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Let Me Love You

Chapter 19: Breathe

Summary:

"Breathe with me, alright?"

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

6:15pm

 

Kuroo yawned as he made his way out of his last class. It’s been a while since he last hung out with his friends since they were all busy.

I could use a drink. I wonder if Bokuto’s not too busy tonight. 

He stopped walking and took out his phone to text his friend but at the corner of his eye he saw a familiar person run towards the stairwell at the end of the hall. He raised a brow, wanting to ignore what he just saw but he felt something in his gut that told him to check it out. 

 

When Mei reached the stairwell, she closed the door and clutched a hand on her chest. Tears welled up in her eyes as she desperately tried to breathe but the pain only got worse. 

“Ah shit..Why does it hurt so much now..?”, she asked herself as she slid to the floor, her face now buried in her hands.  She was so busy trying to calm herself down, she didn’t notice the pair of  hazel eyes now watching her from the door. 

 

“Sugawara-san..?”, Kuroo said quietly as he saw her and worry instantly filled his thoughts. 

 

Why is she--? Did Ushijima have something to do with this?

 

He crouched down in front of her, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Sugawara-san, hey, look at me.”

 

Mei trembled as she put her hands down and looked up at him. 

“Breathe with me, alright?”, he said and demonstrated.

Mei stared at him and did as he said.  She breathed in and out a few times. After a while, she finally felt her heart calm down. 

 

Kuroo pulled his hand away from her shoulder and now sat in front of her. “Are you feeling better..?”,



She nodded, still trembling a bit,  and wiped her cheeks with her hands. 

Kuroo took a bottle of water from his bag, opening it before handing it to her. "Here."

"Thank you..", she took the bottle and took a sip. She let out a breath and gave it back to him. "Sorry you had to see that..", she said and sniffled. 

 

Kuroo searched her face,  and sighed. "Don't apologize. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine. This has happened before.. especially in high school.. so i'm kinda used to it. Though it hasn't happened lately.. ugh.."

She's used to it? What the hell?

 

"Does he know?, Kuroo said carefully.

"What?", she looked at him, confused.

"Ushijima. Does he know you get these panic attacks?"

 

Mei pursed her lips and looked away. "No."

 

She's suffering like this and he doesn't even notice?

 

"I really try my best to hide it.. He has nothing to do with this. It's just..", she sighed. "There's a lot going on and.. I don't know.. It's hard and I don't want to bother him with my problems. He's already helped me enough..", she fiddled on the side of her thumb with her index finger. 

"The more you try to endure this, the more it's going to get worse. You have to tell someone."

"I can't.", she stared at him. " And I won't. So please just.. just don't tell anyone about this.",her eyes watered again and Kuroo panicked.

"Alright, alright, I won't. You have my word.", he said and handed her his handkerchief. She took it and wiped her damp cheeks. 

"Thank you, Kuroo..", she sniffled again. 

 

He sighed. "You have to at least tell Akaashi."

She shook her head immediately. 

"Sugawara-san, please. What if this happens again and I'm not around to help you?", he reached a hand to her and brushed the hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "... I can talk to him for you if you want." 

 

She clutched her bag and huffed. " Fine.." 

 

Kuroo stood and helped her up. "Is it alright if I call Akaashi now? So he can take you to your dorm."

 

Mei nodded and Kuroo took out his phone to call the owl boy. He led her out of the stairwell while he talked to Akaashi. He didn't really explain anything, other than the anxiety attack,  since he didn't know what exactly happened but Akaashi said he would go to meet them immediately anyway. 

Kuroo opened the door to an empty classroom and told Mei to take a seat. He leaned against the door frame until Akaashi arrived. 

The owl boy arrived panting, beads of sweat decorated the sides of his face. 

 

I guess he ran all the way here unlike some people. Kuroo thought. 

 

Akaashi walked in the classroom, giving Kuroo a nod before heading over to his best friend. Mei stood from her seat, she felt relieved when he saw him. 

"Mei-san.", he said and immediately wrapped his arms around her. She hugged him, rubbing a hand on his back. "I'm fine, Keiji", she mumbled.

"No, she isn't.", Kuroo retorted. "I'll get going.", he turned to leave.

"Kuroo..", Mei said as she pulled away from her best friend. Kuroo stopped in his tracks and looked back at her. 

"Thank you.", she gave him a small smile. 

Kuroo only nodded and walked off. He couldn't help but smile to himself.

