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The point of view blurred by crocodile tears

Chapter 2: I don't mind growing up with you

Summary:

The moment when a child is born, a father is born too.
Tony always thought that when a child is growing and learning about every little thing, their parents are learning by them.
In fact, Tony would give the world to Peter if necessary or if he would just ask for it, but do you seeing him growing up? It had its good and bad moments.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Do you realize why you are here, Mr.Stark?"

The moment when a child is born, a father is born too.

This is most real phrase to describe parenthood for Tony, in the moment that he held Peter for the first time, his life started to be- no no, started to depends what his son needed, if his son was okay...
His life revolves around his son, he was lost without him, if he lost his baby, he would lose his reasons to basically live, This is not a exaggeration, this was the simplest fact.

"Actually, i don't." - Tony was lying through his teeth but still holding in his face a smirk.

"You have shown aggressive and unstable behavior once again." - She had a clear disappointed look. - "Can you explain to me what happened?"

After that fateful day, he needed to "rehabilitate" to the normal life, Tony needed to be honest it was harder than it looks but people like to point fingers instead of trying to understand. He was trying, he truly was trying but it was hard, therapy was hard, work was hard but have to leave Peter was the hardest, he didn't want to do that in thousands of years.
But everything was on his back.

Now Peter was 7-months-old and needed to be on daycare, Tony being naive gave a chance but he didn't expected the teachers to be so damn rude.
It was not like he hitted her or something that bad, he was just angry that she didn't ask first before just picking the boy up. He got mad he admits, but wasn't that bad, he didn't needed to be here again.
But what the police doesn't do for mess with him?

"She tried to take Peter from me, i was only defending my son." - He uncomfortably tries to move his hands but handcuffs prevented him. - "I just really don't understand why i have to be here again."

"Why do you think you here?" - She wrote something on clipboard already stained with blue ink. - "Be honest this time."

"For the last time, I got no idea." - Tony is defensive like a child caught on the act, sitting in that "sofa" (it felt more like a rock but okay) like he was busted for sneaking out for a party again.

"You have been drinking again, Mr.Stark?" - The doctor asked looking at his eyes but he avoided them like the plague.

"No..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." - He was not, he almost sure that maybe he ended up having a hangover in the last Saturday but his mind was blurry to remember a thing.

"Drugs?"

"Only sleeping pills."

"Do you have a prescription for them?"

"Yes."

"Which sleeping pills do you take?"

"Why you asking me this?" - He was losting his temper with all these stupid questions, she asked all of them before and he answered the same things.

"I need this for your record." - The doctor tapped the pen on the clipboard.

"Lorazepam, nortriptyline, xanax, amitriptyline... You already know that, i gave you a copy of my prescription last time." - He weakly mumbles the last time.

"You take everything at once? Nothing illegal this time?" - She didn't looked impressed.

"I'm a father now, i cannot throw everything away just for the sake of being high for some hours, i'm not nineteen anymore." - The anger show up as quickly it disappeared.

"Uhum, of course you do..." - The doctor looks at him with disbelief, her audacity was unimaginable for Tony. - "Anything illegal this time?"

"For the last time, No... How many times i have to repeat myself?" - Tony took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. - "Can i, please, just see Peter now? It's almost lunch time and he gets really fussy when he don't eat in the right time."

"I think you don't understand the situation, Mr.Stark." - She finally looks at him. - "You're not taking this child home."

There was silent, this phrase hitted him like a bomb.

"Excuse me, what?" - He slowly whispers back, trying not to show any cracks.

"You not taking this child with you. Peter is now with child protective service, you don't need to worry about what he needs anymore-"

When she looked up at him, she expected tears, screams or just the "i'm finally free" expression that she gets when she have to give these "bad news" to parents in this situation, but what she got was the deadliest look in someone that she ever saw.

"No. You aren't doing that with us. We are going home, we are going where he belongs. He is going to his home and you'll better be out of my way." - Tony blankly stared at her with a little pseudo-smile on his face - "Did you get it?"

"I have no control about it, Mr.Stark." - The doctor knew her "most frequent pacient" almost paranoid behavior, sometimes he is fine, sometimes he is bad and sometimes he is just a blank paper. - "This is the ninth time that you here in this week for the same reason."

"Yes, you have control. If you write in your stupid papers that i can go home with my son, this conversation wouldn't be happening in first place." - Tony didn't blink in that statement, he looked almost in a state of trance. - "So... Do it."

"Do what?"

"Write that we can go home, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Everyone knows that I would never hurt my son because i love him. And i know what is best for him like the fact that he only likes being carried with his head on the right arm thing that i bet you don't even care about. And that i would never touch anyone and of course i'm not a threat to anybody." - For one second, conscious striked him, his expression slid into a genuine sadness. - "I can't be without him. Write it, please... Now I'm asking you gently.

