"Ms. Lopez, there is a very high chance that you may not be able to reproduce with anyone."
A very high chance.
You may not be able to.
After the realization hit Santana like a fifty ton eighteen wheeler, she shut down. She didn't acknowledge the fact that she basically heard the doctor say what she wanted to hear. She just dropped her head and dug the heels of her hands into her eyes.
Brittany was still knelt in front of her girlfriend – no fiancée, she corrected in her head – waiting for her to answer her question. And right now, the situation didn't look too pleasing with the way Santana had just allowed her head to fall into her hands.
Sighing, Brittany stood up and slid into the seat next to Santana. She pulled at Santana's arms, wanting to lock their eyes together. Maybe if she could look into Santana's eyes, she could see what she was thinking, because Brittany was definitely not getting very far otherwise.
Santana allowed Brittany to pull her hands away from her face, but she kept her head down facing her knees. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands balled into fists when Brittany tried to interlace their fingers.
"San, say something. Can I get pregnant or not?" Brittany huffed.
The silence Brittany received from Santana was answer enough. She shot up from her seat again. Right now, she just needed to get away from Santana. This wasn't how their lives were supposed to go!
Santana wasn't supposed to be able reproduce.
Brittany wasn't supposed to be able give Santana a biological child.
They have school, a wedding, their entire lives! And now this is just going to ruin everything both of them had ever planned.
Quickly, Santana reached out and grabbed Brittany's hand before she was able to get too far away. She stood up and attempted to pull Brittany into her body, but the blonde only resisted. Being close to Santana wasn't what she needed, despite the calm feeling that overtook her body every time they embraced.
Santana pulled harder on Brittany's arm and this time Brittany allowed herself to crumble into Santana's strong hold.
"I'm sorry," Santana whispered into Brittany's neck. "I'm so sorry, Britt."
What felt like hours of Santana holding Brittany repeating her apology again and again only lasted a few short moments. The teens had fallen back down on to the uncomfortable plastic seats with Santana's arms tightly wrapped around Brittany's neck. Brittany had her head burrowed in Santana's chest.
Brittany pulled back and Santana reluctantly let her arms fall to Brittany's hand so they could at least keep some form of contact.
"This is going to be hard, but, if I am…pregnant, then I want us to be together," Brittany hesitantly started.
"There is no way I'd ever leave you pregnant with my child, Brittany. I can't do that to you because I love you too much to ever hurt you like that. You have to know that!"
"I do! I do, honey, I know that."
Santana let out a relieved sigh. She'd honestly thought for a second that Brittany didn't know her as well as she originally thought she did. The firm conviction of her voice told her that Brittany really thought that she'd leave. Santana panicked. She could never.
Not when she just found out that she could potentially actually have a child now. Despite the predicament that the girls, who were rapidly turning into adults, found themselves in, Santana was actually quite happy.
She would even have a smile on her face if it wasn't for Brittany's deep frown.
Brittany could see the smile in Santana's eyes though. And she didn't need to ask why. She just knew.
The emphasis on 'my child' was evidence enough, even though she would have known anyway.
"I think we should get married earlier."
"San, what about school?" Brittany was hesitant. She didn't want to derail Santana even more than she already felt like she was doing.
"We'll make it work!" Santana was definitely confident about everything now instead of letting everything seem wrong. The thought that she could finally have children with the love of her life actually made everything better. Though, she realized she had basically screwed Brittany over with this. She had contrasting emotions swirling around in her head, but her happiness was quickly overshadowing everything else. "We probably need to break it to our parents somehow. They might kill us, but I think they'll be supportive. And we might have to stay in Lima for a year too."
"No," Brittany refused. "I cannot let you ruin your dreams because of me, Santana. Even if I am pregnant," she left out her real apprehensions of believing she wasn't for Santana's sake, "we're still going to New York. I'll put off school for a year or something. But you're going to fulfill your dream."
"I don't care about anything but you, Britt."
"I know, Sanny. You being happy is all that matters to me," she said. "I know you'll be happy with me in New York, studying music, and chasing a career that will-" Brittany abruptly stopped talking.
Santana cocked her head to the side at the random end of Brittany's sentence. "What's wrong?" she asked, her tone the most hesitant it has been since they started talking again today.
The sudden sensation of what Brittany had originally connected to becoming wet took over her body. She didn't understand the context, but Santana was here and they were sort of kind of happy at the moment, so she thought nothing of it.
But it happened again. And this time something didn't feel right.
Something was off.
Santana could practically see the gears churning in Brittany's head. The blonde had yet to answer her and Santana was curious to know why.
Had Brittany finally realized that she didn't want Santana?
