Chapter 1: Return to Boston
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Maura Isles crouched near a dead body that had been called in anonymously and she had been specifically requested by FBI Special Agent Dean to examine the victim. She was curious why he had requested her considering they didn’t exactly get along. He was still angry at her for Jane.
The man had a crush on Boston Detective Jane Rizzoli since he had met her last year, but Jane wasn’t into him. Jane had been into Maura from the moment they met, and Maura had been not only attracted to Jane but also intrigued by the woman. She had noticed the difference right away, she was a Doctor after all, and medical anomalies were exciting to her.
It had taken Jane three months before she had felt comfortable enough with Maura to tell her about the fact that she had been born with male genitalia even though her entire body was female elsewhere.
Maura had started researching everything on the topic, a rare condition that affected 1-2 in 100 people. However, Jane’s case was slightly rarer in that category. She didn’t exactly fit into the four categories that were being analyzed in the medical world, but she wasn’t alone. There were others like her it was just rarer than the four named categories.
Of course, only Jane’s closest circle knew of her differences and Maura had felt honored to be included in it. It had brought them closer, and she had been adamant about keeping it that way. She would do anything for Jane, even attempting to lie. Which was not easy for her since she broke out in hives when she did lie, but she had learned how to lie without actually lying and it was working for her so far.
At least when it came to Jane.
Anyone else and the hives would rush up her neck and the itching would start so suddenly that she nearly had to run from whatever room she was in to try to get it to calm down. Jane found it entertaining while she found it annoying.
Agent Dean stood beside her, “What do you have Doc?”
She frowned as she gently prodded the wound on the victim’s torso, “Gunshot wound to the chest, at least a forty-five caliber. There’s GSR around the wound, and the stippling pattern shows he was shot no more than three to five feet away.”
Agent Dean frowned as he shook his head, “This is Charles Wilson. Witness in the Lucchese multiple murder trial.”
She frowned up at Agent Dean, “Then why am I here and not your own?”
He frowned as he crouched beside her and spoke quietly, “I need an outside source.”
She eyed him for a moment, “In other words,” She lowered her voice, “You don’t trust your own people.”
He nodded as he stood, “Something like that.”
She felt uncomfortable, not having Jane in the loop, “What about-“
He cut her off, shaking his head, “Need to know and the less the better. You’ll have to sign a nondisclosure.”
She sighed heavily, “Did you plan this before you even called me?”
He nodded and actually looked apologetic, “You’re good at what you do Doctor Isles. The best from what I’ve seen and heard. There is no one else I’d rather have working this right now.”
She stood and pulled her gloves off, “That and this will keep me away from Jane for the time being.”
He shrugged a dark look entering his eyes, “That’s one way to look at it.”
She rolled her eyes, a trait she was positive she had picked up from Jane Rizzoli, “Right. I’ll do the autopsy back in my morgue. Give me a few hours.”
Agent Dean nodded, “Well I’m with you until its done.”
She bit her lip to stifle the groan of frustration. Not only did she already have two bodies waiting for autopsy, one of Jane and Frost’s cases, but now she had a dead FBI witness that was going to take priority over them, and on top of that she wouldn’t be able to tell Jane why she had to put their case on the back burner. Plus, she was going to have Agent Dean hovering for most of the day too.
This day was just going to get better and better. She wasn’t sure how she was going to explain to her fiancé that Agent Dean was commandeering her for the day, or longer.
Maura sat in the most uncomfortable chair in the small windowless office at the FBI headquarters in Washington DC. The scared three-year-old child in her lap was gripping a photo in his little hand so tightly it was leaving it more crinkled than it was to begin with. His way of dealing with his anxiety was to hold one of the three photos of his mother’s that he had. His face was buried in Maura’s shoulder as she rocked him gently, whispering softly to him.
“It won’t be long now sweetie.”
The boy turned his hazel eyes up to her matching ones, “Then we can see Mama?”
Maura smiled at her son, his shaggy black hair dropping into his eyes slightly, looking every bit like his other mother as she nodded, “I promise honey.”
The boy clutched the photo to his chest tightly, the last photo that she had taken with her fiancé before her life had been ripped out from under her. The Christmas tree in the background was lit beautifully and they were smiling happily at the camera as her fiancé held her from behind. She could still remember the moment as if it were yesterday and not four years ago.
The door opened and Special Agent Gabriel Dean entered the room, “She never stopped looking for you.” He sat across the small table from her.
She glared at him, “She’ll tear you apart when she finds out you did this.”
He sighed, the corners of his mouth drooping in sadness, “If I had known you were pregnant, I never would have put the plan in motion.”
She scoffed and held her son tighter, “I’ll never forgive you for ripping my family apart Gabriel. You’ll have to ask her when we get there.”
He shook his head, “Now that Lucchese is dead I have no need to be there. I have the plane tickets,” he slid them across the table to her, “And she already has everything else you left behind.”
She reached a handout to the plane tickets but hesitated, “How is she?”
He shrugged, “When all this started, I cut all ties. I must go but this agent will walk you out. You’ve done good Doctor.” He stood and turned to the door.
“I’m Doctor Isles again?” She asked as she took the tickets in her hand.
He glanced back at her, “No. Your identity has been given back to you with a small change, but I figured you wouldn’t mind. His is all set too. Have a good day Doctor Rizzoli.” He left swiftly.
Her gasp was quiet as the agent handed her a passport. Her photo next to the name Maura Rizzoli stared back at her and she felt her heart clench in pain. She stood, lifting her son into her arms as she took the second passport from the agent, a picture of her son next to the name Luca Rizzoli.
She held back her tears as she walked through the crowded airport and found the gate to her flight. She only had one small duffel bag and it mostly consisted of things for her son. Once on the plane she smiled as he fell asleep against her quickly and she held the photo in front of her. She ran a finger across her fiancé’s face and wondered if anyone had deeply missed her in the last four years.
It wasn’t as if she had meant for everything to happen the way it did. She hadn’t known at the time that she was the daughter of Lucchese’s nemesis, Irish Mob boss Paddy Doyle. It was only during the course of Dean’s investigation did they figure it out, her DNA being on file with the department being a pesky side effect that she had never thought about. Her biological brother had been at the scene of the crime and his DNA had matched hers and suddenly Dean was worried that she would either be a target or would be convinced to turn against them.
Even the thought of Dean alone was enough to set off her rage, something she had never struggled with before. The man knew how to push her buttons more than anyone now. Although over the years she had learned to push his just as much and their fights had become legendary within the FBI, reaching from coast to coast apparently.
When the bright lights of Boston lit up out the small window of the plane her nerves hit violently. Her stomach rolled as the plane began to descend and the boy beside her finally stirred awake. His face smiled widely up at her, his hazel eyes shimmering with happiness. She never thought of herself as a mother, especially not with the way she had been raised by Constance and Arthur Isles.
They had been distant and cold most of her life, sending her to boarding schools overseas. She was happy that she had the education that she did and that she had made a name for herself out of her adopted parents shadows, but when she met the Rizzoli’s her feelings had changed.
The Rizzoli’s were close, always butting into each other’s lives and setting each other up on dates. Angela Rizzoli, the matriarch, was the mother that she had always wanted. Loving, caring and slightly overbearing but it was a nice change from Constance. Angela was constantly wanting Jane to settle down and get married and give her grandchildren, no matter how it had to happen.
Frankie Rizzoli was the brother that she had never thought she had wanted. She was an only child but seeing the bond that Jane had with her brother was something to cherish. They were close and had been taking care of their mother the best they could when their father had decided to walk away from their mother and family. They had been devastated but they had rallied around their mother. He was a good cop and a fantastic friend to her since the moment they had met.
He had been excited by the prospect of her being his new sister, making it more official than what he already felt. He was protective, not overly so like Jane, but he was the next in line when Jane couldn’t be there. He was her confidant at times when she had been hesitant to talk to Jane.
Tommy Rizzoli was the youngest sibling and until Jane had gotten angry enough at the man, he had flirted with her as much as possible. He was constantly asking her out to dinner and out for drinks, which always set Jane off in the early stages of their friendship. He had been in prison for a few years, but he was a caring and decent man, if a little lacking in smarts occasionally but he was still funny and charming.
At the time she had been so consumed by her feelings for Jane that she had only thought he was being nice. She would always politely decline but when it didn’t seem like Jane was ever going to be more than a friend, she had accepted his invite to drinks. Jane had stared at her for a few minutes before the anger had surged forward and practically demanded that she not go out with her brother.
She hadn’t denied Jane anything and had agreed on the condition that she and Jane go to dinner together instead. She had caught the smirk on both Tommy and Frankie’s faces and in that moment, she knew that they had planned it this way. Later she had told them how grateful she had been for that night and what they had pulled on Jane. It pushed them in the right direction and into their first real date.
She held her son’s hand tightly as they made their way towards baggage claim, the airport being mostly empty at this time of night. It was just after eleven and she knew they would have to find a hotel for the night and look for an apartment first thing in the morning.
All her money, the townhouse, her car, everything she had in Boston had been left to Jane when Agent Dean had forced her into witness protection. She refused until certain condition was met and that was one of them. Jane owned her heart so she would get everything. She had been flown out the very next day since Agent Dean knew that Jane Rizzoli would not stop looking for her fiancé.
After she received her new identity she had worked in the OMI, Office of the Medical Examiner, lab in Albuquerque, New Mexico. She didn’t mind working in the morgue, she was more at home there than anywhere else, but it had felt empty. She knew Jane wouldn’t be walking into the room to ask for the results that could easily be sent to her through a lab tech. Jane personally liked to get the results, telling her in one of their quiet moments that she just needed to see her throughout the day.
She wrapped the strap of the duffel bag over her shoulder as she walked with her son out of the airport, finding the taxi lane nearly empty. She took the only cab there and gave the name of the hotel. Her son bounced in his seat next to her as the cab drove through the city. The bright lights glowed in the darkness as the clouds blocked the moon, the smell of rain thick in the air as she stepped out of the cab.
It had been too long since she had had a good night sleep and she knew until she was reunited with Jane that she wasn’t going to get any sleep. She was so close to the woman now and it only made her nerves worse. Her hands shook as she checked into the hotel and to calm herself a little she carried her son into the elevator.
He had been awfully quiet since they had exited the plane and she could see the nerves that were slowly beginning in his eyes. He held the photo tightly in his hand, his little mind trying to remain calm but understand everything at the same time. She had explained some of it before they had even walked into the FBI office to speak with Agent Dean, but she knew he wasn’t going to be able to understand the bigger parts.
She had made sure to tell him over the years that his mama loved him more than anything. She made sure to tell him that it was her fault that they weren’t with his mama yet, guilt about taking him from Jane was still heavy after all this time. She had only told Jane that she was pregnant three days before she disappeared and in those three days Jane had been a bundle of excited nerves that barely let her out of her sight.
Then when she had disappeared, she knew Jane was going to lose it. Agent Dean hadn’t told her anything about Jane because he knew as well as he did that she would return to Jane if the woman was in bad shape. Agent Dean only cared about his case and having her away from Jane was a bonus for him. He didn’t know at the time about Jane’s difference, he wasn’t a friend or even a colleague. It was none of his business.
At least in her opinion it was none of his business but two months later she knew that he must have met with Jane because he came to her and outright asked her if she was pregnant. She didn’t lie but she also didn’t give away any information to him about Jane either. It wasn’t until years later that he finally told her that Jane had told him about her difference, which was why he asked her about it.
She tucked her son into the large bed in the hotel room before moving towards the window. Looking out over the city of Boston she couldn’t help the worry that claimed her mind. How could she possibly return to her old life after being gone for years? How was she supposed to make up all the time missed? Would Jane even want her back after all this time? Had she moved on and found someone else to be happy with?
She knew she was being irrational but at the same time it was reasonable to think that Jane hadn’t just stopped living. She actually wanted Jane to be happy, even if that meant Jane being happy without her. It was painful, in the most heart wrenching way but it was still the truth. She hated to think of Jane being miserable, even though she was without Jane, and she hated to think about what Jane went through when she just disappeared.
She watched the sunrise through the large windows in the hotel room while her mind floated through possibilities. She was curious how everyone was doing and wondered if everyone were still around or if her old job would be available again once she had a chance to talk with the Governor. The man was the only person in the state that knew what had happened to her so he could fill her replacement quickly, which in hindsight may have looked strange on the outside of things.
She showered quickly, wanting to be done before Luca woke for the day. She dressed in jeans, a white muscle shirt, and a button-down dark red blouse before pulling her only pair of boots on. She didn’t have the designer outfits she had before she left and her income hadn’t been anywhere compared to what she was making before leaving Boston either, but it was nice to dress comfortably in regular clothes. She didn’t stick out in these clothes and over the years she had found that she preferred not sticking out.
She smiled as Luca brushed his teeth on his own, but a pang of guilt settled deep in her chest because Jane had missed all his firsts. She shoved it aside as she helped him dress and headed out of the hotel room with their duffel bag over her shoulder and Luca clutching at her hand. She figured they could find another hotel if she couldn’t find an apartment while they were out.
Moving often had been ingrained in her the past few years and the anger at Agent Dean resurfaced. She focused on Luca’s excitement as they walked down the street. It was the first time he had been in a large city like Boston, the first time he had been outside of Albuquerque truthfully. He pointed out the large buildings and the different landmarks as they passed by them and she couldn’t help but let his excitement infect her own mind, not realizing how much she had missed the city.
She hadn’t even realized where they were when noon came around and she stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk as she stared at the BPD building ahead of them, two blocks down. It was the place she had found a family, a home that she wouldn’t be sent away from. She shook her head and took Luca’s hand with a smile.
“Mommy I’m hungry.” The boy leaned against her leg, some of his excitement waning after the long morning out.
She chuckled, “Okay sweetie. I know just the place.”
She led them two blocks over and entered the Dirty Robber with a warm smile. The place was darkly lit and still smelled the same, old beer and stale peanuts. She led them to a booth in the back corner and sat the duffel bag in the booth beside her as Luca climbed into the seat across from her, sitting on his knees.
She was so focused on her son that she didn’t notice the waitress watching them in shock until a shout echoed throughout the bar, “Maura!?”
Her head snapped around and she stared at Angela Rizzoli, who stood behind the bar with wide dark tear filled eyes.
Chapter 2: Collision Course
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane sat at her desk in the bullpen as she searched through the casefile that was sitting in front of her. Frost was typing furiously on his computer as his scowl deepened, and she took the last swallow of her coffee. She’d much rather be at home right now, with her fiancé, spending the only morning they’d had off together in bed like she had originally planned.
Instead, Maura had gotten called out and she didn’t want to spend the day alone in bed. So, she had dragged herself into BPD with a large cup of coffee and an attitude no one could compete with. She knew everyone preferred her when she was with Maura, namely because her attitude was perfectly sarcastic and witty, instead of sour and snarky.
She blamed Maura for making her act better, making her so deliriously happy that nothing could burst her bubble. She would never admit to anyone exactly why she was on her best behavior when the blonde Doctor was around, that was personal and between her and Maura.
She picked up her cell phone and dialed Maura’s number as Frost glanced over at her, “What’s with that smile? I thought you were pissed for the Doc being called into work.”
She forced the smile away, “I am. I was just remembering something.” When Maura’s voicemail sounded in her ear she grimaced before tossing her cell phone back on her desk asking, “Do we have anything on the two in the morgue?”
Frost nodded, “John O’Rourke and Clive Emmerson. I just got prints back. They have records longer than should be possible. They date back to the early seventies.”
She frowned as she glanced down at the file in front of her and Korsak asked from across the room, “Name’s sound familiar.”
Frost nodded, “Petty theft, gun running, most of it was tied to Lucchese but was never proven. They didn’t talk and did quite a few stints in prison for the Boss.”
Korsak leaned a hip against Jane’s desk, “When did they get out?”
Frost typed on the computer for a moment then sat back in shock, “Three months ago. They were going to turn states evidence and testify against Lucchese.”
A loud beep emanated from Frost’s computer and he leaned forward, typing furiously on his keyboard, “What the hell?”
Jane’s head snapped up, “What is it?”
“I’ve been blocked from their records.” Frost slammed his hand down on the desk, “Fucking FBI.”
“Someone say FBI?” Special Agent Gabriel Dean said from the doorway.
Jane turned to look over at him, anger coursing through her body. She couldn’t stand Dean and more importantly she knew that Maura Isles didn’t hate anyone, except Dean was the exception. The man could never take the hint that she wasn’t interested in him, that Maura was the only person for her. She knew her fiancé would be angry the moment Maura found out he was here, and she couldn’t stop herself from wanting to avoid that fight.
“Does Maura know you’re here?” She blurted out, her hand hovering above her desk phone.
His sudden smirk made her anger intensify, “Yep. In fact, I’ve been with her since our crime scene this morning and throughout the autopsy all day.”
“You’ve been with Maura all day? She would have called me.” She snapped angrily as she rose from her chair.
Dean shrugged, “Confidentiality and all that pesky FBI business, you know. Anyway, she finished with my autopsy and I got word you were running a few names that I’m acquainted with. Care to share?”
She snatched her cell phone off the desk and hit Maura’s speed dial. When it went to voicemail again, she shook her head at him, “You going to share?”
He sighed as he walked towards her, “You know I wish I could Jane.”
Korsak bristled angrily, “That’s Detective Rizzoli.”
Jane loved how much Korsak had rallied around her and Maura and their relationship over the last year. He had been the first one to shout ‘Finally’ when their relationship had come to light. Even when they fought or argued he was the first one to shove them back together, going so far as to lock them in a room together until they worked it out. She would forever be grateful to him for it.
Dean grimaced, “What is it about Doctor Isles that all of you are so enraptured with? The woman is a headcase.”
Frost and Korsak seemed to move a split second before the words registered in Jane’s brain. She felt the anger surge forward as her body moved seemingly on its own. Korsak wrapped his arms around her waist as Frost gripped her arms, her eye nailed on Dean’s arrogant face.
Korsak glared at the FBI Agent, “Is there any actual reason you are here other than to antagonize the best Detective in Boston?”
Dean shook his head with a sigh, “I came because of the search on my witness’s. Why are you running them?”
Frost glared at him as Korsak struggled to drag Jane further away from the Agent, “They are the two bodies in our morgue that Doctor Isles still has to autopsy thanks to you.”
Dean’s face went pale as he nodded, “Right.” He spun on his heel and disappeared out the doorway.
Jane shrugged Korsak off, “I’m fine.” She snatched her phone off the desk again and dialed Maura’s number, “Where the hell is she?”
She stormed to the elevators as her mind raged against Dean’s appearance in their lives. Every time the man came around, she always ended up in an argument with Maura. It always seemed like that’s what Dean lived to do when he was in Boston and it always worked.
She stepped onto the elevator and shook her head, shoving her finger into the button for the basement. She hated that the creep could easily get under hers and Maura’s skin but there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t just ask Maura to not work with him, she was the best Medical Examiner. Everyone was always tripping over themselves to get to work with her.
Back when Maura had first started working cases, Detective Crowe had been the same way. He continuously hit on Maura and begged for her to come to his crime scenes just to work with her. As her relationship with Maura grew closer, she hated the jealously she felt when Maura would go to his case before coming to hers. It was one of the reason’s she had let Maura in on her secret, trying to keep the blonde close to her without actually dealing with her feelings.
The elevator doors opened, and two large men held their hands up to stop her. The one to her left rested his hand on his weapon, “Name?”
“Detective Jane Rizzoli. Where’s Doctor Isles?” She asked harshly.
The man on her right shook his head, “Indisposed. Only authorized personnel are allowed down here right now, and Detectives are not on the list. I’m sorry ma’am.”
She didn’t know what ruffled her more, the ma’am or the fact that Detectives were not allowed in their own morgue, “Why not?”
The man on her left relaxed his stance, “We were just given orders that no one is allowed down here right now. We will find Doctor Isles and have her call you Detective Rizzoli.”
She shook her head, “I need to see her now.”
Agent Dean appeared between the two Agents, “She’s not here. I’ve been looking for her since I came down here.”
She frowned, “You said she was down here.”
He frowned at her, “She was. I had just left her when I came up to talk to you. She was putting a body in a drawer.”
She glared at him, “If anything has happened to her, I will personally come after you Gabriel.” She punched the number of her floor.
She dialed Maura at least ten times before she exited the elevator and hurried into the bullpen, “Frost track Maura’s phone.”
Without question he rushed into the BRICK office and began the search as Korsak pulled his phone out, “What’s up?”
She knew he was calling Maura and she couldn’t help but smile, “They aren’t letting anyone down in the morgue and Dean said that Maura isn’t there. He’s looking for her too.”
Korsak frowned as he dialed the ME again, “She wouldn’t just disappear without letting someone know where she is.”
She shook her head, “No but she’s also been hiding the fact that she’s sick from me.”
Korsak’s head snapped up, “What? Doc doesn’t get sick.”
“I know.” She shook her head as she sat in her desk chair, fear and panic swirling around her mind, gripping her chest tightly, “I’ve heard her a few times in the morning when she thinks I’m still asleep and I caught her a few times down in the morgue. I thought only Frost vomited in the sink down there but…”
She shook her head as she began to rub the scars on her hands, anxiety begging to take hold as Korsak dialed Maura’s number again, “Why isn’t she telling you? We all get sick.”
She nodded, “Yes but this Maura. Even in her own words she doesn’t get sick.” When Korsak shook his head again she began to pace the length of the room, “I don’t like this.”
Frost exited the BRICK office and shook his head, “The last tower ping was near here and that was an hour ago. Her phone must be off. I can’t track it until it comes back on.”
She felt her heartbeat rapidly, painfully in her chest, “I’ll call the hospitals. Korsak call Frankie and tell him to try Maura and to get Ma on the calls.”
Korsak nodded, his phone already to his ear as Frost turned back to BRICK, “I’ll keep an eye on her phone so when it comes back on, I can pinpoint her location.”
She smiled at her partner, “Thanks Frost.”
Frost grinned at her, “Hey I love the Doc and a happy Doc makes a happy Jane Rizzoli.”
She stuck her tongue out at him as he laughed and hurried back into the BRICK office while she dialed the first hospital on the list.
Jane Rizzoli walked into BPD with her head held high and dark circles under her eyes. She hadn’t slept the night before, tossing and turning in the large bed that was too cold and empty and the nightmare had been unbelievably real. It had been for the last, almost five years. Ever since…
She shook her head as she hit the button to the elevator. She refused to think about it. Refused to think about the date that was quickly approaching her like an out-of-control train that was about to derail, and she was powerless to stop it.
Three days from now would mark five long years since she lost her world, the love of her life, her fiancé. In three days’ time all the anguish from the past was going to collided with her, collided with where she had lost everything she had ever wanted in her life.
She hated this time of the year and she knew her attitude was the hardest to handle this time of the year. Korsak, Frankie and Frost hated working with her this time of the year, but they also knew it was the hardest time of the year for her.
Fall was supposed to be the time of the year where they would watch the leaves change colors as they walked hand in hand through the parks that dotted the city. The time where they would curl up on the sofa in front of the fireplace in the townhouse because the chill in the air would make her fiancé colder than usual. the time of the year that family dinners would grow even more boisterous due to the quickly approaching holidays.
The holidays she wanted more than anything to avoid now. Especially Christmas, the day she proposed to the woman she wanted to spend every minute of eternity with.
She shook her head as she exited the silence of the elevator. Silence was no longer her friend. It was there to torment her, to taunt her with the unknown, the what ifs. She knew that of all things that had changed that night she had been the biggest change. She didn’t trust anyone anymore. She didn’t let anyone close now, even keeping her own mother at arm’s length.
Angela had taken the hint after a year and finally gave her space. They didn’t talk as much anymore and the idea of a Sunday family dinner had long been abandoned since her partner, her lover, wasn’t there with her anymore. She didn’t like when people touched her anymore and Frankie had learned the hard way.
She had always been so close to him over the years but when she disappeared, something inside of herself broke. Something inside her disappeared, her heart disappeared. She stopped caring so much and the first time Frankie had tried to grab her, he found himself on the floor out cold for a solid five minutes. She had felt a little guilty but, in all honesty, she had warned him twice not to touch her.
No one could touch her anymore.
She entered the bullpen to the usual hustle and bustle of the Boston Homicide unit. Korsak held his desk phone between his shoulder and ear as he typed on the computer. Frost was nowhere to be seen as she made her way to her desk, an underlying layer of anger pulsating through her body. She hadn’t been able to shake the anger and fear after her nightmare the night before, but she had managed to turn the fear into more anger.
She sat in her chair and her eyes landed on the only photo on her desk. The dark wood frame had been a gift from the woman in the photo with her. It had been taken the Christmas before she disappeared. She had just proposed to the blonde and was holding her from behind as they smiled happily at the camera. She hadn’t been able to put it away. She couldn’t bear the thought of it not being on her desk, where she could reach out and run her finger across the most important person to her.
It had made her still feel connected to the woman. It made her feel like Maura was still alive.
At this point, nearly five years later she knew the odds of finding Maura alive were slim and it made everything so much worse this time. There was no hiding from the pain this time. No hiding from the facts. She’s a Homicide Detective for fucks sake, she knows how these things usually ended within the first forty-eight hours.
She felt the tears burn her eyes and she forced herself to look away from the woman in the photo, and over to the man across the room, “Call out?”
Korsak shook his head at her as he focused back on typing, “Yes and where exactly was that?”
She frowned at the man, his hair greyer than it had been years before, his temples pure white now. He had been amazing through all her ups and downs and had been there for her during some of the hardest parts of her life. He had been more of a father to her than Frank Sr. and that was an entirely different subject she didn’t want to think about.
Frost rushed into the bullpen from BRICK and slammed a paper down on Korsak’s desk, “I’ve got it. It came back on and I triangulated the tower pings. It’s out near Quincy Bay.”
Korsak’s face paled even as he spoke to the person on the phone, “Thank you for your time ma’am.” He hung up the phone and grabbed his blazer off the back of his chair, “Let’s go.”
She frowned at her partners, “What’s going on? I thought you said we didn’t have a call out.”
Korsak hesitated for a moment before sighing heavily, “It was a tip. A woman called to say she saw someone that looks like…” He cleared his throat as the emotion welled up, “The Doc.”
That had been the major change that she saw in Korsak. She didn’t know just how close Maura and Korsak had been over the years until Maura went missing. Korsak couldn’t say her name just as much as she couldn’t and up until a few months ago she hadn’t even been able to think of the woman’s name. It had always been her fiancé, lover, partner, love of her life. Never Maura. Not until a few months ago.
Frost pulled his dark blue blazer on and spoke, pulling her out of her thoughts, “Doctor Isles’ cell phone came back on an hour ago and it was moving fast. I’ve got it narrowed down to-“
Jane felt her heart drop into her stomach as her blood ran cold, “Quincy Bay.” She was on her feet instantly as Cavanaugh hit the button for the elevator.
He glanced at her, his own fear reflected in his eyes back at her, “Frost can ride with me.”
She nodded at her Lieutenant as they all stepped silently onto the elevator. Her mind whisked back to all the tips they had received when Maura had gone missing originally. They had personally gone out on all of them, the entire department pitching in. Maura had worked with almost everyone in the department over the years and she was well liked and respected by everyone.
It had amazed her how many people had rallied around her to help find Maura. The manhunt that went into place for the missing Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts had been the big news for a year. Statewide they had Maura’s people looking into leads, but when the Governor had called all of it off, she had been livid.
She could still remember the day she had stormed into the capital building and demanded to see the man that was her fiancés boss, the man that had ended the search for the woman she was in love with. He had been guarded and she knew he was keeping something from her. He wasn’t answering her questions fully and he would dodge all that he could.
She had a sense that he either knew what happened to Maura or that he had been involved in it. She had tried in vain for the passed few years to prove that he was involved but at every turn he would put a stop to it, even using threats to stop her. At the time he didn’t know Jane Rizzoli and she had pushed harder than he could.
Still nothing had come of it and now she may very well be heading out to a body that belonged to her fiancé. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face it, but then she also knew she would never have peace until she knew the truth of what happened to Maura. It was a catch twenty-two for her.
She approached Wollaston Beach slowly, the fear and dread building faster with every step she made. Could she accept this if this were it? Could she handle it if it weren’t? Would she feel relief if this turned out to just be a phone, or if the body weren’t Maura’s?
Her chest tightened and the air to her lungs seemed to be choked off. Korsak didn’t attempt to touch her, which she was grateful for. She stood straight and saw Cavanaugh and Frost in the distance, near the waters edge. Police tape had been strung along the beach for space so civilians couldn’t get anywhere near the body.
She felt the bile rise in her chest as she saw the bloated hand of the body, resting on the sand. The greyish skin having been stretched from it’s time in the water. She couldn’t move forward as the thought of walking over there and seeing Maura’s disfigured face staring back at her, raced across her mind. It was imprinted in her mind. The image of what Maura would look like if they had ever found her.
If she had been dead when they found her had haunted her nightmares and her waking hours as the years have passed, and she wasn’t sure she could handle it if it turned out to be true. She felt her legs shake beneath her and she crouched at the edge of the asphalt, her eyes glued to the scene below her near the water’s edge. She rubbed her hands, the scars start reminders of her real-life nightmare not coming close in comparison to this.
If she had thought that Hoyt was an ordeal, then this is Hell.
This would be her hell if that turned out to be her beloved down there, surrounded by officers and Techs. She spotted Susie Chang bent over with her hands on her knees, breathing heavily. The senior lab tech wiped her face before turning and scanning the area, her eyes landing on Jane.
She stared at the woman that had been a friend to Maura since her first day in the lab. Susie had always said how much she admired Maura and how much she wanted to learn from her. Maura had made it her mission to teach the woman as much as she could, because she genuinely liked the tech.
Susie moved towards her as quickly as she could, the sand hindering the shorter woman, “It’s not her Jane.”
She felt her body collapse to the hot asphalt, landing on her butt in her work suit. The relief flooded her body, mind, and soul instantly and she suddenly felt how very tired she was. It wasn’t her Maura. It wasn’t her. The words echoed through her mind as her eyes drifted back towards the poor woman that was dead, another Jane Doe to add to the morgue.
She shook her head as her eyes burned with tears, but the need to release her emotions was not outdone by the fact that she was surrounded by co-workers and the public. She took a few deep breaths and shook her head before rising to her feet, squaring her shoulders and nodding at Susie.
“Thank you, Chang.”
Susie nodded, her face pale, “Crowe claimed this one so you all can head back.”
She nodded as her cell phone rang on her hip. She turned back towards the car as she frowned at the phone, “Why is Ma calling?”
Korsak shrugged, “She should be on shift at the bar this morning.”
She answered the phone quickly, “Hey Ma.” A loud sob broke the silence around them, and she frowned, “Ma? What’s wrong? Take a breath and talk to me.”
Angela’s sobs slowed as they entered the car and she set a course for the Dirty Robber. Angela spoke in a rushed tone and through her sobs, but she couldn’t make sense of it, “Ma calm down and take a deep breath. Are you alright?”
Angela hiccupped and blurted one word, “Maura!”
Korsak eyed her curiously as he frowned, unsure of what was going on.
She felt her heart drop again as she frowned, “It wasn’t her Ma. How did you hear about that anyway?”
Angela took a shaky breath again, “No Janie. Maura is alive. Here in the bar.”
She felt her heart lodge into her throat, her hands shaking violently as she slammed her foot down on the gas and Korsak flipped their PD lights on.
Chapter 3: Secrets
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Maura rolled her eyes at the man standing across from her staring down at the body of Charles Wilson. She didn’t like to say she hated someone, but Agent Gabriel Dean was about to make her say it, out loud. He had been hovering around her for most of the day as she went over every inch of the decedents body. It had taken four hours to do the autopsy, which was long for her.
Dean kept interrupting her and asking questions that she really wasn’t in the mood to answer. She wasn’t in the mood to be around Dean more than she needed to be, but she was powerless to stop it. She was beginning to stitch the body back up as Dean had opened his mouth again, the same monotone voice that he always used.
