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The Web of You

Summary:

To be saved by the Avengers once is a feat not many can confess, Veejay Morris has met them twice. The second time she was saved in more ways than once; they brought her friends, family and somewhere along the way a relationship. But nothing is ever easy, especially with spontaneous missions and the natural tension within the team. How much is Veejay willing to risk by joining a team of assassins, billionaires and past experiments.
Can also be read as a reader is the MC if you use your imagination.

Sequel now up and being updated regularly!

Notes:

Hey, so I'm currently 14 chapters into this story and decided to share it. Please Please let me know what you think and if you have any idea's you want to be used in here just post them down below and I'll see how I can incorporate them later on.

Thanks for reading <3

Chapter 1: Preface

Chapter Text

My tongue rolled around the stone and dust enveloping my mouth, spitting frequently trying to remove them with nothing but a dribble of saliva on my chin to show for it. Darkness enveloped me and although my vision was completely shielded I felt the weight of something large and heavy rested above my face. I was trapped and strangely I was perfectly okay with that, at ease despite the gunfire and screaming echoing through the gaps in the rubble. It was only when the object on top of me began to shift that panic swirled in my body tugging uncomfortably at my gut and releasing in short, sharp breaths. There was no doubt that the slightest movement of whatever part of a building that now sat on top of me would completely crumble if it was moved. Still, I played my part and laid still as it shifted and groaned.

            “There’s somebody under here!” A voice hollered. Soft but stern, authoritative. I wanted to call out, to confirm what they already knew but it seemed like a fickle attempt of risking fate. Even breathing too deeply could cause everything to come crumbling down. Literally. “Stark, quick, scan how far deep down they are so we can get started on removing the brick.” It took a few seconds but then a blue light seemed to bend through the cracks, crawling and contorting itself through the darkness until it fell on me. Another voice murmured something that I was unable to here but it was followed by more protests from the building above.

            It took a few minutes of lying still barely breathing and trying to calm my pessimistic mind. My eyes were closed and my hope was dwindling when the back of my eyelids shone red, a sure indicator that there was a light directly behind them.

            Blue eyes were staring directly into my own when they finally fluttered open but quickly reeled back when my body inhaled quickly letting out the air in sharp coughs.

            “Sorry.”

            He smiled at my apologies, tossing the shield onto his back, and offered me a hand up. “No worries, let's get you out of here shall we?” I nodded back at him and reached for his hand. I was no stranger to the avengers, not oblivious to their status or fame. I knew that something bad must be happening right now for them to be here – hell, I wasn’t under a building for no reason. Still, seeing the Captain America in front of me, holding my hand securely while pulling me up haltered my sensibility.

            Once I was out of the rubble, peering back down at it as if it held some personal vendetta against me, he pulled his hand out of mine and took an assertive look around.

            “I need to –“

            “I’m going to get out of here.”

            We both stated at the same time. I grinned up at him, he was taller than I expected but I’d never exactly met a super-soldier before, who knows what they looked like. His dirty hair shook as he laughed and he gave me a quick salute before jogging away and back into the fight I hadn’t noticed happening merely 5 feet away.

            Now what?

            Determined to be unaffected by the war raging on around me, I wandered clumsily towards the borders of the town. I’d lived here all my life and it should’ve been sad to watch it up in flames; to watch the hulk tare down the school I had attended, or arrows blowing up the post office. But in reality, it felt like a means to an end, a sign from the universe that there is so much more to living than being a sitting duck in a town that offers no more than you give. I had been raised here, I had memories in every single rock and dust particle flying through the air, but I couldn’t grow anymore than I already had. Not here anyway.

            So, with that in mind, I found myself in a car that had been abandoned on the side of the road – the door was left flung open from a desperate attempt of escape. The keys were still in and if the owners really cared about it well… too little too late. The fight grew small and quiet as I edged along the bumpy road, careful to avoid bodies, and out of town.

Chapter 2: I'm A Walking Bomb

Notes:

So I'm posting chapter one at the same time as the preface just because it might give you all some context.

Hope you like it!

Chapter Text

 

In all honesty, not many people meet the Avengers. Let alone do it twice. So consider my surprise when once again Captain America burst into my cell. It was small, square-like, and reeking of mold and deteriorating bodies. He looked at me strangely as if I’d grown another head but yanked away at the cuffs on my wrists and the belt around my waist.

“We’ve met before.” He stated, working carefully on the girl strung next to me, she was dead. She’d died earlier this morning after coming back from her daily treatment but the gesture was nice. I nodded at him, fumbling with my hands slightly. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing – not like I can run. They have cellular bombs implanted in our hips in case we decided that running away was an effective step. As soon as I passed the doors, I’d go up like a science experiment. Not a pleasant thought. “Do I get your name this time?” He asked, turning back to me with a strange expression.

“Veejay,” I offered, holding up my hand. He took it and shook it softly. “I know yours, don’t worry I don’t live under a rock… I was just trapped.” He laughed at that.

“Seems like you get yourself in these situations a lot?”

Shrugging, I turned away back to the door wistfully. It hadn’t been on purpose that I had ended up trapped here. Never my intention but I guess it wasn’t my intention the first time either. There had been a job offer in the paper, offering a hell of a lot of money for a simple drug trial that seemed to have no lasting effects. It was a simple decision. After leaving town the first time, I had jumped from job to job always finding fault where it probably wasn’t due. The first was my boss, the second their job hours and on and on it went – I was never satisfied.

“Aren’t you going to leave… I mean, that was kind of the point of me breaking off your cuffs.” I shook my head, tearing up a little in frustration. I felt him in front of me, even with my eyes closed I knew he was now right in front of me. “Why not?”

My shirt tickled my hip as if the wind was teasing at me, showing the reason tauntingly. “None of us can leave the building. They made sure leaving was quickly drawn out as an escape method. The one way out is dying, she-“ I kicked the female body on the floor much to his displeasure, “had the right idea.” He stared at me frantically, questioning. “We have tiny bombs injected into our system, as soon as we step through the doors… Boom. Not the interior design I ever really considered.”

With that, he bolted from the room screaming some words. I sat, pitifully on the floor, staring at the girl on the floor. She would’ve been pretty, is pretty. Tense was confusing in these situations. Dark hair splayed on the floor, hollow cheeks and dark sunken eyes centered a pale face. She looked like she would’ve been a nice person. My body contorted under me until I found myself on the floor next to her, our positions mimicked exactly, wishing desperately I could’ve been in her place.

From what I’d seen the entire place was as mangy as this. Full of cheap metal, blood-splattered walls, and the distinct smell of death haunting every dark crevice. Memories edged at my mind, the small town I’d grown up in, the destruction I’d left it, my parents, my cousin… oh I love her, she would’ve been in her final year of high school now. She’d grown so fast, I hadn’t spoken to her in months. I tried to imagine the conversations we’d have; boyfriends, maybe make-up, her prom dress, or what gossip was occurring with her friends.

“-Looks pretty dead to me Cap,” A voice echoed through the room. I smirked softly, “Or not. Fancy opening your eyes, Kid, we have things to discuss; most importantly the fact that you’re a walking time bomb… Quite literally.”

My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light coming from the hand right above me. Without thinking, my hands rose to bat at the hand, moving it gently from my eye line. My body cracked in protest as I sat up, leaning heavily against the wall, my legs are thrown carelessly in front of me touching the dead woman on the floor and pushing her until I could outstretch my legs.          

“Okay, so Steve has mentioned you have an implosive device that kicks in as soon as you walk out the doors. Can you talk to me about that?” The iron man asked, casting his hand back at me again which I protested.

“It’s just that, If I walk out of the building, I die, you die we all go up like a bloody firework.” 

“And it’s in your hip?” I nodded, hands pressing to the lump under the skin instinctually. “Okay question number two, why are you here? Do you know what they were doing? Have they done anything to you?”

Nodding, I retold the story of the ad in the paper. “They injected us daily with a dose of… I don’t even know what it is but it always started as a mist and they liquified it before injecting it. It felt like ice going through my veins always, then it turned to fire, then back to ice. Inconsistent but always painful. One day, I fell into a coma for three days and after that, they just kept me here. Sent guards every now and again to ask me weird questions and aggravate me a bit but I never did bite. I don’t know… you’re probably just best leaving as soon as you’re gone I’m gonna end this. I’m tired, my arms look like I’m a heroin addict, and honestly if she’s anything to go by I probably look like one too.”

Captain shook his head feverantly “What kind of Avengers would we be if we left you here and let you blow yourself up?”

“No disrespect,” I started, “But there’s not exactly much you can do.”

The iron man seemed to shake but I quickly realised it was from laughter. “Oh kid, you’re in the presence of two geniuses, a deadly assassin, a witch, and him. You’re going to be fine and get out of here. Hopefully before the end of the day but if you’re comfortable we could just turn this into a second base. Plus, we need to know what the mist actually did to you. You said you were in a coma, I don’t suppose you were covered in dust and surrounded by rocks when you woke up?” I nodded at this and he grinned back at me wolfishly. “Great we have another inhuman, Fury ain’t getting his hands on you – we got you first.”

“I’m not an object!” I protested loudly, glancing around the room for the first time. On your left, a gun pressed gently into her hand, and ready to pull at a moment's notice was Natasha Romanov. She was glaring at me like I’d personally offended her but her eyes were glare. Maybe that was just her face. Next to her was Wanda. I knew her from the news despite her being the newest member, she seemed to fit in perfectly – here and Natasha seemed to balance each other out. Soft and Angry. Yin and Yang. Holding back a laugh, I moved on to the next. Banner, gentle features, and pained eyes, so much of me I saw in him quickly made me avert my eyes back to Tony.

Captain put a hand on my shoulder and glared at Tony before looking down at me compassionately. “No one is saying that. We want to help you. You’re going to need to stay here though while these two figure out a way to get you out and after that, we want an assessment of your powers. Until then Natasha will be watching you, we all have things we need to do. Wanda, I want you to practice with Clint on how well you can hold an explosion contained. Bruce, Tony, you both know what you’re doing. I’m going to scout the rest of the building see what else can be salvaged.”

 

With that they all left, leaving the Black Widow in stony silence. Her hand still rested protectively on the gun, eyeing me as if she was waiting for me to give her a reason to use it.

“You can put it away, I’m just gonna sit here and wallow over the fact that my life has taken a ridiculously strange turn.” Her eyes darted to mine quickly, looking me up and down which in any other situation may have been slightly arousing but her lips quirked in something akin to a smirk and her hand dropped from the gun. “Thank you. You certainly passed the intimidation test with flying colors.”

She stayed quiet, unnerving but not unwelcome. My head turned with the possibility of having powers, if so what were they. Would I be able to control them and if I could what then? There must be some kind of protocol for this sort of thing otherwise there would be powered people just prancing around setting fire to everything.

Shifting my weight slightly I watched amused as her hand bolted straight back for the weapon and I laughed, it lacked mirth and the sound died with that thought. I had been happy once, always ready to laugh at anything and everything. Why didn’t I just settle for one of those stupid desk jobs, I could’ve put up with odd working hours or a difficult boss. I asked too much of the world, I was naive enough to believe that I deserved more than I had offered it enough. When in reality… I had offered it nothing and had even less to offer in its place. I deserved this. No, I cast my eyes to the girl on the floor, I deserved that.

“Can you stop with the self-deprecation thoughts for five minutes, please? You’re giving me a headache.” Her voice was a lot deeper than you expected but not manly. It was the voice of someone who had had one too many hands wrapped around her neck. There was a rasp there, hidden with an accent lost long ago.

“Don’t tell me what to think, I told you I was wallowing in my thoughts and that’s exactly what I plan to continue doing.” She scoffed and turned her back to me, facing the door impatiently. “You don’t like me very much.”

Her gaze turned back to me at the accusation and her face told you nothing of how she felt about the statement. Still, she responded, “I don’t know you. I don’t like how you’re belittling everything the rest of the team is trying to do for you. It’s ungrateful and you’re acting like a petulant child. You could be dead. You could still be being tested on. Instead, you’re here with people trying to figure out how to help you.”

I nodded at her slowly. She truly was beautiful. Deadly. I now understood why poisonous animals held such beautiful colors. There’s no way to stop yourself from getting drawn in, despite knowing the risks. Despite that, her words held truth and you let your thoughts wander impassively to what may come next not what should’ve, could’ve, or might’ve happened in a different situation.

“Look,” She started, her face impartial, “I understand this is a difficult thing. I’m not disregarding the fact that you’ve been through a lot. The team may take a while and honestly, you look like shit. Sleep. I’ll wake you if there’s any news.” As she spoke her face softened slightly, edges and razor glare melting. My eyes darted to the door, fear crawling up inside of me at the idea of sleeping. It had been so long since you’d slept and not woken up to a beating or a body on yours or a needle in your arm. She noticed, of course, she did. “Nobody is going to hurt you. I’m here to protect you and babysit you. You’re safe. Sleep.”

I’d heard many stories of The Black Widow, some good and some bad but no matter the side she had always come out on top. With that in mind, my eyes closed.

 

Drilling was the noise that broke me away from my sleep, a sound I knew too well from too many experiments. Flinching, my body moved for me, moving me securely to the furthest corner in the room. My eyes hadn’t opened but I heard quiet voices and suddenly the drilling stopped. Mentally, I checked my body. There was no immediate pain only old aches from past wounds and neck pain from sleeping on the floor. A body was close to my own, I could feel the heat.

My eyes opened, to the side of a red-haired head. Her hand closed to my own on the floor as she spoke to the figure in the doorway. They left promptly and she turned back to me; if she was surprised by the proximity her face didn’t show it.

“The boys are beginning renovations on the base. They haven’t figured out how to get the bomb out of your hip without setting it off yet but they need somewhere to work. That’s what the drilling was.” She explained softly, watching my face carefully. “They’re going to stop, for now, work on another part and when you’ve woken up properly they’re going to resume. I promise all that they’re doing is drilling electrics into the walls. F.R.I.D.A.Y does a lot of the workaround here so we need electricity. I’ll warn you next time they start, okay?”

Her explanation was perfectly valid, her proximity was yet to be explained. She seemed to notice and shuffled back slightly but still within touching distance. “They used to drill into us, I forget when I’m asleep what’s happening now. I forgot you were all here.” I offered, a feeble attempt but the words soothed me as much as explaining your panic to her.

She nodded again and reached into a backpack that hadn’t been there previously for a bottle of water, a sandwich, and an apple. I took them from her outstretched hand. The sandwich, I noticed was a peanut butter jelly and I quickly bit into it. The taste nearly too much after eating rock-like bread for the last few months.

I ate quickly but chose to sip on the water, my body protesting to the food. “You’ll get your appetite back.” She said as though she had read my thoughts.

“How long was I asleep?” I asked.

“Nearly two days, construction was done yesterday and we have a room set up for you but I told them not to move you until you woke. Change can be… unsettling.” I smiled at her appreciatively. “Would you like to go now?”

I nodded. She stood effortlessly as I scrambled to my feet, rocking slightly as the sudden movement played with my vision. Her hand was outstretched as though she was ready to catch me, or grab me, any second. When I balanced, I cast her a small smile and followed her to the door.

It was strange, walking out of the cell I had lived in for so many months, despite the pain I think I was going to miss it. Natasha had realised I had stopped short of crossing the threshold and waited with a blank expression, leaning gently against the wall. It took a minute until I was able to lift my leg over the door and into the hallways but the smile she sent me wasn’t one of impatience but understanding. The hallway was long yet Natasha walked as if she knew the place inside out already, her steps were taken with certainty as if she had walked this route for years.

The walls were stone, wet paint stuck to them dribbling in places and drying in others, a soft white that brightened the building. It didn’t take away the memories, simply nulled them to a soft hum.

As we walked, we turned and entered many doors, so many in fact I’d already forgotten which way we had come. But as we walked the building because less morose and more present-day looking. The walls were now wallpapered with lights that were bright yet not sterile. The doors went from metal slabs to wooden frames and there were windows everywhere. They truly had been busy. To the left, the lab had been turned from a dark, dirty room to something that resembled a chemistry lab; the only difference being the medical bed in the center of the room. We walked past a room that was full of gym equipment and another just full of mats and mirrors. Finally, we got to a lift. Just as we were about to get in Natasha’s phone rang loudly from her pocket.

“Steve?” She answered, “Tony?” It sounded like an amendment more than an accusation. “Yeah, she’s with me, why?” I paused with bated breath, ready to be marched back to the cell I had just said goodbye to. She seemed to catch that and shook her head at me. “No, we were on our way to her room… Yes, I know you can see us which is why you know we’re about to get in the lift…. Right now? Okay. Ring me when you’re done.”

With her phone passed back in her pocket, I reached the lift button but she quickly pulled my hand away. Her hands were softer than I expected for an assassin of such high caliber but she let go before I could ponder more. “We can’t go in the lift yet, Tony’s putting the final touches on the electrics. The lift is electric, I’m not risking getting electrocuted.”

I nodded and sat on the floor in front of her, leaning my back against the wall after making sure it was dry. She followed suit after giving me a strange look and pulled out a book from her bag. Natasha read in silence, her eyes following the words on the page steadily, but every time I shifted her gaze fell on me sharply. Sitting still has never been a strength of mine and after 10 minutes I gave up, passing back and forth in front of her. 1, 2, 3, turn, 1, 2, 3, turn.

Finally, her phone rang again, and before she had picked it up, lifted a hand to push the elevator button. The doors opened quietly and she stepped inside beckoning me.

“FRIDAY?” She called, her voice strong yet questioning.

“Good Afternoon, Agent Romanov, can I be of service?” The voice of the AI shocked me and she chuckled at my blatant surprise.

“Yes, can you add Veejay Morris to your database? She’s going to be here for a while and it would be useful to have her integrated no matter how temporary.” The entire sentence confused me. First, how did she know my last name? Second, what was this thing? Third, why did the word temporary sting as much as it did? The voice, FRIDAY, confirmed and the rest of the journey was silent. Once the lift doors opened we were in a whole other part of the building, much higher up. The entire outer walls seemed to be glass and I could clearly see the mass of fields outside. She walked through the rooms and finally came to a stop outside the door. “This is your room. You have a bathroom in there, we just walked past the main kitchen but there is a small kitchenette inside should you feel the need to isolate. All necessities should be in there; clothes and bathroom essentials. There is to be a meeting at 6 PM. Don’t miss it.”

With that, she walked away phone in hand, back the way we had come. It was then I realised she never had answered the phone call from earlier.

 

 

Chapter 3: I Have Powers?

Notes:

Hi!

Hope you like it!

Chapter Text

 

The room was nice. Very akin to a hotel room, it was created in an L shape. The bed set in the main room I opened the door to, a bedside table on either side both adorning a lamp.  There was a dresser opposite but other than that it was bare. Opposite the door I came in there was another door, the bathroom. A shower, sink and toilet squeezed into the small space with a rack for towels and shelves full of products I had never heard of. I walked back to the bed and sat gently, the clock said 3 PM. What was I supposed to do for 3 hours? I looked around again and my eyes spotted another door, next to the dresser. I opened it to find the promised kitchenette. A stove, fridge and microwave a top of a few cabinets.

            My body ached and I went to go sit back on the bed before remembering I couldn’t think of the last time I showered. It was so warm. Almost suffocatingly so as the water trikled down my body, the soap smelt posh but the shampoo was apple. The familiarity of the scent was more comforting than the shower itself.

            Clothes were another hurdle, I rifled through the options finding only joggers much too long and a cami that seemed too little for such a cold day. Still, I could roll the joggers and layer the tops, it wasn’t that bad.

            I checked the time again, 4:30. I had spent an hour and a half in the shower. Too long for the water to have no runout but I guess I was under the roof of Tony Stark now. Time passed achingly slowly as I laid on the bed waiting for the clock to reach 6 PM but finally, it was five minutes to and I exit the room as quietly as possible.

            It didn’t take long for me to follow the noise and quickly found myself face to face with the Avengers as a whole. I hung back at the door, waiting patiently for one of them to notice through their jesting and joking. It was Wanda who spotted me first, her hand rose in a small wave but doubled as a silencing act to the rest of the team. They all looked up from their seats and stared at me silently.

            “Natasha told me to meet you for 6, it is 6 right? That’s what my clock said anyway?”

            Wanda smiled and nodded beckoning me over. Thankfully, there was a full couch left unattended because Natasha was perched on the arm of the one Clint and Steve were sharing. Bruce was leaning against the window and Wanda was sat with Tony on the floor. I sat silently and watched them as they each assessed me in their own way.

            “So, back to business. How do we know you’re not HYDRA and did in fact stumble across them accidentally?” Tony asked, face bemused.

            “I didn’t try to kill anyone and I’m really unlucky?”

            Steve laughed at my response nodding, “She’s right, we saved her from being crushed by a building a few years back, she’s definitely unlucky.”

            “Good enough for me, Kid. So, you’re stuck here. That means, by default, we’re stuck here. Well, sort of. Wanda is staying here, Natasha is staying here, Clint’s not, Me, Steve and Banner are going to be staying between the two. We have built a lab here but it’s not great and so what we can’t do here we’re going to do back home.” I nodded, unsure of where this was going. “That means, that we need to figure out what your powers are because you’ve gone through the mist… or the mist has gone through you, so you’re inhumane. Which means powers. Natasha is going to be training you hand to hand, Wanda is going to push you magically see what we can find there and you… You’re going to do what these two say because those are the rules, got it?”

            I nodded again, looking at Natasha who was nursing a beer and staring back. Wanda just smiled again.

            “Amazing. Want a beer?” Tony’s blaze attitude about this whole situation unnerved me to no end. I shook my head. He shrugged and went back to talking to Wanda about whatever they had been discussing before I had arrived. Clint turned to Steve and Banner made his way over to Natasha smiling softly at her. Uncomfortable and completely out of place, I rose quietly and walked out of the room and back to the small one I had been given.

            Tears built as soon as I had closed the door and were quick to fall onto my cheeks, my breath quick and gasps loud as I struggled to contain the sobs begging to rip from my chest. It was too much. Their dynamic was so much more than what it looked on the news; they were a family who loved each other as much as they loved their craft. I thought back to my cousin, the tears came harder. My parents were gone had been for a long time. I’d never had anything like that other than with her, she was basically my little sister and she probably thought I was dead too. I was stuck in a building full of people helping me because it’s their job, and in reality, my powers could benefit them, and alone.

            Time passed quickly as I cried, tears rolling onto the pillow but a knock on the door quickly woke me from my episode. I wiped my face in a futile attempt and opened the door. Natasha stood on the other side looking awkward and apologetic. A stance I never thought I would see on her.

            Pleasantly surprised, I opened the door and stepped back allowing her in. She was carrying a book and a cup of what looked like tea. “Here.” She said thrusting the mug in my hands and tossing the book on the bed. “We were all really rude back there, we should’ve included you more. It won’t happen again.” With that, she cast me one last strange look and bolted to the door, silent in her escape. The door closed quietly and I brought the cup to my lips, chamomile to help me sleep. The apology was clear in her words and the type of tea showed she noticed more than I thought.

            I picked up the book, holding it in my hands and opened the first page. I read through most of the night, the predictability in the words and the effects of the tea slowly lulling me to sleep but it took hours.

            My throat was hoarse when I woke up, panting and scatty eyed. The light was on and the door ajar, someone had been in here but who. Then a hand fell close to my own where it had been tucked into my body. Soft hands. “Tasha?” I whispered. A hum was the only response until a bottle of water was pressed firmly into my hands.

            Arms strained as I pushed against the bed to sit up but when I did she moved back, sitting now on the end of the bed watching me. “Natasha.” She corrected but she didn’t show any sign she was mad instead it sounded more like a force of habit. “You had a nightmare.”

            “Yes.” I agreed.

            “You were screaming.” She observed, I winced now knowing why my throat hurt so much. I nodded at her, apologetically. “It’s okay, I wasn’t sleeping.”

            I knew that roughly translated into: I was keeping an eye on you because I still don’t trust you but her assurance eased the worry. Sighing, I leant back on the pillows, they puffed around me encasing my head and shoulders. A hand on my calf startled me but I didn’t open my eyes. That one roughly translated into Sleep, nothing can get you. I’m here.

           

            The next time I woke up, Natasha was gone but there was a note on the end of the bed where she had been sitting when I fell asleep. Stretching, I reached for it, wincing at the stretch on my muscles. Training. Have breakfast and find Wanda or I – N.

            Her writing was as evasive as the rest of her. However, the serif marks on each letter was the only thing separating her handwriting from the rest of the general populations. It looked like it had been printed straight from a typewriter, completely anonymous in its shape. Written like the trained spy she is. However, I couldn’t help but wonder if she had some other handwriting she used for more personal notes.

            My tongue stung as the toothpaste washed around my mouth, its mint tastes sharp and unfamiliar after so long. The shower was as suffocating as last time but there was no way of turning down the temperature without catch hypothermia. Once I was clean and showered, I made my way to the main kitchen where Wanda was stood stirring her tea with red whisps while reading today's paper. She looked up at my entry and the red whisps darted around the kitchen as she collected a mug, tea bag and the kettle to make a second tea.

            Once it had been placed in front of me, I smiled in thanks taking a small sip of the burning liquid. “Natasha mentioned you’ve been having nightmares?” She started, looking at me pityingly.

            I nodded. Of course she told, she was meant to be watching me but did it have to be the first conversation I had today. Wanda smiled at me again. “I’m sorry, we can talk about it later. Which training do you want to work on first?”

            “Either. But I really don’t think I have powers, surely I would know by now?” Replying was easy, I’d thought about it enough last night to rehearse it in my sleep. Wanda just took a sip of her tea and watched me carefully before turning her attention back to the paper in her hands. “Since Natasha isn’t here, want to just get started?” I asked, irritability seeping into my tone.

            “Natasha’s here now, what’s going on?” I turned around shocked, she stood in the doorway clad in a sports bra and tight leggings. Her shoes were an astonishingly bright pink which I couldn’t help but snicker at. Wanda, surprisingly, joined in my laughter and soon we were both bent at the stomach wheezing. “Hey, what’s the joke?” Natasha’s question brought on a whole other round of laughter and in the end, she simply huffed and poured a coffee. In her defence, she did sit silently while me and Wanda finished laughing but every time we looked at each other the giggles came back.

            When I had calmed down enough, I looked back up at her letting small giggles escape every now and again which she watched with a calculating gaze.

            “Are you finished?” She asked tone clipped. I nodded physically biting back a smile, Wanda held her cup to her face to hide hers. “Good, are you going to tell me what just happened?” I shook my head, snickering once more. “Whatever, you two can’t be trusted together just yet so I’m gonna take you first.”

            I smirked up at her, “Buy a girl dinner first.”

            “Haha.” She deadpanned and then walked out the door beckoning me with a hand. I glanced back at Wanda who was silently laughing before walking out after her.

            The journey was silent but she kept sending me questioning looks which only fueled the laughter teasing my lips. When we had reached the training room she walked into the middle of it and turned on the spot.

            “Here is where we’re going to be training. So from now on, I expect you to find your own way here. The mirrors are to see what you or your opponent is doing at all times, an advantage you won't have on the field but detrimental in training. Do you have any type of Self Defence background?”

            “I used to do martial arts as a kid and again in my late teens but life sort of got in the way, you know?” She nodded.

            “Well here, it’s going to be your life. So show me what you got.”

            With that I launched myself at her, immediately pulling guard. She wriggled for a few seconds putting pressure on both of the legs wrapped around her waist. I turned quickly, my legs moving to secure an arm against my chest and calves around her neck. Natasha got out quickly but looked slightly impressed before it slithered behind her impassive mask.

            She sat back between my legs and edited my methods and technique for an hour or so, pointing out good things and drilling the bad ones. We worked until sweat was seeping through my clothes and my muscles hurt even when I wasn’t moving. Finally, Wanda showed up, a knife twirling through her fingers.

            “Natasha, I need her to have some sort of energy.” The redhead in mention simply smirked at her and pulled me off her and up to my feet with ease. She smiled at me and pat my shoulder, Good work. It was going to take me a while to get used to her silent methods of communication but I was catching on, slowly. “Alright, Vee…Jay… What do people call you? Natasha hates anything other than Natasha, finds it lazy or something. But like nickname wise V? J?”

            I laughed at her rambling. “Anything is fine, Wan.”

            Her eyebrows shot up as a smirk played on her lips. “Wan… Never heard that one, I like it. I think I’ll stick with J, I’ve already had a V in my life.” Her face got sad all of a sudden and she looked at the ground, the knife now twisting dangerously fast.

            “No more V, just J. Now I thought we were here so you could show off and I can pretend I have powers?” She laughed at that, her face morphing from the sadness. Red whisps shot at me before I could blink.

            I flinched heavily. Nothing. I didn’t even know what I was supposed to be able to do. Wanda tried again and again but every time had the same flinching unresponsive result.

            “Can you tell me what you were like before the mist? We can maybe look at it that way. For example, some people who are tough in nature go through the mist and have the powers to become completely steal.” I nodded at her and thought back knowing she could see in my mind. I wasn’t anything special. A small-town girl looking for something more in a city that offers no second chances. I was restless, I bounced from job to job because I never felt content anywhere. I’m stubborn, sarcastic but loyal to a fault. Once I made connections with people, it didn’t matter what happened I would be there at every beck and call. I loved the water but then fire always intrigued me. The flames were just beautifully dangerous. Camping was one of my favourite things in the world; outdoors-y you could say.

            Her look was pensive. She suddenly grinned up at me. “Okay, I’ve had a stupid idea from a book I read as a kid but if this is real then it’s going to be so cool..” I nodded. “Think of fire, imagine the flames crawling up the walls.”

            Scoffing, I followed her request but I knew it would be futile. I always thought of fire, not in a sadistic kind of way but more so because it was comforting. The flames tickling and cracking in the wind, it was just beautiful in a way nothing else ever was. A gasp escaped Wanda’s lips as she stared at me.

            “What?”

            “J, look at your hands.”

            My eyes dropped down to find my hands smoking. Literal black smoke coming from my fingertips. I furrowed my brow, this was nothing like she asked nor was it much of anything. Maybe I could just get really hot.

            “This is the start, I couldn’t control my powers when I first found out about them either. In fact, I could barely even make my hands red let alone do anything with them. Just a thought, can you do whatever you just did but with water?”

            I thought hard about water, felt it washing against my feet in relenting waves. Fall onto my shoulders in the shower or my hood in the rain.

            “Ew, my hands are so sweaty. The smoke really did heat the room after all.”

            Wanda shook her head in absolute awe. “You’re wrong. That isn’t sweating, J. That’s water… That’s water!” She screamed elated. Grabbing my hands and twirling me round in a jumping circle of laughter. “This is so cool!”

            I stopped suddenly at a clapping sound coming from the doorway, Natasha stood smiling softly at us her hands resting against each other. “Well done, Veejay, I’m impressed. That’s going to be useful when you get stronger. Now come on, I think we deserve dinner and a bottle of wine.” Wanda perked at that. “Not you, you’re still underage.”

            Wanda pouted pathetically but followed us upstairs regardless. Once we got back to the sleeping quarters, she used her powers to quickly grab the bottle of wine and hold it above Natasha’s head teasingly. A glare later it was sat nicely down on the side, pouring into two glasses. I laughed at her submission but she just pouted some more and made herself a cup of tea muttering about the age of adulthood in Sokovia.

            “Well we’re not in Sokovia are we Lil Red?” Clint’s voice echoed from somewhere around the room. I looked around the room, finding him perched like a bird on the end of the table. He smiled. “Good job today, I’ve only been hearing good things.”

            “Lil red?” I smirked back at Wanda. Her lips formed another pout mock glaring as she stirred her tea.

            “Well yeah,” Clint said, jumping from his spot to throw an arm around Natasha. “We have Big Red and Lil Red.” Natasha looked murderous. “I don’t mean big like that, c’mon Nat, don’t be stupid. You’re just older, not bad older but like… Nat… Put down the knife please, if it helps if I didn’t love Laura and all my children I would totally marry you. Okay, not helping yourself here Clint. Just please, put down the knife.”

            I passed Natasha her glass of wine and a plate of the meal Wanda had made earlier causing her to drop the knife to the table. Clint flashed me a large surprised smile and darted from her view with a quick wave of thanks.

            She turned to me, eyebrow raised. I shrugged back at her and took a sip of the wine in answer. She sighed, patting the seat next to her and went back to her meal in silence.

            Wanda disappeared a few moments later with her tea and plate of food leaving me and Natasha in silence. I picked at the meal, swallowing a few small bites between pushing it around with my fork. It really was tasty but I could still feel yesterdays sandwich sitting in my stomach. Giving up, I pushed it from my view and tucked the wine glass between my fingers.

            “I have a question.” Natasha nodded at me to continue. “Wanda says you only let people call you Natasha because it’s lazy to shorten but Clint calls you Nat, why?”

            She considered me for a minute before topping up both of our glasses silently. “I’m sure you’ve read about my past somewhere, everyone seems to know everything at this point.” She grumbled. I nodded though, I knew some stuff. “Well, my birth name is Natalia. Clint met me when that was still what I went by. He was there when I changed it to Natasha, he knows both of us so when he calls me Nat he’s referring to both. When somebody else calls me Nat, they think nothing of the girl who died with that name.”

            Natasha had a valid reason, not that I expected anything less, but it was surprising to hear such information about her in one go.

            “When you called me Tasha last night I can’t say I wasn’t surprised. I’m used to correcting everyone who tries Nat, it just… Nat’s not my name anymore, do you understand? I’m not the person who replies to that name. Tasha… maybe we could work on it if you like?”

            It felt like an olive branch or a hand when you're hanging off a cliff. I nodded raising my glass slightly. “To new names.” She looked at me strangely but smiled and clinked her glass against mine.  I finished my wine quickly and turned to her. “Are you the one on Veejay shift tonight?”

            She shook her head and I couldn’t help but feel a slither of disappointment in my gut.

Nodding, I waved a hand in goodbye but when it dropped she took it gently, offering a squeeze and what I perceived as a sympathetic smile. It said: I’m here regardless. Sweet dreams.

            “Night N– Night Tasha.” Her face twisted at the nickname and I could see she was doing everything to hold back the full name comment.

             

Chapter 4: I Burn Down My Bedroom

Notes:

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Chapter Text

 

Hot. I was hot. Sweat trickled down my face and I rolled over uncomfortably, kicking off the covers but the draught caused only followed by more heat. I groaned into my pillow, who was messing with the aircon because it wasn’t funny. After 5 minutes, I finally rolled back onto my back and opened my eyes.

            To find the ceiling dark black. The room had been painted white when I went to sleep; confused I rolled over, only to become face to face with a wall of flames. Shit. My body pulled me away before my mind recognised what I was doing but I quickly realised that the entire bed was circled. Shit. Coughing, I looked at my hand wondering if I started this but they were unsinged and still as pale as yesterday.

            The cameras had been singed completely and now melted pathetically from the corner of the room. Which meant nobody knew what was happening. Shit.

            “Natasha!” I yelled, my voice traveling to the wall of flames before cutting off. My mind was reeling with what I had been dreaming about but I couldn’t latch on to the memory no matter how hard I tried. Water was fires, natural enemy. However, after minutes of thinking of water and nothing but sweaty palms to show for it I gave up. This was not good. The flames weren’t moving which in itself was a saving grace. “Natasha!” I tried again. I didn’t actually know how far away she was but she can’t be too far.

            It wasn’t long that the tears started, I was stuck. Ironically I had been saved, treated, and told I have powers and now my own powers were going to kill me. My body curled in on itself as I cried, the flames offering a small comfort of heat.

            Then a hand was on my shoulder turning me sharply and a gasp of relief was heard. I opened my eyes to find her deep green staring back at me and without thinking launched myself into her body. She froze as we fell back on the bed but didn’t try and escape as I hugged myself to her looking around desperately to make sure the fire had in fact gone. The only reminder it had been there in the first place was the dark singed ring around the bed and melted cameras still dripping down the wall.

            “I’m sorry,” I sobbed, pulling myself away from her but her hands came up and gently wrapped around my shoulder pulling me back towards her. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Please don’t send me back, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

            “Shh, we’re not going to send you back. I know you didn’t mean it. We should’ve made sure the cameras were fireproof after finding out your powers. It’s not your fault. Well, it is but it was an accident and excusable.” Her voice echoed through her chest where I was lying, tears rolling onto her collarbone and vibrated through my cheek. It was my fault but they weren’t going to send me away, good.

            My tears stopped and the fingertips skimming my upper arm slowed with the lack of sobs. When I pulled away, her eyes fell on my face and then assessed the rest of my body then back to my face.

            “You look physically fine, the flames didn’t hurt you and you managed to keep them contained. However, no one could get through the door Veejay. I don’t know what you did. I heard you the first time you called but I couldn’t get through, not even Tony’s suit was strong enough.” She had heard me. That’s the only thing that really registered. But she kept talking anyway. “It’s barely 2 AM, you need to go back to sleep. Just… not here. You can take my room just don’t set it on fire, some of the stuff in there is valuable to me.”

            I couldn’t take her room, not at the risk of lighting everything on fire and I told her as much but she stern look and soft smile had me shuffling out of the door after her. It was then I noticed what she was wearing. PJ shorts and a sports bra. Beautiful woman.

            We walked in silence but she kept looking back, red hair whipping across her face with the motion. She’d look at me emotionlessly and then continue walking. Finally, at the end of the hall, we stopped at a white door. There was a gold engraving stating her name with a number underneath.

            “Agent registration, it’s a formality more than anything.” She explained following my line of sight. Her hand raised, tracing over the bumps in the wood before dropping to the handle. Her eyes dropped to mine once more before she opened the door with a resigned sigh. Her room was nothing like mine. It was still white but her bed was larger and facing a huge entertainment center, there were speakers in the top corners of her room instead of cameras and instead of the hotel sheets hers were a silk black. “This may be turning into a more permanent base than we expected, thought I’d personalize it at least a little.”

            Despite what she said there was nothing in this room that looked like it belonged to Natasha. She may have chosen the bed sheets and placed the candles on her bedside table but there was nothing that was really… her.

            I stumbled to the bed, my feet not particularly used to the fluffy carpet under my toes, and stood at the edge staring at her.

            “Okay, well, here you are. Press that button if you need anything, I’m going to the couch. Sweet dreams.”

            I looked at her in disbelief. I’m not sure what I expected when I followed her to her room but this was not it. “No.”

            “No?” she said, an amused smile painting her lips.

            “No, I’m not taking your bed. You can sleep here, I’ll go to the couch.”

            “Don’t be ridiculous Veejay, it’s a couch. I’ve slept on worse.”

            “So have I.”

            Our eyes locked for a second, both held in stubborn defiance. She glanced behind me at the bed and then back to the door.

            “That’s my side of the bed, you take the other.” She relented. Silently, I walked to the other side sitting gently on it and staring at her as she flung the covers up and slid inside. Her red hair splayed across the pillow looking dangerously blood-like against the black and she motioned for me to lay down. I did staring up at the ceiling. I needed to figure out what happened so it doesn’t happen again.

            A huffed breath traveled across the bed to dance across my cheek. “You’re never going to sleep if you keep trying to figure out what happened.”

            I turned at her, “How do you always know what I’m thinking.”

            She grinned. “You’re easy to read and I’ve had a lot of practice. Now please go to sleep, I’m tired.”

            “No, you’re not.”

            An eyebrow rose at that, her eyes squinting slightly in the darkness. “No, I’m not but you need your sleep so please sleep. I don’t want to train with you grumpy and unachieving tomorrow, it’s a waste of both of our time.” She was right, obviously.

            “Okay, goodnight,” I whispered into the darkness. I tucked in on myself again, preparing for the nightmares. It took a few minutes but a soft hand wriggled between the sheets and past my knees before wrapping delicately around my own:

            I’m here, I’ll protect you.

           

The feeling of movement next to me finally woke me and I stretched delicately my body feeling pliable for the first time in months. The sheets beneath me were soft unlike the scratchy material of my own room and I remembered where I was.

“Finally, I haven’t been able to move in hours. I should have been done with a run, showered and started my case files by now.” My head lifted slightly and I looked up at Natasha, her face slightly blurry from the deep sleep I’d awoken from. She frowned and tugged at her arm. It was only then that I realised I was holding it in a death grip, my entire body tucked around it. I blushed and let go.

She raised it and twisted it softly, face contorting in discomfort.

“I’m sorry, you should’ve woken me.”

“I tried!” She exclaimed, rising from the bed. “Every time I moved your hands would go hot until I stopped. It was ridiculous. Honestly, worst bed mate I’ve ever had.” Her words were serious but her face was soft and I’m not sure how much she meant them. “You slept well though it seemed and I guess that’s what I asked. Go get dressed, your room should be cleaned by now.”

            I nodded and shuffled out of the room quietly. If she truly was mad at me, this day would be long and training is going to be hell. Quickly, I brushed my teeth and got dressed for the day, the same clothes as usual before meeting Wanda in the kitchen.

            Tea was in front of me faster than I had sat down, fading red light in its wake. “Heard about last night.” She started conversationally. I frowned stirring the tea just for something to do, why does everybody know everything I do as soon as it happens? It’s getting frustrating. “Still, you managed not to burn Natasha’s room down so I guess that’s something. I wonder why?”

            I did too. While brushing my teeth, my memories relayed the dreams I had but nothing seemed to fit the description of why there was a wall of fire around my bed and why there wasn’t one when I got in Natasha’s. The dreams were the same, just memories really of the abuse I had suffered in the cells downstairs or the feeling of the liquid inside my veins burning. Burning.

            Wanda looked up at me grinning. “Well, there’s that answer. Come, we’ll go train, Natasha deserves a break from the heat.” She laughed at her own pun and danced out the room leaving me to trail behind her. However, I couldn’t help but think Natasha really was mad at me.

            We trained for a while, not accomplishing much with anything but fire and even that was only because we cross-referenced it with memories of the serum. After a few hours, I became frustrated and the flames were growing out of control but it was comforting to know that everything was now as fireproof as possible.

            “My turn.” I turned at the voice, her arms were cross and her eyebrows furrowed anxiously at the fire surrounding me and Wanda. The witch nodded at me and the flames slowly shrank until there was nothing but embers crackling at my feet. “No fire with me, burns are my least favorite injury.”

            Why would she let me in her bed knowing I was a literal fire risk. Confusion fought through the rational side of my brain and all of a sudden I was on my back, red hair tickling my lips. Her fingers tapped my shoulder: Wake up. I struggled underneath her until the gap between her legs was large enough to slide through and onto her back, latching my arms around her throat. It was a short fight to submission but her approving smile proved I did something right.

            Hours later, I staggered back to the kitchen my arms and legs sore from where they had been bent in the wrong way. She had stayed with a small comment about making up for her run this morning. But the nagging thought that she just didn’t want to be around me remained.

            After dinner, Wanda sat with me on the couch flicking through endless channels until she found a cooking show she liked. Every few minutes a smart-alec comment would slip between her teeth as she judged the contestants furiously on their mistakes. My hands were wrapped around a warm mug, keeping the temperature level by practicing my powers. Mundane but an advantage nonetheless.

            It was about 11 PM when Tony walked in, eyes drawn straight to me and a stern look on his face. “Please don’t burn your room down again tonight. It’s not expensive, just annoying to put back together. I’ve tried to make everything anti-flammable but some things even I can’t manage. So do your best, yeah kid?”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “Nah, it’s not your fault. I’m only half being serious, it is annoying but I know you can’t help it. Wanda mentioned the fact that –“

            “Why is everything I say and do everybody's fucking business in this place like I wouldn’t mind but I would tell you anything you wanted to know so why do you have to talk about me when I’m not there. I’m not at school and this isn’t fucking parents' evening. Please, I can deal with the cameras and the microphones but if you want daily / hourly updates, come to me.”

            My verbal explosion wasn’t expected, by me or anybody in the team, but I stood by what I said. With one final huff, I turned on my heel and straight to my room. Despite what Tony had said I could feel the flames lick at my stomach, dance across my fingers. Anger made everything worse, Anger as an emotion felt like the flames that now took hold of my life, it was dangerous to be feeling so much of it. Especially after last night.

            I sighed and rolled onto the bed, throwing small spats of fire on the floor just to see if it would light. It didn’t. The book Natasha had given me had managed to escape the flames and I picked it up, trying to lose myself in the pages and forget the emotional turmoil inside.

            It was easy to understand where the outburst had come from but they didn’t deserve it, not completely. I looked up at the cameras in defeat and gently signed I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure if any of them spoke sign language or were even paying attention to the cameras but the gesture was there. It took a few minutes for a knock to arrive but I was almost certain who it was.

            “Mhm?”

            “You calmed down?” She asked, red hair pulled back into a ponytail and clad in joggers and a jumper. I nodded as she sat on the bed wrinkling her nose. “These sheets feel awful no wonder you burnt them.” I tried a laugh but it came out more of a sharp breath; I was cold, under inspection and so tired.

            She shuffled closer, taking the book out of my hand so I had nowhere but her to rest my gaze. “I get why you blew up. I do. You just have to understand blowing up like that is not something that’s safe for you to do. If there’s something wrong, talk to us. We can’t help if we don’t know and honestly, if doing it your way is going to keep me blister-free then I’m more than happy to follow your lead.”

            My eyes landed on her jumper wistfully, the temperature really was dropping and I wasn’t going to risk burning the bedding trying to warm myself up.

            “You not got one?” She asked, fiddling with the hood strings and eyeing the goosebumps that rose on my arm. Shaking my head, she jerked her head to the door and stood up. I followed her back to her room, waiting by the door as she rummaged through her closet. “This was Steve’s… 5 years ago I stole it. It’s mine now, want to borrow it?”

            She held up a navy blue jumper that looked bigger than something Steve would ever need but it looked so cozy. Natasha chucked it to me with a soft smile and I caught it, slipping it over my head quickly and reveling in the comfort it offered. It was odd how weak Natasha’s natural scent was; as though it was something else she had been trained to hide but it was there hidden in the fabric woven jumper.

            “I’m scared,” I admitted after a few minutes of wrapping my hands around the sleeves and her watching.

            “Of burning everything again or something different?”

            “Of everything. I don’t want to burn everything in my sleep again but I also don’t want to let it fester in case something worse happens. I like being here but like you said its temporary and I’m scared of what happens next. I’m scared of making friends here and never seeing anybody again. I’m getting trained by you and Wanda but I’m scared of what I need it for. I’m scared I’ll never see my cousin again because she thinks I’m dead and that’s probably for the best. I’m scared of everything Natasha.”

            She said nothing but walked to her side of the bed and slipped in just as silently. Her hand reached out to pat the spot I had slept in last night, her face pinched in concern. I walked over and under the duvet next to her staring at the sheets under my fingertips.

            “Tasha…” I started, “I really want to be your friend but I can’t get attached to someone I’ll be walking away from in a few weeks. It doesn’t work like that for me. It will hurt me more than you can realise. I know you put work before everything and I admire that but…” I trailed off picking at the thread of the satin.

            “No one ever comes into my room. Ever. I think Clints been in once.” She said, her eyes staying on mine. “You’re the only one other than Clint who calls me something other than Natasha. That jumper? It’s been my comfort item for 5 years, that’s why Steve never asked me to return it. Veejay you’re already my friend. This is hard enough to say in itself, I don’t have friends other than the Avengers but I guess they’re more family. Never have. I’m learning how to be a good friend, slowly, you’re going to have to be patient.”

            With that, she rolled onto her back and slung her arm towards my chest, the invitation to sleep as I did last night clear. I took it gently, tugging her slightly closer.

            “I think you’re a pretty good friend already, G’night Tasha” I whispered tracing my fingers over her wrist to her palm.

            Her hand closed around mine with 3 soft squeezes and her eyes slid closed: Thanks, You’re alright too.

           

Chapter 5: I Get Left Alone

Chapter Text

The weeks following we’re mundane. Well, as mundane as you can get in a base full of superheroes. Bruce and Tony were still working on the bomb in my hip but there wasn’t as much rush as before seen as they had successfully managed to transfer most of what they doing in the tower here.