A second later Brittany shot up out of her seat and practically ran to the bathroom.
Santana was confused. Definitely confused. But she calmly stood up again and followed Brittany's path to the bathroom.
Upon entering one of the cleanest public bathrooms she'd probably ever seen, Santana noticed Brittany wasn't balled up crying in a corner, for which she let out a sigh of relief. She immediately regretted it when she heard a broken sob echo in the large white room. The Latina quickly located the locked stall of her girlfriend.
"Britt? Baby, please, tell me what's wrong."
Brittany let out a string of unintelligible words that Santana had a hard time making out. She narrowed it down though. Brittany had either said "I just saw a grid," or "I just got my period."
Okay so she probably heard the second one, but she didn't want to believe it. Not yet.
"C-can you repeat that?"
Brittany exhaled a shaky breath before saying, "I just got my period."
Santana fell to the floor.
As quickly as she thought her life was becoming something again, her world came tumbling down.
The girls stayed quiet for a moment, letting what happened sink in. Why did this have to happen? Yes it was too early for this, but why? Why when Santana was finally feeling some semblance of happiness again after a shit two weeks did her world have to come crashing down?
When Santana was once ecstatic about the possibility of having children with Brittany, she now only felt a stinging in her chest that she never realized was there. She hadn't even given too much thought into having children, not after the scare with Quinn. Now that's all she could think about.
That and the fact that she'd never be able to give her own contribution to their children.
If there was ever a reason for Brittany to leave her, it would be now. It would be because Santana couldn't satisfy a dream she's known for a while that Brittany has. They'd never brought it up, but like everything about her blonde girlfriend, Santana just knew.
"San?" Brittany called out, breaking their silence.
"Can you go get-?"
"Yeah, I'll be right back."
Santana quickly left the bathroom. She was pretty sure she had tear streaks down her face but she didn't care. She felt numb.
She found Brittany's carry-on bag and opened it to make sure everything that Brittany needed was in there. Because seriously, what girl isn't always prepared? And even though Brittany forgot that she was supposed to have already had her period, it's a habit because these things happen. Maybe Alexis would get hers. Who knows?
Karen, Chris, and Alexis watched with confused eyes as Santana appeared in their terminal with blank expression on her face. Karen's maternal feelings started growing seeing the tear stained face of her almost daughter. She resisted the urge to get up and hug Santana, but Alexis beat her to it anyway. Santana shrugged the youngest Pierce off and proceed back to the bathroom with Brittany's bag.
Alexis locked eyes with her mother. Karen sighed and followed after Santana.
Brittany on the other hand was just crying. The pain of figuring out that she was going to ruin her life was gone. Because as long as she has Santana in her life and they are both happy, nothing would ruin anything. The elation she heard in Santana's voice reminded her of that.
It wasn't only Santana's world that crashed down at the news. Hers did too. She knew it was too good to be true, but that didn't stop her from fantasizing about different scenarios. She could already picture their perfect, albeit young family. The thought once brought a small internal smile.
But now, now all her anger was for nothing.
All of her happiness was for nothing.
She didn't realize how much she actually wanted this baby until it was ripped away from her. Now she was back to square one.
Maybe she and Santana couldn't have a baby after all.
Brittany let out another sob at the thought.
"Britt, I'm back…"
"J-just," Brittany wiped at her face, hoping that would mask the tears in her voice. She realized afterwards that Santana couldn't see her though and that she'd be able to hear it anyway. "Just slide it under." A second later, her carry-on bag slid under the door of the stall. "Thanks."
"I'll be waiting outside…" Santana didn't wait for an answer before leaving the bathroom.
Brittany quickly made work of what she needed to do while Santana sat outside. The quicker she got it over with, the better, she figured.
Before exiting the bathroom, she regretfully tossed her ruined panties into the trash bin. Those were one of her favorite pairs.
The first thing Brittany noticed when she exited was her mother hugging Santana as they sat on the floor. She could see her girlfriend shaking. Karen looked up at her daughter and raised an eyebrow in question.
Brittany felt relief knowing Santana hadn't told her mother about the scare. Dread over took the feeling rapidly though at the look on her mother's face. There was no question that they had to tell her. Maybe they could get away with not telling her father, but after this? Yeah, Karen Pierce would find out one way or another.
Brittany shook her head though, and thankfully her mother accepted that for now.
"Flight 262 to Amsterdam is now boarding."
Their flight announcement rang out and Karen helped Santana stand up. Like two magnets, Brittany and Santana gravitated towards each other. Brittany's bag was slung over her right shoulder and she wrapped her left arm around Santana's waist.