“How long have you and Jane been seeing each other?”
She couldn’t help the eye roll since she knew he knew damn well how long they had been seeing each other, “Technically since we started working together.”
His eyes snapped up, a glare aimed at her, “You know what I mean.” His voice was really starting to get to her.
She smirked at him, “A year. She proposed on Christmas Day.”
He grunted as he crossed his arms over his chest, “Why?”
She grimaced at the Y-incision as she placed the last stitch, “Because we love each other and would like to share our lives together.” She felt her stomach roll and she quickly pulled her gloves off, “Don’t you have paperwork to do?”
He glanced at her and shook his head with a grin, “Nope. I’m here for the body.”
She shook her head as the urge to vomit raced up her esophagus. She sprinted across the room to the sink, gripping the sides tightly as her breakfast emptied into the sink. She rinsed her mouth with water before turning back to the man behind her, a dare in her eyes.
He frowned as he moved closer, “You sick Doc?”
She narrowed her eyes at him, “I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. You going to that with me too?”
He shook his head quickly, “Um, no.”
She shook her head at him as she leaned back against the sink, “I have work to do so I’ll put the body in the drawer.”
He nodded, “I need that report now. Then you can work on the other cases.”
She curled her lip at him, unable to stop herself, “I hate you.”
He rocked back on his heels with a wide smile, “It’s mutual Doc, I assure you. I’m going to go find Rizzoli.”
She growled in the back of her throat as he exited the morgue, revulsion creeping up her spine. She really couldn’t stand him, and it was beginning to get harder to control her temper around him. She sighed heavily and went back to work. Her mind kept slipping to Jane and what she would do when she found out that Dean was around.
Even more so she was excited to see what Jane would do when she found out that he had been hovering around her all morning.
She submitted the report an hour later and locked up her office as she made her way out through the back bay, needing to avoid Dean for a while longer. She didn’t want to think about anything other than her doctor’s appointment that she hadn’t even told Jane about.
She didn’t like keeping things from Jane, but she hadn’t been feeling good for the last month and it was beginning to affect her at work. She figured it was just the flu but to be on the safe side she had made an appointment before saying anything to Jane. She wanted proof before she went to Jane since the woman was overprotective of her as it was.
Her being sick would only increase Jane’s obsession that she not be out of the Detective’s sight when something was wrong with her. Whether it be physical or emotional. That was just how Jane was and had been from the first time she had gotten sick, which thankfully had been a onetime thing.
What she hadn’t thought of was the noticeable wrap that was on her arm after having blood drawn for the doctor even though the doctor was quite sure what it was. The information had been so unexpected that she had a hard time believing that her doctor was right and had the woman run every test just to be sure.
It had taken more time than she thought and by the time she left her doctor’s office she had hope that Jane didn’t even know she had left the building. When she slipped into her car and pulled her phone out to turn it back on, she knew she was going to be in deep trouble with her fiancé.
There were thirty missed calls from Jane alone, but apparently, she had gotten the entire family on the case. Angela had called multiple times, Frankie and Frost had texted more than a dozen times each and even Tommy had tried both calling and texting.
Just as she started the car her phone rang, Susie Chang’s face appearing on the screen, “Doctor Isles.”
“Thank god. Doctor Isles, Detective Rizzoli is on a rampage and Agent Dean might be trying to hide in one of the morgue drawers.”
She snorted as she shook her head and pulled out of the parking lot, “I’m on my way now.”
“I wouldn’t if I were you Maura.” Susie said seriously, the use of her first name telling her how serious her friend was, “Jane is on the war path and not even Frankie has been safe from it. You may need to stitch him up later.”
She sighed, “Alright. I’m heading home.”
Susie chuckled, “I’ll go tell her right away and be her second favorite person for a while.”
She smiled, “Who’s the first?”
It was Susie’s turn to snort a laugh, “You will always be her favorite Doctor Isles.”
She laughed as the call ended and she made her way towards home, the shocking news still on her mind as she tried to think of a way to break it to Jane. But worry was at the front and center of her mind.
Would Jane even be happy about this? They had never discussed it and it had always been thought that it could never happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen, but it had and now she found herself wanting it more than anything. She could only hope that Jane would be as happy as she was about the shocking news.
She was so focused on her son that she didn’t notice the waitress watching them in shock until a shout echoed throughout the bar, “Maura!?”
Her head snapped around and she stared at Angela Rizzoli, who stood behind the bar with wide dark eyes and tears in her eyes.
She couldn’t stop the small nervous smile that pulled up the corner of her mouth. She had missed this woman over the years, missing their late-night talks with snacks. The woman hadn’t aged much in the last four years, but her hair was a little greyer than before, no doubt put there by her children.
She wasn’t expecting the thick emotions to roll through her body so suddenly at the appearance of someone from her past. Someone that was so particularly important to her, in more than one way. The guilt, pain, and overwhelming love she had for this woman was threatening to spill over as she watched Angela move towards her slowly. Hesitatingly.
She hated that the woman was hesitant to approach her, and her mind instantly snapped back to Jane. Would Jane feel the same way? Would she keep her distance from her after all this time? She hated to think it but maybe that’s what happened after all the time that had passed without contact.
“Maura,” Angela choked out, emotion swirling wildly in the older Rizzoli’s eyes.
She turned to face the woman, very aware of her son’s hold on the back of her shirt, “Yeah Angela, it’s me.”
She was swallowed in Angela’s warm tight embrace and she couldn’t stop the tears that flowed freely at the love in Angela’s voice as the woman kissed her cheek and spoke in a quiet sob, “I’ve missed you. I love you Maura.”
She hugged the woman tightly, all the memories of their hugs entering her mind at a rapid pace. She had always hated when people touched her, but when she had received her first hug from Angela Rizzoli, she couldn’t deny that it was everything to her. Angela wasn’t afraid to touch her like other people, like Constance and Arthur.
Angela held nothing back and only poured love into their embraces and it was something that she had found herself craving all the years that she had been gone. She had need Angela’s motherly advice when her son was born, when she cried herself to sleep at night because she missed Jane. She craved it now more than ever before but wasn’t sure if they could just pick up where they left off.
Angela pulled back as her eyes landed on the small boy behind her, “Who’s this?”
Maura wiped her eyes quickly as she turned to her son, “Angela I have a lot to tell you, but I need to know… Where’s Jane?” Her nerves won.
Angela sighed heavily, “At work as usual.” She motioned for them to sit as she waved over the other waitress, “I’m taking a break.” Her eyes were red and puffy as tears escaped every few minutes.
Maura placed an order for two burgers and fries before the waitress hurried away and she turned back to Angela, “She was always at work.”
Angela shook her head, her eyes hovering on the boy, “When you disappeared, she threw herself into work. She never stopped looking for you, but homicides began to take priority as time went on. She’s been pulling away from all of us over the years and I don’t think she’s had one decent night sleep since…” The older woman shook her head and wiped her face with a napkin.
She frowned at the pain in the older woman’s face and voice, “I never wanted to leave. I want you to know that first and foremost.”
Angela nodded, “He looks so much like Jane.” The woman’s face turned soft, “He’s the spitting image of Jane at that age. Except he has your eyes.”
She smiled as the boy buried his face in her shoulder shyly, “Angela this is Luca. Luca this is your Nonna, your grandmother.”
The little boy turned his face out of his mother’s shoulder and stared at the woman across from them curiously, “You’re Mama’s mom?”
Angela smiled widely, another tear falling freely, “Yes sweetie.”
The boy grinned and held out the photo to Angela, “Mommy says we can see Mama soon.”
Angela covered her gasp with her hand as she took the photo from the boy and Maura smiled at the elder Rizzoli, “I was only able to grab three. He uses them to calm his anxiety. It’s why it’s so crinkled.”
Angela nodded as she held the photo back towards the little boy, “I’ll call Jane.” Angela stood quickly.
She could see the emotion getting ready to spill from the woman and she frowned, catching the woman’s forearm quickly, “Angela I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. Please.”
Angela’s tears slid silently down her face as she stared at her. Maura could see the different emotion’s swirling in the woman’s eyes as Angela nodded and took her seat again.
She couldn’t explain the sudden relief she felt, she wanted to see Jane but the thought of Angela calling the brazen Detective had sent a flutter of fear through her body. She knew it was irrational to be afraid of Jane, but she was definitely afraid. Maybe it wasn’t fear of the woman herself but of the reaction that could come from the woman known as ‘Hurricane Rizzoli’.
She glanced up as the waitress delivered their order and Luca leaned on the table on his elbows, his hazel eyes wide at the look of the food. She tapped his elbows, “Luca.”
He nodded and sat back on his heels, scooting as close to the table as possible, “Mommy where’s Mama?”
She couldn’t help but smile at her son, he got his one-track mind from Jane, “She’s at work right now. We’ll see her later okay.” He nodded as he bit into a french-fry.
She glanced up at Angela and sighed, “I never meant to just show up like this. I didn’t know you worked here.”
Angela shook her head, “I started here not long after you disappeared.” Angela’s voice lowered quickly, “Wait can we even talk about that?”
She nodded, “I was in Witness Protection Angela and I can assure you it was against my will.”
Angela frowned, anger burning in her dark eyes, “You were forced?”
She swallowed her bite of burger and frowned as she glanced over at Luca, “It’s not what I would have chosen at the time.”
Luca grinned up at her before turning to eye Angela, “Nonna?”
Angela’s tears slipped unnoticed down her cheeks, “Yes Precious.”
“Do you have a house?” The boy asked innocently.
She knew that the townhouse had been sold after the second year and she couldn’t deny that she was curious about where everyone was living. She glanced over at Angela and saw the hesitation in the older woman’s face. She leaned across the table and took Angela’s hand in her own, comfortingly.
Angela took a deep breath, “Jane sold the townhouse after the second year. Admittedly she didn’t want to, but we were trying to get her to let go somewhat. Maura, she changed so much when you disappeared.”
She felt her heart clench in pain as she eyed the woman, “What do you mean?”
She was smart enough to know that her sudden disappearance would cause a change in Jane but add the fact that Jane knew she was pregnant with Luca and it had to have affected her more. Her anger flared even more towards Agent Dean, but she also knew that it had been for the best that she left Boston.
Angela shook her head and wiped her face quickly, “Did she know?” Angela’s eyes darted to the silent boy that was eating his burger slowly.
She stared at her son for a moment, seeing Jane in his every movement before turning back to Angela, “Yes. Three days.” She swallowed back the thick wave of emotions, “Today, I found out I was pregnant, and I told Jane that night when she got home.”
Angela quickly covered her mouth for a moment, taking the time to reign in her emotions, “It explains so much. She not only lost you, but she lost a child.” Angela shook her head, “She never said anything and then we pushed her to sell the house.”
She chuckled, unable to stop it, “I’m sure that was a fight worth seeing. I don’t care that the townhouse is gone. I care about Jane and how she’s been over the years.”
Angela groaned, “First off we all know that two years of you being gone wasn’t going to end well. She wasn’t letting anything go. She was living in that house alone and eventually she stopped letting anyone in. We thought by selling the house that she would at least let the family in.”
She frowned as she sat back, “Where did she move?”
Angela smiled, “The house that you two were in love with. She placed an offer the second she had a buyer for the townhouse. It’s beautiful inside and out Maura. With it being more on the outskirts of the city she takes more time off but not enough and never when a tip about you came in.”
“Tip about me?” She felt her chest tighten, “She’s been looking for tips all this time?”
Angela nodded, her face full of anguish, “She believes the governor had something to do with your disappearance. She even charged into his office and gave him hell.”
She smiled softly, “The Rizzoli way.”
Angela snorted, “You remember.”
They shared a laugh until Luca leaned into her body, his shy nervousness getting the better of him. She wrapped an arm around him as he buried his face into her side, “I still have to find a place for us to live so we need to get going.”
Angela frowned, “I’ll call Jane. It’s your house too Maura. It was your money.”
She shook her head, “I left everything to Jane because she already had my heart, Angela. It’s hers more than mine now.”
Angela shook her head, “I’m going to call her. Please don’t leave.”
She frowned, her fear of seeing Jane coming back to the forefront, “Angela I have to see my attorney and Jane is working. What time do you get off?”
Angela smiled as she stood, “At five.”
“I’ll go see my attorney and then I will be back here at five, okay.”
She hated the fear that flashed into the woman’s eyes. She knew that everyone would have that look in their eyes whenever she had to leave them for a while. She was desperate not to see that look in Jane’s eyes because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to leave. No matter what she couldn’t leave Jane if that were the look she received.
Angela nodded, “I’ll be expecting you no later than ten after.”
She smiled at the woman, “I’ve missed you, Angela.”
She hugged the woman tightly and felt the tears slip out as Luca hugged Angela’s leg tightly, “Bye Nonna.”
Angela’s breathing became irregular, and she quickly took Luca’s hand, “We’ll see you soon.”
She hooked the duffel bag over her shoulder and walked Luca out of the Dirty Robber. Her heart was still tight at the thought of Jane, but she had to focus on her next stop and that was the attorney that had been on retainer before she had disappeared. Dean had told her that he was aware of everything only because he was the one that turned everything over to Jane.
She had been angry when she learned that both the governor and her attorney knew about where she was, and Jane didn’t. It didn’t feel right, and she had fought as much as she could, but it began to take a toll on her body when she was pregnant, so she had to let it go.
Even now as she walked into the familiar law office, she felt the anger returning tenfold. She had always disliked walking into the stale beige office building. Her attorney was on the sixth floor and even his waiting room was something that had grated on her. She enjoyed the clean sterile smell of the morgue and her office but there was something different about other offices and even doctor’s offices.
Luca clung to her leg gripping the usual photo in his hand tightly. He didn’t like new things and he hated strange places, but she also knew that her anxiety was only adding to his. They were close, as close as a mother and son could be. They hadn’t interacted much with anyone when they lived in New Mexico and while she had been at work one of the agents that was working on her protection detail, watched her son until she got off work.
The brunette secretary, a woman that had been in her early twenties before she had been put in witness protection, stared at her wide eyed as recognition crossed her face, “Doctor Isles?”
She kept her blank mask on, trying to calm herself not only on the outside but also to help calm Luca, “I need to see him. Now.”
The woman nodded as she picked up her desk phone, “Doctor Isles is here to see you.” She listened for a moment then nodded, “You can go in.”
She turned and led Luca into the large office with wall-to-wall bookcases. The one large floor length window in the room sat behind her attorney’s desk. His oak desk was larger than her and Jane’s put together and she rolled her eyes uncontrollably, something she hadn’t been able to shake mainly because she got it from Jane, which made her smile.
“Doctor Isles. It is so good to see you.” The tall slender man stood quickly, his bright blue eyes filled with shock.
“It’s Doctor Rizzoli but then you already knew that didn’t you.” She eyed him carefully as sweat broke out on the man’s forehead.
“R-r-right. Doctor Rizzoli how can I help you.” He sputtered.
“I need to know what else you did without my knowledge.” At his hesitation she leaned her hands on his desk, her voice cold and dark, “I spent the last four years being kept from my son’s mother, the woman that I love. I know you have children and a husband, and you wouldn’t like it either. So, I’ll ask you one more time, what else did you do without my knowledge?”
She watched as his body began to shake and sweat dripped from his forehead as he slowly sat back down. Loosening his tie, he cleared his throat and dug in his desk drawer for a file folder. He slid it across the top of his desk towards her and motioned at the chair behind her.
“Please have a seat and I’ll go over everything.”
She took a seat after snatching the file of his desk and flipped open to the first set of documents.
Chapter 4: Answering the Call
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane slammed the phone down on her desk as she tried to reign in her panic. She hadn’t heard from Maura for hours now and none of the family had gotten through either. She hated Dean and his impeccable timing as he leaned his hip against her desk, his arms crossed over his chest smugly.
“Still haven’t found the doc?” He asked casually.
She glared up at him, “Leave before I throw you out.”
He chuckled, “Let me take you to dinner and make it up to you.”
She stood quickly, sending her desk chair flying backwards. Korsak and Frost stood promptly and moved towards him instantly, but she shook her head, “Never going to happen. Maura and I are getting married and so help me, if I find out that you are the reason she’s missing, I will kill you myself.”
He held his hands up, shock prevalent on his face, “Hey it was worth a shot.”
She glared at him, “Korsak, Frost, escort him back to the elevators.”
He grimaced at her, “Don’t be like that.”
She shook her head, “Get out.”
As Korsak and Frost followed Dean out of the bullpen she growled in the back of her throat as she hunted down her chair and sat back at her desk. She hated not knowing where Maura was, and it didn’t help that she knew the woman was keeping something from her.
They hadn’t kept secrets from each other since their first fight. Maura had been more than hurt in that argument and Jane had felt like an ass, but her jealousy was something that she had been trying her whole life to overcome. It had exploded just as her mother said it would, though she was reluctant to ever admit that out loud.
She wasn’t sure how long she had been staring at her phone when it buzzed on top of her desk and Susie Chang’s face appeared on her screen. She frowned at the image of Maura’s lead lab tech and quickly answered the call, “Have you seen Maura?”
Susie chuckled, “No but I have good news. I just got off the phone with her, and I’m curious as to why Agent Dean looks petrified.”
She frowned as she found her keys in her top drawer, “No idea but as long as he stays away from me and Maura, I’m happy. Thanks Susie. Now where is she?”
“She’s heading home Jane.”
Frost exited BRICK, “Jane her phone is back on.”
She grinned at the younger man, “Thanks Susie and you know that puts you at number two, right?” She laughed as she heard Susie’s shouted, “YES!” in the background before she hung up the phone.
She turned to Frost, “Where?”
“The townhouse.” He eyed her with confusion.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said quickly as she headed for the elevators.
She sped across town using her lights and siren. Her only thought was of Maura and where the hell the woman had been without telling her. She parked on the street and hurried up to the front door, pausing at the sound of silence she heard. She used her key to push the door open and frowned when she was met with darkness, not a single light was on.
She shut and locked the door behind her, placing a hand on her gun as she checked the living room. She looked at the top of the stairs before she took them as quietly as she could, her hand still on her gun. A soft glow was emanating from their bedroom and hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open.
Maura spun around to look at her, a soft smile on her face. The glow of the candlelight around the room flickered off the blonde’s hair making it look as if it were shimmering. Her breath caught in her chest as her eyes took in the woman’s half naked, toned body.
She knew firsthand what those legs felt like around her neck, how strong those thighs really were. She knew what that skin felt like under her hands, her scars causing the blonde to moan louder as they brushed across her sensitive areas. She knew how firm and pliable Muara’s breasts where when touched and how the woman’s nipples tightened at just the thought of her going near them.
Her eyes jerked back up to Maura’s face as she cursed her one tracked mind, “I’ve been looking for you most of the afternoon. Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
Maura smiled widely at her, excitement dancing in her shinning hazel eyes, “I have some news for you.”
She frowned at her fiancé, seeing the tears that brimmed the woman’s eyes, “I know you’ve been sick but why didn’t you tell me?”
Maura cocked her head at her, “You knew?”
She nodded as she entered the room fully, “You don’t vomit that quietly babe.”
Maura laughed, a full laugh as the tears slid down her cheeks and she couldn’t take the separation anymore. She took a step towards her fiancé but froze when Maura stepped away from her, “Jane I have something I have to tell you and I don’t know how you are going to take it.”
She frowned, her fingers twitching at her sides, itching to touch the woman in front of her, “Well just tell me.” At Maura’s hesitation she groaned, “Maura, you’re scaring the hell out of me. Just tell me please.”
Maura took a deep breath, “Let me ask you this first, do you want kids?”
Her eyes tracked Maura’s movement across the room, “With you? Of course, I do. I mean we haven’t talked about it but it’s something I can see us doing. Why?”
Her heart skipped a beat as Maura turned back to face her, quickly unhooking her bra and letting it drop to the floor. The smile Maura gave her was breathtakingly beautiful with the flames making her glow.
She gasped as the realization hit her and she moved across the room without another thought, “You’re… How? I mean… How?”
She couldn’t think straight as the excitement coursed through her body, adding to the arousal that was already charging the air around them. Her heart swelled larger with love for her fiancé that was not only in love with her but was…
She kissed the woman deeply, their tongues meeting without asking. They needed the connection with each other and when she pulled back, she couldn’t stop the smile from pulling at her lips, “Say it.”
Maura smiled back, “I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant.”
She gripped Maura’s hips and pulled her tight against her body, “Again.”
Maura laughed, “Jane, you got me pregnant.” She groaned with happiness as Maura gripped the front of her button up blouse, “I’ll buy you a new shirt.”
She frowned in confusion for a split second until Maura ripped the front of her shirt open, buttons flying in every direction. She smirked at the woman, “Impatient Doctor Isles?”
Maura grinned wickedly up at her, “I’m pregnant Jane.”
She growled as she crushed her mouth to Maura’s, need and desire and excitement overwhelming her every thought. She lifted Maura off the floor and moaned into the kiss as the blonde wrapped her legs around her waist tightly. She loved the feel of Maura around her, consuming her, invading every single one of her senses.
Maura’s head fell back as she laughed, “This is how we got here to begin with Jay.”
She chuckled as she nipped at her lovers’ neck, “I don’t see you complaining.” She carried Maura towards the bed but stopped to ask, “Should I stop?”
Maura gripped a fistful of her hair with a deep growl that was uncommon for the petite quirky Medical Examiner, “Stop and you’ll sleep on the couch for a month.”
She laid her lover on the bed and hovered over her mouth, “Your wish, my command baby.”
Jane slammed on the brakes in front of the Dirty Robber, the pub that Korsak had bought the year before. Her heart was racing as she flew out of the unmarked cruiser and sprinted into the dimly lit pub. Her eyes scanning the entire area for the woman that she was here for. She found her mother standing behind the bar, eyes swollen and puffy.
“Ma!” She called out to the woman as she approached the end of the bar, “Where?”
Angela hurried around the bar and rushed towards her, “She had to go visit her attorney’s office. She didn’t say why.”
She frowned as she eyed her mother carefully, “You sure it was her?”
Angela crossed her arms over her chest, “Really? When were you going to tell us, that Maura was pregnant?”
Her eyes widened as her heart sped up. The only way that her mother would know that was if it really had been Maura. She hadn’t told anyone except Agent Dean when she had been hammered two years ago on the anniversary of Maura’s disappearance.
She felt her heart sink slightly, “Maura was really here?”
Angela nodded, “He looks so much like you Janie.”
She felt the tears burn her eyes, “He? We have a son?”
She didn’t want to get her hopes up. Until she saw Maura with her own eyes, she wouldn’t believe what she was being told. Everything felt like she was in a dream, so unreal. How could Maura just be here after all these years? How could their child be alive after all this time? Why hadn’t she heard from them yet?
She frowned at her mother, “Why didn’t she come to me first?”
Angela shook her head, tears filling her eyes again, “She didn’t know I worked here and stopped in to get them lunch. She’s looking for a place for them to live Janie. She’s back for good.”
She collapsed on the empty stool at the counter, “Is she coming back?”
Angela nodded, “I told her I get off at five and she said they’d be back. She didn’t want to disturb you at work.”
She couldn’t ignore the pain in her chest that she had missed the woman, the mother of her child. She silently cursed Boston traffic but took a slight comfort in the fact that Maura would be back. She wanted to wait, to sit right at this bar and stare at the door until the woman in question walked in. She would do it too if it weren’t for Korsak.
He frowned at her, “We have to get back to the station. I’ll make sure you get off early so you can be here when she gets back Jane.”
She felt her shoulders slump as her eyes drifted to the door as if willing Maura to walk through them at that moment. After a moment she nodded, “I’ll be back at five. If you leave before I get here Ma…”
Angela nodded, “I’ll let you know, and I’ll take her straight to the house.”
She pushed herself off the stool and dragged her feet as she left the pub. She didn’t want to go back to work, which was a first for her in the last five years. She had thrown herself into work, so she didn’t have to constantly be reminded of her missing half, her missing unborn child. She didn’t want to see the pity in everyone’s eyes. The sorrow in her families faces as they watched her every movement, judged her every decision.
She hated her family trying to force her to sell the townhouse but when the house, the home, that she and Maura had wanted to buy together came up after the buyer fell through, she didn’t hesitate. She used all the money from the townhouse sell to purchase the house with Maura in mind.
She would have given everything up, all the money, if it meant that she could have Maura by her side again, but it hadn’t worked out that way. She was forced to sleep alone, forced to remember what Maura smelled like by using the same shampoo that Maura had used. It had taken everything in her to even look at their photos when she was alone and could let the grief consume her.
She would never let anyone see the pain that she had suffered. The pain that would take her breath away in the dark. The pain that would tighten her chest when Maura’s scent filled her mind at inopportune times, like when chasing a suspect through the mall. Her head would swivel in hopes of seeing her blonde Medical Examiner, but it had never happened.
She entered BPD with Korsak and remained silent as her mind swirled with questions. Where had Maura been all this time? Had she been okay? Who had she been with? Had she began seeing someone else? Even as she shook her head at the last question, she still felt heartache. She couldn’t bear it if Maura had been with someone else, had fallen in love with someone else. It would end her after all this time.
She sat at her desk and stared at the blank computer screen, vaguely aware of the conversation going on around her. Frost’s voice coming from his desk in front of hers, “What’s up with her?”
Korsak frowned, “Angela said that the Doc had been at the Dirty Robber.”
Frost’s chair snapped forward as the man sat up straight, “What? I thought the phone…”
Korsak shook his head, “I don’t know why the phone was on Jane Doe, but Angela was adamant that it was the Doc. By the time we got there Angela said that the Doc had to visit her attorney and would be back at five.”
Frost shook his head, “Then why is she here. Shouldn’t we be looking for Maura?”
She finally brought her head up and faced her partner, “How? We don’t have a number for her, and I doubt…” she trailed off.
She couldn’t voice it yet. She couldn’t ask if her son even knew how to use a phone. Her heart clenched again at the thought of her son, their child that had grown up with Maura. Would he even know who she was? Would he be afraid of her or was he outgoing?
Her mind spiraled deeper and deeper as she began to rub her scars, a habit she picked up long ago. A habit that only Maura had been able to stop her from continuing. Maura had always taken her hands in hers and rubbed them gently, massaging them tenderly.
She stood suddenly, “I can’t do this. I have to find her Vince.” She moved towards the elevator knowing that using his first name was the only thing that would make him understand.
“Go wait at the Dirty Robber. It won’t be too much longer until she heads back there. I’ll talk to Cavanaugh for you.” The older man spoke even as he walked towards their captain’s office.
She entered the elevator her heart racing faster than ever. She felt like she was beginning to lose it, unsure whether her mother had actually seen Maura. It just felt too good to be true. After all this time why did Maura suddenly reappear?
She hurried down to her unmarked cruiser and slid behind the wheel, gripping it tightly as she took slow deep breaths. Could she afford to believe her mother now? After all the tips that she and the rest of BPD had investigated over the years, her pain had only increased every time they turned out to be nothing.
Her heart constricted, the memories of all the tips they had received passing through her mind. The times when she had felt like she was getting closer to the truth. All of it had amounted to nothing. The hope that she had been holding onto over the years had slowly been eating away at her. Chipping away at what had been left of her when Maura had vanished. She started the car after noticing that an hour had passed already, letting herself hope one more time. Just one more time she would hope that this was really Maura.
She drove with her mind blank, the silence of the car giving her a moment of respite. When she parked in front of the Dirty Robber she could only stare at the building, seeing the dark windows that she and Maura had spent dozens of nights looking out of while they chatted and ate.
How was she supposed to face the woman? She was the best Detective that Boston PD had ever seen and yet when her own fiancé had disappeared, she couldn’t find her. She had searched everywhere, followed every lead, never gave up. Still, she hadn’t been able to save the woman.
She exited the car, adjusting her black blazer so she still had access to the gun and badge on her hip. Pushing through the doors she felt the familiar burst of cool air from Korsak’s brand new air conditioners that he had installed over the summer. She caught her mother’s eye and nodded towards her usual booth in the back corner of the bar.
Angela held up a beer and she nodded, she defiantly needed a drink while she waited. She sat on the edge of the seat keeping her eyes locked on the entrance. She didn’t want to miss the moment Maura walked through those doors, her hope beginning to consume her. Which she knew was a bad idea because she had been consumed by hope before and it had all ended in pain and suffering.
Angela sat across from her after sitting a Heineken on the table, “She’ll be here Janie.”
She frowned at her mother as she gripped the glass bottle in her hand, “And you’re sure it was her?”
Angela eyed her with a look of understanding, “I spoke to her for a while Jane. It’s her and she’ll be here soon.”
She downed half the bottle as her eyes returned to the door. Her heart thumped in her chest painfully as the blood rushed through her ears. She needed this more than ever before. She needed this to be the one time that everything worked out for her.
She finally looked back at her mother, “It’s so hard to believe it Ma.”
Angela nodded, “I know. All the times we thought a tip was credible and they turned out to be nothing.”
She nodded, “Exactly. This just doesn’t feel real.”
Angela frowned as she looked out the window, “When it first happened, I said the same thing. I didn’t want to believe that Maura, sweet Maura, could have something like that happen to her. It’s not fair, to either of you. You had a future together but,” Angela glanced at her before smiling back out the window, “Now you have a new future together.”
She frowned at the wide smile her mother sported and she turned her head to look out the window. Across the street a cab pulled away from the curb and her heart slammed into her throat. Maura hitched a black strap over her shoulder, the duffel bag large but not completely full. A small boy with black hair smiled widely up at Maura before taking her hand and pulled her towards the crosswalk, causing Maura to laugh.
She couldn’t take her eyes off the two as they crossed the street and disappeared as they neared the door to the bar. She held her breath as the doors opened and suddenly, she was staring into Maura’s hazel eyes as a voice shouted, “Mama!”
She broke eye contact with Maura as the boy ran forward, heading straight for her and she quickly knelt beside the table, holding her arms open wide. The boy launched himself into her arms and she stood holding him, tighter than she probably should have as she felt the tears flow down her cheeks. The boy’s arms and legs wrapped tightly around her neck and he buried his face in her neck.
Her eyes met Maura’s again and she could see the tears that the blonde was quickly wiping away, but the woman hadn’t moved away from the door. The fear that she could see in Maura’s eyes broke her heart as she continued to hold her son for the first time.
Chapter 5: Fear of the Unknown
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Maura awoke to the steady ringing of her cell phone, annoyance the only feeling other than her pleasantly aching body. The night before last had been nothing but a celebration with Jane, and it was one night she would never forget but Jane had warned her she was only getting started. The entire day before they had spent ‘celebrating’ the news and Jane had even taken the day off work so they could, although Maura figured Jane would have kept going again all night if it there hadn’t been a necessity for food.
She was sore in all the right ways as she rolled over to snatch her phone off the bedside table. Jane grumbled next to her, the woman’s black curls disappearing suddenly under the pillow.
She chuckled as she answered the phone, “Isles.”
“Doc, we’ve got another crime scene that I’m requesting you for.” Agent Dean spoke quietly but quickly.
She groaned, “Why can’t you get someone else?”
She knew she wasn’t being professional, but she wanted to bask in bed with Jane for a while longer. She knew she was the best at her job, and she should be honored that the FBI wanted her on the case but the fact that it was Gabriel Dean calling her was the problem. She didn’t want to be professional today, she wanted to call in sick and stay home with Jane.
Dean’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, “I don’t have anyone else I trust. Just get your ass down here.” He rattled off the address before hanging up on her.
She glared at her phone for a moment before she rolled out of bed angrily, “I’m going to kill him myself when I get there.”
Jane’s head popped out from under the pillow, “Woah, who are you killing this early in the morning?”
She yanked a pair of jeans on and snapped, “Gabriel Dean.”
Jane frowned at her as she rolled onto her back, propping herself up on her elbows, “I love when you get hostile.”