            I was still being observed but it was less obvious and becoming few and far between but the cameras stayed. There hadn’t been any more out-of-control fires, in fact, I was pretty much in control of the element. Only one incident made me feel truly guilty but that was when I was training with Wanda and we both got a little cocky.

            It had taken Tony a week to forgive us.

            Natasha had been around more often too. Hanging out with me one on one like Wanda but if we were watching TV she would often join and always had a bottle of wine ready at dinner time. It was strange how close we had all become. I could see how they fell into a routine with each other so easily, they were all so… nice.

            However, when I walked into training today Natasha had stopped me with a grim look on her face. “No training today, Подруга.”

            She had started calling me that since our talk about us being friends. It literally translated to a friend, a fact I incessantly reminded her of. Still, to hear the word practically spat out did nothing for my confidence and I frowned at her slightly hurt.

            “There’s a mission, for all of us. There will be SHIELD staff taking our place of training you and watching you. Physical training will continue but without Wanda here, as precaution, we don’t think it’s safe for you to continue training your powers.”

            They were all going. It hurt in an odd kind of way. They owed me nothing, I know that and I know they don’t really have a choice. But it was going to be strange, there was always the same dynamic and the same routine since the day I started. Wake up, Wanda would make me tea, we would chill before training, Train with both of them, dinner with Natasha, and then TV or something until bedtime. Sometimes the boys were in and out of the house and when they were it grew louder and a child-like element of fun was thrown in. It was going to become so quiet.

            “How long?” I asked.

            “A few weeks tops.” She replied. “We leave in half an hour.”

I nodded and backed slowly towards the door. Goodbyes had never been my thing. “Well, good luck. I’ll see you in a few weeks, Natasha.” She flinched at her name and it would’ve been amusing had my mind not been running with all the possible outcomes of the mission. She reached for me, a hand outstretched and a pleading look on her face. I bit my lip and forced a smile. “I’m a big girl, go pack. I’ll see you later… or in a month or whatever. Stay safe.”

I knew I was being sort of childish running away when she had done nothing wrong but her job. But I knew how this mission could end and I refused to say goodbye. I hated it. It made things hurt more than they needed to. I was scared too, scared that without the easy-going environment I would lose my cool, that I’d explode. Scared that I’d miss them and get emotional. Scared of so many things. I had become dependent on routine and I never had been good with change.

Slinking back to my room, I sat on the bed and pulled on the hoodie I had taken from Natasha. It still drowned me, loosely hanging below my knees but I understand why it was her comfort item. Especially with her scent (the smell of gunpowder seemed intimately woven into her skin no matter how long the length of time between shots) wafting off it.

Wanda came in a few minutes later and pressed a kiss to my hair. “You’re going to be fine and we’re going to be fine. I’ve left my door open in case you want to watch TV in private, stay safe okay? And no using your powers. Don’t forget to eat!” With that and another kiss pressed to my hairline Wanda pranced out the room. Her footwork light but precise. We had gotten ridiculously close over the last few weeks and she reminded me painfully of the cousin I had somewhere. Never replacing her but a similar role, maybe akin to a little sister. It was cute and I’d miss her.

Tony, Steve, and Banner all shouted through the door their goodbyes, loudly reminding me not to let them come back to the base in ashes. Natasha was the only one who didn’t come. Until the final minute.

“I can’t leave if you’re mad at me. I can’t go out there knowing I might die with you mad at me.” Her words hit me like a blow to the stomach and I flinched from the honesty.

“I’m not mad at you Tasha, It was just a surprise okay? I’ll see you in a few weeks, stop talking about dying or I won’t let you leave.” She gave a smile at that and reached forward, I didn’t deny her this time allow her hand to wrap around mine and squeeze three times. I still didn’t understand that one but I grinned and squeezed back. Natasha being touchy had been surprising. It was never for long and never anything more than a hand on my shoulder or entwined with my own but it was constant. If she walked past my back she’d trace her hand on my shoulder, if we were watching TV she’d bump her leg against mine.

It wasn’t just me she was touchy with but it was far more common than with anybody else. “Good-“

“No.” I stopped her sharply pulling my hand from hers. “No goodbyes, I hate them. Please.” She nodded her face shading quickly into the smirk often found.

“Be back soon, Подруга”

She went for the door quietly but I stopped her as she crosses the threshold. “Come back to me?”

“That’s what friends do.” She reminded me with a smile and with that, she was gone.

 

The weeks that followed were torture. Quite literally torture. I don’t know where they found the SHIELD agents but they were nowhere near as accepting as the team when in the presence of an ex HYDRA experiment.

Food was limited and prohibited bar 2 hours a day in separate increments. My trainers were obnoxious and abusive of their power. They came in at separate times, one or two of them greeted me with punches or blows to the stomach should I be sleeping. In fact, I think I was more comfortable in the Cell downstairs. I was unable to go anywhere without handcuffs and a collar that stunted my powers. It sent electrical currents whenever I so much as moved my head.

It was day 23 when the team finally came back. Wanda walked in with a happy smile, eyes searching the room for me. No doubt to tell me about the excitement of what had happened while I was here. But her face dropped when she found me, crouched in a corner. I knew for a fact there was dried blood on my face from where an unexpected punch had split my eyebrow and thus probably a bruise there too. I can’t have looked healthy after the few weeks of malnourishment and the shock collar just drained everything out of me.

She gasped and rushed towards me stopping abruptly when I flinched and jolted at the shock coursing down my spine. “Veejay!” Her voice was patent with pain but her eyes turned red, her powers circulated with anger.

“I’m going to take the collar and the cuffs off, is that okay?” She asked, moving closer towards me once she had calmed. I nodded. To refrain from touching me, she let her powers do the work. I felt them slip around my neck and into the lock before it fell free onto my lap. The red whisps promptly picked it back up and smashed it against the wall where it fell in a dozen broken pieces. The cuffs went next. “I’m going to go and get Natasha, okay?”

No. She can’t leave me, not again. My head shook fervently at her request and she nodded just as quickly. “Okay, okay. I’m not leaving. I’ll call her.”

She sat closer, not touching me but close enough that I could feel her body heat, as she tapped at the screen in her hands. “Natasha. Come J’s room… No, I’m serious. Screw the debrief, this is bad Natasha… Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

We sat in silence, her hands twitching every now and again in an effort not to reach out and her eyes constantly flickering to a different bruise. After a few minutes, Natasha walked in, anger clear on her face. “You can’t just call me out of a – What the fuck.” Her eyes fell on me and the sentence trailed into silence.

            She stepped forward but like Wanda, I flinched back only this time there was no shock collar, still, my back straightened ready for the current anyway. She sat next to Wanda staring at me intently, a furious look growing on her face but it quickly washed away at the increasing panic that I was sure was growing on my face. Instead, she placed her hands on the floor and tapped three times. You’re safe.

            Three times. Three squeezes. Three taps. I tapped back almost instinctually. She sighed in relief at that and left her hand on the floor, close to my own but not touching while she pulled her phone from her pocket. “Tony!” She shouted, hand tapping once more on the floor in the reassurance that the anger was not at me. I tapped back. “Who the fuck did you place here to watch Veejay?” There was a pause of silence. “Well, they’re fired and arrested. If they’re not that they’re dead so pick one.” Another minute of silence passed. “Well, I can say that. Stark you don’t know what you’re talking about, you haven’t seen her. She looked better when we got her from the cell.”

            Suddenly Tony appeared at the doorway and looked at me softly. “Oh kid, I’m so sorry.” He took a step closer. “FRIDAY assess vitals please.”

            “Vitals of Miss Veejay Morris: Her blood pressure is low, left ankle sprained, 2 broken ribs both on the left side, and nerves slightly damaged from the use of the electric shocks. The bruises and cuts are all only surface and there is no internal bleeding I can see. Slight concussion from a wound on the back of her head.” I blinked at the information, even I didn’t think there was that much. “She is malnourished and deficient in almost all vitamins.”

            Natasha exhaled deeply, fingers tapping on the ground three times. Nothing else will happen, I’m back now. I tapped back. It was the only comfort I had apart from the jumper that had been worn since I stopped being able to take it off a week ago due to my shoulder.

            “J,” Wanda started, “I’m not going to touch you but can I please lift you up using magic and carry you down to the lab so we can fix you up?” I looked at Natasha desperately and she nodded so I followed suit. “Okay, I’m gonna do it now. Natasha’s going to come too, don’t worry.”

            The feeling of being levitated was nothing like a thrill ride at an amusement park in fact it fell a bit like falling. Falling for a really long time. I hated it. Still, I kept my eyes on Natasha the entire journey, who like Wanda had said, joined closed by. The trip to the lab was short and she gently placed me on the bed before backing up out of my space. I tried to smile at her but I think it came across as more of a grimace. She teared up and looked to the door as Bruce walked in.

            “Veejay, I heard the news, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Are you okay with me mending you?” His voice was soft, something you would use on a crying infant but it didn’t bother me… it also wasn’t soothing. I looked at Natasha and shook my head. “One of us needs to touch you Veejay, I’m sorry but it has to be done. I can do it, Natasha can do it or Steve can do it but we’re the only ones with any medical skill.”

            I looked at Natasha and tapped three times on the bed. She smiled at me softly and nodded. “Okay, I’ll do it but I need Bruce to be in the room for some things okay? And I’m going to talk you through everything I’m doing.”

            Everyone but Wanda seemed slightly confused as to how she had reached the conclusion that she was going to be the one cleaning me up; she didn’t explain only gathered her materials.

            “First your eyebrow, I’m going to wipe it, and then I’m going to place a butterfly stitch. You’ve seen them before, they’re pretty much stickers.” She did as she said, one hand on the side of my head stroking softly the other tending to the wound.

            “Next your ankle, I’m going to set it straight and then bandage it. It might feel a little tight but it’s to compress it.” She did as she said with one hand on my calf reminding me of my first night in the base with her. I had fallen asleep so quickly. I had learned to trust her so quickly.

            She continued her explanations softly, as though if she spoke too loud I’d spook which in fairness was probably a good observation. The final thing she did was hook me up to an IV while discussing with Bruce the nerve damage. Her hand rested close to mine on the bed and I reached slowly, grazing her fingers with mine. She looked down abruptly and smiled at me softly. Tapping three times on my fingers. I hooked our index fingers. Not quite ready for the feeling of too much skin on my own but the small amount brought a lot of comfort.

            “I’ve got to go Veejay but I’ll be back in a few hours. I need to take Wanda but I’ll leave Natasha here, is that okay?” I nodded watching as they left the room with one last sympathetic smile.

            Natasha and I sat in silence for a while, fingers still linked, as we both processed what had happened. After a while, she turned to me, tears brimming in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, I would never have left if I knew. I promise I’m not that bad a friend to leave you if I knew, I’m sorry.”

            The battle within me grew louder fighting between Natasha’s need for affection and my own rebuttal against it after the last few weeks. Natasha won out because I was quickly tugging her towards me on the bed, letting her slide onto her side of the bed, and pull me towards her as she cried and kissed my hair. I couldn’t hear her crying but my head was damp and her shoulders were shaking my head.

            My mind was loud, allowing me the chance to think over everything that happened now that I was safe. Safe. An odd word to use when you’re encased in the hands of a deadly assassin but this one was my best friend.

            I must’ve fallen asleep because I woke a few hours later to someone softly stroking my hair. My body froze instinctually as I looked around for any indication as to who it was but then three taps came softly to my temple. I relaxed on top of her, letting go of the grip on her arm which had heated considerably in my panic.

            “M’sorry” I whispered, staring at her wrist in shock as a red handprint appeared. “I didn’t mean it, I know you don’t like burns. I’m sorry” My voice was hoarse and came out scratchy on my throat. In fact, I was doubting she heard it until a kiss was pressed to my hair and the stroking continued.

            “It’s okay, Подруга. I know you didn’t. Thank you for letting me touch you.” She said, her words weighted with how much she meant them. A silly thankyou to make but her sincerity warmed me, as though she knew how uncomfortable it could make me. She probably did. But to thank me after burning her, strange.

            Silence filled the empty space until the machine next to me woke me from my reverie with a loud beeping. I gasped and singed the sheets. Natasha laughed and reached her arm behind my head to silence it. “It was just the sound of the IV ending, don’t worry. I do, however, need to change it. I’m going to be right back okay?” I sat up disorientated at the movement and quickly lay back down in her spot breathing in the pillow she’d been lead on.

            Natasha always moved quietly, it was one of the most astonishing things I had ever seen but at the moment she took her steps heavier than usual. I knew exactly where she was and what she was doing without taking my face from the pillow. She lifted my body gently when she’d finished changing the IV, slipped underneath me, and laid me back down. My head on her collarbone and her fingers in my hair.

            “I’ve missed you.” She whispered, so softly that I almost didn’t hear. I tapped her hand that was resting on her stomach three times. “Want to hear what happened?” I nodded. She launched into the story of the mission, often cussing out Tony or joking about Steve’s inability to relinquish control no matter the situation. Her words lulled me back to a night of quiet sleep, fingers threading through my hair and her other wrapped tightly in both of mine.

           

 

 

Chapter 6: I Anger Natasha

Notes:

Lemme know what you think!

Chapter Text

 

The next time I awoke was to a conversation, Natasha’s body vibrating undermine every time she spoke. “-Not leaving her, Steve.” She was leaving, again, leaving me with those people again. Where was she going? I needed her, she can’t leave. My mind was on a short circuit with one thing No Natasha.

            “Hey,” She called brushing my hair but it was more of command for my attention, “I said I’m not leaving you, you can release me from your burning grip.” I let go instantly,  guilt seeping at my skin as I watched once again a handprint appeared on her wrist. “I’m not leaving you anytime soon, don’t worry.” Her words held double meaning; reassurance for me and a back off to Steve who stood over the bed. At his presence, my body shrank tighter into Natasha’s hold. My mind knew he wouldn’t hurt me but the muscle memory worked regardless.

            “I’m making you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. Natasha, think about this please. I’ll see you later.”

            “You’re an idiot.” She muttered but pressed a kiss to my hair as though she was softening the blow. “Last time I left you ended up like this, I can’t believe you can even believe for one second I’m going anywhere anytime soon.”

            I grinned up at her, the first smile in a month and she smiled back. “Am I done here? I hate hospitals.” She nodded against my hair and arm tightening around my shoulders as though she didn’t want to let me go yet. “I just want to get into bed, It’s too sterile here.”

            She sat me up slowly and then slipped from behind me. Grabbing my hand and squeezing three times before stepping back. As we walked back, exceedingly slowly due to my ankle, Natasha protested at least 10 times. Each time seconds away from bolting for a wheelchair but that was a whole other level of embarrassment I was not putting myself through. Finally, we reached my room, I stopped smiling at her and waved before turning to the door.

            “Where do you think you’re going?” She asked, her voice amused. I pointed to the bed in the middle of the room. “I am not getting in those sheets Veejay, it’s basically abuse.” She paused mouth dropped in awe of herself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

            I half shrugged at her, “No one asked you to,” Hurt washed over her face until it was smothered by the indifferent mask I had grown to hate. “But as you said, those sheets are bloody awful and I’m never going to say no to a movie day with my best friend.”

            “I’m your best friend?” She asked, her voice unnaturally quiet. I nodded confused. “You’re my best friend too.” I nodded again, still not grasping her thought process. Honestly, I thought it was sort of obvious. Natasha took my hand and led me to her bed watching as I grabbed one of her jumpers before sliding into her bed. “I’m going to shower, I’ve been stuck under a lump for the last 36 hours and I didn’t shower when I got back so I’m super gross.”

            Her bed, with its silk sheets and Natasha scent, was nearly enough to send me back to sleep but the conscious reminder that I wasn’t alone kept my eyes open. I knew it was Natasha in the shower but the irrational part of my mind threw what if’s until tears pricked at my eyes and the TV washed out the sound. When she came out, her hair was wet and pulled into a high bun, she took one look at me before rushing to the bed and gathering me in her arm. Her skin was still warm from the shower and the heat seemed to break whatever resolve I had held for the last month because the tears didn’t stop. Only grew louder. My ribs hurt and my throat swelled uncomfortably.

            “I just…” I sobbed, clutching her tighter. “I just feel so safe.” Her body tightened around mine and I could feel her fingers clutch at the hair at the base of my skull. The hand that always stayed between us so it could link with my own in an unspoken rule tapped three times: I will always protect you. “I didn’t even use my Powers Tasha, I didn’t do anything I promise nothing happened. I don’t know what I did.” The tears were coming thick and fast as I offloaded my thoughts.

            She sighed, kissing my head. “You did nothing, they’re just absolute bastards who abused their power. It will never happen again, I promise you.”

            We both hushed slowly, my breathing regulated but I put no space between us, instead tapped her hand before entwining it with my own. She took a deep breath into my hair and a smile rose on my lips at the thought she found me as comforting as I did her. The TV showed endless re-runs of sitcoms that earned a small chuckle in places but other than that my attention wasn’t really on the TV but the weeks previous.

            Natasha was the one to break the silence. “I’ve never had a best friend.” She mused out loud. I thought back a few years and realised other than my cousin and a few fleeting friends I had grown up and out of over the years, neither had I. “It’s nice.” That’s all she had to say on the matter but I heard the unspoken words.

            “You’re my favorite person too,” I whispered against her collarbone.

           

A few hours later Natasha’s phone rang, echoing through the soft noise of the sitcom and the calmness of the room. I flinched deeply, my head jerking into her hand that had been stroking through my hair absentmindedly. She tapped three times.

“Hey, Tony.” Natasha greeted, pressing the speaker button she could talk without breaking her hold on my hand or my hair.

“Is Veejay with you?” She confirmed it lightly. “Good, am I on speaker?” She again confirmed. “Good. Veejay, I was just calling to say that the agents that had been assigned to you have infact been incarcerated. They’ll never be able to hurt you again. Also, if you’re feeling up to it the team is in the living room and we were thinking of a movie night? Only if you’re feeling up to it? We’ve missed you and thought this was a calm way to spend time with each other. We’ll be here all night if you decide to join us.”

With that, he ended the phone call and it lay limp on Natasha’s stomach. She nudged me with her shoulder, a silent question. Do I want to go? Do I? I missed the team like crazy but my reactions were so random, I didn’t want to offend anyone if I reacted badly. They don’t deserve to be treated like that.

“We could just take a walk down there? If you hate it, we walk straight back out. They’ll understand.”

I nodded at her suggestion and sat up slowly.

The walk to the living room was silent, Natasha kept her distance but stood slightly in front of me at all times. As though she was keeping herself between me and the rest of the world. A ridiculous notion but I’m not even sure she noticed she had been doing it. Finally, we walked in and everyone was sat curled and ready with blankets and bean bags. The sofa I had claimed on the first night stayed empty for which I was grateful and I headed towards it slightly. Natasha, realizing where I was going, stole the blanket from Clint and followed me over. She tucked the blanket around my body and curled into the corner of the couch, feet brushed my thigh and kicking softly 3 times. Relax.

The rest of the team watched us settle silently, their gaze on edge as if they were ready to fight at any second. It took a moment to realise it was protectiveness… aimed at me. It was shocking, the amount this odd variety of people meant to me and I to them.

Tony pressed play and the window blacked out, forming a perfect backdrop for the movie to be projected upon.

Halfway through the movie, I was still sat straight. Not comfortable enough to be any less on edge but when Natasha’s hand found mine and pulled me sideways onto her legs and side I found myself willing to fall. Her body catching mine delicately as she pulled the blanket around her own legs too. I snickered at her inconspicuous way of stealing the blanket but curled further into her side resting my head on her shoulder as her feet tucked against my stomach.

Bruce looked over curiously, as did the rest of the team but each time I refused their gaze and kept my eyes stubbornly on the screen. It was five minutes to the end when a bright light outside averted everybody’s attention.

I bolted upright, my body reacting to the stimulus before my mind could play catch up but when Natasha pulled me back down and Tony continued the movie I began to relax. She leaned down gently, “It’s only Thor, maybe Bucky and Sam too.” I nodded at her explanation.

I was suddenly very grateful for Natasha’s preparation because when the door flung open and Thor strode in loudly it reduced my reaction by half but I was still not prepared for the volume of his voice.

“Earthlings!” He shouted gleefully.

Everybody glanced up offering their greeting. When Natasha spoke up his eyes fell to her and then to me tucked into her side.

“Who is this then? Hello, I’m Thor God of Thunder. Are you Natasha’s person?” He spoke like a child who had too much sugar, full of excitement and wonder. Natasha laughed underneath at my expression of pure surprise at the beef of a man who resembled someone much younger.

“This,” Tony stood, pointing to me, “Is Veejay. She’s inhumane, a new member of the team. She’s had a rough past few weeks though so if we could lower the volume of your voice please Thunderbird that would be incredible.” Part of the team? I looked at Tony's mouth dropped and eyebrows furrowed. He turned and rose his eyebrows. “Are you not part of the team?” He challenged, friendly smile wavering but not angrily simply confused.

“I mean, I… I don’t know. Am I?” I stuttered, stumbling over the words. I’d never been offered a place, never spoken to about missions. Hell, they left me alone.

“Well, we’re not giving you back now so you can become an Avenger or you can just stay here and watch TV all day but we want you here.” His voice sounded so caring, so final and so unakin to anything I had heard from his mouth before that tears welled quickly and I quickly launched myself at him. His arms patted my back softly, one hand coming to my head and I held on to his body. “What did you think we were going to do, chuck you to the Streets?”

            I pulled away at that, remaining silent as Natasha grabbed my hand and pulled me back to my spot on her side. Tony gaped at me.

            “You did not. Please, tell me you didn’t think we were just gonna send you away.” He exclaimed. I shrugged noncommittedly. It was exactly what I thought. “But.. But, who would work with me on my sudoku? Who would remind Bruce that it was lunchtime when he was working too hard? Who would Wanda have her morning tea with – god, she never used to let anyone interrupt her first tea and now she has one waiting for you too.” I looked around blankly at the rest of the team who all shrugged sheepishly. I had interrupted all of their alone time and instead of admonishing it, they welcomed it. Tony wasn’t finished though, “Christ alive woman, I can’t have Natasha going back to her hermit ways. I think this is the most open I’ve seen her with… well,” He glanced at Clint who shook his head in joint confusion, “Anyone.”

            I looked around at her to see her picking at the blanket softly, not embarrassed just bowed in admission. I tapped three times on her thigh, leaning more heavily into her side. She tapped back, almost out of habit, and reach her arm around to place the blanket back over my legs

            Thor was watching with a bemused smile, “I approve of your lady, Agent Romanoff. She is good for you.” Natasha just looked at me softly.

            The rest of the night was uneventful until it came to bedtime. I limped back to my room, Natasha steps behind me in case I fell. She looked at my door and then further down the hall at her own. “I don’t want to let you out of my sight.” She admitted, her voice quiet but request clear.

            Instead of replying, I closed my door and began down the hallway towards hers. I waited as she opened the door, out of courtesy more than anything else, and shuffled towards my side of the bed. Curling onto my side I waited for her to get ready for bed, her meticulous routine taken with every precaution. Finally, she emerged from the bathroom, shorts on with a jumper.

            “It’s so strange seeing you like this,” I said, once she had found herself comfy in bed, her arm outstretched for me to take.

            Her fingers relaxed as my body curled around her limb, finger tracing the inside of my arm gently. “Like what,” her voice was quiet, sleepy.

            “Exactly like that. Like, I’ve known you for a while now and sometimes I still see you like The Black Widow, you know? And then I see you like this… all soft and human as my best friend… it’s just a strange adjustment. I like being your friend.”

            “Are we going to talk about the fact that we’re friends every time you fall asleep here or is this just a coincidence?” She was dripping with sarcasm but her fingers never stopped the patterns on my skin. “Go to sleep Подруга, I’ll still be here when you wake up but call me soft again and we may have a problem.”

            My eyes shut almost immediately, her ministrations on my skin only urging me to fall into sleep faster.

           

She was in fact still there when I woke up but instead of awake and complaining about my grasp, her eyes were closed and her breathing deep and even. I meant what I had said the night before. It was strange seeing her so human when I knew just how deadly she was, just how many people had faced her and not live to tell the story. However, when her hands searched for the arm that was usually holding it hostage it was difficult to believe the stories.

            “Where are you?” She mumbled, eyes closed and lips petulant.

            I slipped my hands around her wrist and her body seemed to relax with it, I hadn’t even noticed she had tensed. “I can’t win if I burn you by holding on you complain, and if I let go you complain.”

            “I’m getting used to the heat.” She pouted. “Go back to sleep it’s early.” Her eyes never opened but she was right the clock read 4 AM but my body was restless from a nightmare I couldn’t remember. I shifted, passing my weight from one part of my body to the next until she huffed and dragged me to her. Her arms wrapped around my own encasing them against my chest as her knees came up to force me into being the little spoon.

            “No more moving,” Natasha grumbled and with her breath at the back of my neck, I fell quickly back to sleep.

           

            The next time I woke up Natasha was awake but she looked as trapped as I felt tucked into her body. I rolled away from her groaning at the sunlight.

            “I’m never going to get anything done in the mornings.” She greeted, mirth dancing in her eyes. “Also, you’re sweaty as fuck while you sleep has anyone ever told you?”

            “Tasha, it’s too early for your incessant complaints about my sleeping pattern. When my eyes are closed that means no talking.” She laughed at that and rolled on her side for the book on her bedside table. Leaving me to go back to sleep once her hand was thrown across the gap between us.

 

            The final time I awoke was to the smell of coffee. Natasha was laughing next to me, no doubt at what I woke up for but then continued when my hands rose in a grabbing motion for the hot drink. “No.” She exclaimed, “This is mine.”

            “Don’t be mean, I bet you’ve had loads.”

            “If I’m gonna give it to you, sit up and open your eyes. You are not being the reason I have to wash my sheets.” I opened my eyes and smirked at her. “Oh my god, Veejay get your mind out of the gutter. Have your coffee and shut up.”

            She passed me the cup slowly, her warning about spilling it clear in her actions, and then went back to her book. We sat in silence for a few minutes until I shifted and the hot liquid jostled in the cup, spilling over the side and… onto the bedding. Natasha looked up sharply and at the cup with a dribbling coffee stain worming its way down the side.

            “Please tell me you’re joking,” Her eyes narrowed and her tone dropped. This was the Black Widow voice and my god was it intimidating.

            “AVENGERS!” I screamed from the top of my lungs, launching off the bed towards the bathroom and slamming the door. Natasha pounded the door, my name followed by curses the only thing coming out of her mouth. But soon, I heard a door open and the mixed voices of the rest of the team. Natasha was still rapping at the door, my name was still the only thing out of her mouth.

            “Veejay, what have you done?” Tony shouted through the door.

            “I’ll come out just hold her back,” I replied, grinning at the dramatics of the situation.

            The pounding stopped but Natasha was still screeching my name just quieter with distance. I unlocked the door slowly, peering out to find Wanda holding her against the bed softly.

            “Tasha had a cup of coffee when I woke up and I wanted some. She gave it to me but said not to get it on the sheets. I, er, spilled the coffee.”

            The whole team faltered at my explanation. Staring at me with disbelief.

            Steve was the first to react, “Tasha?” He asked. Natasha snarled at that, spitting out her full name. “Natasha,” he amended holding back a grin, “Let you have some of her coffee. Her coffee?” I nodded confused.

            “Yeah and she spilled it on my bed, now let me go, Wanda!” The witch in motion shook her head and Natasha’s request. Still staring at me in shock. It was beginning to become unnerving, my thoughts dove. Had I done something wrong? I really didn’t think it was that bad a deal, it was only coffee. Hell, I’ll make everyone a coffee, wash everyone's sheets. They wouldn’t kick me out for nothing, not for this?

            Natasha tapped the bed three times, pulling me out of the panic and my eyes to hers. Calm down, I’m here. “Let me go,” she demanded, “I won’t hurt her.” Wanda removed the red restraints and Natasha walked slowly over to me. “They’re shocked because I let you have some coffee, and the nickname, you’ve done nothing wrong. Well maybe the spilling said coffee but we’ll cover that later, you’re okay. I promise.”

            She knelt slowly in front of me, my unfocused eyes darting around her face. She raised her hand to my vision and tapped me gently on the knee. You’re not going anywhere, You’re okay. I tapped back.

            Natasha looked back up at the Avengers each one staring with a different kind of surprise. “You’re creeping her out, can you all let it out. One at a time.”

            Tony was first. “You shared your coffee with her. I’ve known you for 8 years and even when you have two it’s a fight to persuade you to give me one. Also, Tasha?”

            Steve next, “Tasha?” The single word was phrased as a question. Hurt crossing his face.

            Wanda simply smiled at both of us, stating “I love friendship.”

            Clint looked at her incredulously. “Met your match Nat, I like all this bending and not breaking.” It seemed to mean something to Natasha because she cast him a small smile accompanied by a nod.

            Bruce just looked hurt and stayed silent.

            Bruce’s reaction seemed to bother Natasha the most, you tapped her softly getting a small sequence back on your foot.

            “Also, will one of you please explain this tapping thing?”

            Natasha opened her mouth and looked at me stumbling over an explanation.

            “The tapping means something different every time.” I explained, “Sometimes it’s a ‘are you okay?’ other times it’s an ‘I’m here. It's circumstantial but the message gets across.”

            Tony nodded at that and then shifted his gaze to Natasha for the rest of it. “J is my best friend” was the only explanation they received but it seemed to be good enough because after staring once more akin to the way you would a monkey in a zoo, they shuffled out the door.

            Once we were alone she turned to me, her eyes slits. “I seriously, seriously cannot believe you A) got coffee on my bed and B) called everybody into my room. C’mon J that’s just not cool.”

            Shit, I didn’t think about it like that. I had shouted for everybody to come into her space, somewhere she shared with me and expressively only me. She watched as it dawned on me, her face stern but softening.

            “I’m sorry for the room thing. I didn’t think. Your voice just got all scary and you had your Black Widow mask on and you could’ve killed me. Self-preservation and all that.”

            She frowned at my words, deeply. A look I had never seen on her face before, especially aimed at me. “Were you really scared I was going to hurt you?” She asked. I paused at her question. “Well, that’s all I needed to hear really, isn’t it? I’m gonna wash my sheets, you should go get ready for the day.”

            With that she turned away from me, standing, and began stripping the bedsheets. I watched her concerned, surely I had good reason to worry. I mean, I don’t know what happened when she switched into the Black Widow, they were like two different people.

            “Tash-“

            “Please don’t Veejay, just go get dressed.”

            Ouch. That stung. I walked from the room as fast as possible.

           

 

 

 

Chapter 7: I Help Save My Best Friend

Notes:

Okay so fast updates because Uni is done and I have nothing else to do but write, enjoy!

Chapter Text

 

I pushed the thoughts of Natasha away while I got ready. I’d talk to her later when she’d had time to cool off. However, after spending the morning with Wanda and the afternoon in the lab with Tony poking at my hip I never did come across Natasha. When the team gathered around for a movie and a drink that night she never came; the couch had never really felt so large.

            The walk back to my room was strange. Lonely. Being in my room was stranger, I hadn’t been in here alone to sleep since I woke up the day the team returned. The memories returned the more I looked around the room, bolting to the toilet I quickly threw up the remainder of my dinner. It made me sick what the agents had done when the team had been gone, sick that I’d pushed Natasha away.

            Once I had finished, I limped back to the couch. Crawling into a corner and burying my nose into the fabric of Natasha’s jumper I was still wearing. She had become such a comfort to me, so quickly. So fast that I hardly had time to process just how much it would hurt when she left. She just needs time, I reminded myself. Tomorrow.

            It took hours but eventually, I found sleep.

            I awoke with a cry bubbling at my throat, the tears had already begun falling before I opened my eyes. My hands reached out automatically for the arm that was usually within reach but pulled back when I remembered I was on the couch.

            Wanda came up from behind me, watching me cry sympathetically. “Can I hug you?” She asked, her voice comforting. Still, I shook my head. The dreams had felt so real that I could still feel their touch on my skin. I reached out a hand to her though, she grasped it tightly and sat back against the couch letting me cry.

            “Why are you here?” She asked when the cries had subsided to silent tears.

            “My room… it’s full of memories. I can’t sleep in there.” Her eyebrows furrowed as if that wasn’t the place she had expected me to refer to. Natasha’s room. “We had a fight. No, we didn’t. Well kind of. I said something sort of stupid and she told me to leave and I haven’t seen her since.”

            She looked at me blankly. “Have you tried… you know, going to her?”

            “She wants space, clearly. There’s only so much of that I can give in a base this size so not walking into her private room might be the best place to start.” Wanda nodded in acceptance.

            “Well, fancy a tea and then we can start your power training?” I nodded at her and we fell back into our rhythm. The training was easy with Wanda, it was all about trying to focus the fire and contain it. She sat within reaching distance and explained the rules; only set fire to everything around her – not her. Thankfully, she had her powers for when it got out of control… which it did. Often. Eventually, Wanda hot and sweaty from the flames being so close raised a hand and we called it quits walking back to the kitchen.

            There, Clint stood with a soft smile. “Hey Veejay, we’re going to start weapon training today.”

            I looked at Wanda who tried an encouraging smile but the point was obvious: no more hand to hand with Natasha. Clint waited while I took a shower and when I came out Wanda and Clint stopped whatever conversation they were having. We walked down to a large room that could’ve doubled as a garage; the walls were all stone and the only thing other than target practice was large moving bodies made entirely from silicone. There were marks all over the figures: chest, shoulders, and heads.

            “What’s your weapon of choice?” He asked.

            I shrugged. Prior to this, I had come in no contact with weapons ever. I never needed to, it was all desk jobs and slow cars. He passed me a small handheld gun, watching as I pressed my fingers around the handle and shook his head. Next was a slightly larger gun. It went on like this through different types of knives to even a bow and arrow which I raised my eyebrow at. He was the only person I knew with the patience and skill to use one on a battlefield.

            Eventually, he looked at me and sighed heavily. “I don’t know you, or the way you fight, well enough to know what to train you with.” I knew what that meant. Natasha should’ve been here. Still, he continued. “How good is your aim?”

            My aim was in fact very good, always had been since I was a child. As an answer to my nod he passed me five small blades, “Throwing knives,” he explained bringing up a target by tapping on a tablet. “Start here and we will move it further away.” Thankfully, it wasn’t hard and the repetitive nature took my mind of everything else. The blades sunk their target like it was second nature no matter how far away they were. Clint, an impressed look on his face, finally stopped after half an hour grinning at me.

            “Well, we’ve found your weapon.” I nodded.

            “Can I go? It’s time for me to see Stark about a puzzle.” He let me go quickly and pointed me in the direction of the lab from here. Once I got there Tony already had a coffee in a mug waiting for me and a puzzle on the side only partially complete.

            He turned to me on my entry and grinned, “Thought you’d never come.”

            “Pfft, like I’d miss rubbing it in your face.” He rolled his eyes and then pushed off from the floor to take the seat next to me. We sat for an hour, him pointing out gaps and me filling them in. There wasn’t much conversation unless it was arguing about numbers which I was grateful for. Once the puzzle was complete he kicked me out, promising to come for a drink once he had finished his latest prototype. Leaving me wandering the base aimlessly.

            Wanda was back in the kitchen when I arrived, her head in the fridge and a recipe book open on the counter. She looked around and beckoned me over, pointing to the ingredients and back to the fridge. Cooking was something I never had been good at, it just didn’t make sense to me. How do you know if you need more salt if you’ve never actually tasted the dish before to know how it’s supposed to taste? Still, she was patient, feeding me bits of the spoon every so often and explaining what was needed. We, she, managed to make something edible and ate around the counter as I told her about my day after I had left with Clint. Wanda seemed as shocked at my aim as he did but didn’t question it until we were in front of the TV later that night.

            “Do you think it has something to do with your powers?” She asked, sparing a look in my direction before turning back to the TV.

            “What do you mean? You that certain my aim should be bad?”

            “Not at all. But even for somebody with naturally good aim, it shouldn’t have gone that well. Unless you were mentally changing the direction of the knife or the wind?” Her explanation did make sense as much as it hurt my feelings. I shrugged, if it was my powers it wasn’t intentional.

            We spent the rest of the night in silence. At around 11 she stood up, arms stretching and back popping. Pointing to my room and back to me.

            “Go, it’s been remodeled.”

            The room had indeed been remodeled. Completely. Instead of being bare like it used to be, it had been completely updated with the latest tech. An entertainment centre like Natasha’s had been put in and the walls were now wallpapered in a hexagonal pattern. It was pretty. The sheets were still white but softer and the carpet was fluffy under my feet. It didn’t resemble my old room at all apart from the frame and bedside tables which I presume was due to the flame-resistant material used on them.

            Despite the softness of the sheets and the comfiness of the bed, I still struggled to fall asleep as much as I did on the couch.

            I hadn’t spoken to Natasha in two weeks when all of a sudden Bruce bolted from the room after a short phone call. It was shocking to see him move so fast, in such panic, which only arose my uncertainty as to what was happening.

            My week had been slow, but I was building a new routine to which I was grateful. My training with Wanda was as successful as ever, as was our friendship outside of it. She had opened up about Vision and we had spent an afternoon crying about old flings, friends, and family over ice cream and shitty Rom-Coms. After which we had grown a lot closer. As had I with Clint. Who once we had realised that it was in fact my powers helping me aim began testing the theory on Guns and other weapons. Guns were a bit trickier simply because of the force needed to change the course of the bullet but it was working. Tony had decided he didn’t like Suduku anymore and swapped to crosswords but we still did one every afternoon and Bruce was beginning to give me medical training whenever somebody came back with simple injuries.

            Hence why it was sort of a surprise when he ran out of the room without even offering me to watch. It was worrying. Something was seriously wrong. The rest of the team just watched nervously as FRIDAY spoke the type of injuries that had occurred; there was just no name mentioned.

            The only people not in the room were Bucky, Sam, Natasha, and Thor. Bucky and Sam I haven’t properly met yet, only in passing. Thor would’ve gone to Asgard with his injuries and Natasha… well, I didn’t even know she was in commission.

            My phone rang in my pocket, another development since they came back, which I answered quickly. “I need you down here and I need you as a professional, can you do that?” I confirmed Bruce’s request and started out of the room, eyes following me with sad eyes. It was then I knew who was going to be on the table.

            When I got there, I forwent a gasp that was threatening to rip from my lisp. Her lips, which were normally painted red, were now purple and her entire body was trembling. Her head was dripping blood onto the white sheets and there was a red patch growing steadily on her stomach. She looked dead. All limp, hollow, and white. Bruce grabbed my hand and pulled me to the wound on her head. Apply pressure while he fixes her stomach. Her hair was dirty and slightly matted under my fingers, unbrushed from days in the field. But the worst thing was her hollow breath which stunted every now and again before starting up again.

            “Bruce, she’s freezing.” She was. Her body under mine felt obnoxiously cold, tauntingly so with the fact that I could make anything burst into hot flames but couldn’t help her. He nodded at me and instructed FRIDAY to turn up the temperature in the room. He managed to clean and suture the wound fast enough for her to not bleed out and then took another look at her head before gluing that shut too. The rest of her could wait until she had regained strength and colour and he said as much before leaving the room to wash off her blood.

            It was odd, seeing her so weak. At first, it was strange to see her as human, as breakable as any of the rest of us, but this was the final piece of information I needed to see just how human she was. I perched on the end of the bed, brushing her hair from her face and resting my hand on her temple.

            The fire in my belly refused to cease as if it knew there was something that could be done, and I remembered a few weeks ago about her complaints about me being too hot while we slept. I slide down further on the hospital bed and pulled her body carefully on top of my own, resting her head on my shoulder and arms tucked between us. Then slowly, carefully began to think about being warm. I made sure, every-time I turned up the temperature there were no marks being left on her skin where we touched.

            Bruce came back half an hour later and stared at me in surprise. “You can control it that well?”

            I nodded, “I’ve been practicing with Wanda how much the human body can take because I can’t necessarily feel the actual temperature I am.” He smiled in resolution and nodded at her on top of me.

            “Good idea, there’s no way the room itself will have been able to warm her up fast enough for it to not affect her body just be careful with her stomach while you’re here.” I looked down at her sleeping face. I’d have to leave before she woke up or she’d flip but for now, it was nice to have her back. Even if she was hurt.

            Bruce left again and I tapped gently on her back, so lightly I doubt she could even feel it. Then sat in pure shock when her hand twitched 3 times before falling limp on my stomach again. She was either asleep and thus unaware she was responding or awake and not pulling away. Either way, I fell asleep holding her a little tighter. When I woke up, Natasha was groaning on top of me. Shifting her weight slightly with one hand wrapped in my t-shirt and the other on the bed. I noticed quickly she had regained colour and even a thin layer of sweat adorned her forehead. I grinned softly to myself.

            “We really need to work on regulating your sleeping temperature.” She muttered, falling back onto my shoulder.

            “This time was on purpose. You were becoming hypothermic and I’m a brilliant radiator.” She huffed slightly but didn’t move. “How are you feeling?”

            Natasha’s words were muffled into my collarbone but I heard them perfectly, “Like shit but not because of this.” I rose my eyebrows at her and she seemed to assess the silence correctly because she continued. “I’ve avoided you for 2 weeks and you still saved me.”

            I couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “I’m not going to let you die am I but if we’re being honest, Bruce did most of the work.”

            She tapped my stomach 3 times and shuffled closer. I’ve missed you.

            I tapped back. “Yeah well, I’m mad at you.”

            With that, she fell back to sleep a small smile on her face. I was torn. I was mad at her, so mad. She can’t push me away and then… well, we wouldn’t be here if she didn’t get hurt which means she would still be ignoring me. Yeah, I was very mad. I needed her and she left me. With no explanation. She didn’t even continue training, which the rest of the team needed her to do.

            Bruce came back in an hour later, eyebrows raised in surprise.

            “She’s still here, it’s been hours?” He stated, looking at the body still draped over my own. “Has she woken up yet?”

            “She woke up an hour ago and then went back to sleep. She didn’t say anything was bothering her so I just thought letting her sleep it off would be best.” He nodded still shocked at the fact she’d stayed. Offering a small explanation of every other time she’d spend an hour here tops before going back to her room no matter the injury. After he finished checking her wounds and vitals he left again.

            I shimmied my phone from my pocket and opened Candy Crush. What better way to spend the day than matching colored pieces of candy. About 50 levels later and with a whine of frustration, Natasha brought her hand up to take the phone from my hand completing the level in 10 moves and one hand before passing it back. I didn’t even realise she was awake before then and even after she didn’t move. Only silently making moves every now and again or quietly offering different methods to complete a level. We didn’t talk. Not even when I locked the phone and brought it to my side but she didn’t leave either. Whether it be because of her wounds, which was doubtful, or not.

            It was around 1 in the morning when I next opened my mouth. Unsure of whether she was even awake but talking anyway. It needed to come out.

            “I told you when I first got here we don’t have to be friends. I told you, I can’t be friends with you if it’s temporary. You don’t get to do that Natasha. You don’t get to walk into my life, become one of the most important people in it and then smash down the doors on your way out. I’m not here for your entertainment and I think I’m worth more than that as a person. I’m here now because you nearly died. But if you’re going to wake up tomorrow, or in a few hours and realise that you truly don’t want me around anymore that’s fine but don’t come back. Ever. Please. I can’t do it.”

            She didn’t say anything but her body relaxed when my hand went back to her hair, the only tell-tale sign she was awake. Slowly, a hand made its way under her head and she lifted my body from under hers and onto my side. From there, she wrapped around me, arms tight like she had the night she’d come back.

            I wrapped a hand around the arm I usually take in my sleep and she sighed behind me, pressing 3 delicate kisses to my hair. I’m sorry, I’ve missed you. It won’t happen again.

 I tapped back.

           

           

 

 

Chapter 8: I Receive A Text

Chapter Text

Natasha was still there when I woke up, a pleasant shock. “We need to talk.”

            I nodded against the pillow, agreeing with her silently. However, when I tried to sit up her arms flexed tightly holding me down against her. “We can talk like this, I’m cold.” She was not cold. I could feel the sweat between my hand and her arm but I stayed regardless.

            “I know you heard me last night and I stand by what I said.” I started, it felt weird having a semi-serious conversation without looking at her but even with a bullet wound and probably concussion she was much stronger than me. “It hurt Natasha-“

            “Can you stop calling me that!” She snapped, arms tightening and voice rasping. My mouth dropped slightly into the pillow and I nodded at her request. How tables turn. Her arms loosened again and her fingers began tracing my arm featherlight. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to call her ‘Tasha.’

            I had no idea what she was thinking. “It hurt. You dropped me like I was nothing and for what? Something as small as coffee on the sheets? I know I pushed your boundaries bringing the team into your room and I’m sorry. But we could’ve spoken about this. I would’ve washed your sheets and made you another coffee, I would’ve fixed it.”

            “It’s not about that V,” I flinched at the nickname, only finding myself more burrowed into her at the action. She ignored it but I felt her arms tighten once more. “You were scared. Of me. That I would actually hurt you. I know what I do, I know what I’ve done but you were seriously scared I would hurt you. My best friend doesn’t even trust me. At least not enough to not call the team for backup. I thought it was a joke at first but you were actually scared. That hurts. It made me think.”

            “So what, you just cut me out?” I growled, my mind reeling with how much time had been lost.

            She paused, her hands and breath caught. “Not just you.”

            I pulled away from her completely, standing up next to the bed, and found myself glaring back at her. “That doesn’t make it any better!” Her body looked so small, so weak, wrapped up in the white sheets but she didn’t show any emotion at my change of tone. Simply, instructed FRIDAY to close the door and shut the blinds while I shouted. “Of course, I’m scared of you! I’m scared of all of you! Wanda can get into my head, she can make me see things or do things. She can kill me without blinking. Tony has an army of suits upstairs that could flatten me without trying. Steve can break my bones without flexing. Clint is seconds away from murdering me every time I snap one of his precious arrows. And don’t get me started on Bruce. Every single one of you has the power to kill, have killed, and will kill even more. Hell, I will if I’m going to be on this team. But you don’t get to run away when I tell you the truth. I don’t know what goes through your mind. I don’t know if like Bruce your mind switches, I don’t know anything. All I knew was that one minute you were Tasha and the next you were the Black Widow. You’re the same person but how am I supposed to know if your thought process is the same. I’m learning here and I get that you are too but you have to remember this isn’t new to you. You didn’t sign up for a drug trial and a few weeks later live with the Avengers. I… I just. I’m trying here. To fit in, to figure you all out. I trust you. I trust all of you or I wouldn’t sleep in your bed or let Wanda in my head. It is still an adjustment though. Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.”

            Natasha had sat through the entire speech barely batting an eyelid. However, once I’d finished she grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the bed.

            “Shouting is good. I understand why you were upset and I’m sorry I did that to you, truly. If it’s any consolation, it was hard for me as well.” While she spoke, her fingers played with mine. “It’s strange for me too. I wasn’t lying when I said I’d never had a best friend before. I truly haven’t. I’m close with you, closer than anyone other than Clint but you know the reasoning behind that. I… I’ve always been touchy, not as much as I am with you, but a hand here or there and that was enough? The team knew that’s how I expressed my… love for them. But you’re different. It’s easy to be near you, to let my guard down and there is no particular reason. Trust me, I’ve tried them all. So, I guess when you said that you were scared it just… it felt like it doesn’t matter which Natasha anybody gets I’m always going to be a killer.”

            I shook my head at her, trying desperately to keep calm as I raised a hand to her face. “Tasha, hey, look. As I said, The Black Widow and Tasha are two different faces. I’m not scared of Tasha, I’m scared of the Black Widow. I’m not scared of Wanda I’m scared of… What does she go by? The Scarlet Witch?” Natasha nodded.

            “I’m not scared of the people I live with, I’m scared of the Jekyll and Hyde bullshit. Now, are you going to run away again? Because at this point I feel like I’m digging a deeper hole by continuing talking about this.” She shook her head. “Brilliant, well I really want pancakes and Wanda promised pancakes so come on.”

