Now Katsuki knows he was right before; someone like Eijirou could never love him. No one can.
He feels like such an idiot. He fell so fucking hard for that red-haired asshole, and they'd been together so long, he finally convinced himself he was loved. He felt fucking loved.
But he wasn't. Eijirou made damn sure he knew that.
"I love you, dude, and I'm sure you love me too, but we aren't in love with each other. I think maybe we were wrong about what kind of love we felt. Promise me you'll still be my best friend?"
Maybe he's pathetic, but he does. He stays best fucking friends with the guy he's in love with who loves him like a bro. It feels like an actual nightmare when Eijirou starts trying to set him up with people and tells him about who he finds attractive.
It's fucking petty, but that shit hurts more than anything else. If Kirishima really does love him as a friend, all he's missing is attraction, and Eijirou so willingly gives that out to other people.
He feels a new stab in his heart when he goes to the common room and sees his ex-boyfriend wearing a hoodie of his.
"Take it off."
"My jacket. Take it off."
Eijirou looks down with a red face and fiddles with the sleeves.
"Could I maybe just keep this one? Please?"
Katsuki doesn't really understand why that makes him so angry, but he's soon fighting with Kirishima to take back his hoodie.
"Dude, please! Just this!"
"No! Fuck you, this sweatshirt is for my fucking boyfriend!"
He takes advantage of Eijirou's confusion and aims a blast at the center of the jacket. Kirishima can't just break his heart and keep his clothes.
Especially not something that was such a fucking milestone in their relationship. Eijirou pulls the hem of the sweatshirt out to look at the gaping hole in the center.
"Why are you so cruel?"
Fuck, he meant to ruin the hoodie, not to make Kirishima sob. Ei stands up with an angry, hurt look on his face. He rips the jacket off.
"Fine! You can have my fucking ruined shirt too. Maybe you can give your boyfriend both."
Eijirou leaves the room crying, but not before Katsuki sees the angry, bleeding burn mark covering the majority of his now bare chest.
Katsuki's stomach drops. Did he—why didn't he harden?! Katsuki didn't—he'd never—want to actually hurt him! He just wanted to fuck up the jacket, not fucking burn Eijirou's chest.
Why didn't he harden? If Bakugou's blast was just a little bigger—Fuck! What's going on with him? Why is Eijirou fucking him up so badly? He used to be the only person Katsuki could trust, could talk to, and now that's just making this shit so much worse.
He doesn't even understand why he left, why he ended what Katsuki thought was a perfect relationship. Yeah, he really doesn't have anything to compare it to, but his parents work well together, and he and Eijirou worked even better.
It feels like the second he's doing good with one thing, something else falls apart. He's finally able to stand being actual friends with Deku, and the relationship he actually cares about ends immediately after. It's like he can't fucking win.
And he'd never even considered how much it would hurt to have the person who swore they loved him just completely blindside him like that. He fucking knew someone like Eijirou could never love him, but he was so fucking convincing.
And he was so adamant they stay friends; it's obvious that's all he ever really wanted. Katsuki doesn't even realize he's on the verge of tears until he's standing with his hand on Eijirou's door.
He wants to knock. More than that, he wants to just walk in and curl up on his stupid camo bedding like he used to. But that's not appropriate now; he's not allowed in that bed anymore.
He doesn't know how long he stands there with his brain spiraling into more and more depressing thoughts. He doesn't even realize he's resting his head on Eijirou's door until the "thunk" causes him to open it.
Katsuki almost falls straight into his ex without the door holding him up.
"What do you want, dude?"
He feels sick looking at the bloody bandages wrapped around Eijirou's chest.
"You're—I hurt you."
He scratches the back of his neck underneath the half-assed bun he pulled his hair into.
"Yeah. Definitely did."
"I didn't—why didn't you go to Recovery Girl?"
"It's late, bro. I can manage until the morning. Is that all, Bakugou?"
He feels his throat constrict at the use of his last name and looking at that expression on Eijirou's face. Anger, hatred, disgust.