 

**

 

Akaashi brought Mei to a convenience store much to her complaints. He knew she almost never ate unless she had people with her.

"Sit.", he told her sternly. Mei sighed and did as she was told. 

The owl boy went to buy a bunch of food and drinks, and came back to their table in a few minutes.

 

"So..", Akaashi started. 

"I don't want to talk about it…At least not yet.."

"Alright, if you don't want to talk, eat.", he handed her a rice ball. 

She stared at him in disgust. "I'm not hungry, Akaashi."

"You're never hungry but you have to eat.", he placed the onigiri in her hand. 

"Fine.", she groaned and started eating. 

"Don't think we're done with just a rice ball. I'm going to force feed you if I have to."

"Ugh… why am I friends with you.."



"Best friend.", he corrected before taking a sip of his drink. "So... Kuroo helped you out?"

"Yeah.. He saw me enter the stairwell."

"Does Ushijima-san know --?"

"God, no. I would never.. I can't tell him."

"Why not? You told Kuroo and you didn't even tell me."

"He... Kuroo found out accidentally. I didn't tell him anything.", she sighed.

Akaashi handed her an opened pack of shrimp crackers next. She gave him a pointed look but she took a few pieces and ate them.

"I'd rather deal with my own problems."

"Obviously, you can't.", he said bluntly and Mei glared at him. Akaashi took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

 

" Mei, I'm here to help you but you have to tell me what's wrong. You don't have to do it now but you know I'm here for you. Always."

Mei stared at him and started crying again. "Damn you and your pretty words, Keiji.", she said in between sobs. 

He immediately moved to the seat beside her and embraced her. 

Mei didn't know how long she cried on his chest but Akaashi stayed there, his hand rubbing circles on her back. 

 

**

A week later. 


Mei stood from her desk when she heard a knock on her door. She was already drained from studying for finals and all she wanted was some peace and quiet. She grumbled under her breath and  dragged her feet to the door.

 

Wakatoshi stood there, a frown on his face. 

 

“What?”, she sighed, stepping aside and letting him in. 

“We were supposed to have dinner. But you didn’t return my texts.. And calls.”

“Sorry, I’m not hungry and I’m too busy studying. So please , just let me be.”, she walked back to her desk and sat down. Wakatoshi could only sigh. 

“Mei..", he said and walked over to her. He gently shooed her hands off her keyboard and closed her laptop. "I know you haven't eaten since lunch." 

"Wakatoshi, seriously!", she snapped and this caught him off guard. She stood and faced him.

 

"Why are you like this, my love?", he reached a hand to her and cupped her cheek but she swatted his hand away. 

"Damn it, I don't want to eat. So just leave me the hell alone."

"Mei…", he sighed.

"Just get out already.", she rolled her eyes and went back to her desk.

 

Wakatoshi stared at her, still a bit shocked that she snapped at him. He pursed his lips into a thin line.

 

"Fine,'' he snarled. He left her room, slamming the door shut on his way out. 



**



Mei finally shut her laptop off and went to lay on her bed. She picked up her phone and started typing. 

She was about to send a text to her boyfriend before it hit her.



Shame.

Regret.

Guilt.



Holy shit.

 

What the hell did I just do? 

God, he totally hates me now.

Why did I do that to him?

I'm a horrible person.

He'll never speak to me again.

Oh, he's gonna break up with me. 




ring ring ring



Mei looked at her phone and saw Akaashi's photo, and she answered right away.  

"Keiji?"

"Can you come over? Bokuto's being a…", he let out a shaky breath. "I just ...I don't want to leave my room and I can't--"

"Okay, okay, what happened?", she said, worried when she heard the tone of his voice.

"He's just.. Can you get here tonight?"

Mei looked at the time. 

 

8:48pm

 

"Yeah, no problem.", she said and stood from her desk. 

"Bring a change of clothes so you can stay over.”

"Alright, alright. Damn, Keiji. Okay, chill for a second. Is it that bad?"

"Yes, it is.", he sounded like he was trembling.

 

He's crying .

 

"Hang in there ,alright? I'm on my way out now.", she said before locking her room's door and proceeding out of the building. 



**



Mei arrived at Akaashi and Bokuto's apartment building. She jogged to the convenience store just next to it and proceeded to buy some snacks, mainly onigiri, soda, and some bread. After that, she headed to her best friend's place on the 3rd floor as she carried two plastic bags.

She knocked on the door a few times. 

