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How a game of sexual chicken leads to love

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Russ Slipped.
So intent on questioning McFarlen he didn’t realize he had been massaging Milt’s shoulders. It was only when he felt Milt shift in his seat that the realization hit. Quickly dropping his hands, he finished up the interview and made a quick exit.

Embarrassed, sitting at his desk Russ was staring down at his shaking hands. He flashed back onto them rubbing Milt's tight shoulders. It would have been so easy to lean down and kiss his long neck. Russ would have pushed himself right up against the FBI agents back. "Stop it", berating himself. Not him. Go to Detroit this weekend. Drink, flirt, fuck and get it out of your system because lusting after supercop is not a possibility.

Dropping his hands in his lap, Russ rolled his neck from side to side. Just finish your paperwork and you can get the weekend started. Glancing over at the lobby he saw Milt walking back towards his office, eyes locking on that ass. Why does he have to look like a goddamn underwear model? Russ exhaled, trying to shake himself out of it. Great. Openly leering at your partner. Get it together Agnew.

Being a cop who is unmarried and somewhat attractive meant he was constantly set up over the years. He had been on numerous first dates. As far back as his academy days, friends had sisters ,sisters had friends, well meaning wives of partners threw dinners with "surprise" single friends stopping by. Hell even witnesses in his cases thought they had the right girl for him. He wasn't out to his colleagues and no one ever guessed he was actually looking for the right man.

It was after one particularly bad date that he came up with a plan. A smokescreen so he wouldn't have to fend off anymore handsy drunk women. Enter sweet, pretty Holly. She was the perfect "mark" as his mother would say. He felt nothing for her romantically but what if people thought he was in love with her, pinning for her from a distance. If his heart was already taken then the set ups would surely stop, at best slow down. It worked. As soon as word got around the endless matchmaking ceased. Occasionally he got a number slipped to him from his cases but nothing like before.

So Russ's dating life was his again. He usually ventured into Detroit where there was a bigger club scene then in Battle Creek. Overall he was a private person and who he dated was his business. And it was.. until that night he ran into Meredith from work while he was wrapped around some guy on the dance floor.

There were many misconceptions about Russ. He didn’t scowl ALL the time, liked to dance and he knew how to have a good time. He just wasn't comfortable letting his guard down in front of everyone. In a dark club he could relax and let loose. Perhaps not a great dancer but he enjoyed getting lost in the music. Russ didn't realize how sexy he was. Other men found this alluring, which meant he was never alone for long.

On that night he was on the dancefloor with a enthusiastic and by the looks of him, very flexible guy who was grinding on Russ when he felt someone tug on his arm. Annoyed at the interruption, he turned ready to tell the guy to take a hike, there is no way he is doing a threesome. His back couldn’t take it. Russ's eyes widened in shock...Meredith. She worked in the morgue and she hated him.

“Detective Agnew, come here often?" Smiling from ear to ear "to a gay club? wearing leather pants and humping a total twunk?"

Shit shit shit…
Russ untangled himself, immediately grabbing Meredith and dragging her outside. Think Russ. What are you going to do? I need options. I can’t kill her can I? Lie. He's my brother? Grinding on your brother? Nah she won't buy it. I got lost and I didn't know it was a gay club? So what, I stayed to twerk anyway? No, I definitely have to kill her. The department will thank him. They won't have to waste money on refitting the morgue because she refuses to stand on a milk crate.

“Keep pulling my arm out of it’s socket and I swear to god I will hide rotting body parts in your car.”

Once outside Russ let her go. He opened his mouth to start shouting at her but nothing came out. Wiping his hands down his sides he was desperately trying to figure out where to start.

“You Can’t…”

Shoving her finger into his thigh, she yelled “I can’t what? I can do whatever I want! What about Holly? Are you stringing her along?”

At least he knew his plan worked.

“Are you really in the closet? Russ it’s 2015. No one cares if you are gay. They wouldn’t believe it anyway." Gesturing towards his clothing, "look at the way you dress. What are you really hiding? Wait, are you Bi? Is that it? Pansexual? Skoliosexual?”

Hitting her hand away stopping her finger from jabbing into his thigh with every question “Skolio- what? No. Stop poking me.”

