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Unpleasant Birds of ...Something: The Return of Monsieur Pigeon

Summary:

At the start of All Saints' Break, Mme. Mite decides it's a good idea to possess M. Ramier into M. Pigeon, a second time. Is it desperation? Was she aiming for someone else? Who knows! And just what the hell did Mayor Bourgeois unleash upon the city!?

Notes:

Disclaimer: I do not own Miraculous Ladybug nor do I make money from writing fanfiction

Chapter 1

Notes:

this takes place during the first posted chapter of "I (Know) How I Spent My All Saints' Break"

Chapter Text

Sun, Nov 1st, 2020


“...This is Nadja Chamack reporting live from the Louvre where Lady Luck and Karma appear to be dancing and eating churros with Xavier Ramier who has been possessed by an akuma, once again, making him – to our knowledge – the second person to ever do so after Chloé Bourgeois last week. Unlike the second possession of Mlle. Bourgeois, which was the first time the luckyblogger and eyewitness, Alya Césaire, announced that more than one person can be possessed at a time provided they are all touching one another or the afflicted item, M. Ramier was turned into M. Pigeon – again, and... more or less for the same reason. Mistreatment of the city’s pigeons and the man who was keeping them safe and loved. We’ll get the exclusive scoop as soon as we can.


The camera tilts up and a flock of pigeons flying together in the shape of an arrow soar overhead.


Three hours earlier...


Marinette slowly awakens from sleep and she yawns staring blearily at the ceiling. “Ooh!” She awakens fully then sits up, “it’s shopping day!” She sing-songs leaning over Alix’s sleeping body to grab her phone then confirm the date. “Yup. Shopping day~” She rolls off her side of the bed and Alix doesn’t even stir.


Plagg yawns as he floats off the pillow Marinette got up from then floats over to his holder who is now standing in her closet humming to herself, “Kit, you don’t even get up this energetic for school.” Plagg pauses, “not that I blame you. Still... What’s so special about this ‘shopping day?’ You’ve been going on about it since last night.”


“Shopping day is when we start getting the ingredients to make winter pâtissèries. We don’t go the pumpkin route fortunately but with the weather getting colder we make our food warmer.” Making a noise of triumph, Marinette pulls out a black sweatshirt, “now we’re in business.” With a yawn, Fluff floats off the nightstand then floats over to Plagg and Marinette. The blue-haired teen pulls out a pair of light blue jeans from her closet.


Fluff eyes Marinette strangely. “You’re excited about making pâtissèries?”


“Yeah. Why shouldn’t I be? My parents work hard and love what they do. I love seeing them so happy! Plus, baking is fun. Not to mention therapeutic sometimes. Punching the air out of dough, imagining it as Mme. Mite or M. Méfait. Besides, I get to learn about my parents' cultures through their baking. Papai makes bolo rei and māmā makes mooncakes during the winter season. Just thinking about them makes my mouth water.”


“But you can’t eat bread!” Fluff blurts out then covers their mouth.


Marinette turns to the kwami confused, “yes I can, it just has to be free of gluten. My parents have tons of alternate ingredients to substitute.” She pauses, “it does make me feel a little guilty they have to go out of their way to make—” Plagg hits Marinette on the head, “—oww!” She rubs her head. “What was that for?”


“You were born unable to eat gluten. That is something out of your control. Out of your parents’ control. You have this really bad habit of beating yourself up, Kit. Especially when it’s about things you can’t change. Besides, your folks are super creative and I doubt they find this a hindrance in any way.”


“I—” She glances at Fluff, “are you alright?” Moving their paws, Fluff nods. Marinette and Plagg exchange a look as Fluff floats back over to the nightstand plops back down on it.


“That was weird, even for Fluff.” Plagg mumbles. “Must have their universes mixed up.”


“Didn’t you tell me that could cause madness?”


“Fluff is the reason for that.”


“...” Marinette frowns, “I’m not even gonna question that. I’m gonna take a shower.” Yawning, the blue-haired teen gathers her bath basket toiletries then heads to the bathroom.


Plagg floats over to Fluff after Marinette leaves, “what the hell is the matter with you?”


“Nothing.” Plagg gives the rabbit kwami a knowing look, “stop it. I said nothing is the matter. I... must’ve not realized something.”


“You are getting stretched pretty thin, and you were never all that stable to begin with.”


“As if you’re one to talk.”


🐦


After showering, Marinette walks into the kitchen. “Morning papai!”


