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Oh My!

Summary:

Why did he think of Seungkwan in that way? They were close. Sure. But not to this extent. They were brothers, family, but why did that thought feel so wrong?

The answer came the next day in a dream. It had all felt very real as they were leaving the dressing rooms after their first stage of Fear.

 

Or the one where Vernon has troubles with realising his feelings... add some older trauma to it and it causes chaos.

Notes:

Hi! It's me with the second one shot in the seventeen song oneshot collection. All these fics are stand-alone stories and aren't connected (unless stated otherwise) so have fun reading! All the fics in this series are based on Seventeen songs with different pairings and different stories.

This one is long and was a draft for quite a long time. I hope you enjoy this mess.

~ Felix (they/he)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Okay, so Vernon might’ve had a teeny weeny tiny problem. 

Actually that’s a lie. It was a massive problem. Now that quarantine has kicked in and they’re stuck in the dorms it has steadily been growing bigger. It’s not like he wanted to avoid Seungkwan but at this point he barely had another choice. Every time he saw the older he couldn’t help the blush rising to his cheeks, the way his eyes followed his every movement and the way he would smile just seeing him do the same.

It’s stupid that he only recently realised what was going on if he had to be honest with himself. Vernon just felt stupid that he had overlooked his own feelings so easily. He had a hunch Wonwoo had already noticed but didn’t dare to say a word figuring Vernon didn’t even know it himself.

It mostly started just after the Hit release. He had seen Seungkwan in that suit without a shirt so much but he just couldn’t help but stare every time. Before he could just look away but he was ‘suddenly’ so fixated on anything that was Seungkwan. 

Then the denial came. Day after day he kept losing sleep over his silly thoughts about his bandmate. The way he smiled, his cheeks, his addiction to iced coffee. Honestly it went on and on and once he started it was like he couldn’t stop. He really got it bad and that was also where everything slowly started to go downhill.

When An Ode got released they had another shoot where they wore blouses without anything under it. It also didn’t help that the highwaisted pants outlined Seungkwan’s lower half and his waist. Vernon kept staring until Wonwoo teasingly hit him.

“Again staring at his butt Nonnie ?”
“Go away Nu.” Vernon said still flustered, his gaze now on his shoes.
“It’s fine you know. There is no denial that he has a great ass.”
“Would you stop? Like.. saying that word?” Wonwoo just snorted and walked away leaving Vernon with his thoughts. 

Why did he think of Seungkwan in that way? They were close. Sure. But not to this extent. They were brothers, family, but why did that thought feel so wrong?

The answer came the next day in a dream. It had all felt very real as they were leaving the dressing rooms after their first stage of Fear.

Vernon and Seungkwan were in the back of the van just conversing slightly about their day and their performance. Seungkwan was a little down at the start because he felt like he missed a few movements here and there, throwing off their synchronisation by a fraction of a second. Vernon was quick to ask if he had fun performing and Seungkwan had confidently said yes. Vernon then continued to remind him that that was the most important and that carats would rather see him happy. Seungkwan laughed a little before smiling slightly to himself. 

"Thanks Nonnie."
"It's no problem Kwan, I'm here for you when you need me." 

In a sudden rush of confidence Vernon had grabbed the other's hand and gave it a little squeeze, letting it rest on Seungkwan's thigh. And so they sat through the rest of the ride back to the dorms.

Once they arrived Seungkwan disappeared to shower and Vernon was left with the hiphop unit in the living room. He took a deep sigh before sitting down and smiling to himself. Until now the promotions for Fear seemed to run smoothly, the fans absolutely adored the new album and twitter seemed to go wild for their outfits. He was proud of his group, of what they have managed to do. And with their 5th anniversary approaching he was thinking as to what they all have achieved together. 

“Vernon, how are you?” Seungcheol suddenly broke the silence. Mingyu and Wonwoo were too busy in their own world, both focussed on Wonwoo’s Nintendo switch.
“I’m fine Cheol.”
“Are you sure?” 

Vernon couldn’t believe this was happening, yet at the same time he was aware that everything was a dream. It felt almost too real but the fact he watched himself do things he didn’t want himself to do told him enough.

“Yes.”
“You and Seungkwan seem closer than usual.” 
"I think we're just the same, hyung."
"Vernon stop lying to yourself. Go see the boy in his room. We'll talk later." Seungcheol was stern and Vernon muttered some profanities under his breath before following the orders of his leader.
"Oh, by the way, Jun and Chan are out so you can talk to him alone!"
"Just kiss him, idiot." Wonwoo yelled, Vernon just ignored it.

Vernon found it so so weird because he was well aware he was dreaming, he remembered falling asleep after a long day of photoshoots and interviews, yet it all felt a little too real. He was nervous, anxious and really about to kiss Seungkwan. 

He was about to kiss Seungkwan. And he couldn't stop himself because he didn't have any brakes in his dream. He couldn't stop his actions.

"Hey, Nonnie."
"Hey Kwan."

Silence stretched over the two as Vernon played anxiously with his hands. He suddenly felt a soft hand caress the underside of his jaw, lifting his head.

"You've been so distant lately, are you okay Nonnie? I'm worried."

Vernon took a deep breath, bathing in the warmth of Seungkwan's soft hand that has now moved on to the shell of his ear. It was something that always calmed him. It was Seungkwan's way of letting Vernon know he was there.

"I- Seungkwan." Vernon said breathless while looking into the other's eyes. "I- I'm not too sure about something."
"What is it Sol? You barely ever say my full name." Seungkwan looked like he was almost on the brink of crying, worry and emotions flooding his eyes.
"Can I- can I kiss you?"

Seungkwan didn't hesitate and leaned into Vernon, closing the distance between them. Willing to grant every wish. Vernon lost his breath, his mind trying to let him know this wasn't him, these weren't his actions. It was his brain. It was a dream .

He woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.

《☆》

나의 밤은 deep deep
켜져 있는 TV
시끄럽지 내 맘처럼
너는 대체 어떠한 이유로
내 맘을 껐다 켰다 네 멋대론지

My night grows deep deep
The TV is on
It’s loud like my heart
Why do you keep turning my heart on and off
However you want?

《☆》

Vernon awoke in shock. It felt too real, it gave him too much hope. His brain was in shambles so he decided to just get out of bed. He sat up and realised it was only three in the morning.

He just silently left the room, trying not to disturb Soonyoung with his actions. Putting on a big sweatshirt that was probably Seungkwan's he grabbed his fluffy blanket and moved to the couch. Watching some TV should calm his mind.

He really felt like he had been clinging to Seungkwan too much and that the distance was needed. This was his problem and he had to deal with his feelings on his own. There was no way such a personal problem would lead to sending the group and their promotions in a frenzy. 