            I knew she wouldn’t have a problem walking. She had walked away with much worse than a through and through bullet wound but still, I watched with a careful eye as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stretched once she was up, her bones cracking and shirt riding so I could see the neat stitches pulling with her stomach. Does she follow no rules of aftercare. Grabbing her hands, I pulled her body back to its normal position glaring at the smirk on her face. After finding out from FRIDAY where Wanda was, I dragged her from the hospital room and down the hallways.

            Wanda looked up at our entrance. Grinning so wide it looked like it hurt. “You’re friends again?” Natasha nodded at her and Wanda leaped up, jumping round in circles. I wish I had her energy. “Oh, I can’t wait to have a full night’s sleep!” She laughed.

            Then stopped and stared at me frowning offering an apology which I waved off. It was no secret that my nightmares were keeping her awake, we spoke about it every morning. Natasha however, had no idea and looked over at me confused.

            “J’s nightmares kept us both up, it’s a surprise either of us managed training,” Wanda explained as she picked up all the ingredients necessary for pancakes. Natasha stared at the floor in guilt tapping her foot gently 3 times. I’m sorry. I tapped back before launching into the mixing process with Wanda, turning on the usual morning playlist as we danced around. Natasha sat at the island, watching as we sang our parts in duets and covered each other in flour. I knew she had missed the easy dynamic.

            Wanda and I had been practicing how to make the pancakes into shapes, today in honor me and Tasha making up she made a J and an N and I made a spider and a red circle which Wanda refused to believe was an attempt at her powers. The rest were the usual circle but Natasha seemed to enjoy watching us argue with a coffee.

            Tony came in at the smell of Pancakes and blanched at Natasha. “You’re back and alive. Bruce said it was rough for a second.”

            She grinned at him, “Let a bullet kill me! C’mon Stark you should know me better than that!” He laughed at her and grabbed at her coffee. “Don’t push it.” She warned, sliding it away.

            “She’s back!” He screamed, Clint rushed in followed by Bruce and Steve. Each one crowding around her and grabbing pancakes. Wanda and I stood against the stove once we had finished both use nibbling at a pancake while Natasha struggled against the boys. She bumped my hip with hers and held up her pancake. I frowned, copying and Wanda bumped them together in a strange toast. Once we had finished, Wanda made tea and we sat around for a bit completing our usual morning routine and then head off to train.

            Clint, as usual, stood at the door after a few hours and I trained with him until lunchtime with Bruce and an afternoon with Tony. It was only while me and Wanda were setting up for dinner that I realized I hadn’t seen Natasha all day.

            “One sec,” I muttered before heading to Natasha’s door. She opened it quickly looking at me before widening it. “You been here all day?”

            She nodded, heading back to the bed while I followed behind her. There was a book open on the bed and the sound system was playing something soft and unintelligible. Her face was blank but she almost looked sad as she closed the book to place it on the side. “You have a nice routine.” That was all she said, staring at the dark TV.

            “It’s a lovely routine. Would be better if I actually saw my best friend though.” She turned to me at my reply, eyebrow high. “Tasha, just because I have a routine that doesn’t have you in it doesn’t mean I’m not going to make room for you now you’re back. Honestly, you call me self-deprecating.”

            She reached a hand out to grab mine and squeezed it tightly. I squeezed back offering a small smile.

            “Dinner? Or are you hiding here?” I asked.

            Natasha rolled her eyes and dragged me off the bed, out of the door, and back to the kitchen where Wanda smiled in understanding. She pointed me to the chopping board throwing me an onion and some garlic before resuming whatever she was doing. Natasha wandered off 20 minutes later returning with a bottle of wine and 2 glasses. She poured Wanda her favourite tea and both of us a glass of the blood-red liquid passing it respectfully as I tapped the counter in response.  

            Once the dinner was ready, we sat around the TV eating slowly and chatting softly no one quite ready to break the calmness of the evening. All too soon bedtime rolled around and we all said our goodnights, walking into our respective rooms.

            It was strange, being in my own bed after making up with Natasha and she must’ve agreed because not 10 minutes after leaving my door she was back knocking on the door. I opened it softly, walking around the bed to leave her side closest to the door empty. She got in bed almost immediately, passing me her arm as she wiggled to get comfy.

            “These sheets are much better,” I nodded in agreement, content. “I heard you’ve figured out how to use the ‘air’ part of your powers?” I nodded again, my eyes falling closed. “C’mon V give me something, there’s only so much I can know after only keeping an eye on you through everyone else.”

            “I’m just so sleepy Tasha. Tomorrow we can talk all day if you like, it’s my day off training.”

            “You get a day off?” she asked in disbelief, her eyebrows furrowing in sheer shock. I nodded.     

            “Yeah, I guess everyone does if you want it. I spend Fridays relaxing, Wanda bakes or watches her cooking shows/sitcoms. Tony works on projects he doesn’t need for work. Even Steve joins us every now and again just to catch up. There’s no obligation for you to train but you enjoy it.” I explained, leaving out the part where that it had started because Friday was the day after Natasha had cut me out and I was so down that I couldn’t concentrate so we sacked the day off. And then the next week we did the same. I asked Tony today about tomorrow and he said that it was beneficial for us all to have a day to relax so Fridays were sticking; he also found the irony hilarious.

            She nodded, curling deeper into the pillows. “I haven’t slept well either.” She said, confessing it into the sheets more so than to me. I hugged her arm tighter, resting my head against it softly breathing her in.

            “G’night Tasha, sweet dreams.”

           

            I woke the next morning to find we had moved in the night so that her arm was around my shoulders and my face to her collarbone. She was awake watching some sitcom on the TV quietly while carding her fingers through my hair.

            “Good morning,” She whispered. I groaned thinking she wouldn’t know I was awake just yet so that I didn’t have to move but she didn’t try and move me just kept her hand on my head. “Your breathing changes when you wake up.” I nodded against her chest, refusing to move while I wasn’t being asked. We laid like that through 3 more episodes as I drifted in and out of sleep but I could feel her growing restless underneath me.

            “You wanna go get coffee?” I asked, sitting up slowly. She bit her lip and I knew she was thinking back to the morning of our ‘argument.’ Shaking my head, I shoved her shoulder “Go get coffee and bring me one back. There’s no rule about spilled coffee in here, in fact, I quite like the idea of brightening the bedding.”

            She grinned at me as if she was elated I knew exactly what she had been worried about, and hopped out of bed. Knocking her hands to the doorframe softly three times. I’ll be back.

            I stretched on the bed, rolling into the place she had been for its warmth, and wrapped myself in the blankets. I loved Friday’s but I was planning on spending this one finding out what happened to my cousin. Sasha must think I’m dead and her immediate family isn’t around very much. We were all we had. She deserves to know I’m alive even if I can’t go home. I wonder if she had a family; I always did say she would make an amazing parent, I wonder if she’s married and I missed it. I’d been gone almost a year and a lot can happen in a year. Hell, a lot can happen in a few months. I never thought once I’d found my way into those cells that I’d come back out even if I was stuck here. I never thought I’d find a best friend within the Avengers or a sister… I never thought I’d find a family in superheroes but here I was.

            A hand on my head startled me from my reverie. “Coffee as requested, are you okay?” She slid in next to me, right on the edge due to me lying where she had been, and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “V?”

            I didn’t even realise I was crying until a soft finger was raised to wipe away the tear.

            “I’m sorry,” I gulped, biting back tears. She rubbed my shoulder but didn’t reply, “I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’m always crying oh my god. I was thinking about Sasha because I was going to try and find her today and then I was thinking about how much could’ve happened since I’ve been gone and how much has happened. How grateful I am to have found you guys. I just… Happy and sad tears.” She lifted an arm under my body and used it to carry me further on the bed before following quickly wrapping me in her arms.

            Natasha didn’t say anything as I cried just squeezed me tighter every now and again. As the tears subsided, she pulled away passing me the coffee and grabbing her own. She tapped her hand thrice on the sheet before grabbing my spare hand; I’m glad you’re here too.

            The TV was as quiet in the background as it had been when I woke up, it was comforting but not outlandishly loud. Allowing me to think. Natasha’s thumb was routinely brushing my knuckles, reminding me silently she was there if I needed her.

            “Don’t you find it funny,” I started, giggling slightly into my coffee. She simply raised an eyebrow looking at me oddly due to the sudden shift in my mood. “How…” I trailed of falling into a heap of giggles. She took the mug in my hands and placed it on the side while I laughed, smiling slightly. “Do you not find it funny how,” I gasped, laughter spilling from my lips. Tasha chuckled as I struggled to get the words out around the stream of giggles coming from my lips. “How we might be interpreting each of our taps wrong.” I burst out laughing, loudly filling the gap of silence as Natasha stared at me in amusement. “Like you could be saying, Hey stop being a baby and I take it for I’m here, it’s okay.” She laughed at that, short but meaningful.

            “I’d never call you a baby, V” she chuckled, squeezing my hand as I continued to laugh. “I think it’s nice how we can take our own comfort from in it without having the pressure of saying the right thing.”

            I shook my head at her, still laughing. “No,” I tried, “No, I love it. It’s just funny to think…” The laughter spilled from my lips again as I thought of silly examples from the past. At that moment Wanda knocked on the door, opening it at Natasha’s soft affirmation. Wanda looked at me on the bed and then fell into heaps of giggles too.

            She could see inside my head, she said I was louder than everyone else harder to block out which is why my nightmares kept her awake so badly. But at times like this, she was often caught in the cross waves of my humor.

            “It wasn’t that funny,” Natasha grumbled, grabbing her mug and taking a sip.

            “It wasn’t the comment that was funny Natasha,” Wanda explained around giggles, “It’s J’s imitation voice for you in her head. She had this voice that she uses when she imagines conversational scenarios in her head with you and it just sounds nothing like you. You’re all deep and sexy and this voice is just… not.” Natasha’s eyes widened at her comment but she simply raised an eyebrow at me before going back to her coffee, letting us ride out our amusement.

            Finally, we’d calmed down enough that Natasha handed me back my coffee. Wanda curled up halfway down the bed, her head resting against my legs as I leaned back against Natasha. It was nice other than the few peels of laughter coming from Wanda every now and again which set me off.

            “Natasha,” Tasha turned to Wanda, looking at her softly. The two of them were close too had been ever since Vision had left. Natasha had been there for her while she grieved, holding her hand through it all. “Did you stay here last night?” Natasha nodded, her head bumping against mine. “Can you do it a few times a week? I slept soundly”

            Tasha did laugh at that, confirming it gently full of humor. I kicked Wanda as softly as I could; what if I wanted my own space. It was a petty thought because I did sleep better with Natasha in reaching distance but that’s not the point. She can’t just invite people into my bed. Natasha, still laughing, squeezed my hand softly as though she could hear the inner monologue going through my brain. I squeezed back.

            The rest of the day went slowly but peacefully. At some point, the boys joined us. Tony and Clint piled onto the bed while Steve and Bruce pulled bean bags into the room. A comment was made about personal space and another about feet in faces but everyone was joking and relaxed. In fact, despite it being boring, it was probably one of my favourite days I’d had. Until I climbed out of the heap of bodies to use the bathroom and came back to check my phone. I’d been considering texting Sasha all afternoon but my attention was quickly averted when a text came through from an unknown number.

            ‘Veejay,’ it read, ‘we know you’re still at the base. We know you have learned of your abilities. If you refuse to come back to us that explosion in your hip is a walking time bomb. Hope to be in your presence soon.

            There was no doubt about who it came from but how had they received my number. Silently, I passed the phone to Natasha after she’d met my gaze with a worried face. I watched emotions flicker across her face as she read through the text, eventually she handed the phone to Tony and grabbed my hand pulling me to her softly. I felt like jelly, completely made of air, as she placed me between her arms and legs wrapping them around me akin to a Koala.

            “Those bastards.” Tony cursed, throwing the phone into the wall. We all watched it smash and crumbled against the wall and Wanda gasped at the information in his head.

           

 

Chapter 9: I'm Put In A Cell

Notes:

Lemme know!!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

I know they had a cell in the Avengers Tower, I’d heard stories about it through various members of the team. Maybe, in there I wouldn’t blow up the whole base and everybody in it. Maybe I go back to them, no one here would get hurt that way. My mind was a mess, jumbling and throwing information around but reaching no conclusion,

            Tony and Bruce had hurried out of the room after the text, assumingly straight to the lab to figure out how to get it out without it exploding before exiting my body. Wanda was crying. Steve was trying to trace the text. Clint was scouting the area, figuring out how they had received the information in the first place and Natasha… Natasha hadn’t moved since she had pulled me against her body. My body just felt numb. I could feel her against my back, legs against my thighs and arms around my waist. But it felt more like a weight, more like she was holding me down rather than hugging me.

            “What about my powers?” I said, my mind not catching up with the words coming out of my mouth. What if with the fire part of my powers I was able to control the explosion, possibly direct it somewhere other than… well, me.

            Wanda listened to my explanation, tears rolling down her cheeks as she hung on to every possibility. The only problem would be the fact that it’s an internalised explosion meaning there was really no way of controlling it enough without space. And I wasn’t the largest person. My best bet would be the cell.

            “I think your right.” Wanda agreed sadly. “They can create one overnight, it won’t be as… sturdy as the old one but all it needs to do is contain this. HYDRA can’t blow you up within 24 hours, you need time to leave.”

            Natasha’s head snapped up from my neck at that. “What?”

            “J’s thinking that it’s going to be best to put her somewhere the explosion can be contained while we figure this out.” Natasha simply shook her head, burrowing back into my neck.

            “They could be bluffing,” Natasha started, speaking directly into my skin. “If you’re the sole survivor of this experiment then they need to know why you went right and everyone else was wrong.”

            “It’s not worth the risk Tasha. I’m not risking any of you by staying here. Either a cell or I go back. I’m not letting this blow up in all your faces and I’m talking literally” She barely smiled at the joke, just squeezed.

            Wanda rose from the bed, kissing my head before going to find the boys to tell our plan. They confirmed it could be done overnight and unfortunately would be the best course of action.

            “I just got you back.” Natasha’s words stung. I held back the accusation that if it wasn’t for her, we never would’ve split up anyway. Instead, I tapped her hand 3 times and turned in her lap, curled into a ball and rested against her chest. She kissed my head three times.

            She didn’t move and neither did I. Not even when Wanda came back a few hours later with fresh cookies and a few slices of pizza. Wanda simply placed everything on the side and crawled up next to us, placing her head on my knees and grabbing my spare hand. The whole thing felt ridiculously dramatic like I was going to die but the more I thought about it the more I realised how true that statement really was. There was a very high chance I did die. I guess, at least then I wouldn’t be lying to Sasha. The team would be safe. It was strange how fast my priorities had changed. A year ago I wanted money, stability and a job where I would be appreciative. Now, I just wanted to do to minimise the damage that I was for my family.

            Tasha’s face hadn’t moved from my neck in hours, breathing slowly as if she was savouring every moment. Wanda was pressing kisses to any respectable part of me she could find. Eventually, Wanda’s brown hair was splayed across my legs as she fell asleep. Her hands never moved from my body even in her sleep. It was sweet seeing her lying there, so affected even subconsciously.

            I tapped three times on her arm making sure she was awake and she knew I was still here. She tapped back but with nothing exchanged I was stunted for the first time at what that one meant. I lifted her chin with the top of my head and swapped places, so my face could rest between her collar bone and jaw. “You’re a pretty good best friend, Tash. A natural.”

            She growled somewhere in her throat. “Thought you didn’t do goodbyes.”

            “I’m not, I’m just making sure you know.”

            She sniffed, eyes locked on the ceiling. “Sounded final.”

            “It was final, you are a brilliant best friend. The best a girl could ask for.”

            “Please stop.” She whispered hoarsely, tears building quickly.

            I nodded and went quiet. Allowing her a moment of privacy as I closed my eyes, breathing her in. I felt weird. You spend your whole life know death’s inevitability but when it’s staring you in the eyes so promising, it’s hard not to fear. I’m not scared of how blowing up can’t be painful in fact it will probably be painless. It will happen too fast to even know. I fear what happens next. Babies know nothing else but their life in the womb, they don’t know they’re going to be born. Life is limited to the unknown and the biggest unanswered question will always be: what next?

            But not just that, what’s next for the team? Will they contain it? Will I get a funeral? If I do what if they choose Lily’s for flowers, I hate lily’s. It hit me so quickly and so painfully that despite how much time I had spent here they didn’t really know me at all. And I didn’t know them. I knew nothing about favourite colours just favourite TV shows. I knew nothing important.

            “Tasha?”

            “Yes?”

            “What’s your favourite flower?”

            “Probably Daisies, why what’s yours?”

            “Why?”

            “They grow everywhere. No matter what weather, what battle or how the earth has been treated Daisies grow. It’s nice and consistent to know that there’s a flower just a resilient as the love of war.” Her explanation was nice. Soft. Like her.

            “What’s your favourite animal?” I asked.

            “Why all the questions?” she counted, kissing my head.

            I shrugged against her, “Humour me? I just want to get to know you a bit more.” The sentence was unfinished but we both heard it. Before I go.

            “I don’t really have one. I guess snakes are pretty cool but fennick foxes are just the cutest.” Her answer was so Natasha that a tear fell from my eye. So different in both answers, two different animals for two different people. Tasha and Natasha. Nat and Natasha. Natasha and Black Widow. Natasha and Natalia. It must be hard, having been so many people. But she’ll have played so many more, undercover missions were known for them and she was known for missions.

            “Number?”

            “13” She replied with a snicker. “It’s only unlucky for some.”

            “Hey,” I smiled, “If this whole avenger thing fails you could become a bingo number caller.”

            She rolled her eyes pulling me against her, “That’s not what they’re called.”

            “Letter?”

            “V” I rolled my eyes.

            “Word?”

            “Survive.” We both knew what she was saying. Pleading rather than answering. It was a request, not a reply.

            “I don’t want to sleep,” I said, she paused expecting another question and I guess in a way it was one. “I’m scared if I fall asleep, I won't wake up and you’ll die too.”

            She simply kissed my head and moved back on the pillows, laying both of us back. With one hand she pulled a blanket over Wanda, running a hand across her hair softly, and with the other, she pulled the duvet over us. “You’re not dying.” Was her reply when we had settled.

            I wanted to believe her, desperately but I knew as well as she did that there was no guarantee that this was going to end well.

            She closed her eyes and kissed my head once more when I had found a comfortable position with my face tucked into her neck. “Goodnight V.” She tapped 3 times: I’m here, you’re safe, I care about you.

            I tapped back. “Goodnight Tasha.”

 

            The next day was absolutely hectic. There was building work from 7 and Wanda had been running around the kitchen frantically cooking while sit-coms blared in the background. I knew this was her distraction, her way of coping but it was hard to watch.

            Tasha spent the entire day not leaving my side. If I was in the kitchen, she’d be conveniently making coffee. If I was showering, she’d be right outside the door reading a book. I wish I found it strange but it was endearing in a way. Especially when she’d tap every now and again randomly as if my reply reminded her I was still here. It was only when Tony and Steve came in, Tony in his suit and Steve with his shield that things started becoming serious. Those two were the ones who were taking me to the cell, just in case anything happened the suit and shield were fireproof.

            Wanda and Natasha had both fought this, claiming that Wanda could protect them both but nothing was going to happen. Still, the boys never relented. Simply rehearsing that once I was contained they could go and see me.

            When it was time to go Wanda flung herself at me, only reflexes and a slight manipulation of the air holding her up. She sobbed against my shoulder as I hugged her back. I knew this would be tough for her, she’d already lost a brother and had verbally explained just how much she referred to me as a sister. It was Clint who pulled her away in the end, holding her against his frame as she cried.

            Clint smiled at me, nodded and muttered something about seeing me soon. He refused to lose faith.

            Bruce wrapped me in a hug, explaining how close they were to find a way of getting this figured out and how proud he was of me.

            Natasha was silently crying but surprisingly didn’t move towards me, only tapped her foot three times and roughly wiped her tears. I tapped back watery-eyed.

            The walk down there was strangely quiet. Tony was mumbling something about types of explosives whereas Steve just kept a hand on my shoulder. I hated everything about it. I hated not hugging Natasha, I hated not telling everybody how much I cared about them and how thankful I was that they let me stay.

            I hated myself for putting them in this position but mostly I hated Hydra.

            When we got there they stood back, letting me look at it for a minute. It wasn’t bad per se but it was what it was, a cell. There was the main window that stretched about 5 strides and the rest was cement. Inside was a bed, akin to mine, a kitchen and a bathroom.

            “I’m sorry we couldn’t do more for you,” Tony said, breaking the silence and scratching the back of his head.

            My hair itched my neck as I shook it. “Don’t be silly, I was expecting a bed but not anything else. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me… not just the cell. And I truly mean that, I hope you believe me.”

            Tony pulled me in for a hug. “I do kid, I do. Thank you for helping with my puzzles.”

            I hugged him back, loosely because of the suit then turned to Steve. “Thanks for saving me twice.”

            “Hey,” he chuckled, “I’m going for a third.” I smiled sadly and hugged him loosely.

            “It’s going to be fine,” I said as I walked in, already missing the comfort of everybody upstairs. “It’s going to be absolutely fine.”

 

            The first few days in the cell were lonely. Wanda came down every now and again, her first visit she slid a jumper through the latch which I identified immediately as the Steve’s one Natasha had given me. It smelt like her, she’d been wearing it.

            “She won’t come down yet, I’m sorry. She’s trying to track the HYDRA agents who sent you that text… going pretty crazy at anyone who interrupts her.” I nodded, I knew she would be. I also knew she was holding out on the idea that HYDRA was bluffing when they said they’d blow me up. It just wasn’t plausible, there had been so much more than what they had used. I was replacable to HYDRA. “But not to us…” Wanda whispered sadly.

            “I hope you know I care about you a lot Wan” She nodded at me and then got up to leave, talking about dinner ideas for the team. Tony joined me a little later, pointing at the crossword in his hand. We went through it slowly, much slower than we had before, and when we had finally finished it he scrambled to his feet and rushed out the room.

            Steve and Bruce both visited, Bruce talked to me about a medical procedure he’d conducted on Clint after he’s misread a jump and Steve complained about the team's inability to not get hurt. The normality made me smile.

            The next few days went the same. Tony firmly believed he was at a breakthrough but didn’t want to attempt it until all of his simulations had come back. That was the day Natasha visited and the day I was let out.

            I was reading a book in bed when three knocks arrived at the window. My head snapped up instinctually knowing it was her but doubt filling my thoughts until my eyes landed on her red hair. I scrambled from the bed and sat in front of her.

            She smiled at me but I could see the rings around her eyes and the hollowing of her cheeks. She tugged at her jumper and pointed at me before pulling it up over her head. I copied her, pulling at the jumper and holding it in my lap as she threw hers through the gap. Once she was back at her spot I opened the hatch and put my jumper on the floor. Natasha snatched it up fast and pulled it over her head as I did the same.

            Her scent was all over it whereas the one I had just given her had faded to the damp smell of the cell. But she seemed to smell something different as she tucked her nose into the fabric. Her hand tapped the floor three times in the meantime I miss you. I tapped back, I missed her too.

            “You didn’t come,” I said, pulling the sleeves around my hands and up to my face.

            “No, I’ve been busy.”

            “I can see that, you look like shit Tasha.” She pouted at me and assessed her reflection in the glad until she nodded subdued. “I know you’re trying to find the sender but it doesn’t really matter does it? I mean, this can only end two ways. Best result Tony gets it out and we all walk out of her, Worst case I blow up in here taking only myself with it.”

            Her face clouded over. “I can’t accept that Veejay. If I find the guy, I find the button and if I find the button they don’t press it which means you don’t blow up and nothing is rushed to get that thing out of you.”

            “I understand that. I do but sometimes you have to let these things happen.”

            “Not this. I’ve given up so much. So much V, why can’t I just keep you. I’ve lost, I’ve mourned. Hell, I lose every time I kill. I know loss, I’m comfortable with it. But not you.” The tears that rolled down her cheeks broke my heart more than anything that came out of her mouth. There was nothing I could do to stop them, I couldn’t wipe them and I couldn’t offer a solution.

            She was dealing with this the best way she could, I needed to let her. “Okay, okay. You keep searching, I’ll be here. Okay?”

            She nodded wiping her tears on the sleeves. “I miss you V.”

            “I miss you too.” She nodded again, her tears drying and face clearing. “I’m right here though, if you ever need me, I’m only downstairs. You’re welcome anytime. You know that.”

            Smiling at me, she rose to her feet. “I’ll be back V, I promise.”

            “I’ll be here…” I trailed off uncomfortably as the mass in my hip shifted. “Tasha, get back for me.” She frowned taking a step forward. “No back. Get back!”

            Natasha faltered falling back tears now falling down her cheeks. The pressure that had begun to build in my hip was becoming unbearable pain. My knees hit the floor loudly as I clutched my hip. Tears fell down my cheeks, I could feel them but almost just as fast they hissed against the hit of my cheek and sizzled away.

            Great. I was imploding and this was the time my powers decided to add more fire.

            Natasha shouted but I could barely hear her. My entire body was burning, I think I was screaming but the sting in my mouth could’ve been the flames coursing through my body. It happened quickly, the explosion, faster than I would’ve expected.

            I felt my hipbone shatter at the energy released. The flames ripped through my skin but travelled through as if there wasn’t skin there at all. I watched as it burst into the glass shattering it completely but they were contained. A wall of fire where the window had been, flicking and spitting both inside and out. Slowly, as if it was a Tuesday afternoon, the rain started. Only drops at first but then it was a rainstorm. Battling and hissing at the flames until all that I could see was a drenched Natasha, small scratches littering the skin I could see from wayward glass.

            She was staring, sobbing in the water.

            Then the rain ceased, the embers flickered out and I fell to the floor.

 

Notes:

So, I have of course been continuing to write this as I upload and I'm pretty sure we've reached the end. So, would you rather I continue posting the chapters daily / tri-weekly or do you think I should upload them all at once?

Also, I'm almost certain that I want there to be a sequel and I'm not 100% convinced it's finished. So I'm going to figure it out as I go along.

As always, thankyou for reading I appreciate every single one of you <3

Chapter 10: I Smell Like Burnt Flowers

Notes:

This is one of my favourite chapters <3
Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

God the lights were bright. So bright. There was pressure on my shoulder but I didn’t know if it was painful. In fact, I could feel very little of my body. Trying to move it was like trying to lift a car, completely unachievable but I must’ve managed something because the pressure on my shoulder was lifted.

            “Jay? You awake?” It was muffled but so clearly there I just couldn’t bring my lips to communicate. To exhale the air or move at all. “Please wake up. I just, no one knows if you’re even going to and I keep telling them you will but… please it’s killing Natasha.”

            Natasha. Red hair, red lips. Hugs. Three. Three squeezes, three taps. Wine. Coffee. I struggled against the haziness.

            “Tony! She’s moving!” The voice shouted. I winced at the noise. So muffled yet so loud. “Do you remember me? Wanda? Tony said you might have brain damage, you might suffer memory loss.”

            Wanda; brown hair, tea, red powers. Dancing around the kitchen, her lying on my lap while I lean on Natasha. Sister. Sitcoms.

            “Veejay? It’s Tony, can you move?”

            Tony; brown hair, iron man. Suduko, no, crosswords.

            Suddenly pain erupted all over my body, crawling painstakingly slowly from my legs up to my face. It felt like the skin was being slowly carved away.

            “What did you do!” That was Wanda. Soft voice, childlike fear. Anger.

            “Nothing! I think her body is trying to heal itself”

            Heal. Maybe hurt but not heal. I think I was screaming. My throat hurt, more than before.

            “Oh my god, I can’t listen to this.” Wanda. I think she left, I could barely think at all. I was definitely screaming. Pain everywhere. Everything was so hot. Burning. Burning hot.

            Then slower than before. So fucking slowly, the pain stopped. It whispered at my flesh, taunting and teasing as if it would come back at any second. My legs were pain-free, I could feel them. Feel the sheets beneath them and the cuts that were etched into my skin.

            “Holy shit.” Tony. “FRIDAY, I want you recording all of this, every biological change.” The AI confirmed distracting me slightly to the pulling and pushing of my skin. The pain had dully stopped but my skin felt so tight. So stiff. “Veejay, if you can hear me I need you to show some sign, kid.”

            Show signs I was alive. That I could hear him, respond. Oh my god, my head hurt and the lights were so bright. I felt my eyes squint and then there was that voice. So deep and so soft. It washed over me like water.

            “FRIDAY, turn down the lights.” Natasha, always Natasha. She knows what I need always. I tapped thrice on the bedsheets and I heard her sigh or fall. I felt the breath leave her lips like her body had kept it trapped too long and it was begging for release. My hand was warm when she tapped back. “Oh my god, Tony. She’s okay.”

            Okay? Okay! I can’t speak, I can’t move. I can’t do anything because I blew up. In what definition is blowing up okay? Still, I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at her. Not when her hand was clutching at mine so strangely soft.

            The darkness was nice. Quiet, even with the voices but they were quiet now. Soft background noise. Hazy like before. When the pain started.

            “N’Tasha…. Losing…” Was all I heard but it was nice. It felt like I was in bed with a sitcom on in the background. I could imagine Natasha behind me and Wanda at my feet. Then it started again, slowly ever so slowly as if it was laughing with every centimeter. The pain. God the burning pain.

            She was crying, I could feel her now, the tears the only cold thing on my skin. Crying while I screamed. When will it end, the pain the crying, the noise? I need it all to stop. God, it hurt. It hurt so much.

            Then suddenly my mind was full of images that weren’t my own. Me dancing in the kitchen, my hands grabbing at the person behind the camera. Only it wasn’t a camera, it was Wanda twirling round under my raised hand. A knife was in my hand but not threatening. Simply what I was holding when the song started. I was laughing. God, it burned, it burned through the image and I watched the memory like paper burst into flames.

            The presence jumped out of my mind but rolled back in just as fast. This time, it was me and Natasha on the couch. I was rested snug against her side, my phone balanced on her thigh as I swiped on it and a book in her hand. She’d tap my arm every now and again, no words spoken, and I’d tap back. I looked so warm. So warm. So burning, everything was so painful. The memory wasn’t lighting. It stayed, a softness around the edges as it bumped around my head. It felt like a screensaver on a laptop, not a memory. But Natasha looked so content. Nothing like the sounds ripping from her throat to seconds ago. I wanted it to stop, not for me but for her, for Wanda who was in my head.

            This time when the pain stopped it was like I could breathe again, the tightness from my chest had gone and my skin felt less like it was being pulled and more like it was given back. Resting on my bones like a blanket. I tried my hands first, moved my fingers, stroking gently on the hand in mine. My hearing was still hazy but coming back by the second. I could hear her again.

            “C’mon V, wake up. I need you. You’re my best friend. If you do, Tony says he’ll throw a party. He’s been saying it since day 1, he doesn’t need an excuse, but this is perfect and I know how much you love the attention. I need you V, the whole team is falling apart. You can’t leave us now. Wanda says she can hear you. That you’re doing something to stop her from being burnt but she can feel it every time she enters your mind. I know your hurting, god I wish I could stop it. But if you can stop Wanda feeling it, you can stop you feeling it.”

            Natasha was right. Of course, she was. I just didn’t know what I was doing. Finally like a lightbulb, I managed to force my body off the bed and out of the restraints. I quenched the fire worming through my veins, flushed it out with the thought of cool water.

            And I opened my eyes.

           

            “Veejay?” God, I missed her. “Your eyes?”

            My eyes were always green, horribly muddy and swamp-like but definitely green. “I know what color they are Tash.” God my throat hurt. A glass was pressed to my lips and I drank greedily. Every sip seemed to refresh my entire body, I could feel myself literally getting stronger.

            She looked at me, the empty glass now on the table, and lifted a hand gently to my eyebrow. “No V, they’re like four different colors. Anyway, I don’t care. You exploded.”

            “Yes, Natasha, I remember that. God, it hurt.” I shuddered at the memory.

            She frowned. “And then you died.” I nodded again, not quite remembering. “Then you went into this cocoon. It was all green, made of leaves, and nothing we tried could cut away at it.” That’s new. Very new, maybe that’s why I couldn’t move. “Then it started smoking, it literally caught fire and burnt off you.” That would’ve been the pain. “Then you got really cold and woke up.”

            “Huh, well, I’m awake now.” I sat up, confirming what I had just said but she still looked at me like I was going to fall any second. Which in retrospect was probably not far from the expected.

            Natasha grinned at me. Full on, toothy grin. Then shot up from her chair, throwing herself on top of me. We landed heavily on the bed but our blow was lessened by the weightlessness of her. She glared down at me. “Stop doing that, I’m trying to hug you.”

            I realised I’d be holding her off of me, my mind ten steps ahead, as though my body couldn’t take her weight. Giggling, I tapped off whatever in my head was keeping her from me and she fell on top of me completely ungracefully. It’s not like she minded because as soon as her body made contact her arms wrapped around me and her face smashed into my neck.

            “Ew,” She hissed, “You smell like burnt flowers.”

            Hugging her back, I just squeezed her. Pressing my face into her shoulder and breathing her in. “I’m sorry for the smell Darling but you see, I died. Haven’t had time to shower before this redhead launched herself on me.”

            “Oh my god, you died.” She breathed, her arms tightening.

            “I did and I will again if you don’t let me breathe.” However, despite her tight grip I could breathe perfectly fine. It was like skin took in the oxygen and not my lungs. Still, it wasn’t a comfortable feeling.

            Finally, I managed to loosen her grip enough to sit up again, she stayed in my lap. Her head not leaving my neck despite the so-called smell. “Fancy going upstairs? I think I deserve some Pancakes.”

            Tony stood at the end of the bed, he was watching me softly. When I caught his eye he grinned and nodded his head. Shooting a message through FRIDAY to order some pancakes. He then ruffled my hair and pulled Natasha away protesting as I stood up. As soon as I was on my feet another body charged into my own, knocking me sideways on back onto the bed.

            “Ew, Natasha you’re right. She does smell like burnt flowers.”

            Wanda. I smiled into her hair and hugged her back tightly. She was crying, softly, happily, into my shoulder. Pushing her back, I brushed the hair from her face and a kiss to her hair. “Hey Sis, told you I’d still be here when you came back”

            That brought a whole new wave of tears. I held her while she cried. Natasha coming back over and kissing the top of our heads. I grabbed her hand and grinned. God, I loved them. Steve, Bruce, and Clint came in a minute later All grinning at me and ruffling my hair.

            After a while, Wanda’s crying became silent tears and Natasha managed to lift her up and off the bed so I could stand. But as soon as I had Wanda came straight back to my side, grabbing my hide like I was going to fade away. Natasha took the other and we all very awkwardly made our way up the stairs, pausing every now and again for someone to catch up on the steps.

            Everything was just as I left it. “I’m going to shower, I can’t be dealing with anymore burnt flower comments.”

            As if a lightbulb clicked Bruce, Steve and Clint looked at each other muttering “That’s what it is.”

            I threw my hands up in frustration stomping towards the door, stopping only once I was inside at the mess of the bed and coffee cups on the side. I swear when I left I made sure it was clean. A hand brushed my shoulder and I turned around quickly, easily immediately when I saw who it was.

            “I stayed here. I was cold.” She explained, her lips pouting as she used the old excuse. I nodded and didn’t push. If it was Natasha, I’d have been in her room too.

            With no verbal reply, I left her next to the bed and walked to the bathroom. I looked like shit. My hair was matted on one side and there were a few burns that had yet to heal, an impressive one stretched from my lip to my cheek. Tears quickly fell from my eyes. I’d never been extensively pretty but there was no way of hiding the scar that was bound to form.

            Natasha came in at the sound of my tears, grabbing me from behind and turning me around to wipe my tears. “What’s wrong?” I raised a hand to my face brushing the burn harshly. She shook her head softly, kissing the cheek where it was. “Yes, it will heal?”

            “No, you don’t get it. You’re always pretty. I… I’m never going to be pretty Tasha.” The tears were coming pretty fast and I think I was crying for more than just a scar but it was too much to unpack, for now, so I left my explanation be for both of us. Her arms wrapped around me, hugging me to her body despite the fact that my chest was bare.

            “Of course you’re pretty, V. Come, it’s bath time.” Natasha turned on the taps and threw in some anti-bacterial body wash. She slowly undressed me as I sobbed, keeping her eyes on my face as she sat me in the bath. She left for a second coming back in shorts and sat on the edge of the bath behind me hands going to my hair. “Lean back,” She whispered. I did as she asked unable to do little more than cry. She washed my hair slowly, conditioning and combing through with her fingers. She poured soap onto a soft sponge and passed it to me to clean myself. After 5 minutes of me staring at the bubbles on it, she took it gently from my hands, passing it over my shoulders just as softly, and began washing my body.

            If it was any other time I’d probably be embarrassed. Or aroused. But god, my body felt like lead, and my mind was filled with too many emotions to even attempt to understand. I just sat and cried until she pulled me up and out of the bath wrapping a towel around my body and pulling me to the bed. Slowly, as if not to freak me out, she moved to the dresser and pulled out a jumper with a pair of shorts. She lifted my legs into them, keeping the towel around me tightly, and pulled them to my hips. Doing a similar thing with the jumper until everything was covered and she pulled away from the towel. Moving me to the middle of the bed, she came back with a hairbrush and a spray bottle. She started at the ends, tugging the hair as carefully as possible through the brush, and once it was all brushed she began braiding it down my back.

            “There.” She said her hands coming away from my shoulder. “Beautiful.” Her lips pressed against the top of the braid and I crumped against her chest sobs wracking my body. I don’t know what started this round of tears and neither did she, but she held me close, murmuring quietly.

            Pancakes were forgotten as she pulled the book she had been reading off the nightstand. She seemed to realise I wasn’t going to be listening to the words because when as she started reading aloud I realized it wasn’t even in English. It wasn’t until a knock on the door startled us both that I noticed the tears had finally stopped and I was falling asleep. I kept my eyes closed, tapping Natasha thrice to let her know I wasn’t sleeping. She tapped back. I know.

            “Is she sleeping?” Wanda asked.

            “No, she’s decompressing.”

            “Can I sit for a while, I brought pancakes?” I nodded against her heart and felt Wanda crawl onto the bed, her hand falling on my leg.

            “You want pancakes V?” I nodded at Natasha’s question sitting up slowly. Her hand was on the small of my back, holding me upright. I didn’t even realise I needed the support but she did. A tear slid down my cheek. “You got them or need help?” More tears fell at that and I watched blearily as she proceeded to cut the pancakes up into little pieces. She stabbed a piece on the end of the fork and placed it in my hand.

            The pancakes were good and I don’t remember how they got in my hand or when the fork was taken to replace the pancake piece. But they were tasty and I was hungry. The tears didn’t stop as I ate, Natasha just brushed them away if they got too close to my mouth. When they were finished, I fell back against her exhausted. She picked up her book and said something to Wanda who left the room quietly.

            As soon as she left, I watched in my head as she recounted her vision of Natasha slowly taking the fork from my loose hands and reloading it with pancakes. The only words that were passed were “I love you, Sis.”

            I looked at Natasha, unable to believe what I just saw and when she looked back at me worried and protective I knew it was true. She simply kissed my head and went back to reading out loud. The words weren’t familiar but the vibrations in her chest were and eventually, that’s what pulled me back to sleep.

            When I woke up, Natasha was quick to look down at me. Her eyes scanning my face sharply to find any reminiscence of my brokenness from last night. When she found none her body seemed to relax.

            “Thank you I’m sorry,” I whispered coughing airily.

            “Don’t be sorry V. That’s what friends do. You went through a weird, and deadly, experience and survived. I’m not sure how but you managed it. It’s tough, Hell, I’ve died a few times but never like that. We’ve all been there okay? You’re okay and I’ve got you no matter what.”

            “You’re my best friend Tasha.”

            “Well, I don’t get in the bath with just anybody” She smirked, tapping my hand. I smiled and tapped back. “Anyway, Tony has a party on standby. Wants to know if you want it?”

            A party? Well… Maybe a drink would be good. To cut loose? Tasha seemed like she wanted it. Wanda would love it. Plus I’d get to meet the rest of the team: Peter, Bucky, and Sam. I can also leave. Oh my god. I can leave

            “I can leave.” I whispered, “Oh my god, I can go. I can leave!” I shouted jumping up from the bed and grabbing my shoes. Natasha froze on the bed, her arms letting me go with no resistance and it was as I was grabbing my coat that I noticed the phrasing of my words. “No.” I protested, reaching for her hand, “Stop that!” When she flinched.

            “Tasha, I don’t mean leave you and the others. Oh my god, you can’t be serious. Tash, you literally, literally, just heard me about the best friend thing. I just haven’t been outside in almost a year. I haven’t left this base, this place where I was tortured, in over a year. Because as much as it’s been revamped, and as much as I appreciate it, it is still that place.” She looked up at that, guilt twisting at her features.

            “Stop that too. Oh my god, Tasha go get dressed. You owe me a Starbucks just for thinking that way” I tapped the bed softly, she tapped back. As she got up to leave, I pressed a kiss to her cheek. “You’re an idiot. I’m going to get Wanda, we’re going shopping! Hurry!”

            She laughed, strolling from the room with a wide smile on her face.

            I grinned to myself, running into Wanda’s room: Shopping!

 

Chapter 11: I Go Shopping

Chapter Text

 

I was lying on Wanda’s bed when Natasha walking in, her hair tied back with a tight braid. She was wearing clothes that I don’t think I had seen her in while we had been her; dark jeans and a wool pullover with heeled boots. Simple but effective. She walked over leaning over me with a goofy grin as I looked at her upside down.

“Hi,” She whispered, thighs bumping the side of the bed.

“Wanda! She’s ready!” I screamed, earning a glare from Natasha at the volume and a shouted reply from the bathroom. “Hi,” I whispered back the glare melting away quickly.

There was only so much windows could do when all you wanted to do was go outside. Wanda’s windows were massive, ceiling to floor and cold to the touch, It looked like a nice day but it was the middle of autumn so maybe not. I didn’t even know the date just that it was nearing winter every day.

“October 7th J,” Wanda said as she walked into the room, outfit only slightly different to Natasha’s. I looked at the clothes I was wearing: stark joggers, a camisole, and one of Nat’s jumpers. Great. “And you look fine. Plus we’re going shopping to buy you new stuff, that’s kind of the point.” I nodded forlorn at their simple beauty but pushed it away to grab each of their hands and pull them from the door.

Natasha laughed loudly when I reached the end of the base, stopping abruptly. It had been so long since I’d first walked in, willing and oblivious. I had stared at this door every day on my to have things injected or poked and prodded. So much had happened since I saw the other side of the door. I had changed. I wonder if the world has too. She squeezed my hand, Ready? I squeezed back and took another step. And another. My eyes were closed but I trusted the two next to me to halt if I was in any danger. Then my face grew warm. Not the warm when I was using my powers but a soft, gentle touch. Like someone was holding my face but there was no pressure. The wind rushed past my cheek, stinging it slightly. Oh my god. I was outside. I felt hands pull me slightly and I stumbled into a sturdy body, grateful for the support as my knees buckled slightly.

“I’m outside,” I choked. The words getting lost slightly in the wind.

“Open your eyes V,” Tasha whispered, her voice closer to my ear than I expected.

It’s strange. When you haven’t been outside for so long you forget just how colourful the world really is. Sure you can see it from the window but when it’s here in reaching distance, the brown trees and the green grass, it’s beautiful. I took a breath, my eyes still adjusted to the brightness that seemed to be toned down through the windows, and relished in the crispness in my lungs. Natasha’s arms were still around my waist but loosened when I stood a little bit straighter. Then I took a step away, and another, and another. Running straight for the trees. My legs burnt underneath me, the added force of the wind fighting the muscle I hadn’t used in some time. I looked back behind me, grinning. Natasha and Wanda stood far away now, watching me with amused expressions. Every now and again Natasha would say something to Wanda who would nod her head.

I doubled back, running towards them gleefully. “C’mon!” I exclaimed when I had gotten close enough. “We have to see more!”

Tasha nodded and grabbed at my hand, pulling me to a stop. “Well, we’re driving to the shops so go pick a car.” Pick a car? She pointed to the far side of the base where around 10 cars were all lined up neatly, each one glamourous in its own way. What the fuck? I looked back to find them both shrugging nonchalantly. I walked towards a black Audi, the windows tinted and the top low. “Good choice,” Natasha smirked.

            Wanda glared at me softly and passed Natasha a 20. “We had a bet as to who’s car you’d pick,” she explained, pushing the redhead softly into the driver-side door. Oh, this was Tasha’s car. Of course, it was. I slid into the back, silent with shock. They all had cars. Their own cars, oh my god how much did they get paid? “We don’t really get paid, Tony’s just rolling in it.”

            Distracted, I nodded at the explanation. It made perfect sense I guess. Tasha was fiddling with the rearview mirror twisting it until she could see my face. She flashed me a toothy smile and then started the car still watching me. “Eyes on the road, Tasha!” She chuckled but did as I asked, watching the gravel as she pulled out and out of the base. As we drove, we passed absolutely nothing but trees for around 20 minutes until slowly buildings started to appear.

            She parked perfectly in one motion, swinging the car into the spot as if she could’ve done it blind. Wanda simply raised her eyebrows as if I’d just said something stupid. Thinking about it, I had. Of course, Natasha could drive with her eyes closed. They both climbed out quickly, hoods over their heads to cover it from the slight sprinkling of rain, and stood at the hood of the car waiting for me to get out. Before I had the chance to climb out, Natasha whispered something to Wanda and wandered away quickly.

            “She said she’d meet us in a while.” I frowned. Why would she leave me? “Come you need a whole new wardrobe!”

            Wanda wasn’t kidding. She excitably pulled me to shop after shop, throwing jeans of all colour and style at me and if they fit into the basket. Next was tops, everything I second glanced at was placed in the basket. We decided to wait until Tasha returned to do jumpers seen as she’d be wearing them as much as me but managed to find some shoes of pretty much every style. I got changed once we had paid for some of the stuff, sliding into jeans and an oversized button-down that was tucked haphazardly into the jeans. The heeled boots were a nice change, even if my soles were hurting after a while. Wanda sat me down on a bench before we reached the next shop and pulled out the braid Natasha had put my hair in last night. Untangling it carefully so my hair fell in neat curls. It was at that moment Natasha joined us, three Starbucks cups in her hand and a bag in the other.

            “Wow, V, you look amazing.” Her face twisted in a surprised smile and I couldn’t help but smile back. Tapping on the bench lightly as Wanda finished my hair. She tapped her foot back, passing us both a cup. “Caramel with an extra shot for you and that rainbow sugar shit you like Wanda.”

            My lips wrapped around the opening immediately drinking in the warm, smoothness of their coffee. Wow, I missed it. So much. How did she know about the extra shot though? I shrugged to myself, she probably had everything about me somewhere on a file.

            “Mmm, I love you,” I muttered, placing my lips against the gap and breathing in the familiar coffee scent again. Wanda and Natasha laughed beside me.

            “What’s left?” Natasha asked, eyeing the bags warily. Did she not like shopping?

            “Jumpers, J said that we should wait for you because you’ll be wearing them just as often.” Tasha smiled down at me affectionately, pressing a kiss to my hairline. “We also need to get her formal wear and we all need dresses for tonight. Oh, and anything Hobby-wise. Tony doesn’t want us coming back any time soon. Said it looks odd if the mall is closed too many times in close proximity.” The mall wasn't closed?

            Wait. I looked around. There was nobody else in here. At all. Staff, yes and there seemed to be SHIELD agents at every door entrance. Who I had mistaken for shoppers. We were alone here. We also hadn’t paid for anything that had gone through the tills.

            “Why are we the only ones here? Why haven’t we paid for anything? Actually, where is all the stuff?” I asked, my voice wavering.

            Tasha knelt down in front of me, her hands resting on the bench on either side of my legs. “Tony decided it would be best for him to close the mall to the public, just in case anybody was here from HYDRA. It’s safer for you and the general public. Tony’s paid for your stuff, when he does stuff like this every time anything is scanned it goes straight on his card. And our bags were loaded into another car by the Agents. You’re safe though. These ones have all been thoroughly assessed. Plus you’re with us. No one is going to touch you.”