She smirked at the woman as she pulled her bra and blouse on, “You haven’t seen anything yet.”
Jane grinned at her as she sat up, letting the sheet fall to her waist, “Hmm, show me.”
“I would but I have a scene to get to and Dean sounds in hurry.” She sat on the edge of the bed to put her boots on, not in the mood for her heels.
Jane knelt behind her and wrapped her arms around her neck, running her hands down her chest, “He can wait baby, I can’t.”
She smirked as shivered at the feeling of Jane’s hands already unbuttoning her blouse, “You know I’ll always give you what you want.”
Jane kissed the side of her neck, “I know, now come here.”
She turned her head and kissed Jane, slow and deep before standing suddenly, a smirk dancing on her lips, “I’ll finish this as soon as I’m done at the scene.”
Jane growled at her as she collapsed back on the back, “I’ll hunt you down at the station if I have to.”
She laughed as she hurried out of the bedroom, “I’m looking forward to it honey.”
She cursed Agent Dean the entire drive to the crime scene. Cursed everything about the man that was still trying to come between her and Jane, but she had a job to do. That’s all she needed was for the governor to call her and chew her out for not going when Dean called. It’s not like she wanted to leave her naked fiancé in bed alone, but she had no choice.
She parked behind the FBI vehicles and frowned as she exited her car, grabbing her medical bag before heading towards the yellow cation tape. She was confident as she walked towards Agent Dean, her expertise in her job the only reason she was even here. She glanced at him and he nodded towards the dumpster in the alley behind him.
“Body is cold.”
She frowned as he fell into step beside her, “Cold?”
“I’m guessing it may have been in a meat truck for a while before being dumped here. I’m waiting for surveillance tapes if there are any.” Dean grimaced as they neared the large commercial grade dumpster.
She sat her bag on the ground as a tech handed her a white hazmat coverall for her to slip over her clothes. She pulled it on as she asked, “When was the decedent found?”
Dean watched her, his look thoughtful, “It was called in two hours ago, but units didn’t arrive until an hour ago and we were called in after an ID was made.”
She hesitated as her mind calculated times, “You got here awfully quick.”
She used the small stepladder next to the dumpster and grimaced at the smell that assaulted her nose, the rotten food overpowering any other smell that could be there. She ignored the roll of her stomach and the bile that was trying to force its way up her esophagus, focusing instead on breathing through her mouth. She climbed carefully into the dumpster, placing a foot on either side of the corpse.
“The victim is Antony Lucchese.”
She popped back up with eyes wide, “Salvador’s nephew?”
Agent Dean nodded, “This is going to get interesting Isles. Hope you’re up for a long night because this has to be triple checked so we have a clean case.”
She groaned, “I didn’t want a part of this to begin with Dean. You said one time.”
He shook his head, “You’re in it now, you know that. If Antony’s death is a murder and it gets around, we are all going to be in the cross hairs of his uncle.”
She glared at him, “Have I mentioned I hate you. I can’t keep this from Jane. She’s going to notice if-“
Gunfire rang out around them and Muara ducked down in the dumpster, bullets making contact with the metal container. When Dean and the other agents returned fire, she threw herself over the side. Dean motioned for her to take cover behind the dumpster as he reloaded his firearm, and more shots came flying at them. Two agents hit the ground, blood pooling around their bodies, as a sharp sting connected with her shoulder.
She spun with the force and used the momentum to hurl herself behind the dumpster, shouting over the echoing noise in the alley, “I fucking warned you Gabriel.” She pressed her gloved hand over her shoulder tightly, clenching her teeth against the pain in her shoulder.
He grimaced at her from behind the patrol car a few feet further down the alley, “Shut up and stay down.”
She rolled her eyes at him as she pressed herself firmer against the dumpster. She could hear the agents shouting for people to drop their weapons, but her eyes were quickly drawn to the man behind Dean, “Gabriel behind you!”
Dean turned as a man brought his gun down on Dean’s temple and the Agent fell unconscious on the pavement. She stood as two men rushed her and all the training, she had been doing with Angela in self defense surged to the front of her mind. She dodged an attempted grapple and followed up with a right hook to the man’s jaw, sending him spinning from the force.
The adrenaline surging through her muscles pushed her on without feeling the pain of her wounded shoulder as she broke the hold the next man had on her before punching his stomach and bringing her knee up to meet his face when he doubled over. The man fell backwards as blood spurted from his nose.
She spun back to face the first man as he flipped open a switchblade, “Lucchese would like a word with you, one way or another.”
She smirked at him as she relaxed her stance slightly, giving her body time to move in any direction she would need to, “No thanks. I’m late for a date.”
Maura splashed cold water on her face before leaning on the sink to look at her reflection in the mirror. She had been at her attorneys for the last few hours and all the painful memories that it was bringing back was beginning to overwhelm her. She touched the deep scar on her face before shaking her head and ignoring it as she had since she had gotten it. She’d had to suture herself up using a mirror in the back of an FBI van while it was moving, but she had done the best she could, given the circumstances.
She turned from the mirror and dried her hands on paper towels before leaving the small private bathroom that was attached to her attorney’s office. Luca was still sitting in the chair across from the man’s desk, his hazel eyes landing on her while he tightened his hold on the photo in his hand.
She moved towards him while speaking to her attorney, “I don’t agree with what you did Ben, but I guess I understand.”
Ben let out a deep breath as he nodded, “I swear Doctor Rizzoli, if I had known I never would have done it.”
She turned to face him, her eyes hardening and her voice going cold again, “Yes you would have because I would have done the same. If Jane had been threatened, I would have done what you did but make no mistake that you owe me a hell of a lot now.”
Ben nodded, “Anything. I swear.”
She sat in the only available seat, “Special Agent Dean. I want to know everything.”
Ben nodded and pulled yet another file out of his filing cabinet behind his desk and handed it over to her, “Agent Gabriel Dean was the lead on the Lucchese case for two years before it came to Boston. Mostly Salvador Lucchese stuck to New York but when Paddy began to get big here, he decided to keep an eye on things. Paddy encroached on Lucchese’s territory a few months before everything went down and Dean got word that Lucchese was spotted here in Boston.”
She nodded as she glanced through the file. Photos of Dean around Boston were interspersed with the news clippings and other Lucchese details from the local newspapers. She struggled to understand why Dean had gotten her involved from the very beginning. Everything she had discovered over the years didn’t suggest that the FBI Agents assigned to the case were anything but good Agents.
Yet Dean had called her specifically because he didn’t think he could trust them. It had been a question they had constantly fought over when they would see each other but he would never answer the question. She had assumed it was because he was an arrogant asshole but apparently there was more to the story.
She glanced up at Ben, “Why did you give Lucchese my name?”
Sweat broke out on Ben’s forehead again as he leaned forward in his chair, “As I said he was threating to take Mark. He even knew exactly where Mark was when he was sitting here in my office. He even had me call him to verify that he was telling the truth. He already knew your name technically, but he said your DNA matched Paddy Doyle’s.”
She frowned, “Who knows that?”
Ben searched through his papers, a crease forming in his brow until he found what he was looking for, “Your DNA matched Collin Doyle’s, your brother I’m guessing. I never was able to figure out how he got that information because that should have only been department knowledge.”
“We already know that Paddy and Lucchese have people on the inside.” She said as she rubbed her temple, a headache beginning to form.
Ben shook his head, “Doyle, yes, but not Lucchese. He has no use for Boston. He was strictly a New Yorker. He has no contacts in BPD. Then and now.”
She frowned, “FBI?”
Ben sat back, his breathing returning to normal, “It’s possible but your DNA would have been in BPD database. Not exactly something the FBI would think to search through.”
She sighed as she glanced at the time. It was nearing five and she had promised Angela she would be back at that time. She shook her head, her brain in danger of overloading from all the information Ben had given her. She stood and pulled the duffel bag over her shoulder before looking right into Ben’s eyes.
“Do I need to worry about you now?” She asked.
He shook his head, “I promise you Maura, I’m not the man I was back then. If anything comes up, I will call you first and then the police. I swear.”
She nodded as she picked Luca up, settling him on her hip, “This is your last chance, Ben. Don’t screw it up.”
She left the office quickly, her heart racing at the prospect of seeing Jane at some point soon. If Angela had called Jane after she left, she wouldn’t doubt that there was a manhunt going on in the city that she wasn’t aware of. On the other hand, what if Jane didn’t want to see her again? What if Jane had moved on and didn’t want to relive the past?
She hailed a cab as her thoughts darkened around Jane. She didn’t want to force Jane into anything, but she knew how much Luca was looking forward to meeting her. No matter if things were broken between them, she wanted Jane to be a part of their son’s life.
Luca was smart and when he first learned to speak all he wanted to know was where his Mama was. She had never kept anything from Luca and even though his fourth birthday was coming up he understood more than what a three-year-old should. She would never lie to him when he would ask why she and Jane weren’t together, but it did break her heart to see the sadness in her son’s eyes.
He wanted his family to be whole and while she wanted the same thing, it hadn’t been possible until now. She had kept the darker side of things from him, after all she didn’t want him to grow up afraid of everything. Something she was struggling to keep hidden even now, almost five years later.
She had always promised Luca that when he was old enough to understand completely, she would tell him everything that she had been through. Even how much she fought to stay, fought to not be separated from Jane.
She would never forgive Dean for what he did, the things he said over the years. It was something that had taken a toll on her. Things that had changed her from the person she used to be, the person that Jane had known. She hated some of the changes that had occurred in her.
The mistrust of everyone around her. The fear of, not just the unknown, but of the possibilities of what could happen. Life was supposed to be a surprise, never knowing what was going to happen from one moment to the next. However, for her, for the last few years it was so much worse than just a surprise.
It was painful and lonely. She had gotten used to loving Jane, gotten used to having her around all the time. She had gotten used to having a family that loved and supported her, which was something she had grown up without. She was used to the Rizzoli’s coming and going from her house long before her and Jane had even begun their romantic relationship. She was used to Sunday Rizzoli family dinners that were full of laughter and arguing and love.
Having all of that ripped away from her, literally overnight had been the most horrifying and traumatic thing to happen to her in her entire life. Something like that was going to change a person, change everyone involved and it had. It had changed her so much that she had woken up one morning and couldn’t even recognize who she was.
Luca’s voice pulled her from her tormented thoughts, “Mommy, are we there yet?”
She smiled at him as the cab pulled to a stop at the curb across from the Dirty Robber, “Yep. It’s right over there.”
He followed her out of the car and took her hand as she adjusted the strap on her better shoulder, “Mommy let’s go. I wanna get ice cream and Nonna said she’d give me some.”
She laughed as she let the boy pull her down to the crosswalk, “Nonna and the ice cream aren’t going anywhere sweetie.”
His little head swung back and forth as he checked the street before he pulled her as fast as he could across the street. Her smile was wide as she watched him try to open the heavy door and she gently eased it open, seeing the shock on his face since he didn’t realize she was helping him. They entered the bar, and she froze as her eyes landed on the woman she had been dying to see for the last four years.
“Mama!” Luca shouted as he ripped his hand from hers and ran straight towards Jane.
Jane quickly knelt beside the booth and opened her arms, her dark eyes filling with tears as Luca launched himself into her arms.
She couldn’t stop the emotions that began to pummel her, her eyes instantly filling with happy tears as she watched the love of her life holding their son. Jane looked exhausted, worse than she has ever seen the woman. Dark circles under her eyes, stress showing in every movement she made. She could see the pain in Jane’s eyes as their eyes met but she noticed that the woman was quickly closing herself off from her.
She knew she should have expected it, but it hurt all the same, her chest tightening at the thought that she really had lost Jane all those years ago.
Chapter 6: Heartache
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane stared across the room as Maura stood in the doorway, her eyes taking in the woman’s appearance. Her heart clenched in pain at the sight of the deep-set scar on Maura’s face that started above the blonde’s right eye, sliced through her eyebrow curving around the outside corner of her right eye and ending at the corner of her mouth. Crows’ feet had deepened with age and she could see that the time the woman had been missing had taken its toll on the Medical Examiner. She hated that she had been powerless to stop the pain that had obviously been inflicted on the woman, but the blonde was still as gorgeous as ever.
Dark circles under Maura’s eyes popped against her pale skin, signs that the woman wasn’t sleeping enough. Her blonde hair was still perfect as ever as it framed her face like a portrait and hung over her shoulders. It was longer than Jane had ever seen it and she couldn’t help but want to run her fingers through it, needing to know if it still felt as silky smooth. She could see the tip of a scar on Maura’s chest where the v neck of her shirt exposed some pale skin.
She couldn’t take her eyes off Maura. She was too afraid to. She was afraid that if she did that the woman would disappear on her all over again, and she wasn’t sure she would survive a second time.
She had barely survived the first time.
She hated that Maura’s eyes were guarded, blocking her from seeing the emotion. She wanted to go to her, to talk to her and demand to know what the hell had happened so long ago.
She felt the boy in her arms push on her shoulder and she finally pulled her eyes away from Maura and looked at the child in her arms, their child as he spoke, “Mama, I’ve been waiting my whole life to see you.”
She chuckled as his wide smile brightened up the room, “I’ve been waiting for you too.”
She could see Maura in his sparkling hazel eyes as he stared at her, but his hair was definitely hers as was his face. He was more beautiful than she could have ever imagined, and she couldn’t help but hug him again. This was a moment that she never thought she would ever get. A moment that she had dreamt of thousands of times, only to wake before they could embrace, sorrow trying to consume her entire being.
The boy squirmed in her arms and she sat him back on his feet, kneeling on the floor as he held a photo up to her, “Mommy gave me this.”
She took the photo with shaking hands as her heart clenched again at the sight of the photo. The same photo she had on her desk. The same photo she hadn’t been able to put away. She ran her finger across Maura’s face on the photo before looking back up at the woman across the room.
Maura still hadn’t moved from the door, but Angela was speaking to her quietly. She couldn’t decipher the look on the woman’s face.
The boy quickly took the photo and pulled her attention back to him. He leaned into her, whispering in her ear, “Mommy is scared.” He leaned back with a frown on his face.
She felt her chest tighten as she glanced back up at Maura, “Why is mommy scared?”
She couldn’t stop the sudden urge to protect them both. The need to hold them close was growing inside her and she wasn’t sure if she should act on it. She had never been one to shy away from Maura, after she finally admitted her feelings out loud, to ignore the need to touch the blonde. If she had felt the need to touch her, she would have, she would do anything for Maura and now she was at a loss.
Did Maura even feel that way about her anymore?
The boys voice was low when he answered as he turned to look back at Maura, “You.”
Her heart exploded in her chest, the pain turning into something much worse. She knew Maura would change over the years if she had been alive but the idea that Maura could fear her or be scared of her reaction to her sudden reappearance was something she couldn’t live with.
She tapped the boy on the arm, “What about me is mommy scared of?”
He turned to smile widely at her, “She’s always tole me how much she loves you, but that it was her fault. All of it was her fault. I don’t understand that part yet, but she promises when I’m older she’ll tell me again.”
Her anger flared at the idea that any of this was Maura’s fault and she wanted to get her hands on the person that had obviously convinced her blonde Medical Examiner of it. She had never blamed Maura, would never blame her. She needed Maura to know that but every time she looked over at the woman, she could see the fear radiating off her.
She held her hand out to the boy, “What’s your name sweetie?”
He instantly took her hand and grinned, “Luca.”
She smiles at him as she stands and leads him towards Maura. Her heart beats faster as she gets closer to the woman, but she can’t shake the uneasiness that comes over her as Maura shifts slightly away from her. She wants to grab the woman, to kiss her, to hold her, to never let her go. She wants to comfort the woman that still holds her heart now more than she ever did before.
She stops in front of Angela, a few feet from Maura. Her breathe hitches as Luca’s hand slips from hers as he goes to Maura and she knows that its because she doesn’t want to lose them again.
Angela smiled down at Luca, “Have you had dinner yet young man?”
Luca shook his head quickly as he gripped onto Maura’s leg, hiding his face. Maura ran her hand over his head tenderly, “We should get going. I want to get a room before it gets too late.”
She felt her heart lodge in her throat and quickly stepped forward, “You have a home here Maura.”
Maura’s hazel eyes met hers and for a moment she could see the worry and fear in them, “I didn’t want to impose.”
She frowned, “Maura,” she hesitated, not wanting to talk about this in front of her mother at the moment. This was a conversation that they needed to have in private. She shook her head, “Please come home.”
She felt the tears burning her eyes as the words slipped easily from her lips. She never thought she would have to ask this woman to come home with her. It was something they had always done naturally. Now, however, things were different. They were different. They would have to relearn each other, and it was driving her crazy that Maura would even think that she wouldn’t want her and their son at home.
Maura frowned at her for a moment as if she were trying to understand some scientific equation before finally nodding, “If that’s what you want.”
She took another tentative step closer, “Of course that’s what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
Maura nodded as she picked Luca up and he settled on her hip.
She frowned as Maura moved away from her and closer to Angela. She could tell Maura was slightly uncomfortable, but it was going to kill her until she knew why the woman felt that way. What had happened all those years ago to make Maura untrusting of her own family?
She led them out to her unmarked and frowned as Maura slipped into the backseat with Luca, leaving Angela to sit up front with her. She was nervous for multiple reasons but the most important was the fact that Maura was home, but she needed answers. She just didn’t know how to ask without hurting Maura or herself even more than they already were.
She drove carefully since Luca didn’t have a car seat, but she kept glancing up at Maura in the rearview mirror. She could feel the love she had for Maura swirling in her body, mixing with the happiness that the woman was really alive. That Maura was right there, in her car, so close to her.
And yet she was so far away from her still.
Distance had been something that she had never been good at. She hated when she would have to work late knowing that Maura was at home waiting for her. Maura would never sleep with out her. No matter what time it was by the time she would get home Maura would be there waiting, reading a book on the sofa or making her a late dinner. The memories floated across her mind so freely, so easily as if the last five years hadn’t happened at all.
Angela patted her arm as she parked in the driveway to her two-story house. The same house that she and Maura had fallen in love with and wanted to buy for their wedding. She shook her head at her mother and stepped out of the car, opening the back door purely out of habit.
Luca jumped out of the car and turned to grin back at Maura, “Mommy it’s bigger than what we lived in.”
Maura stepped out of the door she was still holding as she spoke, “Thank you for letting us stay here.”
She shook her head, “Maura this is as much your home as mine if you want it to be.”
Angela stood on the porch and called out, “Luca come help Nonna with dinner. The boys will be here soon.”
Maura frowned at her, “Boys?”
She nodded, her heart beating harder in her chest, “Frankie and Tommy and Frost. I can call them and tell them not to come if you’re not ready for that mess.”
Maura chuckled, “Ripping the band aid off as you call it, right?”
She felt nerves flutter in her stomach as Maura’s soft laugh warmed her body, “Right, but it’s really not a problem. Korsak will insist though.”
Maura shook her head as she pushed the car door shut, “No its fine. Luca knows about everyone. I just wasn’t expecting this to happen so fast and in this way. Jane, I didn’t know that Angela worked there.” A frown appeared on Maura’s face.
She turned to face Maura, holding eye contact and hoping to see the truth in them, “Why didn’t you call me the moment you got back to town?”
Maura’s hazel eyes shimmered with tears as she took a small step forward leaving only a small space between them.
She wanted to reach out, to pull Maura against her body but she wasn’t sure if that’s what Maura wanted. She didn’t want to move too fast, wanting to go at Maura’s pace. She didn’t want to push anything either, but she was desperate for answers. She had so many questions that only Maura could answer, and it was beginning to feel like she would never be able to ask them.
Maura’s voice was soft, so quiet that Jane almost missed the words, “I didn’t know if you wanted to know or if you had moved on.”
She shook her head and closed what little distance remained between them, dipping her head to catch Maura’s eyes, “I never moved on and I never stopped needing to know. Maura I-“
A loud horn blasted on her street and her head snapped up to find Tommy’s truck skidding to a stop at the curb in front of the house. The youngest Rizzoli slammed his door and sprinted through the grass right for Maura. She cursed her younger brother under her breathe as she stepped back and watched as Tommy scooped Maura up into his bone crushing hug. Maura’s feet dangled above the pavement as Tommy spun her in a circle and, after a few minutes and whispered words between the two she’d had enough.
“Tommy put her down,” she practically growled at the man.
Tommy grinned at Maura as he put the blonde down, “Maura it is damn good to see you.”
Maura smiled warmly at him and Jane felt her heart skip a beat. She knew that smile was the same one that Maura used to use when she was happy to see someone but annoyed that they had been interrupted. She turned back to the house and found Luca standing near one of the brick pillars on the porch, watching the scene in front of him unfold.
She smiled at him and Luca grinned happily at her as he carefully climbed down the stairs and made his way towards her. She knelt in front of him, and he wrapped his arms around her neck, asking quietly, “Who’s that with Mommy?”
“That’s your uncle Tommy. Did she ever tell you about him?” She pulled her son into her arms and stood, shifting him to her right hip, opposite her gun.
Luca nodded, “Yes but she didn’t have a picture of him. Just you and Mommy.”
She smiled at him, seeing the same look of curiosity that Maura would get at times. Luca was definitely their child, a perfect mix of the both of them and she was loving it. Almost in awe of how smart her three-year-old was. The love she felt for the boy had been instantaneous, a mother’s love.
“Would you like to meet him?” She asked softly as she held him just a little tighter.
He glanced at her before looking back at the Maura and Tommy, nodding his head slightly, “Yes Mama.”
She smiled at the word, unable to stop herself every time he said it. She moved towards Maura, “Hey Tommy. I have someone I’d like you to meet.”
Tommy’s eyes widened as he looked at Luca then to Maura and back again, “Is this your son Maura?”
She grinned as Maura smiled at her, “Actually Tommy this is mine and Maura’s son, Luca.”
Tommy’s jaw dropped, “You didn’t say anything.”
Maura frowned at her for a moment before she walked back to the car, hurt evident on her face as her shoulders tensed. She silently cursed Tommy again but shook it off, “I’ll explain later but know that it wasn’t any of your business at the time.”
Tommy nodded, understanding quickly and for that she was thankful. Tommy smiled at the dark-haired boy that clung to her neck, “Hi Luca, I’m your uncle Tommy. The best uncle but that’s between you and me okay.”
Luca’s soft laugh vibrated her neck where he buried his face shyly and she smiled at Tommy. She knelt in the grass and sat Luca on his feet, “Do mind taking Uncle Tommy inside to Nonna?”
Luca smiled widely at her, his little dimples popping deeply, “Okay Mama.” He turned to Tommy, “Come on Uncle T.” He held his hand out and waited for the smiling Tommy to take it before pulling him towards the house.
She stood and hurried to Maura as the woman leaned against the cruiser, “Let me explain.”
Maura crossed her arms over her chest, “You didn’t tell your family about it, why?”
She stood in front of Maura and held her eyes, “I wanted to tell them together and then you…”
She couldn’t say it. The words got stuck in her throat as her chest tightened painfully and tears burned her eyes. That night flashed through her mind, her blood running cold, the pain that gripped her chest at the news that Maura’s blood had been found at a crime scene where the FBI had suddenly cleared out of.
There had been so much blood when she had arrived. A pool of it next to a dumpster, all of it confirmed as Maura’s. She couldn’t stop the pain from that day returning to her front and center. She had lost the love of her life and there was so much blood that she knew Maura herself would have told her that it would be surprising if the victim had lived.
She shook her head and clenched her teeth before the anger exploded from her, “It was my happiness. It was my child. It was you. You were all that mattered to me at that point, and I didn’t think to tell them that not only had they lost you, the daughter, the sister that they had come to love you as. But also, that they also lost a grandson and nephew that wasn’t even born yet.”
She glared at Muara as the anger surged through her body, “I didn’t know what happened. You were just gone and there was so much blood and your voice…” She shook her head, clenching her hands into fists at her sides, “Your voice Maura, your voice was in my head. Telling me that there was no way the victim all that blood came from could still be alive and I hated it. I hated you for having your voice in my head telling me that when all I wanted was you.”
Maura’s eyes were tear filled and wide as Jane’s anger rolled off her body in waves. She knew Maura didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve the anger that she was feeling towards the world, for taking this woman from her. For taking her child from her before she even had a chance to meet him.
The shock on Maura’s face quickly turned to hurt and she felt the sudden weight of guilt pressing in on her from all sides, “Maura I’m sorry. I don’t… I didn’t…” She took a deep breath to calm herself.
Maura turned towards the house, “I’ll look for a hotel after dinner.”
For the second time that evening her heart exploded in her chest as she watched Maura walk up the steps and into the house. She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream into the sky, to ask why this was happening. To ask where that anger had come from. Maura didn’t need that on her right now. She just got the woman back and now she was in danger of losing her again because of her own emotions.
The problem was that Maura had always been the one she would turn too to vent her frustrations. To let her anger out. Maura was the one that helped her work through her emotions and for the last five years she hadn’t had that. She’d had to bottle everything up and now she was exploding on the one person that didn’t need it the most.
Her heart constricted as she dragged her feet towards the house. She paused on the porch and took another deep breath as her heart ached for it’s other half. She would be damned if she let Maura walk out of this house again. She refused to let that happen. Even if they had a knock down drag out fight right there in front of everyone.
She was not letting Maura leave her sight again.
She rolled her shoulders and stood tall, straightening her aching back before gripping the doorknob. She was going to follow through with this. She was going to fight for Maura and Luca. She was going to fight for her family to be whole again, no matter what it took.
And step one was going to be getting through a Rizzoli family dinner.
Chapter 7: Suffering
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Maura stood in the doorway to the Dirty Robber and held Jane’s eyes, her heart slowly dropping into her stomach. She had always been good at reading Jane when the woman wasn’t closed off, but right now Jane was completely closed off to her. There was a hardened look in Jane’s eyes that was unsettling, and she suddenly didn’t know if she should even be there at all.
Maybe Jane had moved on and this was going to blow up into something more painful. Could she handle not being welcome in Jane’s life? Could she handle not being able to talk to her best friend like they used to?
She couldn’t deny that her heart swelled with love at the sight of Jane holding their son. Her whispered words in the boy’s ear sending a chill down her spine. It wouldn’t be wrong of Jane to be angry at her. She had always told Luca that it was her fault and at the time, seeing Jane in his face all these years, she had truly felt guilty. He should have had them both and she had been unable to fight hard enough, to fight as much as she wanted to fight for it.
It was the number one thing that she regretted over the last few years. She regretted not fighting harder, but she couldn’t risk his life, the pregnancy being a difficult one that almost ended very differently for the both of them.
She pulled her eyes away from Jane and Luca as Angela approached her, “How are you doing Maura?” The woman’s voice was soft and comforting.
She sighed heavily, “This is harder than I thought it would be. I’ve waited for this moment for years but now I don’t know if she even wants me here.”
Angela’s eyes widened at her, a frown creasing the older woman’s brow, “Of course she does. She never gave up on you Maura. She never stopped fighting, even when Dean came by a few months after you disappeared.”
She turned to face away from Jane, “I know he was here, but he never told me exactly why.”
Anger burned through her veins, hot and fast. It threatened to consume her again and she was powerless to stop it. Anger had become her greatest tool over the years, thanks to Agent Dean. It was something that he had instilled inside of her and she had to admit that it helped. It helped her face the lonely nights and the unknown situations she found herself in. It even helped her deal with Dean and his bullshit that he had tried to hit her with. She shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts that were not helping her mood.
Angela stepped closer, lowering her voice, “Have you talked to Constance or Hope?”
Her head snapped around to face the woman, catching the worry in Jane’s face at her sudden movement but ignoring it to focus on Angela, “I don’t even know how to reach out to them. I mean it’s not like I have that kind of relationship with Constance and as for Hope… I was taken from her by Paddy once. What do you think she’s going to do when she finds out it happened again?”
Angela’s eyes widened, “Paddy Doyle was the reason again?”
She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest, a way to make her feel less vulnerable, “Sort of. It’s a long story and if I have to tell it, I’d rather it be all at once and not multiple times.”
Angela nodded, “I understand but Hope has been a mess. Cailin has been supportive but she’s in Med school and trying to help Hope and do school work is-“
She nodded, “Hard. I understand.” She shook her head again.
She had thought about Hope and Cailin over the years, but her main focus had been the love of her life and her child. Family was there, in the back of her mind, but her main focus had always been Jane. She had everything she had ever wanted, and it had been ripped away from her without a thought. She had grown to understand how Hope had felt. She understood now why Hope had reacted the way she had when they first met.
And then it happened again. She had been taken from Hope again without warning, just like before. Only this time they had a relationship. They had been growing closer over the year that they had been in touch with each other after moving passed their first few meetings. It had been something she was proud of and Jane had been supportive of.
Cailin was her sister, an actual sibling that she had always wanted but it wasn’t the same as Frankie and Tommy. They held a place in her heart that Cailin would never have. She couldn’t deny that Hope and Cailin were apart of her but not in the same way as the Rizzoli’s.
She glanced back over at Jane as she picked their son up again, “How do I face her?”
Angela frowned before looking over at Jane, “She’s still in love with you Maura. You two were made for each other and don’t ever forget it.”
She watched Jane walk towards her, the gun and badge on her hips commanding attention, commanding that the woman held a power over everyone around her. She could still see the strength that Jane had, in the way she moved, in the way she held herself. It was intimidating and all her fears returned in full force. She was guarded because Jane was guarded.
In a way she was being stubborn. If Jane wanted to be closed off, then so would she. She knew it was childish, after all she was the one that had disappeared, and Jane didn’t owe her anything. In fact, she owed Jane everything. An explanation to start with would be good but how could she when Jane didn’t seem to even want it?
As Jane approached them, she moved away from her, keeping the distance as a form of comfort. She didn’t want to be rejected by the one person that she couldn’t stand that from. She could feel Luca beside her, gripping her leg anxiously as he took in the palpable feelings around him.
She admired him for that. She had never been one to understand social interactions or even understand how to act or what to say in certain situations. Luca was the complete opposite. He seemed so entuned to other people’s emotions that it sometimes overwhelmed him. She was kind of surprised it happened already, but the day wasn’t over, and she knew her son.
She ran her hand over his head soothingly, knowing that he was anxious, “We should get going. I want to get a room before it gets too late.”
Jane quickly stepped forward, “You have a home here Maura.”
She met Jane’s dark eyes, the worry for Luca not quite out weighting the fear of rejection by Jane that had plagued her thoughts over the years. The longer she had been gone the more she feared Jane wouldn’t want her back. An even stronger fear that Jane would blame her for everything had become a constant since she had heard of Lucchese’s death. It wasn’t something that she could control.
“I didn’t want to impose.” She was hesitant only because she couldn’t get a good read on Jane’s emotions.
Jane frowned, “Maura,” Jane shook her head, her dark eyes hard and distant, “Please come home.”
She felt her heart constrict in her chest at the words she had been so desperate to hear over the years. Words she never thought she would hear again, but was that what Jane really wanted or was it just because of Luca? She would never keep Jane from their child, she could never take that away from either of them.
She just didn’t want to be a charity case either. She knew how Jane was always willing to help someone in need and while she didn’t have the money she used to, she wasn’t exactly broke either. She could afford a small apartment until she figured out her work situation.
She really hated the idea of being put in that position, especially with Jane. The one person that had always been there for her when she needed someone. She wouldn’t do that to Jane, couldn’t do that to the woman that had suffered so much over the last four years.
She finally nodded, “If that’s what you want.”
And she meant it. If that was what Jane wanted, then she would do it. Whatever Jane wanted or needed from her, she would willingly give to Jane. It had never been a question and it would never become one. Jane and Luca would always be her priority, even if Jane didn’t want her in the same way anymore.