He barely heard the TV anymore because he was so deep in thought. Could Seungkwan like him that way? Was Seungkwan annoyed because he sometimes demanded his attention? His head was starting to ache.

He was restless and only fell asleep around 6 in the morning. An hour before Seungcheol found him there, wondering why one of the youngest was sleeping on the couch.

《☆》

네 생각에 잠 못 자다가 보면 오전

I can’t sleep because of you

《☆》

Seungcheol carefully put the blanket back over Vernon before slowly moving towards Vernon's room. He found that Soonyoung was already awake but also looking quite tired.

"Hey Soons, good morning."
"Good morning hyung." 

Soonyoung yawned and rubbed his eyes. Seungcheol decided to sit beside him on his bed.

"Do you know why Sollie is lying on the couch?" Seungcheol asked rather lightly, trying to fish for any bodily reaction that there was any hostility involved in the situation.
"No, he woke me up around three in the morning and he was talking in his sleep and thrashing around a lot. I think I heard him say 'Seungkwan' so I don't know if something bad is going on between the two. It definitely wasn't a bad dream because then he would've asked me if he could sleep beside me. I fell asleep after I heard him shuffle out but I was too tired to go after him."
"He looks like he hasn't slept at all. I'll call the managers and ask them for a day off for him."
"Mention it to Seungkwan and see what he'll want. He would worry regardless because it's one of the members but check in with the rest, yeah?"
"Thanks Soon, now get out of bed and get your ass to the practice room. I'll make sure everyone stays quiet so Vernon can sleep."

Seungcheol took his time to wake everyone up and usher them out as quickly and quietly as he could before he entered Seungkwan's room. The younger was already awake, rubbing his eyes while looking on his phone.

"Hey Kwannie, goodmorning."
"Morning Leader." Seungkwan said.
"I have a proposal and I'm sure you will agree but it looks like Nonnie hasn't slept at all last night. I found him on the couch this morning while the TV was still on. It doesn't seem like anything between him and Soon happened and I can't tell if he's ill. I told manager-hyung that Vernon would take the day off but I'm willing to give you a pass as well."

Worry quickly filled the younger his eyes before he jumped out of bed.

"Just take care of him Kwan. I'm a little worried but I trust you. We'll be gone until later, but we might make it back before dinner. Take care of yourself as well."

Seungkwan was hurrying to put his clothes on before diving into Seungcheol's arms. 

"I will hyung, I'll also just see if I can find out what's wrong."
“Take care Kwannie. We’re going to leave now.”
“Goodbye Seungcheol-hyung.” 

Seungkwan swiftly moved himself to the living room when he heard the front door close. He grabbed a cup of coffee before moving onto the couch. He repositioned Vernon so that his head was lying in Seungkwan’s lap. Seungkwan calmed himself by playing with the younger’s hair.

“Hansol-ah, what is wrong. You’re worrying me.” Seungkwan whispered.

He took a deep breath before focussing on his phone, his other hand still mindlessly going through Vernon’s hair.

“I hope it’s just a bug.”

《☆》

나는 너면 need no other
너는 마치 찌더움이 없는 summer yeah
너는 여태 내가 느껴왔던 쓸쓸함의 온점
네 생각에 잠 못 자다가 보면 오전

If it’s you, I need no other
You’re like the summer without the overbearing heat
You’re the boiling point to my loneliness
I can’t sleep because of you and suddenly it’s morning already

《☆》

Vernon woke up feeling warm, a fluttering feeling in his chest. He was slightly disoriented before he realised he was in the living room. Oh , yeah, he had fallen asleep on the couch after being restless. The dream slowly replayed in his mind before he rubbed his eyes and realised his head was resting on something warm and comfortable. He turned his head to see warm eyes looking at him softly.

“Oh Nonnie, you really aren’t feeling well.” Softly fell off the other's lips. 

Vernon tried to sit up quickly but Seungkwan held him down. Panic raised in his throat as he realised he had forgotten about practice, why didn’t anyone wake him up? Just as he was about to open his mouth Seungkwan answered for him. 

“Seungcheol-hyung saw you asleep on the couch this morning and saw you didn’t sleep well. He asked me to stay with you and take care of you. He was worried that something between you and Soonyoung-hyung went down. Tell me, are you ill? Is something bothering you Sol? I am worried.” 

Vernon really tried to speak, to make a coherent phrase of all the thoughts circling in his head.

It’s you, you’re the reason .

But he couldn’t say that, not straight to Seungkwan’s face, he couldn’t voice his struggles. Not after the revelation in yesterday’s dream. Damn, he really was so oblivious to his own feelings. Because it couldn't be true.

Seungkwan started moving his hand through Vernon’s hair again and the latter just closed his eyes and smiled softly while he tried to calm his racing heart. His mind reminded him of the kiss and the sweet smiles in his dream.

Maybe I can use this day to just be close with him, after I’ll try to distance myself and my feelings.

On a whim Vernon went with that thought and just snuggled into Seungkwan’s hand and the way it was calming him like it usually would. Nothing had to change, as long as he could contain his feelings everything was going to be alright.

“I’m just feeling ill Kwannie. I woke up after a dream and couldn’t fall asleep again. I think I had a headache and I only fell back asleep when it was six in the morning. There’s no need to worry. I am not fighting with Soonyoung-hyung and I am also not having any other problems.”
“I believe you Nonnie, you don’t have to get that defensive.”

And fuck, okay maybe containing his feelings was a harder task than he had hoped for.

《☆》

이런 너를 어쩌나
너를 봐도 네가 더 생각나
너는 내게 유일한 어쩌나
난 어쩌나 어쩌나

What do I do with you?
I look at you but I think of you even more
You’re my only one
What do I do?

《☆》

The morning passed rather quickly and soon it was time for lunch. Around two Vernon started stirring in Seungkwan’s lap and whining that he wanted food. Seungkwan grew worried the longer he observed the other. He was sure Vernon wasn’t ill, that it was something else that was bothering him. He could tell with certainty that Vernon was lying. Usually Vernon’s eyes told all, if you knew him well enough there was nothing that he could hide as long as you could see his eyes. He seemed shielded today.

Seungkwan thought back to how Vernon looked when he woke up. He had reacted shocked when meeting the older’s eyes. He had tried to sit up immediately instead of letting Seungkwan thread his hand through his hair. Vernon seemed too tense this morning. He said he had dreamed about something but he barely ever dreams. Seungkwan concluded something was off.