            I nodded. “Do they have a bookshop?

            Tasha nodded and rolled back onto her feet before standing up. “Wanda, wanna go check out the craft store while we go to the bookshop?” She grinned, wrapped us both in a brief hug, and danced off deeper into the shops. “She just loves knitting. Normally, she gets the wool and stuff delivered but it’ll be nice to have it in front of her to choose from. C’mon let's go find us some books.”

            She grabbed my hand as we walked, swinging them gently until we reached a small shop that I would’ve completely ignored if Natasha didn’t stop so abruptly in front of it. She nudged my shoulder, prompting me to the door. We walked into incense. The shop itself was dark, low lights hanging from the roof and casting shadows in every direction. A bell tinkled through the air as the door swung shut behind us and a woman came bustling from the shadows causing me to jump back into Natasha’s steady hands.

            “Natalia!” The woman cheered when we got close enough. I furrowed my brows at that, watching as Natasha pulled me slightly to the side so she could accept the hug from the small woman. Plump in nature, the woman turned to me after pulling away, small eyes assessing me. “An who iz diz?” Her accent was similar to Natasha’s, only broader and much more noticeable.

            Natasha slithered an arm around my waist tugging me to her softly. “This is Veejay, Pahresia. Be nice.” Natasha pressed a kiss to the side of my head before letting me go. “Go find some books, I’m gonna have a chat. Shout if you need me.” Then turned back to the woman who was talking impossibly fast next to her in the same language as the book she had been reading last night.

            I cast her a sideways glance before wandering away. Finding a few books I recognised and hugging them to my chest. Great Gatsby, Sherlock Holmes, and Wuthering Heights all joined my collection and I was toying with a rustic copy of Peter Pan when three taps came to the shelf above me. She took the books I had just tapped against in response from my hands and towards a counter I had completely missed. The woman stood behind it, still eyeing me as if I was something foul but smiled at Natasha behind me. Picking up the books and scanning them quickly. “Da,” She said nodding, “Good choices.” It was the first smile I had received from the older woman since we had walked in here and I was quick to return it.

            Finally, I managed to escape her glowers slipping from the bookshop quickly followed by Natasha. “She was mean,” I muttered childishly as we headed in the direction Wanda had run off. Tasha just grabbed my hand again chuckling.

            “That’s the Russians.” That was her only reply.

            “You’re not mean.” I countered, watching her face move as her features twitched looking for a response.

            “Not to you.” Was her eventual response. She kept quiet after that, mulling something over but smiled at me every now and again. “I hope you’re ready to play real-life Barbie. Wanda is very passionate about what we wear to formal attires.” I groaned earning a laugh. I never had been one for parties, let alone properly dressing up for them. If I could get away with jeans then I’d be wearing jeans.

            It was two hours later after dresses and shoes had been thrown all over the shop. When we finally all walked out of the dressing room, clad in our Wanda chosen attire. I had to admit. We all looked beautiful. My dress was a champaign colour, the material soft and loose against my skin as it came to a stop above my knees. She paired it with black stilettos and a black clutch which seemed to compliment it perfectly. Wanda’s dress was all black, the fabric scrunched in a fashionable way with silver shoes and a silver handbag. Natasha though… Wow. Her dress was more formal than hours, resting just below the knee. But the slit up her left thigh left much to be desired. It was a deep red, matching perfectly with her curls and the gold bag complimented it in a way I never expected. We all shared appreciative glances before going back to get changed.

            “Are we ready to leave?” Natasha asked loudly but looking at me. Wanda pouted when I nodded, my entire body drooping in exhaustion. It was silent as we walked back to the car, my eyes were still locked on the trees as we drove. “Come, we can nap before tonight. Stark currently has your wardrobe being stocked with everything we bought tonight so my room?” I nodded tiredly, nearly falling out of the car when she opened the door.

            The closer we got to Natasha’s room the heavier my body felt, I could feel my toes scratching against the floor more so with every step. Natasha stopped suddenly as we passed the gym and knelt down tapping her shoulder. Too tired to complain, I climbed onto her back burying my face into her neck as she stood and continued walking. Her hands rested softly on my ankles, head against mine as we walked through the compound. I heard Tony bark out a laugh and then something about energy as we walked past; well, as Natasha walked past. She reached her door finally, opening it softly and placing me on the bed.

            She reached into her wardrobe and pulled out a set of pajamas throwing them at me. “Get dressed, you’ll be uncomfy in jeans.”

            “Hey, if we’re sharing clothes now why did I buy so much today?” I joked slipping off my pants and swapping them with the soft cotton.

            “Because I don’t like sharing.” Natasha huffed, crawling into the bed and pulling the covers over her head. I followed suit, my head resting softly against her shoulder and an arm around her waist. “Are you okay? You’re never normally this clingy?” I pushed off of her, rolling back to my side of the bed and closing my eyes. “That’s not what I meant V,”

            She sighed loudly and shuffled over to wrap an arm around my waist and the other under my head pulling me back. “You’re grumpy when you’re tired, did you know?” Natasha whispered into my hair. I pulled away from her, anger burning through my hair and frustration licking at my skin. My body just felt uncomfortable. She looked hurt for a minute and then noticed the tears building up in my eyes. I let out a thick breath, digging my palms into my eyes. “Hey, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m sorry.” Her voice was carefully flat and as gentle as the hand placed on my elbow. I didn’t even have any reason to be crying right now. I let her pull me back down this time, she rested her body half on top of my own, like she knew I need her weight to ground me.

            Once I had calmed down, the irritation falling to a soft hum, I hugged her to me. Her face moved so it rested in my neck. “No, I’m sorry. You’re right I am grumpy when I’m tired and I just get so irritated it makes my skin crawl. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

            She didn’t say anything, just heavily tapped my side thrice. It’s okay, I understand. It was nice to feel her slowly fall asleep, breath deepening against my skin. I tightened my hold on her body as I fell asleep and the last thing I remember was a soft kiss placed just below my ear.

            Natasha was gone when I woke up a panic that was quickly resolved when she wandered in from the bathroom clad in a robe. She was rubbing at her hair softly as she looked up smiling at my bleary face. “Good nap?” She asked, turning away to assess her hair in the mirror.  I nodded at her, falling back against the pillows.

            She got ready quietly, brushing minimal makeup onto her face and letting her hair dry in natural waves. Just before she was going to put her dress on, she turned to me eyebrow high. “You going to get ready or go like that? I won’t stop you but Wanda might have something to say.”

            I groaned and rolled out from under the duvet. Kicking it back with my feet. “I’m so tired Tasha,” My voice was more of a whine than anything else.

            She sighed and came over, sitting next to my hip. “I know but we said we’d go and if you don’t come who am I gonna hang around with.” Her hand softly brushed at my temple as she spoke nearly lulling me back to sleep. She noticed and stopped, bringing it to my nose and tapping it softly. “All you have to do is put the dress on.”

            I stared up at her, green eyes staring back as I looked at her makeup. “No, I need to fix my face too.”

            Her hand was back on my temple. “Nah, natural is in haven’t you heard?”

            “Maybe but I don’t look natural do I, I look like I’ve taken a trip to a furnace and forgone the sunscreen.” She frowned, fingers stroking lightly over the scar. “Tash, don’t look at me like that.”

            “I’m not looking at you like anything.”

            “You’re looking at me like I’m the runt puppy in a pet shop.”

            “Well, you are adorable.” The smile was back for which I was grateful and I slid out from underneath her. She stayed quiet as I picked up the dress that had been hung against the doorframe at some point while I was sleeping. I stripped quickly, she’d already seen everything and I really didn’t want to use my little energy on walking to the bathroom. Once the dress was over my head I padded back to her sitting on her knee and placed my head on her shoulder. Her hand came up to brush through my curls softly, gently snagging any knots.

            She lifted me up after a minute, ignoring the whine that came from my lips and tucked the duvet around me, tapped three times I’ll be back, and disappeared from my eye line. Only to come back seconds later with her dress on. Her body slipped next to mine under the duvet and I curled up against her.

            “Get up!” Wanda exclaimed, barging into the room. I stared at her shocked and back to Natasha who hadn’t even flinched at the interruption. “I told her I was coming in, don’t worry I know the rules.”

            Natasha nodded next to me in agreement. Sitting up and swinging off the bed lithely. I followed her not quite as gracefully and we all headed downstairs. Natasha squeezed my hand, ready?

Chapter 12: I Party

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The room was filled with people, some I recognised the majority I didn’t. Everybody had a drink in their hand, talking and laughing around the music. All happy. It was strange, to see a base that was once so full of terror now filled with people who were exchanging soft words and drunken laughs. The walls had been darkened and streamers of gold and black hung precariously off pictures and paintings. There were balloons everywhere; some being kicked as they strayed near peoples feet, others being tossed slowly through the air by soft hands and others floating on their own a perfect mix of helium and oxygen.

Tony saw us first, grinning and rushing over the microphone in hand. “And today’s woman of the moment: Veejay Morris!” I blushed as the spotlights that had been dancing around the room all landed on me and loud applause erupted.

Wanda grabbed my hand and pulled me faster down the stairs. Once we reached the bottom, I was crowded by the rest of the team. Bruce came over and gave me a hug whispering a quiet compliment in my ear. Clint shoved my shoulder affectionately and whistled. Steve just nodded at me, smiling. Then my gaze fell on three other males who I had never met before.

The youngest reached around me to pull Wanda into a tight hug which she reciprocated promptly. “Hi!” He burst when he pulled away, “I’m Peter. Parker. Peter Parker.” I laughed at his fumbling and waved a short hello.

Then a man almost as tall as Steve but twice as muscular walked over. He lifted an arm in greeting which I took and shook softly. Cold, his hand was cold. I looked down to find a metal hand clasped around my own. “Bucky,” He said, looking at me pitifully, “I think we share a similar history.” I frowned at that but let go of his hand and attempted a smile.

Finally, a man with a large smile and buzzed hair reached over to pull me into a hug. “Hi!” He laughed when he pulled away. “Sam, I heard you’ve turned our local deadly spider into putty.” I grinned at him, rotating my head in search of Natasha. Only to find she wasn’t behind me where I left her. “She’ll be behind the bar,” With a final laugh he hugged me once more and wandered into the sea of strangers.

I looked around at the mass of people, searching for anyone I had just met or lived with only to come up blank. Panic rose in my chest. I just needed to find the bar. However, being 5 foot in a room full of people this large made it a difficult task. I fought through bodies, a whimper sounding in my throat every time somebody accidentally knocked into me and desperately tried to keep the instinctual heat from growing. It was like my body thought I was in danger and immediately heated to the touch, stopping people from getting too close.

Finally, my eyes found Natasha’s and she immediately bolted through the sea of people reaching me in seconds. Her hand went for mine but pulled away almost immediately wincing in pain. “I’m sorry, I can’t stop it. I couldn’t find anyone and now I won’t cool down.” I could hear the panic in my voice and Natasha could too. Her eyes darkened for a second before beckoning me through the crowd. I danced around bodies trying desperately not to touch anyone, knowing the temperature of my skin could harm them. Once we reached the bar, she walked behind it slid a beer towards me and grabbed a towel with some ice.

“I can’t hug you if you don’t cool down V, it’s just you and me, you’re okay,” Her words were thrown together carelessly as she pressed the ice to her palm. She tapped the counter 3 times. I’m here, you’re okay, I’m sorry for leaving. It took longer than expected but my body temperature lowered and she dropped the ice walking around to wrap me in her arms. “I’m sorry I left you, I was making a drink and I planned to be back by the time everyone had spoken to you but Bruce distracted me,”

I nodded into her neck, breathing her in. We stayed like that for a second until somebody slid next to me at the bar. “Wow, Natasha hugs now? When can I join the queue?”

Bucky grinned at Natasha teasing as she swatted his head lightly. She pulled away and walked back around the back of the bar. “Usual?” She asked, tone soft. He nodded and she whipped out a glass, filled it with ice and poured something clear into it. He thanked her quietly and took a sip grinning in approval. “It’s Vodka on ice, how badly could I mess it up if I tried?” She joked.

I watched their interaction carefully. There was always something edgy when they spoke to each other but it was smothered by sibling-like affection. It was nice to watch, in a bittersweet kind of way.

“And you, my lady?” I turned, facing her with a smile.

“Whiskey ginger?” Her eyebrows shot up in surprise but nodded with a wonky smile passing it to me in seconds. She poured herself a martini and then hopped onto the bar. “Surely that’s not sanitary,” I muttered into my glass, taking a sip.

“You watched me come out of the shower V, I’m clean.” She replied, rolling her eyes. Bucky choked on his drink, looking up at Natasha like she’d grown three heads. “Perve, not in that way.” His shoulders shook when he laughed and shrugged throwing his hands up when a lime piece came flying at his head.

The three of us sat around the bar for a while, I listened while Bucky recounted what he’d been up to the last few weeks. Natasha offered advice here and there, a technique for a fight or alternative options for acquiring information. It was almost like she was in work mode as she spoke and I zoned out shortly after, looking around the room to find Wanda dancing with Peter. Her eyes met mine and she beckoned me over. I tapped the counter three times, alerting Natasha I was leaving and she nodded absentmindedly tapping back that she knew. I walked through the crowd with a lot more ease this time, I think the drink helped soothe the panic of so many people. Wanda squealed when I got to her, pulling me into the circle and dancing around me.

I’d been dragged around by Wanda for around 20 minutes when Natasha slid against my back, pressing a fresh drink into my hand. I murmured my thanks and swayed gently against her leaning almost my full weight to her front. She held me up as the party quiet down eventually pulling me to a sofa where she chats aimlessly with the team, every now and again getting up to refill our drinks.

I was on a nice buzz by the time everybody left around 3 hours later. The entire team remained, including Peter who was staying for the weekend and joined us on the couch. I hadn’t noticed Thor before but now he sat on the floor, resting gently against the couch where Wanda was curled. Her knees were providing a perfect headrest for him. His hammer was on the floor next to him and I turned to Natasha, twisting into her as she looked down.

“Can you lift it?” I asked, my tone low. She shook her head, “Can anyone but Thor?” She shrugged impartially.

“It’s a weird one. Steve can move it kind of and Vision could but I don’t know if he counts.” I frowned. Vision should count; after hearing his story from Wanda I’d grown to respect his memory at a deep level. “Why don’t you try?” She said, smirking down at me. Thor, who had been listening in after he heard his name, laughed loudly and waved his hand towards it in a ‘be-my-guest’ kind of manner.

I stood shakily, seeing the eyes of everybody else on me now and Natasha just shoved me encouragingly towards it. Thor watched wide-eyed as my fingers wrapped around the handle and slowly brought it off the floor. It wasn’t as heavy as I expected it would be, it felt kind of like the weight of a large knife. I turned it in my hands, rolling the handle through my fingers; it was perfectly balanced.

Natasha was staring at me in shock, as was everybody else, but Thor quickly stole it from my hands mumbling about how it should be his and only his. I shrank back into Natasha’s side where she wrapped her arms around me proudly, a smug grin adorning her painted lips.

            “That’s my girl,” She chuckled, pressing a kiss to my head. Sam, Bucky and Peter watched the exchange with loud surprise, more shocked by Natasha’s affection than me lifting the hammer. I simply snuggled further into her side, resting my head against her shoulder.

            Tony rolled his eyes, “Now do you see what I mean when I said J’s managed to tame her!” He exclaimed, whimpering when a knife was thrown to the side of his head. I frowned changing its course with the wind and it ended up much further from his head than Natasha had attempted.

            “Hey!” She exclaimed, “I wasn’t going to hit him!”

            “Well, it’s not nice to throw things at people’s heads.” I retorted. She grumbled something about taming and leant back against the chair taking a long drink.

            I looked around again to find everyone in fits of laughter, Sam had rolled off his chair and onto the floor while Wanda was wheezing above Thor’s head.

            “She has powers if you haven’t guessed,” Tony explained.

            Peter ever excitable jumped up, “Oh! What can you do?”

            Natasha lifted me up and off her as if I was going to burst into flames on top of her. “Tasha, I’m not going to burn you. I already said sorry.”

            The room went silent again. “Yes, she also calls Natasha, Tasha, and gets away with everything. I know big shock, just wait until you see the tapping thing.” Tony again explained as I crawled back onto Natasha’s lap.

            “Oh I saw the tapping thing before I think but I just thought it was a call, receive kind of thing.” Bucky mused watching is both with a teasing smile.

            Bruce shook his head, “No, it’s weird. Even when Veejay was dying she was still tapping back. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s like even unconscious they know to Tap. Natasha tapped back when she was wounded too.” The room erupted in loud exclamation at me dying, confusion as they looked back between me and Bruce. “Yeah, she blew up.” They all stared at him confused as if they were waiting for the punchline of a terrible joke. When it didn’t come the room fizzled into an odd silence, everybody staring at me and probably making the connection with the burn.

            Natasha hugged me closer to her body, shuddering behind me. I tapped her hand softly, I’m still here, she tapped back, I know.

            Peter spoke up eventually, twisting awkwardly on his seat. “Is that your powers, blowing up?” I shook my head laughing.

            “No, to be honest, I don’t really know what they are. I can get really hot, hence why Tasha keeps getting burnt and create fire. And I think I made it rain?” She nodded at that. “And something happened when I died where I was like… in a plant cocoon thing and I can change the direction of the stuff with the wind.”

            Peter went quiet for a minute and then brightened, “So you can control the elements!”

            I stopped, yeah. I guess I could. I never really thought of it like that, Natasha also surprised nodded back silently in agreement. Yeah, I could control the elements, how cool.

            “What do you mean plant cocoon?” Bucky asked after a minute, eyes doubtful.

            Shrugging I rested back against Tasha, “I don’t know, I was dead.” He stared at me for a minute, assessing the bluntness of my answer. Tony darkened the windows as if we were about to watch a movie and pulled something up onto the screen. Natasha froze underneath me, gulping loudly.

            “Yeah, no, I can’t watch this again. Once was enough.” Then picked me up off of her and walked to the bar silently. I watched her go before turning my attention back to the screen. It started at the explosion. Wanda rose to her feet suddenly, excusing herself for the same reason as Natasha.

            I watched as the windows of the cell burst, showering Natasha in the glass but as past me looked up and at her, the flames stopped at the cell wall just short of her body. Then the rain started, which I kind of remember, putting out the flames quickly and then as my body straightened suddenly and a loud bang echoed, everything stopped and I went limp. Past Natasha ran quickly to my body, picking me up and carrying me to the med bay. She put me down on the bed and ran to get Bruce but while she was gone, leaves began wrapping around me. Covering me head to toe. It looked gross, to be honest, but Bucky seemed to find it cool as he gasped. The feed fasts forward about a day and a half, people running in and out until it stopped on Wanda sitting by my bed. The leaves around my feet started smoking and she watched in awe as it travelled up my body but then screams echoed around the room. Everybody winced as my past voice completely filled the silence with pained sobs. Then I stopped, I remember the pain stopping. Then my body began smoking again, the goo that had been left on my body, rising off it in steam. I was screaming again. Natasha had arrived by this point and Wanda was at my head, red whisps flowing from her hands. The memories. The rest of the video was sped up, just me waking up.

            Bucky looked at me in awe. “That was so cool!”

            “No, it wasn’t.” Natasha’s voice came from behind me, she was wiping away tears when I looked up at her tapping the couch thrice. She walked around, curling up next to me with her head above my heart, and tapped my thigh back.

            Tony looked at her sadly and then at Wanda who had trailed back into the room. She paused, looking at me with tears in her eyes and slipped in next to Natasha. Everyone was staring at me and the two girls quietly crying.

            “Okay, I died. I know, I was there, it hurt but can we please stop looking at me like I’m actually dead. I’m fine.” Natasha gripped my shirt a little tighter and Wanda sniffed into Natasha’s leg. “Look, why don’t we play a game or something?”

            Peter shot up, “Oh, let’s play Never Have I Ever!” The rest of the team brightened at that, bringing them away from the morose mood that had encaptured everyone. He faltered when everyone's eyes fell on him. “Oh, erm, am I going first?” We all nodded. “Okay, so… Never Have I Ever… had sex with a girl?”

            A few coughs hid laughs as everyone drank but him and Wanda. Tasha nudged me with a smile and an eyebrow raised. I nodded back at her laughing.

            Steve went next, “Never Have I Ever… eaten frozen yoghurt.” He shrugged at everyone's gaping mouths as we drank. “They didn’t have it in my time.” I tapped Natasha and she tapped back, we were buying him some frozen yoghurt tomorrow.

            Bucky’s was that he’d never been in love. Only Wanda, Steve, Clint and Tony drank to that. Clint had everyone drinking when he said he’d never skateboarded. Wanda said she’d never been to space. Tony and Thor drank. Thor said he’d never been born on earth making us all drink. Tony said he’d never been arrested, which I thought was a lie, but didn’t question as I drank. Again Natasha nudged my shoulder questioningly but I just mouthed later. Natasha grinned on her go and offered the fact she’d never had a bomb in her hip. I groaned but took a sip, it really was going to my head now.  Finally, it was my turn,

            “Never have I ever been on a mission,” I said smirking. They all shouted their objections but took a sip in good spirit. “Okay, I’m going to bed now before I get drunker.” Natasha stood with me but I put a hand on her shoulder, “You can stay.” She frowned but looked back at the teams pleading faces.

            Nodding, she pulled me into a hug and kissed my head. I kissed Wanda’s forehead as I went whispering a soft goodnight before waving at everyone else. My shoes were hurting my feet and as I reached the top step I pulled them off. Walking the rest of the way much more comfortable. I made my way to my room falling onto the bed, after stripping myself of the dress, in just my underwear.

            The pillow still smelt of Natasha and I buried my face into it falling asleep almost instantly. However, I woke up to a drunken giggle and hands shoving at my back. “What?” I groaned, rolling over so I could look at her. She was drunk as I thought and stumbled onto the space I had made. Within seconds she was out of her dress and laid on top of me, head heavy on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” I asked. She nodded sleepily.

            “Just missed you, everyone was talking about you blowing up, wanted to see you.” The explanation for a garbled mess of information but I wrapped my arms around her anyway. “Also, you’re gay!” She squealed in my ear.

            I sighed, my hand going to her hair, hushing her with gentle strokes. “I’m definitely not straight.”

            “And you were arrested,” I confirmed that question too. “So much I didn’t know about you V.” Her words were spoken straight into my skin and I could feel her toned stomach against mine every time she moved.

            “Literally two things, Tash. Two new things.” She mumbled something incoherent and tightened her hold, her face falling right onto my chest.

            “’m comfy.”

            “Good, night Tasha.”

            “Night V”

 

 

 

Notes:

Please let me know what you think

Chapter 13: I Get My First Mission

Chapter Text

When I woke up the next morning, Natasha was in the same place she’d fallen asleep. Right on top of my boobs. I sighed, throwing my head back as the headache came crawling. I needed some water, desperately. Slowly, I shifted from underneath her, letting her head rest on my pillow as I trudged to the bathroom. God, I hated being hungover.

I filled up a glass and grabbed a book from the side before heading back to bed. She seemed to know as soon as I was back because her body reattached to mine as soon as I had laid down. With one arm around her and the other resting the book on her shoulder I read until she shifted on top of me.

“No,” She muttered, pulling the duvet off her head and moving her head to my stomach. “I’m dying,” she moaned. I rolled my eyes turning my attention back to the book. “Why haven’t you got any clothes on? Hey, why don’t I have any clothes on!”

Natasha ripped the covers back and stared at me in confusion. “Don’t look at me. This is my bed, I went to sleep in my underwear. You’re the one who took of her dress and joined me.” She frowned and threw the covers back over her head.

Wanda? I thought loudly. Something shifted in my head alerting me of her presence, Can you bring coffee and pain medication for 2, please? A laugh sounded through my head and then she was gone. 5 minutes later, the door was thrown open and Wanda came in with two coffees and a pack of medication.

“Feeling rough?” She asked, a giggle slipping through. Natasha groaned again against my stomach but lifted her head from under the duvet at the smell of caffeine. “Why are you both in your underwear?”

I growled in frustration, taking a sip of the coffee. “Because this is my bed where I went to sleep in my underwear because I can. Somebody came in much later, stripped, and decided my boobs were the perfect pillow. That is not my fault.” Wanda burst out laughing and Natasha just glared at me before knocking back some medicine and passing me two. “Thanks. Also, you can’t be happy if you’re in here.” I grumbled at Wanda. She grinned and danced out of the room.

Natasha sipped her coffee silently, turning on the TV with her spare hand, and when she finished the cup laid back down on my chest. “They are a good pillow,” she muttered, her eyes closing.

I just ignored her, picked up my book, and went back to reading. “I can’t believe you’ve been arrested…” she mused after a while, eyes fluttering open. “What for?”

“I can’t believe you remember.” I jibed, poked her side. She flinched away, ending up more pressed against me. “I was drunk, some guy was being a bit too…”

“Touchy?” She filled.

“Persistent,” I amended, “And I can’t really remember what happened just that I was in the back of a police car, handcuffed for assault.”

She laughed into my skin. “Badass.”

I shook my head, silently laughing with her.

She pulled the book from my hands and wrapped them around her throwing a leg over mine to leech herself to my body. I tightened my hold on her, pressing a kiss to her hair, “You’re needy when you’re hungover.”

“Well be a good friend and attend to my needs!” I laughed into her head and squeezed her softly against my skin. I felt her eyes close and breathing even, “Can we stay here all day?” I nodded. “Good, love you.”

“Yeah, love you too Tasha,”

 

The next time she woke up was to my stomach rumbling and she rolled off of me looking much brighter. She jumped off the bed, grabbed my bathrobe, and walked out of the room. I put the book back down on the side and followed her, struggling with shorts as I went and a jumper in my hand.

Tony stood in the middle of the kitchen talking to Natasha when I came in and his eyes widened at the lack of clothes on my top half. I laughed and pulled on the jumper as he fumbled around the kitchen refusing to meet my eye.

“You left,” I started when Natasha turned towards me from the cooker. She nodded pointing to the pan where bacon was cooking. “Ou, I’m hungry.”

“Yes, I know that’s why I’m stood here.”

Tony stopped and twirled on his feet, hands on his hips. “Right that’s it, have you put a spell on her or something? Have you swapped her for a carbon copy?” I frowned at him confused while Natasha just rolled her eyes and turned back to the bacon. “She lets you drink her coffee, call her a nickname, you burn her and get asked if you’re okay and now she’s making you breakfast! I’m getting worried.” I grinned at him and leaned my back against Natasha’s back staring at him as he ranted. “Wait,” he paused, a devilish smile creeping upon his face. “Are you sleeping with her?”

I blanched, swallowed, and then choked on my own saliva. Natasha turned around at my coughing and passed me a glass of water, hand gently rubbing up and down my back.

“No, we’re not sleeping together Stark.” She hissed, raising my chin with her finger as she wiped away the tears that had fallen while I was coughing. “I just like someone more than you.”

He snickered and wandered away, “More than anyone,” he sang as he left the room.

Once he left I pulled out of her hold, moving to the chairs at the island while she finished cooking the bacon. She piled some on bread and sandwiched it before cutting it into two perfect triangles. Wanda wandered into the room and her eyes lit up at the sandwich, hand reaching out. But Natasha batted them away softly, placing it in front of me before splitting the rest of the bacon for two more sandwiches. Wanda thanked her and sat next to me, munching quietly while Natasha stood leaning against the side mouth also full.

“I don’t get it,” I started when we’d all finished and were now sipping our drinks. “You make Wanda breakfast and he doesn’t accuse her of sleeping with you.”

            Wanda burst out laughing, eyes crinkled and she spat her tea back into her cup. Natasha passed her a paper towel quickly, smiling affectionately. God, she was such a mum friend. “Just ignore him, Подруга. You finished?” I nodded and she placed the plates into the sink. “Good because we have a mission briefing.”

            “A mission?”

            “Yeah, got a text from Fury as I put the bacon on asking for us two specifically.” Natasha looked as confused as I felt but walked out of the room silently. I looked at Wanda confused but she just shrugged taking another sip of her tea. We stayed like that for a while, silence comfortably filling the kitchen.

            She looked at me once she had finished and nodded to my empty cup, “You need to put on better clothes if you’re going to see Fury, he never meets with anybody so this must be important. Plus, it’s your first mission!” I laughed at her eagerness but agreed silently, I did need to pick something reasonably nice to wear.

            Once I was back in my room I head straight for the shower, washing off the smell of alcohol from yesterday before searching through my closet. Are jeans appropriate? I nodded to myself pulling out a pair of black skinny jeans and a nice top. After a second hesitation, I also pulled out a blazer. Perfect. However, when I put them on I looked more like I was going to a job interview than a briefing. The blazer came off. I groaned loudly in frustration, I now looked too casual. Suddenly, hands reached around me and pulled out a light corduroy jacket.

            “Thanks,” I muttered, tapping her hip before shrugging it on and looking at myself. Much better. Tasha smiled at me in the mirror tapping my shoulder. That’s what I’m here for.

            Once I was happy with my outfit she grabbed my hand and tugged me out the room and out of the apartment part of the base. We ended up back where my original cell used to be but it had been completely renovated, the walls that had once divided the cells had been knocked through making one very long room. A table fit for about 15 people was in the middle and a TV was nailed against the far wall. If I hadn’t been here I wouldn’t have known it had ever been cells at all.

            On one end sat an authoritative-looking man with an eyepatch on one eye. I glanced at Natasha but she shook her head murmuring a soft “Don’t mention it.” I nodded. Eyeing him again, he looked professional but the leather jacket stretched over broad shoulders made him look a tad less formal.

            When we were in eyeliner he stood swiftly, walking over to us with a small smile. “Romanoff,” he greeted, hand raised. She shook it firmly, nodding her head. “And you must be Miss Morris, a lot smaller than I’d imagined.” I scowled at him shaking his hand with a petulant pout. Natasha nudged my shoulder in warning.

            “Nice to meet you, Sir,” She smiled approvingly at the words falling from my lips.

            He grinned. “It’s a pleasure, I watched the tape of your accident. Intriguing I must say. I’m thinking of simulating other instances just to see how your body reacts.” Natasha blanched.

            “No.”

            “No?” He questioned, looking at Natasha as if she’d grown a second head.

            “No,” She confirmed, folding her arms across her chest in defiance. “The whole reason she’s here is that she was being used by HYDRA. SHIELD doesn’t experiment on people and we’re not starting now. Not with her.”

            He smirked at her. “I knew this mission would suit you brilliantly.”

            “I’m sorry?” Natasha’s tone of voice was low, anger seeping in and teasing at the words. I tapped her back inconspicuously and her shoulders relaxed slightly under my touch but she didn’t tap back. “Look Fury, I respect you but if we’re here right now because you’re going to be putting her in dangerous situations just to see if you can mimic her body's response post-explosion we’re going back upstairs.”       The smirk never fell from his lips as he walked back to the table and slid a file across at her. She opened it carefully, the warning clear in her stance. As she read, her eyebrows knit together. “It’s not like that?”

            Fury simply shook his head, a knowing smile on his lips. “It doesn’t have to be. You’re both naturals.”

            She passed the file to me, tapping my fingers three times as a late response from earlier. Inside was a location, a date, and a name. I don’t know how she gathered so much information but she seemed to know what we had to do from the small print on the page.

            “We’re going undercover,” she explained, eyes falling on my face to watch how I’d react. “As a couple.” Oh. There it was. I mean, it couldn’t be that hard could it. Natasha and I had a very tactile relationship anyway, nothing needs to change in the right environment. “On a romantic getaway.” Ah. Couple things. Well, that throws a spanner in the works. I looked at her, eyebrows raised in a silent question. Do you want to? She shrugged, I don’t mind but we don’t really have a choice. I nodded. Well okay then. She tapped my wrist gently. Are you okay with this? I tapped back nodding softly.

            “See, look at you!” Fury exclaimed a large grin on his face. “I knew this would be a piece of cake after I spoke with Tony about your relationship!”

            My head whipped to him, “We’re not in a relationship?”

            He shrugged, “Friendship, same difference. You’re basically just going on holiday, no one is going to question a thing!” I frowned. Did we really act that much like a couple? It’s not like Natasha wasn’t attractive, I just didn’t see her that way. And she didn’t see me like that either. Don’t all best friends get mistaken for couples?

            She took my hand, thumb stroking my knuckles softly to bring me away from my thoughts. “When do we go?” She asked, looking back at Fury.

            “As soon as you’re packed.” With that, he placed a hand on both our shoulders before strolling out the door with a smug expression shouting a goodbye over his shoulder.

 

            Once he was out of hearing distance, Natasha turned to me a serious expression on her face. “Are you comfortable with this? They’re not all like this and it’s your first mission.” I squeezed her hand softly. Honestly, it was probably for the best my first mission was with her. She could calm me down if I panicked and managed to read me ridiculously well when we were fighting.

            “Tash, it could be so much worse. Imagine me trying to act like a couple with Steve… it just wouldn’t happen. I think they’re right pairing us together. I’m definitely excited to indulge in a free holiday with my best friend.”

            “It’s not just a holiday though, we’re working.” She warned a lip tight between her teeth.

            Rolling my eyes, I pulled my hand from hers so that I could walk towards the door. “Yeah working by pretending to be a couple which is going to be pretty simple.”

            She shook her head in frustration. “No, we’re going to be gathering information too.”

            “You’re overthinking this Natasha,” I warned, my voiced louder so it still reached her.

            “You’re being too naïve.” She countered.

            “Oh my god, are we seriously fighting about this?”

            “We’re discussing this, it’s healthy.” Her tone lifted, a fighting edge pulling at her words.

            “No, we’re arguing and I don’t know about you but I’m still hungover. My head is still hurting so please can we stop.” She looked at the floor, her jaw locked, and then nodded walking over to me softly. She reached for my waist pulling me to her and kissing my head.

            “You’re right, I’m sorry. It just stresses me out that you're so chilled about this. We haven’t trained in weeks and you don’t have proper control over your powers yet. I’m just worried.” I leaned my forehead against her collar bone, banging lightly against it.

            “For all the wrong reasons Natasha,” The words fell from my lips exasperated and tired. “I haven’t trained with you but I’ve been training with Clint and Wanda. My control over my powers is the best it’s ever been. I just… is there another reason you don’t want to do this?” The question came from my lips before I even had time to think about what I was saying.

            She looked down at me, kissing my head again and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “I don’t know. I just, what if this complicates things or something happens and I lose you?”

            “Nothing is going to complicate anything. We share a bed most nights anyway and like Fury said our interactions are completely natural, we’re not changing the way we are around each other. And you’re not going to lose me, where are you getting these ideas from?”

            She pulled away to rub at her forehead. “What about if we have to kiss?”

            “What about it?”

            “I just don’t want things to be awkward?”

            “Seriously, your issue is kissing me?” I stared at her in disbelief. I’d kissed many, if not all, of my old friends on nights out. It never changed anything.

            “It’s not that I hate the thought of kissing you I just…” She trailed off into nothing her lips thin and stony.

            I pushed her away from me rolling my eyes. “Just go and pack before you insult me, please.” She nodded, walking past me with an odd expression. “I love you?” I called down the hall after her.

            Natasha turned a weak grin on her face, “Love you too Подруга”

           

            An hour later, Natasha and I stood at the entrance to the base waving goodbye to the team. Wanda was clinging to my hip, “Don’t die. Remember to eat and to wear sunscreen. Call me when you get there so I know you’re both safe. Don’t forget-“

            I placed a hand on her head, pushing her away from me. “Oh my god, you’re worrying as much as Natasha can you both relax please?”

            The boys chuckled lightheartedly, each of them pulling me into a hug. “Stay safe,” they warned.

            “You would’ve thought I was walking into a sea of piranas, not a holiday resort,” I grumbled sliding into the car. Natasha finished putting our cases in the back and stepped into the driver's seat.

            She started the car and turned on the radio softly, “We just care.”

            I knew that but it didn’t make it feel any less strange being mollycoddled by them all. It was just different, something I hadn’t experienced in a long time, and to have it back… it was just strange. Her fingers linked with mine easily when I reached over to the center console, I appreciated the fact they cared it was just an adjustment. The rest of the drive was silent bar from the radio and Natasha’s soft hum every now and again.

            Unsure as to what to expect I like Natasha drag me through customs but it didn’t look like we were going about this any different than a usual commercial flight. She took me through customs and into the main area where we stopped at a small Italian. “Come on girlfriend, it’s dinner time.”

            My teeth bit back the laugh threatening to burst from my lips as I followed behind, pausing as she pulled out my chair. God, she was really going to milk this. Dinner was easy, the same as all our dinners, and Natasha seemed to think so too because her composure dropped and her face softened. We stayed in the restaurant until our flight was called which is when I turned to Natasha.

            “Erm, just a quick update: I’m terrified of flying.”

            “You’re joking…” She replied, face turning stony. I shook my head, walking towards the ticket collector. She grabbed my hand and pulled me back. “That’s it. We’re not going.” I yanked against her grip. She could’ve broken herself out of my grip in seconds but allowed me to pull her through the gate and towards the plane. My hand in hers tightened once we had found our seats. “It’s going to be fine. I fly all the time and I’ve never been on a dodgy flight.”

            She was lying through her teeth but her attempt made me smile. Her spare arm lifted the armrest and I quickly fell onto her, face smashed into her neck. Tasha wrapped both arms around me securely and began talking in Russian as if she knew that it was the vibrations that comfort me rather than the words. I don’t know what she was talking about but she nodded along with herself in places so I presume she was just going over logistics. I’d have to learn one day.

            Before the plane had even taken off, I was quickly lulled to sleep. Only awoken for a brief second when a hostess was talking to Natasha about the armrest being raised during take off. She walked away quickly though and Natasha kissed my hair smugly before resuming her almost silent one-sided conversation.

            I tapped her knee softly, Love you.

            She tapped back, Love you.

 

 

 

Chapter 14: I reinstate my smoking habit

Notes:

Okay, guys there's not much of an excuse for the slow updates seen as it's all be written already but u'm in a weird place mentally and as silly as it sounds uploading takes energy I just don't have so I'm doing my best! Also, the promised sequel is on hold because my adoration for WandaNat has been sparked again and I have so many idea's for the two of them (including my own idea's on how the Russo's could TOTALLY bring Tasha back to life) so I'm going to begin that story.
Love you all thanks for reading as always,
Maisie

Chapter Text

 

 

I woke up to the plane landing and Natasha pressing kisses to my hair with a hand stroking my temple slowly. “Hey,” She whispered, resting her cheek on my head.

            “Hi,” My voice was croaky, the words crawled from my throat dryly. Natasha, ever observant, passed me a bottle of water which I took and drank immediately. “Were you bored?”

            She shook her head at my question, pointing to the file in front of her. “No, I was going over the notes, constructing plans, and reading over background information.”

            “Background information?”

            She chuckled, nodding her head as her hands brushed the hair from my cheek. “Yes, we’re not actually together but if we’re going to a couples resort we’re going to be asked a lot of questions about who asked who and when it happened etc. That background information plus also looking up the past files on the people we’re tailing.”

            I thought we were just gathering intel, I shook my head at myself of course we would be following people the information needed to come from somewhere. Natasha had paused as if waiting for my brain to catch up. I tapped her three times letting her know it was okay to continue.

            “So, you’re just going to go by V, it’s not far from the truth because nobody even knows who you are. Complete advantage point. I, however, will go by Jay – get it? –“ her body shook with silent laughter as I stared at her incredulously, she has to be joking. “Nah, I’m kidding my name will be Rachel. We’ve been together just over a year, again I’m sticking as close as I can to the truth. We met at work, you were a new intern and I was showing you the ropes. I asked you out. I think everything else can be made up as we go.”

            I nodded, she kind of looked like a Rachel if I squinted. I pulled out of her arms and leaned back to stare at her, yes she could definitely pass as a Rachel. She was frowning at me but when the plane dropped slightly in descent I squeaked and landed back in her arms. She laughed silently, pushing back my hair,

            Her fingers tapped my temple three times. I’m here, it’s okay.

            The plane landed and we quickly made our way out of the terminal and towards the rental cars. Natasha quickly pulled out the keys to a white Vauxhall and slid into the drivers side. I followed suit, only slightly confused as to when she had received the keys, and watched out the window as she drove off. It always amazed me that despite where we were Natasha knew where she was going. It’s as if she memorizes everywhere we go before we have even got there, taking in optional routes just in case of emergency. Her driving, impeccable as always, was quickly adapted to the European style. Patient in traffic and fast in merging.

            Her head turned and flashed me a cocky grin as if she knew what I was thinking and pulled the car into a faster gear pressing on the gas. “They still have driving restrictions here!” I exclaimed as we speeded and dodged other cars. She simply laughed and turned off at the next junction.

            After about 20 minutes of small talk and going over our history, Natasha pulled into a massive resort. The structure was white marble and the doors were as tall as lamp posts. She simply grinned at me, pulled effortlessly into a parking spot, and turned grabbed her bag from the back. A wig was taken out and quickly placed on her head, dark hair now covering the red curls I’d learned to look for. After that she pulled out a bottle of perfume, spraying her neck and wrists lightly.

            “You don’t wear perfume?” I asked, frowning. I’d never seen her wear perfume in my life, not even when we went to Starks parties. When I’d asked her about it she launched into a massive rant about how recognizable you are from perfume and even the lightest spritz can linger for hours.

            “No,” she grinned, “but your girlfriend Rachel does. I hope you like it.” I rolled my eyes at her but leaned forward sniffing at her collar. It smelt expensive and expensive was always nice. I nodded. “Good, let’s go check-in.”

            The man at the front desk seemed completely infatuated with Natasha, stumbling over his words and blushing furiously. My head was pressed against her shoulder laughing quietly as she huffed in frustration. Finally, after fumbling for 10 good minutes, he pulled out a room key and assigned some workers standing by to help with our luggage. We walked slowly to the elevator, it truly was a beautiful hotel. Once we were alone in the safety of the metal box I burst out laughing while Natasha just scowled next to me.

            The room was as posh as the entrance hall. White walls with plants adorning almost every surface. A large flat screen was placed on the wall opposite the huge kingsized bed. There was a small balcony that overlooked the beach next to the hotel and a bathroom double the size of the one at the base. It truly was luxury at its finest.

            Natasha began unpacking straightaway, sorting through our clothes and toiletries while I wandered around. She looked up halfway through: “Fancy running to the shop downstairs and picking up some snacks for the room?” I nodded.

            The shop was small but fully stocked with anything and everything you might need. I picked up some crisps, water and when I was at the till picked up a 20 pack of cigarettes. I hadn’t smoked since I was taken for the experiment but with the heat of the country and the drinks begging for my attention, one wouldn’t hurt.

            When I got back Natasha had finished unpacking and was stood on the balcony in shorts and a bikini top. She turned at my entrance and flashed me a grin.

            “Good choices now go get dressed, there’s a drink with my name on it. Plus I’ve found our friends for the week.” There was a bikini and shorts already on the bed with a shawl thrown carefully on top. I changed quickly and shoved the cigarettes in my pocket before following her outside and to the bar.

            “Drinks for Rachel?” The barman questioned when we got there. I looked at her shocked but she just grinned, there really were drinks waiting with her name on them. She took them, passing me the whiskey ginger, and pulled me by the hand to a young couple who were sat at an empty table.

            The woman had dirty blonde hair that hung straight down her back while the man’s hair was buzzed short. He had a scowl playing on his face but as soon as Natasha swanned up to the table it twisted into a flirtatious smile. Does everybody look at her like she’s a piece of meat, Christ?

            “Can we join you? We’ve just got here and we’re looking for people who know the area, right babe?” Natasha turned to me with a coy smile, swinging our hands gently.

            “Right, we aren’t here long and don’t want to miss anything.” His gaze turned to me and then our joint hands, the scowl returned but the woman stood quickly. She shoved him away and hugged Natasha and then myself before pulling out the chairs.

            “Oh of course! It would be nice to have some familiar faces around here, to be honest!” She sat back down with a large smile. “I’m Amanda, this is Rick, and you are?”

            Natasha brought my hand up to kiss it, “This is my girlfriend V, short for Vanessa, and I’m Rachel. It’s lovely to meet you both we appreciate your kindness.” I stared at her in slight shock. We’d never spoken about my potential name just that V can stay. Also, since when was she so cordial. So… polite. The charm worked though and the man started to relax however as more drinks got passed around the cigarettes in my pocket seemed to get heavier.

            Like always she knew exactly what I was thinking, despite the fact I never thought she saw the packet in the first place and passed me a lighter with a soft smile. I pulled the cigarettes out of my pocket and lit it quickly, inhaling with a sigh. She didn’t say anything but I had a feeling we would talk about this later.

            Rick stared at the cigarette and almost shyly asked for one. I nodded as Natasha pushed the pack in his direction.

            “How long have you two been together, I’ve only ever seen people communicate so silently yet so well in much older couples,” Amanda asked, her tone light but full of jealousy. I smiled at Natasha accidentally breathing smoke straight into her face.

            “Only a year but I’m still learning so much about her that it feels like only yesterday.” Natasha’s tone was not so light, a warning hesitant under the words as was the double meaning.

            “Yeah, we were friends first and it went from there, I guess,” I muttered, stubbing out the cigarette my mood dampened at her words. Amanda took it and rolled with it, asking question after question about our ‘relationship.’ Natasha, ever the natural, answered everything without pausing to think and the smile never fell from her lips but even I could tell she was getting tired.

            I lifted my drink up and finished it quickly. “I’m tired, baby.”

            Natasha looked up at me and if I didn’t know her so well I wouldn’t have noticed the briefest look of shock surpass her features. She then nodded her head and finished her drink, laying a few bills on the table.

            “So we’ll see you at breakfast then?” Amanda nodded in confirmation at Natasha and waved her hand in goodbye as Rick offered a smile. “C’mon then, let’s get you to bed.” She took my hand and guided us back to the hotel. I really wasn’t lying when I said I was tired but I was also tired of the anxiety building in my stomach from Natasha’s aversion to the cigarettes before.

            We arrived in silence, like our walk back, and got dressed equally as quietly. I was done first and slid under the duvet to turn on the TV while Natasha finished in the bathroom. When she was done she got under and passed me her arm.

            “Can you please stop with the silence,” I begged, watching my fingers trace over the odd freckle on her arm.

            “No, I’m mad at you.”

            “Why because I had a cigarette? I’m 25, Natasha, I can smoke if I want to.”

            She groaned and threw her spare arm over her face. “It’s not because you smoked it’s because you didn’t tell me you smoked. Hell, I smoke every now and then. I just… I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me things V, I want to get to know you but I keep finding everything out when you’re drunk.”

            “Tasha, I tell you everything but you’re only going to learn some things as they happen. I don’t have a diary I can read to you or offer a play by play of my life. I can’t teach you everything there is to know about me when I don’t know everything myself. We’re learning together, just like I’m learning about you, okay?”

            She nodded into her arm but didn’t move it until I reached over and pulled it to me. It made me smile when she was like this. Barefaced and completely herself. Able to talk about her insecurities and show me who she was behind the façade.

            “So,” she started, wrapping the arm around my waist, “What did you think of Amanda and Rick?” It was my turn to groan, I rolled over and into her body so my back was to her chest. “I know but we need to get those codes so that means we’re going to have to be the best holiday friends ever.”

            I turned my attention back to the TV but I couldn’t fall asleep, all the tiredness had fallen away after our conversation.

            “Tasha…” I drawled, my fingers back on her arm.

            “Yes?”

            “Will you read to me again?” She chuckled against my back but stood up to find the book in her bag.

            “Do you understand it?” She questioned once she was back in bed, on her back now so I could place my head on her chest.

            I shook my head, “But your voice is comforting.” Natasha hugged me a little closer and opened the book, kissing my head before she started. Ten minutes later my eyes were drooping so I tapped her hip softly goodnight, she tapped back in response and I fell asleep.

 

            When I woke up in the morning, Natasha had moved around in her sleep so her body was folded carefully around me. The perfume, as she had predicted, had lingered and as nice as the smell was it was covering up the scent I had grown to adore in the last few months. I pulled her arm closer to my face and in a moment of weakness took a deep breath.

