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who am i to blame? (there's something 'bout you)

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"Kyu, are you going to the party tonight?" Donghyuck asks as he eats his cookies and cream ice cream.

"What party?"

Donghyuck eyes widen and he puts down his ice cream spoon and repositions himself to look at Junkyu in his eyes, sporting a very serious face.

"The biggest party on our campus, Kim Junkyu. It's Park Jihoon's party. At his house. It's a pretty big fucking deal," Donghyuck looks so serious, Junkyu has to hold back a laugh.

"Well, okay, sorry that I don't really keep up with all of the parties. There's literally one every week, how am I supposed to keep up?" Junkyu shrugs.

Donghyuck scoffs and takes his spoon, pointing it towards Junkyu. "That's why I'm your best friend. You're coming with me to that party," Donghyuck says, finality in his voice.

"Do I have a say in this?" Junkyu deadpans.

Donghyuck shakes his head and continues eating his half melted ice cream. Junkyu sighs and mirrors Donghyuck, eating his own ice cream.

"Fine," Junkyu pouts. "But you are in charge of my outfit for tonight."

Donghyuck smiles his excited-as-fuck smile and nods his head furiously. "I'm gonna make you the second most fuckable motherfucker at the party tonight."

Junkyu snorts. "Who's the first? You?"

"Duh, Park Jihoon," Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

Junkyu rolls his eyes too. He doesn't understand what's the hype over this Park Jihoon. Junkyu knows that he is the Campus Heartthrob™. He is a captain of one of those… sports thingy, he just can't remember which sport. Everyone knows him because his presence is pretty hard to miss, especially with the crowd of people that follows him like moths to a flame.

Junkyu, though, he doesn't see it. He doesn't know anything else about the guy, and he is content for it to stay that way.

“What about Renjun?”

“Renjun doesn’t count, I’m already fucking him,” Donghyuck shrugs.

“Gross,” Junkyu’s face scrunches up in disgust. “I don’t want to know about your sex life with your boyfriend.”

“That’s because you lack one. Stay bitter.”

Junkyu huffs. “You’re mean.”

“You only say that because I’m right. That’s why we’re going to that party and you’re gonna get yourself laid.” donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows and slurps the remaining of his melted ice cream.

"Whatever you say.”





 

One hour before the party, Donghyuck is already making a fuss over what to wear. Junkyu entertains his roommate while he scrolls through his phone. Right now, Donghyuck is trying on his fifth outfit of the night. The other four weren't bad, but Donghyuck just seems to find something to dislike about them. Junkyu assures him that he looks fine, but Donghyuck is not Donghyuck if not stubborn.

After a few minutes, he hears Donghyuck announce that he's ready. Junkyu puts his phone down to give his roommate his full attention. Donghyuck walks into the room, his party fit on full display. Junkyu whistles and sits up from his position. He asks Donghyuck to come closer to him and turn around so he can see his fit.

Donghyuck is dressed in his leopard print silk shirt, paired with his black jeans that really reminds Junkyu that Donghyuck does have a nice ass. He notices that Donghyuck puts on a bit of makeup this time, making his already beautiful face even more beautiful. How is that fair , Junkyu thinks to himself.

"Man, if you still hate this one, I don't know how to help you anymore," Junkyu chuckles.

"Actually, I love it. I forgot I even have this shirt if it didn't fall off the hanger," Donghyuck laughs. Junkyu takes Donghyuck's face and observes his makeup, then lets it go and gives him a thumbs up.

Donghyuck beams and turns on his feet. "Your turn now," his voice full of glee. Junkyu groans but gets up anyway and follows Donghyuck to the closet.

It doesn't take long for Donghyuck to pick an outfit for him. Donghyuck must have thought about what Junkyu will be wearing tonight before he thought about his own. Junkyu smiles fondly at that as he takes whatever pieces of clothing Donghyuck hands him.

After Donghyuck announces that he's done and Junkyu can put it on now, he does so without needing to be told twice. He goes to the bathroom and changes out of his pajamas, much to his dismay.

After zipping his pants up, he takes a look at what he wears thoroughly. He is wearing a black see through long sleeves shirt with a low V-neck that reflects the light a little bit when he shifts. It's a bit bigger than his size, but he thinks that that's the appeal of it. The sinful shirt is tucked in a pair of pants, identical to the one Donghyuck wears. 

Maybe Donghyuck is really serious about making him the most fuckable motherfucker tonight. He doesn't know Jihoon, so as far as he's concerned, he is definitely number one.

He walks back into the room and Donghyuck claps his hands triumphantly. He urges Junkyu to model for him and Junkyu gladly delivers. After making several embarrassing poses that only Donghyuck has the privilege to see, Donghyuck pulls him to sit in front of the vanity and starts rambling about what he's going to do to Junkyu's face.

Junkyu never really bothers to use makeup because his mom always tells him that he looks the most handsome without them, and he's his mother's son so he trusts her. But tonight, he sits back and lets Donghyuck do his magic because he trusts him too. Only for tonight, he tells Donghyuck who rolls his eyes and replies with a halfhearted okay.

Before he knows it, Donghyuck is done with the last stroke of his brush. He scoots back and lets Junkyu take a look at his masterpiece in the mirror. 

"Holy fuck," Junkyu mutters. Donghyuck chuckles as he waits for another reaction. "Hyuck, I don't know what Jihoon is going to look like tonight but I am sure that I will be the most fuckable motherfucker tonight."

Donghyuck laughs loudly, clutching his stomach like Junkyu just said the funniest thing he has ever heard. The guy even sheds a tear. Junkyu takes pride in that.

Donghyuck lends him some of his rings as he chooses some for himself to wear too. Junkyu knows about Donghyuck's obsession with rings. Donghyuck told him once that rings are the best accessories in the world and it makes him feel elegant. Junkyu doesn't disagree. Donghyuck does have pretty fingers to work those rings. Junkyu, on the contrary, does not. But he says fuck it and wears them anyway.

After taking a few photos together— as a documentation for us being hot as fuck , Donghyuck tells him—they rush to the party. Since taking a cab is considered to be a free pass to bankruptcy, especially for college students that live on budget like Donghyuck and himself, they decide to walk to the party. It’s not that far away from their apartment, so they don’t really mind, happily talking to each other as the night wind brushes over their skin.





 

Junkyu’s first opinion of the party is that it is indeed a big one. The biggest he has ever seen. He gulps and takes a deep breath. He knows he will be drained when this party ends. He can only do so much social interaction before he feels hollow like his life is sucked out of his body.

They both walk towards the house side by side. They recognize some familiar faces so they decide to say hello to them. They are cheerfully welcomed by Yeri, Chaeyoung, Jungwoo, Sicheng, and Wonwoo who were sitting on the porch together. All of them are seniors, but they got close to them through organizing a campus event that one time during their freshman year. Donghyuck excuses himself to search for Renjun, his boyfriend, after he says a quick hello to the group of seniors.

"You look good, Junkyu," Chaeyoung says in awe. Junkyu blushes a bit at the comment and laughs nervously, thanking her and tells her that it's all Donghyuck. The conversation goes on smoothly from there. After about ten minutes, he excuses himself to go inside and grab a drink. Everyone encourages him to drink a lot and get wasted because he deserves it. He laughs at them and thanks them for the encouragement.