The rising feeling of worry kept coming and stirred in the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong and (his) Nonnie wasn’t talking about it. And if he wouldn’t talk to Seungkwan about it he meant he didn’t want to talk at all. Seungcheol had told the other members just after debut that that was often a bad sign for one of the youngest due to ghosts from the past. Minghao had quietly noted it and reminded Seungkwan about it every time he saw the two ‘98 liners huddled together, comforting one another or just softly talking. Seungkwan always kept the thought close to his heart, treasured it when his best friend confided in him, treasured the moments of comfort and calmness they could create together. Right now it’s what worried him most.

Seungkwan quickly stood up when he heard a yelp from the kitchen and a second later hearing something fall. When he rounded the corner he saw Vernon trying to grab the cereal but the box of cake mix that Mingyu kept for sudden celebrations, had fallen onto the ground.

“I’m fine!” Vernon spat out quickly while gathering everything. He looked beautiful in the sunlight that was just breaking through the drawn curtains.
“You absolute idiot. I was worried.” Seungkwan spat dramatically while bending down to help Vernon clean. More than just about you being hurt.
“It’s okay.”
“Let me make you some eggs though, you need better food if you’ve catched a cold.”

Vernon tried to struggle but Seungkwan quickly shut him down and sent him towards the kitchen counter. The latter tried to busy himself with the food not letting his thoughts about the younger concern him. 

He looked over to the silver head that was now sulking at the kitchen counter. He seemed to be so deep in thought, completely lost, his eyes were unfocused and Seungkwan thought he should probably shoot a message to Seungcheol. When he was about to do so he felt his phone vibrate.

 

Leader-hyung
We’ll be out for dinner as well. Take care Kwannie.

How is Vernon?

 

Kwannie
I can’t pinpoint what’s wrong. It’s nothing with Soonyoung though.

 

Seungkwan hesitated if he should tell Seungcheol the truth but he thought he had no other choice, and he couldn’t exactly handle this himself just before the release of their new album.

 

Kwannie
He doesn’t seem to be ill, Cheol hyung, I am worried. He doesn’t want to talk and hides his eyes whenever I try to meet them. It’s just like the accident around Mansae-era. I am scared hyung.

 

Seungkwan tried to hide that he was shaking, but he had his doubts that the younger one would notice anyway. Just when Vernon tried to speak up Seungkwan’s phone rang. Jeonghan’s name on screen.

"Hey Hyung."
"Kwan, you don't seem okay are you alone right now?"
"No, I'm cooking breakfast for Vernon now."
“Can you manage until later tonight?”
“I think so, give me some time okay?” Seungkwan said, glancing at Vernon who was drawing circles with his fingers on the table. He didn’t hear Seungkwan.
“I’ll keep him safe and take care of him. If you two just make sure the rest have a nice dinner.”
“Will do Kwannie.”
“Also bring back some food for us because I don’t feel like cooking twice today.”

And with that the phone call ended and Seungkwan just managed to save the egg before it got burned.

“Vernon, your food is ready.”

Something was off, something was wrong and Seungkwan didn’t know what to do.

《☆》

The rest of the day went by rather uneventfully. Vernon became very clingy but kept his mouth shut as they were watching some tv. Seungkwan felt his heart beating out of his chest because he was so anxious. Just when Vernon sat upright the front door slammed open and Minghao came running in.

Minghao however saw Seungkwan pulling Vernon into a closed hug and saw Vernon’s face and smiled to himself. He felt like something was going to happen. He just didn’t know if it would be positive or not.

“Here’s the food you asked for Kwan.” Minghao broke the silence.
“Thanks Hao.”
“Vernon take care!” Minghao almost screamed as he took his leave after he had grabbed something he had forgotten from his room.
“Thank you Eissa!” Vernon said, his voice a bit rough from not speaking the whole day.

When Minghao reported back to a worried Seungcheol and Jeonghan the two oldest gave each other a quick glance. They were still scared because Vernon was sometimes really bad with his feelings especially if it was within the group. The Mansae era accident really had a big impact on the whole group and Seungcheol was determined to not have a repeat of it.

《☆》

그대는 어떤가
나 때문에 잠들기 힘들까
쉴 틈 없이 설레게 하면
어쩌나 어쩌나

How about you?
Is it hard for you to sleep because of me too?
If you keep making my heart flutter
What do I do?

《☆》

As the days passed by Vernon tried to keep his distance from Seungkwan. His dreams were more frequent and he was sleeping rather poorly. He laid awake for hours at night either thinking about the other or analysing a dream. Whenever Seungkwan came near, touched his ears like he normally would, or when Seungkwan would hug him, Vernon felt his heart flutter. He couldn’t believe it. Was he really growing even more fond of his best friend?

They were so close already but the feeling was kind of comfortable and more intimate. The hugs were cozy. Yet it also scared him. He tried to be as discreet about it as possible but he tried to not be paired up with Seungkwan as much as he usually would. Or he would try to avoid one on one outings by asking Chan or one of his hyungs along. Thus far it seemed like no one noticed.

(He forgot Hao and Wonwoo were the only ones that read him like an open book.)

With the An Ode promotions coming to an end they were preparing for their world tour. They were so busy Vernon didn’t even need to avoid the older. He was also mentally preparing himself for going back to America and for speaking more English. Often practicing with Joshua again in casual conversation and the occasional banter. To the point of annoyance rose among the other members because they couldn’t eavesdrop on the two speaking their native tongue.

The tour went by and Seungcheol had to leave. His anxiety was through the roof and Jeonghan saw him have panic attacks and breakdowns until he one day physically wasn’t able to do anything and almost collapsed forcing himself. Yet before leaving he cried, asked all the members about their well being and was harshly scolded for putting them before himself. Jeonghan also had to spend a few nights in a hospital and take a few concerts of rest as he had strained his muscles leading to old injuries appearing. Such as his neck and his shoulders. It took a big toll on the group and Jihoon, Soonyoung and Joshua tried to stabilize them along the way. They couldn’t just suddenly quit in the middle of their tour.

As the tour went on however Joshua seemed to have growing sleeping problems. It was a good thing Jeonghan got back in time so they could figure everything out together. 

In the mess Vernon went unnoticed. Seungkwan was always trying to find him but Vernon was never around. This had upset the older to no point. He needed Vernon, and he needed him now. He adored Chan but no one understood him the way Vernon did and it was especially tough that he couldn’t cry on his shoulder. The contact with the silverhead was so minimal Seungkwan felt like he was the reason.

And the day of him acting weird just before the release of Fear came back. Seungkwan was worried but had no way to talk about it.

Meanwhile another threat was slowly seeping in, messing with their plans. With the rise of a pandemic that seemed to be rapidly spreading everyone got a bit anxious. Then the news came they had to fly back to Korea, cancel a part of their tour and stay inside for a while as the situation was worsening every single day. Vernon got locked inside with Seungkwan… and it wasn't fun.

