“Delphine needs to get her bloody ass back here, and she needs to do it soon.”
Sarah ran her fingers through her hair as she paced, all but ripping it out of her head. She was desperate now; everybody was, but Sarah was most vocal about it. Ever since Kira had pulled her aside when she’d come back from her meeting with Marion, she’d felt as if her heart was going to rip itself out of her chest.
Kira wasn’t stupid. Kira knew what she was talking about when she’d said that Cosima almost hadn’t woken up that morning. Sarah wasn’t stupid either, and she knew she couldn’t brush it off as a one-time thing. She knew that Cosima could die any day now, and Sarah didn’t even know if she’d be able to go on without her. This being the case, she continued speaking before Cosima had the chance to reply.
“I know you’re going to defend her. That’s fine. But she left you. She’s one of the only goddamn scientists on our side, and she’s in bloody Germany!”
“She was forced out of the country, Sarah; you know that! Please…it’s not like you need her right this instant. She’ll be back eventually, and then….”
Cosima trailed off, partially because of the furious spark in Sarah’s eyes, but also because it was getting difficult to speak anyway. Her breath caught, and she turned her head to cough into her sleeve. Red flecks splattered the fabric, and Cosima found herself zoning off a bit as she stared at them. The only thing that brought her back out of her mind was the monologue being thrown at her from Sarah, the other woman’s face distorted and full of rage.
“And then what, Cosima? And then you’ll be dead? Look at you! You can barely function anymore, let alone work on your own cure! And the rest of us? Alison and Helena and I? Do we look like we’re bloody fucking scientists to you? Delphine was giving you your best chance and she left! She has rights; she could have stayed, she could have done something….”
“Delphine did what she needed to do to protect us and herself. I swear, Sarah, she’s doing her best. I told her to love us all, and do you know what? She does. Don’t you dare insult her motives.”
“I can insult whatever I like! You know why, Cos? Because she’s not here. She is not here and soon you might not be either!”
“Why do you even care?”
Cosima regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She stared wide-eyed at Sarah as her expression shifted from angry to hurt in the span of a second. Of course Sarah cared; Sarah was honestly one of the most caring souls Cosima had ever met and she wasn’t quite sure why she’d said what she did, but she couldn’t take it back now.
“Sarah, I-I…I didn’t mean….”
“I care because I love you.”
Cosima stayed silent this time. Sarah’s voice had been steady, but she could tell that she was on the verge of tears. It struck her then that she’d never seen Sarah cry before. The sight of it made her stomach twist. It felt so utterly wrong, and she couldn’t do anything about it. She could tell Sarah she would be okay, but it was a huge lie and Sarah wouldn’t be buying it this time.
“Come here,” she said gently, opening her arms. Sarah shuffled toward her and sat down by Cosima on the bed, then wrapped her arms around the other woman. She buried her face in Cosima’s neck as she returned the hug and closed her eyes.
“I love you,” Sarah said, her voice hushed as if it would break something if it were any louder. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Cosima replied, equally quiet. She slowly rubbed Sarah’s back, letting the hug linger before pulling back and looking into Sarah’s eyes. She’d come to love those eyes. They were the same as her own, but…different, somehow. She managed to give a small smile before adding, “Better not do anything stupid after I’m gone. I’ll be watching.” She tapped her glasses and winked.
Sarah snorted and rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop the sad smile from spreading across her features. It was just like Cosima to try to lighten the mood on something as morbid as her own death, but Sarah couldn’t even bring herself to criticize it anymore. She just leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to the side of Cosima’s mouth and let her wrap her arms around her body again. “You're such a nerd,” she murmured fondly.