Bokuto heard the knocking from the living room. He raised an eyebrow, confused. It was far too late for anyone to come over. He went to open the door and saw Mei. 

"Hey, Bo..", she smiled a bit and made a small wave with her hand. 

"Mei-chan? What are you doing here?"

"Keiji called. You guys fought?"

Bokuto stepped aside and let her in. He avoided her eyes as he nodded. 

"Alright. I know I'm Keiji's bestfriend so I'm gonna go and hear what he has to say. But I'm not siding with anyone until I hear both sides. Have you had dinner yet?"

The owl boy shook his head. 

Mei sighed. It was a good thing she bought enough food. She handed him the other bag. "Eat, alright? I'll be right out once I talk to Keiji.", she put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Bokuto looked up at her and nodded. 

"Thank you, Mei-chan.."

 

Mei then walked over to Akaashi's door and knocked. " 'kaashi, it's Mei.. Open up, will 'ya?"

She heard some rummaging and footsteps before she was met with a puffy eyed best friend. Her eyes widened and immediately went inside the room. She put the bag on the floor and pulled him into a hug.

Akaashi quietly sobbed as he buried his face onto her shoulder.

 

What the hell did Bokuto do?

 

Mei led him to his bed and they sat down. She took a piece of tissue from his bedside table and gently wiped his cheeks.

"Keiji, hey, hey.. Can you tell me what happened?", she put a hand on his back and gently rubbed in circles.

"That idiot..", he huffed. "We were.. We were about to buy some dinner when this group of girls approached him. I know he's a sociable guy and he's pretty famous. When one of the girls asked who I was, he said I was just a friend. Can you believe that? Our relationship has been out in the open for years now. His fans even ship us on our social media. 

Now he calls me his friend?", he let out another breath, his eyes starting to water again.

Mei only listened to him and handed him another piece of tissue. 

Akaashi wiped his cheeks with it and continued, "It's just.. I was surprised and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it but when I confronted him about it, he just brushed me off like it didn't matter. If he wants to flirt with girls, at least break up with me first. He wouldn’t even talk to me. Am I not enough anymore?"

"Keiji…You are more than enough.  And if Bo doesn't see that I will beat his ass, I swear.", she said as she gave his arm a squeeze.

"You know what you need?", she stood and picked up the bag and gave it to him. "Onigiri.", she grinned. "I got you all kinds so eat up.", she patted him on the head. 

Akaashi looked inside the bag and took one of the rice balls out. He sniffled as he opened it. 

"I'm gonna go talk to Bo, alright? I'll give him an earful."

Akaashi only nodded as he munched on the onigiri. 

 

Mei made her way out to the living room again and went over to sit on the couch beside Bokuto. 

The owl boy was blankly staring at the tv and didn't even notice her.

"Bo..?", she poked his shoulder.

He flinched and looked at her. "Ah.. Mei-chan… what did he say?", he sulked. 

Mei flicked his forehead and Bokuto winced.

"Ow! Mei-chan!"

"I swear, you are..! Ugh! You seriously called Keiji your friend in front of a bunch of girls? You've never hidden your relationship before. What the hell, Bo?"

 

"..."

 

"Bo... Keiji cried."

Bokuto still kept quiet and pursed his lips.

"Bo..! He cried! And if he's hurt enough to call me over, then this is a very big deal. And I can't forgive you for making him cry! I swear, if you don't tell me I am gonna beat your motherfuc--"

"I saw some guys flirt with him the other day"

Mei stopped and listened to him. 

 

"But I don't know if he noticed them..  and I just.. wanted to make him.. a little jealous.", he mumbled.

Mei stared at him, mouth slightly gaped.

"Are you fucking serious-- You! Bo!", she yelled in frustration and hit his arm with a couch pillow. 

"Why *hit* would *hit* you *hit* do that?!"

Bokuto flinched at every hit but only looked down at his lap. 

"Go in there and tell him exactly what you just told me.", she said sternly.

"But Mei-chan I can't --"

"You're gonna have to or else I will seriously --", she stood, raising her hand and was about to hit him with the pillow again

"Alright! Alright!", Bokuto stood and backed away from her, clearly not wanting to feel her wrath. 

The owl boy took a deep breath and went to Akaashi's room. 



I'm here trying to help in someone else's relationship when I just ruined my own.. Ugh. I'm a terrible person...

Mei stood and went to the kitchen. She opened their fridge, picked out some stuff and began cooking. 



**



Bokuto and Akaashi stepped out of the room an hour later after a long talk. They made up and made out. 

