] I know you see my messages

[This message has been redacted] Don’t blame me for worrying

[This message has been redacted] Wouldn’t you worry too?

[This message has been redacted] I’m getting mad thinking about this

 

DAY 4 0649, Thursday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200813-0001.jpg]

Good morning, Seungkwan!

Sorry for the weird texts last night

Hope you had a good night’s sleep

 

DAY 4 0930, Thursday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

The great thing about working 1 late night is the fact I can stroll in anytime the next day

#BossThings

 

DAY 4 1015, Thursday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Link Attachment : Authenticity is a sham…Read more]

 

DAY 4 1432, Thursday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200813-0016.jpg]

Oh they are different cats

[Camera Attachment: 20200813-0017.jpg]

 

DAY 4 1834, Thursday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200813-0028.jpg]

The sun set a little later today

 

DAY 4 2311, Thursday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200813-0029.jpg]

Do you believe in making wishes?

You wish upon the moon

And kids these days wish on passing time

Good night, Seungkwan-ah

 

 

 

DAY 5 0608, Friday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200814-0000.jpg]

Pretty early today

Good morning.

 

DAY 5 1237, Friday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200814-0008.jpg]

Should I get Leo back from my sister?

I do miss him sometimes

 

DAY 5 2142, Friday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

Good night, Seungkwan

 

 

 

DAY 6 0718, Saturday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200815-0000.jpg]

Good morning

 

DAY 6 0926, Saturday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Link Attachment: Maison Goyard (INFO)…Read more]

[Link Attachment: Fauré Le Page (INFO)…Read more]

What do you think is better?

Goyard is timeless

Fauré is unique though

 

DAY 6 1001, Saturday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Link Attachment: A unique multisensory art that begins and ends with a brush stroke… Watch]

 

DAY 6 1812, Saturday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200815-0056.jpg]

Also, I think I understand now what you said about appreciating the view

 

 

 

DAY 7 0618, Sunday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200816-0000.jpg]

Good morning, Seungkwan

 

DAY 7 1819, Sunday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200816-0001.jpg]

 

DAY 7 2359, Sunday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[This message has been redacted but the attachment is still accessible in the media tab] [Camera Attachment: 20200816-0002.jpg]

[This message has been redacted] I’m not going to drink this tonight

[This message has been redacted] It’s yours

[This message has been redacted] I will forever associate this with you

[This message has been redacted] Someday you’ll learn to appreciate a fine red.

 

 

 

DAY 8 0603, Monday

Vernon (Mulberry Purple)

[Camera Attachment: 20200817-0000.jpg]

 

And today was Day 9.

 

There was a long-held belief among both New Ageists and religious people alike that humans nowadays have ceased living in freedom and have instead become slaves to their desire of control. And in their want to control, they never learned to fully give the reins to anyone else but themselves consequently subjecting themselves to a fate that required their constant input and management. They chased the things of the earth: love and happiness and riches alike; and those three things ruled their lives all over even if they presented themselves as aspirations and goals. And because it was a chase, taking a rest or even slowing down could spell the death of a dream they have coveted for so long. It was a dumb thing to pause when there was such a thin line between success and failure.

 

Jihoon used to call it his hustle, and each time, Vernon would have asked him to take it slow and take a step back. But the younger would always grin at him, self-assuredly but exhaustedly, and quip that such relentless pursuit was a price he was willing to pay. And now that Vernon thought about it, the madness of the rush was something he eventually learned to love and embrace. It was a whirlwind of a feeling that brought out a different kind of intensity in Vernon’s youth.

 

He had never thought that he would end up acquiring Jihoon’s relentlessness and practicing that kind of tenacity in any relationship because he never imagined that he’d find someone else who was worth that same level of effort and the same level of devotion that ordinary people would ascribe to in the pursuit of their ultimate goals. Oddly enough, Seungkwan felt like a worthy pursuit…until now that is.