"Gently?" - She questioned.

"Yes." - He was back in the dead eyes stare. - "See, i'm a real polite man but i'm only good when you are good to me."

"What you mean with "good", Mr.Stark?"

"You obey to me and we forget everything about this little talk or you can go against my will and you know, "accidentally" things can go right down bad with you..." - He smirked but he was not genuine. It was quick, just to throw a special highlight on the "accidentally" part.

"This is a threat?" - She looked at his blank eyes, trying to see something that wasn't pure nothingness she was slightly reluctant.

"Depends who is asking it." - Tony was now back to normal as if nothing ever happened. - "Welp, i guess we are done. I'm so happy that you got what I was saying! I was worried for a second, can you believe it? But did you get it?"

He chuckles at her face.

"I think that is a yes! You can go now, i'll talk with my lawyers, you know, if were you I would look twice before crossing the street! I'm just saying, now go, silly! I bet you have plenty of other meetings, don't you? Have fun! And remember that loose lips sink ships. See you soon and you better be really honest on your notes." - Tony always had the amazing talent of being naturally cynical, the persuasion was in his family after all, a art where everything is fair at least for him.

And then she left almost shaking. Poor woman.

The problem of the world is that money give the wrong people power.
But Tony is not one of them, he only uses the power that he have for the good.
He is not selfish, cruel or bad. No, he isn't.
People around him were the ones who are always wrong not him.
How he imagined, the sweet doctor understood what he meant and was so sweet telling how Tony was such a loving father who was having a hard time (What he really is) What a shame that for some tragic reason of destiny she suffered for a robbery that went wrong..
Anyway Peter got home in hours, of course he was fussy because they didn't took care of him in the right way as he expected.
They aren't good as him because the only one for Peter is him, not anyone else.

Tony decided that daycares aren't for them, Peter don't like strangers (He doesn't like them because Tony decided that he didn't) and being away for one another for so long it's a torture, horrible for child mind.

That was the motive of his latest appointment with his unfortunately late doctor, but wasn't his fault that dirty teacher tried to grab Peter from his arms without even asking. And Babysitters? This was devil's work.
Why having kids if you throw them for someone else back? No, he wouldn't- he couldn't do that to his Peter.
He lived like that most of his life and it wasn't the kind of childhood that Peter deserved.
Peter deserved the best and Tony would do the best for him.

The best of a father's love.

So he decided to take Peter into his work instead of any of the past options, Obie thought that he was kidding until he actually showed up with Peter in a baby carrier.
He was at the minimal mad at Tony for bringing a child for work, but he didn't mind. When Peter screamed in his office all day, he didn't mind and always just tried to understand what he was trying to say in all that noise, he didn't mind giving speechs and reunions with a baby carrier and trying to make Peter comfortable awhile he walked around, he didn't mind how Obie looked at this scene shaking his head in disapproval.
He truly didn't mind growing up with Peter.

But then things started to change, when Peter started walking or better trying, it was not like he did it without looking like a weird flamingo but the thing is that things were going a little fast for Tony, when he caught Peter trying to get up in his chair, he almost fainted at the scene.
He didn't let Peter touch the floor again until it was covered with non-slip mats, he didn't care how much Peter cried for not being able to explore things for sometime.
Tony tried to calm him down by singing, cartoons, pacis, bottles nothing worked, Peter was a natural explorer but the problem is when more you look into things more you can get into trouble, Peter loves to see things that he shouldn't.

The thought of letting Peter around and falling and crying because of pain haunted him.
But he was happy to see Peter growing up.

If walking was problem, riding a bike was a bigger problem.

When Peter was four, he saw older kids riding bikes and decided to try it too, Tony was apprehensive but he decided to help, he wanted to be a part of this.
But in the moment he just was frozen on the spot.

"Let it go, Daddy!" - Tony choked his head bitting his lips, leading Peter to get upset at him. - "But you said you would let it go when i asked you to..."

"You can stay with the training wheels, Petey." - He smiled, the thought of letting Peter go though this sidewalk alone was terrifying. When he was holding was fine, but if he let it go-no way in hell he would let this happen.< p>

"But i want to ride without them! Everybody does, please, Daddy!" - Peter gave him the best puppy eyes that he could.

"OK, we are not doing that." - Tony stopped walking and as a effect, the bike stopped moving letting Peter not that happy.

"Daddy!" - Peter tries to make the little red bike move, but it was useless. - "But i want to try too!"

"You can't have everything that you want." - Correction, Peter can't do things that Tony don't want him to even think about.

"But-"

"No. We can have ice cream! Don't you like this even more than riding this bike? You can have vanilla with chocolate!" - Tony exclamed almost jumping but Peter still crestfallen. - "C'mon don't be upset at me, you know that i do somethings that may sound bad now but it's for your own good. You know i love you more than anything."

