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Break me Down (but don’t break me)

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“It’s a big night - are you ready?” Jaime asked.

“I am,” Brienne replied confidently. The change in her was absolutely insane, but inspiring and incredible. There were times Jaime wasn’t sure if they would ever get to this point, but if he thought back to everything they’d worked through and how quickly she learned, along with her stubborn, determined nature - he really should have known, and never doubted her.

“Okay,” he nodded. Jaime undid his robe and slipped it off and then tossed it aside before taking a seat, naked, on the couch. They were approaching the end of her sessions and it was time to see how she managed taking full control of the situation. In short - she had to get him hard and make him come, while also fulfilling her own needs.

As he watched her slip off her own robe he quickly realized that the first step was going to be pretty damn easy for her. There was something really sexy about how unique her body was. He’d seen all shapes and sizes, but still - she was different. Her legs were so long they seemed endless, and she really had a remarkable ass - but the thing he loved most was her long graceful neck and her perfectly sculpted collarbones.

He didn’t usually spend so much time thinking about his client’s bodies. He just did his job to the best of his ability and moved on to the next woman. Jaime told himself it was because this was his last job and he was savoring it, but if he was honest he knew it was so much more.

Brienne walked slowly towards him, but it wasn’t because she was nervous - she was actually creating a feeling of anticipation by really taking her time. By the time she finally dropped to her knees between his legs his cock was already getting hard. She seemed surprised and gave him a look. “A lot of men really enjoy it when the woman takes control,” he explained. Their relationship was built on trust and honesty so he was never afraid to tell her anything and everything - except the one thing he just couldn’t reveal, the one truth he couldn’t even fully admit to himself.

It wasn’t the first time she’d sucked his cock. They had done a whole session on how to give a blow job. But this time it felt even better. She really took direction well and the new confidence she had found made it pretty fucking spectacular. Brienne sucked him until he was fully hard and throbbing in her mouth. Jaime actually squirmed and she stopped. “It’s okay - it just feels really good,” he admitted. He caught a slight smile at the compliment before she went back to work. In a matter of seconds she had him gripping the arm of the couch.

Normally he would guide her, let her know if she kept this up he was going to come long before they got to fucking, but this was her show.

A few more bobs and she released him. Jaime looked down at his dick, pink, hard, and glistening with her saliva and then he looked at her face - she knew she was doing great and he loved that she could recognize it herself, without his praise. Brienne reached for a condom from the table beside them and she opened it and put it on him without hesitation. It was another thing they’d practiced - not a difficult task in itself, but not always the easiest thing for a shy woman to be forward about. It was no problem at all for her this time.

Jaime found himself really curious about what would happen next. They had worked through several scenarios and ideas she could try and he’d suggested she come up with a script in her mind in case she got nervous being fully spontaneous - but he wasn’t at all privy to her plans. As he waited he started to feel things that he’d never felt in a decade doing this job - not even at the very beginning before things became fairly routine. There was a yearning inside him - almost a desperate feeling and a craving for sex that was extremely intense. He got off on a regular basis because of his job, so it wasn’t like he’d been deprived at all - but there was this feeling that he could only liken to the need for something you haven’t had for a long time. It didn’t make any sense to him at all.

Brienne stood up and then straddled him, she sunk down and pushed back against the tip of his cock. Jaime held his breath, waiting for the moment of penetration - and when it finally happened and she slid down his shaft he groaned loudly. It certainly wasn’t the first time his cock had been buried inside her - not even the first time she’d been on top in this very position - but it was the first time he felt like he had absolutely no control - and it was incredible.

As she started to ride him Jaime felt like he was in heaven. It’s not supposed to feel this way, he thought, starting to panic. I’m not supposed to want it this much. He gripped her hips and closed his eyes - all he wanted was to forget about everything - the fact they were in a clinic setting, the fact that she was his client, - and mostly - the fact that what he was feeling for her was unprofessional and - just wrong.

He scrambled and wrestled with his thoughts and emotions, but he couldn’t control them. Suddenly he grabbed her and shoved her off of him. “Stop,” Jaime said, quickly standing and moving away from her.

“What? What did I do wrong?” Brienne gasped. He hated the look of doubt on her face because he knew it was his fault.

Jaime shook his head and tried to catch his breath. “It’s not you - it’s me,” he got out. He looked at her, those beautiful blue eyes that were filled with confusion. “I can’t do this,” Jaime finished. All the thoughts and feelings he’d been fighting for so long broke the floodgates and he admitted them to both of them at the same time. “I’m falling in love with you.”