When he opens the door, the sound of the music blasting has him wincing a little bit. He is never really good with loud noises, that's why he needs to drink to forget he’s even at a party in the first place. 

Junkyu must have been walking so fast with booze tunnel vision because he doesn’t see that someone is walking his way and crashes into someone. The other person only flinched while Junkyu was sent to the floor. Who the fuck is that sturdy , Junkyu thinks to himself a little bit annoyed.

"Oh shit, sorry," the guy says and helps Junkyu up. "Are you okay?" He sounds genuinely concerned. Well, at least he knows his place. Junkyu huffs and pats his pants that have gathered little crumbs from the floor. These people are disgusting , Junkyu grimaces.

"Uh, are you okay?" He hears the guy in front of him ask again. Junkyu looks up and is met with the sight of the person his roommate will not shut up about. Park Jihoon . Of course it has to be Park Jihoon. He internally curses himself as he pulls himself together.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Junkyu manages to say. Up close, Junkyu can see exactly why he is named the Campus Heartthrob™. He manages to make out the moles on the other's face and to his shiny eyes that… is not looking at his? Wait, is Jihoon checking him out? Junkyu clears his throat and that seems to get Jihoon's eyes back on his eyes and not other parts of his body. Junkyu lets out a nervous chuckle.

Why is he suddenly feeling so awkward? 

"Um, sorry I bumped into you," Junkyu clears his throat again. 

"That's okay," Jihoon replies. "I don't mind being bumped into by attractive people," he adds nonchalantly.

Good God . What the hell is he supposed to respond to that? Junkyu can literally feel his cheeks burning and he quickly looks down. He hears Jihoon say something suspiciously similar to cute . Is he saying Junkyu's cute? Whatever. He needs to get out of this conversation. Junkyu looks back up and sends Jihoon a smile, one that he hopes doesn't give away that his heart is beating like crazy.

"Uh, thank you?" He croaks out.

Jihoon chuckles and his eyes, they smile too. "Anytime."

Junkyu excuses himself quickly and heads to the bathroom instead. After he slams the door shut, he buries his face on his hands and tries to compose himself. “Get yourself together, Kim Junkyu.”





 

Junkyu gets out of the bathroom after someone knocks on the door saying how they really really need to pee . He goes straight to the kitchen, where he assumes the drinks are. Junkyu thinks that maybe this is not his night because as soon as he steps into the kitchen, he’s greeted by the sight of Jihoon pouring himself a drink. The older looks up at Junkyu and sends him a smirk.

“Oh, it’s you again,” he tips his drink towards Junkyu. Junkyu nods and sends him a tight lipped smile. Yeah, he really needs to drink. “Want some?” Jihoon asks. Junkyu nods again. That’s literally the only thing he can manage to do right now, how embarrassing. Jihoon pours him a cup of the suspiciously pink drink and hands it to him. Junkyu mutters a quiet thank you as he takes the cup.

Junkyu drinks the shitty booze in two big gulps. He slams the cup down and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He looks at Jihoon who is already looking at him, amusement clear in his eyes. Junkyu lifts one of his eyebrows, silently asking if there is something wrong. Jihoon chuckles and shakes his head.

“You’re trying to get wasted, huh?” Jihoon props his chin on his palm and looks up at Junkyu. In this position, Junkyu can make out the moles on Jihoon’s face again. He traces each one with eyes, wondering how it would feel on his lips. Junkyu snaps out of his thoughts and looks away, feeling the familiar burn creeping on his cheeks.

Jihoon stands up straight and makes his way to Junkyu. Junkyu gulps nervously, watching Jihoon move from his spot to stand in front of him, caging him between his arms. Junkyu has his back on the counter so he doesn’t really have any room to move. They stand really close to each other, Junkyu can make out his eyelashes and how it flutters down to look at his lips. Junkyu’s eyes then falters to Jihoon's lips too and all he can think of is to kiss him stupid.

“Can I kiss you?” Junkyu whispers. Jihoon seems taken aback by the question, but nods anyway.

Junkyu leans forward and closes the distance between them. Jihoon’s lips taste like the shitty pink drink he just drank, but that doesn’t make it any less amazing. He kisses Jihoon like he’s been missing this all his life. Junkyu cups Jihoon's face and angles his head so their lips slot more perfectly together. Jihoon holds him on his hips and rubs tiny circles, making Junkyu hum in satisfaction.

Their kiss turns heated quickly, with the way they are rutting against each other and a moan slips out of Junkyu’s mouth. Jihoon kisses along Junkyu’s jaw and down his neck, making Junkyu whimper when he sucks at the juncture of his neck. He seems to forget that they are in a kitchen, where anyone can walk in anytime and see them sucking each other’s faces. He pushes Jihoon back, who looks back at him confused.

“What– oh wait, I’m sorry if it’s too mu–”

“No, it’s not that,” Junkyu quickly assures him. “I like it,” he continues sheepishly. He sees how Jihoon lets out a relieved breath.

“Then what’s wrong?” Jihoon asks hesitantly.

“Um, we can’t do it,” Junkyu makes vague hand gestures to the room, “Here.”

Jihoon looks confused for a few seconds but then his face lights up in recognition.

“Want to go to my room?” he suggests with a slight smirk, and who is Junkyu to decline such an offer? After Junkyu nods, Jihoon takes his hand and leads them both to his room. Thankfully, no one really pays attention to the both of them. They are either too drunk or too into whatever they are doing to notice.

Once they finally enter Jihoon’s room, Jihoon closes the door and locks it. Junkyu feels Jihoon presses his back against the door and not long after, Jihoon’s lips are immediately back on his. They kiss hungrily and impatiently, the sound of their pants are the only thing filling the silence. Jihoon’s hands are all over his body by now. Jihoon squeezes his ass and Junkyu lets out a moan that Jihoon swallows by kissing him more. Junkyu suddenly feels like there’s too much clothes between them.

Off ,” he says in between the kisses, pulling at Jihoon’s shirt.

Jihoon happily complies and takes his shirt off, throwing it haphazardly to the floor. Junkyu takes a second to appreciate the view in front of him. Junkyu knows the guy is an athlete, but to feel Jihoon’s muscles under his arm is different. Especially now that they are in Jihoon’s room and Jihoon is half naked. 

“Like what you see?” Jihoon teases. Junkyu nods, much to Jihoon’s surprise. Jihoon smirks and lifts Junkyu by his legs and takes them to the bed. Jihoon, thankfully, doesn't drop him on the bed, instead puts him down softly.

If that makes Junkyu's heart flutter, he ignores it.

Jihoon is painting his neck with more purple marks while he helps Junkyu take his shirt off, discarding it on the floor. Jihoon sits up from where he was kissing Junkyu’s neck and looks at Junkyu underneath him. Junkyu squirms under his gaze, suddenly feeling too bare.

“Stop looking at me,” Junkyu hisses.

Jihoon laughs softly and nuzzles his nose on his neck. “Beautiful,” Jihoon whispers to his ear. “So, so beautiful.” Junkyu whimpers at the praise.