            “Are you sniffing me?” Her voice pressed against my shoulder as I jumped slightly at the sudden noise. I shrugged and kept her arm pressed to my nose. “You are, you weirdo.”

            Natasha didn’t move her arm though so we stayed in that position until her alarm went off ten minutes later. She wiggled out from behind me, laughing at the whine I let out when a sudden draft hit my back. Clothes hit my face and I pushed them off scowling up at her smiling face.

            “Get dressed, I promised that we’d have breakfast with Amanda and Rick.” My scowl darkened but I did as she asked before joining her brushing her teeth. As we brushed, she ran a hand through my hair smoothing it out with a soft smile full of toothpaste. She finished first and moved me so that I was sitting on the toilet while she braided my hair. I finished brushing my teeth as she tied the hairband and placed a kiss on the top of it like she had the night of my breakdown. “Beautiful.”

            I smiled at her through the mirror and tugged at her dark locks three, You’re beautiful. She simply smiled back and picked up the door key, waiting patiently as I tied up my trainers.

            Once we were sat at the table each with our breakfast, Amanda began talking endlessly about her planned day. Snorkeling with the club offered through the hotel and then a tour around the local city. The tour was the only bit that sounded enticing. Natasha reached over to my plate and stole a piece of bacon while Amanda was talking, lithely dodging my batting hand and coming away with the bacon unharmed. She grinned at me cheekily as she chewed, looking back at the chatty woman in fake interest.

            “Well that sounds lovely,” Natasha started once the woman had quietened. I swapped our plates quickly, knowing she wanted more bacon and I had been eyeing up the fruit in her bowl since she had it. She tapped the table in acknowledgment and appreciation before continuing talking. “I think we might join you on the tour, what do you say babe?”

            I faltered for a minute, still adjusting to the nickname but nodded softly. It really did sound interesting. “Yeah, I’d like that. Oh! We can find somewhere that does homemade ice cream!” Natasha let out a barking laugh and quietly nodded in agreement before going back to the bacon. The ice cream comment had set Amanda off again on another long-winded story and by the time this one had finished we had all finished our breakfast.

            “Okay, well shall we meet you at the reception at 2 PM?” I asked, welcoming the opportunity to ask the question. Amanda nodded, opening her mouth but I beat her to it. “Well, I need to shower before then, I want the morning at the beach. You coming, Rach?”

            Natasha nodded her head and pushed at her chair letting it scrape along the floor, I winced at the sound. “Sorry baby,” she muttered, pressing a kiss to my cheek. She waved at the other two at the table and followed me out.

            When we were back in the room, Natasha jumped in the shower quickly and I headed out to the balcony pulling out the pack of cigarettes from yesterday. I lit one and quickly took a drag, staring out at the view in silent thought. It was so strange hearing the terms of endearment from Natasha, she just didn’t seem like the pet-name kind of person. But the words fell from her lips naturally. Back before HYDRA, I had a small group of friends who all called everyone babe/baby, it had started as a joke and then kind of stuck. It was never romantic just a platonic joke and comforting term but it sounded so much different in Natasha’s low tone.

            Hands wrapping around me broke me from my reverie and Natasha plucked the cigarette away, dancing away with it in her hands. She took a small toke and fit herself next to me looking over at the beach as she smoked. Once it was finished, she stubbed it out in the ashtray and kissed my cheek as if I had offered her the half-smoked cigarette in my hand.

            “Yeah, it’s fine, I didn’t want that,” I mocked as I stepped into the bathroom.

            “I’m saving your lungs you should be thanking me.” I glared at her in response and stepped into the shower.

            “Well next time, you can save my lungs by stealing your own,” I shouted over the stream of water. She wandered into the bathroom fully dressed and perched on the toilet phone in hand.

            “That would do neither of us any good.” Her response was slow as if it had come from deep thought and not just due to the distraction in her hand. I washed my hair while she was sat there, tapping away at her phone and verbally talking through any new information the team had sent her.

            “You plan on staying there for my entire shower?” I asked, smirking at her while washing out the conditioner. She looked up briefly nodding her head before going back to the phone, muttering something about sharing information. “You may as well have joined me.”

            That did make her lookup. Her eyebrows were raised and a smirk danced at her mouth. “Are you propositioning me, Morris?”

            I laughed loudly, “Just thinking of the environment Romanoff.”

            She grinned, looking back down at her phone as I stepped out and wrapped myself in a towel. I had just finished getting dressed when Natasha walked up and hugged me close to her body, face in my neck and a soft kiss on my shoulder.

            “Not that I’m complaining but what’s this for?” I asked, my arms already around her shoulders pulling her closer.         

            Natasha simply smiled into my shoulder and kissed it again. “You’re just my best friend.”

            I turned my head and pressed a feather-light kiss to her neck. “And you’re mine.”

           

Chapter 15: I Find Fake Relationships Hard

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The morning passed quickly, Natasha took her book to the pool and read quietly while I managed a few more levels of Candy Crush in the sun. Suddenly she turned to me, face soft and tranquil; “This is nice.”

I nodded at her, passing her the phone in silent demand to finish the level I had been battling with for the last few hours. She took it happily, swiping around on the screen for a few minutes before passing it back with a triumphant grin. “Shut up.”  Natasha grinned at the petulance in my tone but stood quickly and headed to the bar a few steps away.

She passed me a drink on the way back and watched with a smile as I stared at it confused. It was pink in colour but looked to have leaves and limes all the way through it. Her head cocked as she nodded towards it. It was gorgeous. A mojito, clearly but with an underlying hit of sweetness.

“Never too early for alcohol, baby.” She grinned bringing her own up to tap against mine before taking a sip. I took another drink, washing it round in my mouth trying desperately to figure out what else was in it. “It’s grenadine now come on I got these to go, we have to meet tweedled dum and tweedled dee at the reception in ten minutes.”

Her back cracked when she stood, averting my eyes to the dip as they grazed down her body. She truly was beautiful. “Stop looking at me like I’m a piece of meat.” She grumbled, a light glare toying on her face. Heat rose to my cheeks and I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly.

“Can’t help myself when my best friend is looking that good,” Her eyebrows rose slightly at the comment but took my hand as we walked back.

“Something you need to tell me? First propositioning me in the shower and now you’re drooling at the sight of me. The romance too much for you?” Her comment was complete with a shove of her shoulder against mine while I fumbled for an answer. Both incidences were completely accidental. I didn’t see her like that but even I knew when someone was hot, best friend or not.

Instead of attempting an excuse I simply stuck out my tongue and swung our arms a little more. We reached the city in no time after finding the correct bus, Amanda sat in front of us chatting aimlessly the entire journey while Natasha gave noncommittal responses.

Coincidentally, there was an ice cream shop right next to the bus stop and we all blundered in. The other three seemed exhausted from the heat already but my body was cool and at its natural temperature. Natasha seemed to notice, throwing me halfhearted glares while we were in the queue.

We all got our ice creams quickly, licking them desperately to try and race the heat that was melting them much faster. But it just ended up in me being covered in chocolate ice cream. Natasha took one look at my face and smirked with a raised eyebrow. I groaned and went for the tissue but she stopped me, daring a quick look to my face before reaching over and placing her lips on the side of my mouth licking the chocolate that was there. I froze as her lips made contact but she either didn’t notice or decided it wasn’t important and simply moved her lips to the other side to continue.

Amanda made a soft sound and was grinning when Natasha pulled away with a satisfied hum. “Oh, you two are just so cute! Again!”

I frowned. Who asks somebody to kiss someone, if you could even call that a kiss, just because it’s cute. Still, I lifted my head and attached our lips properly before Natasha even had the chance to think about it. She gasped slightly into my mouth but pressed back hesitantly moving her mouth with mine. I pulled back with a smirk. Two can play at that game.

“Oh Rick, do you remember when we were like that?” He simply looked at her and rolled his eyes, pressing a small kiss to her cheek. How he put up with her, I had no idea but my eyes were locked on Natasha.

She was looking at me strangely, her mouth parted slightly as if ready to say words that weren’t coming. Then shook her head and forced a grin on her face.

“We’re going to go shopping, shall we meet here later for dinner?” She said, her tone level and tense. Amanda nodded and pulled Rick away quickly towards some stall a few meters away. Natasha then turned to me with her eyebrows high. “You kissed me.” She squeaked.

I nodded confused, “Yes baby, that’s what people do when they’re in relationships.” She looked put out for a second and nodded with a smirk. She stood, threw all our rubbish in the bin and when she came back pressed a chaste kiss to my lips before dragging me around the town. Often pointing at things in excitement as we went but she didn’t kiss me again. Not that I really wanted her to but it felt nice. It felt right to be kissing her.

She paused outside a jewelry stool and turned to talk to the woman in perfect Spanish. The woman responded joyfully and turned behind her. Natasha turned me around gently and pointed to something in the opposite direction. A terrible form of distraction but she managed it. The woman said something in Spanish and Natasha turned me back round softly. There laying on a mat were two rings. One had a black and red stone, the other had four smaller ones each one a different colour to represent the elements. It was me and Natasha in rings.

She grinned at me playfully and picked up my right hand to place the black and red on onto my fourth finger. “I hereby promise to be your best friend for as long as I can.”

I picked up the other, “I promise to be your best friend for even longer.” She frowned and took off my ring.

“I promise to be your best friend forever,”

“We’re not doing this right now the sentiment was sweet don’t ruin it.” She just grinned up at me and linked our hands and the rings bumped against each other softly.

“Hey,” I muttered when we were walking back to the ice cream parlor where Amanda and Rick would be waiting. Natasha hummed in acknowledgment. “I know we’re here on business but I feel like we should have one night of fun.”

She nodded her head and that was that. Dinner was nice, a small restaurant that served excellent paella. It was only when we reached dessert and a bowl of ice cream was placed in front of me that Natasha moved slightly on her chair, eyeing me darkly.

I grinned up at her, “Want some baby?”

A quiet noise that sounded more like a growl hitched at the throat but she nodded and leaned forward to press her lips to mine. “Mm, chocolate.”

Amanda grinned from opposite the table but I couldn’t take my eyes off Natasha yet and neither, it seemed, could she. She stole one more kiss and then pulled the bowl towards herself.

 

            That night, we were drinking with Amanda and Rick and after our conversation earlier Natasha decided that we were allowed one night of fun to get drunk. She took that very seriously. After copious amounts of shots and drinks, her hand fell on my thigh squeezing softly. I looked up at her, begging to refuse the heat that had shot down my body.

            “You’re pretty,” She husked, her eyes dropping to my lips. I mimicked her, god I want to kiss her and not just because Amanda and Rick were right in front of us. Maybe because of the alcohol. Definitely because of the alcohol.

            “You’re beautiful,” I responded honestly, my eyes had settled on her top lip. She paused and then leaned down suddenly, pressing her lips against mine properly. Her hand on my thigh just trailed up and down as we kissed, creating a line of goosebumps under her fingers. Her tongue danced along my bottom lip until I opened my mouth in invitation. God, she tasted divine even with all the alcohol.

            After a second, she hissed softly when my teeth went for her bottom lip and pulled away. “I’m sorry,” she said to the couple across from us, “We really should be heading to bed, it’s getting late.” And with that dragged me away from the table. Almost as soon as we had turned the corner though she pushed me against the wall, reconnecting our lips as her hands went to my hair.

            I kissed her back just as hard, pulling her closer at the waist until one of her thighs rested firmly between my legs. A whine left my mouth as she disconnected out lips, pulling my head to the side to attack my neck. The next time she pulled back, her lips were puffy and her eyes bright with the influence of arousal and alcohol.

            She grabbed my hand and we made our way back to the hotel room quickly both giddy in anticipation.

            Once we got there she opened the door quickly, pushed me in and against the closed door letting out a soft mewl as my teeth sunk into her bottom lip. She picked me up, my legs around her waist and her hips grinding ever so softly against me. I gasped at the sensation, moving my lips to her neck to smother the whimpers escaping me. It was until I felt the bed underneath me did I realise we had moved.

            Natasha clawed at my top, pulling it up and off my head as her hands caressed my ribs softly. I pulled her over so I was on top and slowly slid her top off, kissing from her neck down to her chest in careful motion. It was only when I reached the top of her breast that she pushed me back. Chest heaving and legs squeezed together.

            “What?” I asked around panting breaths. She simply shook her head and I climbed off her quickly to sit next to her, a hand to her hair.

            Her head was quick to move to my lap as she wrapped her arms around my waist, “We can’t. I… You’re my best friend, I don’t want to ruin this because I’m drunk and horny.” She had a point. I leaned down to rest my forehead against hers, nodding against her. But she twisted her head. “V, if you come any closer I will not have any more restraint left to give.”

            I chuckled but kissed her head and sat back up, leaning back against the headboard as she curled around me. “I’m sorry,” I whispered after we had regulated our breathing and were simply laying in silence.

            “Don’t be sorry V. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to. I just think we need to finish this mission and then…”

            “Each other?” I quipped. Her face turned towards me with dark eyes.

            “Stop it.” She warned. “But yes, I guess. Figure this out when we’re not in such a… stimulating environment. I’m not saying I kissed you because we’re staying in a couples resort, acting like a couple and surrounded by sensual things. But we’ve drunk a lot and we do have that going on around us. I just don’t think that helped. Hell, before this I never even saw you that way. Sure you’re beautiful but you’re my best friend, you know?”

            I nodded at her completely understanding and in agreement. She sat up and turned on the TV before walking into the bathroom stripping as she goes. It was strange, knowing what she was doing in the bathroom and knowing I was the cause. Nice even. I just wished she wasn’t doing it in the bathroom… or to herself.

            Fuck, where had these thoughts come from? My hair shook as I tried to clear my head from Natasha’s soft noises from earlier. She came out 15 minutes later, her hair damp from the shower and cheeks flushed. Beautiful.

            She crawled back into bed and laid on her side facing me. “I like us the way we are, V” I nodded at her, gulping at her close proximity and she leaned forward to press her lips to mine so softly it was barely even noticeable. “I like doing that too though. Consider it one for the road.”

            The pillow that had been in my hand came to my face harshly as I groaned into it. “You can’t do that!” She simply laughed and rolled away, throwing her arm my way and tapping me 3 times. I want you too, be patient, I’m not going anywhere.

            I tapped back out of instinct and then stood to walk to the bathroom. Natasha’s voice floated through though, making the cold temperature pretty much ineffective. “No invitation this time?”

            Ignoring her, I washing up, getting into bed as soon as I was done. The alcohol in my system warmed me uncomfortably and I shifted so that the cover only covered my waist. Natasha was staring at me when I turned to look at her, smiling as I fought with the duvet. But I could feel a lump in the back of my throat as my eyes caught hers.

            “Come here,” she whispered, opening her arms for me to roll into. I did, my face pressed into her neck. Tears welled in my eyes and whether it be from the alcohol or her rejection I didn’t know but she held me anyway.

            After a few minutes, I pulled back and she wiped at my tears softly. “Can we just forget about tonight?” The question was quick to leave my mouth but the regret made a home in my stomach as I watched her face drop. But she still nodded and left her thumb stroking my cheek. I nodded back unable to say anything more and let my body fall against hers exhausted by both the emotions and the alcohol.

            My eyes were falling closed when she pressed a long kiss to my hair sighing softly and tapping my hip thrice. I love you always. I tapped her back pressing against her more firmly.

 

            The next morning was odd. I woke up as usual to Natasha underneath me, a book in her hand and the other brushing my shoulder softly but she didn’t speak when I moved on top of her, only let her hand fall back to the bed. She’s mad, regrets what happened yesterday. What if she never speaks to me again, what if she calls the mission in early and speaks to Tony about moving out of the base?

            Sensing my panic, her hand raised again to continue stroking my shoulder but the sigh that left her lips sounded more exasperated than comfortable. I frowned and pulled away from her silently, making my way to the bathroom without looking at her.

            She came in halfway through my shower to brush her teeth and still didn’t look at me properly. I let the tears fall because through the condensation and water running she wouldn’t have been able to tell I was crying. God, this is exactly what she was worried about.

            I got out of the shower once she had left and changed quickly, avoiding her gaze when I stepped on the balcony for a cigarette. She walked out a second later, coming to rest behind me with her head on my shoulder. “Can we talk?”

            Breathing out the smoke, I nodded silently refusing to turn to look at her. She reached into the pack and brought a cigarette to her lips as I brought up the lighter. It was so easy with her, everything we did was as simple as breathing. She moved and I followed, I didn’t even need to ask to know what she needed and vice-versa. This is why I knew this talk could truly end badly, the tears built in my eyes again.

            “Please don’t leave me,” I choked, flicking at the ash as I tried to hide the tears. “I know that’s not fair to ask but please Natasha, you’re my best friend.”

            She gaped at me. “V, that was never my plan. Ever.” Her eyes were wide with honesty as she wrapped her arms around me, her face burrowing into my wet hair. “You’re an idiot. All I was going to say is that last night… was wrong like you said. We were caught up in the moment and we were drunk and that there are no mixed feelings. You’re my girl, just not my girlfriend. I love you, just not like that. Okay? Please stop crying baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

            I nodded and used her t-shirt to wipe my eyes. “That was gross,” she muttered as she pulled away. “Exactly the reason we are never going to be a thing.” She pulled another drag off the cigarette as she smirked and I stuck my tongue out at her before finishing my own. “You’re a bad influence, I haven’t smoked in years.”

            “C’mon bestie, I’m hungry” She chuckled at my request but followed me out of the door anyway and I’m pretty sure the word ‘bestie’ tugged at both our stomachs in a similar fashion.

 

 

 

Notes:

Oh my god, i remember writing this chapter and the relief was so real. Finally, a kiss. Finally.

Chapter 16: I Can Breath Under Water?

Chapter Text

We walked to breakfast silently, offering small observations until we reached Amanda and Rick already seated at a table for four. Natasha smiled at them as she led me to the large array of food; fixing herself some fruit while I piled on a traditional breakfast both of us knowing that we would be sharing.

            The table was oddly quiet when we sat down, their faces were pinched with something akin to worry and they were silent as we began eating. It was only when Natasha breached the topic of today’s plans that Amanda perked up.

            “Oh yes, today we plan on staying by the pool and relaxing in the sun before we take up more time exploring. Honestly, I’m shocked I’ve never been here before and I’m so lucky we have the opportunity. Oh, honey! We have our couples spa today, you two should join us it would be lovely.” Her voice was high-pitched and sounded far too forced to be sincere but Natasha smiled at her with a nod.

            “You’d love that wouldn’t you babe, unfortunately, though I’m going to have to trust you with V here. She’ll keep you company, I got a phone call from a family member this morning and it’s a bit of a crisis so I’m stuck in the room all day.” I frowned at Natasha but she simply pressed a kiss to my cheek. “It was before you woke up, gorgeous. I was going to tell you later it’s nothing to worry yourself about just yet.”

            With that, Amanda was off on one of her many long-winded tales and Natasha had swapped our plates biting at the bacon that I had left for her. She was leaving me. With them. After what happened yesterday. She seemed to sense my distress though and reached for my hand, squeezing it three times. It’s okay, I have a plan, I’m sorry for not telling you. I managed to squeeze back but I was still upset and quickly excused myself from the table, complaining of stomach ache.

            Natasha came into our room about 15 minutes later while I was stood on the balcony, cigarette unlit but twirling through my fingers. She reached me quickly, wrapping her arms around me from behind and sighing into my shoulder.    

            “I truly was going to tell you –“

            “I should fucking hope so, you can’t just spring on me that you’re going to leave me alone with two HYDRA agents all day. God, you’re dense sometimes. This is a lovely holiday but we’re still working Natasha, as you like to remind me so often, and those people… they tortured me. They honest to god put me through hell and you just decide that it’s okay to not tell me I’ll be spending the entire day alone with them.” Her arms had dropped from when I had pulled out of her grip, now hanging low by her sides as her face twisted into one of guilt.

            Her hand raised to her hair, tugging the curls until they were straight and then letting them bounce back. “Yeah, I didn’t think of it like that.”

            “No, I’m not surprised. It’s all about the job, isn’t it.” She frowned and hurt swept across her face quickly.

            “Are we still arguing about last night?” She asked her voice small.

            I shook my head, groaning in frustration. “Oh my god, Natasha get over it. We kissed okay. We were drunk and we kissed, it happens hell it’s happened with all my old friends. You’re not special. This has nothing to do with that and everything to do with the fact that you’re dropping me in a sea full of sharks.” Now she really was hurt. I noticed the exact moment her face turned impassive and her eyes went blank. Shit. “Look, Tasha-“          

            “Don’t. Not right now. Look, it doesn’t have to be today but in the next few days, you need to keep them occupied so that I can go and get that flash drive. The sooner it happens the sooner we’re done with this. Okay?” Her tone of voice was completely emotionless, her stance in work mode as if I was just another agent on a mission with her.

            I nodded and she turned away, heading straight for her book and out of the door. It was just about to swing closed when she paused in the doorway. “Let me know when the time is best for you.”

            The words sounded like they had a double meaning, the sneer in her voice only confirmed it but as soon as the door sounded with a bang I fell into one of the plastic chairs on the balcony and let a shaky breath escape. My phone in my pocket rang softly and I grabbed for it hastily, frowning when I saw Wanda’s picture pop up.

            “Hello?” I answered she squealed.

            “Hi, how’s it going? Tell me everything! I miss you the base has been kind of quiet without you but we’re thinking of transferring back as soon as you two return!”

            God, I missed her, she truly was the little sister I never had. “It’s okay, we’ve found the people we need. Think we’re going to be home sooner than we thought.”

            “What happened, Veejay. I know that tone of voice.”

            “Nothing.”

            I could almost hear her frown on the phone. So I sighed and told her everything, from what had happened last night to five minutes ago. She listened without speaking only offering ‘yeah’ and ‘no's in all the right places and finally when I was done she took a deep breath.

            “You like her?” She asked. No, I didn’t. It was Natasha, she was my best friend. Sure, her lips were soft and her voice was smooth and god she was attractive but her being enticing was everything that made her so perfect for her missions. I shook my head and then, realising she couldn’t see me, verbalized my response. “J, this is complicated and I really wish you saw yourself when you’re with her because I think it would make things so much easier. But I can’t tell you what to do, it’s something you both need to figure out. For now, I’d suggest just going along with her plan. It wasn’t fair for her to throw this at you without talking to you about it first but you were also sort of a bitch about it.”

            I already knew that. After finished our conversation, I did what she asked and headed downstairs to hopefully find her. After trailing around the pool for some time, I spotted her sat off to the side with her book to her face but her eyes closed. She just looked so sad that it broke my heart.

            Amanda and Rick were sat next to her but she didn’t seem like she was engrossed at all in their conversation only looking up when I covered her with my shadow. She pouted at me pathetically, a glare in her eyes but her face so damn sad. Smiling at Rick and Amanda, I perched gently next to her, placing my hands on both of her cheeks so she couldn’t look away.

            “I’m sorry,” I whispered, pressing my lips to hers very briefly. “I was a dick and you didn’t deserve it. I should’ve spoken to you, not shouted at you. I’m happy with your plan for the day.”

            She just stared up at me, eyes wide and that stupid pout still on her face. But slowly, it morphed into a very soft smile. “I forgive you. I’m sorry too, I should’ve spoken to you about it before.” I nodded at her and rested my forehead against hers sighing gently onto her face. “Forgive me?”

            I nodded, her smile morphed into a grin and she leaned up to kiss the corner of my mouth. “I hate when we fight,” she mumbled against my skin.

            “Me too baby,” Then I leaned back out, raising my voice slightly. “Do you want to sort out that family of yours now that I’m back because I sure don’t want to be getting involved.” I winked at Amanda and she just gave me a knowing look and eyed Rick playfully.

            Natasha sat up and pulled me between her legs hugging me against her body tightly, I twisted slightly so I could hug her back. With me curled up between her legs, my head resting on her chest, she picked up the book and began reading, the book resting against my back. “Maybe later,” she whispered, kissing my head softly, “I want my V time.”

           

            It was an hour later that Natasha finally pushed me away from her body, sweat-slick between both of us. “That’s gross,” she muttered, pulling her towel against her body. I grinned up at her watching as she tried to wipe it away. She looked at me, a soft glare playing on her face. “I think you need to cool down,”

            Her smile was completely predatory as she wrapped her arms around my body lifting me up easily and walking over to the pool edge. “Don’t,” I warned. She simply pressed a kiss to my cheek and launched my body over the side, straight into the water. I hit it with a small splash, my powers going haywire at the adrenaline bursting through my body. But I managed to focus it soley on the water, creating a small air bubble for myself as I sunk to the bottom.

            After a minute or two, I pushed off the pool floor allowing the bubble to burst as I broke the surface of the water. Only to find Natasha staring down in horror and concern.

            She grabbed me out of the water and wrapped her arms tight around me. “Don’t ever do that again, I thought something was seriously wrong. Oh my god, V. You scared the shit out of me.” The words were warm against the skin of my neck but the kisses she pressed thereafter every sentence were desperate.

            I pulled away from her taking her face back into my hands, “Hey, I’m okay baby. I’m here. I’ve just gotten a lot better at holding my breath. I didn’t mean to worry you.” She nodded and leant forward to kiss my lips softly. I separated them quickly but kept her close, her breath hitting my mouth. “Go take that phone call, I’ll be waiting for you to get back.”

            Natasha nodded and hugged me once again now seeming to click on to the fact that my powers helped while I was under the water. “Love you,” she whispered when she stepped back.

            “I love you too, now go.” Her body got smaller in the distance but her head kept turning to glance back at me. I smiled back at her every time until she was too far away and then turned back to Amanda and Rick.

            Amanda had been watching with a small smile on her face, cheeks flushed from the sun. “Oh, you two are just too cute!” She exclaimed when I sat back down on Natasha’s lounger. I laughed at her, nodding my head.

           

            It was a long day without Natasha and only Rick and Amanda for the company but the massage was amazing. Finally, Natasha strolled down to the loungers she had left us at with an accomplished smirk on her face. She squeezed my hand three times, it’s done. I squeezed her back softly

            “Everything okay?” Amanda asked, concern surpassing her face. Natasha just nodded tiredly and kissed my cheek pulling me up so she could slide behind me.

            “Long day,” She answered when she has settled. “I was thinking we could have an early tea tonight?” Her voice was right in my ear as she asked the question and I nodded my head against her cheek. “Now? I’m starving?” I nodded again, trying to ignore the chills running down my body at her breath against my neck.

            Amanda and Rick seemed to understand nothing but let us go when we explained our early dinner plans. Once we were out of earshot, Natasha pulled me to her side to wrap an arm around my shoulders. “I want you to show me what you did today under the water?”

            “I thought you were hungry?”

            She smirked at me again and lifted up a bag I hadn’t noticed on her shoulder. “We’re having a picnic… in the ocean. Hopefully.”

            I frowned, did I have enough control over my powers for this? Natasha seemed to think so as she dragged me to an empty part of the beach. “Okay, let me practice.”

            She sat on the sand, drawing through it lazily with her finger, and nodded her head towards the water. The ocean was so much bigger than a pool, so much stronger. Still, I looked back at her once and with an encouraging smile from her walked straight into the sea.

The water seemed to comply easier than it had this morning, twisted against my skin until there wasn’t a bit of me damp. I kept walking until my head was under the water, looking around but only finding darkness. Then, took out my phone and turned on the torch. Impossible but totally happening. My torch was working under the water, I text Natasha:

            This is so cool!

            Her reply was almost instantaneous: Come and get me then.

            I walked back up to the surface and grinned at her as I walked out. She latched onto my hand and I took us both back under. Her face was wary as we got deeper but the feeling of her dry legs must’ve eased some kind of worry because with a deep breath she allowed me to take her under completely. We kept walking for a little while before coming to a stop on some steps.

            “It’s so quiet and dark, I don’t think I thought this through.” She whispered her hand tight around mine. I fumbled for my phone and turned on the torch. “Shit…” She replied, looking around to find a few schools of fish around us. “Veejay, this is incredible.” I nodded at her and took the bag from her shoulder to pull out the blanket and the food. She sat as soon as the blanket was down but didn’t let go of my hand.

            Smiling, I picked up a sandwich, “I don’t think you’re going to drown if you let go of my hand Tash.”

            She took the sandwich from my hand and bit into it. “You don’t think but you don’t know so I’m going to stay in contact with you for this entire, scary yet incredible, time.” I frowned at her and took back my sandwich, opening my legs and pulling her so her back was against my chest.

            “Well, guess cuddles are the way forward baby. Don’t eat my food, you have your own right there.” She smiled against my collarbone but didn’t pick up another sandwich. Choosing instead to bite from mine every now and again.

            We’d been there about half an hour when she pulled away but kept her foot resting against mine. “I like pretending,” she said, so quiet I almost missed it. She looked up at my face quickly before continuing. “I like pretending you’re more than my best friend. It’s impractical and couldn’t continue after this, I really don’t think it could but… V, I really like pretending. Is that bad?”

            God, she would say something like this now when I couldn’t leave for space. I wanted a cigarette. As always, Natasha knew exactly what I was thinking and held the packet out to me. I took one and lit it, curious as to what would happen but the breath of smoke simply was contained in a small bubble and taken to the top of the ocean.

            I liked pretending too. But how long can I pretend that all we’re doing is pretending? God, the kisses felt natural at this point. Something we should be doing when we said hello and then again at goodbye. The pet names rolled off my tongue. I wasn’t sure how much I was pretending and how much I’d be able to let this go at the end of the week.

            “You have the drive, don’t we leave tomorrow?” I asked, changing the subject. She noticed but let me have my escape her face only slightly saddened.

            “I mean, we only came a few days ago. We could stay for the rest of the week if you wanted?” I knew what she was saying. We could pretend for the rest of the week, we could have another 4 days. If I wanted. I nodded silently at her pulling her against me again. She wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling my hand to hers so she could play with the ring that sat on my finger from yesterday.

            Once she was settled, I put my face to her neck giving in to the need to kiss the skin there. She sighed as my lips made contact, falling heavier against my front. “Yeah, I think I’d like that baby.” She turned in my lap and staring at me, waiting for verbal confirmation that her unspoken question of whether we’re pretending. I’d never be able to say no. Not when her lips were center-meters from my face and looking so damn kissable. I nodded at her and pulled her in attaching our lips slowly. She smiled into the kiss, teeth knocking against mine as she pushed further into me.

            “I think I’d like that too.” She whispered, her voice so close to the tone she used last night. So taunting. God, I wanted her. I wanted her while we were pretending. But I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t sleep with her, not when this would end in 4 days. Not when I had to go back to see her as my best friend. Not when I was already torturing myself enough by knowing what her lips felt like on mine.

            She pulled me in again, tongue swiping my lip for access which I immediately granted. She moaned, low and feral, into my mouth causing my thighs to clench slightly together and fall when she pushed me back against the blanket. Her hands were on my hips, pulling them flush against her as her mouth continued relentlessly against mine. I kissed her back with equal passion, whimpering every time she pulled away to breathe.

            However, as soon as her finger fell to my thighs I pulled back slightly. “We can’t,” I whispered, her face fell in understanding.

            “I know, I’m sorry.” I kissed her again, tried to kiss the pain out of her words. She returned it, softening it as it happened until there was nothing but kisses being peppered over my mouth. “I’m sorry. You’re just… I can’t explain it V. I look at you and I see my platonic best friend, I kiss you and it’s just so easy to get lost in it. So damn easy. I’ve kissed so many people, I’ve slept with even more but god there’s something about kissing you.”

            I nodded at her, knowing exactly what she was talking about. She moved to lie so her head was on my chest, legs wrapped softly around my own. She kissed my shoulder lightly, lingering there for a second before lying back down. “Can we stay here for a while?”

            “Anything for you, Tasha,” I responded, kissing her forehead. It was only after a few minutes of silence did I realise just how true that was.

 

Chapter 17: I Nearly Die

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Curled on the ocean floor, Natasha had pulled me onto her chest reading to me softly while stroking my head. Slowly, it was putting me to sleep but every time I fell deeper I could feel the air bubble around us falter just for a second. She pouted when I sat up earning a laugh while I stood to stretch my legs.

            “Tash, I’m going to fall asleep if I stay there any longer and every time I get sleepier it’s like my powers dwindle. Can we head to bed?” She paused looking around at the fish who had gotten used to our company and were now swimming around the bubble curiously.

            “Can we come back?” She asked, a finger raising to follow one of the silverfish who had swum by slowly. I nodded at her and reached for the hand she was holding up. “Okay, I’m tired too.”

            We gathered the remainder of food, that had eventually been eaten, and piled the blanket back into her bag before beginning to walk away but just as our heads skimmed the surface Natasha tugged on my hand. I fell back into her, catching myself on her shoulders and she immediately brought her lips to mine humming softly against them. Kissing Natasha was one of the strangest, most comfortable things I had ever done. I don’t think I’d ever get used to it… not that I had to.

            She pulled away frowning as though I had spoken my thoughts out loud but the concern in her eyes was enough to push that idea away. Natasha just knew me well. I kissed the frown between her eyebrows and then pulled her out of the water.

            Thankfully, we were both completely dry when we exit the water as it had gotten a lot colder. I warmed my body temperature and took off the jumper to pass to Natasha who grinned at me mischievously. “It’s good having you as my person.”

            Her person. I could work with that. Smiling with my hand wrapped around hers, I’d never really been happier as I leaned up to peck her lips.

            We finally got back to the hotel room and I dove right into the shower, my body still smelling of chlorine from my unplanned pool dip earlier this morning. Natasha, as per usual, wandered in halfway through but instead of brushing her teeth she stripped her clothes and climbed in next to me. My eyes stayed on her face as her hip brushed mine.

            “Natasha,” I warned, “What are you doing?”

            The smirk was back on her face, “Taking you up on your offer,” I groaned and she simply pushed me out of the water stream to dampen her hair. Her laugh traveled around the bathroom a lot louder than ever before when she pulled me by the waist to turn my back to her. “I’m going to wash your hair,”

            I nodded as her hands went to my hair, brushing through it softly and massaging the lather around. Surprisingly, I managed to withhold any sounds from escaping my lips; not that they were sexual anyway, she was just ridiculously good with her hands. She reached around me and glided down my side. “Turn around, it’s my turn.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder.

            Her back was to me when I eventually did turn around, sliding up behind her as close as I could without touching her. Once her hair was finished, she leaned back against me, her bare back to my front. My hands wrapped around her, tugging her closer as my cheek pressed against hers. There was nothing sexual about the shower at all, just closeness. Warmth. Togetherness. It was strange but comfortable. Like this entire holiday.

            Finally, she stepped away, turning to look at me directly in my eyes. She smiled softly and brought a hand up to trace my eyebrow. “Did you know,” She started softly, “Your eyes change colour in water? They turn to this bright blue. It’s beautiful.” I shook my head, I didn’t know that. She nodded with a soft hum, leaning her forehead against mine. “You’re my favourite person.”

            I smiled at her, “You’re my favourite person too, baby,”

            “I like it when you call me that.”

            Stepping out of the shower with a smile, I held out a towel for her and wrapped her in it tightly before getting my own and stepping into the bedroom. She was already changing and getting into bed when I walked out the door and I frowned at her back. Suddenly realising I had just had a shower with her and never once taken a moment to appreciate her naked form.

            She laughed out loud when she turned around and saw my face. “I just got in the shower with you V, I’m not sleeping naked next to you too.”

            I rolled my eyes and got changed too before slipping next to her under the covers. “I wasn’t frowning because of that Jesus Christ.” Her eyebrow rose in question as she tugged me closer. “I showered with you and I didn’t look at your body once, can you believe I missed such an opportunity?” She laughed now, it rumbled through her chest to my cheek that was pressed against it. The smile on my face was completely an accident as she hugged me closer and kissed my head.

            “That is exactly why you’re my best friend. I didn’t get in the shower to coerce you to have sex with me. I got in the shower with you because sometimes it’s just nice, to do things together and I trust that I can do those things with you.”

            “We do pretty much everything together Tasha,”

            “No, you’re missing the point. It’s just nice and intimate without it being sexual. I just get to enjoy your presence and care for you?” I nodded against her. “How about next time you have a few minutes to stare at me before I wash your hair?” I shrugged, it wasn’t really that big of a deal. It was the best shower I’d ever had, her just being there was enough.

            She picked up the book and began reading aloud. Just as I was falling asleep she tilted my head and pressed the softest kiss to my lips, “Just because I can,” she whispered and then went back to her story.

            I tapped her bare waist three times Just because you can from where her skin had ridden up. And she tapped back. Just because I can.

            At least that hadn’t changed.

 

            Soft kisses were being placed all over my face when I woke up, green eyes grinning back at me as she placed a lingering one on my lips. “Hi,” She whispered. She was sat on top of me, legs on either side of my hips and her hands next to my head.

            It was painful how normal this felt. “Well that’s a good morning, baby,” Natasha smiled down at me again but instead chose to lie down on top of me hugging me tightly. “You okay?” I asked, a hand to her hair pushing it out of her face. She nodded against my collar bone, snuggling in tighter.

            She sat up after a minute and my hands fell naturally to her thighs. It was only when she stiffened slightly that I realised that we were just pretending. I took my hands away, moving them to the bed next to her but she brought them back just as fast. “I like them there.”

            “I know, I’m sorry,” I whispered, the lump growing in my throat because god this could be real. It wasn’t even hard to act like this with her, in fact, I was barely even acting. She tapped my hands three-time, staring down at me sadly. Are you okay? I mustered a grin, Of course. And I was to an extent, it was nice having her like this; completely mine, it just stung.   

            Natasha sat watching me silently as I blinked away the tears building steadily in my eyes, reaching up to cup my face and wipe at my cheekbones. “You’re still my best friend,” she said so softly and so sadly. I grabbed her other hand to hook the fingers our rings were on shaking them three times, “Yeah baby, forever.” Her voice seemed so far away but the ‘baby’ was clear a bell. “What do you want to do today?” She asked after a few minutes of staring.

            Desperately, I wanted to go swimming. Not in the pool but in the ocean like we did last night but I knew that it would be difficult with all the other guests around. How can you explain to people that you’re not drowning you can just breathe underwater?

            Realising Natasha was still waiting for an answer, I shrugged at her. “We could just relax on the beach, maybe go back to sea later?” She nodded smiling widely and hugged me once more. “Suntan lotion today though, I noticed you haven’t worn any in a while and I’m worried about you.”

            She rolled her eyes at me fondly but kissed me quickly before rolling off. “Yes mom, now are you coming for a shower now or later?”

            “I’m getting cut to one a day?” I gasped. She shook her head laughing and walked off to the bathroom. I followed her five minutes later, pulling out my toothbrush as I turned to talk to her. She smiled at me through the glass as I perched on the toilet, trying to talk around the toothpaste. When I had finished she stepped aside in the shower, the invite clear. I stepped in next to her, hugging her close to me. It was just nice to feel her skin against mine, comforting.

            We washed quickly, not touching our hair, and climbed out not soon after. “See, I just like your company,” her voice travelled from the bedroom where she was towelling off. I rolled my eyes into the mirror and pulled my hair into a messy bun. She was stood behind me fully dressed when I had finished, pressing a kiss to the nape of my neck and whispering, “Beautiful.”

            “Love you,” I muttered, bringing her hands around my waist.

            “Love you V,” She replied holding me tight. “Also, look at you go, you didn’t stare then either.”

            I shook my head, to be honest, the thought had never even crossed my mind. “No, I just like being close to you.”

            “I knew you’d get it.”

            With that, she danced out the room and back into the bedroom to find some clothes for me. A habit she’d picked up since we arrived that I was quite fond of. It was nice knowing I was wearing something she thought I’d look good in.

            We got to the beach about half an hour later, both laid on our respective towels but the pink hinting at Natasha’s back was worrying especially now that I couldn’t properly assess the temperature anymore. So, without thinking, I climbed onto her back and settled on her hips. Rubbing the sun cream into her back and shoulders. She hummed softly into the towel reaching up for my hand to kiss my palm only to splutter straight back onto it complaining of the taste of sun cream.

            Once I was finished I sat there for a minute longer, watching as her muscles rippled slightly with every breath and the skin stretched softly over her curves. She was so beautiful.

            “So are you,” Her voice shocked me from my reverie and I realised I’d spoken my last thought out loud. Instead of replying, I kissed the middle of her shoulders and climbed off her back and onto my towel. “Did I ever tell you the story of me and Clint’s first meeting?” I shook my head, smiling at her nostalgic face. “It was such a mess. So, Clint was sent to kill me which was stupid in itself because Clint is Clint and I’m… well me. But somewhere along the line he got the upper hand just couldn’t bring himself to do it and there was one night a few nights after he found me that I was really frustrated by the fact that he’d managed to back me in a corner so I stole his hearing aids. Honestly, I didn’t realise just how deaf he was until he noticed a few minutes after he woke up but by that time I’d lost them because I was rooting around his stuff and the place was a tip.

            Oh my god V, it was the longest week of my life as we tried to get back to the SHIELD base. I spoke broken English and Clint couldn’t hear a word, neither of us could communicate in our shared languages because I didn’t know sign and he didn’t know Russian. In the end, we just ended up pointing at things and he’d do the sign for it. I’m pretty much fluent now but my god… it’s funny to think back on but fuck I think I avoided him for a month afterward and not just because they had kept me under close survelence. I just couldn’t deal with the whole pointing and signing thing again.”

            We were both crying laughing at the end of the story, wiping tears from our eyes as she spoke the fond smile never falling from her lips.

            “Laura, his wife, was furious with me for months when we met. She’d barely talk to me at all and when she did it was only in sign. It was so damn frustrating, and she somehow found me everywhere, even before me and Clint became friends. Now, there’s a kid on the way with my namesake. A lot changed.”

            I nodded, a lot had changed but I was still giggling at the fact Natasha, or Natalia at the time, had managed an entire week pointing of things and signing. She grinned up at me happily, reaching over to link our hands.

           

            By the time we were planning to leave the beach, it had gotten dark so we quickly grabbed some takeaway food from a small restaurant close by and headed back towards the ocean. Once we got close enough, I took her hand and led her into the water. She seemed more comfortable this time, settling as soon as we had reached a depth and curling against me.

            “Can I kiss you?” Her voice seemed much quieter under water, so fragile as if the idea of me saying no tore her apart. I nodded and leaned down to attach our lips. “You’re my favourite person,” she whispered against my mouth. Instead of answering I just kissed her again, marveling at the way that I could read her mouth just as well as her actions.

            She broke us apart and placed her head back on my shoulder, my hands raised to play with her hair. “Hey what else can you do?” She asked into my skin. What else could I do? I don’t know, she shrugged at my noncommittal answer and laid quiet for a minute. Then her body straightened considerably. “There’s something here V,”

            I laughed, “Yeah probably a fish, we are in their territory.”

            She shook her head, a deep frown on her face, and looked further into the darkness around us. Then a loud bang sounded and Natasha gave a loud squeak looking down at her stomach as blood appeared quickly seeping through her clothes.

            Shit, shit. I took off my jumper and pressed it against her hard, she grunted at the pain but didn’t move my hand still looking around. There, in the darkness, stood Rick. A sadistic smile on his face as he stared at us through the water. How he was under here I had no idea but my main worry was Natasha’s tired features and gradually limp body. It was easy then like my mind knew exactly what to do as I flung him sideways using the current. I propelled us forward the same way, taking Natasha's weight away and carrying her like a child as I ran from the water.

            Amanda stood in front of us, gun in hand and a sad smile on her lips. “I hope you didn’t kill my husband,” she muttered, hands wavering for a second.

            I glowered at her, he could’ve killed Natasha. “I hope he didn’t kill my girlfriend,”

            “Oh but Agent Romanoff isn’t really your girlfriend though is she Miss Morris?”

I growled and that seemed to be enough for her because the bullet left the gun heading straight for my shoulder. It was easy, with the adrenaline, to wave the direction of the bullets. Until one caught my hip and my powers faltered enough for her to get another in my leg. Natasha’s full weight dropped into my arms and I managed to regain enough strength to keep her up.

            Amanda stood closer now, gun right at my temple and honestly I was at loss as to what to do. Natasha was limp in my arms, passed out with her face in my neck. My leg was throbbing and my hip was warm with blood. Still, with as much power as I could muster, I tugged at the feeling in my gut and managed to grab her with the waves pulling her under as I did her husband and my last thought was Wanda’s name screaming loudly as the darkness fell.

 

 

Notes:

Oh no... wouldn't it be nice if they managed to complete one mission without getting hurt?

Chapter 18: I Survive

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

I woke up warm which wasn’t very different to how I usually woke up, the only difference being I was lacking the warmth it usually came from. My body was flush against bed sheets instead of Natasha’s and even when I reached out my arms for her I couldn’t find her.

            “She’s waking up!” A voice next to me shouted and my mind instantly went back to the last time I’d heard those words. The pain that I had endured and with that thought my hip started stinging and my leg thumped painfully. “Veejay, we’ve been so worried about you sis!”

            Wanda, oh Wanda. I opened my eyes to find her blue ones grinning back at me. I launched forward to hug her tightly ignoring my hips protests at the sudden movement. “I’ve missed you Wan,” Her lips twitched against my neck as she smiled but nodded and hugged me back just as tightly. When we pulled away, my eyes darted around the room looking desperately for Natasha. They landed back on Wanda’s concerned gaze, “Where is she?”

            She bit her lip softly, “Well, you see, the bullet hit her old wound and it kind of messed up the healing process so she bled a lot more than her body can handle –“

            “Where is she, Wanda?” I interrupted, panic now rising in my chest.

            “She’s with Bruce, in and out of surgery. She’ll be fine, I think. I just… it’s touch and go.” My legs swung over the side of the bed as soon as she mentioned Natasha’s whereabouts and ignoring the blistering pain, I stood limping over to the door. “J, come on, think this through, she’s not even awake and you need to let yourself heal.”

            Ignoring her, I hobbled through the hospital area of the base and towards the white sterile room I had woken up in last time. There, laying on the bed, was a deathly pale-looking Natasha. Bruce frowned at my sudden intrusion but said nothing as I hobbled to the bed, picking up a limp hand.

            “You’re going to be okay Tasha,” I muttered, raising her hand to my lips so I could kiss it. Half an hour later he pulled his hands from her stomach and began to sew her back up before washing his hands and wrapping her stomach.

            He nodded at me, “She is going to be okay. Her heart rates gotten stronger and her vitals are holding steady. I don’t know how you managed it Veejay but if you hadn’t managed to reach out to Wanda she’d be dead. Thank you for saving her.” I nodded confused about what he meant but saved my questions for later.

            It was hours later when I pressed a kiss to her forehead as I was leaving to find the others to figure out what had happened. But just as my hand slipped from hers, her arm twitched as if in disagreement with our separation.

            I rushed back over, smoothing her hair back softly. “Hey baby, you awake?”

            She groaned, “I like it when you call me that.”

            Relief flooded my body as I let out a breathless laugh. Yes, I know she did. But we were back home now and that was pushing it anyway. Still, I leant down to kiss her jaw, not trusting myself any closer to her lips.

            “You scared everyone, me,” I whispered as she tugged me closer to lie with her on the bed. A hiss escaped my lips when she pressed her body against the bullet wound on my hip but I ignored her questioning eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

            She nodded, “We’re back home?” Her voice was sad and I knew how she felt.

            “Yeah, we’re back home,”

            Natasha kept quiet for a minute and then reached up to kiss me. Her lips moved with my sadly, desperately. There were tears on her cheeks and the saltiness of them seeped into the kiss. I kissed her like it was going to be the last one because in retrospect it was the last time I’d be kissing her. She kissed me back just as hard, biting at my lower lips and gasping into my mouth. Her tongue fought with mine, a final battle of dominance until she pulled back slightly to soften it. Until, like last time, her lips were just sparsely pressing against my skin. Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I leant back and sighed against the pillows as she hugged herself tighter to me.

            “You’re still my favourite person,” she whispered after a few minutes of silence. Linking our ringed fingers.

