I don't know how I ended up standing at the threshold of Haymitch's house getting ready to knock. Katniss was up early and went into the woods, and the lack of her presence in bed unnerved me to the point of getting up and leaving the house myself. She said she was going to hunt, but I doubt that she'll actually do that today. Most likely, she'll go into the woods and hide for a few hours, and I don't blame her. I'm not one to run and hide when things get complicated, but since I'm standing here at Haymitch's front door, one thing is certain: I need to talk it out.
I reluctantly knock and immediately regret doing so. What if he was asleep? Haymitch doesn't sleep any better than Katniss and I do; if I wake him I'm in big trouble. I'm slowly backing away from the door, hoping that I can turn around and go back where I came from to avoid Haymitch's knife when I hear commotion on the other side.
"What do you want?" Haymitch's voice leaks out from the closed door. There's more commotion and the sound of empty bottles clanging together as he makes his way towards the front door.
"I'm sorry, Haymitch. I didn't wake you, did I?" I call out, sounding louder than I'd ever want to be at this time of the morning. The door flies open and I'm met with an angry looking Haymitch. He doesn't look like he's been sleeping, but he looks perturbed nonetheless.
"No you didn't wake me, but who knocks on someone's door this early?" Haymitch asks. Irritation is present in his voice and he's staring at me, waiting for a quick answer.
"I just need to talk." I force out. "About… stuff." I can't get anything more than that out right now. Not while I'm still outside. I see Haymitch's face soften a bit. He may be tactless and rude, but he also has become some sort of father figure to me, and he knows that there's nobody else for me to confide in.
"I'm going to need some nourishment before I tackle any difficult topics today, kid." This is his way of apologizing for being so short with me. He knows that I wouldn't have come over this early if it weren't something important to me.
"Come over to my house. I don't have much, but I can fix you some breakfast." I tell him. He shrugs and nods and we walk over to my place in silence. "Have a seat, how about some milk?" He laughs at that and pulls a flask from his pocket and takes a swig.
I make him a quick breakfast of toast and eggs, and I still pour him a glass of milk, just in case he wants a switch. After I set the plate in front of him, I shrug, feeling sheepish, "It's the best I can do." I explain. When he digs in without a sarcastic retort, I know he is content.
It takes him a few minutes, but when half of the food is gone he looks up from the plate and finally speaks. "So, what's wrong? I don't see Katniss around, so I assume this is about her."
"Well, it's about… us." I explain. "Or, what's happening with us." Haymitch sighs at this, he knows what I'm trying to say and I know he won't answer me until I spit it all out. "Last night, we sort of slept together."
"You sleep together every night, boy. Tell me something I don't know." Haymitch answers, finally noticing the glass of milk I set in front of him and rolling his eyes.
"No, I mean really slept together. You know…" Why can't I talk today?
"Oh." Is all Haymitch can say when he realizes what I'm getting at, "Well how do you sort of do that?" he questions.
"Okay, we didn't sort of sleep together. We did sleep together. We went to bed the same as any other night and she woke up having a nightmare, so I was trying to calm her down and it happened. I don't know what came over us, but she got up so early this morning and left to go to the woods. I don't know if we should have let this happen. She probably hates me now and we were just starting to connect again. Why didn't I just stop it?" I can't stop the words now; the flood gates have been opened.
"Whoa, whoa… slow down!" Haymitch stops me. "And this is really the first time anything like this has happened?" He questions now, suspicious.
"I swear, Haymitch. I never get into bed with her with anything on my mind other than sleeping next to her." I explain. I can tell he doesn't believe me. "I mean it." I stare at him now, not blinking. How can he not believe me? Why would I come to him today if something had happened before this?
"I'm just thinking, calm down." He says when he notices I'm trying to convince him I'm telling the truth. "So, what's the problem?"
"I think she hates me." I reiterate. "She left so fast this morning."
"What did she say to you?" Haymitch asks. By this point, he knows Katniss as well as I do, sometimes maybe even more since they're so much alike.
"She just said she was going hunting, and then she left." I explain.
"Anything else?" Haymitch asks.
"I was half asleep, Haymitch." I explain.