“How do you want this?” Jihoon asks Junkyu who already looks fucked out of his mind when they haven’t even started yet. Junkyu catches his breath and looks at Jihoon in the eyes. “I just want you,” he says breathlessly. Jihoon’s eyes turn soft for a second before he’s back to kissing the life out of Junkyu.

Jihoon helps Junkyu out of his pants then takes off his own. Jihoon kisses down his chest, to his stomach, to the waistband of his underwear, tugging it down and letting Junkyu’s dick springs out of his pants. Jihoon hums in appreciation and takes Junkyu’s underwear all the way off. Junkyu’s breath hitches when he feels Jihoon suck hickeys on his inner thighs.

Jihoon ,” Junkyu whines. Jihoon gets up from his current position and looks at Junkyu. He leans closer and kisses Junkyu again, more softly this time.

Jihoon spreads Junkyu’s legs, exposing him to the cold air and he shudders. Jihoon pulls back and retrieves a bottle of lube and condom from the bedside table. The sound of the bottle clicking open makes Junkyu’s head spin with enthusiasm. It has been a while since he last had sex. He usually just gets off in the shower because fingering himself can be stressful because it was never enough.

When Jihoon presses his lube covered finger to his rim, Junkyu bites back a moan. The lube is not as cold as he initially thought it would be, Jihoon must have warmed it up before. At the thought of that, his stomach does that thing again where it flutters, but he ignores it again because Jihoon is pushing his middle finger into him. The intrusion was uncomfortable, but not unwelcome.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” Jihoon breathes.

“It’s,” Junkyu hiccups. “It’s been a while since I, you know,” Junkyu adds sheepishly.

Jihoon nods in understanding and rubs tiny circles on his hips, “Take all the time you need,” he places a kiss on Junkyu’s hip bone. After he’s comfortable enough, he urges Jihoon to move.

He has forgotten how good it feels that he almost comes when Jihoon’s finger grazes his prostate. Jihoon seems to make it his mission to hit his prostate with every move of his finger. Junkyu feels the tip of his pointer finger slips in at his rim.

“More,” Junkyu croaks out. Jihoon does as he’s told and is now scissoring Junkyu open with his middle and pointer fingers.

Junkyu still feels like it’s not enough. He unconsciously says more and Jihoon adds a third finger in. Junkyu clenches down on Jihoon’s fingers, feeling full but not enough at the same time. He wishes Jihoon would just fuck him right now, but he knows he needs more prep for it to not hurt him. Junkyu trembles every time Jihoon’s fingers touch his prostate and he can feel the familiar knot on his lower abdomen tightening. As much as he wants to come right there, he wants Jihoon in him, like, right now.

“I’m– ah –I’m close,” Junkyu manages to let out.

“Then come, Kyu,” Jihoon says, planting a kiss on his thigh. Junkyu doesn’t miss the nickname slipping out of Jihoon’s mouth.

Junkyu shakes his head and gulps. “No. Fuck me now, Jihoon. I want to come with you inside of me.”

Jihoon chokes out a moan and carefully pulls his fingers out, leaving Junkyu’s hole gaping at nothing. Jihoon makes a quick work of opening the condom and puts it on, coating his hardened dick with lube. Jihoon positions the tip of his dick on Junkyu’s rim and pushes in slowly, careful not to hurt Junkyu. The stretch still stings a bit, because Jihoon is, well, big. But Junkyu hadn’t felt this full for months so he revels in it.

"Fuck, you really are tight," Jihoon breathes. By the looks of it, Jihoon is just as affected as him.

"Yeah, no shit," he manages to reply.

Junkyu tries to control his breathing, silently thankful that Jihoon is giving him time to adjust to his size. Once he can breathe properly again, he clenches down, feeling Jihoon shudders and curses under his breath. Jihoon starts moving in and out of him, dragging his dick until his tip catches at his rim and thrusts back in hardly.

Every time Jihoon does it, Junkyu feels his breath getting knocked out of his chest. The only thing that grounds him is that Jihoon is kissing him. Junkyu doesn’t kiss him back, busy moans into Jihoon’s mouth. With every thrust, Jihoon hits his prostate dead on and Junkyu’s eyes roll to the back of his head.

With this pace, Junkyu can feel the knot in his stomach tightening and he knows he’s close. By the way Jihoon's hip stutters, he knows that the older is close too.

"Jihoon, I'm–oh my god, fuck, I'm close," he pants. Jihoon lets out a sound similar to a growl and kisses Junkyu's neck. "Me too," is all Jihoon says before he lifts Junkyu's legs up and pushes them more towards the bed, almost folding Junkyu in half, and starts fucking him faster than before. In this position, Junkyu can feel Jihoon deeper inside him and he trembles because holy fuck .

Junkyu doesn't last long because not long after that he reaches his orgasm and comes all over his stomach and chest.

Jihoon halts his movement and looks at Junkyu, bewildered. "Did–did you just come untouched?" There's awe in his voice and Junkyu can't help but snort.

"Yeah," Junkyu shudders, body still coming down from his high. Jihoon caresses Junkyu's face and there's that fluttering feeling again.

Junkyu clears his throat and says, "Come inside me, Jihoon."

He knows that Jihoon is wearing a condom but he still wants him to come while he's inside him.

Jihoon leans forward to kiss the corner of Junkyu's mouth and starts fucking into him again, chasing his own release. Junkyu cries because it's just so fucking good and he doesn't want Jihoon to stop. Junkyu clenches down on Jihoon and that does it. Jihoon groans as he comes. He rides his orgasm inside Junkyu until Junkyu whimpers at the overstimulation and Jihoon pulls out slowly.

Junkyu watches Jihoon tie the condom and throws it into the trash can next to the bed. Jihoon drops next to Junkyu and for a few minutes none of them talks, trying to catch their own breaths.

"That was," Junkyu trails off. "Amazing."

Jihoon laughs and looks at Junkyu who has his eyes closed. Junkyu, who's aware of the attention, looks back at Jihoon and feels his breath hitches. Jihoon with some of his hair matted to his forehead still looks good and he glows.

"You clean us up, please," Junkyu whines. He feels so tired and his back is slightly sore. Junkyu sends him a smile and gets up to grab a wet towel and clean them up.

When Jihoon's done, Junkyu makes his way to put on his clothes. Jihoon sits on his bed, attentively looking at Junkyu's every move.

"Stop looking at me," Junkyu says shyly.

"Stay," Jihoon says softly. Junkyu sighs but continues to put his shirt on.

"I can't," Junkyu replies, sending Jihoon a tight lipped smile.

"Okay," Jihoon says back with a sad smile. Seeing Jihoon so dejected does something to his heart so he walks to where Jihoon is sitting and sits on the edge of bed. Junkyu kisses the corner of his mouth and caresses Jihoon's cheek with his thumb.

"We'll see each other again," Junkyu convinces him.

Jihoon's eyes fall to his lap. "How do you know that?" He whispers.

"Because I don't want this to be a one time thing," Junkyu replies softly. Jihoon looks back up at him and the lack of response sends panic all over Junkyu's brain. "I-if you want to, of course," he quickly adds.