            “And you’re mine B-Tasha,” The near slip was noticed by us both but she didn’t say anything and neither did I. Just waited as our breath returned to normal, comfortable despite our injuries. Wanda wandered in a few minutes later, a small smile on her lips and I knew she had seen what had happened in my hand but a quick thought made sure she didn’t mention it, I would talk to her about it later.

            She hugged us both carefully and then sat cross-legged at the end of the bed, fiddling with the sheets. Natasha grabbed her hand softly, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles comfortingly causing a smile to rise on Wanda’s lips.

            “I’ve missed you both so much,” she said after a while of silence. Natasha wiggled further into me, once again pressing against my hip as she tried to make room for Wanda but stopped as soon as Wanda hissed, “Watch her hip, bloody hell, Natasha.” Natasha turned to me with a glare.

            She lifted the covers and we both looked down to find the dressing, and bed covers were now covered in blood from where she had knocked the stitches. “I’m so sorry, V.” I waved her off, standing up but it was then she noticed my leg, “Oh baby, why didn’t you tell me?” She muttered, grunting as she tried to shift on the bed to reach for me. I raised my eyebrow at the nickname but didn’t say anything because the pain in my leg was growing steadily.

            “Oh my god!” Wanda shouted, exasperation clear in her voice. “Would you both just stay still for one minute, I’ve never met anyone who is as bad as you two with new injuries!” With that, the red whisps were around me lifting me gently back onto the bed next to Natasha. “Now stay while I go get the rest of the team.”

            I sent her a mock salute and giggled as Natasha did the same before turning to me with a serious expression. “You’re hurt.” I nodded at her, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze. Instead of offering a verbal explanation, my hand hit hers three times I’ll tell you later. She smiled and tapped back okay, I love you. Kissing her cheek, I laid back against the pillows a pained sigh falling from my lips. She sighed too but when I turned her face was ill with guilt.

            “It’s not your fault Tasha, I promise.” She shook her head and I watched steadily as tears built in her eyes. “Stop it, I promise I’m fine. I’ll cauterize it properly later and then it’ll be as good as new.” Natasha nodded but the tears still fell, I wiped them away quickly. “Please stop crying, we’re okay, we’re home. You’re safe.”

            That seemed to bring a whole new lot of tears though so I just shifted carefully and held her while she cried into my chest until there was a tentative knock on the door. Natasha pulled away and wiped her eyes roughly.

            Tony came to us both and hugged us followed by the rest of the team.

            “Scared us all, it wasn’t supposed to go that wrong, what happened?” Steve asked when everyone had pulled away and moved back to the end of the bed. “Also, why are the sheets still covered in blood?”

            In answer, Natasha pulled the covers back to reveal my hip that was slowly leaking blood through the bandages and onto her hip. She muttered a small gross but made no sign of moving even when Bruce came over to re-wrap my hip. Once he was done, I shrugged in answer to Steve’s question and explained where we were and what had happened.

            “I heard you, you screamed my name from half the way across the globe and I heard you. How?” Wanda asked, her voice twisting in pain as if it had physically hurt her. “It was literally like you were right next to me shouting in my ear.”

            An apologetic smile was sent her way, “I don’t know. It was strange, I managed to swerve most of the bullets but then one hit me and my powers faded and I was holding Natasha. So many things happened, I don’t remember getting here.” Natasha nodded in agreement, neither did she it seemed.

            “We came to get you. Found you and Natasha as soon as we landed but the HYDRA agents were next to you. They’d both drowned. I assume that was your doing and you must’ve been slightly conscious because you’d managed to keep pressure on Natasha’s stomach using the air or something. It really was strange. You said my name when we got there and then passed out again but this time her stomach was bleeding again… never seen anything like it, to be honest but then again we are talking about the girl who literally fixed herself up in a cocoon.” Tony was grinning by the end of his explanation but he was still eyeing me strangely, “So what, you can breathe underwater now?”

            I shook my head and explained about the air bubbles that I’d managed to create but the nagging question of how Rick had managed to join us under the water, how he knew we were there was still picking at my brain.

            “Successful mission though, Natasha had the drive and we’ve managed to secure a few more of their plans and bases. Anyway, we were just checking up on you we can have a proper conversation when you’re both better. Wanda, fancy taking them upstairs to their rooms.” Wanda nodded at Tony and lifted Natasha up first taking her out the room. “Veejay, on a serious note, you saved her life. Again. And you didn’t even know you were doing it, thank you.”

            I smiled at him, “Well she’s my best friend.”

            Tony smirked at me and jutted his head towards the cameras in the corner of the room, “If that’s what you want to call it.”

           

            An hour later, my covers were tugged to my chin but the pain in my hip was stopping me from sleeping… as was the lack of Natasha but I was pushing those thoughts away. I glanced at my hip under the duvet, I really could cauterize it, stop the pain. So, with one hand to my hip, I raised the temperature until a scream burst from my lips. I bit my lip, withholding anymore. Until I moved to my leg. Fuck it hurt.

            It was only when someone was knocking on the door that I realised I’d been making a lot more noise than I realised but before I could talk Tasha fell through the door. Wide-eyed and concerned. She relaxed properly when she saw me.

            “What,” she hissed, “Are you doing?”

            I tried a smile and showed her the bullet wounds that were now just blistered flesh, she sighed and rolled her eyes padding towards the bed slowly. She crawled in next to me, head against my shoulder.

            “It’s weird sleeping without you… weirder to wake up to you screaming. Don’t do that again please.” I nodded at her, both in agreement with her statement and request. “Can you go for a shower, you smell like burnt flesh.” She muttered, pulling the covers around her tighter as she burrowed further into the bed.

            Well, yes I did just burn my hip. It would be assumed that would be the smell. Still, I humoured her and got out of bed, testing my weight on my leg. It was fine. Natasha whined from the bed as I walked away, “What, you said to get a shower?”

            “You’re going without me,” Oh my god, really. I raised my eyebrows at her.

            “Friends don’t shower together Tash, not happening. We need to talk boundaries when I get out.” Ignoring her pout, I walked into the bathroom and into the shower. What would the boundaries be? We could hug but not kiss? Could we still sleep together? The more I thought about it the more I doubted we were ever really just friends in the first place, we’d been toying the line since we met. Now… god now I knew what the other side felt like it hurt to have to step back. Even my shower felt different, empty. She’d wormed her way in to even the most private mundane tasks and it was going to be difficult to get used to them without her.

            Finishing quickly, I changed in the bathroom and slipped in bed next to her. Turning on my side so I could look at her face while I spoke, “No more kissing, No more ‘baby’ or ‘babe’, No more showering together…” I trailed off because in reality that was all that had changed. She nodded at me and shuffled closer, her nose inches away from my own. “No more close hugs in bed, we go back to the arm thing.” Her face dropped at that and she rolled back to her side. “C’mon Tash, I’m working with what I’ve got here. This was your thing.”

            “Holding you while we’re in bed doesn’t put us in a relationship V,” She muttered, holding out her arm anyway. I took it and grasped her hand tightly. “I know this was my idea and I stand by it. Team relationships… can be difficult and I don’t want to ruin our friendship, I never want to lose you. If never kissing you again ensures that then that’s something I’m willing to let go.”

            I sighed heavily and put my head on her arm as she reached around to grab the book she always left on my nightstand. “Out loud please,” I muttered, reaching a hand over to press to her chest so I could feel her talk. She nodded softly and began where she left off, her accent lulling me into a fitful sleep.

 

            We were back on the beach, I could feel the sand under my toes as we stepped into the ocean. The water lapped at my calves as I turned to grin at Natasha. She smiled back following me into the sea trustfully linking our pinkies. Once we were under, she was curled against my chest again. The gun sounded and then she was bleeding. But instead of moving I just sat there. Watched as her blood pooled into the sand, darkening it and disappearing between the grains. She was screaming my name in agony, begging me to help. Then her eyes closed and her body went limp, falling against me with blood steadily running from her stomach through my clothes and to my clothes. It was only then I could move, reaching for her and shaking. Shouting her name, desperately asking her to wake up. She couldn’t be dead. Not her. Rick grinned down at us, shooting her twice more watching with a vile grin as her blood fell faster, the bullets doing nothing to stop the river of blood coating my skin.

           

            “NATASHA!” My eyes shot open and I looked around in the dark only to find she was nowhere to be seen. I couldn’t move again, “No, no please.” I sobbed, struggling against the arms – arms, I looked up. Natasha. She was staring down at me softly, hugging me against her tightly. “You died,” I gasped.

            She shook her hair, kissing my forehead. “I’m not dead, you saved me.” My head shook, no I watched her die. “I’m here, see,” She tapped my waist three times, hugging me closer to her body. “Just a nightmare.”

            It had been so real, I could still feel her blood on my stomach. Still feel her bodies full weight on mine. God, I felt sick. Pushing out of her arms, I ran to the toilet gagging. She followed me much slower due to her stomach, reaching to gather my hair as I hunched over the bowl.

            “I’m sorry,” I muttered, she didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry I didn’t save you.”

            “Veejay, I’m here, I’m right here.” I sobbed against the cool marble of the toilet seat, it had been so real. “Come, let’s get you back to bed. I knew this whole not hugging thing would end badly,” I tried to laugh at the smile in her voice but the tears were still falling. She took my hand and lead me back, curling up against me as soon as I’d fallen against the sheets. I wrapped her in my arms tightly, crying into her hair as I breathed her in.

            “You can’t leave me,” my voice was broken into her hair, “You can’t leave me ever, not ever okay?” She pressed further into my chest. Kissing my collarbone softly.

            “I’ll never leave you willingly.” She promised but it was wrong. Willingly didn’t mean ever.

            “No, Natasha you can’t leave me ever. Never okay, I can’t – I couldn’t deal with that.”

            She nodded pulled my arms around her tighter, “Okay, I won’t leave you ever, I promise.”

 

 

Notes:

Sorry! Also, so I'm back writing the sequel, and do we keep Tasha's cannon ending or?

Like I don't want her to die at all but...

Chapter 19: I Hate Bacon

Notes:

THIS CHAPTER IS SO SOFT AND I'M SO HERE FOR IT

Chapter Text

I woke up the next morning nestled tightly in Natasha’s arms, her body wrapped around me protectively while she breathed evenly against my neck. It took a minute to remember what had happened last night but when it did so did the feeling of her blood on my stomach, the weight of her unconscious body mimicking the dream so well.

            Bile rose in my throat and I bolted from her arms to the toilet retching forcefully. I laid on the bathroom floor for a minute, trying to even my gasps and swallow the taste in my mouth. Finally, finding the strength to stand, I stood up and reached for my toothbrush only to find it already being passed to me full of toothpaste.

            “I’m here,” She whispered as if she knew which she probably did.

            Trying a smile, I reached for the toothbrush and began brushing my teeth while Natasha got undressed to shower. Her eyes didn’t stray far from my own through the mirror as she washed her hair; ensuring me silently that she truly wasn’t going anywhere. Once she was out and wrapped in a towel, we swapped places but she didn’t leave the bathroom like usual; instead sat on the toilet seat in her towel and swiped at Candy Crush on my phone. The shower was hard, I don’t know how she managed to keep her eyes on me while coordinating her hair but I tried my hardest unable to tear my gaze from her.

            We got dressed in silence, she still chose my clothes a habit I don’t think she’ll ever break and headed down to breakfast. Wanda was at the table when we arrived and quickly prepare both of our drinks while we were walking to the empty chairs.

            “I’m thinking bacon for breakfast,” She said, standing to head to the fridge. But my mind went back to our breakfasts at the hotel; sharing bacon across from Rick. Rick shooting Natasha. Natasha bleeding out

            The chair feet scraped as I stood up quickly, running back to the bathroom. I sighed when I was finished, leaning my head against the cool material. Is everything going to lead me back to that nightmare? I brushed my teeth again quickly and headed back to the kitchen, moving to stand behind Natasha instead of the chair next to her so I could rest my hands on her shoulders. She tapped my knuckles three times, are you okay. I tapped back in reassurance but Wanda was staring at me with a guilty look.

            “Pancakes?” She asked timidly, shuffling away from the door as though I was going to run away again. I nodded at her exhausted, my throat hurt from the dry heaving and I really was hungry. She nodded with a smile and Natasha turned sideways on her chair to pull at my waist and onto her lap. With one hand, she secured me and with the other, she rested it above her heart both of us feeling in bump softly. “Can we do something today? I wasn’t lying when I said I missed you both.”

            My heart broke slightly at the resignation in Wanda’s tone and I nodded hastily at her request pulling away from Natasha to wrap her in a hug. She melted into it, resting her chin on my head and hugging me tightly. “Anything you like?” I whispered, reaching for her hand to softly squeeze. Natasha came over then, hugging us both tightly and pressing a kiss to both our hair.

            “Why wasn’t I invited?” Clint’s voice pulled us apart but he ran over joyfully and tugged us all back together laughing. Tony joined next, then Steve and suddenly we were all stood in the center of the kitchen hugging each other tightly. I’d not had a family in a really long time but the feeling of all the bodies around me, the ruffling of my hair and the soft kisses… god, it was nice. “Hey, is something burning?”

            Wanda gasped and fought her way through the bodies until her eyes landed on the now smoking pan. “The pancakes!” She cried.

            Clint burst out laughing, Steve joining him with Tony seconds later at Wanda’s distraught face. Natasha hugged me from behind chuckling quietly into my shoulder as Wanda pouted and binned the contents of the pan.

            “Anyone fancy a lazy day?” Tony asked once we were all seated with Pancakes. I nodded in agreement, as did Natasha and Wanda, whereas Clint muttered something about maybe going back to the Farm and Steve loitered off to train. Breakfast was quiet, simply enjoying the silence of each-others company, it was the perfect morning. Afterward, I followed Tony to the couch where he brought in beanbags and blankets. It felt like a simple task, to be arranging blankets and tea for the rest of the team after such a long week but it took my mind of the nightmare from last night. “What we watching Elemental?”

            I frowned at the nickname, “Transformers? Megan Fox is fit…” He laughed at me before nodding in agreement and began setting it up while I curled into my spot with a blanket. Natasha trailed in a few minutes later with her arm wrapped around Wanda’s shoulder and she led them both to the couch I was sitting on. Giggling, I stretched my legs across the length of the couch blocking them both from sitting down but Natasha simply grinned at me and covered my body with her own lying completely on top of my front.

            “Get off!” I whined, pushing at her shoulders gently.

            “You’re taking up all the room, Wanda and I need somewhere to sit and you’re as good a seat as any. Hop up, Wanda.” Wanda laughed loudly but climbed to sit on my legs and I sent a quiet thankyou that my leg had healed properly. I groaned smothering a laugh and turned my face to the screen as they both moved restlessly trying to get comfy. “You’re so bony, I can’t take it, get up,” Natasha grumbled after about 5 minutes.

            They got off me and I curled back into my corner, stretching my legs over Natasha’s once she’d sat down. Her hands fell on calves, stroking softly and Wanda curled up against her. I loved them both so much it was almost overwhelming.

            Tony was sat in a beanbag, toying with a piece of tech in his hands while the movie started and Clint was fiddling with a spare arrow. Natasha had moved on from my calves to my hands, playing with my fingers while Wanda was messing around with her magic. None of us were very good at sitting still and this certainly wasn’t helping. We were all restless trying to watch a movie and if it wasn’t infuriating it probably would’ve been funny.

            I stared at my hands, remembering a scene from Harry Potter, and watched as Natasha gave a gasp at the tiny daisy that grew in my palm. It fell limp once it had grown and she picked it up in wonder turning to me wide-eyed. I shrugged and tried again. By the end of the movie, Natasha was covered in tiny flowers some were in her hair, some in mine, and some in Wanda’s.

            “Where did the flowers come from?” Tony exclaimed, looking up for the first time. I laughed loudly when the two sharing the flowers turned to me with pointed fingers. “Well, I want one!” I grew another flower and Natasha placed it carefully behind his ear. He switched the film over and we fell into a quiet silence again, this time Natasha was plucking the petals off the flowers throwing them at me playfully. Every time she did, I caused a soft wind that changed the direction back at her showering her red hair in tiny white daisy petals.

            Halfway through the movie, the front door clicked open and in walked a petit redhead I’d come to learn as Pepper. She grinned at Tony as he jumped up to wrap her in a hug, swinging her round softly. “Don’t you look pretty,” She whispered, fingering the flower at his ear. He didn’t say anything, just grinned as he leaned down to kiss her. My heart gave a painful squeeze as I looked back at Natasha frowning down at the sea of petals on her lap.

            “Hi,” while I’d been staring at Natasha, Pepper had walked over to me and was now staring down at me with a motherly smile. “I’m Pepper, you must be Veejay?” I nodded at her silently, “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

            “You too, I’ve heard a lot.” She laughed at that and picked up one of the flowers from Wanda’s hair stroking her head affectionately as she moved. Pepper looked at the flower and then at me who was currently handing Natasha another one to pick to pieces.

            “Did you make these or have you just been gardening?” She asked, her voice was so warm that it made me miss my own mother. Natasha pointed at me while holding out my hand as if to say ‘watch.’ I did as she silently asked though and Pepper gave an audible gasp as the flower grew. “Incredible, so pure.” Wanda plucked the flower out of my palm before Natasha could grab it and stood to place it in Pepper’s hair but as she stood hundreds of petals fell to the floor in a white flurry akin to snow.

            Tony glared at me and waved his hands in a ‘clean it up’ motion. Smirking, I used the wind to propel the petals towards the bin directly behind him, leaving him coated in some of them. “That was not what I meant.” He muttered, brushing them from his clothes with a pout. Pepper however seemed to be in shock, staring at me to the bin and back to the flower.

            “How?” She asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

            Uncomfortable under her eye, I dragged my hands back from Natasha to sit up more against the sofa. I knew she wouldn’t hurt me but her dis-trust was painful enough. Tasha seemed to notice though and lean against me heavily. “She’s special,” Was all she said but Pepper’s smile was back as she turned back to Tony who nodded in agreement with Natasha.   I tapped her side three times softly, I love you. She tapped back, I know.

           

            The rest of the day was spent pretty much the same only with Pepper joining us now. Wanda decided to play a game halfway through with her powers and mine. With Natasha in the middle, she soon became the subject and we both gently lifted petals to see who could put more on her without her noticing. However, when she found out, she stood swiftly and moved to the spare beanbag on the floor throwing us both a glare.

            Wanda seized the opportunity and wiggled across the sofa until she was curled up against me as Natasha had been. Natasha watched with a gentle expression as I wrapped my arms around Wanda’s taller frame and pressed a kiss to her head. Then, catching her eye, blew her one too. She rolled her eyes but gave a silent tap to the floor you too.

            When Tony’s stomach gave a loud growl Wanda shot up from my side, “It’s my turn to cook sorry I forgot!”, and with that ran from the room. Natasha stood up once she had gone and returned to my side, pulling me against her.

            However, five minutes later when Steve came back in with bloody knuckles my stomach churned and my mind went straight back to the nightmare. Natasha let me go immediately and I ran out of the living room to my bathroom where I threw up breakfast. It was getting ridiculous.

            When I re-joined them Natasha opened her arms for me to crawl in to and I did so quickly, my head on top of her heart. “Are you sick, sweetheart?” Pepper asked, that maternal tone seeping back into her voice.

            I felt Natasha shake her head on top of me. “No. We recently went on a mission that ended a bit rough and there are a few things we’re learning that are triggering for her. They just make her sick. We’re both okay though, thanks to her.” The last sentence was aimed at me and was punctuated with a kiss to my hair.

            “Oh no, well, I know we’ve only just met but I’m here to talk if you need to lovely. Even if not about that, it would be lovely to get to know you better. I’ve been stuck with these rutrags for years and you sound like you’re a breath of fresh air… literally.” Pepper replied, I laughed at her joke softly lifting my head from Natasha’s chest to nod at her.

            Tony said something than to distract her and Natasha turned her attention on me, stroking my head softly. “You’re okay, I’m okay, we’re safe.” I nodded again, pressing further into her chest. “I love you

            “I love you too, Tash”

            “Hey, I have something to talk to you about actually.” She whispered quietly into my hair. I pulled out of her hug to sit back in my corner, keeping my legs in her lap to pull her slightly closer. She chuckled but her hands were back on my calves stroking softly. “I’m going with Clint to the farm tomorrow.” She was leaving, so soon. Why? “Relax, I was going to ask if you wanted to join me?”

            I’d never been to the farm but I’d seen so many pictures and heard so many stories I could envision it in my mind. It seemed to be the place of fairy tales, a small wooden cottage with a great span of land surrounding it at every angle. It would be nice to get away and to meet Clint’s family; I’d heard a lot. She looked at my face and nodded taking that as an appropriate ‘yes’.

            He had kids though and I’d never been very good with children. Their questions and their bluntness were always too much and I never knew how to react. Natasha, sensing my worry, flattened her hand on my leg squeezing it gently. “It’ll be fine, they’ll all love you.” I smiled at her softly, always. She always knew what I was thinking.

            Wanda called us in for dinner then, opening the door and letting the smell of lasagne flow through. Tony jumped up eagerly dragging Pepper to the kitchen while Natasha stayed sitting until I swung my legs off of her and offered her my hand. On each plate was a perfect portion with a side of salad, I walked over to hug Wanda in thanks and prepared her a tea while getting the rest of us a beer.

            “When do you turn 21, Wan?” I asked, passing everybody their drinks.

            She shrugged, “February,”

            “Not long sis, I’m sure Tony has big plans.” Tony grinned and sent Wanda a wink to which she groaned and covered her face. He laughed and turned to Pepper bouncing in his seat like a child who's just been promised chocolate. She rolled her eyes and pointed to his plate with her fork.

            Natasha nudged my leg under the table three times and I looked up to see her flash a quick look at Wanda and then back to me. She had an idea for her birthday. I smirked and nodded at her before tucking into the meal ignoring Wanda’s incessant wondering of what the look was about. Despite Wanda’s young age her cooking skills were amazing and I genuinely wondered where she’d learned it all but after thinking about it, it was probably all the cooking shows she loved to watch.

            After dinner, I washed up the dishes and headed to my room to shower only to find Natasha curled up in my bed reading a book.

            “Hey,” She didn’t look up from the book as she spoke but a smile appeared on her lips.

            “Hi, I’m going for a shower, and then you can tell me all about this plan for Wanda’s birthday.” She nodded and then sat up following me into the bathroom. “We’re not showering together Tasha,” I warned, reaching to pull off my top.

            She nodded, sitting on the toilet. “I know but Wanda is currently at the door trying to listen for our plans so I thought it better to tell you in here.” I grinned, the witch was so persistent I could feel her poking at my brain trying to figure it out. “So, I was thinking, Wanda’s been here a while but she’s never truly had an American day out. Steve’s lacking a few things, we still need him to eat fro-yo so I was thinking we could head out as a team while Tony has people set everything up for the party. Kill a few birds with one stone,”

            It was a very good idea and I said as much while washing through my hair. She stood in front of the mirror and passed me my toothbrush full of toothpaste before staring brushing her own teeth. The domestic act was so bittersweet it tugged at my heart slightly.

            “Oh my god,” I laughed, stepping out of the shower. Natasha turned to me eyebrow raised as she wiped some toothpaste from the corner of my mouth. “Disney World.” She grinned at me, offering a quiet laugh around her toothbrush. She nodded at me as I got changed, pointing to her phone in an ‘I’ll make some calls’ kind of way, and then slid into the bed. I got in next to her, pulling her to me so I could wrap her in a hug.

            “Thought we weren’t doing this anymore.” I could practically hear the smug smirk in her voice still I tightened my hold on her.

            “Yeah well, I’ve spent the whole day puking after last night’s nightmare so I think I can let this one slide.” Her teeth grazed my arm as she smiled, pulled my arms tighter around her. “Goodnight Tasha,”

            “Night b-V.”

            I fell to sleep with a smile on my lips at her slip.

 

 

Chapter 20: I Visit The Farm

Notes:

!SMUT WARNING!

Chapter Text

When my eyes blinked open the bed was empty, her side cold and the bedding tucked tightly around me. Had I dreamt yesterday? Was she okay? Tears built in my eyes quickly as I tried to push away the irrelevant thoughts. She’d be fine. She was fine. Wanda ran into the room, took one look at me, and pulled me into her arms as I cried.

            “She’s fine, she’s packing in her room. I promise,” I nodded but I couldn’t stop the panic. Rationally I knew Wanda wasn’t lying and Natasha did need to pack, as did I, before we left but the nagging thoughts didn’t leave. Refusing to move from her arms, Wanda just rocked us slowly back and forth as the tears fell.

            After about ten minutes, a breathless Natasha ran into the room crumbling in front of me on her knees and pulling me from Wanda who gave her a worried smile before leaving. Natasha brought her hands to my face and kissed my cheek, lingering there for a few minutes as she wiped the tears.

            “I’m here. I’m sorry, I went to pack I literally had only been gone a few minutes when you must’ve woke up. You usually sleep longer.” She hugged me tight to her chest as a few more relieved tears fell. “Hey, I promised I wouldn’t leave you okay?” I nodded against her and pulled away slowly.

            She eyed me warily, “Never do that again.” I whispered hoarsely. She shook her head wiping the remaining tears off my cheeks and kissing them softly. Then stood up and pulled out a backpack from the wardrobe, throwing a couple of outfits in while I calmed down. When she was done she sat next to me quietly, taking my hand in hers. “I’m going to go get ready, you can finish packing. Sorry for interrupting.” I mumbled, slightly embarrassed at such a big reaction to something so small.

            Natasha smiled at me and kissed my forehead, “You’re always a welcomed interruption. I’ll be back soon,” Once she had left the room, I stumbled out of bed and into the shower, washing quickly and then brushing my teeth. I got out and instead of toweling dry, let the water steam off of me as I raised my body temperature while I walked. However, I stopped blank at Natasha sitting in the center of the room, mouth dropped in surprise.

            I tugged on my underwear quickly and then the rest of the clothes she’d laid out before turning back to her still staring at me in shock. “That was hot,” she muttered, turning her face away to avoid me seeing the blush that was steadily filling her cheeks.

            “Thanks, Tasha, I’m glad you think so.” She glowered at the sarcasm in my tone but stood quickly offering me the bag and her hand. “We going now?’ I asked, thinking about how I needed to go and see Wanda before I leave.

            She nodded. “Yeah, I’ll wait for you at the quinjet, don’t be too long Clint’s getting antsy.”

            Wanda was curled on her bed with her eyes closed when I walked in but she opened her arms silently in invitation. I crawled up into her arms. “I’m sorry about this morning, I panicked and there's this dream I keep having but there are so many elements of truth to it that god, Wan it could’ve been real”

            “I know about the dream, I see it every time you do and we’re going to talk about it when you get back but for now go have fun with your girlfriend and her best friend’s family okay?” I corrected her about the girlfriend part but she waved it off with a look that said we’d be talking about that too when I got back. “I’ll see you soon, stay safe. I love you sis”

            She ruffled my hair as I pulled back, “I love you too Wan, see you soon.”

           

            Clint was already in the jet when I arrived, setting up the controls for take-off whereas Natasha was standing off to the side with her phone. She looked up as I walked towards her, wrapping me in a hug, “Hi,” She whispered, “Sorry about this morning, it was inappropriate.” I shrugged my shoulders into the embrace but tapped her hip softly in forgiveness.

            We walked on the jet and Clint started it up almost immediately, bouncing slightly in excitement. It had only been a few days since he’d seen his family, and I’m sure it had been a lot longer in the past, but seeing him so happy to be going home sent a soft pang to my heart. I knew that was something I would never really have, especially if I was going to be putting my life into the Avengers so it was nice to see somebody who got to have it all.

            Natasha read to me while we flew, trying to ease the panic in my chest slightly, and thankfully Clint was a safe pilot. The plane held steady for the entire journey which in all fairness was only about half an hour long. The landing was rough but tucked into Natasha’s chest I realised I was perfectly safe.

            When we stepped off the plane I was shocked to realise I hadn’t been too far from the truth at all. In fact, it did look every bit like I’d imagined. However, the children running ridiculously fast at the people around me sent me backing into the plane.

            “Daddy!” They both screamed, launching themselves at his chest. He hugged them back tightly and whispered something in their ear, pointing at Nat. Their small heads shot up and they threw themselves in Natasha’s open arms, shouting “Auntie Nat!” She wrapped them to her tightly, kissing both their heads multiple times.

            When they pulled apart all three of them wore large matching grins and she leaned down to the youngest, a little girl, exclaiming: “Lila, I thought we agreed that you’d stay tiny forever! You’re at stomach now, I can’t take it anymore.” The girl, Lila, giggled and whispered something to her. “I am not tiny! You take that back!” Then took off after the laughing child with her arms outstretched. When Natasha caught her, she tickled her sides gently earning squeals and peals of laughter from the child. They walked back hand in hand towards me. “Hey, I have someone super cool for you to meet.”

            They stopped in front of me, Lila staring up at me with wide eyes whereas the boy leaned against Clint looking at me strangely. “Hi,” I greeted, waving a hand once.

            Natasha rolled her eyes, “This is Veejay, she can do some really cool stuff. I think Lila deserves a flower, don’t you V?”

            I took the hint and bent down in front of the little girl, opening my palm to watch as she gasped and took the flower from it after watching it grow. We both stumbled back as Lila hugged me tightly in thanks but I managed to keep us up with the wind, holding her snug while we balanced. “You’re welcome,” I said, once we were both upright.

            The boy came next, “Dad said you can make things set on fire, that true?” I laughed at him and nodded. He grinned up at me and held out his hand for a high five, I complied gently, “I’m Cooper and you’re cool.” I laughed at that and looked up at Natasha who was smiling down at me smugly.

            “Thank you Cooper, I’ll show you sometime if you like?” He nodded eagerly and then bounded to the house, calling at his sister to follow. “Wow, that went well,” I muttered, daring a glance at Clint to see him laughing behind his hand.

            He nodded though, “Yeah only two more to meet, you’ll be fine J” It was as though a lightbulb went off in Natasha’s head and she sprinted to the door after the children leaving me with both our backpacks and staring after her confused. “She hasn’t met Nate yet properly, only over facetime. Plus, Laura and Natasha get along so well that I worry I’m going to be kicked out for her to move in one day,”

            I chuckled and followed him towards the house, taking a moment to take in the quiet of being so far away from the city. The door was open and inside the house seemed to be buzzing with life. There were child-like giggles coming from behind a well-worn sofa and soft voices from behind a closed door. The walls were full of pictures and drawings, legos and other toys littered the floor in certain areas. The homliness of it brought tears to my eyes. Still, I trailed after Clint as he walked through the closed door and into a large kitchen.

            Natasha caught my eye and grinned down to the dark-haired child in her arms, beckoning me over silently. Once I reached her she wrapped an arm around my waist, shifting the child to her other as we both stared down at his rosy cheeks. A chubby hand reached up and caught a handful of hair, gurgling as if he was proud of his capture. It didn’t hurt so I stayed in his grasp, looking up at Natasha with a smile. She pressed a kiss to my cheek and then her attention was back on Nate; he was very cute.

            “I see you’ve met Nate,” A soft voice asked from beside me. I looked up to find a woman with lightly curled dark hair and warm brown eyes. She smiled at her son lovingly, reaching over to try and untangle my hair from his grasp to no avail. “I hope you’re comfy because he has a tight grip, Nat let her hold him. I’m Laura, by the way, you must be Veejay, it’s lovely to finally meet you after hearing so many stories.”

            Trying to smile at her and shake my head in response to Natasha passing the baby was one of the hardest things I’d ever tried to do. “I am, it’s lovely to meet you too. Thank you for letting me intrude,” then turned to Natasha who was shifting Nate in her arms, “It’s okay Tasha, you can keep him.”

            Natasha rolled her eyes again and passed me the infant who immediately shifted deeper against the jumper I was holding. Biting my lip, I wrapped my arms around his body a little tighter, holding onto the air around us just in case.

            “V, you’re not going to drop him. Plus even if you do, it’s not like he’ll go far. Just relax.” Laura looked confused at Natasha’s words and stared at her waiting for an explanation. “Veejay is inhumane. She can control the elements, she’s doing it right now got them both wrapped in some weird anti-gravity thing. Nate wouldn’t fall even if she let go of him.” The mother nodded and looked at me impressed.

            “So how long have you two been together?” Laura asked, pouring everyone a coffee. I stumbled slightly and looked at Natasha who shook her head at the woman. “No? Sorry, just with the nicknames and the way you two act… Clint said you two would be fine in Nat’s room so I haven’t made up the guest room, do I need to?”

            Natasha shook her head and smild at her. “No, we do share a bed often –“

            “-Have you two ever actually slept alone since you met?” Clint interrupted a smirk on his lips. I avoided everyone's eyes, turning my attention to Nate who had fallen asleep. Traitor.

            “Yes. Then we came back to her a broken mess and since then no. But that doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship, she’s my best friend.” Natasha argued quietly, noticing the sleeping child.

            Clint just flashed her a mock hurt look. “I thought I was your best friend?”

            “You’ll be my dead friend in a minute.” She picked up a knife on the table and twirled it around her fingers, I raised my eyebrows at her in a reminder of what happened last time she tried to throw a knife at someone. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and put down the knife. Laura turned to me with another proud look.

            “Yes, you’re going to be a great addition. Do you know how many holes we have in our walls from ‘stray’ knives?” I laughed at her taking a look around, there sure were a lot of indentations in the plaster. “If you can calm her down that fast, you’re coming every time.” Natasha huffed and marched from the room coffee in hand. Laura and Clint looked at each other with knowing smiles and led me to the couch. Talking quietly about the children and how things had been here and at work.

            After around half an hour, I passed Nate back to Laura standing up quietly. “Do you know where she’s gone?” They directed me to her room and I walked in quietly, finding her crying on the bed. I rushed over, pulling her against my body as her sobs worsened at my presence. “Tasha?” I asked, pulling her face up to wipe some tears. “What’s wrong, talk to me pretty?”

            “I don’t even know why I’m crying, this is ridiculous.” She huffed, swallowing a sob and wiping at her tears. I shook my head and kissed her cheek, tapping her thigh gently. “I just, Nate, I don’t know. It’s just painful knowing I’ll never have that?” I frowned.

            “Because you’re an Avenger? Tasha, Clint manages it fine.”

            She shook her head, tears rolling a little faster. “No, god no. I erm… I’m always talking about this here, fuck!” I held her tighter as she clenched my t-shirt into her hand, “In the Red Room we all got sterilized, I can’t have kids. Weapon of the year, am I right?” Silence filled the room as I mulled the information over. How ridiculous. Imagine taking the right to have children from someone just so they could become a killer, so that they could become another disposable weapon with no distractions. “You’re judging me,” she whispered, her voice so broken.

            “No, god no baby. I’m judging them, you should never have to go through that. I’m sorry for your loss.” She stared at me for a minute as if I’d said something foreign and then her face crumpled under the weight of the statement. Because she deserved time to grieve the potential children that had been taken away from her at such a long time.

            Natasha sobbed quietly into my chest, pulling me tight against her desperately. I let her even when her hips hit me uncomfortably and her nails dug into my skin. She deserved the time to grieve.

            After a long time, she looked up at me through red puffy eyes. Staring directly at my lips. “I’m going to kiss you,” She whispered, and then she did. Before I even had time to think, her lips were on mine kissing me and pushing me down into the bed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” She sobbed when she pulled away, I sighed pushing away the feelings of how right it had felt to focus on her.

            “I forgive you, it’s okay Tasha. You’re okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

            “I’m sorry I kissed you, I’m sorry.” This was the first time I had seen her truly broken over something and it broke my heart. “I’d never thought of it like that, never let myself think of it that way. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

            I picked her up easily and walked her into the bathroom, stripping us both of our clothes and into the shower. She clung to me desperately, her arms never leaving my body as we stood under stream of hot water. The apologies kept tumbling from her lips like a broken record. I washed her hair when she sat down, crying into my thighs. Washing my own quickly I sat down with her, pulling her limp form towards my own. Finally, as the shower grew colder she seemed to calm down, her breathing returned to normal and the nails that had been digging into my shoulder loosened.

            Picking her up again, I carried her to the bed tucking her in under the duvet and then sliding in next to her. We were both naked but at this time I didn’t really have time to think of anything other than stopping the next inevitable round of tears. When they came, she attached herself back to my body and cried herself to sleep with her face in my neck.

            An hour later, Laura knocked gently on the door. “Is she okay?” She asked face drooped sadly. My hand which had been stroking her naked back came to a stop to pull the covers more firmly over her body.

            “Honestly, I don’t know but she’s managed to cry herself to sleep so hopefully she’s let it out,” I whispered, resuming the lengths on her back. Laura looked at her and perched on the end of the bed, brushing back Natasha’s hair that had been splayed over her face. However, she seemed to notice that we were both naked and lifted her hand quickly a blush adorning her cheeks. “It’s not like that. She was a mess so I took her in the shower but there wasn’t much chance for either of us to get dressed between the tears. I’d never take advantage like that.” I promised.

            Laura smiled at me, “Oh I know. It’s nice to see Nat so unguarded around somebody, I’ve never seen her like this with anyone. Not even Clint. She trusts you, completely it seems.” I smiled down at the sleeping frame on top of my own, kissing her forehead. “Do you love her?” She asked.

            “Of course I do, Tasha’s my best friend.” Laura rolled her eyes and gave me a pointed look, “Oh, erm, it’s not like that.”

            She smiled at kissed both of our foreheads lightly, “That wasn’t my question. I’ll let you figure out your answer but when you do I’m here to talk.” With that, she left the room closing it softly behind her and leaving me with the biggest headache I’ve ever had.

            I wasn’t in love with Natasha. She was my best friend. She was there to hold me through every nightmare and was my favorite smile when I woke up. I wiped my tears on her t-shirts and sweat on her body. It was gross and no way at all how I would act with somebody I liked, let alone loved in that matter. Sure, I liked when we kissed but I haven’t slept with anyone in over a year. I was probably just lonely. I was not in love with Natasha Romanov. End of. Ish.

            Thankfully, my mental argument was cut short when the woman in question shifted on top of me. Her blinking eyelashes tickled my shoulder as she slowly woke up.

            “Nice nap?” I asked softly, kissing her forehead. She nodded and shifted closer, throwing her leg over my thighs.

            “We’re naked and I had a breakdown.” She said, removing her leg slowly. I nodded against her head. “We’re naked and you’re perfectly calm about this?”

            Sighing, I looked down at her, “Tasha, you were inconsolable. If lying naked next to you after a shower calms you down, lying naked next to you is what I’m going to do. You seemed to appreciate the skin-to-skin contact.”

            “I did, I really did. God, I feel like a child.” She muttered. I kissed her hair again and squeezed her body softly.

            “Stop it, you had a perfectly good reason to be so upset and I managed to get Laura to understand that I did not take advantage of you, simply showered with you… which saying it out loud does not sound much better actually.”

            Natasha laughed at that, a sound that was so good to hear after hours of her crying. “I don’t think she’d ever think that with the amount the team raves about you,” She paused, “I’m sorry I kissed you, thank you for looking after me.”

            I smirked down at her, “Hey, kisses make everything better.”

            She looked up at me then, her green eyes wide as she bit her lip. Then as if a rash decision had been made, leant up and kissed me again. Gently moving her mouth against mine as her hands moved to cup my cheeks.

            “I don’t deserve you,” She whispered before leaning down and kissing me again. Her hands moved from my cheeks to deepen the kiss, her body sliding over mine until she sat between my legs. Her tongue stroked delicately over my bottom lip which I opened instantly because who wouldn’t. She smiled breaking away to kiss my cheek and then my jaw, traveling down slowly to press kisses down my neck. Her mouth was warm and wet against my skin as her hands move slowly to skim the underside of my boobs. “Please, V,” She begged to reattach our lips. My mind blank, I nodded my head and her hands cupped them softly, fingers running tentatively over my hardening nipples. A moan escaped my lips, traveling straight through my body to my core. She broke away again, looking over at me with an emotion I couldn’t place. “You’re so beautiful,”

            Then her mouth was working its way back down my neck, pausing before biting softly into the soft flesh of my breast. Another moan escaped as her tongue flicked at my nipple, she smiled again and kissed it before moving onto the other one. Her hands were on my thighs, trailing up and down slowly but never moving closer. My body hurt with how much she affected me and a small voice in my head was telling me to stop, telling me that she’s only doing this because she’s hurting. But the other, much larger part, was screaming for her not to stop. Willing to do anything if this stopped her hurting if she just kept going,

            Her lips were on my stomach, kissing down slowly before she reached my hip bone. She bit down equally as gentle as the last, leaving light indents in my skin. “Please,” I whispered my voice so different from one she’d ever heard me use. One I hadn’t heard myself use in a very long time. Natasha nodded and lifted her face back to mine to brush our lips as her fingers wandered closer and closer until she swallowed my moan.

            She ran a finger through me slowly, as if she felt as nervous as I did, and then moved slowly to my clit rubbing in small circles. Her lips were still on mine but we weren’t kissing anymore, just breathing into each other. She entered me as she did everything else in the world, carefully and with exact precision.

            “Please Tasha,” She smirked at my begging, adding another finger as she continued pushing into me slowly. Her lips made her way back down my body until they reached her fingers. Natasha removed them and ignoring the whine of disapproval that fell from my lips, replaced them quickly with her tongue. Oh my god. She moaned against me, the vibrations traveling through me and into my stomach where my climax was steadily building. Her tongue flicked against my clit once and then twice before her fingers joined her, thrusting into me powerfully.

            She looked up at me through dark lashes, my hands that had moved to her hair at some point pushing as my hips lifted to meet her. “Come for me baby,” She whispered, taking me fully into her mouth to suck. That was all it took, my body tightened and I could feel her tugging against my walls as she continued thrusting into me. And I exploded around her, into her mouth. I could feel her smile as she lapped at me, sighing in contentment.

            She crawled back up the bed sitting directly on top of me, “You,” she whispered, kissing me hard. “Taste,” She kissed me again, I could taste myself on her lips, “Divine.” This time, I rolled us over, dragging my hand through her folds almost immediately.

            Natasha keened underneath me, her body writhing as I entered her. “More,” she breathed, I pushed a second finger into her, feeling her warm and ready around them only encouraging me to go faster. “Harder,” she moaned, tightening around me. I leaned down to kiss her and then, as she had done, began licking at her clit. Her earthy scent hit me as soon as I reached her and I swallowed as my mouth watered instantaneously. It didn’t take long before her body lifted from the bed and her eyes rolled back. She came with my name on her lips and I truly don’t think she’d ever looked more beautiful.

           

 

 

Chapter 21: I Go To Tasha's Safe Space

Chapter Text

We lay in silence, the air filled with the scent of sex and her body entangled with mine as we often exchanged kisses to odd pieces of skin. “I think,” she whispered, “We should’ve made that one of your rules.”

            “What?” I asked smiling down at her, “To have sex or to not have sex?”

            She grinned up at me, “That is the question. No, idiot to not have sex. Do friends do that?” I shook my head sighing, “However, we could be the friends that do because I’m not going to lie, I haven’t gotten off that well in… well years.”

            Was she seriously proposing a friends with benefits situation? “Okay, so what? We’re not allowed to shower together, we can’t kiss, we can’t call each other baby but we can have sex?”

            She rolled off of me onto her side and began tracing her fingers over my stomach. “We’ve done all of those in the last few hours V,”

            I looked at her, “Well what are you suggesting here?”

            Natasha shrugged, “The rules stay we just sleep together every now and again,”

            “Tasha, as good as that was and believe me, it was good, I really don’t think sleeping together is a good idea.” She frowned. “I just… I don’t want things to get any more complicated. You’re already my best friend who I like pretending to date but can’t actually date who I’ve now slept with… do we really need anything more adding to this situation?”

            She stopped her hands to stare at me properly, “You know why we can’t V,”

            “I just can’t do it, Tasha, I can’t sleep with you and pretend I’m not going to fall in love with you if things continue this way. Hell, I think for a while, I already was. You’re my best friend and I’m not losing you to some feelings that can easily be controlled if we keep it in our pants.”

            “You were falling in love with me?” She asked, her voice far away lost in thought.

            “Maybe, I don’t know Natasha, this is all very complicated and you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. You’re also the most passionate, caring person I’ve ever known. You’re thoughtful and funny and protective.” Shit, I was falling in love with Natasha.

            Shit, shit, shit.

            I climbed out of bed and tugged on some underwear and a jumper of hers before walking to the window. “Look, you’re my best friend. Feelings get muddled sometimes but I really can’t do that again and risk it. Not when your feelings are so strong about us not even trying.” Her feet were soft against the floor as she padded over to me.

            “It’s much more complicated than me not wanting this, I promise if I had it my way I’d have my head back between your legs. It’s just not a good idea. If we didn’t do what we did, if we weren’t who we are… if I wasn’t who I am then yes.” She hugged my back, staring out at the darkness over my shoulder. “I wish that I could change it all, that I could offer you everything you deserve but I wasn’t raised to be a wife or a mother or even a partner. I was raised to be a weapon and that’s all I’m ever going to be.”

            My heart broke in two. She didn’t want this because she didn’t think she could give me what somebody else could. She was right, she gave me more. She made me brave and strong. Fearless. Unless it was her and the words she was saying right now. Fearless of everything but her rejection.

            I didn’t even have the mental energy to correct her, only nodded against the cool glass and let her pull me back to the bed. She pulled me closer, my head rested on her naked chest while her hands slipped under my shirt to stroke my stomach.

            “It’s not about whether I would choose you Veejay because I would every time. it’s that you’re not even an option at all.”

            Ouch, I bit my lip to fight the stinging of tears. If she knew I was crying, she didn’t let it show only kissed my forehead and linked her hands around my body before closing her eyes. My mind was endless with thoughts: wanting to hate her, hating myself, hating how much I wanted her, how much I truly was falling in love with my best friend.

            “I’m sorry,” she whispered a few hours later and I squeezed her body a little bit tighter, my hand coming to rest above her breast. She shivered underneath me which I ignored and closed my eyes desperate for sleep to come. But it didn’t not until she started talking in her native tongue and the vibrations of the words sent me to a dreamless sleep.

           

            When I woke in the morning, Natasha had gone but there was a note left on the side: I’m downstairs with the kids, don’t panic. I’ve got you coffee waiting.

            Shuffling out of bed, I got dressed quickly into the clothes she had laid out on the end of the bed and brushed my teeth before heading downstairs. I paused on the bottom step taking in the scene in front of me with slightly watery eyes. Both kids were curled up to Natasha with her arms around them while Nate was asleep curled against her chest. She’d whisper something to them every now and again earning giggles and then they’d all go back to watching the TV with smiles on their face.

            I walked straight into the kitchen and picked up the coffee on the side pouring it into the mug Natasha must’ve left out. A noise from behind me made me jump and I turned to find Laura watching me with a sad expression.

            “Are you okay?” She asked, I knew she knew about last night. Whether she heard us or Natasha told her she knew. I shrugged and took a sip of the coffee, wishing it still had the ability to burn me. “Natasha told me, was quite torn up about it, to be honest. She can be so stupid sometimes but the only person who can get through to her is herself…and you,”

            I huffed, “She doesn’t have the right to be torn up about it, this is all on her,” Shifting my weight, I didn’t dare look at Laura, I knew I sounded like an insolent child pointing fingers.

            “You’re right,” she mused, “But that’s who she is. We’re thinking of having a small fire pit tonight, fancy doing the honours and exercising your powers a bit?” Smiling at her I nodded thankfully, “If you want to join Clint chopping some wood, he’s outside now. Breakfast won’t be long.”

            Nodding at her, my eyes wandered back to the couch where Natasha was still sitting with all three children and then outside to Clint. Choosing the lesser of two evils, I left out the back door and picked up the axe leaning against the wall of the house. He smiled but stayed silent as we chopped, neither of us trying to fill the silence around the solid sounds of metal splitting wood.

            About half an hour later, Laura called us both in but as soon as I walked through the door the smell of freshly cooked bacon hit me strongly. My body froze up and then I sprinted to the bathroom, a hand firmly over my mouth. I sat on the floor after I’d finished, pulling at my hair in frustration when a head met my shoulder.