"Think!" He's yelling now, clearly frustrated with me. "If you're so worried she hates you now, you need to think, Peeta. Was there anything else?" His voice is calmer now. Why do the two people I am closest to have the shortest tempers?
"I don't know…" I say, trying as hard as I can to remember anything else. Suddenly it hits me, "She was smiling."
"Katniss Everdeen was smiling? Well, boy, sounds like you did just fine." Haymitch says with a laugh. I groan and cover my face.
"This is new to me Haymitch; please don't make me any more uncomfortable than I already am. I'm not exactly thrilled having to talk to you about this." I grab his untouched glass of milk from in front of him and drink half of it. My mouth has suddenly gotten very dry and the air in the room felt thick.
"Well excuse me, Lover Boy." Haymitch says, putting his hands up defensively.
"Don't call me that!" I snap. "That's what The Careers called me."
"Right, I'm sorry. Peeta." He replies. I think he's still scared that I'll slip into a flashback when he says certain things, so this slip up has him momentarily walking on eggshells, careful of what to say next. Nobody is ever sure of what will set me off. Not even me.
"It's fine. I'm fine." I tell him, trying to steer the conversation back to where it needs to be. "My father had the sex talk with me when I was 13, but a hypothetical situation when you're 13 is a lot different when you're in the middle of the real thing at 18, and it's not like I can go and talk to him about it now. My brothers were nothing short of worthless. They'd tell me things and when I would ask my dad it turned out they were just lying to me. I don't know if she liked it or how I get her to like it? I feel so stupid." I stop myself before I am the culprit of inducing a flashback. When I look up, Haymitch is looking at me like I'm a lost dog that just wandered into town.
"Alright," Haymitch sighs. "I don't want this to get uncomfortable for either one of us, but it probably will. I don't want to hear anything more than I need to know, but there are things that I think you need to hear. So, why don't we agree to be as discreet as we can here?" I'm not exactly sure what he's getting at, but I nod and agree with his suggestion. "I'm not normally one to take this sort of thing very seriously. Jokes are my way, but I'll give you this one and not make fun of you." His eyes grow serious now as he continues to speak, "You two have been through enough these last 3 years that it's no wonder you're partially clueless as to where to go from here. I do know how important this is to you, Peeta." I know that, but hearing him say it means a lot to me. It's not every day that Haymitch will reveal his motives.
"Thank you, Haymitch. I just don't want to ruin this. I don't want her to ever think that this is the only reason I've stuck around. I want to make her as happy as she can possibly be now and I don't want the introduction of sex in our relationship to become something that completely tears us apart." Haymitch nods and sits up straighter in his chair, putting his flask back in his pocket and for the first time, devoting his attention to me completely.
"The first thing you have to remember is that you're not normal teenagers." Haymitch starts. "The second thing you have to remember is that even though mentally, you're not normal teenagers, physically, you are. There are hormones, there are desires, and things like this will happen. Let's just appreciate that Katniss smiled this morning; not only because of what it could possibly mean for you two, but simply because she's smiling."
Haymitch has transformed into the person that I only saw once before. It was the night before my first interview with Ceaser Flickerman, when I confessed to him that I was in love with Katniss. At first I thought that The Capitol had kidnapped the real Haymitch and replaced him with an imposter. He was genuine and understanding and so very wise. That's when I knew I could trust Haymitch. It's when I knew that even if he didn't show it on the outside; he knew a lot. We have had many conversations where his sarcastic remarks and exasperated looks weren't present, but this is different. It's fatherly; something I've missed since my family was killed.
"I'm going to ask you some questions. I don't really want to because it's not something that I want to think about with you two, but who else is going to help you?" His words are laced with discomfort and it scares me. What is he planning to ask me? Is it really worth putting us both is such an awkward situation?
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Haymitch. I'm sure I can figure it out." I say. Maybe I don't want to add this new dynamic to whatever it is we have. Friendship? Irrevocable bond?
"Trust me, kid. With a woman like Katniss you want to keep that smile on her face. I can't hold your hand and I don't want to, but I can give you some pointers." Suddenly I'm wondering if I want pointers from Haymitch. He seems to be able to read this on my face. "I had a girl once." He begins, "before I went into the arena. Beautiful girl, but the complete opposite of Katniss; we had our fun. I do know a thing or two even if you don't want to believe it."
