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I love you, I love you, I'll live for you

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1. The mission went well. In other words, shit is going to come down soon.

2. And of course, it does.

Housuke stepped on an innocent little broken branch, and little swarms of red dots appeared below the cliff, and the mission is compromised. (Damn it what is he supposed to do?)

3. Iwa attacks, and Kakashi is still just that, a little genin. (A prodigy, you hears them whisper. Just like his father. Maybe he'll turn traitor too.)

You flinch, and with a shunshin, you appear back in the Hatake estate with groceries and yourself but you are just gone.

It hurts.

You think, does your (former) teammates hate you too?

4. Should you have complete the mission? Yes. Mission comes first, especially now that the Third Shinobi War has begun. (His fault the White Fang's fault but he needed to save them...)

Should you have abandoned your teammates? No. Logically and morally (not that shinobi have any), you shouldn't.

5. You could feel yourself slipping into darkness, sleep claiming you in your drunken mind. Deep inside you thought, maybe I should talk to Kakashi.

6. The little ninken appears with a pop, and you pat Kakashi's back with a large grin. "Good job, Kashi. I knew you could do it." You praised. The genin (his child, his pup he should be taking care of him not the other way around what type of parent is he?) flushed with a happy grin on his bare face, and you couldn't be more prouder.

7. You stare at the tanto in your hand, twisting and turning it while it strums with energy. The moon light echoes, whispers of the wielders before you yelling (stay stay stay we are a pack what are you doing?) forged with the white chakra only special to their bloodline. It's a shame that you and Kakashi are the only ones left.

You need to talk to him.

8. The day Kakashi turns Chuunin, you are waiting for him. You can see the happiness on his face. (He doesn't remember when it was the last time he did.)

9. You can tell Kakashi was surprised. You ignored the jeers and taunts, and just focusses on your proud little boy, finally a chuunin!

You laughs proudly, until Kakashi pouts, and demands to let go.

Never, you promised yourself. Never will you let go.

10. "Tousan? Is there something wrong?" Your little boy asked over dinner. You remember Jiraiya. (Talk to him, you stupid baka!)

You grin at him. "Nope!" You said cheerfully. "I'll teach you calligraphy after we finish, kay? Minato-san is a great seals expert, maybe he'll even teach you some fuinjutsu!"

You will talk to him. (I promise, Jiraiya)

11. Kakashi understands. You are so thankful. (But he can't help but remember the confused gaze that asked 'shouldn't missions always come first?')

Maybe Kakashi won't make the same mistakes as you.

Maybe he can save his friends while completing the mission.

Maybe Kakashi will be just the star that shines longer than you, you think.

12. Kakashi just had his tenth kill today, but that okay because it's better that he killed instead of being killed. Maybe it's selfish, maybe it's messed up, but you hug the trembling figure (child chuunin your son) in your arms, and swings him onto your shoulders like when he was still an innocent child, and puts him to bed with soft whispers and even softer hands.

You stay with Kakashi all night.

13. Hokage-sama wants you back, and you say yes because you can no longer stay in the empty house and the cold rooms where Kakashi is barely home and all you can do is train and hunt.

You'll feel less worthless this way.

14. Maybe you'll be some use on the battlefield.

15. You meet Housuke again in the camp, and he gave you a slight nod and then joins Uchiha Fugaku beside the campfire.

It was better than what you hoped for.

16. They scorn you, but what you can do with Danzou on your back and Jiraiya far gone at Kumo's frontlines?

You return the cold whispers and the spats with half smiles, lips curled politely and eyes that spoke volumes of hurt and torture before they learnt to leave you alone.

17. You meet the woman on the battlefield again, except that she is no longer as young and the fury that once adorned her features is now dull, but the vengeance is still there.

You stay silent, and let her words cut into you (you killed them, you bastard, why did you kill them, Sasori is orphaned because you) because you definitely deserves it, because youleft a young child orphaned-

And you remember Kakashi at home, and you remember the flat heart monitor as Kakira dies, and you never want Kakashi to lose his family (again).

So you fight, but left her alive, and she left you alive, and you and her part ways to lick your wounds and wait for the scars to scab and never heal.

18. The Sandaime gives you a team, fresh out of their sensei's death, and ignore the furious calls for your head saying traitor-disgrace-foolish-worthless-cheater-

The three kids doesn't hate you.