He's gotten that look from so many people, but it hurts a million times more when coming from him. Eijirou's never looked at Katsuki like that before. He can't hold back the loud sob he gives in response.
The sob isn't alone, though, and it feels like it breaks every last line of defense he has. He can't even see past the tears in his eyes.
"What did I do?! Why did you—why did you leave me?! You said you fucking loved me!"
He feels the physical pain in his chest that hasn't gone away since Eijirou dumped him get worse. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why is he not enough?
The ground is a lot closer than it was a few seconds ago, and he vaguely processes he's on his knees. He feels so fucking pathetic, breaking down in front of his ex-boyfriend because he can't get over a fucking breakup.
Big hands are cupping his face and wiping his eyes. God, it's so nice to be touched. No one's even fucking sat close to him since Eijirou stopped.
"Hey, hey, look at me. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. I do love you, Kat; that isn't the issue."
"I know, like a fucking friend."
He weakly tries to pull his face away, but it's more to add to his point and less to actually get Eijirou's hands off of him.
"No. Well, yeah, but I also love love you."
He blinks until his vision isn't too blurry to look up at Eijirou crouching in front of him.
He doesn't like the sad smile he gets.
"I thought—do you wanna come in?"
He doesn't actually respond, but he does stomp into Eijirou's room and sit on the floor next to his bed.
He still hasn't gotten the tears to fully stop.
"Well? Fucking talk."
Ei shifts around uncomfortably before taking a deep breath.
"I thought I was holding you back—"
"The fuck?! You're the only fucking person who—"
"—from being with who you wanted."
"I thought, fuck, I thought you'd rather be with someone else, and I thought you'd have a hard time admitting it. I really thought it was the right thing to do, Kat, I didn't realize—"
"You fucking idiot!"
"No, fuck you, you don't fucking get it. I've been trying to deal with this shit because you told me you aren't in love with me! You're the fucking person I want to be with! So yeah, guess you did fucking hold me back from that."
"Do you know how hard it is?! Trying to figure out what the fuck I did to make you give up on me? You asshole!"
His tears have turned from hopeless to angry.
"Katsuki, listen to me! I'm sorry, I was stupid; I didn't realize it'd hurt you so much..."
"How could it not? You said you loved me. You fucking swore it."
Kirishima drops his head into his hands and groans.
"I'm so fucking stupid. I thought I was making the right choice."
"You should've said something."
He feels like a little kid, picking at the carpet and avoiding eye contact.
"I should've. Dude, how can I make this up to you! I don't wanna lose you as a friend."
He scrubs at his eyes again. Seriously?
"I'm sorry I fucked up—"
"No! You fucking did it again. You just said you're in love with me, you fucking liar. I don't want to be your god damn friend."
He can't decide if he wants to run from the room or curl in on himself until he fucking disappears. He's a lot closer to the second one, with his knees pulled up against his chest while crying into his arms.
The silence in the room goes on too long for his liking, but Eijirou's sitting next to him now.
"Does that mean you want to give me another chance or for me to leave you alone?"
His eyes are still watering, and his face is definitely blotchy and swollen, but he looks over to give Kirishima the most serious face he can muster.
"Are you fucking in love with me or not?"
Eijirou looks almost as upset as Katsuki.
"I really am."
He definitely feels some relief from that, but it's so fucking hard to believe. He wants to believe it so bad.
"You have to prove it."
"And you're not allowed to make dumb decisions without talking to me first."
"I'm still mad at you."
Eijirou sighs and lets his head fall back against his bed.
"Yeah, me too."
"But I don't hate you, and I don't want you to leave me alone."
It feels like it's been months since he's had that loving smile sent in his direction.
"I'm really glad, Kat."
He lets Eijirou gently grab his hand and slot their palms together.
"Do you wanna lay down? We can talk more, or just like, lay there. I really miss that."
He nods in a way he hopes doesn't show how much he's fucking dying to be held again. He's still angry, and he's going to have a hard time trusting him again, but he still loves the idiot more than anything, and he's fucking relieved to have him back.