The tension was high, but everyone was happy Seungcheol eventually got back and Jihoon and Soonyoung could relax.

Vernon's behaviour however was starting to get noticable. As the members passed the days working on new music and other projects Vernon started to lose track of the days. He thought back to the award shows without their leader, the hardships in the group. He thought back to the way everything was before that dream. Months later it finally hit.

Wait fuck. I like him. I- fuck.

Am I gay?

Then he started to doubt himself more. He unconsciously flinched whenever someone touched him, most specifically Seungkwan. The stress on the group, also with the moving of dorms coming up, was becoming bigger and bigger. 

Why did he only realise NOW.

One night when Vernon thought Soonyoung was asleep he started to mumble. 

"Kwan-ah, do you lose sleep because of me as well?"

The thing was… Soonyoung heard.

He needed to report it back to the leader, he knew. Soonyoung was now responsible for fixing the last of the tensions in the group. He realised Vernon's struggles had fallen under the radar multiple times. Soonyoung was sure Wonwoo had noticed and he wanted to get the two oldest and his fellow '96 liner together as soon as possible without any of the maknaes noticing.

The task at hand was harder than he expected. He luckily had a way out when he was meeting up with Jihoon about the new title track… but he needed to tell Jihoon about it.

《☆》

Okay, so Vernon might’ve had a teeny weeny tiny problem... 

Actually that’s a lie. It was a massive problem. Now that quarantine has kicked in and they’re stuck in the dorms it has steadily been growing bigger. It’s not like he wanted to avoid Seungkwan but at this point he barely had another choice. Every time he saw the older he couldn’t help the blush rising to his cheeks, the way his eyes followed his every movement and the way he would smile just seeing him do the same.

It’s stupid that he only recently realised what was going on if he had to be honest with himself. Vernon just felt stupid that he had overlooked his own feelings so easily. He had a hunch Wonwoo had already noticed but didn’t dare to say a word figuring Vernon didn’t even know it himself.

《☆》

“Jihoonie-” Soonyoung sing-songed as he walked into the studio.
“Yes Soonyoung.” Jihoon sounded annoyed but Soonyoung knew he was just focussed. It was merely to let the other know he was actively listening.
“I need to talk to you about Vernon because of all the tension ever since that dream in September and something that recently happened. I’m really worried about him and I know I’m not the only one. Everyone just let him slip even when Seungkwan mentioned the Mansae incident. It is-” Before Soonyoung could even finish his sentence Jihoon suddenly stood up from his desk.

“Fuck. Oh, Vernon.” Was the only thing he said before sitting down with Soonyoung on the couch that was in the back of the studio. Head in his hands.

“I know.”
“Soon, we need to do something, we can’t let him fall down again. We promised him and how is Seungkwan doing-”
“Hoonie, please stop ranting. I have an idea but it’s good to know I am not the only one that noticed.” Soonyoung let out a deep breath before continuing explaining his idea.

“I need you to call Wonwoo, Seungcheol and Jeonghan into the recording booth at the same time. We need them to solve this and I guess I am currently the person with the most current update on how Vernon is doing. We need to get him to talk but I am sure we can’t do it on our own.”
“Why Wonwoo?”
“Have you ever noticed how he sees everything? He is used to observing us and cornering us when we are not feeling well. Besides Jeonghan he was the first to speak up about Seungcheol. He is also always the one that makes you open up when you tend to lock yourself up in the studio.”
“Okay fair. We need to act quickly though. Seungkwan seemed to be really down lately when he was practicing with the vocal team and I think Vernon might just be spiralling. How did we manage to let him slip past us so easily? I feel so guilty Soonyoung. We completely forgot about one of our youngest, how!? How could we! I’m so mad at myself right now, especially because I was one of the people responsible when Seungcheol fell away. Fuck Soonyoung! It is bad, if we get a repeat of the Mansae incident I won’t be able to forgive myself. We had promised him! We had promised especially one another to keep an eye out for him! We know about his demons, we know why he dropped out of middle school yet this is what we do, this is how we handle it. This isn’t just one person failing, it is twelve people failing collectively! Soonyoung how-” And then he broke down. 

It is a rare sight to see Jihoon rant, speak about his feelings and break down about them in front of someone. Soonyoung has only seen it once and that was Jihoon under extreme stress around their debut. And well- the Mansae era accident. But every single one of them was crying back then. Soonyoung tentatively looked at Jihoon, waiting a second and calculating his next step, not too sure how to handle this. He couldn’t phone Seungcheol as he was already asleep and this specifically wasn’t anyone else's business for now.

“Jihoon, can I touch you?” 

Instead of an answer Jihoon turned around, moving sideways, before practically propping himself up in Soonyoung's lap and embracing the older. Then he pushed his head into the shoulder right before him. Soonyoung managed to move his arms so that they could rub circles on Jihoon’s back and they stayed like that in silence for a little while. Soonyoung let a few silent tears slip as well. Somewhere in his heart this moment got locked away and treasured. Sometimes he really wondered if Jihoon trusted him but he assumed this showed him enough. Jihoon did trust him, and he was willing to let himself go in front of Soonyoung. It was a step for them as well, among all the chaos. Soonyoung guessed some positives come out of a negative.

“It’s not your fault.”Soonyoung whispered eventually, when Jihoon’s shoulders stopped shaking, his hands still drawing patterns on the other’s back. Jihoon was now basically straddling Soonyoung while hugging him. “We all made mistakes and the group was dealing with a lot. Don’t only blame yourself. We all needed some time for ourselves amidst the chaos, yet it sadly led to neglect.” Jihoon snorted.
“Soon, I appreciate-”
“But get this Hoonie,” Soonyoung lifted the others head from his shoulder, wiping away Jihoon’s tears. “If we didn’t take that time for ourselves we wouldn’t have the emotional room now to help Vernon to the best of our abilities.” 

Jihoon giggled and smiled a little at how ridiculous the situation was and briefly, without thinking, pushed his head into Soonyoung’s hand a little. Then his face got beet-red, seeing the situation and suddenly his face went stoic, his voice dropped an octave and he scooted off Soonyoung’s lap to sit beside him. Yet their thighs were still touching. Soonyoung tried not to burst out laughing.

“We should plan it soon, perhaps they have time tomorrow?”
“I think they might Hoon, the hiphop unit has nothing.”
“Neither has the vocal unit so I think we have the time. I’ll put it in the groupchat.”

And that’s how one thing led to another.