Jihoon grins and nuzzles his face on Junkyu's hand. "I want to," he kisses Junkyu's hand. Junkyu mirrors his grin. After they exchange numbers, Junkyu gets up and walks towards the door. He looks back at Jihoon one more time and walks out the door.

That night, he feels like it's the start of something new. What is it exactly? He doesn't know, but it's a problem for future Junkyu to think about. Right now, his goal is to find Donghyuck and make sure they both get back home safely.




 

The next couple of weeks, Junkyu comes over to Jihoon’s house more often. It always ends up with them tangled in the sheets, panting as they come down from their highs. Junkyu still goes home right after they clean themselves up, not wanting to cause suspicions, especially for Donghyuck. They never really talk about whatever it is they are doing, but Junkyu has the feeling that they really should.

So here they are, cuddling together after Jihoon pulled two orgasms out of Junkyu and Junkyu gave Jihoon the blow job of his life.

“Jihoon,” Junkyu says to Jihoon’s chest. Jihoon hums in response as he draws tiny circles on Junkyu’s back. “We should talk about this, about what we’re doing, I mean.”

Jihoon takes a deep breath and positions them so they are face to face with Junkyu’s head on his right arm. “Yeah, we should."

"The term for what we are is friends with benefits," Junkyu states.

Jihoon's face scrunches in confusion, Junkyu thinks it's a bit cute so he kisses his nose.

"Can't we just say we're fuck buddies?" Jihoon asks seriously.

Junkyu laughs at him and nuzzles closer. "Yeah, whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. We should set some ground rules, though."

"What are we? Kindergartners?" Jihoon jokes. Junkyu hits him on the chest softly and whines for Jihoon to be serious for five minutes. Jihoon relents and lets Junkyu continue.

"First, this is strictly physical, so no feelings involved," Junkyu states matter of factly. “When we find someone else, we can just call this arrangement off.” Jihoon hums and kisses Junkyu's temple.

"Second, we do it at your place because I don't want Donghyuck to know, or sexile him every time. Which brings me to the third rule, no one can know about… us, and what we're doing."

Jihoon hums again and massages Junkyu's nape. Junkyu whines at the lack of response. "Okay, okay, yes, I heard you. No feelings, we do it at my place, and keep this a secret. I listen to you, Kim Junkyu," he says as he brings Junkyu closer.

It's so easy for Junkyu to feel safe when he's in Jihoon's embrace. He never expected to be in this situation with The Park Jihoon he didn't really care about last week. But life works in mysterious ways and so far Junkyu doesn't really mind it.

So Junkyu presses himself closer to Jihoon and relishes in the warmth. "Okay," he replies softly.

The only thing he hears before he drifts off is Jihoon whispering okay to the crown of his head. 

They will be okay.




 

 

Three months into this arrangement, Junkyu feels like he's been fucked by Jihoon in all possible surfaces in Jihoon's house. The kitchen counter, the bathroom, the guest room, the couch. One time, Jihoon ate him out while he's making dinner for them. They ended up having a late dinner on Jihoon's bed. Legs too wobbly to walk to the kitchen.

But also in those three months, he has gotten to know Jihoon a whole lot better. Sometimes they don't even fuck. They go to each other to relieve stress in other ways than fucking each other's brains out. Since they can't go out in public, they spend a lot of their time cooped up on Jihoon's bed, watching movies and talking about each other's lives.

Junkyu has come to know that Jihoon's parents gave him his own house as long as he aces in football—oh, yeah, that’s the sport Jihoon plays, Junkyu takes note of that—so he can continue in his father's footsteps. When in reality, Jihoon's passion is to dance. He has seen a couple of videos Jihoon showed him of his own choreographies and even though Junkyu doesn't know a thing about dancing, he can see that Jihoon really loves it.

It's not that his parents are against Jihoon dancing, it's just that they prefer him to do something more "manly", whatever the fuck that means , Junkyu thinks.

But it's still such a shame, really, that Jihoon can't act on his passion as freely as him. Junkyu is lucky enough to have supportive parents who encourage him to learn and pursue something he loves. That's why he is majoring in English literature now.

The only way Jihoon still channels his love for dance is through the weekly shows his campus holds. The dance teacher, Ten, asked him personally to help with the choreos and perform one of his own too. Junkyu thinks that is such a big deal, and he can see that it is a big deal to Jihoon too by the way his eyes lit up when he’s telling Junkyu about it.

This knowledge still brings a pang to Junkyu's heart, but he knows there's not much he can do. So he makes sure to show Jihoon more of his support. He will come to the studio when Jihoon is practicing alone, stays until Jihoon's finished practicing and helps him pack his stuff. He will walk back to Jihoon's house with him and let Jihoon hug him goodbye every time.

Junkyu also makes sure to give his support and shower him with affection through physical touch. Junkyu knows that it is Jihoon's love language. A simple hand holding or a hug can really take a big amount of burden from Jihoon's shoulder. He literally feels it every time Jihoon would melt in his arms with every hug.

Junkyu also found out that Jihoon volunteers in a nursing home his late grandparents used to live in. He goes there every two weeks, because his football practice schedule is packed. Junkyu also found out that Jihoon has an older brother who is now running his father’s company alongside his father. Jihoon has always wanted a younger sibling, that is why he’s close to most of the people a year under him. 

Junkyu sees that Jihoon is so much better than everyone paints him to be. He feels a little guilty that he once fell victim to minimizing him only as the captain of the football team who is also the campus heartthrob. There’s so much to Jihoon than what meets the eyes, and he’s glad he got the chance to see it.

Jihoon is strong, but everyone falls too. So when Jihoon does fall, he is going to try to be there for Jihoon the way he has always been there for him. Because now they are friends. Friends who fuck, yes, but friends nonetheless, and friends will help each other through everything.

That’s what friends are for afterall.



 

 

On one Saturday, Jihoon texts him to come over again. Junkyu happily agrees as he texts Jihoon back his response. He doesn't realize that he was smiling until Donghyuck throws him a piece of crumpled tissue.

"Stop ignoring me," Donghyuck whines. Jihoon quickly shut his phone off and put it down on the table. "Sorry," he says sheepishly. "You have my full attention now."

"Who are you texting anyway? Are you sleeping with someone?"

Junkyu sighs. There's no way he can lie to Donghyuck. He's been doing so good for the last two months, but the truth will always come out. Especially when you live together with Lee Donghyuck.

“I know about it, you know. Ever since the party, you’ve been… different,” Donghyuck tells him.

Junkyu raises his brows, clearly confused by his statement. “Hmm, how so?”

“You’re glowing, Junkyu-ya,” Donghyuck sends him a small smile. “I don’t really care if you’re, like, sleeping with someone because that’s none of my business. But I hope they treat you well.”

Junkyu can see that Donghyuck is being genuine. He has always been genuine when it comes to the people he loves. It has always been Junkyu and Donghyuck since the first day of college, navigating their way to survive it and finding their place there. It has always been the two of them against the world, and Junkyu couldn’t ask for a better person to go through all of this with. He can’t imagine a life without Donghyuck.

“You love me so much it makes you look stupid,” Junkyu beams at him.

“Shut up, don’t let Renjun hear you or else he’s going to bite you,” Donghyuck jokes.

