Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Chapter Text
greed added lust, envy, gluttony, and +3 others to Homunculi
lust:
greed, what is this
greed:
idk man
greed:
father wanted us to have a way to communicate
so i made this gc
sloth:
such a bother
greed:
stfu you lazy troll
envy:
both of you shut up
greed:
how about no
envy:
fuck you
greed:
i bet you want to
envy:
KEIRFJFNFJ
lust left the chat
gluttony:
oh are we leaving
gluttony left the chat
greed added gluttony to the chat
envy added lust to the chat
envy:
oh hell no
envy:
if i have to suffer you have to suffer too
greed:
ya
lust:
i want to kms
greed:
no hunty, mustang already did that
lust:
i wish father never remade you
greed:
thanks luv
greed:
n e wAys
greed:
where are wrath and pride
envy:
wrath is doing fuhrer stuff and pride is probably
in school or sum shit
greed:
how very informative
envy:
ur welcome
envy changed greed’s name to dumbass
dumbass changed envy’s name to hohohoe
hohohoe:
damn you
dumbass:
k
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Chapter Text
gluttony:
this gc is boring
gluttony:
we should add our friends
dumbass:
sure
hohohoe:
who would be friends with you losers
gluttony added alelric to Homunculi
dumbass added scar and fullmetal to Homunculi
dumbass changed scar’s name to bestie😹💖🤧🤪
dumbass changed the chat name to Homunculi and Friends
bestie😹💖🤧🤪:
no
bestie😹💖🤧🤪 left the chat
dumbass:
rude
fullmetal:
what the hell is this
hohohoe:
a gc duh
alelric:
who are you
hohohoe:
envy, that’s who
dumbass:
i’m greed
fullmetal:
LING
dumbass:
uh no
dumbass:
i just told you my name is greed
dumbass:
are you illiterate
fullmetal:
sometimes
hohohoe changed fullmetal’s name to pipsqueak
pipsqueak:
who gave you the right
pipsqueak:
W H O
pride:
stfu i’m in class
dumbass:
just turn your notifications off 🙄
pride:
you don’t tell me what to do
alelric:
why are you in school??
alelric:
aren’t you a homunculus
pride:
i’m the first homunculus
hohohoe:
k but no one asked
pride:
...
pride:
i’m fuhrer bradley’s son
alelric:
yOU MEAN SELIM
alelric:
I THOUGHT HE WAS A HUMAN
pipsqueak:
JHDJSFHYNA
hohohoe:
wot the actual fock
dumbass:
i think you broke them lmao
pride:
who even are you two
hohohoe:
they’re the elric brothers
pride:
oh the sacrifices
dumbass:
ya
pride:
i must return to my classes
pipsqueak:
let’s leave, al
alelric:
but we can use this chance to spy and learn their
plan
pipsqueak:
DON’T TELL THEM YOU WANT TO SPY YOU
IDIOT
alelric:
iM SORRY
dumbass:
lmao ur the actual dumbass
hohohoe:
no that’s still you
dumbass:
when did this become bully greed day
alelric:
we would never bully you ling!
dumbass:
i ain’t ling you metal buffoon
dumbass:
for the last time, the name’s greed
alelric:
but-
hohohoe:
#wrecked
pipsqueak:
#no
hohohoe:
#fitemeushortassbitch
pipsqueak:
BRUH iM NOT SHORT
hohohoe:
sure, and i’m ugly
dumbass:
but you are
hohohoe:
◼️⬆️
pipsqueak:
i’ll fight you any day!
hohohoe:
i wasn’t talking to you but okay shortie
pipsqueak:
STOP CALLING ME SHORT
hohohoe:
i’ll stop calling you short the day gluttony ties his
hair back
alelric:
but he’s bald
hohohoe:
exactly
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Notes:
sorry for being so late guys 😭 i got lazy 🤡
Chapter Text
pipsqueak:
i thought you guys hated scar
lust:
we do
dumbass:
!! wow !! you’re actually online !! and texting us !!