19. The war is at a stalemate, and Kakashi and Namikaze comes home and you're waiting in the front doors.

You wait, and Kakashi grips you tightly, never letting go of your hand until you, very softly said "I'm going to cook dinner, Kashi-chan."

Your pup flushes out of embarrassment, and sits stiffly next Genma and Ebisu and Gai.

20. The three genin help, sort of.

21. You wakes up when metal sings through air, your own kunai stuck deep inside the intruder's chest. Without hesitation, you run into Kakashi's bedroom.

22. Assassins from Iwa, hell bent on getting the bounty on the you, disgraced shinobi's head.

It didn't go so well. (They should have expected the alpha to protect his pack.)

23. Sarutobi sends back the heads, and two platoons of Konoha shinobi are burnt to death by the Yonbi's jinchuuriki. They mourn, but they don't say anything.

Such is the cost of the war (his war his fault Konoha shouldn't have lost so many)

24. You give Kakashi your tanto, and he comes back with a half dead teammate and a scarred face with an eye that doesn't belong to him. You gather your limp pup into his arms, and doesn't say anything.

You don't say anything even when the third cup crashes onto the floor, the ceramic pieces jagged like rocks and Iwa and the war.

25. When the half-dead child wakes, you don't say anything, because you know. (What else can he do when Obito admired him so much, and he wasn't even there for him?)

You stay outside in the white stifling hallway, the smell of hospital and anesthetics and blood and sickness in his nose, and the loud silence in your ears.

26. Kannabi Bridge is down, but the war still haven't stopped. It'll be the last deployment.

27. Kiri is damp and hot and cold and wet at the same time, and Konoha shinobi drop down like flies in an unfamiliar land.

28. Terumi Mei is a half Uzumaki, a bastard child of Uzushio before the Massacre by the village she swore allegiance to.

The child doesn't know. (He wonders if Kushina-chan would be happy to know there's another Uzumaki.)

You still fight anyways, and you don't tell her.

29. They don't hate you anymore, the near death of a comrade good enough to convince them. You saved him just as your formation broke, a mere centimetre off course by a toku-jo that sent their commander into the line of fire.

You saved him.

30. There's a kunoichi. Good enough, not a fangirl, and respectful enough of your boundaries.

You just doesn't want to get over Kakira. You chat with her sometimes, and you laugh with her.

31. She's a pleasant company, her figure curved and lean as a kunoichi should be. But she dies, skewered by a Water Dragon, and you and your ninken snarl in fury. (Killthemkillthemkillthemmurdurer-)

32. The Hatake's white chakra bursts forward, and you tear through the Kiri shinobi just like your dogs.

There's a rage in you, the rage that never surfaced but never stopped after Kakira's death, but you unleash it now while your platoon retreats, content and confident in your power to destroy Kiri. (Or maybe they are happy to get rid of a disgrace, a traitorous part of his mind whispers.)

33. You woke to black hair and purple eyes and Orochimaru's face in front of you. You smirk at the Sannin. "Seems like I'm still alive, huh."

Orochimaru sighs. "Jiraiya wanted me to check on you."

34. The seven months pass, your platoon broke camp and burned the evidence, and set back home. (Back home, where the pup needs us, his sword whispers.)

35. The chakra explodes not unlike Kushina as you go back, and you shot off, breaking rank, because that's your kid (his pup, damn it)

They try to call you back. (Traitor stop him Sakumo stop!) but they still follow, because most shinobi knows that the only reason you survived the Second War was because of your intuition and your instinct.

36. Your dogs howl and whimper at the harsh metallic smell of blood, but they prow forward, and bites and snarls at anyone that dares to block them. The rest of the platoon stays silent, taking in the state of the clearing from their position in the tree but all you think is Kakashi-Obito-Rin-jinchuuriki-

37. It's not Kakashi, but it's Rin (the cute kid that always helps out in the hospital, and brings Kakashi food, "here, Kakashi. You could be hungry by now." She say shyly.)

But it's okay, because they're all alive, so you gather Kakashi up, tells the Captain to call Namikaze Minato (hurry up, we've got a new jinchuuriki here! He barks), and tells the others to take Uchiha Obito, and you run, far and fast away.

38. Trojan horse, you remember from Oda Nobunaga. The weapon meant to bring down a village under an innocent cover of a little girl (kunoichi Konoha how dare they stop under estimating us!)