 

It was 8:30 pm and typically, by this time, Vernon would have sent three or four messages to the younger; but he was successful in holding back today. He still couldn’t kick the habit of opening the app despite the absence of notifications, but he called this a small victory anyway. There were so many instances, so many things, that made him itch to shoot a quick text, but each instance was won over by the voice in his head that said that exercising restraint didn’t mean giving up. Taking a pause didn’t mean he was going to take a vow towards forgetting Seungkwan; it only meant that this time around, he was giving the younger space, and it didn’t matter whether the younger needed it or not. The why’s and how’s of it have ceased popping up in his headspace, because now, the space was not only for Seungkwan but for him as well.

 

If there was a chance that Vernon would have to let go, then pausing right now would make a great exercise on detachment.

 

It was a miserable thought and he wasn’t prone to dramatics, but he felt like he was only fooling himself.

 

He sighed and pushed himself off his bed before placing his phone on his bedside table. In the darkness of the room, the only source of light came from the moon. His bare feet felt around blindly for his slippers, and when he couldn’t find them, he decided to just forgo the slippers. He padded along the walnut flooring, mind clouded by Palette’s design features and wondering if Jeonghan had any hand in Joshua’s design processes.

 

He descended down the stairs and made his way to his kitchen. In the middle of the kitchen, hidden behind the central counter was a 3 by 4 feet darkly frosted glass door which was embedded into the floor. He crouched down in front of it and reached out his right hand to the counter where he felt around for the switch. Right next to the switch was a keypad where he keyed in his code. Immediately, the dark glass door turned into a lighter grey colour and the whir of a mechanism releasing to disable security was heard.

 

An indentation that wasn’t visible earlier appeared near his feet and he dug his hand through it. Jiggling the door, he lifted up the frame and it swung open to reveal a lit staircase that led to his wine cellar and bar. He went down into the cellar and closed the door behind him as he took stock of all the bottles. In the top row, set apart from the rows of bottlecaps, stood a few bottles he reserved for special instances. A silver-capped, low and stout bottle boasting of a clear amber liquid called out to him. It was the Blandy’s MCDXIX. He smiled wryly; it was the same wine that Seungkwan eschewed. He grabbed it anyway.

 

The cellar was half a floor below the penthouse suite. Beneath it was one of at.mosphere’s freezers with which it shared the full storey height. For Vernon, it wasn’t only a storage place; it was also the place where he went to when he wanted to shut off his brain.  He shivered lightly, bare feet stinging at the freezing cold seeping through the cement as he moved to the window facing the skies and opened the only movable panel so he could breathe, the Madeira held tightly in his grip. An empty barrel stood under the sole windowpane and gave him a view of the city as he sat himself on top of one of the stools. He opened the built-in cabinet within the barrel and took out a glass and uncorked the bottle so he could pour out his drink.

 

He took a sip, tongue running over his lips as he tried to figure out what Seungkwan hated so much in the wine. His empty stomach rumbled in protest once the alcohol reached it, reminding him that the last time he has eaten was way too early in the morning. But still, he swallowed another gulp of wine and dismissed the sourness that was building at the pit of his stomach. He would probably wake up with a bad hangover tomorrow, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

 

Upstairs, away from his longing eyes and wishful heart, his phone lit up.

 

Once, then twice.

 

It was only by morning, in his hungover confusion, at around 8:30 am, would he find out that Seungkwan finally messaged him on the ninth day of his waiting, and on the first day he decided to practice a little bit of detachment. It was cruel just how the world had a way to lure back its idiots who were once resolute in taking a different path. But, as idiots always do, they never minded the return to the old ways they have sworn off.

 

Fallin – Bazzi, 6LACK

Vernon woke up nursing the most terrible hangover he’s had in the past two years. Wine drunk was a nasty kind of drunk. This morning, he only had himself to blame for forgetting to close the blinds and being awoken by the hot rays of the summer sun falling straight on his sleeping face. That was a disadvantage of living in a penthouse unit; since the location was the topmost floor, there rarely was a place to hide from the sun.