lust:
i’m already starting to regret this
pipsqueak:
if you guys hate him so much why haven’t you
killed him yet!
hohohoe:
why do you care
pipsqueak:
bECAUSE HE DESTROYED MY ARM
mechanicwinry hacked the chat
mechanicwinry:
YOU BROKE MY AUTOMAIL AGAIN?!
pipsqueak:
uh
pipsqueak:
no?
mechanicwinry:
count your days edward
pipsqueak:
help-
mechanicwinry left the chat
dumbass:
how did she get in?
hohohoe:
no idea
pipsqueak:
i’m shaking
hohohoe:
ha, pussy
pipsqueak:
what did i ever do to you
hohohoe:
exist
pipsqueak:
fair enough
pride:
you guys are so annoying
dumbass:
i looked in drachma, i looked in amestris, I
looked in xing, but i couldn’t find where tf i asked
pride:
i swear i’m going to actually eat you
dumbass:
ew, that’s cannibalism
pride:
that’s the whole point
lust:
ugh, i just finished my date with the lt. havoc
lust:
he wouldn’t stop staring at my chest
dumbass:
what chest
lust:
are you blind
dumbass:
no, u just have no chest
lust:
i’m literally double d’s
dumbass changed lust’s name to flat
flat:
i hate you
dumbass:
the feeling is mutual luv 🥰
hohohoe:
what is that
dumbass:
what is what
hohohoe:
that ugly yellow thing
dumbass:
omg u don’t know what an emoji is
dumbass:
what a boomer
hohohoe:
no
dumbass:
yes❤️
hohohoe:
tell me how to do it
dumbass:
tell you how to do what
hohohoe:
hOW TO USE THE ENCHILADAS
dumbass:
did you even try
dumbass:
but fine, to use the EMOJIS *ehem*, you
need to click the little circle world globe
thing next to the mic
hohohoe:
okay
dumbass:
wow, you’re not even going to say thanks 😒
dumbass:
i just love being appreciated 🤩
hohohoe:
you don’t deserve my thanks 😎
dumbass:
ew, never do that again
hohohoe:
u can’t stop me 😜
dumbass:
i regret this already
flat:
as do i
hohohoe:
hi 👋 lust 💃
Chapter 4
Notes:
double update 😩
Chapter Text
dumbass:
when envy used that emoji it actually
reminded me of lust for some reason
hohohoe:
which emoji
dumbass:
💃
flat:
i don’t look anything like that
hohohoe:
if you changed the hair color it would
dumbass:
💃🏻
flat:
no
gluttony:
if you wore a red dress you would look exactly
like it :D
dumbass:
see, even the fatass agrees
hohohoe:
that’s a perfect name for gluttony
dumbass:
shit, u rite
dumbass changed gluttony’s name to fatass
dumbass:
perfect
fatass:
that’s mean
hohohoe:
shut up fatty
dumbass:
👹
alelric:
isn’t he your brother, why are you being mean
to him?
dumbass:
because i can
alelric:
i-
hohohoe:
you what?
hohohoe:
finish your sentence you tin can
alelric:
this is bullying
hohohoe:
yes i know
dumbass:
that’s the whole point metal bimbo
alelric:
🥲
hohohoe:
crybaby 😒
pipsqueak:
don’t bully my brother u ugly porcupine
hohohoe:
stfu no one even likes your short ass
pipsqueak:
...
pipsqueak added lingyao to Homunculi and Friends
pipsqueak:
ling yao, tell them that people like me
lingyao:
i could, but i would be lying 😚✌️
dumbass:
damn i like him already
lingyao:
ew well i don’t like your ugly spatula looking ass 🧖♀️
dumbass:
i take it back, burn the little shit
hohohoe:
iM CRYINHFDA SPATULA
dumbass:
die
Chapter Text
pipsqueak changed lingyao’s name to traitor
traitor:
wow really
traitor:
petty much
pipsqueak:
shut up u traitor
dumbass:
that bitch is even worse than a traitor
traitor:
rude 😒
dumbass changed traitor’s name to eyeless
eyeless:
lan fan will hear of this!!1
dumbass:
bitch how are you gonna locate her
dumbass:
your eyelashes?