Jane took another hesitant step closer, “Of course that’s what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
Maura’s chest tightened with emotion that she wasn’t sure wouldn’t show if she spoke now, so she just nodded as she picked Luca up and he settled on her hip. Holding him always calmed her slightly and it she desperately needed to calm down before everything spilled over. She couldn’t stop herself from moving closer to Angela, moving further away from Jane. She couldn’t describe the need to have the woman she considered a mother closer at the moment.
Angela had always stood up for her, protected her even. She had seen Angela and Constance argue, Angela never backing down from the reserved woman that used words to wound people. Angela on the other hand would physically hurt someone if anyone of her children were the target, which Angela had stated many times over their years together that when she said ‘her children’ that included her. Angela had always bragged that she had a Doctor in the family, even long before she and Jane were ever together intimately.
She had needed Angela more than ever when she had been going through her pregnancy. The woman had wisdom that didn’t come from textbooks but from real life experiences. She had needed the motherly comfort that only Angela had ever given her and she had missed it so much. A time that should have been family bonding and happiness had become lonely and miserable.
Now that she could have it, she craved it. She craved the safety that Angela provided her, the protection that the woman could give her not just emotionally. She knew Jane would protect her no matter what, she was the mother of Jane’s child after all. This was something that Jane couldn’t give her, but Angela could.
Angela smiled at her, almost knowingly, as Jane exited the bar. She followed Angela out to Jane’s unmarked cruiser, the same one from years ago. She slipped into the back seat with Luca, helping him buckle into the middle seat so she could wrap an arm around him. She felt Jane’s eyes on her every few minutes and she would never deny that it felt good to have Jane’s eyes on her again.
She smiled as she whispered to Luca, “How did it go?”
Luca smiled up at her as he leaned into her, “It was amazing!” He whisper shouted.
She held back a chuckle as she nodded, “Did you like your Mama?”
He bobbed his head happily, “I love her like I love you Mommy. She’s worried about you Mommy.”
She frowned down at him, “What for?”
He shrugged, “She asked what you were afraid of and I tole her the truth. Her.”
She frowned as Luca turned to look out the window. She silently cursed herself for teaching him to always tell the truth and quickly reminding herself to teach him about innocent white lies. She didn’t want Jane to know her fears although since Luca didn’t know why she was afraid of Jane, not that she was afraid of Jane per say.
She frowned as she tried to figure out a way to explain it, even to herself. She had always been good with words but when trying to put those words with the emotions she seemed to constantly be feeling today, she was speechless. How could she explain that she was afraid of Jane but not afraid of her at the same time? Luca was three going on four and he seemed to have a better grasp on this whole mess than she did.
It was frustrating.
When Jane pulled into the driveway, she couldn’t help but smile at the house. The beautiful two-story brick home that they had been interested in. They were supposed to put down an offer on it the day she found out she was pregnant but obviously they had been preoccupied. It had been built in the early nineteen hundreds and still held a lot of the antique furniture that had been left with the house over the years.
She had fallen in love with it from the first time they had arrived at the open house. They had wanted it to be their wedding gift to themselves, so they could officially start their marriage in their own place, not her townhouse and not Jane’s apartment. It was going to be theirs, together, a mixture of their lives and the place to start a family, which at the time had been something else entirely.
The back door opened, and Luca jumped out of the car, turning back to grin her, “Mommy it’s bigger than what we lived in.”
She stepped out of the car as she spoke to Jane, “Thank you for letting us stay here.”
Jane shook her head, “Maura this is as much your home as mine if you want it to be.”
Angela stood on the porch and called out, “Luca, come help Nonna with dinner. The boys will be here soon.”
She frowned at Jane, panic slowly creeping up her spine, “Boys?”
Jane nodded, “Frankie and Tommy and Frost. I can call them and tell them not to come if you’re not ready for that mess.”
She chuckled, her heart swelling at Jane wanting to protect her again, “Ripping the band aid off as you call it, right?”
For the first time since she laid eyes on her Jane smiled warmly, “Right, but it’s really not a problem. Korsak will insist though.”
She shook her head as she pushed the car door shut. She honestly wanted to see everyone, but she was more worried about Luca and the range of emotions that could be thick in the air once everyone arrived. The boy was too smart for his own good sometimes and she didn’t want him to be overwhelmed. She had to admit to herself that she was a little more than overwhelmed already but at least this way she could get half of it over with in one go.
“No, its fine. Luca knows about everyone. I just wasn’t expecting this to happen so fast and in this way. Jane, I didn’t know that Angela worked there.” She frowned, not sure if she was ready for this talk yet.
Jane turned to face her fully, holding eye contact, “Why didn’t you call me the moment you got back to town?”
Her eyes burned with tears as she took a small step forward leaving only a small space between them. She didn’t want distance between them anymore. She needed to feel Jane’s body heat, to feel the woman’s familiar comfort so she could speak without breaking.
She kept her voice soft and quiet, speaking quickly so she could get it all out, “I didn’t know if you wanted to know or if you had moved on.”
Jane shook her head and stepped into her space, leaving no space between them, “I never moved on and I never stopped needing to know. Maura I-“
A loud horn blasted on her street and her head snapped up to find a familiar dark blue truck skidding to a stop at the curb in front of the house. The youngest Rizzoli slammed the driver side door and sprinted through the grass right for her. Tommy scooped her up into his strong arms, squeezing her tightly in his excitement. Her feet dangled above the pavement as Tommy spun her in a circle and she couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped her lips.
“I missed you too Tommy.” She said into his ear quietly.
He pulled back slightly to smile up at her, “We can’t go through that again Maura. You are my best friend.”
She grinned at him and hugged him tighter, “I promise I’m not going anywhere. Have you been behaving?”
Tommy laughed, “I had a bad time there for a while but I’m two years sober Maura. I saved the chips for you.”
She smiled at him until Jane’s angry voice sounded behind her, a slight growl in her raspy tone, “Tommy put her down.”
Tommy grinned at Maura as he put the blonde down, “Maura it is damn good to see you.”
As Jane moved towards her, she stepped back as Jane spoke, “Hey Tommy. I have someone I’d like you to meet.”
She backed towards the car, needing a moment to recover from the sudden excitement and happiness that Tommy had radiated out to her. She was happy to see him. He had always been the one that she was closer too and it had nothing to do with the fact that Tommy had had a crush on her for a while. Jane was always closer to Frankie and Tommy had always felt like the outcast.
He had always thanked her for treating him like she did everyone else and that was what brought them closer. She enjoyed his child like enthusiasm for everything in life. He radiated happiness most of time and it was hard not to get caught up in his antics, which had caused quite a few arguments with Jane over the years. It was all in good fun and Tommy enjoyed having someone he could go to that wouldn’t judge him like his brother and sister would.
He had been good for her, bringing her out of her shell more. Even forcing her to confront her feelings for Jane head on instead of pushing them aside like Jane had been doing. She knew if it wasn’t for him and Frankie, she and Jane never would have taken that first step in admitting their feelings, and she always thanked him when she had the chance.
However, she didn’t miss the fact that Tommy didn’t know about their child. Angela had said the same thing when she had spoken to the woman earlier and she had wondered about it. Now she needed to know why Jane hadn’t told anyone. Did she not want him? Had Jane not been as happy as she thought the woman was back then?
She leaned back against the car as she watched Luca pull Tommy towards the house as Jane walked towards her, “Let me explain.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, hurt and anger swirling around her chest, “You didn’t tell your family about the baby, why?”
Jane stood in front of her, a slight crease in her brow as she spoke, “I wanted to tell them together and then you…” Jane suddenly shook her head and clenched her teeth, the anger exploding from the Detective, “It was my happiness. It was my child. It was you. You were all that mattered to me at that point, and I didn’t think to tell them that not only had they lost you, the daughter, the sister that they had come to love you as. But also, that they also lost a grandson and nephew that wasn’t even born yet.”
She felt her heart tightening in pain at the look of utter sorrow and suffering in Jane’s eyes. Jane’s walls were gone, and she could see everything in the woman’s dark eyes. The torment that Jane had gone through was right in front of her and she knew it was much worse than she had ever suspected. She hated that she had put Jane through so much but now she could take everything that Jane wanted to throw at her. She would take it because she deserved it. She had felt the guilt building over the years, and she was right.
The pain that Jane was feeling was her fault, so she remained silent and let Jane continue.
Jane glared at her as the anger intensified, “I didn’t know what happened. You were just gone and there was so much blood and your voice…” Jane shook her head and she saw Jane's hands clench into fists at her sides, “Your voice Maura, your voice was in my head. Telling me that there was no way the victim all that blood came from could still be alive and I hated it. I hated you for having your voice in my head telling me that when all I wanted was you.”
Her heart exploded in her chest as the realization set in. She had never meant to hurt Jane. She had always relied on science to explain the way the world worked and how to interact with people. Jane had been different. She had interacted with Jane easily, as if they were made for each other and at the time that had been true.
Now there was so much damage done that she didn’t know if she could ever fix it. She could help Jane by staying away from her. By giving her time to process everything and answering all Jane’s questions honestly. She would give Jane whatever she needed and right now it was clear that Jane needed space.
“Maura I’m sorry. I don’t… I didn’t…” Jane took a deep breath.
She turned towards the house, pain gripping every part of her soul, “I’ll look for a hotel after dinner.”
She would give Jane the world if she could. She wanted to fix this, but she was at a loss as to how to even start. She would sit through dinner because Luca deserved this, and Jane deserved to have dinner with her son. Afterwards she would find a hotel and she and Luca would stay there until she found an apartment.
She would give anything for Jane to not feel the pain that she had been feeling all these years and if she had known, she would have run from the program. Now she couldn’t go back, she couldn’t redo things. She had to push forward and if that meant letting Jane go, she would do it. She would let Jane go and suffer in silence, as she had all these years.
She was used to suffering alone, suffering in silence because there was no one there to listen, no one there to care. She would suffer for Jane, because Jane was everything to her and always would be.
Chapter 8: Stay
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane sat at her desk in the bullpen as she tried not to laugh at Frost. His face was scrunched in concentration as he typed furiously on his keyboard. She was slightly worried that he was going to break the damn thing. Korsak’s laugh echoed throughout the bullpen which set her off uncontrollably.
Frost glanced up at her, glaring at her for a moment, “Shut up. Both of you.”
Her cell phone rang as she tried to slow the laughter and Korsak asked, “What’s so important that you break the keyboard anyway?”
Her smile disappeared as Susie Chang’s face appeared on her phone, “Rizzoli.”
“Jane, you have to get down here! Right now.” Susie rattled off an address in her ear quickly.
“Whoa, Susie slow down. What’s wrong?” She asked as she stood and pulled her dark blue blazer on.
“Jane, get here now! It’s Maura!” Susie’s voice was panicked as the call ended.
She snatched her keys out of her drawer, “Let’s go.” She snapped as she ran from the bullpen and punched the button for the elevator.
Korsak and Frost didn’t ask questions until they were in the car and Korsak gripped the passenger side door as she sped through the packed Boston streets, “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know but Susie said it’s Maura.” She said through clenched teeth as she white knuckled the steering wheel.
She could feel her adrenaline pulsing through her body, her heart beating miles a minute. She couldn’t move fast enough as different scenarios flitted across her mind. Maura’s voice was in her head, trying to sooth her, trying to explain that her being worked up wouldn’t help anyone.
She struggled to focus as she slammed the car into park and ran towards Susie, Korsak and Frost hot on her heels. She gripped the lab tech’s shoulders, “Where’s Maura?”
Susie shook her head, “I don’t know. The FBI had me run blood tests on all of the samples I could find.” She moved under the yellow caution tape, “There was some kind of shoot out and this,” She motioned to a large pool of blood on the ground next to the dumpster, “Is all Doctor Isles’ blood.”
She felt her body go cold, her legs growing weak as she stared at the amount that was on the concrete. Her voice was raspier than usual, emotion clogging her throat as her mind tried to push through the sudden pain, “Run it again.”
Susie shook her head, “I ran it four times Jane. This and the trail out to the next street is all hers. The Agents that had been out here with her haven’t been heard from either. That was two hours ago. The two bodies over there,” Susie pointed down the alley, “Are known associates of Salvador Lucchese.”
Her heart dropped instantly as she struggled to stay on her feet. She could hear Korsak’s voice near her ears, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. Her body was going numb as she stared down at the pool of blood, not seeing it but seeing Maura sitting there, laying there. Bleeding out without anyone to help, without her there to protect her.
She could feel hands on her, but she couldn’t focus enough as Maura’s strong voice filled her head, “That much blood loss and I would be surprised if the victim survived Jane. It’s highly unlikely.”
She shook her head, needing to ignore Maura’s voice, “Where’s Dean?”
Susie frowned, “He’s at the hospital. He sustained four shots to his vest and took a nasty hit to the head. He was unconscious when the units got here.”
She clenched her teeth as anger flooded her body. He was alive and at the hospital while Maura was gone and bleeding. She hated the man before but now… There were no words to describe what she was feeling for him now. Not until she could get her hands on him, not until she could get every little detail out of him about where Maura was.
She spun on her heel, “I want everything.”
Cavanaugh nodded as he approached, “FBI has agreed to work with us since Maura is family. They’ll let our lab run everything, so Chang will be busy for the next few days.”
She nodded as she glanced back down at the blood on the ground, “I’m going to talk to Dean.”
Korsak frowned at her, “Are you sure that’s a good idea right now?”
She shoved passed him, “Right now I don’t give a shit.”
Frost followed her to the car and sat quietly in the passenger seat as she sped towards the hospital. She didn’t care what condition the man was in when she got there, she would get the information that she needed before she killed him. She parked in the reserved spot for police in front of the hospital and strode into the emergency room while Frost asked a nurse at the help desk.
She spotted Dean a moment before Frost approached her, “He’s conscious but he’s not being cooperative.”
She glared at the man as she walked towards him, feeling the disgust roll through her body mixing with the anger and fear. Dean glanced up and his eyes widened at her before he pushed the doctor away and bolted down the hallway. She cursed under her breath before she entered a full sprint after him.
She dodged the tray of medical equipment that Dean had knocked over to hinder her progress and continued after him through the twisting hallways. She jumped as he shoved an empty gurney at her, her legs barely missing the bed. Frost wasn’t as lucky as it caught him in the hip and he shoved it aside, falling slightly behind her.
They exited the hospital, and she felt her lungs struggling to keep up with the air she was trying to take in. A black van skidded to a stop at the curb ahead of them and the side door jerked open allowing Dean to dive inside before the tires burned rubber as it peeled out. She ran into the middle of the street as the van sped down the road and she clenched her hands into fists at her sides.
“Fuck!” She shouted as she watched the van disappear around the corner.
Frost doubled over, his hands resting on his knees as he tried to regain his breath, “Something. Tells me. That he… Knows what this was about.”
She shook her head as she turned back to her partner, her anger boiling over, “You think?” She snapped at him.
She walked past him as her body shook with anger and fear. Fear that Maura wasn’t going to be okay. Fear that she would never hold the woman again. Fear that she had just lost the two most important people in her life.
Jane entered the house and heard the voices coming from the kitchen at the back of the house. Her mother was speaking to Luca in soft tones as she guided him on what to do. Tommy’s voice chimed in every now and then but other than that she didn’t hear anything else but the sound of food cooking.
She entered the kitchen quickly finding Maura watching the events from across the room where she was leaning against the backdoor. She tried to catch Maura’s eyes, but the woman wasn’t allowing it, the wall firmly in place. Pain clutched at her heart as she took a step towards the blonde. She needed to apologize.
“Mama,” Luca smiled widely at her as he caught sight of her.
She hesitated before smiling over at him, “You helping Nonna with supper?”
Luca nodded excitedly, “Yes. She said I could help with the chicken if I’m careful.”
She glanced over at Maura before smiling at him again, “Do you mind if I borrow Mommy for a moment?”
Luca frowned as he glanced over at Maura and she saw the nervousness on his face. After a moment of contemplation, he shook his head, “Okay.”
She moved towards Maura, “We’ll be right through here, in the living room okay.” She motioned to the doorway behind her. Luca nodded before Angela quickly caught his attention again and she mouthed ‘thank you’ to her.
She turned back to Maura and saw the hesitation in the blonde’s stiff body before she pushed off the door and walked past her. Maura’s perfume brushed across her face in the breeze, and she closed her eyes for a moment, relishing the scent. She spun on her heel and followed the blonde back down the hall passed the stairs. She motioned to the left and they entered the large living room.
Maura seemed to shrink in on herself and she couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault, “Maura I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take my anger out on you.”
Maura shook her head, “I deserve it.”
She felt like she had been punched in the stomach, “What? No, you don’t. Maura-“
Maura shook her head, “I do Jane.” Her voice grew stronger as she continued, “You have every right to be angry with me.”
She frowned, confusion muddling the words she had wanted to say, “I’m not angry at you Maura. I’m angry that it happened. I’m angry that you were taken from me and I couldn’t stop it.”
Maura frowned at her, “It had nothing to do with you. You couldn’t have stopped it even if you had been there.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose in exhaustion, “Okay wait. I don’t want to argue with you. We need to start from the beginning. I need to know what happened, what I wasn’t told.”
Maura nodded, “I’ll tell you. I promise but it’s been an exceptionally long day and I didn’t get any sleep last night.”
As the wall slipped, she could see the extreme exhaustion on Maura’s face, in her tense body. She took a step towards the blonde, “Please stay here. I can’t let you leave Maura. I won’t let you leave. We don’t have to talk, and you can use the guest room if you’d be more comfortable.”
Maura frowned at her, “Luca and I-“
She quickly cut her off without thinking, “He has a room.”
Maura froze, shock written across her face, “What?”
She felt her face heat as it flushed, “I had hope that I would find you and…” She shook her head, “No one has been in there because I keep it locked. Ma thinks it’s my pleasure room for some reason.” She rolled her eyes.
Maura’s smile melted her insides, “I’d like to see it sometime.”
She reached out and took Maura’s hand, “Dinner is going to be a while. Come on.” She pulled Maura to the stairs and hurried up them, “I didn’t know when I would find you, but I wanted to be prepared for any case.” She pulled her keys out of her pocket and unlocked the second door on the left.
She let Maura enter first and leaned against the doorjamb, watching the blonde run her hand over the wooden crib that was untouched over the years. Her heart ached that it hadn’t had a chance to be used but the bed against the wall would be used by their son. She wouldn’t let Maura leave, she refused to let her leave.
Maura turned back to her, tears filling her eyes, “You did it just like we talked about.”
She nodded as she moved forward, “Of course I did. Over the years I’ve added to it. originally it was just the crib and the typical baby stuff.” She shrugged her shoulders as she stopped in the middle of the room, “Maura please don’t leave.”
Maura turned back to her, “Jane, I know we need to talk but this has all been…” Maura hesitated for a moment, almost struggling with words, “It’s just so overwhelming right now. I didn’t expect to run into Angela. I wanted to contact you first.”
She felt her heart swell, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. Knowing that Maura had wanted to see her first was the highlight of her day. It took everything in her not to go to the woman, to pull Maura into her arms. She wanted that connection, needed to have that back but she didn’t want to push the blonde too far too soon. She would let Maura come to her in her own time, but she would be damned if she let the woman run from her.
“Just knowing that you were going to come to me, is enough for now. Maura I can send everyone home. They’ll understand.” She attempted.
Maura shook her head, “You had this planned, and I don’t want to come between you and your family. You need to continue living your lives, Jane.”
She frowned, a hollow feeling entering her chest, “Maura you are family. You are my life, you always have been.”
Maura wrapped her arms around her body, a frown crossing her face and the walls returning into place.
She shook her head, “Don’t do that. Don’t run from me. I can’t take it Maur.”
Maura shook her head, a deep sigh escaping her lips as she moved to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. Maura sat gently before speaking, exhaustion in every word, “How much do you know about Salvador Lucchese?”
Jane leaned her hip against the crib, crossing her arms over her chest, “Not much. The FBI didn’t give us much access after you disappeared. They agreed to work with us, but something happened, and they pulled everything from us and disappeared as fast as you did.”
She frowned at the floor, the pain of it all still simmering inside her heart. She hated that she had the woman right in front of her, but Maura still seemed so far away. It wasn’t right. She knew it wouldn’t be a fairytale reunion, but this was still more than what she expected.
Then again, she wasn’t sure exactly what she expected out of their reunion. She didn’t expect so much anger. Pain she expected but not as much as she was feeling. The pain clutching her heart in vice grip, squeezing until she couldn’t breathe. It was uncomfortable but she would let it happen if it meant having Maura this close again.
Maura’s voice pulled her eyes up to the blonde’s face, “I happened. My brother was at the first crime scene and my DNA was a familial match.” Maura’s lip curled in revulsion, “Dean wanted to keep it a secret from the others but someone on the inside relayed the information to Lucchese. My father and Lucchese had bad blood and I became the target.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose, “Wait, we aren’t talking about Arthur, right?”
Maura shook her head, “No. My DNA matched Patrick Doyle, my father is Paddy Doyle, and my brother is the infamous hacker, Colin Doyle.”
She felt her heart beat faster in her chest, “You are Irish Mob Boss Paddy Doyle’s daughter?” Her voice rose an octave uncontrollably.
Maura stared down at her hands in her lap as she nodded, “Yes. Paddy and Lucchese had been fighting over turf among other things. When the inside cop passed along that information Lucchese put a hit out on me because of Paddy. That’s what set the FBI off. I was already in Witness Protection by then, but when the attack in the alley happened, I was taken by Lucchese’s men. It was only after I escaped that Salvador learned I was Paddy’s daughter.”
She felt the panic attack slowly creeping up to her chest, “What did Gabriel do?”
Maura opened her mouth to respond but the door burst open downstairs and a familiar accented voice carried up to them, “Maura Isles get your ass down here now!”
She glared at the door, anger surging to the front of her mind, “I’m going to kill him.”
Maura chuckled as she stood and crossed the short distance between them, “One quick thing Jane. I’m not Maura Isles anymore.”
She turned to Maura, a sadness pressing in on her, “Because of the program?”
Maura shook her head, “Dean had my attorney change my last name back when I left the program, but he requested a slight change. If you don’t like it I can have it changed back but I-“
She grinned at the babbling blonde, “Honey, you’re babbling.” The term of endearment had just slipped out and she was suddenly nervous that Maura wouldn’t like it.
Instead, a smile spread across Maura’s face before she said, “That’s Doctor Rizzoli to you.”
Her jaw dropped and arousal shot down her spine as she watched Maura walk out of the room. She couldn’t get her legs to work, her body quickly on fire at the thought of Maura with her last name, the way it should have been to begin with. Her brain finally processed that Maura was no longer in her sight and she ran from the room, not bothering to shut the door. She found Maura at the top of the stairs looking down at someone.
She stopped behind Maura and looked down at her brother, “Frankie you have the worst possible timing.”
Frankie grinned up at her before shaking his head, “Maura I swear if you don’t come down here, I will come up there.”
Maura crossed her arms over her chest and Jane couldn’t help but admire the toned muscles that Maura had developed over the years. The blonde’s body had only gotten better over the years and after having their kid, which she had to admit was a huge part of why she was still so drawn to Maura. Not the only reason but a big one, nonetheless.
Maura took the stairs slowly, her hand on the railing like some goddess descending the staircase to her throne, “I’ve missed you too Frankie.”
Frankie’s eyes teared suddenly but he quickly wiped them away before he pulled Maura into a tight hug, lifting her off the floor like Tommy had done, “It’s so damn good to see you. When did you get back?”
She quickly descended the stairs as they hugged, and she frowned at the jealousy that quickly claimed her mind. Everyone had been able to touch Maura except her. She didn’t count the hand holding to pull her up the stairs. She should have Maura in her arms. She should have been the first one to touch the woman, not her family.
A wave of unease and sadness circled her body. Obviously, Maura had no problem with touching, so it obviously had to be just her. Maura didn’t want her to touch her, but she didn’t know why. Why was Maura keeping a distance between them when she had no problem with anyone else in her family?
Maura stepped back from him, “Last night. I didn’t know Angela worked at the Dirty Robber when I stopped in for lunch.”
“Mommy!” Luca called before running straight at Maura.
Maura turned instantly and quickly caught the boy as he launched himself into her arms, “No running in the house Luca.”
Frankie’s eyes widened, “You have a kid that looks an awful lot like…” He trailed off as he looked at the three of them.
She smiled at him, “I didn’t say anything at the time for a reason.”
He only nodded before holding his hand up, “Hey Luca. I’m-“
“Uncle Frankie. I know.” Luca grinned at him widely as he high fived Frankie’s hand.
She grinned at her son, “Maura told him everything about the family apparently.”
Maura nodded as she shifted Luca to a more comfortable position on her hip, “I haven’t hidden much from him.”
Luca’s face scrunched up into a frown, “I’m not old enough for certain things yet.”
Frankie glanced at Maura, “He got your smarts, didn’t he?”
She laughed as Maura nodded happily, “Yes. He’s advanced for his age but…” Maura trailed off.
It caught her attention as Maura’s frown deepened suddenly and she smiled at Luca, “Luca why don’t you take Uncle Frankie into the kitchen while I speak to Mommy for a minute.”
Luca grinned as he held his hands out towards Frankie, “I’m helping Nonna with dinner.”
Frankie took the small boy in his arms, “Really. What are we having?”
She smiled as she watched her brother carry her son towards the kitchen before, she turned back to Maura, “But what?”
Maura stepped into the living room, “I remember what it was like for me. My intelligence was the source of criticism from my peers. You know what I went through as a child Jane.”
She grinned at Maura, “Hey, it’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about that Maura.”
Maura frowned up at her, “But he’s-“
“Just like his Mommy and that is the best that could have happened to him. Heaven forbid he got my temper.” She chuckled but quickly frowned as Maura wouldn’t meet her eyes, “Wait, did he get my temper?”
Maura smirked, “Wait until you see his first tantrum. He is Jane Rizzoli all the way.”
She groaned as she collapsed onto the sofa, “So Ma was right when she said I would get it someday.”
Maura laughed as she sat beside her gently, “Yes.” Maura’s smile disappeared, “I can change my name back to Isles, but I would like for him to keep Rizzoli.”
She shifted to face Maura, bending one leg on the sofa, “Do you not want my name?”
Maura shook her head, “I do but I don’t want you to feel like it was forced.”
“It wasn’t. Maura, I have wanted you to have my name since we started dating. That hasn’t changed. In fact, a lot of things haven’t changed.” She slowly reached her hand out to Maura’s knee, giving the woman time to pull away. “I never stopped looking and I never would have.”
Maura nodded, her hazel eyes shimmering with tears, “I know Jane. I warned Dean what would happen, but he didn’t listen to me.”
She frowned as she scooted closer, “What did Gabriel do? You seem to hate him more now than you did before.”
Maura stood suddenly and began to pace back and forth, “In that alleyway, there had been a body in the dumpster. It was Antony Lucchese, Salvador’s nephew. We were ambushed by Lucchese’s men and Dean was knocked out from behind, but I noticed that he wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on. He was only focused on me. I never thought anything of it until I had a lot of time alone, cooped up in hotel rooms.”
She felt her anger rising but she knew it wasn’t at Maura, “There was a lot of blood Maura.”
Maura stopped her pacing, staring at her for a moment, “I was shot in the shoulder. I had been in the dumpster when the shooting started. Lucchese’s men took me to a warehouse near Southie. He started asking questions about his nephew, but I didn’t really have answers because I hadn’t had a good look at Antony’s body before the shooting started.”
She nodded as she watched Maura’s face, the exhaustion plain to see, “You look exhausted.” She knew that bringing up the past wasn’t helping with that and it could wait until Maura had slept fully.
Maura took a deep breath, “I’m sorry. It’s been a long few days and I haven’t slept much.”
She nodded, “Does that mean you’ll stay here?”
Maura smiled softly at her, “I would love to stay here Jane.”
She grinned as she stood and held her hand out to her, “I don’t want to push you into anything but could I-“
Maura took her hand and pulled her into a tight embrace.
Her body shivered excitedly at the contact. Maura’s body had always fit perfectly with hers and now more than ever she realized just how much she had missed holding her. She wrapped an arm around Maura’s shoulders while the other one slipped around the blonde’s waist. She buried her face in Maura’s neck, inhaling deeply, trying to take in all of Maura she could. The smell of Maura was intoxicating as they pressed tighter together, needing the contact more than she thought.
Her body hummed with excitement and arousal, her mind clouding over. All she knew, all she cared about in that moment was the woman in her arms. She didn’t want to let go, couldn’t let go even if she tried. Maura was home, back in her arms. She felt the soft skin of Maura’s face rub against her cheek, sending a spark of fire across her face. She slowly leaned back, brushing her lips across Maura’s jaw and hearing the woman’s breath quicken.
She pulled back just enough to look into hazel eyes that were filled with as much desire as she felt. Their lips were close together, the puffs of air coming from their mouths mingling together before brushing over her face. She leaned forward, her lips barely touching Maura’s as her heart pounded against her ribcage.
The front door opened and Korsak’s voice called out, “Angela I brought the stuff you wanted.”
She felt Maura jump slightly before quickly pulling away from her. She frowned. The sudden loss of contact nearly crippling. She stepped closer to the blonde at the look of fear on Maura’s face, “Hey it’s okay. It’s just Korsak.”
Maura nodded but she could see the fear still in the hazel eyes watching her, “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I was…” Maura shook her head, “I should go check on Luca.”
Before she could stop her Maura hurried out of the room, heading the back way to the kitchen. She frowned as she turned towards the front door and Korsak cocked his head at her, a question in his eyes.
She shook her head as she moved towards him and spoke quietly, “She’s jumpy.”
Korsak nodded, “She needs time to readjust Jane.”
“I know but all of this, the entire family being here. It’s making her nervous but every time I mention sending everyone home, she says no. That she doesn’t want to stop us from living our lives.”
“Makes sense.” Korsak said as he turned to head outside.
She followed him out to his car, “Yes but this is the first time that we’ve had a family dinner in how long?”
“And whose fault is that?” Korsak asked, a slight firm tone in his voice.
She glared at him as he popped the trunk open, “I lost my world Vince. I’m sorry if I didn’t want to shove my suffering into your face.”
Korsak spun to her, stepping into her personal space, “You should have told us about the kid. You should have let us help you. We were all suffering. Maura is family and we do what we must to protect family. You of all people know that. You shut down and pushed us all away. Do not, for one second, think that you grieving your loss, would have been shoving it in our faces.”
She felt her shoulders slump under the man she considered her father, the man she knew Maura considered a father. His words hit her harder than she expected, and she felt the tears come without warning. They spilled down her face as she stared at him, his eyes watching her with sympathy. He sighed heavily before opening his arms and she fell into his embrace. His arms wrapped around her tightly, keeping her on her feet when her legs shook. All the emotions she had been feeling since Maura had entered the Dirty Robber rushing to the surface and spilling out uncontrollably.
She gripped his shirt as the tears flowed with no sign of stopping. She hated showing her emotions but Korsak had seen her at her worst so many times over the years that she had come to rely on him in these moments. He was the one person besides Maura that she would ever allow to see her weak, to see her with her heart on her sleeve.
She had needed Maura, but she didn’t realize just how much she needed the woman until she had held her in the living room. Maura was her whole world, her life and she would do whatever it took to keep her and their son safe. Even if that meant never letting Maura out of her sight again, work be damned.
Chapter 9: Choices
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Maura’s head throbbed as she slowly awoke, her eyes remaining closed. She didn’t want to open her eyes since there was a blinding white light shining through her closed eyelids and she knew it would hurt her head even worse. She struggled to remember what had happened, where she was but the strong smell of antiseptic filled her nose.
The shooting returned to her slowly as she focused on making sure she could feel everything. Gently moving her fingers and toes and letting the relief wash over her momentarily. She knew she had been shot and that the pain in her shoulder should be slightly worse than what it was, so she had to be on heavy painkillers.
A familiar voice sounded beside her, “Wake up Doctor Isles. I saw your fingers move.”