“Jokes on you, Hyuckie. Renjun loves me more than you.”

“Sadly, that’s true,” Donghyuck sighs and they both laugh.

“I didn’t say anything before because I know you can take care of yourself and you don’t need me to always be there for you, at least physically.” Donghyuck takes a sip of his orange juice and his face scrunches from the sourness.

“Hey, don’t say that. I will always need you,” Junkyu pouts. “It’s us against the world, Lee Donghyuck.” Junkyu takes Donghyuck’s hand and squeezes it.

“But seriously, Kyu-ya, I hope you’re happy with whoever he is,” Donghyuck adds in.

His mind reels back to Jihoon and all of the time spent under him and next to him. Yeah, he is happy .

“We’re nothing serious, but we’re happy,” Junkyu sends him a smile.

“So you’re, like, fuck buddies?” Junkyu laughs because that’s exactly what Jihoon said to him.

“He said the same thing,” Junkyu chuckles. “But the more elegant term is friends with benefits.”

“Who the fuck says shit like that anymore? Are you a forty year old man?”

“Seriously, what does age have to do with this?” Junkyu asks incredulously. Donghyuck shakes his head, clearly not knowing the answer too. That makes Junkyu laugh and Donghyuck joins him.

They continue talking and joking around until Junkyu’s phone pings with a notification that Junkyu smiles at. Donghyuck notices that and says, “Your dick appointment is waiting for you.”

Junkyu throws him the crumpled tissue Donghyuck threw at him earlier and tells him to shut up. Junkyu gets up from his chair and makes his way to hug Donghyuck goodbye. 

“I’ll be back. Don’t wait up for me, yeah?” Junkyu says.

“You can stay over at his place, you know? I can’t imagine going back home after getting my life fucked out of me,” Donghyuck chuckles. “I’ll be okay alone, not like I’m gonna burn the whole apartment down.”

“Oh please, you just want Renjun to come over,” Junkyu rolls his eyes. 

“Well, on the bright side, we don’t need to sexile each other,” Donghyuck shrugs.

Junkyu shakes his head fondly. “Okay, Mr. Genius.”

Donghyuck pats his ass and wishes him to have fun. Junkyu kisses the crown of Donghyuck's head and waves him goodbye.

Yeah, he hit the friendship jackpot with Donghyuck.





 

When he arrives in front of Jihoon's front door, he doesn't even get to knock before he's pulled inside and pressed against the door. Jihoon's lips are already on his, kissing him like they haven't seen each other for three months. It has only been three days, mind you.

"Someone's eager," Junkyu teases and Jihoon sends him a smirk.

"Shut up. You talk too much," is what Jihoon ends up saying.

Jihoon picks him up and Junkyu wraps his legs on Jihoon's hips, letting Jihoon take them to wherever he wants. They end up on Jihoon's bed which has become one of his own too at this rate.

After Jihoon puts him down, they both part to quickly take off all of their clothing and back on each other again. Jihoon's fingers graze over Junkyu's nipples and he arches his back to the touch. He has always been a little sensitive there, so when Jihoon found out about it, he never misses to do it every time.

Junkyu doesn't really mind the attention Jihoon gives to his nipples, breath hitching every time Jihoon laps at his hardened nubs. Today, Jihoon seems to be paying more attention to other parts of Junkyu than his mouth and he doesn't find it in himself to complain.

After Jihoon is satisfied with sucking on his nipples, he trails kisses down to Junkyu's thighs. Since he can't leave visible hickeys on Junkyu's neck, he makes sure to leave a whole lot of them on his thighs as a reminder that Jihoon is the only person who can satisfy him like this.

Jihoon lifts his legs up and licks his lips as he takes in the sight of Junkyu's hole. When Jihoon licks a fat stripe from his rim, to his perineum, to his balls, Junkyu feels his whole body shudders. Jihoon laps his rim again and again. Sometimes prodding at it with his tongue, fucking him with it. It's so lewd, having Jihoon savor him this way, but the feeling it gives him throws all his care out of the window.

"Jihoon, I'm close– ah –I'm gonna come," Junkyu moans. Jihoon doesn't stop his movement, instead spreading Junkyu's ass wider and starts fucking his tongue in with a faster pace.

Junkyu grabs a handful of Jihoon's hair and he hears him moan. Interesting , he thinks. But he'll save it for next time he's not a moaning mess.

"Come for me," Jihoon says in between fucking his tongue in Junkyu's hole. Junkyu's eyes roll to the back of his head when he comes, white spurts coming out of his dick and makes a mess on his chest.

Jihoon has stopped fucking his hole with his tongue, instead sucking on it. Junkyu closes his legs in instinct, feeling overwhelmed all of the sudden. But Jihoon pries his legs open again and continues sucking and lapping all over his hole.

Junkyu can feel his dick hardening again and a new knot forming on his lower abdomen. Junkyu feels his tears rolling down his face over how good Jihoon is making him feel.

“Can you come again? For me?” Jihoon says to his whole. Junkyu nods furiously, too blissed out to reply with words. After a few more suck, Junkyu is coming for the second time that day. Jihoon licks his hole as he trembles through his orgasm. After he has managed to breathe properly, Jihoon stops attacking his hole and goes back up to kiss Junkyu on the mouth.

"Ew, you just had your mouth on my ass," Junkyu laughs. Jihoon mirrors his laugh but keeps kissing him.

“You’re so hot when you come untouched,” Jihoon says to his lips. “You make me crazy, Kim Junkyu.”

Junkyu feels the familiar flutter back on his stomach again so he distracts himself with kissing Jihoon. When they part, Junkyu leans back on the bed and tries to compose himself. Jihoon rolls to the other side of the bed and lays there, looking at Junkyu.

Junkyu looks down at Jihoon's dick and it's pretty much still hard, it looks borderline painful.

"You need help with that?" Junkyu asks.

Jihoon looks down to where Junkyu's eyes are trained and chuckles. "Not really. I just want to make you feel good." Jihoon tucks a stray of Junkyu's hair behind his ears.

Jihoon has been so good to him. He has been gentle and caring. He always asks for his consent even if he's obvious that he doesn't mind if Jihoon breaks him in half. Jihoon always makes sure that he's satisfied first. It makes him a bit guilty because sometimes he will be too tired to help Jihoon other than a sloppy hand job or let Jihoon fucks his mouth.

So he gets up and sits on top of Jihoon. Jihoon looks at him, surprised at the sudden movement. Junkyu leans forward and kisses Jihoon slowly.

"You've been so good to me," Junkyu says in between the kisses. "Let me make you feel good too." Junkyu sees the way Jihoon’s throat moves as he gulps, followed by a nod.

With that, Junkyu gets between Jihoon's legs and takes his hard length in his hands. He uses Jihoon's precome to stroke it a few times before he licks a stripe from Jihoon's balls to the tip of his dick. Junkyu has given Jihoon enough blow jobs to know how Jihoon loves it.

He laps his tongue over the tip and licks at the slit. Jihoon shakes underneath him and Junkyu can see his muscles spasm.

After a few kitten licks, he finally takes Jihoon's length all the way in his mouth. He hollows his cheeks and sucks in, Jihoon's moans sound like music to his ears. He does it again a few more times until Jihoon can't help but to buck his hips up to chase the warmth.

