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Glee Gets Reinvented

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Shopping was fun. Especially for Kurt. It took less than thirty minutes for him to wake up, run from the room, eat breakfast, leave the hotel and race towards the stores nearby. There were streets and streets of them, he'd noticed them earlier but been denied the chance to see them due to timing. But now it was a free day, and he would be taking full advantage with an equally excited Mercedes at his side.

Finn wasn't much better. No, he didn't want to go shopping, but he and Mike were well on their way to consuming half their body weight in New York style food. So right by the shops Kurt was obsessed with, a few food trucks that weren't there before were set up and the boys would not be leaving with out some serious meat.

It took everyone else a while to actually even realize they were all gone. The girls awoke to see Mercedes gone with a note informing them that she was 'spending coin with the gay!'. They had a few questions - namely 'which gay?' because there were so many at this point - but they just got up and got on with their day. 

Puck woke up similarly, though he didn't see the text from Kurt at first so he just freaked out about a potential kidnapping until someone told him otherwise. Artie brought up the group text from the disappeared boy, then they started their search for Finn and Mike who hadn't left them anything. In order to figure it out, Artie went to the main shops to find them.

Sam and Puck joined him on the way for their partners, and they eventually found the street the boys were on. Mercedes and Kurt rushed over to their boyfriends when they noticed them, which they thought was sweet... Until they just placed their shopping bags in their hands and returned to their shoping trip.

Artie chuckled at the situation before wheeling away to join Kurt and Mercedes in their shopping. He needed some cool NYC tassles on his wheels, and he figured they would be the best people to help him. While he did that, Sam and Puck carried the bags they'd been handed on their way to find Mike and Finn.

They found them at the food truck. And what a sight it was to behold. The two walked up to Mike and stared as Finn, absolute ladies man, had a genuine conversation with the unfamiliar lady serving him food. She was pretty, she was tall, she was cheerful and she was giving him food: his dream girl.

"What is happening?" Puck asked Mike, who just grinned. 

"Finn's flirting." Sam informed before Mike could. "I've seen it before, he's creepily good at it."

"Yeah, he compared her eyes to emeralds, it's bizarre." Mike added.

"There are so many customers lining up, shouldn't she be working?" Puck said as he looked out at the long line of hungry people who wanted to actually eat food, not just hit on the hot chick making it.

"Should we pull him... Away?" Sam wondered.

"No! We can't ruin this, he's finally getting over Rachel." Mike shook his head. "Let him get her number first, at least."

They watched him flirt a little more. Sam was right, he was creepily good at it. Finn combed through his hair, smiled at her, nodded, talked, listened, waved goodbye and... Did nothing else. Well, except look over his shoulder at her and stare a little more.

"Uh, you get her number, dude?" Puck spoke as Finn walked over to them. 

"Should I have?" 

"Oh my God." Sam exclaimed. "Dude!"

"Ahh, what... What do I do? Do I go back and ask?"

"Yes dude, Jesus Christ!" Mike laughed at the dysfunction as he steered Finn away towards the girl.

The boys watched him again. He talked, he smiled, he interrupted a paying customer, he said something. Hopefully the right thing. The pretty girl handed him a small slip of paper along with a polite grin, which he gladly returned.

Finn joined the boys again. Sam, Puck and Mike waited and watched as his face slowly dropped from happy to disappointed. They all sighed in knowing and Finn lifted the small slip of paper he'd been given.

Low and behold, it was a goddamn reciept.

"There are not enough words in the English language to describe how I am feeling right now so this one will have to do: bonehead." Puck stated, snatching the reciept from his best friend's hand. "Ask her out."

"It's scary, she's really hot. And have you seen her boobs?" Finn beamed. "She smells like kiwi!"

"Okay, come on, we're doing this." Mike said as he and Sam grabbed Finn again and pointed him in the girl's direction again.

However, when they reached the window for the truck, a certain somebody had already beaten them to it. Apparently, Mercedes, Kurt and Artie had gotten a little hungry on their spending spree and took a short break. There Kurt was, talking to the pretty girl.

He did everything Finn did only much sweeter, and took the food from her hands with a lovely smile. The other four boys watched in awe as he gestured to Finn, whispered something that made her giggle adorably, then took a slip of paper from her hand just as Finn did.

The pretty girl looked to Finn and smiled brightly at him, and he smiled brightly back, as Kurt made his way towards them with Mercedes and Artie. He presented the paper to Finn proudly. The tall boy took it cautiously and read the small note.

You're adorable, I was hoping you'd ask me out the first time we talked... Then the second. Maybe you'll even give me another cute, shy wave as you walk away? Here's my number sweetheart,

And there it was. Numbers. Legitimate looking numbers. Finn basically passed out and gave Kurt the biggest hug he'd ever given anyone. When he let his step brother go, the smaller boy could barely breathe.

"Oh my." Kurt sighed.

"How..." Sam asked. "How did... You...

"He's unintimidating, complimentative and adorable!" Mercedes answered, pinching Kurt's cheek. "It's a super power really."

"Dude, you need to teach me how to do that." Mike gawked.