I feel like I've been scolded and the only thing I can do is mutter an apology before asking my first question. "If your girl wasn't like Katniss, how are you going to help me keep her smiling?" I think it's a valid question, but Haymitch seems to disagree.
"Women are women. It's not about what you do, but how you do it. I'd tell you to talk to Katniss and ask her what she likes, but I doubt she has any idea. This is my first piece of advice for you. Find out." You would think the word "How?" was written across my forehead, because Haymitch has my answer before the words were ever out of my mouth. "This is where it gets uncomfortable. Just answer my questions, ok?" I nod. "Did she finish?"
"Haymitch…" I give him a look, but then remember what he said. This would be uncomfortable. I'm not quite sure that uncomfortable is the word for it, but it's in the running. I take a deep breath, ready to answer whatever Haymitch asks and maybe even ask a few questions myself if I can get them to come out without fearing Katniss will hear us talking about our brand new sex life all the way from the woods. "I don't know."
"You don't know." Haymitch repeats. He mimics my deep breath now and stands up. This can't possibly be good. He begins to pace and I realize that he's waiting for me to speak.
"How do I know?" I ask. It seems like the obvious thing to ask, but when Haymitch cringes I know he was hoping I wouldn't ask.
"You'll feel it." Is all he offers; he spits it out quickly. When I don't answer him, he finally continues. "When you're… when you two are… having…" he's struggling.
"When I'm inside her?" I ask abruptly. Haymitch immediately turns his back to me and puts his head in his hands. This is definitely more difficult than I expected it to be.
"Yes, Peeta. Exactly." His back is still turned, but he continues. "If she is having an… if she…"
"Has an orgasm?" I offer.
"DAMMIT, PEETA!" Haymitch yells.
"I'm sorry! I thought I was helping. How am I supposed to understand what you're trying to tell me if you can't even get the words out?" I know he doesn't want to think about us having sex, and I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to be forced to think about him having sex with anyone either, but if he can't even talk then how is he supposed to help me? "Maybe you should finish what's in your flask." I suggest, hoping more liquor will make things less horrific for him.
He takes my advice a grabs the flask from his pocket and finishes what was left in there with one long gulp. Turning back around, he finally looks at me again. "Now, what was I saying? When she isclimaxing," he emphasizes the word as though it's much more proper to use in this conversation. "You will be able to feel it. I'm not going to draw it out for you, but pay attention next time. When you feel that, you know you've done your job. If you can't do that, then don't bother at all. You'll want to listen to her too, she may get loud or her breathing will change. Everyone is different. Let's assume that based on her smile this morning, you did what you were supposed to do."
I'm nodding, mentally taking notes for later, or what I hope will be happening later. I won't tell Haymitch this, but I loved it. I wish I were still in bed with her now continuing where we left off. "So listen to her and feel for a climax." I repeat, emphasizing the word to mock him. Seeing Haymitch this uncomfortable is actually helping me stay relaxed.
"Now, pay attention, this is where the real advice starts." Haymitch says, finally calming down enough to sit back down. The last of his liquor from the flask must be settling in. I wonder if I should offer to grab him one of the backup bottles I keep for him under the sink when he begins to speak again. "The most important thing for both of you to worry about right now is learning. Sex is instinctual, but everyone likes different things. It's up to the two of you to find out what you like. You have to learn about her, she has to learn about you and you both have to learn about yourselves."
I think I understand what he's saying to me now. He's looking more relaxed by the second. That last bit of liquor was just enough to keep him on the right track but calm him down at the same time; I figure now is the time to pull out all the stops and see what he thinks of what my mind has done with his words. "So, I've learned a fair bit about myself over the years by… masturbating." I say the word slowly to gauge his reaction, but he simply nods.
"As most boys do," He says. "Let's be honest here and say that you've probably got the one up on Katniss in that department, but don't take that to heart and be patient with her. She's shut off…"
"Turn her on." I say suddenly, thinking out loud.