Akaashi had to stop his boyfriend before they went any further since Mei was just outside his room. "We can't. Alright?", he pecked the owl boy's lips and stood. 

Bokuto pouted but followed him out and back to the living room. 

The couple saw Mei already setting the table with food. 

"Mei.. You didn't have to--", Akaashi said.

"Stop," Mei held a hand up. "Let's eat." She smiled at them and sat down. 

The couple looked at each other first then sat down. 

"Thank you, Mei-chan.", Bokuto beamed and took a quick photo of the food with his phone. 

"Itadakimasu!", the three said before digging in. 

 

**

 

Mei sat beside Akaashi on his bed. 

She only stared at her hands and Akaashi stared at her. 

"Okay, that was your fifth sigh. What's wrong?", he set the book he was reading on his bedside table. 

"I did something..bad."

"What is it? I'm sure it can't be worse than drugs. Unless it's drugs.", he trailed off, "Is it drugs..?"

 

Mei bit on the inside of her cheek before she started to ramble, "I said some things to Wakatoshi.. that I shouldn't have and I feel like a jerk. I am a jerk. But I don't know why I said all of that and he looked so mad after I yelled at him to leave. Was it mood swings? I'm not on my period so I really just-- oh my god. What am I gonna do? He's gonna break up with me. Oh my god, he's definitely gonna break up with me and he'll leave me for someone better and --"

 

"Mei, shut up and calm down.", Akaashi said and put a hand to her shoulder, "He's not going to break up with you that easily. So, you yelled at him? Why?"

"I was studying and I forgot we had dinner plans.. and you know I hate eating when I have so much left to do and I just… I just snapped." she brought her hands to her face and sighed again. 

"Ushijima-san was probably just worried. He cares about you and he loves you. I know you didn't mean to snap at him but you still did. Even if you don't know the reason, it's clearly your fault. You're the one who forgot about your dinner plans so you have to apologize. What would he think if he saw you eating with us now when you didn't even show up to your dinner with him?"

"But what if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore? Fuck, he probably hates me now. What if he--"

"He will talk to you. And if he doesn't, you're just gonna have to chase him until he does. Otherwise, I'll lock you both in a room until you two figure it out."

Mei pursed her lips and nodded. 

"I know he won't be able to resist you when you explain yourself. He loves you a lot and you him.", Akaashi put an arm around her, Mei rested her head on his chest. 

 

"Besides, make up sex after a fight is the best. I'm sure he'll be a bit rougher with you because of the left over anger and--

 

Mei pulled away and slapped his arm. "Keiji!", she pouted but burst into a fit of giggles.

He chuckled. He was glad to see her smiling again. 

"If I wasn't gay, I'd just date you. We understand each other so well." ,he laughed. 

"Keiji! Did you just --Are you leaving me for Mei-chan?", Bokuto said as he stood by the door, carrying a few cans of beer in his arms. 

Mei laughed at Bokuto's frustrated expression. "Oh I have to take a photo of this.", she said and quickly snapped a photo of the pouting owl boy. 



**



Wakatoshi sat on his couch, browsing through his feed. He lost his appetite long before he got home and he was exhausted. He saw a few photos posted by Bokuto. They were photos of food and them at their dining table. He clenched his jaw when he saw Mei.

She told me she didn't want to eat but here she is. Eating. 

He sighed. He was beyond frustrated, angry even, but he didn't want to be.

Wakatoshi only wanted to spend time with her after so long. He had been busy with volleyball, and she was busy with studying and work. 

I make time for her but she doesn't even want to spend an hour of dinner with me.

Am I not enough? 

Does she like someone else? Does she like Kuroo?

He shut his phone off and leaned back on the couch. He put his arm over his eyes and sighed. 

 

I love her so much. Why can't she see that?

Notes:

anxiety attacks are worst fr, i tried my best to put what I experience into writing. it's hard hfndcksd

anyway,

At first, I planned on making Kuroo bad guy but I couldn't bring myself to do it LOL #KurooIsAGoodFriend

AND THE ONESHOT I'M WORKING ON IS ALMOST FINISHED (I THINK LOL IDK) It might be around 15k words or more because I keep writing lol ... or maybe I'll just make it into a short series?? like up to 5 chapters??

It's gonna be called "Ease" and it's gonna be a bit different from LMLY.

anyway, imma get the bts meal later and wallow in self pity as I listen to Cardlin on spotify LOL