"Just be gay and proud, you'll attract homophobes and girls with incredible taste." Kurt teased as he wrapped an arm around Mercedes.

"A girl asked him out earlier." Artie informed.

"Babe, I knew you were hot but I didn't know you had game." Puck smirked. He played it off as a joke, but the possessive embrace he pulled his boyfriend into said it all.

"You guys done with shopping now?" Sam checked.

"Totally..." Artie answered, waiting for the guys to sigh in relief. "Not."

"Maybe never." Kurt added.

"But good news, now you guys can join us in our endeavours." Mercedes cheered. She grabbed Sam's hand and dragged him through the crowds towards the next store.

Artie wasn't quite as into the shopping as Kurt and Mercedes, but he certainly liked seeing Mike's face when he informed him that he wouldn't be excluded. He instructed said Asian boy to push him alongside Mercedes, and soon Finn pried his eyes from the pretty girl long enough to follow them too. He gave her the cute, shy wave she requested, and she beamed at the gesture.

Puck frowned at Kurt with big puppy eyes begging not to go into the store. He wanted to go somewhere else. Somewhere cool. Maybe a place with video games or music or no people so they could make out.

Instead, Kurt just tutted and started to walk to the store. When Puck didn't follow, he turned back around and made his way to him again. They stood face to face, but Kurt had a sly smile on his face.

"You don't have to go with me, but I'm telling you now." He whispered in Puck's ear. "I will be trying on underwear, and I will let you pick out what I put on." Then he spun away and sauntered off, extra sway in his hips.

In response, Puck picked his jaw off from the floor and wordlessly followed his boyfriend like a dog on a leash. Maybe this whole shopping thing wouldn't be so bad after all.

... Or would it?

Dun dun duuuun.

(Dramatic sound, you get it)


No. No it wouldn't be so bad. In the sense that the correct word was not bad. The correct word was actually 'terrible'. Oh dear God it was so terrible. Mike and Finn spent the whole time lookin at cool crap with Artie in the better section of the stores, but Puck and Sam...

Oh they were in for a long ride. And not the fun kind!

They were currently seated by the changing rooms. They felt like they were trapped in a teen flick, where the teenagers would reveal themselves from the curtained changing rooms and the boys would shake their heads a bit until - bam! - perfect outfit for the prom! 

This was not like that, probably because it wasn't a snappy little montage to speed a movie along. It was a long process of putting clothes on, checking with the guys, getting a polite nod but deciding against it anyway. By the time Kurt had come out in another jacket, no cute underwear as promised, Puck damn near left.

"Isn't that the same jacket as before?" He questioned, getting an almost offended gasp in return.

"God no!" Kurt spluttered. "This is charcoal grey with violet black seams, the last one was violet black with charcoal grey seams." 

"Well they look the same." Puck stated, and Sam nodded in agreement.

"Of course they look the same to you, you're not being particularly helpful."

"Then why am I still here?"

"Because you like watching me try things on, I suppose, I'm not holding you hostage." Kurt reasoned, slinking back into the changing room.

"He has a point, you could just leave." Sam said.

"You could too."

"Yeah but-" Before Sam could finish, Mercedes emerged from the changing room.

She was wearing a light blue dress that tightened around her top half and flowed out at the bottom. It ended at her knees, cushioned by an underlying flow of cotton petticoat and started by her collarbone in a bateau neckline. Her arms were on show too, every inch of her perfectly highlighting the elegance of the dress.

"That's why." Sam said, entranced by his girlfriend's beauty. "That's why I'm not leaving."

"So you like it?" Mercedes smiled.

"You look so..." Sam couldn't find the words, so he just mimed his mind being blown and she giggled at the sentiment.

"Thank you Sam." Mercedes thanked as she walked over to him and leant down. She brushed their noses together in a sweet little eskimo kiss, which he happily returned.

Puck just kinda watched, feeling a little bit awkward and knowing full well just how bizarre their relationship was. It was like Tina and Quinn or Santana and Brittany or... Well, every couple he knew. They were opposites, they were weird, but they were also just so damn cute.

The eskimo kissing was weird though. Puck never got it. What was the point of kissing if you can't taste the other person's saliva? Kurt's always tasted sweet, though Puck could never tell exactly what it was or why it was so lovely.

Speak of the designer devil, Kurt once again walked from the changing rooms. He immediately gawked at the sight of his bestie, wearing the most gorgeous dress he'd ever seen. She nodded, fully aware of how awesome she looked, and he just applauded the incredible choice. He had taught her well.

"Sam, you are the luckiest boy in America." Kurt praised.

"I know." Sam beamed as he stood up to take Mercedes in his arms. "But back off bro, you had your shot, now she's all mine."

"Okay boys, if you insist on fighting over me then I have a few demands." Mercedes joked. "The first being that you gotta take that off because getting blood on that thing would be a crime." She said as she gestured to the clothing on Kurt's body.

He wore a form fitting, slightly see through white turtleneck with nothing underneath, accomplished by the tightest jeans he'd ever forced himself into. In reply, he simply spun on the spot and allowed for Mercedes to applaud him the way he'd applauded her. They looked fierce, and they knew it.