Haymitch begins clapping slowly as he gets up from his chair once again. "Poetic," he says sarcastically. "One minute, I'm just going to help myself to one of those bottles of booze under your sink." I never told him they were there, but he figured it out. He always figures it out. He opens the bottle in record time and takes a swig, walking back over to the table he sits down and sets the bottle down loudly. "And here I thought I would get through this without a drink. Thanks for the suggestion." He tips an imaginary hat in my direction and takes one more sip. "So, continue…" he says.
What was I saying? He can't possibly be talking about turning Katniss on, so I back my brain up a little more and think; masturbation. "If I learned about myself by masturbating than wouldn't it be safe to assume that Katniss can do the same?" I ask.
"You're right. And you can learn too." He adds. This is much easier with booze and I'm not even the one drinking it. "Here's a suggestion and don't punch me for talking about your girl this way, I'm simply trying to help, I don't like myself talking this way about her any more than you do. Have her do it while you watch her." He says, nodding. I think he's nodding more to himself as congratulations for actually getting a full sentence out without stuttering.
The idea of watching Katniss masturbate causes all kinds of heat to surge through my body. "How will that help me if she's doing all the work though?" My question is clearly one of innocence and Haymitch's face tells me so.
"Just let her go, but never take your eyes off what she's doing. She's going to be learning about what she likes at the same time you are, so learn together. It's a hell of a lot more fun than doing it alone, trust me." I cringe at that and now I know how he feels having to acknowledge things about someone you didn't want to. "Do the same for her. Show her how you do it, show her what you like. It's the only way you will succeed."
"Maybe I'll get to do it for her." I say, not realizing I'm speaking out loud. Haymitch's loud laugh brings me back to reality.
"Get that look out of your eyes; wait for her to get back from the woods first." He laughs again, the liquor is making this more amusing for him, but I'm not mad; I'm glad that he's talking to me about this. I hope that he knows how much I appreciate it.
"What about protection?" I suddenly blurt out. "I have no idea where to get anything."
Haymitch's face drops at this very valid concern. "Tell you what; tonight focus on what I was telling you about and by tomorrow I'll have an answer for you."
"Do you want money?" I ask. I remember the talk around the District; most families couldn't afford to buy birth control. They couldn't even afford to eat. Haymitch declines my offer.
"Don't worry about that. I'm going to do this for you once and then after that it's up to you, but I want to make sure I know where you can go. I'm not going to send you all over the District looking around for condoms, because that'll get back to Katniss in a hurry and then she'll know that all of District 12 knows what you two get up to in your bed." Haymitch explains. It makes sense; I've never done this before and it appears that Haymitch has, so any help he is willing to give is help I am grateful for.
"Thanks, Haymitch." I say. "I mean it."
"Don't mention it, kid." There's a small smirk on his face. "She does love you. She has for a while." He says. I'm not sure where this came from, but I don't plan to waste an opportunity.
"What makes you say that?" I ask, not trying to look like I doubt him too much.
"Let's just say there was a lot that you missed over the last year or so between the Quarter Quell and your time being Hijacked. See this mark right here?" He's pointing to a light scar on the left side of his face. "It's from your girl. She gave it to me when she found out the Capitol had you. So you can say that I've got a token of her love for you stuck with me forever now." He laughs a little at his attempt at a joke and I can't help but smile too. I never knew Katniss attacked Haymitch.
"She told me she did last night." I confess.
"Well it's about damn time." Haymitch says with a smile. He looks proud and I realize that this is something he has known all along; even when Katniss doubted it, when President Snow doubted it, and most of all, when I doubted it.
"What if she wants to have sex tonight?" I ask. I know she doesn't want to get pregnant and at this point I don't want to get her pregnant, but the risk didn't seem to matter to her last night and I wonder if the same would happen tonight.
"Exhaust her." Haymitch replies simply. "Don't put the idea of her getting pregnant in her head or you may never get laid again, so just distract her with other things." When he sees the questioning look on my face he has an equally simple answer. "Use your imagination. You're a teenage boy, I trust you have one. I'm going to leave it at that right now, I don't want to overwhelm you, and by you I mean her. Maybe she'll surprise you, but don't hold her hand. Let her explore."
"Everything?" I ask.
"Everything." He repeats. I nod. "And don't worry, I won't tell her what we talked about. As far as I'm concerned I'm a clueless old man that thinks you two will die virgins."