She grimaced as she opened her eyes, “What do you want Gabriel?”
The man smiled at her, relief clear on his face, “I thought I lost you there for a while. Surgeon said it was touch and go. Why the hell did you pull the bullet out yourself?”
She curled her lip at him, “It wasn’t like Lucchese was going to help me. Now where’s Jane?”
He frowned, hesitation in his fidgeting movements, “She’s still in Boston.”
Her eyes widened as her heart rate beeped wildly on the monitor next to her bed, “What do you mean? Where the hell am I?”
He raised his hands in surrender, “Take it easy Doc. You’re at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. I had to get you out of the city.”
She shook her head, “No.” She began to sit up, pain searing through her shoulder but she ignored it, “I’m going home. I’m going back to Jane.”
Gabriel shook his head, “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that. Lucchese put a hit out on you. He knows that you are Paddy Doyle’s daughter now.”
She frowned at him, the beeping continuing to grow, “How? Does Jane know where I am?”
He shook his head, “I don’t know but we are looking into it. As for Rizzoli, I’m sorry but she can’t know. I’m placing you in the protection program. You were face to face with Salvador Lucchese and you witnessed him kill someone. This is the chance to get him locked up for good Doc.”
She shook her head, “I refuse to testify. I refuse to help you if you won’t let me go home, back to Jane.”
Her anger flared in her chest as she pushed herself up to a sitting position. How dare he take her away from Jane, away from her family. She knew Dean had been up to something when he first called her but her duty to her job had clouded her judgement. She had never trusted him, and this was proof as to why she shouldn’t.
He frowned at her, “Come on Doc. It shouldn’t take that long, as long as we find him quickly.”
She glared at him, “You of all people should know that if Salvador Lucchese doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be.”
A dark look crossed his face, “You will be put in witness protection and you will testify when the time comes.”
She shook her head, “You can’t force me, and you know it.”
A smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth, “Of course I can Doctor Isles. If you don’t, I will make Jane’s life a living hell and on top of that I’ll make sure neither of you have a peaceful life together again.”
She frowned at him, “Are you threatening me Agent Dean?”
He chuckled as he shook his head, “Of course not Doctor Isles. I’m threatening Jane Rizzoli, your beloved.”
She felt her heart sink. He knew she would do anything for Jane. She would die for Jane if it were a choice of her life or Jane’s, and that was essentially what he was making her choose. Jane’s life for her cooperation. Her body deflated slightly as he leaned back in his chair.
He knew he had won because she would never sacrifice Jane. Jane was her everything and she would protect Jane as best as she could.
She hated the man even more than she had before. His desire to keep them apart was clouding his judgement and she was powerless to stop it. It would be his word against hers and he had rank and power. She could never live with herself if she refused and something happened to Jane. It would kill her.
This was already doing a pretty good job of it anyway. At least this way Jane could go on living, go on being happy and doing her job like no one else could do. Jane loved her job, and it would kill her to have that taken away.
She shook her head as the tears slipped down her face silently and she laid back against the bed, turning her head away from Dean to stare out the window at the dark night. She would do this for Jane and only for Jane. She would suffer for Jane so Jane wouldn’t have to lose everything she cared about.
She just hopped Jane could forgive her someday for making the choice. For choosing Jane over herself.
Maura hurried out of the living room, feeling Jane’s eyes on her until she rounded the corner. The contact with Jane was more than she could have hoped for. The last few years she had dreamt about being able to touch Jane again, but this was more than she was expecting.
All those feelings came rushing back to her the moment their hands touched and she couldn’t stop herself from pulling Jane into her arms. She was already overwhelmed from everything she had been through earlier in the day, let alone seeing all the Rizzoli’s again.
She had wanted to kiss Jane, to feel all the love she had before her disappearance. To know if the woman forgave her for leaving, for choosing Jane over herself.
She was exhausted and dinner wasn’t even ready yet. She had never thought of herself as being an emotional person, but the past few years had been an eye-opening experience. Every thought of Jane would cause unimaginable pain in her heart. Just looking at Luca, seeing Jane’s hair, Jane’s face, even Jane’s mannerisms had been passed down to their son. Seeing it every day as he grew had not only been wonderful but also heartbreaking at the same time.
She leaned against the doorjamb as she watched Luca standing on a chair at the counter, following Angela’s instructions perfectly. She smiled at him as Frankie leaned back against the wall next to her while Tommy rested his shoulder against the opposite side of the doorjamb from her.
Frankie smiled at her, “He’s handsome Maura.”
Tommy nodded, “Yeah but he’s definitely got Jane’s personality.”
The three of them chuckled before she shook her head, “Be nice to your sister.”
Frankie turned to his shoulder, facing her, “I don’t want to push, I mean this is your first night home but…” he leaned towards her, “I missed you, Maura.”
Tommy moved to stand in front of her, creating a triangle between them, “I missed the fuck outta you Maura. Don’t ever do that again. Please. You’re my best friend.”
She couldn’t stop the tears from appearing in her eyes or stop them from falling. She had missed them both so much and Tommy had been the one she turned to whenever she and Jane would argue. She smiled at each of them before wiping her eyes quickly, but it didn’t help.
“I missed all of you. You have no idea how much I missed you all.” She said softly.
She couldn’t express how much she loves and missed them all. There were no words and just seeing Luca with Angela was more than she could have hoped for in the last few years. She watched as Luca and Angela laughed, something that she used to do with Angela in the kitchen at the townhouse. Their late-night tea and gab sessions, as Angela always called them, were things that she had looked forward to most days.
Tommy inched closer to her, “If you ever need to talk…”
She smiled at him but shook her head. She would talk to all of them at some point, but Jane was first. Would always be first. She owed Jane an explanation, she just didn’t know how to start. Every time she tried, her emotions would get out of control and she couldn’t stop the flood of random information. Information that really could wait but procrastination was apparently her go to when it came to Jane today.
Frankie smiled at her, “Remember when you helped me with the motorcycle?”
She chuckled, “Yes.” She glanced over at him, “Why?”
“You still good with that kind of thing?” Frankie smirked at her as he wiggled his eyebrows.
She crossed her arms over her chest, “I worked as a mechanic for a year before I was placed at the OMI office in New Mexico.”
Tommy snorted, “You were in New Mexico? How’s your Spanish Señorita?”
Frankie shook his head at Tommy, “Unbelievable.”
Tommy grinned at her as he shrugged, “It’s a legitimate question.”
She grinned at Tommy as Frankie rolled his eyes, “You just learn that word?”
A fake pout fell on Tommy’s face as he shoved Frankie lightly, teasingly saying, “Just because you don’t know what it means doesn’t mean.”
Frankie wrapped an arm around Tommy’s neck, “I’ll show you what it means.”
She laughed as Frankie jerked Tommy’s body down and Angela’s head snapped up, “Not in the house. Take it outside, now.”
Frankie shoved Tommy playfully towards the back door, “Yeah outside Tommy.”
Tommy turned to grin at her, “Coming Maura?”
She glanced over at Luca, who was preoccupied with Angela and food. Angela smiled at her and nodded, nodding at Luca. She pushed off the wall and followed the boys out the back door, closing it behind them. The back yard was larger than she remembered. A tree sat in the center of the yard, creating shade for a good portion of it.
She stood on the decent sized wooden deck that looked out over the back yard, the wooden railings coming up to her waist. Four steps led down to the grassy yard and a large gate sat to her right where there was a concrete slab poured and the most beautiful car she had ever seen. She moved towards it instantly her eyes taking in the design and the amount of work that would need to be done on it, “Who’s is it?”
Frankie grinned at her as Tommy jogged towards the driver side and opened the door for her, “We should let Jane tell you.”
She frowned at him but shrugged it off as she slipped into the dusty interior. She ran her hand over the original steering wheel and smiled at the feel of it. She frowned for a moment before smiling up at Tommy. She needed to be distracted for a while, just so she could ignore all the emotions that had been compounding her since she had gotten on the plane the day before.
He shrugged and smiled shyly at her, understanding the silent thank you she was sending him. They had done it on purpose. She shook her head and returned to admiring the vehicle. She couldn’t believe that whoever had bought had found one in decent shape, or could afford it to begin with.
She stepped out of the car as Frankie joined them, “So, do you think it can be fixed?”
She grinned at him, “How did the owner get it? A nineteen sixty-nine Ford Mustang Mach One in this condition could not have been easy or cheap.”
Frankie chuckled, “Ask Janie. She’ll tell you all about the search.”
Tommy snorted, “Which one?”
She frowned at them both, “Okay I want in on the joke?”
Frankie smiled widely, “Hey you got better at that.”
She rolled her eyes and Tommy burst into laughter, “Jane rubbed off on you more than we thought Maura.”
She chuckled as she shoved him lightly and Frankie shook his head, “Okay so we have a softball game this weekend for the department.”
“You’re still doing that?” she asked as she shut the car door.
Tommy snorted, “They’ve lost the last three games so far. Susie Chang has kicked their ass repeatedly.”
She grinned as they began to stroll back towards the back door, “Susie is still here?”
Frankie nodded, a sheepish look crossing his suddenly flushed face, “Uh… Yeah. She’s a killer in a game though.”
She cocked her head at him as he hurried forward and Tommy caught her arm, pulling her to a stop, “They’ve been off and on for the last few years.”
She smirked, “This I’ve got to see.”
Tommy laughed, “It’s kind of adorable. You and Janie were cute and romantic and shit but those two…” He shook his head, his brown hair longer than she remembered it ever being, “They can be down right sickening when they are in the on stage.”
“Cute?” She asked curiously as the began to walk now that Frankie had disappeared inside.
He chuckled, “Yeah, like the way you two looked at each other, you could see the love that you each had for one another. She would look at you like you were the only person in the room, like her sun rose and set around you. You are her world.”
She stared at the grass as she slowed her walk, a small smile trying to cross her face, “I never noticed.”
Tommy scoffed, “Yeah right. The way you looked at her was like she was your whole world.” Her head snapped up and she turned to face him, stopping in her tracks. He smiled at her warmly, “You would stare at her for hours on end and we all would take bets on how long it would take for you to blink. You could see that Jane was everything to you and this was before you two even got together.”
She frowned as she looked out towards the far back tall wooden fence surrounding the yard, “She is my world. Everything I did, I did for her. I just don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me for the things I did.”
Tommy frowned at her, “What do you mean?”
She took a deep breath as her mind slipped into the past, the day Dean made her choose. The day Dean took her world away from her, “You can’t say a word to her Tommy.” She looked back at him again, “This is just between us.”
At his nod she frowned and continued, “I was given a choice. More than once actually. I either testified or Jane…” She swallowed the thick emotions and quickly shook her head as more tears slid silently down her face, “I chose Jane. I would die for Jane and I made that perfectly clear to everyone. Everything I did was for Jane, to save her, to protect her.”
Tommy’s face turned to anger, “You were forced into something you didn’t want to do? By whom?”
She sat on the porch steps, resting her elbows on her knees, “Gabriel Dean was the first one.”
Tommy sat beside her, his hands clenched in fists on his knees, his back straight and stiff, “I hate that guy. All he did was make your guys’ lives a living hell. Was he behind all of this?”
She nodded, wiping her tears away, “He told me he cut all ties with Jane when everything went down.”
Tommy nodded, rubbing his hands on his thighs in agitation, “We haven’t seen him since the day he ran from Jane at the hospital. The day you disappeared.”
She frowned as she glanced over at him, “Ran from her?”
He curled his lip up in disgust, “The rat bastard couldn’t even face her and now I know why. He left a note on Jane’s desk by the time she got back from the hospital and the hunt for you was on.”
Her curiosity began to peak, “Do you know what it said?”
He shook his head, “No, only that she was beyond pissed after she read it. She hasn’t told anyone what it said.”
She frowned as she looked back out over the yard. It felt good to talk to Tommy. They had shared the majority of their lives in confidence. He would ask her for advice, and she would vent to him. He knew how Jane could be and he was great at keeping her secrets. She found it easy to talk to him because he never once judged her for being different, quirky as Jane had affectionately called her.
He had always listened and tried to help her see it from Jane’s point of view. In a way they were good for each other. She could explain things to him in a slightly different way so he could understand and vice versa. She had always wondered if it had something to do with ‘having to hear it from someone other than the person you constantly hear it from’.
Tommy shoulder bumped her, “You spaced out Maura. That’s my job.”
She smiled sadly at him, “Sorry.”
He shook his head, “You know you can tell me anything.”
She eyed him before taking a deep breath, “I don’t know how to talk to her anymore. I’m so worried that she won’t forgive me for the choices I made, for not fighting harder.”
He shook his head, “Never going to happen. She has missed you more than any of us. I’m actually surprised that she even let you out of her sight so far.”
She frowned at the ground, desperately wanting to believe him but she couldn’t be sure. Not anymore. So much had changed over the years and Jane was closing herself off from her. She could feel the distance between them, and it hurt. More than hurt if she was being honest with herself, but right now being honest with herself was beginning to hurt more.
Would she have forgiven Jane if the rolls had been reversed?
Tommy frowned at her, “Maura, you are family. I don’t know how many nights Ma cried herself to sleep when you disappeared. Jane eventually shut us all out. You know, this is the first family dinner we’ve had in three years.”
She glanced up at him, “What? I thought every Sunday-“
“Not since you disappeared.” He shook his head, “Jane shut us all out. Ma turned to Korsak and they’ve been dating for the last year. Frankie and Susie turned to each other. Susie was devastated when you disappeared. You were her closest friend, and she looks up to you.”
She grimaced, “I’m no role model.”
Tommy chuckled, “Tell that to the people who love you, Maura. We all look to you for wisdom and Jane for protection. You are the glue to this family. These past few years have proven that. Without you, Jane withered away and the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves. You always had food at the townhouse. You always were the safe place for all of us. You took Ma in for fucks sake.”
She laughed, not realizing she had started crying again. Her throat was thick when she tried to swallow. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take. It meant so much coming from the youngest Rizzoli, her closest friend next to Jane. He had always been wise, maybe not book smart but he had the knack of telling her how it is when she needed it the most.
And here he was doing it again, at a time when she wanted to cave in on herself. To forget the past four years happened. To forget that in just three days’ time it would mark the fifth year of her disappearance, something she wanted to ignore. The pain she had gone through, the loneliness, the anger, all of it had been for a reason.
That reason being somewhere in the house behind her.
Jane had been her reason for living. Her reason for everything she had done over the years. Jane was her lifeline and without she felt like she was drowning. Drowning in her emotions, drowning in the sea of people that loved her. She couldn’t keep distancing herself from Jane, not if she wanted to survive.
She had proved that Jane was the reason for her survival and now that she had the woman back, she was being an idiot and pushing her away. The opposite of what she wanted. She smiled at Tommy as she pushed herself to her feet.
“You are a very smart man, Tommy Rizzoli.”
He chuckled and stood, “I got it from you. Come on, something smells good.”
She nodded and climbed the last few steps to the back door, opening it and being assaulted by the smell of Angela’s cooking. Her mouth watered as she entered the house, and she could hear Jane’s voice in the other room.
“Where is she?”
“Take it easy Janie. She’s with Tommy.” Frankie said quietly.
Jane’s voice rose slightly, “I told you not to let her out of your sight Frankie.”
“Tommy’s got her Jane.” Frankie said, his voice rising with anger.
She glanced back at Tommy and he smiled apologetically at her before whispering, “I told you. She’s going to freak every time you leave her sight for a while.”
She felt her chest tighten in pain at the thought. Jane was in pain because of her and it was up to her to fix it. She motioned towards the kitchen and Tommy nodded before disappearing through the doorway. She circled around to come up behind Jane and Korsak in the living room. She shook her head at Frankie as he caught sight of her, and he quickly returned his attention to Jane.
Jane glared him, “I told you Frankie.” Jane’s raspy voice took on a dark tone, deepening slightly.
She felt the shiver run down her spine. She knew that tone well and she couldn’t help but love it. Jane’s fierce need to protect her family was something she had always admired about the raven-haired Detective.
Korsak held his hands up, “Why don’t we all just take a deep breath. Maura’s alive and home, let’s just give her some space.”
“Space is how she disappeared in the first place Vince.” Jane snapped angrily, her body rigid.
Frankie crossed his arms over his chest, “Are we really going to argue over this while your son, which you didn’t tell any of us about, is in the kitchen with Ma.” His tone suddenly accusing.
She felt her muscles tighten, her need to defend Jane rushing forward unexpectedly. She had always defended Jane, no matter who it was against. This time being no different, but was it her place anymore to do so?
Jane took a step towards Frankie, “I had my reasons.”
Jane’s voice was eerily cold, and she didn’t like the unsettling feeling that crept over her. Jane was ready to snap, and she wasn’t sure what would happen if the woman did. This was Jane’s brother and if the woman was willing to have a go at him like this, like she had never seen before, she was suddenly worried at just how much damage she had done to Jane by leaving.
Frankie glared at her, “Not good enough. No reason was good enough to keep that fact from us. Maybe had we known I would have been there that day.”
Jane rushed forward and she moved without thinking. She caught Jane around the waist before Korsak could move and jerked her backwards. Jane spun in her anger, but she was faster. She ducked the blow that had been aimed at her face and shoved Jane backwards against the wall as silence descended on the house.
She pinned Jane to the wall near the front door and stared into wide fear filled dark eyes. She held her body tight and stiff as she said darkly, “Go to the kitchen, now.”
She heard the quick shuffle of feet as Korsak and Frankie disappeared, not taking her eyes off Jane’s. She watched the torrent of emotions in Jane’s eyes as the walls crumbled. She could see the love and fear, the anger and pain flashing quickly before settling on fear. Jane’s body slowly relaxed before tears slid down the woman’s face.
She felt her heart constrict as Jane cried silently, something she hadn’t seen since before she disappeared. This was different than just a quick release this was an outpouring of the suffering she had been doing. She wrapped her arms around the woman she loves and held her tightly against her body.
She held Jane as the woman collapsed, following her down to the floor. She rocked her gently as Jane gripped her tightly, nearing cutting off her ability to breath, but she refused to speak. Everything that she had been feeling seemed to pale in comparison to the grief Jane was dealing with.
She could only image what Jane had gone through. They each had suffered in different ways, but they both had suffered. She pressed her lips to Jane’s temple, trying to comfort the woman but not knowing how to. This was a side of Jane that only she and Korsak had ever seen.
She took a steadying breath and spoke firmly but quietly in Jane’s ear, “I’m here. I’m alive and I’m here. I’m home Jane.”
The last words alone brought tears to her own eyes as her heart broke for the woman in her arms.
Chapter 10: It's Going to Take Time
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane stood beside her unmarked that was parked in front of the Boston Police Depart building. Her hand gripped the door tightly as her body shook uncontrollably. Korsak was leaning against the front of the car with his arms crossed over his chest. Frost stood in front of the older man his face in a frown and his eyes on the ground. Frankie walked quickly towards them, hope on his face and his eyes tired.
Korsak shook his head, “Just another random tip that amounted to nothing.”
Frost glanced over at her before looking at Korsak, “It’s been three months and every tip we’ve gotten has gone nowhere.”
She slammed the car door as hard as she could, the driver’s side glass shaking with the force. Her heart had been slowly chipping apart for the last few months. It was the most painful thing she had ever experienced in her life. She’d had her heart cracked before, even broken, but never in her entire life had she ever had her heart shattered the way it had been when Maura disappeared.
She felt like a shell of her former self. The pain of not only losing Maura, her soulmate, but the knowledge that Maura was pregnant with her child. A child that doctors had always told her wouldn’t be possible. A child that, by all medical standards, shouldn’t exist. A child that she desperately wanted.
Losing Maura had not only shattered her heart it had left her feeling empty. A black nothingness of despair and sorrow. She couldn’t get her mother’s look out of her head when she had gone to tell Angela that Maura was missing. She had never seen her mother in so much pain before. Even when Frank Sr., her father, had left. Even when he came back just to try to get Angela to annul their marriage. Her mother was strong, and she refused to let that bring her down, refused to let Frank be the one to destroy her.
But losing Maura?
Losing Maura had destroyed her mother. Angela wasn’t her usual self. She kept to herself at Maura’s guest house. They haven’t had the usual Rizzoli family dinner either and everyone was beginning to worry about her.
She would be too except she didn’t have it in her to worry at the moment. She was suffering alone, because she was the one that was refusing to tell anyone about Maura’s pregnancy. She couldn’t say the words out loud because it made it more real. At least with it inside her head she could grieve her loss on her own and not be asked a million more times a day ‘how she was holding up’ by everyone in the department.
She was suffering enough on her own. The pain when she was alone was unbearable. Trying to sleep in their bed at the townhouse was when the pain would consume her. She would lie in bed at night and cry until she couldn’t breathe, gasping for air because her chest was clenched tightly in so much pain that she never knew could exist. She didn’t need to add her family’s pain to her own, let alone the entire state of Massachusetts.
She understood that there were other people that missed Maura. She understood it but that didn’t mean she couldn’t ignore it. Maura is the woman that she connected with over everyone else that she’s ever met. The woman that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. The woman that she wanted to have her children with now that she knew it was possible, at least with Maura it is. She faced away from the men behind her as a tear rolled down her cheek.
She didn’t want to live without Maura. She didn’t want to go on surviving with the love of her life. She didn’t want to face day after day without Maura Isles.
Korsak’s voice pulled her out of her pit of despair, not realizing how long they had been standing out there and that Frost and Frankie had left them alone, “What are you doing here?”
Normally she wouldn’t care who he was talking to, but the dark cold tone of his voice made her turn and her eyes landed on Special Agent Gabriel Dean. The anger flared to life like a fire lit by gasoline. She moved before Korsak knew she had even been aware of his appearance. She gripped his blazer and slammed his as hard as she could against her unmarked cruiser.
“Where is she?” Her rasp was low, a warning as she glared at him.
Korsak beside side of her, not moving to help him but keeping his eyes locked on the man. He stood with his hand on his gun, his fingers twitching in his struggle to not shoot the man that Jane blamed for Maura’s disappearance.
Dean frowned at her, “Who?”
She brought her hand back but Korsak caught her arm, “Not now Jane.”
Her look darkened even more, the pure hatred for him seething from her entire being, “Last time. Where is she?”
Dean shook his head at her, “Didn’t you get the notification?”
Korsak spoke as he eased her back, away from Dean, “What notification?”
Dean straightened his blazer, a small smug smirk appearing on his face, “Maura Isles is dead.”
The blood rushed through her ears as her heart exploded. Her breathing ceased to exist as her mind struggled to understand the words. It couldn’t be. Maura would have fought. Maura never would have gone down without fight. There had to be something if it was true. Her…
She couldn’t think it. Couldn’t think about her lover, her partner, her best friend, that way. She couldn’t see her on the table that the blonde had always done her work over.
She felt the bile rise in her chest as she stumbled backwards. She knew hands were on her, strong familiar hands that had given her so much comfort in the last few months, but she couldn’t place them. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing felt real anymore.
She shook her head as her breaths came in labored gasps, her chest constricting painfully. Maura couldn’t be…
She refused to believe it. She refused to believe the man that had tried everything in his power to separate them. She surged forward again, slamming her forearm into his throat.
“I don’t believe you.” Her voice was low and threatening. Dean coughed as she steeped back and she turned to Korsak, “Give us a minute. I’ll meet you inside.”
She could see his hesitance, his own need to beat Dean until he told the truth. After a moment he nodded and disappeared inside the building. She turned her focus back on Dean, feeling the utter repulsion creeping over her skin.
She shoved him against the cruiser, pinning him with her forearm against his throat, “For your sake you best hope she isn’t…”
He frowned at her, seeing the very real and promising threat in her dark eyes, “Why is it so important to you if she’s alive?”
She glared at him as her nostrils flared in anger, her eyes darkening even more. She could feel the anger heating her body, searing her skin as it flooded her veins. Consuming her like she had only ever been consumed once before when she was with Maura. The night she was positive they had conceived their child.
“She is the love of my life and she’s carrying our child.” She rested her hand on the gun on her hip, daring him to say a word.
His eyes widened and his face shifted from a frown to a look of pure horror, his body going rigid.
She nodded, “I need her back and I don’t give a damn about you or anyone else. Only her. So, you best hope I find her alive.”
She spun on her heel and stormed into Boston Police Department, all her anger lashing out at everyone and anyone that came near her, giving a whole new meaning to her nickname, Hurricane Rizzoli.
But Korsak agreed not to tell anyone about Dean’s visit after seeing her go off on Frankie later that day.
All the pain, the grief, that she had suffered was pouring out of her in waves. Waves that she couldn’t stop as Maura whispered soothingly into her ear, “I’m here. I’m alive and I’m here. I’m home Jane.”
Her heart felt like it had shattered and was slowly being rebuilt even as the words slowly sunk into her mind. Maura is alive. Maura is here, with her and she was in the blonde’s arms.
Maura is home.
She had to keep repeating it in her mind because all of it felt like a dream. She was deathly afraid that she was going to wake up and Maura wasn’t going to be there, beside her. That this was a dream, and when she awoke the reality that Maura wasn’t coming back, was going to sink in.
Maura is home.
She couldn’t get it to sink in, couldn’t get it through her brain. Her thoughts were spiraling out of control, this was the dream. This had to be a dream. How many times had she dreamt that Maura had come home, that she had found her, only to wake up and be ravaged by the fact that Maura was missing. Had been missing for nearly five years.
Maura is home.
Was this her brain’s way of dealing with the fact that in three days the anniversary of Maura’s disappearance would mark the fifth year? Was her brain trying to make sense of it? Trying to finally come to terms with it after all this time?
Maura is home.
She jerked back out of the blonde’s arms. She held on tight to Maura’s biceps, firmer than they had been before. More toned than when she had left. The deep scar on the woman’s face, the blazing hazel eyes that had always heated her body faster than should be humanly possible. She stared into Maura’s eyes, needing reassurance that this wasn’t a dream, a trick that her mind was playing on her.
Every time she had dreamt of Maura, she would try to kiss her, and she would awaken to the reality that her lover was gone. She needed to know if this was real. She needed it to be real this time because if it weren’t she wasn’t sure she would survive this time.
She pulled Maura against her and glanced down at the woman’s lips, needing to know if they were still as soft, as delicious as before. She moved before Maura could move away, crushing her lips against the blonde’s.
Her mind short circuited as fire blasted through her body, tingling with desire, need flooding her entire soul. She needed Maura more than ever and it only deepened when she felt Maura’s hands slide into her hair, gripping fistfuls painfully while pulling her even harder against her. Their mouths opened at the same time and their tongues met in a wild dance that they knew so well.
Maura really is home.
She couldn’t get enough as she fell back onto her butt, pulling Maura on top of her as her back hit the wall behind them. She felt Maura’s heat as the woman straddled her lap, and she knew Maura could feel her stiff appendage as it strained against her slacks. She needed to feel Maura, to be inside her, to feel Muara surrounding her, consuming her.
But even as she thought it, she knew it was too soon.
They still had so much to talk about, but a part of her was finally letting go. The part that had held onto hope over the years when everyone else had come to a deadening conclusion. A conclusion that she refused to believe. She had known in her heart that Maura was alive and that was what had kept the hope alive. She would never ignore that feeling, not for anyone or anything.
Maura kept her alive over the years. The need to know what happened, to know if her family would be whole again had been the driving force behind everything she had done. Every tip she followed through on, every sighting that had come in. She had a strange need to investigate them because she felt it in her heart that Maura had still been alive and now, she was being rewarded.
The kiss only grew more passionate, more intense as she wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist. She couldn’t get Maura close enough, she never would be able to. Not after the time that had passed, the time they had lost. She could hear voices in the dining room and knew they had to stop, that she should pull away, but she couldn’t. Her heart wouldn’t let her.
Maura pulled back slowly, ending the kiss slowly, as if she didn’t want to pull back either. She stared up into hazel eyes as Maura grinned at her, “That was…” A blush rushed up the pale skin of Maura’s neck, “Intense?”
She chuckled as she brushed her fingers gently across Maura’s cheek, wiping the fresh tears away, “I would go for long overdue, but I think, welcome home is better.”
Maura frowned, “Jane…”
She nodded, “I know. We have a lot to talk about. Which is fine but can you promise me something, at least for a little while?”
Maura smiled, “Anything.”
“Don’t leave my sight for a while okay.” She tried to ask gently, knowing that it came out harsh and angry instead.
Maura looked down as she leaned back, “Jane I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
She shook her head as she placed a finger under Maura’s chin, lifting her head so she could look at her, “You have nothing to apologize for Maur. We can go over everything later.”
Maura nodded as Angela’s voice called from the kitchen, “Dinner is ready.”
She watched Maura push herself to her feet, “Impeccable timing as usual.”
Maura chuckled and held her hand out for her, “Some things never change.”
She let Maura pull her onto her feet before pulling the woman against her again, “Somethings never will.”
She stared down at Maura until Luca’s shout came from behind them, “Mommy, come eat.” Maura smiled as she turned from her and not so much followed but was pulled by their son into the dining room.
She felt her heart swell at the sight that met her as she stood in the dining room doorway. Her family was under the same roof, every member of her family. She frowned as Korsak motioned for her to sit at the head of the table next to him while Maura was seated next to Angela at the opposite end. Luca was in Maura’s lap since there weren’t enough chairs, but the sight alone made her smile at them.
She knew their talk would need to happen but for once she just wanted to enjoy the moment. Enjoy a family dinner with all of her family. She couldn’t take her eyes off Maura and Luca as she dished food out onto her plate, not really looking at what she was putting on her plate until Korsak laughed.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many greens on your plate before, Jane.”
Her eyes snapped to him as she frowned before looking down at her plate. The green beans and broccoli nearly overwhelming everything else on her plate. She stared at her plate, not really seeing it as she dived right back into her thoughts.
The fact that Maura was home was still sinking in, slowly. She had spent so long wishing for this moment. Imagining how they would be reunited, none of which had ever happened in the way it had that day. Now they were sitting at a Rizzoli family dinner as if no time had passed at all.
Except there was a three-year-old boy in Maura’s lap that had her hair and skin color and Maura’s eyes. The perfect combination of them.
A sudden soft kick to her shin caused her head to jerk up and she frowned at Frankie, on her right, “What was that for?”
Frankie shook his head and said around a mouth full of food, “You can’t stare at the plate all night and expect the food to fly into your mouth Janie.”
She smirked at him, “Seems your food is flying enough for everyone Frankie.”
Korsak rolled his eyes, “Shut up and eat your food.”
She and Frankie smirked at each other before saying in unison, “Yes dad.”
Korsak snorted, “Shut up.”
She laughed, the first time in a long time that it came so easily. She hadn’t been this relaxed since she had gotten the call about Maura, and now she could fully feel the exhaustion and her aching body beginning to catch up to her. She sat back in the chair as she ate but her eyes kept darting to Maura.
The woman was speaking quietly to Angela and Tommy, but she couldn’t read the look on the blonde’s face. Maura had closed herself off again when they entered the dining room, and it was unsettling her how easy the woman could put her walls straight back up so quickly. Maura had never been able to hide so easily.
She pulled herself out of her thoughts as laughter filled the air, mixing with excited conversations. Voices swirled around her usually empty and silent dining room. She smiled. This is what she and Maura had always wanted. Their family laughing and talking around their dinner table. The feeling of love and happiness in the air.
Her eyes landed on Maura again. Their eyes locking as laughter erupted once again around the table. She could see the walls going down and the love swirling in her favorite hazel eyes. Maura was looking at her like she was the only person in the room and the feeling was mutual. She only hoped that Maura could see it reflected back at her.
The doorbell rang out and she frowned as she stood, catching the sudden fear in Maura’s eyes before the blonde’s walls were firmly back in place.
“I’ll get it.”
She would never get used to that, to Maura disappearing inside herself so quickly. She hated it already but knew that it would only take time for it to go away if it ever did, which made her heart constrict in pain.
She pulled the door open and grinned, “You’re late.”
