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English
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SQZ Volume Two
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Published:
2021-05-23
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1,059
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1/1
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11
Kudos:
209
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23
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996

drifting

Summary:

Dean wakes Castiel up in the middle of the night to do some stargazing.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Most nights—all nights, actually—Castiel can’t sleep. Around him, the pipes in the walls creak and groan; down the hall, Sam snores, long and labored. An utterly normal night, on an otherwise normal day—and yet, someone else is also awake, only steps away but hidden behind several doors.

Thankfully, Castiel doesn’t have to look far. Turning the knob as quietly as he can, he takes a step into the hall to find Dean standing in the doorway feet from him, dressed in sweatpants and a matching shirt, with the sleeves nearly covering his hands. His hair sticks in every direction, and he’s squinting under the fluorescent glow, with pillow creases embedded into half of his face.

Something must have woken him, but Castiel would have heard any noise. Most likely, Dean startled awake from another nightmare, or never slept in the first place, too worn out from the hours before to do anything other than lie in bed. Castiel knows the feeling intimately.

But Dean smiles, such a soft thing, an expression that Castiel has only seen him give when they’re alone together, when no one can barge in to interrupt. Barely a tick of his lips, with his eyes hooded, like looking at Castiel gives Dean ease. “Hey,” he whispers, tilting his head toward the library. He carries a blanket over his arm, one Dean has never brought out before. Even from here, Castiel can tell it smells like the trunk of the Impala. “C’mon. I set my alarm, got something to show you.”

Castiel follows him without a word. Silent, they climb the stairs and head off into the night, the air dry and heated. Dean left on bare feet, and Castiel didn’t think to grab his shoes. Together, they head down the road on the east side of Lebanon, unpaved and pitted with rocks. Dean winces on occasion, brushing the pebbles from his instep.

Where they end up is about half a mile away, in the middle of a plowed field left barren for the season. Dean spreads out the blanket and sits, sprawling out on his back. Without question, Castiel mirrors him, his eyes to the black sky above. He should ask why they’re here, why Dean brought him to the middle of nowhere, but as his eyes adjust to the dark, Castiel can see exactly why.

Brilliantly colored meteors streak the sky, at least five a minute, chunks of comets colliding with the atmosphere and slowly burning their way into nonexistence. Dean pats Castiel’s wrist, then takes his hand, his palm clammy and shaking. Castiel recognizes the gesture—recognizes what this moment means, but refuses to speak it aloud. Such a brittle thing, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment that Castiel has come to treasure.

There have been so many over the years, but this one might be his favorite. Just Dean and him and the sky, and the quiet of the night.

The blanket shifts, jostling Castiel a bit. Dean presses up against his side, propped up on an elbow. His body is close, close enough to touch. Looking up, all Castiel finds is Dean’s eyes staring back at him. The meteors streak overhead, forgotten. He lifts a hand to cradle Dean’s cheek, feeling him fall into it, eyelids fluttering shut. “Did you bring me out here to watch the meteor shower?”

A grin spreads across Dean’s face, wrinkling the corners of his eyes. Even in the dark, Castiel can see the bruise darkening his right brow, still tender to the touch. He could heal it, but Dean won’t let him. Some things, according to Dean, are just part of the human experience. Still, Castiel hates to see him in pain.

“Yeah,” Dean says, nonchalant. “But I also wanted five minutes with you without Sammy barging in.” Leaning down, he presses a kiss to the corner of Castiel’s lips. Sweet, like Dean cherishes him.

Castiel turns to meet him, their second kiss soft, barely there before it’s gone. There’s no intent behind it tonight, no reason to go further than this. Maybe another day, Castiel will take his time with him, will learn all of the minutiae of Dean’s body as they meld. But for a few blissful minutes, he loses himself in Dean’s simple touch, his hand in Dean’s hair and Dean hovering over him, a warm blanket in an already heated night.

After a while, Dean slumps back onto the quilt, exhaustion lingering in his eyes. Castiel scoots closer, their shoulders brushing and hands joined. Idly, he rubs his thumb over the side of Dean’s hand, feeling him loosen as the tension drains from his bones. His eyelids flutter shut, and Dean breathes, slow and measured, all at once content.

In his chest, Castiel’s heart clenches, the breath robbed from his lungs. He grips Dean’s hand tighter, praying that Dean doesn’t notice the look on his face, the utter adoration in his eyes. I love him, Castiel thinks, inexplicably saddened by the concept. What should bring him joy only terrifies him, even knowing that Dean loves him in return—because some day, they’ll hurt each other, and they’ll struggle to mend the pieces. But the pain is worth the joy in the aftermath, and Castiel will bear the weight if it means that Dean will stay by his side, always and forever.

Of all of God’s creatures, Castiel loves this one the most.

“You still there?” Dean asks, barely a whisper.

Castiel nods, then says, “Always.”

A nod, then a breath. “Sleep in my bed,” Dean mutters. Heat flushes his cheeks, his eyes glassy when he looks up at the sky. “Want you there, with me. Feels lonely without you.”

Hope swells. If this was a movie, a chorus would play, matching Castiel’s heart beating a breakneck rhythm against his ribs. In reality, he hears nothing other than the breeze and Dean’s breaths, his throat clicking when he swallows. “Okay,” Castiel answers. He brings their joined hands to his lips, where he presses a kiss to Dean’s knuckles. “Okay, Dean.”

Dean nods, closing his eyes. His grip grows slack in Castiel’s hand, and he nods off. Castiel lets him rest and watches the stars in the sky, ingraining this moment into his memory to always look back on. I love him, he thinks, sighing until his lungs ache. I’ll always love him.

Notes:

Hello everyone! I wrote this for the second issue of the SPN Quarantine Zine and it was so much fun! Have fun with some cute fluffy midnight kisses that make me cry ;A;. In other news I finished moving in and I start work back tomorrow, so hopefully with that means I'll also start writing again! It's been too long!!!

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