"Thanks once again." I reply. Suddenly there's a knock on the door and we both know that it can only be one person. "Come in," I say and the door slowly opens and Katniss peeks her head in the door.
"Peeta?" she says, walking into the house.
"I'm right here," I say from the table. "How was hunting?"
"Fine. Still not a whole lot out there. Why are you guys here?" she asks, realizing Haymitch is here too.
"I fixed Haymitch some breakfast." I explain. It's not a lie; I just didn't tell her everything.
"And thanks for that, kid." Haymitch says, getting up from his seat once again. "I'm going to head back to my place and check on those geese. Mating season has started, you know." The joke hangs in the air for a second before he gives me a smug smile and walks to the door. "See you kids later." He calls out as he closes the door behind him. I notice he didn't look at Katniss once. I suddenly feel bad that I made him talk about her that way; if he's like a father to me then she must be like a daughter to him. I have to remember to apologize to him for that as soon as I can.
The silence in the house is deafening and I feel that I have to say something, anything. I just don't know where to even begin. Do I avoid mentioning last night or does she want to talk about it and that's why she's not moving or talking right now? I decide to start simple. "Are you hungry? I have enough left for one more plate of food."
She nods but stays rooted to the spot, looking at her feet. "Are you going to have some?" she asks. Her voice is so low and I can't help but feel like it's my fault she's acting this way. Haymitch said her smile this morning was a good thing, but the way she is acting right now, like she hardly knows me, doesn't reassure me that he is right this time.
"Come sit down, Katniss. I'm not hungry right now." I remove Haymitch's empty plate and replace it with a clean one and pull out the chair for her. She sits and I push the chair in. I so badly want to touch her and tell her things will be alright, but I'm afraid that she'll think the worst of me. Her moods are still so unpredictable and I understand how others feel not knowing what to say to me for fear of inducing a flashback. Neither of us are stable, and I'm back to wondering if last night was a good idea. I push the chair in for her and walk back over the stove to cook the last two eggs that I have in my house. I don't keep a lot of food in here because I don't normally stay here; I'm always with Katniss.
Once the eggs are done I scoop them into her plate and sit across from her at the table just as I did when Haymitch was here. I let her eat, but vow to bring up last night when she's done. We sit in complete uncomfortable silence as she eats; after she finishes her last bite, I take a deep breath in preparation for this conversation.
"Last night…" Katniss says softly. "I don't regret it." She's looking down into her plate as she waits for me to answer her.
"I don't either." I reply. She looks up at me finally and I'm surprised to see that smile on her face again, the same one from this morning that I almost let my sleep addled brain forget. "You don't have to be so quiet, Katniss. Talk to me." I urge. "After all, we're in love, aren't we?" I let myself smile now at the thought of it. No more games, no more convincing; we're in love, and Katniss loves me back not because she's told to, but because she truly does.
"We can't do that again." She says finally. My smile quickly drops. "Not until we do something to make sure I don't get pregnant."
My smile is bigger now when I realize what she's saying. I nod in agreement; I certainly can't say that Haymitch is already going to take care of that for us, but there is something that I can say, "So… you want to do it again? When we've got protection?" I ask. My voice sounds more like an unsure child's than my own, and I clear my throat hoping it'll rid my voice of any sounds of naivety.
She simply nods at me, giving me that smile once again. "Do you?" she asks. Her voice has the same tone as mine did just before and then I don't feel so bad. We're both new to this and we'll learn together, just like Haymitch said.
"Of course I do, Katniss." The words are out before I can think of how I just said it. "You have to know though," I start, attempting a recovery, "I never planned for this. When I started sleeping in your bed again that's all I wanted to do. I wanted to be near you and I wanted to help you; protect you from the nightmares. I don't want you to think that I had intentions beyond that." I explain, hoping she believes me.
"I don't think that, Peeta. I wanted to protect you too." We sit in silence again for a few minutes before Katniss speaks up again. "Do you want to go upstairs?" is she really suggesting what I think she's suggesting?