 

He groaned, stretched his wine-filled limbs and yawned loudly. He wondered why he didn’t hear his alarm go off with the usual sounds of nature and weather report, suspecting that it might be too early for him to be awake and entirely confident that his body clock would suffice in waking him up anyway. He opened his eyes and he felt his eyelids stretch back and his forehead furrow at the time.

 

It was 8:33.

 

He was two hours behind his schedule. He should have been in the office at least an hour ago. Boss or not, he needed time to prepare things for a weekly huddle. He would have to push back all his meetings and would probably need to schedule a longer investor meeting for Friday instead of the usual one hour, but that was a price to pay for running late. He looked back at his window and found the sun staring down at him, he glared back right at it, willing it to hide and submit to him but it was futile.

 

No wonder my face feels hot.

 

He sighed, rolled over to the other side of the bed to hide from the heat while bleary eyes tried to figure out what he should do next. His gaze fell upon the empty wine glass and the half-open MCDXIX on his left side table. He cringed and hoped that wine was not going to taste bad after being left loosely corked for hours. It was a limited-edition release, but he might not have to order another bottle if he could close it now. He attempted to reach out a hand to bring the bottle closer so he could cork it tightly but his body was still reluctant to follow.

 

He sighed, again.

 

Note to Serim: Order two bottles of Blandy’s.

 

He scratched at his head and yawned again, wondering where his phone was. He last remembered putting it on his side table, but it must have been misplaced in last night’s drunken tussle with himself. Groaning, he got off the bed and got on his knees. Eyes closed, he let his hands do the finding on the wooden floor. On his fourth pat around, his palms hit the cold screen of his phone. He opened his eyes only to find the screen black.

 

Grunting, he leant on the side of the bed and pulled on the charger hanging from one of the side table’s shelves. He plugged it in and waited patiently for the screen to go back up again. For a few seconds, he watched the phone go through its usual loading pages, snorting at the flurry of activity that the little device had as soon as it woke up.

 

Missed calls. Missed calendar alarms. Missed meeting invites. Missed updates. They flew through like a flock messenger birds who cawed for his attention. The notifications gradually started slowing down as they reached their stable end indicating the completion of the updates. He was about to ignore them all when his eyes gravitated to a familiar, white logo.

 

It was the Palette logo. A white painter’s palette sat atop his notification drawer, blending in with the whites of the mail, phone and other icons. He rubbed the sleep off his eyes, thinking that he was only hallucinating the presence of the icon like a water-deprived man in the middle of the desert stumbling on a mirage of an oasis.

 

But the white logo was still there, tempting him, calling out to him. He stopped thinking and went through the motions of opening the app he has been fiddling with in the past few days. There, on his palette page was Seungkwan’s dandelion profile and two message alerts.

 

It was real; it wasn’t a mirage, he thought as he opened the message. Time seemed to lag between the profile page and the message box and Vernon held onto his breath, irrationally afraid that breathing on the screen would make the messages disappear.

 

Seungkwan (Dandelion)

Vernon…

Can we meet on Saturday…to talk?

 

Feeling of Falling – Cheat Codes, Kim Petras

Notes:

Faragh in Arabic means emptiness, and the song itself references the conflict in Syria which is in no way similar to Palestine btw (#FreePalestine) since the singer's longing for Syria is a product of his displacement because of the civil war.

Ween El-Kalam , when translated directly, roughly asks the question "Where are your words?" . The song as a whole is a song filled with regret, and represents a volley of blame, should've, would've, could'ves.

Again, thank you to those who stick with this fic and continue reading it. I'm sorry I don't answer comments much because honestly, I don't want to say something that would spoil or be singled out in the future chapters. For now, I'm trying to keep all the head canons private so that it doesn't mess up the story I planned. Also, since this is a Vernon chapter, it was really a tough one for me to write because Vernon's being the typical standoffish rich guy who, coupled with his status and age, would never admit that he is vulnerable even towards the people he's closest with. It's tough squeezing out things from him unlike Seungkwan's who's in the prime of his youth and in the middle of a worldwide self-awareness and self-love revival.. So yeah, generation gap.

Notes:

Don't ask me where this came from, you may not like the answer.