eyeless:
DAMN well who hurt you today
dumbass:
shut your bubblegum dumb dumb lookin
ass up
eyeless:
bro at least give me the chance to talk
dumbass:
your speaking privileges have been REVOKED
you snooty cross eyed mf
pipsqueak:
how can he be cross eyed if he has no eyes
dumbass:
touché my intelligent comrade
eyeless:
OH SO NOW YOU LIKE HIM
dumbass:
do you guys hear anything
dumbass:
cuz i sure don’t
pipsqueak:
nope
pipsqueak:
just a flea
eyeless:
did you just call me a flea...
eyeless added lanfan to Homunculi and Friends
eyeless:
i have had enough of this shameless slander
eyeless:
lan fan, i order you to cut off their tongues 🤬
lanfan:
ofr corse mty loirfd
hohohoe:
LMAO WHY DOES SHE TYPE LIKE THAT
alelric:
she can only use one hand remember 😭
dumbass:
sucks to suck
hohohoe:
u can suck deez nuts
dumbass:
i’ll shove these nuts up your ass
hohohoe:
i bet you want to
dumbass:
you can’t just use my own insults against me
u insult thief
lanfan:
apoilopgieds my lourd
lanfan:
i amn styrughgling
dumbass:
we’ve noticed
alelric:
guys don’t be so mean :((
alelric:
it was wrath who injured her so be mean to him
hohohoe:
true
hohohoe:
wrath sucks ass
dumbass:
fr he’s so lame
dumbass:
he’s not even fun to bully 🙄
hohohoe:
#wrathslander
dumbass:
@wrath
wrath:
what do you incels want
dumbass:
i hope pride eats you lmao
flat:
for once i must agree with these two
mistakes
dumbass:
omg 😳
hohohoe:
i can’t believe she complimented us 😩😩
dumbass:
wow i take it all back i love you lusty 😍🥰😘
dumbass:
#gaslight #gatekeep #girlboss
flat:
i hate my existence
sloth:
existing such a pai- dumbass kicked sloth from Homunculi and Friends
pipsqueak:
how did you kick him mid sentence 😭
dumbass:
a magician never reveals his secrets 😈😈
alelric:
shouldn’t we add him back
hohohoe:
lmao no
hohohoe:
why would we ever do that 😹
dumbass:
exactly
dumbass:
he’s built like a whole boulder
hohohoe:
mans sense of humor is non existent
dumbass:
even if he had one it would be “too much of a
pain 👹” for him to use it
hohohoe:
sloth and wrath worst homunculi 🙄🙄
dumbass:
all who agree say i
dumbass:
i
hohohoe:
i
pipsqueak:
i
alelric:
i
flat:
i
fatass:
i
eyeless:
i
lanfan:
e
dumbass:
close enough
Notes:
THIS IS SO LATE IM SO SORRY AINSIRH BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE merry early christmas and happy early new year!! also, what ships would you guys like to see (if any at all)?i want to know what you guys would like the most :) i think i made this chapter a little longer to make up for the vvv late update 😨😨
Chapter 6: Chapter 6
Summary:
written after having eaten broccoli
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
hohohoe:
bro who tf ate all my vegan carbon
monoxide cotton candy lettuce
double chocolate deluxe ice cream
dumbass:
that sounds nasty af
flat:
i pity whoever would eat such garbage
hohohoe:
WELL APPARENTLY SOMEONE
LIKED IT IF THEY ATE IT U WHORES
traitor:
it was me u porcupine 😩
traitor:
and i have no regrets
hohohoe:
this means war
traitor:
yeah sure
traitor:
whatever that means
-the next day-
traitor:
YO WTF
pipsqueak:
IM SHITTING MYSELF OMG
lanfan:
inm siorey my lorrrd (i’m sorry my lord)
lanfan:
i coiuldf nut finde thr culpruit
(i could not fund the culprit)
dumbass:
haha
dumbass:
you said nut
traitor:
shut your ugly pea brained ass the f up
traitor:
THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER
pipsqueak:
IM HOWLING SIHSUHUS
dumbass:
well fine bitch
dumbass:
are you at least gonna tell us what
happened
traitor:
MY BEAUTIFUL LUSCIOUS LOCKS
traitor:
THEY’RE GREEN
hohohoe:
damn
hohohoe:
pack it up broccoli
traitor:
YOU
traitor:
ALL THIS BC OF ICE CREAM
hohohoe:
THAT ICE CREAM WAS THE LOVE OF
MY LIFE
dumbass:
this is so entertaining
dumbass:
oi shorty
pipsqueak:
STOP CALLING ME SHORT
dumbass:
i never said your name specifically 🤔🤔
pipsqueak:
...