I stand up from my spot at the table and walk over to her; she's look at me now, still seated. "Let's go upstairs." I say. The naïve tone in my voice is replaced now with a darker one, and I see Katniss take a deep breathe in when she hears it. I put my hand out to her and she takes it, rising from her seat and following behind me across the kitchen and up the stairs to my room, never letting go of my hand once.
As soon as we're in my room she drops my hand and is in front of me, grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. She knows we can't have sex right now, so why is she doing this? I keep remembering what Haymitch told me and decide that now is as good a time as any to introduce his suggestions to Katniss. I look at her staring at me; she has a look in her eyes that could rival the dark tone of my voice earlier. "Katniss, can you trust me?" I ask.
"I trust you, Peeta." She answers, never taking her eyes off of me. It's something I need to hear more since my Hijacking, just to know that even after that, she still trusts me.
"Good." I say. "We can't have sex right now, you said it yourself." Her shoulders deflate when I say this and I'm surprised to see that she's genuinely disappointed. Last night brought forth an entirely new side to Katniss and I think I'm going to have fun learning all about her. "We can do other things though." I suggest. I really hope she goes for this. "Katniss, have you ever touched yourself when you are alone?"
She's silent for a moment and I fear what her answer will be. Just when I think she's going to storm out, she speaks. "Only a few times." She confesses.
"Do you think you could show me?" I ask gently. I don't want to sound demanding, but I want to let her know that I do have plans. She's silent again but doesn't look mad. She looks shocked that I'd want to see that, so I continue. "I want to see what you like, Katniss. Where you like to be touched, what turns you on…" I stop before I say the final thing that's on my mind. I don't want to push the boundaries too far, but then I decide that I'll never find out how far I can push the boundaries if I never start in the first place, so I finish my thought, "I want to see what makes you come."
Katniss visibly shudders at this and I take it as a good sign. Within a few seconds she's taking off her hunting jacket and removing her boots. Then, she closes the space between us, and for the first time since last night, we kiss. There's a heat behind it that's even more intense than it has ever been and my hands find themselves pulling up Katniss' shirt over her head quickly. I break the kiss and go over the mental notes from my conversation with Haymitch. Learn about her body. The room is lighter than it was last night and I take the opportunity to appreciate Katniss standing in front of me in her bra and pants. She looks apprehensive, knowing that in this light I can see the full nature of the scarring on her upper body. "Beautiful," I mutter, not realizing I said it loud enough for her to hear. I step forward again and get close to her ear and then I whisper, "You're beautiful, Katniss."
She shudders again and moves to my left ear before she whispers back to me, "So are you." Her lips graze my earlobe as she whispers and I feel a sensation that can only be described as electric jolt from my ear down to my groin. We've barely even done anything yet and I'm already getting hard. Here's my opportunity to begin to show Katniss what I like too.
"I want to show you how I touch myself too, Katniss." I'm still whispering though I'm not sure why. I take my pants off and throw them down next to my shirt, "Your turn." I instruct, pointing to her pants. She slowly moves her hand to the top of her pants and begins to remove them slowly. "Don't be scared, Katniss. We're doing this together. I love you." Her head shoots up to look at me after I say it, and then I realize; this is the first time I've ever said that to her that way. It was never a secret that I was in love with her from the beginning, but even after 3 years of being near her, I never said it in those words.
She has a look now that is a mixture of the dark look she had earlier and a softer look that I can't put my finger on. She opens her mouth to speak but stops and takes a deep breath before trying again. "I love you, too." She finally manages to say. She sounds as though by saying it out loud that way that she's finally realizing the truth of it.
Hearing her say that sends me over the edge and suddenly our lips come together with a force that knocks Katniss off balance. To keep her from falling over I pick her up and lead her to my bed and lay her down. She hasn't gotten her pants off yet, so I take them and pull them off her, dropping them with a loud thud on the floor right next to me, and her underwear quickly follows. As I'm taking off the last of my clothing, Katniss reaches up and removes her bra, flinging it to the side.
Then, I'm on top of her. I push my tongue into her mouth and she responds eagerly, returning my kisses with fervor. "Touch yourself, Katniss." I tell her through open mouthed kisses. "Show me."