            “You okay?” She whispered, the telltale rasp of Natasha next to my ear. I nodded and pulled away to brush my teeth, “This is going be a really long weekend if you never speak to me again V,”

            I rolled my eyes at her through the mirror and around toothpaste managed, “I’m not ignoring you, Tasha, I’m just frustrated that I can’t even have breakfast without thinking of you bleeding out. Okay? We’re fine.” She seemed to accept it but I could see she didn’t believe it so instead of answering just hugged me close for a minute before turning out the door.

            She paused in the bedroom, “Love you,”

            I sighed, finished my teeth and joined her pulling her into a proper hug. “Love you too Tasha,” She hugged me back tightly like she truly had panicked I wouldn’t talk to her again.

            We walked back together and when I got back the kitchen had been aired, the smell no longer present. Laura looked at me apologetically whereas Clint just stared in sympathy, I shook my head at both of them; it was my fault. Instead of risking food, I just sat at the table next to Natasha with my coffee wrapped in my hands. The kids were talking animatedly about the fire tonight and I threw in a few bit of information about my powers but other than that stayed silent.

            Three taps on the table startled me silently and I looked up to Natasha holding out a slice of bread: You need to eat. Her face was stern and I sighed, took it and tapped back. Thanks.  She smiled as I nibbled at the bread, I’m proud of you. I raised my eyebrows, I’m eating toast, She shook her head with a laugh, Yeah but you were also going to skip breakfast, I nodded softly, I was, thank you.

            Looking up, Clint and Laura were watching us both with odd expressions. Clint had a knowing smile while Laura just looked confused. “You’ll get used to it,” he said to her after a minute. “It’s like they’re reading each-others minds sometimes, the tapping is the most confusing.” Natasha chuckled next to me while buttering another piece of bread to pass to me.

            I shook my head at her but one glare later, I was eating a second slice.

            “Veejay!” An excited voice called from next to me, I tore my eyes from Natasha’s and turned to Lila next to me nodding, “Can you help me with my plants, Nat said you’re a great gardener!”

            Smirking, I looked back at Natasha who at least looked a little sheepish. I’d never gardened in my life unless you count the flowers growing from my palm. Still, I nodded at the little girl and hugged her back when she threw her tiny body at mine. Lila stayed on my lap for the rest of breakfast, teaming with Natasha in handing me bits to eat until I’d had enough and stood swinging her onto my back.

            Lila laughed loudly and wrapped her legs around my waist, not that she needed to, as we cleaned up the kitchen. Once we had finished, I walked us both back outside and towards her small garden.

            The plants were small but I could feel them like I could water and as I placed her down I looked at the small plants and raised my hand slightly. They grew at a pace that matched my hand movements while Lila squealed excitedly next to me. “Not too big Veejay, I just want mine to win.”

            I paused looking at the satisfied smirk on the girl's face, “Win?”

            She nodded, proudly fingering the petals on the now much larger plant, “Yep, we all have our own garden whoever’s does best gets a present.”

            I mocked a gasp, “So you used me as a deviant plan to cheat?”       

            “It was all Auntie Nat!” She blamed, running away laughing to stand behind Natasha who was watching us quietly.

            Grinning at Natasha, “I’m sure it was Natasha, she’s never been able to play by the rules has she.” With that, I pulled at the water in the hose and sprayed Natasha gently, she gasped as the water hit her skin but I made sure it wasn’t too cold. “Run,” I whispered, a smirk playing on my lips. She raised her eyebrows for a minute and then grabbed Lila, darting past me. I chased them for a long time, mixing the game with hiding and seek when Cooper and Clint joined us. Clint joined me because his hiding skills were too good to even bother using against me and we hunted the three of them across the land. I sprayed them with water every time they were found.

            Eventually, Laura came out with Nate on her hip watching with an amused smile for a few minutes before calling it quits complaining of everyone being wet and muddy. I used the wind to dry the kids and then turned back to Natasha, “Looks like you need a shower, Tasha wouldn’t want you to catch a cold,”

            She stuck her tongue out at me and shoved her wet hair into a pony towel before dancing past me stopping to press a kiss to my cheek to show she wasn’t really that mad.

Laura joined me as I perched on one of the logs, watching the kids run around with foam swords. “You’re good with them,” she observed, her eyes never leaving the children.

            “It’s all the powers, I was horrific with kids before I had anything interesting to show them.” She shook her head with a small smile disagreeing but stayed quiet.

            “I’m going to make lunch, have the afternoon kid-free. Tell Nat I said to show you her waterfall,” I nodded at her and stood up slowly, wincing at the protest in my back and headed back inside. Natasha was actually in the shower when I got to our room and I smirked as I dropped the temperature of the water. She screamed my name and I quickly turned it back up, diving under the duvet.

            She stormed out a few minutes later clad in just a towel and jumped on top of me. “Why?” She whined, her hair freezing and I frowned, I didn’t actually mean to make her cold. I opened up the duvet and she wiggled underneath, pressing her icy hands underneath my shirt. As my body temperature rose, she snuggled closer pressing herself closer against me. “Mm,” she hummed softly against my neck, “You’re nice and warm,”

            I nodded and kissed her wet hair.

            After a few minutes of silence, I turned to Natasha letting my eye run over her relaxed features. “Laura said you should take me to your waterfall this afternoon or something?” Her eyes snapped open and she stared at me with a guarded expression I was not used to seeing. “Or not, you don’t have to.”

            She didn’t say anything for a long time, just pulled away from me to stare at the ceiling. “It’s not that I don’t want to, we can. It’s just strange, I’ve never brought anybody there before.” Nodding my head in understanding, I rolled over to put my head on her shoulder and my arm around her waist. She took my hand and kissed it softly, “I like sharing these things with you, it’s just an adjustment.”

            She got dressed and then led me out of the door shouting behind her as to where we were going. We walked into the trees silently and I managed to use my powers to clear the walkway of any big bushes that got in our way. Halfway through the walk, Natasha grabbed my hand and swung it softly between us eyeing me a soft look. When we got there I paused, taking it all in.

            It truly was beautiful. It was basically a huge clearing but in the centre was a large waterfall, running into a pond that eventually tapered into a small stream disappearing into the forest around us. The grass had daisies dotted sporadically all over it and the sunlight managed to break through the trees to cast a golden light over the entire setting. I turned to Natasha with a shocked look to find she was already watching me. She smiled and led me over to it, dangling her legs over the edge of the waterfall.

            “I used to come here when I and Clint were first friends and I was still very angry at the world. Used to shout and scream or cry. It was part of the reason Clint found the farm, he tried to follow me one day but got lost. He ended up buying it and since then hasn’t tried to get me to show him where this is. It’s my place to think, you know. Re-categorise my brain slightly.”

            I nodded at her explanation and sat next to her silently, allowing her the peace she found when she came here.

            “It was so hard at first, un-learning everything we had been taught in KGB and The Red Room. Clint helped a lot, taught me what was right and wrong especially affection wise. I could never tell the difference as to what friends do and what friends don’t do, what’s the right touch and what’s wrong. Sometimes it still blurs a little but I’m still learning.

            “America was so different, when I arrived, to what I had expected. The Russians painted it to be some massive country filled with gun-wielding psychopaths but not everyone’s like that. It’s just a pity that with my line of work I’m sort of limited to meeting such types. They have good things too though, milkshake for one. God, I love milkshake.

            “And the team, they were a blessing in disguise. It took me a long time to trust them, trust Tony in particular. He was known for his spontaneity and I was trained to look for patterns, assess what was coming next. He made that difficult to keep up. But now. They could ask me to jump off a cliff and I’d do it. They’re my family. Sorry, I’m talking a lot.”

            Bumping her shoulder with mine, I took her hand. “I’m listening a lot, don’t worry. I like learning more about you.”

            She smiled, fingers grazing the running water softly. “You were a shock, a big one. When I first saw you in that cell, all quick-witted answers all I could think was that you and Tony were so similar. That you were a HYDRA experiment and you could still be in contact. My brain was going wild with the possibilities of how this could end badly. Then you called me Tasha and it was like all those worries just fell away, day by day. You slept in my bed, you drank my coffee. You smashed down every single wall I’d ever built in a matter of weeks and it scared me so much. Then you stopped because there were no more left for you to tear down and you still stayed. You still slept in my bed and you still drank my coffee. You didn’t turn and run at what you saw… You loved me anyway and I can never thank you enough.”

            Tears rolled down her face and all I wanted was to kiss the pain away, “You’re making me want to kiss you,” I said, my voice lost in the water.

            “I always want to kiss you.”

            Sighing, I turned away from her, the pain latching onto my chest as I stood and jumped into the pond. I needed space before I did actually kiss her, before I let her have her way. When I looked up through the water and the air bubble I could see her wiping her tears, her mouth moving as if she was talking but she didn’t follow me; I didn’t want her to.

            After about twenty minutes, I felt the water shift around me alerting me that she had in fact just jumped in. I was quick to wrap her in the bubble, pulling her down so she was sat next to me. She looked around quietly her hand reaching for mine,

            “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this,” she mused, watching with childlike awe as a fish swam past. Her face was calm as she wiggled closer against the pond floor, not stopping until she had her back to my chest and my legs on either side of her. “Is it hard being my friend?” She asked after another minutes silence, her voice was timid; she was scared of my answer.

            My arms wrapped around her instinctually, pulling her tighter towards me. “Yes and no. At the moment, it’s hard being just your friend but it’s never difficult to care for you or love you. It’s like the second part of me now, my mind is always half on you.”

            She nodded and tapped my hand softly, I love you. I tapped back, I love you too.

Chapter 22: I Go On My First Solo Mission

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

            When we got back the children had showered and changed into their PJ’s and Clint and Laura were dressed in joggers with jumpers. They were all curled together on the couch watching some TV show but Nate looked up with grabby hands when we walked through the door. Natasha nudged my shoulder towards the youngest Barton and I scooped him up from the couch, swinging him lightly just to hear his giggles.

            He was adorable. “Are we ready for the fire? Tasha and I went to get some stuff for smores too!” The children let out an uproar of excitement, dashing out the door with mad grins while the parents looked at us with stern eyes. “You can’t have a bonfire without smores guys, c’mon?”

            Natasha stood behind me protectively and backed my statement until the two backed down with soft smiles and a small warning of hyperactive children. We followed them through the door the children had walked out of, bouncing hyper in front of a bin full of wood.

            “Veejay, light it, light it!” Cooper chanted, running circles around my feet. I nodded and pointed to a chair a few meters away, he took the pointer and moved to stand back. Unsure of how exactly to do it, I picked up a piece of wood and allowed the flames to travel from my fingers onto the wood lighting it almost instantly but turning my hand black from the soot. The children cheered when the rest of it caught on and I took my seat next to Natasha who was eyeing my black hand closely.

            Smirking, I lifted it to her face dotting the soot on her nose and then gently across her cheeks. “I wanna be a cat too V!” Lila called beside me. I nodded chuckling at the nickname and swiped my fingers across her face. Natasha groaned from next to me, only now realising what I had drawn on her face but she made no move to wipe it off just pouted silently. Cooper was next and the Clint and finally Laura until all of them had tiny whiskers and a little black nose. “What about you?” Lila asked, frowning at the lack of soot on my face.

            I shrugged, it was weird seeing them like this. All of them with soot on their noses and after seeing them these last few days it was easy to tell how much they all cared about each other; a dynamic I couldn’t quite fit into.

            As if she knew what I was thinking, Natasha wiped some of the soot from my hand and dotted it across my face. “You’re one of us too,” She whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. Laura, who had overheard her words, nodded at me with a soft expression. I smiled back, only slightly uneasy.

            The rest of the evening went reasonably well, the children came to me to wash the sticky marshmallow off their hands, and in the end, it was mine and Natasha’s job to clean them up properly. Clint and Laura laughing quietly in the background as we chased naked children around the house. Eventually, I used my powers to pick them all up using the wind and bring them to a stop in front of us dry them but it was fun for a little while. It was amazing how well Natasha took to the maternal job, brushing their hair softly and offering short stories for their toys in the bath.

            Still, they went to sleep quickly and we met Laura and Clint back at the fire both of them holding beers out to us. We all shared small talk for a while until the parents went up to bed. She turned to me softly after a minute then stood up to come and curl on my lap. I held her tightly as she sipped her beer.

            “I trust you a lot, you know?” I nodded, I knew. The fire in front of us was dwindling even with the help of my powers. “I love you just as much,” She added after a minute of watching the flames splutter.

            “I know Tash, I love you too.” It came out more of a sigh and a lot more tired than I had intended but she seemed to get the message and quietened down. It was clear she’d fallen asleep after 20 minutes so I put the fire out and walked upstairs, Natasha cradled tightly in my arms.

            I placed her in bed, changing her clothes as best I could without waking her up, and then got in bed next to her. Flicking on my phone, just as it turned on a phone call came through and I answered, running out of the room.

            “Tony?” I asked.

            He sighed dramatically and muttered a quick thank you. “I need you for a mission, I’m sorry I know you’re at the Bartons but we need you anti-flammability. Can you come?”

            I nodded and then confirmed verbally, “Natasha too, or just me?”

            “Just you, grab your stuff and then go to the quinjet, I’ll fly it remotely from here. I’ll see you soon.” With that, he ended the call and I walked back into the bedroom, eyeing Natasha’s sleeping form with envy.

            Packing was easy, I’d only brought a few outfits. So, with a quick note to Natasha, I dashed out the door and back to the jet that we’d arrived on. I threw my bag down on one of the chairs and headed up to the cockpit where Tony’s face was grinning from a screen. He held up a finger as his mouth moved silently,

            “Okay,” he said finally, the words traveling from speakers by my head, “I know you don’t like flying but FRIDAY here is the best pilot a girl could ask for.” As he was speaking the plane shifted and lifted off. The ground, taking off into the air silently. “As for your mission, it’s pretty simple. There’s a building that’s been set on fire just north of where you are, I just need you to run in and scope the place. If you see anything that could be useful, grab it, if not I just need a base plan. Sound okay to you?” I nodded. “FRIDAY is going to land you a little away from the building just in case there's anybody left in there, I don’t want to raise suspicion but it will literally be straight ahead from when you walk out the plane. There’s an earpiece on your left, grab it and put it in so I can talk to you while you’re in there.” I did as he asked, slotting it firmly into place, now his voice traveled directly into my ear. “It’s an old HYDRA base which is why we’re so confused as to why it’s only now gone up in flames, there must be something in there that they’re trying to hide. You need to find out what it is.”

            The plane landed after half an hour and I stepped out, noting the darkness around me and trying to use my powers to keep my path clear as I walked blindly through the trees. Then, there, in front of me smoke arose from a clearing and I jogged forward a little more.

            “Tony,” I muttered, “I don’t know just how fireproof my skin is,”

            He laughed into my ear, “You survive an explosion, I’d say pretty fireproof.” His confidence eased my growing anxiety slightly and I moved forward towards the flaming building. The front door had burnt pretty much all the way down so I stepped over the little bit that was left,  ignoring the singing of my clothes as the flames licked at my skin. “Anything Kid?” I shook my head before answering verbally, clearing the smoke with a small stream of wind.

            An hour later and I still had nothing to show for him other than burnt clothes and empty rooms but I’d managed to control some of the flames. Then I spotted her, curled into the corner of the room was a young woman just a little older than Wanda. “Tony, there’s someone here but I don’t think she’s a threat.”

            I walked forward slowly, quenching the flames that were getting a bit too close to her. She looked up but stayed hidden behind dark blonde hair. Frowning, I put out some more of the fire and walked until I was sat in front of her. “Hey, can you tell me your name?” I asked, turning my head towards her. She shook her head, “Okay, can you tell me why you’re here?”

            Again she shook her head. We sat on the floor in silence, I was unsure of my game plan and I decided sitting with her for a while might come across as less threatening than dragging her out. An hour had passed when my phone started ringing.

            “Where are you?” Natasha hissed through the phone, “Wait, can I hear burning? Veejay, where are you?”

            I held up a finger to the girl who was now looking at me with a curious expression. “Tony needed me for a mission, I left you a note.”

            “Yeah, I got it, very vague. I thought you were lying. Are you okay? Do I need to come and get you?”

            “No, I’m fine Tasha. Stay there with your family, I’ll be back soon-“ As soon as the words left my mouth a large crash sounded from behind me as one of the roofs fell through, flames crawling slowly towards us. “Look, I’ll see you soon but I need to get out of this building before I burn alive. Love you”

            She was protesting into the phone as I ended the call but I quickly turned back to the girl who was smiling at me with soft giggles. “That your girlfriend?” She asked. I shook my head and held out a hand for her to take.

            “No, my best friend, who is going to resurrect me just to kill me again if I don’t get out of here and I’m not leaving you so please can we go?” The girl nodded and took my hand, following closely behind me as I put out the flames enough for us to walk out safely. “Tony, I’ve got her. Shall we come back to you?” He confirmed in my ear and I walked her back to the plane, sat her down, and waited as FRIDAY flew the plane back.

            The blonde was silent on our way back, looking around in wonder. I agreed with her, it was incredible how advanced some of their tech was. Just as we were landing she turned her gaze to me,

            “Thanks for getting me out,” I nodded at her and led her off the plane where Tony, Steve, and Bruce were all waiting. She stayed silent as I passed her to Bruce to get checked up only looking back at me in slight fear.

            Tony walked back towards the base, eyebrows drawn in concern. He walked up to the kitchen and pulled out three beers passing one to me and Steve. “Did she say anything?” He asked, I shook my head. “What if HYDRA put her there on purpose, what if she’s like you had a bomb in her?”

            Steve shrugged and headed towards the couch sitting down heavily. “We put her in the cell while we scan her, I guess. There’s not much else we can do but you did good not leaving her there.” I smiled, it wasn’t like the thought had ever really crossed my mind. We sat in silence for a long time until FRIDAY alerted us that Bruce had finished and we could go down to her.

            I went first and explained to her why she would be going where she was going. A breakdown later, we had managed to ease her into the cell with a fresh pair of clothes. Wanda came down at that point and hugged me tightly in greeting before turning to the girl with a confused frown. “I can’t read her like it’s literally coming up blank. It’s like she’s not here at all?” Tony’s brows furrowed further and we all watched as Wanda practiced her magic gently passing red whisps between her hands. Can you hear me? I asked mentally. Wanda turned and grinned at me with a roll of her eyes, “Veejay, I swear you turn your mental volume up deliberately when you see me. Of course, I can hear and feel you.”

            Laughing, I left the room for a shower, checking my phone quickly. 10 messages and 6 missed calls all from Natasha. I showered quickly and then phoned her back,

            “Veejay Morris, don’t ever do that to me ever again. I was worried sick, you just left in the middle of the night while I was asleep only for me to find out you’re in the middle of a burning building running around for Tony. And then when I call you, you end it with no explanation other than you could potentially get burnt alive. Oh my god,” She let out a shaky breath, “Please never do that to me again,”

            Okay, now I felt bad. I could hear her swallow back tears behind the phone and I quickly flipped to facetime. She answered immediately, her eyes running across my face methodically searching for injuries. I knew I had a cut on my eyebrow, I could feel the blood running down my face even after the shower but that was pretty much it. “I’m sorry for worrying you, I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful,” The excuse sounded stupid when I said it out loud and she scoffed in agreement.

            “Fix your eyebrow, please.” I nodded and stood to get the first aid kit from the bathroom, “Are you always naked when you’re alone?” She asked, her voice traveling with me. I looked down, realising I had indeed forgotten to get dressed in my haste to call her back. Rolling my eyes I placed a small plaster to cover the wound and walked back to the phone, sliding into bed.            

            She was grinning when I looked at her, “No but it’s not often I don’t have this red-haired spy following me around so I like to embrace the privacy while I can,” Her lips formed a pout but her eyes were shining with mirth, “I’m joking, I just forgot to get dressed before I rang you back. Someone new is in my cell, I’m fuming.” I kid, watching her face twist back into concern.

            “Who?”

            “I don’t know her name,” I shrugged, “Found her in the building that was burning. It’s weird though Wanda can’t feel her. Comes up blank every time she tries, I’m going to try my powers on her tomorrow after I’ve slept.”

            Natasha shook her head, “You’re not going in there alone,”

            I rolled my eyes at her strict gaze, “Tash, you’re not my mum, I’m going in there. Just relax, we can talk about it when you’re back.”

            “No, I’m your gi- I’m your friend and I like you alive. Also, I’m cutting my visit short, I’ll be back tomorrow.” We both flinched at her near-miss but I appreciated the change of topic. Why was she coming home though?

            Nodding, I placed the phone so it was facing me and laid down properly on the pillows wriggling around uncomfortably. She stared at my face silently until I relaxed, meeting her eyes again. “I miss you,” I whispered.

            Natasha nodded sadly, “It’s gross how co-dependent we’ve become isn’t it?” I nodded chuckling. “Want me to talk while you go to sleep?” She asked, a knowing smile on her lips. Again, I nodded, she started talking quietly in her Russian tongue and my eyes fell closed.

           

            I woke up the next morning to a warm body next to me and when I opened my eyes I found Wanda’s staring right back down at me. Her eyes sparkled as she bounced happily next to me, leaning over to end the phone call with Natasha I had fallen asleep to.

            “I’ve missed you!”

            “Missed you too sis, why are you watching me sleep though?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. She passed me a steaming cup and sat back against the headboard. Allowing me a minute's silence to breathe in the caffeine.

            “So much to talk about!” She said finally, “You and Natasha, go!”

            I frowned, it was far too early to talk about my growing feelings for my best friend. “We slept together,” I started, earning a loud squeal from Wanda, “Nothing changed, we just had sex and she reminded me that we can’t actually be together.” Wanda frowned at me, eyeing me carefully. “Yeah, I think in her own weird way she’s trying to protect me from herself but I'm in too deep Wan, I genuinely think I’m falling in love with her.”

            “I could’ve told you that,” She muttered, taking a sip of her tea. “I just don’t get why she’s being so weird about it. It’s not like she doesn’t love you too.”

            My body froze and Wanda looked round at me quickly. “Did you see that? in her head I mean?”

            “No,” her entire frame straightened a little, indicating she was at least slightly lying, “It’s just easy to see, you know?”  I nodded, unsure of whether to believe her. “The nightmares about Natasha, you know they’re not real don’t you?” I nodded at her, unable to say the lie verbally, “I know you’re lying, J. I just want you to know that yes she did get shot but you saved her… more than once and in more ways than literally. I’m worried about you.”

            There was nothing to worry about. Sure I couldn’t eat bacon or look at blood or whatever else but there was nothing to worry about. I tried a reassuring smile and walked into the bathroom to get ready for the day. “J, I have something to tell you too, it’s er, not good news.” She said when I came back out. I frowned, thinking of Natasha on her way back. “I did some digging the other day about Sasha, I knew you wanted to talk to her and I thought if I had contact details it would make it a bit easier for you, you know.” I blanched, begging silently for her not to say the words I knew were coming, “I’m so sorry Veejay, she’s dead.”

           

 

 

Notes:

Sasha was based on my own little cousin and this chapter and the next were SO hard to write / read. I hope you enjoyed it, let me know your thoughts :)

Chapter 23: I Am So Sad

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

            “No, she’s not Wanda. You must’ve gotten the wrong person,” I argued, thinking of the girl with long brown hair and soft brown eyes. Her smile was bright as we danced in the kitchen in play heels to old pop songs. She’d hold my hands and spin me around and we’d sing so loud my mum would come in to remind us of the neighbors.

            Wanda shook her hair softly, reaching out for me. I don’t know what happened but one minute Wanda was on the bed and the next the door was slammed closed and I was alone.

            Me and Sasha used to be inseparable as children. She’d stay at my house every Friday and I’d stay at hers every Saturday.

She had a trampoline and we’d go out there once it went dark, I’d take my phone, turn on the flash and we’d have a ‘trampoline party.’ We’d dance, bounce and laugh. Share sweets and secrets under the blanket of the night.

Her smile was infectious. She’d talk to me about the games she played with her friends at school, more often than not it was Doctors; that was her dream as a child. I wonder if she ever achieved it.

We had a pair of roller skates, hers lit up every time she moved. When it got too late, we’d move our party inside, rolling round the kitchen like we were at our own rollerskating party. She’d laugh and laugh. Insisting I taught her the latest dance routine I had learned at school. It would take ages but she’d get it in the end and we’d proudly show her parents, giggling and stumbling through the sequence.

We got older and our dance parties turned to bitching about her sly friends or my latest breakup. We’d cry over stolen wine and watch rom-coms with misty eyes until we were drunk enough to turn on the music. Shouting duets at each other or terrible breakup songs.

 

            A scream poured from my lips as I thought of her, so tiny. She grew up so fast and then she didn’t. God, I can’t believe I missed the last year of her life. The fire licked at my skin and I looked around to find the entire room in flames but I couldn’t bring myself to move. My body felt the heaviest it had ever felt.

            I sobbed as the fire took over, enshrouding everything in its heat. She can’t be dead, I refused to believe it. Refused to believe that I wasn’t there, that I didn’t save her.

            My mind was reeling with pictures of her:

            Rolling her eyes as I made a corny joke.

            Crying over her first boyfriend.

            Dancing around the kitchen with me while we cooked dinner.

            Waking up next to me with a hangover and a grumpy voice.

            Shouting at me in fury when we argued.

            Hugging me tightly when we made up.

            Waving goodbye when I left with a large smile.

            Her face on facetime when we called.

            Sasha. Sasha. Sasha. Was gone. My heart hurt so much, a physical pain that spread through my body leaving nothing but heaving sobs in its wake.

            “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” I sobbed to myself, clawing at the pain in my chest. “I can’t,” The words weren’t even coming and I couldn’t bring myself to even think about what I was trying to say.

            The tears were rolling fast but my energy was dwindling as were the flames, I collapsed on the bed, hugging my arms around my breaking body tightly. It felt like if I let go if I loosened my arms I’d fall apart completely.

            There was someone knocking on the door, I could hear them over the roaring of the flames but my mind didn’t stop, couldn’t stop seeing Sasha’s grinning face. Giggling as I pushed her higher on the swings, pouting as I helped her through her homework.

            Gone. Gone. Gone.

            Someone was screaming my name as I sobbed, I felt like screaming too. Screaming because I never even had the chance to say goodbye. Never even had a chance to tell her I loved her one last time. She died… thinking I was dead. While I was what… playing house with Natasha.

            No, no. I cried harder into the pillow, her name a prayer on my lips begging anybody who would listen.

            I needed it to stop, the pain, it hurt. It hurt. “Please,” I begged, “Please, please make it stop,” I cried into my pillow. She was smiling at me behind closed lids, tiny hands reaching up to me for a hug. Memory me hugged her back, took her small body in my arms as I promised never to let anything hurt her.

            Then someone had their arms around me. Pulling me towards them, their grip was tight, painful even as I fought. They hissed and I couldn’t understand what they were saying, just sobbed and struggled against them. It was only when three loud taps hit the nightstand that I looked up to see Natasha staring down at me with tears in her green eyes.

            “She’s dead, Tasha, dead.” She caught me when I slumped into her body, rocking me in her arms like I was a child. Like I used to do for Sasha. She’d crawl into my bed after a nightmare, her tiny body against mine as her tears quietened. I’d promise to meet her in ‘dreamland’, we’d make up stories the day after about our adventures on the chocolate river.

            Natasha held me tightly as I broke. “I can’t, I can’t, it hurts.”

            “You can, baby, you can.” She’d whisper. We both sounded like broken records, repeating the same words around my tears. God, my heart hurt, everything hurt. So many memories, so many secrets. She was the only one who knew I smoked and I told her never to smoke, that I was doing it for the both of us. She’d help me sneak away at family parties, help me spray, and make sure you couldn’t smell it on me.

            “Ow,” I cried, clutching my chest tighter. Natasha squeezed me tighter, hugging me close against her both. “Please make it stop,” I begged.

            She shook her head, kissing my forehead, “I can’t, I’m sorry. I’m here,”

            God, it hurt. It hurt until I fell asleep, exhausted in her arms imagining they were Sasha’s.

           

            When I woke up I was alone and then Natasha walked out of the bathroom, bandages wrapped tightly around her wrists and palms. I knew I did it, I knew I’d burnt her during my meltdown but all I could think was that it was proof it was real. That Sasha was gone. There was no room around the pain in my heart to even feel guilty for the burns.

            She looked at me sadly and then hopped back on the bed, pulling my limp form against her chest. “I’m sorry for your loss,” She whispered into my hair as the tears built in my eyes again and fell over onto her top.

            Sasha was so pure. So innocent. She deserved so much more.

            “I have you some food here, can you try and eat please?” I shook my head, the tears displacing and falling faster onto her t-shirt. The thought of food made my stomach churn, my body just felt numb. Empty of all human needs. Empty but the feeling of pain. “Just a bite, V please?” She raised a small piece of pancake to my mouth and I opened it loosely. It tasted like cardboard as I chewed, and chewed and chewed. It wasn’t going. Just stuck to the inside of my mouth as I tried to swallow.

            Natasha sighed sadly and rested her chin on my head. I could feel the worry in her usually stable heartbeat, it raced as if fighting for a solution. There wasn’t one. Sasha was gone.

            “How can I help?” She asked after a few minutes. I couldn’t answer, couldn’t allow my brain to separate Sasha’s name from my lips. Instead, I tightened my hold on her t-shirt, pulling her closer and nuzzling my face against the material. “Okay, I’m not going anywhere baby. I’ve got you. Can I please carry you to my room though, we’re in the middle of a warzone.”

            I opened my eyes and looked around. She was right. The wardrobe had been pulled apart, everything singed to ashes. There were drawers smashed on the floor and the window was smashed leaving glass everywhere including the bed. I nodded against her chest and she picked me up, opening the door and I closed my eyes as we walked down the hallway to her room.

            “Can I get you dressed and clean your wounds please?” She asked when she sat us down on the bed. I nodded, looking down at my hands which were covered in tiny bleeding cuts. My body felt numb, even looking at my bloodstained hands, I couldn’t feel anything but Sasha’s name pumping around my body and the physical ache in my chest.            Natasha pulled my top off slowly and looked down at my chest where more cuts littered my skin. Next was my pants. There was a large cut on my thigh. I watched amused as the blood ran down the now free space, crisscrossing through the indents in my skin. A tear dropped, carrying the blood faster down my thigh. She sighed and reached a hand up to wipe the blood with her thumb softly. “I’m going to get some anti-septic. I’ll be back soon okay?”

            I didn’t respond, only watched numbly as blood continued its trail that she had just wiped away. Then her hands were on my calves, wiping softly. The wipe came away a soft pink and she looked up at me sadly. It stared back not really seeing her features or feeling the sting of cuts being cleaned.

            She finished quickly, placing a plaster on the larger cut on my thigh, and lifted my arms to put a t-shirt on me. Pointless really, I wasn’t even cold. I wasn’t feeling much of anything though.          

            Natasha finished getting me changed and pulled me onto her chest, picking up her book, and began reading quietly. I cried just as quietly.

            I remember as a kid, Sasha would get into my bed before we went to sleep every night and ask for a story. It started as something silly but then she asked for different animals every night. “How did the baboon get his red bum?” She’d ask, child-like giggles spilling from her lips. I’d run with it. Well, the first baboon went with his friends one day and they were all doing some painting but he was acting silly and sat in the red paint pot. He couldn’t get it off for days and when they eventually got it off, he was stuck with a red bum.

            A chuckle escaped my lips as I remembered but it was drowned quickly with the pain, washed away with tears. Natasha wiped them away softly, kissing my forehead again and going back to her book.

            An hour passed slowly, I know because I counted as the clock made crawled its way back to 12. “V,” She whispered, kissing my head, “Is there anything I can do?” I shook my head, my attention going back to the clock as it began the next cycle to the next hour. “Can I hear your voice, I need to hear it,”

            It sounded odd, her need to hear my voice. Natasha needing anything from me when I was in so much pain. God, I wanted to hate her for asking me to do anything, for not leaving me alone. I shook my head, staying quiet and she took a shaky breath returning to her book with a small nod. Her voice was thick when she spoke as if she was going to cry too. She had nothing to cry about. Nothing. I lost Sasha. Sasha was gone. She didn’t even know her.

            The night was long. Natasha fell asleep at some point but I couldn’t. Not even when it reached 24 hours since the last time I slept. Not when Natasha woke up and not when Natasha left for breakfast. My eyes felt like lead and my body wouldn’t listen. I needed the toilet but I just lay there. Numbly.

            I could feel myself becoming desperate but it was just a small voice in the back of my head, reminding me that I couldn’t hold it. I did anyway. Held it until I hurt. My stomach hurt too, protested with the lack of food. Yet I didn’t have the energy to pick at the food Natasha had left next to me. I didn’t have the energy to do anything but continue to watch the clock. I did, eventually, get up to go to the toilet but the food was pushing it. So I sat back on the bed and curled under the covers.

            Grief was a strange thing. Followed me in words, in actions. Every time I blinked I saw her face, smiling back at me. Happy, laughing, alive.

            Natasha came back a little later, crawling back under the covers. I turned towards her, staring at her again. She moved her eyes downcast, looking back at me pleading. I didn’t know what she wanted, how can I help her when I have no energy to help myself.

            “Good morning, did you sleep?” It was a pointless question, she knew I didn’t. I shook my head anyway. “Can you eat a little for me?” I shook my head again. “Veejay, I don’t know how to help you, please give me something to work with baby.”

            Baby, baby, baby. Stop. I needed her to stop. Stop caring. Stop hurting. I hated that I was hurting her. Hated that Sasha had hurt me. God, I hated everything. Tears built again and she didn’t say anything else just pulled me closer to wrap me in her arms. A few hours later, Bruce knocked on the door.

            “Veejay, if you don’t eat something soon we’re going to have to put you on a drip for fluid and vitamins.” I nodded at him numbly, looking back at Natasha who had a tear rolling down her cheek. I lifted a heavy hand, wiping it away probably a little rougher than I should’ve but a soft smile played at her lips at the action.

            He walked away with a sigh and Natasha kissed my hair again. “Eat, please, or you can have a smoothie or a milkshake. Just something, please.” She begged and I felt more tears fall onto my scalp. I realised she wasn’t crying for Sasha but for me. Sasha deserved her tears, I didn’t. “I need you,” She whispered, “Please eat something, I know it hurts but you not eating isn’t going to make it better.”

            I wasn’t trying to fix the pain by not eating, I just had no energy. No energy to chew or to swallow. No energy to do anything but listen to Natasha’s heart and watch the clock. She lifted a hand 10 minutes later and pushed my head against her chest letting out a choked sob as she breathed in my scent.

            Bruce came back a few hours later and looked at Natasha in question. She shook her head. He took my arm and placed a needle into the bend of my elbow. His eyes were full of pity as he pulled away to fiddle with the stand holding the drip. He said something to Natasha who nodded back at him silently and then disappeared out the room. My attention moved to the steady drip of the bag. Drip, drip, drip. Almost in sync with the clock. Almost.

            The days seemed to blur together after that. Natasha begged daily until one day she disappeared for the entire day. I tried to care that the pain of Sasha was temporarily displaced by my longing for Natasha but now everything just hurt a little more. Then she came back with a small cardboard box.

            She placed it on my lap where I stared up at her numbly, pulling her down next to me so I could hug into her neck for a second. “Look inside” she whispered. I did. Inside was a tiny black and white kitten, its fluffy fur sticking out in every direction. I looked back at Natasha in shock. “She’s yours, you have to feed her and give her water. Play with her, cuddle her okay? No one else is going to do it. She’s called Alexandra, you can figure out why.”

            I already knew why. Sasha was a nickname for Alexandra. I smiled, my face felt strange as the muscles twitched upward, and grinned up at Natasha. Relief flooded her features as I picked up the crying kitten softly, placing it in my lap. It curled up immediately in my lap, purring softly.

            Natasha pulled me back against her, grinning massively and pressing long kisses to my hair. Her body seemed the most relaxed it had been in days, reminding me once again just how much she was worrying. It hadn’t been my intention.

            Alex looked up at me with large blue eyes, blinking softly, and then batted at the plastic tube still attached to me. I giggled, pushing her away slightly and I felt Natasha take a shaky breath behind me. I turned to her, finding tears falling over her onto her cheeks. I kissed them quickly, “Thankyou Tasha,”

            She sobbed in relief and wrapped me in a hug. “God, I’ve missed your voice.” She whispered, placing a delicate kiss at the junction between my neck and my collarbone.

            I tapped three times, I love you.

            She tapped back.

 

 

Notes:

4 chapters guys! Thankyou so much for the support I have received writing this story, it means more than any of you know. Especially considering this began as a small project made just for me while I was in a kinda rough place. You've all shown such love for this story and it truly warms my heart thankyou again

Chapter 24: I Visit The Grave

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When I woke up the next morning it was to a flash and something warm on my neck, I opened my eye bringing my hands up to feel soft fur under my fingers. Alex. My eyes wandered around to find Natasha smiling down at me softly, her phone in her hands. Gently, I picked Alex up and lead her to her food bowl, pouring in some hard food and topping up her water before stealing Natasha’s phone.

            Her screensaver was a picture of me asleep on her stomach and Alex stretched out sleeping across my neck. It was kinda cute, I passed her the phone back and crawled back in bed. My energy dwindling from such a small task. Still, Alex looked happy purring as she drank.

            “How?” I asked quietly, pointing at the kitten on the floor. Natasha beamed at me as I spoke, pressing a kiss to my cheek with something akin to pride.

            “The entire team was worried and I just thought that having something to focus all your energy into that wasn’t the clock might be beneficial. Turns out, I was right. You’ve gotten out of bed and spoken to me twice since you got her.”

            I smiled at her, it was pretty clever, to be honest. Natasha smiled back, tugging me against her body tightly. “I’m sorry,” I whispered after a second, thinking back to my behaviour and looking at her still bandaged hands.

            She shrugged. “I’m not, honestly I’m just glad to hear your voice. God, I missed it.” I laughed. “And that.” She poked my side gently, eliciting another small giggle. She grinned down at me softly, kissing my forehead again. “In all seriousness, never apologise for how you grieve. It’s a personal thing that no one else needs to understand. No one is pushing you to do anything right now other than… function.”

            Nodding against her chest, I looked down at the drip in my arm. It was sort of stupid. I should’ve just eaten. My stomach rumbled on queue and Natasha sighed, staring down at me in an unspoken question. I nodded once again against her skin and her eyebrows shot up in relief. She grinned at me and kissed my forehead before running out the room, coming back seconds later with some cereal.

            She lifted the spoon from the bowl and brought it to my mouth. I rolled my eyes but opened, allowing the food to wash around my teeth and finally down my throat. It still tasted gross but my body seemed to appreciate it so when another spoonful appeared at my lips I opened it once again until the bowl was empty. Natasha placed the bowl on the side and turned back to me with the proudest smile “You ate, oh my god. Veejay!” She pressed an excited kiss to my nose and hugged me close to her body.

            Guilt twisted at my insides as I realised how much I’d affected her in the last few days. She stayed, every day begging me to do something, anything. I hadn’t spoken to her, or eaten or moved in days. I was a dick no matter how much I was hurting.

            She seemed to ignore the inner turmoil in my brain and lifted Alex from the floor gently placing her on the bed. She picked up a piece of string I hadn’t noticed was next to her and tossed it over the bed, watching with silent laughter as the kitten pounced and pawed at it to no avail. Natasha passed it to me after a minute and watched silently as I played with Alex reaching a hand over her tiny body to thread through her fur.            

            “I love you, Tasha, thank you,” I said after a minute of stroking Alex, twisting her long fur through my fingers.

            Natasha looked up and smiled a ten-watt smile again, kissing my forehead. “I love you too baby.” Neither of us mentioned her use of the name, deciding to ignore that in favour of the cat who was now crawling across both of us to get the line attached to my arm. “She’s been doing that all night, you know. I had to put her on the floor at one point because she was pulling at it enough to make you bleed.”

            I laughed at that, picking up the kitten and moving her away onto Natasha’s lap. A knock on the door spooked her though and she bolted off the bed and zoomed around the floor. Natasha scooped Alex up off the floor before opening the door softly.

            “She awake?” A soft voice asked, Wanda. Natasha looked back at me and I nodded my head reaching for the kitten for comfort. With Alex back purring on my lap, Natasha let the door open properly for Wanda to walk in a worried expression on her face. “You okay?” She whispered then faltered, “I mean, of course, you’re not okay, just, like, are you feeling any better?”   

            I shrugged at her. I didn’t feel as drained anymore and the searing pain had lessened to a constant dull pang. I guess so. I nodded looking at her softly. Holding out my arms, Wanda crawled into them careful of the kitten on my lap. She hugged me tightly, squeezing my ribs as she breathed then let me go to crawl to the end of the bed. Natasha perched back in her spot as I fell back against her, already slightly exhausted at the social interaction of this morning.

            Alex walked slowly over to Wanda sniffing her confusion before nuzzling into her hand. The witch giggled and stroked her softly, looking back at me through bright eyes.

            “I missed you, I missed you both. I’m sorry.” She said after we had been staring at the kitten wriggling in the sheets for a minute.

            I shrugged again, turning my head into Natasha’s shirt to breathe her in for a minute and calm my racing heart. The redhead, realising I wasn’t going to talk, wrapped an arm around me before replying. “Well, we’ll be out in a few days. We need to take Alex to get her shots on Thursday so we’ll be going out then. Could have a movie day then?” The question was more aimed at me than it was Wanda but when we both nodded she smiled and kissed my hair. Today was Tuesday which meant I had two days to prepare myself to take Alex for her injections, long enough.

            Wanda stayed with us for another half an hour before excusing herself for training. I led back on Natasha, my hand under her top to feel her skin. So soft. Her breath hitched slightly as I traced up and down her side softly, reaching just below the swell of her chest before dropping back down.

            Her hand grabbed mine after a few repeats and she looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. “Stop it,” She whispered, her voice slightly huskier than before.

            I let my hand fall from her side and looked at her sadly, “Why don’t you want me?” I asked, embarrassed as my voice cracked with the sentence. Her face fell and she squeezed my hand softly.

            “I do, I really do but you’re in a weird place V and it wouldn’t be fair.” I shook my head, tears falling as I managed it. Always with excuses and never honestly. She kissed my cheek softly, “We can talk about this another day when you’ve had time to process okay?”

            A humourless chuckle escaped my lips, “What so you can tell me again how much it won’t work?”

She sighed and rubbed her face. “What do you want from me V?” She asked eventually in a tired voice.

I cupped her face softly, “I want you to kiss me. I want to feel something other than the pain that Sasha isn’t here anymore. I want you to want me.”

She leant down, her face so close to mine and whispered, “I’m not taking advantage of you, it was you that didn’t want this. Not when I can’t give you more.” I ignored her and smashed our lips together, claiming her quickly and moving so my thighs were either side of her hips. I kissed her roughly, harsh enough that she had no choice to move her lips with mine and she did, kissing me back with fever.

I brought my hands back to her chest, squeezing softly as I ran my fingers over her nipples, smiling as she arched into my touch. Slowly, I separated our lips. “I just… I want you, please.”

She nodded and brought me back down for a much softer kiss, her lips sliding over mine softly as she rolled us over, lifting her weight from mine. I pulled her back down, needing to feel her, needing her body weight to ground me. Her hands crawled down my thighs as she peppered kisses down my neck. She stopped at the curve of my breast, “I need to know you want this, out loud.”

“Yes, please,” I begged and that was enough for her. Her hands reached my centre, tracing gently before swiping through me. God, I needed her. Needed her more than breathing, more than eating. She kissed down my stomach, lifting my t-shirt so she had access to the skin underneath it. She kissed my thighs, my calves and then back up, taking her sweet time tasting my skin before finally, finally kissing me there. I bucked beneath her, desperate and she chuckled softly, reaching a hand up to tangle with mine. I loved her, I loved her. Her tongue swept through me and she groaned softly, reaching up with her spare hand to enter me softly. If I died like this, I’d die happy. The pressure built quickly in my lower stomach and it was over before she had even started. She didn’t stop though, her fingers curling and tugging even post-orgasm.

She lifted her face up, smirking at me beautifully. “One more,” she husked before attaching her lips to my overly sensitive clit and sucking it into her mouth. I cried when I came the second time, my entire body tensing with her name on my lips. She kissed back up my body slowly, taking her time before attacking my lips with the taste of me. She kissed me like she needed air, desperately and I kissed her back just as hard. Tangling my hands in her hair and pulling her impossibly closer.

“You turn,” I murmured between kisses, rolling her onto her back and nudging her with my thigh. Natasha let out a whine and shifted her hips to grind softly against me. I let her for a few seconds, enjoying the movement of her lips on mine before snaking a hand between our bodies, pressing against her. She moaned against my lips, Russian words falling out as I pushed two fingers into her. I fucked her slowly, slow enough for her to beg for release. Slow enough to try and bring her own hands to help. Slow enough that I could watch her fall apart at the seams under my fingers, with my name a breathless whisper. I don’t know who was taking advantage of who at this point but to watch her unravel against my fingers, I didn’t really care.

She stiffened under me and came loudly against my lips. God, I loved her. I brought my lips back to hers, kissing her softly, moving slowly. Kissing her like I’d fucked her, carefully. She kissed me back just as gently. Tapering them out until it was just me, on top of her pressing brief kisses to her lips.

            “Thanks,” I whispered after a minute of breathing against her mouth. She caught my lips again with a smile, pulling my bottom lip into her mouth before letting it go.

            “Thank you.” I rolled off of her but made no move to remove my wet hands from her hip. She turned to face me but her face dropped almost immediately. I frowned at her, “No, not you just… we had sex while Alex was watching and now I feel super weird.” I laughed loudly while she pouted, tugging her clothes back on under the covers. “It’s not funny V, she was literally watching us come. That’s weird.”

            I shrugged and stood up to wash my hands before picking her up and placing her between us. “Cock-block,” I muttered into her fur.

            Natasha laughed, “She didn’t quite get seen in time to be a cock-block but she definitely won’t be in here when that happens again.” I smirked up at her, “Shut up, you know what I mean.” I definitely didn’t but instead, let her crawl up beside me and press a wet kiss to my shoulder. “You’re too good to resist, I’m sure you’ll tempt me again at some point.”

            I sighed and let my head fall back against her. She was right, no matter how much I wanted to fight her on this. Sex with Natasha was addictive and I’d rather be friends with benefits than go cold turkey. I’d love her from afar… or until she realises that she’s more than good enough.

            “Is this a thing now?” I asked chuckling quietly, “Having sex after one of us has a breakdown?”

            She shrugged and brushed my hair back from my shoulder to press another kiss there, “I guess so, is that a problem?” I shook my head. “Good because it’s my favourite way to make you smile.” My stomach flopped at her words and I squirmed slightly under her roaming fingers. She chuckled and removed her hands, rolling over to get out of bed.

            “Where are you going?” Natasha turned from the mirror she was fixing her hair in to offer me a small smile.

            “Away from you before we spend all day in bed doing things we most definitely shouldn’t be doing.” I nodded with a smirk. “I’ll bring you dinner later. Oh and I finished the level you were stuck on so get going on the next one. Don’t forget about Alex!” With that, she left the room and I fell back onto the bed, sighing loudly.

            I slept with Natasha again. I was falling in love with Natasha and sleeping with her knowing full well she didn’t want anything more. God, I’m an idiot.

            I read for a while as Alex curled into my side purring in contentment until slowly my eyes drew closed and I fell asleep, my hands tucked tightly around the kitten. Natasha woke me up a few hours later with soup and I ate it quickly, falling back to sleep with my head on her lap almost as soon as I’d finished.

           

            The next few days blurred by. Natasha and I hadn’t mentioned anything about the post breakdown sex and I’d managed to re-instate myself within the team. Tea was made for me by Wanda in the kitchen and Tony was back harassing me for help on his crosswords. Everything was reasonably normal.

            It was while I was having tea with Wanda one morning that I finally asked the question that had been bugging me for days. “Where is she buried?”

            Wanda turned to me shocked and then schooled her features quickly. “The local cemetery, she’d moved here about a month before she did for a job.”

