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In the dark dodging and burning.

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Finns death hits Murphy hard. 

 

It's not so much that Finn is dead, it's the realization that no one would've done for him what Clarke did for Finn. It could easily have been Murphy strung up on that pole enduring the pain of 18 deaths. 

 

It's this thought that sends him to his tent. He's never felt as alone as he does in this moment. Even being banished was different, at least then he was truly alone. Now, he lives among people who wouldn't move to help him. 

 

He hates himself for caring. 

 


Bellamy finds him the next morning, sitting on the ground staring at the tent wall. He hasn't moved since last night.

 

"Murphy" Bellamy's voice is tentative, soft even.

"You ok?" 

Murphy barely registers his presence until Bellamy sits in front of him.

"Hey" Bellamy reaches out to touch the side of Murphy's face, and he recoils wildly before realizing that the touch wasn't a threat. 

It strikes Bellamy then that Murphy is used to seeing everyone as his enemy.

 

"I wanted to make sure you were ok" Bellamy speaks softly, lowering his hand to lay it on Murphy's knee.

"I'm not." As if speaking triggered something within him Murphy's eyes well up with tears.

"Hey" Bellamy wipes away Murphy's tears, his thumb rough against the others seemingly always bruised cheek "I've got you remember?" 

If anything Bellamy's words have the exact opposite of their desired effect. 

"Up" Bellamy tugs gently, leading Murphy to the bed. He's pliant, allowing Bellamy to tuck him under the covers.

Bellamy quickly removes his boots and climbs in beside him, tucking Murphy into his chest. 

 

"I'm not going to fail you again Murphy, I promised."

Murphy latches on to the rough material of Bellamy's jacket and allows himself to display weakness for the first time since he was locked up. For reasons he can't quite comprehend he feels safe around Bellamy.

 

They stay like that for what feels like hours, Bellamy's long fingers combing through Murphy's hair. Finally the troubled teen finds sleep. 

 

Bellamy's obligations drag him away before the other boy wakes up, but he leaves his jacket tucked around Murphy's shoulders, a promise that he'll return.

 

                 


 

When Bellamy gets off watch he finds Murphy sitting at the communal fire wrapped in Bellamy's jacket, a bowl of soup clutched between his hands, untouched. 

 

"You need to eat" Bellamy sits beside him with his own bowl.

 

"Not hungry" Murphy responds.

"Eat. It's good soup."

Begrudgingly Murphy brings a chunk of venison to his mouth and chews slowly. Bellamy doesn't begin his own meal until he sees Murphy swallow, and despite his own hunger matches him bite for bite, as if a show of solidarity will help Murphy perform basic tasks.

 

It's a tactic he used to use with Octavia, refusing to eat his rations until she ate her own. When she was being particularly stubborn she could hold out for hours, typically as a ploy to get something she wanted. The only thing that could get her to break was hearing Bellamy's own stomach growl. Lucky for him, Murphy isn't as stubborn. 

 

 

"When's the last time you showered?" Bellamy asks when Murphy has eaten.

"Couple days ago in the river."

"Then you are going to love the hot water in the showers. Raven helped set it up this morning. It might not be the most necessary requirement, but a hot shower does wonders for morale" Bellamy tugs Murphy to his feet and leads him towards the showers. 

"I'm not so sure about this Bellamy" Murphy eyes the small shower stall uneasily. Ever since the grounders he's been uneasy with tight spaces. 

"C'mon, it'll make you feel better" Bellamy prompts.

So Murphy strips off his clothes, doing his best to ignore the way Bellamy looks at the marks left on his body. Murphy knows he's covered in bruises and scars, evidence of his time with the grounders.

"Murphy" Bellamy begins.

"Don't." Murphy holds up a hand to silence him before entering the shower stall. 

 

It's not that small, big enough to hold two people comfortably at Abby's request, so that she can help patients bathe if necessary, but to Murphy the walls are suffocating, and not even the first warm water he's felt in weeks can distract him from that. 

 

"Bellamy" Murphy's voice betrays his panic "Bellamy I can't do it. I can't do it" he repeats, mind clouded by panic. Then the door opens and Bellamy is there, pulling Murphy out of the shower and towards him.

"What's the matter?" Bellamy asks, and Murphy feels the rumble of his voice resonate through his chest.

"too fuckin small, gonna suffocate" Murphy babbles anxiously.

"Claustrophobia?" Bellamy asks, and Murphy nods rapidly. 

"If I came in with you would that help or make things worse?" 

"Bellamy you don't have to do that" Murphy suddenly becomes aware of the fact that he's naked and pressed to Bellamy's chest.

"I'm offering" Bellamy pulls back slightly to look him in the eye.

"Help" Murphy says quietly. 

At that Bellamy begins to strip until he's as naked as the boy before him.

"When you're ready" Bellamy enters the stall and holds out his hand. 

Slowly Murphy takes it and allows himself to be led inside. When the door closes behind him he flinches, and his breathing becomes shallower, but then Bellamy is there, soap in hand. He stands behind him, so close that Murphy feels the heat radiating off of his chest, and slowly begins washing Murphy's hair.

 

Murphy wants to protest but Bellamy shushes him.

"Let me. Please" He says softly, breath tickling the back of Murphy's neck, and so he does. 

Satisfied that Murphy's hair is clean he moves on to his back, then his legs, his hands moving over Murphy's ass quicker than Bellamy would like. 

 

Bellamy wraps his arms around Murphy and begins washing his chest. He doesn't trust himself to face the boy, knowing that he'll end up kissing him, and that's not what Murphy needs right now.

 

 

"Better?" Bellamy asks when Murphy has dried himself off and redressed. 

"Yeah" Murphy admits "thank you."

 

Bellamy walks Murphy back to his tent. They pass Clarke on their way and Bellamy knows that she'll have questions for him later but he chooses not to worry about that until he has to. What he does in his spare time is his business he figures. 

 

"I'm going hunting at first light" Bellamy says as he lays down next to Murphy "I won't be here when you wake up." 

"You don't need to stay" Murphy points out even though he knows he'll sleep better with Bellamy there. 

"I know" Bellamy says simply. Before he can over think it he presses his lips to Murphy's forehead.

 

Bellamy falls asleep quickly, and Murphy is left to contemplate, not for the first time, what Bellamy's lips might feel like pressed against his own.

When they had landed Murphy had wanted nothing more than to claim Bellamy as his own, but circumstances had prevented it, and he hadn't thought about it in a long time.

 

Now, he allowed himself a sliver of hope that maybe someday he would find out exactly what it would take to reduce Bellamy to a quivering mess.