Even the great war lord is in admiration of the nation that fell millions of years ago, their history forever recorded and passed down. But you thinks nothing of admiration as you stand in front of your Hokage and the Elders.

39. Stupid, stupid child, Danzou scorns. Where did your loyalty go? Your sensei shoots him a sharp look, enough to bring down another man, but Koharu-sensei is dismissed like a fly, and you couldn't help but twitch your finger in anger.

The village is under danger by a trojan horse, Danzou-san. You say coolly. It is the responsibility of a Konoha shinobi to neutralize the threat.

His cane taps the floor in hidden agitation. It was your emotions, boy! He barks. Your boy, and the Uchiha.

You don't flinch, don't move, but your chakra flares up on fury, and your voice is ice cold like the water you command. A fellow Konoha team is in danger, Rule number 3, Konoha shinobi must always work together.

Danzou narrows his single eye. A traitorous action, Hatake. You broke rank. He snarls. Shadows waver behind him, the white masks of Root flashing before disappearing again.

You acknowledge it all with a slight nod. The platoon followed after me, Danzou-san. The captain had no objections.

40. In the end, they couldn't do anything, because the War still needs you, and Konoha still needs you, so you fight and never stop and Kakashi is all grown up with Obito the next time you see him.

41. The war ends with little Minato-chan, Kushina-chan's boyfriend making a name for himself. Yellow Flash, they call me. The boy (alpha soon to be leader) rubs his neck awkwardly, and you can see now why Kushina likes him so much.

42. He makes a splendid Hokage indeed, the icon Konoha needs to be politically powerful again and in their Daimyo's power.

You heard some horror about Suna's land. Of course, it's all rumours, but all rumours have some truths in it.

43. Danzou and Orochimaru step wrong at the same time, and you are half fighting your second best friend and half fighting the man you admired when you were young (an inexperience pup an innocent child)

It's painful, like your heart is being ripped apart into pieces.

The Sandaime arrives just in time to see Ororchimaru throw his blade into you, and your own tanto in Danzou back while the Elder stand up with much difficulty. "On orders of Konoha, Danzou and Orochimaru, under arrest on charges of treason!" He barks, and they all pause at the fury in his voice. The precious moment allows his Anbu to bind Orochimaru and Danzou with frightening ease, but his attention was on the you, fallen figure and your bent but not broken son.

44. "Stupid, stupid, otousan." Kakashi chokes out to you, the man on the bed. "Stupid, baka, you said you'll never leave me." Only his Sensei's girlfriend is here, because only she understands.

45. You woke to a face full of silver hair, and you pat it softly. "Kashi, sleeping?" You rasps. The pain killers dull your senses, and you drift back to unconsciousness before Kakashi woke.

46. "Five broken ribs, cracked femur, minor concussion, pieced abdomen." Tsunade listed with ire. You listen and don't say anything, because you know how Tsunade is like when she's pissed. "And several lacerations." She concluded with crossed arms.

You try to placated her with a soft smile, and she sighs in defeat, and left you alone with Kakashi.

47. Kakashi is acting like the little child he was supposed to be. You try to provoke a reaction from him, but all you receive are pouts until it isn't.

"You said you'll never leave me!" Your boy finally snapped.

48. Oh.

Oh.

49. You limp outside on the third week, and hear gossips and stories of Danzou and Orochimaru passed around like rotten fruits. You smile at them peacefully, but your hands are tight against Kakashi's shoulder, and you and Kakashi push through the crowd in front of the Hokage's Tower while Konoha gestures at them excitedly and his name is whispered through the crowd with reverence.

50. "Hokage-sama. Sandaime-sama." You murmur.

"Sakumo." The Sandaime's eyes spoke volume of his pain, and you learn long ago not to show pity because that is the last thing a ninja wants.

"Orochimaru will be tried and executed tomorrow." Your heart string twang, but your pity is smothered by the hatred of your best friend's betrayal.

"Of course."

"No one is to speak of Danzou. The story is that Honorable Elder Shimura Danzou was found in his house with cardiac arrest. He is taken to the hospital to recover, and his death was recorded on 0657, 70 Gakure Years."

"Of course." You spoke, but you felt like that too much of a easy passing.

"You will execute him tomorrow. No one is to see your entrance." The Yondaime finished.

51. Orochimaru did not meet your eye in his trial, but you stare at him evenly when the execution did not happen.

It's all Danzou's fault.