When the head of Jihoon's dick hits the back of his throat, Junkyu moans and the vibration enough to send Jihoon off the edge as he reaches his high, painting Junkyu's throat with his come. Junkyu pulls Jihoon's dick out of his mouth with a loud pop. He licks at the come left on the tip of his cock. Once he deems it clean enough, he crawls back up to kiss Jihoon.

" Fuck ," Jihoon says in between their kiss. "You seriously give the best blow jobs, it's unreal." Jihoon laughs and Junkyu laughs with him.

Junkyu’s face turns serious as he asks, "Can I ride you?" Jihoon chokes at the question. 

"And you called me eager," Jihoon rolls his eyes but pulls Junkyu in for a kiss. He takes the lube and condom next to his bed, puts on the condom and uses the lube to prepare Junkyu quickly, only so he doesn't hurt.

After Junkyu claims that he's ready, he goes down on Jihoon's length, drawing out a moan from the both of them. Junkyu unconsciously clenches his hole and Jihoon chokes out a moan. "Sorry," Junkyu breathes. Junkyu kisses him again as an apology.

Junkyu starts to move up and down, grinding his hips and searching for that angle that makes him see stars. Jihoon rolls his hips up and he immediately hits his prostate. Junkyu’s hip stutters as he tries to regain himself. He starts to fuck himself up and down Jihoon’s length on rhytym, hitting his prostate with every move. Junkyu is grateful that Jihoon lives by himself because both of them are very loud.

Junkyu’s pace becomes more erratic until it slows down, signalling that he’s close. “So good,” Junkyu breathes out. Jihoon who notices the slowing of Junkyu’s pace plants his feet on the bed and starts fucking up into Junkyu. It doesn’t take long for Junkyu to come for the third time that day and clenches down, successfully sending Jihoon off the edge and he’s coming too.

They fall on the bed, both panting and out of breath. Jihoon wraps his hand on Junkyu’s dick, stroking it with Junkyu’s come. Junkyu cries from the overstimulation but he bucks his hips into Jihoon’s fist. It doesn’t take long for him to reach his orgasm, except nothing comes out of his dick. Junkyu falls to the front as he trembles and gripping Jihoon’s shoulder like his life depends on him, spewing out broken moans. 

“That was so hot,” Jihoon groans into his ears. 

“Fuck you,” Junkyu spits weakly. “I’m never having sex with you again. I think you broke me.” Jihoon laughs and rubs comforting circles on Junkyu’s back. After Junkyu has calmed down, Jihoon slowly pulls out of him and throws his condom into the trash can.

Jihoon slowly navigates Junkyu to lie with his back on Jihoon’s chest so he can big spoon him. Their favorite way to bask the afterglow is like this, drowning in each other's body warmth.

“That’s not fair, I still came more times than you do,” Junkyu states though his voice is sleepy. Jihoon kisses the back of his neck, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” They end up falling asleep, the tiredness catching up to them.

They wake up because Junkyu feels his stomach rumbles. When he looks at the clock, it’s almost time for dinner. So they decide to order in some food, but they will shower first. Junkyu can’t feel his legs so he makes Jihoon carry him to the bathroom, bridal style. They choose the bathtub because Junkyu seriously can’t stand standing up for a long period of time. They wash up quickly and put on their (Jihoon’s) pajamas. They eat pizza for dinner—not the healthiest—and after they are done, they are back on Jihoon’s bed.

Junkyu doesn't mind spending the rest of his life like this.

A voice in the back of his mind nags him every time he thinks about Jihoon and the word forever in one sentence. He always ignores it, deeming it unimportant because he knows they have their boundaries and he is not going to cross that.

But when Jihoon kisses his forehead goodnight before the tiredness of the day forces his eyes to close, he curses the voice in the back of his mind because it's right. He can dream about forever with Jihoon all he wants but he can never get that. That's not what Jihoon signed up for and he's not going to drag him into this mess because he can't control his feelings.

He is not going to lose Jihoon like this.





 

"Welcome home, stranger," Donghyuck says as soon as Junkyu closes the door behind him. Junkyu distractedly hums in response. He takes off his shoes and neatly puts them on the shoe rack and heads straight to his room.

He takes a quick shower because he doesn't want to let his mind wander to somewhere he can't come back from. After he's dressed in his pajamas, he slips beneath his blanket and wishes it could swallow him whole.

A knock on the door takes him out of his reverie which he doesn't remember he's in. Donghyuck's head pops in and his hair jiggles. Junkyu smiles fondly at that and beckons him to come in. Donghyuck quickly walks in and slips under Junkyu’s blanket. Junkyu lets him snuggle up to his side. Donghyuck gives the best hugs and cuddles, so he’s happy with the warmth he’s receiving from his best friend.

“You okay?” donghyuck asks a bit muffled by Junkyu’s pajama top. Junkyu hums but doesn’t say anything.

Donghyuck knows better than to push Junkyu to talk about his problems, so he lets out a quiet ‘okay’ and leans into Junkyu more. A few minutes of silence later, Junkyu positions himself to lay completely on his back, looking up at the ceiling. He sighs loudly, heart feeling heavy by his thoughts. He couldn’t make his body sleep to forget about them for a while so he gives up and lets them run around his mind freely.

He thinks about the gentleness in which Jihoon treats him, both during sex and when they’re not. He thinks about how easy it is to feel brave yet protected when he’s in Jihoon’s embrace. He thinks about all the time they spend snuggled up together, giving commentaries to random movies they’re watching. He thinks about how domestic it feels to eat dinner together whenever Junkyu stays over. He thinks about all the time he wishes that he can have Jihoon under different circumstances.

He doesn’t realize that he was crying until Donghyuck coos and feels him wipe at his tears gently.

“Come here,” Donghyuck positions them so Junkyu is on his chest. Junkyu lets himself cry on Donghyuck’s shirt. He knows Donghyuck doesn’t mind him wetting his shirt.

After Junkyu’s sobs have turned into tiny hiccups and sniffles, Donghyuck excuses himself to get some tissues. Junkyu doesn’t want to be left alone, but Donghyuck assures him that he will be back quickly. Junkyu’s too weak to argue so he lets his grip on Donghyuck’s shirt go and watches as he disappears from the room.

The lack of Donghyuck and the silence trigger Junkyu’s tears to come out again, though not as much as before. He bites his wobbling lips, trying to hold in his tiny sobs. When Donghyuck walks back in with a box of tissue and two bottles of water, he rushes next to Junkyu’s side and caresses his back, rubbing circles that he knows Junkyu finds comforting.

“I’m fucked, Hyuck,” Junkyu croaks out wetly. Donghyuck shushes him but asks softly, “What makes you say that?”

Junkyu sniffles and rubs at his puffy eyes. Donghyuck resists the urge to coo at him.

“I love him, Hyuck.” Junkyu’s voice breaks. “I love him and I want him more than just sex,” he chokes out. Donghyuck hums in response.

“What’s so wrong about that?”

“Fuck buddies are not supposed to have feelings for each other, Donghyuck,” Junkyu huffs. Donghyuck grins and nods his head.