“I had a quick stop to make before I came.” Frost grinned at her.
She chuckled as she stood back and allowed the man inside. She was glad he had finally arrived. She knew how much Maura had liked Frost and how close they had gotten over the few years of working together. She followed Frost into the dining room and took her seat as Luca glanced up.
“Uncle Frost, you made it.”
Frost’s eyes widened at the boy before he glanced at her and then Maura. He shook his head with a laugh, “Damned if he isn’t the cutest.”
Maura smiled at him as she stood, shifting Luca to her hip, “Good to see you too Barry.”
She watched Frost cross the room to Maura and pull her into a half hug, ruffling Luca’s hair as he pulled back, “I’ve missed you Doc.”
Maura chuckled, “Barold.”
He grimaced, “Fine, Maura. You win, as usual.” He smiled widely at her.
She couldn’t help but smile at the wide smile that crossed Maura’s face, seeing the happiness in her eyes. She couldn’t hear the words that were whispered between Maura and Frost, but an uneasy feeling began to creep up her spine. She watched as Maura sat Luca on the chair she had been sitting in and followed Frost into the kitchen. Her eyes darted to Luca, seeing the concern on the boy’s face before Angela leaned towards him, capturing his attention.
She wanted to go to her son but wasn’t sure if he would accept her. She was still confused about what he had meant about Maura taking all the blame for her not being in his life. She watched him as he kept glancing over at the kitchen doorway, his anxiety rising. She frowned as the boy pulled the photo out of his pocket and gripped it tightly to his chest as he sat back in the chair. Fear danced across his face and she couldn’t move quick enough.
She hurried to the chair and crouched beside it, “Luca, mind if I sit with you while Mommy is talking to Uncle Frost.”
Luca’s eyes darted to the kitchen doorway again before turning to her and her heart broke slightly at the sheen of tears in her son’s eyes. Slowly he nodded and she picked him up, expecting him to be tense. Instead, he shifted in her arms, wrapping his legs around her waist and his arms around her neck tightly before burying his face in her neck.
Angela covered her mouth quickly as tears slid silently down her cheeks. Frankie smiled sadly at her while Korsak sent her a reassuring nod before his eyes fell back to Angela in concern. She sat in Maura’s vacated chair and rubbed his back soothingly as tears fell against her the skin on her neck. Conversation continued around the table, giving them a semblance of privacy.
“What’s wrong Luca?” She asked softly.
The boy’s voice was croaky but quiet in her ear, “The last time Mommy left the room after a conversation like that she was hurt.”
Her body tensed and her eyes darted to the kitchen doorway. She knew that Frost would never hurt Maura but the fact that Luca had seen something made her need to protect surge to the front of her mind. She stood quickly, tightening her hold on her son and took long strides towards the kitchen. She entered the room to find it empty and her heart lodged into her throat.
The familiar panic began to fill her chest as she stepped into the doorway to the living room and found no sign of Maura. She spun to the back door and yanked it open, scaring Maura and Frost where they stood near the railing on the porch. Her eyes narrowed at Frost as her anger gripped her chest, the panic and fear colliding into one.
“I need a word with Maura. Now.”
Frost nodded, “Right. We’ll talk later Maura.” He quickly disappeared inside.
As soon as the door was shut Luca turned in her arms and held his arms out towards Maura, his tears still falling silently. Maura rushed forward and took Luca in her arms, “What happened?”
She couldn’t stop the fear from speaking for her, “You disappeared that’s what happened. You can’t just disappear like that Maura. Do you have any idea how it feels?” She crossed her arms over her chest at the wide-eyed look on Maura’s face. “No, you don’t because you were the one that disappeared.”
Maura frowned at her as she held Luca tight to her chest, “Jane-“
She shook her head, “No. The only thing I asked was that you not leave my sight for a while.”
Maura’s eyes narrowed at her, “I was right here. Talking to Frost. Same as I did with Frankie and Tommy.”
She tried to get her body to stop shaking, “Then what did you two say before you sat Luca down?”
Maura’s body tensed visibly, and she shook her head, “That we needed to talk.”
Luca pulled back slightly, “No you didn’t.”
Maura smiled at him, “It’s okay sweetie. Everything is fine. We’re both tired. We should go-“
She shook her head, “No. You aren’t leaving again. I’ll handcuff you to me if I have to Maura.”
A small smirk pulled at the corner of Maura’s lips, “Again?”
Her eyes widened in shock as the memory of that night flooded her mind, her arousal growing quickly, “I-I… Now’s not the time for that Doctor.”
Maura chuckled, “I was going to say go to bed early tonight Jane.”
She felt the relief wash through her body instantly, knowing that Maura hadn’t been talking about leaving. She couldn’t handle the whiplash of emotions that were rolling through her for much longer. She wanted to kick everyone out of the house and just have time alone with Maura. To talk about everything.
She sighed heavily and rubbed her temple, “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.”
Maura shook her head as she leaned back against the porch railing, “You don’t need to keep apologizing Jane. There’s nothing for you to apologize for. I should have thought first before I stepped out with Barry.”
She frowned, “You shouldn’t have to think before talking to a friend privately. I guess I’m jumpy and it’s going to take time for me to relax.”
Maura turned to look out over the back yard as the sun disappeared completely, “I have a question, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
She glanced sideways at the woman beside her, signaling for her to ask.
Maura took a deep breath, “Tommy said you all haven’t seen Dean since he ran from you, but Dean said he saw you a few months after I left. Why don’t they know?”
She wasn’t expecting the question. She wasn’t even expecting anyone other than Korsak to know about it. She turned, leaning her hip against the railing so she could look at Maura fully. She didn’t want to keep secrets from the blonde, she never had before, and she didn’t want to start now.
“Korsak knows. He was there when Dean dropped by at BPD. We had just returned from investigating a clue about you and I wasn’t…” She frowned, not sure how to word it. “I was in a dark place Maura. I had words with him, things got physical, and I wanted to shoot him. It’s the first time I wanted to outright shoot someone.”
Maura nodded, “What was on the note he left on your desk?”
Shock widened her eyes, “How do you know about that?”
“Tommy,” Maura answered instantly.
She curled her lip as she glanced over at the door, “Figures. Is he hitting on you again?”
“Don’t change the subject Jane.” Maura warned.
She looked back into Maura’s eyes, seeing the love and determination in them. She took a deep breath before speaking, “Dean left a note on my desk telling me to stop looking for you because I would never find you. That your body would never be found.”
A sound close to a snarl ripped from Maura’s lips as the woman looked back out over the yard. She could see the anger on the blonde’s face, an unfamiliar look on her Doctor’s face. She frowned in confusion for a moment before moving closer to Maura.
“Why?” She leaned on her elbows on the railing.
Maura stopped rubbing Luca’s back before she spoke, “I have a lot I could say about Gabriel Dean.” Maura’s lip curled up in disgust for a moment, “In fact the entire FBI knows how I feel about him, not only as a Fed but as a human being.”
She grinned, “Oh really?”
Maura nodded, “Yes. From what I was told, our fights are legendary in the Bureau.” The blonde shook her head, an annoyed look crossing her face, “What I would give to get him in a room alone for a few minutes.”
Her eyebrows rose, “Why Doctor Rizzoli, I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Maura turned to her suddenly, a dark unforgiving look on her face, “When it comes to you Jane Rizzoli, I have a lot in me.”
Her eyes widened again in the realization that Maura wasn’t joking, wasn’t teasing, but was very serious. Deadly serious. She could see the fire burning in Maura’s eyes. She could see there was more to it, more to Maura’s relationship with Dean than just the Witness Protection Program. She could see the hatred that her Doctor had for the man.
And it piqued her curiosity.
She wanted to know about the fights. She wanted to know why Maura hated the man so much before she had left but it seemed that in the last few years that hatred had grown into something more. Something dangerous and deadly. Something that was very deeply rooted in the normally polite and giving woman that Maura Isles had been.
Except now the woman was Maura Rizzoli and the thought alone made her smile. She had wanted Maura to wear her name proudly and she could see it. Maura carried the name better than the rest of them and it only excited her even more.
She wrapped an arm around Maura’s waist, gently pulling the shorter woman closer to her, “I want to ask because I need to know now but I’m going to let it go for tonight. Let’s finish dinner and I’ll send the others home.”
Maura nodded tiredly, “Where is Angela living?”
She grinned, “The house next door is technically apart of this property. When I was buying it, I had surveyors come out and that house goes with this one.”
Maura chuckled, “Guest house?”
She laughed, “No, it’s just Ma’s now.”
Maura grinned, “I like that.”
She nodded as she leaned closer to her Doctor, their lips hovering less than a hair apart.
Luca wiggled in Maura’s arms, “Mommy let’s finish dinner.”
They both chuckled and she ruffled her son’s hair, “Dinner first then bedtime for all of us.”
She smiled as she watched Maura move towards the door, her heart finally settling in her chest. The pain was still there, probably always would be but now she could begin to heal. She had the love of her life back in her life and their son was alive and well.
The sound of glass shattering inside the house made her groan and Maura laugh, “Come on Jane. Family dinner awaits.”
She grinned at Maura, “Now that your home. I like the sound of that.”
The smile Maura gave her was breathtaking and they entered the house together.
Chapter 11: Communication
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
”You’re my world, my heart, my soul and if you ever leave, Baby you would take away everything good in my life.”
Truer words had never been spoken in her life.
”How do I live without you?”
Maura couldn’t stop the flood of tears that cascaded down her face as she listened to the words being sung on the radio while she sat on the floor of her newest hotel room, her knees drawn to her chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. Trying to hold herself together as much as possible.
“How do I breathe without you…”
The words circulated her mind, her heart, her soul, her chest so tight she couldn’t breathe. Her breaths coming in quick gasps as her body shook violently with the force of the emotion that was fleeing her normally controlled exterior.
“How do I ever survive?”
She had never understood the words to the song before. She had always scoffed at them and announced that it was easy to live without someone in your life. She was accustomed to death, accustomed to people coming and going from her life like a revolving door.
Jane was the only person that had come into her life and stayed. The only person that she had been close to, had needed in her life to get through the day-to-day bullshit of her job, of social interactions, of things that couldn’t be solved with science. Jane was the only person she had ever come to rely on, to know that without a shadow of a doubt that she would be there when she needed her.
Even before they had ever taken the next step in their relationship, Jane had always come running when she said she needed her. whether it was because she was lonely, or because she was scared. When they had been dealing with Hoyt Jane had slept at her house most of the time. So much so that she began to wonder if Jane was doing it for her or for herself.
“Without you, there’d be no sun in my sky, there would be no love in my life, there’d be no world left for me.”
A sob escaped her lips as she struggled to focus on something other than the pain that gripped her heart, trying to crush it beneath the weight of what had been done. She had never wanted to leave Jane, never wanted to experience this kind of pain. Physical pain was something she could handle, like the bullet that she had to dig out of her own shoulder because Salvador Lucchese refused to let a doctor near her.
Emotional pain was something she didn’t really have to deal with her entire life. Until Jane again. Jane could drive her crazy in an instant and calm her just as fast. A whirlwind of emotions she had never experienced had occurred when her Detective had come into her life. Seeing Jane dressed as a hooker had piqued her interest since the woman was standing in the Police Department.
Then after they spoke it was an entirely different reason. They had argued right there in front of coworkers and it felt good. She didn’t normally argue with people, it wasn’t the Isles way to do things, but Jane brought it out in her. Jane brought the fight out in her and it felt good.
Now she was miserable because she had to leave Jane. The pain of reality was settling in on her even as she watched her stomach grow larger over the last few months. The knowledge that Jane wasn’t here to witness it was tormenting but when the baby had given her the first kick that morning, it became excruciating.
Jane wouldn’t get to feel the kicks, wouldn’t get to hold her when her hormones sent her over the edge. Jane wouldn’t be there when she gave birth to their child and it was torturous for her. She needed Jane with her, needed the woman to hold her as Jane had done hundreds of times before.
“How do I live without you?” She asked through the shaking gasps of breath.
She didn’t have an answer for that, and it terrified her more than ever before. How could she live without Jane? Could the knowledge that someday she would be able to return to Boston, return to Jane, get her through however long this exile lasted? Would Jane still want her after everything was said and done? Would Jane forgive her for the decisions she’s made? Would she forgive her for taking their child from her?
So many questions swirled around her brain, trying to crush her even further under the weight. She curled onto her side on the floor as her tears continued but her breathing slowed finally. Her body was exhausted, her mind was broken, and her heart was shattered into a million pieces as her eyes fluttered shut. Sleep taking her into a land of peace for a short time.
Maura carried Luca back into the dining room and took the seat she had been sitting in again. Angela smiled at her as she said softly, “Everything okay?”
She nodded, “Luca, let’s finish eating sweetie.”
Luca shifted around to face the table and plunged his fork into the mashed potatoes on his plate, “Nonna?”
Angela smiled at him, “Yes?”
Maura’s eyes darted to Jane as the tall woman took her seat at the head of the table, their eyes locking intensely, as if they were agreeing to finish their conversation after Luca was asleep. She knew that Jane wasn’t going to let it go after the way the Luca had worded it the way he had. She only hoped that Jane could keep her temper in check and not wake the boy.
She finally pulled her eyes away and focused back in on Luca’s conversation with his grandmother, “Mommy was.”
She quirked an eyebrow at her son before seeing the look of anger on Angela’s face. She frowned, “I was what Luca?”
Luca swallowed his food before turning to look up at her innocently, “You were hurt by Agent Dean.”
Her eyes widened at her son, “Luca now is not the time.”
Her son frowned at her, confusion filling his face as his eyes glazed over with tears, “I’m sorry Mommy. I was just answering Nonna’s question. Honest like you taught me.”
She felt her heart clench at the break in her son’s voice. She pulled him tight against her, “You have nothing to be sorry for sweetie. Honesty is incredibly good. Finish your dinner okay.”
Luca nodded, reassured by his mother’s words, and continued to eat happily.
She felt Jane’s eyes boring into her and she hesitated before she glanced over at the seething woman. Jane’s eyes were almost black with anger, her hands in fists on the table, on either side of her plate. She frowned as her eyes met Jane’s and struggled to sit still and not go to the woman to calm her. It would have been a natural reaction years ago, to instantly go to the woman and calm her but now…
She turned back to Angela and suddenly tried to shrink in her chair. Angela and Jane were the perfect mirror of the other, both staring at her as if asking for an explanation. The only difference was the feelings she was getting from the looks. With Angela it was a motherly protection, someone had hurt the woman she considered a daughter as much as her biological one.
From Jane it was more intense, more possessive and a different type of protection. She could almost feel the rage rolling from the woman in waves as she tried to focus her eyes back on her food and her son. Nothing helped, not even when she felt Angela’s eyes leave her finally. Jane’s eyes remained and she felt her body being drawn to the woman, as it always had.
Tommy’s voice across from her pulled her from her thoughts, “Maura?”
She looked up at him curiously.
He grinned, “So I was wondering, now that you’re home if-“
Jane launched to her feet, “Most of you are done right.”
She looked over at Jane with a frown before she glanced back at Tommy, “Help me clear the table, Tommy?”
Tommy nodded with a grin and took his and Angela’s empty plates. She grabbed hers, Luca’s and Frankie’s before following the youngest Rizzoli into the kitchen. She ran the water for dishes as Tommy leaned against the counter beside her.
“Now that your home can I ask you for some advice, or is it too soon?” He grinned cockily at her.
She chuckled, “Finish bringing me the dishes and ask away Thomas.”
He hurried out of the kitchen to gather more dishes and she had to laugh at his eagerness. It had felt good to have the heart to heart with Tommy that she had before dinner. It was familiar and comforting. Now she was just curious about what he wanted to ask.
Tommy returned with an armful of dishes and she helped him set everything down on the counter as he spoke, “So I’ve been seeing this girl for a few months, but I don’t really feel like it’s going anywhere.”
She nodded, hearing Luca laughing with Angela and Korsak, “Then tell her that. Communication is key in any relationship.”
Tommy frowned at her, “Are you sure about that Maura?”
Her eyes snapped up to his, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He held her narrowed gaze, “Communication was severely lacking the last five years with Jane.”
She glared at him, “Not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it though? If you have a meaningful relationship and communication is key, then why not fight harder?” He asked flatly.
This was the one thing that she loved and yet hated about Tommy Rizzoli. His bluntness, his directness, whatever you wanted to call it. He wasn’t afraid to ask the hard questions, the questions that most people would try to avoid, especially in a delicate situation.
She moved back to the sink, “You have no idea how hard I fought.”
He leaned his hip against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest as she began to scrub the dishes in the too hot water, “I know you fight well, and I know that had you fought hard enough you would have gotten a message to Jane.”
She slammed the plate down into the sink, ignoring the sharp stinging pain in her hand as the plate shattered in the soapy water. Turning to him she felt the rage simmering beneath the surface, “You have no idea what I had to do Thomas Edward Rizzoli. Don’t you dare think that I didn’t fight hard enough. I fought so hard that it nearly killed me and Luca. I will always fight for my family but there comes a point when fighting can destroy you.”
She shook her head as she turned to snatch the dish towel off the counter as her blood dripped to the counter, “It can completely and utterly destroy you if you’re not careful and that’s what happened. I almost lost my son and myself in my fight to get back.”
Tommy stared at her for a moment, sadness in his eyes, before he moved towards her, “I’m sorry Maura. I didn’t-“
“Get out.” They both jumped, startled by the voice in the doorway.
She turned to find Jane standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest, her stance tense and anger pouring from her body. She frowned at Jane before glancing back at a shocked Tommy.
“What?” Tommy asked hesitantly.
Jane moved forward, shoving Tommy backwards, away from her, “I said get out.”
Angela appeared in the doorway leading to the living room, “I have never been more ashamed of you Tommy.”
She felt her chest tighten as Jane continued to advance on Tommy, “You have no right to attack Maura in our home.”
Tommy held his hands up, his face a mixture of fear and regret, “It’s not-“
Jane shook her head, pinning him to the wall, “I don’t care what you have to say.”
She moved forward quickly, slipping between Jane and Tommy, “Jane it’s okay.”
Jane shook her head, “No it’s not Maura.”
She placed her hands on Jane’s chest, “Jane, it’s okay. Tommy and I are okay. We are on the same page. I know what he meant, and he didn’t mean it how it sounded.”
Jane finally looked down at her and she could see the anger soften, the taller woman relaxing slightly under her hands, “I don’t like it.”
She smiled up at Jane, “You never have.”
“I never will.” Jane grinned at her.
She felt Jane’s hands on her hips, and she couldn’t stop the shiver of desire that sped down her spine. She wanted Jane, needed Jane. Needed to have Jane fill her, to hold her like she always had before. She needed it more than she ever thought she would, but she didn’t know if that was appropriate after everything they had gone through that day.
She smirked, “Leave your brother alone.”
Jane groaned and stepped back, “You always take his side.”
She chuckled as she moved back towards the sink, feeling the pain in her hand again, “Because you always pick on him.”
Tommy grinned as he sat at the island counter, “Yeah.”
She turned to Tommy, “Don’t push it. You always push her too.” He only grinned at her happily.
Angela shook her head, “I swear. Children, all of you. The only adult out of you is Luca and he’s three.”
As if summoned the boy ran into the kitchen with a high pitch laugh as Korsak chased after him, circling the island counter, making everyone back away. She could stop the laugh that poured from her seeing the older gruff Detective chasing the three-year-old boy around the kitchen before scooping him up into his strong arms.
The same arms that had held her in her weak moments, like when Jane had shot herself to save her and Frankie. She had collapsed into Korsak’s arms and he held her up while she struggled to breathe, struggled to accept that she may lose Jane. She had felt the loss the moment Jane’s heart had stopped in that ambulance and the paramedic had to shock her body to get her heart beating again.
She felt her smile falter slightly at the memory, hating every piece of it.
Luca laughed as Korsak spun him in a circle, disappearing into the living room again, a smile on his face as he stared at the boy in his arms.
Angela chuckled, “And he thinks he’s old.”
Frankie laughed as he stood in the doorway, “Nah, you keep him young Ma.”
Jane groaned and shook her shoulders, “Ugh, don’t put that in my head.” She smiled as she listened, watching her family tease each other.
Tommy sat with a grimace on his face before he glanced over at her, “Maura, your hand…”
Jane turned to her and frowned, dark eyes glancing down at the hand that was wrapped in a dish towel, “What happened?”
She shook her head as she turned to the facet and unwrapped her hand, “Broke a plate.”
Jane glared at her youngest brother for a moment before taking her hand gently, “Are you okay?”
She nodded with a smile, “I’m fine.” She ran it under cold water and frowned at the wound, “I may need a few stitches though.”
Panic floated through Jane’s eyes, “I’ll take you to the hospital.”
She shook her head quickly, “No need. I have my kit in the duffel bag. It’s still in the cruiser.”
Tommy moved quickly, “I’ll get it.”
She shook her head at him before drying her hand as much as she could. She was heavily ignoring the concerned look on Jane’s face as she sat at the counter and spread the dish towel she had been using on top of the counter. She took a closer look and recognized it as the one that had always hung on her stove at the townhouse, making her smile.
Tommy returned a moment later and grunted as he sat it on the floor, “What the hell is in here?”
She shrugged as she knelt beside it, “Everything Luca and I own.”
A heavy silence filled the room, causing her body to tense at the sudden shift. Anger and tension filled the air as she pulled out her medical bag and returned to the stool at the counter. She pulled her disinfectant cleaning solution out, spreading everything she would need on the towel as Luca entered the room.
She smiled at Luca softly, “Hand me the-“
Luca was already rifling through the duffel bag, “I know Mommy.”
She ignored the looks of pure horror that crossed her family’s faces as Luca handed her a one-inch wooden dowel rod. She kissed his forehead, taking the item before smiling at him, “Put the headphones on in the living room. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Luca nodded and searched the duffel bag before finding his headphones and taking her cell phone, putting the headphones over his ears as he walked out of the room.
Jane’s voice cracked slightly, “Mau-Maura. What-“
She shrugged her shoulders, not looking up from her work, “If anyone is squeamish I suggest you leave now.”
She placed the dowel rod between her teeth sideways after she threaded the suturing needle. She bit down into the wood as she slid the needle into the skin below her pinky, pushing it through the skin of her palm to hold the folds together. Each pierce had her biting down harder into the wood, the pain slowly growing as the irritated skin protested being forced back together.
She was a doctor, and this wasn’t the first time she’d had to tend to her own wounds. This was nothing new to her and unfortunately it was something that Luca had see more than his fair share of. He was fascinated by it at times, but she tried to keep the more painful and gruesome things from him. It had only been the two of them since he had been born because Dean was adamant that her protection detail not interact with her as much as possible.
She still wasn’t sure if it was because he was trying to alienate her or if that’s just how things were done. There were a few agents that had revolted against his orders, not agreeing that she had to doctor herself instead of going to a hospital but some of the few found themselves reassigned very quickly.
As she neared the end of her stitches down the side of her palm, she felt the tears on her cheeks, wiping them away as soon as the last knot was tied. She pried her teeth from the wood and sat the piece on the towel on the counter. Angela had long disappeared back into the living room with Korsak, Luca and Frost. Tommy stared at her in amazement, Frankie worriedly and Jane was closed off again, but her body was tense.
She cleaned the stitches before wrapping her hand in gauze and cleaning up her mess. When she was done, she frowned at the sink, “I won’t be able to do the dishes one handed.”
Tommy slid up next to her, “I got it Maura. That was badass.”
She snorted, “You should have seen me stitch up a gunshot wound on my own.”
Tommy’s eyes danced with curiosity, but Frankie spoke before Tommy could ask questions, “How many times have you been shot Maura?”
She froze at the question. She wasn’t sure she wanted them to know. She wasn’t sure she wanted Jane to know but she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it from Jane. At least not for long, however she was willing to keep it to herself for a while longer.
She moved towards the living room, “I have to check on Luca.”
She hurried out to the living room and crouched in front of her son, resting her right hand on his knee. When he pulled the headphones of, she smiled at him, “All done.”
He slid off the sofa as Jane walked into the room, watching them closely as Luca took her wrapped hand and inspected it, “Did it hurt Mommy?”
She shook her head, “Not too much. Thank you for helping me.”
Luca smiled at her as he reached over to the coffee table, “I grabbed these for you too. To help with the pain.”
She took the Tylenol from her son and kissed his cheek, “You are growing up too fast.”
Luca smiled widely at her, showing his two missing teeth on opposite sides of his mouth, “Just like you Mommy.”
She chuckled as she pulled the boy against her, hearing his giggles as she placed kisses on his face. She stood, still holding the boy, and carried him to the kitchen. Tommy and Frankie smiled at the boy as they slipped out of the room, giving them privacy.
She sat him on the island counter in front of the refrigerator, “How are you holding up sweetie?” She pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.
He smiled at her tiredly, “I like having a big family.”
She spotted Jane lean against the doorjamb behind Luca before she took the Tylenol and then asked, “I’m glad you like it.”
Luca nodded then lowered his voice, “I do but I want to spend time with Mama. Just the three of us.”
She smiled and noticed the tears that Jane quickly wiped from her eyes silently. She nodded at Luca, “Mama wants to spend time with you too sweetie.”
He grinned excitedly, “Does she have to work tomorrow?”
She frowned, “I don’t know. We’ll have to ask her.”
“Okay but if she doesn’t, can we just, like spend the whole day with her. I mean we can go to a park or for a walk or even just watch tv or… Read…Does she like to read like me and you? Does she-“
She laughed as she placed a hand over his mouth, “Sweetie breathe. Take a breath. You can ask her everything you want to, I promise. She’ll be more than happy to answer everything.”
He bounced where he sat, “Okay but I’m sleepy Mommy. When can we go?”
She saw the sudden shift in Jane’s posture, and she frowned at him, “Do you not want to stay here?”
He frowned in confusion, “We can stay with Mama? Like live with her? For how long?”
She opened her mouth, but Jane beat her to it, “This is your home honey.”
Luca jumped slightly at the sudden voice but relaxed instantly as his eyes landed on Jane, “But it’s yours Mama.”
Jane shook her head, “This is the house that Mommy and I were going to buy before we found out we were going to have you.”
Luca glanced back and forth between them before his frown faded and a smile replaced it, “We have a home?”
She felt her heart break and one look at Jane said she felt it too. She knew this last year and a half were hard on Luca, but she never realized just how much. The boy was three and he was smart, but it always shocked her at just how much he understood, just how smart he really was.
It filled her with pride, but it also terrified her that he could understand so much. She wouldn’t wish the life they had on anyone and to know that he actually understood most of what was happening at the time, was truly horrifying. She struggled with her sudden rush of emotions and was glad that Jane was there this time.
“Luca,” Jane pulled the boy up into her arms, “I know this has been hard on you. I know this is confusing and going so fast, but I promise you, this is your home. It will always be your home. You and Mommy are always welcome here whenever you are comfortable enough. I won’t force you to stay if that’s not what you want.”
Luca frowned, “But it is what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted since. Ever since Mommy told me,” he pulled the photo out of his pocket and smiled at it, “I want you and I want Mommy and I want to be home.”
She felt her tears come not able to stop them. She could see Jane’s, knowing that they were feeling much of the same and she couldn’t help but try to lighten the moment, “Kids say the damnedest things.”
Jane snorted through her rush of tears, “I was going to say the same damn thing.”
She smirked, “Two great minds.”
Jane grinned at her, “Stop reading my mind woman.”
She laughed at the smile that spread across Jane’s face. Their talk was impending, but it suddenly didn’t feel so terrifying as it had before. They were easily falling back into their old banter and now she could keep up with her. It was a shift in their relationship, but it was for the better. She wanted to tell Jane everything but there were still a few things that she worried about, a few things she wasn’t sure she could tell her obstinate Detective yet.
Chapter 12: Exhausted
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane sat on the sofa staring at the photo in her hands. Maura’s smiling face looked back at her in the photo that the blonde hadn’t even noticed had been taken by Angela. It was one of her personal favorites and one that no one else had, she made her mother swear not to give it out.
She had just finished moving everything from the townhouse into this new house. The one that she and Maura were going to place an offer on before the woman had disappeared. It had been two years and the family kept hassling her to sell but she had refused. Until this house came back on the market and she jumped on it. she wanted something for Maura to come home to.
Everyone else had started moving on but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to move on. Something, some deep sixth sense told her that Maura wasn’t dead, and she was holding onto that feeling. It was the only thing keeping her moving, keeping her living. If she let herself buy into what her family was saying she wouldn’t make. A knock on the door pulled her out of her dark thoughts and she quickly stuck the photo into her pocket as she forced herself to the front door.
Frankie grinned at her, “Dirty Robber on me.”
She rolled her eyes at him, “No thanks.”
“I wasn’t askin’ Janie. Let’s go. Get your keys.” Frankie grinned at her.
She knew it was better to just go with it than argue. She was too tired after moving all day to argue anyway. She also didn’t want to hear it from her mother if she didn’t go with Frankie. So, she grabbed her keys and followed him out to his car. The ride to the Dirty Robber was quiet thankfully and it gave her time to return to the thoughts of Maura.
Once Frankie parked, she followed him inside and found Korsak smiling from behind the bar with Angela beside him. She kept her eyes on their usual booth and slipped on the opposite side from Frankie. She didn’t let anyone sit beside her anymore. That seat was silently taken, and everyone knew it.
Angela took their order and left them alone, sending up her red flags. She glanced over at her mother before she glared at Frankie, “What?”
Frankie frowned at her, “What, what?”
She narrowed her eyes at him, “Come on, Ma walks away and you haven’t said anything since we left. What’s going on?”
Frankie sighed heavily, “Well since Tommy is back to his drunk self, I thought I would try to get you out more.”
She opened her mouth to respond as the door to the Robber opened and Tommy stumbled in with a younger blonde girl under his arm. They made their way, giggling the entire time, to their table and she frowned up at him as he slurred his words at her.
“’Sup Janie. Franks.” The blonde beside him chuckled and Tommy grinned, “I broughts you somfin Janie. A peace offerin’.”
She shook her head, “Go to rehab Tommy.”
He grimaced at her as he turned and waved his hand at the doorway where a tall blonde woman smiled at him and hurried towards him, “Her names Lana.” He winked at her.
She felt her blood begin to boil and Frankie shook his head at Tommy, “Really Tommy.”
Lana smiled at her as the blonde stood near Tommy, “Sorry but he was adamant that I stop here.”
She glared at the woman, “He’s an alcoholic.”
Lana nodded, “I know. He used to come to my AA meetings. I’ve been trying to convince him to come back for days.”
She shook her head as she stood, calling across the bar to her mother, “Ma, make it to go for me.”
Angela nodded sadly as her eyes darted between her and Tommy.
Tommy caught her arm before she could walk away, “She’s for you Janie. She can help you get over Maura. I hear she’s great in bed too.”
Before she even realized what happened she swung her fist right into his face, the anger just as sudden as the pain that flared to life in her exhausted chest. Tommy landed flat on his back on the floor, his eyes glazed slightly. The blonde that had been under his arm covered her mouth as she knelt beside Tommy, asking if he was okay.
Lana raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk, “Ex-girlfriend?”
She glared at the woman angrily before snapping, “My fiancé.”
Lana’s eyes widened, “Oh, no shit. So that explains a lot.”
She frowned, “What do you mean?”
Lana shrugged, “He was going off about how Maura made the wrong choice, something about the wrong Rizzoli, and that her leaving was a good thing.”
Frankie stood quickly, his hands up in front of her, “He’s drunk Jane. You know how he gets.”
She shook her head, “Keep him the hell away from me.”
She moved towards the counter and snatched her bag of food before storming out of the Dirty Robber. She knew Tommy was a nasty drunk just like their father had been, but this was going to far. She wouldn’t allow anyone to disrespect Maura, especially when the woman wasn’t around to defend herself but now…
Now of all times was not the time. Two years and they all wanted her to just move on. it was never going to happen. She would never move on from Maura. She just hoped they would realize that before she kicked all of them out of her life for good.