《☆》

그게 싫다는 게 아니고
혹시 네가 너무
피곤할까 봐 걱정돼서 그렇지
내 맘이 그래

I didn’t say I didn’t like it
I’m just worried
That you’ll get too tired
That’s how I feel

《☆》

Vernon slowly started to accept whatever the fuck was going on. Not a lot of time had passed but he should be able to let it go, right? RIGHT?

It was easier said than done but in the new dorms he had his own room so he had more time to think. No more trying not to wake up Soonyoung and no more people randomly entering his room unless they were specifically searching for him. He started to like the feeling of having a crush. It had honestly been ages and besides all the angst and the worries he kind of started to find the fun in adoring anything Seungkwan did. He slowly let himself get a little closer to the members again.

The thing was, yet again, that he forgot how observant both Minghao and Wonwoo are. Wonwoo noticed immediately and saw through him. Wonwoo knew something changed but he wasn’t too sure if it was for the better. Minghao mostly noticed how Seungkwan’s eyes glistened whenever Vernon gave him attention or whenever Vernon as much as muttered a word. While the others only saw the ‘positive’ change, Minghao still saw a silent and spiralling Vernon.

Then came the meeting of Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Jihoon. The only thing was that they didn’t know why they were packed onto Jihoon’s couch instead of recording. A bag of chips was open on the table besides a bottle of cola (it’s Jihoon, he can assure you there were more bottles in the mini fridge besides his favourite guitar.) and Soonyoung was munching on the crisps loudly when the oldest two walked in.

“Sit down, we’re not here to record anything right now.” Jihoon said not turning around and still facing his screen.
“What?” Seungcheol said, confused. 

Jihoon turned around.

“Please both, just sit down and we’ll explain when Wonwoo gets here.”

Not a second later the male arrived, but with Minghao.

“Myeongho-ah, what are you doing here?” Soonyoung asked. Minghao shrugged.
“I was bored and wanted to see you guys record.”
“Just sit down because we’re not here to record- No I will explain later. Minghao I guess you get pulled into this now as well.” Jihoon said, before getting another glass of cola for himself.

The six members sat in silence, Jihoon still finding his place and Soonyoung grabbing some tissues from his pocket. Then Seungcheol started the conversation.

“Okay, so this obviously is something important and not for recording but the combination of members is a little out of the ordinary? No offense to Minghao, but we’re all hyung line.”
“Never thought the leader would say something like this.” Jeonghan said and snorted. 

Everyone knew Seungcheol didn’t mean it that way, it was just from a protective side to sometimes keep the youngest away from all the emotional chaos and troubles that could come along with certain topics. Jeonghan knew Seungcheol hated seeing any of the members cry, but specifically the maknae line. That’s why Minghao just smiled. Wonwoo answered for him.

“I think he might be really handy.”

Minghao again just smiled awkwardly and made a gesture for Jihoon and Soonyoung to continue. Jihoon did.

“We all noticed Vernon has been off-”
“Oh fuck.” Seungcheol said.
“-he has not been acting like himself, he is distant and silent. Seungkwan is silently worrying and all of us just forgot about it.” 

Jihoon saw Seungcheol’s face pale, Jeonghan grabbing his hand. Wonwoo and Minghao seemed indifferent but if you know them well enough you could actually see the crease in their eyebrows out of worry. Soonyoung continued.

“Recently, a day before we moved dorms another thing happened. It made me realise we lost focus of the problem. I talked to Hoonie about it with members that could help me fix the hole we dug ourselves. As his roommate I saw some things happening and didn’t think much of it until the moment I just mentioned. You all remember the day of his dream back during Fear right?” 

Everyone nodded, Jihoon again looking ashamed, Soonyoung grabbing his hand.

“Besides this Vernon had a few other nightly adventures but I assume he became quite careful with who noticed, not wanting to inconvenience us. He sometimes mumbled a lot in his sleep. but recently, when he thought I was sleeping he mumbled something about Seungkwan laying awake because of him as well.”

Soonyoung kept silent, still rubbing Jihoon’s hand. Watching the other members carefully. Everyone was letting the situation sink in.

“I am afraid we did some damage that can’t be turned around but I assume the main focus is not letting it go back to the Mansae incident.” Soonyoung tried to keep the air light but it was impossible. “We can’t let him down and let him fall back into that hole again.” 

Seungcheol let a tear fall, so did Jeonghan. 

“If you all remember, and I am sure you do, we need to do something now .” The urgency was there and it was clear.  

During the promotions of Mansae Vernon had fallen into a weird mood. It made everyone uncomfortable. At that point in time the members were still opening up to one another, trying to find their place while keeping up with their work. Their debut hadn’t been easy, they were sometimes completely left to their own devices and their youngest was only 16. All of them were now also under the pressure of the public eye and making sure to start off their career stable. While Vernon was into this weird mood everyone tended to ignore it. Especially when behind the scenes of music shows and when they were in the recording booth. 

The thing was that this actually led to Vernon avoiding the members entirely. Nobody knew his story yet, they knew he dropped out of middle school but that was about it. He had tried to keep himself strong for so long, but now his walls were breaking with more and more pressure settling down on him. He had many different problems in the past, moving to Korea was supposed to help him. He was so young but had a lot of trouble getting along with his peers. He was isolated and alone for most of his youth, only having his sister. He developed anxiety when he was eleven. From there on it only seemed to go downhill. He dropped out of middle school and didn’t socialize with anyone. It seemed that outing his feelings has become even harder. His parents were still his safe space, they have always supported him and tried to listen to him as much as possible.

The only thing that helped him through his teen years was music and he kept clinging onto it. It was his lifeline. He decided that if he had to be on this earth for longer he should do at least something. He had found a dream and an aspiration along the way. It helped him grow and he made friends with some others that were interested in music and rapping. Writing lyrics became his pastime, practicing in his room. He secretly found joy in dancing and eventually decided that maybe becoming an idol would be something for him, helping others with his music. He knew the industry wasn’t easy but perhaps training could give him a set schedule and a regulated life. The problem was that he didn’t get a chance to properly acknowledge and work on his demons from the past and it all went alright until the pressure became unbearable.

Mansae was the breaking point of Vernon’s vicious cycle of ignoring and repressing feelings. As the other members were finally figuring out who they were, Vernon was suddenly hit with a block of cement filled with memories of the past he couldn’t easily break away. At first it was just one wall, but soon he was surrounded. And thus his ‘weird’ behaviour started.

Then, when he realised he had trouble opening up and nobody was looking at his direction his brain just shut down and he fell mute. Completely mute. He avoided the other members but they didn’t even seem to notice and his thoughts kept spiralling. Down and down into a black abyss. 

One day he just couldn’t take it. In the middle of dinner, when everyone was talking happily about their performance he had had enough. He was picking at his food, Seungcheol on his left talking animatedly and Jihoon on his right just giggling. Couldn’t they see he was in a bad mood, that he was sad but couldn’t express himself?