I feel her remove her hand from the back of my neck so I stop kissing her. I want to see everything; I push myself off her now so she can have room. I'm kneeling in front of her as she slowly begins to touch herself. She starts out gently rubbing the tips of her fingers in circles, taking quick intakes of breath when it seems like she's hitting a spot beyond her folds that excites her.
"Peeta," she moans. I feel myself twitch again. Suddenly, Katniss stops, sits up on her elbows and looks at me and then at my erection. I feel stupid sitting here on my knees in the middle of the bed naked with my erection pointing at nothing but the ceiling and my hands down at my sides. "It's your turn," Katniss interrupts. "Show me now."
I'm grateful for her suggestion and I quickly take my right hand and wrap it around myself. I look up at Katniss and she's looking at it with a fascination that makes me want to take her right then and there, but I have to focus on the task and show Katniss what I'm doing. I begin to move my hand up and down my shaft while I stare at Katniss. A small moan escapes my lips and it seems to break Katniss out of the trance that she was in watching me.
She surprises me by speaking. "How does it feel?" She asks. The one that barely speaks is the one to ask the questions here.
Even her interest in how this feels for me turns me on, so I speed up a little before I answer her. "So good," I choke out, "So, so good." I see her moving her hand back down to resume her task, but this time she places her fingers just beyond her folds and begins the same circular motions as before.
She lets out a hiss as she does this. "This feels good too," she moans now "Right… here." I watch as she continues the same motion, letting out small sounds as she does. I've never seen anything so amazing. She stops again and takes her hand away. She's back to watching me now.
I make sure she notices that I've moved my hand up to gather the pre-come that has started to leak from my head. Her eyes widen at this and I see her crack the tiniest smile as she continues to watch me work. I'm moving slowly again, helping to ensure that I don't finish too soon. I'm not ready for this to end.
"Can I?" Katniss asks, sitting up but not taking her eyes off what I'm doing. "Can I help?" She's different when we're like this; I like it.
I stop what I'm doing and remove my hand, moving it towards her. She's watching me intently as I grab her hand and lace our fingers together. We look at each other, not moving, and I give her a small nod as I move our hands toward my erection. As we get closer I can feel her arm tensing up and I stop. "It's ok," I tell her. "It's ok." I hope that repeating it will help her relax. I let go of her hand and grip myself once more then look into her eyes. "Watch me." I instruct. Once again, I move my hand up and down slowly as I did before but only a few times, just so she can see again. I grab her hand again and bring it closer towards me silently and place it on my shaft, taking my other hand and closing her fingers around me, so now I have both of my hands on each side of her one hand to secure her.
I can't help but moan at the feeling of it. Her hand feels so different from my own; it's smaller, her skin feels different and my mind is in overdrive at the reality that Katniss Everdeen is touching me like this. Slowly I take my hands that are still covering her hand and begin to move them up and down in the same motion that I was showing her earlier. Neither one of us speaks; the only sounds are my moans and her breathing. I look up at her and smile; she returns it and it seems like just something as simple as a smile has given her a new confidence when she takes her other hand and puts her thumb to my head and begins to swirl my pre-come around the same way she saw me do it. Involuntarily, I drop my hands from hers but she doesn't stop. She keeps going, placing her other hand on my shaft above the one that was already there. Now, she has both hands working on me and she's moving faster than we were together.
I know I can't last much longer; between what's happening, who it's happening with and my inexperience, I haven't quite mastered the art of lasting very long yet. I decide to finally break our silence. "I'm almost there." I tell her, and I notice her eyes widen and she slows her place. I can't help but smile at her then. "Don't be scared, it's what supposed to happen."
"I know that." She says sounding slightly offended.
"Then do it, Katniss. Make me come." I order. Now it's my turn to look scared, because I don't know where that came from and I'm expecting her to stop all together, but to my surprise this seems to encourage her. It almost seems as though she liked it when I told her what to do. She increases her pace once again and for her first time doing this, she isn't half bad. My mind slips off into thinking about how good she can eventually become with practice and all of the other things that we can possibly do in the future when I feel her thumb brush back over my head again and I gasp loudly as I'm brought back to the present with Katniss sitting in front of me, both hands working me to completion.