            “As a doctor?” I asked, fearing the answer. Wanda nodded and I smiled softly into my glass. I always knew she’d do it. “I’m going to go and see her, will you let everyone where I’ve gone?” She nodded and slid a pair of car keys over to me.

            I raised an eyebrow, “They’re Natasha’s she left them here before she went training, I’m sure she won’t mind.” I nodded at her and took the keys in my hand, heading to the garage in silence. It was strange, driving after such a long time but without thinking too hard my feet took to the pedals and I was driving out of the base.

            After punching in the address, the car guided me to a small shut off cemetery about 20 minutes away, it looked perfectly calm. Just rows upon rows of headstones. I walked through them softly, taking my time as I looked for Sasha’s and finally after a few hours I came across it tucked away in the corner next to a large oak tree.

            My legs crumbled underneath me as I fell to the grass, it was true she really was gone.

            “Hey,” I said, my voice breaking the soft bird song. “I’m sorry, I only found out a few days ago and you don’t even know I’m alive… or what I’m saying. I just want you to know that if you can hear me, I miss you. I missed you for so long and now I’m going to be missing you for the rest of my life.

            “I was so sad when I found out Sash, so sad. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t do anything until Natasha bought me a kitten, she named it Alexandra. You’re the smart one, I’m sure you know why. I’m better now, the kitten… it gave me something to focus on which wasn’t you. It hurts so much, every day. I don’t even know what happened to you, I’m too scared to find out but I will.

            “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Natasha actually. She’s beautiful. Sharp tongue, no bullshit kind of person. But she’s so soft too. Morning hugs and forehead kisses. I’m falling in love with her Sash, she’s my best friend though. She’s adamant she’s not good enough for me and that’s why we can’t try.

            “I’m not going to push her though. We’ve slept together, you know. Twice. Each time one of us had had a breakdown prior. It’s nice, the fact that I have that. Someone I can help, even if it is by using my body. It doesn’t feel like it with her though, she’s soft, gentle. Like she cares.

            “I can’t read her on this which is strange because usually, I can read her better than anyone. But… she’s just blank when we talk about us. I’ve given up now on the hope we will be together so I’m taking everything she gives me; if she wants sex, sex she has. If she wants to be just friends… well I’ll be the best friend she could wish for. I’m just tired of pretending you know? Pretending that there isn’t something more there. It’s exhausting.

            “I’m so proud of you by the way, for passing med school and becoming a doctor. I bet you were incredible. You were incredible. I miss you so much Sash. I have powers now, isn’t that cool. In fact, watch –“ I paused and opened my palm watching as a bouquet of daisies appeared, I laid them gently against the headstone. “See. Daisies are Natasha’s favourite flower, she said that they’re stubborn. They suit you. And her. God, you were stubborn. I miss you. I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier but now I know where you are, I’ll be back. I love you Sash,”

            With that I walked back to the car, taking a minute to wipe the tears and clear my vision before pulling out of the parking spot. Natasha was waiting in the garage when I drove back, smirking as I slid into her spot and passed her the keys. She paused the jest that was surely on her tongue when she saw the dried tear marks on my face.

            “You okay?” She asked, bringing a hand to wipe a fresh tear. I shrugged and fell into her arms as they wrapped around me tightly. “Oh baby, what happened?”

            I pulled away to wipe my tears, leaning back against her car. Her eyebrow twitched and I knew she wanted to say something about the potential of me scratching the paint but her mouth stayed closed. “I went to visit Sasha. Well, her grave.”

            She nodded and held out a hand pulling me back to her and away from the car. “C’mon, let’s go make pancakes and watch a film. Wanda’s growing antsy with worry.”

 

Notes:

Im sort of sad this is coming to an end

Chapter 25: I Speak To Lissy

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

            It had been a few days since I had visited Sasha’s grave when I remembered about the girl in the cell. Turning to Tony who was busy tweaking his latest suit as I read out crossword clues, I asked “Hey, what happened to the girl I found in that burning building?”

            He turned on his chair quickly, “Me, Steve and Wanda go down there daily but she won’t talk. Demanding to talk only to you. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it to be honest, it just kept slipping my mind.” I hummed quietly, nodding and finished the crossword quickly before rushing across the base to the cell.

            She was clean now and her dirty hair was naturally a bright blonde, hung in tight curls over her shoulders. She perked up when she saw me, a large smile taking over her face. I lifted a hand in greeting while I turned on the coms. “Hi, fancy telling me your name yet?”

            “Lissy, you’re Veejay?” She replied, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

            I nodded, “Sorry I’ve been away, I had personal problems going on.”

            “What did Sasha die?” She asked, a smirk playing on her lips. I turned to look at her confused but she said nothing else only raised her eyebrows.

            “Yes, actually. How do you know Sasha?” She smirked again and tapped her nose, staying silent. “Tell me,” I demanded. I could feel myself getting angry, heating up. “Did you hurt Sasha?”

            Lissy simply laughed and turned around, “Come back when you have more interesting questions, beautiful. Oh and keep that pretty red-head of yours close, never know who might be after her.”

            I snarled and turned around storming through the base. How did she know Sasha? Did she hurt Sasha? Hell, I didn’t even know how she died. Fuck. Tasha was stood in door way when I reached the kitchen and stared at me concerned. Ignoring her, I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bedroom, pushed her against the door and kissed her.

            She kissed me back for a minute until she pushed me backwards. “What are you doing?”  Ignoring her, I leant back up to reattach our lips. She complied, moving her lips to my neck. “Are we doing the whole, one of us is upset so we sleep together thing?” I nodded and let her push me to the bed. “I can do that,”

            Natasha ripped off her top, pulling me on top of her. God, her boobs were incredible, I grabbed them roughly, trying desperately not to take my anger out on her.

           

            I rolled off her an hour later, panting and she grabbed my hand squeezing once. “Not that I’m complaining V but do you want to talk about what happened just then?”

            “Yeah, Lissy is a bitch and I think she killed Sasha.” Natasha sat up straight, eyeing me seriously. She raised a perfect eyebrow silently asking if Lissy was the girl downstairs and I nodded at her.

            “Shit…” She muttered leaning down to kiss my cheek before pulling me against her. “You alright?”

            Shrugging, I kissed her shoulder softly. “I am now. Sorry, I just… needed to get that out. Something out.”

            Natasha chuckled, “Well, it’s definitely a thing now.” We laid together silently for a minute before she turned to me once again with a stern look. “How do you know?” I paused and stayed silent for a minute. “You went down there, alone?” I nodded, burying my head against her skin. “Veejay! That’s not what we discussed.”

            “Yeah well, she wasn’t talking to anybody else was she? Plus I’m glad I did because A) I just had a brilliant orgasm and B) I found out that Sasha might’ve been murdered which means I have somebody to blame.” Natasha sighed but I could tell she wasn’t really mad.

            “Tell me everything,” She mumbled after a minute. I did and afterwards, she stared at me, green eyes full of concern. “Veejay, this sounds a bit too personal for it to be HYDRA is there anybody else you’ve pissed off?” I thought back to the countless bosses I had stormed out on and held back a laugh. “This isn’t funny, I could be in danger here too after that comment she made.” That sobered me up quickly and I latched onto her.

            She grumbled something in Russian and picked me up to land me on my feet. With one hand she pointed at my clothes and with the other she fumbled with her own, shouting for FRIDAY to call a team meeting.

            Once we were dressed she pulled me out of the room, pausing for a minute to tighten the drawstrings on my hoodie with an apologetic look. I turned to my reflection in the window to find a bruise growing just under my jaw. She smirked at my glare and continued to drag me towards the kitchen.

            “This better be good, I was in the middle of rebuilding one of my suits, Oh?” He smirked at my jaw, “You here to tell us you two finally sorted your shit out?” Natasha ignored him, repeating what I had told her in bed moments ago. “Veejay, you went down there unsupervised!” Tony admonished after Natasha had finished. She nodded at me with a smug grin.

            I rolled my eyes, “Yes but that’s not the point. The point is that if she is responsible for Sasha then Natasha’s next.” The team fell into an odd silence at that. Each of them passing indescribable looks between them. “Guys, I need to go back down there but I need to figure out how to word the questions to get the answers we need.”

            Natasha shook her head, placing herself in front of me protectively. I sighed and grabbed her hips, moving her carefully back to the side with a pointed look. She muttered something unintelligible and wrapped a restraining arm around my waist tugging me in front of her.

            Wanda looked at me scared, “I have no idea what’s going through her head. I can’t use my powers on her, I’m pretty much useless in this situation. I’m sorry J,” I nodded at her softly, it wasn’t her fault. “I do think Natasha needs to stay as far away from that cell as she can get though.”

            The boys nodded in agreement while she stiffened behind me. “No, if V’s going down there so am I.”

            I spun on my heel, “No you’re not.”

            She raised an eyebrow, “Yes I am, I’m not leaving you defenceless.”

            “Tash, you’re not the only person who can keep me safe in this room.” She frowned deeply and I leaned back against her chest gently. “It’s for your own safety, you’re staying with Wanda. One of the boys can come down, not Tony, I don’t think he’ll manage two minutes without some girlfriend joke and we don’t need her thinking me and Natasha are more involved than we truly are.”

            Steve turned to look at us confused. “So, you’re not dating?”

            I groaned and banged my head back against Natasha’s shoulder. “No, grandad we’re not dating.” He eyed my jaw sceptically. “Yes, I have a hickey. Yes, it came from Natasha. No, we are not dating.”

            He shrugged and turned back to Clint having a quiet conversation. Eventually, he turned around and nodded at me. Steve was joining me in talking to Lissy, brilliant. This should be fun.

 

            5 minutes later, Steve and I were walking through the halls towards the cell. Wanda had grabbed some makeup to cover up the growing mark on my jaw and we had run through a few practice questions. Natasha let go of my waist eventually, turning me to her with a private plead to stay safe. I’d tapped her hand three times in agreement before pulling out of her grasp and heading towards Steve.

            Lissy was sitting on the floor when we got there, a dangerous smile on her lips. “It’s nice to see you again Cap, Veejay you brought a friend this time and I hope some more interesting questions too.”

            I nodded at her, “Why were you in that base?”

            She grinned, “So what is he the brawn and you brains or is this some good cop, bad cop situation?” I rolled my eyes, patience slipping already. “I was in the base for you, they knew of your powers, knowing that you’d be sent there because you’re the only one resistant enough to the flames. They wanted you to find me.”

            Steve looked at me shrugging. I didn’t know either. “Why though?” I asked.

            Lissy grinned and shook her hair, “Well, if I told you everything now I’d never see you again would I gorgeous. You are, you know. Very pretty.”

            “Thanks, I think. Okay, new question, did you kill Sasha?” I tried.

            She giggled, standing to wander around the cell, “Now that is an interesting one. I wouldn’t say, I killed her. I might’ve intervened slightly but not really.” Taking a deep breath, I tried desperately to keep the growing anger at bay. Maybe I should’ve brought Natasha down here at least she could calm me down.

            “Okay, and what’s the deal with Natasha?” I asked, keeping my mind on the redhead while I tried to cool down.

            Lissy looked up at me in slight shock, as if she was surprised I’d mentioned her. “You care about her, of course.”

            I frowned, “So what, you’re going to kill everybody I care about?”

            The blonde laughed loudly. “God no, only my competition beautiful. I don’t want anybody taking you away from me.”

            Steve looked at me in alarm and I took a hesitant step back. Fear creeping up my spine as she stared at me through the glass possessively. Ignoring her final comment, I walked out the room and back into the kitchen, straight into Natasha’s arms. She kissed the top of my head as I tried desperately to calm the tremors shaking through my body.

            Wanda passed me a cup of tea and I smiled at her in thanks, curling up against Natasha’s chest on the sofa.

            “Did you hear?” I asked after a minute. She nodded and took the cup from my hands and entwined them softly with her own. “She wants to kill you,” Natasha nodded silently as though this wasn’t new news. To her, I guess it wasn’t many people had tried to kill her in the past.

            Tony joined us a minute later, holding out a beer for the both of us. “Well, that was fucking creepy. Think you’ve got yourself a fan down there, J.” I shuddered, pressing myself further into Natasha who glared at Tony. “In all seriousness, this is a bit of a problem. We don’t know what she’s capable of if she’s working for HYDRA or if she’s inhumane. We know nothing but she’s obsessed with Veejay, wants to kill Natasha and is pretty much ineffective with Wanda.”

            I drank my beer, and then my tea, both in silence tucked under Natasha’s chin while she stroked softly at my back. Eventually, everybody tapered off to their rooms and I dragged Natasha in to find Alex, she was curled on the bed but jumped up purring immediately as we opened the door.

            “Hi baby,” I whispered, letting her crawl onto my chest, “Your mommies have a little bit of a blonde problem downstairs”

            Natasha curled up next to me, stroking Alex’s back with her fingertips. “But I won’t let anything hurt her, will I Al, no. Nobody is getting to mommy, not even our resident blonde psychopath,” I smiled up at her and she grinned back. “I’m serious though V, she won’t ever get her hands on you, I promise.”

            I nodded and turned round so I could cuddle into her. She wrapped her body around me as Alex got comfortable in the curve of my body.

            “I won’t let her hurt you either Tasha, I don’t care what I have to do, I hope you know that. She’s already had Sasha, she’s not taking you too,”

            Natasha kissed the nape of my neck softly, “It will never come to that,”

           

            When I woke up the next morning, Natasha was on the phone talking quietly in Russian. I rolled over to watch her as she stroked Alex absentmindedly while her mouth twisted and rolled around her native language. She turned me softly, balanced her phone between her ear and her shoulder to pull me towards her.

            As she spoke, I played quietly with Alex pushing her gently she pawed at my fingers jumping slightly every time I moved them. Natasha chuckled as she ended the phone call, “You two are very distracting.” I grinned up at her and she kissed my forehead softly. “Okay now you’re up, I need caffeine desperately. Bring Al into the kitchen once your dressed, Wanda wants to see her again.”

            I nodded and she slipped out of the bed walking swiftly out the door. I turned to Alex, “Mommy’s being a little weird, isn’t she.” The kitten purred as if she knew exactly what I was saying and I smiled kissing her tiny forehead before climbing out of bed.

            Alex was wriggling in my arms as we walked out of the bedroom, desperate to explore the new territory but as soon as I placed her down Wanda scooped her back up pressing delicate kisses over her fur. I sat in the seat next to Natasha watching Wanda play with the kitten on the floor next to us. It was cute watching Wanda act her age, so carefree. So much like Sasha.

            “So, I’m thinking, we go out today.” Natasha mused, sipping her coffee.

            Something was going on, I knew it. “What are you planning?” I asked staring at her with raised eyebrows. She looked at me innocently, a soft smile on her face as she shook her head. “Okay fine, where do you want to go?”

            “Ice skating?”

            I paused, “You want to go ice skating when we have a psychopath downstairs who is probably scratching my name into the glass of the cell?”

            She rolled her eyes. “I want to do something, I’m bored. I haven’t left the base since we went to the farm and I’m getting restless.”

            “We have a kitten, how can you be restless?”

            “Al sleeps 70% of the time and zooms around for the other 30%.” She muttered, downing the rest of her coffee.

            “Okay, so your remedy is ice skating?”

            Her lips pouted adorably. “Well, yeah? I haven’t been in years.”

            “Okay, if you want to go ice skating then that’s what we’ll do.” She grinned and tackled me in a hug, pressing little kisses to my face in thanks. “You’re welcome now please get off, you’re all up in my face.”

            Natasha turned to look at me with a smirk, “And here I thought you liked that,” Then rushed to get ready. I looked at Wanda, who was laughing behind me, in shock. That girl was seriously giving me emotional whiplash.

            “Look’s like you’re going ice skating J, better go get ready.” She teased. I nodded my head and pointed to the kitten, “Nah, I’ll Alex sit today it’ll be nice.” I leant over to kiss her forehead softly before heading into my room to get ready. I was going ice skating.

           

            Natasha met be by her car 20 minutes later with a large smile on her face and a childlike sparkle in her eyes. “C’mon V, you’re taking ages.” I laughed quietly to myself before slipping into the car next to her, fiddling with the radio until she sang along softly under her breath. The best thing about driving in the car with Natasha was every time we stopped at a traffic light she’d look around animatedly and point at the first dog she saw, making sure I noticed it too before driving off. It was adorable and made a fun game for long journeys.

            We reached the ice rink in no time thanks to her aversion to traffic laws and were quickly given our skates. Natasha tied hers quickly before bending down to do mine with a soft smile, kissing my knee after she finished each boot. Then, she flashed me a mischievous smirk and bolted onto the rink, taking to it easily.

            My feet were uncertain on the blades wobbling despite it not being my first time as I stepped onto the ice. She grabbed my hands quickly, gliding backwards while staring at me before letting go, spinning round and skating off quickly. Fucker. Looking around, my eyes met with an old man off to the side looking as nervous as I felt and I shuffled over to him to lean on the side.

            He offered me a wonky smile before skirting around me and off the ice. Honestly, I wanted nothing else but to join him, I was not built for ice skating. Suddenly, cold hands slipped under my shirt from behind and I turned with a smile.

            “Hey! I could’ve been anyone, do you let everyone warm themselves up on you?” Natasha grumbled, linking her hands over the bottom of my back.

            I shook my head and leant against her, trusting her not to let me fall. “No, but you’re the only one who knows I’m going to be warmer than the average person here. Plus, I know your hands anywhere.” She smirked and ran them up my side softly. “Stop it.”

            She rolled her eyes and pulled away, making sure to keep me upright. “You’re boring on a date.”

            On a what now?

 

 

Notes:

Lemme know what you think! Thanks for reading guys!

Chapter 26: I Make Hard Decisions

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“We’re not on a date Tasha.” I choked, struggling to remain on my footing on the ice in shock. She furrowed her eyebrows adorably, staring at me like I’d grown another head.  

            “Don’t people go ice-skating on dates? It’s been a while since I’ve done this, I’ll admit but I didn’t think I was that outdated.” She muttered fumbling with her hands awkwardly.

            Sighing, I shuffled to the edge of the rink pulling myself off so I could walk to the café close by. We stood in the queue in silence while I ordered our drinks, grabbing them before sitting down on a table “Tash, it’s not that this isn’t what people do it’s just… not what we’re doing. You made that abundantly clear. We’re friends, best friends, who sleep together sometimes to let off steam. I can’t keep running around in circles and coming up to a different conclusion every time. It’s messing with my head. You’re messing with my head.”

            Natasha fiddled with her lid, pulling the plastic on and off the cardboard cup. “I didn’t mean to. I don’t mean to. I’m confused. I’ve never been good with feelings and the ones I feel for you… they’re so new. I’m still wrapping my head around them, I don’t mean to hurt you.”

            “I know you don’t, but you are. Look, this was cute and all but I can’t deal with this right now. There’s a stalker in our basement who's going after everybody I care about and I’m still wrapping my head around Sash. I don’t have the emotional capacity to sit here and let you toy me around just because you’re confused and frankly, I don’t deserve to be some ragdoll for you to practice on. You want this, fine but come back to me when you’ve got your head straight. I deserve better than this Natasha.” Her face dropped completely as I stood up to walk back over to the kiosk so I could get my shoes. Thankfully, she didn’t follow me or say anything else while I walked out of the ice rink but it was only when I got out that I realised we’d arrived together.

            I pulled out my phone, bringing up Wanda’s contact and asked her to come and get me. She must’ve realised something was wrong because she pulled up ten minutes later with Alex in the passenger seat, her claws tugging at the expensive leather much to Wanda’s displeasure.

            Picking the kitten up, I placed her on my lap as I got into the car letting a shaking hand run through her fur. This couldn’t have gone worse if I planned it to, what was she thinking?

            We got back to the base and I went straight to my room ignoring the concerned looks from the rest of the team... Pushing my thoughts of Natasha out, I focused on Lissy down in the cell. What did she want other than me? Why did she want me? Was she part of HYDRA or just an obsessive teenage girl?

            The only person I’d get answers from was her. I waited until I heard the last of the bedroom doors close for the night and quietly snuck down to her cell. Finding her curled on the bed messing silently with her hair. “Bit late for an evening stroll, isn’t it?” She grinned, sitting up.

            “What do you want from me? I’ve had enough of games recently.” Lissy smirked and tossed her blonde curls over her shoulder before pointing a chipped nail at me. “Yes, I know that but why?”

            She huffed and wandered closer to the glass, raising a hand to trace the shape of my face. “Who wouldn’t? You have it all, the powers, the looks, the family.” I frowned. This doesn’t sound like stalker behavior. More like she wanted to become me. “HYDRA want you too. You’re a very wanted person, to be honest. You should feel lucky, I was never wanted.”

            “I don’t care whether you were wanted. Why does HYDRA want me? They know where I am, why not just come and get me? Why involve you?” I asked.

            “Well, they’re not stupid. They’re not going to storm the place with SHIELD on standby and the Avengers as your bedmates.” Nodding, she continued, “However, they are keeping a close eye. I volunteered, I was watching you for weeks before HYDRA took you, and now… well, now you got the ultimate life upgrade didn’t you. I always knew you would be special.”

            My skin crawled, “Why did you kill Sasha?”

            “Why do you keep coming down here? I think you’re as infatuated as I am,” Her tone dropped and her face twisted into a flirtatious smile. “I knew the redhead held nothing on me. Once you got to know me, saw me. I knew you’d understand.”

            Bile rose slightly in my throat but I coughed it down. “Sasha,” I prompted.

            “Well, odd one really. She noticed me and I couldn’t have that. Had a friend of mine cause a bit of an accident on the freeway, couldn’t have that now could I? Pity really, she was on her way to see you at the time, had just found out you were alive, but I couldn’t have her telling you about me before you were ready.”

            “You’re sick,” I spat, turning on my heel and out of the door my mind reeling. When I got back to my room, Natasha was sat with her back against my door. “I’m really not in the mood to continue our conversation from earlier Natasha,” I muttered when her mouth opened to speak.

            She nodded and looked back down at her lap. “I.. erm, I can’t sleep.” She muttered after a minute. Fuck sake. I nodded with a sigh, my mind still running a mile a minute after my conversation with Lissy.

            “Go on, I’ll be back in a bit,” I said, motioning to the door. There was no way I’d be able to sleep not after that, she frowned and I knew she was about to ask questions so I just turned around and headed for the roof. I hadn’t been up here much, it was more Wanda’s spot to think but right now the height was just what I needed. The risk, the fresh air. Space. It seemed like everything had happened today like everyone decided today was the day to send my mind into overdrive.

            Natasha had pissed me off but I couldn’t stay mad at her. Not when I knew full well that without her I wouldn’t be able to process any of what is going on. I needed her to get through a day like I needed air to breathe. Lissy… Lissy was a psychopath and I was at a loss as to what to do.

            I just wanted my bed. My cat. My best friend. So, with a sigh, I lifted myself up and headed back inside. When I opened my door, I found Natasha sitting against the headboard stroking Alex in silence looking deep in thought. She looked up when I walked in offering me a weak smile as I got ready for bed. She shuffled under the covers in silence, when I slid under the sheets, staring up at the ceiling.

            “Tasha, come here.” She turned her gaze from the light above the bed to me, her face dripping with silent apologies. I opened my arms and she dove into them, pushing her nose into my neck. “You’re a dick but there are more important things than you having no regard for my feelings right now.”

            She pulled away quickly, “I have regard for your feelings!”

            My eyes squeezed close as a headache began in my temple. “I’m not arguing right now, I can’t. My head hurts and I’m fucking terrified. I need you to just ignore everything that’s going on with us right now and be my friend. Please.” She nodded and tapped my hip in silent agreement, laying her head back on my shoulder. Alex came up to my stomach and curled up, falling asleep with quiet snores.

            Her hand snuck around my waist to trace patterns over my ribs. “I really care about you and I want to help,” She whispered after a few minutes.

            “I know you do and I’ll tell you all about our resident psycho in the morning but for now I’m going to try and forget she’s been following me for nearly a year and a half to get some sleep, okay?” Natasha nodded and pressed a kiss to my shoulder hugging her body tighter to mine. “Can you talk? Please?” I whispered, feeling slightly guilty asking her of this after snapping at her so much today. She didn’t argue though, just began her nightly Russian monologue and as I fell asleep I promised that one day I would find out what she said every night.

            I awoke the next morning with my head on Natasha’s stomach, her hands running softly through my hair and Alex curled on her shoulder as she read. It was such a mundane moment that I allowed myself a few minutes of peace before moving my head from her hands so I could sit up. She smiled at me once and then went back to her book while I got ready for the day and call a team meeting. Natasha, as usual, was already ready and left to go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and coffee.

            “Hey kid, it’s early what’s up?” Tony asked through bleary eyes and a well-worn jumper. His palms covered his mouth quickly as he held back a yawn and I hid my chuckle into the steaming cup in my hands. Seeing Tony Stark like this would never get old.

            Still, once the rest of the team arrived all in various stages of ready I began. “I went to see Lissy last night, I wanted some answers. Some proper answers. Turns out she was stalking me long before HYDRA got me and she was working with them so she still had access. They’ve been watching the compound, which we knew, but won’t come and get me due to the size of your manpower. She killed Sasha because she’d found out about Lissy stalking me. Also… the way she was talking last night… I don’t know if she wants me or to become me. She didn’t say anything more about Natasha though so hopefully, in Lissy’s mind, she’s been demoted to just my teammate and we’re going to try and keep it that way. Meaning, Tasha, no more sleepovers, no hanging out, and definitely NO going to see our celled psycho. “

            Natasha faltered, “What? Lissy doesn’t know what we do up here, no, I’m not not going to spend time with you. No. If this is about yesterday then I really am sorry.”

            Tony looked up, “What happened yesterday? Les be honest here guys?”

            Steve, Clint, and Wanda laughed loudly but I just stared at Natasha eyebrows raised, “I said to you last night that I just need you to be my friend right now, Tasha that means no bringing up what happened yesterday for the time being. No, Tony, you’re not getting an explanation. Yes, Natasha, that is what’s happening. I just don’t think it’s safe, if I had it my way then you’d all be driving back to the Avengers tower right now but that’s just impractical.”

            “It’s not just impractical Veejay, it’s suicide,” Wanda muttered scowling back at me.

            “Look at the moment, HYDRA is watching us. We don’t need information getting out that Lissy’s ideology that Natasha and I are something more than we actually are is correct. It just strengthens the target on both our backs. From now on, I’m keeping to myself. If’s safer that way for all of you.”  Everyone looked up at me at that, but it had been something I had been thinking about last night.

            It wasn’t fair to make them targets just because we’d all become friends. They deserved better than to be hunted down by HYDRA just because they’d saved me… especially because they saved me. It would be easier to cut my losses here, to have them safe while having their tools at my disposal. I couldn’t leave but staying was risking everyone.

            “Not happening Veejay,” Steve said, finally breaking the silence that had adorned the room. “You’re not isolating yourself just because you think we could be in danger. News flash, we’re the Avengers. We’re always in danger.”

            Fine, if they wanted to be difficult. I can do difficult. “Steve, you either let me do this, or I leave.”

            The silence was back, stony and heavy on my shoulders. Natasha let out a shaky sigh and left the room. Wanda simply glared at me and followed the redhead into the living quarters. “Congratulations, J, you managed to piss off the girls. Why are you doing this?” Tony asked after a minute.

            “Because none of you are understanding just how crazy Lissy is. She literally organised a hit on Sasha because she was on her way to see me, she didn’t even know for certain what Sasha would say. There’s something off about her Tony, something other than her being completely batshit crazy, and until I figure out what that is I don’t want any of you in the cross fire.” He nodded slowly a contemplative look on his face.

            “What if we just get rid of her?” He asked, pausing to acknowledge the nodding heads of the boys.

            “Like kill her? We’re not the bad guys here, don’t turn yourself into one.”

            “No, no, just… send her away. Get her isolated somewhere else.” He explained. It was wishful thinking and we all knew it. There was something about Lissy, something that didn’t go away just because you couldn’t see her. She’d find me again.

            I shrugged, “I don’t think the cell is holding her. I think she can get out, that she has been.” It wasn’t a lie. She held a calmness no one should have after being locked up in solitary. Not to mention the feeling of eyes on me, all the time.

            Clint blanched. “What do you think she’s in there because she wants to be?”

            “Maybe ‘wants to be’ is a bit of an exaggeration but think about it. She’s in the optimal spot, she has me in eye line all the time and she’s able to hear what we talk about all the time… If she can get out then who knows what she’s heard, what she’s told HYDRA.”

            Bruce shook his head, “It’s impossible, no one can get out of that cell plus we’d see on the cameras.”

            “Looping feed isn’t a hard task, Bruce.” The boys quietened. “This is exactly my point. We know nothing and we will continue to know nothing until she’s ready to give us something. I’d rather not give her too much while we wait. From now on, I’m just the girl you saved, a very grateful girl, but just that.” They nodded and I left the room, slinking back into my bedroom.

            Alex was clawing at the door after 20 minutes, meowing relentlessly and pacing around the room. It wasn’t hard to know the cat wanted Natasha, she’d spent as much time with the kitten as I had. So trying not to think too much about it I opened the door and led Alex down the hall, knocking quickly on her door before sprinting back to mine.

            Being alone was never something I had struggled with before but now, sitting on my bed that still smelt of Natasha I realised I had lost the ability to comfort myself without her presence. Slowly, tears built in my eyes and I walked to the window watching the rainfall with a painful twisting in my gut. It’s not like I regret making the decision to push them all out, it was of course in their best interest but… I missed them, her. I’d only been alone for under an hour and I was already crying. It was going to be a long period of time.

            After a while, the tears stopped and I headed back to bed. Tossing and turning uncomfortably on a mattress that felt far too big on my own. One half of me expected a phone call, the other begged for it but it didn’t come.

            Sleep wasn’t in my favor so I headed back downstairs to Lissy hoping to get something that might end this nightmare.

            “Veejay, or should I say V… J… baby?

 

 

Nah, I think I like gorgeous best… it’s fitting don’t you think?” I scowled at the blonde woman who cackled back. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? More questions?”

            “Can you get out of here? Are you inhumane?” I asked, trying to control the desperation in my voice.

             “Yes and yes but don’t panic. I’d never hurt you.” She cooed, reaching her hand towards the glass. “Did you ever see that episode of Sherlock? When Euros keeps escaping? Do you remember how?” I thought back, watching mentally as Sherlock realises there no glass at all. I looked back at the cell, there was definitely a border around her, I could see my reflection. “No gorgeous, you’re thinking about it all wrong. Yes, there’s a border but what if there wasn’t?”

            Suddenly my reflection shimmered slightly and Lissy but her hand to it… and through. Reaching a leg to step over the boundary that had once put a comfortable space between us. She walked forward slowly, akin to a lion stalking its prey, her feet silent on the floor until she was stood right in front of me.

            “So, what? You can change the density of compounds?” I asked, thinking back to anything like this I may have learned with Bruce. She nodded a proud smile erupting on her face. “Okay, why haven’t you hurt anyone? Taken me? What’s stopping you?”

            Her smile suddenly turned sadder. “You are of course.” I stumbled back slightly, “I really don’t want to hurt you Veejay, I’ve watched you around these people… watched you interact and laugh with them. They make you happy so until something happens to them, it would only cause you more pain to take you away from them.”

            Sadistically sweet, brilliant combination for a stalker. “What do you mean until something happens to them?”

            “Well, being in that cell gave me a lot of time to think. The redhead definitely needs to go but I think I like Wanda, she’s cute. Tony and Steve are too noble to ignore such a major crisis that might just happen in the next few days and arrow boy is back home with his family. The only one I’m struggling with is the big green giant. He could be helpful but that temper… oh, it’s a liability.” Her smile grew as she spoke, lifting a delicate hand to my face until it was skimming my cheekbone. She flinched back as my skin grew hotter, thinking about her determination to hurt Natasha. “You’re hot in more ways than one… I like it.”   

            My stomach turned, “So you’re plan is to kill Natasha, distract Steve and Tony and take me and Wanda while Clint’s at home?” She nodded with a beaming smile.

            “Yes, I don’t want to leave you missing your family so I thought it would be nice to bring Wanda along for you?”

            “You can leave her here, I don’t need her to come.” I countered, trying desperately to change her mind and leave Wanda out of this. She shook her blonde curls stubbornly and I sighed. “Okay, what’s your plan with Natasha?”

            She frowned suddenly, looking at her kicking feet. “I’m not sure. I’ve been watching her train, she’s very good isn’t she?” I nodded staring at her, “Maybe in her sleep would be a good way to go… maybe not? I don’t know I shouldn’t be telling you this, really.”

            I shrugged, “Yeah well, she pissed me off.”

            “She did? I’ll hurt her for you then.” Lissy’s face turned into a scowl at my confession and it worked in the completely wrong way. I told her so that she may have ignored Natasha, let her go now she knew. Instead, I raised the bounty, shit.

            “Nah, I’ll do that myself.”

            “So you’ll join me?” She asked, her eyes hopeful.

            I shrugged, “I don’t know if I have much choice, Lissy.”

            “There’s always a choice gorgeous, I’m nothing if not an ambassador of consent.” I hid my scoff behind cough and nodded back at her. “I’m going to go get back in there now, it was nice talking to you.”

            Yeah, I thought, Nice.

 

           

Notes:

Oh my god, one chapter left... anybody else feeling a bit sad bc I am!

Chapter 27: I Win

Notes:

So it's been a journey... and I'm impatient so here's the last chapter... Thank you to every single one of you who stood by me during this story and have read to the end. Thank you to everyone who might read this in the future. You're all incredible and I appreciate your support more than you could ever understand.

The Sequel is currently being written but I'm suffering mighty writer's block during the 15th Chapter so... I hope you're all still down for it.

Let me know what you think of this story and should the sequel still be wanted expect to see more of our favourite duo in the second story to this collection.

Love all of you,

Thank you again,

Maisie :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

            After my chat with Lissy, I headed to the roof for an hour and then back to my room only to find Alex sitting outside the door pawing at a white envelope on the floor. The familiarity of her writing offered no comfort though and I picked it up to take inside.

            V, I overheard your conversation with Lissy; not intentional, I was just on my way down to talk to her myself. I know she can get out and I know you’re considering going with her. I’ve taken Wanda to the farm, I refuse to risk her in a plan that you have no intention of informing us on. I’ve spoken to Tony too, he knows about the attempt to lure him out. As for myself? You were right, I’m going back to the Avengers Tower. It kills me to leave you but they have a plan, a better one than yours. Stay safe and look after Al. Yours, Natasha.

            Fuck, well there’s that.

            “Screwed up there didn’t I, puss?” I muttered, picking up Alex to cradle against my chest. She squirmed gently until I put her down, immediately bounding down the hall and slipping into Natasha’s room. Confused, I followed her wondering why she’d left it open after many conversations about her privacy.

            Everything was normal but the book sat on the bed, its pages open on a random page. I picked it up, scanning it slightly only to find it all in Russian. Great. Still, it didn’t answer the question as to why she left it out. Natasha was normally obsessive over her books, putting them back as soon as she was done.

            Ignoring the voice in my head, I slipped under the covers with a soft smile. It sucked, the entire situation was ridiculous, but I had to work with what I had and right now that was access to Natasha’s comforting scent. I stayed in her room for the rest of the day until my stomach rumbled loudly, alerting me that despite everything going on my body still needed food.

            My feet were loud on the floor which was a massive contradiction to the shouting and laughing that normally overpowered any footsteps. It was creepy. Eery. I hated every minute.

Until I got to the kitchen where Lissy was sitting on the island.

            “I’m sorry, what are you doing?” I asked, walking forward slowly.

            She turned to me, “Making you dinner, you hungry?” I nodded, my heartbeat racing in my ears. “Good, I was thinking tacos?”

            “Where is everybody, Lissy?”

            She sighed and routed through the fridge pulling out everything necessary for her meal of choice. “Can we please forget about them for a minute and just have a nice dinner together?”

            The note, was it even Natasha who wrote it?

            “I mean, we can eat sure but I want to know where everybody is?” She nodded to herself. “You haven’t hurt them, have you? That would upset me and you said you never wanted to do that.”

            Lissy turned at that and stared at me incredulously. “Of course, I haven’t hurt them Veejay, I just wanted us to be able to spend some time together. One on one.” I nodded and leant over to steal some of the salad she was cutting up, I paused just as it touched my lips remembering Natasha’s warning about poison. The blonde noticed and rolled her eyes, reaching for some cucumber and putting it straight in her mouth with a pointed look. I followed suit, picking at the salad just for something to do.

            We ate in silence and she washed the pots quietly. “Okay, what do you want? I’m scared and I want to know where my friends are.”

            She turned around slowly, her hands up. “Scaring you was never my intention gorgeous, how about we go and see them.” I nodded at her and followed her out the door. We wound through the compound and then down a few flights of stairs I had never noticed before until we came to a large basement. There, cuffed to the wall, was the entire team. Natasha included.

            Tasha looked worse than the rest of them as blood drooled from the corner of her mouth and nose. She looked up at me with wide eyes, pulling harshly at the restraints. I shook my head slightly, hoping she’d get the message and she did falling against the wall with an exhausted frown.

            “Lissy, this isn’t okay. You can’t just tie them up.” I said, turning to the blonde who was watching me carefully. “That’s not any way to treat my friends. If you want me, you can have me but you don’t get to hurt them.” Confusion spread over her features and she backed away from me. I could feel myself heating up, getting angry.

            “So you want me too?” She asked, timid against the wall.

            I shook my head, “Not like this. You don’t get to force my hand, manipulate me with my friends and expect me to come running back to you like a kicked puppy.”

            “You need to calm down Veejay,” She muttered, looking desperately at the rest of the team who were all sporting similar smirks. I shook my head again, fighting at the frustration licking at my skin, “Calm down for me, please. You don’t want to hurt me.” She begged.

            My eyes scanned over the team who, with the aversion of Natasha, all looked reasonably unharmed. Wanda was crying though and Natasha was still pulling relentlessly against the shackles on her wrist. “I do a bit though,” I said, turning my attention back to the blonde. “See, I really don’t like people who hurt my friends. The people I love.”

            Lissy’s eyes turned icy and she pushed off the wall to stalk forward, raising a hand to slap my face, “You don’t love her. You can’t!” She screamed, her tone breathless.

            I looked back at Natasha who was watching me with the softest smile, “I do though. I love all of them. So if you don’t back away from me right now, I might do something I regret.” Lissy’s eyes widened and she took a step backwards, faltering slightly.

            “You can’t love her,” she muttered repetitively and grabbed my hand. I could feel my skin burning and she noticed as soon as our skin touched, flinching violently. “You’re supposed to love me. They promised you’d love me. Not her. She’s a murderer, she’s broken. Can’t give you everything that I can, you don’t want her,”

            A sharp breath was heard to my right and I didn’t have to look to know it was Natasha. My eyes glassed over as my anger took control, fire encompassing my hands as I stalked forward. “You are a murderer. You killed Sasha. You hurt people. You do not get to talk about her like that, ever, especially right now. She is enough for me.”

            Lissy turned to look at the people cuffed to the wall, “You did this, you turned my soulmate against me.” She turned directly to Natasha, “And you stole her. Stole her love from me. I’m going to kill you.”

            Suddenly, her body was thrown to the side as I pushed the wind against her. She grunted as her body hit the wall, falling limp to the floor. Lissy looked up at me begging as I mentally ripped the cuffs off the team sitting against the wall. I heard a scramble and then a scream as I turned to see Natasha seizing on the floor.

            “What are you doing?” I asked, pushing on her neck with my hand.

            “Not much, a little molecular move around.” She smirked.

            The next time I opened my eyes, Natasha had stopped convulsing now lead silently on the floor taking raspy breaths with Bruce and Wanda checking her. At my feet was a pile of ashes and a single blonde hair… what had I done?

            I stumbled out of the room quickly, tripping over the steps leading upstairs. I’d killed her, I’d killed Lissy and for what. She didn’t need to die to stop her hurting Natasha, I shouldn’t have killed her. Oh my god, I killed her. My legs buckled underneath me and I slumped the floor. Suddenly, Tony was in my face, his hands touching my cheeks, my hands anything and everything.

            “-Had to, You had to. It’s not your fault. Are you okay?” He was saying, staring back at Steve with a panicked expression.

            “I did, I killed her,” I muttered, pushing Tony off me. “I don’t even remember it, just closed my eyes and she was gone. Feel like it’s something you should remember, you know, your first kill.”

            Tony furrowed his eyebrows, “It’s not though, is it?”

            He was right, Rick and Amanda had died at my hands too. I was a murderer, I’d killed three people that only needed to be detained. I fumbled my way back to my room, pushing the sheets off the bed so I could lie in the middle still warm after the fire.

           

            Later that evening my door was pushed open as red hair swung around the doorframe. “Hi,” She whispered, limping to the bed.

            “Hi,”

            She grabbed my fingers loosely threading them between her own. “Can’t believe you didn’t recognise my handwriting.”

            “Well, you write like a printer… Not sure a fully trained writing analyser could recognise your handwriting,” I countered, looking at her face properly to find the blood had been cleaned and she was only now sporting a small cut on her nose and a busted lip.

            “That’s the idea,” She chuckled, wincing as her lips curved into a smile. I leant forward brushing my lips over the cut on her nose. “What about the other one?” She asked when I pulled back, a serious look on her face. Frowning, I simply lifted my hand to brush her lip and tucked it around her jaw pulling her closer to brush my lips over her own.

            She laughed again when we pulled apart, bringing her thumb to my lip and swiping. Her finger came back red and she looked at me sheepishly, a giggle burst from my lips as I watched her swipe at her own lip and getting the same reaction. Suddenly, I was hunched with laughter pulling her towards me in glee. She was okay, Natasha was okay and regardless of the unethical method so was everybody else.

            Once I had calmed down she lifted her head from my chest, eyes softening as they met my own. “Did you mean it?” She whispered.

            “Mean what? I’ve done a lot of things in the last 24 hours.” Natasha rolled her eyes.

            “That you loved me.”

            Oh, that. “Of course, I love all of you.” Natasha’s face fell and she nodded placing her head back on my chest. “I do, however… love you a little bit differently. I mean, I did just have your blood on my lips I don’t just let anyone blee-“ My remark was cut short as her lips pressed back onto mine forcefully.

            She kissed me hard and when I opened my mouth, her tongue was quick to explore my own. My hands raised to cup her face, falling deeper into her hair as she shifted on top of me to grip at my hips. Natasha pulled away, breathing heavily onto my lips and grinning. Her lip was bleeding profusely now, running down her chin in a stream and I’m pretty sure I could taste it, but I really didn’t care.

            “I’m in love with you Tasha and I know feelings are hard and I know this is all really strange but I am.” I managed after a minute, wiping away the blood onto my sleeve. She kissed me again until we were both breathless, chests heaving. “I’m not having sex with you while you’re bleeding all over my sheets though,” I warned.

            She laughed quietly. “I don’t care.” I nodded silently trying to figure out where we stood, she noticed and her face dropped, “Look V, I’m not going to sit here and pretend I know what to do or how to go about this. We need to talk and do a lot of things that I really don’t want to get into right now. So can we please just be us? No labels, for now, no nothing. Just us, doing whatever we want. Just for now.” I nodded at her and she cupped my jaw, pulling my lips down to cover hers once more. “And for now, I want to keep doing this.”

            Well, who was I to ever resist her?

            She pulled back after a minute hugging herself to me with a quiet breath, “Do you remember what happened?” I shook my head, trying to recall anything from the time I’d closed my eyes. “Do you want to?”

            Did I? Did I want to know how I murdered another person? Yeah, I kind of did.

            “Wanda showed me after the psycho stopped fucking with my blood, who knew you could be scary V? You had her on the floor and she was choking, screaming. Then suddenly she lifts in the air like she’s been possessed and she just bursts into flames, her entire body just… on fire. I’ve never seen anything like it. Looked like something from Twilight.”

            Her explanation made sense, the ashes matching with the story. “I didn’t know you’ve seen twilight?”

            Natasha grinned and kissed my jaw, “Oh yeah, Lila is obsessed at the moment. Laura is furious though because it’s not exactly PG but I’ll never deny that little girl anything.” I sighed softly as her lips made their way across my skin, stopping short of my lips. “You make me happy. Even if you can burn people alive. In fact, it was sort of hot. Pun intended.”

            “I love you,” I whispered, reconnecting our lips softly. I knew she wouldn’t say it back and I didn’t expect her to. Her being here with me was enough of a reply. “I want to go check on Wanda and then tomorrow I want to know what happened between this mornings conversation and me finding you all down there. But for tonight I want my three favourite girls.”

            “Three?” Natasha asked. Then as if on cue, Alex jumped on the bed pouncing onto Natasha with a meow. “Oh, three. Sorry Al,” I pulled away from Natasha and headed to the door to go get Wanda. But I stopped opposite the mirror, staring at the growing bruise I had on my face. Tasha was watching me from the bed, her lips pouted and her eyes sad.

            Ignoring my reflection, I turned to press my lips back to hers. “Mm, I like being able to do that again,” She smiled into the kiss and then pushed me away towards the door. “I’m going, bloody hell don’t get handsy.” She smirked and rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the cat.

           

            I walked straight into Wanda’s room and grabbed her hand pulling her through the door and back into my room before pushing her onto the bed. She looked at Natasha who just shrugged her shoulders with a smile as I turned on the TV. “We’re going to sit here and cuddle because I need to be close to you both right now, okay?”

            They both nodded silently sharing a smile and curled around my body once I’d been pulled between them. Wanda’s head rested on my legs while Tasha placed a kiss behind my ear and nuzzled into my neck. Peace. Finally. Sure, we had HYDRA to deal with and many more cataclysmic plans to foil but for now, I was calm.

            Slowly, the rest of the team drizzled in. First was Clint looking for Natasha but soon joined the huddle, pressing himself close to her with an arm stretched out around us. Steve came next with popcorn and tea for everyone. Bruce arrived accidentally; he was looking for Natasha to check her wrists.

            “FRIDAY, please ask Tony to come to my room,” I called a few minutes after Bruce slunk to the bottom of the bed. Tony came in a second later, pouting because he was the last to find out but quickly wormed himself behind Wanda laying a protective hand over her. “I’m sorry she hurt you all,” I whispered.

            Natasha shook her head behind me and let her lips fall back to my neck, kissing softly while Tony looked outraged. “Hurt us! She didn’t hurt us, we’re The Avengers. What’s a little kidnapping among friends. Plus, it was cool seeing you in action.”

            Wanda smiled at me in agreement, squeezing my hand. Steve shuddered and muttered something about never forgetting the smell. Bruce was the only one looking concerned,

            “Veejay, are you okay?” I nodded at him confused. “It’s just, your body went up in a pile of flames too.” I stiffened under Natasha; she hadn’t told me that. The rest of the team went silent too and he looked around fervently. “Oh, were we not telling her that?”

            I pulled myself from the mess of limbs and into the bathroom, stripping my top to check my body and sure enough, there were small blisters dotted along my limbs. The door opened and Natasha shimmied around the door, frowning at my skin. “I should’ve told you, I’m sorry.” My mouth felt like cotton as her eyes looked me up and down so I quickly shrugged on a bathroom that was hung up next to me. She reached over and tugged it back open, her fingers dancing softly over the skin of my waist. “You don’t get to be shy now, not now you’re mine.”

            Heat rose on my skin as she stepped closer, her soft breath hitting my cheek. She lowered her face to my shoulder, pressing a soft kiss. Then worked her way down, kissing every piece of injured tissue she could find and then some. Finally, she stood up and kissed me softly. “Yours?” I asked once she’d taken a step back.

            She nodded a proud smile adorning her lips. “Mine,” She whispered, peppering kisses all over my face until I was a giggling mess underneath her. “Now come on, everyone’s waiting for you to turn the film on.”

            I picked up my clothes and dressed quickly, following her out of the bathroom silently. Bruce opened his mouth, probably to apologise but I simply smiled at him and shook my head, there was no need. I was fine. They were fine.

            Tony pressed play as the blinds fell and for now, everything was just as it should be.

 

 

Notes:

And that's it...

 

THE END.

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