Tom looks up from the table, “morning Curly Fries!” Marinette walks over to the man and hugs him. “I swear, you’ll grow taller than me as soon as I blink!” He laughs. “Alix is asleep?” Marinette nods, “okay. Let’s make her a special breakfast. There’s nothing more I want in life than to see my daughters happy.” Marinette smiles at him then lets go.


“Let’s make little blackberry pancakes shaped like rollerskates!”


“Excellent idea! I like the way you think, Kid.” Marinette laughs as Tom peppers kisses along her forehead.


“I can’t wait to go shopping for winter ingredients.”


“Neither can I! The market begins selling rutabagas again.” Marinette sticks her tongue out in disgust and Tom mock gasps, “rutabaga slander!? Not in this boulangerie pâtissèrie!”


Marinette laughs, “papai, you don’t even like rutabagas. You call them the 'devil’s vegetable.'”


“I have ...very complicated feelings toward root vegetables, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, Mayor Bourgeois loves rutabagas... for some inexplicable reason. He orders these disgusting rutabaga-infused loaves of bread every November. God only knows why.”


Marinette tilts her head to the right, “is... is that something you can even do?”


“Evidently you can. Or rather, Sabine can. But that’s only natural. Sabine makes the best creations.” Tom smiles at Marinette, “not just with food either.


“Wrong, papai. You and mãe together make the best creations.”


Tom hugs Marinette, “I have the best daughters in the world. I need to declare it from the rooftops.”


“Papai, you’re such a goof.” Marinette pauses. “Huh. So that’s where I get it from.”


“Hm?”


“Hm? Nothing. Just... thinking out loud.”


Tom and Marinette lapse into a comfortable silence as they work on breakfast and preparations for the boulangerie pâtissèrie.


The special of the day is egg custard tart.


“I’ll never understand how you’re so deft at fluting and docking. Must be because of all your sketching and sewing.”


"Or maybe it's because I have great parents to learn from."


Sabine comes into the kitchen yawning, “Tom, I told you to wake me up.” She lets out an honest-to-goodness whine that makes Marinette giggle. “That’s a sound I haven’t heard in a while. Hello there, Stranger. Haven’t seen much of you around lately.”


Marinette walks over to Sabine putting her head on her mother’s shoulders, “sorry, māmā.”


“Come now! I didn’t say that to upset you.” Sabine holds Marinette at arm's length and smiles, “I understand you’re very busy.”


Marinette blinks, “y-you do?”


“Of course I do! I’m your māmā, Tángguǒ. The life of a talented fashion designer still in collège can be hectic.” Marinette ducks her head as she blushes, “how is your Karma outfit coming along?”


Marinette lolls her head from side to side, “It’s... getting there.”


“What’s wrong, Sugar Cookie? You were raring to go for the Lady Luck—” Tom pauses, “oh.” Sabine and Marinette turn to him. Tom chuckles, “s-sorry. I was just thinking maybe you like Lady Luck more than Karma, which was why you were so excited to do the first contest but not as gung-ho for this one?”


Sabine lets go of Marinette, “maybe you need a break? That usually helps when you’re so focused on working on something. Sometimes you need to take a step back. Look at it with fresh eyes.”


Marinette’s head snaps up, “eyes...?” She gasps, “eyes! That’s it! Thank you, māmā! Thank you!” She squeals kissing Sabine on the cheek, “I’ll be right back!” Then she runs up the stairs.


“...Or you can just find your inspiration talking to your parents?” Tom says with a shrug, “we are pretty great.” Sabine nods in agreement.


Marinette barrels into her room and slides into her desk chair taking out her sketchbook and laughing quietly albeit just a tad maniacal to herself, “excellent.” She whispers, “excellent.”


“Kit, you’re looking just a bit unhinged.”


“I have the perfect Karma inspired outfit.” Marinette chuckles as she outlines her sketch.


“Kinda unfair to your competitors that you’re such a badass, huh?” Plagg floats over to the desk, “let me see what you got.” The kwami whistles, “damn, Kit. It’s shit like this that make me wonder if I’ve ever had a Kit so creative and destructive in the same breath.”


Marinette’s phone pings, vibrating until it falls on the floor. “What the hell?”


“Isn’t that the akuma alert?”


“The akuma...? Oh shit.” Marinette grumbles, “right when I hit a breakthrough?” She growls as she stands tossing her sketchbook onto the chair.