Santana wiped at her face to rid the tear streaks on her face. She avoided the worried glance of Brittany's father and sister before sitting down where her own bag was. Brittany plopped down next to her and let her head rest on her girlfriend's shoulder. Santana instinctively dropped her head down onto Brittany's and their hands met between them.
Nothing changed…kind of.
Their section of seats was called before they could get too comfortable and getting onto the plane was really annoying because of the long ass line, but neither girl let go of the other. They just needed the contact when before that was the last thing on their minds.
Turns out they had the two seats next to the window and three in the middle row. The original plan was for Karen and Chris to sit at the window while the girls sat in the middle, but given the circumstances, it was unsaid that there would be a change in seating.
Chris, leading the pack, put his bag in the top compartment first then slid through the middle seats into his. Everyone following suit until they were all settled.
Brittany had reluctantly let go of Santana at the ticket check but they kept close to each other. They had at least eight hours of cuddling for the duration of the ride to look forward to after all.
An hour into their flight, Brittany started to get restless. She hated that she never found her book. Santana could see that Brittany was itching to do something, so she reached under the seats to grab her carry-on.
Brittany wasn't paying too much attention to Santana as she was too preoccupied by the screen in front of her.
Santana dug under everything in her bag until she felt what she was looking for. With a smile that felt almost foreign on her face, she pulled out the book and subtly placed it on Brittany's lap.
Brittany gasped when she looked down at the sudden pressure that she felt. "My book! San, where was it?" Santana grinned at the excitement in Brittany's voice.
She shrugged and pulled her own book out to read.
"Hey," Santana placed her book on the tray table in front of her and looked to Brittany again before being pulled into a kiss. "Thank you." Santana smiled and just pecked Brittany's lips in response. The smile on Brittany's face faltered and she inaudibly sighed before speaking again. "I think we…we need to talk about everything. We need to get it out before this trip is ruined even more than it is now."
Santana nodded, knowing Brittany was right.
"I'm happy that you're not…pregnant," Santana whispered the last word, fearing the wrong person would hear. "But you know, I can't be happy at the same time."
"I know, San…"
"You don't, though! I just want to live with you, marry you, watch our kids grow as we grow old together! But I can't have kids with you, Britt. I mean, I thought for a second that I could have misunderstood the doctor and maybe I did. But…" Santana couldn't continue talking as her next words got caught in her throat.
"I'm sad too, San. I want little Sanny and Britty replicas running around bugging our parents, giving us trouble as teenagers, and everything else." Brittany grabbed ahold of Santana's face and pecked her lips. "I'm sad that I might not be able to have that with you.
"Me and you, we're so different, San, you know? We don't meet normal society standards."
"Normal is relative."
"There's no one named Normal in my family or yours…"
"No, Britt, that's not," Santana didn't really know how to explain what she wanted to say. "…never mind. What were you going to say?"
Brittany thought for a moment before remembering where her train of thought had been headed. "We're eighteen and we've already found our soul mate. A lot of people out there can't even find the person they actually love enough to be with forever," Brittany pointed out. "I stopped being angry at you, at the possibly that I could have been pregnant-"
"You thought you were pregnant?" Alexis whisper yelled from across the aisle. She was leaning over the arm rest of her seat and staring at Brittany and Santana in rapt attention. It didn't help that Brittany hadn't been talking as quietly as she could have been, but she's never been one to use the typical inside voice.
"Shut it, pipsqueak. Don't tell anyone." Lately it had become too uncharacteristic for Santana to enter bitch mode. Spending all of her free time with Brittany did that. But her emotions levels were at a level only Brittany could bring out. Unfortunately for everyone else, they couldn't stop her bitchy attitude. She swatted at the youngest Pierce until she sat down again, letting out a huff of air. Alexis mumbled something under her breath but Santana chose not to hear.
"God, I just want to talk to you without getting interrupted," Santana quietly exclaimed.
"I know, baby." Brittany rose her hands to hang onto Santana's face. She pressed their foreheads together and rubbed their noses against each other.
Someone cleared their throat behind Santana and the Latina audibly, as well as visibly, groaned. Santana kept her forehead against Brittany's but closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath before letting it out again. She pulled back and with a fake smile on her face she turned to whomever was trying to get their attention.
Turns out it was only the flight attendant asking to refill their drinks. Santana refused to get anything, but Brittany got her a glass of water anyway and a coke for herself. The flight attendant was wheeling her cart up the aisle again and Santana brought the cup to her lips. Brittany smiled to herself as she took a drink out of her own cup.
Brittany easily jumped right back into their conversation, this time more aware of the volume of her voice. "This isn't only hurting you, San. I've always wanted children, but I never realized how much I wanted children with you until now. And, after this, there's a good chance we can't isn't there?"