pipsqueak:
what do you want
dumbass:
send pics
pipsqueak:
*insert the ugliest broccoli pic ever*
traitor:
I DO NOT LOOK LIKE BROCCOLI
hohohoe changed traitor’s name to broccoli
broccoli:
say your prayers plebe
Notes:
have a short and unfunny chapter bc idk akeniendjdjd this is probably my last chapter before the new year BUT DW i will try to post more in 2022! i hope y’all had a wonderful christmas of you celebrate and i hope you guys have a wonderful new year! happy early new year! <33
Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Summary:
dedicated to @mikasasfavwife bc their comments are what gave me the motivation to update ‼️ ily fr bbg 😘
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
traitor:
so we’re just gonna ignore that my
hair is now FCKING GREEN??
traitor:
you’re actually done for envy
traitor:
…once i found out wherever your
guys’ stupid little hideout is
traitor:
i bet you guys live in your mom’s basement
hohohoe:
how could you say that 😢😢
hohohoe:
you know i have mommy issues 🙁
dumbass:
WE DON’T HAVE A MOM U MORON
hohohoe:
mom should have swallowed you
dumbass:
this is why we don’t have a mom
traitor:
BRUH STFU IDC ABT YOUR GOOFY
AHH MOMMY PROBLEMS
traitor:
SOMEONE FIX MY HAIR RN
hohohoe:
right neow
traitor:
what if this was my 13th reason
dumbass:
sayori challenge go 😈😈
traitor:
that’s so rude 🥺 what would your mommy
say 💔
dumbass:
we are literally made from father’s emotions
or sins or wtvr
dumbass:
WE HAVE NO MOM
traitor:
THERES A REASON
traitor:
she didn’t want y’all fr
dumbass:
actually how abt you kys instead
pipsqueak:
how abt you guys shut up instead 😱
dumbass:
i don’t want to hear anything from you 🤨🤨
hohohoe:
the og motherless char ‼️
alelric:
😟
pipsqueak:
32.3182° N, 86.9023° W
traitor:
HELP ME IS THAT THEIR LOCATION
hohohoe:
jokes on you !
hohohoe:
that doesn’t scare me bc i don’t know
how to read 😈
alelric:
they’re numbers not words tho 😭
alelric:
and you do know how to read tho??
alelric:
you’re tying rn
hohohoe:
u stupid
pipsqueak:
i am at your house.
dumbass:
WE DONT’ LIVE IN A HOUSE ??
dumbass:
HOW TF DID YOU GET IN HERE WTF SHORTY
hohohoe:
HELP MEEDC@$67*fhb
traitor:
ED NO WTF
traitor:
i wanted to be the one to kill them 🙁
Notes:
IK ITS SO SHORT AND ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR IM SO SORRY 😭
mikasasfavwife on Chapter 1 Sun 29 Jan 2023 03:48AM UTC
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Ship_Collector on Chapter 2 Fri 23 Jul 2021 10:22PM UTC
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TaijiToga (kou3ns) on Chapter 2 Mon 26 Jul 2021 02:30AM UTC
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