“How is it possible that you lived in Battle Creek all this time if you are this interesting? Seriously what are you hiding? It’s androphilia isn’t it?” Stepping closer she whispered “You can trust me. I have seen it all. You wouldn’t believe all the necros I have walked in on in the morgue.”

“What!” Russ choked out in disbelief.

Hand on her hip, nodding her head she almost looked gleeful. “I just thought you were a rude ass grouch. I didn’t know you were hiding.. is it sexual fluidity?”

He stepped back and purposely bent down to get closer to her face. She hated this “What you saw inside is private. I don’t share my dating life with everyone and I intend to keep it that way. It's hard enough working around incompetent people” he paused to pointedly look at her “this would just get in the way of me doing my job!” Russ really enunciated the last part, indignant that he was right.

Rolling her eyes “And there is the ass again. Incompetent! You are just a coward.” She stomped away towards the club only pausing to shout back at him “I'm going to say goodnight to my friends, meet at the diner on Brush St.” With that she disappeared inside.

Russ just stared after her shaking his head in disbelief. Yeah like he is going to spill his guts over a cup of coffee. This isn’t a sorority. What he is going to do, is head back into that club, find that sure thing and salvage what was left of this awful night.

“Shit, Damage control” he muttered to himself. He didn’t know if she was going to tell everyone his personal business. Hell she could have already sent out a mass text. Frustrated, he took a deep breath and headed to his car. I guess the sorority has a new pledge.


The two of them looked like quite the pair sitting together in the diner. The bright fluorescent lights highlighting their club attire. Russ thought they looked like cast offs from a 80's Madonna video, his leather pants with her mini dress and lace gloves. All that was missing was a crucifix. Not knowing how to begin or what he would disclose, he tried to make small talk. “Aren’t your friends gonna be pissed that you ditched them?" He kept shifting in the booth, trying to get comfortable. Pleather against pleather was making that impossible.

Meredith had been staring at him intently since they first sat down. Finally letting out a frustrated sigh she said “It’s only her first bachelorette party, I will make her next one.”

Snickering Russ smiled gently trying not to let his nervousness show.

“Are wearing body glitter?’ pointing at his face.

“What” running a hand across his jaw and neck, there was glitter all over his palm. “No”

“The jailbait you pulled earlier must of had it on. It is the 'must have' teen accessory from what I hear.” Laughing she leaned back into her seat. “So you like them young, huh? Do you have a boyfriend? Or are you the love ‘em and leave ‘em type?”

“Nope” shaking his head “we aren’t talking about that.”

Smiling and in a baby voice she said “Has Wuss ever been in love?”

“Stop that” he put his head down to hide a slight smile. “My love life is personal. I was sick of all the constant meddling so I let everyone believe a story. Yes it has gone on too long but I’m not making some stupid declaration.” Raising his voice “Blames not all on me, those people just assumed they knew what I wanted!”

“Fine.” Her only reply stopping Russ in his tracks.


“You didn’t ask for my opinion and I assume you don’t want it. I will say, that you severely undermine your friends by not trusting them.” She closed her mouth pulling her lips into a tight line.

Russ couldn't read her face. “That’s it? Nothing else to say?” He didn’t buy it. “You aren’t going to tell anyone?” he asked in obvious disbelief.

“Like anyone would care.”

Not sure what to say next, only sure of his anger at her intrusion into his personal life he hissed "This doesn't make us friends now."

Tilting her head “Yea Russ, like I really want to add a grouchy, repressed 50yr old to my social circle. What will I do without you? Dumbass."

“I’m not 50!”

Rolling her eyes “Whatever. I’m out of here.”


Still doing paperwork, Russ looked around the squad room. It was only him and Holly left in the office. Standing up he stretched his arms over his head cracking his neck.

“Are you leaving Russ?” she asked.

“Yeah my brain is fried.” Looking down at his desk avoiding her eyes. Please don’t ask me to go for a drink. He would feel obligated to go with her. After the interview mishap with Milt he was anxious to head to Detroit.

“I will walk out with you.” She gathered her belongings and started putting on her coat. Walking side by side Russ held the door for her as they exited into the main lobby. “Good night Milt.” Holly called out with a wave.

Startled Russ looked up locking eyes with the man. He hadn’t seen him, well his face anyway since groping him in interrogation.

Milt’s eyes narrowed slightly “Have a good weekend you two.”