He stood up, abruptly. It left the room in a weird silence when he dashed out and before they could follow him he slammed the door behind him. Tears were running down his face, hidden by a mask and a hood and he just walked endlessly until his legs literally gave up underneath him and he collapsed in the cold night in the middle of nowhere.

The other Sebongies just became more and more worried every hour Vernon didn’t come back. Seungkwan and Seokmin had already checked the west side of the building, Seungcheol and Jeonghan the east side while Jihoon and Wonwoo tried to keep the other members calm. Minghao was crying in a corner, being comforted by Jun in their native language. Minghao wasn’t able to keep up with all the Korean screamed around him and Jun was his only means of comfort. The dorms even got into more chaos when Seungcheol went out for a second time. Furious at himself and the fact Vernon wasn’t picking up the phone. 

When the leader slammed the door Jeonghan all huddled them together in a big group and they all tried to calm down.

“Cheol will find him, it will be fine.” He kept repeating until a weird and awaiting silence fell over them.

Seungcheol however was looking everywhere that was further than Seokmin and Seungkwan already searched, by car. To his luck he found Vernon, about ten kilometres away from their dorms on the east side. He was curled up on the sidewalk and wasn’t moving. Seungcheol felt himself cry as he stepped out of the car and immediately checked if the younger was still breathing. When that was the case he carefully lifted him up, laying him on the backseat and putting the two blankets they had in the car over him. He took a moment to calm down before turning on the engine, driving back and calling Jeonghan to update the group.

Never again

That was what they promised, especially after also finding some bruises. Yet they let him down, they let him slip. 

Never again... That promise was broken.

Seungcheol let his head down. Jeonghan still rubbing his hand, looking anxiously at the rest of the group. Until Minghao spoke up. He kept silent throughout the whole meeting but was now proving he was useful. 

“We know two factors and I think both Wonwoo and I have observed some of it. While Vernon has fallen silent we actually have a clue as to what this might be about this time and we need to use that to our advantage.”

Jihoon nodded, slightly moving his hand, motioning for Minghao to continue.

“Well, Soonyoung first told the story about the dream and Vernon mumbling multiple things about Seungkwan. I also walked in on the day Vernon and Seungkwan stayed home all the way back in September and while Vernon looked afraid I think he was already in too deep. He only recently truly realised what is going on. He just thinks a conflict will rise when he speaks up about it and he has fallen silent again.”

Minghao took a moment to let everyone take in what he said. Then he resumed his speaking again. Voice tentative and soft, reassuring. 

“I can testify that Seungkwan is worried, has been for ages but couldn’t find a way to properly articulate it. I think he doesn’t know what’s going on- and he’s just touch starved. Besides this we know Seungkwan needs Vernon because the two have this weird connection where no one, even they themselves, can fully grasp how strong it is. We know Vernon’s issue most likely as well, we just need to stop his downwards spiral of thoughts. I will let Wonwoo take over from here, because I think he might have seen more than I did.”

All eyes switched to Wonwoo, who stood up and walked towards the other side of the table, settling down on the ground so he could see everyone clearly. 

“I think Vernon is in love with Seungkwan.”

Jeonghan and Soonyoung gasped a little, the rest let their mouths hang open for a second.

“He is probably having a hard time figuring himself out again. We can find similarities in the Mansae situation. We just ignored it for too long- And no, Seungcheol-hyung, as kindly as I can put this so it gets through your thick skull, it is not your fucking fault. In no way. We have all failed and you needed time to heal. Hell you’re still healing and I will not stand for you worrying more about this just because you’re the leader. You’re not alone. We will do this together.”

Wonwoo relaxed his shoulders, watching everyone’s faces light up and Jeonghan wiping away a stray tear on Seungcheol’s face. 

“Now that you’re mentioning it, it does make sense.” Jihoon spoke up.
“I think it really does. Thank god for Hao joining us today.” Soonyoung added.
“I really think we just need to open a conversation about sexuality around him, see if it helps anything. Someone might eventually need to approach him directly but that might take some more time. Other than that we can only reassure Vernon and give him as much love as we possibly can. We can actually tell the other members in secret Vernon has been acting weird and to just take a little bit more care of him than we normally would. We do need to think about his boundaries because I sure as hell don’t want him running off and falling unconscious in the dark on the sidewalk again. Especially not in the cold of this April.”

The group kept talking and Wonwoo sometimes filled them in with little bits and pieces he had seen the past month.

《☆》

When they got back in the dorms they were actually pleasantly surprised by the sight of Vernon literally being coddled in Seungkwan’s lap like some kind of big teddy bear. Minghao could almost see Vernon’s invisible tail wagging as Seungkwan slowly played with the other’s hair. He just smirked at Wonwoo before they all diffused in the dorms. Going back to their own business as if nothing happened and they just recorded for the new comeback. Jeonghan gave Seungcheol a shove to his room, leaving the two maknaes alone in the living room.

Vernon's heart sighed as he tried to relax himself in the older's lap. He was comfortable like this and didn't want to move if he didn't have to. He felt his eyes close slowly. He was actually starting to relax. He had missed this, he had missed Seungkwan. 

The two just lay there in comfortable silence. Seungkwan was still playing with Vernon's hair.

When Jihoon softly greeted them to get some water Vernon’s thoughts started running. Would Seungkwan grow tired of him asking for attention? Is Seungkwan only doing this to stay kind to him and to avoid conflict? His thoughts kept running around in his mind.

I am a burden to the group, aren’t I? I am going to be hated because I like one of the members, because I can never express myself, because I make them worried. Just like the thing they like to call the Mansae accident. I am just a problem.

“Nonnie- Vernon hey, stop thinking. I can see the gears turn in your head. You can talk to me, y’know?” Seungkwan softly said. Vernon had a hard time focusing on the others' voices until he heard Jihoon’s bedroom door close. 

“What are you worried about?”

Vernon couldn’t stop the tears from forming. It has been enough. He has reached his limit once again, but before he could run, Seungkwan pulled him close, holding him, carding a hand through his hair and whispering soft reassurance. 

He let himself go.

Fuck .

I have to face this.

《☆》

Vernon fell asleep after crying, Seungcheol carrying him to his room, Seungkwan following. 

There was an ever present worry on Seungkwan’s face. Seungcheol had placed a hand on his shoulder before turning the younger around.

“Kwannie, I think we know what’s wrong this time. Don’t let him run away okay?”
“I promise Cheol-hyung. I just want him to smile again. It’s so hard like this.”
“It is for all of us. Please just keep trying to talk to him. Comfort him as much as needed but don’t let him shy away again. We promised to help him, so we’re going to.”