Jane stood at the front door and waved as Frost and Frankie slid into their respective cars. It had been a long and tiring, overly emotional day. She was ready to fall into bed and sleep for the next week, but she couldn’t. Maura had her undivided attention now and she was okay with that. She knew Frankie was going to talk to Cavanaugh for her and arrange the weekend off for her.
She closed the door and turned back to the living room where her mother, Korsak and Maura were currently chatting quietly. She smiled at the woman before her eyes landed on the boy in Maura’s arms. His cheek was resting on her shoulder, with the photo in his hand. His eyes were closed, and a soft snore bubbled out of him every few minutes.
Her heart swelled at the sight as she moved to the sofa. His eyes snapped opened but fluttered tiredly as she sat against the arm, “You tired Luca?”
He nodded before stretching his arms out to her and she instantly reached for him in return. She had feared that she wouldn’t be ready for a child when Maura had first told her but then that was quickly forgotten in the panic of the blonde’s disappearance. Now it was natural for her.
Maura sat back against the sofa cushions once she had their son in her arms, his face buried against her neck as he leaned heavily into her chest. She closed her eyes, inhaling his scent that mixed softly with Maura’s, her new favorite smell. She leaned back and ran her hand lightly up and down his back.
For years she could only hope that she would have a chance to do this. To hold their child and sooth them enough to sleep. Now she was finally getting the chance and she couldn’t get her mind off all the things she missed. His first words, his first steps, his first loose tooth. All things she would never get back.
A hand on her arm had her eyes snapping open quickly and she found Maura frowning at her, “Angela and Korsak just left. Why are you crying?”
She shook her head, the emotions thick in her throat prevented her from speaking as she tightened her hold on her son.
Maura nodded, “Maybe we should go to bed. It’s been a long day for all of us.”
She could only nod. She was tired mentally and physically. She could take all day tomorrow to talk to Maura and spend time with Luca. Right now, she only wanted sleep, the kind of sleep she hasn’t had in years. She stood carefully, keeping Luca cradled against her chest as she made her way towards the stairs. In her tired state she was solely focused on the boy in her arms, her son that she had spent hours wondering what it would be like to tuck into bed at night.
She entered the room that she had set up for their unborn child and pulled the covers back. Luca’s eyes flashed open, and he asked tiredly, “Is it bedtime yet?”
She chuckled at him as she sat him on the bed, “Yes, it is. Can you get your shoes off or do you want help?”
He shook his head, his eyes fluttering slightly as he kicked his shoes off and crawled under the covers. He grinned up at her as his eyes closed, “I love you Mama.”
Her chest tightened with happiness as she answered with a shaky voice, “I love you too.”
She pulled the covers over him and kissed his soft cheek as his breathing evened out in his sleep. She flipped the light off on her way but left the door cracked, pausing to watch him sleep. She had already missed so much in his young life, things she would never be able to get back. She wanted to be there when Maura gave birth, when Maura held him for the first time. She wanted to celebrate his birth with Maura…
Her heart constricted in her chest as panic suddenly flooded her body. She spun on her heel and ran down the stairs, one hand on the wall the other on the railing to keep her balance. The living room was empty as she froze in the doorway, her heart trying to escape her chest and her blood rushing through her ears.
“Maura!” She called out softly, not wanting to wake her son upstairs. She rushed through the dining room and into the kitchen where Maura was drying her hands on a dishtowel.
Maura frowned at her, “Is Luca in bed?”
She crossed the room and pulled Maura into her arm, pinning the woman tight against her chest. She closed her eyes tightly as she nuzzled into the woman’s neck, breathing her scent in deeply. The panic slowly ebbed from her body and she briefly wondered how long it would take for this sudden panic to stop coming to her when Maura was out of her sight.
Maura wrapped her arms round her and asked softly, “Jane, what’s wrong?”
She could only shake her head as she tightened her grip on the woman, knowing she was probably hurting the blonde, but she couldn’t help it. The utter fear that Maura wasn’t going to be here, was going to disappear again was settling deep in her heart. She wanted to stop it, stop anything from happening to Maura again but she didn’t know how.
“Jane, oxygen.” Maura gasped even as she rubbed her back soothingly.
She relaxed her grip slightly as she ran her nose along Maura’s neck, “I can’t lose you again.”
Maura took a deep lung full of air, “You won’t Jane. I’m here. Even if we don’t live together, I’m not leaving Boston again.”
She jerked back, “Why wouldn’t we live together?”
Maura frowned at her, taking a step away from her, “Jane I know this has been hard on you.”
She nodded and closed the distance between them again, “Yes and on you too, but you said yourself that you’re home now. This is our home Maura. Yours and mine. Where else would I want you to be?”
Maura nodded, quickly wiping tears away, “Okay. We need to talk before we do anything else though Jane.”
She nodded, “I agree but… I’m tired and I know you are so how about we just sleep. I want to hold you, Maura.”
Maura smiled at her, “I missed it too.”
She took the dishtowel from Maura and tossed it on the counter before taking the blonde’s hand and leading her out of the kitchen, turning lights off as they went. Once upstairs she led her to their bedroom and closed the door behind them. Maura eyed the furniture for a moment before turning back to her.
“Is this all the stuff from the townhouse?”
She swallowed thickly as she crossed the room to the en suite, “Yes. I couldn’t…” She shook her head as she turned.
She could feel her need for Maura, it grew with every beat of her heart as she slipped her blazer off and hung it on the back of the bathroom door, deciding to deal with it in the morning. She took a deep breath as Maura leaned against the doorjamb.
“Jane I can sleep on the sofa tonight. It might be easier.” Maura’s voice was low and hesitant.
She stared at the woman in the mirror, “Every second of everyday all I could think about was you. Holding you, kissing you, the way your body felt against mine. Even the quick affection you would give me when no one was looking. I didn’t know how much I needed it until you were gone. Until I couldn’t have it anymore.”
She turned to face Maura, “A part of me hated you for disappearing and it nearly killed me that I felt that way. I knew you never would have left if it wasn’t serious, but it still hurt.”
Maura’s eyes filled with pain, “I never wanted to leave. I told Dean I didn’t want to leave, that I wouldn’t testify for him.”
“Then why Maura? Why did you decide to go?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
Maura’s jaw clenched tightly for a moment before she stood straight and snapped angrily, “Because of you.”
She frowned as she followed Maura’s retreating form back into the bedroom, “What do you mean me?” she caught Maura’s arm and spun the woman to face her, their bodies pressed close together.
Maura’s anger was blazing in her hazel eyes, “Because Dean threatened you. He promised that if I didn’t testify and if I went back to you that not only would he make my life a living hell, but he would contact his connections and get to you. He threatened to end your career, the one thing you love above all else. He threatened to send…” Maura shook her head, “Let’s just say that Hoyt is not the worst person he knows, believe me I’ve met some of them.”
Anger flared in her chest, her grip tightening on Muara’s arm, “You honestly think my career means more to me than you?” Her mind was racing, the fact that Dean had used her against Maura was quickly beginning to cloud her judgement as she spoke.
Maura narrowed her eyes at her, “You love your career as I love mine, but I also put you first. You didn’t. For fucks sake Jane, you shot yourself when there was another way out of it.”
“Frankie was dying!” She shouted.
“And the paramedics were already transporting him to the hospital by the time I came out the doors. Then you shot yourself!” Maura jerked away from her, “Dean knew the only way I would cooperate was by threatening you and while I didn’t necessarily believe he would go so far as to hurt you, I couldn’t be one hundred percent sure. I wasn’t going to risk it. I would never risk your safety.”
She held Maura even tighter as the woman tried to pull away, “Stop trying to pull away Maura. I’m not letting you go. How do you know the men he does?”
Maura’s eyes filled with tears, “When Lucchese had me he made a comment that didn’t make sense until recently. He mentioned the agent that had turned on him, betrayed him. I always thought it was an agent turned informant for Dean, but I honestly believe it was Dean himself. I’m not Dean’s favorite person nor is he mine but the things he did to get me to testify were beyond what a good agent would do.”
“Tell me Maura.” She pleaded as she backed to woman against the wall near the bathroom door.
Maura’s eyes darkened slightly as their bodies were flush together, “No. The less about that you know the better. I’m here now and that’s all that matters. Lucchese is dead and so are the two hitmen who were after me for the last year.”
She couldn’t stop herself from kissing Maura. The woman’s soft lips forming to hers so perfectly, the way they used to. They had always been so attuned with each other, knowing what the other needed before they knew it themselves, and Maura had always been better at it.
She felt Maura’s shaking fingers begin to unbutton her blouse and she moaned at the pleasure she felt from the familiar yet simple movement. She ran her fingers slowly up Maura’s sides, ghosting them along the blonde’s smooth warm skin. She wanted to feel Maura, feel the soft curves that the woman had once had.
Her fingers continued up to the outside curve of Maura’s breast until the fingers of her left hand met rough raised skin. She froze as she broke the kiss and stared into Maura’s fear filled eyes. Anger swirled inside her mind as she lifted Maura’s shirt over her head, tossing it somewhere behind her.
Her eyes scanned the bare expanse of Maura’s chest, seeing the fresh and old scars that now marred her perfect skin. The largest scar was over Maura’s right shoulder where a bullet had buried itself in her body. The thought alone made her sick. She slowly lowered to ghost a kiss over it, Maura’s breath hitching in her ears.
She spun the woman around and walked her backwards to the bed, gently lying her back on the bed. She hovered over the love of her life before placing a soft but firm kiss on the same scar before she ran her fingers over the raised flesh. Maura’s shivered under her touch as she continued her search, finding more scars down the right side of the woman’s body.
She could name a few, knife wounds, bullet grazes, but some she couldn’t identify and those were the ones that worried her, scared her the most. She knew Maura had been through a lot in the last five years, but she had just assumed it had all been mental, not including the bullet wound which she already knew about.
She raised her eyes back up to meet Maura’s as the blonde stared down at her, the fear still fully visible. She trailed her tongue up the woman’s torso, stopping when she reached Maura’s bra. She could only smile slightly at the hiss of pleasure that Maura made until she was hovering over her again, looking into her eyes.
“You are still so gorgeous Maura.” She breathed out.
The fear slowly began to subside in Maura’s eyes, “Jane I-“
She shook her head, “Not now. We’ve had enough for one day. Let’s just sleep.”
She slid off Maura and shifted to lay back against the pillows, opening her arms for Maura. She wrapped her arms firmly around Maura as the woman settled beside her on the bed. Maura’s head rested on her shoulder as her hand splayed flat on her chest over her heart, one finger drawing patterns on her skin.
She tried to keep her eyes open, but her exhaustion quickly dragged her into a deep sleep.
Chapter 13: Dreams vs...
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Maura twisted her wrists, wincing at the pain from the too tight handcuffs that were digging into her skin. The metal chair she was handcuffed to wasn’t giving an inch unlike the flesh on her wrists as she tried to slip them through the metal contraptions. Her heart was beating painfully in her chest as the sound of a door being opened somewhere behind her filled the silent air.
She would kill Gabriel if she ever got her hands on him again. The whole point of witness protection was to protect the witness but apparently, he was clueless on that aspect. The fact that her detail had been changing, taking loner than usual, was something she would look further into when or if she got out of this mess.
Footsteps shuffling across the concrete floor towards her made her tense her body, bracing for the unknown that would happen next. Her eyes scanned the man that was at least six feet tall, pale leathery skin, with musculature that could give even the most devoted body builders a run for their money. He walked to a folding table to her right, sitting a small black bag on it.
She had a feeling she knew what was in that bag, but she was never one to guess.
The man opened the bag and began setting the contents on the table as another person joined them. This person she recognized, and she clenched her jaw shut tightly, her muscles threatening to cramp with the force. His shorter frame did nothing to alleviate the fear that coursed through her body as the older man pulled a folding chair up in front of her and took a seat.
“Doctor Maura Isles, so good to see you again. Please tell me, how’s the shoulder?” His deep voice held a thick Italian accent.
She eyed him for a moment deciding, what the hell, “Healed.”
He nodded a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth, “Good, good. Now the last time we talked, you didn’t tell me about your father. See Paddy and I go way back.”
She kept her face blank even though her heart lodged in her throat. She knew that Paddy was lurking around, avoiding all the agents on her detail and that Dean was frustrated about not being able to catch him just as much as Lucchese. She’d slipped her detail a few times over the last three years and met with Paddy, catching up and passing him information. Something she never would have done before but now that her survival relied on it, she found it really didn’t bother her much anymore.
Salvador leaned towards her, “Now Maura Doyle, don’t withhold information. It’ll go much smoother for you if you just talk to me.”
She shook her head with a scoff, “I’ve heard that before.”
And she had, from Gabriel Dean. Her body tightened as she watched the tall man that had entered first turn towards her, a small handheld blowtorch in his hand. She grimaced at it before her eyes scanned the blank face of the man holding it. She shook her head as she looked back at Lucchese.
“Tell me one thing. Why?”
Salvador eyed her, searching for something and it seemed like he had found it when he smiled at her, “You are so much like Paddy Doyle. It’s easy to see how you are his daughter. So stubborn and the intelligence behind those eyes is…” He chuckled, “Dumbfounding to me.” He stood and nodded at the man behind him.
The sound of the blowtorch coming to life made swallow hard as she watched him come closer. Her mind screamed at her to fight, her body tensed readying for the pain that her mind was rebelling against. She looked straight ahead at Lucchese as the man grinned at her, pinning her arm to the chair, forearm up.
“This is going to hurt Doctor.” His raspy deep Russian accent floated over her nerves.
The flame met her skin, and she gritted her teeth as it grew hotter, the heat not really penetrating her struggle of mind over matter. She tried to hold out as the first letter was carved into her skin, the tingling pain, the throbbing sensation as the heat finally left her skin was all that remained as she let out the breath she had been holding.
Lucchese grinned at her, “That’s only the first letter my dear Doctor. Shall we try for another?”
She didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge he was even in the same room with her as the flame connected to her skin again. She lasted through four letters before her mind couldn’t escape what was being done. The blisters that were appearing on her skin were painful, her flesh being melted away without a reprieve.
Tears rushed down her face as a groan bubbled up in her chest and ripped from her throat in a blood curdling scream as the pain tore through every synapse her brain was sending.
Maura jerked straight up in the dark bedroom as the memory turned dream replayed completely in her mind. Her arm throbbed underneath the gauze and she carefully slipped out of bed, not wanting to wake Jane. She hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her before making her way down the stairs. The duffel bag was still sitting on the floor in the kitchen, and she searched through it to find the black long sleeve t-shirt that had become part of her usual outfit in the recent year.
Just as she finished pulling it down the back door opened and Angela slipped inside shaking her head, “Jane never locks this damn door.”
She smiled at the woman’s pink fluffy bathrobe, one that she had given her soon to be mother-in-law for their last Christmas together. The same Christmas that Jane proposed. Angela had sworn she would always wear it but at the time she never thought it would actually happen.
“That was my fault.”
Angela jumped with a small yelp, her hand over her chest and her eyes wide, “Maura! Give me a heart attack will ya.”
She chuckled, “Sorry Angela.”
Angela shook her head and waved her hand through the air as she entered the kitchen, “No dear. I’m sorry I wasn’t expecting anyone to be up. Couldn’t sleep?”
She frowned as the memory once again reappeared and she shook her head, “No. You?”
Angela frowned at her for a moment before busying herself with making tea, “I didn’t make it to the store before dinner, so I don’t have tea, but I keep Jane stocked with that and coffee.”
She smiled as she took a seat on the stool at the island counter, “Seems like old times.”
Angela chuckled as she turned back to Maura, “I’ve missed this. Our late-night talks were some of the best conversations I ever had.”
She laughed, “Also some of the reason’s we both called into work the next day.”
Angela smiled widely, “I don’t regret any of them.”
She nodded with a smile, “Me either. In fact, I longed for them, for you. Especially when I was pregnant and had no idea what to do.”
Tears slipped from Angela’s eyes and she quickly wiped them away as she turned back to the teapot on the stove, “So was it a bad dream or have you not slept yet?”
She frowned at the countertop, “Memory.”
Angela turned back to her with two mugs of tea, “Memory that was a bad dream while you were awake?”
She nodded as she took the mug, “Thank you and yes. I’ve been having them a lot lately.”
“Have you tried talking to anyone about it? I mean surely they would offer you a therapist in the program.” Angela sat across from her and took a sip of her tea.
“Dean wasn’t really into helping me, if you get what I mean.” She grimaced before taking a drink, the heat mixed with the honey infused tea soothing her scratchy throat.
A glare crossed Angela’s face, anger blazing in her brown eyes that reminded her of Jane, “Yes I can imagine. There’s something not quite right with that man.”
“What did I do now?” Korsak’s voice to their left made them both to jump, startled.
Angela grimaced at him, “Why would you sneak up on two women in the middle of the night, in house that has an overprotective Detective with a gun?”
Korsak smirked at her, his red boxers and white t-shirt the only material covering his body, as he raised his right hand, “Because I have a gun too and can defend myself.” He sat his service weapon on the counter next to the coffee pot.
She chuckled as he began preparing coffee, “This is a side of Korsak I never thought I’d see.”
Angela snorted, “Don’t tell Janie. She hadn’t fully accepted that Vince and I sleep together.”
She smirked, “So she thinks you two… What? Play cards all night?”
Korsak laughed as he turned, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest, “We have deep conversations while playing cards.”
Angela’s blush rushed up her neck to her cheeks, “Yeah when it’s not strip poker.”
She laughed, unable to stop it, “Remind me to knock and cover my eyes if I ever need something.” She finished off her tea with a grin.
Angela gasped, her blush darkening slightly as she reached across the counter and gently slapped the top of her hand, “You two are bad.”
Korsak chuckled as he poured himself a cup of coffee, “Anyone?”
She nodded and held her empty cup out, “Please.”
Angela frowned, “Don’t plan on trying to sleep again?”
She shook her head, “Not after that, no. I’ve had enough of it to last me a lifetime.”
Korsak took a seat next to Angela as she took a sip of the hot liquid, she had grown a taste for over the years, “I know you want to talk to Jane first but we’re here if you need us.”
She smiled at the older man, his hair greyer with more streaks of white than she had noticed before. Time had aged them all, but it still felt as if no time had passed at all. These were the two people in her life that had always assured her that family wasn’t of blood or paperwork, but of the bond you formed. Korsak may have been a coworker but he was still the one she found safety and comfort in, a father’s love in.
Angela had become her mother from day one. The woman had welcomed her with open arms and a warm embrace, at a time when she hated physical contact of any kind except with Jane. Angela was the one she had turned to for advice, for a mother’s love that would carry her through sleepless nights and separation from Jane.
She stared at them for a moment before her heart decided for her, “I was tortured by Salvador Lucchese. Not just once but twice and,” She glanced at Korsak, only a moment of hesitation before she voiced the thoughts that had been bothering her for years, “I think Dean is dirty. I think he was on Lucchese’s payroll and then turned on him.”
Korsak’s eyes darkened in anger, “He was the lead on your case, right? On your detail?”
She nodded, “Yes and I’m not sure, but I really don’t trust him when he says that Lucchese is dead. Is there anyway you could look into it?”
Korsak nodded as he finished his coffee, “I’ll go get my phone. If that’s the case I don’t want, you without protection if you leave this house. I’ll bring my backup from Angela’s.”
She nodded as relief flooded her body, “Thank you Vince.”
He nodded as he poured another cup, “Family safety comes first. I’ll be right back, and we’ll discuss this, but you really should wake Jane up for this.”
She shook her head, “It can wait until morning. She needs a good night’s sleep.”
He nodded, “Then I’ll make some calls and I’ll be right back over. Ange, plan on sleeping here for a while.”
Angela nodded as she placed a kiss on his cheek, “Of course. I’ll get a set of extra sheets put in the guest room.”
They watched the back door close before Angela turned to her, “Looks like we’ll all be under one roof for a while.”
She chuckled, “Luca is going to love it. We were always on our own and he’s always wanted more family around.”
Angela smiled, “That boy is something. So smart. Have you thought about his schooling?”
She sighed, “Not really. I’ve just been trying to protect him from all of this that it’s not something I’ve been too worried about.”
She drank three cups of coffee while she talked with Angela and by the time, they went for a fourth the sun peeked through the curtain on the window above the sink.
Angela laughed as she shook her head, “Time flies.”
She covered her mouth as she yawned before smiling, “Sometimes that’s a good thing.”
Angela opened her mouth to respond as a raspy shout echoed through the house, “Maura!”
She launched herself out of her chair as her heart slammed into her ribcage. She sprinted up the stairs and burst into Jane’s bedroom as the woman sat on the edge of the bed, tears streaming down her face. She pushed the door closed behind her and crossed the room to Jane, kneeling in front of her.
“Jane? What’s wrong?” She reached out to her Detective, but Jane jerked back.
“You were gone. Again. You just disappeared without telling me.” Jane snapped at her, standing quickly.
She frowned as she stood, “Jane I was just downstairs. I couldn’t sleep.”
Jane shook her head, “You left me. You disappeared and left me alone again.”
She frowned as Jane’s glazed eyes seemed out of focus and she began to wonder if Jane was even fully awake yet, “Jane I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Look touch me.” She held her hand out towards the woman but didn’t make a move towards her. “Feel me, Jane.”
Jane’s eyes glanced at her hand then back up at her face. Jane shook her head before moving quickly towards her, gripping her arms tightly.
She froze as Jane inhaled deeply, not knowing what was going to happen next, but she could feel the change in the air. The electricity that had always been between them. Jane’s mouth was bruising against hers and she was powerless to stop it.
She didn’t want to stop it. If this is what Jane needed, then she would give it to her. She would give Jane everything she ever needed. She deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around her Detective’s neck tightly, pulling her closer. Her chest constricted as Jane’s hands slipped under the waistband of her jeans, shoving them down her legs roughly, without breaking the kiss.
Her gasp was swallowed by Jane as the woman backed her towards the bed. She knew if they hit the bed what was going to happen, but her brain was misfiring. Every thought she was having was about Jane. The way the woman felt against her, the way she smelled, the softness of her lips. She couldn’t think passed Jane.
It wasn’t until her back hit the bed that she realized exactly where Jane’s mind was at. She felt Jane’s arousal against her soaked lower lips for a split second before Jane slipped inside of her, filling her completely. Jane’s moan in her ear was just as intoxicating as her smell, as the feel of her. Her body welcomed Jane as she always had, and it felt good.
She felt good, a feeling that was somewhat foreign to her now. She moved with Jane, biting her lip to keep from crying out in pleasure as Jane hit everything exactly right, the same way she had always known where to hit. Jane’s teeth sank into the skin on her neck, and she couldn’t stop the moan that slipped from her lips. It was hard and painful, but it also felt as if Jane was trying to tell her something, trying to tell her that she belonged to her.
She had never agreed with the idea of belonging to someone, in an ownership sort of way, but she could admit fully that she belonged with Jane. To Jane. It turned the pain into pleasure as she willingly gave herself to Jane, turning her head to give Jane better access. It was primal and animalistic, and it intensified the feelings even more. The need for Jane to claim her, to love her enough to want to claim her in this way.
Pleasure exploded through her body as Jane quickened her pace inside of her, pulling nearly all the way out before plunging back inside, hitting deeper and deeper with each thrust. She dug her nails into the muscles of Jane’s arms before wrapping her arms around her lover’s shoulders, pulling the woman down flush against her body.
She didn’t want the pleasure to end. She didn’t want Jane to pull away and as her orgasm flew towards her and she dug her nails into the smooth bare skin of Jane’s back, she knew she would never get enough of her brazen Detective. The woman was her drug, and she was heavily addicted.
She would always be addicted, and she would never give Jane up, never again. Jane pulled back slightly, and she stared up into the dark love filled eyes. The pleasure reached them at the same time, Jane’s face tensing with the explosion as her orgasm slammed into her body. She had never seen Jane more beautiful than in that moment, both feeling the other, needing the other.
Jane didn’t stop moving and she felt Jane harden inside of her again. She was sore after so long of going without sex, but she was hell bent on not stopping the surge of pleasure that they were both feeling, they were both needing. She knew it was a risk, not using protection but then Luca may have just been fluke. A one-off chance that would always be their miracle child.
She didn’t really have time to follow that thought as Jane pulled her back into a deep kiss. Her eyes closing as Jane thrusted hard and deep, her muscle’s already coiling for the next orgasm that was on the brink of tipping her over the edge. Jane only deepened the kiss as they orgasmed again, a kaleidoscope of colors dancing behind her eyelids as her body tensed, feeling Jane fill her again her body naturally pulling everything from her lover into herself.
Jane collapsed on top of her, their breathing heavy and exhaustion trying to yank her mind into darkness. She refused to let it happen as Jane kissed the mark she had left on her neck, causing her to moan at the pleasure pain of it. Her mind finally let her believe the words she had said to Jane the evening before.
She was finally home.
Chapter 14: ...Reality
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane was stuck between the edge of sleep and wakefulness. She knew something was wrong but the idea that she had been having the perfect dream, one in which she had been able to kiss Maura. Actually, kiss the woman and feel it, but it had been a long time since she had had a sex dream.
Feeling Maura consuming her was the best feeling in the world. Being inside her, moving with her and hearing all the soft moans of pleasure, made her heart melt. She needed to feel her lover around her. She always felt safe and loved with Maura but when they made love it was an all-encompassing feeling. Warmth, safety, love, family, need, desire, never ending trust.
All of it meshed into one and she never wanted it to end. She didn’t think of the consequences, of not using protection, of the feeling of emptiness that would ensue when she awoke alone in her bedroom. She just enjoyed the pleasure that only Maura could make her feel. She enjoyed the feeling of Maura’s tight walls pulling her deeper, holding her inside, pulsating around her. She enjoyed the way Maura’s nails split the skin on her back as the woman pulled her closer, as if she too couldn’t get enough.
She wanted to mark the woman, needed others to know that Maura belonged to her. Maura was taken and no one else could touch her. She knew it wouldn’t last, that the next time she dreamed of her it wouldn’t be there. She knew it hurt her lover, knew she was drawing blood with the powerful bite, could taste the coppery flavor of the woman’s blood in her mouth, but every emotion she had she poured into it. She needed Maura to know how much she missed her, how much she loved her. It was as if she were trying to pump all of it into her lovers’ body through the bite.
Their bodies tight together, their breathing the only sounds in the room, she pulled back to stare down into blazing love filled hazel eyes that she had longed to look into. She knew she might be hurting her lover with her hard powerful thrusts, but it felt so damn good. Just to be inside Maura again. She wanted to savor it so that when she awoke to the emptiness, the loneliness, the despair that she knew awaited her in her waking hours, she could hold this dream and these feelings close to her heart for however long it took to get back to this dream again.
Only after the second, most powerful orgasm she had ever felt in her life, did she collapsed on top of her lover, breathing Maura’s scent deep into her lungs. Needing to memorize the scent all over again. She brushed her lips over the still bleeding bite mark on Maura’s neck, pressing a soft gentle kiss to it.
She felt the woman shiver underneath her and realized she was still buried deep inside the warmth of her blonde Doctor. A groan met her ears and she jerked back, lifting her body with her hands as the realization came blasting through her mind. She stared wide eyed down at Maura’s face, the deep scar raised and red, the slightly bruised lips from their kissing.
Maura’s hands cupped her face, her hazel eyes soft, “It’s okay Jane.”
“I’m awake?” She breathed the question, her voice deeper and raspier than ever before. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest, “I’m so sorry Maura.” A sob slipped from her mouth.
Maura shook her head, holding her firmer in her hands, “Don’t you dare. It’s more than alright Jane, it was amazing. I’m fine and so are you.”
She shook her head, “Maura I...” she struggled with the knowledge that she had just drawn blood from the woman she loves more than her own life. “I thought… I didn’t…”
Maura shushed her and pulled her back into another kiss, this one slow and soft. A soothing kiss to ease the worry, the fear she was suddenly feeling. She let her body ease back down against the woman as her body relaxed again. Only Maura could make her body relax and relief flood her system after something like this.
When Maura pulled back slightly, she opened her eyes to stare down at her lover, “Jane, listen very carefully to me.”
She nodded and kept her mouth shut as she leaned into Maura’s touch.
“Do not be sorry for this. We both needed this, I assure you. I’m okay and while I am sore in certain areas, I am perfectly okay with it. If I had really wanted to stop you, I would have. Remember that.” Maura’s voice left no room for argument.
She could only nod. Her heart feeling lighter, “I love you so much Maura.”
“I love you too Jane.” Maura smiled at her.
She wrapped her arms around Maura’s body, “I thought I was dreaming, that I was going to wake up at any moment and you weren’t going to be here with me. That I was going to be back in the darkness that I felt before.”
Maura frowned at her, “I’m so sorry Jane. I couldn’t sleep.”
She saw the fear shift quickly across Maura’s face before it disappeared again, “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Maura took a deep breath and pulled Jane even closer, “Bad dream that was actually a memory.”
She frowned down at her Doctor ignoring the stinging pain on her back from where Maura’s nails had split her skin, “Talk to me.”
Maura frowned, “Actually it’s part of the reason we need to get back downstairs.”
She eased out of Maura feeling guilty at the wince that Maura gave. She opened her mouth to apologize but Maura’s glare had her jaw snapping shut quickly. She dressed as Maura pulled her jeans back on and Maura told her what she had talked to Korsak and her mother about while Jane had slept.
She paused as she sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her socks on, “What aren’t you telling me?”
Maura wouldn’t look at her as she leaned against the closed door, “I was tortured by Salvador Lucchese, more than once but during the last time he made sure he left something that would possibly mean more to me than anyone would think.”
She stood, feeling her heart drop into her stomach, “Like what?”
Maura frowned and lifted the thin sleeve of her shirt before pulling the gauze away from her arm.
Her anger flared instantly as her chest tightened. She wanted to kill Dean, that was true but the rage she had for whoever had done this to her lover, to her Maura… It was unlike anything she had ever felt before. She never understood the saying, ‘seeing red in their rage’ but now she knew. Her body began to shake with the anger she felt as she stared at the name burned into Maura’s arm.
She looked back up at Maura, “How?”
Maura quickly covered the Jane Rizzoli on her arm with the gauze before pulling her sleeve back down, “Blowtorch. Those small handheld ones. The guy was a professional, knew how to get the letters just the right size.”
Her rage exploded from her chest, “For fucks sake Maura, you don’t need to sound like you admire him for it.”
Maura quirked an eyebrow at her, “After was all said and done scientifically it was-“
“Fuck scientifically Maura!” She crossed to the woman and pulled the blonde into her arms before taking a deep breathe, “You know I love you for many things, your fascination with science one of them, but… Can you just not right now?”
Maura smiled apologetically up at her before placing a gentle kiss on her lips, “Of course. It’s just how I’ve been able to deal with everything. I’ve bottled a lot up and I know at some point it will come out but right now it’s just how I’ve dealt with it.”
She nodded, “I understand. I really do but…” She shook her head, “I’m sorry. I just need you beside me for a while to fully grasp everything.”
Which was the truth. She needed to have Maura at her side, in her sights, to make her genuinely believe it. She knew Maura was home, Maura was back with her, but this morning was a perfect example of how confusing things would be for a while. Hell, it was only the second day she had Maura back, she was still processing.
“Let’s go see if Korsak has any information and then I’ll call Frankie.”
She kept one hand on the Maura’s lower back as they stopped outside Luca’s room, seeing the little boy still curled under the covers and sleeping deeply. They closed the door quietly and they made their way downstairs, the smell of breakfast filling the air. She felt Maura lean against her as they stopped in the kitchen doorway, seeing her mother and Korsak moving effortlessly through their kitchen.
She grinned as she wrapped an arm around Maura’s waist, “Ma said that used to be us.”