"I want you to get the test done again," Brittany demanded softly. "Get it again and actually listen to what the doctor says instead of blocking her out by hearing what you want to hear."
Santana didn't really know what else to do but nod again her affirmation to Brittany's request. She could feel her emotions rapidly changing and Brittany could see it in her eyes. Brittany caressed a tanned cheek trying to put a stop to Santana's onslaught of emotion. Last thing she wanted was to cry, again, in an extremely public place.
In a broken whisper, Santana feebly choked out, "don't leave me."
"Never, Sanny. You're my forever. Whether we can have a child together or not, you'll always be my forever. You should know that by now."
"I-I know, but you want kids so much. And I probably can't give you that. I can give you everything else but the thing you really want."
"I only want you."
"What if I'm not enough?"
"You are more than enough. You're perfect." Brittany lowered her voice even more than it was before. "I could never leave you for anyone else, do you know why?"
Santana shook her head.
"Because, a woman would be lacking your sexy dick and a man would be too rough and masculine," Brittany explained. Santana looked into her girlfriend's eyes and saw the sincerity. Long ago she promised the girl in front of her the truth in everything she said. And Brittany returned that promise. Despite the minor things that they've dealt with as they've been growing up, they've more or less kept that promise. "You're so a woman to me, but the way you can pick me up and throw me onto a bed before ravishing me so well is thanks to those extra hormones pumping through your sexy body. No one can match you. And we may not be able have children, but that won't stop us." Brittany shrugged. "We would have run into the same problem without your penis anyway and I'd still love you as much as I do now."
Santana couldn't control herself as she lunged forward to capture Brittany's lips in a hard kiss. She was conscious of the fact that they were around other people, but who wouldn't want to kiss someone after saying something like that? "You always know how to make me feel better," Santana murmured against Brittany's lips.
"It's because I know you so well." Brittany smiled and hugged Santana. "Are we okay now?"
"Yeah, Britt-Britt, we're perfect."
Their situation was far from perfect, but being able to talk everything through really helped it progress to the point where it could be.
Santana motioned for Brittany to come closer to her. She leaned her head in and gently bit down on Brittany's ear, eliciting a small whimper, before whispering, "Since you got your period, does that mean we can't have sex on the plane?"
Brittany pushed the Latina away while laughing. Santana was smirking as she picked up her book to read again. This time, Brittany let her read.
Brittany opened up her own book, excited to read her favorite story of all time.
Wait a minute.
There were little tiny marks that definitely hadn't been there the last time she was reading this. Brittany dragged her thumb under one of the letters, but the mark wouldn't go away.
Out of the corner of her eye, Santana was watching Brittany. She was conscious enough to not let Brittany know that she was watching her. Her book was at eye level and she kept her smirk firmly planted on her face. She'd given up trying to read, just knowing that Brittany was at least aware that something was off in her book.
"San, why are there marks all over my book? They won't come off!" Brittany actually sounded upset and Santana hadn't been planning for that.
She played it off though and calmly – without giving away that she knew exactly what the marks were – asked to see the book. She opened up to the first page and pretended to study the randomly underlined letters for a few moments.
Brittany watched Santana's face change into the face she'd get when she had an idea. Santana reached down for her bag again and pulled out a conveniently packed notepad and pen.
"Here, Britt, why don't you try writing down all of the letters that are underlined? It kind of looks like they're spelling something out, don't you think?" Santana showed Brittany her book again and pointed to the first word.
I don't know when I'll give this you, but I kind of hope I'm not around when you read it. I'm not sure what I would do without you in my life. You've been such a constant and I'm not sure there'd be a me without you. That moment your mom brought you over for our first play-date, I knew we'd be the best of friends forever. And now I know you're going to be the woman I spend the rest of my life with. I can see the day we get engaged. (The next sentence was marked in a different color before changing right back into the original black. Brittany figured Santana went back after she'd proposed.) Now you've changed how I saw things, but I couldn't be any happier, my dear Britt-Britt. I don't know when that day is, and I don't know who will propose to whom, but I know it will be the second happiest day of my life. I can see the day we get married. You'll look breathtaking in white and I'll let you walk down the aisle second so I can stare at your beauty the whole way down. I can see you pregnant. And it may not be with my child, but I'll love that baby boy or girl just the same as if he or she was really mine. We'll watch our children grow up and make mistakes, we'll hear them yell "I hate you" and we'll see them find their soul mates just like I've found you and you've found me. I chose this book, your favorite, because Peter Pan is truly you, my love. It embodies the playful innocence that I love seeing in you. If it were up to me or you, we'd never grow up and stay in a world with each other forever. But I know how much you want to grow old with me. You are the Peter to my Wendy. You are my Brittany Susan Pierce (-Lopez), and fuck everything else, we'll create our own love story, baby.