Seungkwan couldn’t help but wonder what Seungcheol knew exactly but he also didn’t dare to ask. He assumed the hyungs had figured something out. At least he knew to trust them.

Seungcheol bid goodbye and Seungkwan lay down besides Vernon, cuddling up to him, holding him close. The sleeping boy relaxed and together they drifted off to sleep.

《☆》

어쩌나 저쩌나
하루가 멀다 하고 네가 좋아져 난
내가 성격이 덜렁대고 좀 물러서
그치만 널 위해서 절대로 안 물러서

Let’s hum together
Let’s share earphones
On the sketchbook of my brain, I draw you out every day
(What am I saying)
Anyway, I just like you

《☆》

The next morning is peaceful, Vernon wakes up before Seungkwan but without a worry in the world. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad. He slowly started to accept his feelings. 

If he had to be honest he never truly cared about sexuality anyway. He just wasn’t really prepared for this to happen. The biggest obstacle was that it was someone in his own group, someone in his work. Now that he was comfortable in his bed he thought he would deal with that later and he snuggled back into Seungkwan’s chest.

The warmth was making him drowsy again.

When they both woke up it was a lot later already. Most of the hyung’s were out doing their tasks, only Chan and Seokmin were left at the kitchen counter, eating their breakfast. Seungkwan and Vernon both waddled in and sat down. The day went by in comfortable silence.

The switch of mood was weird, but so relieving and pleasant that most of the boys didn't even dare to question anything. Everyone just seemed to kinda go with it because it was such a relief. That night they decided to hold a movie night and just relax with some drinks. 

Tomorrow would be a slow day of producing and recording and mostly brainstorming about their new comeback so most of them decided an even slower day would be fine. Everyone cuddled up in the living room and Vernon and Seungkwan were both busy in the kitchen with snacks. 

What they didn’t know was that the other 11 had deliberately planned this so they could sit together. As today seemed a good day as any, with both Vernon and Seungkwan behaving normally, they thought they could at least nudge the two into the right direction. Minghao and Wonwoo however made them promise to listen to them if either of the two saw any change or any tension rising between them.

And so the night continued. When Vernon and Seungkwan came back from the kitchen they didn’t even move a muscle in their face before cuddling up on the big chair and relaxing besides one another.

Vernon felt Seungcheol side eye them and Jeonghan was obviously looking with a big grin on his face but he paid it no mind. Rather wanting to live in the moment than doubt anything that’s going on. He slowly put his head down on Seungkwan’s chest, as the older one already had a hand in his hair. The two were comfortable like this and Vernon really didn’t want to end it with his stupidity and his feelings. As doubt settled in the bottom of his stomach he tried to play it off as normal as possible.

Seungkwan however felt him tense and decided it might be time for them to talk. He really wanted it as soon as possible. He needed to end Vernon’s silence streak, he needed to know what was going on and why his best friend is acting this way. He was worried sick, once again. Right now Seungkwan just tried his best to calm down the boy on his chest by pulling him closer and whispering some tiny, meaningless things. Hand still steadily going through his hair, sometimes brushing the shell of his ear. It seemed to work and the evening went on peacefully.

Wonwoo and Minghao were relieved. 

《☆》

The next morning when Vernon walked out of his room he saw how empty the dorms were. Everyone was gone, out and about. He wandered into the kitchen but got scared by Seungkwan sitting at the table, not expecting anyone to still be home. 

“Goodmorning Nonnie.”
“Morning Kwan, have you slept well?”
“Yeah I did, yesterday was nice with everyone.”

Vernon sat next to him, Seungkwan offering one of the discarded headphones that were laying beside him. The two ate their breakfast in silence. Except for the silent humming of Seungkwan.

The rest of the day Vernon spent admiring Seungkwan from a distance as the others just sprinted around the dorm finishing tasks and singing lightly. He tried to keep some of the stills in the back of his brain. Sketching them out on the back of his mind. However when evening fell, and everyone seemed to suddenly disappear from the dorms a weird tension rose.

When he walked out of his own room he was faced with Seungkwan sitting on the couch, staring into the distance with tears streaking down his face.

 

"Vernon, we need to talk." 

 

Vernon's breath hitched before he slowly moved forward. His brain wasn't able to form any words or thoughts. It went into autopilot and kept repeating the same mantra over and over again. Comfort Seungkwan, comfort Seungkwan, you must comfort Seungkwan.

This is your fault.

 

And ouch, that one hit. Vernon knew it was because he was distant. He realised now that he really avoided Seungkwan until a few days ago. So he just silently sat down. Letting this wash over him. He was weirdly ready to face this problem head on. For the first time in the five years that he was in the group he didn't feel the need to run away.

“Okay.” Vernon said, taking Seungkwan by surprise. 

The latter let out a shaky breath before turning to face Vernon, but while he did so the tears really started to catch up with his emotions. Before even the first syllable was out he started sobbing. Vernon panicked, not really knowing what to do. What Seungkwan expected of him. If he could touch him.

He acted on instinct and pushed Seungkwan’s hands away from his face before taking it in his own hands. He wiped the tears away and looked at Seungkwan. For the first time in seven months he looked directly into Seungkwan’s eyes. With no shield, with no hesitation.

“I’m here Seungkwan. Talk to me when you’re ready. I will stay besides you.”

Seungkwan nodded shakily before softly pushing his head against Vernon’s hand. It felt good to be able to look the younger in his eyes again. Seungkwan didn’t even know how much he had missed this the past months and now that Vernon didn’t seem to hide and take distance it was all a lot to take in.

“Kwannie, do you want something to drink? Should I grab some iced coffee and come back? Maybe you can calm down a little then-”
“Please stay, we can maybe g- go out for c- coffee later.” Seungkwan quickly answered and Vernon sat back down.

“Okay, I’m listening. Whenever you’re ready.” 

Vernon’s voice was soft and tentative, he spoke with care. Seungkwan noticed and smiled a little. Trying to gather himself before he spoke up.

“We all know you have been off for a while, everyone was worried about you. But with Seungcheol falling away and Jeonghan becoming injured you slipped through our fingers. We know you have been acting aloof since September with no clue as to why. You wouldn’t talk Nonnie, and I got really really scared. We all thought we had let you down again. Just like during Mansae.”

Vernon stiffened at the mention of the incident.

“I was worried sick ever since that nightmare back in September. Or whatever it was that was bugging you. You weren’t talking. It seemed like you were barely even here with your mind. I remember calling with Jeongan that day. Him asking if I was alright. I was shaking and I didn’t even really realise why. I care a lot about you Vernon, you should know that. I know that you know that.”