They put him in seals and chains, and you fight yourself not to pull him out of his self made dungeon, and clench your clan seat until you heard a soft crack in you hands.

You welcome the pain of a dislocated finger.

52. The cell is damp and cold and your katana flash with hatred, the white chakra pulsing 'killhimbloodtraitorpackslayer' and you agree wholeheartedly, because no matter what Danzou's Konoha is like, it won't be like the Konoha you love.

It's all Danzou's fault.

53. Your blade did not sing when it looped through the Traitor's neck.

54. You hunt down Root with Team 7 and the Yondaime and your genin now chuunin team, and children's bodies litter the underground training ground after you finish.

You gather them and put them into Anbu's Infirmary.

It's the only place where your company won't be questioned and you won't be pointed to with curiosity and 'that's the White Fang'

55. The Fourth spend the next two days figuring out the curse seal, and he and Kushina-chan removed it on the third day.

56. The root children are scattered in the ANBU Headquarters, and Tenzou-kun is put under your care. You don't know what to do with a former experiment, but Kashi-chan somehow connected with him, and now Obito and Kakashi-chan and Tenzou-kun are best friends and little menances.

57. You find Orochimaru with little Anko-chan, and you watch from the sidelines as he interacts with one of the few that dares to approach him. You flare your chakra, and he responds with that little quirk of his head that you are so familiar with.

You plaster an easy grin on your face, and you walk inside the house (cell). "Hey, Oro-chan!"

The little purple hair child eyes you in suspicion, and you squat down. "Hey, Anko-chan." You greet cheerfully. Apparently finding whatever she wanted, she turned away from you with a hmf, but you don't mind, because your attention is already focussed on Ororchimaru.

58. So Jiraiya left you and Konoha yesterday, and Tsunade fleed the village with her broken heart, and you stay because you have to, because Kakashi and Orochimaru and Minato and Kushina still needs you.

"We found a house for you." You start casually, because you don't know how to say this. "It's in District 13."

59. You don't have to tell Orochimaru, because a good shinobi always looks underneath the underneath, I'm here for you, because you know and he knows that his new prison is near the Hatake compound, and it's damn far.

Far enough not to offend the citizens, because 'Kami, this is a shame, the White Fang is harboring the Traitor!' and the horrified gasps.

60. They seem to forget that they labelled you a traitor once upon a time. But they are under your protection, and you couldn't help but think of what could have happened instead.

(Kakashi thinks you are blindingly loyal, loyal to the ones that despised you once upon a time.)

61. Kushina burst into your house two months later with an excited scream, and before any humans could react, Pakkun took a sniff of the jinchuuriki and puffed himself out.

She's going to have a baby.

62. You are going to strangle that Namikaze, you thought. That no good, flaky little-

But then you remember this is what Kushina always wanted even with the warand the risks that comes with pregnancy, and so you buy carnations and daffodils and the whole pack helps with the little guy's nursery room.

63. Minato yells out the name in the middle of lunch in Ichiraku, and you think 'what kind of name is Naruto?'

But then you remember Raiya's first book, and the three Ame orphans he was always going on about, and you understand why. I

t's a good name.

64. Jiraiya and Tsunade came back a month before the birth, and they come back from Orochimaru's little house (prison) without the hunched shoulders and lighter eyes than before. "Orochimaru's fine without us."

You snort and say. "He is not." But you drop the topic, and goes to the problem of a jinchuuriki's pregnancy--sound sealed, of course. No need to let the cats out of the bag early, when they could still be targeted.

65. You assign the Anbu guards personally, because you know that there are still Root moles in the black ops, and you choose only those you trust.

In the end, they are all canon foddlers.

66. Your boy and Obito-chan rushes into the cave when Minato calls out, because "damn it, Kushina! Hold him in! We're almost done!' And you clench your fists to quench your urge to rush in to the cave (protectprotectprotectthecubprotectthealpha-).

67. The birth is successful, as you report it to Orochimaru the next day as you lounge in his little house (still a prison).

There's still a hint of hate in him, hate that his plan failed and all that left is a shell of his previous glory, but his lips twitch in an attempt to smile and he says a curt 'congratulations.'

You grin and think that this is the best they could get.

68. The little pup is adorable the only way babies can be, his little chubby fingers curled up below his chin and his wide, wide (innocent guiltless) eyes blinks up at you and his own parents. "This is Naruto!" Kushina announced proudly.