Plagg retrieves the ring from the nighttable next to Alix’s pocketwatch then drops it into Marinette’s hand. “I feel sorry for whoever Mite picked.”


Marinette cracks her knuckles then puts the ring on her left finger, “Plagg, claws out.”


🐦


Lady Luck is eating a churro when Karma arrives at the courthouse. “Where’s the akuma? And where’d you get the churro from?”


“Food truck.” Lady Luck jerks her head upward, “and it’s the pigeon guy again.”


“What?” Karma looks up and sees M. Pigeon squawking on top of the courthouse building as pigeons congregate around him, “uh... what are we doing?”


“Gonna let him finish.” Lady Luck angles her churro in Karma’s direction but she shakes her head, then Lady Luck shrugs and takes another bite.


“Bet Mme. Mite’s kicking herself possessing him again when we didn’t even fight him last time.”


“I’m gonna get another churro. I was never a fan of cinnamon yet these are delicious. They’re gluten-free too. I asked before getting it.”


“Uh, you got pockets in your suit Double L?”


“No, but I carry a little coin satchel in my yo-yo now.” Karma watches in awe as Lady Luck pulls out a ladybug printed coin purse from her yo-yo. “I also have the rest of the miraculouses in this little pocket dimension. Bunnyx helped me make it.” Lady Luck puts the coin purse back into the yo-yo.


“You know what? I’ll take a churro.” Lady Luck nods then walks down the courthouse steps to the food truck. Huh. Karma did not see that on the way over.


“Lady Luck and Karma have proven to be allies of the pigeons, Mayor Bourgeois! So which of us is the true villain?”


“Hey!” Karma yells and M. Pigeon looks down, “maybe he didn’t learn his lesson from last time? Try hitting somewhere that means more to him than the hotel?”


With the pigeons’ assistance, M. Pigeon floats down in front of Karma. “What means more to Mayor Bourgeois than his precious, thriving hotel?”


Karma beams, “the mayor’s office! Better yet, hit all the mayor’s precious ancient buildings. Then when the mayor surrenders and I mean really surrenders, Double L will fix mostly everything with the miraculous cure.”


M. Pigeon wipes a tear from his eye, “you two truly do look out for the people.”


“Well, duh. Want a churro? Double L’s getting some.”


“Ooh! I do love churros!”


🐦


“What are we gonna do, Mayor Bourgeois?” Roger asks, “Lady Luck and Karma aren’t gonna put a stop to ‘M. Pigeon’ until he’s had his fill of destroying the city!”


“We’ll have to take Lady Luck and Karma down.” The police chief does a double-take, “you heard me. I’ve been experimenting with something for a while. Since the last time I was assaulted by that feathered freak.” Roger squints at the drawstring satchel the mayor takes out of his drawer. “It’s supposed to be magic. Warding evil and whatnot.”


Roger blinks, “does it work?”


“Let’s find out.” The mayor loosens the drawstring opening the bag and a bright yellow light bursts from the bag and flies through the ceiling. “Huh. Wasn’t expecting that.” Roger puts both hands on his head in disbelief.


🐦


A bright yellow light flashes in the sky then bursts into many tiny lights that all fly through the sky.


“Do you see that? Quick, get the camera up there.” The camerawoman complies tilting the camera up and recording the lights, “this is Nadja Chamack reporting live from the Louvre where a mysterious bright light has just illuminated the sky. The light appears to have originated from Mayor Bourgeois’ office. And speaking of Mayor Bourgeois, Lady Luck and Karma appear to be dancing and eating churros with Xavier Ramier who has been possessed by an akuma, once again, making him – to our knowledge – the second person to ever do so after Chloé Bourgeois last week. Unlike the second possession of Mlle. Bourgeois, which was the first time the luckyblogger and eyewitness, Alya Césaire, announced that more than one person can be possessed at a time provided they are all touching one another or the afflicted item, M. Ramier was turned into M. Pigeon – again, and... more or less for the same reason. Mistreatment of the city’s pigeons and the man who was keeping them safe and loved. We’ll get the exclusive scoop as soon as we can.”


Nadja gasps as the camera catches a flock of pigeons flying together in the shape of an arrow soaring overhead toward Le Grand Paris.


The burgundy-haired woman screams as Lady Luck drops down beside her, “Lady Luck!” She gasps in relief, “always great seeing you, but the circumstances are always terrible.”