“Does he know?”

“No. If he knows then we will have to stop this and I’m not ready to lose him yet,” Junkyu trails off. He bites back a sob, not wanting to cry anymore.

“Why don’t you just let him know?”

Junkyu pinches Donghyuck’s side and the latter lets out a pained yelp. “Ow, what was that for?”

“Did you even listen to me? We can’t have feelings for each other, if one of us does, then we have to stop. I don’t think I like the idea of not having him around anymore.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, right?” Donghyuck shrugs. “The only thing you will stop doing is the sex. You can still have him as a friend. It’ll be awkward, for sure, but you don’t have to lose him.”

“You talk like you’ve been in my position before,” Junkyu accuses. Much to Junkyu’s surprise, Donghyuck replies, “Yes, I have actually. You know Na Jaemin?”

“What kind of question is that? We eat lunch together almost every day, there’s no wa– oh my god . Lee Donghyuck, you did not ,” Junkyu gasps.

“That I did. We were like you and your mystery man, you know. I fell in love with him too, but he wasn’t looking for something serious. I was sad, but that’s just how it is, you know? Some people are meant to be in our lives, just not the way we want them to be,” Donghyuck sighs. “And look at us now, we’re doing good, right? I have Renjun now, too. Jaemin was the right person because, well, he’s still in my life, right? Just wished we met under different circumstances, that’s all.”

Junkyu looks at Donghyuck in amazement. He always admires how Donghyuck lives—carefree and fearlessly. He knows how to appreciate things and keep them safe. He knows his way around people and everyone adores him. Sometimes Junkyu wishes to be like him, like right now. But he knows that’s impossible. This is his own problem, so he has to work this one out by himself.

“Look, if you ever end up not talking to each other again, then that’s okay. Take it as a sign that maybe he is meant to come into your life, but not to stay. It happens to the best of us, don’t need to sweat about it so much,” Donghyuck assures him.

Donghyuck’s words soothe some of his worries and he knows what he’s supposed to do. He will lay it out bare to Jihoon exactly how it feels. Whatever happens, he will always have Donghyuck next to him and that makes him a bit more fearless too.

“So, am I ever gonna get his name?” Donghyuck then opens the water bottle for Junkyu and one for himself.

“Oh, it’s Park Jihoon,” Junkyu says nonchalantly.

Donghyuck chokes on his drink.





 

Three days later, Junkyu is working on his essays as he eats take out when he gets a text from Jihoon, asking him to come over. Junkyu is not ready to look at Jihoon just yet, but he’s weak at heart for Jihoon. Junkyu replies that yes, he will be there at one. It is currently twelve, so he uses the time to prepare himself to see Jihoon again. He had lost his focus the moment Jihoon texted him, and he doesn’t like to do his essays when he’s not focused. So he changes into a comfortable fit, takes his wallet and phone and goes out to take a walk.

He decides to hang in the coffee shop near his apartment. He orders his favorite cup of black tea and a chocolate chip cookie because he’s feeling like eating something sweet today. He orders one for Jihoon too since he once told him that he actually likes it. He takes his order and sits near the window, happy to look at people passing by to kill some time.

At fifteen past twelve, he decides that it’s time for him to start walking to Jihoon’s house. The sky is a bit gloomy today but shows no sign of rain, the perfect weather to walk.

He arrives in front of Jihoon’s house before he knows it. He takes a deep breath before he knocks at the door. There’s shuffling heard from inside the house and then the door is opened. The sight that greets him breaks his heart. Jihoon looks like he hasn’t had proper sleep for the last three days. His hair is a mess and his mouth sports a gloomy frown, but what catches Junkyu’s eyes is that his eyes are puffy, a clear sign that Jihoon has been crying.

Junkyu walks in and closes the door behind him. He puts down the drink in his hands and cups Jihoon’s face. He caresses his thumb underneath the other’s eyes and Jihoon lets out a shaky breath. Junkyu drops his hands and goes in for a hug. Jihoon melts in his arms, clutching on to Junkyu like he’s the only thing keeping him from falling.

Junkyu doesn’t mind it, but he can only carry so much weight and Jihoon, the athlete that he is, is much heavier than what Junkyu is capable of. So he navigates them both to sit on the couch. Junkyu lets Jihoon clings to him. He is not crying because he looks like he had cried enough to last him a lifetime. He just looks tired.

Junkyu doesn’t want to push him to talk, so he waits patiently. His mind reels back to three days ago when he was in Jihoon’s spot and Donghyuck in his. Junkyu busies himself by rubbing Jihoon’s back in circles, just like the way Junkyu loves it. This feels like a very weird deja vu.

“‘M sorry,” Jihoon says weakly. “You didn’t come here to see me cry,” he adds, chuckling wetly without any humour in his voice.

Junkyu winces at how strained Jihoon sounds. He’s trying so hard to put up a front in front of Junkyu, and Junkyu wishes he doesn’t feel the need to.

“Don’t say that,” Junkyu replies softly. "You don't have to put up a front in front of me, Jihoon."

That seems to do it for him because a tear falls down his face and Junkyu wipes it with his thumb. Jihoon doesn't end up crying, just a tear or two falling down his face once in a while. Junkyu is glad that Jihoon is slowly letting him in.

"You don't need to worry," Jihoon says, looking at him in the eyes. "It was just a bad day at practice today, both football and dance. I'm just really tired lately, it messes with my head."

"Everyone has bad days," Junkyu starts. "But they don't define who you are as a person. You are not your bad days, Jihoon."

Jihoon hums and closes his eyes, leaning closer to Junkyu and Junkyu gladly lets him. They stay like that for five more minutes before Jihoon's stomach rumbles.

"When was the last time you ate?" Junkyu asks worriedly.

"Uh, I don't know. Maybe last night?" Jihoon says sheepishly. Junkyu tsks and makes his way to the kitchen, nagging Jihoon about eating enough at the same time.

Jihoon doesn't have anything else than instant ramen so Junkyu makes it for him. When Junkyu is waiting for the water to boil, he feels Jihoon's arms encircling his waist and his chin resting on his right shoulder. They stay like that until Junkyu finishes cooking the ramen.

Junkyu watches Jihoon eat, eating it too with Jihoon feeding him. They talk in hushed voices and move quietly too. 

After Jihoon's done with his ramen, Junkyu offers to wash it for him but Jihoon shakes his head. He gets on his feet and walks over to the sink, washing the bowl. It's Junkyu who rests his chin on Jihoon's shoulder this time. Watching in silence how Jihoon dries the bowl and puts it back to where it belongs.

"What do you want to do now?" Junkyu asks softly. They are now facing each other, both their hips leaning on the kitchen counter.

Jihoon sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "Shower, I guess. Come with me?" Jihoon says expectantly. Again, who is Junkyu to decline such an offer? He nods and they walk to the bathroom with their hands intertwined.

When they get into the bathroom they take their clothes off and put them away neatly. Jihoon walks in first and offers his hand out, Junkyu takes it and steps in too.

They shower quietly. Junkyu helps Jihoon wash his hair and body. The moment is so delicate that Junkyu can't help but to plant a kiss on Jihoon's lips. Jihoon smiles at the action and kisses him back.