"You have to stop moving, you're giving Puck a heart attack." Sam laughed. He wasn't far off.

Puck's chestnut eyes were simply glued to Kurt's slim figure being hugged so perfectly by the clothes. Turtlenecks were never an item of clothing he considered sexy. Then again, he'd never seen Kurt Hummel wearing one. Before he could drool any further, he heard his name and pushed himself back into reality. He hadn't realised he'd left it.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked.

"Pfft." Puck whispered. "I'm great." He repositioned his legs. "I'm like... Cool."

"Oh my God." Mercedes chuckled as she returned to her changing rooms to get back into her normal clothes.

Sam kept laughing at Puck and his very obvious, very public... excitement. Yes, that's what we'll call it.

"So, I'll take that as a-"

"If you don't buy all that crap, I sure as hell will." Puck growled, still eyeing Kurt in a way that was far from PG.

"Yes, I'll take it as a yes." Kurt smirked, walking back into his own changing room.

"He walks like that on purpose." Puck said to Sam.

"Walks like what?"

"Like... You can't tell? With the hips?" 

"No, but I get what you mean." Sam nodded. "I swear Mercedes does that thing with her nose on purpose too."

"What thing?"

"The... You can't tell? With the hair?"

"I think we're both just really, really horny all the time." Puck admitted.

"You speak too loudly!" Kurt accused from his room.

"You really do!" Mercedes giggled. "And what thing with my nose?"


After all the clothes had been bought, the words had been spoken and Puck finally got to help Kurt with his underwear (lacey, very classy, very hot), they returned to the streets. The group of seven all walked together in one big clump: Sam and Mike were testing out a toy helicopter and getting many things shouted at them when they hit someone; Finn and Puck were planning a message to send to the pretty food truck girl; Artie, Mercedes and Kurt were going over their recent buys.

Artie had purchased more than enough useless stuff, and Kurt and Mercedes truly enjoyed seeing it. While they tried on nice clothes, he rooted through some of the weirdest crap they'd ever seen. Including, but not limited to, a pen that produces invicible ink that may or may not be a complete rip off. Fun to poke people with though.

"I love this!" Mercedes delighted as she looked at the small plastic rose he bought her. It sounds simple, but it glowed in the dark and had these beautiful little golden details on each petal. It was just so sweet and cute and graceful, much like her.

"I'm glad. Oh, and I got this for Britt." Artie pulled a small stuffed kitten from his bag. It looked an insane amount like Lord Tubbington, right down to the overstuffing.

"She will love that." Kurt grinned, still fiddling with the badge Artie had gotten him that said 'New York Citizen'. "Everyone will love all of it."

They kept stroling for a bit, messing with the things they'd all recieved or personally bought. Kurt played with the badge, the boys behind him controlled the flying helicopter, Mercedes twirled the rose in her hand and Artie rocked the stuffed kitten. Then, Kurt softly smiled as something came to mind.

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens." He sang quietly. He didn't think anyone had really heard him, so he just gently giggled at his own tiny sample of song.

"Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens." Mercedes continued, shooting a knowing smile at Kurt, who shot one right back.

"Brown paper packages tied up with string." Artie jumped in, pulling a small paper package from his bag which was, of course, tied up with string. How much stuff did he have in there?

"These are a few of my favorite things." They all sang together, earning amused smiles from the boys behind them.

"Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels." Kurt sang alone.

"Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles." Mercedes did so next.

"Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings." Artie was up.

"These are a few of my favourite things." Once again, all of them.

They paused for a moment, just exchanging glances, before laughing a little bit at themselves. It wasn't long before they all knew they'd be starting up again, and a few people walking in their same direction knew it too. Some seemed entertained... Others not so much.

"When the dog bites," They all continued as one. "When the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favourite things, and then I don't feel so bad."

"Cool helicopters and boys with nice asses." Puck sang to the tune of 'My Favourite Things' as he winked at Kurt, everyone chuckling at the line.

"Puck's not too subtle with his sexual passes." Sam sang, doing the same as Puck did, the others still laughing in amusement.

"Guys that's my brother please stop with that stuff." Finn added next, far too serious despite literally singing what was essentially a parody.

"But it's so funny to see you pissed off." Mike wasn't as good at singing as the others, but he got just as big a laugh.

"When Tana yells." 

"When Lauren fights."

"When Quinn rolls her eyes."

"I simply smile at my idiot friends." Mercedes sang as she smiled at her idiot friends. "And then they all smile back." They all smiled back.

"That was gayer than the original." Mike laughed. 

"Dude, we could sing a verse about anal sex and it would still be less gay than the original." Puck smirked. "But it was kinda... Finn!"

The warning was too late. Finn crashed the goddamn helicopter right into a water fountain. But don't worry, he quickly ran over, jumped in and swam around to find it. The rest of the group just watched and chuckled at the desperation in Finn's search, and the joy in his eyes when he found the destroyed helicopter.

They all smiled at him, and he smiled back.