Your one and only,
"San…that was," Brittany started. "I don't know what to say…"
"You liked it though, right?" The tone of Santana's voice was nervous and soft. Something no one in the glee club could ever imagine hearing.
For the second time that flight, Santana was pulled into Brittany's arms in a bone crushing hug. "I loved it. You really have a way with words, Sanny."
Brittany smirked at the obvious blush crawling up Santana's neck.
"You're so adorable."
"Come on, Britt, I'm not adorable." Santana pouted.
"That pout makes you even more adorable, I hope you know that," Brittany teased.
Santana tried her best to make her pout go away. She was definitely not adorable. She huffed out a short breath. The frown she was trying to replicate wasn't cooperating seeing the huge smile on Brittany's face. The Latina sighed and let herself smile too.
They leaned in to kiss again.
"Oh, get a room," Alexis groaned from across the aisle.
"I'm going to strangle her on this trip," Santana cried as she leaned her head on Brittany's shoulder. "I love you, you know that?"
Brittany had laid her down on Santana's and the Latina giggled as Brittany nodded. "I meant every word in that letter, Britt. You are my one and only. You are the love of my life. You're my best friend and I'll never regret anything that happens in my life when it revolves around you."
"San…" Brittany whispered. She felt like her words were caught in her throat. Even she'd rarely seen Santana like this.
"You're so important to me, Britt. You make everything worth living for." Brittany didn't know whether to smile or cry at this point. Her emotions were going crazy in her head. "We'll have our petty fights and we'll have those nights where one of us will sleep on the couch, but I want you to know I'll always love you no matter what. We'll say things we don't mean but we'll forgive each other like we always have."
Brittany eagerly nodded.
The way Santana was talking, Brittany could clearly picture those scenes in her mind. She let out a tiny giggle as she pictured a sleeping Santana tossing and turning on what looked to be a very uncomfortable couch.
Then she remembered the fight of a few days ago and how she didn't really know if she was forgiven or not.
Brittany looked up at Santana guiltily and Santana in turn smiled.
It was almost as if she could read the blonde's mind when she murmured, "I forgive you. I'll always forgive you." Brittany exhaled.
She had royally messed up, but nothing could hurt these two in the end.
Their love was forever.
"We've shared so many things," Santana started again. "I know your fears and dreams. I know that you physically can't hate anyone-"
"Except Finn. Everyone hates him," Brittany interrupted with a playful tone.
"Isn't that the truth?" Santana agreed. She immediately picked right back up easily. "I don't know what life has in store us, but I know that we'll make it through whatever shit is thrown at us. Together. Always together.
"I can't wait for the day I get to call you my wife. I can't wait for our son and daughter to be born, because I know you want both a boy and a girl so our son can protect our daughter. And I'm going to stop talking now because I've made too much a sap out of myself and I need to keep up my badass rep," Santana ended rather lamely in her opinion.
"Santana Lopez, after that cute, adorable speech I think I want to marry you even more now." It was the first thing Brittany could think to say. "And if I hadn't already asked, I think I might've just asked now."
The smile on Brittany and Santana's faces could light up even the darkest of rooms.
"It's a good thing I've never been able to say no to you."
"No," Santana laughed. She dodged the smack Brittany aimed towards her shoulder.
Santana accidently looked through the gap between her and Brittany's seats. The couple that were sitting behind them were trying to hide the tears in their eyes. It was an older man and woman and Santana couldn't figure out why they had tears in their eyes. Maybe they were watching a sad movie or something.
The woman locked eyes with Santana.
"I've never seen a love like yours in such a young couple before," she said. Brittany turned around at the sudden voice and smiled at the woman before thanking her.
"Don't let this one out of your sights, doll. True love lasts a long time," the man added, speaking to Brittany. He then smiled at the woman next to him and they laced their hands together. "Marrying her was the best decision I've ever made. You two deserve to grow old like us."
The teens exchanged a smile before thanking the couple.
They leaned back into their seats and relaxed for a few minutes. Their hands were tightly clutching to each other. And thoughts of their future together swirled around in both of their heads.
It wasn't until a couple hours later when they'd woken up from a brief nap that one of them spoke again.
"Can I give you a hand job?" Brittany whisper into Santana's ear. Santana shivered at the husky tone from both sleep and being turned on.
Everyone else on the plane (at least around them) was asleep and they'd placed a blanket over their laps before falling asleep in each other's arms.
"How could I ever turn down such a request?"