 

Two Months Earlier

“Don’t worry, everyone is nervous the first few meetings,” Jaime said to the tall blonde woman, Brienne, sitting across from him. “But we’ll work on getting to know each other and the comfort level will increase, I promise.” He gave her a smile and made sure to speak in a friendly, welcoming tone. It was very important to make a new client feel comfortable, but it was also the hardest part of his job. It wasn’t unusual for a client to cancel after the first session because it was simply too scary for them. Given this was his last client he really wanted it to go well so he could finish with a success story.

Jaime had been a sex surrogate for close to a decade. The job involved helping clients, always women in his case, become more comfortable with their sexuality. All the ladies were very different in terms of their wants, needs, and why they came to see him to begin with. There were times they were experienced, but just wanted to get better at certain aspects of their sex life and came to him for help with techniques. Other times they had very little experience and wanted to essentially practice so they would be more comfortable with future partners. Sometimes he had to teach them about their bodies, where to find their erogenous zones, masturbation techniques and so on. And there were the rare cases where the woman was a virgin with no sexual experience at all, sometimes with sexual trauma or extreme anxiety with intimacy. Those were the delicate ones and the most likely to cancel after one or a few sessions.

He could already tell with the way she was acting that there was a very good chance Brienne fit into the last category. He’d become pretty good at reading new clients, coming up with an idea of what they were there for before they even told him - simply by reading their body language. If he was correct in his assessment this final client was either going to be only one or two sessions, or a lengthy process that could take months.

Either way, she would be his last. Jaime had made the difficult decision to give up this part of his life because it severely impacted his personal life. There were very few women he’d dated that were comfortable with his work as a sex surrogate - and those who said they were fine with it usually changed their minds before too long. He understood it of course. There was also the fact that his surrogacy work was a part time job, which along with his full time job as a car salesman, didn’t leave a lot of free time anyway.

It was time to move on and think about settling down - or at least having a normal dating life that didn’t involve suspicion, jealousy, and far too many short term relationships that were never going to last. His brother and sister had both already started families - and Jaime had to admit that seeing them with their kids left him feeling envious. So yes, it was time.

“I’m sorry,” Brienne muttered. “I’m not usually like this - it’s just - this is weird and embarrassing - mortifying really.”

“There’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about,” Jaime said gently. “I’ve done this for a long time. I’ve heard it all - really. And there’s absolutely no judgement. I’m here to help you and everything will be on your terms.” When Jaime first started out he’d carried a lot of guilt with him. As much as he told himself he was doing the job to help people, there was a certain excitement that came with the job perks. Fucking women every night and getting paid for it - not as a prostitute or escort, but as a therapist or teacher of sorts. When these women finished their sessions they were truly different people and they were extremely grateful for his help. He’d learned that he didn’t need to feel guilty about that gratitude because he really was making a big difference in their lives.

She nodded slowly. She looked pale and quite terrified as she wrung her hands and fidgeted nervously. “So, uh, how exactly will this work?”

“The first session is just about getting to know you and allowing me to learn what it is you’re hoping to get out of the sessions so I can come up with a plan,” Jaime explained. “So tonight, we just talk - that’s all. A lot of the questions I’m going to ask might seem invasive, but it’s really important that you answer honestly. We need to develop trust and comfort with each other for the sessions to be successful.”

“Okay,” she whispered. Her cheeks burned and he felt really bad for her. He wished all the women he met could see how special and interesting they were. So many of them had zero self esteem and often a lot of self loathing. The psychological aspect was far more important than the physical and it was always the biggest challenge.

“Let’s get started then,” Jaime said. “If you need a break at all, just say the word and we can stop.” She nodded again. “So first of all - can you tell me a little bit about why you’re here?”

“I’m a virgin,” she said bluntly. Jaime was surprised that it was so easy for her to come out with that. It was usually a difficult admission for his clients and one they were often very embarrassed about. Given how timid she seemed he was shocked, but very encouraged by her ability to be so forward about that important detail.

He wasn’t surprised by the detail itself though. She seemed to be in her mid 30s and it wasn’t uncommon to have women in her age range come to him as virgins. “Does that make you uncomfortable?” he asked.

“I’m not embarrassed about it, if that’s what you mean,” Brienne replied. “That’s not why I’m so - “ Her voice trailed off.

“Why don’t you explain it to me then,” he prodded gently.

She took some time to think and then she finally spoke again. “I’ve let my work affect my personal life and I need help to separate the two. I focussed completely on my career and pushed my personal life aside. I always figured I would start dating eventually, but the more time that passed, the harder it became.” This was something he’d heard countless times. “But it’s more than that - I’ve developed a deep fear and anxiety of sex and intimacy because of my job.”