Maura turned her head to kiss her neck lightly, sending a flash of heat through her body, “Still is if earlier was any indication.”
She felt herself harden instantly and narrowed her eyes at her blonde Doctor as she walked away from her, “You did that on purpose.”
Maura shrugged at her, “Maybe.”
Her heart swelled with love at the woman’s teasing. It was so easy and natural for them to do it with each other. She moved towards her quickly but froze as Angela turned to face her, “Good morning Janie.”
She stood next to the stool Maura was sitting on, “Morning Ma. Where’s Korsak?”
Angela smiled at her, “Breakfast will take a while, why don’t you two girls go sit and talk in the living room.”
She took Maura’s hand in hers and pulled her toward the living room, “Thanks Ma.”
Maura remained quiet as they sat on the sofa, Maura against the arm of the sofa while she sat on the opposite end, the space between them feeling more like the distance that had separated them over the years. She wanted to ask questions, needed to know everything that had led up to her disappearance and what had happened while she had been gone. She didn’t want to just start bombarding the woman with a barrage of questions, but when she opened her mouth Maura’s voice was quiet as she spoke.
“Gabriel Dean wanted Lucchese and the shooting in the alleyway gave him a way to get him. I saw Lucchese in the vehicle as he waited while the shooting took place. When his men grabbed me, I was forced into the van with him. they took me to a warehouse near Southie. He started asking questions about his nephew and about Dean. I was losing consciousness because of blood loss and he forced me to suture myself up as best I could in order to stay awake and finish talking. I didn’t answer many questions at that time, but it wasn’t long before the Feds got to us.”
She stared at Maura for a moment before she asked the most important question, “Why wasn’t I notified?”
Maura took a deep breath not looking at her, “When I told Dean that I wouldn’t testify he threatened you. If I didn’t do what he wanted he would have gone after you and I couldn’t live with myself knowing it would have been my fault. He knew the only way to get me to do anything was you. You were and still are my one weakness.”
Her chest tightened at Maura’s words. Maura loves her more than she ever thought possible. It warmed her soul. She couldn’t help but feel proud, a strength filling her body that made her believe that they could overcome anything that was thrown their way as long as they were together.
She returned her attention to Maura as the woman continued, “I didn’t tell him about the pregnancy. It wasn’t until a few months later he came to me and had the detail wait outside the bedroom of the hotel we were at. He said he knew I was and wanted to know why I didn’t tell him.”
She frowned, “Why didn’t you?”
Maura shook her head and finally looked over at her, tears slipping down her face, “I never liked Dean, you know that but to reveal to him that I was, and it was by you… It would reveal the one thing you trusted me with the most, the one thing that only your closest people know.”
Maura looked away from her again, “That information at the time could have been a death sentence for us both. Lucchese would have used it against me, and Dean would have used it against you. I couldn’t risk it.”
She could understand Maura’s reasoning, but it didn’t mean she had to like it, “What happened to us being partners? For better or for worse.”
Maura’s head whipped around to face her, “Jane how many times did you risk your life to save mine. This was the one time I was able to return the favor. But,” Maura’s face fell dramatically, “I didn’t just do it for you. I made sure Luca knew who you were because if anything happened to me then I knew he would still have one parent that could take care of him, love him, raise him properly.”
She sat back against the back of the sofa, her mind reeling, “You didn’t think you’d make it home, did you?”
Maura shifted on the sofa, scooting closer to her, “Honestly, no. I thought Lucchese would catch me eventually, which he did but then there was the hit on me that he ordered and then there was Dean. I knew something was off about Dean and when Lucchese had me this last time he mentioned Dean by name, but he didn’t call him Agent Dean. He was just Gabriel.”
Her eyes snapped to Maura, the rage rising quickly, “What do you mean? Was he talking to Dean?”
Maura frowned, leaning away from the rage that was rolling off her body in uncontrollable waves, “I can’t be sure. My head was… They knocked me out with some kind of serum, that I still don’t know what it was.” Maura frowned for a moment before shaking her head, “When I was going in and out of consciousness, I heard Lucchese ask Gabriel if he was sure about what they were doing. He wanted to make sure the rest of the detail wouldn’t be able to follow them.”
“Maura, do you think Dean handed you over to Lucchese?” She asked as she tried counting to ten in her mind, which wasn’t helping at all.
Maura frowned as she shrugged, “I can’t be sure, but one person thinks so. He think’s Dean was behind the shooting in the alley too.”
She frowned, “What do you mean? What person?”
Maura hesitated for a moment before her cell phone chimed and she stood quickly after reading it, “I wasn’t able to get the bullet out by myself that night that Lucchese had me patch myself up.”
She stood and followed Maura towards the front door, “Okay, I’m not following.”
Maura reached for the doorknob before turning to her, “The bullet is still in my shoulder, but it’s worked its way to the surface. I think he was right. If we can get the bullet out, then you and Korsak can run it against Dean’s.”
“You think Dean shot you in that alleyway?” She tried not to choke on her words, the anger at Dean increasing quickly becoming a deep darkness inside her.
Maura nodded, “We both do.”
She frowned as Maura opened the door and a tall figure in a hoodie, baseball cap, and dark sunglasses hurried into the house before Maura quickly closed the door.
Her jaw dropped as the ball cap came off, followed by the sunglasses. The man pulled the hoodie off his balding head and smiled at Maura, “Where’s my grandson?”
Maura hugged the taller man, “He’s still asleep.” Maura turned to her as she stood shocked and frozen, “Jane I’d like you to meet my father-“
“Paddy Doyle,” she said hesitantly, her shock quickly replaced by the Detective in her.
Chapter 15: Maura's Father
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Maura struggled to keep her eyes open as the exhaustion and pain collided inside her body. She had passed out once already only to be brought to right away by smelling salts and a slap to the face. Her right zygomatic bone, malar bone, cheek bone, was at least fractured. Her mind kept running through her medical school training, trying to calm the nerves and fear that were building quickly.
The burly man that had already burned Jane’s name into her forearm paced back and forth in front of her, muttering under his breathe. Her eyes tracking his movements as she pleaded with herself to stay awake. She didn’t struggle against the handcuffs that were keeping her in the chair, doing so had only increased the pain in her body. Blood coated the froth of her shirt where the man had taken to using his instruments.
Movement above them on the metal catwalk caught her attention and she glanced up, moving slowly so she wouldn’t draw attention to herself. Looking down at her was none other than her father, Paddy Doyle. His face a mask of anger and hatred as he stared at her. A small smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth and Paddy nodded at her once before disappearing back into the shadows.
Her smirk shifted into a full-blown grin as she turned her attention back to the pacing man, “You know muttering has been proven to be a sign of mental illness.”
She wasn’t sure why she pulled that lie out of her ass, but it caught his attention, nonetheless. She had become better at lying over the last four years, something that Paddy had been helping her with whenever she would meet up with him. It had saved her life a few times now and she was grateful for it. Much the same as she learned to ignore her fear in these situations.
The man glared at her, “Did you help design google?”
She chuckled, “No although someone close to me says I have a google mouth. Which is a term of endearment coming from her, however-“
She didn’t see his hand moving in time before the back of it connected with her face, the sickening smack echoing around the large empty warehouse. She spit blood from her mouth, tasting the coppery flavor around her teeth, anger suddenly replacing the fear. She glared up at him, the small smirk reappearing.
“That all you got?”
She knew she was drawing from what she had learned from Jane years before, to keep him talking and focused on her while Paddy did what he had to do. It was something that Jane had used many times and she had only been an observer, but she found it usually worked.
It only served to make him angrier and he shoved his hand into his pocket, pulling out a switchblade. He took a handful of her hair and placed the sharp blade against the skin above her eye, “I think it’s time to mar this beautiful face.”
She glared up at him, her anger flaring as she spit in his face, “You’ll still be the ugliest of all.”
He wiped the spit from his face with the back of his hand before he dug the blade into her forehead, pushing it in deeply as he dragged it easily through her skin, down through her eyebrow and around her eye. She clenched her teeth, even as the tears leaked out of her eyes with the sharp stinging pain. She could feel her skin separating as he continued down her face before moving horizontally to the corner of her mouth.
The stinging throb as her face swelled seemed to overpower all the other pain in her body. She could feel the warm liquid, her own blood, sliding down her face and neck.
The man stood in front of her, anger blazing in his eyes, her blood dripping from his hand and the knife blade, “Don’t you ever shut the fuck up?”
Paddy moved swiftly towards the man from behind as she spoke calmly, “Nah, I’ve learned that if I keep talking it makes for one hell of a distraction.” His eyes widened slightly before he spun around, taking the icepick to the heart before he could even open his mouth.
The body hit the floor as her father smirked at her, “That all you got? Really? ‘Bout gave me a heart attack Maura.”
She snorted a laugh as he searched the man’s body for the handcuff key, “It worked didn’t it.”
He paused for a split second, long enough to glare amusingly at her, before finally finding the key. He quickly unlocked the cuffs and she grimaced in pain as her burned arm was jostled. He cupped her face gently as he examined the fresh wound, causing her to wince slightly.
He frowned at her, “I’m sorry. Let’s get going. Where’s LJ?”
She rolled her eyes at her father’s codename for her son, “He’s with O’Brady.”
Paddy grimaced at her as he wrapped an arm around her waist, “Why the hell did you leave him with O’Brady? She’s worse than that damn Fed that keeps hitting on you.”
She chuckled, “He feels safer with O’Brady. You only have yourself to blame.”
A soft scuff against the concrete floor made them both freeze and Paddy spun around in time to take a hit to the head. She watched her father hit the ground as one of Lucchese’s men stood with a gun aimed down at Paddy’s face. Her adrenaline forced the pain into the back of her mind as she ran forward, slamming her shoulder into his stomach. The gun dropped to the floor as they hit the ground, struggling for dominance.
She was flipped onto her back as the man tried to pin her down, his hands wrapping around her throat, and her fight instincts kicked in. She stretched her hand out towards the switchblade that had her blood on it, her fingertips catching the edge of the blade. She planted her feet firmly on the concrete and pushed, sliding their bodies just enough for her to reach the knife.
She wrapped her fingers around the handle as her vision started to blur from the lack of oxygen. She jerked her hand up and plunged the blade into the side of the man’s neck as hard as she could, arterial spray spurting across the floor beside them. The man’s eyes widened slightly at the sudden shock as the blood gushed from his neck and his hands loosened around her neck.
She took a large intake of air into her lungs as Paddy shoved the dying man’s body off her. He gripped the front of her shirt and yanked her to her feet, searching her body for any new injury. When he came up empty, he pulled her against his chest, ignoring the blood that transferred to his clothes.
She couldn’t take her eyes off the dead man that laid motionless staring lifeless up at her. She killed him. Her hands had ended his life and it was something she knew would always be with her. In her mind, every time she closed her eyes, she would see the dead man’s face.
The sound of sirens spit the quiet air and she groaned, ignoring what she had just done for the time being, “Just fucking perfect. Go, I’ll deal with them.” She pulled the ice pick from the man’s chest and tossed it to Paddy before grabbing one of the man’s own instruments and plunging it into the wound, twisting it as hard as she could.
Paddy laughed, “You are definitely my child.”
She glared at him with a smirk, “Go before they catch you.”
She watched her father disappear back into the darkness, her heart clenching tightly in pain. She hated having to watch him leave her. They hardly had much time together as it was, and she was beginning to hate the fact that he was a wanted fugitive. Over the years they had grown closer, using phone calls on burner phones, and her slipping her detail to meet him. Luca loved him and she loved watching them together, but it was quickly becoming harder to meet him without getting caught.
She shook her head as she moved towards the large warehouse doors as they slid open, and Gabriel Dean raised his gun at her. She held her hands up, blood dripping from her face and a glare aimed at Dean, “Late as usual Dean.”
He lowered his weapon, his eyes slightly surprised to see her alive, “Check the warehouse for Lucchese and Doyle.”
She rolled her eyes as she limped forward, “They aren’t here. You missed them by two days Dean.”
Gabriel Dean eyed her carefully, “Paramedics are on their way.”
She turned to face him, “Didn’t think I’d still be alive?”
She could see the flicker of something in his eyes before it was quickly hidden, and she knew right then that Dean wasn’t who everyone thought he was. She shook her head and moved towards the ambulance as it pulled to a stop nearby. She spotted a black SUV on the road, the back window rolling down slightly.
She grinned as Paddy gave a small wave before the window rolled up and the vehicle sped away. She couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up out of her as the paramedics helped her up into the rig and laid her back on the gurney. Dean would never catch Paddy and if she had any say, Paddy would never see the inside of a cell.
Maura opened the door and a tall figure in a hoodie, baseball cap, and dark sunglasses hurried into the house before she quickly closed the door. He had lost some weight since she had seen him last, but he was still muscular and strong in his stance.
The ball cap came off, followed by the sunglasses before he pulled the hoodie off his balding head and smiled at her, “Where’s my grandson?”
She hugged him tightly, savoring the feeling of safety she felt in her father’s arms, “He’s still asleep.” She turned to Jane, seeing the woman’s shocked face, “Jane I’d like you to meet my father-“
“Paddy Doyle,” Jane said darkly.
She could see the Detective in Jane surge forward and she sighed heavily as she stepped between Jane and Paddy, “No. We are not doing this. Paddy is my father and Luca’s grandfather. He’s also the only reason that I am still alive. I love you Jane, really I do but I will not budge on this.”
Jane frowned at her, “What do you mean?”
Paddy shook his head and cupped her face, “The night this happened, I made sure that man wouldn’t live another second.”
She shook her head as she knocked her father’s hand away, “Enough. We did what we had to do to survive.”
Jane eyed her carefully before glancing at Paddy, “I’ll ignore it for now but later, we are talking about this.” She could only nod as Jane asked, “Luca knows him?”
She nodded, “He’s all I’ve had other than Luca, Jane. Of course, he knows his grandson.”
Paddy chuckled, “Mind if I go wake LJ up?”
She rolled her eyes, “Second door on the left.” She chuckled as she watched her father dart up the stairs before turning to Jane, her smile disappearing, “What?”
Jane continued to frown at her, “You’ve definitely changed.”
She shrugged and returned to the living room, smiling when Jane followed her to the sofa. A soft, “Grandpa!” echoed down the stairs and she chuckled before turning to Jane.
“Paddy was there for me. I felt safe with him and his crew. I know it’s not what you want to hear but he’s saved my life so much over the past four years.” She grimaced at the memory’s that fluttered across her mind.
Jane shifted to sit closer to her on the sofa, “I’m going to try to leave the Detective side of me at the door but Maura… He’s a wanted felon.”
She shook her head angrily, “Only because Dean says so. Paddy never showed up on anyone’s radar until Dean got involved. Paddy’s record shows a petty criminal because they never could charge him with anything more. Dean is the one that faked evidence to put Paddy in the crosshairs.”
Jane leaned back away from her, “Wow, you got the lingo down.”
She narrowed her eyes at Jane, “Why do you keep saying five years? It’s only been a little over four.”
Jane shook her head, pain creeping into her eyes, “Maura, the day after tomorrow makes the fifth year of your disappearance.”
“But I’m home now Jane.” She countered as she cupped her Detective’s face gently.
Jane shook her head, “It feels so much longer to me.”
She frowned at the raven-haired woman beside her before leaning in to brush a kiss across Jane’s lips, “Me too but I’m here now and Luca’s birthday is coming up in a few months.”
Jane grinned, “Speaking of which, why does he call Luca LJ?”
She laughed as she sat back, “I kept complaining that Luca is so much like you, so he started calling him Little Jane.” Her heart warmed as Jane laughed happily, “It’s how we referred to him so no one would know what we were talking about.”
Jane smiled at her, “It’s going to take time for me to get used to having Doyle around.”
She nodded, “All I ask is that you and everyone else try. I will fight for him Jane, just as much as I will fight for you.”
Jane eyed her carefully, “What did you mean that you both did what you had to do?”
She pulled away from Jane, not wanting to see the look in her lover’s eyes when she told her the truth, because she was. She didn’t want to keep anything from Jane and of all people that would understand how she felt, it would be Jane. However, she didn’t want to see the Detective side of Jane come out. She didn’t want to see the accusing look in Jane’s eyes, the blame. She was already blaming herself, still blaming herself.
Jane’s hand was gentle on her thigh, “Maura? You zoned out on me.”
She smiled slightly at Jane, “I’m sorry. What I meant was…” She frowned, not sure how to say it without out just saying it. “I had… We had to kill to survive.”
Jane nodded in sympathy, “It weighs on you. Even in a survival situation, you or them. It’s never easy and it will never fully go away even after you forgive yourself for it.”
She glanced over at Jane, not seeing anything she was afraid to see in her lover’s eyes, “I thought you’d be angry.”
Jane frowned at her, “Angry that you survived? Angry that you lived? Angry that you did what you had to do to come home to me?” Jane shook her head, “Never. I love you, Maura. Flaws and all.”
She couldn’t stop her smile, “I love you too Jane. Flaws and all.”
She leaned towards Jane, needing a kiss but Luca and Paddy chose that moment to charge down the stairs. Luca jumped towards her and she quickly sat back to catch him. His laughter filling the house with warmth and happiness.
“Grandpa says he’s staying for a few days Mommy!” Luca said excitedly.
She grinned up at her father, “Really?”
Luca nodded, “He said we could go to the zoo.”
She frowned slightly as she glanced up at Paddy, “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
Paddy grinned at her, “You worry too much Maura. We’ll go in a few days. Jane can come too and the rest of her family if she’d like them too.”
Korsak appeared behind Paddy, “Sounds like a good family outing to me.”
Paddy glanced back at Korsak and she quickly handed Luca over to Jane, “Vince a word?”
Korsak nodded at her, “Of course.”
She ignored Jane’s worried frown as she ushered Korsak into the kitchen and lowered her voice, “I’m asking you not to arrest him.”
Korsak smiled at her, “Don’t worry. I heard what you said to Jane. I’ll be on my best behavior as long as he is.”
Angela raised an eyebrow at her, “As long as he’s good to you.”
She smiled at them both, “Thank you.”
To say she was relieved was an understatement. She had worried how Jane and her family would react at the knowledge that she was now close to Paddy Doyle. She returned to the living room and leaned against the wall, smiling at the scene in front of her.
Jane had Luca in her lap and was showing him and Paddy an old photo album from before. Before everything was taken from them, before she had been disfigured. She usually didn’t think much of her face or the scars on her body but at times, like now or when she would see old photos of herself, the reality of it all came flooding back to her.
She was no longer the person she used to be. She was hardened in a way that no one should be, in a way that even Jane wasn’t. She understood the world better than she ever had before and she only hoped to pass that knowledge onto her son someday without him having to go through what she and Jane have.
Jane glanced over at her as if sensing her eyes on her and smiled at her, “This was Mommy for Halloween the year we met.”
She groaned, “Jane! Don’t show him that.”
Paddy smirked at her, “Wonder Woman? I think you could’ve done better.”
Jane laughed, “I said the same thing.”
She narrowed her eyes on her lover, letting her look turn seductive as her voice dropped to a husky purr, “If you’re not nice you won’t get your wish Jay.”
She smirked as she turned from the sudden lust filled look on Jane’s face and headed back towards the kitchen, knowing Jane would follow her without question.
Chapter 16: Let's Make it Official
AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don’t like don’t read.
I don’t own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
Jane sat at her desk as she grimaced at the computer screen. She hadn’t spoken to Maura all weekend and it was bugging her. Its not like the woman had to answer to her or anything but she knew Maura had a date and her anger had kept her in a tightly wound ball of anxiety all weekend. She wanted to know if the woman was alright, there were really creeps out there. She should know, she’s a creep catcher.
She shook her head angrily as she slammed her hand down on the keyboard and Frost glanced up at her with a smirk, “Something wrong Jane?”
She shoved the keyboard across her desk, “Damn thing isn’t working.”
Frost chuckled, “And here I thought it had to do with the Doc’s date this weekend.”
Her eyes snapped up to his, “You know about that?”
Her partner nodded, “Yep.”
She glared at him when he didn’t elaborate, and he looked away from her quickly. She narrowed her eyes at him, “What do you know about it?”
He frowned, “I swear it was a work-related thing.”
Her anger surged, “You were her date?!” She stood so fast that her desk chair flew out from behind her and hit the desk across the row from her.
Frost flinched at her anger, “It’s not what you think. It was a benefit that had to do with the Isles foundation.”
She frowned at him, “She always asks me to go with her.”
Frost nodded, “Yes but this time her mother was there.” He suddenly glared down at his desk, “That woman is a piece of work Jane.”
She felt her anger settle slightly, “What do you mean?”
He glanced back up at her before he stood and moved around to stand beside her, lowering his voice as he spoke, “You should have heard the things she was saying. I know the Doc has mentioned her upbringing a few times, but I never thought….” He shook his head with his lip curled up, “Let’s just say she downplays her upbringing.”
Her anger flared but her heart clenched in pain for her best friend. She nodded at him before heading to the elevator, hitting the button for the morgue. She stepped out of the elevator and headed for the blonde Medical Examiner’s office, her heart beating faster the closer she got.
She slowed as she heard none other than Gabriel Dean’s voice, “Come on Doc. If I can’t get her to go out with me then her seeing us together will defiantly get her interested in me.”
Maura’s voice was laced with anger and annoyance, “I will not help you do anything when it comes to Jane.”
She felt her muscles tighten and she straightened her back, readying to barge into the room angrily.
Dean’s voice grated on her anger, “Come on. I’ll you out to dinner, we’ll drink some wine and then we’ll hit a hotel for a night. Then you can tell her all about it.”
She felt her last nerve snap. She swiftly entered Maura’s office and saw Dean standing less than an inch from her blonde. Every ounce of control she had slipped away in that moment, seeing their bodies too close, the look of anger and fear on Maura’s face. It was too much for her to handle. She had just found her breaking point.
She crossed the room with fire in her veins as she gripped the front of Dean’s blazer and nearly lifted him off the floor before she slammed him down on Muara’s desk. She could hear Maura’s voice, but she was too focused on the man cowering underneath her hands.
“You ever speak like that to her again and I will end you.” Her rough voice was two octaves lower than her normal and the rasp was thick in her anger. The words holding the dark threat that she knew without a doubt she would follow through on when it came to Maura.
She felt Maura’s hands on her back and her arm, “Jane, let him go. I’m fine Jane.”
She shook her head, her eyes trained on the pathetic man as her anger continued to flare, her need to defend Maura stronger than her love for her job. The woman deserved someone that would defend her, protect her with their life and she always would. No matter what anyone thought she would always give her life for Maura Isles.
Maura’s fingers grazed across her cheek, “Jay let him go, please.”
Her body tightened in response to Maura’s soft calming voice. She glared at Dean one last time before she let him go, backing into Maura’s body. She could feel the desire coursing through her veins at Maura’s touch, at the nickname that had sounded so delicious coming from the woman’s red lips. She was hyper aware of Maura’s hands still on her, one hand firmly on her lower abdomen, where the blondes’ arm had wrapped around her. The strong warm fingers splayed out fully, still pulling her backwards. The other hand was gripping her bicep tightly, as if Maura were afraid that that she would leave her there alone with the man. Her arousal would be clear to everyone in the room in a moment if she didn’t get her thoughts under control.
She watched Dean stand tall and fix his blazer, his eyes scrutinizing their position, “I can change your mind, Jane.”
She took a step forward as her anger surged again but the hand pressed firmly on her abdomen again, the hand gripping her bicep pulling her back against her Doctor’s chest. Maura’s gentle voice was right in her ear, “Let it go Jay. He’s not worth it.”
She relaxed slightly in her blonde’s hold as she glared at him, “Get out.”
Dean grimaced, “Nice talk Doc. Be seeing you. Pleasure as always Jane.”
She kept her body between Maura’s and Dean’s until the man disappeared around the corner.
She slammed Maura’s door before turning back to the woman, Maura’s hands falling from her body at the motion, “What the fuck was that about?”
Maura sighed before leaning back against her desk, “He’s just trying to get you to go out with him. It has nothing to do with me.”
She shook her head, “He ever lays a hand on you again Maura and I swear…” She felt that same rage flare again.
The idea that someone had their hands on her Doctor, on her blonde… She shook her head of the thoughts. She wasn’t dating Maura. She couldn’t even tell the woman how she felt. She had no right to stop Maura from seeing whomever she wanted.
Maura grinned at her, “He’s not my type, Jane.”
She frowned at her name, liking the nickname coming from Maura’s lips so much more. She opened her mouth to talk when Frankie knocked on the door and stuck his head in the office, “Hey Maura I-, oh hey Janie.”
She rubbed her head for a moment, “What’s up Frankie?”
Tommy shoved the door open widely and grinned as he entered the room, “Hey Maura, you ready to go?”
She frowned at her brother before turning to Maura, “Go where?”
Tommy smirked at her, “Maura and me are going out for drinks.”
“Maura and I,” Maura quickly corrected with a soft smile at her youngest brother.
She stared at Maura as her struggling mind tried to stop the rage she knew was coming. The fact that Tommy knew exactly how she felt about Maura and had still been flirting with her Doctor incessantly was driving her up the wall but this…
This was too much. She could fell the anger breaking free as everything she felt for Maura backed it, “No way in hell is that happening. You are not going out with my brother and sure as hell not Tommy. If you are going out with a Rizzoli it won’t be either one of them!”
Maura smirked at her, “Fine on one condition. You go to dinner with me instead, or Tommy and I are leaving.”
She grimaced at the thought of her brother anywhere near her blonde, “I’ll take you anywhere you want. Right now. Let’s go.” She shoved Tommy backwards, her glare aimed straight at him, “I’ll deal with you later.”
She didn’t miss the smirks on both Tommy and Frankie’s faces as she kept her body between Maura and her brothers before she followed the woman out of the office. She also didn’t miss the happy smile on her blonde Doctor’s face as they waited for the elevator to arrive.
For once she felt the fear of expressing herself to Maura disappear as they drove silently to their agreed upon restaurant. She relaxed once it was just them and the night flowed easily, emotions spilling quicker than she intended.
Jane felt her body surge with lust as Maura’s nickname for her flowed freely, the memory of the first time returning to her mind quickly. She had never let anyone call her Jay until Maura. She had nearly exploded the first time Maura had said it and they hadn’t even admitted how they felt about each other. Now it was a stark reminder of how she had almost lost the woman of her dreams the first time.
She pushed herself up to her feet, setting Luca on the sofa, “I’ll be back.”
She hurried after Maura after Paddy nodded and pulled his grandson into his lap. She found the woman in the kitchen and she smiled at her, “Can we talk for a minute?”
Maura smirked at her, “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” She could see the desire in her blonde’s hazel eyes.
She nodded and took Maura’s hand, “Right now is the perfect time.”
She led Maura upstairs and back into their bedroom, “What did Korsak say?” She back Maura against the wall, as she ran her nose up her Doctors neck.
Maura’s breath hitched before she cleared her voice and said, “He promised not to arrest him.”
She nodded as Maura’s hands quickly went to her jeans. She stared at the woman she loves as Maura shoved her jeans down to her ankles before quickly unfastening her own. She wrapped one arm around Maura’s waist and gripped the blonde’s thigh with the other, lifting the woman off her feet and lining up her very erect member with Maura’s warm wet entrance.
As she slid inside of her blonde Doctor, she moaned at the same time Maura’s eyes rolled back in her head. This was different than the first time. She was slow and tender, fully aware of what was happening. She focused on the feel of Maura’s walls clenching around her, pulling her deeper. The soft moan that came from Maura’s lips as she slid in and out firmly but gently.
Maura’s hands clutched at her shoulder, her nails digging in slightly with the pleasure. She turned to the bed and kept their bodies tight together as she laid the woman on her back. Maura’s legs were locked behind her lower back as she rocked into her, feeling the tension leave both their bodies as their slow love making felt more like coming back together.
She placed soft kisses along Maura’s jaw and neck, being extra gentle on the bite mark she had given her lover earlier. The guilt of it still hitting her hard as she traced her tongue around the dark bruise that was appearing already. She returned along the same line to her mouth and struggled not to orgasm as Maura’s tongue met hers as they danced together, tender and gentle. No fighting, no battle for dominance. Just an agreement that they were together, they were one again.
As their need increased so did their pace, moving as one. They were two halves of a whole and she wouldn’t want it any other way. She would always choose Maura and she knew Maura would always choose her. The thought alone sent her over the edge as Maura’s walls clamped down tightly around her, the woman’s orgasm hard. Her own was mind numbing and she felt her body go limp before she could roll off her lover.
Maura’s fingers danced along her back, drawing random patterns as they basked in the happiness, the embrace they shared. The knowledge that they were both home and together again. She would never let Maura go and she would fight like hell to keep the woman in her arms.
She finally pushed herself up to look down at Maura, “You never told me how you got this.” She ran her finger lightly across the scar on her lover’s face.
Maura frowned up at her, “It’s not a pleasant story Jane.”
“I want to know everything Maura,” She pleaded. She kissed the woman deeply before pushing back to nod at her, “Talk.”
Maura nodded and began to tell her. She felt the anger inside her and she pulled away from her lover, needing the space. She paced the room as Maura finished telling her about her first kill and that while she still felt bad about it, Paddy had always reassured her they did the right thing.
She found herself feeling grateful that Maura had Paddy at the time. The knowledge that not only had the man risked getting captured to save his daughter, her lover, he also risked death to do it. Criminal or not the man lived by a code and she was thankful that code included Maura and Luca being alive.
“Jay, I didn’t want to upset you.” Maura spoke softly.
She shook her head and knelt in front of Maura, “You could never upset me. I’ll deny this if you ever repeat it but I’m grateful you had Paddy. He was right Maur. In the end you did the right thing.”
Maura nodded, “I know but it doesn’t change the fact that I killed people. Dean always seemed angry when I would come out on top, and it only reaffirmed my suspicions.”
She nodded, “How are you planning on getting that bullet out?”
Maura grinned, “Paddy is going to get it out for me. After Luca goes to bed, I just won’t be able to pick him up for a few days.”
She shook her head, “No way Maura. You have enough scars, enough pain.”
“Jay,” Maura cupped her face and kissed her softly, “If you are going to get Dean before he does this to someone else, you are going to need this bullet. It’s close enough to the surface that it shouldn’t take much. Believe me I’ve had worse.”
She shook her head and stood, pulling her lover up into her arms, “Not helping.”
Maura chuckled, “You don’t have to-“
She jerked back, narrowing her eyes at her blonde Doctor dangerously, “Do not finish that sentence. You are not leaving my sight Maura.”
Maura nodded with a small smirk, “Anything you say Jane.”
She nodded as she kissed Maura one more time before following the woman out of the bedroom, pausing at the top of the stairs to watch the blonde descend them gracefully. She knew why Maura was doing this, but it didn’t mean she had to like it. She just wished there was another way, but Maura had always been stubborn, and it appeared that it had only gotten worse over the years.
She grinned as Maura paused on the last step and turned back to her with a frown, “Are you okay?”
She smiled at her lover, “I missed you more than I ever thought I could miss anyone.”
She slowly moved down the stairs as she continued, “I have loved you since we met, and I love you even more now. I never stopped loving you over the years Maura. I know you already carry my name, but we never got the chance to make it official. I don’t want to live another second without being married to you. Will you marry me?”
She stopped on the same step as Maura and stared into bright Hazel eyes, her heart pounding in her chest just as hard as it had that first time she proposed.
Maura’s smile lit up the room as tears slipped down her cheeks, “I’ve wanted to marry you since the day we met Jane Rizzoli. Yes, I will marry you. I will always want to marry you.”
Jane wrapped her arms around the woman ignoring the clapping and laughing that was coming from all different areas of the house. She was determined to marry Maura this time. This time there would be no Maura Isles or Jane Rizzoli.
Now it would be Jane and Maura, Rizzoli and Isles, them against the world.
And she dared anyone to get in their way again.