“I agree. If you will permit me, I need to borrow your microphone.” Nadja nods then hands it over. “Thank you.” The camera pans down focusing on Lady Luck, “mayor Bourgeois? Please note that... how do I put this? To be blunt: Your ass is grass. I told you I’d come after you should you renege on your law for M. Ramier and I don’t know what the hell you did with that light but you will pay for that too. Not only will I allow M. Pigeon to give you your just desserts I may even join in.”


“Uh...” Nadja clears her throat, “Lady Luck?”


“One second, I’m not finished. And this is for anyone in a position of power who thinks they can bully their way to getting what they want or going back on something they ‘vowed’ or ‘promised’ to do just to get themselves out of a sticky situation. You’d better watch your asses as well because ladybugs and cats are natural predators and we will come for you. That is not merely a threat, but a guaranteed promise because I do not make promises I have no intention of keeping. And yes, Police Chief Raincomprix is a solid number two on the list who will get what’s coming to him.” Lady Luck hands the microphone back to a stunned Nadja Chamack. “Thank you.” Then she yo-yos away.


“...W-Well, there you have it.”


🐦


Taking Lady Luck and Karma down?! No one has succeeded in doing so – for about two months now. (Granted only two people have continuously tried.) Plus, doesn’t that make them as bad as Mme. Mite and M. Méfait? Trying to take down two clear adolescents? They have daughters who idolized the heroes! If the mayor would put his pride aside, he could work with Lady Luck and Karma. Probably help them find out who Mme. Mite is!


The police chief sighs heavily. He just knows he’s gonna be the one who pays for this.


Roger had no desire to get trounced by two little girls for a fourth time in his life. And he would desire even less to be Mme. Mite’s pawn once more.


🐦


“Are you trying to haggle me, mademoiselle? This is an Agreste® original! It’s worth more than 500€! You’re lucky I’m selling it so cheap!”


Fei rolls her eyes, “you can’t even read what it says.”


“I don’t need to be able to read it to sell it! Look, you’ve proven to be a decent brat. 750€. Deal of a lifetime! Need I say Agreste® original again?”


“What does Agreste® know about Chinese pendants and their meanings?”


“Why the hell should I care? I’m not Chinese and I don’t ask for the jewelry’s life story.”


Fei holds out a hand, “let me take a closer look at it.” The merchant holds onto the end of the string as Fei holds the necklace’s pendant. “Do you know what this is made of? Plastic.” Fei bends the pendant and the merchant screams. “Wouldn’t’ve been able to do that if it weren’t fake.”


“Son of a—!” The merchant lets go of the necklace, “150€. I still gotta put supper on my kids’ table.” With a hum, Fei drops the money from her pocket into the merchant’s hand. “I’d say it was swell doing business with you but I won’t.”


Fei clasps the necklace around her neck, “same time next week?”


“Yes, you miserable little troll. Now off you go! I do the haggling, not the customers. Shoo. Shoo!” Fei gives the man a two-fingered salute before walking off. She holds a bent chocolate mini doughnut, roughly the same size of the pendant in her hands then takes a bite. The pendant had multiple words on it but they were all faded. Fei happens to look up in the sky as a yellow flash blankets the sky. Unbeknownst to the blue-haired teen, her eyes briefly flash yellow along with the light.


🐦


Jessica opens the door and raises an eyebrow as she sees Camilla Hombee on the other side waving. The brunette blinks, “maman, you have a visitor.”


“Good seeing you too, Jess.”

The brunette gives the woman a thumbs up before walking down the hall. Barbara spares her daughter a glance before coming to the front door, “she still hasn’t seemed to forgive you.”


“Yeah, I see that.” Camilla shrugs, “she works well enough with the roller derby team though. Listen, you didn’t happen to notice...” Camilla holds out her phone and Barbara squints at the video playing.


“What on earth is that?”


“That’s just the thing! It’s not of earth. I cross-referenced every known source of energy ever created on the planet. Not even a slight match. I did, however, find that the remnants of an amok feather were the closest thing to the remnants of yellow glitter this light created. If I can get some akuma remnants I think it could help.”


“You should be careful trying to catch akuma bits. You don’t know what it could do to you.”


“I know.” Camilla sighs, “I’d have to get it post-purification. That’s how I got the amok feather remnants. Just mere seconds after a purification when Lady Luck first called her miraculous cure. If only we knew more about the miraculouses. I might have to ask Lady Luck and Karma themselves.”


“Ask them as a concerned citizen? Former president? Or Superhero?”


“Which will you think will get through to them?”