They don't stay long in the shower. After they have rinsed all the soap on their body, they quickly get out and put on their own respective pajamas. Junkyu sends Donghyuck a text, saying that he will be staying at Jihoon's tonight. Donghyuck replies with an okay and a series of suggestive emojis. Junkyu shakes his head fondly and turns his phone off.

Junkyu and Jihoon end up sleeping until it's dinner time, and opt to order in food, too lazy to go out and buy them. They eat their dinner with faint music playing on Jihoon's speaker as the background. They talk and talk a whole lot more. 

It's nice , Junkyu thinks to himself. I could get used to this.

Junkyu thinks back about confessing to Jihoon about everything, and suddenly it's not so scary anymore. The respect he has towards this friendship/relationship is mutual. Whatever happens, he will still have Jihoon forever.

This time, when the voice in the back of his mind speaks, he ignores it because he is not afraid anymore.





 

The day after Jihoon’s breakdown, Junkyu makes up his mind to finally confess. He had talked about this to Donghyuck, who squeals and wouldn’t stop asking about the details of his plan.

Junkyu doesn’t want to do anything too grand. He doesn’t want to risk making Jihoon uncomfortable. He told Jihoon beforehand that he will be coming over.

If you ask Junkyu if he’s nervous or not, his answer would be yes, I think I’m going to puke my breakfast out .

He couldn’t sleep the night before, too anxious about today. Donghyuck had slept next to him and assured him that everything will be fine, that the worst case scenario is that Jihoon doesn’t feel the same way. Yeah, a hundred percent reassuring. Thanks, Donghyuck.

When he arrives in front of Jihoon’s front door, he feels like his heart is trying to crawl out of his chest. He thought about turning back and going back to his apartment. But the rational part of his brain reminds him that he needs to do this to lift the weight off of his shoulders.

He knocks a couple times before the door finally opens, revealing Jihoon in his pink t-shirt and basketball shorts, hair still a bit messy and there are imprints of his sheets on his left arm. Junkyu chuckles when he realizes that Jihoon just woke up.

“Hi,” Jihoon says, voice still groggy from sleep.

“Hi,” Junkyu beams. “Did I interrupt your sleep?” Junkyu looks at him fondly.

“No, not at all. I’m already up since, like, I don’t know,” Jihoon says as he yawns. Junkyu laughs and Jihoon mirrors him, opening the door a little wider to let him in.

Jihoon excuses himself to take a quick shower to chase away the remnants of his sleep. Junkyu nods and heads over to the living room. He sits down on the couch and takes a deep breath. He only has about ten minutes before he has to have The Conversation with Jihoon, the one that brought him here in the first place. Junkyu distracts himself by annoying Donghyuck and texts him a bunch of unimportant things which Donghyuck happily plays along with.

In the middle of him laughing at random gifs Donghyuck sends him, he gets a kiss on his left cheek. Junkyu startles and nearly drops his phone. Jihoon lets out a voice that sounds like a mixture of coos and laughter. He walks from behind the couch to sit next to Junkyu. 

“How was your day?” Jihoon starts. Junkyu appreciates the small talk Jihoon is making. It eases him up a little bit, reminding him that it’s Jihoon. He doesn’t have to be scared of him. So he answers calmly, explaining about Donghyuck being on top of him when he woke up because he was scared the night before after seeing a scary twitter thread. Inside, Junkyu wishes that they would continue to talk about unimportant things so he doesn’t have to get to the important one. But that’s impossible because it’s bound to happen anyway.

“So,” Jihoon takes his hand. “What did you want to tell me?”

Junkyu’s throat goes dry and his hands shake. Jihoon takes notice of that and rubs circles with his thumb. “Everything okay?” Jihoon asks with concern all over his voice.

“Y-yeah, everything’s fine,” Junkyu croaks out. “Um, I wanted to tell you that I think we should stop doing this.”

Junkyu can feel the movement on his hands halts and Jihoon’s face falters. But only for a split second, before Jihoon continues his movement and sends him a small smile. If Junkyu doesn’t know him, he wouldn’t be able to tell that Jihoon’s smile is sad.

“Okay,” is what Jihoon replies. “Can I ask why though?”

This is it.

“Because I love you, Jihoon,” Junkyu says softly. “I love you and I don’t know what to do with myself. I am not supposed to have feelings for you, but you make it so hard for me not to love you. You only ever treat me right, sometimes I wonder how could I deserve all of that, all of you . You are so good to me, Jihoon. I feel like if we continue this, I will just be taking advantage of you. I can’t keep doing all of this too without feeling like crying. I want you far more than just sex but I can’t hold that against you if you don’t want it. But please, whatever happens after this, promise me that you stay in my life. We weren’t friends before we met but somewhere along the way we did, and I can’t imagine a life without you, platonically or romantically. I’m sorry for falling in love with you.”

By the time he finishes, he’s already full on crying. Jihoon wipes at his tears and pleads for Junkyu to breathe. Junkyu does as he’s told and soon he’s back to breathing properly.

“For the record, I’m in love with you too,” is what Jihoon says. Junkyu’s eyes widen as he looks at the guy in front of him.

“You’re seri–wait what?” Junkyu blinks rapidly. Jihoon grins and cups Junkyu’s face.

“I love you too, Kim Junkyu.” Jihoon says slowly and clearly so Junkyu can listen.

There is no way Junkyu misheard that. “Say that again,” he pleads, not caring if he sounds desperate.

“I,” a kiss on Junkyu’s forehead. “Love,” a kiss on Junkyu’s nose. “You,” a kiss to Junkyu’s lips.

“You love me,” Junkyu repeats dumbly. “You love me,” he then breaks into wet giggles.

“That I do,” Jihoon laughs fondly.

“I can’t believe this,” Junkyu mutters. “It’s been eating me alive for the past few weeks. I thought you won’t feel the same way and we’ll be awkward around each other. Donghyuck had to listen to me listing all of the possible outcomes of this conversation.”

“You are so silly,” Junkyu chuckles and caresses Junkyu’s face fondly.

“How long?” Junkyu asks him.

“Since the first time we met.”

Junkyu’s mouth hangs open and Jihoon pushes his chin up to close it back. “That long and you didn’t tell me?”

“I don’t ask just anyone to stay after sex,” Jihoon shrugs. “I don’t even sleep with that many people. It’s those stupid rumors that makes it seem like I do.”

Junkyu feels like he’s going to explode. Jihoon loves him . He loves Jihoon and Jihoon loves him back. He kisses Jihoon, slowly, not like the ones that leads to sex. He kisses Jihoon as the person who loves him back.

“I know we met under weird circumstances so I want to try again,” Jihoon says as he breaks the kiss.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to take you on a date, introduce you to my friends and family, I want to do it right this time,” Jihoon says seriously,

Junkyu smiles from ear to ear. “I would love that.”

They spend the rest of the day in each other’s arms. There aren't any big changes, they still do what they always do. Except now, both of their feelings are already out in the open for each other to see.





 

When Junkyu said yes to Donghyuck’s invitation to one of their campus’ biggest parties, he didn’t expect that he would end up with one more important person in his life.

What can he say? The universe works in mysterious ways, but he is loving every second of it.