When I feel that familiar sensation that tells me there's no going back, I know that I need to warn her. "Katniss…" is all I can manage to say before I'm pushed off the edge and her hands are covered with my come. When I finally catch my breath and begin to focus again I see that's she is sitting there; hands dirty, not sure what to do. "I'm so sorry; I tried to warn you in time so you could move your hands." I apologize.
She shakes her head at me. "It's ok… I just don't know what to do now." She laughs a little and I laugh with her knowing that she's never had to clean up like this before.
I look around the room for something for her, but all I can find are our clothes on the floor. "Use my shirt." I tell her, jumping off the bed and quickly grabbing it for her. She watches me the entire way then gives me a nod of thanks when I hand her the shirt and she wipes her hands off. "Remind me not to put that back one back on." I say and she laughs.
It's so good to see her laughing again. I lean in and kiss her, cupping her cheek with my hand. "It's your turn now." I tell her when I pull away. "Touch yourself some more. I want to watch you." I move back and sit in front of her, ready to watch and learn as much as I can. She goes right back to the now familiar circular motion that I saw her doing before, but this time she stops pretty quickly and inserts a finger into herself then quickly adds a second. She's moaning now as she takes her other hand and resumes the circular pattern; then she stops again. I look up at her and she's eyeing me with a look that's so intense I could feel it in my bones.
"Touch me, Peeta." She murmurs as she grabs my hand and brings it toward her. "Do for me what I did for you." The way she worded it makes me smile and I wonder if she can't quite find it in her to say the word "come" yet.
"Only if you're sure," I tell her. "I want you to be completely comfortable." She says nothing in response to that but keeps moving my hand closer to her middle, until finally it's there.
She's still holding my hand as she grabs my pointer and middle fingers and guides them inside her. She gasps as she does it and whispers "Your fingers are bigger than mine." I hope I'm not hurting her too badly, she's only had sex once and I'm sure that she's sore from that in addition to not being used to anything but her own fingers. "Should we stop?" I ask her.
"No!" she shakes her head quickly and pushes my fingers in even further. It's so wet and so warm; it brings me back to last night when I entered her for the first time and I smile to myself at the memory. I hope Haymitch can find condoms soon because that's where I want to be again as soon as I can. Katniss is reaching for my other hand now, and I give it to her willingly. She leaves my fingers to work on her and she guides by other hand to the top of her middle. "Touch me here." She says as she once again takes my fingers and places them on the spot she kept touching when I was watching her. "Be gentle."
I do as I'm told and have to stop myself from laughing. It seems that she knows a little more than Haymitch gave her credit for. I move my fingers in the same circular motion I watched her doing and I can feel now what I'm touching. I instantly remember the conversation with my father about this spot on a woman and I feel like I've just struck gold.
"Just like that, Peeta. Don't stop." She tells me. I love when she uses my name when we're intimate. Even though this is only the second time we've done anything like this, I already know that it's something I'm going to enjoy more and more. I find a good rhythm and keep with it as I pay attention to her breathing like Haymitch told me to. The longer I work on her, the quicker her breathing becomes until eventually she's squirming underneath my hands; then I feel it. Her inner walls are contracting around my fingers and she's moaning in a tone that I've never heard before. This is what Haymitch meant, I know now without a shadow of a doubt.
I pull my fingers out and they're coated with her juices. She's offering my shirt to me to clean up, but I have a different idea. "I want to taste you," I tell her. "I bet you taste amazing." Then I put my fingers in my mouth and suck them clean while she watches. I nod. "I was right. Amazing."
She looks embarrassed when I say this, but pleased at the same time. "Take a nap with me?" she asks innocently.
"Of course," I answer, smiling widely and getting under the covers next to her. "Are we always going to be sleeping naked now?" I ask.
"Maybe." She answers with a grin in her voice, and I wonder how long this will last. I love to see her smiling and hearing her laugh, I've missed it, but most of all I think I've missed hearing her remarks that are always slightly sarcastic. "Goodnight, Katniss." I tell her, cuddling up behind her and draping my arm around her stomach.
"Goodnight, Peeta." She answers with a yawn.
We say nothing more and within minutes I can feel Katniss' breathing even out and she's asleep. I finally allow myself to rest easy with a note to remember to thank Haymitch for the advice the next time I see him.