“What exactly do you do?” Jaime asked, after she didn’t volunteer right away.

“I’m an addiction psychologist at an inpatient treatment facility,” she explained. Jaime still wasn’t making the connection, so he waited hoping she would continue. Thankfully she did. “It’s a treatment center for sex addicts. My specialty is treating sex addictions with behavioral therapy.” He smiled, assuming she was making an awkward joke. “The irony is painful,” she continued. “My life’s work is dedicated to sex. I know everything. I understand how everything works. I’ve heard so many things - fetishes, pedophelia, exhibitionism, BDSM that borders on assault - I’ve dealt with it all for others, but I’ve experienced none of it. Nothing.” Well this was definitely new for him. “Most days I feel like a fraud talking about things I’ve never even come close to experiencing. But any time I consider taking that step in my life I panic. I’m a trained, published psychologist, yet I can’t find a way to help myself. That’s why I’m embarrassed and that’s why I’m here.”

Jaime took a slow deep breath. He knew he needed to choose his words carefully because what he said next could influence whether she returned to him or not. “I’ll say it again - you have nothing to be embarrassed about,” he started. “There are experts in all fields who have never experienced what they know. Think about - “ Jaime scrambled for a good example. Finally he snapped his fingers. “Think about people who profile criminals like serial killers and rapists. Those people have never murdered or raped anyone, but they are experts on the subject matter. It doesn’t make them a fraud at all.”

“I guess that makes some sense. But those people don’t worry that they will become what they study, do they?” she asked.

“You worry if you start to explore your sexuality that you’ll become a sex addict yourself?” Jaime pondered. He could already tell this was going to be a very complicated situation. And if he was being honest with himself - he was feeling a little intimidated by the fact that she was more qualified to deal with the psychological aspect than he was himself.

“It sounds ridiculous, I know,” she sighed, blushing again. “But I thought maybe if I do this in a very clinical manner it will be - well - safer.”

“It’s not ridiculous at all.” Make her feel comfortable, he reminded himself. “And I think you make a great point about doing this in a clinical, controlled manner because it will help to remove some of that anxiety you feel.” She didn’t look quite as nauseous as she had earlier and Jaime hoped that meant he was getting through to her. He was getting more excited by the second about the challenge of working with this woman. She was perhaps the most interesting client he’d had in a decade in this business. “How about we get a baseline of your experience so I can come up with an idea of where we should start?”

“Well that’s easy because it’s zero,” she said quickly.

“I understand that you’re a virgin, but have you been intimate in other ways? Kissing? Touching? Oral sex?” Jaime asked.

She was shaking her head before he even finished. “I told you, I have zero experience with anything. None.” Her voice was sharp.

He didn’t want to upset her more, but he really needed all the information before he could make any decisions about future sessions. “Okay, what about with yourself? Your own body? Do you masturbate or even just touch your body intimately? Explore your wants and needs?”

“Nope. Nothing. None of that.” Her words were curt and her face was burning again.

“It’s okay,” he said gently. “Have you ever had an orgasm?”

Her eyes flashed and she glared at him. “Without anyone touching me, or me touching myself?” she snapped. “Yes, I just sit here and have spontaneous orgasms all the time,” she drawled sarcastically.

Jaime took a deep breath again to ensure his words would come out calmly. “I’m sorry that I have to ask these questions, but I need to get the full picture so I know where to begin.”

“I’m a fucking 34 year old blank slate,” she said bitterly, throwing her hands out to the side. “Start at the very beginning.”

“I’m here to help you. I promise that I’m not making any judgement of you at all. ” he said softly. “I need you to believe that or this isn’t going to work.”

She crossed her arms and was quiet for a minute, then finally she sighed and nodded her head. “Okay. I’m sorry. I want your help. I need it.”

“Do you think you can trust me?” he asked. “Do you believe that I can help you?” She looked at him strangely, clearly wondering why he asked that. “You know as well as I do that any professional relationship needs to have trust. But it’s more important than ever in this setting. If you can’t trust me we could end up doing more damage than good. And if you don’t believe I can help you’ll resist everything I want to try.”

She licked her lips slowly and then for the first time she actually looked at him - really looked at him. Her eyes were such a beautiful shade of blue, and they were filled with so much emotion. “I trust you and I believe you can help me,” she said firmly. “I want this and I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.”

Many women had said the same thing to him and never came back. But there was a stubbornness in her that was obvious and when she said it - he believed her.