Seungkwan took a deep breath before continuing. Vernon was just listening, not knowing how to answer anything. He felt guilty.

“Lately I saw the hyung’s looking at us. Specifically Wonwoo seemed to keep an eye out for you and I couldn’t place why but it really raised my anxiety. When I needed you in October, when Seungcheol needed to leave, you were avoiding me but I couldn’t confront you. I also had no help from other members because everyone was busy trying to get their shit back together. I had many nights where I was lying awake, crying. Chan got worried about me and asked Wonwoo for help. You still wouldn’t bug, and you seemed to be forgotten amongst the chaos. Sol- you really don’t realise how big the impact is when you stop talking all together. I know the maknaes were left out of the hyung line talking about you recently, they think I’m stupid but I saw, I saw the worried glances and the whispers. I saw Seungcheol looking extremely guilty the past week. And we have let you down once again.”

Seungkwan started sobbing but Vernon couldn’t comprehend why. He was trying to piece it back together. Why were they sorry? In what way was he let down?

“S- sorry Kwannie but if anything I should be apologizing. I acted like a dickhead for ignoring everyone for seven months. I feel so guilty hearing you were this worried about me for more than half a year . I- Kwannie this isn’t your fault or that of any of the other guys-”

“Vernon don’t you realise!”

Seungkwan screamed through tears.

“Don’t you fucking realise why!? Why we were worried, why we have let you down! Do you not have a single fucking clue!”

Vernon was now on the brink of tears himself and when Seungkwan realised he lowered his voice immediately.

“Hansol Vernon Chwe, all twelve of us had made a promise roughly four years ago. We had promised not to let you fall into silence again, to help you through whatever you were figuring out and what you were facing. We were scared we had fucked up Nonnie, scared of a repeat of the incident. We almost lost you that night because of hypothermia. I know you barely have any recollection of the days after we found you but they were so scary Vernon, so incredibly scary. You could’ve died! Because of our stupidity. Because we ignored the signs. We were afraid we were too late again. I was afraid I was too late again. I was afraid I would lose you forever. We were both 17 at the time, young and stupid, but we had promised you one thing...”

Seungkwan’s voice died down. He was so emotional not even tears were coming out anymore.

“We had promised to keep you safe. To listen to you and we failed .”

“You- I- Kwannie no.” Vernon got out before breaking down in tears. He stood up from the couch pacing back and forth in front of the tv.

“It wasn’t your fault, or any of the members. Yes I wasn’t talking, and yes I was figuring something out but I felt like I couldn’t talk. And no, not because I didn’t think I could come to any of you. This time I was just scared of myself. Of something I might’ve known since forever but only realised. It’s not that I didn’t tell you because I didn’t trust you. And everyone was dealing with shit back in October so I really don’t blame anyone for checking up on me, no one had it easy back then. I didn’t tell you because it is about you.”

Vernon slapped his hands in front of his mouth but Seungkwan just stood up, grabbed his hands and stared right at him.

“Then tell me Nonnie, please tell me what has been in your way?”
“Kwan?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I like you.”
“Romantically?”
“Y- yeah I think so?” Vernon stuttered.

“The reason I kept my distance was because I was scared of ruining the dynamics of the group. It wasn’t because I minded being gay, or whatever. I know I can trust you all with that, I know you are all supportive. I never really cared about my sexuality either. I was so scared to talk and be close to you because I was one, scared of what my feelings meant, two, scared of ruining a good friendship, third, scared of messing up our career-”

“You don’t have to be.” Came a voice from the doorway. When Vernon looked at the hallway he saw all eleven of the other members standing there, Seungcheol up front speaking. “You don’t have to be scared that we can’t handle this as a group Vernon. We’ve been through a lot, and you can trust us. Although I can see why it was so hard to tell now that we know the truth.”

Then Chan stepped forward, breaking away from the grasp that Jeonghan had on his shoulder.

“Besides I don’t think you have to be scared about ruining a friendship. I know Seungkwan can handle it well but let’s say… I think you aren’t alone.”

Vernon looked at Chan in bewilderment, tears still on his cheeks, before looking back at Seungkwan. Seungkwan was completely red in the face, the blush reaching the tip of his ears and his neck, but he was looking straight at Vernon. They just looked at each other, curious gazes mixing. There was a moment of silence before Wonwoo spoke up.

“Now kiss, idiots.”

And so they did.

《☆》

아까부터 같은 말 계속해서
미안해 그치만 이게 다야
별 어려운 말 다 해봐도
내 진심은 이게 every everything

이런 너를 어쩌나
너를 봐도 네가 더 생각나
이 모든 게 꿈이면 난 정말
난 어쩌나 어쩌나

Sorry for repeating the same thing
But this is all
I can try using hard words
But my true feeling is this, every everything

What do I do with you?
I look at you but I think of you even more
If this was all really a dream
What do I do?

《☆》

“I love you.”
“Vernon, I know you had many dreams but please go and find a fucking room.”

Chan has had enough of the two already.

“No cursing sweet Channie!” Jeonghan sing-songed as he walked through the kitchen. “And let them just be happy, I rather have this than all the tension.”

Seungkwan just groaned, Vernon snorted.

“I’m happy Vernon can at least express himself properly.” Joshua stated. Mingyu hurriedly nodded, agreeing with the older.

“Now let’s all leave Vernon alone, we all know he had trouble, and most of you aren’t exactly great with feelings either-” Seungcheol said as he pointedly looked at Jihoon, Soonyoung and Jun. “until then I don’t want to hear anyone complain. Just be happy for them, although Vernon?”
“Yes hyung?”
“Find some more words than just those three will you? They get repetitive, you’re like a scratched record.”

Vernon blushed and everyone in the room laughed. 

But he was happy. Really happy. He still had his group, he had his friends. But most importantly, he had his boyfriend. He just hoped it wasn’t another dream when they made out that night. Soft giggles and hands under shirts, just like a bunch of teenagers.

But they were content, they were happy. And that is all that really mattered.

《☆》

“They’re kinda gross sometimes.” Seokmin smiled.
“Yeah, but I’m glad we don’t need to hear Seungkwan complain about how out of reach Vernon is. Or how he laid awake another night, or how he had another dream.” Soonyoung added. “I do prefer the stories of their dates. Vernon is weirdly romantic.” 

“As if you aren’t Soons.”


“OOOH JIHOON IS BEING SOFT AGAIN!”

“LEE SEOKMIN DO YOU WANT LESS LINES THE NEXT COMEBACK!”

Notes:

Thank you for reading! Usually I don't ask for it but leaving comments and kudos really motivate me to keep writing.

If you want to talk here's my twitter,
@StarryNonnie

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