"I love you too..." - And then Tony smiled and ignoring the sad look at Peter's face.

-

Peter quietly sobs awhile Tony gently puts hydrogen peroxide in the open wound on Peter's knee, it was small. This makes his heart sink into the ground.

"I-I'm sorry, i s-should have listened to you..." - Peter was shaking like a leaf, tears are coming down to his cheeks. Tony wiped the tears out of his face.

"You should have asked me, Pete. I could have helped you but you decided to sneak out and ride the bike all alone. Do you know how dangerous it is? It was just an accident and you didn't know what you were doing... Just-- Ugh, I'm so sorry. This is my fault not yours but please, next time tell what you doing. I'm here to help you, my love." - Trying to be comprehensible enough, Tony just whispers apology after apology awhile the burning sensation make the child whimpers.

"It hurts!" - Peter cry out.

"It's for your own good..." - Tony gave him a warm gaze. - "You did so good. I'm proud of you, Petey."

"I-I'm sorry, Daddy..."

"No, i'm sorry, you don't have to apologize for something is not your fault. I should have tried to be more aware. If i was here when you needed it, it wouldn't have happened. This is my fault. Next time, you ask me first, alrighty?"

"Alrighty." - Peter was more relaxed even sightly smiling. - "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you more"

"We both love eachother equally."

"Good enough for me." - And Tony laughs.

He knew that Peter would sneak in at night and try to ride the bike all by himself (Because Peter was curious and smart, a combination that always leads him to problem at least in Tony's eyes.) So he just decided to do the best for his son not to get hurt in the future and he just loosen the bicycle bolts.
A little scratch in the knee is better caused by a little fall was than a accident, Peter would thank him later.

Tony always did what was the best for Peter so he didn't blame himself for the scratch, it was for good reason, to teach Peter to always listen and obey to his father but of course, in Tony's way of doing it.

 

-

When Peter turned six, he started going to school. It wasn't easy for both of them.
It wasn't easy for Tony.

Tony held Peter's hand from the moment that he woke up, and Tony being the adult was nervous as hell.
Even if Peter was mumbling excited about how many friends he will make, Tony is nervous about what is going to happen.
He was more comfortable with this idea of Peter going to school (at least he thought he was getting better.)
But being there, living that day in the moment was different. Suffocating.
Obie was relieved with this news and Happy was just there being himself, he knows that the man likes Peter but Happy (oh the irony) is not that good showing his feelings.

Peter was smiling.
He knows he should be happy too, but he is not.

Tony avoided and delayed this day so much. But was there now, happening in front of him.
He held Peter's hand in the car, trying to not focus where they were going and how much he will miss his baby. He tried but failed.

And then when they finally arrived after what felt like hours, when they are out of the car, he still holding Peter's hand. He didn't even knew anymore if this was for comfort Peter or himself at this point.

The weather was hot and cold at the same time, Tony felt like he had run a marathon, sweating buckets and barely able to breathe. Barely feling as his throat was getting dry and how suddenly he heart started racing.
His hands were trembling and that probably alerted Peter a little bit, who suddenly looked at him a little confused.
But Tony just smiled as he wiped the sweat off his own face. He just smiled when he felt like he was losing all the control of his life.
And as always Peter smiled back.

Tony held trembling Peter's hand until the boy released it, he just released it.
He was not nervous or scared. He didn't scream and begged to go home like some children, he just let Tony go and Peter was happy about that. And Tony resisted the need to take that little hand again and watched Peter start to run in the direction of other children.

"I love you!!!" - Tony shouts, ended up coming out louder and more desperate than he intended, but everyone around him thought it was normal, parents in their kids first day in school were always a little nervous.

"I love you too!" - Peter stops running and starts to walk, shyly waving still holding a smile.

"I love you more." - He waited for the answer putting his hand in his chest, he wanted to hear it, he needed to hear it.

"We love eachother equally!"

Tony can do that, he actually already did, it was horrifying but he can let Peter go for once.
It was only the start, it's not like he lost all the control that he had over their lifes, he still the one charge.
Let him be himself, be supporting.
He loves Tony after all.
Tony didn't mind growing up with Peter.

But this didn't stop him of crying in the car awhile Happy uncomfortably stared at him.

The thing is that maybe he might not even mind seeing Peter growing up but seeing Peter not needing him? This was his breaking point.
He would make Peter need him one way or another

Notes:

So that was it! I Hope you all like it.
I think it was a little chessy but okay I didn’t control myself again, what’s new, right? :")
But anyway it was fun to write this in my spare time! Studying and writing fanfics? Good enough for me!
So yeah, next chapter, Peter will already be a teenager, time flies! And (forgive me for the language) the shit will start hitting the fan so just wait for it!
Kudos and comments are welcome! <3
Pardon me any spelling errors, i'm trying to get better :D