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In the dark dodging and burning.

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"No! Please no more!" 

 

Bellamy jerks awake at the sound of yelling and begins searching for the threat, his movements limited by the chains securing him in place. 

 

When he locates the source of the noise his first reaction is annoyance, as he realizes it's only Murphy. 

He briefly considers waking him up but then what? He isn't about to try and comfort the man who had strung him up to die less than a week ago.

So he does nothing, leaves Murphy to live out his nightmares, and tries to reclaim sleep that had become so foreign to him. 

     

                      


 

Murphy seems different from his usual asshole self, he's quieter, less inclined to make Bellamy want to bash his brains out with a rock. As they endure their first day as Ark prisoners Bellamy contemplates why that might be. 

 

"Why're you being less of a dick all of a sudden Murphy?" Bellamy throws caution to the wind and goes for the direct approach.

"Maybe being locked up doesn't make me all that chatty" Murphy sneers.

"Certainly didn't stop you from telling the grounders everything they wanted to know" Bellamy's voice practically oozed hatred.

"Float yourself Bellamy. You think you would've lasted three hours in their prisons let alone three days?" Murphy spits out.

"Yeah, I do" Bellamy was self assured.

"They fucking broke me alright? Is that what you want to hear? I'm not as strong as you. I'm fucking weak, and sometimes I think I would've been better off if they had just killed me." Murphy seems to deflate as he turns his back on the boy he had once followed reverently. 

 

Bellamy is left to contemplate what Murphy has said, and once again forced to deal with the immense amount of guilt he feels when he looks at the other boy. 

When they first reached the ground Bellamy had wanted nothing more than to protect the others, keep them from harm, yet here was Murphy, a living breathing reminder of the fact that he was a failure. 

 

At least Bellamy knows Murphy is alive.

 

Bellamy could reach out and help the boy, but that would mean admitting his failure and he's not quite ready to do that.  

 


 

Murphy's nightmares are different the second night. He doesn't yell so much as he whimpers, curled into a ball and shaking, and Bellamy almost feels pity. 

"I caused this" Bellamy says to himself before reaching out to nudge Murphy's leg with his foot, the only part of him the chains allow him to reach.

"You're dreaming Murphy" he says. 

Murphy wakes with a start and glances around frantically, clearly still afraid of whatever plagued his dreams.

 

"Just a dream Murphy. You're safe here" Bellamy repeats.

"Screw you Bellamy" Murphy retorts. He shakes as he rolls himself over, but Bellamy doesn't mention it.

 

 

"When I was young I used to have nightmares about the guard finding Octavia. When it actually happened, the nightmares stopped, because they had come true" Bellamy speaks softly, sharing this part of himself for the first time. 

 

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Murphy's voice is bitter. 

"I don't know" Bellamy admits.

 

They don't speak after that. 

 

                        


 

"How did the guard find Octavia?" Murphy asks in the morning. 

 

"It was my fault. I took her to the Unity Day masquerade dance. My cadet unit was doing security, I thought I would be able to keep her safe" Bellamy's voice is heavy "You weren't there?" 

 

"I was locked up" Murphy tells him flatly. 

"For what?" Bellamy is genuinely curious.

"My mother was an alcoholic. She left behind some serious debts when she died, and I wasn't willing to do what it was going to take to answer for them" Murphy's tone suggests Bellamy was lucky to be getting even this much out of him.

"Nigel?" Bellamy asks.

"Among others" He replies. 

"Like who?"

"You know, getting to know me is only going to make it harder for you to kill me" Murphy warns.

 


"You want to know what I see when I look at you Murphy?" Bellamy asks a while later.

"Doubt it."

"I see failure. You're this constant reminder that I failed, that I couldn't protect the people closest to me. I failed you Murphy" Bellamy confesses.

"Is this some ploy to get me to forgive you? Cause if so I wouldn't hold your breath" Murphy replies bitterly. 

 

"I don't hate you Murphy. I hate what you remind me of" Bellamy continues as if he hadn't heard Murphy. It feels good to vocalize his feelings, as if by saying them out loud he can begin the healing process, though he isn't certain he deserves it.

"Murphy, I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm never going to fail you again" Bellamy vows "I'm going to protect you."

Murphy just laughs, bitter and hollow. 

"I'm going to do right by you" Bellamy assures him. If Bellamy can't save the rest of his people he's going to do everything he can for this one.