You smile at her softly. "You will be a good mother, 'Shina-chan." She grins back at you in the way a child preens under the praise of a father, and your heartstrings twang when you think of how the pup will know parents and love, not war and blood.

69. You laughed as Rin-chan shoved the baby gently into your son's arms. "Hold Naru-chan!" She demanded.

Kashi blinks at his teammate. "What?"

You smile, and you adjust his awkward grip gently. "Right palm support the back of the head, left hand on Naru-chan's legs." You grin when your son fumbles and hold the baby like a ceramic cup, like the little fragile thing that are children.

You are glad he understands now.

70. You don't wake when you sense the familiar chakra in your house, but you do flinch, and your fingers curl up in the sign of shunshin. The next day, you laugh long and hard when Kakashi came out of his room with pink hair and a mask with a heart. "Tousan, do you have another mask I can borrow?" Your son asked sorrowfully.

You grin, and ruffles his hair. "Nope!"

71.You stand in the office like the good soldier you are, beside your not-so-little boy and Obito. "Hokage-sama. Hatake Sakumo, reporting in."

"Sakumo." He murmurs, little creases between his eyebrows that not many people can spot (frustration anger resentment self-hatred stop it stop it not Sakumo--) "Retrieval mission of Daimyo-dono's Second Son. One month, S-rank. Kakashi, and Genma will accompany you. Do you understand?"

You salute with your head to your waist, your back straight like board.

"Hokage-sama!" You reply strongly with your son by your side and his mate hovering beside him.

72. In the end, it wasn't enough.

The senbon child stumbles on a near invisible wire while pushing the noble son out of the way, and your son comes down on the enemy chuunin like a vengeful god.

You carry Genma, and the Lord hides his face into the crook of Kakashi's neck. He whimpered slightly, but you ignore it with the skill of years in the field, and you keep on moving, keeping them in sight.

73. You should have realized. You knew, with perfect clearance, that the nuke chuunin was a distraction, a distraction for something that Kakashi will soon pay for.

In a split second decision, you leap in front of your pup, and the jutsu goes through your lungs with a loud squelch.

74. In all of your long, long, overdue life, you were drilled over and over again about the importance of missions-never abandon a mission, teamwork is the key, and no personal attachments.

75. You chakra rushes out in waves and waves of water and lightning, and your blade sings in Kakashi's hands.

They scream, but fuck that, 'cause Kakashi's safe and their mission is complete.

In your fading consciousness, you can see the weak green pulsing in Genma's hands, and the red and black pinwheel spinning wildly in the eye socket. You can faintly hear their frantic yelling-" No no no Tousan stay with me don't close your eyes okay just listen to our voice we're taking you back to Konoha you'll be fine come on we're almost there-"

You reach up a hand to his panicked face weakly, your mouth curling up into a tiny smile. "Hey, 'Kashi-chan." You choke out while black dances in your eyes. "Remember Kaachan? I'm going to join your Kaachan okay? Don't chase us, and don't try to find us."

You wipe away a bloody tear from his left eye. "Aishiteru."

"Touchan..."

Your eyes close and curls up. "Maa, I finally gets to hear that after ten years, huh, Kashi-chan?" You groan and cough up a glob of blood in the steadily tinkling river of red, and when the pain finally ebbed away, you relaxed your body, and blocks everything out until there's no need to.

76. You didn't hear the pained scream that sounded more animal than human and more broken than the little ceramic pieces you left at home a few years ago.

77. You didn't hear the mournful howl of your pack when the bond was severed when you died.

+1. You open your eyes to a grey world and talks of war again. But then you walk forward without your own permission, and you understand what this is-Edo Tensai, the jutsu that was a hot topic between Koharu-sensei and Nidaime-sama.

"You've grown taller, Kashi-chan." Is the first thing you said when you faced your own son. You see the wrinkle of his eyebrows that signals his distress, and you turn side to side robotically, finding his only source of comfort. You find the Uchiha boy fighting his own parents, so you leave them alone, and you turned back to the bloody and scruffy (your) child.

"Touchan."

You step forward, hand outstretched in an attempt to hug him until you blank out, and when you woke again your body is disintegrating and you vision is fading again.

"I love you." You mouth as you return to wait and wait until Kakashi comes to you in old age, and you and him can finally be together again.